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1
00:00:17,283 --> 00:00:18,650
Hey!
2
00:00:18,652 --> 00:00:19,952
Billy: Jim!
3
00:00:19,954 --> 00:00:22,521
Steve: Oh, my god!
Somebody call 911!
4
00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:28,827
Hey, jim.
5
00:00:28,829 --> 00:00:30,829
You've been through the wars,
buddy.
6
00:00:30,831 --> 00:00:32,464
You got yourself
a little scratch.
7
00:00:32,466 --> 00:00:33,799
Hey, man.
8
00:00:33,801 --> 00:00:36,468
Uh, what, uh,
what's happened?
9
00:00:36,470 --> 00:00:39,238
You were shot, jim.
10
00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:42,674
H-how long
have I been in here?
11
00:00:42,676 --> 00:00:45,144
A couple of days.
12
00:00:45,146 --> 00:00:47,479
Where's steve?
Where -- is he okay?
13
00:00:47,481 --> 00:00:48,714
Oh, yeah, steve's fine.
14
00:00:48,716 --> 00:00:50,482
He went off
to get a couple of sodas.
15
00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:52,484
He's quite the hero.
16
00:00:52,486 --> 00:00:54,653
The doctors said if it wasn't
for him stopping the blood,
17
00:00:54,655 --> 00:00:56,321
You'd have been a goner.
18
00:00:56,323 --> 00:00:57,656
Hi.
19
00:00:57,658 --> 00:00:59,558
Steve.
20
00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:01,894
Thank you so much.
21
00:01:01,896 --> 00:01:03,395
No problem, man.
22
00:01:03,397 --> 00:01:05,664
Mr. Jefferies.
How are you feeling?
23
00:01:05,666 --> 00:01:06,698
I feel amazing.
24
00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:08,333
That would be the morphine.
25
00:01:08,335 --> 00:01:10,035
When it starts to wear off,
26
00:01:10,037 --> 00:01:12,404
Just click the button
next to your bed.
27
00:01:14,341 --> 00:01:16,341
It's on a timer.
28
00:01:16,343 --> 00:01:19,344
So, uh, what's --
what do we do now?
29
00:01:19,346 --> 00:01:21,680
Well, I'm gonna prescribe you
some medication for the pain --
30
00:01:21,682 --> 00:01:24,516
Oxycontin and some ambien
to help you sleep --
31
00:01:24,518 --> 00:01:26,685
But you're free to go home.
32
00:01:26,687 --> 00:01:30,689
Steve: Oh, my gosh.
Look at all these reporters.
33
00:01:30,691 --> 00:01:32,424
Here we go.
34
00:01:32,426 --> 00:01:34,193
Get out of the way!
35
00:01:34,195 --> 00:01:36,028
Reporter: Jim! Jim!
36
00:01:36,030 --> 00:01:38,197
All right, you parasites,
come on! What's going on?
37
00:01:38,199 --> 00:01:39,898
Jim! Jim, how are you feeling
right now?
38
00:01:39,900 --> 00:01:41,533
Uh, never felt better.
39
00:01:41,535 --> 00:01:43,102
Jim, what do you want to say
to the guy who shot you?
40
00:01:43,104 --> 00:01:44,870
I'm sure the police
are doing everything they can.
41
00:01:44,872 --> 00:01:46,371
How do you feel about
gun control now?
42
00:01:46,373 --> 00:01:48,207
I don't think about it.
43
00:01:48,209 --> 00:01:49,875
Come on, jim, talk to us!
Is it true this was all a hoax?
44
00:01:49,877 --> 00:01:51,376
Don't worry about them, man.
Don't worry about them.
45
00:01:51,378 --> 00:01:54,947
All: Surprise!
46
00:01:56,383 --> 00:01:57,883
steve: Oh, my god! Jim!
47
00:02:10,630 --> 00:02:12,698
]
48
00:02:15,401 --> 00:02:17,736
See, I like you.
You're not afraid of balloons.
49
00:02:17,738 --> 00:02:19,271
Rodney:
Cheers, everybody.
50
00:02:21,575 --> 00:02:25,444
Hey, sorry about that.
I, uh, had a moment.
51
00:02:27,748 --> 00:02:29,781
Uh, this is really nice.
Thank you.
52
00:02:29,783 --> 00:02:31,750
Let's have some fun, right?
It's a party.
53
00:02:31,752 --> 00:02:33,452
Get back to it. Go on.
54
00:02:38,091 --> 00:02:40,259
Got a little something for you,
jim. Give it to him, baby.
55
00:02:40,261 --> 00:02:41,160
Take it.
56
00:02:41,162 --> 00:02:42,794
Yeah?
57
00:02:42,796 --> 00:02:46,832
So, all I have to do
to get free coke is get shot.
