All language subtitles for Search.Engines.2016.WEB-DL.x264-ION10

♪ ELECTRONIC MUSIC

GEORGIA This turkey looks like
the mafia got a hold of it.

JUDY It's how the Amish do it.
I saw it on YouTube.

GEORGIA The Amish post on YouTube?
That is crazy.

JUDY I know, times have changed [LAUGHTER].
Wait, this is,

this is hell. I, I never gave my
mother enough credit for doing

this production year after year.
I guess I was already drinking

by the time everything was done.
It was like this magical,

mystical meal appeared
[LAUGHTER]. And Bill

GEORGIA Yeah, that - Thanksgiving
is fun for everyone but the chef.

True that.

ZOE Mom has been brining the
turkey for a week. It's gonna be

more like Passover than
Thanksgiving.

LILY Oh, what'd you say?

I just can't believe that our
mother, a woman who's

consistently flummoxed by the
microwave and who has never

made a piece of unburnt
toast, is cooking for 15.

Do you remember that one time
when she made that big pie with

that huge dome. And then
dad tapped on it and

the whole thing collapsed.
[LAUGHTER]

Oh, it was so tragic.

No, it was funny.

I like his new girlfriend.

She's cool. But it's like mega
awkward when she treats me

like we're besties.

Totes, that's so off.

And she's always posting on my
Facebook and liking things.

[LAUGHTER]
Why don't you block her?

It would make things
kind of weird.

GEORGIA I do not trust those
instructional videos.

I followed one once and
seriously almost blinded

myself trying to
apply liquid eye liner.

GEORGIA Bad idea.
JUDY That's terrible

Oh look, there's my
wayward husband.

Why did you guys
drive separately?

He had to drop something
off on his way over here.

For work, on Thanksgiving?

Who knows where he
goes or what he does.

ZOE I wonder why
she's unfriended me?

LILLY Well you live far away.
She doesn't even know you yet.

I guess it's better that way.
Mom would be crazy jealous.

She already puts me in the
middle enough as it is.

Wait, so mom can see
what's on my Facebook?

Yeah, she's got like
this secret account.

She's like the J. Edgar
Hoover of social media.

[LAUGHTER] I'll show you.

RICK No, no, no, it's not been an hour.
Look, I had to park

like a mile away. That's - -
there's trees in this

Your obsession with
sap is unnerving.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Happy Thanksgiving.

[BIRD CHIRPING NOISE]

Uh, I don't know, I downloaded
some new ring tones,

That's probably what it is.

It sounds like a dying sparrow.

I'll set it to silent.

Will you set it to off?

Okay, happy now?

I'm gonna go help with the
buffet table, want to help me?

Sounds exciting. I'm gonna
make a cocktail instead.

RICK Hey can you believe the,
uh, Vuelta, Contador and Froome

battling it out? It should
be the tour, right?

GEORGIA Sounds like you guys are having
fun. Kimmy, he's on restriction,

no cell phone for Rick.
No cell phone for Rick.

KIMMY (OS) Got it. GEORGIA
(OS) No cell phone

KIMMY (OS) So Rick, uh, are, are
you going to the Giro in Italy or?

Yeah, yeah, I'll be in
Italy for the Giro.

I'll miss the tour in France,
though, but I'm gonna go to the

Vuelta in Spain for sure.

KIMMY Wow. RICK Yeah.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER ON PORCH]

JESSE So I'm, I'm chatting with
this guy on Bottom Feeder for like

three weeks and
then he just disappears.

DYLAN Bottom Feeder's bull shit.
People just want to chat and

chat and chat and chat and chat.
It's a bottomless chat feeder.

JESSE Okay yes, but I just
felt rejected, you know.

DYLAN It's not real rejection.
It's more of a pseudo rejection.

We just had so much in
common. We both loved

Miles Davis, Dry Rieslings and
spontaneous swimming and then

poof he just disappears. I know
that this sounds horrible. But

I, I sort of hope that something
awful happened to him, or maybe

he died. Because otherwise he
just never wrote back to me.

DYLAN Maybe he just
met someone else

JESSE Then why wouldn't he just say that?
I mean is there no

decorum left in the world?
No manners?

JESSE A little, 18 years.

DYLAN Well the kids are used to that
kind of interaction, it's normal

to them. It's all just virtual.

JESSE You're so much better
at this than I am. Oh my god,

DYLAN I've only actually gone
through with it a few times.

JESSE Right. When is the
last time that you actually

DYLAN Some drug addict came
over, started cutting coke

on my Noguchi table.

JESSE Oh my god, poor Noguchi.

DYLAN Then he put his head on
my chest and said the sound

of my beating heart
made him hard.

JESSE Yeah, I would take a serial
killer blow job at this point.

Oh, Gold Unicorn?

JUDY Hi, mom. I left you a message
on your voice mail on your cell

but it's full. I, I tried the
house. It's not working.

[LAUGHTER] I don't know
why it's not working.

Yes, everything is under
control. I have mister turkey

right here. I brined it, yes,
it's very briny. All briny.

550. I don't know, whatever.
Okay. No, no, no, uh,

I, I don't need your help. I
don't. this year I am Sacajawea.

I know that she wasn't at the
first Thanksgiving. I was just

making a little bit of a joke.
Okay, I will text her and, and

make sure she does. Okay, just,
just get over here, I love you.

Okay, bye. [Doorbell rings]

JUDY Happy Thanksgiving.

SHANE Hello.

Oh, three horny mules. Is that
local?

Uh, 98 points on,
uh, Wine Enthusiast.

Oh. Fabulous, thank you.

This is very nice.

Oh well thank you for
noticing that.

Yes it's, uh, difficult to miss.

Kind of like your work.
Oh, I would have loved to have

shared your work with my
readers. My former readers.

And speaking of work, is
everyone okay with me doing

the blog interviews and-?

Oh yes, absolutely. You know, I
saw your show at Red Art three

years ago. And I thought it
would have been amazing to be a

part of one of your projects.
And here you are.

Well I hope it meets
your expectations.

Thanksgiving is a, it's a pretty
foreign concept in Britain.

In England we just Christmas
and Boxing Day so.

Box it - - I nev - - what is
Boxing Day anyway?

[LAUGHTER] you don't even know.
And, and I, and I want to remind

you that this is the first time
that I have attempted

the entire Thanksgiving feast.

Oh well this is my first
time trying to eat one.

So I'm just very grateful you
invited me, you know, thank you.

I don't know where I would
have, uh, ended up.

Well I'm so glad it's here.
Um, I'm gonna go back in

to my work station.

'Cause it's chaos
in there. And, um,

Rick is mixing drinks
there at the bar.

RICK Yo. JUDY (OS) And that's
Kimmy SHANE (OS) Hello.

JUDY It's Shane, so.

SHANE Hi. KIMMY Welcome, Shane.

JUDY See you in a minute.
SHANE Okay

LILY (OS) So then he sends me this
Snapchat of his erect ding-dong.

ZOE Classy.

ZOE [LAUGHTER] I wish I could
say that I believe it gets

different but apparently all
penises have the same IQ.

College guys do that?

Yeah, I have an entire
collection of

Valedictorian dicks.

No, I mean I like penises. I'm
all about penises, but so

up close it's just way too
natural history museum.

And no one needs to see
balls close up.

Mm-hmm. This poor guy texts me
pictures of everything.

I mean its-he's such an over
texter. It's really annoying.

What does he over text about?

ZOE: Fire hydrants, um,
public parks, urban decay.

He sent me pictures of him
winking, but it just like

looks weird. Hmm, what about
you? I know you're having

adventures. Do you like anyone
other than Snapchat boy?

Mm, there's like this one guy.

Yeah, he's a club promoter, so
he's like in the scene.

Mm, he sounds fast.

Yeah, he's a little fast. But I
kind of like fast. I think.

DYLAN (OS) Your sister couldn't
have lost her job at a worse time.

JESSE (OS) I know, when it rains it pours.
And I haven't been on Linked In

lately but the job market for
art critics does not seem

like it's exactly on fire.

Has she dated anyone
since the divorce?

JESSE: I mean she's on Date Me
but I don't know, I think she

she might just be on there for
the validation. You know,

just to be liked and found
attractive from her picture.

Well I know that feeling. Even
if ugly guys or fatties like me

it still makes me happy. Like,
you know, this guy put himself

out there for me,
I'll always have options.

Yeah, no, having
options is, is great.

But sometimes too
many options is a problem.

Yeah.

RICK(OS) Cheers.
KIMMY Oh, Thank you.

RICK (OS) Of course.

So, uh, what's your
field of reportage?

KIMMY (OS) Oh, sports.

Really, I wouldn't
have thought that.

Yeah, I guess you probably
thought, uh, math meets.

Or, uh, chess tournaments.
Maybe some classical music.

SHANE I just think it's
a little bit unusual.

Do you have, uh, a sport
that's your specialty?

KIMMY (OS) it's LA, so basketball.
It's all about basketball.

Yeah, when you guys win there
are riots. It's terrifying.

KIMMY It's crazy. I guess you're
a friend of Judy's in the

art world? Are you a dealer?

[LAUGHTER], No, no, no, I'm a,
I'm a multi-media artist.

I organize, uh, location-based
group happenings. I'm interested

in how people interact in
unusual, strange and

heightened situations.

KIMMY Oh, Oh-uh, oh hey Rick,
um, we haven't talked about

RICK: We'll do that over turkey.
You're busy.

KIMMY(OS) Okay, save me a seat?
What were you saying?

RICK Hey, hey, hey,
Jesse, you little bitch.

JESSE [LAUGHTER] Rick. Uh,
Dylan, this is Rick. He's

married to my sister's friend Georgia
and, uh, Rick this is my friend Dylan.

RICK Hey, Dylan. DYLAN
Nice to meet you.

RICK Happy turkey day, gobble,
gobble, and all that.

SHANE (OS) Well for example recently
my team picked out, uh, this

drunken American guy in a bar.
And then we all went in and

pretended it was his birthday.
And, uh, eventually he started

joining in even though it wasn't
his birthday. And then we

uploaded the whole
thing onto YouTube.

KIMMY So it wasn't his birthday,
you just messed around with some

innocent stranger?

SHANE: Yeah, that's right
[LAUGHTER]. In, in

a way. But it was a, it was a
jocular kind of messing.

SHANE And there was, you
know, some touching moments.

There was some real pathos.

JESSE(OS) So how's work?

RICK It's pretty good I guess.
It is what it is. Gets a little

mundane, a little repetitive, a
lot of the same issues come up.

DYLAN Like what kind of
issues, what do you do?

RICK Oh I work for Google.

DYLAN Really? That's awesome.
Google's like so now.

What do you do there?

RICK Well I don't actually
work for the big G, I work for

a law firm that deals with, uh,
first amendment copyright issues

surrounding the Internet.

