All language subtitles for Scorpion - 4x08 - Faire is Foul.en

WALTER:
Previously on Scorpion...

♪ ...Meu amigo amigvel. ♪

I found a mathematical formula
for their dance tracks,

and a few weeks later,
I had royalties coming in.

If I uncuff him
without a direct order,

I violate a half a dozen
federal statutes.

Collins!

(laughs)

Agent Gallo, you're under arrest
for instigating an escape.

I want a lawyer.

I want to be your attorney.

You want to what?
I can do this.

I want a family.
I've always wanted a family.

And I want one with you,
'cause I love you.

Shall we start now?

(phone chimes)

WOMAN:
You may proceed, Counselor.

Counselor?

(whispering):
You're up.

Oh. She means me.

Right, I am a "counselor" now.
Okay.

(sighs)

Your Honor...

or would you prefer "Judge"?

'Cause "Your Honor"--

it-it just sounds so formal.

But we-we are...
in a, uh, formal setting.

Either will do.

Okay, then.
"Your Honor" it is.

I move for
an immediate dismissal

of all the charges
against my client,

Cabe Gallo, who is
accused of abetting

the escape of federal inmate
Mark Collins, on the grounds

that if my client had
acted in any other manner,

it would have been
in direct violation

of Mr. Collins'
constitutional rights.

Thank you.

This is the part
of the proceedings

where you elaborate,
Counselor.

SYLVESTER:
Right.

(laughs)
Of course.

(clears throat)

The Eighth Amendment forbids
cruel and unusual punishment.

Yes, they taught us that
in law school.

How does it pertain
to this case?

Well, Honor...

I mean, Your Judge... ship...

This brief... Oh.

(rifling through papers)

This brief.

Uh, it describes the
incident in question.

If Agent Gallo had r-run off
without...

Uh...
Uncuffing.

Right. Uncuffing the stun cuff

from Mark Collins' fo, um...

His ankle.

(laughing):
Yes.

His ankle, then the prisoner
would have essentially

been tortured by electrocution,

which is in clear violation
of his Eighth Amendment rights.

Okay.

I follow your logic.

And it is a good argument,

especially for someone
who is clearly new at this.

(laughs)

But whether your client was
protecting Mr. Collins' rights

or helping him escape is
a matter for a jury to decide,

not me.

This case will proceed to trial.

The second I got in
front of that judge,

my brain turned
to Jell-O.

I have an eidetic memory.

I can remember
the ingredients

from a cereal box
from when I was eight,

but in there, I forgot
the word "ankle."

You can handle pressure.

I've seen you save
the world with math

that would make Einstein
cry uncle.

Math? Math isn't a
persuasive argument.

You'll do
better next time.

What's important is
today's your birthday.

The big two-five.
Let's celebrate.

I'll call the gang,
let 'em know what happened

so when we get there,
we can focus

on what's really important:
Sly's Big Day.

Okay. Thanks, Cabe.

(tuning guitar)

HAPPY:
What's up, boss?

You wanted to see me?
Yes.

I need your expert opinion.

My expert opinion is that,

whatever you're doing
with the guitar,

you should not record
on that fossil.

Well, analog provides

better signal-to-noise ratio.

I am making a song
for Paige.

Okay, what did you do wrong
that now you have to do this?

I, uh...
I failed miserably

at a live-music date
a few weeks ago,

so I am making it up to her

by writing a love ballad.

And I figured since you had
a hit song in Portugal,

that I would like for you
to evaluate my progress.

Yeah, that song
was garbage.

I just used math.
Oh, yeah. Me, too.

I created an algorithm
to analyze

every major love song over
the past 75 years,

and then I put together
an optimal combination

of the most popular words.

- Oh, boy.
- Yep.

So, from the '50s
to the '70s,

the most commonly used word
was "love".

And then, oddly,
the emphasis shifted

to "baby" in the '80s.

And then songwriters
became infatuated

with the word "booty,"

which is slang for buttocks.

Just play the song.

Okay.

♪ Your love is love is love,
baby ♪

♪ You know your love
is love is love ♪

♪ 'Cause I love you ♪

♪ And you love me ♪

♪ You've got a lovely ♪

♪ Booty ♪

♪ You let... ♪
What's wrong?

