All language subtitles for Scorpion.S04E20

TOBY: This memo
is an insult!

You've been offered equity

in a company
with great upside potential.

So how is that an insult?

I invented a winch, State
of New Mexico orders

15 grand worth of it,
you take the money.

(laughing):
Okay.

All right, well, let's see.

I start a company
with my own savings,

I pluck you guys out of
obscurity, I give you jobs,

and then, you throw
my generosity

in my face.

Generosity?

Well, let's look
at these numbers,

shall we?

You scanned my memo?

Oh, I scanned it, baby.

And Happy and I
really appreciate

the .75% share of her invention.

Corporations routinely
take the lion's share

of an employee's invention.

And you two are married,
so you're really getting 1.5%.

SYLVESTER:
How do you explain

my .7%?

How do I rate less
than these guys?

Simple, you're a
human calculator.

Artificial intelligence makes
you superfluous in seven years.

(gasps)
But I still

gave you a piece of the pie.
Is that not nice?

What about Paige?

Interesting that she has
a full one percent;

more than all of us.

She's not even a genius.

Hmm, so strange.
How peculiar.

What are you guys insinuating?

Nothing. Just that the only
person in the office

to play Nude Olympics with
Walter goes home with the gold.

Before I came along, you dorks

were setting up
home office computers.

Yeah, and for what it's worth,
Paige's share is really .25%.

Ralph gets .75%

for all the times
he helped us out.

But due to labor laws, I had
to put it under Paige's name.

Hold on.

You... you value my son three
times more than you value me?

Well, only on
a work contribution level.

Dingus, our fertility treatment
hasn't worked.

We need more funds.

It's not like
I'm keeping the funds!

I'm reinvesting it in Scorpion.

I-Isn't more tomorrow

better than a little today?

- Nope.
- Oh, fine!

Suppose I can give you
a few extra bucks,

seeing as it's your invention.

Wow, thanks
for the extra shillings

to throw into my account.

Your account?

What do you got,
a separate bank account?

Maybe.

(sighs) What is Easter Island's
point of view on all this?

I'm just trying to figure out

where I can buy just
one right shoe...

Wait for it, this
is gonna be good.

...because I'm gonna lose mine

somewhere up Walter's ass.

Bam! There it is.

Wait, why are you mad at me?

I don't see my name
on that list.

You work for Homeland,
you're not a Scorpion employee.

So I'm not a real part
of the team?

I risk my life
just like everybody else.

More so, 'cause he is so old.

Troublemaker.
Penny-pincher.

You should've known what
problems this memo would cause.

(sighs) We need guidance
getting through this conflict.

And I know exactly who to call.

Walter, if you're calling who
I think you're calling, don't.

He's helped us before.

His diploma came with a maze
and a word search on the back.

Yes, hello,
this is Walter O'Brien.

Uh, not good,
actually.

And we need your counseling
right away; money is no object.

Okay, see you soon.

Okay, see you soon.

That's Homeland Director Carson.

He's gonna be here
in five minutes.

Carson? What does
that turd want?

CARSON:
Four-person CIA team imbedded

in Kazakhstan.

Found out they were
kidnapped just hours ago.

Okay, if Homeland can give us
their satellite imagery,

we can provide
an extraction plan

for the military.

Extraction? No.

We got six of their guys, we're
gonna do a swap next week.

This stuff goes down
all the time.

Then why are you here?

Those agents are
the starting infield

for the CIA softball team,

and we were supposed to play
for the FGSL championship today.

FGSL?

Federal Government
Softball League.

Replacement team
would be the FBI,

but they're busting
a drug ring in Colorado;

ATF's intercepting

a firearms shipment
in the Gulf.

Oh, even the Department
of Agriculture's dealing

with a boll weevil problem
in Texas, so it's down to you.

Down to us for what?

As independent contractors
with federal clearance,

Scorpion qualifies
to play in the league.

Right here in
the rule book.

I refuse

to allow Homeland's
undefeated season

to be tarnished
with an asterisk.

I won't accept
a forfeit.

So you're going to play us.

And why should we help you?
You tried to put

my roomie in prison.
You two were roommates?

Yeah, while him and I
were engaged.

While she was married to him.

Before I dated her.

Damn freak show in here.

Look, you're gonna play,

'cause if you don't, let's just
say Scorpion might not get

any government jobs
coming its way.

If you're trying to get back
at me by humiliating these guys,

perhaps you and I should figure
out another way to settle this.

Threatening a superior?

I'd hate to have
to bring you up on charges.

Again.

I-I don't expect
you to play, Pops.

But come, support your team.

You could be...

the mascot.

Let's make it interesting.

If we win, Homeland doubles
the rate that they pay Scorpion.

Fine. But if we win, I'm yanking
Scorpion's government clearance.

I am sick of
your antics,

comments, and
unprofessionalism.

Um, Cabe, I do the books.