KIMMY Are you working
on anything now?

SHANE Yeah, I'm actually gonna
upload this Thanksgiving to my blog.

SHANE Yeah, I thought
it would be charming.

So you're gonna add
comments and cutesy

little pictures and things like that?
Yeah. Pictures,

SHANE and videos, image macros, gifts,
vines, and interviews. Actually,

I- I'd love to ask you some
questions if you are up for it?

KIMMY Oh no. I'm not used
to being interviewed.

SHANE Uh, well I mean I can
understand how you might not like the

KIMMY Oh no it, it's not about
the tables being turned, I mean.

SHANE Well there you go, and you
might enjoy being on the answer

side of the situation for once.

KIMMY Okay [LAUGHTER].

Let's give it a shot
for what you call art.

SHANE Okay, great.

KIMMY Okay great.

RICK (OS) Well I mean I
guess there's a case

where a guy has been posting
pictures of his girlfriend, his

ex-girlfriend, nude pictures.
And Google's named in the suit

because he's using Google
ads on his blog.

DYLAN Why would anyone
do something so creepy?

RICK That's a good question.
No telling what people do when

they're pissed off.

JESSE Hashtag karma.

SHANE (OS) Kimmy's keen insight
on all forms of sports are known

to the legions of fans in, uh,
this great city. Uh, so Kimmy,

I want you to throw that keen
eye on yourself. Uh, what does,

what does Thanksgiving
mean to you?

KIMMY Uh, you know, Thanksgiving's
always been one of my

favorite holidays since I was a
little girl. My parents were

immigrants and, uh, this
was the one American tradition

that they celebrated. My dad,
uh, was very reserved and always

focused on work. But when it
came to Thanksgiving he would

drop his work and he would join
the family and

he was the life of the party.

KIMMY Um, and my mom just loved to cook.
She would cook up a storm.

And, uh, there'd be everything,
you know, turkey and stuffing

and mashed potatoes. She would
separate the white meat from the

dark meat. I mean it was an art.
There was corn, kimchee

[LAUGHTER].
There was always kimchee.

RICK (OS)
So Dylan, what do you do?

DYLAN I'm a high-end dog washer.

JESSE He is the pup
pamperer to the stars.

RICK I did not know there was
a, a high end to the business.

DYLAN There's an entire ecosystem
of doggie care in Los Angeles.

RICK Yeah, I mean I've seen
the vans that drive around.

DYLAN No, most of my clients
have an extra bathroom dedicated

to canine cleaning. My dogs
are the one percent.

RICK: Hmm. How long have
you been doing this?

DYLAN Almost 15 years.

RICK Wow. Jesse you are, uh,
you're in the dog world, yeah?

JESSE Uh, well, you know, rescue.
Like I save them,

he soaks them, you know, I'm
gonna go for reinforcements.

JESSE You good? DYLAN Good.

RICK No we're good.

KIMMY With the world being so
overstimulated I feel like

Thanksgiving is a time to really
just disconnect from all that

and, um, really reconnect
with what's important.

SHANE Does your work normally
make you feel connected?

You're a sports journalist.

I mean you interact
with people all day.

KIMMY Well you would think that.
But it, it, uh, somehow

has the opposite effect.

KIMMY I get all these online
comments about my articles. Um,

from anonymous icons and names.
And they're really aggressive,

just really violent. You know,
and, uh, what's worse some of

them are actually totally racist
and sexist. You wouldn't believe

some of the ugly things people
have to say. They're just

complete strangers, they don't
even know who I am.

JUDY Uh, gorgeous. Okay. Now,
I will make a tent, okay.

If you say so.

JUDY Hey, KATE Hey, So...

JUDY Look at my tent.

KATE I guess you skipped
that class at Barnard, huh?

JUDY I guess I did.

KATE So what's that smoky smell?

JUDY Uh, it's the oven. I
haven't used it in years.

KATE Nice, so turkey cordon
dust and spider webs.

Very local ingredients.

JUDY Listen, I am proud of this bird.
Look at this turkey.

Is that a good-looking
turkey? Huh? Handsome.

KATE I take you more for the,
uh, takeout turkey type.

JUDY Did you bring
the cranberry sauce?

KATE Yes I did.

What, I can't compete
with Whole Foods.

JUDY You said you were gonna
make cranberry sauce.

KATE No, I didn't. I haven't
used my kitchen since Bush won.

JUDY No, you did, you said
you were gonna make it.

And I have the evidence right
here. And I quote I will

wrangle up the cranberry sauce.

KATE Exactly. I wrangled up
the cranberry sauce. Come on,

you know I don't cook.

JUDY I wanted it to be homemade.

I wanted it to be
beautiful and perfect

KATE Nobody eats it anyway.
It's just decoration.

Now give your sister
a hug, come on.

JUDY Oh no. KATE Come On.

JUDY Hey look it, wish bones.

KATE Yeah. JUDY Mine's bigger.

KIMMY Well yeah, I guess it's
better that they take it out on me

SHANE Yeah, I've heard about
that in America. Yours is

a sort of brutish nation...

KIMMY Sorry, can we hold
for a second. Jesse?

JESSE Hi. KIMMY So
nice to see you.

KIMM Oh. Uh, this is Shane.
He's a friend of your sister's.

He's uh-an artist from Britain.

SHANE Hey Jesse.

JESSE Nice to meet you,
how... uh, Britain.

JESSE Um, I, I love,
uh, I love BBC America

and also nationalized
healthcare.

SHANE
Yeah, don't forget Big Ben.

JESSE
What's going on here, in this,

looks like sex,
lies and videotapes.

KIMMY Maybe two out of three.

SHANE Yeah if you have a loose
definition of videotape.

I'm actually interviewing
Americans about Thanksgiving.

KIMMY Yeah, come sit with us.

JESSE Oh no, no. I'm,
I'm, I'm too shy.

SHANE No, no, come on, I'll,
uh, I'll loosen you up.

KATE I thought uh-stuffing was
just spiced, soggy bread.

JUDY No, it is, um, what is it called?
Aunt Marjoram's

fall bounty stuffing. It's from
Vintage Eats dot com.

Ooh. Vintage, one of
my favorite euphemisms.

JUDY like that then I have the
uh, vegan tofu stuffing from

Lizzy Emerald's website.

KATE Wow. Two novelty stuffings,
you're such a show off

[JUDY CLICKS HER TONGUE]

Hey. ZOE Well hi Auntie K.

LILY We're just-ZOE Hey mom.

KATE So how's the ivy league, huh?
Is it worth the 50k?

ZOE Oh, I'm on scholarship,
you know that. [LAUGHTER]

KATE So what's a scholarship
buy you this year?

ZOE I am taking two
classes this semester.

LILY Oh eeh.

ZOE Comparative literature
and advanced French theory.

KATE
You are your mother's daughter.

JUDY And I am the proudest
mother in the whole wide world.

JUDY Love you, best girls
in the whole wide world.

JUDY Ooh, look it, it's
my own Susan Sontag.

ZOE Oh mom.

JUDY Come on, everybody
needs a hero.

ZOE Okay, I will be
by the pool reading.

LILY
Yeah, I'm gonna go to my room.

JUDY Okay bye.

JUDY I'll let you know when
the appetizers get here.

LILY All right, thanks mama.

JUDY Oh, I did good
on those girls.

KATE You know they only love
you because you feed them?

CAR GPS Input not recognized.

GINA Why are you doing this to me.
Turn right

and then make a U turn.

GINA I'm getting confused again.

CAR GPS Five hundred feet.

GINA What?

CAR GPS U turn now.

GINA No back.

CAR GPS Call voice mail.
GINA Back.

GINA Call Judy.

CAR GPS Your input was not understood.
Phone options are call, hang up,

(GPS) Entry and back. No, no no.
No no no!

Call Doctor Brandhog
Back, back call Judy.

KATE It's always weird when
the parents ask me out.

'Cause it's like are they
flattering me or are they

bribing me?

JUDY Is that even allowed?

KATE You know, I've been single
so long, it doesn't even matter.

I just roll with whatever rolls
by. When you're in my position

you have to have a take what you
can get attitude. You'll see.

JUDY Yeah, I'm not really
that into dating just yet

KATE Well you better hurry
up, because the dating

pool is draining fast. So
get going. And it takes a long

time to meet people, so you
need to set the ground work.

JUDY You know what, okay I, I
got to admit it, okay. Maybe I

have set a little ground work. I
have been, uh, dabbling in the

online thing, Date Me dot com.

Date Me dot com? Yeah...

KATE Is the garage sale at seven p.m.
of online dating.

JUDY No, don't tell me that.
Yeah.

I think some of
those guys seems nice.

KATE Yeah, if you like liars,
phonies, scam artists.

I mean Pony Play? You
heard about that yet?

JUDY That is, you're
being paranoid.

KATE No, I am not. I was
obsessed with it for a while.

And trust me I have more
stories than Scheherazade.

SHANE Kimmy was telling me
that Thanksgiving is an

opportunity for her to
reconnect with, with connection.

Do you feel the same way? What
makes you feel disconnected?

JESSE Uh, disconnect.
Um - -. Okay, um,

I- I have a very intense
relationship with my email.

And ironically that makes
me feel disconnected.

SHANE Okay. Tell me about
your email dysfunction?

JESSE Just, um, well mostly I
just, I just check my email

over and over and over again.
Where even I think it's crazy

Because nothing is coming in.
But then something does come in.

And even if it's like spam
or an ad or whatever,

I just feel - - validated.

KATE Why can't we all
just become lesbians?

And buy a winery
in Napa? [LAUGHTER]

KATE Yes. And we'll grow biodynamic
grapes and, and make Grenache

and we'll convert a barn
into an art studio.

JUDY Oh that sounds delish. Uh,
you may be right about the whole

lesbian thing. Because I never
felt more popular than when I

was up for head curator at the
O'Keefe Institute.

KATE See? The only problem is
all lesbians are married now.

KATE I mean truly there's

The good ones. [LAUGHS]
no such thing...

KATE There is no such thing
as a good old lesbian.

I mean who's single.

JUDY Yeah.

JESSE And I try to put these
restrictions on it. Like,

um, you can only download once
every four hours. Or just some

arbitrary number. But then work
calls, some freelance gig and

they need it right away. So.

SHANE Mm-hmm. And, uh, you
know, because your work

is connected to your email.

JESSE Yeah, yeah, I'm like sitting
in front of my computer all day.

So it's like, it's like I'm
tempted every single second

of the day. I don't even know
what I'm looking for or waiting

for or hoping is gonna come
in. because the truth is

nothing important or
interesting is coming in.

JUDY I am optimistic
about my opportunities.

KATE Well you should be,
'cause you always had better

luck with men than I did.