58
00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:48,934
That's very sweet of you.
59
00:02:48,936 --> 00:02:50,135
Enjoy.
60
00:02:50,137 --> 00:02:52,471
To be honest with you,
61
00:02:52,473 --> 00:02:54,339
I'm not really the guy
to even talk to about this.
62
00:02:54,341 --> 00:02:56,808
I don't remember a single --
steve saw it.
63
00:02:56,810 --> 00:02:58,777
You should ask steve.
He knew --
64
00:02:58,779 --> 00:03:00,279
Look, forrest, just take it.
It's fine.
65
00:03:00,281 --> 00:03:01,947
Doctor said
66
00:03:01,949 --> 00:03:03,615
Bullet went in one side of
the shoulder and out the other
67
00:03:03,617 --> 00:03:05,951
And it didn't hit any arteries
and I'm gonna be fine.
68
00:03:05,953 --> 00:03:08,453
I got the same injury
in laser tag.
69
00:03:08,455 --> 00:03:09,988
Yeah, I remember that.
Yeah.
70
00:03:09,990 --> 00:03:11,456
You're very luck, amigo.
71
00:03:11,458 --> 00:03:13,625
It's funny. I don't --
I don't feel very lucky.
72
00:03:13,627 --> 00:03:15,360
Could be in one of these.
73
00:03:15,362 --> 00:03:17,329
I think you are
pretty lucky.
74
00:03:17,331 --> 00:03:20,666
Hey, jim!
How are you doing, pal?
75
00:03:20,668 --> 00:03:21,833
I've been better.
76
00:03:21,835 --> 00:03:23,835
Yeah. Listen,
I got you a cookie tree.
77
00:03:23,837 --> 00:03:26,038
Everybody else got you flowers.
I thought that was kind of gay.
78
00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:27,873
Cookie trees
are super masculine.
79
00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:29,141
What are you doing here,
mike?
80
00:03:29,143 --> 00:03:30,676
You getting shot
81
00:03:30,678 --> 00:03:33,645
Was just the shot in the arm
your career needed,
82
00:03:33,647 --> 00:03:35,814
And I am gonna make you
the biggest stand-up comedian
83
00:03:35,816 --> 00:03:37,049
In the world.
84
00:03:37,051 --> 00:03:38,684
But, mike,
you're not my agent anymore.
85
00:03:38,686 --> 00:03:39,818
You fired me.
86
00:03:39,820 --> 00:03:41,486
I didn't fire you.
I quit.
87
00:03:41,488 --> 00:03:43,355
You don't need to do anything,
I don't need an agent,
88
00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:45,557
'cause I'm not gonna be
doing stand-up anymore.
89
00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:47,492
What?
What are you gonna do, jim?
90
00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:51,196
I'm just gonna, um,
clear my head,
91
00:03:51,198 --> 00:03:53,165
Stay here,
and I'm gonna get better.
92
00:03:53,167 --> 00:03:54,733
Wait, just one se--
hey! Hands off, man.
93
00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:56,201
He got shot.
94
00:03:56,203 --> 00:03:58,537
All right, look.
Aeg wants to do a world tour.
95
00:03:58,539 --> 00:04:00,172
They want to call it
"the right to bear arms."
96
00:04:00,174 --> 00:04:02,674
The poster is you, sleeveless,
showing off the wound.
97
00:04:02,676 --> 00:04:07,412
Eight months, 100 cities,
$1.2 million minimum -- minimum.
98
00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:09,514
Dollars?
99
00:04:09,516 --> 00:04:11,917
Jim, you're famous.
Don't you get it?
100
00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:13,852
You're in.
101
00:04:13,854 --> 00:04:16,021
No? That's it?
102
00:04:16,023 --> 00:04:17,856
That's it.
103
00:04:17,858 --> 00:04:19,524
Okay, well, then, you know what?
You're fired.
104
00:04:19,526 --> 00:04:22,060
You can't fire me.
I haven't rehired you.
105
00:04:22,062 --> 00:04:23,228
All right,
then, I quit again.
106
00:04:23,230 --> 00:04:24,529
There's nothing to quit.
107
00:04:24,531 --> 00:04:27,065
Okay. Fine. Fine.
Then, you know what?
108
00:04:27,067 --> 00:04:31,303
Have a nice life,
and, uh, good luck with this.
109
00:04:48,122 --> 00:04:50,222
Oh, damn it!
110
00:04:50,224 --> 00:04:51,723
Do you have to play this
so loud?
111
00:04:51,725 --> 00:04:52,958
Oh, sorry.
I was practicing.
112
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,393
We can turn it down, yeah?
113
00:04:54,395 --> 00:04:56,762
Why don't we just, uh,
turn it off altogether?
