Original subtitles

Damn it.

Hey, darling.

- Dumpling. - You should see the ashtrays...

I'm finishing right now. They're really beautiful.

Though I'm not really allowed to say ashtrays, am I?

I'll call them pen holders.

Do you remember that conference in Ostend?

- That was a fantastic weekend. - Yeah, a great weekend.

Remember Lunapark Fortuna?

No.

It looks like you popped in when you were there.

Yes, maybe I did pop in for a bit. I may even have had a beer.

A beer?

You spent 1,000 euros.

With a predatory loan attached.

- How do you know? - How do I know?

Because Mr Fortuna has got in touch.

That's with 28% interest on top, thank you!

Goddammit! Shit.

Damn dog!

Fucking dog.

- Jan? - Disgusting.

Damn it, why does this always happen to me?

NEW TEXAS

You should have seen that little guy, super cute.

- Did you put makeup on him? - And the mother?

She was off shopping for a minute.

Is that your subtle way of saying that you'd like balls in your sauce?

- What's this? - Kid started it.

Give it here. I'll show you how to play ping-pong.

- Here. - Get on with it. Serve!

- Hey, don't stress me, OK? - Come on, man.

What kind of a serve is that?

Sorry, Mamma. OK, again.

- I'm so sweaty. - It's not that warm in here, is it?

It is in the lab, with south-facing windows

- and broken down air con. - Typical.

You have a chance, there's one ball left.

- What do you mean, typical? - That women don't have character.

- And men do? - It's not personal.

Men are just a bit tougher.

There's a reason they call us the stronger sex.

- You sexist! - But I'm not a sexist.

It's not my fault that men are stronger than women.

Men would be nothing without women.

Really? We grew up in a family without women.

And that worked.

Come on, man.

Yes.

Don't worry. I'll do my own thing.

- Have fun in Benidorm. - Dad.

- Who is it? - Aunt Agnes.

Go and get your brothers. It's dinner time.

Yes. A washing machine, that's two buttons.

I can do that myself.

- Dad. - What is it?

- I need clean underpants. - Check if Stan has any.

- They're way too small for me. - Go on.

Yes, Fons was just asking me something.

Yes, damn it. I'll ring you back, Agnes. OK. Bye.

Stop arguing. It's dinner time.

- Sorry. - Come in.

- Gosh, nothing again. Shit. - Nothing what?

- How often do you test? - After every time.

You have to be pregnant 4 days for a positive test.

Then this is for that time 4 days ago.

And you guys?

Once a week, usually.

No, I mean do you guys want kids?

Yes. Well, I think so. At some point.

When Stan has a steadier income, maybe.

Start early.

Maybe it runs in the family, slow swimmers.

Come on, now I've got to go to the gynaecologist

because you've made up your mind you want a child.

We've been trying for a year. That's not normal, is it?

A gynaecologist appointment makes it so serious.

Making babies should be fun.

I don't think you think about babies when we're making love.

No, of course not. Say...

Continue the Vranckens bloodline, your looks, my brain.

- That's what you said, wasn't it? - Yes.

I'm not sure if it's the right moment to start talking about it.

- He says after trying for a year. - That was before all this.

Now we can look forward to that inheritance and your own business.

It's not easy starting something up when you're pregnant.

And definitely not when there's a kid running around.

The longer we wait, the more problems there'll be.

What problems?

More chance of birth defects, or what?

More chance of stretch marks.

My body can handle it now, but in a few years...

Well...

Sorry. I should have told you.

But you know, it's the one penny that just doesn't drop.

And then you buy a few more.

All of a sudden, I thought I'd figured out the system.

I saw this rhythm. And before you know it...

You've lost 1,000 euros on ugly cross-eyed bears.

My toddlers liked them.

We can solve this.

We just keep paying back for a few more months.

And try to restrain yourself.

Those guys at Place du Tertre really are amazing painters.

Stan sat himself next to someone and borrowed some gear.

After a couple of hours he'd sold heaps.

You'll have to win the lottery to go to Paris.

Shall we go sometime?

We'll go to Kortrijk for the day. So that we can sleep in our own bed.

Hotel mattresses aren't great anyway.

Can you leave some for those who actually eat at the table?

Is that all going to be eaten?

Maybe we have to reconsider our financing.

