All language subtitles for Documentary Now s03e01e02 Batsht Valley.en

Good evening.

I'm Helen Mirren, and you're
watching "Documentary Now!"

season 52.

Now, what causes someone to start a cult?

And what causes someone to join one?

In 1980, a man known as Father Ra-Shawbard,

and his followers descended
upon a small town in Oregon

to build a utopian community.

What followed is one of
the strangest stories

in American law enforcement history.

This is "Batshit Valley."

Even now, knowing what I know,

I have no regrets about my time
as a Shawbardite.

My only regret is that
Father Ra-Shawbard was born

before the world was ready for his message.

_

Being with Father Ra-Shawbard

was like having a wonderful dream.

And when you wake up and tell
people about the dream,

only then do you realize
how foolish it was.

Chinook is named for

the Indians who settled this land.

They would never have let anyone
take it away from them, so...

_

why would we?

It's easy to look back
and say we took it too far.

_

But when your town is under siege,

you'll do anything you can to protect it.

People always say if I had
been nicer to the townspeople,

none of this
would have happened.

Well,

maybe I would have been nicer
to the townspeople

had they not been so fat and stupid.

Season 3, Episode 1
Sync and corrections FunnyFunk

Chinook, Oregon, is a quiet town,

one not accustomed to visitors.

So it was quite a surprise two weeks ago

when strangers dressed in yellow and black

started arriving by the busloads.

They call themselves Shawbardites,

and they are followers of this man,

Father Ra-Shawbard,

a self-proclaimed spiritual leader

who is now calling Chinook home.

The sign to the gate
at Shawbard Valley Ranch

says, "Everyone welcome."

And the days are filled with meditation,

light stretching, and meals
prepared from their own garden.

But here at the Shawbard Valley Ranch,

the Shawbardites only eat the vegetables

after the vegetables give permission.

And it seems as though
we're here on a good day,

as all of the vegetables have
okayed themselves for consumption.

The whole thing sounded
pretty out there to me.

But at that point, it wasn't
like they were bothering anyone.

_

It's strange to think

how things could have been so different
without that sign.

When I heard on the news
that they talk to food,

I thought this would be the funniest sign.

People seem to like it.

It's been getting smiles
from a lot of my customers.

Oh, that's lovely, yeah.

- It's funny, though.
- Uh-huh.

When I read about the sign
in the grocery store,

I was very upset.
It was very disrespectful.

Very disrespectful,
very disrespectful...

I know they say that sign
on the apples just proved

that we were dead-set
against them from the beginning,

but, honestly,
I don't think any of us

were upset that they were here.

You know, we were just
wondering why they were here.

Ra-Shawbard was my father.

I had a biological father,
but he wanted me to have a job

and take on responsibilities.

He never understood me.

But Father Ra-Shawbard did.

He just wanted me to be free and happy.

And isn't that what a father is supposed

to want for his children?

And that's why it was an honor
to give him the money

my real father gave me when he died.

I first saw Father Ra-Shawbard
in a newspaper ad.

_

The words on the ad were so simple,

but so profound...

"Purify. Elevate. Liberate."

I called the number,
and they gave me an address to send $40

for some tapes of Father speaking.

I sent it in, and when it didn't arrive,

I called back and they said they
didn't know what had happened,

and I should try again.

I sent more money, and the tapes came.

Anyone who listened to those tapes...

had their life changed.

"There is the world we see,

but there's also a second world
that we do not..."

"How do we unlock the door
for that world?"

"And if there's a second world,
could there be a third one?"

"A fourth one?

Could there be a sixth world?"

I ordered a new tape every week.

And on my 20th, I received an invitation to

Shawbard Valley Ranch,
and I never looked back.

By the second day,

I had completely forgotten about my husband

and two children that I left behind.

This is your home.

But in order for it to truly be your home,

you have to abandon all the trappings
of your former life.

So I ask all of you to write down the names

of your family members
that you are leaving behind...

and put them in this basket.