Uh, all of it.
But most importantly,

your song has no soul.

I did exactly what you did,
and you got a hit.

I rolled for the lowest
common denominator.

You're trying to appeal
to a specific person,

who might not be a genius,
but whose EQ is off the charts.

You're not gonna fool her
with the cookie-cutter crap.

You want to make
the waitress swoon?

Okay, can the math,
look into your heart.

Also, don't mention
her booty.

(door opens)

Motion to dismiss
got dismissed?

My client has encouraged me
to focus on my birthday,

so I will not
discuss the case.

You want to talk about it?

You ever hear
of the yips?

What, like when
a second baseman

suddenly can't toss
the ball to first?

Yeah. I think Sly's got 'em.
Wow.

Sylvester's first
sports disorder.

Figured it would be jock itch.

I think he's in his head
about talking in court.

I mean, I want to
believe in the kid, but...

if he craps out, I'm dead.

He's not taking it too well.

At least his birthday
ought to cheer him up.

Speaking of birthdays,

how go the efforts
of putting a bun

in Happy's oven?

I'm not discussing
Happy's oven with you.

You know, the other day
I was in the doctor's office,

and I picked up one of
those women's magazines.

There was an article that said
a lady has a better chance

of conceiving if,
by the end, you know,

she's... she's gotten
sprinkles on her cupcake.

Are you making sure

that Happy's getting sprinkles
on her cupcake, son?

What?

You know about sprinkles?

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I know about sprinkles.

Happy's got more sprinkles
than the ice cream man.

All right. 'Cause if
you need any tips

in the gooty department...

I don't need any tips.

And please don't ruin
gooty for me.

I'm just trying to help.

Hey, guys, what's up?

Nothing.
Nothing that concerns you.

Um, okay.
Well, is everybody ready?

We've got a long drive
to the festival grounds

for Sylvester's big
birthday outing.

You're telling me.

When I worked for the FBI,
I used to have to schlep stuff

out to the evidence warehouse,
not far from where we're going.

It is in the middle
of nowhere.

Mm, centrally located.

That's the only way they could
get the nerds out to Nerdfest

to pull a profit.

Oh, costumes.
Toby. Uh...

Happy.

Not good.

What's not good?

We, sir,
are headed to celebrate

my day of birth
at the Los Angeles

Renaissance Festival.

It's today, damn it.

Oh, yes.

And we will get in
ahead of the masses

with these--
our VIP passes.

So don your garb,

for today, we're gonna party
like it's 1599.

♪ ♪

(record scratches)

How long we been walking?

Feels like forever.
This is ridiculous.

Why'd they put the parking lot
so far away?

"No cars allowed
on the site."

This festival aims
for total authenticity.

Really? They had
electrical transformers

in the 1600s?
SYLVESTER: Oh, man,

that isn't supposed
to be thee.

The county runs utility
lines through this area.

Land's not good for much,
that's why they put

government warehouses
out here.

Let us not talk of such
crass matters as commerce.

It is time
to celebrate.

Let the revels commence!

Come on, birthday boy.

The men here are
all pretending to be

knights and warriors,
while the women are pretending

to wash their clothes.

Even the fake past sucks.

Oh, it couldn't have
been all bad.

What about the age
of chivalry?

Make way, wench.

Seriously?
Would you...

All right, look... Hey,
hey, there's a blacksmith.

You like that kind
of thing. Come on.

Look at that.
The simplicity

of this time period
is so amazing.

Yeah, well, you know,
if they really wanted

to make this place authentic,

they would throw raw sewage
out in the street,

and give a few of
these people the plague.

They have authentic food.
They have big turkey legs

and roasted ears of corn.

Cheesy fries.
Well...

they could have had
cheesy French fries.

They had cheese,
they had potatoes,

they had France.

Actually,
the potato was brought

from Peru to Spain
by conquistadors.

This place is about fun.
It's not a history lesson.