I've done some calculations and I think that...

I think that you think too much. Yeah?

Nur needs extra nutrition with the...

Yes well... with the baby that's underway.

- What? - Yes.

- Great. Will I be an uncle? - Yes.

- Is she finally pregnant? - No. Oh well... Yes, almost.

We're going to see the gynaecologist so it shouldn't take too much longer.

Let's hope so, but...

I hope you understand what impact a little one will have.

A child costs as much as a house, by the time he's grown up.

Or she.

Kato.

- It'll be a boy, of course. - Of course, a real Vrancken.

So you think it's a good idea?

I'm just warning Fons of the financial implications, and for us too.

We might not be living here in 9 months.

And what if it's a difficult pregnancy?

- Hey, darling. - Nur won't be able to work.

That's one income less.

- You earn enough, don't you? - See?

It always comes down to us.

We have costs too.

Come on, then.

Yes, pussycat? I'm working on it.

Yes?

You're under the thumb.

Yeah, maybe because I want to be there.

Hey. What's this?

I've only had it for 2 months.

- That's just a bad contact. - I'll have a look.

Women don't know anything about technology.

Oh, give it here.

It's broken.

- Too little? - No, too often.

The ideal is every 3 to 4 days for the biggest chance to conceive.

Forget it, mate.

Try to have a bit more of a plan. Do you know the temperature method?

- Yes. - No.

- Yes, well. What if I'm keen? - Hunger is the best sauce.

I've had dinner, man.

I'd like to do a few fertility tests.

I wouldn't normally do this so soon, but you've been trying for a year.

Why are you looking at me like that? Nothing wrong with my sperm.

I'm going to be tested too, you know.

I shouldn't have come. Quack.

But...

I thought you were going to have lunch at work?

That was the plan, but then I thought it's quiet at home.

That's the first time you've said that.

What?

Home.

Yes, that's true.

Hey, do you want to have children?

Children?

I haven't thought about it.

Not yet, anyway.

- You? - Me, children?

Yes.

No.

I was just saying it's quiet here.

Stan, this is my own remix of "Having my Baby".

If you could design a cover

we can use it for a birth announcement card.

Yes, but... don't you think you should wait until she's actually pregnant?

As the godfather, I need to be on time.

Has Fons asked you yet?

No, but who could be more suitable than me?

Everyone.

I guess Dad must have known that.

Why else did he call me Peter?

Come on, then.

You get it? Peter in Flemish means godfather.

OK.

But you could have just said you wanted me to get tested.

Egotist. They always test the man first.

Really? I know what you're thinking: you think it's me.

If you think that, I'm over the idea already.

- Really, you know. - What?

I don't want children with a woman who thinks I'm not a real man.

First it's because of my career, and now because I want you to get tested.

I think you don't want to have children with me.

Yeah, right. Now I'm the difficult one.

I don't get why you don't want to get tested.

As if you're less of a man if you're infertile.

An infertile Vrancken?

You'd have more chance of finding the Loch Ness monster.

Yes, I'd expect such macho talk from you.

Stop your squabbling.

If he admits he's a sexist. He thinks men are better at everything.

- But it's true. - Oh, really?

Give me an example.

Navigation.

I don't know a single woman who can read a map.

I don't know a single man who dares ask for directions.

- Because we never lose our way. - I bet I'm better at orienteering!

That involves a few things...

- Orienteering. - Yes.

- This is checkpoint C. - Yes.

See?

Here you go.

Darling. No, don't eat it, wait till your stomach rumbles.

Sorry to say this, but... aren't you taking this a bit far?

OK, Ewout.

Can you explain it once more, you know, just for her?

It's simple.

I'll drop the participants here, next to the chapel.

The first to return to here, while respecting flora and fauna

and passing through the three checkpoints

is the best at orienteering and navigating in the wild.

And Kato, you can't ask directions. Darling, you can't take the map.

Easy. I've done this loads of times with the scouts.

Yes, and we had to come and find you a few times.

Because I'd ended up in the pub.

Here you go, that's how long it takes.

- Yes. Mobiles? - Yes.

- Darling, your mobile, come on. - Yeah.

No, OK.

OK, Ewout. Thanks for organising this.

Once a colleague, always a colleague.

Hugs... Very manly.

Can we go now?

Guys...