114
00:04:56,764 --> 00:04:58,230
How long was I out for?
115
00:04:58,232 --> 00:04:59,564
A few hours.
116
00:04:59,566 --> 00:05:01,433
Oh, man,
I'm having some dreams.
117
00:05:01,435 --> 00:05:04,603
It was real vivid sort of -- I
can remember the shooting alm--
118
00:05:04,605 --> 00:05:06,905
Look, j--
can you just turn it off?!
119
00:05:06,907 --> 00:05:08,907
I'm trying, jim.
I'm trying.
120
00:05:08,909 --> 00:05:12,577
For the love of god, man!
It's the a.V. Button!
121
00:05:16,083 --> 00:05:17,916
No, don't answer it.
It's just another reporter.
122
00:05:17,918 --> 00:05:19,584
Can I help you?
123
00:05:19,586 --> 00:05:21,486
Is jim here?
Yes.
124
00:05:22,655 --> 00:05:26,258
Hi...Everyone.
125
00:05:26,260 --> 00:05:28,093
Katie,
what are you doing here?
126
00:05:28,095 --> 00:05:31,196
I just -- I wanted to stop by
and make sure you were okay.
127
00:05:36,302 --> 00:05:38,937
Uh, walter, um,
I think we should be going.
128
00:05:38,939 --> 00:05:40,439
Good idea.
Yeah, let's give the boy
some space.
129
00:05:40,441 --> 00:05:41,840
See you guys.
130
00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:44,109
Steve: Hey, why don't you two
come outside
131
00:05:44,111 --> 00:05:46,178
And, uh, help me get rid
of some of this trash?
132
00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:49,715
Okay, I'll help,
but why are we bringing billy?
133
00:05:51,117 --> 00:05:53,618
You have to go.
Y-you can't be here.
134
00:05:53,620 --> 00:05:56,455
I don't need your husband
kicking my head in.
135
00:05:56,457 --> 00:05:57,656
Guess I'll go then.
136
00:05:57,658 --> 00:05:59,791
It's nothing personal,
kate, you see.
137
00:05:59,793 --> 00:06:02,961
I just don't need a train wreck
in my life.
138
00:06:02,963 --> 00:06:06,631
wait,
what did you think this was?
139
00:06:06,633 --> 00:06:09,368
Oh, I don't know.
You rushed over to see me.
140
00:06:09,370 --> 00:06:12,471
You obviously still
have feelings for me
that you can't control.
141
00:06:12,473 --> 00:06:14,806
Jim, this was me coming by
to check on a friend.
142
00:06:14,808 --> 00:06:17,476
Friend?
We're not friends.
143
00:06:17,478 --> 00:06:20,011
We had sex. That's not
a friend-like activity.
144
00:06:20,013 --> 00:06:23,014
Friends go out to bars,
movies, ball games.
That's what friends do.
145
00:06:23,016 --> 00:06:25,517
I -- I can't --
I don't think --
146
00:06:25,519 --> 00:06:27,352
I've never
fingered a friend.
147
00:06:27,354 --> 00:06:29,488
Oh, my god.
You are such a dick.
148
00:06:29,490 --> 00:06:32,891
You know,
I'm sorry I was worried.
149
00:06:38,998 --> 00:06:40,665
Yeah,steve: Wow,
except I can't get hard anymore,
150
00:06:40,667 --> 00:06:43,668
Which I don't really mind
since I can't jerk off anyway.
151
00:06:43,670 --> 00:06:45,003
Morning, guys.
152
00:06:45,005 --> 00:06:46,838
You want us
to turn this off?
153
00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:48,540
No, it's all right.
Keep practicing.
154
00:06:48,542 --> 00:06:50,242
You ready
for your big day tomorrow?
155
00:06:50,244 --> 00:06:52,177
Oh, yeah.
I don't care who I play --
156
00:06:52,179 --> 00:06:55,013
Asian kid,
fat, nerdy kid, whatever.
157
00:06:55,015 --> 00:06:56,681
How you feeling?
158
00:06:56,683 --> 00:06:59,017
I feel like dog shit
and cat shit
159
00:06:59,019 --> 00:07:01,853
Mixed in
with, like, human shit.
160
00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:03,255
Hurts, huh?
161
00:07:03,257 --> 00:07:04,856
Yeah,
it hurts being shot.
162
00:07:04,858 --> 00:07:07,025
It's all right.
163
00:07:07,027 --> 00:07:09,528
I took a couple oxycontins.
They should kick in soon.
164
00:07:09,530 --> 00:07:10,862
Be careful with those, man.
165
00:07:10,864 --> 00:07:12,364
Who ate all my lasagna?!
166
00:07:12,366 --> 00:07:14,399
what?