JUDY What are you talking about?
You had tons of boyfriends.

KATE Yeah but they weren't
like your boyfriends.

They weren't like James.

JUDY James. Holy shit [LAUGHTER],
where did you pull that from?

JESSE Yeah but it makes me
so upset when something

personal ends up in my spam
folder. Although, sometimes I'll

just, I'll just like approve
spam just so that I get

more mail. I Mean not, not spam
exactly, more just like ads.

And things like that, things
that, you know, other people

might not want to receive. I
just can't help it, I just like

it. I really like it. I like
having all this stuff in my

inbox. I am sort of pro spam.

KATE I had such a crush on him.

JUDY God, don't tell me.
Did he die?

KATE No worse. He's bald.
Completely bald.

JUDY Oh well that is
far worse than death.

KATE Yeah, a bald eagle,
a, a billiard ball, bald.

KATE Google images. Yeah,
I was cyberstalking him.

JUDY Okay, you're a little
tiny bit sick [LAUGHTER].

God. Oh James. He had such a
thick head of hair. I can't

believe it, he's bald. Oh and
he was such a stallion.

KATE Now he's a bald stallion.

It sounds like a movie,
The Bald Stallion.

JUDY I believe the movie
was the Black Stallion.

KATE The bald black stallion.
That reminds me of a

one-night stand
I had in Algiers.

JUDY What?

KATE You don't know
everything about me.

SHANE What would you imagine
life would be like if you

stopped receiving emails?

JESSE I think that would be death.
If people stopped trying to reach

me that would be like
a death of sorts.

SHANE So would you say your
life's value is dependent on,

on the attention of others?

JESSE Hmm, that's [LAUGHTER]

Uh. I suddenly feel like
I have said too much.

Want me to talk
about Thanksgiving?

God, I hate cranberry sauce,
it's-it tastes like medicine.

SHANE No I, I much prefer
hearing about your, uh,

junky-esque all-consuming
need for, for email love.

JUDY Jesse, mom's here. What?

SHANE It makes you, sounds like a...
Shit!

JESSE Sorry go ahead.

SHANE
Like a walking Radiohead album.

JESSE I'm a creep.

JUDY Why didn't you park in the driveway?
[LAUGHTER]

GINA Well I thought maybe you wanted
that parking space for a guest.

JUDY Well what are
you not a guest?

[LAUGHTER]

JUDY Hey. GINA Hi.

JUDY Where's your car?

GINA Oh it's way down there.

JUDY
What? You walked in the heels?

GINA Don't talk about the car, okay.
Because I hate that car.

I am so angry with
that car right now.

JUDY What happened?

GINA The navigation system.
It turned me around again.

JUDY Oh god you know those things
are always unreliable. Do you-

Do you think you
should be driving?

GINA I drive just fine. I
shouldn't be listening to that

ridiculous contraption in there.

JUDY I could have had one of the
girls pick you up. What is that?

It's some homemade cranberry
sauce. I know, you told me, but,

uh, you know, you don't
have to use it.

JUDY No, no, no. You don't
understand-[LAUGHTER

You saved the day. What?

I did? How did you know?

Oh, she got canned.

Canned. [LAUGHTER]

GINA That's my daughter all
right, she's been half-assing it

since she was a toddler.

JUDY She's great

BERT Hey, is this Julie's house?

JUDY
Judy. Ju... it's, uh, I'm Judy.

JUDY This, this is my house.
Judy

Right, I'm Bert, a
friend of Shane's.

JUDY Oh that's right, I'm sorry.
He did-he told me you were coming.

BERT Yeah. I'm here.

JUDY Yes, you are.

Yeah, so is dinner served?

JUDY Not - - not quite yet. I,
I'm, I'm working on it though.

Maybe uh-90 minutes?
I don't know.

You have to be some place?
Oh. okay

Well, no, I-I wouldn't
have been so early.

I was at the gym. I could
have finished my workout.

GINA Oh I gotta lose
ten pounds in a week.

Ten pounds.

In a week, yeah.

GINA [LAUGHTER] You're
gonna disappear.

BERT Why would you say
disap-I'm not gonna disappear.

Why would you say that?

GINA No, no, no. I just-

JUDY I don't think that
she meant GINA: you

really gonna... I mean
you, look just fine.

BERT Not gonna disappear-
No, it's for a show.

I, I'm doing a, a show. I'm sure
Shane told you about it?

JUDY Oh right, right, right.
You are the actor.

BERT I am the actor, yes.
GINA Right.

BERT I'm playing an English boxer.
With a left hook, from Leeds.

BERT Yeah, yeah. That's how I met Shane.
I'm studying the accent.

JUDY Mm-hmm. BERT A
friend introduced us

JUDY Well sounds like you have
quite an ear. That's terrific.

JUDY Good for you. Uh, by the
way this is, uh, Bert, this is

my mother, Gina.

BERT Oh, yo.

GINA Yeah, yo.

JUDY Okay why don't
we, uh, come in.

BERT Did you make some stuffing?

KIMMY: Oh it's your mom. JUDY: Well
got to get back in the kitchen

JESSE One at seven. ALL Hi!

GINA Baby, oh.

SHANE Hey buddy.

CHATTER IN BACKGROUND
[INAUDIBLE]

JUDY Well keep making me
look good, little brother.

SHANE We didn't really finish.

GINA (OS)
So what's going on in here?

JUDY Oh. uh, you know what, I'll
explain it all to you inside.

Oh Let's get this in the fridge.

Okay. Okay?

I'm gonna help.

JUDY Uh-yes we do have a bathroom
[LAUGHS] It's right down there.

GINA(OS) Darling.
KATE (OS) Hey Mom.

GINA You.

KATE Hi.

JUDY You might want
to come and join us.

JUDY Okay. JESSE Two minutes.

GINA Whoa, you have
been very busy in here.

JUDY I know it, it, it looks like
a mess but there is actually

a method to my madness.

My pie crusts are gonna be silky
smooth and I have two stuffings.

Count them, two, that
are about to go in.

And mister turkey is in here
getting all golden brown.

And oh by the way mom
saved the day, she

made homemade cranberry sauce.

[GRUNTS] I'm a boxer
from Leeds. [GRUNTS]

Yeah. [GRUNTS] I'll mess you up.
[GRUTNS] Yeah. Oh good.

JESSE (OS) It sounds weird but it makes
me feel like I'm in control or like

I'm, I'm like this guy with a
purpose. Oh, you know what,

um, actually I have to-
I'm, it, it's like a work thing.

SHANE We have uh-a treasure trove
of material we can come back to

JESSE Oh great, yeah, yeah,
yeah, just pick me up any time.

Or we'll pick it up any time.

JESSE Yeah, email.
Email as we've talked.

Yeah. That's great, Ok.
SHANE Yeah

BERT Fuck. Fuck, what is your
face doing there, buddy?

No too fat. Jesus Christ,
you need a fucking nose job,

what is-?

KATE Happy day, mom, happy day.
Thanks.

JESSE Hi, I didn't know
you were here. Hey

The baby boy.

I know I didn't
say hi properly. Wow.

GINA Well, um, do you want me to
do some dishes? You'll have a

little bit more work space.

JUDY No, I don't want
you to do any dishes.

I don't want you to
do anything at all.

Jesse.

I snuck a little bite
of your pared rum and it

was kind of fantastic

JESSE Of course it was. Although I
do have to say it was between that

and an apple pan dowdy.

JUDY Oh I can't imagine you making
anything called a pan dowdy.

Maybe a brown Betty.

JESSE Ooh, I love me a brown Betty.
I actually,

somewhat unsurprisingly, know a
drag queen named Brown Betty.

JUDY Of course you do.

KATE What are you
guys talking about?

JUDY We are talking about
cakes and pies and tarts.

JESSE Pastries and for...

KATE Who are you? What have
you done with my family?

[INDISTINCT]

JUDY No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No, no, mom,

I told you I don't want you
doing that. I don't want you

doing that. Go have
a drink you guys.

Now you're talking. Come on mom.

JUDY Of course I do. Thanksgiving
is about the two Toms

ALL TOGETHER
Tom Turkey and Tom Collins.

That's right. That's my kids.

Come on, let me make you one.

GINA Yeah, I almost got lost.

JESSE I'm gonna catch up with
you guys in two seconds.

JESSE Oh my god what is the
huge, giant emergency?

DYLAN I turned on Bottom Feeder,
Rick's on it, shirtless.

DYLAN It said the guy
was eight feet away.

JESSE Well how, how, how
do you know it's him?

DYLAN It looked like a torso
that could belong to him.

And it said his
tribe is discreet.

JESSE Was that English hipster on there?
You know, I've

DYLAN No, next closest guy is
a thousand and 32 feet away,

78 years old and likes
P and P and NSA.

JESSE Fuck, I mean did
you message the torso?

DYLAN I'm thinking about it.
He's hot, and smart.

JESSE No, no, because what about Georgia?
I mean she

gave up so much for
him, her entire career.

DYLAN Who's Georgia?

JESSE [MUMBLING]
That's Georgia. That Georgia

DYLAN Oh she's really pretty. If I
liked girls I'd be all over that.

JESSE You and Rick really do have
a lot in common, apparently.

GEORGIA Hi boys, why don't you
come in here and keep me company?

JESSE Oh my god. Just
act really casual. Oh.

GINA I just use it to tune out,
because I just want to be told

what to do. 'Cause I don't like
thinking when I'm driving.

KATE Probably not what the
GPS people had in mind.

GINA It's so depressing to get lost, Kate.
It worries me.

That my mind is going.

KATE That's how I am every
single day, and I'm not even

menopausal, much.

GINA It wouldn't bother me either
if people didn't just come flying

at me like that. They just
whizz on by like crazy people.

It can make your head spin. It
makes mine spin.

KATE You should see the kids at school.
I mean they are

so speeded up by the internet
And they're all on Adderall

so it cracks them out even more.
You know, they can't even read

a short story. We've
completely given up on novels.

GEORGIA Hi.

GEORGIA Oh thank you, I figured
I'd do something with my

unused creative talents.

JESSE Um, I'm sorry, uh,
this is my friend Dylan.

GEORGIA Hi, Dylan. I saw you
guys conspiring over there.

What's going on? Whose boyfriend
ran off with somebody else, huh?

What's going on? Tell me.

JESSE No, no secrets.

DYLAN No gay secrets.

GEORGIA Okay well that's a bummer,
I wanted some gossip. Uh, Jesse?

JESSE Yeah.

JESSE Fine. I mean, you know, fine.
Good. Just work, email, work,

email, work, email.
Cheating at paleo, email.

KATE Getting kids to read
books was always a chore.

So it's easier just to have
given up on it completely.

GINA Now that is sad. What's
gonna happen to books?

KATE: I mean even the word book has
a negative connotation to it now.

