Original subtitles

(Door shuts)

(Door locks)

(Vehicle drives away)

(Woman's sobbing)

(Baby crying)

(Crying continues)

(Footsteps)

Well, what do you think?

Jesus Christ!

I fucking told you these movies would be shit,

and they are pure shit, literally.

They stink.

I can tell you why you insisted to show me this trash, you vain dumb-ass.

Shave offyour stupid brush

and you'll look precisely like this retarded pervert.

- (Clip) - Ouch! Are we fucking done?

I kinda like these movies. Everyone's talking about them.

Bill doesn't like when things are more insane than he is.

Watch it, Tits!

Having the privilege to fuck and suck me dry

still doesn't give a woman...

(Sniffs)

..the right to an opinion.

- Sir, I'm sorry. It was just a joke. - Shut your pussy mouth.

And go answer my fucking mail.

(Sniffs)

Why do you look so damn pleased?

Well, sir, I think I found the solution to all our problems.

(Phone rings)

- What? - (Man) 'Mr Boss.

'We've got a Code 6 in Block 4.'

Not again.

Damn it!

Sir, our prison, relatively,

has the highest personnel turnover, violence rates,

legal and medical costs, than any other institution in the US correctional system.

Things'll have to change fast or Governor Hughes will replace us.

Huh. Over my dead body.

(Prisoners shouting)

Get a load of Billy Boss.

You think you're the fucking Lone Ranger?

I'm no Kemo fucking Sabe, bitch!

Please, sir? I think I have a solution.

(Buzzer)

(Prisoner) Scheiss! Nazi!

I'm gonna rape you...

..to fucking death!

And it scares you. I can see it.

You motherfucker.

- What's his number? - Prisoner 297, sir.

Make a note.

I'll treat this walking skin cancer later on.

(Chuckles)

(Blows kiss)

(Buzzer)

(Screaming)

(Man) Stop moving!

- Which cocksucker did this? - Hold his arm down, goddamn it!

178, sir.

By the way, doc, I need my physical check-up.

- See you in an hour at your office. - Sir...

Did you hear me?

Yes, sir!

Fuck you! Fuck you!

Look.

Death-rape will be your destiny.

What's the ape-nigger's masturbation arm?

He's right-handed, sir.

(Prisoner) Goddamn you!

Turn him around, belly down.

(Groans)

(Screams)

- You want more? - Please, sir, no more!

Think ofthe medical expenses.

When your little monkey bones are healed,

I'll come by for a follow-up.

(Screaming)

(Door buzzer)

(Prisoner) Goddamn!

Oh, fuck!

I'm gonna kill you! You wait!

- (Chanting) Death-rape! - You want to rape me to death?

- Death-rape! Death-rape! Death-rape! - Come on!

Motherfuckers!

- Death-rape! Death-rape! Death-rape! - On your knees!

I want respect!

I deserve respect!

Respect!

(Gun clicks empty)

(Sighs)

(Sobbing)

Oh, God!

(Door slams)

(Beeping)

Ow!

160 to 120!

Ha!

- Sweet bleeding Jesus! - Listen, Bill, my plan...

Shut the fuck up!

- I need to relax for a few minutes. - How can you relax with such problems?

- I believe... - I believe...

..in bringing back mediaeval torture methods.

Reverse hanging.

Spanish boots.

And the good old rack.

Statistics show that the system, as it is now, just doesn't function.

Poisonous spiders...

..for prisoners with arachnophobia.

Massive force-feeding with raw slaughterhouse wastes of pork

for Muslims and Jews!

Beat them crippled with their Torahs, Qurans or Bibles!

More than $50 billion a year are spent on corrections,

yet more than four in ten offenders, nationwide,

return to prison within three years oftheir release.

Eyes for eyes.

(Cackles)

Uh!

Teeth for teeth!

Times hundred!

A prison should be a real deterrent, not a goddamn nursing home.

I agree, but mediaeval torture ain't gonna be the answer.

Something else will.

- That's why... - (Knock on door)

Mr Boss, I have a special delivery for you.

Don't bother me, Tits. Goddamn it! I have to think.

Sorry, sir.

No! Wait.

Give it to me.