Along with their Social Security Number

and their banking information.

And then you will be free.

We had created a paradise.

And I think we would still be there

if it wasn't for those awful townspeople.

They'd have you believe
we started the ill will.

But in the beginning, we actually tried
to engage with the Shawbardites.

Well, I would argue
that we went out of our way

to make them feel welcome.

Oh, yeah, cover up that
bird's head, we don't need...

_

The only problem was
they were having these orgies.

And, hey, I don't have
a problem with orgies.

If that is your thing,
more power to you.

But they were very loud.

Well, we had to have a town
meeting to discuss the...

orgies.

It was decided that I would
go up to the ranch

and see if I could convince them to...

you know, at the very least,
close their windows.

But it did not go well.

Hello there. I'm Marge Middleton.

I'm the Mayor of Chinook.

Yes, we know who you are.

Well, we just wanted
to formally welcome you.

Is there something that we can
help you with, Marge Middleton?

Their spokesperson was a woman
named Ra-Sharir,

and she was not
an easy person to deal with.

Well, it's about the orgies.

And?

I'm sorry, have I done
something to offend you?

We saw your sign.

What sign is that?

The one in the grocery store.

"We are happy to be here,
love, the apples."

Gosh, that's just Pam doing her Pam thing.

I hope you weren't offended by that.

Oh, you will know when I am offended.

You will know.

Now, please disperse.
This is a private property.

So, you know, we went home.

You know, I think we would
have been willing to chlalk it up

to different world views, but...

that night, they installed a speaker system

and hooked it up to the orgy room.

They used a lot of specific
words about body parts and...

and where they wanted them put.

The next morning,
I did what I had to do.

I issued them a $100 fine for
violating the sound ordinance.

A lousy hundred bucks.

They treated it like an act of war.

It's only been a month,
but tensions are starting

to rise between the town
of Chinook and the Shawbardites,

who don't seem to want
to follow their rules.

This is not about sound.

No!

This is about one religion exerting power

over another religion.

Most of us were of the mind
that Ra-Sharir was overreacting.

And, mercifully, Father agreed.

We are not here to make enemies.

We're here to make peace with ourself.

The world has enough
aggression and escalation

without us adding to it.

Plus, I don't think we want people

digging around in our thing.

Do...

What do you guys think?

Well, she paid the fine.

I came into my office
the next day to find

$100 worth of pennies
spilled all over my desk.

There was also a dead snake,
but it was just a little one.

Halloween.

It's usually a night
where the town gets together

for some spooks and scares.

But tonight, the spooks and scares

were a little too real as Ra-Sharir,

a member of the Shawbardites,

made it clear that when it comes
to judging carved pumpkins,

Mayor Middleton
doesn't know jack...

'o-lantern.

It is my honor to announce that
this year's Pumpkin Patch Pal is

Sally Walters!

Congratulations.

What?! What madness is this?

Are you the Mayor of Stupid?

- Sit down.
- You sit down!

All of you sit down.

Nobody thinks that is the best pumpkin.

No one!

Give me one reason
why my pumpkin is not the winner!

Now, I'll concede that Ra-Sharir
had a well-carved pumpkin,

but it didn't seem right to award an adult

for what was clearly a children's contest.

Ra-Sharir, you're an adult.

And this isn't a contest for adults.

Where does it say that?

Huh? Show me in the rules,
where does it say that?

I demand to speak with someone.

- You want to talk with someone?
- Yeah.

I'll admit, I said something
I shouldn't have,

but I was upset, and it just came out.

Why don't you go talk to your vegetables.

There was no doubt
that Marge hit a nerve.

We all assumed it was only a matter of time

before Ra-Sharir retaliated.

A break-in last night
at the local paper here in Chinook,

nothing stolen, nothing broken.

But something added to today's paper...

an obituary for the still very
alive Mayor Marge Middleton.

There was no proof that Ra-Sharir did it.

