Original subtitles

- Breakfast in bed? - That's right.

- Hey. - Hi, is that for me?

- Yes, breakfast in bed. - A bit over the top, isn't it?

It's quite chilly in here.

You're cold? Hold on, I'll get you a fleece.

- Jan! Dammit man. - Look where you're going.

- Is that any way to enter a room? - Idiot.

Good morning, my name is Evi.

I see.

Can you...?

- What? - She's sitting in my spot.

Then ask her to move.

That's rude. Can't you ask her?

A chair's a chair.

- I beg your pardon? - Right?

We're talking about the head of the table!

So?

How can you just sit at the head of the table?

The head of the family sits there. Common knowledge.

When you sit there, the others see you as their leader.

In my case, it's justified.

Let's be serious.

My toddlers often have to switch places too.

Just sit down, will you?

Honey, great news.

Well, the overstock of that overstock, I got it.

What's going on here?

Hey.

Come on, move.

No way.

No way? Move, Pale Kermit.

Not my fault that woman stole my spot.

OK.

Thank you for the coffee. Say bye to Peter for me.

Hey.

- Look what you did. - What?

She stole my spot.

Evi, is a jumper OK as well?

Jan chased her away.

Goddammit, Jan.

Well, it's my spot.

NEW TEXAS

Oh, so that tight arse jerk thinks he's in charge here

because he sits at the head of the table?

Is it really worth arguing over who is supposedly the head of the table?

Now wait a minute.

He's right.

Dad also sat at the head of the table,

except on Sundays when Grandad visited.

- What? - The sneaky bastard.

Thinking he can just sneak his way into being the head of the table.

Actually...

I should be sitting there.

Are you kidding me?

Oh, sorry.

Hey, Evi.

- You left so quickly. - Hi, Peter.

You took Jan's spot.

- Look, I had a good time last night. - Yes, so did I.

We really connected.

When does your shift end? I'll come and pick you up.

Actually, we didn't really talk.

No. Awesome, right?

It's probably best to end things here.

- Yes, we have to say something. - It was fun, but nothing more.

I don't think there will ever be an "us".

What do you mean?

Why not?

For a relationship, I want someone with a little more maturity.

A little more what?

Exactly.

25 euros and 15 cents, please.

But, we...

- Card? - Yes.

- Excuse me. - Yes, sorry.

It smells great in here.

What... is the meaning of this?

Meaning?

I was thinking, let's give this spot a try. And I have to say...

I quite like it.

- That's my spot. - Yes, Jan.

- Come on, Fons. Give it back. - I have a right to sit here.

I'm at least as important as Jan, right?

Yes, honey.

- What? - I mean...

Can't he handle not being the head of the table?

- I'm the eldest, so I'm entitled. - I'm the eldest!

And who decides this?

- It's just a fact of life. - No, it's not.

Typical.

Eleven, twelve.

Listen up, guys.

No one is to know that the sweets are hidden there.

You mean, we can't either?

And to make sure everyone keeps it a secret,

this will be the secret code of our secret club.

- Cool. Can I see? - It's a secret.

Everyone signs with his own blood.

Who's going to start?

You.

Yes, yes.

Yeah...

Spit counts too, right?

FIND A JOB

I've never seen them act this childish.

You should have seen them when they were kids.

Hey, Stan. Was Evi right?

I don't know. Were we there?

The thing she said about me not being relationship material.

That I lack maternity.

- Maturity? - What?

- It means you're not mature enough. - Well, yeah.

But hey, I'm an adult, right?

From a strictly legal perspective, you are.

You're acting a lot more mature than Fons and Jan.

Well, there you go.

I knew it.

Wait till she hears about this.

Whoa there! What's all this about?

Damn it.

Tell Fons this nonsense needs to end.

No one's laughing.

Just take your seat.

Are you taking this head of the table thing seriously?

I'm taking Fons seriously.

Well, someone has to.

Come on!

Stan...

So greedy. Aren't I allowed to eat from this plate?

Hey, guys.

Doesn't the table have two heads?

Fons, if you take this seat, problem solved, right?

Here. Deal.

Wait until Evi hears about this.

- Have fun over there, Einstein. - At the butt of the table.

What do you mean?

