All language subtitles for Golden Girls - 06x23

♪ Thank you for being a friend

♪ Traveled down the road
and back again

♪ Your heart is true

♪ You're a pal and a confidante

♪ And if you threw a party

♪ Invited everyone you knew

♪ You would see the biggest
gift would be from me

♪ And the card attached
would say

♪ "Thank you
for being a friend" ♪

(timer dings)

I'm not happy
with my zabagliones.

Maybe you just need
a push-up bra.

Blanche, zabaglione is a
traditional Italian dessert.

It's my Uncle Angelo's
favorite.

Yeah, my brother.

He's quite
the scungiscoror-or-or.

Even I don't know that one.

That wasn't a word.
My dentures slipped.

Ma, Uncle Angelo's plane
lands at 4:00.

You have plenty of time to make
a fresh batch before then.

Good, because these aren't fit
for human consumption.

Top of the morning, sunshines.

Hey, Rose, try one of these.

Oh, no thanks.

I'm doing what we all
should be doing -

dieting for the bachelorette
auction next Saturday.

Not all of us.

I told you, Rose, count me out.

Even if it is for charity,

I am not gonna stand up there and allow
myself to be sold to the highest bidder

like some Holstein cow

at a livestock auction.

Dorothy, livestock don't get

chauffeur-driven
limousine rides

to fancy
four-star restaurants

and the symphony afterwards.

Except during St. Olaf
Bicentennial Day.

Rose, I am not going.
It is degrading.

Don't be
a stick-in-the-mud.

It's for
the Children's Hospital.

If you can't degrade yourself
for a bunch of sick kids,

who can you
degrade yourself for?

Listen to this.
Eleanor Roosevelt in a garter belt.

Now, you can't tell us
that a part of you

isn't at least
a little excited.

Remember last year's auction?

That rush of euphoria when the
auctioneer calls out "Sold!"

and you fall into the arms
of your valiant Galahad?

My Galahad was a balloon
salesman named Sid.

Well, hey,

who knew that sawed-off little
gnome would outbid a Navy admiral?

And a fire chief.

And that jeweler who was a dead ringer for Mr.
Richard Widmark.

That was a year ago.
How do you remember all this?

I tagged 'em
for migratory purposes.

Dorothy, come on.
The auction needs you.

The children need you.

Please, won't you reconsider?

Oh, all right!
It's only one night.

I'll go, but I'll tell
you, I really hate this.

Oh, come on, Dorothy, that balloon man
couldn't have been that terrible.

I got the feeling
I was the man's first date

that wasn't inflatable.

Hey, I have an idea.

Dorothy just did something
really nice for us.

Why don't we
do something nice for her?

Why don't we buy her a man?

Well, I'm in,
and I know just the person.

Free every Saturday night...
Oh, wait, that's a woman.

Oh, wait, that's Dorothy.

No, I meant for the auction,

so she won't get stuck
with another loser.

Rose, that's not a bad idea.

We were all gonna
donate money anyway.

We could chip in, say, 50 bucks

and buy her
the bull of the ball.

Oh, but who do we know
who knows a man?

Blanche, you know
hundreds of men.

I know. I just like
to hear you say it.

(doorbell rings)

Hiya, sweetie pie.
How ya doin'?

Fine, cupcake.
Thanks for asking.

(doorbell rings)

(Stan) Dorothy, I know
you're in there.

(chuckles) You always
could slam a door.

That's one of the things
I love about you.

You flatter me.

Wait, wait. Dorothy,
I have to talk to you.

This wouldn't happen
to be an apology

for ruining our wedding,
would it?

No, just something I thought
I should tell you in person.

Remember my Uncle Morris?

Dorothy, he died.

Boy, you smell good.
Get away from me.

No, no, no.
You don't understand.

Something wonderful
has happened.

In his will, Uncle Morris left us
an apartment building - jointly.

We're partners.

Don't you see, Dorothy?

We'll be together, and we'll
have a place of our own.

Oh, God, he's proposing
to her again.

Will one of you raise your
standards, please?!

Sophia, I'm not proposing.