Your rolling ass cheeks tell me what it must be.

By the way, I need my ball sack emptied before lunch!

- Holy shit! - What is that?

Tribe leaders in Africa chew them for unbelievable strength.

Yeah, but what exactly is it?

- Dried clitorises. - What?

- Clitorises! - (Phone rings)

- What? - (Man) 'We are coming.'

- What? - 'We're coming to your office, bitch.'

- Who's this? - 'You don't know who I am?

'Your death squad coming to rape you to pieces, you fucking white trash!'

- Get me a guard on the line this instant! - Something wrong?

- They're coming. - Who's coming?

It's a Code 8.

(Knock on door)

What's going on?

- Fuck off! - Hey!

This time,

it's real, jerk!

Really real!

Oh, no, not again.

(Ringing)

'Yes, sir?'

- What's going on? - 'Sorry, Mr Butler.

'346 must've used his monthly family phone call to call Mr Boss.

'Won't happen again.'

False alarm.

(Banging on door)

(Frantic knocking)

(Knocking)

Why didn't you let me in? What's going on?

This goddamn heat is driving me insane.

Sir, Dr Jones called about your physical.

Whoever did this is...

..fucked!

(Buzzer)

(Doctor) Your heart is racing. Have you been under a lot of stress?

Stress for pussies!

I also hear a heart murmur.

Listen, I'm not fucking paying you to give me bad news.

I would like to draw some blood and do an EKG as well.

I demand some fucking good news.

Or your ass will be fired.

(Breathes deeply)

There's nothing wrong with me, right?

You're in perfect health, sir.

Great.

I knew that.

Back to work!

(Moaning)

Billy Boss, good thing you joined the party!

Already regret your little phone action, Tonto?

I'd scalp you ifyou had any fucking hair!

Fuck!

(Speaks Native American language)

- What is this? - Water, sir.

I said boiling water!

- Fuck-face! - Get some teabags with that!

Earl Grey! Hahaha!

Please, sir. Just think ofthe outrageous medical costs.

It's ourjobs on the line here.

Sir, Governor Hughes will be arriving in 20 minutes.

What? Today?

I thought that lobby-whore was coming on Thursday.

- Sorry. It's in the agenda for today. - Shit!

Try to make him touch your ass

so we can sue his ass for sexual harassment.

I will, sir.

Will you be attending the execution tonight?

You fucking know.

I never go to these... wellness-executions by injections.

Sister Dwight will attend the feel-good penalty.

Get me outta here!

Shut up, you timber-nigger!

Ah!

Guantanamo style!

XXL.

Fuck you, you Nazi!

Boiling waterboarding!

By Bill Boss.

Eyes for eyes.

(Screaming)

Teeth for teeth.

Yeah!

(Screaming)

Times...

..hundred.

(Screaming)

You've lost your soul, William Boss.

(Gurgling)

Oh, excuse me, sir.

I was...

May I offer you a top-of-the-line Dominican cigar, Governor?

Hm.

I only smoke Cuban cigars,

the world's best.

You are a native-born citizen

ofthe glorious United States of America.

The greatest nation on Earth.

And you're not ashamed to smoke communistic cigars from Cuba?

I'm only a German American from Schweinfurt,

but I feel deeply ashamed for you, sir.

I apologise.

The heat...is driving me crazy.

Right.

The heat.

I guess it's your...depressing statistics.

Statistics are Mr Butler's department.

Er...I know things aren't going so well.

We are running costs inefficiently.

That's true.

I'm afraid...

..I have to fire poor Mr Butler.

Poor Mr Butler, your accountant, has nothing to do with it.

Answering violence with violence is not the way of a real leader.

You, Bill, are no boss.

You have managed one thing, however.

To damage me in an election year.

I'll return in two weeks.

When I return, I want changes.

And if I don't get them...

..I will replace you and your accountant.

Understood?

Very well, sir. Sure thing.

No problem, sir.

Fuck...

Fuck you!

Fuck yourself!

You imbecile communist zombie cunt!

Nobody insults me like that!

I'll stuffyour baggy homosexual shithole

with Cuban cigars up to your throat!

Don't mess with Bill Boss!

- I did everything I could, I swear. - Please, boss, listen to my idea...