We lose government work,
Scorpion's toast.

What's the matter?

Mommy won't let you
play ball today?

Shake it.

See you at the field
in Sherman Oaks

in 30 minutes.

What the hell were you thinking?

He called us out.

(moaning)

You bet our company.

We can't beat them.

You heard how
Carson talked to us.

TOBY:
You see, geniuses,

Paige and Cabe grew up
playing sports.

They don't know what it's like
to be bullied by a jock.

They don't know that you're just
supposed to take it and move on.

We'll coach you guys up.

People like us
don't win at sports.

In gym,
Coach Baclavella

would give grade bumps
to the kids

who would give me
the worst wedgies.

One year, everybody got A's.

Little League sucks
for nerds growing up.

You watch kids do things

you can't,
having all the fun,

and at the end
of the season,

the winners get to go to a party
at Big Ernesto's Taco Hut,

something you know you're
never gonna be able to do.

And Ernesto would let all those
kids choose their trophies

out of the trophy case.

Stupid trophies.

I always wanted
one of those trophies.

We don't have any equipment,
or any funds to buy any,

so, guess we can't play.

I've got a fast and cheap way
to get everything that we need.

Just meet meet me
at the field.

No, I-I...
I can go with you.

And-and help you carry things.

Okay, I got here
as quick as I could.

Let the healing begin.

What I miss?

Called me
on the right day, Gallo.

We busted a frat house for
bookmaking-- civil forfeiture--

seized everything, including
tons of sporting equipment.

Now, I feel a cold coming on,

so I'm just gonna...
put the key down here,

and head home sick.

Just make sure
everything's back

by 6:00, before the next guy
clocks in, huh?

Appreciate it, pal.

Appreciate what?

I never saw you.
(chuckles)

So this is unsavory.

Wouldn't be necessary if any of
you dorks had baseball gloves.

FLORENCE: ♪ Way down South
in the cemetery ♪

RALPH: ♪ Way down South
in the cemetery ♪

♪ That's where your team
is gonna be buried ♪

RALPH: ♪ That's where your team
is gonna be buried... ♪

Yeah, that's right, Homeland!

We're gonna roll
right over you little punks!

I regret asking her to play.

What did she do
to my son?

Florence, you seem

very motivated.

Yeah, well, you remember I told
you that jocks used to throw

the ball at the science
lab wall to bother me?

I really hate jocks.

Speaking of jocks, uh,
Ralph, in this bag

is a protective cup
I bought.

Go to the port-o-john
and put it on.

Do I have to?

I want grandchildren
someday. Go.

Okay,

positions.
Whoa.

Who made you manager?

Anyone who earned two varsity
letters in high school,

raise your hand.

That's what I thought.
Sly, you'll catch;

Cecil, you're tall,
so center field;

Happy's short, so she'll play
short; and Toby, first base.

Are you sure Walter won't want
Toby and I to share a position,

like he had us share
equity in Scorpion?

You guys are the worst.

This game is
the perfect opportunity

for you to come together
as a "literal team,"

in the midst
of falling apart completely.

Get lost, quack.

I'm gonna go stretch.

RALPH:
Mom,

I can't figure out
how to put this thing on!

(banging on door)

I'm never
having grandkids.

CARSON:
Dineen.

Got something for you.

Rest of you, stretch, too.

What is that?

Uniforms.

Department of
Corrections surplus.

We're not wearing these.

Rules say uniforms must be worn.

He's right,
it's in the rule book.

What are you doing?

CARSON:
I have filmed every pitch

and every at bat
of our undefeated season,

but this game
is going to be my Citizen Kane.

Now where's Gallo
and O'Brien?

Tried them a little bit ago,
couldn't get through.

But don't worry,
they'll show.

They better.
Else, it's a forfeit.

Then, bye-bye,
government contracts.

I said, they'll be here.

Homeland, gather around.

I don't know what the heck
is keeping those jackasses.

We need backups.

I know exactly who to call.

Uh, I like my hamstring
in one piece, please.

TOBY: Okay, all right.
Ugh-- all right!

Okay, safeword, safeword!

Oh...

Can't believe you
asked her to play.

Come on,
let's stretch them groins.

Happy, showing some
real anger markers.

Come on. Spill the beans.

When I went to the garage the
other night to get my miter saw,

I saw Flo get in Walt's car.

Just the two of them.

Okay, maybe he was just
giving her a ride.

No.

The pixie wasn't wearing
her normal clothes

from the young boy's department.

She was all
gussied up.

It was late,

and Paige was not around.

Flo dressed up fancy, and you're
just telling me this right now?

Happy, this team is hanging on
by a thread as it is

after what happened
this morning.

You know, if Walt and Paige
implode, so does the team.

We can't have that;
we are wholly unemployable.

I didn't tell you

because you hold onto a secret
like a wet bar of soap.

And I'm only 99% sure.

Not a hundred.

