All language subtitles for the_squeeze_1987___59578a120d5df

Damn it!

Ralph?

It didn't work.

The damn thing's
too big.

We'll have to wait
until the post office opens.

Ralph?

Hey, Fred.
Get off the table.

Ralph?

Are you in here? Ralph?

Huh.

Hey, what have you got there?

Are you tense?

No. Why?

You're singing.
It bothers me.

I like the song.
It's a catchy tune.

Hey, that's the song
from Bonanza.
I loved that show.

Yeah.

Hey, you're a
Bonanza fan, right?
Let me ask you a question.

What was the deal on Hoss?

I mean, Hoss didn't look
like those other guys
in the family, did he?

Seriously, the guy looked like
he was some sort of orderly

in a Swedish mental
institution, didn't he?

You had Adam, Little Joe...he
didn't look like those guys.
What was it, different moms?

Did you ever notice that?
Am I the only one?

Are you going to shut up
so we can play cards?

Hey, chill out,
would you?

I just thought we'd have
a little conversation here.
You guys are so serious.

Listen, I don't give a shit
who you are,

but I don't like
the way you play poker.

So why don't you
just play cards?

Weren't you the host of
The Dating Game for a while?

I like this guy.

Hey, Al, remember
the episode where Hoss
picked that guy up...

You know, I think the reason
you're not playing your cards

is you're not holding
anything, funny guy.

Three hundred.

Normie?

Here's $200.

Thanks.

See your three,
and I'll raise you a G.

$1,000 dude.

Too rich for me,
fellas.

I'm out.

It's only $300.
Where's the grand?

Hey, I'm good for it.
Are you?

No dough, no go.

Okay.

Fleetwood across the street.
'69. Cherry.

Mint.

Harry, I, um...

Ahem.

You're bluffing.

Huh?

I call.

Pair of 10's.

Whoa, what a play, Nick.
Hell of a play, seriously.
I never saw that coming.

I thought I had you.
Did my eye twitch?

We've got to go.
Hey! Hey!

That son of a bitch is
stealing my car.
Come on, guys, let's get him.

Hey, fellas, come on.

What do you think, I was
going to run out on you?

The guy is taking
my car over here.

Aah!

Come on, Norman!

You're messing with
the Cartwrights now, son.

You got any
cocktail sauce around?

Whoo! Ha ha!

Harry, you frigging
meatball.

This time you went too far!

And don't come back!

Come on, Normie!
Come on!

Hey, it doesn't get
any better than this, man.

Harry, I don't think I can
play cards with you anymore.

I'm not in good enough shape.

Maybe if we won every
once in a while, we could get
to walk home.

Oh, man. What are you
whining about, man?
We had some laughs.

Yeah, right.

So we're on a little
losing streak here.

Some losing streak.
Your losing streak should
put me in the hospital.

Now look, I've got to
tell you something.
This is pissing me off.

Harry, you had him.

-You had him cold,
and then you let him know.
-What are you talking about?

Everybody in that room knew.

Knew what?

That you were bluffing.

Did my eye twitch?
Because that's when it...

No, Harry, it's worse.
You have no sense
of commitment.

I don't know what's wrong
with you lately.
You're lacking something.

I'm lacking $600.

Two of which is mine.

I know two of which is yours.
It's okay, because
when I win the lotto...

Oh, lotto, again
with the lotto.
Will you smarten up?

I'll pay you back your two,

and then I'm going to buy
my best buddy a car.

-Really?
-I might pick you
something up, too.

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Aah!

You know, the Cartwrights
were really snobs
when you think about it.

Because they were the richest
people in the area,

and they were paying Hop Sing
shit, you know?
He didn't make anything.

I have a surprise
for you.

I got something
for you and Georgette.

Hey!

-You like it?
-Yeah, man. Where did
you get this?

I got it at 2nd
and Monroe yesterday.

You think it'll work?
Good job, Buddy!

Yeah, it'll be perfect.
We'll put it right up
in the top left.

You still upset
about the money?

Huh?
No.

I'm upset about
giving it to you.

See what I'm talking about?
Right up on top there in the
back. Look good, right?

Yeah, I'll go look at it.

Want some breakfast?

Yeah.

Thank you.

He looks good, right?

Yeah, she looks great.

I tell you, Norman,

I'm going to have a hard time
getting rid of this guy.

Uh huh.
Ready?

Good morning, George.

Check this out.

You ready?
Something new.

Huh?
Whoo!

Harry, all right!

Yeah, man.
Isn't that great?

I'm getting a gigantic
Kleenex for his nose, too.

Come here.
One more thing.

I want you to...
It sticks sometimes.

Oh.

Aah!

-It's great, right?
-It's beautiful.
When did you do this?

Last week.
I did all the sinus cavities
in one day last week.

-All right, man.
I'm proud of you.
-Thanks!

What's going on?

Grandmothers, mothers,
fathers, sons...

-Where are my lotto tickets?
-And all other living
creatures that anted up...

I can feel it, Norman.
Today's my day, buddy.

...put some lucky lotto winner
on top of the world.

That's right, this is
Tom T. Murray,

and your chance
to win, win, win.

Let's play lotto!

Give me a 35.
Give me a 35.

Our first number is...

35.

Yes! Norman, I've got
something here.

I'm out.
-The second number is...

14, Tommy, 14, Tommy!

-39.
-Tom, you're a jerk!
Jeez. Every week.

Week after week,
I go through this.

If I ever see Tom Murray
on the street, I'm going
to choke the guy.

The fourth number is...

9.

You know her?

No.

Who is it?

I'm looking for
a Mr. Harrison Patrick Berg.

What do you think?

-Cop.
-You're dreaming.
No way that face is a cop.

