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1
00:00:18,618 --> 00:00:21,954
Thank you very much, everyone.
Good night.
Man: Good job, jim!
2
00:00:21,956 --> 00:00:23,288
Man: All right.
That was jim jefferies, guys.
3
00:00:23,290 --> 00:00:24,456
That was, uh, interesting.
4
00:00:24,458 --> 00:00:25,624
All right.
Well, that sucked.
5
00:00:25,626 --> 00:00:27,292
Mike, you told me
to work clean!
6
00:00:27,294 --> 00:00:29,294
I said do your act.
Just take out the dirty stuff.
7
00:00:29,296 --> 00:00:31,296
This is a network
television showcase.
8
00:00:31,298 --> 00:00:32,831
They need to know
you can work clean.
9
00:00:32,833 --> 00:00:34,166
Mike, do you even watch
what I do?
10
00:00:34,168 --> 00:00:35,634
The first two minutes
of my show
11
00:00:35,636 --> 00:00:36,668
Involves the words
"cock, shit, pussy, balls."
12
00:00:36,670 --> 00:00:38,971
Okay, so say
"penis" and "poo."
13
00:00:38,973 --> 00:00:40,639
"balls" are also legal
in the right context,
14
00:00:40,641 --> 00:00:42,641
As is "snatch."
I can say "snatch"?
15
00:00:42,643 --> 00:00:44,309
Maybe not, no.
16
00:00:44,311 --> 00:00:46,311
I can't say "poo."
why?
17
00:00:46,313 --> 00:00:48,847
Because it's juvenile
to say "poo," you big poo.
18
00:00:48,849 --> 00:00:51,517
No. I-I just don't think
I'm built for this.
19
00:00:51,519 --> 00:00:53,152
It wasn't until I was 19
till I realized
20
00:00:53,154 --> 00:00:54,820
That I had to do a whole thing,
like, shaving...
21
00:00:54,822 --> 00:00:57,389
Look at her. She's doing great,
and she's working clean.
22
00:00:57,391 --> 00:00:59,358
...Really don't care
about it.
23
00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:01,493
Good job.
Suck a dick, steve.
24
00:01:01,495 --> 00:01:02,828
I think they were afraid
to laugh
25
00:01:02,830 --> 00:01:04,363
Because they didn't want
to miss the next joke.
26
00:01:04,365 --> 00:01:05,864
That's why
they weren't laughing.
27
00:01:05,866 --> 00:01:07,666
Corrinne: Kkk, white.
It's not...
28
00:01:07,668 --> 00:01:09,535
Ah, bullshit. It sucked. Why
didn't you do your good stuff?
29
00:01:09,537 --> 00:01:11,336
It was my good stuff
without swearing.
30
00:01:11,338 --> 00:01:12,871
you can't work clean.
31
00:01:12,873 --> 00:01:15,207
I just found that out,
didn't I? Thank you.
Oh, my god.
32
00:01:15,209 --> 00:01:16,909
Not only do I have to lose
weight in my arms, my thighs,
33
00:01:16,911 --> 00:01:18,677
And my legs, now I have to lose
five pounds in my vagina.
34
00:01:21,215 --> 00:01:23,715
Now, she knows
how to work clean.
Yeah.
35
00:01:23,717 --> 00:01:24,883
peggy: Hey.
36
00:01:24,885 --> 00:01:26,685
Hey.
Billy: Hey!
37
00:01:26,687 --> 00:01:28,520
Peggy.
You come to see me.
No, I was just --
38
00:01:28,522 --> 00:01:30,355
I just got here. Hi.
39
00:01:30,357 --> 00:01:32,524
Billy: Hi, peg.
How are you?
40
00:01:32,526 --> 00:01:35,694
Hi. You look pretty.
Thanks.
41
00:01:35,696 --> 00:01:37,729
Jim, I'm really sorry about
that whole "loveline" thing.
42
00:01:37,731 --> 00:01:39,531
No, I understand
you're upset we broke up.
43
00:01:39,533 --> 00:01:41,366
It takes a lot
to get over a relation--
44
00:01:41,368 --> 00:01:42,868
Hey, baby. Hey.
Hi.
45
00:01:42,870 --> 00:01:43,936
Bob saget.
46
00:01:43,938 --> 00:01:45,571
Billy,
that's bob saget.
47
00:01:45,573 --> 00:01:47,272
I'm not an idiot.
48
00:01:47,274 --> 00:01:49,541
man: No one's ever told you...
49
00:01:49,543 --> 00:01:51,043
Um, bob,
do you know jim?
50
00:01:51,045 --> 00:01:53,712
Uh, no. No.
Uh, nice to meet you.
51
00:01:53,714 --> 00:01:56,248
Hey. Jim.
And this is
billy and steve.
52
00:01:56,250 --> 00:01:57,749
I-I-I'm a big fan.
53
00:01:57,751 --> 00:01:59,284
Uh -- mnh-mnh.
Bob: Oh, thanks.
54
00:01:59,286 --> 00:02:01,453
Hi, bob saget.
Hey, shake his hand for me.
55
00:02:01,455 --> 00:02:03,222
Steve:
He can't shake, so --
56
00:02:03,224 --> 00:02:04,556
That's cool. I don't want
to touch him anyway.
57
00:02:05,759 --> 00:02:07,793
That's not a joke.
He's disabled.
58
00:02:07,795 --> 00:02:10,062
Um, jim is also
a comedian.
59
00:02:10,064 --> 00:02:11,563
Oh, really?
60
00:02:11,565 --> 00:02:13,432
No, I used to,
uh, date, uh --
61
00:02:13,434 --> 00:02:15,901
I was just up there.