We got to get
to the bottom of this.

I found a few more bats. How
you doing with those gloves?

Yep, finished.
All right, we're running late.

Let's hit it.
The 101's gonna be backed up

this time of day,
so I think

we ought to stay
on city streets.

What are you waiting on?
Open it.

I gave the key to you.

Like hell you did.

I don't have the key, Cabe.
Well, I don't

have it; you didn't
give it to me.

Oh, yeah, well,
who do you think is right,

the guy with the 197 IQ,
or the guy who says

he watches boxing
on "paper view" TV?

I may run my words
together sometimes,

but that does not mean
that I lost that key.

Well, I didn't lose it.

(sighs)

It's almost game time.

We're screwed.

It's a seven-inning game.

Slaughter rule max:
eight runs per inning.

A 24 run lead ends the game.

Seeing as Scorpion has
no equipment,

you'll use Homeland's.

What kind of uniform's that?

I was told
to rush over for a game.

Assumed it was
Fantasies 'N Frolics.

(sighs)

Okay, let's do this.

SYLVESTER:
Paige?

What's holding them up?
We need Cabe.

You can't play scared.
Calm down.

Calm down?

You listen to me.

We've defused bombs,
we've been buried alive,

we've stared down nuclear war.

But what we're about to
experience is much worse.

We're about to hear
the two most terrifying words

for a nerd to hear,
two words

that send chills
down the spines

of geeks worldwide.

Play ball!

Those are the words.

♪ Scorpion 4x20 ♪
Foul Balls
Original Air Date on March 26, 2018

== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man

Can't get a signal
in this basement.

If I'm not out on that field,
Scorpion's done for.

Well, let's just get the cops
upstairs to let us out.

I'll bang on the ceiling.

No, no, no, no.

Jonesy bent the
rules to help us.

He could lose his
job and pension.

You see,
dumb ole government employees

don't earn nearly as much
as you think.

Never said you were dumb.

Now that you brought it up,
great job today

getting us wrapped up in a wager

that we have no chance
of winning.

I was standing up for you guys.

You were protecting
your own ego.

And why don't you protect
your own company

and figure a way out of here.

Look in these evidence boxes

and see if you can find
anything that can help.

Pot pipes, guns...

Accounting records.

Satellite phone.
(phone chirps)

Damn it.
Battery's flat.

Wait, there's a solar calculator
with this embezzling evidence.

And florescent bulbs mimic
the sun's spectrum,

so if I wire the phone

to the solar battery
from the calculator,

then hold it up to the lights,
I could charge the phone.

Then do it already.

Those guys are probably
getting killed without me.

I know Scorpion isn't
the pinnacle of athleticism,

but they are resourceful.

I'm sure they're doing fine.

MAN:
Come on, hustle it up.

(groans)

♪ ♪

Wind speed, rotational force...

Aah!

Seriously?

Ow.
Damn it!

2.3 seconds until impact.
Got it!

Fudge nuggets.

♪ ♪

ANNOUNCER: After half an inning,
Homeland's up eight nil.

I thought scorpions
were stingers.

More like stinkers.

What a jerk. Ralph, you're up.

Cecil, on deck.

Look at how
smug they are.

I'd like to take that bat

and just cram it
right up Carson's...

Easy, killer.

Let's keep that high school
anger under control.

Yeah, you wouldn't want to do
something that feels good now

but you'd regret later.

Really regret.

That's not very subtle.

ANNOUNCER: Now batting, Inmate
Number 58432, Ralph Dineen.

Okay.

If Scorpion shuts down, I won't
lose my internship, will I?

No negativity.

Two more eight-run innings
and the mercy rule kicks in

and then this game is over.
Is that what you want?

Yes.

Come on. You guys are geniuses.

Use your superpowers.

This field is kryptonite.

We got no superpowers here.

That field is 60 feet
between bases

and 48 feet from mound
to home plate.

The foul lines meet

at exact angles.

This game is geometry
and physics and math.

You're good at that.

UMPIRE:
Strike two.

That's okay, Ralph. Good swing.

So, you're just gonna roll over
because right now

this is gym class
and Homeland...

Homeland is giving you
a great big wedgie.

I might have an idea.
It has to do with the rule book.

There is an acceptable range
for the weight of a softball.

If we make
Homeland's balls heavier,

they won't be able to hit them
as hard or as far.

Sounds like cheating.

Not if we keep
the weight just within

what the rules will allow.

We could give their ball
a sauna.

Papa Carpinni's

is only a couple blocks away.

They have a steamer
for their clams.

Rules let you hold onto the
balls that are pitched to you,

so Homeland's balls
are still by their dugout.

I'll go steal them.

Being tardy is a mortal sin,
but she has no problem stealing.

Strange kid.

Hmm, I mean, even if we
deaden their balls,

we're still not good
at catching them.

Look at all of the Homeland's
government-issued SUVs.