That's the slave side. Whoever sits there has to stand up the whole time.

No one wants to sit at the slave side.

You're pulling my leg, to no avail.

I'm sitting here.

You're not going to give up your seat, right?

Are you crazy?

The head is leaving the table. The football's starting.

Oh, right.

No sitting on my sofa! Not on my sofa.

All a bit crazy again downstairs. Jesus...

- All over nothing. - Yeah.

Hey, can you tell me your birthday again?

I'm sorry?

I'm filling in my birthday and yours.

- That way, we have lucky numbers. - My birthday is on...

8th April.

Which year?

'90, I guess?

- No? '91? - Yes.

'91.

You'd better win.

Then we won't have to live another year with these bozos.

Think about it. A place for just the two of us.

It's a good thing you're so reasonable.

Actually, you should be the head of the table.

Hey, guys...

What's this?

Someone touched it.

But there are still twelve sweets in there, right?

They're smaller, idiot.

Well, they could have shrunk from the heat.

- There. - No way.

- Let me smell your breath. - No!

Open your mouth.

- It was you. - No.

- Come on. - Get your hands off me.

No?

- What's this? - What? Traitor!

- I don't know anything about this. - Now look, idiot.

According to the code of honour, you'll be banished.

Who here agrees?

Come on, guys.

You signed, Fons. With your own spit!

But Peter's been smooching here with a girl.

What?

I hold no secrets from my future wife.

That's also punished by banishment.

- Who here agrees? - I don't.

- You're already banished. - Guys!

Stan?

I don't want to be a part of your dumb club any more.

Hey.

Come on.

Look, Stan. Rules are there to be followed.

If they aren't, we end up in chaos.

Can't we just play?

It's no fun any more without the others.

Let's play some kickball.

- OK, you start. - OK.

Jan, damn you!

What's that?

Is this for real?

It's stuck.

- What's stuck? - Yep, that's definitely stuck.

What kind of madman nails ham to the table?

Damn!

- Damn... - Just break it then.

- Fons. - Damn it.

What the blazes is that?

- Is that a prosciutto or something? - Yes.

- It's nailed to the table. - Did you do this?

- Did you do this? - No.

- Any idea where we keep our axe? - In the cellar.

- We thought so as well. - Hey, wait.

Then this is the one and only seat for the head of the table.

Boy, am I glad this head of the table nonsense is over.

Horizontal democracy.

- Pass me the sugar please. - And the mustard.

Well, actually...

I'm not your slave.

For Christ's sake.

A little respect, please, for the food on the table.

Come on!

You know what I feel like?

- A picnic in the park. Care to join? - Yes, sure.

- Wow. No. - Ah, I see.

That's easy. Let's fix everything.

Real nice.

- Didn't we go a little too far? - Apparently not far enough.

Upping the pressure, I guess.

- Hey. - Hey.

Seen Peter?

He called me to say he's going to prove he's mature.

Then he Facebooked, texted and Tweeted me.

7 euros and 50 cents, please.

Oh no...

No, no.

Where have all the chairs gone?

What? I didn't do anything.

No. And I'm assuming you don't know anything either, right?

What? Me again.

- If it isn't Jan. - Me?

Now why would I do that?

Because you don't realise that people aren't behind you

and they're rejecting you.

And with your twisted mind, you go: "If I can't have it, no one can."

- That's how you think. - There's the hand again.

At my grandma's, we used to eat on the floor.

- Jesus. - That's unhygienic.

And can you imagine where Jan would sit?

On the ham.

- Yes, sit on the ham. - Very funny.

On the ham...

Come here. Enter.

It's a standing buffet dinner.

- Are you familiar with those? - No.

It's very fancy, trendy. Like the mayor's dance.

Oh right, you don't know about that. You've never been.

Enjoy the meal.

Damn it.

You arsehole. On my shoes!

It's your own damn fault.

- Don't you know how much these cost? - Oh, did you pay for those?

Don't things usually fall off a lorry?

Are you saying we're parasites?

You're just as childish as your toddlers.

- Excuse me? - You heard me.

- I dare you to say that again. - Take it easy.

What would the toddlers think about that?

Can't you solve this like adults?

Rich coming from a cutlery thrower.