62
00:02:15,903 --> 00:02:17,469
So, these executives
63
00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:19,238
Are making you play clean,
as well, huh?
64
00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:21,306
Me?
n-no.
65
00:02:21,308 --> 00:02:23,742
No, I just come in here and
crush it and make them laugh,
66
00:02:23,744 --> 00:02:25,244
And that's what I do.
67
00:02:25,246 --> 00:02:26,578
Of course you do.
Right.
Yeah, he does.
68
00:02:26,580 --> 00:02:28,413
Bob: That's right.
It was nice to meet you.
69
00:02:28,415 --> 00:02:29,982
Jim, right?
Jim. Yeah.
70
00:02:29,984 --> 00:02:31,483
See you soon, babe.
Bye.
Oh.
71
00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:33,418
Bob saget.
72
00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:38,924
Billy: Bob saget!
I know bob saget!
73
00:02:38,926 --> 00:02:40,659
Bob: Thank you very much.
74
00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:41,927
So, let's hear it
for the very short person
75
00:02:41,929 --> 00:02:43,462
That I don't care to know.
76
00:02:43,464 --> 00:02:44,930
W-why don't you go over there
and gush?
77
00:02:44,932 --> 00:02:46,598
That's bob saget.
Let's go watch.
Let's go.
78
00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:49,668
Enjoy yourselves.
79
00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:51,603
Peggy's a gag hag
with bob saget.
80
00:02:51,605 --> 00:02:54,773
Now, I see that you have some
problems, and I appreciate it,
81
00:02:54,775 --> 00:02:56,441
'cause I support anybody
82
00:02:56,443 --> 00:02:57,809
That -- that craps their pants
all the time.
83
00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:01,280
That wasn't a joke.
Good set.
84
00:03:01,282 --> 00:03:03,615
Bob: That's a really good joke
from the old days.
85
00:03:03,617 --> 00:03:04,816
Oh, thank you.
86
00:03:05,986 --> 00:03:09,454
Angela! Hey.
87
00:03:09,456 --> 00:03:11,657
Did you see
corrinne tonight, huh?
88
00:03:11,659 --> 00:03:12,824
Really funny.
89
00:03:12,826 --> 00:03:14,960
I like this guy.
This guy?
90
00:03:14,962 --> 00:03:16,795
Yeah, this guy!
Everybody loves jim.
91
00:03:16,797 --> 00:03:18,463
He killed it tonight.
92
00:03:18,465 --> 00:03:20,532
Angela mckinnon.
G'day. Jim jefferies.
93
00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:24,469
Why don't you come to my office
sometime and we can talk?
94
00:03:24,471 --> 00:03:27,306
What we'll do is we'll see if
we can squeeze him in next week.
95
00:03:27,308 --> 00:03:28,874
Jim is really busy.
He's in --
96
00:03:28,876 --> 00:03:30,976
Why don't you
let him answer?
97
00:03:30,978 --> 00:03:32,644
I would love to,
anytime you want.
98
00:03:32,646 --> 00:03:35,981
Good answer.
Okay. Make it soon.
99
00:03:35,983 --> 00:03:37,015
Okay, mike?
100
00:03:37,017 --> 00:03:39,384
You got it.
101
00:03:39,386 --> 00:03:42,854
Okay. Australians don't
high-five. Who was that?
102
00:03:42,856 --> 00:03:44,856
Only the biggest comedy exec
in town.
103
00:03:44,858 --> 00:03:46,525
This is huge, man.
104
00:03:46,527 --> 00:03:48,527
I don't know how you did it,
but you did it.
105
00:03:48,529 --> 00:03:51,363
I got to roll.
Jamie foxx is here.
106
00:03:51,365 --> 00:03:52,364
Man: Bob saget!
Thanks, mike.
107
00:03:52,366 --> 00:03:53,732
yeah!
108
00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:55,000
Man: Whoo!
109
00:03:55,002 --> 00:03:56,702
Man: Way to go, bob.
Thanks.
110
00:03:56,704 --> 00:03:58,370
Great set, bob.
111
00:03:58,372 --> 00:04:00,839
Oh, thanks, man.
So, you know angela?
112
00:04:00,841 --> 00:04:03,008
We just met.
113
00:04:03,010 --> 00:04:05,677
Welcome to show business.
114
00:04:07,681 --> 00:04:08,880
Peggy: Bye, jim.
115
00:04:08,882 --> 00:04:10,882
Bye.
116
00:04:10,884 --> 00:04:14,353
"welcome to show business."
117
00:04:14,355 --> 00:04:16,021
Bob saget.
118
00:04:19,525 --> 00:04:21,026
I get it. You're jealous.
It's just like todd.
119
00:04:21,028 --> 00:04:22,761
Oh, my god.
Jim: It's not like todd.
120
00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:24,363
Turn.
121
00:04:24,365 --> 00:04:26,531
I'd be all right
if peggy was dating someone,
122
00:04:26,533 --> 00:04:28,433
You know, lower.
Just...
123
00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:29,434
Turn.
124
00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:31,703
...Someone
less successful.
125
00:04:31,705 --> 00:04:33,071
In the comedy world,
they're called "gag hags."
126
00:04:33,073 --> 00:04:35,040
Nice.
Turn.
Yeah, you know, like,
127
00:04:35,042 --> 00:04:36,441
When you first
start dating a girl,
128
00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:38,410
They're not even into comedy,
right?
129
00:04:38,412 --> 00:04:40,045
And then
you break up with them,
130
00:04:40,047 --> 00:04:42,114
And all they seem to do
is date bloody comedians.
131
00:04:42,116 --> 00:04:43,782
What if he's better-looking
than you?
