Original subtitles

God, Nur, you've got the heat up far too high.

Don't get involved. Your sauce will get spoilt.

Can I have that plate?

- You might need to get going. - Or Stan's going to get hungry.

We'll slice a tomato for you as well.

They can make themselves a sandwich. It's not the '50s any more, you know.

Kato, men want two things: sex and food.

And thank God they need us for both of them.

It means they have to listen to us.

Good morning.

Lovely.

No.

First we need to empty your dad's house.

OK, all right.

Chop a pepper up for Stan.

They're not starting straight away.

Well done, my love. Eating over the plate so nicely.

Thumbs up.

See, Kato, you have to work with positive reinforcement.

NEW TEXAS

Promise me one thing

That you'll marry me

Out of all of the women in the world

You're the one I want to marry

Darling, that's lovely.

It's almost as good as our mum used to make.

She was a fantastic cook, wasn't she?

Oh man, her sauce!

Kato's right. Maybe you should make your own lunch.

That's a good one, "make your own lunch"!

Peter, why do you think you should have your lunch made for you?

Stan makes his own.

- That's your fault! - My fault? What?

You don't expect me to cook for you every night, right?

No.

Moron.

Gentlemen, I have an important announcement.

Yes guys, it's 8 o'clock.

I've put together a pretty tight schedule.

Leave at 8, inspect the area at 8.30.

Deal with the attic at 9.

10 o'clock is the cellar and outside areas.

- 11 o'clock is the big stuff. - Seriously, Jan.

Tell us on the way, or we'll be late before we've even started.

So, 11 o'clock, all the big bits get loaded.

No bringing anything back! There's enough crap here.

Darling, it's all labelled.

Red is the mezze, blue is the soup, green and yellow are the desserts.

Bread is in the bag and the stuff for sandwiches is in the box.

I know how it goes.

Come on, Stan. It's gone 8am!

- Oh, mortadella with pine nuts. - What have you got, Jan?

Spanakopita and kolokithakia keftedes.

- Kolo... what? - Kolokithakia keftedes.

Aubergine tempura.

What about you?

Tempura with... nothing.

Kato and I have a totally different sort of...

You wouldn't understand.

She's too lazy to cook for you, I suppose.

Who says a woman has to cook for her husband?

- It's a sign of love. - What if she isn't a good cook?

Well, then she's not a good wife.

- What if she can't cook at all? - Then she's not a woman.

Even if she's great in bed?

That's a tough one.

- Is that why you're with Kato? - It's just a hypothetical question.

My woman, she can make anything.

- But when are you going to meet her? - Already have.

Here, look. Want to see her?

Tess. Nice?

- Wow. Girlfriend? Wowzers! - Can I see?

- Zoom in! - She's a ten!

What a bimbo, man.

I'd let her nibble on my spring roll.

What did you say? That's my fiancée, I'll have you know.

- She said yes when I asked her. - Congratulations.

Hello.

Is Peter not here?

- He lives here, doesn't he? - Yes.

- And you are? - I'm Tess, his fiancée.

- Oh, congratulations. - Thank you.

Welcome to the family. Sit down.

Sleep well? I guess not?

- OK. Breakfast, coffee? - Oh yes, thanks.

So, how long have you known each other?

8 hours.

But he says it's been the best 8 hours of his life.

Actually... we've fallen pretty hard for each other.

- There you go. - Thanks.

Oh man, that's a lot of food.

I don't normally eat quite so much.

Breakfast is...

Same goes for you, Kato.

...is the most important of the five meals of the day.

And Peter likes a woman with a bit of meat on her bones.

It's got tomatoes in it.

- And? - I'm allergic to tomatoes.

Now listen to me, Tess.

The tomato is the foundation of Italian food.

They're proper tomatoes.

The toilet is...

Lots of the kids I teach have an allergy,

- but not tomatoes. - It's possible.

- You can get all kinds of allergies. - What a diva.

Did you see that hair? And those clothes.

And Vranckens eat tomatoes, married or not.

I'll make a quick sandwich. Here.

- Come on, don't do that. - She's just attention-seeking.

Watch and learn.

Watch and learn. Just you watch.

OK.

Come on, Stan.

You just need to...

imagine that it's some stranger's stuff.

- It's Dad's. - Yes, I know.

Come on, guys. Stop moping around and give me a hand.

The van has to be back before the night shift.

I suppose I'll end up doing all this myself.

It'd be great if they did something for once.

I really didn't think it was possible!

Don't suppose it'd help to say sorry?

Sorry?

- Peter should be thanking us. - Good job we found out in time.

She really can't handle tomatoes.

I'm so sorry for Peter.

He was so happy.

- OK, I'll tell him. - Yeah.

The cellar? I don't know.