What?
167
00:07:14,401 --> 00:07:16,701
...And the cookie tree?
168
00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:19,271
Wait, wait, wait.
Are you serious?
169
00:07:20,773 --> 00:07:22,407
You bastards!
170
00:07:22,409 --> 00:07:25,710
Billy, I get shot, people are
nice enough to buy me food,
171
00:07:25,712 --> 00:07:27,712
And you eat all my shit!
172
00:07:27,714 --> 00:07:29,381
You ate it.
173
00:07:29,383 --> 00:07:30,415
I never had any food.
174
00:07:30,417 --> 00:07:32,217
Yes, you did.
175
00:07:32,219 --> 00:07:33,585
You came out of your room,
went straight in the kitchen,
176
00:07:33,587 --> 00:07:36,054
Opened the fridge,
took out the lasagna,
177
00:07:36,056 --> 00:07:37,889
And started scarfing it down
with your one good hand.
178
00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:39,391
Yeah, show him.
179
00:07:39,393 --> 00:07:41,460
Yeah.
I don't need to see.
180
00:07:41,462 --> 00:07:43,228
oh, yes, you do.
This is great.
No, it's pretty funny.
181
00:07:43,230 --> 00:07:44,629
What are you doing, jim?
182
00:07:47,301 --> 00:07:48,934
I don't know.
183
00:07:48,936 --> 00:07:50,569
Why wouldn't you
wake me up?
184
00:07:50,571 --> 00:07:52,237
And why'd you film this?
We tried!
185
00:07:52,239 --> 00:07:53,939
Oh, man, it was best
just to get out of your way.
186
00:07:53,941 --> 00:07:55,240
Ow!
187
00:07:57,244 --> 00:08:00,145
It's -- maybe it's the ambien.
How many of those you taking?
188
00:08:00,147 --> 00:08:02,747
I took like two
before I went to bed. That's it.
189
00:08:02,749 --> 00:08:05,584
No, you also took one between
the lasagna and the cookie tree.
190
00:08:05,586 --> 00:08:07,085
You called it
your palate cleanser.
191
00:08:07,087 --> 00:08:09,588
Look!
192
00:08:11,291 --> 00:08:13,425
Man, you got to watch
how many of those you take.
193
00:08:13,427 --> 00:08:15,260
Yeah,
that's what kills people.
What am I going to do?
194
00:08:15,262 --> 00:08:17,429
I'm in a lot of pain.
I can't sleep.
195
00:08:17,431 --> 00:08:18,430
Well, you just got to
keep track of it.
196
00:08:18,432 --> 00:08:20,098
All right.
197
00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:24,269
I am going to write down
every time you take something.
198
00:08:24,271 --> 00:08:26,638
This is good.
This is gonna work.
199
00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:29,441
We should call this
my "heath ledger."
200
00:08:29,443 --> 00:08:31,643
yeah, it's funny,
201
00:08:31,645 --> 00:08:33,778
'cause he was taking drugs
and he died
202
00:08:33,780 --> 00:08:35,780
And his name's ledger,
like a list.
203
00:08:35,782 --> 00:08:37,115
You should use that
in one of your drug routines.
204
00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:40,952
I'm not...Getting on stage
any time soon.
205
00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:42,621
What are you talking about?
You love performing.
206
00:08:42,623 --> 00:08:45,290
I love not having people hate me
so much they want to shoot me.
207
00:08:45,292 --> 00:08:46,625
That's what I love.
208
00:08:46,627 --> 00:08:48,793
Well, jim,
what else are you gonna do?
209
00:08:52,632 --> 00:08:55,634
I'm assessing
my situation.
210
00:08:57,638 --> 00:08:59,137
Heath ledger.
211
00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:00,305
What options?
212
00:09:00,307 --> 00:09:01,473
I don't know.
213
00:09:01,475 --> 00:09:03,542
maybe eating contests.
214
00:09:46,352 --> 00:09:49,654
Jim,
what are you doing?
215
00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:54,526
Jim!
216
00:09:54,528 --> 00:09:56,261
Jim!
217
00:09:56,263 --> 00:09:57,896
What are you doing?!
Steve!
218
00:09:57,898 --> 00:09:59,864
steve!
219
00:10:01,401 --> 00:10:02,867
Steve!!
220
00:10:02,869 --> 00:10:04,569
Jim!
Jim, what are you doing?!
221
00:10:04,571 --> 00:10:06,137
You're pissing on him!
222
00:10:07,206 --> 00:10:09,874
Oh, geez. Jim! Jim!
223
00:10:09,876 --> 00:10:11,743
Jim, wake up!
224
00:10:11,745 --> 00:10:13,712
Hey!
225
00:10:13,714 --> 00:10:15,614
jim!