132
00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:45,050
That's fine.
Better car?
133
00:04:45,052 --> 00:04:46,618
It's fine.
134
00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:47,886
Richer?
Totally cool.
135
00:04:47,888 --> 00:04:49,588
Funnier?
136
00:04:49,590 --> 00:04:52,424
No, not --
not funnier.
137
00:04:52,426 --> 00:04:53,792
More famous.
138
00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:55,794
Right. Don't they
kind of go hand in hand?
139
00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:57,129
No, they don't go
hand in hand!
140
00:04:57,131 --> 00:04:58,730
Some people get overlooked.
141
00:04:58,732 --> 00:05:00,098
Like men
don't date up?
142
00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:01,900
I don't know.
Saget is pretty funny.
143
00:05:01,902 --> 00:05:03,402
you're not helping, billy.
144
00:05:03,404 --> 00:05:05,937
This conversation
is ridiculous.
145
00:05:05,939 --> 00:05:07,139
Hello?
146
00:05:07,141 --> 00:05:08,573
Mike: Jimmy j.!
Hi, mike.
147
00:05:08,575 --> 00:05:10,242
Hey, so how is Tuesday
148
00:05:10,244 --> 00:05:14,079
At, um...Uh...10:00 a.M.?
149
00:05:14,081 --> 00:05:16,581
Yeah, sure. Sure.
Wait. What's this all about?
150
00:05:16,583 --> 00:05:18,583
Meeting with angela.
General meeting.
151
00:05:18,585 --> 00:05:20,452
She just wants to get to know
you, see what you're all about.
152
00:05:20,454 --> 00:05:22,087
Okay.
153
00:05:22,089 --> 00:05:23,422
Mike?
154
00:05:23,424 --> 00:05:24,923
Yeah, jim?
155
00:05:24,925 --> 00:05:27,125
What am I all about?
156
00:05:27,127 --> 00:05:30,962
You are all about
making her happy.
157
00:05:30,964 --> 00:05:33,799
That's what
you're all about.
Okay.
158
00:05:33,801 --> 00:05:36,101
All right. I got to take
this call. Love you, man.
159
00:05:36,103 --> 00:05:38,937
A really big executive wants
to have a meeting with me.
160
00:05:38,939 --> 00:05:40,772
Really?
Off thset?
161
00:05:40,774 --> 00:05:42,874
Yeah.
162
00:05:45,645 --> 00:05:46,778
Uh, water?
163
00:05:46,780 --> 00:05:48,146
Ah, no, I'm fine.
Thank you.
164
00:05:48,148 --> 00:05:49,481
You sure?
165
00:05:49,483 --> 00:05:51,516
Yeah. Thanks.
Okay.
166
00:05:51,518 --> 00:05:53,018
Hi. Jim jefferies.
167
00:05:53,020 --> 00:05:55,987
Thank you so much
for having me.
168
00:05:55,989 --> 00:05:57,122
Oh, please.
169
00:05:57,124 --> 00:05:59,524
Where in England
are you from?
170
00:05:59,526 --> 00:06:01,493
Oh, no. I'm, uh --
I'm australian.
171
00:06:01,495 --> 00:06:03,795
You know what?
That is so much better.
172
00:06:03,797 --> 00:06:08,133
I just --
british actors are so...
173
00:06:08,135 --> 00:06:09,701
Girly.
174
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:11,169
You know what I mean?
175
00:06:11,171 --> 00:06:14,873
Australian men --
now, those are real men, right?
176
00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:17,843
Look, russell crowe?
177
00:06:17,845 --> 00:06:19,511
That's a real guy.
178
00:06:19,513 --> 00:06:21,146
So...
179
00:06:21,148 --> 00:06:24,649
What is jim about?
180
00:06:24,651 --> 00:06:26,985
Okay.
Well, I love stand-up.
181
00:06:26,987 --> 00:06:29,654
I would also like
to be in movies.
182
00:06:29,656 --> 00:06:31,823
I'd like to be in television.
I can write.
183
00:06:31,825 --> 00:06:33,525
What have you written?
184
00:06:33,527 --> 00:06:35,060
Oh, I've written
heaps of stuff.
185
00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:37,162
I've, uh, written
my stand-up...
Mm-hmm.
186
00:06:37,164 --> 00:06:38,530
...And, um, other stuff.
187
00:06:38,532 --> 00:06:41,733
And, uh, can you act?
Yes.
188
00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:43,702
Have you been
in anything?
189
00:06:43,704 --> 00:06:45,670
Not yet.
190
00:06:45,672 --> 00:06:47,672
Well, don't worry about that.
Acting is easy.
191
00:06:47,674 --> 00:06:50,041
What you need
is a good look.
192
00:06:50,043 --> 00:06:51,910
Have I got a good look?
Not at all.
193
00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:53,545
But that just means
you might have to work
194
00:06:53,547 --> 00:06:55,680
A little bit harder
than some of the others.
195
00:06:55,682 --> 00:06:57,015
yep.
196
00:06:57,017 --> 00:06:58,583
Are you a hard worker?
197
00:06:58,585 --> 00:06:59,885
That I am, yes.
198
00:06:59,887 --> 00:07:03,855
Are you willing
to go that extra mile?
199
00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:05,023
Absolutely.
200
00:07:05,025 --> 00:07:07,058
That is great.
201
00:07:07,060 --> 00:07:09,060
One more thing.
Anything.
202
00:07:09,062 --> 00:07:10,929
Good answer.
203
00:07:18,905 --> 00:07:21,106
Lick my pussy.
204
00:07:23,910 --> 00:07:26,378
Y-- uh -- you --
w-w-what now?