They have collision censors
on their bumpers.

I can rig them to our T-shirts.

When we're directly lined up
with an approaching ball,

it'll tell us and
then we'll field it.

No. Steaming balls
is one thing,

but this is
definitely cheating.

It's a sensory-assist device.

If it's cheating,
so are eyeglasses.

I'm sold. Swipe them.

UMPIRE:
Strike three. You're out.

Damn it. I got to pay attention
to the game.

Oh, that's some pretty
interesting science

that Happy came up with, huh?
- Mm-hmm.

Hey, speaking of science,

how was that lecture
that Walt took you to?

We didn't go.
It was cancelled.

Okay, Cecil,
you got this!

(claps hands)

ANNOUNCER:
Now batting,

Inmate Number 18743,
Cecil Rizzuto.

It's working, but slowly.
(fence banging)

Can you please stop doing that?

(grunts)

Trying to get us out.

It's three-gauge steel.

You can't just jock your way
out of this.

You're gonna need
to use brainpower.

What the hell is that
supposed to mean? (phone chimes)

And it's charging.

See? Brainpower.

Oh, there you go, Cecil.

Foul tip's a hit
waiting to happen.

Hey.

Get your head out of the
computer and into the game.

It is.
It's in Carson's game.

Every game
from the last season.

Hacked his tablet,
pulled the film

and overlaid software
from the Kinetics Department

at Braddock University.

Now we can analyze Homeland's
every swing and pitch

for tendencies:

where hitters like the ball,

where they put the ball
into play,

how Carson pitches
lefties and righties.

Hacking a computer
must be cheating.

No. Just a federal crime.

Hmm. Good enough
for me. Keep at it.

I got the censors.
I'm gonna connect it

to some lithium batteries I have
in my bag and we're good to go.

Well, it was a mighty battle,
but alas, I was not victorious.

Time to go get out.
Hey.

Stay positive.
(phone rings)

ANNOUNCER: Now batting,
Inmate 28291, Sylvester Dodd.

Walter, where are you?

Are you freaking kidding me?

I wish. (Cabe grunting)
Can you send Happy to pick the lock?

No. Downtown and back
with traffic?

The game will be over

and besides, we're already
down a player without Toby.

Why? Where's Toby?

You want to put what
in my steamer?

I work with Homeland
and we save people.

But there's this jerk
who wants to shut us down

if he can beat us at softball

but we can't win
'cause we're nerds,

but we'd have
a much better shot

if you'd just let
me steam my balls.

Get out.

Sal, I wiped out and
shredded my knee.

No more deliveries for me.

You know,
I'm a really fast peddler.

(grunts)
You know those old commercials

where gorillas throw
luggage around

but never learn they won't
get it open? Well, that's you.

I don't see you doing anything.

Actually, I have a plan.

Pimp jewelry?

Yeah. I'm gonna pound the gold
into a thin piece of metal,

and then put it in the lock
like a key blank,

and then I'm going
to make a new key

to set us free.
That's all you need? A bracelet?

Well, yes, the bracelet...
and this.

Scorpion takes the field
for the top of the second.

Hold onto your seats.

This team's had more drops
than a DJ at Coachella.

God, I want
to kill that guy.

Gonna be hard
to get anyone out

without a first basemen.

Where the hell
is your husband?

(bicycle bell dings)

Toby, what the hell?

Keep playing.
I'll be there soon.

Okay.

Okay. Yeah, it's flat enough.

Okay.

It's a perfect fit. Good job.

At least I have some value.

Would you drop it already
about the equity shares?

I didn't know money
was so important to you.

This is not about money.
This is about respect.

I gave my heart and
soul to Scorpion.

And I know I'm no brainiac,

but I always thought
you at least respected me.

Guess I was wrong.

Okay, we got
the notch marks.

So let's make the key.

ANNOUNCER: Scorpion only
got out of that inning

after having another

ocho dropped on their heads

like scented oil on a baby
at a baptism.

Except this team isn't blessed,
it's cursed.

I swear that guy
is gonna get it.

All right, guys.

I put their steamy balls back.

A lot of good it does us now.

They just hung eight runs on us.

Oh, I'm sorry.
Did I not deliver a pizza

and fix a ballgame fast enough
for you, Merlin?

PAIGE:
Hey.

No more arguing.
Patty, you're up.

I finished the censors.

I put foil on them,
so they'll buzz

when it detects an object
heading toward it.

Shirt's fabric is thin.

It won't affect the
censor's performance.

So, Walter lied to Paige about
that lecture being cancelled.

Not good.
If he's lying,

it's 'cause he's doing
something shady.

This is bad 'cause without the
waitress, Walt falls apart.

And without Walt,
Scorpion falls apart.

Copy that.

So, speaking of relationships
on the fritz,

what is up with
the separate bank account?

It's just a stupid account.

