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1
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- Synced & Corrected by Dragoniod -
www.addic7ed.com
2
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You bit your finger off?
What problem was that solving?
3
00:00:15,641 --> 00:00:17,017
Obviously, it was an accident.
4
00:00:17,184 --> 00:00:19,311
How do you accidentally
bite off an appendage?
5
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Because I was trying to keep
my shit together around Carl,
6
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who I didn't kill, by the way.
7
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No credit there. Fine.
8
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I was biting my nails.
Then all of a sudden, crunch.
9
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Jesus Christ.
10
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You're stress-eating yourself.
Did anyone see you?
11
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No. I ran to the bathroom
and wrapped it up.
12
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And by the time I got back,
the investor had left.
13
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It's a clean bite.
14
00:00:42,251 --> 00:00:44,670
- You think it can be reattached?
- I don't know.
15
00:00:44,753 --> 00:00:46,630
Maybe there's a way to stick it back on.
16
00:00:47,589 --> 00:00:50,509
Rubber band, extension cord...
chip clip?
17
00:00:50,926 --> 00:00:51,760
No.
18
00:00:51,843 --> 00:00:54,054
Billy Joel CD, Blockbuster card...
19
00:00:54,137 --> 00:00:56,348
hey, one of our stress balls.
Remember these?
20
00:00:56,431 --> 00:00:59,393
"You won't be stressed
when you work with the best."
21
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Well, I think I'm pretty
fucking stressed.
22
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Is this your toe?
23
00:01:06,483 --> 00:01:07,693
I didn't wanna throw it out.
24
00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:10,487
Well, it shouldn't be in the
junk drawer. It should be...
25
00:01:11,780 --> 00:01:14,157
Well, I guess we can put it back
in here for now.
26
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The only good thing
was Carl screwed up his pitch so badly,
27
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that the investor wants to hear my idea.
28
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So you and I are gonna go
present it to him tomorrow.
29
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No. You can't be around Carl.
You're chewing off pieces of yourself.
30
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Carl won't be there.
He was so humiliated
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that he claimed he'll be busy
golfing with all the living presidents.
32
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You could see on his face
he knew he overreached.
33
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Carl may not be at that meeting, but
34
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there'll be a hundred more meetings.
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By the time we finish this project,
you'll just be a mouth on a chair.
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Jesus, Joel.
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A mouth I would still
proudly call my wife.
38
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Well, I'm not giving up on this project.
39
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I don't want to stop living
just because I'm undead!
40
00:01:55,449 --> 00:01:56,491
- Shit!
- Shit!
41
00:01:57,242 --> 00:01:58,702
Did you see where it went?
42
00:02:01,163 --> 00:02:03,498
- Oh, my God.
- Did you find it?
43
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Abby's pacifier.
44
00:02:05,584 --> 00:02:09,755
- Oh, my God, her "mi-mi."
- I know. So fast.
45
00:02:11,173 --> 00:02:12,049
- Shit!
- Shit!
46
00:02:15,427 --> 00:02:18,221
I got your text that it was the clams.
That's great news.
47
00:02:18,305 --> 00:02:20,182
I've already started researching
where Japopo's gets them.
48
00:02:20,265 --> 00:02:21,308
Now's not a good time.
49
00:02:22,517 --> 00:02:25,729
Real quick. Couldn't find their
supplier online, but I have a plan.
50
00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:29,441
Tomorrow, we go to Japopo's
posing as a father-son seafood company.
51
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We're business partners,
we're friends, we're family.
52
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My wife lost her finger.
53
00:02:34,112 --> 00:02:37,157
Like in a crab trap?
Probably hard to work that in,
54
00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:39,159
but it's great that you're already
thinking about backstory.
55
00:02:39,326 --> 00:02:40,369
Found it!
56
00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:42,954
And we've got ants.
57
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Just get inside.
58
00:02:54,674 --> 00:02:56,301
Do you think we can fix it?
59
00:02:56,676 --> 00:02:58,678
Yeah, because my toe
would never stay on.
60
00:02:58,762 --> 00:03:01,056
Well, your toe rotted off,
so it was dead-dead.
61
00:03:01,139 --> 00:03:03,558
But your finger was severed,
so it's more living-dead,
62
00:03:03,642 --> 00:03:07,187
which means if we set it, there's a
chance it can go back to normal.
63
00:03:07,270 --> 00:03:08,188
What if it doesn't?
64
00:03:08,271 --> 00:03:10,148
I guess you could say
you had an accident.
65
00:03:10,232 --> 00:03:12,609
Joel and I were thinking crab trap.
Right, "Dad"?