205
00:07:26,380 --> 00:07:27,879
You heard me.
206
00:07:27,881 --> 00:07:29,748
Y-- um, you want me
to lick your...What?
207
00:07:29,750 --> 00:07:32,117
Yes.
208
00:07:32,119 --> 00:07:33,919
Um, I --
209
00:07:33,921 --> 00:07:38,723
Uh, I would rather get a job
on my merits.
210
00:07:42,563 --> 00:07:45,096
Well, everyone in hollywood
thinks they have merits.
211
00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:48,600
Look, I just told you
acting is easy.
212
00:07:48,602 --> 00:07:49,901
That's why everybody
wants to do it.
213
00:07:49,903 --> 00:07:52,938
I mean, there was literally
like 17, 18 guys
214
00:07:52,940 --> 00:07:55,907
Could've played chandler
on "friends," right?
215
00:07:55,909 --> 00:07:57,309
Mm-hmm.
But matthew perry,
216
00:07:57,311 --> 00:08:00,579
He did something
that none of the others did.
217
00:08:00,581 --> 00:08:02,147
Mm.
Licked your pussy.
218
00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:04,316
Like a champ, may I add.
219
00:08:04,318 --> 00:08:05,917
Like a champ.
220
00:08:05,919 --> 00:08:09,087
Here's how to think of it
that might make it easier.
221
00:08:09,089 --> 00:08:13,792
Think of this
as a tunnel to stardom.
222
00:08:13,794 --> 00:08:15,260
Tunnel?
You know what I mean.
223
00:08:15,262 --> 00:08:18,263
So, like, are you willing
to get in there
224
00:08:18,265 --> 00:08:20,999
And burrow,
burrow, burrow
225
00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:24,336
Up to the...Limelight,
stardom?
226
00:08:26,273 --> 00:08:29,107
So, jim...
227
00:08:29,109 --> 00:08:30,876
What are you gonna do?
228
00:08:33,279 --> 00:08:35,280
I'm gonna lick your pussy.
229
00:08:35,282 --> 00:08:36,781
That's right.
230
00:08:36,783 --> 00:08:38,950
Uh...
Now, how do we do this?
231
00:08:38,952 --> 00:08:40,952
Do we
uh, schedule it?
232
00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:43,021
Do we get a -- do I talk
to the young man out there...?
233
00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:45,857
Actually, I'm pretty busy,
so you just do it right now.
234
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:47,659
Right. Mm-hmm.
D-did you have to do this
235
00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:49,027
When you got
into the industry?
236
00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:50,295
No, I'm a woman.
237
00:08:50,297 --> 00:08:51,830
So, right now?
238
00:08:51,832 --> 00:08:53,798
Unfortunately,
I do have an appointment
239
00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:55,000
In about 15 minutes,
so...
240
00:08:55,002 --> 00:08:57,035
Okay.
241
00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:03,975
Angela: Have a nice day!
242
00:09:11,651 --> 00:09:13,818
Mike:
Jimmy j., how'd it go?
243
00:09:13,820 --> 00:09:17,856
Um...
I think it went good.
244
00:09:17,858 --> 00:09:19,991
All right, well,
I will put in a call,
245
00:09:19,993 --> 00:09:22,227
And I'll let you know
how it went.
No. No, no, no, mike.
246
00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:24,029
No, I-I don't want
to meet with her again.
247
00:09:24,031 --> 00:09:25,230
Why? What happened?
248
00:09:25,232 --> 00:09:28,099
She made me
lick her pussy.
249
00:09:29,068 --> 00:09:30,502
You there?
Mike, you there?
250
00:09:30,504 --> 00:09:32,170
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I heard you. I heard you.
251
00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:33,838
Heard you.
252
00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:34,839
Mike?
253
00:09:34,841 --> 00:09:36,007
You okay?
254
00:09:36,009 --> 00:09:37,842
Yeah, I...
255
00:09:37,844 --> 00:09:39,177
I'm okay.
256
00:09:39,179 --> 00:09:41,212
But I'm gonna get parts now,
right?
257
00:09:41,214 --> 00:09:43,848
it's angela on 2.
258
00:09:43,850 --> 00:09:45,383
Yeah, hey, jimmy,
that's her on the other line.
259
00:09:45,385 --> 00:09:47,185
Hold on.
Don't go anywhere, okay?
260
00:09:52,059 --> 00:09:54,025
Jim?
261
00:09:54,027 --> 00:09:57,529
She said you didn't do
a good job.
262
00:09:57,531 --> 00:10:00,198
What?! I...
263
00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:01,766
I did a good job!
264
00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:03,868
Did she cum?
265
00:10:03,870 --> 00:10:06,104
Did she say
she didn't cum?
266
00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:08,006
No, she just said
it was a bad meeting.
267
00:10:09,942 --> 00:10:12,043
I went in there,
and I did my very best.
268
00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:13,712
I was down there
for 15 minutes.
269
00:10:13,714 --> 00:10:16,247
That's more than anyone
should be expected to do that.
270
00:10:16,249 --> 00:10:18,416
She kept on saying, "I've
got another meeting, I've
got another meeting,"
271
00:10:18,418 --> 00:10:20,885
So I tried to hurry it along
as much as I could.
272
00:10:20,887 --> 00:10:22,387
I was on a hardwood floor,
mike!
273
00:10:22,389 --> 00:10:23,922
My knees are killing me!
274
00:10:23,924 --> 00:10:25,790
I was sober.
275
00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:27,125
What happened?
276
00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:29,060
I thought I should stop
when her assistant rang.
277
00:10:29,062 --> 00:10:30,562
Her assistant came in?