- We're not allowed in. - Jesus, how old are you?

You don't want to know what Dad used to get up to in there.

Come on, open the door.

- Come on, man. - No.

It's come to a standstill.

It's a penalty. It's a penalty!

Yes! Come on, man. Over here.

Surely not!

Two, three, four... Come on, that is a penalty.

- No. Where's number six? - That doesn't count.

It's outside the sixteen.

Yes!

Cartanaccio.

Do you think anyone still plays it?

- It's a penalty! - No.

Yes, it is. Look at this.

- What's going on? - It's a penalty.

I can't see anything. Come on, let me see.

Goddammit!

Stop!

Stop it, come on.

And keep your brothers in check.

You're the eldest. Well, after Peter, anyway.

Right, Fons.

What happened?

Oh, man...

Act like it hurts.

Right then, and keep your brothers in check. You know right from wrong, OK?

Stan, come on.

So when you go in, say that you got a good slap.

Keep the rest in check. You're the smartest.

- Yes, Dad. - Go on, get out!

Peter!

Don't exaggerate so much.

Idiot.

Come on, you keep the rest in check, OK?

You're the...

OK? I'm counting on you. Come on.

Guys, guys. You'll never believe it.

Look. Look.

- What? - You can't be serious?

Mum's sauce!

It's a sign. It has to be.

Oh, here they are.

- I've got a packed lunch for you. - Great news.

- I didn't know you wanted it so much. - It's Mum's sauce.

The best sauce in the world.

We used to have loads of it.

Dad always used to bring one out whenever there was a special occasion.

Stan must have found the last pot.

Look, man!

Hey, kid!

- We should have it tonight! - Yes.

Like... the end of an era.

End of...

And...

Protect that pot with your life, OK?

- Yes, but do you think they can? - Wait, guys.

Look here. Here, here.

Great, Peter. Great.

- Great idea. - Here we go.

Careful!

- Yes. Peter. - Yes.

- Come on, Peter. - Yes, yes.

OK, close it.

And now nothing can happen to it.

- No, Stan! - Are you mad?

Moron!

- Wait. - Jesus!

Wait, wait!

Be careful.

- Turn. Slowly. - Leave it alone, you!

- It's OK. - Move away, Peter.

Yes, open it.

OK, that's the last of it, I think.

Without doubt the best spaghetti in the world...

- What's going on? - What?

- What? I know what you're thinking. - How can you know that?

You're thinking: it won't hurt if I take that record.

- Yes. - Just a memento, that's all.

No.

Not allowed, sorry. Come on, we're leaving. Put it back.

Man, what's bugging him?

It's unbelievable!

A whole life in the back of a truck.

Weird, eh?

Yeah, man.

Look.

There's no need for all of us to go to the dump, is there?

Are you going to rummage around in it?

Come off it.

I just want to say that I think it would be better if I went alone.

I'll do it alone.

- Any idea how much work it is? - It's nothing, really.

I just thought it might make it easier to say goodbye.

I prefer to take my time saying goodbye. It helps you get over it.

It stinks of old people. Horrible place.

- I don't like going there. - We don't mind.

Oh, man.

- I know what you're up to. - What?

You just want to drive this thing.

Forget it. It's a council vehicle. I'm the only one allowed to drive it.

Come off it, that's not what I meant.

- Without laws, there's only chaos. - Yeah, yeah.

Guys, come on, always pointing the finger at me...

Come on, guys.

I'd really like to keep the poster.

Yeah.

Stan, no. You're not allowed.

- Why not? - Because...

Why not? And Peter should be allowed to have the record.

- Thanks, Stan. - Guys, that wasn't the agreement.

Tell me this is a joke.

God, now she's haunting us with her sauce.

- A stupid pot of sauce? - What?

Stupid? I'm amazed they handed it over.

You don't think clearly when you're emotional.

I'll make the pasta, you do the sauce.

No, I'll make the pasta.

- You do the sauce. - You do it. You're the eldest.

Nur, you have the most experience with sauce.

- I'll do it. - No, you can't cook.

Take the lid off and stick it in the microwave.

You cannot put Mamma's sauce in the microwave!

- What planet are you on? - Hob, microwave, it doesn't matter!

Hey, shall we stop at an antiques shop

- and see if it's worth anything? - I thought it was all crap.

You never know, it might be back in these days.

Back in?

This shit was never in.

We could try, though?

- And then split it four ways? - Yes.

Four ways? But it was my idea.

So we'll split it 45, 20, 20, 20.

- Yes. - Deal.

That's not right.

- Idiot! - What?

You can share that extra 5 percent.

- Jesus. - Ah, OK. Deal.

But it's still not right!

- No, it's not right. - No.

- No. - You're such a cheat!

