Original subtitles

Hi.

Hi.

He owes all of you money too?

Save yourself the trouble.

They're in there, but they won't open up.

We've been waiting here for hours.

They won't open up?

We'll see about that.

- What are you doing? - Good lord!

- You'll kill yourself! - Okay, okay!

Take it easy.

These people make my blood boil.

The nerve of some people!

Sponging off good people like us

who work our asses off just to get by.

If they let me make the laws...

Don't take it so hard.

I'm just having a bad streak.

If this guy doesn't pay me, I'll get fired.

Damn, take it easy. Cigarette?

An American brand!

Very nice.

Mmm, tasty!

Hey.

What is that?

Isn't this crap drawn by...

What's his name? Vazquez.

Doesn't look so bad. He any good?

He's the best comic strip artist in all of Spain.

Try the biggest son of a bitch in all of Spain!

You can say that again!

Let's get a beer downstairs.

Come on, it's on me! This is useless.

Forget it.

I pay for my own drinks.

Otherwise things get messy.

Just one beer...

- Don't worry about it. - Come on.

Hey, I like your attitude.

Most people can't take the heat.

How about working for us?

- What company? - "Favorite Furnishings."

- What's your commission? - 15%.

I'm already making that.

Look.

If you want, I can front you three checks right now.

I don't know.

It's tempting. I need to think it over.

- Think it over. - 15% isn't much, but...

THE GREAT VAZQUEZ

You were brilliant!

How much did you take him for?

Go on, congratulate him like a hero!

The things I have to put up with!

I can't sleep. Can I stay up a little longer?

Why didn't you put out the parrot?

They showed up out of nowhere.

They almost caught me.

Bring me a carton of cigarettes from the bar.

And dexedrine from the pharmacy. I have a deadline tomorrow.

Can I buy some food too?

Complet Bleu. 100% Scottish wool.

Look how shiny it is.

- Look. - Yeah.

It looks nice. How much is it?

15,000 pesetas.

Money can't buy this quality.

Come in and try it on.

I really should use one. Mine gets dirty at the building site.

- At the building site? - Yeah.

I'm an engineer.

An engineer!

No need to cover the full price. You can pay it off

in six installments.

Start paying after the summer, if you like.

That way you won't spoil your holiday.

- Come in. - Okay.

Hey, it's Vazquez! Watch your wallets!

Very funny!

- Hello, boys. - Hello.

Purita.

Cigarette?

Well, well, Vazquez!

Always looking so spiffy.

You look like a tycoon.

You're still here?

I told you. You could be making a fortune in a topless bar.

More than I make here.

I work the same as the rest of you and get paid half.

I tell her all the time. What a dummy.

This business is for losers. Stupid jerks with no other skills.

I know everything. Everything.

- What do you know? - Everything. I know everything.

Is the big tyrant here?

The boss is having a bad day. You'd better not piss him off.

What, did his canary die?

What is this?

A pencil.

Yeah, I know. But you threw it away and it's only

- half-used. - I...

Yeah, yeah.

From now on in this office,

we use pencils to the end.

If you can hold it with two fingers, it's still usable.

Is that clear?

Good morning.

Sire, your Excellency, guiding light of my existence.

Here is my offering.

Damn you, Vazquez!

I sent for you twice this week. You're never home.

We're closing today and as usual,

you show up at the last minute.

Let's see it.

Only ten?

What is this, a charity for comic strip artists?

We publish six strips a week.

I've been working on a new character.

It may not seem like it, but thinking takes time.

Try it sometime and you'll see.

Don't piss me off, Vazquez.

A new character.

Let's hear it.

He's an investigator.

Each story is a different case.

And the solution appears at the end. But backwards.

To figure it out, you turn the page upside down.

What do you think?

Not bad. Not bad.

It does sound original.

What's his name?

Who?

Who do you think? The inspector.

O'Buttonhole.

Inspector O'Buttonhole. With an apostrophe.

It sounds British, like Maureen O'Hara or Maureen O'Sullivan.

Pelaez!

Yes, sir.

- Have you two met? - We're in the process.

Pay him for ten pages.

Right away, Mr. Gonzalez.

- What is he doing here? - Don't ask.

He's the new administrator the bosses sent.

A technocrat.

We've grown a lot in a short time

and apparently we need a new approach.

Here.

What the hell is this?

The new rules. From now on, anyone who wants to get paid has to sign it.

"I hereby renounce for all eternity

the right to reproduce this work in the entire universe.

I also renounce authorship of all characters and storylines

to the publisher.

By signing this document

the author also renounces all rights to his soul and his own life

and solemnly swears to behave himself and never complain."

Should I sign it in blood or can I use a pen?

Take your pick.

But no signature, no money.

Okay, then. I'll use

this pencil.

What are you looking at?

Keep your heads down!

Work, slaves, work!

You too, lazybones!

Otilio, large bills, please.

Vazquez, you're a pig.

Can you draw me the grandfather from "The Shallot Family"?

Personal requests cost 5 pesetas.

Have you got it?

Tough luck. Next!

One moment.

I won't tell you again.

Next time you're through.

Go right ahead, one at a time.

He's so excited. I read him "DDT" every night

- at bedtime. - Read to me tonight and I'll draw you

- a Velazquez. - Oh my God! Come on, son.

- What a disgrace! - I'm very sorry.

That's enough, you're finished!

No more comic book signings! Never again!

Okay?

If the rest of you will wait a few minutes,

Escobar over there will draw Zipi and Zape for you.

Take it easy, I was only joking.