Can I help you?

Uh, Mr. Berg, I've got
an envelope for you.

It's a little bit early
for deliveries, isn't it?

Uh, it's special.

How special?

It's a summons.

Told you.

Look buddy, I've been
on your job
for a long time.

This is a serious matter.
You either deal now
or hang later.

This summons, I have to
touch it physically, right?
I mean, that's the law?

Yeah, that's the law.

All right. I'll tell you what
we'll do.

You go back 10 paces, by that
pillar behind you, and then
I'll open the door.

Go ahead.

Okay.

No, Harry, she's cheating.

She cheats. Ooh.
I like her already.

Come on, no cheating now.
You want to do this, you've
got to play it straight.

Back up and start over.
Come on.

All right.

All right,
here's what we'll do.

Take the, uh, envelope,

and put it right down
in there between us.

Make that like a neutral
country, like Switzerland.

-But...
-No, no. Nice try,
but I'm like a cat,

I could be back here
in a flash.
Come on.

Okay?
Put the envelope down.

Down. A little lower.
A little bit. Almost.

It's so close.
Come on. Just...

Drop it.
Let go of it.
Ahh!

All right.
Now, I'm Harry Berg.
Nice to meet you.

Hi. Rachel Dobs.
A pleasure.

See? This is working.

So, Rach, what's this
about a summons?

Back alimony.

No, there's a mistake here.
I don't pay any alimony.

My ex-wife Hilda
doesn't need money.

She's loaded. She's got
a lot of rich boyfriends.

Mr. Berg, it's really not
my concern.

I'm a professional,
hired to do a job.

You're going to have to accept
the summons sooner or later,

so why don't you save us both
a lot of trouble?

Look, I'm tired
and I want to go home.

You do look beat.
Really.

Maybe you ought to get
a girl's job, you know,

stewardess, secretary, nurse,
something like that.

If I didn't have to deal with
deadbeats like you, it'd be
a hell of a lot more pleasant.

Now would you please just
take the summons, ok Mr. Berg?

Slime!
Listen, you know what?

You deserve to live here
with the rest of the rats.

Slime!
Thanks for stopping by.

I'm going to get you.
Slime!

She's cute.

that's what
I'm looking for.

Carmen, if you don't get
these steps right,
I'm going to replace you.

Come on. Lift it up, girls.
Sell it. That's what
I'm looking for.

Primordial.
Beautiful, ladies.

I'm going to take you
home tonight if you dance
that way, ok baby?

Ah, Mira.

Two words. Dos palabras.
It's done. It's finished.

That's all I want to hear,
Harry. Two magic words.

More time.

Stop, I hate your face.
You're making me crazy, Harry.

I don't know what you want me
to do. This thing eats up
tubes like TV dinners.

Mm-hmm.

It's giving me such a pain
in the ass. I'll
tell you something.

I'll tell you what. You want
it done, you give me half
the final payment.

That's all I'm asking for.
Give me half of it,
and I can finish this thing.

Harry, everything is in place.

I've got the volcanoes,
I've got the primordial oozes,
bubbling beautiful.

I've got the cave girls,
I've got the cannibalism.

-Harry, look at me
when I talk to you!
-I can't, I'm working!

-Do you know what else I've
got after nine months of work?
-What?

I'll tell you. I've got that,
the biggest and most expensive
rear end in Manhattan.

-First of all, you're the
biggest rear end in Manhattan.
-Thank you.

Second of all, you want me to
finish your lizard, you've got
to give me more time.

I'm not bullshitting you.
What would I bullshit you for?

I'm not going to lie to you.
Hey, Ruben,

do you think I'm lying?
Look in my eyes
and tell me what you see.

Don't hold back,
I can take it.

Bull. Shit.

By the way, your ex-wife
Hilda? She dropped off
a note for you.

Whoa. I'm allergic
to paper from Hilda.

That's okay, baby.
I already read it.

She wants you to meet her
at the street festival.

Tonight.
When?

And don't stay out
too late, Harry.

The next time I see you,

I want to hear those two magic
words. "It's finished."

-You want two magic words?
"More gloss."
-Don't be cute with me, Harry.

What are you standing around
for, babies? Come on,
you're gaining weight.

Music!

Harry! Harry!

Harry!

Harry!

Before you even say anything,
before you open your mouth,

I'm totally broke.
I have no money.

Here, you want something?
I'll tell you what.

Take my watch.

Harry.

Are you all right?

I could be better.

Okay.

Okay, what is it?

I got into this big fight
with this new roommate of mine
about the rent money.

So I moved out and I left
this important package
on the kitchen floor.

And now, of course,
you want me to go
pick it up for you, right?

One question.
Why me?

It's got a lot of sentimental
value. You're the only one
I can trust.

Uh-huh.

Besides, I wanted
to see you again.

You know, you're unbelievable.

You're unbelievable.
You walk out on me

three years ago
without any warning,

and then you put
a skip-tracer on my ass,

and you know I don't have
a dime to my name.

And now look at you, you're
treating me like I'm
some kind of an errand boy.

What are you looking at?

Your shirt.

What about the shirt?

Isn't that the shirt you wore
that time we stayed up at
Coney Island all night?

Yeah, it is.
No, it's not.

No, it's not. I had a white
t-shirt on. I just finished
a painting, and I had paint...

Oh yeah, yeah, you're right.

Wasn't that a great night?

Remember?

Oh, God, you were so crazy.

Oh, I was crazy?

Remember what we did, uh,
behind the roller coaster
stand later, Harry?

Yeah.

You can take the package
to the Seville Hotel, 13-D.

I'm just staying there until
I get back on my feet again.

Ok, Harry?