I'm here because Dorothy and I just
inherited an apartment building.

We're gonna be landlords
together.

It's not a very big building, but she'll
still clear a couple hundred bucks a month.

Dorothy, this is wonderful.

With that kind of money, we can hire
a really good-lookin' gardener.

Dorothy, it really does sound
like a great opportunity.

On Stan's behalf,

Charlie once made a lot
of money in business

with a partner who was also

a lousy, no-good, underhanded,
backstabbing worm.

Let me guess, Rose.

Ivan Boesky-Vanderfloovenhooven-
meistergarbengerbenfleckman.

That's the louse.

So, um, what do you say,
babe? Partners?

Goodbye, Stan.

OK. I get the message.

I guess I'm just not a person
you want in your life.

3, 2, 1.

Am I?

Goodbye, Stan.

Can you believe this guy?

Like I would think for a minute
about being in business with him.

Nonsense, Dorothy.

You can't pass up a chance
to own real estate.

It's been a lifesaver for me.

You get a bunch of saps to pay
your mortgage for you every month

while your equity just
rises higher and higher,

while those poor suckers -

What I meant was...

it's a great opportunity
to make new friends.

Look who's here.

Ah, buon giorno, Rosa.

Ah, Blanche.

(Italian accent)
Oh, my goodness.

I haven't been hugged so much
since V-E Day.

Which was kinda tricky,
because as you know, we lost.

Angelo, you're even handsomer
than you were your last visit.

Thank you.
I been plucking, eh?

See? I got two eyebrows now.

Everybody loves 'em.

You sit right down here, Angelo.

I got a surprise for you - zabaglione.
Your favorite.

Ah.
Mmm.

(sobs) Sophia.

And that's the new batch.

I'm sorry.
I cannot pretend no more.

Uncle Angelo, what's wrong?

It's a long sad story,

a story of love,
a story of deception,

a story of a fool.

You know the story
of Elsie Holdenfelder?

Absolutely, Rose. That one's even more
popular in Europe than it is here.

I met a beautiful young
Sicilian aerobics instructor.

Gorgeous eyes, angelic mouth

and a behind that must have
been made on a Saturday

because even
the good Lord himself

would want to take a day off
to admire it.

I lost my heart
and I opened my wallet, eh?

Oh dear, the expensive gifts
and fancy dinners

and weekends in Mykonos, eh?

I even wore one of those, uh,
tiny Speedo swimsuits,

shows all your gingerbread
and everything.

And she leaves me.

What does a 6'7" American
basketball player got that I don't?

Well, Angelo, speaking in terms
of the gingerbread alone...

Blanche!

Go ahead, Uncle Angelo.

Anyway, I spend so much money on this
girl, I forget about my business.

The bank foreclosed,
leaving me flat broke.

I got no savings,
no place to live.

And I gotta tell you,

a lot of women
find this a negative.

It's a family curse,
this obsession with women.

The men in our family are weak.

Why couldn't they all be
more like Cousin Antony?

Ma, Cousin Antony
had an obsession

with men in cowboy hats
who hung around Times Square.

What am I gonna do?

You're gonna trust
in your family,

because family is there
when you're down,

and family stops at nothing!
- nothing to help one of their own.

Blanche, I want
my brother Angelo

to come here and live with us.

Oh, I'm sorry, Sophia.
There's just no room. Hey, I tried.

Wait a minute, Dorothy.
You're a landlord now.

Maybe there's a vacancy
in your new building.

Don't call it my building.

I don't even know
if I'm gonna hang on to it yet.

I I I understand.

Sophia, any mail I get,

just address it

"Guy in the Gutter,
Post Office Box Anywhere."

All right. All right,
all right, Uncle Angelo.

For the time being, I guess you can
use Uncle Morris' old apartment.

Oh, Dorothy, thank you so much.

My first apartment in America.

Here I will begin again.

Here I will start a new life.

Dorothy, my new life -

how close I'm gonna
start it to the beach?

Going once.

Going twice...

You still want to tell me
this isn't degrading?

Don't be ridiculous.
It's for charity.

Sold!

For $4.

Well, it's degrading if you
don't hit double figures.