OK, honey. Good luck.

Oh, man.

I saw him go in.

I once put vanishing spray in my hair.

That was OK.

They've been gone a long time.

- Kato will be here shortly. - Come on.

Pussycat.

Hey...

Yeah, man.

Why is that test such a problem for you?

He's worried that Nur might try to find someone else.

Hey, idiot!

That was between us.

Come on.

Have you talked to Nur about it yet?

I'd do anything for her, but...

Can't you go and get tested secretly?

If it's bad news, I can always donate sperm.

- Just imagine. - I'd rather not.

No one would know.

When the little one can't find his mouth with his spoon,

everyone will know.

How much longer are they going to be gone?

2 hours at the most that green gnome said.

Yeah...

Look, she's here. Guys, she's here.

There's someone with her.

- Yes, she's first. - Whose side are you on?

It's a cop.

- What's up? - The lady was walking on the rails.

Thanks for dropping me off.

- Good evening, all. - Thanks.

Yeah guys, well...

It was logical! I lost my way and thought,

if I follow the rails, I'll get to a station and know where I am.

Clever.

OK, but I think the fat guy may have won, officially.

The female in the orienteering game was picked up by a cop!

Hey, it's Ewout.

What?

Yes.

OK. Yes, that makes sense.

OK, bye.

Jan is disqualified.

He took a map.

- What a dickhead! - Yeah, what an arsehole!

Today's sandwiches are made with farm butter,

a slice of meatloaf, spring onion and a bit of mustard. OK?

No salami?

Didn't you ever learn to make your own sandwiches?

I'm very good at planning, I learned from a very young age.

I put it here.

Jan, where's your thermos?

What are you doing here?

I was here...

with the ladies,

I thought I'd get tested, without you knowing about it.

As a surprise?

Yes.

You're a sweetheart.

I'll have the results in a few days.

- Mine too? - Yes, they should be back then too.

I'll let you know. Keep trying in the meantime.

Sure thing! Come on, then.

You were right about the hunger and the sauce. It's munch time.

Hi, Aunt Agnes.

Hello, my boy.

Yes, Agnes...

I have to work, take the kids to school and pick them up, cook.

I'm just totally exhausted.

You said you were doing fine.

That was at the beginning, yes.

Come on. OK, right. Get me a bucket and a mop.

I think it's great you're here. But we have to do our own thing.

I can see that.

It's not working very well.

Can you help me with a few things?

Of course. What do you want me to do?

Not much. Ironing, making the bed...

- Laundry... - Everything, really.

What can you do?

Honestly?

Here.

- Ordering pizza. - Telling jokes and playing footy.

- Yes, I'm good at that. - Yeah.

- What's that? - Wait till Fons is here.

Ah, Fons.

These are my presents as the godfather. Here you go.

Who decided that?

I've negotiated hard on this.

10% discount, warranty on all moving parts and rust.

Rust? What rust? This is plastic.

We've got the gynaecologist appointment now.

Good luck.

How...?

Don't you like it? Fons!

- That hurts. - What's the matter, honey?

I've got a blister from the orienteering.

Poor thing.

Typical man, so pathetic.

Good job you guys don't have to give birth.

It's been scientifically proven that men have a higher pain threshold.

Oh, yeah?

- OK, and now? - We see who can stay in the longest.

Not so easy, is it?

Totally fine.

I'm going to hang out the washing.

- I'll come with you. - Aren't you going to support me?

But...

Yeah, I'd better make a move too.

Give me a shout when there's a winner.

Great support from the family!

It's really up to us.

OK.

So... Sir, there's no problem with your fertility.

Yes, yes! I knew it!

- And? - Yeah, and...?

And? And?

It's not going to work.

Nur can't...

Come on... Yeah.

Wasn't it OK?

Even with IVF it's not going to happen.

Hey, come here.

- Hey... - Yeah...

No kidding.

I'm so sorry.

It'll be OK.

You're not getting someone else?

What? Come on. But why?

- I won't continue the Vrancken line. - Yeah, right.

There are enough Vranckens right here to do that.

If we really want to, we can adopt a boy, you know?

- A boy? - If we've got a choice.

We'll choose a girl.

One of each?

Yes, you're right.

Too many men in the house isn't going to work.

It'll all work out.

Loser.

Gosh, damn it.