Okay, no more.

I'll sit here like a good slave and keep my mouth shut.

Okay, but I'm warning you. One more time and you're through.

He's staying for 5 more minutes.

Wait in line and behave yourselves.

That's it.

God damn it!

They left without paying! And they looked like royalty...

Those are the worst, take it from me.

What's the world coming to?

Since you're here,

bring me some calamari, a pack of cigarettes

and a brandy.

And keep the change.

Coming right up!

GET SMART

I need to try this new secret

compartment design. Glance discreetly at three o'clock.

Three o'clock?

Well, two forty-five.

Objective:

Possible soviet agent, new arrival. She's in the bag.

Come on!

Hey, you're the Great Vazquez.

The world's best artist.

The one from the comic strips.

- Can I have your autograph? - Sure, kid.

Here.

What a privilege.

Thanks, beat it.

No, don't move. Don't talk.

Can you hold that pose?

Please, don't move.

Hold still for a second.

What a profile! Like a goddess!

What a smile!

Are you really Vazquez?

Yes, I can't deny it.

What's this one's name?

This one? I don't know. Anacletus.

It just occurred to me. You like it?

Anacletus.

I like it, it's great.

Something to drink?

What are you doing?

You can't imagine the things people throw out.

There's nothing here.

Where are you staying?

I start work tomorrow as a maid in a well-to-do home.

But not living-in, so I have to find a hostal.

A hostal? No.

Wait a second.

What's wrong?

You take me for the typical bimbo just off the bus

who enters a hotel with a guy she just met?

- I... - Well, I am. Let's go.

Hi, there. A double room, please.

Marriage certificate.

Will this do?

This one belongs to

a large family.

312.

The nerve of some people! What a disgrace!

- We didn't mean to... - Exactly what I was thinking!

- What a disgrace! - What?

I've been in the world's best hotels. And the worst.

And I've never had to carry my own luggage!

Please, sir...

People don't want to work in this country.

That's the problem.

You can tell you've never been in a war.

I'd like to see you all freezing in Stalingrad.

The Presidential Suite. You'll be much more comfortable here.

It has air conditioning and you can dial 9

for room service 24 hours a day.

Very good.

Feel free to ask for anything you like.

Here you are, sir.

No, please! No need for that, sir.

Ma'am.

What a beautiful room!

It has its own bathroom.

Piped music!

Oh, Manolo!

This blouse is wrinkled.

I can't show up tomorrow in it.

Hello?

Yes. Have you got laundry and ironing service?

Send someone up.

Yes, she also needs a manicure.

One moment. Are you hungry?

I didn't know comics were so profitable.

BRUGUERA PUBLISHING

They look great on you. They make you look authoritative, martial.

Seriously? Nobody ever told me that before.

May I?

Hey, Vazquez! Come in, come in.

How do you like these glasses?

Very nice. Where's your seeing-eye dog?

Let's have a look.

Wow.

This is heavy.

This is unlike you, Vazquez.

38, 39... Yes, sir. And 40.

What happened?

- Are you all right? - I'm settling down.

It's about time, it's about time.

- Pelaez. - Yes?

Pay him for 40.

Yes, sir.

Very good, Vazquez.

I hope this becomes a habit.

We like serious people here.

Take this kid, for example.

We commissioned two trial pages

on Monday and he brought us ten.

And look, they're not bad. What do you think?

I'm sort of in a hurry.

Oh, right. Here.

Great. What's your name?

Paco, Francisco

Ibañez.

You draw good noses.

I know everything. I know everything.

- What do you know? - Everything.

Don't listen to him, he's a bum.

I admire his work.

Personally,

I like comic strips

with more detail. I like to see people walking by,

cars, buildings...

When two lines explain everything...

I don't know...

Save the modern stuff for the Picasso Museum.

Vazquez!

Look at this!

They're blank! Blank!

He only did the corners!

I knew something fishy was going on!

Don't just stand there! Try to catch him!

Yes.

Shouldn't we call the police?

Forget the police! Hop to it!

I'll kill him! I'll kill him!

Sorry to bother you, Mr. and Mrs. Torrebruno,

but like I said yesterday, hotel policy requires

customers to pay on a weekly basis

and it's been a month. The total bill is...

Here, give it to me.

I'll go straight to the bank and we'll settle our debt this evening.

Thank you very much. Is everything to your liking?

Actually, yesterday's caviar tasted more Catalonian than Russian.

And my shirts...

We're going, buttercup.

- See you around. - Right, see you around.

I almost died, I almost passed out.

We couldn't leave it all upstairs.

Now what?

- Another hotel? - I don't know.

We could rent a place, like everyone else.

Yeah.

We'll check the classifieds in the Vanguardia.

And this is the living room.

It will look a lot nicer with a coat of paint.

Yes, it's quite an apartment.

The ad didn't mention the conditions, Mrs...

Call me Paz, sweetie.

We're asking for 1,000 pesetas a month and two months in advance.

"We?" Your husband...

I live upstairs with my canary.

We're like family now. My Indalecio,

God rest his soul, was hit by a trolleybus 15 years ago.

- Perfect. - What?

No, I mean...

It would be perfect, if not for the advance...

We have so little time.

Oh, I see.

But you look like

such a nice couple, I think we can find a solution.

Come this way, you haven't seen anything yet.

Looks like we've got an apartment.

Yes!

Hold this.

It's gorgeous!

But it's so empty. What do we do about furniture?

Buy some, like everyone else.