66
00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:15,821
We're not posing
as father-son seafood distributors.
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00:03:15,904 --> 00:03:17,260
The guy at Japopo's already thinks I'm
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making a documentary about tipping.
69
00:03:18,949 --> 00:03:21,118
Don't get me wrong, there's a story
to be told there,
70
00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:23,328
but my plate is way too full.
71
00:03:23,829 --> 00:03:25,580
Sure, I get it.
72
00:03:26,790 --> 00:03:28,333
Ain't no thang, you know.
73
00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:30,794
Okay, try it now.
74
00:03:35,841 --> 00:03:36,842
Whoa.
75
00:03:36,925 --> 00:03:39,928
I can lose parts and reattach them.
76
00:03:40,262 --> 00:03:41,471
I'm like a snowman.
77
00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:43,849
Our lives just keep
getting better and better.
78
00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:46,518
I'd go easy on it for a few days.
79
00:03:47,185 --> 00:03:49,730
Months? Seconds? I don't know.
80
00:03:49,813 --> 00:03:52,524
But definitely do keep it dry. Or moist?
81
00:03:53,442 --> 00:03:55,610
So, this was a reaction to your boss?
82
00:03:55,694 --> 00:03:58,238
Yeah, he was being
a condescending prick again.
83
00:03:58,321 --> 00:04:00,198
You should send Abby over there
with a lunch tray.
84
00:04:00,282 --> 00:04:02,200
She'll straighten him out.
85
00:04:03,702 --> 00:04:05,203
- What do you mean?
- Yeah. What do you mean?
86
00:04:05,287 --> 00:04:07,372
- The tray thing.
- What tray thing?
87
00:04:07,456 --> 00:04:08,582
What tray thing?
88
00:04:11,334 --> 00:04:14,171
I can't believe Abby smashed a boy
in the face with a tray.
89
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:16,339
God, we have so much going on.
When does it end?
90
00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:18,175
We do have a lot of balls in the air.
91
00:04:18,467 --> 00:04:21,970
How do jugglers do it?
They keep five things going at once.
92
00:04:22,053 --> 00:04:24,556
And dangerous things...
chainsaws, knives.
93
00:04:24,639 --> 00:04:27,601
I once saw a juggler
juggle a smaller juggler.
94
00:04:28,185 --> 00:04:29,102
How is that dangerous?
95
00:04:29,186 --> 00:04:31,229
He was juggling
the smaller guy against his will.
96
00:04:31,521 --> 00:04:32,397
Oh.
97
00:04:32,481 --> 00:04:34,566
Was that part of the act or something
that just happened?
98
00:04:34,649 --> 00:04:36,530
I didn't see the start of it. The point
99
00:04:36,537 --> 00:04:38,659
is juggling a lot of things is hard,
100
00:04:38,737 --> 00:04:41,156
especially if some of those things
don't want to be there.
101
00:04:46,369 --> 00:04:47,829
So, what's the plan?
102
00:04:47,913 --> 00:04:50,207
We have all the information,
but she doesn't know that.
103
00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:53,001
- So for once, we're one step ahead.
- Finally!
104
00:04:53,084 --> 00:04:55,337
I say we go in, ask her about school,
105
00:04:55,420 --> 00:04:57,756
and give her the chance
to talk about the tray thing.
106
00:04:57,839 --> 00:04:58,965
- Smart.
- Yes.
107
00:04:59,049 --> 00:05:00,050
I can hear you.
108
00:05:01,343 --> 00:05:02,344
- Shit.
- Fuck.
109
00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:05,722
Abby, are you in there?
110
00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:08,141
If so, your mother and I
would like to talk to you.
111
00:05:08,225 --> 00:05:10,435
Oh, my God. Come in.
112
00:05:13,063 --> 00:05:14,272
- Hey!
- Hi!
113
00:05:14,356 --> 00:05:18,360
Guys, I have some unprompted honesty
I'd love to share with you.
114
00:05:18,443 --> 00:05:19,986
I hit someone with a tray.
115
00:05:20,612 --> 00:05:22,614
Well, now we know.
116
00:05:22,697 --> 00:05:24,491
What we don't know
is what you were thinking.
117
00:05:24,699 --> 00:05:27,494
He was being a dick
to his ex-girlfriend online.
118
00:05:27,577 --> 00:05:29,329
Well, people can be jerks, Abby.
119
00:05:29,412 --> 00:05:30,762
But unless they come at you with a
120
00:05:30,769 --> 00:05:32,713
knife, you can't attack them like that.
121
00:05:33,250 --> 00:05:34,876
Mom, you kill and eat people.
122
00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:37,170
I kill and eat people because I have to.