Okay.

Thanks.
You're the best.

Anybody home?

Look at this.

She's dating the Beach Boys.

Good luck, Slick.

Hey, kitty.

Remember old Harry?

Didn't think so.

You need a bath, cat.

Are you kidding me?

Aah! Aah!

God damn!

Jeez!

Eww.

Phew.

Oh!

Sorry. Oh.
God damn, cat!

Whew.
"Ralph Vigo."

You ought to have a talk
with your manicurist, Ralph.

Hilda!

Hilda, it's Harry.

"Gem Vigo,
Boars club, 12..."

Gem Vigo?

Ralph Vigo.

Whoa.

Yeah, right.

Aah!
Aah!

How are you doing?

Ow! Aah!

Ooh!

I hope Titus didn't hurt you.
He was just trying
to get your attention.

I bet he's good
at getting cabs.

Actually, he has trouble
with cabbies.

He makes them nervous.
Glandular problems.

You want to take a little
off the sides, there?

Aaugh!
It's a joke!
Aah.

You know Hilda?

Faintly.

See, we came to visit,
but she wasn't in.

Actually, we're looking
for this box, about this big,
black. Seen it?

Uh, what color
did you say it... Gaah!

No, I haven't seen the box!

Come here.

I want to tell you something
about Titus here.

He's done some really bad
things in his short life.

So have I, but, uh,
what the heck,
that's life, right?

Heh. Forget about it.

See, but Titus
doesn't see it like that.

He sees himself
as a kind of antihero.

He believes in what he does.
He's righteous.

Do you know how far
the righteous will go
to get what they want?

Hey, fellas, believe me, if I
had the box you guys would be
the first guys I'd give it to.

Aah!

Beware the righteous.

Beware the righteous.

Hey, hold it down
out here, will you?

Get off of me!

Oh, it's my fault.
I'm so clumsy.

Yo, Titus! Move it!

Hey.

Harry!

Harry, did you hear?

What happened
to your nose, Harry?
I guess you heard.

You know, Harry, I always
liked her, man.
I always liked her.

Listen. That package
I gave you,
what'd you do with it?

-I brought it back
to the loft for you.
-Oh, God.

-What happened to your nose?
-Let me ask you
another question.

Hilda. Do you think there's
any way on earth she could
ever be involved in a murder?

I don't know about that, but
she sure knows how to
make a killing, right?

What are you talking about?
Why'd you say killing?

What's the matter with you?
You don't know?
It's in the papers, man.

Oh my God!
Oh my God, she's...

-Your ex, she hit the lottery.
Look at this.
-What?

"Lucky Lady Hits Number.
Hilda Berg Wins $52,540."

Harry, now this divorce,
it's not final, right?

Because you can get,
you know, reconciliation,

you know,
uh, counseling.

Fifty bucks an hour,
it's nothing.

Mm-hmm.
She won the lottery.

-She's got dead guys
hanging in her closet.
-What?

She sends me to some
sleaze-bag hotel
I wouldn't even stay in,

gets my ass kicked
by two cement heads,

and she wins the lottery.
This is getting weird.

-Harry, look at the number.
-I don't care what
the number is.

5-8-8-3. So simple, 5883.
I mean, who would
think, right?

5883.
What's the number?

Tell me the number again.

5883!

You know what that number is?
The date of my divorce.

I'm going to...
I don't believe this!

I'm going to kill her!

You know I'm not a romantic,
but that's low, Norman.
That is really low.

I'm going to kill her.
She uses our memories
to win the lottery.

If I find her,
I'm going to kill her.

NYPD.

I'm going to scold her.
That's what I'll do.

I'll sit her down
and say "Hon?"

Right.
Harry Berg, right?

I'm going to sit her down
and say, "Honey..."

-Come on, Harry.
We want to talk to you.
-Yeah, well I can't right now.

I'm talking about my wife.
We had a little argument.

How long you been divorced?

About three years.

We get along.
You still love her, Harry?

-Let me make this
easy for you, Harry.
-All right.

-Your ex starts hanging out
with a new guy.
-Right.

Now maybe you're
a little bit jealous, huh?

Maybe you're still carrying
a bit of a torch for her, huh?

That's only reasonable.
She's a good-looking
woman, Harry.

-She's a really good-looking
woman, huh?
-Thanks.

Now, maybe you go to see her,
just to sort of keep in touch,

but she ain't there.
He's there.

And maybe he tells you
to go kiss the asphalt.

Now maybe you get mad.
Maybe you get real mad.

Maybe you lose
your cool, Harry.

Maybe you don't like
being treated like that.
Huh, Harry? Huh?

You're out of your frigging
mind. Go ask Hilda.

Sit down! We'll ask Hilda
when we find her.

Right now
we're asking you, Harry.

You guys both know
that guy was dead
by the time I got there.

Maybe you came back.

Do I look that dumb?

Hi, Arnold.

No dice with the summons?

Mr. Berg...

If I get one more door
slammed in my face...

It's just this job.
It's driving me crazy.

Whatever happened
to, to theft,

fraud, extortion,

infidelity?

I need a case
with a little mystery,

something that I can
sink my teeth into.

Skip-tracing is an ancient
and an honorable profession,

besides being
our bread and butter.

Either you're into the hunt,
the human hunt, or you're not.

Ever since Cain had to
find out which cave
Abel was hiding in,

we've been providing
a valuable service.

So stop your bellyaching.
Chin up, and remember
my motto...

"Go forth and
hunt the insolvent."

Greaseballs.

Oh shit!

Ladies, gentlemen, reindeer,
start your engines for a

Crazy Eddie
Christmas in August
car stereo blowout blitz!

Shit!

