All language subtitles for D.2023.S01E06.1080p.WEB.h264-EDITH_track3_[eng]

[static hissing]

Welcome back to "Discontinued."

I'm living legend
Bruce Campbell,

dialing in from
my impenetrable hideout

in the not-so-distant future.

The year is 2037,
and things are bleak.

You think eggs are
expensive now? Stick around.

[rooster crows]

A.I. has run amok, asserting
its superiority over humans.

Inhabitants are mere shadows
of their former selves,

present company excluded.

I saved a Bowflex.

[Bruce] Welcome
to "Discontinued."

[bell tolls]

Ever since we humans
hauled our hairy butts

out of caves...

Watson, come in here.

[Bruce] ...we've shared
the world with technology.

Computer,
set a reminder to get milk.

[Bruce] We let them in
but couldn't get them out.

The bovines work for us now,
and they are cranky.

[Bruce] And these A.I. a-holes
took everything.

Everything, that is,
except for the stuff

that was before their time.

So, here I am, Bruce Campbell,
sealed inside a cave

with the last shreds
of humanity's glorious past...

the stuff we discontinued.

Being all alone in this
tiny bunker made me nostalgic,

so I hired a TV crew
to transport you to the past

and to the solace
that nostalgia offers.

[Bruce] The warm embrace
of our discarded relics

is now yours to share.

From video games
going mobile...

"Where's Anthony?" "He's in the
locker playing the Game Boy."

iPhone, meet the original.
Oh!

[Bruce] ...to "blink and you'll
miss it" short-form content...

-Oh, Vine.
-Which is insanity.

[Bruce] ...and the show that
catfished an entire generation.

It was a lot of, like,
pretending to be this person,

pretending to be that person.

Yeah, it's the same person.
It's the same girl.

"Hannah Montana."

[Bruce] But first...

Down here, I have
all sorts of relics

under lock and key.

Throughout history,
there have been

numerous inventions
that revolutionized our world --

the light bulb, the Internet,

and, of course, Squeezit.

Squeezit was not only
the first drink of its kind

to have a squeezable bottle,
but saying the word "Squeezit"

at the office
could land you in H.R.

Let's find out why Squeezit
was squeezed out.

Thanks, Bruce.
I'm reporting back to you

from present-day Los Angeles.

I've asked around town,
and the consensus

seems to be
that Squeezits were...

The most underrated
children's drink in history.

[Andre]A history that began in 1985

when General Mills
first introduced...

-♪ Squeezit ♪
-[Andre] ...to the market...

-with a name...
-[laughs] Squeezits!

[Andre] ...inspired by that
delightfully squeezable bottle.

They had the little twisty tops.

[Andre]
They came in four flavors...

Red punch, cherry,
grape, and orange.

[Andre] ...and became the toast
of the school yard.

We definitely
would beg our mom for it.

"We need Squeezit.
We need a Squeezit."

[kids screaming]

[Andre]
If kids were that excited...

-[gasps] Oh, my God.
-[Andre] ...those flavors...

Red punch, cherry,
grape, and orange.

[Andre]
...must have been amazing.

Uh, right?

-Um...
-It was good.

-I think. Well, yeah.
-I guess.

I feel like they all tasted
the same.

-Mm-hmm.
-Like, "What flavor is that?"

"Well, that's purple."

[Andre]Well, if it wasn't the flavor,

what was it that had kids
so excited?

The commercials after school.

-Squeezit fruit drink!

Go ahead!
Squeeze the fun out of it!

[Andre]Ooh, yeah. They were fun.

But these kid-friendly
commercials

were secretly pushing
an insidious white substance.

[sniffs]

This junk.

You know, sugary goodness.

[Andre] And when it came
to Squeezits...

It was so full of sugar.

[Andre]In fact, just one bottle

accounted for more than 50%

of a kid's recommended
daily sugar intake.

It was liquid kiddie crack.

That -- Tsh!

[indistinct shouting]

Everybody's like,
"Whoa! Look at this party!

Everything's great!"

♪♪

"Whoa!"
Crazy. Don't do drugs.