278
00:10:30,564 --> 00:10:32,430
Like, you guys all,
or just the two of you?
279
00:10:32,432 --> 00:10:35,233
No.
All right, well,
what did she say?
280
00:10:35,235 --> 00:10:38,737
Um...
She said it was good.
281
00:10:38,739 --> 00:10:40,305
Did she use
the word "good,"
282
00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:42,140
Or did she say,
"it was good"?
283
00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:44,075
She said "good," mike.
284
00:10:44,077 --> 00:10:47,479
Great is good, awesome is great,
but good is always bad.
285
00:10:47,481 --> 00:10:49,948
Well, I-I did my best.
286
00:10:49,950 --> 00:10:52,083
Here's the good news. She said
she'll meet with you again.
287
00:10:52,085 --> 00:10:54,152
How is this good news?
288
00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:58,123
Now you know what to expect,
right? Are you up for that?
289
00:10:58,125 --> 00:11:00,325
I didn't have a lot of time
to prepare.
290
00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:02,093
Well, then I guess
you better prepare.
291
00:11:02,095 --> 00:11:03,428
I don't know
what you have to do.
292
00:11:03,430 --> 00:11:04,929
Put your tongue
on bed rest.
293
00:11:04,931 --> 00:11:06,464
Eat a life saver
from inside out.
294
00:11:06,466 --> 00:11:08,533
Whatever it is,
do it, man!
295
00:11:10,136 --> 00:11:11,936
What's she looking for?
296
00:11:11,938 --> 00:11:15,106
An orgasm, jim!
She's looking for an orgasm!
297
00:11:15,108 --> 00:11:17,942
Jesus!
Put your head into this!
298
00:11:17,944 --> 00:11:19,978
I'm not sure I can do that
again, mike.
299
00:11:19,980 --> 00:11:23,448
Do you know
how many miles of dick
300
00:11:23,450 --> 00:11:26,284
That have been sucked
in this town by actresses?
301
00:11:26,286 --> 00:11:28,153
Yeah.
Well,
it's a woman's world now.
302
00:11:28,155 --> 00:11:31,356
The tables have turned,
so you're just gonna
have to deal with it.
303
00:11:36,463 --> 00:11:39,431
Hey, uh,
how was your meeting?
304
00:11:41,300 --> 00:11:42,834
Strange.
305
00:11:42,836 --> 00:11:44,869
Strange? How?
306
00:11:44,871 --> 00:11:47,338
I came in there,
and then she, uh,
307
00:11:47,340 --> 00:11:49,874
Wanted me
to make her, uh...
308
00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:51,976
Make her...?
309
00:11:51,978 --> 00:11:53,845
Cum.
Wanted me to make her cum.
310
00:11:53,847 --> 00:11:55,213
Awesome.
No.
311
00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:56,548
What's her name?
312
00:11:56,550 --> 00:11:58,983
Angela mckinnon.
Wait. Wait. Wait.
313
00:11:58,985 --> 00:12:01,519
So, she wanted you
to sleep with her?
314
00:12:01,521 --> 00:12:02,587
No.
315
00:12:03,989 --> 00:12:06,157
Oh.
She wanted to blow you?
316
00:12:06,159 --> 00:12:07,459
Who cums
from blowing me?
317
00:12:10,062 --> 00:12:12,497
She made me
go down on her.
318
00:12:12,499 --> 00:12:14,999
What?
That is great.
319
00:12:15,001 --> 00:12:17,836
is this her?
320
00:12:17,838 --> 00:12:19,571
Yes.
Yeah,
that's not so great.
321
00:12:22,509 --> 00:12:24,042
That is hilarious!
322
00:12:24,044 --> 00:12:25,443
Not really.
323
00:12:26,412 --> 00:12:28,546
How was it?
324
00:12:28,548 --> 00:12:29,514
Tart.
325
00:12:31,885 --> 00:12:34,519
Hallelujah!
There is a god!
326
00:12:34,521 --> 00:12:37,188
You're being punished.
327
00:12:37,190 --> 00:12:38,523
For what?!
This is so great!
328
00:12:38,525 --> 00:12:39,924
oh, man.
329
00:12:39,926 --> 00:12:41,359
All right.
Let's get out of here.
330
00:12:41,361 --> 00:12:42,894
Where are you guys
gonna be later?
331
00:12:42,896 --> 00:12:44,562
Oh, we'll call you.
332
00:12:44,564 --> 00:12:46,097
Billy: Jim munched
ancient carpet.
333
00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:49,033
Jimmy j.! Hey, man.
334
00:12:49,035 --> 00:12:51,102
You got your meeting
tomorrow at 9:00 a.M.
335
00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:53,204
Great.
Hey, jimmy, listen.
336
00:12:53,206 --> 00:12:55,874
I could give this opportunity
to any number of actors
337
00:12:55,876 --> 00:12:57,575
That would kill
to have this chance.
338
00:12:57,577 --> 00:12:58,943
Opportunity?
339
00:12:58,945 --> 00:13:00,411
Yeah, jimmy, it's huge.
340
00:13:00,413 --> 00:13:03,047
Oh, yeah. It's huge.
341
00:13:03,049 --> 00:13:05,049
Really?
342
00:13:05,051 --> 00:13:06,584
No, it is huge.
343
00:13:06,586 --> 00:13:09,888
Now I'm gonna have that image
in my head all night.
344
00:13:09,890 --> 00:13:11,623
Thanks, pal.
345
00:13:13,092 --> 00:13:14,592
Jim, are you all right?
346
00:13:16,062 --> 00:13:18,129
My agent and your god
are trying to punish me.