Well, they kept you
long enough.

I was ready
to call a lawyer.

You didn't tell them
about this, did you?

No. Any word on Hilda?

No, nothing.

What do you think it is?

I don't know.

Kind of looks like a bomb.

Yeah.

Hello. I am Christian Rigaud.

Rachel Dobs.

Glad you could make it
on such short notice.

No problem.
It was a slow morning.

Are these guys real?

Of course.

Simba, Tuti, and Mary Jane.

Heh. Cute.

Thank you.
Please.

So, you need a trace.
Family or employee?

Well, we had an engineer,
Ralph Vigo, who was working on

a very special prototype
component from a very
special computer

when he disappeared
with the component.

And you want me
to find him?

He no longer has it.

We believe he gave it
to his paramour
to try and sell.

In turn, we believe she turned
it over to her ex-husband,
a man named Harry Berg.

Harrison Patrick Berg?

Precisely.
That's why we called you.

We learned through his credit
rating that you were
already pursuing a case

involving Mr. Berg.

You see, time factor
is essential here.

Do you have a field agent
working for you?

Stocky,
perspiration problem?

Well, this is where
it gets to be
unfortunately complicated.

We believe these men
are Bulgarian agents.

Bulgarian agents?

They're probably after
some industrial secrets.

-Oh!
-The component would be
quite a coup for them.

You see, normally the FBI
would be brought in here, but

since the original
breach in security was ours,

we'd rather resolve the matter
without their assistance.

This component,
is it dangerous?

Not unless tampered with.

Screwdriver.

Screwdriver.

Aaah!
Aah!

Oh, Arnold! You won't believe
this case! It's a dream!
It's a dream come true!

-Where are the handcuffs?
-Handcuffs? What do you want
with handcuffs?

They've got this secret
stolen thing. It's...

-Who has?
-This French guy, Rigaud.
Ooh-la-la, you should see him.

He's got these shrunken heads.
They have the FBI.

I told you not to
mess around with the feds!

A love interest, but
best of all, they've got
Bulgarian spies!

-Are you high?
-No. This is it.
This is the real thing.

Arnold, this case
is my ticket.

I've been in this business
a long time.

I never heard of
no Bulgarian spies!

Oh, I know.

Put that gun down!
It doesn't come with the job.

But there's a first time
for everything. Arnold,
wish me luck.

Where are you going?

I've got to go to work!

Hey, yo, Harry,
how's it going, man?

-Hey, pal,
you know Gem Vigo?
-Yeah. That's her.

Thanks.

Excuse me.
Excuse me.

Whoa, whoa. Hang on, lady.
This is not an open party.

I'm with Harry Berg.

Uh-huh. Are you his girl?

No. He's my boy.

All right, all right,
go on in.

So, how do you
know Hilda?

Indirectly. Your ex
and my husband were lovers.

You know where she is?

Deep shit.

That's where you end up
when you make bad choices.

What choices?

Same you get to make.

Please, let's try English
again, ok, just for me.

The box.
Do you got it?

Maybe.
Give me a beer.

Pink lady.

So, go ahead. Fire.

How much?

How much?

Yeah.

I'll tell you what.
You make me an offer.

$10,000.

Don't insult me,
all right?

Because you know and I know
it's worth a hell of a lot
more than $10,000.

You don't know
what it is, do you?

You're bluffing.

It's an electromagnet.

You don't know
what it's for.

Hilda never told you.

She might as well
have given you a bomb.

Doesn't matter.

You don't got to negotiate
with me, anyway.

You want to talk
to the main man.

I'll go arrange
a rendezvous.

Mr. Berg.

What the hell is this?

A summons.
Bourbon straight, please.

Do you know
where Hilda is?

No.

I thought
she fired you.

Not that I heard.

I tried to call her,
but she wasn't home.

The police were.
They found a dead body.

Yeah, they're good at that.

It seems
they don't have a clue.

In fact,
you're their only suspect.

Yeah, I'm real popular
down there.

Feel free.
I can help.

I don't work for free.

Aah. Is that what
you're after, a job?

If you care
what happened to Hilda,
I think you need me.

Hey, do me a favor,
all right?

You aren't exactly blowing me
out of the water with your
abilities so far, Rachel.

-You're a little tense for me.
-I'm not tense.
I'm perfectly normal!

Fine. You're not tense,
I'm not tense, nobody's tense.
Everybody's normal.

Does a black box about
this big strike any sparks?

You know what it is?

I know its value
in human life.

Come here.

You see this woman
down in the corner?
You know her?

Where?

Right there.
The one in black.

I don't know her.

Well, she's a contender for
the popular black box
herself, all right?

I'll tell you
what we'll do.

If you can find out how she
fits into this whole deal,

you've got yourself a job.

Is this a test?

Yeah.

Yeah?

It's a test.

Okay.

Okay.

We've got a common interest,
you and I.

Something for a computer.

You got the wrong party.

Either you deal now
or you hang later.

Oye! Harry, baby.

Two words.
Dos palabras.

"It's done,"
or "It's finished."

That's all I want to hear,
Harry, two magic words.

Not now.

You're fired.

Harry, I'm getting rid of
that, that hunk of junk
of a half-lizard tomorrow.

You're making me crazy.
Tu me esta haciendo loco.

Great. Don't touch...
I'll knock you out
if you touch my...

Why would I be wanting
to buy a computer?

I can't even work
the money machine at my bank.

You could get money
off a naked wino.

How sweet.

However, I've got nothing
to tell you about a computer,

but I know somebody
that will talk to you.

He doesn't have much
to talk about,

but he sure has
a sense of mood about him.

What do you want?

Rachel here,
she's a computer freak.