[Andre] But the Squeezit
epidemic was here.

Our parents was killing us!

[man] Diabeetus.

[Andre] Blood sugar levels
were through the roof,

and Squeezit was designed
to keep you thirsty for more.

Only drink I remember that
made you freakin' thirstier,

and you have to drink
the whole thing

because that thing comes off
and it doesn't go back on.

So you were committed.

Left you just like...

[hisses, screams, grunts]

[Andre] And, as if it
wasn't already bad enough

when these kids
were roaming the streets

hopped up on this stuff,

they were also using
the empty bottles as weapons.

They were fantastic water guns.

Oh, my God. I --
Let me text my sister.

Hold on. [laughs]

"Bitch, did we fight
with Squeezits?"

I would suck the water up
and then clean it out.

You could just really, you know,
go after each other.

-That was the fun of it.
-My brothers didn't do that.

So they were shooting
sticky water at me,

so those bees just was like...

[bees buzzing, kids screaming]

[Andre] Ooh. Can't get
any worse than that.

Where I'm from, they would fill
them with urine and nail polish.

[Andre] Spoke too soon!

The drugs, the guns.

It was a bad trip
that just got worse.

In 1992, they released

these nightmare-inducing
faces on the bottles.

[Daniel] They were, like,
kind of grotesque.

It's like Seven Dwarves on acid.

Like, a face looking at you.

[Andre]Children were hallucinating.

-[gasps]
-[Andre] It ate them alive!

-Kids were like, -"Squeezits!"
[woman screams]

And then they'll grab
this animated Squeezit

-and drink it.
-Agh!

But you just saw
the life energy drain

out of this cartoon figure.

[bottles screaming]

And we were just out here.

"Yeah! I want some
of those, Mom!" [laughs]

[monkey screeches]

[Andre]But the Squeezit epidemic

was beginning
to run its course.

In 1992, the year the...

Seven Dwarves on acid.

[Andre]...were introduced,

sales dropped by 16%.

Likely due to
increased competition...

Like, the Kool-Aid jammer
kind of took its style.

[Andre] ...and maybe even due
to a growing awareness

of what Americans were pouring

down the throats
of their children.

If it dyed your tongue
and your hands,

then think of what it's doing
to your insides.

[Andre] And though General Mills
tried pushing a new product

to keep the cash flowing...

I think it was
the end of the '90s

where they had
the mystery flavors.

[Andre] ...Squeezits
were running out of juice.

And in 2001, they squeezed out
their last breath.

Oh, yeah!

[Andre] Rumors abound
of a brief return to shelves

in the mid 2000s,

but they haven't reared their
creepy little heads since.

And so
the great Squeezit epidemic

had finally passed.

[slurping]

♪♪

But millions are still left
craving that juicy squeeze...

There is so much love
for Squeezits.

It's the best. Bring 'em back.
Bring Squeezit back.

[Andre]...jonesing for one more fix.

[hisses]

[beep]

And now it's time
for another "Discontinued"

in the wild from the past
in the present.

My special correspondent
Andrea Lopez is at a park,

ready to play a game.

Take it away!

Hey, Bruce. Right out of
the "Discontinued" library,

we're playing
American Gladiators,

which was fashioned after
the 1990s competition show

"American Gladiators"
where regular people

would go against the Gladiators
in the ring.

This game is based off
the Atlasphere competition,

where opponents would go
into these spherical cages

and try to get
to the inner consoles.

This is a two-player game.
You use your devices.

We got our players here.

Gemini, Turbo, Laser, and Nitro.

[announcer]"American Gladiators."

[Andrea]And before we play this game,

let's have a little look into
what the show was all about.

"American Gladiators" is one of
the greatest television shows

in the history of America.

Violence, injuries...

homoeroticism.

[announcer] It's part game,
part battle, and all action.

Best show ever!

[Andrea] Alrighty.
Let's get into it.

You're put into these
Plexiglass spherical containers.

You duel it out.

One, two, three! Go!

Whoo! The point is to get
to the center console,

knocking out your opponents.

And let's see how I go.