347
00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:20,899
jim, you know I love you, right?
348
00:13:20,901 --> 00:13:24,569
But you really backed yourself
into a corner with this one.
349
00:13:24,571 --> 00:13:26,137
What am I meant to do?
350
00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:28,439
Have a compass.
What will that do?
351
00:13:28,441 --> 00:13:31,442
So you can know
right from wrong.
352
00:13:31,444 --> 00:13:33,578
Okay, look, jim, you really need
to get this out of your head,
353
00:13:33,580 --> 00:13:35,079
So what do you do
when you're stressed?
354
00:13:35,081 --> 00:13:36,114
Drink.
355
00:13:36,116 --> 00:13:38,416
Okay. We know
how well that helps.
356
00:13:38,418 --> 00:13:40,952
I also masturbate.
Oh, jim.
357
00:13:40,954 --> 00:13:43,588
You really didn't learn anything
at s.A.A., did you?
358
00:13:43,590 --> 00:13:45,323
No, it did make sex
shameful.
359
00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:48,159
All right.
How do you ground yourself?
360
00:13:50,930 --> 00:13:53,331
I like telling jokes.
Well, all right, then.
361
00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:55,466
Why don't you go take your ass
down to the club,
362
00:13:55,468 --> 00:13:59,103
Do a set,
and clear your head?
363
00:13:59,105 --> 00:14:02,307
Bob: It's nice to play
to, uh, such a...Full house...
364
00:14:04,110 --> 00:14:06,311
...And full pants.
365
00:14:06,313 --> 00:14:08,980
Thank you so much.
Have a great night.
366
00:14:11,151 --> 00:14:14,152
Bob saget!
That was awesome!
367
00:14:14,154 --> 00:14:17,355
Oh...My...God.
368
00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:19,457
Hey, jim.
What are you doing here?
369
00:14:19,459 --> 00:14:20,992
Maybe I should ask you
the same question.
370
00:14:20,994 --> 00:14:22,327
We were just, uh --
371
00:14:22,329 --> 00:14:24,329
Just -- just -- just --
just -- just what, steve?
372
00:14:24,331 --> 00:14:26,164
It was my fault, jim.
Well, that's obvious.
373
00:14:26,166 --> 00:14:27,532
Okay.
I wanted to see them.
374
00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:29,133
I wanted
to play video games.
375
00:14:29,135 --> 00:14:30,501
How long has this
been going on?
376
00:14:30,503 --> 00:14:33,004
We just went
to a couple gigs.
377
00:14:33,006 --> 00:14:34,639
A couple of gigs?
378
00:14:34,641 --> 00:14:38,009
The other day when you said you
were out hitting golf balls...
379
00:14:38,011 --> 00:14:39,143
You were with her and him.
380
00:14:39,145 --> 00:14:40,511
Golf balls, steve?
381
00:14:40,513 --> 00:14:42,313
It was
a pressure-filled moment.
382
00:14:42,315 --> 00:14:43,514
I was afraid
how he would react.
383
00:14:43,516 --> 00:14:45,016
And how would I react,
steve?
384
00:14:45,018 --> 00:14:46,150
Like this, jim.
385
00:14:46,152 --> 00:14:48,353
I was worried
you'd freak out.
386
00:14:48,355 --> 00:14:51,356
No, no. You're wrong.
You're wrong.
387
00:14:51,358 --> 00:14:55,159
I'm not freaking out.
Who's freaking out? Not me.
388
00:14:55,161 --> 00:14:58,062
I just don't feel like
I can trust you right now.
389
00:14:58,064 --> 00:15:01,065
I just don't feel like
we're connecting emo--
390
00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:03,334
I-I just don't want
to talk to you.
391
00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:04,569
Oh, jim, come on.
Jim.
392
00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:06,037
Oh, "come on" what, billy?
393
00:15:06,039 --> 00:15:09,841
I'm out there all day
394
00:15:09,843 --> 00:15:11,709
Licking old ladies
just to make ends meet.
395
00:15:11,711 --> 00:15:14,245
What?
Yes.
That's right, peggy.
396
00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:17,015
That's where my career's
at right now, licking
old ladies' snatches.
397
00:15:17,017 --> 00:15:20,518
And all I need is a little bit
of understanding from you!
398
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:22,220
No, I'm -- I'm sorry.
Don't leave.
399
00:15:22,222 --> 00:15:25,523
Hey.
How was angela?
400
00:15:25,525 --> 00:15:27,525
Pungent.
401
00:15:30,195 --> 00:15:32,363
Hey, jim.
402
00:15:32,365 --> 00:15:33,698
I have nothing to say
to you two.
403
00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:36,267
Oh, come on, jim.
It was two gigs.
404
00:15:37,369 --> 00:15:38,369
It was three.
405
00:15:38,371 --> 00:15:39,537
Some honesty at last.
406
00:15:39,539 --> 00:15:41,205
Bob saget's funny.
407
00:15:41,207 --> 00:15:42,607
What, and I'm not?
No, no, you are funny.
408
00:15:42,609 --> 00:15:44,375
It's just that we've heard
all your stories.
409
00:15:44,377 --> 00:15:46,077
You used to
love my stories.
410
00:15:46,079 --> 00:15:47,378
Ramona:
You guys are morons.
411
00:15:47,380 --> 00:15:48,746
What? Saget is funny.
412
00:15:48,748 --> 00:15:51,082
this is not about saget!
413
00:15:51,084 --> 00:15:54,218
Peggy is a beautiful,
sweet woman.
414
00:15:54,220 --> 00:15:56,387
Of course she's gonna date up.
That's what people do.
415
00:15:56,389 --> 00:15:58,723
Would you date a girl uglier
after peggy?