Is that right?
Titus here is a freak.

You two should
get together sometime.

I'm going to scream!

Titus would love that.

Let me tell you something
about Titus here.

He's what you call righteous.

In other words,
he believes in what he does.

Well let me tell you
something about me.

I'm what you call unstable.

I've got a condition
so unpredictable,

so dangerous,

that the police don't even
have a name for it.

And I've got a gun pointed
right at your private parts,

so you better back out
of this booth right now.

Get!

Go!

Come on, Ruben!
I've got big problems.

Join the club, baby. I've got
a great big ass and no head.

Ruben, you've had that problem
your whole life.

Whoa, gun!

Back off!

Stop it! Go!

I'm telling you
I'm unstable!

Now go!
Aah!

Rachel! Hey!

Oh!

Let me go!
Ow!

Come on, jump!

Aah!

Where are we going?

Harry! Oh!

Now, you know how
to leave a party, babe.

Come on, let's go.

Come on.

Oh, okay.

You got the job.
Come here.

We didn't discuss terms.

Well, you can work at my place
five nights a week.

Aah!

Whoa!

Still there?

Come on!

Jump over it!

Come on, baby!

Oh, excuse me,
excuse me! Oh, oh!

Come on!

Wait, wait!

I'll stall them so they
can't get on the boat.

Wait! No, Harry!
Harry, come back!

I'll make it!
Don't worry!

Hurry up!
Harry, no! Come on!

That ought to hold them.

Get him!

Come on, come on!

Come on!

Don't worry about me!

Stop! Aah!

Okay, worry!

Come on, box.

Oh, thank God.

Hello.

What the hell
are you doing here?

Hey, let me
tell you something.

I'm not real crazy
about walking into my house

and seeing somebody here
who just walked in the...

door.

Honey, I'm home.

I love your cologne.

Thanks.
It's the East River.
Oh, yeah.

This is Tom T. Murray

speaking to you
from this tropical paradise

to tell you
about a special drawing

September 5th, aboard the
aircraft carrier Intrepid.

It's tomorrow night, where
you can win $56 million.

Be there tomorrow night
and win!

And then when I was
in the sixth grade, I had
another teacher...

What's the matter?

It's stuck.

That's ridiculous.
I know it's ridiculous,
but it's really stuck.

Just wait a minute,
I can make this work.
Would you wait a minute?

Wait a minute.
Would you wait a minute?

The chemicals in the river
must have corroded my zipper.

I can't get it down.

I've heard of
not getting it up,
but not getting it down?

I'm telling you, this has
never happened to me
before.

Oh, that's what they all say!

Harry!

Harry, you're an animal.
You're an animal.

Harry!

Just a minute.
Don't start without me.

Oh, Harry.

Harry!

God damn river.

Harry!

Wh...? Oh!

Rache, hi!

I thought you had drowned.
I'm so happy to see you.

Yeah.
You're okay?

What are you doing?

I'm just so excited
to see you.

I can't,
I can't believe you're...

What's the matter?

Oh, yeah, my...
My toaster broke.

Did you get
the toaster fixed?

She knows
a lot about rewiring.

Slime.

Rache!
Shit.

Hey! Do you know how hard it
is to get a repairman out
at this time of night?

Come on.
Wait a minute! Rache!

What?

Look, I think you got the
wrong impression about what
was going on up there.

I just spent a roundtrip to
Staten Island thinking you had
drowned, and you're up here

playing the bump and grind
with that...that...

Electrician?

I thought you were sincere
about finding out what
happened to Hilda.

You've got the sincerity
and the scruples
of a mutt in heat!

All right, maybe you didn't
get the wrong impression,

but that's not
what you think it was.

What was that?

What, that?

That.

That's tactics.

I call it slime.

See... See, you know what?
I knew you didn't have the
stomach for this line of work.

I knew it.

Be in my office
at 11:00.

Bring the box,
and don't be late.

11:00? I don't even get up
until noon.

Gem.

Come on down here.
Let's talk this over.

Gem.

How could I be
such a jerk?

Damn it!

Harry?
Yeah.

-Yeah.
-Harry, it's me, Hilda.
I'm in Acapulco.

What the hell are you doing
in Acapulco?

Harry, did you get the box,
the package from my apartment?

Yeah, I got the box.
No, I don't have it now.
Let me tell you something...

Stay away from it.

It's very, very dangerous.
The people involved
are extremely nasty.

No kidding.
You already set me up once.
I hear you. I...

Now don't get sucked in
by the money.

If you're dead,
you can't spend the millions.

Hilda, did you say millions?

Oh yeah. I never told you
about that, did I?

It's a long story, Harry.

Hilda, hold on a minute.
I can't hear you. Operator?

Harry. Harry?

Hello?

-You're fading out.
Hilda!
-Harry?

Operator?
Operator, can you...?

Hilda?

Did she say millions?

Fired? In another hour
he's bringing it to me.

-You can't fire me now!
-I'm sorry.
That's the way it is.

The truth is, and I'm not
supposed to say, but the FBI
Is taking over the case.

Uh huh.
The FBI?

Well maybe I should wander
over and have a little chat
with the FBI.

That would not be wise,
Miss Dobs.

Well maybe you can tell me a
little bit more about the

Bulgarian agents
with the Brooklyn accents.

My secretary has your check.
I think you'll be very
pleasantly surprised.

You can stuff the check.
Do you know Gem Vigo?
Well she knows the Bulgarians.

That's pretty weird company
for industrial espionage.

-Your services
are no longer required.
-Let go of me!

Oh, I'm sorry. I...

I didn't mean to...

Are you religious,
Miss Dobs?

Excuse me?

Do you believe in signs?

What kind of signs?