123
00:05:37,254 --> 00:05:39,422
I hit him with a tray because I had to.
124
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:42,801
Your mother has a medical condition.
That comparison is offensive.
125
00:05:43,426 --> 00:05:44,761
- Right?
- Right.
126
00:05:44,844 --> 00:05:47,889
I'm just worried about your future.
You could get expelled.
127
00:05:47,973 --> 00:05:49,307
I'm not getting expelled.
128
00:05:49,391 --> 00:05:51,351
Principal Novak
couldn't get anyone to talk.
129
00:05:51,434 --> 00:05:54,646
No loose ends. I learned that from you.
Mostly from your mistakes.
130
00:05:55,730 --> 00:05:57,357
Yes, we're not good at murder.
131
00:05:57,440 --> 00:05:59,568
I happen to believe
that's a positive quality.
132
00:05:59,651 --> 00:06:01,618
And what I find most upsetting is that
133
00:06:01,625 --> 00:06:03,953
you don't seem to have any remorse.
134
00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:06,366
- I don't.
- None?
135
00:06:07,867 --> 00:06:09,976
Do you want me to lie and say that I do?
136
00:06:09,983 --> 00:06:10,960
Of course not.
137
00:06:11,830 --> 00:06:12,747
Right?
138
00:06:15,041 --> 00:06:18,211
What's happening to her?
Are we raising a monster?
139
00:06:18,295 --> 00:06:21,715
I don't know.
She's seen so much crazy stuff lately.
140
00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:24,843
I shouldn't have ripped apart
that Serbian guy in front of her.
141
00:06:24,926 --> 00:06:27,304
Looking back,
I might've handled that differently.
142
00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:31,891
I killed her best friend's stepdad
and put his body in our bathtub.
143
00:06:31,975 --> 00:06:33,852
That's not a story I'm gonna tell
at her wedding.
144
00:06:33,935 --> 00:06:38,523
- Oh, no. My finger's oozing again.
- Oh, Jesus.
145
00:06:39,858 --> 00:06:43,612
Are we kidding ourselves? What if
we can't keep all these balls up?
146
00:06:43,695 --> 00:06:44,571
We have to.
147
00:06:44,654 --> 00:06:46,323
It's so overwhelming.
148
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:50,201
Abby, stopping a clam plague,
and now work's gotten weird.
149
00:06:50,285 --> 00:06:51,974
Our new sheriff neighbor is looking into
150
00:06:51,981 --> 00:06:53,711
the murder of our old sheriff neighbor.
151
00:06:54,372 --> 00:06:55,999
I just wish you could eat chicken.
152
00:06:56,291 --> 00:07:00,170
All right, our first priority
is getting Abby back on track.
153
00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:03,173
So tomorrow,
we take her to see that boy she hit
154
00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:05,717
- and we make her apologize.
- Good idea.
155
00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:08,970
As the great juggler
Francisco Garibaldi once said,
156
00:07:09,054 --> 00:07:11,556
"When there's fear in your heart
and knives in the air,
157
00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:14,935
the wise juggler focuses on
but a single blade."
158
00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:17,938
What's with you and the juggling?
159
00:07:18,021 --> 00:07:21,066
I saw a cool documentary about a
juggler. You should watch it.
160
00:07:21,149 --> 00:07:23,568
- I'm not going to watch it.
- It has a great twist.
161
00:07:24,653 --> 00:07:25,528
Tell me about it.
162
00:07:26,696 --> 00:07:28,644
He had four wives and 18 children, and
163
00:07:28,651 --> 00:07:30,957
none of them knew about each other.
164
00:07:31,034 --> 00:07:33,370
He was juggling balls and families.
165
00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:38,291
Wow. That's crazy.
I would've liked to have watched that.
166
00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:40,210
You can still watch it.
167
00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:43,296
No. You ruined it.
168
00:07:56,017 --> 00:07:58,228
I can't believe you guys are actually
making me do this.
169
00:07:58,311 --> 00:07:59,729
You apologized to all your victims?
170
00:08:00,063 --> 00:08:01,606
Let's stop comparing our behaviors.
171
00:08:01,690 --> 00:08:03,084
Someday, if you have kids, and you get
172
00:08:03,091 --> 00:08:04,740
a virus, and start killing people,
173
00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:06,736
you'll appreciate how well
your mother and I are doing.
174
00:08:06,945 --> 00:08:09,030
It's true.
And then you're gonna call and be like,
175
00:08:09,114 --> 00:08:12,701
"Mom, oh, my God, this is so hard."
And I'll say, "Mm-hmm."