226
00:10:16,716 --> 00:10:17,882
Come on, let's go!
227
00:10:17,884 --> 00:10:19,217
Oh, my god!
Oh, my -- jim!
228
00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:20,885
Jim! Jim, wake up!
229
00:10:20,887 --> 00:10:21,786
Wake up, man!
230
00:10:21,788 --> 00:10:23,254
You got to wake up, man!
231
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,060
I didn't shoo--
you show could I...
232
00:10:29,062 --> 00:10:31,529
All right, steve?
Tell him.
233
00:10:32,798 --> 00:10:35,400
I was trying to protect you,
man. I'm sorry.
234
00:10:35,402 --> 00:10:38,069
You knew, as well, didn't you,
you little bastard?
235
00:10:38,071 --> 00:10:40,572
Well, steve begged me
not to tell!
236
00:10:40,574 --> 00:10:42,407
And -- I need a shower!
237
00:10:42,409 --> 00:10:45,243
No. You sit there in my piss and
think about what you've done.
238
00:10:45,245 --> 00:10:47,746
Look,
if I didn't pull my gun,
239
00:10:47,748 --> 00:10:49,648
That guy was gonna
shoot you for sure.
240
00:10:49,650 --> 00:10:51,449
And he's probably
a better shot than me.
241
00:10:51,451 --> 00:10:53,251
So I -- I --
maybe I saved your life.
242
00:10:53,253 --> 00:10:54,919
Oh, I'm so sorry.
243
00:10:54,921 --> 00:10:56,988
Thank you so much
for shooting me, steve!
244
00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:59,591
Oh, steve shot me, everyone!
How nice of him!
245
00:10:59,593 --> 00:11:00,959
Come on.
Keep your voice down.
246
00:11:00,961 --> 00:11:02,427
The reporters
are gonna hear you.
247
00:11:02,429 --> 00:11:03,828
Maybe I want them to hear!
248
00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:05,597
Maybe everyone should hear
what an idiot you are!
249
00:11:05,599 --> 00:11:07,766
Calm down.
No one's gonna find out.
250
00:11:07,768 --> 00:11:09,434
And I really
need a shower!
251
00:11:09,436 --> 00:11:11,269
Of course
they're gonna find out.
252
00:11:11,271 --> 00:11:13,605
Right? There --
there's surveillance footage.
253
00:11:13,607 --> 00:11:14,939
There's no
surveillance footage.
254
00:11:14,941 --> 00:11:16,274
Otherwise, it would be
on the news by now.
255
00:11:16,276 --> 00:11:18,443
The cops are out there
looking for him.
256
00:11:18,445 --> 00:11:19,944
No, they're not.
257
00:11:19,946 --> 00:11:21,946
We gave false reports
to the sketch artist.
258
00:11:21,948 --> 00:11:23,948
They -- I told 'em
it was a black guy.
259
00:11:23,950 --> 00:11:25,517
And I said
he had a little asian in him.
260
00:11:25,519 --> 00:11:27,285
So they're looking
for a blasian guy.
261
00:11:27,287 --> 00:11:28,953
So --
so tiger woods shot me?
262
00:11:28,955 --> 00:11:30,655
Ohh.
263
00:11:30,657 --> 00:11:32,957
This is afghanistan,
isn't it?
264
00:11:32,959 --> 00:11:35,026
I told you
not to get a gun,
265
00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:37,629
But steve went to afghanistan
and fired a few guns
266
00:11:37,631 --> 00:11:40,832
And felt like a big soldier boy,
didn't he?
267
00:11:40,834 --> 00:11:43,134
Okay. I'm sorry.
All right?
268
00:11:43,136 --> 00:11:45,370
And, yes, afghanistan was
the only time that I felt okay.
269
00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:47,472
If the cops ask me,
I'm telling 'em.
270
00:11:47,474 --> 00:11:49,808
Jim...
You're a mess.
271
00:11:49,810 --> 00:11:52,644
Every problem that I've had --
no wait, wait.
272
00:11:52,646 --> 00:11:55,847
Every problem that we have had
is because of you.
273
00:11:55,849 --> 00:11:57,816
That's why
your wife left you.
274
00:11:57,818 --> 00:11:59,818
That's why
you have no job.
275
00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:01,453
That's why
you've got no friends!
Steve!
276
00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:06,057
That was over the line,
jim.
277
00:12:09,695 --> 00:12:13,832
Can you hose me off at least?!
278
00:12:21,340 --> 00:12:23,675
"red moon over odessa,"
jim?
279
00:12:23,677 --> 00:12:25,510
What, are you torturing yourself
now?
280
00:12:25,512 --> 00:12:26,678
What difference
does it make?
