Original subtitles

Yes, really. An iPhone Air.

A gold one.

Not yet available to buy? Then how would I be calling you?

Ciao.

Alicia? You'll never guess what I'm calling you for.

Morning!

- And? - What?

I put my flyer under all your doors.

Where's the sausage?

I'll show you. You guys know Base Nights?

- I forgot to buy it. - The DJ festival in Steendorp.

What do you mean, forgot?

It's where all the big names started out.

Jan, there are other things you can eat.

So, the mega DJ underground festival.

But you know I like sausage on my bread.

Hang on.

May 27th.

Hey, I'm on the phone here.

Sorry.

Yes, whatever.

May 27th.

The night that will change your life forever.

Guys, they're here!

Quiet.

Jan, Stan, can you just...?

Hang on, guys. I just want to...

But... Jan.

Oh, come on.

Clear all that away.

It's so exciting! It's like someone's birthday.

OK.

Oh, no! I forgot my crown.

Hang on, darling. Calm down.

I would first like to thank the people who made this possible.

All those underage wage slaves in China?

Thanks, Kato. Thanks. Really nice.

No, the people who have supported me throughout all my setbacks.

From the very start, they have believed in me...

the chancer, the little one-man band.

Darling, Nur, thank you.

I'd also like to thank...

Well...

You know...

Was that it?

- What? - No.

No, surely not.

No, no.

- OK, I want my investment back. - Is that all you can think about?

No, I'm thinking about why I believed you'd actually get iPhone Airs?

- Come on, pay up. - I haven't got it, Jan.

So you spent our money on teddy bears?

What do you think of all this?

Oh, they're lovely!

Are these the cases for the iPhones? Great.

Those are the iPhones.

I want my money back within the hour.

According to the 2014 Consumer Act, written with Apple in mind...

Yes, thank you. I'm calling them. I'll sort it out.

Yes, all right.

What do you mean, "this number is no longer in use"?

An hour.

Oh, no. Alicia and Tamara and Sandra.

Sandra, oh God.

Right...

This number is no longer in use.

Fons.

Fons. I know something that will cheer you up.

- Do you know Base Nights? - Peter!

NEW TEXAS

OK, guys. Listen up.

We're going to earn some money together.

I want to earn that investment back today, OK?

No moaning, no whinging. No fuss.

No being soft!

OK? Understood?

No one listens to me, Dad.

Can you tell me why?

Peter, for the 50th time!

Come on, or we'll forfeit.

The Simones will laugh at us.

I'm ready.

What are you wearing? What's that?

It's from the telly, for your abs.

You don't need that for table football.

Right, in the car. Come on!

You can't put a price on the happiness of a child, madam. Thanks.

Hey, kid. I've something for you.

I'm not supposed to talk to strange men.

I get it.

But I'm not a strange man, I've got something for you.

- 20 euros. - 5 euros.

5 euros? Come off it, be serious.

Otherwise I'll scream that you're a paedophile.

- Paedophile! - Hey...

Come on, then. Quick. 5 euros.

Hey, that's 2.

Come on, kid.

That's 2 euros.

- Hey! - Too slow, loser!

Hey! Jesus!

Did you see that? Did you?

Say something, then!

Where is our merchandise?

Where is our merchandise?

Don't shoot!

There's no money in the house. And it's not our house.

Shut your mouth. Come on.

- Right, is everyone here? - No...

- Yes! Everyone is here. - But...

There's no one else here. This is everyone.

Where is it?

- Where's what? - Where's what?

Our merchandise, someone's stolen it.

I knew it was a mistake. He was right.

- Who? - My Fons.

Yes, he ordered new iPhones.

But it looks like we got your stuff instead.

iPhones? Do you mean this shit?

Ambiance! Get your hands up!

Got anything else to say?

Here, you can have it.

Where is it?

We agreed that I would do the talking.

- My husband is out selling them. - What? No.

You're kidding me?

Nur, darling! I've done it.

Our merchandise, mate!

The bears.

What? The pink things?

The cuddly bears.

I've sold them.

- Bang! In the pocket! - What?

Come on, the one time he gets it right.

Know what? We can split it, 50-50. 150 in...

- You're joking! - No.

You... are going to... get them all back!

