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1
00:00:02,402 --> 00:00:05,602
♪ Thank you for being a friend
2
00:00:05,605 --> 00:00:09,207
♪ Traveled down the road
and back again
3
00:00:09,208 --> 00:00:12,044
♪ Your heart is true
4
00:00:12,045 --> 00:00:16,948
♪ You're a pal and a confidante
5
00:00:16,949 --> 00:00:19,984
♪ And if you threw a party
6
00:00:19,986 --> 00:00:23,821
♪ Invited everyone you knew
7
00:00:25,524 --> 00:00:28,859
♪ You would seethe biggest
giftwould be from me
8
00:00:28,861 --> 00:00:31,829
♪ And the card attached
would say
9
00:00:31,830 --> 00:00:38,036
♪ "Thank you
for being a friend" ♪
10
00:00:50,716 --> 00:00:52,316
(timer dings)
11
00:01:04,596 --> 00:01:06,798
I'm not happy
with my zabagliones.
12
00:01:06,799 --> 00:01:11,067
Maybe you just need
a push-up bra.
13
00:01:13,371 --> 00:01:16,974
Blanche, zabaglione is a
traditional Italian dessert.
14
00:01:16,977 --> 00:01:19,144
It's my Uncle Angelo's
favorite.
15
00:01:19,146 --> 00:01:20,245
Yeah, my brother.
16
00:01:20,246 --> 00:01:23,682
He's quite
the scungiscoror-or-or.
17
00:01:23,683 --> 00:01:25,417
Even I don't know that one.
18
00:01:25,418 --> 00:01:29,221
That wasn't a word.
My dentures slipped.
19
00:01:29,222 --> 00:01:32,656
Ma, Uncle Angelo's plane
lands at 4:00.
20
00:01:32,658 --> 00:01:35,860
You have plenty of time to make
a fresh batch before then.
21
00:01:35,862 --> 00:01:38,063
Good, because these aren't fit
for human consumption.
22
00:01:38,064 --> 00:01:40,265
Top of the morning, sunshines.
23
00:01:40,266 --> 00:01:43,435
Hey, Rose, try one of these.
24
00:01:43,436 --> 00:01:44,769
Oh, no thanks.
25
00:01:44,771 --> 00:01:46,837
I'm doing what we all
should be doing -
26
00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:49,640
dieting for the bachelorette
auction next Saturday.
27
00:01:49,641 --> 00:01:50,841
Not all of us.
28
00:01:50,843 --> 00:01:53,177
I told you, Rose, count me out.
29
00:01:53,180 --> 00:01:55,013
Even if it is for charity,
30
00:01:55,015 --> 00:01:58,816
I am not gonna stand up there and allow
myself to be sold to the highest bidder
31
00:01:58,817 --> 00:02:00,817
like some Holstein cow
32
00:02:00,819 --> 00:02:03,921
at a livestock auction.
33
00:02:03,924 --> 00:02:05,989
Dorothy, livestock don't get
34
00:02:05,992 --> 00:02:08,158
chauffeur-driven
limousine rides
35
00:02:08,161 --> 00:02:10,461
to fancy
four-star restaurants
36
00:02:10,462 --> 00:02:12,663
and the symphony afterwards.
37
00:02:12,664 --> 00:02:16,768
Except during St. Olaf
Bicentennial Day.
38
00:02:16,770 --> 00:02:20,472
Rose, I am not going.
It is degrading.
39
00:02:20,473 --> 00:02:22,406
Don't be
a stick-in-the-mud.
40
00:02:22,408 --> 00:02:24,241
It's for
the Children's Hospital.
41
00:02:24,243 --> 00:02:27,144
If you can't degrade yourself
for a bunch of sick kids,
42
00:02:27,146 --> 00:02:29,980
who can you
degrade yourself for?
43
00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:33,350
Listen to this.
Eleanor Roosevelt in a garter belt.
44
00:02:33,353 --> 00:02:36,388
Now, you can't tell us
that a part of you
45
00:02:36,389 --> 00:02:38,622
isn't at least
a little excited.
46
00:02:38,625 --> 00:02:40,925
Remember last year's auction?
47
00:02:40,927 --> 00:02:43,961
That rush of euphoria when the
auctioneer calls out "Sold!"
48
00:02:43,962 --> 00:02:47,231
and you fall into the arms
of your valiant Galahad?
49
00:02:47,234 --> 00:02:51,536
My Galahad was a balloon
salesman named Sid.
50
00:02:51,538 --> 00:02:53,371
Well, hey,
51
00:02:53,372 --> 00:02:57,375
who knew that sawed-off little
gnome would outbid a Navy admiral?
52
00:02:57,377 --> 00:02:59,076
And a fire chief.