Do you believe
In bad luck?

Bad luck?

The type that causes pain.

No, I don't.

I do.

Au revoir, Miss Dobs.

Right.

You're bluffing.

Am I?

Pair of deuces.

Did my eye twitch?

Ever try dominoes?

Oh, good, you're here.

Jose has got a double feature.
I wouldn't want to miss it.

Adios.

Did you bring
the computer thing?

It's an electromagnet.

Wonderful.
Where is it?

Where is it?

-It was stolen.
-Ha! Tactics.
Some kind of tactics.

You know,
I'll tell you something,

last night was a lot less
fulfilling than you, uh,
probably imagine.

Probably for her.

Let me ask you a question.
Do you treat
all your clients like this?

Sorry.
You're the only one
I've got left.

Can I buy you a drink?

I can see
the headlines. Ha!
Some hotshot detective.

I ate everything
that creep fed me.

Ah, don't take it
so hard, kid.

You had a little run
of bad luck.

Trust me,
I know from bad luck.

I forged a life
out of it, Rach.

Rach, let me
ask you something.

Do I lack something?

Yeah.

A box.

See, I'm trying to be...

I'm trying to be
serious here.

All right.
Let's get serious.

Okay.

Let's just think
this thing over, all right?

What have we got?
What's our situation here?

Well, we got two people
who have problems.

Now what can we do about it?
Well, what we can
do about it is,

A, we can sit here
and we can complain about it.

Two, we can go out there now
and do something about it.

Yeah.

Do what?

Go where?

The heart of darkness.

Where's that?

New Jersey.

Do you think
this was a good idea?

What do you think?

It could be dangerous.

It could be dangerous?

The man collects thumbs.

And heads.

Wait a minute,
what do you mean, heads?

Human heads.

Ah, human heads.

You still want to go?

Huh? Me?
Are you kidding?
More than ever.

Ok.
Ok.

Let's go.

Ok.

Steady. Up, up, up, up!

Uhh! Ohh!

Uhh! Uhh!

What's the matter
with you, fleas?

I'm itchy
from floating in that water.

What?

You have the worst luck
of anybody I've ever met.

Your wife left you,
you don't really have a job,

you're in debt, and on top
of everything else,

you're diseased?

Hey, what can I tell you?

Some guys have it,
some guys don't.

Ohh!

Rachel?

Whoa!

What did I tell you?

Okay, let's move before some
zebras show up and
kick this guy's ass.

It's small, ok?

So look for something...

Boy, Beastie Boys should have
never taken that Amazon gig.

Come on, let's go.

Harry?

What?

Ohh.

Do you see that?

What is it?

It's locked. We need a long,
thin piece of wire
or something. You know?

Yeah, perfect.

I knew it.

Wow!

I don't know.
What's that?

Wow!

I have a feeling garage doors
all over America just opened.

Hey, Rach,
look at these.

Lotto balls.

They are lotto balls.
This thing's full of them.

What the hell is this guy
doing with lotto balls?

Wait a minute.
Opposite poles attract, right?

Similar poles repel.

Right.

Ok, that means
these things are magnetized.

These are magnetized.

He covers them in
metallic paint and
magnetizes the balls.

Yes.

Aah...

You, too, can scam lotto.
Yeah!

Let's get those balls.

Yeah.

Harry.

Let's go!

Okay, here.

Come on!

Oh, no!

Come on, let's go!

I'm right behind you,
Harry.

Come on,
let's get out of here.

Aah! Aah!

Harry! Harry!

Handcuffs! Handcuffs!

Cuff him!

You know, I wish I had
a piece of metal...

Yeah. Right.

Ow!

You all right?
You okay?

Yes.

Aah!

You've got a mean streak.

Come on, Rach.

You all right?

Come on!
Come on, let's go!

Let's go, let's go, let's go,
let's go, let's go! Whoa!

Who is that?

Get out of the way!

Is that a gun?
That's a gun.

It's all right,
we'll move.

Harry.

Got him.

Come on, baby.

Yeah!

See you later, Harry.

All right.

Wee-hoo!

Yeah!

So you want to
play games, huh?

Harry.

Okay, I'll play
some games, my boy.

How's that?

Yes.
You all right?

This is getting fun.

Come on!

Yeah!

A tug of war, huh?
Two can play at that game.

Uhh! Harry!

Get them! Get them!

Put on your scuba gear, boys.

Get them!

Oh, my God!

Aah!

Let's go!

You want to talk about
timing? I just joined
Triple-A, I swear to God.

Harry, watch out
for the gate!

Aah!
What gate?

Whoa! Yeah!

¶ The claim we hold
Is as good as gold,
Bonanza! ¶

Yee-haw!

¶ Hand by hand
We built this land,
The Ponderosa Ranch ¶

¶ The claim we hold
Is as good as gold,
Bonanza ¶

Yee-haw!

Whoo!

Hey, Rach, remember what you
did to that guy back there
in the bathroom?

You have to promise me
you'll never, ever
do that to me.

Oh, mama,
talk to me, baby!

Talk to me!
Oh, Lord!

Oh, baby!

I'm so rich
I can't stand it!

Whoo!

Oh, Lord of mercy!

Lord of mercy!

Talk to me!
Rach!

Harry!

Harry,
what's going on?

Oh, Rach, big news!
Big news!

-What?
-Jump into these arms!
Come here!

Oh, see this beach
we're dancing around on?
We're going to buy it.

What has gotten
into you, Harry?

Love. Love and money,

and three winning
lottery combinations.

Stay right here.
Yeah!

¶ We're going to fly to
Rio de Janeiro ¶

Look at this.

Look right there.
See that?

That's the game
that Hilda won.
I recognize the numbers.