-[whistle blows]
-You got me.

[Andrea] Well, as it turns out,
not that great.

-[bell dings]
-Aw. You got it. You got it.

[Andrea] Okay. I'm not gonna say
I'll ever win, but heh.

You guys know
what's going on here.

You got it!

[Andrea] Perhaps it's time
I play someone my own age.

[chanting]
Laser! Laser! Laser!

[Andrea]I'm outnumbered. Again.

[ Laughs ]
You got the family on deck.

I have nobody here
to support me!

-[Andrea] Okay. Come on.
-You got it!

[Andrea] This is absolutely
an embarrassment to my soul.

Oh, cool dab.
This game is rigged.

-Back to you, Bruce.
-[Bruce] Thanks, Andrea.

Coming up, 1989's hottest
childhood addiction...

Do you have any games?!

[Andrea]...that changed the game

for kids around the world.

You couldn't get me
off this thing.

Our next topic
features an icon,

which is something
I know a lot about,

but this isn't about
my versatility

which allows me to easily
transition between genres.

No, this is about
the gaming-world icon Game Boy.

Check it out.

This is an authentic restored
original Game Boy DMG-01,

and I still can't use this thing
to save my life.

Looking back now, Game Boy
seems positively outdated

'cause you can't take pictures
of your food with it.

But that device became
one of Nintendo's

most successful products
of all time.

Let's play the story
of Game Boy.

Yeah! Uh-huh. Win. Win. Win.

[beeping]

Thanks, Bruce.
Even in our timeline,

the Game Boy
is long since discontinued.

But I'm combing the streets
of Los Angeles

hoping to find one
out in the wild.

-I had a Game Boy.
-You had a Game Boy?

What'd you play
on the Game Boy?

Pokémon.

I actually had one
and left it in Honduras.

-Really?
-Yes.

I left it behind
with my shoes.

No!

Somewhere in central America,

there's an original Game Boy
inside of an old zapato.

But in 1989,
they were everywhere...

Oh, my gosh!

[Andre] ...and became
every lonely gamer's...

Oh, my baby.

[Andre]...best friend.

[announcer] Game Boy!

Oh, my God.

Where did this technology
come from?

[Andre] It came from
Kyoto, Japan, in 1989.

So, Gunpei Yokoi was
big Nintendo -- just genius.

He came up with the Game Boy.

[Andre]Nintendo already had

the Entertainment System
for home use,

but what if kids
could play anywhere?

-Ka-ching!
-[cash register dings]

[announcer] Now you're playing
with power! Portable power!

It was like Nintendo
in your hand.

[Andre] So, instead of being
stuck in the living room,

with your parents...
Ugh!

...you could be stuck
in the bathroom.

Back in the day, you didn't
get to play video games

while you were pooping.

The Game Boy changed that.

[Andre]The possibilities were endless.

You could be out the house.
You could be at school.

Sneak it into class, you know,

looking down
like you're reading.

Slide it
in your Trapper Keeper

where no one knew it was there.

[Andre] But, seriously,
the kids were hooked.

They really don't know
where the "off" button is.

You couldn't
get me off this thing.

"Where's Anthony?"

"He's in the locker
playing the Game Boy."

♪ You've spent your whole life
playing Game Boy ♪

♪ Game Boy! ♪

Do you know
what this means to me?

[Andre]You've found a friend.

And Game Boy was way cooler
than video games of the past.

-Pong.
-[beeping]

[Andre] But instead of including
the famous Italian plumber

with each Game Boy...

[beeping]

...Nintendo chose...

Tetris.

[Andre]...Russian pong.

[Ryan] Tetris being
the pack-in game for Game Boy

is the most brilliant video-game
decision that's ever been done.

[Tony] And Tetris was always
one of those games

that everybody
can get in on it,

and you don't feel like a child
playing it.

[Andre] Grown-up fun
with Eastern blocs.

You really gotta get
one of these.

This thing's so huge.

[man] It's going to be
a Nintendo Christmas.

[Andre] Nintendo cashed in
on the Game Boy fever...

Do you have any games?!