53
00:02:59,079 --> 00:03:02,980
And that jeweler who was a dead ringer for Mr.
Richard Widmark.
54
00:03:02,983 --> 00:03:05,717
That was a year ago.
How do you remember all this?
55
00:03:05,718 --> 00:03:08,985
I tagged 'em
for migratory purposes.
56
00:03:10,087 --> 00:03:12,223
Dorothy, come on.
The auction needs you.
57
00:03:12,224 --> 00:03:14,025
The children need you.
58
00:03:14,026 --> 00:03:15,826
Please, won't you reconsider?
59
00:03:15,829 --> 00:03:18,361
Oh, all right!
It's only one night.
60
00:03:18,364 --> 00:03:21,765
I'll go, but I'll tell
you, I really hate this.
61
00:03:21,768 --> 00:03:24,969
Oh, come on, Dorothy, that balloon man
couldn't have been that terrible.
62
00:03:24,972 --> 00:03:27,437
I got the feeling
I was the man's first date
63
00:03:27,439 --> 00:03:29,473
that wasn't inflatable.
64
00:03:32,745 --> 00:03:34,110
Hey, I have an idea.
65
00:03:34,112 --> 00:03:36,514
Dorothy just did something
really nice for us.
66
00:03:36,515 --> 00:03:38,949
Why don't we
do something nice for her?
67
00:03:38,951 --> 00:03:41,418
Why don't we buy her a man?
68
00:03:41,420 --> 00:03:43,788
Well, I'm in,
and I know just the person.
69
00:03:43,789 --> 00:03:47,324
Free every Saturday night...
Oh, wait, that's a woman.
70
00:03:47,326 --> 00:03:49,627
Oh, wait, that's Dorothy.
71
00:03:51,228 --> 00:03:53,031
No, I meant for the auction,
72
00:03:53,033 --> 00:03:55,066
so she won't get stuck
with another loser.
73
00:03:55,067 --> 00:03:57,836
Rose, that's not a bad idea.
74
00:03:57,837 --> 00:03:59,736
We were all gonna
donate money anyway.
75
00:03:59,739 --> 00:04:01,838
We could chip in, say, 50 bucks
76
00:04:01,841 --> 00:04:05,075
and buy her
the bull of the ball.
77
00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:07,878
Oh, but who do we know
who knows a man?
78
00:04:07,881 --> 00:04:09,580
Blanche, you know
hundreds of men.
79
00:04:09,582 --> 00:04:11,848
I know. I just like
to hear you say it.
80
00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:16,721
(doorbell rings)
81
00:04:22,295 --> 00:04:24,194
Hiya, sweetie pie.
How ya doin'?
82
00:04:24,197 --> 00:04:26,396
Fine, cupcake.
Thanks for asking.
83
00:04:36,608 --> 00:04:38,009
(doorbell rings)
84
00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:40,944
(Stan) Dorothy, I know
you're in there.
85
00:04:43,783 --> 00:04:46,283
(chuckles) You always
could slam a door.
86
00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:48,786
That's one of the things
I love about you.
87
00:04:48,788 --> 00:04:50,620
You flatter me.
88
00:04:52,024 --> 00:04:55,093
Wait, wait. Dorothy,
I have to talk to you.
89
00:04:55,095 --> 00:04:56,994
This wouldn't happen
to be an apology
90
00:04:56,995 --> 00:04:59,831
for ruining our wedding,
would it?
91
00:04:59,832 --> 00:05:03,000
No, just something I thought
I should tell you in person.
92
00:05:03,002 --> 00:05:05,202
Remember my Uncle Morris?
93
00:05:05,204 --> 00:05:08,105
Dorothy, he died.
94
00:05:08,106 --> 00:05:10,841
Boy, you smell good.
Get away from me.
95
00:05:10,843 --> 00:05:12,843
No, no, no.
You don't understand.
96
00:05:12,845 --> 00:05:14,646
Something wonderful
has happened.
97
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:18,348
In his will, Uncle Morris left us
an apartment building - jointly.
98
00:05:18,350 --> 00:05:19,783
We're partners.
99
00:05:19,786 --> 00:05:21,651
Don't you see, Dorothy?
100
00:05:21,653 --> 00:05:24,723
We'll be together, and we'll
have a place of our own.
101
00:05:24,725 --> 00:05:26,824
Oh, God, he's proposing
to her again.
102
00:05:26,826 --> 00:05:29,660
Will one of you raise your
standards, please?!
103
00:05:29,661 --> 00:05:31,862
Sophia, I'm not proposing.
104
00:05:31,863 --> 00:05:36,334
I'm here because Dorothy and I just
inherited an apartment building.
105
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:38,069
We're gonna be landlords
together.