281
00:12:26,680 --> 00:12:27,879
I'm not pursuing comedy
anymore,
282
00:12:27,881 --> 00:12:29,681
Therefore
I'm not pursuing acting,
283
00:12:29,683 --> 00:12:32,350
Therefore I don't have to be sad
about a movie I got fired from.
284
00:12:32,352 --> 00:12:33,418
It's good.
285
00:12:33,420 --> 00:12:35,220
It's really good.
286
00:12:35,222 --> 00:12:37,355
Glad this guy
got the part.
287
00:12:37,357 --> 00:12:40,024
way better actor than me.
288
00:12:40,026 --> 00:12:42,427
Is steve back?
289
00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:43,795
No.
290
00:12:46,532 --> 00:12:48,199
Your thing's today.
291
00:12:48,201 --> 00:12:49,734
Yeah.
292
00:12:49,736 --> 00:12:51,436
I'll drive ya.
No, man. Come on.
293
00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:54,773
You've only got one arm. Plus,
you -- you seem kind of high.
294
00:12:59,945 --> 00:13:01,946
I'm sorry
I pissed on your face.
295
00:13:01,948 --> 00:13:05,383
You know what?
Let's not talk about it anymore.
296
00:13:05,385 --> 00:13:07,752
Just be happy
I didn't have to shit, eh?
297
00:13:07,754 --> 00:13:08,887
No more!
298
00:13:14,560 --> 00:13:16,728
Welcome to
"intent to kill"...Billy.
299
00:13:16,730 --> 00:13:18,596
Thanks.
300
00:13:22,902 --> 00:13:25,270
Hey, you're that comedian
from tv who got shot.
301
00:13:25,272 --> 00:13:26,404
Yeah.
302
00:13:26,406 --> 00:13:27,939
Can we get a picture?
303
00:13:27,941 --> 00:13:29,741
Uh, yeah.
Of course.
304
00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:35,413
Can you imagine
how many gallons of nerd jizz
305
00:13:35,415 --> 00:13:37,582
Is gonna be spilled
over those girls this evening?
306
00:13:37,584 --> 00:13:39,784
Well, not actually spilt.
The guy's aren't going to --
307
00:13:39,786 --> 00:13:40,752
Jim!
I've got an erection.
308
00:13:40,754 --> 00:13:41,986
Me and you both.
309
00:13:41,988 --> 00:13:43,988
No, it's the meds.
They're not working.
310
00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:45,423
I can barely move my hands.
311
00:13:45,425 --> 00:13:47,091
What are you talking about?
312
00:13:47,093 --> 00:13:49,427
I haven't had an erection
since I started taking them.
313
00:13:49,429 --> 00:13:51,796
Referee: Contestants,
please take your stations.
314
00:13:51,798 --> 00:13:53,598
It's okay.
This is gonna be fine.
315
00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:55,600
On the bell,
play for five minutes.
316
00:13:55,602 --> 00:13:57,335
Most kills wins.
317
00:13:57,337 --> 00:13:58,770
I've got this.
318
00:13:58,772 --> 00:14:01,072
And...Go!
319
00:14:08,781 --> 00:14:11,349
Oh, my god.
320
00:14:23,796 --> 00:14:25,697
I'm sorry, mate.
321
00:14:25,699 --> 00:14:28,967
I think being able to play took
my mind off how screwed I am.
322
00:14:28,969 --> 00:14:30,468
Well,
if it means anything,
323
00:14:30,470 --> 00:14:32,604
We're all kind of screwed
at the moment.
324
00:14:34,340 --> 00:14:36,474
You're not really gonna quit
stand-up, are you?
325
00:14:36,476 --> 00:14:38,643
Maybe -- yes.
326
00:14:38,645 --> 00:14:40,645
Yes, I am.
What am I --
327
00:14:40,647 --> 00:14:42,146
I used to be fearless
up there.
328
00:14:42,148 --> 00:14:44,182
Now I feel like
I can't do anything anymore.
329
00:14:44,184 --> 00:14:46,818
Why,
because steve shot you?
330
00:14:46,820 --> 00:14:49,320
Yes.
I'm afraid of being shot.
331
00:14:49,322 --> 00:14:53,157
'cause, you know, I wasn't shot
by some psycho heckler.
332
00:14:53,159 --> 00:14:54,726
I was shot by steve.
333
00:14:54,728 --> 00:14:56,661
You know, so even if I do
get back up there,
334
00:14:56,663 --> 00:14:58,529
I'd be living a lie.
It wouldn't be real.
335
00:14:58,531 --> 00:15:01,566
Okay, so, you're gonna give up
something that you can still do
336
00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:04,335
When I have to give up something
that I love.
337
00:15:04,337 --> 00:15:05,837
Maybe the meds
will work again.