But it was definitely in her voice.

"Today, Marge Middleton lost
her long battle with stupidity.

She will not be remembered
by her friends and family,

as they are too stupid to do so.

Services will be held wherever
stupid people are buried."

Yeah, you had to give Marge credit.

She kept her cool through the whole thing.

Right up until the story went national.

Tonight, a small town in Oregon
may lose its name,

thanks to the efforts of newcomers

who intend to use
the power of the ballot box.

We are currently in the process
of registering our members

to vote in the next municipal election.

The first act of our majority
will be to give this town

a name worthy
of its beautiful surroundings...

"Ra-Shawbarda."

They had the votes.
There was no doubt.

But Marge saw the writing on the wall,

and God love her, she took action.

We felt that for the next nine months,
there was a more fitting name.

For over 200 years, this small part
of Oregon has been known as Chinook.

But today, it has a new name.

When motorist enter town,
they will see this sign as they drive into

Ra-Shawbard's Butthole.

You heard me right, the new name
of the town is Ra-Shawbard's Butthole.

I thought it was pretty funny.

But I had never seen Ra-Sharir more angry.

This is a sacrilege!

This is the mockery of a holy man!

A man of who every part is sacred,

including his butthole,

of which this town knows nothing.

Father had already admonished
Ra-Sharir once, so we just assumed

he would put his foot down
to stop her escalation.

But this was when we started to realize,
something was...

off with him.

He was always in a daze.

And he seemed unable to walk.

So his chair was attached to a motorized
wheelchair that brought him on stage.

This was when Ra-Sharir announced
that he had taken a vow of silence.

Father will use his silence

to contemplate solutions

to what plagues this world.

It's okay.

It was such a trusting place
that I don't think it ever

occurred to any of us
that his diminished state,

followed by his vow of silence

had been chemically induced by Ra-Sharir.

Ra-Sharir had always been
Father Shawbard's mouthpiece,

but now she was taking
control of his checkbook.

I always felt like we were using our money

to make a better life for ourselves.

But now she spent it
to make lives worse for others.

Well, if the people of what
was formerly Chinook

were looking for a reaction with
their name change, they got one.

It seems that the Shawbardites
have been secretly purchasing

all the land around the town

and now have it encircled.

Heck, I tip my cap to their ingenuity.

Buying up land is
the American Goddamn dream.

But now they've installed
these speed bumps.

So many speed bumps that at
500-feet worth to be exact.

We decided to take the News 9 van
overthe speed bumps

to give you an idea of what it feels like.

Back to you, Bob.

It was destroying our mufflers.

And then to make matters worse,
the Shawbardites

had secretly purchased
the town muffler shop

and converted it into a green juice stand.

I think the people of this
town should see this as an opportunity.

If your muffler shop is closed,
buy green juice.

You'll be healthier and happier.

You're a monster!

When are you gonna leave us alone?

Why don't you go back to your butthole!

This is America. You cannot open
a juice bar in a muffler shop.

I don't care who your god is,
you need permits.

They used to fix mufflers,
then they served juice.

Then the juice was muffled.

But have we heard the last of it?

This is war.

We figured war meant
she'd T.P. the grade school.

Advance! Positions.

We didn't think she'd go so far
as to arm themselves.

Fire!

It was terrifying!

It was a scary time.

The shooting range was very near
the room we had orgies in.

And more than once,
a bullet came through the wall.

It was clear that the only person

who could stop Ra-Sharir was
Father Ra-Shawbard.

But he was out of it.

He was certain
that Ra-Sharir had been giving him

a cocktail of Valium and barbiturates.

He said he needed to speak
to the whole community,

but he would need something
to get his energy back.

_

_

_

_

It did surprise me that a man

who spoke of the purity
of mind and soul had cocaine.

A good deal of cocaine,
as it turns out, in his bedside drawer.

Yeah, talky, talky, talky.

Back back, baby back.