You know we're thinking of
assigning graphic novels?

Comic books, to fool them.

Sort of a literary bait and
switch for these dark times.

GINA Oh. If you ask me,

I think we're raising
a society of nincompoops.

KATE Strong thumbed nincompoops.

GINA What do you suppose
he's doing over there?

KATE Case in point.

GEORGIA Fine too, not working.
Distracted husband.

Expiring biological clock.

JESSE Yeah, I, I-I mean I thought
things were going really well

for you. Judy always brags
about how great you're doing...

GEORGIA You know what, I, I got
caught up in the LA lifestyle.

I stopped taking gigs, I started
doing Pilates, my career is

going nowhere. But I have a
seriously strong core.

GINA What about you? How are you,
sweetheart? Are you happy? Huh?

Yeah. I'm so happy to see you.

KATE Oh well, I'm, I'm as
well as can be expected, mom.

GINA Oh I'm so happy
to hear that.

KATE Yeah. But Judy, Judy's having
a hard time with this divorce.

GINA That man was a
millstone around her neck.

But he sure made
beautiful babies.

[LAUGHTER]. [clink]

KATE I'd give anything
for a millstone.

GINA Oh stop it. You've had so
many opportunities. You've always

been a free spirit. Always.
That's what you are.

A free spirit. It's
such a nice Yeah.

Way of saying free
on a Friday night.

DYLAN
How, how did you meet Judy?

GEORGIA She reviewed a show of mine
back when I was doing fine art

a hundred years ago.

They were New York City gal pals.
Yeah.

How 'Sex in The City'

Oh Samantha, Really.

Guilty as charged.

[LAUGHTER]

DYLAN And then you moved to
LA and settled down? Why?

GEORGIA Oh you know, the reason,
it's always the same reason, a guy.

JESSE Yeah but I mean Rick is
like, he's kind of a good reason.

I mean you like
being married to Rick?

GEORGIA Yes. Um, marriage is
a process of self-discovery.

PETRA Mm-hmm. This will
take just a nanosecond.

DAVID No, I, I can't fix
it unless you hold it.

DAVID Ah, wait, you know bending
down like this hurts my back.

PETRA Well my readers
need to know about this.

It's my responsibility.

DAVID: Are you using your ethnic
avatar or your white one this time?

PETRA [LAUGHTER] Honey Girl
21 is for Hayneedle only.

I'm white everywhere else.
You know that.

DAVID How could I forget that?

DAVID Do I have a choice? Ah,
you know what, maybe it's not

bending down-Maybe
it's just you.

PETRA Ignoring that. "Mommy monster here.
Just pulling up to T-day"

dinner and the new cart turns
out to be a T-urd. See the pics

below. Now on to Yelp to
collapse this cart out of

"business." [LAUGHTER]
What do you think?

DAVID Oh that's great, you're
like the Ralph Nader of Amazon.

PETRA Ralph Nader of Amazon.
Oh, I like that.

Yeah, just a second, I got to
post this on Yelp now.

DAVID Jesus, honey, we're already late.
Your guacamole's

gonna turn brown.

PETRA
The guac can wait. This can't.

ZOE Where was I. Oh I love this part.
"At the bottom of her"

heart, however, she was waiting
for something to happen. Like

shipwrecked sailors she turned
despairing eyes upon the

solitude of her life. Seeking a
far off, some white sail in

"the mists of the horizon."

♪ MYSTICAL WESTERN FILM MUSIC

SHANE And its got that real feel.
KATE It's the oil. The olive oil.

KATE It makes-looks like an oil.

KATE Oh well this is a triple martini.
No one talks

about it, but the pilgrims
were plastered.

SHANE Uh-the pilgrims and the
Indians that's the thing.

Oh, sorry. I'm Shane.

Uh-huh, I'm Kate, Judy's sister.
GINA Hello.

KATE And this is our mom, Gina.

Hello. SHANE Ah, the queen
mother, nice to meet you.

SHANE Happy turkey
leg as they say.

GINA Thanks. Shane, huh? Now that
is a real solid name. Did you ever

see the movie? The
old movie called Shane?

GINA It was one of my favorites
when I was a little girl.

SHANE I've heard of it,
but I've not seen it.

It's something about a, uh,
heroic dog, isn't it?

GINA No, it, uh, how could
you not see a movie

SHANE: It's just not very, uh,
popular in England, I don't think.

GINA Did you ever see it, honey?
Oh come on, it's an old American

classic. Oh, it's wonderful.
You'd both love it, I know.

KATE Done. First thing on the to-do
list, right? Because we have

so much time. I mean who
has time for anything.

It takes a lot of time to
see an entire movie.

SHANE What about TV?

KATE I used to TiVo Guiding
Light, but they cancelled that.

So I watch webisodes, YouTube
videos, you know, like a minute,

two maybe. Who has time for
anything longer? Seriously, I'm,

I'm busy online
doing other stuff.

SHANE Doing what?

KATE I do a little, uh,
online dating here and there.

GINA I heard on The Today Show that
a lot of mature women are having

great success meeting men.

Mom. GINA On the web.

Mature is 35, I'm old.

GINA You're not old. You're
just seasoned, baby.

KATE I'm the seasons,
I'm many, many seasons.

SHANE No, you are a
very enticing woman.

GINA You know, they say there are
a lot of older men in the web as

well. Aren't they looking
for girlfriends, hmm?

KATE Why are you asking him? I'm on
there, day and night, all right.

There are no men. I think every
man has his filter set for

under 50. And every man worth
dating under 30. The same 12 men

keep popping up over and over
again. And they're really old,

I mean they are really old
Methuselahs, okay? And so then I

have to lie about my age. And I
do not think about it as lying,

because I have to level the
playing field. I mean

these men don't know who
I am. They don't know what a

vibrant 50-year-old woman
I am. And I'm a giver.

KATE I'm a giver. You want to date
a taker, date a 20 year old, okay.

But I'm a giver.

GINA Yes you are.

KATE The male brain is
compartmentalized, right.

So it can only focus on one
thing at a time. And they

can never see the big picture.
That's science, Shane. But men

are vain, they're vain, they're
vain motherfuckers, I'm telling

you. I mean they just sit there
and they think that young woman

are gonna fall all over the
potbellied, silver-haired

KATE I mean do you ever see a
guy over 50 doing a sit-up?

KATE Never. Do you ever see
them in spinning class?

GINA Mm-mm. KATE No, never.

KATE Hey, Rick, you go to
Soul Cycle lately? Pilates?

We're having a
conversation, come here.

RICK I, actually I'm just
kind of waiting for a call

I'm, I'm gonna make
the call right now.

KATE Alright-Yeah. Excuse me.

Well he's not over 50, but you
know what I mean. That's the

point. The whole thing is just
such a joke. It really is a joke

GINA (OS) Is something
wrong, sweetheart?

KATE Hey, it's this cheap vodka
that makes me combative.

My sister and her CVS booze.

SHANE I love it. It's very Liz
Taylor circa, well, circa anytime

I suppose. [LAUGHTER]

KATE So what's your story?

SHANE In terms of what?

KATE Love.

SHANE We don't talk about love in Britain.
I love the queen,

that's all you're
gonna get out of me.

GINA That's nice.

KATE All right, well.

GINA Is, is the queen single?

SHANE: No, she's married
to Prince Phillip.

KATE Of course she's
married to a prince,

'cause she's a greedy bitch.

SHANE Yeah. We love her anyway though.
And I always think a

queen should be a little
bit greedy, you know.

KIMMY Some guy just tweeted
asking if I'm enjoying my eel

and teriyaki turkey. Who are
these people? Gun show 87.

Give me a break.
Everything okay?

JUDY No, everything is not okay.
My phone has chosen to abandon

me in my hour of need. It says
no access to the Internet.

KIMMY Okay, did you restart it?

JUDY Yes, Kimmy, I restarted it.

KIMMY Hey, easy. Um, did
you check the settings?

'Cause sometimes the settings
I don't know-I don't know

are off. And you reset it?
From settings

Well just okay, I just-

It, it's just supposed to work.

JUDY Okay, okay 'cause it, it's
an emergency. All the recipes for

Thanksgiving are bookmarked
on there [LAUGHTER].

It's coming back on.

JUDY No, I know it comes on.
It's just I can't get online.

KIMMY Okay don't worry
I'll get you back online.

JUDY Okay please, please. If you
don't it's gonna be the worst

Thanksgiving since the great
salmonella gravy scare of 1996.

KIMMY We-go get it. I
will get you back online.

Okay. Okay.

Okay.

JUDY Stir that broth, it's for
the vegan turkey stuffing.

KIMMY Okay I got it. Go.

Okay. Thank you Kimmy.
KIMMY Yes. Go, Go.

[PHONE RINGS]

KIMMY Hello? You did what? No, sorry
I, I can't hear you. Hang on,

I'm going to go outside.
You're breaking up.

DAVID Look like you
just-no, it's not-Hi.

PETRA Hey. Hi.

So good to see you honey.
Hey Judy, sorry we're late.

Look how cute,
she's so big. [LAUGHTER].

PETRA I know, she is.

JUDY I have a crisis.

Well I, I can't get online on my phone.
DAVID What?

JUDY ...bookmarked all the recipes
and if we don't get back on,

appetizers is all we're having.

Honey that's not gonna
happen. I know that I'm late,

but I'm here now to help. okay

David, set up
the cheese platter.

Oh and take her
somewhere and park her.

PETRA I, You, you know what I mean. God, I
mean I'm just Jewish men are so sensitive.

JUDY Oh you stop it, it's
not that he's Jewish.

PETRA He's stupid.

See you at dinner.

Come on, sweetie.
Oh, okay. Hello.

Come on, baby, I might need
you to pick up the front.

PETRA
What are we looking at first?

JUDY Tofu stuffing from
Lizzie Emerald's website.

PETRA
Ooh, you like Lizzie Emerald?

Well she's supposed to
be a total bitch.

JUDY How do you know
something like that?

PETRA Who's a bitch dot com.

JUDY There is a website
called who's a bitch dot com?

PETRA How do you not know that?

JUDY
I don't know-'cause I'm not-

PETRA Well I'm-

JUDY Shi-my broth. Ooh, oh

JUDY Yes I need it, it's for the stuffing.
Oh shit. Shit!

PETRA Honey, I told you, you-

PETRA Oh see I-you should
have done potluck. I'm just.

JUDY I wanted a homemade, beautiful
Vintage Thanksgiving. You

know what I mean, like. Making
things by hand. Nobody,

nobody makes things anymore.
It's all attach and send.

And download. Oh

Wow, is that supposed
to be happening?

Wow. 550 seems really high.
No, no, no, no no. Please.

JUDY Well there's no temperature
consensus online and-

JUDY And I surveyed like
a dozen recipes. Shit.