Actually, this place
needs a history lesson,

starting with us-- it is silly
for you to be dressed

as Maid Marian
and me as Robin Hood

because not not only
were Robin and Marian

not figures of the Renaissance

but rather of the late
medieval period,

also, they were probably
not even real people at all.

(trumpet fanfare)

MAN:
Make way for the king.

WOMAN: My Lord.
MAN: Your Highness.

(horse neighing)

Clearly milady has chosen

to grace our fine
English Festival dressed

as a hero of yesteryear.

I, King Phillip,
hereby declare

her costume lacks
but one thing--

a rose.
(Paige gasps)

Which, alas, pales

beside such beauty
as your own.

Why, thank you, my liege.

Please, (chuckles)
call me king.

Actually, King Phillip
was Spanish,

and an enemy of England
during the Renaissance.

Therefore, would most
certainly not be presiding

over an English festival.

Enough. What is your problem?

The past is,
by definition, past.

Pretending to be
in it is silly.

Whatever. I'm going
to enjoy the festival

on my own.

Good morrow, my king.

Mmm. Milady.

(sighs)

A fool thinks himself
to be a wise man,

but a wise man knows himself
to be a fool.

(horse neighs)

King coming through!

HAPPY:
That is a caltrop.

Medieval anti-cavalry device.

It's like road strips cops use
to stop cars, but for horses.

It's horrible, but this guy's
technique is excellent.

Hey, she's taken.

He isn't flirting.

I'm dressed like an idiot.

Yeah, but you look amazing.

Really?
This outfit, too?

I'm an executioner.

What a way to go.

Okay.

Meet me at the hayloft

at Ye Old Livery Stable
in five minutes.

I want to see
this guy finish.

As you wish.

You, me lady, shall
experience pleasures

the likes of
which no man...

Don't ruin it.

Copy that.

Thank you.

Oh, Toby, can I talk
to you for a moment?

Yeah, you couldn't
have picked a worse time.

No.

It's driving me nuts that
Walter can't just relax

and enjoy this place, and if
not for Sly, then for me.

- Yeah, well, Walter's Walter. I got to go.
- No, please, Toby.

It's like, it's
like every week

I'm giving him
boyfriend lessons.

I-I knew it would be
hard, but this hard?

(scoffs)
You and Happy

had problems but at your cores
you're alike.

And... (sighs)
I don't know,

we're just-- we're such
different people.

Yeah. Well, um,

you know,
Happy and I are, uh,

we're like, uh,
double chocolate,

which-which is an
amazing flavor,

but, um, so is chocolate
and peanut butter.

You just got to give it
some time. Y-You know,

it took Happy and me a long time
to be on the same page.

Look at us now.

We're gonna
get it on in a hayloft.

Ooh, I'm happy to hear
the effort

to bring us a Scorpion baby
continues apace.

Pardon the interruption,
kind sir,

but if a child
is thine heart's desire,

what wouldest thou say

to this magical
pregnancy amulet?

Anne Boleyn was wearing one

when she conceived
Queen Elizabeth.

Oh, yes, what wouldest
thou say?

I'd say that story
and thine amulet

are pure skimble-skamble.

Huh.

Hey, look, Sly.

It's your nerd buddies
from the Warlock's Chest.

Yeah, they play
Renaissance Festivals

as the "Lord of the Sings."

(gasps)
They got Nightingale.

He's a gamer.

He usually frolics in Riverside,
but sometimes he jams with them

because he's got
the voice of a...

A meadowlark?

No, of a nightingale.

A hale and hearty
Happy Birthday to thee,

Sylvester the Conquestor.

SYLVESTER:
Ah, dear Kaldor,

today, I am disguised

as astronomer Galileo Galilei.

And hail to thee as well,
Magnus Gallo.

"Magnus"?

Don't ask.

Kaldor. Others.

Sweet Lord Rayne costume,
Magnus.

Are you a Bladie, too?

Come again?

Chair of Blades.

You're dressed
as one of the characters

from Chair of Blades.

It's one of the most popular
TV shows out there.

It's about a group of warriors

who vie for the right

to sit upon a chair of blades.

That sounds uncomfortable.

Sounds stupid.

NIGHTINGALE:
Okay, guys.

Let us jam.