They think I can't hear,
but I hear everything.

I hear the mice think,
I hear the plugs conspiring,

and I realize in my silence,
that I am not communing with God.

I am God, and my power
will be challenged by no man and no mouse.

In the state he was in, it was easy
for Ra-Sharir to manipulate him.

This is wonderful news!

I believe she convinced him
to prove that he was a god.

Today, Father Ra-Shawbard will

prove his divinity

by allowing an automobile
to harmlessly pass

through his corporeal body.

- Who?
- You, Father.

One of the Shawbardites
jumped in a car

and barreled down towards
Father Ra-Shawbard,

who was going to prove to us
that he was a god.

I should have said something,
but I actually believed it might be true.

And if it was, I wanted to see it.

Where... Where are you going?

Send someone to get my blue hat.

I'm a little chilled.

Ra-Sharir?

Oh, my God!

_

_

_

It was troubling
that he was asking for a hospital,

as he had sworn off
the use of modern medicine.

And then...

he said the words that brought
our whole world crashing down.

_

_

_

And after we heard that...

you are surprised with what happened next?

Breath is the answer to everything.

Oh, yeah.

Feel it?

Look up to the sky.

Let your body feel it.

Oh, yes.

Oh.

Feeling it this morning.

Body's saying thank you.

Gracias.

Ra-Sharir?

Oh, my God!

Listen, you idiots,
I work for the FBI!

And after we heard that...

you are surprised with what happened next?

Season 3, Episode 2
Sync and corrections FunnyFunk

My name is Bill Doss.

I'm former FBI.

Wayne Delancey, A.K.A. Father Ra-Shawbard,
was my informant.

_

In the late '70s, I was assigned

to the elite cult unit of the FBI.

We had been formed
after the tragedy of Jonestown

for the unique purpose
of stopping cult activity.

_

_

I reached out to a colleague of mine...
Larry Cooper.

Larry had been profiling serial killers.

We're having drinks one night, and I said,

"Larry, how the hell am I ever gonna know

what a nut bag like Jim Jones is thinking?"

Larry looks at me and says,

"What if the nut bag worked for you?"

The problem with profiling serial killers

is that you can only do it
after they've killed a bunch of people.

This way, we could learn what we need to

and no one would get hurt.

It was a hell of a plan...

on paper.

Our first order of business
was to find ourselves a front man.

Someone had to run the cult, right?

And then, like a gift from the gods,

Paternius just falls into our lap.

Paternius... real name

Wayne Delancey...
had a health food store

on Sunset Boulevard
that specialized in yogurt.

He called the place Counter Culture.

The place had a staff of about 20 girls,
not a bra between 'em.

The guy is raking it in.

Buys a nice house in the hills,

lives there with 50 or so of his followers.

They call themselves Paternians.

Local P.D. tossed it our way

because it qualified as cult activity.

So we stopped by the yogurt stand
to take a look.

Within five minutes,
it's clear the whole thing is a front

for a drug-dealing operation.

We arrested Wayne in the back

loading the cocaine
into little bags himself.

He just gave us a look like,
"Oh, man."

So we figured, "Jackpot."

We could use this interrogation

to get inside the head of a cult leader.

_

Wayne, if it wasn't a spiritual journey,
what was it?

I've just always really loved getting high.

What about the women?

Turns out they really love
getting high, too.

He was always real fast with a quip.

Yeah, I was jealous of it.

- We're gonna have to clip your wings.
- No, no, I get it.

Time to get this old boy
back on the reservation

and let him play possum till the next time.

Crazy Horse taps me on the shoulder
and says, "Let's ride."

I don't really know what that means, but...

how about we make a deal?

That's a beautiful word, "deal"

and you're talking to a dealer.

So the three of us move into
an office, we start making a plan.

I gotta say, that damn Wayne,

he may have been half a kook,

but, boy, when it came to cults,
he was smart as all get-out.

_

_

_

We asked him, "How do you get members?"