PAY IN INSTALLMENTS FINANCING - PAY TOMORROW

High fidelity, technology of the future.

Tell me, how did that sound?

Impressive. We'll take it.

Perfect. If you'll just come with me,

I'll help you fill out the paperwork.

Over here, by the table. Careful, don't scratch it.

I'm so glad you made the down payment. Look how fast they brought everything.

Yeah, but they can forget about the installments.

I still have to fork out 20,000 pesetas.

What's wrong?

Have you got a tic?

Thank you very much. It's a pleasure. Here's your receipt.

- See you around. - No, wait!

Hey!

Why didn't you tell me?

I was trying to signal you.

Where are you going?

What are you doing?

Rosa, listen to what I'm about to say. It's very important.

From now on, if the parrot is out, the coast is not clear.

If it's in, the coast is clear.

What coast?

I mean jerks like the guy who just ripped me off.

- You got that, Rosa? - Yes, Manolo, yes.

Great, great.

Hey, buddy!

Dick, I want you to meet Marisol.

Hi, Dick. Very nice to meet you.

- He doesn't bite? - No.

I don't understand.

What don't you understand?

How does he make a living?

How can he afford that car and that huge house?

How should I know? An inheritance, maybe.

That stuff doesn't matter. What matters is the story.

Right.

What's wrong? You never cared about that stuff before.

Nothing.

What's wrong?

I won't need pillows to fake a belly for long.

That's what's wrong.

How do you know?

Are you sure?

I know.

I'm sorry.

What do you mean, sorry?

It's great!

- Do you have any family? - Why?

We should tell them.

My parents died and I don't think their family in Teruel

cares much about my life. How about you?

My mother died when I was little.

And my dad's in a home in Madrid. I haven't seen him in years,

- thank God. - Why don't you call him?

Because he's a mooch.

He'll show up and never leave.

Come on, Manolo.

Damn!

Very good, very good.

What is this?

The background is almost blank.

You need to fill it up.

With what?

Details.

Buildings, trees, the landing at Normandy... How should I know?

Just fill it up.

- Vazquez... - Vazquez...

I don't care what Vazquez does.

No... he just came in.

Good afternoon.

You've got some nerve.

Yes?

Mr. Gonzalez, can you come out here a moment?

I'm sorry.

Forgive me. That's all I can say.

Come inside.

Can you bring me some tea?

- Yeah, and a cigar... - Bring it.

You're pretty brave to show up here.

I did it for my father.

I was all torn up because I couldn't pay for his funeral.

- Your father...? - I didn't know what I was doing.

I needed the money. The funeral home said

- if I didn't pay... - Vazquez.

Pull yourself together.

These things happen in life.

You should have told us.

We are people, after all.

Pelaez.

Give this man an advance.

An advance?

- Now? - Yes, now.

Thank you.

On my father's behalf, wherever he may be.

- Give me the bottle! - Hold still.

Or we'll never finish.

There will be plenty of spirits at the banquet, right?

Otherwise... That son of a bitch promised me.

- You know what he's like. - Will there be what?

Come on, we're late.

We have plenty of time. Has the driver come?

Yes. But the bastard wanted the money up front.

You hear that? Like I'm a bank or something.

"Wanted?" What happened?

What...? What is that?

They installed a telephone. Isn't that great?

No!

- What's wrong? - In whose name?

- Yours. - Are you crazy?

- Don't answer it. - It must be a wrong number.

Whoever it is, say I'm not here.

Hello?

- Manuel Vazquez, please. - He's not here right now.

That's okay. I'm calling about the wreath.

The wreath?

Yeah, flowers. For the grave. Where do we send them?

What grave? Nobody's died around here.

Oh, I see

- My respects, ma'am. - Thank you.

Tell your husband to stop by the publisher's.

Yes, anytime. Whenever he can.

There's no hurry.

- Okay, goodbye. - Who was that?

Goodbye.

- Mr. Gonzalez? - What?

Are you sitting down?

If you're not, you'd better.

Vazquez!

Bring him to me.

I want you to bring him to me.

Bring him to me right now.

All right, we'd better call the police.

No, no. Not the police.

Thank you, dear.

Those stairs destroy me.

Soon I won't even be able to leave the house.

What did the doctors say?

To buy an oxygen tank and a respirator, or I'll have to check into the hospital.

They're incredibly expensive. I can't afford it.

With my pension I can't even buy birdseed.

Speaking of which,

I know you two have plenty to deal with,

but you've been here 9 months

and you still haven't paid me anything.

Paz, I...

I don't know what to say. I'm very sorry.

I shouldn't have said anything.

You see? I'm such a fool.

I'll see you to the door.

My feet are killing me.

What a pair!

I can't even walk anymore.

It breaks my heart, Manolo. Really.

She's a good woman. Couldn't we at least pay her for one month?

It's a matter of principle. If she has an empty apartment, she can afford it.

What?

What about all the homeless people with nowhere to sleep?

Did you ever think she might need the money?

I'd bet my life she's got wads of cash under her mattress.

And another thing.

Milking the rich isn't a right, it's an obligation. You got that?

You're a no good son of a bitch, you know that?

I'm sorry, my love. I've got a big mouth.

Weren't we supposed to go shopping for that stuff?

The crib, walker, stroller, playpen, diapers, a bed...

I don't want you buying those things your usual way.

I'm asking you, please.

I don't want anyone to come and take them away.

Have you got any money?

Sure, um...

Wait.

I've been saving up since I found out I was pregant.

Buy it all with that.

Okay.

- You promise? - Yes.