♪ Being a maiden ♪

♪ Is pretty rough ♪

♪ Ten hours you work the field ♪

♪ And somehow,
it's still not enough ♪

♪ I want no other ♪

♪ To churn my butter ♪

♪ And I'm just here ♪

♪ So I can say ♪

♪ Please let this knight ♪

♪ Break up your day ♪

You got to be kidding me.
♪ Please let this knight ♪

♪ Break up your day. ♪

Sword in the Stone.

I want to be king.

(grunting)

(crowd moaning)

Thank you. All right.

(clears throat)

Sword of Arthur,
from this stone,

I thee yank!

You're never gonna do it.

Let the kid play.

Yeah. Come on,
let him play.

Come on, Sly.

(trumpet blows)

Royalty passing through.

Oh.
Zounds.

It is King Phillip.

KING PHILLIP:
Yes.

Oh, stop it.

Keep going.

Arise, peasant.

And behold.

(shouts)

'Tis nothing
for the one true king!

(cheering, applause)

ALL:
Huzzah!

What says thou?
Huzzah!

Huzzah!
Huzzah!

Hmm.

Wouldest thou care
for a try, Robin of the Hood?

- Oh, I'm happy to.
- Mm.

Just give me the remote.

(laughing):
What meanest thou?

I meanest the device
in your left hand

that kills the electromagnet
holding the sword.

That's the
biggest sham over here.

So your stores
have credit cards,

the band has microphones,

and you have an electromagnet.

There was no electricity
in the Renaissance.

(man grunting)

(electricity sparking)
(people exclaiming)

(horse neighing)
What happened?

WALTER: Oh, the transformer
that didn't exist

during the Renaissance
just blew up.

Well, I guess
we should just go home.

It's Sly's birthday.

Fix it.

What happened? Overheating?

TOBY: No. I didn't
get a chance to.

The electricity went out,
and we had to stop, and...

Oh. Oh, the transformer.

That wasn't an overload.
It was sabotage.

Piece of metal was jammed
into the works.

Blew the substation.
Power must be out for miles.

Who'd sabotage a
Renaissance Festival?

Probably someone with a sense
of historical accuracy.

Shut up, listen.

(motorcycle engine revving)

Sly, give me your telescope.

What are you looking at?

Biker down there,

wearing the same
stupid clothes as us.

You think he disguised himself
so he could come here

and blow the transformer?

And kill power to the security
at the LAPD evidence warehouse.

Oh, man.

They're gonna rob the place.

♪ Scorpion 4x08 ♪
Faire Is Foul
Original Air Date on November 13, 2017

== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man

(birds chirping)

Yep. They are definitely
robbing the evidence warehouse.

Bandits?

Are you certain?

I'm calling 911.

WALTER: Yeah, one of the bikers
is dressed in Festival garb.

I'm guessing Medieval Knievel
disguised himself

so he could stroll right in here
without being noticed.

And destroy the substation
transformer,

knocking out the alarms, doors
and electric fence

at the evidence warehouse.

My cell's dead.

Mine, too.

Oh, when that transformer blew,

it must have sent
an electromagnetic pulse

through the festival grounds.

Computer chips are toast.

Surge must've fried the nearest
cell phone tower, too.

Well, it might as well
really be in the 16th century.

Is there a landline
at the office?

What meanest thou
by "landline"?

Oh, dude, seriously?

Verily. There is a "landline."

But, alas, the phone
is without cord.

A cordless phone. That
means we can't dial out

until we restore power.

Can we restore power?

Well, with the crap around here
to work with? Unknown.

When they destroyed the
substation, it must have cut off

electricity to homes,

hospitals, uh, businesses,
traffic lights.

It's rush hour soon.

It's gonna be Carmageddon
out there.

So you're saying
things are gonna get worse?

(gunshots in distance)

CABE:
Things already got worse.

They shot the guard.

He's not moving.

Oh, that doesn't look good.

Oh, hang on. That man's alive.

All right. Walter and
Toby, you're with me.

Paige, see if this place
has ye olde first aid kit.

We're gonna need it
when we get back.

On it.

Okay. Sly, Happy,
go fix the electricity,

see if we can call for help.