Shut the fuck up!

Fuck the sissy psychological...

..leadership bullshit!

My leadership balls are atom bombs!

100 megatons each!

I'll teach him leadership.

I'll do what I wanted to do since ages.

Castrate them all!

No! It won't work!

Besides, it's permanent.

Send the cockroaches to the yard.

But it's 120 degrees outside. That's irresponsible.

Great!

Let the pork roast.

(Speaks Arabic)

(Boss on Tannoy) 'Good morning, pigs.' (Prisoner) Fuck you!

'Good to smell your acid stink again.

'A prison is like a swine farm.'

- Death-rape! Death-rape! - 'I'm your almighty lord and swineherd.

'My grandfather owned a big one in Germany.

'He castrated thousands of pigs.

'Why?

'Because they had too much testosterone.

'That's what makes them so aggressive.

'You might wonder why I'm telling you this touching little story.

'One ofyou lucky cocksuckers will have the privilege

'to experience first as a prototype

'the transformation into a cissy eunuch.

- 'Castration... - (Chanting stops)

..'will return all ofyou back into society

'as sweet, harmless, submissive pussy schnitzels.

'And the winner is...

..'our awesome tattoo wasp!

'Sister prisoner 297. Congrats!

'Take him to the special cell.

'Enjoy your sunbath.'

Allahu Akbar! Allahu Akbar!

Yeah! Yeah, yeah!

Hey, Warden. I like my men bald.

I think it's sexy. Why don't you come over here and suck my dick?

No worries.

As a child... I've seen it 100 times.

Trust me.

Turn him around.

Facing the wall.

(Yawns)

Oh, no! Please don't!

You bitch!

Bring these little fuckers to the cook.

I want them medium rare...

..for lunch.

Mmm...

(Roars)

Have him stitched up!

Ha-ha!

Yeah!

(Boss groaning)

(Slurping)

(Groaning)

Ahhh.

Uh...

I'm sorry, sir.

I can't do it with Dwight in the room.

Go ahead, for Christ's sake!

Dwight!

It's my pet!

Uh!

Uh! Whoa!

Good! Oh! Yeah!

Yeah!

Ooh!

(Cries out)

O-o-oh!

A-ah!

C'mon.

Swallow it!

I didn't get your asshole of a father out of prison for nothing!

Swallow it, bitch! Swallow up! Goddamn it!

(Groans)

Sir, could I please have a candy for the taste?

- Help yourself. - Daisy, don't!

Shut up!

Gross! This is salty.

Back to work, office slut.

Where's my lunch? I'm fucking hungry.

Ah!

Here's your lunch, Mr Boss.

(Sniffs)

Mm. Energy food.

(Sighs)

(Whirring)

Daddy, I promise you nothing's wrong.

No, I've just been so busy.

Gesegnete Mahlzeit.

I did talk to him about the hours. He said that it's going to get better.

(Splutters)

Look...

We are positively in the papers.

"Craig Sinner executed

"in George HW Bush State Prison at 1am."

Did you get off last night?

Well, he called for Satan before he died.

Putting the cockroach gently to sleep with a cissy needle.

Is that the way he killed the kid?

No!

Torture-castration will be the final solution.

No, it won't!

Why is this shit on my desk?

Please, please, please, Bill, will you just listen to my idea?

- Not when I'm eating my health food. - (Phone rings)

- What? - 'Sir, prisoner 297's about to wake up.'

The moment oftruth.

You white fuck!

(Screaming)

Crimson red.

Thoroughbred.

I'm still a red man, you fucker! You white fuck!

When I'm walking free, I'm gonna stab in your eyes!

Time for the follow-up, as I promised.

- (Crack) - Aaaagh!

(Sobbing) You...!

(Yells in Hebrew)

Well, he's still a bit weak from the incident,

but we've given him some morphine to manage the pain.

- I personally castrated him. - Yes, we all are aware.

And tomorrow, we'll start a fucking mass castration, doing them all.

Thanks, doc, for fixing everything.

I owe Mr Boss. This is the only hospital that'll let me work without my licence.

You'd better believe it. Glad you appreciate it.

Hey, man.