Do you know how much work it was?

Now!

What if he calls the police?

The police!

Madam, we never call the police.

What? A Vrancken never calls the pigs.

Really?

Really? Come on!

I'll go with you.

And if you try anything, your family will get it. Get me?

Right, mate...

Vamos.

Come on. A la playa.

What's so special about the cuddly toys?

It's possible to attack someone courteously, you know.

Drive!

- Do you want us to get pulled over? - What do you mean?

The mask.

Right. Now drive.

Anyone fancy...

a snack?

Just because we're being held hostage doesn't mean we have to go hungry.

Is it OK if I just... have a look and see what we've got?

Oh, look. Panna cotta from last night.

- Got anything a bit healthier? - There's rice pudding.

You...

You haven't spiked it have you?

I wouldn't waste it, young man!

Here, look.

Sandy, you've got to try this, it's so good.

No names!

Anyway, you know I'm watching my weight.

Hey, is that the line-up for Base Nights?

- Do you know it? - It's a famous festival.

I saw David Guetta there once.

Mind you, it was before he got world famous.

Yeah, guys...

TNT.

DJ Pietro.

Peter? He didn't say anything.

Who?

Peter. He's our brother.

- Yes, he lives... - Somewhere else!

Yep, never lived here.

Lucky us.

He's a nightmare!

Sandy, try this. It's lovely.

Come on...

You'll like it.

I've got my mobile, I can call the police.

The pigs. Never.

What did we say? Talk to your wife.

- She wants to call. - Why shouldn't I?

- What if they get Fons? - What about us?

- What's going on here? - Nothing.

She wanted... She wanted to call the police!

On her mobile!

All done. No problem.

No reason to shoot anyone, least of all me.

All of you sit at the table.

Come on.

Make sure we don't have to shoot you.

- 10 euros, come on. - 500.

Here...

Come on, that's enough.

- Man... - Losers.

- What? - Come on. Let's go.

Yes?

What?

The police?

What...?

Wait, wait...

Well, show them that we mean business.

Good God, do I have to do everything myself?

What was that?

Your family were about to call the police.

Impossible. No way.

Mind you...

Was it Kato?

'Cause she's not really a member of the family, if you see what I mean.

I don't know.

Excuse me.

Sorry, but I can't help thinking

you might need to make some strategic choices.

What?

W-w-what if...

something were to go wrong?

See?

Well, as a manager, I might be able to help you...

make some executive decisions.

If you know what I mean.

No.

Go on.

Well...

So.

What we could do is...

So if you consider the intrinsic stock value...

The social value, and so on.

We can see that the women are less important, actually...

Thanks, and then Kato...

She's a bit higher up the list, and then Stan.

Nothing wrong with him, but... he can never make up his mind up.

As for me, I have my strategic role at the council

and might very well be able to help you.

So, in summary...

Really, you should leave me till last.

If you did plan on working down a list...

Jan. What are you going on about?

Dumpling... It's just simple logic.

Dumpling, there's nothing I can do about it.

Just a sec, I need to... Dumpling!

Dumpling is pissed off.

So would I be, if he called me "dumpling".

- Sorry, but I really need to go! - Well, just be quick.

Fuck...

Do you find it difficult too, finding decent people these days?

It's a nightmare.

Kids today... They don't want to get their hands dirty.

Always claiming not to be trained for things.

Going on about public holidays and weekends...

- Always the same. - I have to do everything myself.

Damn it.

Just a minute...

- Yes? - Fons, it's Peter.

Oh, hi Patrick.

- No, it's Peter, your brother. - Yes, man. What do you want?

Fons, there are robbers here.

Oh, yes...

What should I do?

Don't worry about it.

What do you mean, don't worry about it?

I suggest you wait until the delivery is ready.

Bye bye.

OK, that sorts that out. Come on then, drive.

Peter...

Focus.

Stop that singing, idiot. Focus on the ball.

Right? Stan, kick off.

Damn it! I told you!

Get off the pitch. Get off!

Hey, you shouldn't do that!

- Your nails are your secret weapons. - Danny wouldn't look at them anyway.

Oh, so you and Danny are a couple?

Is it him you're trying to lose weight for?

Not that he'd ever compliment me on it.

- No worries. - What?