Copy that.

How are you gonna get
all the way down there?

CABE:
We can't drive,

'cause we parked a mile away.

CABE:
King.

Go back to the festival,

tell everybody
to get the hell out of here.

You're gonna have
to do it on foot,

because I'm gonna
commandeer your horse.

Don't worry, buddy.
We're gonna help you.

(clattering)

Bikers are ripping that place
apart looking for something.

The evidence manifest
is computerized,

so they can't
check it.

It's gonna take them a while
to find what they want.

Hey, are there
any other cops in there?

(breathlessly):
No.

Okay. You two,
get him to the cart.

I'll make sure
they can't follow us.

Okay. Go, go, go, go. Go.

(exhales)

Okay.

(grunts)

Defibrillator. (gasps)
First aid kit.

What's the verdict?

It's a melted mess in there,

but if we can make a new coil,

I think I can get this thing
running again.

How do we do that?

We have to create a ferromagnet.

In English.

We need iron bars
and copper wire.

Oh, the jewelry booth
uses copper wire.

And the blacksmith
has plenty of iron.

Sly, give me a hand. Let's go.

Okay, uh, you put on some gloves
and I'll get you some tongs.

HAPPY:
Okay, Thor, hammer away.

(shouts)

(quietly):
Why didn't he slash the tires?

They're Kevlar. You can't pop
them with a set of keys.

Can't be married to Happy Quinn
without learning

a thing or two
about motorcycles.

(grunts)

(quietly):
Let's go.

Hyah!
(horse neighs)

(hissing)

Uh, this'll do. Let's go.

Hey. I got the wire.
Okay, we've got

to step the current down
from 110K to 9K volts.

That means wrapping
the short ends

of this iron rectangle
with copper.

Has to have the right ratio
of turns. Sly, compute.

Right. Faraday's law.

Okay, primary coil needs
eleven hundred...

Okay, just do it.
I've got other work.

(horse neighs)

(horse snorts)

(horse neighs)

Whoa.

All right,
this guy's in bad shape!

We got to hurry!

Uh, heartbeat's irregular.
I got to get that bullet out.

Uh, I need tweezers,
forceps, something.

Will jewelry pliers work?

That's perfect.
Uh, now I need to sterilize.

Is there alcohol?

There's none
in the first aid kid.

How 'bout the finest rum?

That'll do!

CABE: Okay,
everyone, your help

is appreciated,

but we're dealing
with dangerous men.

And Phil here
should've already

told you to go home.

We can't.

With the traffic lights out
and half of L.A. blacked out,

the-the service roads to the
freeway are backed up forever!

Sorry, pal,

I know this doesn't tickle.
(grunts)

(shouting)
(groaning)

Walt, pour some
of that grog on the wound.

Yeah.

This is gonna sting-eth.
(groaning)

This is great.
I'm gonna throw up.

(panting)

You look funny.

Verily. How you feeling?!

Like I got shot.

(pants)

And woke up
in a Medieval Times restaurant.

Well, you ain't too far
from wrong.

Any idea what those
guys were after?

This.
(grunts)

Leader of the biker gang
killed a cop up in Sacramento.

This had the cop's blood on it.

And his.

Heard about that shooting.

Lawyer got a
change of venue,

so the trial's
gonna happen here.

Someone must've tipped
the gang

to where the evidence was.

Knew what they were after,
so I grabbed it.

If they destroy that evidence,
a cop killer walks.

Listen, promise,
no matter what happens to me,

you won't let them have this.

Hey, we promise.

(groaning)

(grunts, pants)
Okay, hey,

tell me what you're feeling!

(strained):
Pressure inside my chest.

Oh, Toby, he's turning gray.

Bullet must've nicked
the pericardial sac

around his heart. The bullet
was probably blocking the hole.

And when I took it out,
it started filling with blood

and putting pressure
on his heart.

So, uh, I need
a red-hot poker

to cauterize
the wound,

stop the bleeding
or he's gonna die.

Blacksmith's. On it.

CABE:
When those bikers

realize the evidence
they're looking for

isn't in that warehouse
and who took it...