He said we should take out
an ad with nonsense words on it.

"Purify. Elevate. Liberate."

People just started calling in
and started sending money for tapes.

There is the world we see,

but there's also a second world
that we do not.

How do we unlock the door to that world?

Who has the keys?

Who lives there?

What do they have for breakfast?

He couldn't be Paternius anymore,

so we had to come up with a new identity.

Cooper was from Pittsburgh,
big Steelers fan.

Oh, yeah, man, I love the Steelers.

Wayne suggests everyone in the cult

should just be
the players names rearranged.

Bradshaw became Shawbard.

Greene and Harris became Negree and Sharir.

Father calls me Ra-Temblar.

"Tem" is for the temple, and "blar" is
for the blaring of the message of love.

I was named after God's kindness.

Nope. You weren't named after kindness,

you were named after Jack Lambert,

meanest son of a bitch
to ever play the game.

When God saw Jack Lambert play football,
he pissed his pants.

Wayne even thought
everyone should wear Steeler colors.

These people thought they were
on a path to enlightenment.

And unbeknownst to them, they were dressed
like a bunch of drunks at a tailgate.

We had a lot of fun.

I don't think about it much
because of how it ended,

but those were good times to be

in the elite cult unit of the FBI.

It's like sending
your kid off to college.

We even loaned out a Rolls-Royce
from evidence for him to drive to Oregon.

I remember patting on the hood
and telling him,

"Screw who you want, do what you want,

but stay off the drugs, Wayne."

Everything got off to a great start.

People were showing up every day,

and they were totally
under Ra-Shawbard's control.

So we started our experiment
to see how easily cult members

would surrender
their free will to a leader.

These people ate up
everything Wayne told them to do.

He had them talking to vegetables,

dancing for hours on end,
spinning in circles.

It was genius.

But my favorite was Wayne's signature

heliumtopic meditation.

_

Once a week,
members would suck on helium

and then admit
what they were most ashamed of.

When I was 15...

I stole my grandmother's locket
from my mother's jewelry drawer.

I pawned it to get money
to go to Florida with my friends.

After they confessed,
the rest of the group

would wail on them with pool noodles.

_

And then finish up with a big old orgy

with one great Wayne detail...

they had to scream their orgasms into jars

so that they could be saved.

_

He told us that we should save
our moments of ecstasy

should there ever come a time
when darkness falls.

It's a career case.

I figured I might be in line
for deputy director,

if not director one day.

When we showed the world
what these cults were really about,

who would ever join one again?

Of course, we...

we didn't count on Ra-Sharir.

Ra-Sharir showed up after the first wave.

And immediately engrained herself

into Wayne's inner circle.

Wayne told us she was
a true believer like he'd never seen.

I told him, "Don't you ever let her forget
who's in charge."

And, remember, stay off the drugs, Wayne."

He had a wicker chair, and
Ra-Sharir started calling it his throne.

We should have seen that as a red flag.

I didn't care about the throne.

What I cared about is,
somehow this Ra-Sharir

was becoming the spokesperson
for the cult that I started.

When I read about the sign
in the grocery store,

I was very upset.

Then she goes
and she makes it a national news story

by threatening to rename the town.

Tonight, a small town in Oregon
may lose its name.

Ra-Sharbarda.

I reached out to Wayne,
I made it very clear,

I said, "Wayne, you've gotta put
a stop to her."

You're a little out of your lane, Wayne.

Any chance you can pull
your friend Ra-Sharir back for us?

Who?

Ra-Sharir, Wayne.

The one who seems
to be running things over there.

What? Ra-Sharir?

Yeah, that's right... Ra-Sharir.

Where?

Oh, yeah, man.

Ra-Sharir, she's...

Yeah, she's... what a dynamite lady.

Bill you gotta meet her.

How the (bleep) am I gonna meet her, Wayne?

I'm an FBI agent, and she's a cult member.

Who is?