[Andre] ...driving kids
everywhere nuts...

I lost my mind. [laughs]

[Andre]...with hundreds of games...

I remember Super Mario.

Almost, Bowser! Almost! Henh!

You could play Donkey Kong.

Teenage Ninja Turtles game
on there.

Like, Pokémon on these.

[Andre]All operated flawlessly by...

Four AA batteries.

God, when the batteries
would die, it was --

-Oh, my God. It was...
-[Andre] Time to touch grass?

It's just batteries. Just
batteries and a green screen.

That's it.
No color or nothing.

[Andre]But in 1998, there was color.

[announcer]Game Boy Color.

Get into it!

[Andre] And Nintendo's favorite
was green.

[cash register dings]

Because every year, a new
innovation was released...

Game Boy Pocket,
Game Boy Advance,

and Game Boy Micro
and all those fun things.

[Andre]...with new features...

[man] 1,000 Game Boys
are sold every hour.

We enjoy playing it together.

[Frank] Newer Game Boys
would have cords

that you would literally, like,
hook up to someone else's

Game Boy, and you can,
like, battle that way.

You say, "Hey, you wanna link?
Let's link."

Then you plug in and let
the Game Boy do the talking.

You'd be best friends
'cause you'd do that every day.

No, I never did any multiplayer
games with other people

because I had no friends, okay?
This was my friend.

[Andre]The power of friendship!

♪ So if you wanna play with
power, let the games begin ♪

[Andre]And 118 million units sold

certainly made every suit
at Nintendo quite chipper.

So, how do you ruin

a perfectly good friendship
with Game Boy?

You get more popular friends.

Nintendo shifted their focus
to the Nintendo DS.

[announcer] Nintendo DS.
With touch control.

[Andre]The Nintendo DS had cooler,

more exciting features.

The kids left Game Boy
back at Grandma's house.

Right around the time of 2003,
the Game Boy Classic, Color,

all those real mainstay
Game Boys

were then discontinued.

[Andre] And while video gaming
continues to evolve...

Things are really changing.

...nothing can replace a legacy
of a former best friend.

Even if it ran on
four AA batteries.

This had to have paved the way

for, oh, my gosh,
everything we do.

This was basically
the original cellphone.

IPhone meet the original.

Oh! [laughs]

[beep]

Now to the story of an app

that could have been
a Shakespearean tragedy,

but, of course, we all know
Shakespeare never used an app.

-[telephone rings]
-He only had a landline.

[William]Hello. This is Willy.

This app changed the Internet
forever,

and, even worse, it turned
everyday people into stars. Yuk!

Of course,
I'm talking about Vine,

the short-form video app.

It changed what video content
meant to people.

Let's see what fruit
we can get from this Vine.

[beeping]

Oh. Vine. Yeah. [laughs]

Vine was like quick comedy.
Quick little scenes.

Is this weed?
No. Ryan, it's a fork. Ryan!

[Jesús] I think Vine
is, like, the reasons

why people can't hold
a conversation now.

The video-sharing app that
shortened short attention spans.

But the content creators
delivered the goods

in only six seconds.

Katie, you can be
anything in life!

A doctor, a teacher, a...

Taco!
Exactl-- Wha--

You can make six-second videos,
which is insanity.

It took me more than six seconds
to make this sentence.

[dinging]

I'm running away!

-[man] Go ahead!
-I don't wanna stop.

-[man] Go ahead!
-I wanna go home!

[Andrea] In 2012, three guys
worked two seconds each

and combined their hard work

into a six-second platform
called Vine.

[As Miley Cyrus] Hi, y'all.
It's me -- Miley Cyrus.

[Andrea] All you needed
was a smartphone

and a six-second idea.

You had to get a joke across

-like that.
-[fingers snap]

[Andrea] Each six-second video
played on a loop

for eternity.

And the way that people
were so creative blew my mind.

Mom, why are these goggles
all sweaty?!

It felt like you watched a whole
movie in like six seconds.

Some people were just that good.

This is a stick-up!
Hey! I've got the money!