No. Happy,
I-I totally understand

that in the foster home,
you had to keep a bag packed,

ready to fly if things didn't
go right, but this is about me.

I'm not a foster home.

This separate account

is your adult version
of a go-bag.

You're just packed
and ready to fly

if things don't go
right with us.

Orphans don't grow
up to be sharers.

That's all it is.

Hey, Patty struck out.

Toby's up. Fight later.

This discussion is not over.

ANNOUNCER:
And Toby Curtis

goes down on three
straight pitches.

The good doctor must've
prescribed himself

30cc's of suck,
'cause I've seen

better swings
at condemned playgrounds.

Florence. Florence.

Uh, step to the back
of the batter's box.

Software says when
righties do that,

Carson pitches inside,

so turn your hips,
pull the ball

and your odds of getting on base
will increase.

Got it.

I believe in you.

What'd you talk to her about,
Romeo?

Her hips.

(bat clinks)

Oh!
Holy crap!

She got a hit!

MAN:
Two, Homeland, two!

Ooh.
(laughs)

PAIGE:
Oh, man.

She's caught in a rundown.

ANNOUNCER:
She's in a pickle.

Back and forth,

over and over.

Stupid jocks are mocking me.

What? Oh!

Oh, boy.

- Get up!
- Whoa, whoa. Are you crazy?!

That's for throwing balls
at my chemistry lab!

Bottom of the second ends
with a forearm shiver.

(shouting)
Put me down!

Well, it's almost
mercy rule time.

Then we can celebrate
Homeland's title

by going to Ernesto's Tacos
for some delicious chimichangas.

They think they can blow us out
and then get some burritos?

Hell no!

The censors will buzz
when you're positioned

to field the ball. You nerds
have science on your side.

Now, let's shut them down or
Scorpion shuts down. You ready?!

ALL:
Yeah!

♪ ♪

(device buzzing)

(device buzzing)

(device buzzing)

This some kind of joke?

SYLVESTER:
Nope, we've done our research.

Paige knows where to throw it.

That's where
you're gonna hit it.

(all cheering)
UMPIRE: Out!

They got a 1-2-3 inning
against us?

Come on, let's take the field!

Now this team's
acting like a team.

All right, Happy, go for it.

You know, not always
the best move to go for it.

Sometimes restraint
is a good quality to have.

Uh... okay.

All right, look alive, Homeland,
look alive.

Let's go.

Whoa.
Whoa.

That's an illegal
pitch, punk!

Really?! Retribution
for the rundown?

Got away from me.

PAIGE: Come on, Happy!
(applause)

(grunts)
Hey!

Lock the barn door
and send sister to bed.

What?
We got a donnybrook.

(grunts)

Get off me!

I'm sticking up for you.

They threw at me 'cause of you.

You just do whatever you want.
To hell with the consequences.

This is not the time
for this discussion.

FLORENCE: What the hell
is your problem?

(sighs)
How wonderfully cathartic.

You clowns can't even
fight normal.

I-I should throw someone out,
but y-you tackled a teammate.

So play ball,

and no more
fast-pitch, huh?

Okay, okay. I'm cool.

Happy, apologize
to Florence now.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for not realizing
you were a snake from the start.

I know about your
date with Walter.

You're just an interloper
trying to break up Scorpion.

Ralph's dad tried,
Tim Armstrong tried;

ain't gonna let you do it.

Okay, I got a good line
on these notches,

now make these marks.

Whatever you say,
you're the boss.

I'm not your boss.
You work for the government.

Okay.

So six millimeters deep,

eight millimeters wide,
and four and four.

And three and three.

CABE:
Making the cuts.

Okay, I can take
it from here.

Maybe I should do that.

Please, Cabe, I've got it.
Not so hard.

(Walter grunts)

Uh...

The lock's jammed.

What do we do now?

Don't ask me.
I just work for the government.

UMPIRE:
Strike three.

Dyfrost, grab a bat.

Okay, the way I see it is
we can stop them from scoring,

but we still can't hit,

so that's the problem
we have to solve.

Well, I suck.
TOBY: I think I got it.

Guys, we got to reverse
what we did to Homeland.

We gave them soggy balls...

So we get our balls
nice and hot.

- I wish you could hear yourselves.
UMPIRE: Strike one.

I'll be back.

Happy, I would like
to speak to you, please.

UMPIRE:
Strike two.

Sal, I need your pizza oven.

Okay. You know where
Carter Avenue is?

I take issue
with your accusations.

That lecture was
100% innocent.

Then why'd you
get dressed up?

I didn't. That's all
that I had to wear.

Why didn't you tell
anyone that you went?

It didn't come up
in conversation.

Then why did Walter tell Paige
the lecture was cancelled?

UMPIRE: Strike one.
Why would he lie?

'Cause you two were on a date.

I have zero feelings for Walter.

Okay, that's bull.

For years, I pretended
to not be attracted to Toby,

but I always knew
that he was sexy as hell.