- Me? - Yes, you!

I'm a cheat? I'm the one sharing and I'm a cheat?

Nice!

All right, guys, let me go in on my own.

You don't all have to come with me the whole time.

- Eddy. - Fons.

I thought you weren't coming.

Why? Oh, you meant the other day?

You just called.

I called you? Really?

Well, maybe... I mean we're always calling each other.

Yes.

OK, so...

Right.

200 euros. And I'm doing you a favour.

Come on, Eddy man. They're heirlooms.

Look, Fons. I'd normally only pay about 100 euros for stuff like that.

You should be biting my hand off.

So, with everything you already owe me, it comes to 4 euros.

Come on, man.

4 euros? Come on!

Yes, but...

- OK, fine. - Hang on!

You have to pay me 4 euros.

Really?

Yeah, really.

- What? - Come on.

Right.

OK, wait, wait.

So, guys. He'll do it for 8 euros.

- He only wants to pay 8 euros? - No, we have to pay him.

- I might have guessed as much. - And what's that?

I think everyone should have something of Dad's.

Stan should have the poster, and Peter, the record.

- Agreed. - Agreed.

Don't you think?

- Yes. - Hey, Jan?

- Come on. - Come on, man.

Hey, man.

Can't we pick out the glass?

What, and miss a bit and bleed to death?

Or not.

Can't we just be honest?

You always say it's best to tell the truth.

I say that to the kids!

- Fons won't be able to take it. - Nor Jan.

This stupid sauce is going to cost us our inheritance.

- We could say it went bad. - As if they'd believe it!

That sauce is like wine: gets better with age.

Why don't we pretend we got broken into?

Then it wouldn't be our fault.

Nur, smash up the kitchen, I'll break a window.

Hey, wait!

The pot's from a factory. There's a manufacturing date on it.

So? You don't buy new lids for your own sauce.

No... 21.02.2007.

Their mum was dead by then, wasn't she?

So how did a new lid get on such an old pot?

Their dad wouldn't have put new lids on old pots.

He just kept on buying the same pots as his wife.

Buying?

Filthy liar!

We work our fingers to the bone here, day after day.

And every day they say our food isn't as tasty as their mum's.

They can't even taste the difference between fresh sauce

and sauce out of a pot.

Right, I'm done with her holiness!

I can't wait to see their faces.

You aren't going to tell them straight away are you?

I'd let them stew for a while.

There. Yes.

I can't wait to see their faces!

I just don't get why they think that sauce is so delicious.

Is the best sauce in the world ready?

Almost. And? Is everything gone?

Yes. All dumped.

Well, almost.

The guys wanted a memento.

Well, I'm sure it wasn't easy.

Well done, guys.

Must have been emotional?

Go and sit down at the table for a very special evening.

Peter...

Can I have a word in private?

Peter, I'm not sure how to tell you this...

We didn't know and Nur couldn't believe it.

I don't know anyone who... Look, it's not easy for us either.

Tess doesn't eat tomatoes.

No!

And... when? You mean, in the morning?

- Or do you mean...? - No, no.

Peter, she doesn't eat tomatoes. She's allergic.

- Allergic? - We tested it.

Peter...

We're going to have to let her go.

Bloody hell!

It was all so... perfect.

We'd never even had an argument.

But...

No tomatoes?

Well, that's that then.

Wow, that's good!

Wow, our mother was an amazing cook, wasn't she.

If we could just analyse the sauce and...

make it ourselves, we'd be raking it in.

Sorry, but you can't make something like this in a factory.

Guys...

- We found something out. - Kato.

If I may.

I would just like to say...

that life with my three brothers

is the best thing that has happened to me.

And I just want to take the opportunity to...

thank the ladies

for all the support they have given us

- during this difficult time. - Yes. Bravo.

A toast to our wonderful wives.

Without whom we would be nothing.

Cheers!

What did you want to say, darling?

I just wanted to say that your mum's sauce...

I don't think we'd ever be able to make something so tasty.

- I don't think so either! - Definitely not!

That one can hardly boil an egg.

- Come on! - Not even a fried egg.

If the girls find out that we've smuggled all this crap in...

Shut up, moron.

They think we've chucked everything away.

Come on, you.

Idiot.

Yes.

That was out.

- What do you mean, out? - Yes.

- Three, three, two, one. - Come on.

- That was mine. - Yes, all right.

Hey Tess, I...

No, hang on.

We...

What are you saying? My family are a bunch of psychopaths?

No. Hey, hang on!

No, there's nothing I can...

Yes, but wait, Tess.

Break up? But...

No, I'm breaking up with you.

No, I'm breaking up with you!

I'm breaking up with you, Tess!

Come on.

- Wait, wait. Are you playing? - Yes.