All this nonsense about who can sit at the head of the table.

It's more than that. The head of the table is the head of the family.

And the head of the family holds it together.

I don't see much cohesion.

Kato has a point.

We need to solve this like adults.

Let's have a vote.

- Oh my God, you've got to be kidding. - Fair and democratic.

- The majority decides. - An excellent solution.

Yes. For once I agree with you, Jan.

Democratic, everyone votes.

Everyone will vote for the best head of the table.

- You or me. - Or me.

What? I'm "maternitary" enough to be the head of the table.

Why did we need to come here?

I've learned so much from you already

about how to really wield family power.

It's the exact same thing in politics.

The real power isn't found in parliament,

but here, in the back rooms and lounges.

In a manner of speaking.

So I came up with something.

Hey, Evi.

What was so important at this hour?

Well, I've been thinking and you were right.

It's over.

- Over? - My "inmaternity".

It's gone.

- Yes. - Yes.

Follow me.

Come in.

You can have a seat over there.

- Welcome. - Thank you.

OK.

Is everyone here present?

Excellent.

Welcome to all who have gathered here.

What's all this about?

We're on the cusp of a historic event.

An election debate.

- Democracy in motion. - To decide what?

Who gets to sit at the head of the table.

- The ancient Greeks... - Really?

Evi.

Oh, boy.

Peter?

- I just wanted to... - Can I?

But Evi... Wait!

Peter! If you don't come back, you don't get time to speak.

- But, Jan... - Peter!

OK.

Damn it.

All right. Every candidate gets 2 minutes to introduce himself.

And after those 2 minutes, the debate starts.

- Yes. I have a list. - And who decided that?

- It's how it always goes. - No, it's not.

You came up with it.

- Do you have a better idea? - I have lots.

That's clear.

OK, I think we know where each of you stand.

- But... - I haven't said anything yet.

We're listening.

Yes, Peter.

- Vote for me. - There we have it.

Voilà.

Let's... vote?

So that we can finally have some dinner.

TABLE HEAD ELECTION

Yes.

The votes have been counted.

Jan.

One vote.

Fons.

One vote.

Peter.

Zero votes.

Next up is one blank vote, one invalid.

And...

- Three votes for Stan. - What? Me?

- Stan? That's not allowed. - No, not allowed and not possible.

You sneaky nitwit. Secretly picnicking with the ladies.

- But I didn't even vote for myself. - Not a single vote.

Is this for real?

Why does no one ever take my side?

Damn you all.

Peter, you need to be able to handle losing.

- Stan won. - He's the head of the table.

If you refuse, go and find another table.

- What? - You're kidding me.

It's settled. Stan, tonight you'll be sitting at the head of the table.

- If we can get rid of that dumb ham. - No problem.

I know where we put the power tools.

Hey, where's Peter?

I'll go and look.

Peter.

- Where are we going? - Somewhere I'm appreciated.

But it's time for dinner.

- We're having ossobuco. - Well, enjoy.

He's running away. And I made ossobuco especially for him.

He'll be back.

Actually, I don't think he will. He sounded very serious.

No way. He needs to stay here.

Our inheritance.

Stan.

OK, I'll go and have a look.

So can we start or what?

The food is getting cold. I'm hungry.

Hey, hey!

- Hey, what's wrong? - Nothing.

So you're running away from nothing?

- Come on, say something. - OK, Stan. It's Evi.

I'm simply not capable of having a relationship.

I'm not an adult.

Even you guys don't take me seriously.

- What are you saying? - I had zero votes, Stan.

Zero. Zero votes.

- Even Jan and Fons got one vote. - Peter, please.

- They just voted for themselves. - That was allowed?

Damn it.

They're married and their own wives don't take them seriously.

You're right. That's even worse.

So do you think Evi was right?

That I'm...

That you're not mature enough.

Yes Peter, maybe she was. A little...

Look, you're an honest man.

Some people might mistake that for stupidity.

Yes, you're right. I sometimes do as well.

Come on, let's go inside.

So...

Some guys we are, huh?

- Enjoy your meal, everyone. - Enjoy.

Cheers.

- It's ossobuco. - Oh, thanks.

- Aren't there any fries? - Hey, watch it.