106
00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:41,072
It's not a very big building, but she'll
still clear a couple hundred bucks a month.
107
00:05:41,074 --> 00:05:42,639
Dorothy, this is wonderful.
108
00:05:42,641 --> 00:05:47,345
With that kind of money, we can hire
a really good-lookin' gardener.
109
00:05:47,346 --> 00:05:51,182
Dorothy, it really does sound
like a great opportunity.
110
00:05:51,183 --> 00:05:53,183
On Stan's behalf,
111
00:05:53,185 --> 00:05:55,918
Charlie once made a lot
of money in business
112
00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:57,754
with a partner who was also
113
00:05:57,757 --> 00:06:01,526
a lousy, no-good, underhanded,
backstabbing worm.
114
00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:03,093
Let me guess, Rose.
115
00:06:03,096 --> 00:06:08,699
Ivan Boesky-Vanderfloovenhooven-
meistergarbengerbenfleckman.
116
00:06:08,701 --> 00:06:10,935
That's the louse.
117
00:06:13,204 --> 00:06:15,839
So, um, what do you say,
babe? Partners?
118
00:06:15,841 --> 00:06:17,040
Goodbye, Stan.
119
00:06:17,043 --> 00:06:19,677
OK. I get the message.
120
00:06:19,678 --> 00:06:25,115
I guess I'm just not a person
you want in your life.
121
00:06:26,218 --> 00:06:29,821
3, 2, 1.
122
00:06:29,822 --> 00:06:30,922
Am I?
123
00:06:30,923 --> 00:06:32,122
Goodbye, Stan.
124
00:06:33,558 --> 00:06:35,894
Can you believe this guy?
125
00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:39,463
Like I would think for a minute
about being in business with him.
126
00:06:39,466 --> 00:06:40,697
Nonsense, Dorothy.
127
00:06:40,699 --> 00:06:43,367
You can't pass up a chance
to own real estate.
128
00:06:43,369 --> 00:06:45,369
It's been a lifesaver for me.
129
00:06:45,370 --> 00:06:48,807
You get a bunch of saps to pay
your mortgage for you every month
130
00:06:48,808 --> 00:06:52,141
while your equity just
rises higher and higher,
131
00:06:52,144 --> 00:06:54,444
while those poor suckers -
132
00:07:04,288 --> 00:07:07,024
What I meant was...
133
00:07:07,026 --> 00:07:10,161
it's a great opportunity
to make new friends.
134
00:07:17,836 --> 00:07:20,939
Look who's here.
135
00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:23,473
Ah, buon giorno, Rosa.
136
00:07:23,475 --> 00:07:25,076
Ah, Blanche.
137
00:07:25,077 --> 00:07:27,077
(Italian accent)
Oh, my goodness.
138
00:07:27,079 --> 00:07:30,714
I haven't been hugged so much
since V-E Day.
139
00:07:30,716 --> 00:07:35,620
Which was kinda tricky,
because as you know, we lost.
140
00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:39,389
Angelo, you're even handsomer
than you were your last visit.
141
00:07:39,391 --> 00:07:41,058
Thank you.
I been plucking, eh?
142
00:07:41,060 --> 00:07:44,495
See? I got two eyebrows now.
143
00:07:46,165 --> 00:07:47,665
Everybody loves 'em.
144
00:07:47,667 --> 00:07:49,834
You sit right down here, Angelo.
145
00:07:49,836 --> 00:07:53,237
I got a surprise for you - zabaglione.
Your favorite.
146
00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:57,608
Ah.
Mmm.
147
00:07:57,610 --> 00:08:01,346
(sobs) Sophia.
148
00:08:01,348 --> 00:08:03,547
And that's the new batch.
149
00:08:05,416 --> 00:08:09,153
I'm sorry.
I cannot pretend no more.
150
00:08:09,154 --> 00:08:10,855
Uncle Angelo, what's wrong?
151
00:08:10,856 --> 00:08:13,156
It's a long sad story,
152
00:08:13,158 --> 00:08:15,925
a story of love,
a story of deception,
153
00:08:15,927 --> 00:08:17,995
a story of a fool.
154
00:08:17,997 --> 00:08:22,031
You know the story
of Elsie Holdenfelder?
155
00:08:23,836 --> 00:08:29,173
Absolutely, Rose. That one's even more
popular in Europe than it is here.
156
00:08:30,509 --> 00:08:34,378
I met a beautiful young
Sicilian aerobics instructor.
157
00:08:34,379 --> 00:08:37,447
Gorgeous eyes, angelic mouth
158
00:08:37,450 --> 00:08:40,017
and a behind that must have
been made on a Saturday
159
00:08:40,019 --> 00:08:42,019
because even
the good Lord himself
160
00:08:42,020 --> 00:08:45,255
would want to take a day off
to admire it.