Ah. Oh...

Oh no. Oh dear.

PETRA Oh no, no, no, no. There's
no use crying over burnt turkey.

JUDY No fuck turkey jerky.
I wanted juicy turkey.

I wanted better fucking homes
and gardens magazine turkey.

I wanted turkey to make Martha
Stewart wet. You know, I

shouldn't have relied on this
fucking thing. Well you're never

there when I need you. Why are
you never there when I need you?

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

LILY Come in.

JESSE Hello, my gorgeous niece.

LILY Hi. When did you get here?

JESSE You hiding out?

LILLY
This is the commotion free zone.

It's like a goddamn
category seven out there.

JESSE You have the right idea.
What are you now, like 40?

LILY Sixteen. But my ID says 18.

JESSE You little criminal. I bet
the boys are going crazy over you.

LILLY There's a guy I'm seeing,
but no one would approve, so.

Mmm-It's nothing.

JESSE I know the feeling. Remember
when I dated that Scientologist?

LILY Oh, it's not that
bad He's just older.

JESSE Okay yeah but how much older?
Like do I need to

LILLY No Uncle Jesse, I
can kick his ass myself.

JESSE Fine, but if you need me to
kung-fu chop one of your dates

you just text me.

Okay. Okay.

LILLY Hey, what about you?
You seeing anyone special?

JESSE I can't really
seem to meet anyone.

LILY There are tons of gay guys
out there [LAUGHTER]. No, I'm

serious, this is like the best
time in history to be gay.

Uh-uh.

You should get on Bottom Feeder.

Wait, how do you know
about Bottom Feeder?

I, I love BF.

Why do you have a
gay dating app?

Duh, 'cause it lets me rate
hot guys. Here, let's see.

I can't believe you know
about this app.

Everyone does, it's
like legendary.

Oh let me see your
account. I'll help you

No. No, [BARF SOUND]
100 percent no.

No, what the hell is wrong with
you? No, maybe later, but just-

I- I don't understand. Like
what, what do you even use

for a profile pic?

Oh I use the torso of
Antonio Sabato Junior.

Yeah, seriously he's hot.
Oh my gosh, what?

I have like zero bars.

JESSE Hmm.

I usually have at least two.

You broke it.

No I didn't.

You broke your phone.

♪ EERIE MUSIC

BERT (whispering) Oh. Come on.

GEORGIA Hey, come over here. I
thought we agreed no phones

on the holiday.

RICK Yeah, I know. But, uh, I don't
know these people that well.

They're your friends. So
what am I supposed to do?

GEORGIA What are you talking about?
You've got Kimmy, she's your

sports buddy. You love Kimmy.

RICK Yes, yes, I, I love Kimmy,
she's great and she's so much

fun to talk to about sports. And
that lasts five to ten minutes.

GEORGIA [CLEARS THROAT]
Rick, we made an agreement.

RICK Okay.

Okay? Okay. Okay.

I'm sorry, the phone
is in my pocket.

Okay. Now. So what's up?

GEORGIA Will you please
make me a mojito?

RICK That's it? That's, that's
why you called me over here,

so I could be your manservant
and make you drinks?

GEORGIA [LAUGHS] You know I
love the way you make them.

RICK Oh boy,

Oh. Yeah, okay.

I guess I'll make a mojito.

You know what,
don't trouble yourself.

You know what, why don't you
make me a mojito. Yeah. I mean

I'm at your friend's house, I'm
here for you. I'm being a good

boy. Why should I put
on a display? I mean

it's the holidays, I should be
able to be myself, yes?

Yes, and why does being yourself
always mean being by yourself?

Okay that conversation.

No, stop it.

Will you just, Georgia, I will
make you your drink.

Now you have to stop nagging me.

I just thought that my husband
would want to spend five minutes

with me on Thanksgiving. You
know what I mean?

Muddle a little mint, engage
with some people. Forget it.

Georgia. Come here.

You really take that give
right out of Thanksgiving.

Just so you know.

Good to know.

You okay playing
your game, honey?

Yeah, daddy.

DAVID Okay.

KATE Fox playing break-up songs
and he's taking bar stools...

[INAUDIBLE] cigarette
smoke and name tags.

PETRA
All right, are those boiled?

JUDY Did you just see me
take them off the stove?

PETRA I don't know
if they're done yet.

JUDY They're boiling hot.

Okay. Yeah, but I
didn't peel them.

JUDY Because I wasn't sure if you
were supposed to peel them first.

Peeling sounds like so much work.
Or peel them-

skin has like amino acid and
fiber know if I can get

Gets you nice and regular
Thanksgiving is not about amino

acids and fiber and
keeping regular.

It should be about keeping regular.
It's not.

It's about creamy,
white perfection

Excuse me, creamy
white perfection?

What if I want chunky black?

That's yummy. Well when you do

Thanksgiving you can
do chunky black.

No, see I'm not gonna do
Thanksgiving for this

very reason. I mean look-

I totally forgot. What?
A cookbook.

Actual book with pages and
here it is right-oh, holy shit.

What? Classic French cooking.

Oh honey the word Thanksgiving's

We're gonna change it up. we
are gonna have a thanksgiving

with a, with a European flair.

PETRA Okay but there is
no mashed potatoes in-

What's the word for-French
cooking they gratine them or-

or gratan them potato.
Well then, we will gratine

them. Whatever. I mean-Okay.
They're gone.

JUDY Come on! viva la France.

PETRA No you're right,
you're absolutely right.

JUDY How do you say
potato in French?

PETRA Potato? Pomme, pomme.

JUDY I think it's a pomme frites.
Yeah, we are gonna

have a Parisian Thanksgiving.

SHANE Yeah, it's just Bert's
way of coping with life

as a rarely employed
Los Angeles actor.

GINA If you ask me that's
a very sad way to live.

He's always on a leash, paranoid
he's gonna miss something.

SHANE Mm, there are worse
ways to make a living.

KATE Yeah, try public school
teaching when the Republicans

are in charge.

GINA Hey.

KATE Except for the
great communicator.

GINA Right. I was a substitute
school teacher. Thirty years.

I went home for the
day, my work was over.

SHANE The constancy of the iPhone
age must be, uh, very different

from your generation, hmm?

GINA Oh my generation. Are
you implying my generation

is so far from yours?

SHANE I didn't mean
it in a negative way.

KATE You never say
generation to a woman.

GINA I was just trying
to get your goat.

KATE Mom's still quick as a wit.
Better mind the gap.

GINA About most things.
Not everything.

SHANE Uh I think the mind
blossoms with age. You know, uh,

the insight from a lifetime of
experience must be invaluable?

GINA Yes. Although some
70 year olds are just as

clueless as 20 years olds.

So uh, so how is
your online love life.

Excuse Me? KATE Oh.

KATE If this trumps mine I'm
switching to a quadruple

martini. How's your
love life, mom?

GINA I, uh, I really
haven't signed up yet.

SHANE Why not?

GINA 'Cause I don't like
the Internet [LAUGHTER].

I don't trust it. It's better
for younger people I think.

SHANE How so? Do you
mind if I record this?

GINA Record? Why?

SHANE Well it's, uh, it's for a
little project. You can approve it

before I post it, I promise.

KATE Oh, better get
that in writing mom.

GINA Does Judy know about this?

SHANE Uh, she's
totally on board.

GINA Okay.

SHANE Okay?

SHANE So? How is the Internet
from your perspective?

GINA Well I do try to keep up
with everything. I, I want to be

savvy about the Internet, about
all this new technology coming

around. But it is so much and
it, it's, it's too fast.

It comes flying at you, it makes
my head spin [LAUGHTER].

I, I am afraid I am one click
away from somebody

having all of my information.
I was watching 20/20.

You, you ever see that?

GINA And they said that
if anybody ever gets your

information, you, your life is
never the same. They ruin

your credit. And even the
credit guys, they cannot fix it.

So-I'm not for that.

Besides it's very isolating. You
know, to sit there for hours all

by yourself. Trying to figure
things out. I like people. I,

I like to talk. I, I like to go
to the store. This probably

doesn't make much sense to you,
being younger-how old are you?

SHANE Thirty.

KATE I was probably at a Bangles
concert when you were born.

GINA You grew up with
computers, didn't you?

GINA Well how would you like it
if you spent your whole life

and all of a sudden a computer
comes along and it's in charge

SHANE But do you feel things
have got better as a whole?

GINA One hundred percent worse.

ZOE (OS) "She listened to every
sound, sprang up with a start",

wondered that it did not
come. And then at sunset,

always more saddened,
she longed for the morrow.

KIMMY Me love you long time.

[INAUDIBLE PHONE
CONVERSATION NOISES]

This is supposed to be sports.

[INAUDIBLE PHONE
CONVERSATION NOISES]

No, I, I understand I'm not
supposed to take-

Okay. Hello? Hello? Fuck.

DYLAN Hey man.

DYLAN You know where the John is?
I got to drain the lizard.

RICK (OS) Yeah I think the, uh,
I think the main bathroom is

on the other end of the house.
This everything here seems to be

connected to a bedroom. So.

DYLAN Yeah, thanks. Haven't
I seen you before?

RICK No-I don't think so.

DYLAN Maybe it wasn't in person
or your, your whole person.

RICK I'm sorry what's that?

DYLAN Maybe we met
in the cyberspace?

RICK
I don't think so, I-are you in

one of my fantasy
football leagues?

DYLAN No [LAUGHS]
I'm pretty sure

it was a different district
of the cyber hood.

RICK Well I'm pretty sure
that I don't know what you're

talking about then, dude.

DYLAN Dude. Most smart married
men turn off their Bottom Feeder

before going to
a Thanksgiving dinner.

Eight feet away is so dumb.

RICK Like I said I'm
not sure I know what

I don't care. Do not care. Not
going to say anything.

RICK Fucking phone, man. I turn
the goddamn app off it comes back

on. I turn it off, it comes on
again. Fucking headache.

DYLAN I've always wanted
to be someone's mistress.

KIMMY (OS) ...says maybe it's time
for a little iPhone espionage.

GEORGIA
Yeah, I already did that.

DAVID Hey. I believe you
ordered one ice cold mojito.

GEORGIA
That is so sweet. Thank you.

DAVID
Oh, how's it going out here?

KIMMY Meltdown at work. And
the cell phones are dead.

DAVID No, don't worry, I'm sure they
will get the phones working again.

GEORGIA Mm, for the sake of my
marriage I kind of hope they don't.

DAVID What's that mean?

KIMMY Rick is a phone junky. He's
on his phone all day and all night.

DAVID You know, I have my own strange
addict. Yeah, it's my wife. She,

uh, she's like a human
Pinterest board.

GEORGIA What does that mean?