416
00:15:58,725 --> 00:16:00,425
Of course not.
417
00:16:00,427 --> 00:16:02,126
Well, you have.
Billy, shut up.
418
00:16:02,128 --> 00:16:04,395
This is what I'm talking about.
You objectify women.
419
00:16:04,397 --> 00:16:07,265
You call them shrimp
or -- or prawns
420
00:16:07,267 --> 00:16:09,467
And you talk about keeping the
body and snapping off the head.
421
00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:11,302
Mmm...
It's despicable!
422
00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:12,770
It's 'cause they got a good body
and a bad head.
423
00:16:12,772 --> 00:16:14,305
No!
You can still sleep
with them.
424
00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:15,740
You got to
cover their face.
Jim!
425
00:16:15,742 --> 00:16:17,575
This is what women
go through every day.
426
00:16:17,577 --> 00:16:20,745
What?
Dating bob saget?
427
00:16:20,747 --> 00:16:22,447
This is not about bob saget!
428
00:16:22,449 --> 00:16:24,615
You guys just don't get it.
429
00:16:24,617 --> 00:16:27,585
Wow. I had no idea that's
what it was like to be black.
430
00:16:27,587 --> 00:16:30,588
Black.
No! Not black,
you dumbasses!
431
00:16:30,590 --> 00:16:32,790
A woman!
Billy: Okay.
Ahh.
432
00:16:32,792 --> 00:16:34,625
Jim is being objectified.
433
00:16:34,627 --> 00:16:36,594
Mm.
434
00:16:36,596 --> 00:16:38,262
Therefore,
he's feeling insecure.
435
00:16:38,264 --> 00:16:40,131
It's true.
436
00:16:40,133 --> 00:16:41,833
He's being
sexually harassed!
437
00:16:41,835 --> 00:16:43,267
She's right.
438
00:16:43,269 --> 00:16:44,302
Oh.
439
00:16:44,304 --> 00:16:46,170
When you have a body
like this,
440
00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:48,106
Women don't think
you have a mind.
441
00:16:48,108 --> 00:16:50,141
They don't see
your inner beauty.
442
00:16:50,143 --> 00:16:53,111
I'm a victim.
Yeah.
443
00:16:53,113 --> 00:16:56,447
But I got to do it again
if I'm gonna get that job.
444
00:16:56,449 --> 00:16:57,515
No.
I'm just gonna
get stoned
445
00:16:57,517 --> 00:16:59,784
And imagine
her pussy's a pizza.
446
00:16:59,786 --> 00:17:01,486
Jim! You don't ever
have to do that again.
447
00:17:01,488 --> 00:17:03,287
I don't know.
Really?
448
00:17:03,289 --> 00:17:05,790
You go in there,
you tell her, "no way."
449
00:17:05,792 --> 00:17:08,659
Then you hit her with an idea
that she can't refuse.
450
00:17:08,661 --> 00:17:10,628
That's a good idea.
451
00:17:10,630 --> 00:17:12,363
That's something
she'll respect.
Well...
452
00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:14,465
You go in there
holding your head high, man.
453
00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:15,800
Don't go down low.
454
00:17:15,802 --> 00:17:17,468
Yeah.
You can do it, jim.
455
00:17:17,470 --> 00:17:19,804
I can do this.
456
00:17:19,806 --> 00:17:23,307
I-I got -- I got...
Millions of good ideas.
457
00:17:23,309 --> 00:17:25,443
Yeah, and if she doesn't
like your ideas...
458
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,881
...Then you lick her pussy.
Yeah, I'll go down on her.
459
00:17:29,883 --> 00:17:31,215
Just eat her out.
Easy.
460
00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:32,750
Morons.
461
00:17:34,186 --> 00:17:35,887
Hey, bob.
Hey, man.
462
00:17:37,222 --> 00:17:38,890
You hear peggy's dating
louis c.K. Now?
463
00:17:38,892 --> 00:17:41,492
Yeah.
Yeah, I heard that.
464
00:17:41,494 --> 00:17:42,660
Sorry to hear that, man.
465
00:17:42,662 --> 00:17:44,529
Tough, huh?
When they date up.
466
00:17:44,531 --> 00:17:46,564
Yeah.
467
00:17:50,869 --> 00:17:52,870
I licked
an executive's pussy.
468
00:17:52,872 --> 00:17:56,174
I did that once
back in 1987,
469
00:17:56,176 --> 00:17:58,509
And I got two hit shows
out of it.
470
00:17:58,511 --> 00:18:00,545
And angela was hot
back then.
471
00:18:00,547 --> 00:18:03,214
Yeah.
472
00:18:03,216 --> 00:18:05,917
Jim: Billy's in a wheelchair.
He can't get laid.
Angela:
473
00:18:05,919 --> 00:18:07,852
So, we take him off to
the brothel, we lay him down,
474
00:18:07,854 --> 00:18:09,687
We take his clothes off,
she's giving him a blowjob.
475
00:18:09,689 --> 00:18:11,722
We think he's gonna die
the entire time.
476
00:18:11,724 --> 00:18:13,224
We think he's gonna die.
Oh, no!
477
00:18:13,226 --> 00:18:14,592
You really think
he's gonna die?
478
00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:17,595
We were at the time.
He's all right now.
479
00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:19,864
This shows such passion
and commitment, you know.
480
00:18:19,866 --> 00:18:21,899
I mean,
I-I really admire it.
481
00:18:21,901 --> 00:18:23,534
Thank you. Thank you.
I really do.
482
00:18:23,536 --> 00:18:26,737
Now, speaking of passion
and commitment...