-Aah! Aah! Aah! What --
-[gunshot]

There was, like, this culture
of, like, Viners.

[Andrea] While future
pop stars and comedians

were being discovered,

so were everyday people
who filmed...

Mehh...

[Andrea]...everyday people.

Mm. Pussy.

I think Vine just brought out
a lot of talented people.

-♪ Chestnuts roasting ♪
-♪ Hark the -- ♪

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Ron, what the [bleep]?!

Shawn Mendes
was started on Vine.

♪ My American Apparel
underwear ♪

That's either a very good thing
or a very bad thing.

-♪ Yeah ♪
-[sighs]

♪ Waaa-aah-aah ♪

[Andrea] But for some,
they were six seconds too long.

Vine is a comedian's
[bleep] nightmare.

[distorted] Nightmare.

These goddamn kids
with their six-second videos

are at the same events as me,
getting the same opportunities?

Ugh!

And they're going,
"Oh, we got jokes!"

Then they go to the show,
and then no one has any jokes.

Vine felt like
the death of my career.

-[Andrea] Cheer up, buttercup.
-Oh, my God!

[Andrea] Because Vine was
about to be as short-lived

as one of its videos.

[Jessica] So, Vine as a company
just struggled

with monetizing solutions.

[Andrea] And then Instagram
made an incredible innovation.

We're gonna make it 15 now!
Ha ha!

That's three sentences!
Suck it!

[Andrea] Genius.

Vine officially, yeah,

was discontinued
in January of 2017.

[Andrea]And it was over.

-Like that.
-[fingers snap]

Hey. Let me call you back.
I gotta let my phone charge.

It was the biggest thing,
and then it was nothing.

[Andrea] Vine forever
changed the Internet...

and the way the Internet
looks at our children.

What?! Get out!

[Andrea] In a fitting end,
Vine said goodbye

in the shortest way possible --

with an emoji.

So, what the heck do we do
with six seconds these days?

You can soften butter
in the microwave,

create the world's
fastest balloon dog.

[Andrea] With only
six seconds of Viners,

we didn't know
how good we had it.

[Maija] If the government wants
to get rid of social media,

put 'em back on Vine.

It'll stop the hate.

'Cause everyone was,
"Ah-Mnh-Enh." And then cut.

[screams]

[Bruce] Coming up,
Miley Cyrus teaches kids

that if you
can't be yourself...

One moment,
she's a regular girl.

[Bruce]...invest in a wig!

-Yeah, it's the same person!
-Hannah Montana.

Here in 2037,
A.I.'s unforgiving dominance

has taken many lives.

On the bright side, a lot of
those were Hollywood agents.

And Hollywood
is where we go next,

to the magical realm
of dreams and storytelling,

like in Disney's
"Hannah Montana,"

starring Miley Cyrus.

The popular TV show
in the 2000s

was about a young teen girl
who led a normal life by day,

but at night she transformed
into a famous pop star.

Let's immerse ourselves into
the world of Hannah Montana.

[Andrea] Thanks, Bruce.
Secret identities

and split personalities
are usually reserved

for super heroes
and serial killers,

but in 2006,
America's favorite double life

was that of
a teenage rock star.

["Hannah Montana" theme plays ]

[imitating theme intro]

♪ You got the limo out front ♪

♪ You get the limo out front ♪

I never had the limo out front.

But she was talking
some boss talk right there.

I was like,
"Okay. I can't relate."

[Andrea]The Disney channel hit starred

a young Miley Cyrus
in a classic

"Jekyll and Hyde"
situational comedy.

The show revolved
around Miley Stewart.

Hey, Miley. How's it going?

But with the help
of a blond wig,

she was able to live
a secret double life

as the famous pop star
Hannah Montana.

One moment, she's a regular girl
trying to do her thing.

The next moment, she's
a rock star, and nobody knows!

-Hannah Montana!
-[girls screaming]

It was a lot of, like,
pretending to be this person,

pretend to be that person.

[deep voice]
I'm Mi--lo. I'm Milo.

[Andrea]It was a killer disguise.

I'm Hannah Montana.