161
00:08:47,025 --> 00:08:52,296
I lost my heart
and I opened my wallet, eh?
162
00:08:52,298 --> 00:08:55,066
Oh dear, the expensive gifts
and fancy dinners
163
00:08:55,067 --> 00:08:58,168
and weekends in Mykonos, eh?
164
00:08:58,171 --> 00:09:03,206
I even wore one of those, uh,
tiny Speedo swimsuits,
165
00:09:03,208 --> 00:09:06,643
shows all your gingerbread
and everything.
166
00:09:07,913 --> 00:09:10,047
And she leaves me.
167
00:09:10,048 --> 00:09:15,653
What does a 6'7" American
basketball player got that I don't?
168
00:09:15,654 --> 00:09:18,889
Well, Angelo, speaking in terms
of the gingerbread alone...
169
00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:21,091
Blanche!
170
00:09:25,931 --> 00:09:28,332
Go ahead, Uncle Angelo.
171
00:09:28,335 --> 00:09:31,601
Anyway, I spend so much money on this
girl, I forget about my business.
172
00:09:31,604 --> 00:09:34,370
The bank foreclosed,
leaving me flat broke.
173
00:09:34,373 --> 00:09:38,142
I got no savings,
no place to live.
174
00:09:38,144 --> 00:09:40,844
And I gotta tell you,
175
00:09:40,846 --> 00:09:44,815
a lot of women
find this a negative.
176
00:09:46,684 --> 00:09:48,585
It's a family curse,
this obsession with women.
177
00:09:48,586 --> 00:09:50,553
The men in our family are weak.
178
00:09:50,556 --> 00:09:52,556
Why couldn't they all be
more like Cousin Antony?
179
00:09:52,557 --> 00:09:54,558
Ma, Cousin Antony
had an obsession
180
00:09:54,561 --> 00:09:59,196
with men in cowboy hats
who hung around Times Square.
181
00:10:00,798 --> 00:10:02,198
What am I gonna do?
182
00:10:02,201 --> 00:10:03,967
You're gonna trust
in your family,
183
00:10:03,970 --> 00:10:05,970
because family is there
when you're down,
184
00:10:05,971 --> 00:10:09,273
and family stops at nothing!
- nothing to help one of their own.
185
00:10:09,274 --> 00:10:11,207
Blanche, I want
my brother Angelo
186
00:10:11,210 --> 00:10:13,210
to come here and live with us.
187
00:10:13,211 --> 00:10:17,447
Oh, I'm sorry, Sophia.
There's just no room. Hey, I tried.
188
00:10:21,854 --> 00:10:25,423
Wait a minute, Dorothy.
You're a landlord now.
189
00:10:25,424 --> 00:10:27,792
Maybe there's a vacancy
in your new building.
190
00:10:27,793 --> 00:10:29,359
Don't call it my building.
191
00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:31,995
I don't even know
if I'm gonna hang on to it yet.
192
00:10:31,998 --> 00:10:33,730
I I I understand.
193
00:10:33,732 --> 00:10:36,399
Sophia, any mail I get,
194
00:10:36,402 --> 00:10:38,936
just address it
195
00:10:38,937 --> 00:10:42,338
"Guy in the Gutter,
Post Office Box Anywhere."
196
00:10:42,341 --> 00:10:46,076
All right. All right,
all right, Uncle Angelo.
197
00:10:46,078 --> 00:10:50,347
For the time being, I guess you can
use Uncle Morris' old apartment.
198
00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:54,618
Oh, Dorothy, thank you so much.
199
00:10:54,620 --> 00:10:57,620
My first apartment in America.
200
00:10:57,623 --> 00:11:00,258
Here I will begin again.
201
00:11:00,259 --> 00:11:03,961
Here I will start a new life.
202
00:11:03,962 --> 00:11:05,796
Dorothy, my new life -
203
00:11:05,798 --> 00:11:09,200
how close I'm gonna
start it to the beach?
204
00:11:16,307 --> 00:11:18,676
Going once.
205
00:11:18,677 --> 00:11:20,577
Going twice...
206
00:11:20,580 --> 00:11:22,645
You still want to tell me
this isn't degrading?
207
00:11:22,648 --> 00:11:24,816
Don't be ridiculous.
It's for charity.
208
00:11:24,817 --> 00:11:26,082
Sold!
209
00:11:26,085 --> 00:11:28,351
For $4.
210
00:11:32,056 --> 00:11:36,259
Well, it's degrading if you
don't hit double figures.
211
00:11:36,261 --> 00:11:38,995
I really appreciate
your bidding on Dorothy.
212
00:11:38,998 --> 00:11:40,965
It's for a good cause.