(bicycle bell dings) Make way!
Hot balls coming through!

- See?
- If you're so worried about this,

why are you not asking Walter
these questions?

SYLVESTER: Hey, guys.
What questions?

HAPPY: About what's going on
between her and Walt.

Something's going on
between you and Walt?

No! We went to a lecture and
then he lied to Paige about it,

and I'm not sure why.

All right, well,
most important thing

is that you don't have
any feelings for Walter,

so everything's okay.

Not if Walter
has butterflies for her.

Then all hell breaks loose.

All hell's gonna
break loose if Sly

doesn't get
in the on-deck circle.

When did you get here?

Been here awhile.
You should confront Walter.

TOBY: Why's everybody
under the bleachers?

Oh, cat's out of the bag, huh?

PAIGE: Ooh, good swing, Dyfrost.
You're right on it.

Guys, how 'bout some chatter?

Where the hell is everyone?

(grunts)

You're gonna separate
your shoulder.

Suddenly, you give
a crap about me?

You're gonna get hurt.
Get off me. Get off me!

(key drops)

You had the key the whole time?

What the hell, Walter?

You want to explain
this to me?

WALTER:
Uh...

I must've, uh, forgotten.

Forgot? You're a genius.

- You don't forget.
- Didn't know it was there.

Damn it, Walter,

why the hell don't you want us
to go to this game?!

'Cause I didn't want you
to see me play!

I don't want you to see!

Son, it's just a game.

Oh, please, in the history
of fathers and sons,

it's never just a game.

My father never came
to a science fair.

But one year
I signed up for soccer,

and he got so excited.

So I studied the rules,
I watched the pros on TV,

but in my first game,

an attacker came at me and, uh,
there was a collision

so I got disoriented and, um,
I tried to clear the ball,

and I kicked it
into my own goal.

Then as I was

running to the sideline, I-I...

locked eyes with my father
just as the coach yelled at me.

He said, "O'Brien, you play
for the green team."

And, um...

And Dad looked away.

You were willing
to possibly lose Scorpion

to save face in front of me?

I embarrassed him.

I'm not strong enough
to withstand

embarrassing two fathers
in one lifetime.

ANNOUNCER:
A nightmare sixth for Homeland

as Scorpion had more runs
than Aunt Tilly's stockings.

Closing the gap to 16-15,
the ball jumping off their bats.

PAIGE: Toby's hot balls
have really caused some damage.

Word choice.

Wait, hold on. I'm serious,
you guys. We can win this.

We hold them here,
then come back and score,

which isn't an issue
for us anymore.

CARSON: Hey, these balls
have been tampered with.

You were saying?

Right here.
It's got loose stitching.

Yeah, that's
made in China.

CATCHER: All their balls
are coming apart.

(sniffs) And they smell
like pepperoni.

They may or may not have been
in an oven at some point.

Cheaters!

Technically not.
I checked, repeatedly.

Okay, moving forward.

From now on, everyone's
using Homeland's balls.

Understood?

MAN: Come on, two
innings left. Let's go!

Okay, so we can't hit
with steamy balls,

so we're finished.
I can get help.

I'll be right back, but you'll
have to play with one man down.

No, you won't.
PAIGE: Took you long enough.

Excuse me,
I have to go pitch now.

I lost the key.
It's my fault.

We're taking
the field now,

but as soon as
the half-inning's over,

you and Toby
are gonna have a talk.

Okay.

You don't need to
sit this out, son.

Running from your fears
only exhausts you.

You can sub for Dyjob.

Actually, it's Dyfrost.

Shut up.

Scorpion's only down
one run without me.

It would be illogical
to shake up the team chemistry

at this point.

Here you go.

Thanks for supporting
our charity.

Hey.

How long you been a Dodgers fan?

Uh, not a baseball fan.
A physics fan.

Your home runs are perfect
parabolic manifestations

of Newton's third law.

Um, who should
I make this out to?

I don't want your autograph.

I saw online that you were here
today, and I came for help.

I'm on a team
of geniuses

and I need you to play
on our softball team.

The outcome could
impact world safety.

Security.

Just wanted to talk to him!

Okay, Kyle Dirk,

let's find your limo driver's
number in your calendar.

We want a hitter!

Not a babysitter!

We want a batter!
Not an old man's bladder!

RINGTONE:
Attaboy. Attaboy.

Hap, I'm a little
busy right now.

Okay, I need you to use that

manipulative shrink brain
of yours

and call Kyle Dirk's
limo driver.

Pretend to be his manager,

and tell him to run down
the street to get Dirk

a sandwich for the ride home.
And hurry.

The event's winding down
and Dirk will be out any second.

(bat clinks) Okay, but I'm a little concerned
'cause it sounds like

you're gonna kidnap baseball star Kyle Dirk.
PAIGE: Toby! Toby! Toby!