Carlitos, what are you doing there?

Hi, Dad.

- What do you want? - You haven't been home in a while.

I've been... very busy.

Make way, son. Here comes a train.

Mom says you're unreliable.

Me?

I want to be like you. Teach me.

Mom says you take advantage of poor people.

Not poor people. Bad people.

- How can you tell them apart? - Who?

The good from the bad. In movies it's easy. The bad guys

dress in black. But in real life I can't tell.

How should I know?

The bad ones want something from you.

You need to convince them you have it,

when actually you're the one taking it from them.

You have to seize the moment.

That's rule number one.

- Don't look. - What?

- Hey! - Run!

Stop!

Thief! Thief!

Stop!

Stop! Thief!

Police! Police!

Thief!

Where did he go?

That son of a bitch!

Stop! Thief!

Shit!

Now what do we do?

We wait.

He'll go back to work eventually.

Give me something or I'll scream.

- What? - I'll scream.

I'll scream.

Wait.

Okay, okay. Here.

Here.

I want more.

I haven't got any more.

This will do.

That's 100 pesetas, you little schmuck.

You're a little monster, you know that?

You said to seize the moment.

Yeah. It was my fault.

- Why? - Rule number two.

Never go back to burnt neighborhoods.

Burnt?

Someday they'll have files on us all.

They'll know everything about everybody.

What we owe, how much we have in the bank,

how many fillings we have...

Super computers will store all the data.

But they'll be so big they'll need entire cities for them.

Luckily that's hundreds of years away.

So in the meantime, we have to work by neighborhood.

Once they know you in one, you move onto another.

I think I got it. Can I take notes?

This isn't school, son. It's life. No taking notes.

The parrot isn't out.

We can go up.

What will you do with the 100 pesetas?

Put it in a savings account.

They give you stickers with every two deposits.

No way! Spend it on candy, or an amusement park, or on hookers.

No son of mine is going to save money.

- Hello. - Hello.

- What's going on? - They're kicking us out.

They're serious this time.

They broke down the door and threatened to hurt us.

They can't.

Yes, they can.

How much do we owe?

Six months.

We'd better move somewhere else.

Here.

This should hold them off for a while. I'll think of something.

Thanks.

You were unlucky to ever have met me.

Here it is!

They'll bring the rest tomorrow!

Please, do something!

- Do something! - Should I call a taxi?

- There's no time! - Okay.

I know what to do.

Stay calm and boil sheets...

Get a doctor.

A doctor, right. A doctor.

We're all set.

- How did it go? - Fine. It went fine.

What a cute baby!

Sit down, Manolo.

Sit down.

He's a little angel. What will you name him?

How about Angelito?

It's pretty, but...

I like Manolo better.

Manolito.

Nice ring to it.

Hold him. He's your son.

Manolo.

- Like his father. - And his grandfather.

Why don't you call Manuel? It's his first grandson.

He'll be glad to hear about it.

No, please.

Manolo...

"Bastard"?

You can't put "bastard." You want to get us executed?

Then what should I put?

What you always put.

Putz, dimwit, bonehead,

numskull, buffoon, blockhead,

nitwit, nincompoop...

I have to do everything!

Lamebrain!

- What? - How about "lamebrain"?

Sure, sure.

May I sit down?

Vazquez, how could you...!

No, don't say anything. You're right about everything.

But there's no need to punish me.

- There isn't? - No.

He already did.

Who?

Him.

He punished me because I deserved it.

The other day I lied to you.

I joked about my father's death.

And now...

Now he's died for real.

No.

That's the breaks.

Yesterday my son was born.

I called the home where he was living to tell him.

They said he fell in the shower. It's fairly common

at that age.

But I'm resigned to it.

Resigned, that's the word.

I've opened my eyes.

I want to change.

I want to find a way to pay back what I owe.

- You don't say! - Be quiet.

How?

Working.

- Yeah, right! - No, no.

It'll be different this time. I'll work here

so you can watch me. So I won't be tempted.

I'll only think about producing.

Well,

- we could... - No, no, no. Forget it.

I respect you too much to permit it. This time you'll have to choose:

Either him or me.

Give us a moment, Vazquez.

That's my final word, Mr. Gonzalez.

I know what you're going to say.

Accountants are a dime a dozen, but there's only one artist like him.

So I'll just get my things.

Come on, Pelaez, calm down.

What would you do if you were me?

You already know. Call the police.

We can't, I've told you a thousand times.

I still don't see why.

Why? It's obvious.

Because he actually hasn't committed any crime.

- He hasn't? - No.

All he did was make monkeys out of us.

What if he committed a crime?

Would you call the police?

Of course.

Okay, Vazquez.

This table is free.

Thank you, thank you very much.

I know it won't be easy to regain your trust.

But I'll do my best, you'll see.

Time to work.

Is that your family?

Yes.

They look...

very nice.

Thank you. It was taken at my son's communion.

Your car?

It's so...

clean.

It isn't mine yet.

You might think I'm dull,

that I don't enjoy life, that I have no dreams.

- Well... - You're wrong.

I've been saving up for three years.

Some day, when I have enough,

I'll buy a car like this one.

Why not just make the down payment? You can pay it off.

I hear it takes a while to come after you order it.

Luckily we're not all like you, Mr. Vazquez.

Otherwise this country would be bankrupt.

When I have all the money, I'll pay for it.

In cash!

Trouble finding inspiration?

I have to get used to the space. It's normal.

Of course, take your time.

Kid!

These suppliers

can never wait until the end of the month like everybody else.