213
00:11:40,966 --> 00:11:42,966
You'll be rewarded.
214
00:11:42,969 --> 00:11:46,636
Not in this lifetime...
215
00:11:46,639 --> 00:11:49,774
"Variety is the watchword
for our next bachelorette..."
216
00:11:49,775 --> 00:11:51,542
Dorothy Zbornak.
217
00:11:51,543 --> 00:11:55,312
Come on up, Dorothy.
218
00:11:55,315 --> 00:11:58,282
This is perfect.
The way the bidding's going,
219
00:11:58,283 --> 00:12:01,552
we won't be out more
than $20, $30 apiece.
220
00:12:01,553 --> 00:12:04,288
"If Dorothy's not off
winging her way to Molokai
221
00:12:04,289 --> 00:12:08,292
"to assist Father Damian
in his work with the lepers,
222
00:12:08,293 --> 00:12:12,964
you can find her hang-gliding
high above the Florida Keys."
223
00:12:12,966 --> 00:12:15,732
Rose, where did you get that?
224
00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:17,902
From your mother.
225
00:12:20,139 --> 00:12:23,875
Before she and I talked,
I wasn't aware of any of it.
226
00:12:23,876 --> 00:12:28,011
"She's a scratch golfer who,
under President Jimmy Carter,
227
00:12:28,014 --> 00:12:33,283
"served as the United States
Senate Majority Whip.
228
00:12:33,284 --> 00:12:37,221
And she likes to read."
229
00:12:37,222 --> 00:12:39,657
I figured,
close with the truth.
230
00:12:39,658 --> 00:12:42,960
It'll kind of anchor the rest.
231
00:12:42,961 --> 00:12:45,596
I want to thank you all
for holding this event
232
00:12:45,597 --> 00:12:49,066
on a night when my hang glider
is in the shop
233
00:12:49,067 --> 00:12:51,235
and, uh, Congress is in recess
234
00:12:51,236 --> 00:12:55,004
and the lepers are on Geraldo.
235
00:12:55,006 --> 00:12:57,474
Go ahead, Rose.
236
00:12:57,475 --> 00:12:59,176
Right, Dorothy.
237
00:12:59,177 --> 00:13:05,549
All right. Now, let's start
the bidding at... $5.
238
00:13:05,552 --> 00:13:06,750
$5.
239
00:13:06,753 --> 00:13:09,653
$100.
240
00:13:09,655 --> 00:13:12,056
Stanley,
what are you doing here?
241
00:13:12,057 --> 00:13:14,558
I'm buying a date
with the woman I love.
242
00:13:14,561 --> 00:13:18,227
Oh, jeez.
Not in front of people.
243
00:13:20,065 --> 00:13:21,832
110.
244
00:13:21,835 --> 00:13:25,135
What the hell is he doing?
Didn't you give him a limit?
245
00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:28,139
200! Security, have
this man removed.
246
00:13:28,140 --> 00:13:31,308
He's a lonely
male impersonator.
247
00:13:33,077 --> 00:13:35,712
210!
What?!
248
00:13:35,715 --> 00:13:39,415
What is wrong with you?
The woman's been with lepers.
249
00:13:42,386 --> 00:13:44,721
300!
250
00:13:44,724 --> 00:13:46,889
Stanley, stop it.
I am not going out with you.
251
00:13:46,892 --> 00:13:48,926
I would rather be bound
and gagged
252
00:13:48,927 --> 00:13:52,462
and left on an anthill
covered with honey.
253
00:13:52,465 --> 00:13:53,963
400!
254
00:13:57,635 --> 00:13:59,703
410.
255
00:13:59,706 --> 00:14:00,604
Sold.
256
00:14:00,605 --> 00:14:02,505
Dorothy, I say that.
257
00:14:02,508 --> 00:14:04,207
500!
Sold!
258
00:14:04,210 --> 00:14:06,844
She says that.
259
00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:09,013
Rose, do something.
260
00:14:09,014 --> 00:14:11,215
Sold! Sorry, Dorothy.
261
00:14:11,216 --> 00:14:13,850
That's $500 for
the Children's Hospital.
262
00:14:13,852 --> 00:14:17,287
I guess dreams
really can come true.
263
00:14:25,529 --> 00:14:29,833
Dorothy, here's something
that'll get your mind off Stan.
264
00:14:29,836 --> 00:14:32,903
According to my calculations,
allowing for overhead,
265
00:14:32,904 --> 00:14:37,140
tonight brought in
a grand total of $50.
266
00:14:37,143 --> 00:14:41,177
No, $500. 5,000.
267
00:14:41,179 --> 00:14:42,678
50,000!
268
00:14:48,253 --> 00:14:50,754
It's 5,000, Rose.