Goddamn it. Ra-Sha...

Wayne, are you back on drugs?

That was our one rule, you son of a bitch!

Whoa! Take it easy.

Uncalled for.

I always really regretted yelling at him.

Especially since it was
the last time I ever spoke to him.

News today out of
the Shawbard Valley Ranch,

where Ra-Sharir has announced

that Father Ra-Shawbard
has taken a vow of silence.

Father will use his silence to contemplate

what plagues this world.

I saw him in that chair,

and I realized we had to get him out.

We made a plan.

Larry would go in undercover
and extract Wayne.

One day passes,
and I-I don't hear from Larry.

Then two days, then three.

Then on the fourth, I see him on the news,

dancing with other cult members.

Thinking, "Boy, Larry's really
going deep cover on this one."

Then he calls.

Bill?

Larry! Where the hell have you been?

Uh, it's not Larry anymore.

- My name is Ra-Tunbol.
- What?!

I'm Ra-Tunbol now.
And I'm finally home.

Ra-Tunbol?

God! It's not Tunbol, it's Blount!

He named you after
hall-of-fame cornerback Mel Blount!

Be happy that the man
you once knew as Larry Cooper

has found a peace he never knew
in the life he's leaving behind.

You're not a cult member, Larry.

Did you ever think
you might be a member of a cult?

The cult of law enforcement?

(Bleep) you, Larry!

I did go in to extract Wayne.

That was always the plan.

But every time I talked
to a Shawbardite to get information,

I left the conversation
feeling better about myself.

I'd been divorced twice,
and my kids didn't talk to me.

Maybe it's cause I drank too much back then

or never called them.

Maybe it's because I spent
too much damn time

hanging out with serial killers.

Point is, the Shawbardites taught me
to forgive myself.

And once I did...

I was happy.

Well, I knew I had to go to the brass.

_

Jack Fancy was our section chief.

Walking into his office,
thinking it couldn't be worse,

and when I opened the door,

he's watching Ra-Sharir on the news.

This is an attack by the federal government

on a religion of peace.

Tonight, we bring you video
out of Shawbard Valley Ranch,

but we warn you
what you're about to see is graphic.

Ra-Sharir?

Oh, my God!

So I'm watching this.

Bill walks in, and I turn to him and say,

"Do you notice that driver
looks a lot like Agent Cooper?"

"By the way, where is Agent Cooper?"

He just started to cry.

Yeah, I cried.

I cried hard.

Cried for a real long time.

If you thought
things couldn't get worse

for the people of the town formerly known
as Chinook, you'd be mistaken,

as over half of the townspeople
now are infected with pink eye.

Medical officials say
they've seen an influx

of affected patients and are worried

that they've got a full-scale epidemic
on their hands.

In an effort to get to the bottom of why

so may in our town have fallen ill,

our local law enforcement
has pulled security video

from all eating establishments.

We do not think it is a coincidence

that a town that has never had
this problem before is having it now...

after a group of Shawbardites touched

all the items in the salad bar
without even getting a salad.

So if our friend Ra-Sharir is watching,

I'd just like to say one thing...

enough is enough.

Turns out Ra-Sharir wasn't satisfied

with giving conjunctivitis to Chinook.

She was building a pink-eye army
to infiltrate all of Oregon.

It was diabolical
because pink eye is so contagious.

Around this time,
we got a hit on Ra-Sharir from Interpol.

Her real name is Saavi Chambal,
and she was a known hypnotist.

She was also wanted in five countries.

Turned out, she had
a history of joining cults

with the suspected goal
of convincing everyone to go off themselves

so she could get away with the money.

We even found some photos that led us
to believe she was at Jonestown.

That was all we needed
to surround the ranch.

_

Tensions are running high here

outside of Shawbard Valley Ranch,

where federal agents
have surrounded the area.

The path to Shawbard Valley Ranch

has been completely blocked
by a barricade of Mason jars.