How do you feel? Feel submissive, even thankful, I bet.

Agh!

You took them. That's OK. I don't need them.

When I get loose, I'm gonna find some barbed wire.

And I'm gonna fuck you in the ass with it.

And then I'm gonna dig up your German Nazi parents and fucking rape them, too.

Siegheil, motherfucker!

See? I told you it wouldn't work.

Shut your filthy mouth!

(Coughs)

I'm not getting a heartbeat.

- Resuscitate him, quickly! - Can I have the crash cart over here?

All right. Charging.

Everybody clear? Shocking now.

Charging.

Shocking now.

(Prisoner gasps)

I'll kill this creature twice!

I do not accept this heat.

I want you to watch these.

Oh, I've seen those. They're really good.

(Sobbing)

Where you been?

I'm gonna shoot all the malignant cocksuckers.

Then you.

And then myself.

What's the goddamn point of living

when even the castration programme doesn't work

and I get fired?

Seriously?

It's also my job and my life on the line!

How dare you, you ugly piece of mutant shit?

Talking to me like that!

I have been tryin' to tell you for days now.

I have the answer to all our problems.

We've got to make a human centipede of our prisoners,

sewn ass-to-mouth, sharing one digestive system.

No more prison fights. No more assaults on guards. No more disrespect.

They will literally be on their knees, begging for your mercy.

And it's the ultimate deterrent for those considering a career in crime.

It's brilliant!

We don't gotta deal with their shit no more.

They just gotta deal with each other's.

What?

That B-movie shit?

- Impossible! - No. It is possible.

That's why I let Daisy make an appointment with Mr Tom Six, creator ofthese films.

He claims that it's 100 percent medically accurate.

The man is still in his potty stage, a poop-infatuated toddler.

You call him now and tell him I don't speak with a stupid filmmaker

about his poop fetish!

Fine, then! We'll get fired!

You are fired!

Right now!

You know, Bill Boss, I used to look up to you.

I used to idol-worship you.

I worked ten years for you

and I grew this stupid moustache to look like you.

But I know what you are. You're a sadistic, vile asshole.

Get out of my face,

you malignant midget.

I just saved your fucking life!

Bleugh!

(Groans)

Aagh.

I...hate...

human beings!

(Glass smashes)

Black, chicken, slave niggers!

Mother-fisting, baby-raping Mexican lowlifes!

Me cago en la madre que te parió.

Circumcised, ugly, Jewish goat-fuckers!

Pubic-hair-bearded Islamic halal pigs!

Jesus-fucking, bleached-assholed,

impotent, yellow-faced,

narrow-eyed coons!

(Electronic feedback)

Guards?

Dwight!

(Laughs nervously)

How have you all got out ofyour cells?

Go back to your cells immediately.

I-I only follow orders.

I just try and do my job.

Please forgive me and let me go.

I'll pardon all ofyou.

No!

I just let you go.

Immediately. You can go.

Go!

See your fucking...

See your loved ones.

I have a heart problem.

And diabetes mellitus.

Under stress, I could get a severe attack that would kill me.

Aagh!

My heart!

(Groaning)

Today is your day to be fucked,

like the rest of us.

I'm not gonna do you in your stinking ass.

I'm gonna cut you a fresh hole in your soft kidney tissue.

Belly down!

(Screams)

Death-rape.

(Screams)

(Sobbing)

(Chanting) Death-rape. Death-rape. Death-rape.

(Screaming)

(Squelching)

(Chanting continues)

- This shit feels good. - Death-rape! Death-rape! Death-rape!

(Screaming)

Like that, Daddy?

Oh, yeah. Ooh!

Death-rape! Death-rape! Death-rape! Death-rape! Death-rape!

(Screaming)

Death-rape! Death-rape! Death-rape!

Don't move. Here it comes.

Oh, fuck!

(Groans)

Mm!

(Phone rings)

What?

'Sir, Mr Tom Six is at the gate.'

Send him in.

Dwight!

Didn't I fire you?

I'm gonna give you one last chance.

Ifyou don't like what you hear, then I'll quit myself.

Uh-huh?

Mr Tom Six. It's so great to meet you. My name's Daisy.

I was wondering ifyou could sign an autograph for me.