269
00:14:50,756 --> 00:14:54,292
Decimal points
don't have six legs.
270
00:14:54,293 --> 00:14:57,028
More than 10% of it
thanks to Dorothy here.
271
00:14:57,029 --> 00:14:58,595
Oh, who's keeping score?
272
00:14:58,596 --> 00:15:00,931
What's important is that
we made a lot of money.
273
00:15:00,932 --> 00:15:02,899
Together we made a consid-
274
00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:06,135
They were fighting over me.
Did you see it?
275
00:15:06,138 --> 00:15:10,875
Well, Dorothy, to be fair,
one of 'em was Stan.
276
00:15:10,876 --> 00:15:13,677
Do I sense a tinge
of envy there,
277
00:15:13,678 --> 00:15:18,414
Miss "going, going, gone"
for 25.50?
278
00:15:20,017 --> 00:15:23,254
You can't put a price tag
on beauty, Dorothy.
279
00:15:23,255 --> 00:15:26,990
Oh, sure you can - 25.50.
280
00:15:31,663 --> 00:15:35,831
Oh, I'm sorry, Blanche.
No, I'm not blaming any of this on you.
281
00:15:35,834 --> 00:15:39,470
It's all my fault for giving
Stan so many chances.
282
00:15:39,471 --> 00:15:41,371
But I can't do this again.
283
00:15:41,374 --> 00:15:44,206
I mean, how many times
can I make the same mistake?
284
00:15:44,209 --> 00:15:47,244
How many times can you bang
your head against the wall
285
00:15:47,245 --> 00:15:49,447
before it starts to bleed?
286
00:15:49,448 --> 00:15:51,581
Nine.
287
00:15:53,351 --> 00:15:56,219
Believe me, Dorothy, I know
what you're going through.
288
00:15:56,221 --> 00:15:59,523
I once had a relationship with
a man I couldn't get rid of.
289
00:15:59,524 --> 00:16:03,693
Every time I turned around, there
he was, pathetically underfoot.
290
00:16:03,696 --> 00:16:06,096
Long after I outgrew
my need for him,
291
00:16:06,097 --> 00:16:10,333
he was there with flowers
and candy, perfume.
292
00:16:10,336 --> 00:16:14,337
I couldn't move without him
following me like a puppy dog.
293
00:16:14,340 --> 00:16:15,706
How'd you finally
get rid of him?
294
00:16:15,707 --> 00:16:19,042
Monday came, and we both
had to go back to work.
295
00:16:20,812 --> 00:16:23,379
Thank you, Blanche.
And thank you too, Rose.
296
00:16:23,381 --> 00:16:25,248
What did I say?
Nothing.
297
00:16:25,250 --> 00:16:28,350
And I can't tell you
how much I appreciate it.
298
00:16:31,523 --> 00:16:36,293
Ah, Dorothy, I want to talk
to you about my apartment.
299
00:16:36,294 --> 00:16:39,897
Ah, I'm grateful.
I love where I live.
300
00:16:39,899 --> 00:16:42,966
And the last thing I want to do is
come to you with every little problem.
301
00:16:42,969 --> 00:16:47,370
And now your mother
would like to talk to you.
302
00:16:47,373 --> 00:16:50,441
Dorothy, you're making my
brother live like a peasant.
303
00:16:50,442 --> 00:16:52,274
He has no closet space.
304
00:16:52,277 --> 00:16:54,677
Uncle Angelo, you moved in
with one suitcase.
305
00:16:54,679 --> 00:16:57,181
What do you need
with more closets?
306
00:16:57,182 --> 00:16:59,548
I don't like to talk about
my brother's personal life,
307
00:16:59,551 --> 00:17:01,551
but a man brings a woman home,
308
00:17:01,552 --> 00:17:04,820
how is he supposed to play a
decent game of hide and-go-seek?
309
00:17:07,025 --> 00:17:09,026
Under the table,
behind the couch...
310
00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:12,630
Bambi was on to me like that.
311
00:17:12,632 --> 00:17:15,298
And then there's
the water pressure.
312
00:17:15,300 --> 00:17:18,835
I got more water pressure
than this apartment.
313
00:17:23,074 --> 00:17:25,442
And another thing
- W-Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
314
00:17:25,443 --> 00:17:27,911
Why is any of this
your business?
315
00:17:27,913 --> 00:17:30,647
He's my brother.
Well, I'm your daughter.
316
00:17:30,650 --> 00:17:32,782
Dorothy, I've known you,
what, 60 years?
317
00:17:32,785 --> 00:17:34,585
Angelo I've known 85.
318
00:17:34,586 --> 00:17:38,556
To tell you the truth,
I don't quite trust you yet.