- Toby!
- Paige, I'm a little busy right now.

I'll get right on it.

(engine starts)

Crap.

Okay, let's hit it.

ANNOUNCER: Bottom of the
seventh, Scorpion's down by one.

Will they score?

An ironic question considering,
from the look of the fellas,

these guys spent
their high school years

wondering if they'd ever score.

That's it. I am kicking his ass.

Okay, uh, Walt, uh,
it's time for our talk.

Flo, you, too.

Hey, I am tired
of you razzing my guys.

You want to know
the one thing lamer

than a bunch of nerds
playing sports?

The guy who makes fun
of those nerds.

And I'm not a nerd.
I'm a jock.

One more word out of you,
and my foot and your gooty

are gonna have an
unpleasant meeting. Got it?

By "gooty," do you mean wiener?

Then I got you
loud and clear, sister.

That is one hell of a woman.

(bat clinks)
It was a white lie.

Paige taught me
all about white lies.

I did it because
I knew she'd feel bad

that I overheard her
mocking the lecture.

I told you, it was all benign.

It's a white lie
if you brought me.

Bringing a woman,
that's a tan lie.

Bringing a woman
that you dreamt about,

that's a brown lie.

Bringing a woman that
you dreamt about kissing?

That's a black lie.
Preposterous.

If it's a white lie,
go tell her.

Okay, maybe it was beige.

But the important thing is,

that I have no feelings
for Florence.

Yes, that's the important thing,
that you guys have no

romantic feelings for each other
whatsoever...

for Scorpion's sake.

PATTY: Great.
So, everything's settled?

When did you get here?

Been here awhile.
I'm up to speed.

Hey... what the hell
are you guys doing?

Get back in the dugout.

Hey, what are we doing here?

- Oh, God!
- Relax. I've got the doors locked,

but I'm not a psycho. Here.

Scroll the files.

Baseball's a game
of statistics.

Look at my team's numbers.

We've stopped a tsunami, nukes,

saved over seven billion people,

and one puppy on a slow day.

DIRK:
I saw this dog on the news.

Had one just like it
when I was a kid.

It's a long story,

but we can't help people
and pups in the future

if we lose this game.

Please.

(sighs)

After a strikeout by a wizard,

and a pop-up by
the enchanting Ms. Dineen,

it all falls on the shoulders
of Inmate Number 58432--

my future stepson Ralph.

I know you're scared,
but I believe in you 100%.

Guys, we got Kyle Dirk,
he's gonna give us one at bat.

Ralph, go hit the bench.

Whoa. I don't know
what the hell

Kyle Dirk is doing here,
but he can't play.

- He's not a part of Scorpion.
- Yes, he is.

Read it and weep, chump.
Let me see that.

(sighs)
"One-day contract.

Hired to get stuff
off of high shelves."

I guess a contract's
a contract,

so let's play ball and
end this madness already.

One at bat.

CARSON:
Ridiculous.

You want technicalities?
All right.

I'll give you technicalities.

HAPPY: All right,
come on, Kyle, let's go.

(all cheering)

Hit batsman, take your base.
(catcher chuckles)

ANNOUNCER: Holy smoke!
(drops bat)

Carson out-thunk the geniuses.

Come on.
CABE: Come on!

Well, I kidnapped someone
for nothing.

These people are nuts.

HAPPY:
Hey, where are you going?

Well, looks like
Kyle's going home.

Guess it's up to me.

So much on the line,

and your nose is
buried in a book?

Strange.

It's... interesting.

(chuckles)
I see.

Ow, ow, ow!

Ow, my leg, ow!

That's your hamstring.

See, I'm a real doctor.

PAIGE: Ralph, go
pinch-run for Kyle.

Walter, you're the
last one on the bench.

You'll have to hit.

ANNOUNCER: Team Scorpion's replaced
Kyle Dirk with an eighth grader.

Not since the Red Sox
traded Babe Ruth

for completion funds
for musical No, No, Nanette

has there been
such a fiasco trade.

Hey, you want me
to come back up there?

Kinda.

Cecil, may I have a moment?

You got to put the tape on
and play.

My leg is fine.
You need this, Walter,

more than Cabe needs help with
you carrying sports equipment.

When I found out that was your
reason for not being here,

I surmised you were
ducking the fight.

What was it that
traumatized you, huh?

A dropped pop-up
in grade school?

A ball between your
legs in Little League?

(quietly): I can't perform
sports in front of others.

Especially Cabe.

Childhood events
affecting us

for the rest of
our lives is tragic.

I'm not gonna let that
happen to you, Walter.

The way to peace
is through the fire.

(Walter groans)

CARSON: Come on, guys.
Let's finish these guys off.

Embrace the experience.

UMPIRE:
Let's go, batter up.

Walter...

I can see you're
going through something,

but I have faith in you.

(sighs)

It's almost certain
I'll make an out.