- Sure, babe. - Thank you.

- You're even more handsome in person. - Thanks.

Let me show you in.

Gentlemen, Mr Tom Six.

- Ah, Mr Six, it's nice to meet you. - Hello, sir.

My name's Dwight Butler and this is my boss, Mr Bill Boss.

Sir.

Please, take a seat.

First of all, Mr Six, I'd like to say congratulations on your movies.

They've become a cultural meme.

I mean there's the South Park episode, the Human Centipad,

and then there's the LA porn parody and the cat toys...

I don't have the time for this... fan shit-shat.

Well, I'm sorry I'm late.

Prisoner 297 had a heart attack and I had to resuscitate him again.

But...he's stable now.

Mr Six, this is a big pleasure cos I'm a big fan.

Thank you, sir.

We're gathered here today

to investigate the possibility of applying Mr Six's human centipede idea

to our prison.

I mean, is it 100 percent medically accurate?

This is...my desk!

In my headquarters,

at my penitentiary!

Wake up! We are not in a movie, playing some idiots.

It is 100 percent medically accurate.

I consulted a real surgeon in Amsterdam.

He made a very detailed operation report for me,

and he said he could make a human centipede in his hospital.

I brought the operation report and the drawings.

Maybe you can have a look at that?

(Exhales)

- OK... - What do you think, doc?

Well, from what I see here, uh, it looks...

..medically accurate.

Are you sure?

You would have to give anti-rejection medication

and there's always the risk of infection during the healing process, but, um...

- Yeah. I'm sure. - But what about the excreta?

Well, the faeces wouldn't be contaminated by outside bacteria,

because it would be going from one digestive tract to another,

so it wouldn't be harmful, but there wouldn't be much nutritional value.

On the other hand, ifyou gave a series of injections offluids

with plenty ofvitamins and minerals,

I don't see why someone couldn't survive a lifetime in this position.

Ah, gentlemen.

This is a historical moment.

This is beyond mediaeval torture,

beyond castration!

The ultimate correction, nationwide.

We have business on hand, gentlemen.

- We start immediately. - (Dwight) No!

The surgery can't be done like in Tom Six's movies.

We have to take into account ofthe fact that at the end oftheir sentence,

the prisoners have to be released without being mutilated.

So, I've been thinking about this.

What we have is, instead ofthe pulling ofthe teeth,

we have a gastrointestinal bite-ring that holds the mouth open,

so they can't stop the faeces from coming into their system.

Instead ofthe cutting ofthe knee ligaments,

we simply inject to induce temporary paralysis in that joint.

Then to attach the head to the buttocks ofthe person in front,

we have a system of leather straps

which can be adjusted, pulled in tight, then undone for when we release.

At the end oftheir sentence and taken out ofthe centipede,

there's only a slight scar round their mouth and anus.

Well, doctor, what do you think? Is it possible?

Very clever, Mr Butler.

But this, all ofthis, is beginning to be in serious conflict

with my Hippocratic oath.

If I back out ofthis, I'm gonna get fired, aren't I?

Very clever thinking, Mr Jones.

My original idea for The Human Centipede films

was sewing a child molester's mouth to the anus of a fat truck driver,

as a punishment, so I love this.

I just got an even better idea for our life-time trash and death-row scum,

but I'll talk to my loyal doctor first.

Gentlemen, you may use my human centipede idea, but on one condition.

I've witnessed all the fake Latex stuff on my movie sets.

Now, I insist on attending one ofyour real mouth-to-anus operations.

Deal. I'll put you in charge ofthe whole operation, doctor.

Soon you'll lead surgical teams all over the States.

Fantastic.

We're going to need a much bigger surgical team.

We have to run blood work on all the prisoners,

test their stool samples for parasites...

Whatever you need, doc.

I've another brilliant idea.

We show the cockroaches the two Human Centipede films back-to-back

at their monthly film night.

And then...

..I'll announce them their fate.

The prisoners will tear this place apart.

We have to do this without the full knowledge of our clientele.

Shut up, pooper.

'How dare you turn your back on me?

'I'll give you something!'

(Prisoners groan)

Yo! What the fuck is this?