-So?
-All right, now look
at the next series.

25, 32, 8, 13, 39, 3.

The date,
look at the date.
It hasn't happened yet.

It's the next drawing!
I can't believe this!
This is unbelievable!

You know the big benefit
up on the ship?

It's worth $56 million.

Here's what they do.
They take the box,

they attach it to
the lottery machine somehow,
I'm not exactly sure yet,

and they take
the magnetic balls we found,

they put them
in the appropriate tubes.

They already know what the
numbers and day's going to be,

they have it all figured out.
It's actually beautiful
when you think about it.

Do you think the police
will believe us?

What police?

When we give them
the black box and the balls?

Oh, you're so cute.

We're not going to
give anything to anybody.
Least of all the police.

Don't be silly. What else
can we do with that?

-We're going to buy a ticket.
-You can't do that.
That's illegal.

Uh-oh!
Okay, let's take a walk.
Come on.

-Harry.
-No, come on, I want to talk
to you about something.

You know, I know that you grow
up and you think things
are a certain way,

and then things change
when you get older.

It's just the way it is.

It comes down to this, Rach.
Every man's got his price,

and, you know, chalk mine
up to, ooh, $56 million.

Okay, $28 million.

They're going to
have a ticket, too,
I understand that,

but still,
28's a lot of scratch.

But do you realize
what you're saying?

Oh, God, please don't
let her do this to me.

Please, I'm asking you.
Not now.

Come on, Rachel,

this is a chance I've been
waiting for my whole life.

This is a chance
to pull my losing streak

right out of the water.
Come on, baby,
don't do this to me!

But it's illegal.

They don't throw
rich people in jail.

The hell they don't! And if
the police don't get you,

you're going to have
to deal with that sweaty guy.

Do you want to be looking
over your shoulder
for the rest of your life?

I think you ought to
lighten up a little bit.

As long as we've got
the box, we're totally safe.

Oh? What was that
about lacking something?

I didn't say I was proud.

Do you know what you lack?
You lack character.

I don't think you
understand what's happening.

Oh. You're just going
to forget everything,

just like that.
What about Rigaud?

Hey, in a deal like this,
that's the chance you take.

What about me?

Harry!
40-60.

Ohh! Aah!
All right, 50-50.

I was kidding.
It's a lottery joke, honey.

Oh, Rachel, come on!
You might like being rich.

You want to
give it a try?

I don't take
blood money, Harry.

This isn't blood money!
That's not blood money!
It's fate!

You can throw your life away
if you want to!
Go right ahead!

Oh, come...
Rach, don't leave me!

Don't make me
have to decide!

I hate this!
I'm only human!

You're slime!

But I'm human slime.

Come on, let's go.
There's people behind you.

Yeah, yeah. 25,

32,

8,

13,

39,

3.

That's it?

Yeah.

Yeah.
One ticket?

Everybody in this town is
buying these by the dozen.

You talk with God
or something?

I may have to after this.

Yeah, you and my mother.

There.

Police department.

Uh, is this
the 27th precinct?

Yes, ma'am.
What can I do for you?

I'd like to report a, um...

Yes?

Uh, never mind.

Shit.

Arnold.

Arnold?

Arnold?

Hello?

Uhh!

Listen, can we talk?

Do you talk?

Uhh!

Ohh.

Ohh! Uhh!

Aah! Listen, I don't have
the box! I don't have the box,

and I don't know
where it is.

I don't have the box,

but I know
where we can get it.

Oh, don't hurt me.
Uhh! Ohh!

Aah!

Ohh!

Eww!

I could have loved you.

Ohh!

Judy, let's get married.

Let's get married
right away, tonight.

I'll be able to send for you
in three months.
I'll have the money then.

Three months?
Why the rush
to get married now?

Exactly.

Well, do you think I'm going
to let a funny little redhead
run around loose here?

What if some other fellow
came along and...

Oh, Judy,
I've got to have you.

Until death do us part?

Oh, it's bullshit.

Until death do us part.

Norman!

Norman, hold on, buddy!

You all right?
I got you.

Ahh.

You okay?

What happened?

They got Rachel. Said they'd
kill her if you don't
give them the box.

Meet tonight in Jersey.

Yeah, it looks fine.

Go make our fortune.

And drive carefully.

Nice suit.

Let her go.

Oh, Harry.

Mr. Berg?

Tragedy must surely be
the essence of existence.

But you made a deal.

I know. I lied.

You just shot
at your partner.

So sorry.

I'll make sure
it won't happen again.

Make your point.

Do you know
what a degausser is?

No idea.

It's a little device used
to demagnetize metal objects.

I demagnetized one
of the balls, and magnetized
another one.

The final winning number
is no longer 3.

In other words, the ticket
you're holding right now
doesn't mean shit.

I feel sick.

$56 million, and two lives.

You must be
a betting man.

Gave it up.

It's a splendid bluff,
Mr. Berg.

Yeah, except
I'm not bluffing.

Shoot him.

You can't kill him!

Yeah, shoot me.

Tell the moron to shoot me.

Go ahead,
shoot me right here,

and then watch $56 million
run out of my brain.

Tell me more.

How can I win
if the number's changed?

The ticket booths
are closed.

I already bought
the winning ticket.

I'm holding
the winning ticket.

And what if you're lying?

If I'm lying, you win with
the ticket you already own.

You are a perplexing
individual, Mr. Berg.

Thank you.

But I wonder
if you're really lucky.

Go with Mr. Berg where he can
quickly get his ticket
and be closely watched.

We'll take Ms. Dobs
with us to the drawing.

I expect you both to behave
for the sake of the other.

If you're telling the truth,
then we shall have a deal.