If you're going for a pep talk,
not the best way to start.

And we'll lose our
government contract,

be back where we were
four years ago,

installing routers in diners.

Not getting any better.

I'm glad we're all
wearing the same shirts.

It shows we're a team.

And you all
pulled together

as a team to get us
within one run.

And that's to save Scorpion.

We're all giving 100.75%.
Except for Sly.

He's giving 100.70.

I was wrong about the shares.
I'm sorry. I'll rectify it.

Because... we're
Team Scorpion.

I don't want our last day
to be one where

we were at each other's throats.

I know we're about
to lose everything,

but I want to say thank you
for being my teammates.

CATCHER:
Save the speeches for later.

Damn allergies are killing me.

I want to get off
this field already!

Let's go!

MAN:
Let's go, blue!

Seriously,
hurry up!

PAIGE:
Let's go, Walter.

ANNOUNCER:
O'Brien heads to the plate.

The tension's thick
as thieves.

CABE: You got this,
Walt. Come on.

(sputters)

Come on, man, you
can't use that stuff.

The sap helps me
grip the bat.

It's just like rosin,
it's legal. Play ball.

(applause)

HAPPY:
Come on, Walt.

Strike one.

MAN: Come on, let's get
a move on. Come on.

He's afraid to swing.
TOBY: Maybe.

I think he's
up to something. Look.

(sneezes)

I got allergies.

PAIGE:
Here we go, Walter.

(applause)

UMPIRE:
Strike two!

Oh, man, am I really
one strike away

from going back
to the diner?

ANNOUNCER:
Two strikes, two outs.

Tying run on first.

(blowing)
Come on, man.

We playing ball, or you making
floral arrangements?

Just checking wind current.

(applause)

(sneezes)

Passed ball,
batter can run.

TOBY: All right, go, Walter!
CARSON: Play's to first!

TOBY:
Go, go, go, go, go!

UMPIRE:
Safe!

(grunts)
He totally planned that.

Guess reading that rule book
was not for naught.

ANNOUNCER: Homeland lets
the winning run on first.

Hey... remember all Carson
put you through.

Pretend his head is the ball
and beat the snot out of it.

CARSON: We got the lead
right now. Let's get this out.

HAPPY:
Come on, Cabe.

ANNOUNCER:
Now batting for Sylvester Dodd,

a handsome gentleman
with a great head of hair.

(cheering)

Ball one, outside.

ANNOUNCER:
1-0, two outs.

Bottom of the seventh.

Ball two, outside.

Time! Time! Cabe.

There's fear markers
all over this guy.

He's scared to pitch to you,

but intentional walks
are illegal.

He's just trying to make
your free pass

look like an accident
so he can pitch to Patty,

who's a great kid,
but only thing she ever hit

was a "shift" key.

So, what do I do?

Well, your ego got us
into this mess.

How 'bout Carson's ego
gets us out of it?

His friends and colleagues
are all watching this.

Why don't you provoke this guy?

(applause)

HAPPY:
Let him have it, Cabe.

All right, Cabe, look alive.
Let's go, Cabe!

Hey, you gonna
throw one near me,

or are you too chicken?

UMPIRE:
Play ball! Batter up.

Ball three.

And no more fast-pitch.

Was that his fast pitch?

I've seen more heat
off an Easy-Bake Oven.

Come on, take me
on like a man.

Or you gonna walk me?

Let your guys see
who you really are.

(sniffs, clears throat)

(cheering)

ANNOUNCER:
Brylcreem rips it down the line!

(all shouting)

Cut off!
Cut off!

CARSON:
Play's to home!

Home!
SYLVESTER: He lost the ball.

Walter, come on home!
PAIGE: Go, Walter, go!

(all cheering)

Slide!

You're out!

(coughs)
(laughs)

You're out.
You missed the plate.

Yeah, but...
you missed the ball.

There we go.

Safe!

ANNOUNCER:
Do you believe in science?

(all cheering)

Scorpion wins! Scorpion wins!

Scorpion wins!

(cheering, laughing)

(whooping)

Hey, hey, you did it!
You did it.

I don't care if you want
a separate bank account.

If you want one,
you can have one.

No, I don't want
a backup plan with you.

I don't need one.
Yes!

(all cheering)

♪ ♪

♪ One, two ♪

♪ One, two, three, four ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I want a numero uno ♪

♪ ♪

♪ From Ernesto's Tacos ♪

♪ Yeah, a numero uno ♪

♪ From Ernesto's Tacos ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, ow, yeah ♪

♪ ♪

♪ They got tacos, burritos ♪

Great game, guys.

TOBY: You know who
did the least? Kyle Dirk.

PAIGE: Right?
Anyone can get hit by a pitch.

HAPPY: Got to say,
he kind of let me down.

WALTER:
We should join the league.

CABE: Let's not get
ahead of ourselves.

♪ They call me Queso Blanco. ♪

== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man