This trash occupies a world where the stars don't shine.

'Swallow it, bitch!

- 'Swallow!' - (Prisoners groan)

(Speaks in Arabic)

(Laughs) What the fuck?

(Prisoners groan)

(Groaning)

Oh, man!

These films risk causing harm. They should be banned!

Ha!

Turn that shit off!

(Uproar)

Hey, cockroaches.

Did you like these films?

I handpicked them for you as an instructional and mental training.

The world's first human prison-centipede

will finally teach you...

..how to become humans.

I don't think this is a very good idea.

Literally,

on your fucking hands and knees.

Your ugly pussy mouths sewn to an unwiped asshole,

feeding offthe diarrhoea from your fellow inmate.

I can't wait

to see...

..your pure agony!

- (Alarm blares) - Help!

Help!

What's going on?

Fuck off!

Bill Boss is in there.

I have nothing to do with it. I swear to God.

Special forces, immediately!

Break the fucking door!

(Gunfire)

Get back.

(Helicopter in distance)

Bill!

Here.

I'm here.

Where are you?

Here.

Over here. I need help.

Thank God! I just couldn't find you.

The situation's under control now.

But they... they really hurt Daisy.

Can't you see I'm hurt?

Get the medical team for me! Hurry up!

It's an emergency!

Now it's hell on earth!

Do you hear me,

scum?

All the animals!

Ahhh.

The silence ofthe lambs.

Sedation rifle!

Fuck!

- No worries, it's only a sedation rifle. - (Prisoner screams)

(Gunshot)

(Thud)

(Gunshot)

(Prisoner screaming)

No!

(Gunshot)

(Prisoner) Fuck you!

(Gunshot)

Gentlemen,

unleash...

..hell!

(Buzzer)

Uh.

Their submissiveness

gives me a huge erection.

Death-rape. Death-rape.

Rape, rape, rape.

Eyes for eyes.

Teeth for teeth.

Get the fucking scum on their fucking knees.

On your fucking knees, on your fucking, fucking knees.

Get the fucking scum on their fucking knees.

On their fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking knees.

I'll explain

the spectacular operation only once.

We start with injections into the li...

Ligamenta patellae.

..ligamenta patellae,

paralysing the ligaments ofyour kneecaps,

so knee extension is no longer possible.

Your lips and anuses are cut circular

along the border between skin and mucosa, the muc...

Mucous-cutaneous.

..mucous-cutaneous zone.

Then, we combine those circular mucosa and skin parts of anus and mouth,

creating a human centipede,

connected via your gastric systems.

Gentlemen...

..put them to sleep.

By the way, what are your plans for the life-sentence and death-row prisoners?

Wait and wonder, peepheart.

- How's it going, doc? - Right on schedule.

Five surgical teams working round the clock.

Those teams creating centipede segments ofthree prisoners each,

which are then taken outside to the hospital tents.

And then, they are sewn into the final larger human centipede chain.

Marvellous, doc.

Since I have you here...

What do you want to do with this prisoner? He has Crohn's disease.

- (Breaks wind) - What the fuck is Crohn's disease?

It's an inflammatory bowel disorder.

The prisoner has constant diarrhoea.

Who'll kiss his ass?

Our awesome...

..tattoo wasp.

The white anal Saxon prostitute.

Please?

Once more chance, please!

Don't sew me into a human centipede, I beg you.

Yeah, yeah.

Your whining...

..makes my dick even harder.

Revenge is so sweet.

Take it into your sleep.

We have another problem at hand.

That's fucking gross!

I have a stoma.

And you have a problem.

(Chuckles) Thank God!

Gracias a la virgin Maria.

Now I finally discovered why they blessed me with a lifetime stoma.

(Laughs)

(Mimics laughter)

This guy is repulsive.

Maybe it's a fake. With Mexicans, you never know.

(Prisoner sobs)

(Retching) No fake!

- No way to integrate him, doc? - His rectum is sewn shut. No.

Finish him off, then.

I'm sorry.

But I have cooperated with you and I will continue to cooperate,

but I will not just kill prisoners.

Jesus Christ!

Chicken shit!

Excuse me.

I have work to do.

(Prisoner sobbing)

My friend, you don't match.