How unprofessional.

Here, take this check

- to the printers'. - Yes, sir.

Bye, sweetheart.

What's wrong?

You look really awful today.

They're making me work in the office.

It's impossible to work there.

I can't concentrate. Even coming here doesn't inspire me.

I'm through, damn it.

Well...

Here,

have another one on me.

And try working at home.

I can't go home. There are two thugs waiting for me outside.

Two thugs?

You're a scream!

Don't laugh at me.

These things...

that happen to you are hilarious.

I don't think they're funny.

Well, they are.

Have you ever tried drawing yourself and the stuff that happens to you?

Draw myself?

Come on, that looks like Gary Cooper.

Give him a bigger belly.

That's it.

And less hair.

Take it easy! We're not bald.

Shut up.

He owes me money!

Stop him!

Leave him to me! I'll kill him!

I'll make you another suit, for your coffin!

Stop!

Hey!

Thief!

Hey, stop!

Stop!

What's all the ruckus?

Nothing, they're just admiring my work.

Ten pages in one sitting.

Did you say ten? Let me see.

What the hell is this?

For God's sake, Vazquez!

A million kids read us every week. Spain's next generation.

What kind of example are we giving them with this trash?

The hero is a mooch! It's you!

I cannot permit you

to encourage children to go out

and hustle and trick

all the hard-working people out there...

What's going on here?

See for yourself.

This is anarchy, Mr. Gonzalez.

Look.

You like it, sir?

Very much, Vazquez.

You've outdone yourself.

You like it?

They'll throw us to the dogs.

We'll be working on a chain gang.

This will never make it past the censors.

Come on, don't exaggerate.

It's no big deal.

Well done, Vazquez.

- You're finding your rhythm. - Thank you.

Okay, gentlemen.

You're free to go.

See you tomorrow.

See you tomorrow, boss.

Okay.

You heard him. He likes it.

Pay me.

You still owe 190 pages to settle your debt.

You mean I won't see a penny until I give you 200?

That was the deal when you begged us to forgive you.

Don't you remember?

- Asshole. - What?

Nothing.

Nothing, nothing.

- Good night. - Good night.

It's time, let's go.

I'm going to stay and work on the last page.

Glad to hear it.

Good night.

What, lots of work?

You have no idea. This job is dog eat dog.

Dog eat dog.

Manolo.

They're here. They're early today.

Don't open the door!

Just what I needed.

- Good morning. - What the hell are you doing here?

If you want me in that home,

pay them what we owe them. They're really pissed off.

But don't worry about me, I'll be fine right here.

- Excuse me, pardon me. - Where are you going?

What are you doing? Hey!

I told you not to open the door!

This is breaking and entering!

Please, leave that there.

Put it back. I spoke to the manager.

You don't know what you're doing...

The baby! The baby...

Sorry, ma'am. I didn't see it.

My baby.

I'm going to kill you!

- I'll kill you! - Rosa, listen to me.

Let me explain.

I swear I'll kill you!

Not the baby's stuff. I told you, not the baby's stuff!

It's Chivas, you thief!

- How much do you owe? - 20,000 pesetas.

And ten bottles of booze.

If I pay it will you go back?

If you insist. But it's 20,000.

Next.

Wait.

Ana.

Thank you.

Poor woman.

One problem less. We should celebrate.

Manuel, for God's sake!

- Good evening and God bless. - Hail Mary, full of grace.

Are you

the Vazquez family?

- Sort of. - Well.

I suppose you're aware that Paz, God rest her soul,

has donated all her properties to the Holy Church.

Therefore, according to these documents, you have a new landlord.

Yeah? Who?

The Lord.

And you cannot owe the Lord

20 months back rent.

Why not?

Because He'll call the police.

What about all that stuff

about forgiving our debts

and forgiving our debtors?

One must never interpret the Holy Scriptures literally.

Property contracts, on the other hand...

Who was in the box? What happened?

What happened?

You killed that poor woman with all your bullshit!

Rosa!

Well, we must be on our way.

And now this!

What is this?

If you don't pay your debt in two weeks, you'll be evicted.

May the Lord be with you.

You call yourself Christians?

You're a bunch of money grubbers!

Money grubbers!

- Watch your mouth. - I'll say it again!

You don't know who you're talking to. Nobody calls me a money grubber!

Who do you think you are?

Those stairs almost killed me.

Excuse me?

May I help you?

Manolo works here, right?

Manolo who?

Vazquez. Vazquez.

Work is not exactly the word.

But yes, this is the place.

Though he hasn't shown his face around here for some time.

He hasn't come home in a month and it's become unbearable.

He said he'd give me the 20,000 pesetas I owe...

Yes, I understand. Are you related to him?

Of course I am. I'm his father.

Got anything to rinse my throat?

I'm a little dry.

Please wait a moment.

Mr. Gonzalez!

- Mr. Gonzalez. - What is it?

- Do you believe in ghosts? - Why do you ask?

Because one just walked in.

Allow me to introduce

Vazquez' father.

- That's impossible. - Yes, yes.

Tell me about it. We've buried him twice already!

Let me sit down.

Yes, of course.

I need to sit down.

You look like you're in charge.

Have someone bring up an Irish coffee or something.

Tell me, sir.

Why are you here?

That son of a bitch ran out on us.

I can't even buy my medicine.

Like I said, he hasn't shown up in three weeks.

There's his desk. I'll see if there's anything...

Jesus Christ!

You wanted a crime? Here it is.

He stole four checks.

I'm calling the police.