I really appreciate
your bidding on Dorothy.

It's for a good cause.

You'll be rewarded.

Not in this lifetime...

"Variety is the watchword
for our next bachelorette..."

Dorothy Zbornak.

Come on up, Dorothy.

This is perfect.
The way the bidding's going,

we won't be out more
than $20, $30 apiece.

"If Dorothy's not off
winging her way to Molokai

"to assist Father Damian
in his work with the lepers,

you can find her hang-gliding
high above the Florida Keys."

Rose, where did you get that?

From your mother.

Before she and I talked,
I wasn't aware of any of it.

"She's a scratch golfer who,
under President Jimmy Carter,

"served as the United States
Senate Majority Whip.

And she likes to read."

I figured,
close with the truth.

It'll kind of anchor the rest.

I want to thank you all
for holding this event

on a night when my hang glider
is in the shop

and, uh, Congress is in recess

and the lepers are on Geraldo.

Go ahead, Rose.

Right, Dorothy.

All right. Now, let's start
the bidding at... $5.

$5.

$100.

Stanley,
what are you doing here?

I'm buying a date
with the woman I love.

Oh, jeez.
Not in front of people.

110.

What the hell is he doing?
Didn't you give him a limit?

200! Security, have
this man removed.

He's a lonely
male impersonator.

210!
What?!

What is wrong with you?
The woman's been with lepers.

300!

Stanley, stop it.
I am not going out with you.

I would rather be bound
and gagged

and left on an anthill
covered with honey.

400!

410.

Sold.

Dorothy, I say that.

500!
Sold!

She says that.

Rose, do something.

Sold! Sorry, Dorothy.

That's $500 for
the Children's Hospital.

I guess dreams
really can come true.

Dorothy, here's something
that'll get your mind off Stan.

According to my calculations,
allowing for overhead,

tonight brought in
a grand total of $50.

No, $500. 5,000.

50,000!

It's 5,000, Rose.

Decimal points
don't have six legs.

More than 10% of it
thanks to Dorothy here.

Oh, who's keeping score?

What's important is that
we made a lot of money.

Together we made a consid-

They were fighting over me.
Did you see it?

Well, Dorothy, to be fair,
one of 'em was Stan.

Do I sense a tinge
of envy there,

Miss "going, going, gone"
for 25.50?

You can't put a price tag
on beauty, Dorothy.

Oh, sure you can - 25.50.

Oh, I'm sorry, Blanche.
No, I'm not blaming any of this on you.

It's all my fault for giving
Stan so many chances.

But I can't do this again.

I mean, how many times
can I make the same mistake?

How many times can you bang
your head against the wall

before it starts to bleed?

Nine.

Believe me, Dorothy, I know
what you're going through.

I once had a relationship with
a man I couldn't get rid of.

Every time I turned around, there
he was, pathetically underfoot.

Long after I outgrew
my need for him,

he was there with flowers
and candy, perfume.

I couldn't move without him
following me like a puppy dog.

How'd you finally
get rid of him?

Monday came, and we both
had to go back to work.

Thank you, Blanche.
And thank you too, Rose.

What did I say?
Nothing.

And I can't tell you
how much I appreciate it.

Ah, Dorothy, I want to talk
to you about my apartment.

Ah, I'm grateful.
I love where I live.

And the last thing I want to do is
come to you with every little problem.

And now your mother
would like to talk to you.

Dorothy, you're making my
brother live like a peasant.

He has no closet space.

Uncle Angelo, you moved in
with one suitcase.

What do you need
with more closets?

I don't like to talk about
my brother's personal life,

but a man brings a woman home,

how is he supposed to play a
decent game of hide and-go-seek?

Under the table,
behind the couch...

Bambi was on to me like that.

And then there's
the water pressure.

I got more water pressure
than this apartment.

And another thing
- W-Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Why is any of this
your business?

He's my brother.
Well, I'm your daughter.

Dorothy, I've known you,
what, 60 years?

Angelo I've known 85.

To tell you the truth,
I don't quite trust you yet.

Uncle Angelo,
in the past three days

you have complained about everything
in the apartment except the rent.