Darling, do you really want to get his attention?

Come with me.

Are you scared or something?

Go wide!

Shoot! Shoot!

Jesus!

Guys, come on!

- You made me look stupid! - Bit late for that, Vrancken!

What's the matter? Giving up?

A Vrancken never gives up!

Kick off.

See. Come on! Come on!

OK. Yes.

Shoot, shoot!

Yes!

Peter! Jesus!

Come on, eh!

That's the tournament, Simone.

Vrancken! Vrancken! Vrancken!

I'm glad you like it.

My granny used to cook as nicely as you.

What about your Mum?

Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to...

You weren't to know.

Just wait until you try my strudel.

Strudel?

Surely that's for people who don't want me dead.

But that's not what I want.

Yeah, I thought you wanted her dead too.

- Want anything? - No, I'm just not that hungry.

The hostage situation has affected my appetite.

Come on. You don't know what you're missing.

What's the recipe?

- Sorry, but that's a secret. - Oh, come on.

No, no. You'll just have to come back again.

Irena.

Ah... No...

Come on, just give me the recipe.

- Hey! - I'm not telling.

- Didn't you hear? - Hand over the recipe!

- Give him the recipe. - Come on, Irena!

Sorry, but no, young man.

You burst in here, uninvited, and that's bad enough.

But we let you in, we look after you and you stand there shouting at me?

Where are your manners?

Here. You need to cool off a bit first.

Sorry.

It's the nerves.

Danny can sometimes be so...

- Sorry. - It's OK.

- It's OK, it's OK. - No, it's not OK.

- Here, son. It's all right. Here. - No, it's not OK.

Come on.

Come on. Right, next box.

- Next box? That was it. - What do you mean, that was it?

Well, that's all there was. Count them.

You're joking.

There's at least one missing.

That was it.

We'll soon see.

Think about which one you want to go first.

This suits you better. Bit of colour.

Wait, wait.

Here. Put this on.

But then they'll see my face.

Yes, hang on.

Here.

OK.

- What a difference! - Really?

Yeah. Danny won't know what's hit him.

He might need to look at me first.

Well, if he doesn't pay you attention then he's not worth it.

You need to like yourself first. That's the most important thing.

Hang on, I've got something for you.

- Try to create a distraction. - Why?

To save you.

Drop something in the kitchen.

I'll leap through the kitchen window, do a commando roll

and I'll restrain everyone with my special skills.

Here's a better plan. Wait until Fons gets back.

I can...

Stay hidden and don't move, you'll just make things worse.

And take all that shit off.

You wanted a bit more, didn't you?

May I have your attention?

My newest creation, Sandy.

Oh my God, Sandy! You look amazing.

Danny's going to go mad when he sees you.

What the hell is going on here?

The only thing I asked for was no names and no faces!

And what are you up to here?

- Well, we thought... - No more thinking from now on.

You and I will be having words later!

Upstart bimbo, what do you look like? Right.

Mister here thinks he's smarter than I am.

That he can keep hold of our merchandise.

Well, he doesn't know who he's dealing with.

So, friend, which one first? This one?

This one?

Or this one?

- Are you asking me? - No, I'm asking the wall.

I'm not going to choose. This is my family.

OK. That one.

No! Take me!

Shoot me!

Fons!

- Or us! - Yes...

Or me.

- What are you doing? - I thought...

- You're not supposed to be thinking. - Or me.

OK. If this is how it is...

It seems everyone likes the fat one.

You're going first.

Peter.

DJ Pietro?

What are we going to do with this?

Call... the police, surely?

The police?

We don't do that sort of thing.

Wow... You're pretty strong, aren't you?

Yeah.

- Is he breathing? - Yes. Hang on, guys.

At least he's packed in softly.

Sending that shit back to China.

Sonny. The last piece of strudel is for you.

- What about me? - There's one in the oven for you.

Oh, thanks.

Peter.

Peter, don't forget to put me on the guest list.

Sure, my pleasure.

Hey... and go mental! Right, man?

Go mental!

My apple strudel.

Can you put me on the guest list too?

- And me? - Everyone can go on the guest list.

It'll be great.

Hey, Sandy.

I wanted to give you this so you know how much I love you.

Oh... so sweet.