Pelaez.

We can't call the police.

What do you mean? We've got him now.

Pelaez, get up.

Come here. Do it.

- You see that individual? - Rovira?

Yes, a good worker. He's never given us any trouble.

That's right.

He crossed over from France without any papers. Understand?

Nobody could hire him.

And he was starving to death.

You mean he's a Red? We're feeding a Red?

Red, green, yellow...

He's a person, isn't he?

He's not the only one. The delivery boy,

the two new guys at the printers', Constantino, the truck driver...

They're all Reds?

Pelaez, they have families, too.

How much did he take us for?

120,000 pesetas.

Wow.

Is that serious?

Yes, one second...

"Criminal conduct constitutes any act of fraud,

- forgery..." - I see you know the law.

You'd make a great attorney.

Very well.

Out of respect for you, Mr. Gonzalez,

when the police come, we'll hide everybody.

But this lunatic can go no further.

If we do nothing this time,

his co-workers will think

we were born yesterday.

Police, open up!

What's going on?

Hello.

- Manuel Vazquez? - He isn't here.

May I?

Don't worry, you know what he's like.

Very good, Ibañez.

These two detectives are great.

What are their names?

Mortadelo and Filemon.

But their supervisor sort of looks like me.

No, not at all.

- Just a tiny bit... - Mark my words, Ibañez.

You'll go far. Unlike others,

who disgrace the profession.

Any news?

Don't ask.

The police issued a warrant two weeks ago, but no luck.

- He's as slippery as an eel. - Boss!

It's Vazquez! He's on TV! He's on TV!

- On TV? - Yeah, right now!

- Live? - Yes.

He created unforgettable characters like Anacletus and the Gilda sisters.

Now he's based a character on himself

and recovered a word no longer in use. The word "mooch."

Vazquez is a professional mooch.

Somebody pinch me.

Tell me, Mr. Vazquez. Is being a mooch profitable?

Well, only for those who practice it. Not for other people.

Mr. Vazquez, at home we've always been big fans

of the Shallot Family and we've always wondered:

Is the grandfather character based on a real person?

Let me through!

That's him.

- In the white suit. - Are you sure?

Yes.

This is it.

Welcome to the Honeymoon Suite.

The new guy! The new guy!

Hello.

Welcome.

What a hunk! I'm gonna eat you up!

This can't be real.

Why are you getting so dressed up?

I'm going to visit that putz in prison.

Weren't you mad at him?

Yes, but he's my husband and he has a right to see his son.

You're still hung up on him, I can tell.

Who is it?

I'm not a creditor.

What do you want?

Just to talk.

Then talk.

He taught us never to open the door for anyone too.

But please, open the door.

It'll only be a few days, until we find somewhere else to live.

What is this? Who are you?

Go inside. You'd better sit down.

This is boring. No creditors around.

That's what you think. Come back here.

Okay, time to work.

It's a dog's life!

- Gross! - Do you mind?

Sorry, sorry.

Your recent work is aesthetically inferior.

This Anacletus is a mess.

The lines are course and motley.

And the metaphorical references are too linear.

It totally lacks depth.

What are you talking about?

I haven't drawn Anacletus in months.

That's an old DDT.

No, it's this week's. My mother brought it.

Let me see.

Shit!

Shit, shit!

Sons of bitches!

Sons of bitches! I have to get out of here!

- I have to get out of here! - Stop, stop!

I have to get out of here! Let me go!

- Open up! - Take it easy!

Now that's a real con man.

He took the government for 100 million

dealing machinery imports and exports.

A couple days inside, living like kings, then back on the street.

More like on a beach in Cuba, throwing money around.

Jesus fucking Christ.

I wasted all my talent on measly scams, living like a bum.

You look like shit.

I always have.

What was I telling you?

Oh, yeah.

Rosa is moving back to her village with the kid.

What will you do?

I sold some stuff I had. They're letting me back in the home.

You don't have anything.

I mean, you drank it all.

Some jewels I had around. And I bought you this.

Since you said to bring your drawing kit.

What do you think?

These are for oil painting.

To color in your little doodles.

The colors are specified.

They add them in at the photo lab.

How the fuck was I supposed to know?

I can't get anything right.

I gave you the best education.

At home you rubbed elbows with Wencelao Fernandez Flores,

even with Miura himself.

But not you.

You had to draw stick figures.

If you'd been a painter or something like that,

you'd be living in a castle like Dalí.

And we wouldn't be living in the street like rats.

Time is up.

Yeah, you're right.

Take care, son.

Goodbye, Manuel.

Yes, hello?

I never thought you'd stoop so low!

Vazquez, where are you calling from?

Amateurs drawing my stuff!

If they were good at least!

Who's the one doing it?

- The cleaning lady? - Listen, Vazquez.

Rough times are ahead. Even worse.

Quality doesn't matter anymore.

You have to get me out of here! They're going to kill me!

If they don't,

- I'll do it myself. - Please, calm down.

You know that if it was up to me...

My hands are tied. I know it must be awful in there.

No, you don't. You have no idea.

More than you think.

Now listen to me.

I'll talk to him, but he'll have conditions.

Anything, really, anything.

Just get me out of here!

Yes, I wish you all the best.

Say hello to your kids for me.

Goodbye.

- Everything okay, Mr. Gonzalez? - Yes. What is it?

I have the monthly balance sheet

and the viability plans for the coming trimester.

I'm sorry, I sat in your seat.

That's okay.

I can see you have style.

That you like nice things.

I think we have a lot in common.