DAVID Uh, Petra, she just reviews
everything under the sun and

over the sun. I mean she, she'll
review a gas station if she

doesn't like the gas pump or, or
write four-page blog entries on

what her favorite varieties of
flavored lip gloss are.

You know, and she gets so fired
up when people like her reviews

or comment on her analysis or,
or re-tweet her tweets.

It's like she's having
a fucking orgasm.

DAVID You know, she's posting
or vining or tumbler-ing or

insta-ing or whatever.
I don't know.

GEORGIA Maybe we should
start a support group.

Step one.

DAVID Step one, Rick should throw his
phone in the middle of the ocean

if it would make you happy.

BERT Work. You will work. You
will listen to me, I am your

master, you will work, work. Be
a good phone. Be good.

Okay stay very still, be good,
that's it. That's it, be good.

ZOE (OS) Hey. Hey.

BERT Hey.

ZOE I think I recognize you.

Aren't you that Yeah.
Guy from, um?

Yep. Yep, I am that guy, yeah.

I used to love that
show when I was a kid.

BERT Oh this is not working.
I have to send a selfie

to my agent right now.
I have to look aggressive.

ZOE
Are you a friend of my mom's?

BERT I've been on other shows
since you were a little kid,

just so you know.

ZOE I didn't mean
anything by that. I-

BERT I did not disappear.
I did not disappear.

ZOE Are you okay?

[BERT CRYING] ♪ ETHEREAL MUSIC

BERT The phone isn't working.

ZOE Do you want to
borrow my phone?

BERT No, fuck, work,
would you please,

would you please work, would you
please work for me?

Would you please, someone
be here, please.

DAVID It's hard to find time to listen.
Petra and I have been

together for 12 years and I, I
feel like I have to squeeze in

alone time with a crowbar. The
records just stack up.

GEORGIA My first boyfriend and
I would lie there for hours

listening to records. Lots of
James Taylor, Joni Mitchell.

DAVID Mm, tuning into the
music, watching the records

go round and round for hours.

I'd love to do that again.

DAVID Petra listens to one
song and she wants to review

the entire album online.

GEORGIA It's kind of like when
I take Rick to a gallery show.

He shoots a photo of a picture
on the wall without even

looking at it. It's like he
wants to preserve a memory that

Yeah, how about those people who
record the entire concert

Oh! on their phone.

Agreed! So not what
a concert is about.

Anyway, now they're using
their phones as lighters.

Yes, totally, it's so lame

I'm gonna see if
Judy needs rescuing.

Uh, do you want to hang
out here for a bit?

Yeah, sure. I'm no use
in the kitchen anyway.

I'll uh, let your spouses
know you're out here.

Ah no need, I'm sure
Petra's busy cooking.

GEORGIA And Rick's busy texting.

GINA (OS) Ah! ZOE (OS) Hi!

GINA My girl. SHANE Right.

ZOE I'm so happy to see you.

GINA Oh, I'm so happy to see you.
Come on, sit down.

ZOE Okay. Wait, does anyone know
the whack job outside? He's acting

like he's on bad hallucinogens.

SHANE That's my friend Bert, I invited him.
He may well have

swallowed his spray tan again.

GINA (OS) He's on drugs too?

[LAUGHTER]

SHANE No, it's just that his drama
teacher tries to get him to

stay in character for days at a
time. Last month it was a Smurf.

It's a grim business,
I'll go check he's okay.

It's nice to see you again.

ZOE Nice to see you.

What were you talking about
with Mom's latest art pet?

GINA He's doing research
for his new grog.

ZOE Oh Grammy it's
not grog, it's blog

GINA Well good. Because
when I hear the word grog

I get thirsty. I think there's
really a lot to say about your

generation. And all
of this technology.

ZOE You sound like such
a grandma right now.

My generation, and grogs?

GINA Okay smarty pants. What do
you think about all this? Huh?

ZOE You want to know a secret?

Of course.

ZOE It is the older people that
take the Internet too seriously.

It is moms who get in posting
fights on Facebook. I mean my

generation, we know how to
shut off our phones. We know

better than anyone else the
difference between real

communication and
cyber communication.

Like I have no problem not
responding to a text because

I know it's not the end of the
world. And I expect people

that I text to feel
the same way.

GINA Hmm.

ZOE I just don't think it's
our generation's fault if

stupid people take their phones
too seriously. They have an off

button just like we do. There's
a guy and he won't stop texting

me. And he's just doing it for
himself. I mean he's addicted

to the validation of me texting
him back. But it has nothing to

do with me. I know that. I don't
think he does, which actually

gives me all the power

GINA [LAUGHING] Yes.

I think that my generation knows
what to do when it all becomes

too much. We ignore it. Well You
just got to recognize it for

what it is, you know, it's a
tool. It's just a tool. It's

like a scale or a blender.

KATE The day my scale texts
me is the day I shoot myself.

[KITCHEN NOISES

SHANE
Here we are in the nerve center

JUDY Oh of the
house, the kitchen.

Where we find our hostess.

JUDY Shane out out, out, out.

Oh, what's wrong,
what's wrong with this?

What's wrong with it? The-

this is not what my
kitchen looks like

Mess is part of the creative
process. I once took a tour

of Damien Hirst's studio.
The effluvium was very,

very similar. What do
we have in here?

JUDY Ah, no peaking.

Oh. That is the turkey

Oh okay it's a lit-
it's a little black.

Is it a cajun turkey?

Uh, the-it's meant to be Amish.

Let's put some
suspenders on it then.

Perhaps a little hat.

And what do we have here?

Really?

[SHANE LAUGHS]

This-potatoes

Oh-okay. Um, so this will be
mashed potatoes. And, um, I

boiled them and I, I wasn't sure

about the skin so
I am improvising.

SHANE Oh okay well a little
bit of that and the, and the

black meat, you'd have a very
passable shepherd's pie.

Oh god, you're right about that.
There's a bit of irony

Because I am serving
Britain's national dish on

American Thanksgiving,
to a Brit.

[LAUGHTER]

PETRA Who's this, what's that?

JUDY Oh, oh sorry I thought I told you.
This is Shane.

And he's a, a conceptual artist.

And he's blogging about
our Thanksgiving.

Blog? I wouldn't say I
was a conceptual artist.

SHANE It's more, uh, reality
television meets, uh, Dada.

PETRA Dada? Mama, dada, what -
[LAUGHTER] I know you were

speaking English. Maybe
the beginning part.

JUDY (OS) Oh come on, he's speaking
with an accent, it's still English.

SHANE What, uh, what,
what are you doing here?

PETRA Ah. Replacement stuffing.

SHANE You don't stuff
it in the turkey?

PETRA Uh, well some people do.
Most don't.

SHANE Uh, god, you-thi-this holiday
is full of misnomers. I'm still

unclear on why you persist
on using the term Indian.

JUDY Oh well that's a funny
thing because Columbus, he was

headed for India. and he
got Uh, whoa, Excuse me.

Excuse me. I didn't give you
permission to film me.

SHANE Oh I'm sorry, I uh-

PETRA I'm sure you did
and maybe she did too,

but really you shouldn't have.

SHANE Oh, uh, it's all right, I'll,
I'll sw... switch it off now.

And, uh, please my,
my-I apologize.

JUDY Oh, No, no, no. That's on
me, I'm sorry. Petra, I told him

that it would be okay.

For this blogger to
film this blogger?

Oh my god, I didn't
even really think

It's not really the same thing.
I'm gonna go find my

friend Bert. So, uh.

SHANE Good luck with it, Judy,
very nice to meet you, uh-

PETRA & JUDY TOGETHER Petra.

SHANE Petra. That's right.

Okay Yeah

Right, okay.

Shane. Who is that limey poser?

[LAUGHING] I think
he's kind of adorable.

PETRA He's not adorable.

He's a remnant of
my past art life.

PETRA Well if that is your art
life, I'm glad it's in your past.

♪ EERIE MUSIC [TAPPING ON PHONE]

[PHONE DINGING]

RICK No, we have to stop, we have to stop.
We can't do this.

Why? That was pretty good.

We just, we, I want to, and
we're going to. I just-

It's Thanksgiving, my
wife is right down the hall.

Okay well maybe we can message
each other on Bottom Feeder?

RICK That's a very good idea. I'll
send you a unicorn right now.

If I can get the
goddamn thing to work.

This phone, uh, no-
It won't load.

DYLAN All this talk of unicorns
and loads is making me hungry

RICK
Uh-This thing is not working.

GINA Okay.

GINA There you go. Are you sure
you should be drinking all that-

On an empty stomach?

KATE It's better this way.

GINA I don't like watching you
get drunk like this honey.

KATE Then don't.

GINA You know, it was never
like this when Adam was around

KATE Twelve years, what a waste.

GINA How is he? Do you know?

KATE Well he seems really
happy on Facebook.

Oh my gosh he just
seems so happy with

his wife and his daughter

GINA I'm sorry.

KATE But thanks for asking.

GINA I'm, uh-I know how
hard that must be for you.

It's not exactly like I had
a that must be for you.

Great role model
for marital bliss.

GINA I don't want to
get into that, Kate.

KATE (OS) I know you don't.

You just left me to
clean up all your messes.

GINA (OS) That is quite enough. Thank you.
I'm gonna go out and

and see Zoe. See if
she's learned anything.

Wherever she's learning it.

KATE She's such a little showoff, that Zoe.
But she will learn.

Boys don't make passes at
girls who make passes.

PETRA Oh god. Mm.

PETRA Mm, it's, mm-mm. I mean you
really can taste that this is

straight out of a box.

JUDY ...well did you
follow the instructions?

You mean add water to
contents of box and stir?

Yeah, I did that.

JUDY (OS) Okay you know
what, that is not helping.

PETRA(OS) Oh-Jesus!
A little snarky,

to tell you the truth. I thought
that out of the box foods were

just supposed to work.

PETRA Honey, nothing ever just works.
That's

why you're supposed to research
and read reviews before you buy.

JUDY Okay, well who
has time to do that?

PETRA With the Internet it takes no time.
You know, most people

don't remember this, but not so
long ago there was very little

we could do when something
didn't work. And now, you know,

if there's something that's not
working or there's a

manufacturer's problem I now
have a place where I can go to

complain. Like my voice is
actually being heard. I feel

like my entire life I've been
collecting information and, and,

and observations and, and
thoughts and, you know, I've - -

god, I've just wanted to let it
all out. You know? I feel like

my whole life's experience has
led to something. And people

have learned that I know
something, and they care that

I know something. I mean, you
know, every time somebody likes

one of my reviews, I feel like
I've made an impact in the

world. That I've mattered. That
I've helped someone. I don't

know. I know it sounds silly.
But some people do community

service, some people do art,
and some people post.