(gulps)

I'm gonna go stand guard.

King, you're with me.

Let's go, Phil-boy,
move your knickers.

Hey, man. My name's Chad.

I sell Jacuzzis in the Valley.

I don't fight bikers.

I'm out of here.

Son of a blunderbuss.

He's abandoned us.
It's fine. I'll do it myself.

Poker.
Okay.

Here comes Renaissance
trauma care at its finest.

Walt, Paige,
I hate to ask.

Hey, man,

I'll see you when you wake up,

okay?

I'm really sorry about this.

(screaming)

All right.
He's passed out cold, but...

the bleeding stopped!
He should be fine.

Unless he isn't.

He's going into cardiac arrest.

You were supposed to fix
his heart!

All right, if we want
to keep him alive,

we got to find a way
to shock his pumper!

Uh, there's a defibrillator back
by the, um, transformer.

No, the battery'll be fried from the
transformer's electromagnetic shock.

Well, if the capacitor blew,
the computer components

were preserved.
I can build a new capacitor.

Still won't work
without batteries.

Great. We're stuck
in the 17th century,

and the only thing we need
to save this man is electricity!

Exactly.

This is why I hate
the Renaissance Festival.

Okay, I triaged this thing's
melted guts best I can.

Where's my ferromagnet?

Here it is. Done.

Happy, we need power.

Working on it.

Okay. Okay.

Aluminum foil and a glass bottle
with a cork.

And salt from
the Thanks for Mutton stand.

Okay, bottle, salt, water,
cork, aluminum foil.

Time to make a capacitor.
TOBY: Hurry up.

He's not doing well.
My arms feel like jelly.

All right, done.

Either it works
or it explodes.

The electricity
is back on.

Yeah, that means I'm not making
this capacitor for nothing.

Paige, can you, uh,
do me a favor and yank out

the old capacitor
from the defibrillator?

This thing here?
Yes.

SYLVESTER:
Power is holding.

Now, why don't you go down
to the office and call for help?

My pleasure.

Okay, thanks.

A Leyden jar capacitor.
Nice.

Yeah, it should store and
release enough electricity

to get the defibrillator
back and running again.

Okay, now all I need
is a nail. Oh. That hatpin.

I'll get some juice.

TOBY: All right,
he's running out of steam!

Wire it in.

It's working.

Happy, switch with me.

And... clear!

(defibrillator beeping)

Okay. He's okay.

(exhales)

(defibrillator flatlines)

(defibrillator beeping steadily)
Wait, what the hell?

No, no, no.
It's-it's okay. Look.

(defibrillator flatlines, beeps)
Uh, what's that all about, Doc?

His heart is being choked
by the pericardic blood.

The defib acts
like a pacemaker.

Sensing when his ticker stops,
then it hits reset

by automatically shocking it
back into the rhythm.

He needs to stay hooked up,

but he'll-he'll be okay
until an ambulance gets here.

SYLVESTER (panting):
Okay, well,

that's not gonna be
for a while because traffic

is still backed up
from the blown transformer

and emergency personnel
are spread thin.

Cops and ambulance won't be
here for another 30 minutes.

CABE: We don't
have 30 minutes.

The guys who shot the guard
are on their way here.

What?! Why?!

They can't find the evidence
they're looking for.

The guard they shot is missing

and there's cart tracks
leading back to here.

It's okay.
I locked up their bikes.

(gunshots)

That's the sound of people
shooting locks off of chains.

They'll have those bikes
hotwired in minutes.

All right. Let's grab
the guard and scram.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
And go where?

The-the parking lot
is a mile away

and the service road
is backed up to the 101.

Okay, so we camouflage ourselves
in a mass of hundreds of cars.

That's a no-go.

This man has to stay hooked up
to this defib or he dies.

CABE: Can't we hook
that machine up

to a car battery or something?

That's DC power.
The defib needs AC.

Well, what happens if we just,
uh, give them the evidence?

Besides letting
a murderer go free?

There's no guarantee that
they won't kill us anyway.

Be the smart play.
Leave no witnesses.

I have an idea how we can
protect the evidence

and stop the bikers,
but we're gonna need help,

all of your help.