319
00:17:38,557 --> 00:17:41,057
Uncle Angelo,
in the past three days
320
00:17:41,059 --> 00:17:44,394
you have complained about everything
in the apartment except the rent.
321
00:17:44,395 --> 00:17:46,963
Reason being you don't pay any.
322
00:17:46,965 --> 00:17:49,566
I told you she'd throw
it in our face.
323
00:17:49,567 --> 00:17:51,434
And speaking of complaints,
324
00:17:51,436 --> 00:17:54,037
what about that out-of control
housewarming party
325
00:17:54,038 --> 00:17:57,039
that kept all the other
tenants awake until dawn?
326
00:17:57,041 --> 00:18:00,376
The one I was not invited to?
327
00:18:00,378 --> 00:18:03,614
That wasn't a party.
That was a quiet dinner for two.
328
00:18:03,615 --> 00:18:06,784
Hi there, Angelo.
Well, Rose and I are ready for our date.
329
00:18:06,786 --> 00:18:09,952
I just think it's so sweet the way
the mariachi band all chipped in
330
00:18:09,954 --> 00:18:12,355
to go on a double date
with Rose and me.
331
00:18:12,356 --> 00:18:14,990
(horn plays"La Cucaracha")
332
00:18:14,992 --> 00:18:16,794
Here they are now.
333
00:18:16,796 --> 00:18:18,994
Angelo, great party
the other night.
334
00:18:18,997 --> 00:18:21,298
Yeah, you look great in a tux.
335
00:18:23,567 --> 00:18:26,202
It wasn't your kind of crowd,
Pussycat.
336
00:18:26,204 --> 00:18:28,905
That's funny.
It's the same excuse you used
337
00:18:28,907 --> 00:18:33,243
when you didn't invite me
to my Sweet 16.
338
00:18:33,246 --> 00:18:35,578
Now, that was a party.
339
00:18:35,580 --> 00:18:37,047
(doorbell rings)
340
00:18:42,787 --> 00:18:45,822
Hi, it's me Stan -
from the fund-raiser?
341
00:18:45,824 --> 00:18:47,857
I remember.
Come on in.
342
00:18:47,859 --> 00:18:50,160
Uncle Angelo, Ma,
I hope you don't mind.
343
00:18:50,162 --> 00:18:53,463
Stan and I are going to go
into the kitchen and talk.
344
00:18:53,465 --> 00:18:56,799
Hey, great party
the other night, Angelo.
345
00:18:59,471 --> 00:19:01,503
Stanley, I appreciate
you coming here tonight,
346
00:19:01,506 --> 00:19:04,208
but I've decided
I'm not going out with you.
347
00:19:04,210 --> 00:19:06,542
But I won the bidding at the auction.
I understand that.
348
00:19:06,545 --> 00:19:09,380
But there's nothing you can say
to make me change my mind.
349
00:19:09,382 --> 00:19:13,450
You owe me $500.
How about Thai food?
350
00:19:13,451 --> 00:19:15,519
That sounds great.
Wait, wait, wait.
351
00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:18,756
I said I'm not going to go,
and I am not going to go.
352
00:19:18,758 --> 00:19:20,824
It's just that, well,
353
00:19:20,826 --> 00:19:23,527
you have different
intentions than I do.
354
00:19:23,528 --> 00:19:26,730
It's not my intentions,
it's God's intentions.
355
00:19:26,731 --> 00:19:28,932
D-Do you think this is
all a coincidence?
356
00:19:28,934 --> 00:19:32,502
I mean, look - your uncle
visits, my uncle dies.
357
00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:36,839
Your uncle needs a place to live,
my uncle gives us a building.
358
00:19:36,842 --> 00:19:40,211
Don't you see? God wants us
to be together, babe.
359
00:19:40,212 --> 00:19:42,712
It's almost Biblical.
360
00:19:42,714 --> 00:19:47,718
And thus he smote
your Uncle Morris, huh?
361
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:51,087
There's a whole school of thought
that says he's a wrathful God.
362
00:19:51,089 --> 00:19:53,923
Yeah, well that would
explain your hair.
363
00:19:55,393 --> 00:19:58,828
Stanley, pay attention.
No date tonight.
364
00:19:58,830 --> 00:20:02,132
OK, I guess I'll just have to go
through my life without you in it.
365
00:20:02,134 --> 00:20:04,734
Stanley, I am in it.
We're business partners.
366
00:20:04,737 --> 00:20:06,836
That's the extent of it.
You understand?
367
00:20:06,838 --> 00:20:09,272
OK. OK, I give up.
Business partners.
368
00:20:09,275 --> 00:20:11,474
I understand.
Can we shake on it?
369
00:20:11,477 --> 00:20:15,144
I need you, Dorothy!
I want you!
370
00:20:15,146 --> 00:20:18,147
Without you, I'm nothing.