♪ SLOW TINKLING PIANO MUSIC

GEORGIA Someone like Cartier-Bresson,
the reason his images are so

wonderful is because you could
feel him being engaged in the

life he was photographing. He,
he said something once like

photography is nothing, it's
life that I'm interested in.

And I just feel like it's the
opposite of that now.

I mean people just snap and
post without even looking at

what they're shooting
half the time.

SHANE Hello guys, uh, so, uh,
tempers are flaring a little bit.

So if you could get any footage,
uh, near the windows, that would

be great. Just sort of make sure
you stay out of sight. And, uh,

yeah things are going well and
I'll speak to you later. Okay.

RICK Just-put my picture up there
so I, I can hear it from other guys

that I'm attractive. That they
can let me know what they feel.

My wife, she, sh-she
doesn't say it, she doesn't-

She's not turned on by me maybe,
I don't know, maybe she is.

I just don't, I don't feel it.
I, uh-does that make any

sense? I don't know, I-I-
don't hook up with guys there.

I don't, I have, but
I-[STUTTERING]

I don't. That's not me. I mean
I'm, I'm s - - I'm straight.

Okay, I'm gonna, I want to give
you my number. But you're

gonna have to be
discreet. Please.

DYLAN You know the problem with apps
like Bottom Feeder is that they

just, they just impede the
natural progress of the

inevitable. You sinner boys
need more time.

JESSIE (OS)
Rap, sat - - Saturday,

LILLY(OS): Ah. JESSIE (OS):
eight points for that word.

LILLY (OS): Ah! JESSE
(OS): Because I am smart

JESSE (OS): Because I
am amazing at Boggle.

LILY Okay yeah, yeah,
you're bomb at Boggle.

JESSE Yes, I am. Thank you.

KATE Wow, I forgot
the sound of joy.

Uncle Jesse's just showing off.

Yeah, we figured with the cell
phones out we would go retro

KATE Ooh, how subversive.
Before you know it

we'll be talking to each other.

LILY How are things in
the kitchen of mayhem?

KATE Well, you know, that Petra
is in there quote helping her.

JESSE Okay well Petra's a ball buster.
She'll make sure that

poor dead turkey flies.

LILLY Well hey, do you want to
play another round with us?

KATE Oh wow, yeah. God, I loved board
games. Then I did this Monopoly

speed dating thing. Oh,
don't ever do it.

LILLY Fun-. We're just counting up
the scores from the last round.

KATE Wow, aw, I forgot. All
these little pieces, it's so-

and the sand timer.

LILLY Well mom's had this game for forever.
I guess we kind of

grew out of it. We used
to play all the time.

JESSE With your dad?

LILLY
Yeah. He loves board games.

KATE Games in general.

JESSE Kate, enough.

LILLY (OS) Hmm, uh, what kind
of games did you play when

JESSE Oh well, hmm, my big sisters
used to like to dress me up.

LILLY Really?

KATE Yeah, we put pink
bows in his hair.

JESSE Pink bows.

JESSE Always. And then Mom would
play those little, these like little

folk songs and we would dance.
'Cause she had this, um,

JESSE (OS) right. And, and she knew
maybe three chords. But she could play

a thousand songs with
these three chords. Like, uh -

KATE (OS) Camp town races.
Doo-da, doo-da.

KATE And, um, the Clementine,
my darling Clementine.

JESSE Oh.

Are those like hippy songs?

No, they are old,
fun-LILLY (OS) Oww!

Campfire songs.

LILLY Wait, what's a campfire?
I'm kidding, I'm sorry.

JESSE Kate.

BERT (OS-OUTSIDE) You can do it.
You can do it, come on. Oh, come

on you little fuckhead. Work.
Work, please work.

BERT: Just fuck, what the?
Who, who are you? How do you

BERT'S SUPER EGO You are having
another of your episodes. A moment of

psychosis brought on by
traumatic phone withdrawal.

BERT What?

BERT'S SUPER EGO This is your superego
speaking. The part of your own mind

that is self-critical.

BERT Oh. I always knew I had an ego.
I assumed it was super.

BERT'S SUPER EGO You must
begin an important change.

[ECHOING] Change,
change, change, change.

SUPER EGO
One that begins with a search.

BERT Okay wait-what,
what, what search?

BERT'S SUPER EGO For tranquility. For
silence. And most of all for meaning.

GINA (OS) Well it's great
looking at you out here.

ZOE Hey, Granny.

GINA
I'm not disturbing you am I?

ZOE No, no, not at all.
Please sit down.

GINA Okay.

ZOE How's auntie Kate?

GINA She's drunk again.

ZOE That must be hard
for you to watch.

GINA Mm. I suppose I should be used
to it after all these years. But

although the last time I really
thought it was the last time.

SHANE Hey guys, I'm trying
to find my friend Bert.

DYLAN He probably took one
look at that torched turkey

and he headed straight for
Denny's.

Torched Turkey sounds
like an indie band.

RICK Speaking of missing persons
I'm gonna go look for my wife.

DYLAN Yeah, you do that, Rick.

RICK See you, Dylan.

DYLAN How'd your interview
with, uh, Jesse go?

SHANE Yeah, no, he's, he's,
uh, he's an interesting guy.

He kind of he wants to live
in a world of email. You know,

like, uh, Tron but more banal.

DYLAN Want another
interview per chance?

SHANE Yeah, I need to
locate my friend Bert.

There are rumors that he's, uh,
he's acting like himself.

DYLAN Well we can do it fast.
And, uh, I might be too

fat and stuffed after dinner to
have my picture taken, so.

SHANE Okay. Sure, yeah, if,
if you don't mind, uh,

doing a, a fast one.

DYLAN Famous for fast ones.

It's an American thing.

SHANE:
Okay. Like, uh, fast food?

ZOE I wish that something or someone
would come along and she could

find some happiness.

GINA Mm-hmm. Sometimes I worry
that it's all my fault.

ZOE No, no, Granny. Of course it's not.
It's like me worrying about

Mom's divorce. There's only
so much you can do.

GINA You have taken
such good care of her.

ZOE I have had to learn
to set boundaries.

GINA Believe me it's better that way.
But when it's your child,

it's so hard. Look at all of
mine. They're all unhappy.

ZOE Well unhappiness is just
part of the human condition.

It's like what I'm reading about
in French class. So much of life

is about waiting for something
to happen. And the sadness

when it doesn't happen.

DAVID Petra and I tried to have
a rule where we turned off our

phone one day a week. Technology
free day. Ironically it was

supposed to help us connect.

DAVID I kept catching her little
cheats as she'd call them.

But, um, they weren't
little cheats to me.

SHANE When I started I, I
wanted people to talk about

their past and, and how they
give thanks for their so-called

blessings. But all anyone seems
to want to talk about is

technology. So what comes to
mind when, when turkey and

technology and,
and family merge?

DYLAN Um, okay wow, that's intense.
Um, I-I was a latch key kid.

Um, I was, you know, I'd come
home every day and just be alone

for four or five hours. And so
I'd just rely on myself.

Find ways to keep myself
entertained. To not, uh, feel

lonely. I guess the phone
reminds me of that.

SHANE Do you call the
phone mommy or daddy?

DYLAN Well I guess it, it's a
little bit of both. I have these,

I have these strange
ideas of the future sometimes.

Um, like someday when we're born
we'll be handed a phone and it

becomes our, our nanny,

our teacher, our friend
and companion.

SHANE Well I suppose little
children are everywhere with

their phones now.

SHANE Do you think that's a bad
development? To have people

brought up by phone
nannies, as you suggest?

DYLAN I don't. There's some
piss poor parenting out there.

But a phone, a phone can
watch over you, make sure you

don't get lost. It can make
sure you get fed on time.

It can teach you new things.

SHANE But doesn't that take
away a, a human element? I mean

studies have shown there are,
that a bottle isn't the same as

the nipple, for example.

DYLAN If a phone can teach you how
to play a chord, what's the need

for a music teacher? If, if a
phone can inspire me

to workout, what's the
need for a coach?

SHANE Yeah surely there's, there's
something missing? I mean-All

these jobs, they're not
just mechanical.

Or, well maybe they are

♪ EERIE TINKLING MUSIC

PETRA Don't worry about David
and Jennifer, they, they'll

just be fine. In fact I should
probably look on them.

Oh hey Kimmy.

PETRA So, uh, have you seen David?
Wh-why, why do you suddenly

look like that?
What? Where is he?

KIMMY
He's chatting with Georgia.

PETRA With Georgia and Rick?

KIMMY Just Georgia. Don't
shoot the messenger.

PETRA Why do I get the feeling
that I should suddenly look for

my husband? So what exactly
are they talking about?

KIMMY Living life online.
Apparently Rick isn't-paying enough

PETRA Oh that's classic. And I'm
sure David was complaining about

me in the same way. You know, I
know how and what that man

thinks at all times.

JUDY Well you do pay a lot of
attention to your online life.

PETRA No I don't.

PETRA What? No, uh, excuse me.
I just believe that my online

persona is more influential and
more creative and more, you

know, maybe more vibrant
than my actual persona.

PETRA Well I beg to differ.
I think there's very little

difference between real life and
online life. It's all life.

We're living it, right now.

JUDY Yeah, no actually what you're
talking about is actually more

typing than it is living.

PETRA Same diff. Wow. Whatever,
look, um, I think that this

situation here is beyond
salvation. So I'm gonna gather

up my little team and
head for a reservation.

LILLY (OS)
Okay, Gutty is not a word.

JESSE (OS) It is, I'm telling you.
It means to have a large gut.

LILLY No way.

KATE I don't buy it.

JESSE Listen, I call people, myself
mostly, gutty, all the time.

JESSE: I'm not. I'm not,
I'm telling you, I'm not.

LILLY All right. Shit. I'm
still not getting any bars.

This is getting really freaky,
how are we gonna figure it out?

KATE Have you heard of
something called a dictionary?

LILLY I mean yeah, I've,
I've got that app.

KATE Well the app was based on a
real thing. And I'm sure there's one

LILLY I've never seen one.
Mom just Kindles everything.

JESSE Are, are you seriously telling
me that there's not a dictionary

LILLY No, I mean don't get on
my case about it. I'm only 16.

KATE I don't believe this.
Little miss art critic doesn't

have a dictionary in this house?

That's really, really sad.

LILLY Why is it sad?

JESSE I, I don't know, I just
feel like every house ought

to have a dictionary, even
if nobody uses it.

KATE Because it's a part of
the infrastructure of a home.

You have the roof, you have the
front door, you have cable, and

you have a dictionary.

JUDY Maybe I should start a blog.
Judy's failed life dot com.

And this will be
the inaugural entry.

KIMMY Your life is not a failure, okay.
You've got really

nice kids. You've got a cozy
house. Your career is about to

break through again. I mean
you've got a bright mind and a

really warm heart. You've got it
all as far as I'm concerned.