And what's in these jars is anyone's guess,

but it could be noxious gases.

There was a theory
that we were dealing with chemical warfare.

I called Agent Doss to see what he thought.

I told Agent Fancy
it was probably the jars

they screamed their orgasms into.

Then he hung up on me.

The hope was that the joy
of the orgasm jars...

would turn back the violent urges
of the law enforcement.

It did not.

They are coming for us.

You can hear them getting closer.

- Shh.
- Sick to my stomach.

I knew the power Ra-Sharir
had over those people,

and now I knew what she was planning to do.

But they do not know

that we have a better life waiting for us

after this one, huh?!

Our fear was
that she would give a suicide order,

and that's exactly what she did.

So tell me, are you ready
to die today, huh?

I thought I was going to have
the blood of 200 people on my hands.

I said, are you ready to die today?!

Um, no.

What? Who said that?

I just don't think, like, in general,

that's what we're here for.

Are you not here
to follow Father Ra-Shawbard?

We are, but, like, where is he?

He is recovering, and I speak for him.

If I may, I think
what we're all reacting to

is how aggressive things have gotten here.

A month ago, this place
had a really good vibe.

Now, there's, like, guns everywhere

and itchy eyes.

And there are hardly any orgies.

And it's just not
what we all signed up for.

Everyone look at me!

Here's the thing...

the eyes are the most important tool
a hypnotist has.

A hypnotist with pink eye

is like a boxer with two broken hands.

Look at me-e-e-e.

Thank God for pink eye.

In a standoff situation,

the dream is everyone comes out
with their hands up.

This was that dream.

_

The siege at Shawbard Valley
Ranch is over before it started,

with members turning themselves in
to federal agents.

Most were released
within the course of a day,

save for one, Ra-Sharir,
who is in police custody.

We had multiple witnesses
who corroborated

that Ra-Sharir had tried
to pink eye the entire state.

We could have put her away for years.

But she had an ace up her sleeve.

I simply played them a tape

that I thought they might find interesting.

I'm an FBI agent.

My partner and I recruited a man
named Wayne Delancey to start this cult

and then run it to our specifications.

The U.S. government is responsible
for everything that has happened here.

I'm sorry.

I cannot speak to why she was released,
but she was released.

Today, the final member
of the Shawbard Valley Ranch

was released from federal custody,

and Ra-Sharir had a message for everyone.

You want to know what I think?

Tough titties!

I took my pension
and never looked back.

I spent the next few years
getting in touch with my kids.

It's not perfect,
but three out of four of them call me Dad.

I kicked around, did some odd jobs.

But something was still missing for me.

And so I went out and found it.

I think the thing about me
that surprises people the most

is that I stayed in Chinook.

The reality was, despite how it ended,

I'd enjoyed my time here.

Mm.

I mean, sure, it was weird at first.

But you get used to things.

Plus, she makes a hell of a green juice.

Well, sure, I'm surprised we're friends.

But what can I say?

My God teaches me to forgive.

That doesn't mean I forget.

Every day when I go to pay
for my juice...

I do it in pennies.

What do I think happened
to Wayne Delancey?

He's probably dead.

Agents on the scene
searched Shawbard's domicile

but couldn't find him.

Based on his injuries from the car accident

and the fact that he never saw a doctor,

our best guess, he's buried
on the premises somewhere.

If I ask you to picture Wayne Delancey

with his beard shaved off,

wearing an FBI jacket and sunglasses,

you think it would look anything like this?

And if he is dead,
do you want to explain to me

why every year
on the anniversary of the raid,

I get a Pittsburgh Steelers postcard

sent from a different corner of the globe?

When people find out I'm a Shawbardite,

they are surprised that I still adhere

to the teachings of a con man

who was only pretending
to be a spiritual leader.

And the only thing I can tell them is
that I was sad before I met him...

and happy when I knew him.

And I don't know what more
to want from anyone other than that.

I do wish he hadn't stolen from me, though.

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