338
00:15:05,839 --> 00:15:07,672
Yeah, the meds might
start working again, jim.
339
00:15:07,674 --> 00:15:09,674
And then
they might stop again, too.
340
00:15:09,676 --> 00:15:12,010
You're really good at something,
and you're gonna give that up
341
00:15:12,012 --> 00:15:13,845
Because of a -- what,
because a few panic attacks
342
00:15:13,847 --> 00:15:16,180
And a flesh wound?
343
00:15:16,182 --> 00:15:18,483
Do you have any idea
how insulting that is to me?!
344
00:15:31,196 --> 00:15:32,196
Hi.
345
00:15:32,198 --> 00:15:33,431
Hi.
346
00:15:35,734 --> 00:15:37,468
So...
347
00:15:39,038 --> 00:15:40,939
Yeah...
348
00:15:40,941 --> 00:15:42,206
Jim...
349
00:15:42,208 --> 00:15:44,042
Katie...
350
00:15:44,044 --> 00:15:46,778
Okay, um, I'm going to
give you guys a minute alone.
351
00:15:49,715 --> 00:15:51,182
Come -- come in.
352
00:15:53,552 --> 00:15:59,290
I just, uh, had to come over,
you know, after last night.
353
00:15:59,292 --> 00:16:00,959
Last night...
354
00:16:04,563 --> 00:16:06,564
What happened last night?
355
00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:08,232
Y-you're kidding.
356
00:16:08,234 --> 00:16:10,735
No, no. Last night, yes.
I remember, of course.
357
00:16:10,737 --> 00:16:12,904
Uh, sit down.
358
00:16:12,906 --> 00:16:14,439
Um...
359
00:16:14,441 --> 00:16:16,274
you said
some pretty amazing things,
360
00:16:16,276 --> 00:16:18,242
And it's -- it's got me spinning
a little bit.
361
00:16:18,244 --> 00:16:19,777
I mean, a lot, actually.
362
00:16:19,779 --> 00:16:21,746
I called you five times
last night.
363
00:16:21,748 --> 00:16:23,114
Yeah.
Yeah.
364
00:16:23,116 --> 00:16:25,083
We talked
for like two hours.
365
00:16:25,085 --> 00:16:28,252
I mean, you stopped now and then
to -- to eat, but...
366
00:16:28,254 --> 00:16:30,254
And I called my mother.
367
00:16:30,256 --> 00:16:33,224
Yeah. You said you wanted to
tell her the good news.
368
00:16:36,595 --> 00:16:39,497
What -- what exactly
did I say last night?
369
00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:41,432
You're kidding, right?
370
00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:42,934
No, no.
I know what I said last night.
371
00:16:42,936 --> 00:16:44,268
I want to know
if you heard me,
372
00:16:44,270 --> 00:16:45,670
'cause it's very important
to me.
373
00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:49,774
So, in your own words,
tell me what I said.
374
00:16:49,776 --> 00:16:51,976
Well, let's see.
375
00:16:51,978 --> 00:16:54,946
You said
that we should be together.
376
00:16:54,948 --> 00:16:57,015
Together? Yeah.
377
00:16:57,017 --> 00:16:59,017
And that you wish
I would have kept our baby
378
00:16:59,019 --> 00:17:00,952
Instead of
having the abortion.
379
00:17:00,954 --> 00:17:04,188
That you know I'm not happy with
trevor and I should leave him.
380
00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:07,825
And you want to take care of
my kids and move away with me.
381
00:17:07,827 --> 00:17:09,961
You said you wanted to
open a candle shop.
382
00:17:10,964 --> 00:17:12,296
Should I go on?
383
00:17:12,298 --> 00:17:13,631
No. Stop talking.
384
00:17:13,633 --> 00:17:15,166
ahh.
385
00:17:15,168 --> 00:17:17,635
Katie, I'm on a lot of drugs.
I'm on drugs right now.
386
00:17:17,637 --> 00:17:19,003
Mountain of drugs
out of my skull.
387
00:17:19,005 --> 00:17:20,371
Um...
388
00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:22,473
I have a heath ledger here,
um, which --
389
00:17:22,475 --> 00:17:25,009
Which probably explains it a lot
better than I can ever say.
390
00:17:25,011 --> 00:17:28,746
There's pages and pages
of misery just there.
391
00:17:30,349 --> 00:17:31,816
Oh, my god.
392
00:17:31,818 --> 00:17:33,985
You don't remember.
393
00:17:33,987 --> 00:17:36,921
No heterosexual man wants to
open a candle shop, katie.
394
00:17:38,490 --> 00:17:40,491
Yeah, what?
395
00:17:40,493 --> 00:17:42,827
Oh, my god. Um...