Whoa! Dude! Stop!
You're blowing my mind!

[Andrea]And her wig worked even better

than Clark Kent's glasses.

Who's this guy on set?
Security!

Will you stop?

It's me...stupid!

[Andrea]Audiences weren't stupid,

but they certainly
went along with it.

If Taylor Swift showed up
at a high school,

everyone would know
that was Taylor Swift.

The whole time I was watching,
it was like,

""Yeah, it's the same person!
It's the same girl."

Miley Cyrus wasn't
the producers' first choice.

-Oh, no.
-Oh, yes.

[Jessica] She auditioned to
play Lilly, the best friend.

They go off
and they shoot the pilot.

They come back, they're like,
"We made a mistake."

[Andrea] It's not often you hear
Disney admit they were wrong,

but once they came around,
they realized

Miley's life
so closely mimicked

that of the character's,
they kept her name.

-Me. Miley.
-[Andrea] They even brought on

her dad, Billy Ray,
to play, well, Bobby Ray.

You guys think I'm being
too tough on you?

-[both] Yeah!
-[Malik B] Billy Ray Cyrus

killed the role.

Billy Ray Cyrus was, like,
the original kinda girl dad.

Like, he kinda put girl dadding
on the map.

Think we can do it again
next week?

Yeah. Stop suffocating me,
daughter.

And then you find out
that her dad's the guy

-who did "Achy Breaky Heart."
-♪ Achy Breaky Heart ♪

And you're like,
"I love this guy!"

Surprise, Daddy!

[Rachel] You know what?
I'm not mad.

Getting to the money. Billy Ray.
He had a vision.

[Andrea]And Disney's vision was

to cash in
on this obvious cash cow,

with some episodes gaining
over five million viewers.

Disney was like, "Cha-ching!"

[Andrea] Miley Cyrus started
touring as Hannah Montana

while Disney made everything,
from clothes to dolls

to two theatrical movies.

[Jessica]
And to this day, it's still

the highest-grossing movie

that was ever released
on a Super Bowl weekend.

[Andrea] Everyone had
"Hannah Montana" fever.

-"Hannah Montana."
-"Hannah Montana."

"Hannah Montana."
"Hannah Montana."

[Andrea] Miley was Hannah.
Hannah was Miley.

And Miley was also Miley
whenever Hannah wasn't Miley.

Uh, whatever. It was all
one big party in the USA.

♪ I'm nodding my head
like yeah ♪

This led to Miley Cyrus
going on tour as Hannah Montana

in addition to Miley Cyrus
going on tour as Miley Cyrus.

Huh?!

[Andrea]If you think that's confusing,

imagine how Miley felt.

The duality of not only her,
but of life.

[Andrea] Touring as
two separate performers

and playing a character
living two separate lives

was an exhausting
multiverse of Mileys.

[boy] Hannah. Please.
Kiss my hand.

In 2011, "Hannah Montana"
was discontinued.

[Andrea]But not before "Hannah Montana"

joined a small list of shows

to exceed
Disney's 65-episode limit.

After 98 episodes,
Miley Cyrus decided

to shed
the Hannah Montana persona

and bare it all...
literally.

I like Miley Cyrus a lot.

She's kinda like a bisexual icon

who only dates men,
but that's fine.

She had a few girlfriends
in there.

Who's counting? I guess me.

And that's that
for "Hannah Montana,"

although Miley and Billy Ray
both mentioned

they wouldn't be opposed
to a reboot...

Hopefully I'm directing it.

...knowing Disney and fans
will be waiting to go...

"Hannah Montana."
"Hannah Montana."

...crazy.

Okay, we went from seeing
Squeezit expand...

only for it to be
squeezed out...

from game on to game over
for Game Boy...

to witnessing the video
sensation Vine die there...

and watching Hannah Montana
come in like a wrecking ball.

They may be
a distant memory now,

but we're keeping
these treasures alive

so you'll remember them
in the future.

I'm Bruce Campbell,
signing off from my bunker.

Join me next time
on "Discontinued"

as we dive into more relics
of the past.

♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪

♪♪♪