- Have to kill you. - (Sobbing)

Take it fucking personally!

(Gunshot)

Ooh.

Eugh!

Take my gun.

Wash it, oil it, disinfect it.

If I sniffthe tiniest stink, you'll suck a bullet out of it.

And what do you want to do with him?

I'm sick and tired ofyour vegetables.

(Screams)

What the fuck?

Please, can we go and see Daisy now?

Just look at her, she's the only beautiful and sweet thing about this place.

I think she should be treated in a regular hospital.

No.

I want my cocksucker close.

Beaten-up women

make me so horny!

Please, Bill, don't.

Jesus Christ!

I beg you.

I...

I love her.

Even the corpse of a spastic would turn you down. Fuck off.

(Boss groans)

(Groaning)

I'll make you squirt, even in a coma.

- All right, we're all done. - Good job.

I want you to make sure

that the world premiere ofthe first human prison-centipede

is guaranteed to take place

the moment our communist Governor appears at the gate to destroy us.

Well, there's only 16 more prisoners left to undergo the procedure.

After that, the human prison-centipede will be finally complete,

on time and under budget.

They did their magic.

(Sniffs)

Thank God for Africa.

Thank God for female circumcision.

Private rehearsal.

Let's hear what our zombie Governor will have to say.

May I offer you a genuine Dominican Republic cigar?

I only smoke Cuban cigars, best in the world.

No. Just kidding.

After having seen the miracle ofthe first human prison-centipede,

I'll never again touch a communistic cigar from Cuba,

because you, Sir William Boss,

you are the new American hero.

You're in the hall offame with George Patton,

Neil Armstrong and Muhammad Ali.

Thanks to you,

our glorious nation will be the example to the world again,

a proud safe nation, with hardly any crime.

Your idea, Sir William, is of absolute genius.

You will be honoured, personally,

by the President ofthe United States of America.

- (Whistles national anthem) - Actually...

it was my accountant, Mr Dwight Butler.

It was his brilliant idea.

Oh, ja.

You did it.

You fucking, fucking did it.

(Horn honks)

(Phone rings)

(Laughs)

Mr President! It's me, William Boss. Call me Bill.

'Sir, Mr Tom Six is at the gate.

'Sir?'

- 'Sir?' - What?

'Sir?'

Oh, man! I'm so excited to see the real mouth-to-ass operation.

Prove all the sceptics wrong. It is 100 percent medically accurate.

I'm gonna be so rich and famous.

You owe me big time, mister!

I'm already eating my own shit!

I wanna be in the prison human centipede.

Ha!

Wait, can't we use him in the media conference?

(Gunshot)

I don't want anyone liking this!

Oh, man! This is so wrong.

Come on.

- Wash, please. - Wash.

(Chuckles) Ja!

Marker.

Marker!

Ja.

My hands are shaking with excitement.

What about you, Six? Having a hard-on?

(Boss cackles)

Look at this.

Oh. Yeah.

Oh. Yeah!

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

(Laughs)

Six, I'm gonna show you some human centipede improvement,

copyright Bill Boss.

- Follow me. - (Machine beeping)

Bing! Bing! Bing! Bing! Bing!

Wha...

- What a poor pussy, huh? - What in hell is this?

Wait and see, Dwighty.

Wait and wonder.

Wait and see.

♪ Mr Dwighty!

♪Wait and wonder

♪Wait and see

♪ Mr Dwighty! ♪

(Boss laughing)

No.

120 to 80.

Perfect!

The 'pede looks perfect!

The last few prisoners have just been attached.

Although the wounds are still fresh, you get the idea.

- Perfect! - (Phone rings)

- What? - 'Sir, Governor Hughes is on his way.'

Perfect!

We are ready for the cunt!

Dwight, I repeat,

you are really the cunt!

Hello, sir.

Why do you two assholes...

..look so pleased with yourselves?

The both ofyou are fucking fired.

I should've done it years ago.

All problems are history, sir.

I took your advice. I've learned from your strong personality.

You are the ultimate leader. You are my role model.

Now the prisoners are like obedient slaves,

begging for mercy.

I got them down on their knees.

Literally!

Your last visit inspired me to such an extent.