JUDY Well then how
come I'm not happy?

KIMMY Well I'm gonna sound like
an ancient Chinese proverb, but

the best we can do is be
content. You know, happiness

only comes in brief,
brilliant flashes.

It's been a long fucking time
since I've had one of those.

KIMMY They seem to be happening
less and less for everyone I know.

JUDY Will you help me?

I mean I've got all those people
to feed and I don't know, we can

find takeout or something.

KIMMY I mean how, how do
we even know what's open?

I can't call or, or search.

JUDY Well how did we
search in the old days?

KIMMY I don't remember.

JUDY I remember. We used
to go to Korea Town and we

would go and we would find a
restaurant that we had never

been to before. And we would
just walk in, the sign wouldn't

even be in English. And we would
ask for the most popular thing.

On the menu and it be-became
sort of a tradition, you know.

It was like a family
bonding ritual.

KIMMY
And you don't do it anymore?

JUDY
Never. Not since the divorce.

I mean we tried to do
it a couple times,

the girls and I, and Zoe would
find a bad review online...

But then we'd, you know,
we wouldn't go. If it's

one thing the Internet is good
for, it's convincing you

not to do something.

KIMMY I used to go to all those
Korean places when I was growing up.

It feels like a really long time
since I've been down there.

In Korea, we have a
Thanksgiving called Chuseok.

You visit the tomb of
your ancestors, offer

them food and drinks.

DAVID(OS)
Doesn't it seem, I don't know...

KIMMY Nobody really
seems to do it anymore.

DAVID (OS) Really quiet?

KIMMY(OS) It's like all the ancient
traditions are being lost.

DAVID How long do you think
we've been out here?

GEORGIA I don't know.

My phone's black.

DAVID Is your battery dead?

It won't start.

DAVID Here, use my phone.

Mine's dark also.

GEORGIA Maybe it's an omen.

GEORGIA Mm-hmm. You
want to go for a walk?

DAVID Yes. Yes, I do.

PETRA
David? Huh, well. Hello? David?

KIMMY It feels so strange not
to have a specific destination.

JUDY We may not have a destination,
but we have a mission.

JUDY We will not go
hungry on Thanksgiving

[LAUGHTER]

JUDY Here we go.

LILLY: There's like this weird
nostalgia for inconvenience.

I mean listen, were paper
letters and paper newspapers

so much better? Or
like having to wake up at six

a.m. to go wait in line to buy a
concert ticket? Oh it's so

great. Come on. Life is
so much better now.

You guys really had it hard.

JESSE Look, I'm not saying that I don't
like those conveniences. I just-

KATE No, it's true,
something is lost.

LILLY No, but so much is gained.

KATE No, but I'm not
sure it's worth it.

JESSE I mean I feel it too.
Like something has been lost.

LILLY Uh-Your silly. I-What is lost?
What is it?

KATE I don't know,
it's hard to explain.

I mean I-I'm just curious. I'm
not trying to be difficult.

JESSE Okay, maybe it's like-
it's like the pleasure of

something was directly related
to the inconvenience.

KATE There were little victories
that came from trying

to figure something out and
feeling needed. Like

the dictionary needed us. Maps,
newspapers, needed us.

Stores needed us. You know, I
mean you could only find the

word when you participated
with the dictionary.

It was your knowledge of the
alphabet and the time

and the care that you
took to look through it. And,

you know, dealing with all these
pages that were so thin and you

go too far this way. And then
this way. And then where is the

and then there it is. There
it is. You know. I mean it took

something. It meant something.
It meant something to find a

word and look it up. And now
it's just click. Just a click

and it's all the same clicking
with the same amount of

non-effort. A click to make a
reservation, click to pay your

bills, click to buy something. I
mean we've totally convenienced

our self out of being needed.

JESSE And the worst part is, is we
have taken the most sacred thing

in the world, and that's finding
love, finding a relationship

and we have reduced it
into a one-click game.

This device is, it's
trapped us inside. I never go

out anymore. I miss going out. I
miss the random shit that would

happen when I would go out.

LILLY I don't get it, why
don't you just go out?

KATE Oh my god, look.

JESSE What?

JUDY Right here.

JESSE Gout.

KATE No, go out. It's a sign.

LILLY
Hello, I just said that. Go out.

KATE I know and there it is.
Go out. We need to go out.

JESSE This, this is my new mantra.
Go out.

KATE We need to go out.

JESSE
Let's go out. We're going out.

KATE Yeah, let's go out.
Come on, you coming?

LILLY No, you guys are weird.

JESSE We're going out.
KATE I am so excited.

KATE We don't know what we're
gonna do, we're just gonna see.

KATE See what happens, life.
Life happens out.

JESSE What are we gonna do?

JESSE We're gonna buy a 20 cent CD
for twenty - twenty two dollars.

KATE We're gonna wait
in line for something.

JESSE We could get a dictionary.

KATE We could get a
dictionary-Just go.

BERT'S SUPER EGO You are not
living to your full potential.

SUPER EGO You spend too much
time taking selfies and

looking at yourself.

BERT
Is that a good or a bad thing?

'Cause people are always telling
me that I have a good look.

BERT'S SUPER EGO A good look is meaningless.
What is important is inside yourself.

BERT When you say inside,
inside myself, like,

like inside myself?
What? What's in there?

BERT'S SUPER EGO Much more than your
selfie would suggest. Don't you

want to find out how much more?

BERT Okay. How do I do that?

BERT'S SUPER EGO: Your true self
will be found with quiet reflection.

Go forth now, dear Bertram,
in quiet reflection.

JESSE
It's sort of beautiful out.

KATE Yeah, it's still light.
Where are we going? Oh look.

JESSE What, really? KATE Yeah.

JESSE Shut up.

KATE I am so. Out with the blackberry.
Come on.

We're really going out.

JESSE Don't you shame
my blackberry.

JESSE I don't know, I'm naked and scared.
Am I fat? Gutty.

KATE (OS) You're not gutty.

JESSE
Cell phone's... [INAUDIBLE]

KATE Such a cheat. So not right.
Poor Lilly.

BERT (OS)
My selfie is not myself.

ASSISTANT 1 No it's, it's
good, they can't see me.

BERT (OS)
My selfie is not myself.

PETRA (OS) David? David?
Damn it, where is he?

Oh, have you seen your wife?

RICK I'm not exactly
sure where she is.

PETRA Well I heard she
was flirting with David.

RICK That's great, thanks for
the information. Why don't you

PETRA What are you doing out
here anyway, are you, are you

getting reception? Is reception
back? All right well I'm, I'm

not getting anything here. Just-

PETRA I know I just - -
this is a real emergency.

Excuse me? Don't touch me
Give me my fucking phone.

RICK Are you kidding me?
You're stark raving mad.

Oh well fuck you. You just
fucking smashed my phone.

You shouldn't grab it.

I shouldn't grab you? You
grabbed my fucking phone.

How about that? Now your
phone is in the water.

PETRA What is wrong with you?

RICK What's wrong with me?

PETRA What-that is
my life's work.

RICK That's pathetic. Your
phone is your life's work?

Shouldn't your husband, your
daughter, your family

PETRA E-Excuse me. Do not talk
about my family, especially not

my daughter. Where is,
where is Jennifer?

RICK Go on, go find her.
PETRA Jennifer?

PETRA Jennifer? Baby? Go on. Go

RICK Mom of the year. Get
the hell out of here.

PETRA Honey.

Jennifer? Ah. Oh,
Oh shit. [CRYING]

PETRA Jennifer?

ZOE Oh, what happened in here?

GINA Thanksgiving got
the best of her.

ZOE Where is she?

GINA I think she probably
wants to be alone.

ZOE Oh, I'm not sure if this
is funny or tragic. I'm sure

I could figure it out if it
weren't for the hunger pangs.

LILLY Oh my God what the fuck!

GINA Lilly!

LILLY Oh I'm sorry, granny.

ZOE What are we gonna do?
This is a disaster.

GINA Mm, well I have an admission to make.
I knew something like this

could possibly happen, so I made
a backup thanksgiving dinner.

And it's in my fridge
right now at the house.

ZOE Seriously Granny?

GINA Yeah.

CAR GPS Welcome to your navigation system.
My name is Ethyl.

GINA Okay ethyl.

CAR GPS How may I help you?

GINA Hit it girl.

DYLAN (OS) Yes, I know. I know
that everything I use my phone for

sex, love, uh, companionship
are just stand-ins for the, for

the real thing. I, I know that,
I know a phone can't love you.

Can't nurture you.

SHANE Why would you want it to?

DYLAN Because it's easier than
working things out with real people.

SHANE [LAUGHING] Yes. I
suppose you're quite right.

DYLAN I got to go.

SHANE You suddenly in a rush?

DYLAN I don't, I don't even
know what I'm doing here.

I should be with my own
family on Thanksgiving.

SHANE Well, you gonna make it?
This is like one of those old

Rosalind Russell movies.

DYLAN I hope so.

CAR GPS
Prepare to detour in 500 feet.

GINA See what you did?

CAR GPS Detour now.

GINA What did I do?

GINA I've already been
down that road, Ethyl.

CAR GPS Action not recognized.
Resuming previous route.

GINA Oh, okay.

CAR GPS
Continue for three miles.

GINA Here we are. CAR
GPS Then turn right.

GPS Continue straight
then make a U-Turn.

GINA Ah.

CAR GPS Continue for three miles.
Then turn right.

Oh god now I need gas.
Then you will arrive

See what you did? Approaching
Dusky Glen road.

What? I'm going myself.

GPS I'm sorry but no
satellites can be located.

CAR GPS Welcome to your navigation
system, how may I help you?

SHANE Okay ladies, you want
to come out and we'll do the

final shot. So it was a
tumultuous, uh, Thanksgiving,

With some unexpectedly
thought-provoking dialogue.

Um, now I don't like my art to
have lessons. I like, I like

them just to be dollops
of human foibles and triumphs.

So I would like to end with a
question. And, uh, that is

the next time you pick up your
device, I'd like you to ask

yourself what is it I'm
searching for? And is

this the way to find it? Um,
okay, well that's it.

I'd just like to thank all the
new Twitter followers.

You know, you guys are the
faceless fans that make

it worthwhile. And, uh, we'll
see you again next time.

ASSISTANT 2 How'd it go?

SHANE Practically
perfect in every way.

ASSISTANT 2 I can't believe
that thing actually worked.

SHANE Amazon, 35 dollars. They're
quite popular, actually.

At some point I can imagine
everyone having a phone jammer

in their homes.

ASSISTANT 2 Yeah, I don't
see that happening either.

SHANE Well, mark my words, the
future is not in the search but

the silence my
friends. Now come on.

♪ DIGITAL MUSIC

[Sounds of the wild...
Coyotes, birds... night.]