I saw those Cuban cigars... Romeo and Juliet, right?

I smelled that expensive cologne...

and I knew you were sophisticated,

cosmopolitan,

a go-getter.

Who the fuck told you

to sit down?

Go clean the fucking toilet, shit for brains.

Yes, sir. Right away.

Hello.

Vazquez, hello.

Maestro.

Sorry, they tortured me.

I had to tell them everything I knew.

Fine, let's hear it. What do you know?

Everything.

Spanish kings, the Pythagorean Theorum, European capitals...

Manolo, how are you? How was it?

It wasn't so bad.

It's a quiet working environment. You should try it.

Probably not much different from this place.

What about him? I see he has his gloves.

- Did he buy his car yet? - Not yet.

He says he's on the list but it takes a while to deliver it.

Damn, two years!

Are they in there?

They're expecting you.

Good luck.

Come in.

- May I? - Vazquez.

Come in, come in.

It's great to see you again.

Thanks for paying my bail.

You're back, that's all that matters.

- Hello, Vazquez. - Hello.

- How are you? - Great.

I hope you got the pages I sent. I'm working on something new.

Look, Vazquez...

I have to make a quick stop at the printer's.

I'll let you two talk things over.

Have a seat.

No, I don't care about your pages.

You don't?

What I care about is what you do from now on.

Me too.

Let's get to the point. Tell me,

why should I stop paying professional artists half as much

if they draw your characters on time,

never cause us any trouble

and never complain about anything?

Because they suck?

You think kids can tell the difference?

Of course they can.

They're kids, not idiots.

That's what I'd like to find out.

I just suggested to Mr. Gonzalez

that we poll our readers about their favorite characters.

Is that your idea or did you hold

- a staff meeting? - Here we go again!

Look,

I just want to make a living drawing my characters.

That's another thing I want to clear up once and for all.

They're not your characters, they're our characters.

I needn't remind you of the fine print on the contract.

Here.

Draw a broom.

No, that isn't my job.

You can't even draw a broom

and you have the balls to tell me my characters are yours!

So that's what really matters to you.

We're making progress.

Here's what we'll do.

We had you released in exchange for something.

Very well.

These are the conditions.

You'll get your characters back

when we can trust you again.

- What does that mean? - It means

you can't work on your characters until we authorize it.

Then how will I make a living?

There's plenty of things you can do in the meantime.

You can do publicity layouts

and illustrate them

or you can handle crosswords and puzzles.

There go my fucking shoes!

What are you doing here?

No.

No kiss?

Wait!

I'm your husband.

You're our husband.

Who knows how many.

I could have you arrested.

- How did you get here? - By bus.

- I want you on the next one out of here. - Come on...

It's probably all over the village by now.

If you spend the night here, then everyone will know.

We have to live here, you know.

- You never cared what people think. - I do now.

Rosa,

I want you to come back with me.

Manolo, I...

I can't live like that.

Actually, I think nobody else can either.

You used to like it.

You said it was exciting.

As you can see, I've changed.

I'm going to change too.

Bullshit. You'll never change.

I'll try. But I don't know where to start.

A correspondence course?

Manolo, you'll never change.

You know why?

Because you're convinced we're all stupid, everybody but you.

That's your problem.

People who get up early, work their whole lives, retire and die.

People with families who make commitments.

People who save up all year for a crummy vacation in Casteldefells.

People who make commitments, Manolo.

People who make commitments.

You think we're all fucking idiots.

Everybody but you.

Will you leave?

Rosa...

Please, Manolo. If you love us, leave.

Do it for us.

I'm working.

Come in.

Damn!

What? It's only a little rat.

A little rat? It looks like Rin Tin Tin.

Come on.

Don't close it all the way.

If you close the door they charge me double.

Sure.

Here. I made 10 layouts and 8 puzzles.

Nice job. Here. I brought you some more work.

Wanna stay and give me a hand?

I have to go.

All right.

- Bye. - See you later, champ.

"How to succeed in life and work."

Hey, buddy.

Do you want to make your life better?

- Louder. - Yes.

Okay.

From now on, you're going to become a new man.

A superior being. A winner.

Looking good is an essential part of your new life.

Always look clean and well-groomed.

Never wear cologne

that might offend others

or loud colors that draw attention to you.

Your appearance must never stand out.

Only the work you do and the effort you put into it.

Never be an obstacle to your superiors, but a faithful ally.

Remember, they suffer and lose sleep over the well-being of their employees.

Help make their hard decisions easier.

If they make mistakes, it's because they're also human.

Express your dissatisfaction by working harder,

not by complaining uselessly.

Saving money

is one of the most important factors

to being successful in life.

Always think of the future and be like the ant

who stores food for the winter.

Cultivate only serious and healthy relationships,

not superficial relationships

that will only waste your time

and valuable energy.

It's time for you to become

your own dictator.

Half monk and half soldier.

Reserve some time every day for reading.

Educate yourself.

Only the most qualified people

are given the most important positions.

TEN MONTHS LATER

Hi, girls. I've been neglecting you.

You must be proud of me, Hermenegilda.

How about you, Leovigilda?

Anyway...

I see you two are as cold as I am.

Just what I needed.

How did you find me?

I always find you.

Tell me about it!

How's your career as a con artist going?

Fine. I sold the whole class the same sticker ten times.

The thing is, now they all want to gang up on me.

Why don't you try something healthier,

with more opportunities? A draftsman,

- a doctor, an engineer... - Are you serious?

Yes, son.

Is that all you came for?