Yeah, uh, I-I have
sciatica. So...

Giving you my hatpin
is one thing, but...

you're talking
about guys with guns.

Seriously?
None of you will help?

Uh...

Sylvester.

You got to convince
them to work with us.

You do it.
You're the military man.

Exactly why they
won't listen to me.

You speak nerd.

You saw what happens
when I try to speak

with something this big
on the line.

You saw me fail
in court today.

When Timan the Tailor

failed to convince the
vassals to donate crops

to the villagers,
did he give up?

Hell no. He rallied
the peasants

of Winterbourne.

I knew you loved
Chair of Blades.

Of course I do. Who wouldn't
love Chair of Blades?

It's about warriors
battling for the right

to sit on a
chair of blades.

What's more badass
than that?

Now, listen to me,

you're as much a leader
as Timan the Tailor.

It's in you.

Just find it.

Friends, Roman, countrymen,

lend me your ear.

Bullies call us nerds, geeks,

losers.
(crowd muttering assent)

The world shuns our kind.

We have just one safe place:
the Renaissance Festival.

And the Warlock's Chest.

Yes, and the Warlock's Chest.

And sci-fi conventions.

Okay, so we have
three safe places,

but only one of them
is being threatened today.

And we need all of your help
to protect it.

We play games in which
we pretend to be heroes.

But this is your chance

to actually be heroes.

For how can we ever hope

to live long and prosper

if we be cowards now?

So...

so, who will stand with me
against the invading horde

and say,
"You can take our lunch money,

but you will never take
our Renaissance Festival!"

CROWD:
Huzzah! Huzzah!

Huzzah! Huzzah!

(engines revving)
You hear that?

Motorcycle engines.
They're on their way.

Huzzah! Huzzah!

We're all gonna
die here, right?

Yeah, we're totally dead.

Huzzah!

Those bikers can't know that

we're trying to lure them
in or this won't work.

Show me your surprise face.

You surprised
or having a stroke?

All right, here
they come. Places!

Great.

Oh, my God.

Oh, boy.

(all yelling)

Now.

(grunts)

My ankle.

(panting)

Now, that's a surprised face.

(horse neighs)

Huh? (grunts)

(grunts)

(coughs)

Looks like you're going
to the stocks, jackass.

Oh, crap.

Come on, man, you're nothing
but a sitting duck out here.

Come on.
(metal clanging)

ALL:
Huzzah!

Cabe!

(gun clicks)
(gasps)

Drop it.
(defibrillator beeping)

Well, you're the boss.

No! No!

If somebody doesn't give
me that evidence bag,

I'm gonna kill him.

Don't do anything drastic.

Give me the shirt.

No.
I hid it

when you were fighting.
I won't tell you

where it is until
you let him go.

It's not happening.

I will kill him,

and I will kill all of you.

Oh, he's telling the truth.

Good.

'Cause in order
to save this cop's life,

first he has to die.

I'm pulling the
trigger on three.

(defibrillator flatlines,
shocks)

Happy, how much do you trust me?

More than I probably should.

One.

I need you to undo
everything that you did.

Destroy it all.

Oh, man.

I think I know
what you're planning.

Two.

What's he planning?

Something nuts.

Now!

(beeps) (grunts)
What the...?

See? I told you that sword
was held in with electricity.

TOBY: Well, speaking of which,
with no electricity,

we just killed this man.

What's the plan, Walt?

Uh, Paige, grab
that spinning wheel.

I'll set up the defibrillator!

SYLVESTER: You're gonna
wrap wool around the hat pin

on the capacitor you built.

And the spinning wheel
will move fast enough to create

a static charge capable

of firing
the defibrillator back up.

Which will fire
his heart back up.

(panting)
Okay.

TOBY: Walt, hurry up!
Yep.

Okay, Paige, start peddling.

Okay.

How much power does it make?

Uh, not a lot.
Ed Begley Jr. could barely

make his toast this way.

Well, let's just hope
it's enough to give him

a decent enough jolt
every 90 seconds or so,

or this guy's not gonna make it.

(beeps)
Ready for shock.

All right, hit him!