396
00:17:42,829 --> 00:17:43,828
Wow!
397
00:17:43,830 --> 00:17:45,496
Uh...
398
00:17:45,498 --> 00:17:46,831
Oh, my god.
399
00:17:46,833 --> 00:17:48,833
I feel like a fool.
400
00:17:48,835 --> 00:17:50,001
Well, it's...
401
00:17:50,003 --> 00:17:52,003
I mean, no.
But you know what?
402
00:17:52,005 --> 00:17:54,839
I-it's okay, because,
um, I was about to
403
00:17:54,841 --> 00:17:58,543
Make some really huge decisions
based on that conversation,
404
00:17:58,545 --> 00:18:00,244
And it wasn't a real
conversation, so, I mean...
405
00:18:00,246 --> 00:18:01,879
No, wait. Wait.
Don't feel -- don't --
no, it's okay.
406
00:18:01,881 --> 00:18:03,347
It's not that it wasn't real.
I just --
407
00:18:03,349 --> 00:18:04,682
These drugs
are messing with my head.
408
00:18:04,684 --> 00:18:06,217
I'm sure on a certain level,
409
00:18:06,219 --> 00:18:08,686
My subconscious means
everything that I said.
410
00:18:08,688 --> 00:18:14,025
I -- I mean...What you've
just said to me about...
411
00:18:14,027 --> 00:18:17,695
I don't want to
raise your kids.
412
00:18:20,033 --> 00:18:22,533
You know,
on the phone last night,
413
00:18:22,535 --> 00:18:25,436
You said you wanted to
have a real life...
414
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:29,207
To be legit...
415
00:18:29,209 --> 00:18:33,878
Have something meaningful
and lasting and real.
416
00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:36,214
I mean,
you got to ask yourself,
417
00:18:36,216 --> 00:18:38,783
"what kind of life
do I really want?"
418
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:41,452
You know?
419
00:18:43,222 --> 00:18:44,722
Yeah.
420
00:18:44,724 --> 00:18:46,824
Make your decision.
421
00:18:49,728 --> 00:18:52,630
I'll be waiting.
422
00:19:18,258 --> 00:19:20,925
That's a lot of people.
423
00:19:20,927 --> 00:19:23,094
You're gonna do great,
baby.
424
00:19:24,764 --> 00:19:27,465
Yeah, look. I'll just see you
after the show, okay?
425
00:19:29,769 --> 00:19:32,803
Jim: Like, every year,
it's like, so wasted!
426
00:19:32,805 --> 00:19:34,972
Hey, kate? Don't forget
max has got soccer tomorrow.
427
00:19:34,974 --> 00:19:36,474
I know.
428
00:19:36,476 --> 00:19:38,776
And my dry cleaning
will be ready after 6:00.
429
00:19:38,778 --> 00:19:40,278
Uh-huh.
430
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:42,280
Funny man jim jefferies,
431
00:19:42,282 --> 00:19:43,781
Who was shot
for his anti-gun jokes,
432
00:19:43,783 --> 00:19:45,483
Is on a roll,
433
00:19:45,485 --> 00:19:47,451
Selling out huge theaters
across the country.
434
00:19:47,453 --> 00:19:49,687
"extra" will have --
435
00:19:51,957 --> 00:19:55,126
Fall in, ladies!
You, bozo!
436
00:19:55,128 --> 00:19:57,461
You look like
you got a spoon for a face!
437
00:19:57,463 --> 00:19:59,463
I think I'll call you
"spoon face"!
438
00:19:59,465 --> 00:20:01,532
You're a little long
in the tooth, are you?!
439
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:03,634
What makes you think
you're good enough?!
You know what I think?!
440
00:20:03,636 --> 00:20:06,137
I think you need to be
back at home mowing the grass!
441
00:20:06,139 --> 00:20:08,306
Did you watch john wayne
last weekend all patriotic,
442
00:20:08,308 --> 00:20:10,308
Decided you wanted to
be a soldier
443
00:20:10,310 --> 00:20:11,976
And wear
this cool costume?!
444
00:20:15,548 --> 00:20:18,482
Welcome home, billy.
445
00:20:18,484 --> 00:20:20,885
Shut up, rodney.
446
00:20:35,168 --> 00:20:36,067
There's my man.
447
00:20:36,069 --> 00:20:37,868
Hey, mike.
448
00:20:37,870 --> 00:20:41,005
You know, after tonight, your
life is never gonna be the same.
449
00:20:42,675 --> 00:20:46,177
Yeah, yeah. Everything
I've always wished for.
450
00:20:46,179 --> 00:20:48,679
Hey,
you're gonna be great.
451
00:20:48,681 --> 00:20:51,515
Announcer: Ladies and gentleman,
jim jefferies!
32449
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