483
00:18:26,739 --> 00:18:27,872
Mm-hmm.
484
00:18:27,874 --> 00:18:30,208
...Could you show
some of that
485
00:18:30,210 --> 00:18:33,444
In another...Area?
486
00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:37,815
Mm.
487
00:18:39,384 --> 00:18:40,718
Okay. Yeah.
488
00:18:42,388 --> 00:18:45,923
Oh, you know,
you got such a nice face.
489
00:18:45,925 --> 00:18:50,628
Now, put it where
it can do some real good.
490
00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:56,400
Hello.
491
00:18:56,402 --> 00:18:58,469
Jimmy j.!
You nailed it!
492
00:18:58,471 --> 00:18:59,971
Really?
493
00:18:59,973 --> 00:19:03,908
Yeah, she went on and on and on
about how funny you were.
494
00:19:03,910 --> 00:19:06,577
What did she say
about my performance?
495
00:19:06,579 --> 00:19:07,612
Uh...
496
00:19:07,614 --> 00:19:08,913
Better.
Yeah, much improved.
497
00:19:08,915 --> 00:19:10,748
She wants to put you
in a holding deal.
498
00:19:10,750 --> 00:19:12,650
What's a holding deal?
499
00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:14,785
Yeah, holding deal. It's where
they pay you to do nothing.
500
00:19:14,787 --> 00:19:17,655
Nothing?! Love doing nothing!
I'm good at it.
501
00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:19,690
Yeah, just put you in a show
that's coming down the pike.
502
00:19:21,460 --> 00:19:23,594
I don't have to
go down on her, right?
503
00:19:23,596 --> 00:19:24,795
Probably.
504
00:19:24,797 --> 00:19:26,330
Uh, probably, sure.
505
00:19:26,332 --> 00:19:27,632
Who cares?!
You're in a holding deal!
506
00:19:27,634 --> 00:19:29,767
Holding deal!
507
00:19:29,769 --> 00:19:31,435
Steve:
Come on. Do it, jim.
508
00:19:31,437 --> 00:19:34,505
Jim:
8 grand. No worries.
509
00:19:36,308 --> 00:19:38,442
Billy, steve, I think
our problems are behind us.
510
00:19:38,444 --> 00:19:39,644
I'm proud of you.
511
00:19:39,646 --> 00:19:41,312
Yeah, man.
You stood up for yourself.
512
00:19:41,314 --> 00:19:42,813
And I ate her out.
513
00:19:42,815 --> 00:19:46,617
Looks like everything
turned out pretty good.
514
00:19:46,619 --> 00:19:48,853
Yeah.
Yeah, I think --
515
00:19:50,323 --> 00:19:51,822
Hey, there, mike.
516
00:19:51,824 --> 00:19:53,991
Mike: Jimmy,
don't buy anything yet.
What? Why?
517
00:19:53,993 --> 00:19:55,960
Angela left. She's going to work
for a management company.
518
00:19:55,962 --> 00:19:57,528
The deal's on hold.
The holding deal's
on hold?!
519
00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:59,297
The holding deal's
on hold.
What happened?
520
00:19:59,299 --> 00:20:01,966
She left the network.
She's with -- got another job.
521
00:20:01,968 --> 00:20:03,534
Don't worry.
There's a new guy coming in.
522
00:20:03,536 --> 00:20:04,802
In a couple of weeks,
I'm gonna get you a meeting.
523
00:20:04,804 --> 00:20:06,804
You hang in there,
buddy.
524
00:20:06,806 --> 00:20:09,073
thanks.
525
00:20:15,647 --> 00:20:18,649
I'm really happy you're here,
jim. I'm a huge fan.
526
00:20:18,651 --> 00:20:20,017
You're a very funny man.
527
00:20:20,019 --> 00:20:21,819
You're a family guy?
Yeah.
528
00:20:21,821 --> 00:20:23,688
Ah, these your kids?
Yes.
529
00:20:23,690 --> 00:20:26,490
What a handsome bunch
of boys these are.
Uh-huh.
530
00:20:26,492 --> 00:20:27,992
They're on vacation
in your country right now.
531
00:20:27,994 --> 00:20:30,061
The great barrier reef --
have you heard of that place?
532
00:20:30,063 --> 00:20:31,662
I love it there.
Having the time of their life.
533
00:20:31,664 --> 00:20:33,030
If you don't mind me saying,
534
00:20:33,032 --> 00:20:34,999
Your wife
is a very attractive woman.
535
00:20:35,001 --> 00:20:36,701
I don't know
how I got so lucky.
536
00:20:36,703 --> 00:20:38,669
22 years
of pure wedded bliss.
537
00:20:38,671 --> 00:20:41,038
22 years?
I know. In hollywood.
538
00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:43,040
It just doesn't happen.
Doesn't happen.
539
00:20:43,042 --> 00:20:44,875
Yeah.
You know?
540
00:20:44,877 --> 00:20:46,844
I think that's half
the reason they hired
me here -- family man.
541
00:20:46,846 --> 00:20:48,546
This is such a relief.
542
00:20:48,548 --> 00:20:51,782
Well, angela said some pretty
amazing things about you.
543
00:20:53,585 --> 00:20:55,853
Think we can
work something out, jim?
544
00:21:00,058 --> 00:21:02,193
I'm gonna have to say no.
545
00:21:02,195 --> 00:21:05,529
I can't --
I can't be sucking your cock.
546
00:21:05,531 --> 00:21:06,697
I-I can't suck your cock!
547
00:21:06,699 --> 00:21:09,934
It's -- no.
548
00:21:09,936 --> 00:21:12,169
I don't know
what you're talking about.
38854
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