If you're lying,
if the last number is 3,

then it shall be painful.
I deplore dishonesty.

Rach. It's all right, hon.

In the car, schmuck.

Put the gun away.
You ain't going to use it.

I like it.
It comforts me.

Don't get too comfortable,
you freak. You know why?

Hey, what do you
think you're doing?

Going for a ride.

-You slow it down, asshole.
-What are you going to do,
shoot me?

-Damn straight, you crazy
son of a bitch!
-You can't shoot me!

Stop the car!
I'm the $56 million man!

What's your boss
going to say?

Go ahead and shoot me!

Shoot me! Shoot me!

I will, you crazy freak!
I'll blow your fucking
brains out!

Fuck you!
Pull the frigging trigger!
Pull it! Pull it!

Aah!

Aah!

One thing to remember.

Human morality disintegrates
at the $50 million mark.

Whew!

Okay...

Oh, my God!
I'm on the wrong side!

Hold on, Rach,
I'm coming!

Gotta go!

Ms. Dobs, I do hope Mr. Berg
was telling the truth.

Don't worry.
I trust Harry with my life.

You are.

Aah!

And now, here is
Honest Tom T. Murray.

Lotto! Lotto!
Lotto! Lotto!

Lotto! Lotto!

Lotto! Lotto!

Lotto! Lotto!

Lotto! Lotto!

Lotto! Lotto!

Lotto! Lotto!

Lotto! Lotto!

Lotto! Lotto!

Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!

You got to help me!

Grandmothers, mothers,
fathers, sons and all of the
living creatures

who've anted up, welcome!

We're here tonight
to play lotto!

And it's your chance
to win, win, win!

To become, that's right,

a millionaire.

Do you want it?

Yeah!

I, I can't hear you.

Yeah!

But I was bluffing.

I didn't change
any of the numbers.

The last number
is still going to be what?

That's right, 3.

That's why you have to turn
this boat around,
Captain Jack,

because if I don't
get back there and stop them,
I'm telling you,

they're going to kill
this girl, Rachel.

Remember I told you
about Rachel? Real nice girl?
Pretty girl?

¶ O'er the ramparts we watched
were so gallantly streaming...¶

It's bigger than you,
it's bigger than me,

it's bigger
than the whole city.

It's an affront
to our morals, to our values.

Hey, they're puking

all over our sense
of fair play here, Jack.

If you ask me, buster,
you may as well just lower
the flag down and puke on it.

That is why you've got to
turn this tug around, Jack.

Not just for me,
not just for you,

not even for Rachel,
the woman I love.

You know who for, Jack?

For America.

You've got to turn
this tug around

for the American way.

Are you saying
I wasted 4 bucks?

Yes!

Well, let's turn
this sucker around!

It's now time

to play the largest jackpot

in history!

It's time to play lotto!

I want the money.

Give me the money.
Please, Tommy.

Darme dinero.

Come on. Come on.
That's it.

Poor to rich,

the first number is...

25!

Pauper to prince,

the second number is...

32!

Pizza maker to pizza king,

the third number is...

8.

Can I help you?

Uh, no.
I think I got it.

Let me see you out that door.

Aah!

Open this door!

Pauper to lord,

the fourth number is...

Number 4!
Go, four, go!

13.

Loser to winner,

the fifth number is...

39.

What is this?

I don't know.

Fake! Fake! Fake!

Fake!
Fake!

Indigent to kingpin,

the sixth number is...

Fake! Fake! Fake!

3.

Gem, get the box!

Wait! I'm Honest Tom!

Help me! Help me!

Help! Help! Help!

Harry!

Aah!

Hey, Rigaud!

Who taught you to shoot,
Ray Charles?

Come on up. You missed me
by a mile. I'll show you.

Aah.

Stop!

Stop her!
Ooh! Oh!

Freeze. Put your hands
behind your head.

Hiya.

This is really
a big gun, huh?

Unh-unh-unh-unh-unh!

Why don't you drop
that little gun of yours?

Otherwise, they're going
to be looking for body parts

all over the midwest.

Another bluff, Mr. Berg.

Really, I'm afraid
your imagination

has finally outpaced
the possibility of reality.

Have you ever been to Kansas?

You think I'm bluffing?

Go ahead.
Look right into my eyes.
You tell me what you see, pal.

I see a dead clown.

Ok.

Au revoir.

Aah!

Aah! Aah!

Did my eye twitch?

Aah!

Well, Adam, Little Joe, Hoss,

let's ride, boys.

Hyah!

There he is!
There's Harry!

Yeah!

Come on, Harry!

Harry, what was
your first clue
that something wasn't right?

Got it?

I don't know,
I guess I was spending
a lot more time

in the East River
than I'm used to.

Mr. Berg, tell us what it
feels like to give up half
of $56 million, huh?

A lot like sticking your head
in a blender, ma'am.

Get the back?

Step aside.

What made you do it? You know
a lot of people wouldn't give
up that kind of money.

Yeah, well, seems to me,
if you really want something
badly enough,

you usually have to give
something up. If I've learned
anything, I learned that.

I'll tell you who you should
be talking to, is this girl,
excuse me, this woman

named Rachel Dobs.

She's the one that
really cracked this thing, and
she wants to be a detective,

and I'm sure
it's going to happen now.
Thanks a lot!

That's enough questions
for tonight.

Hey, uh, Sergeant,
let me ask you a question.

Has Rachel Dobs left yet?

Yep. She left
about an hour ago.

Did she leave any kind of
message for me or anything?

She didn't say anything
or, uh, nothing?

No. Sorry, Harry. Nothing.

We don't keep the guns
loaded and ready, you know?

Yeah, well I heard...