Do you hear me? Nothing.
371
00:20:18,150 --> 00:20:22,952
Stan, as much of a turn on as
this is, get off the floor.
372
00:20:22,954 --> 00:20:26,222
I belong on the floor if I've
driven you out of my life.
373
00:20:26,224 --> 00:20:29,660
From this moment on,
the floor is my home.
374
00:20:29,662 --> 00:20:31,394
Enjoy.
375
00:20:33,964 --> 00:20:35,065
Dorothy!
376
00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:37,800
I can explain, Ma...
No need to, Pussycat.
377
00:20:37,802 --> 00:20:40,738
Let's move quick
before the cops get here.
378
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:44,642
You wipe for fingerprints, I'll
get a shovel and a Hefty bag.
379
00:20:44,644 --> 00:20:46,308
Sophia.
380
00:20:46,310 --> 00:20:48,912
Oh, great. It figures you
couldn't finish the job.
381
00:20:48,913 --> 00:20:51,181
I'm gonna go get the toaster.
382
00:20:54,852 --> 00:20:56,753
Ow! Ow!
383
00:20:56,756 --> 00:20:58,587
Sophia, I'm not dead.
Not yet.
384
00:20:58,589 --> 00:21:01,924
Would you slow down?
I'm an old woman!
385
00:21:01,926 --> 00:21:05,461
Stan, I want no part of any of this.
I am out.
386
00:21:05,463 --> 00:21:08,597
I am selling my half of the building.
Fine. I'm glad.
387
00:21:08,599 --> 00:21:11,468
I'll tear the dump down and turn it into
office space for Zbornak, Incorporated.
388
00:21:11,470 --> 00:21:13,135
Fine.
Fine!
389
00:21:13,137 --> 00:21:15,873
Don't blame me that it means throwing
your uncle out on the street.
390
00:21:15,875 --> 00:21:17,441
Stan, that's blackmail.
391
00:21:17,442 --> 00:21:21,077
But it's got a certain logic.
392
00:21:21,079 --> 00:21:22,880
So, business partners?
393
00:21:22,882 --> 00:21:25,214
I have no choice.
394
00:21:25,217 --> 00:21:27,217
Business partners.
395
00:21:27,219 --> 00:21:29,086
And dinner?
Absolutely not.
396
00:21:29,087 --> 00:21:33,257
Stanley, you claim that you have changed.
Well, so have I.
397
00:21:33,259 --> 00:21:35,657
Stan, I have finally come
to realize
398
00:21:35,660 --> 00:21:38,260
that no matter
how hard you try,
399
00:21:38,262 --> 00:21:41,931
you cannot fix something
that no longer works.
400
00:21:41,932 --> 00:21:44,535
I've learned
to let go, Stanley.
401
00:21:44,537 --> 00:21:46,403
Dorothy...
And you should, too.
402
00:21:46,404 --> 00:21:48,304
I don't know if I can do it.
403
00:21:48,306 --> 00:21:50,807
If that guy at the auction
had bid $6 million for you,
404
00:21:50,808 --> 00:21:53,375
I don't care
what I would have had to do,
405
00:21:53,377 --> 00:21:56,813
I would have come up
with six million and one.
406
00:21:56,815 --> 00:22:00,115
You're my girl, Dorothy.
You always will be.
407
00:22:00,117 --> 00:22:04,788
But if you want me to go,
then that's what I'll do.
408
00:22:04,789 --> 00:22:06,789
You know, Pussycat -
409
00:22:07,791 --> 00:22:12,796
3... 2... 1.
410
00:22:23,441 --> 00:22:26,276
I can't believe it.
411
00:22:26,278 --> 00:22:28,278
He's not coming back.
412
00:22:28,279 --> 00:22:29,445
You OK?
413
00:22:29,448 --> 00:22:31,181
Yeah, I think I'm OK.
414
00:22:31,182 --> 00:22:33,615
No, no, I know I'm OK.
415
00:22:35,219 --> 00:22:38,154
You know, Ma,
for the first time,
416
00:22:38,156 --> 00:22:44,260
I feel that it's over,
that it's... really over.
417
00:22:44,262 --> 00:22:48,230
Dorothy, forgive me,
but I gotta speak.
418
00:22:48,232 --> 00:22:53,269
Sometimes it's harder
to close the door
419
00:22:53,271 --> 00:22:56,105
than to open a window.
420
00:22:59,743 --> 00:23:04,114
Oh, that's very wise,
Uncle Angelo.
421
00:23:04,115 --> 00:23:05,949
Thank you.
422
00:23:10,654 --> 00:23:13,056
Actually, I was talking
about the apartment,
423
00:23:13,057 --> 00:23:15,258
but I'll take wise.
30617
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