A brilliant idea!

I'll show you the result that tells more than a thousand words.

The last ones have just been attached.

So it is...show time!

"Attached"?

A-T-T-A-C-H-E-D? "Attached"?

- Yes, sir. - What does that mean?

Wait and see.

You talk so much shit your ass must get jealous.

(Laughs)

Great, Governor, I love that.

What the hell is this?

(Boss) Ah!

The black panther made it to the lead!

This burger-killer is feeding the whole humanitarian system behind him.

Don't cry. Tomorrow you will get your hamburgers.

(Laughs)

- Why? - Because he loves junk food.

No. No, I don't mean that. I mean, wh...

- What is this? - (Muffled moaning)

Dwight!

Tell the Governor my vision.

And this black whiner here has to become a middle piece!

Fuck!

Well, sir, more than $50 billion a year are spent on corrections,

yet more than four in ten offenders nationwide

return to prison within three years oftheir release.

This despite a massive increase in state expenditure.

Aagh! Shit!

(Dwight) But not any more.

This human prison-centipede will reduce crime dramatically.

It will be a deterrent to anyone considering a career in crime.

And no more recidivism.

(Muffled cries)

Feed him!

Digestion in progress.

Hahaha!

No, it's not halal.

It's not kosher.

A Jew behind a Muslim. A Muslim behind a Jew.

A Republican behind a Mexican.

- A Crip behind a Blood. - (Moaning and slurping)

Peace on earth.

Goodwill to men.

Oh, my God!

(Slurping and gurgling)

This is too much.

(Muffled moans)

Bill Boss?

Isn't that your secretary?

(Muffled sobs)

Oh! Haha! Ja!

Er...ja. That's, er...

..only a short, er...

..gender test! Haha!

Come on, sir.

(Daisy sobs)

Dwight!

Tell our beloved Governor about the money savings.

The savings would be in their billions.

We can make savings on prison staff, food and drink.

And books and television, housing.

Heck, we don't even need fences no more.

We can even save more money if we attach them in a circle,

like a perpetual mobile, faeces going round and round.

Food isn't needed any more,

only cheap liquids and vitamin injections.

That money could be spent on schools and hospitals

and nursing homes and road improvements,

whatever you want.

And the tax-payers, they'll love you for it.

(Squelching)

This anus is not very clean.

I want perfection in my penitentiary.

Inmates shall feel well and clean, understand?

- Wipe it. - (Breaks wind)

- I apologise. - Oh! Oh!

In the beginning, things are not always perfect.

Please follow me for another interesting insight.

- Oh, my God! - Yeah...

♪Ta ta-ta-ta-ta... ♪

The human caterpillar!

For all the lifetime convicts

and our friends on death row.

Now, is that a deterrent, too?

(Whispers prayers)

This man has just finished his sentence

and already checked out ofthe centipede chain,

ready to go home!

All what is left, a few little scars round his mouth and anus.

Another big advantage.

Because other people can see, by these little stigmas,

that he was integrated in a prison-centipede.

Another huge deterrent, right?

Ha!

How are you doing?

(Speaks in Arabic)

Good luck, my friend.

Stay clean.

You see? It really works.

(Door slams)

What do you think, sir?

This...

This is a violation of human rights.

It's certainly a violation of federal ethics. Oh, God! I am fucked!

You insane freaks should get the death penalty for this.

Sir, you are dead right.

- No, no. - But, in fact, it was...

- No, this is too much. - Mr But...

This is too much!

You got the wrong man!

Fuck!

Please don't.

What an epic,

glorious moment, huh?

When do you think we can start the national surgical campaign?

Cos I am so fucking ready!

What is the matter?

(Gunshot)

Gentlemen...

This is exactly what America needs.

This may even get me elected President.

You've convinced me. It's genius.

Don't change a goddamn thing.

My pals in DC, they won't believe their near-sighted eyeballs.

(Chuckles)

Yep, my idea.

Mm.

Absolutely right, Dwight.

You're, indeed, a genius.

You came up with the idea.

You deserve every credit.

Give me a hug, Dwighty.

(Boss roars)

(♪ "Star-Spangled Banner" plays)

(Roaring continues)