(steady beep, shocks)

(beeping)

It worked. Uh, he's-he's gonna
need another one soon,

so keep pumping,
Paige.

How long do I have
to keep this going?

Till an ambulance gets here.

We can all take turns.

Feel like your speech really
had an effect on them, kid.

Yeah, I-I...

I can't pedal on account
of my sciatica.

All except that one.
He's a real weenie.

(grunts)

(grunts)

King Phillip?

(grunts)

Were you hiding
in the manure bin?

Good day.

Speaking of weenies.

Just got off the phone
with a cop buddy of mine.

Guard's gonna be okay,
the bikers won't be.

Garage looks...

Looks like
The Hobbit threw up in it.

I was gonna say "perfect."

Next best thing to a birthday
at the Renaissance Festival.

Okay, Sly.

Your little friends are here.

Guys. Y-You came.

I thought you were staying
at the festival.

We would never miss
your birthday bacchanalia,

old friend.
(chuckles)

And besides, the festival's
closed until they fix the power.

Uh, it matters not why.

Just that
we are here.

Now slice the cake
with Raven's Beak,

let the Dr. Shazz
flow free,

for tonight, we dine in Hell!

ALL:
Huzzah!

You know, we never finished what
we started in that hay loft.

A Scorpion outing went sideways.

It happens. A lot.

Okay, well, I can't help notice
there's no pending disaster now.

Well, it depends on how
you define "disaster."

Sly's nerd friends
are preparing to do battle.

Careful. Don't get my eyes.
Ow.

See, that's all the more reason
why we need to get back to work

on Operation Baby Quintis
as soon as possible.

Well, it would be a shame to
waste these stupid costumes.

How about after the party,
we have a party of our own?

Don't have to ask me twice.

Speaking of stupid...

I know it's dumb,

but before we left
the festival, I bought this.

Um, it's supposed
to bring the wearer

good baby-making luck.

I don't believe it, but...

You figured,
"What could it hurt"?

Yeah.

Me, too.

(both shouting)

(strumming guitar)

♪ When I'm with you ♪

♪ It soothes my mind ♪

♪ And I feel fine ♪

♪ I feel fine ♪

♪ When you're with me ♪

♪ My mind can rest ♪

♪ My thoughts can nest ♪

♪ Thoughts can nest ♪

♪ You're the calm ♪

♪ I hold in my arms ♪

♪ The peace that I need ♪

♪ You so disarm. ♪

(strums guitar)

This is stupid.

PAIGE:
Walter?

Um...

Um...

Hey.

I just got back
from picking up Ralph.

He's downstairs, putting his
costume on for Sly's party.

I was gonna change back into
mine, if you want to join us.

Yeah, sure. I'll be down
in a minute.

Great.

You know, my...

my job with Scorpion
is to help you act more human

so you can function
better in the world,

but I don't want you to pretend

to be someone you're not
to be my boyfriend.

You know, like,
earlier today,

I saw a guy with a stupid crown,

and he was pretending
to be someone he's not.

And then, when push
came to shove, he ran away,

and he showed
his ugly true self.

He hid in feces.

Yes, he... he did.

My-my point is,

is that you are always
your true self, Walter,

and that person
is brave and good,

and I love that about you.

So I just wanted
you to know,

I love a lot about you, whether
you like silly festivals or not.

(chuckles softly)

(clears throat)

One thing that's for sure,
I am not a musician.

♪ Being a maiden... ♪

Grab me a beer, would you?

You're in a good mood.

Why wouldn't I be? I saw
what my counsel can really do

when the heat is on.

Well, the trust you placed in me

was what inspired me.

I promise you,

come heck or high water,

I will win your case.

I know that.

And don't worry.

I will never tell anyone
that you love Chair of Blades.

(chuckles)

Whoa. Cabe's a nerd.

I'm not a nerd.

I'm a Bladie.

And there's a difference.

And Magnus wants to party.

(laughing): All right.
(laughs)

♪ Come on ♪

♪ Churn my butter ♪

♪ Please let this knight
break up ♪

♪ Your day ♪

♪ Whoa, whoa, oh,
whoa, whoa, oh. ♪

== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man