Reason being you don't pay any.

I told you she'd throw
it in our face.

And speaking of complaints,

what about that out-of control
housewarming party

that kept all the other
tenants awake until dawn?

The one I was not invited to?

That wasn't a party.
That was a quiet dinner for two.

Hi there, Angelo.
Well, Rose and I are ready for our date.

I just think it's so sweet the way
the mariachi band all chipped in

to go on a double date
with Rose and me.

(horn plays "La Cucaracha")

Here they are now.

Angelo, great party
the other night.

Yeah, you look great in a tux.

It wasn't your kind of crowd,
Pussycat.

That's funny.
It's the same excuse you used

when you didn't invite me
to my Sweet 16.

Now, that was a party.

(doorbell rings)

Hi, it's me Stan -
from the fund-raiser?

I remember.
Come on in.

Uncle Angelo, Ma,
I hope you don't mind.

Stan and I are going to go
into the kitchen and talk.

Hey, great party
the other night, Angelo.

Stanley, I appreciate
you coming here tonight,

but I've decided
I'm not going out with you.

But I won the bidding at the auction.
I understand that.

But there's nothing you can say
to make me change my mind.

You owe me $500.
How about Thai food?

That sounds great.
Wait, wait, wait.

I said I'm not going to go,
and I am not going to go.

It's just that, well,

you have different
intentions than I do.

It's not my intentions,
it's God's intentions.

D-Do you think this is
all a coincidence?

I mean, look - your uncle
visits, my uncle dies.

Your uncle needs a place to live,
my uncle gives us a building.

Don't you see? God wants us
to be together, babe.

It's almost Biblical.

And thus he smote
your Uncle Morris, huh?

There's a whole school of thought
that says he's a wrathful God.

Yeah, well that would
explain your hair.

Stanley, pay attention.
No date tonight.

OK, I guess I'll just have to go
through my life without you in it.

Stanley, I am in it.
We're business partners.

That's the extent of it.
You understand?

OK. OK, I give up.
Business partners.

I understand.
Can we shake on it?

I need you, Dorothy!
I want you!

Without you, I'm nothing.
Do you hear me? Nothing.

Stan, as much of a turn on as
this is, get off the floor.

I belong on the floor if I've
driven you out of my life.

From this moment on,
the floor is my home.

Enjoy.

Dorothy!

I can explain, Ma...
No need to, Pussycat.

Let's move quick
before the cops get here.

You wipe for fingerprints, I'll
get a shovel and a Hefty bag.

Sophia.

Oh, great. It figures you
couldn't finish the job.

I'm gonna go get the toaster.

Ow! Ow!

Sophia, I'm not dead.
Not yet.

Would you slow down?
I'm an old woman!

Stan, I want no part of any of this.
I am out.

I am selling my half of the building.
Fine. I'm glad.

I'll tear the dump down and turn it into
office space for Zbornak, Incorporated.

Fine.
Fine!

Don't blame me that it means throwing
your uncle out on the street.

Stan, that's blackmail.

But it's got a certain logic.

So, business partners?

I have no choice.

Business partners.

And dinner?
Absolutely not.

Stanley, you claim that you have changed.
Well, so have I.

Stan, I have finally come
to realize

that no matter
how hard you try,

you cannot fix something
that no longer works.

I've learned
to let go, Stanley.

Dorothy...
And you should, too.

I don't know if I can do it.

If that guy at the auction
had bid $6 million for you,

I don't care
what I would have had to do,

I would have come up
with six million and one.

You're my girl, Dorothy.
You always will be.

But if you want me to go,
then that's what I'll do.

You know, Pussycat -

3... 2... 1.

I can't believe it.

He's not coming back.

You OK?

Yeah, I think I'm OK.

No, no, I know I'm OK.

You know, Ma,
for the first time,

I feel that it's over,
that it's... really over.

Dorothy, forgive me,
but I gotta speak.

Sometimes it's harder
to close the door

than to open a window.

Oh, that's very wise,
Uncle Angelo.

Thank you.

Actually, I was talking
about the apartment,

but I'll take wise.