No. This telegram came for you.

Great, Ibañez. It's wonderful.

This will be a hit.

Let's talk about the Super Mortadelo special.

And the extra, "Funny Magicians."

Have you got a minute, Mr. Gonzalez?

Come in.

Powder puff?

Take one.

Thank you.

Talk to me.

I took the liberty of bringing you three Gildas and five Anacletus.

It's been months now and I think I've kept my side of the bargain.

Vazquez, we're busy. I'll talk to you later.

My thing isn't important. I can come back later.

No, no...

Okay, fine.

A lot of pages.

This month we can only take

- three. - Is that all?

Yes.

Sit down, Vazquez.

Look, a lot has changed in the last few months.

We polled our readers about their

- favorite characters. - And?

My kids and I voted for you several times.

I know that's not allowed, but you know what kids are like.

It's just that Ibañez cleaned up. Kids are crazy about

Mortadelo and Filemon.

He's out of this world.

He averages 20 pages a week. He's a machine.

- Right. - Look.

Anacletus came in 9th place.

After Myopic Marty, Miss Magpie,

Henry Hobo, Sir Tim O'Thy, Mr. Mediocre...

Did my Anacletus come in 9th, or was it the one

drawn by your artists?

We have to make room for new ideas, Vazquez.

Change with the times or die.

We've decided to reduce your number of pages

and we can't maintain the same conditions.

If you want us to publish you,

we can only pay you as a back-up artist.

Three pages.

Here.

I've been working for months non-stop for free and without complaining.

I've nearly gone blind from doing layouts and every other odd job.

All I ask is a small favor.

If you're not happy, you know where the door is.

There are plenty of publishers.

If you leave, you can forget about your characters.

A lot of places would kill to publish my new characters.

Oh, really?

Leave them outside on your way out.

Vazquez.

What will you do with the money?

Buy a coffin for my father.

Good. You're finally acting serious. Like a good father, thinking of us.

Were you going to leave us here?

Those bastards don't deserve us.

We're too good for them.

Send them a bomb in the mail.

The same thing happened to me in the war back in '21.

I was platoon leader and we were surrounded by...

He died like a dog.

In the street.

If there's any blood left in your veins,

which I doubt...

give the man some money so he can at least buy him a proper tombstone.

Of course, Mr. Gonzalez.

- Who would have thought this time... - Do it.

I'm very sorry.

I'm sorry, Manolo.

Thank you.

Tell your father.

Our condolences, Dad.

Thank you, son.

Thank you.

I don't know what to say.

I'm speechless.

My sincerest condolences.

He can rest in peace now finally.

It's an advance.

To pay for a proper tombstone.

There's no need.

Please, take it.

Okay, we're done here.

These things make you think, don't they?

If it's any help, I want you to know

we've regained our trust in you.

After all, we're like one big family.

Bruguera's doors will always be open.

Goodbye, Pelaez.

See you at the publisher's.

Is this yours?

You can't afford a funeral, but you have a car?

Life is so ironic, isn't it?

I bought it before I went to jail and they just delivered it.

I tried to sell it to pay for this,

but I couldn't on such short notice.

Of course.

What will you do now?

Sell it. That won't be a problem.

It's new and demand is high.

Of course.

Hey, weren't you looking for one?

Well...

It's yours for 90,000 pesetas.

90,000?

No, it's worth twice that.

I'll tell you what. I'm going to walk.

Take it now and you can pay me when we finish the paperwork.

No, please... I could never...

Those checks belong to the publisher. I don't want to get you in trouble.

I'll cover it tomorrow as soon as the bank opens.

If you insist...

It's my pleasure.

Enjoy it.

What are you doing?

That's my car!

"Loli Hostal."

Thief! Thief!

Vazquez!

BARCELONA, SAINT JORDI'S DAY 30 YEARS LATER

Not even Makoki?

I don't read comic books.

Just the tabloids at the hairdresser's.

Damn!

Hold on.

I think I know the guy signing in there.

Vazquez! How are you? I haven't seen you

What a line! It never ends.

Vazquez! How are you? I haven't seen you

in ages. How is everything?

I'm hanging in there.

Summers on the French Riviera,

winters hunting at my castle in Scotland...

At least you don't have to put up with Pelaez anymore.

There's always a Pelaez around.

Are you two gonna yap all morning?

Know who this is?

The Great Vazquez,

the best comic book artist of all time.

What comics?

Plenty of stuff.

The Shallot Family,

the Gilda Sisters, Anacletus...

He also did himself.

Uncle Vazquez.

Never heard of him.

Of course you have.

You know, he's the mooch living on the top floor

- at 13 Percebe St. - Draw me something!

For me too!

No, fuck off.

Not even for me?

Well, for you...

Signed and everything. This is worth a fortune.

Thank you very much.

Hopefully see you around.

Yeah, we should...

Give me a hug, damn it.

Manuel, it was really nice to see you. You look great.

Damn, he's rolling in dough!

Where do we go now?

We can play some bingo and find a hotel.

Hey, when do you work?

I never stop working.

Vazquez never changed his lifestyle.

For 20 years he was prohibited from drawing the characters he created

which made him famous at Bruguera Publishing.

He went to jail two more times, once for bigamy and another for tax evasion.

He maintained stable relationships with 7 women and had 11 children.

He died in Barcelona at age 65 from a diabetic attack.

Days earlier he faked his suicide and managed to get an advance

from his last publisher for sales after his death,

something to this day only achieved by Vazquez and Fyodor Dostoyevsky.