176
00:08:13,118 --> 00:08:14,577
We know over the last few weeks,
177
00:08:14,661 --> 00:08:17,122
we haven't been as focused
on parenting as we should have.
178
00:08:17,205 --> 00:08:18,999
But starting now,
we're gonna be more hands-on.
179
00:08:19,082 --> 00:08:21,084
And lesson number one is
when you hurt somebody...
180
00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:23,086
- Like by killing them?
- No. This is about you.
181
00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:25,005
When you do something wrong,
you take responsibility.
182
00:08:25,088 --> 00:08:27,382
By turning yourself into the police?
183
00:08:27,465 --> 00:08:29,592
No, still on you. You apologize.
184
00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:32,387
- To the loved ones you've left behind?
- I'm done. Your turn.
185
00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:34,681
Apologize or you're not getting
your iPad back.
186
00:08:35,557 --> 00:08:38,226
So blackmailing me into saying something
I don't believe
187
00:08:38,309 --> 00:08:39,519
is your idea of good parenting?
188
00:08:39,728 --> 00:08:41,563
So, you admit it is parenting.
189
00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:46,026
Fine. Let's get this over with.
190
00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:50,822
Impressive house. Great curb appeal.
191
00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:53,575
Yeah. If this goes well,
maybe we can leave our card.
192
00:08:57,203 --> 00:09:01,374
Hello. We're... Joel and Sheila Hammond.
193
00:09:01,458 --> 00:09:03,360
I'm not used to using our actual names.
194
00:09:03,367 --> 00:09:04,175
Yeah, weird.
195
00:09:04,252 --> 00:09:05,920
And I believe you know
our daughter Abby.
196
00:09:07,922 --> 00:09:08,965
I've seen her.
197
00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:12,302
She came here today to apologize.
Isn't that right, Abby?
198
00:09:14,471 --> 00:09:17,390
- That's correct.
- Sounds like you don't really want to.
199
00:09:18,308 --> 00:09:19,142
Nope.
200
00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:22,020
Tight. Come on in.
201
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:23,313
Lovely home.
202
00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:25,440
And we should know because we sell
a lot of homes.
203
00:09:25,523 --> 00:09:27,400
High-end homes like this one.
204
00:09:27,484 --> 00:09:29,194
Oh, my God.
205
00:09:33,948 --> 00:09:38,244
Hello. I'm one half of a father-son
seafood distribution company.
206
00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:40,163
I'm the son.
207
00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:43,833
Anyway, my dad can't be here.
208
00:09:44,626 --> 00:09:47,212
Well, not that he's an absent father.
Far from it.
209
00:09:47,295 --> 00:09:50,256
We do a lot of things together...
tennis, word puzzles.
210
00:09:50,340 --> 00:09:53,301
Sometimes we just sit quietly
side by side, and that's all right, too.
211
00:09:53,510 --> 00:09:54,427
What do you want?
212
00:09:54,511 --> 00:09:57,097
Right, we want to be
your new seafood distributor.
213
00:09:57,180 --> 00:10:00,642
We could do it on a trial basis.
Maybe start with clams.
214
00:10:00,725 --> 00:10:01,893
Who sells you your clams?
215
00:10:02,352 --> 00:10:03,520
We don't serve a lot of clams.
216
00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:06,022
Maybe because you are swimming
with the wrong clammers.
217
00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:07,899
What'd you say your clam guy's name was?
218
00:10:07,982 --> 00:10:09,400
Why do you keep bringing up clams?
219
00:10:09,692 --> 00:10:12,904
Am I? Because you're the one
who brought it up last.
220
00:10:13,571 --> 00:10:16,449
Listen, I'm not sure what's going
on here, but you should go.
221
00:10:16,533 --> 00:10:19,160
Understood. My father and I respect
your decision to stay with...
222
00:10:19,244 --> 00:10:21,287
who did you say your clam guy was?
223
00:10:21,371 --> 00:10:22,872
- Get out.
- Very good.
224
00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:36,970
Dare I?
225
00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:45,103
That corn dog smells really great.
226
00:10:45,186 --> 00:10:46,104
It's the last one.
227
00:10:46,187 --> 00:10:47,438
Fair enough.
228
00:10:47,522 --> 00:10:50,775
So, what Abby came to say was...
229
00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:54,195
Christian, I really am sorry...
230
00:10:55,405 --> 00:10:58,158
that something went so wrong
in your early relationships with women
231
00:10:58,241 --> 00:11:00,577
that you ended up being
such an irredeemable douchebag.
232
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:01,171
Abby.
233
00:11:01,178 --> 00:11:02,710
I've decided I don't need my iPad back.
234
00:11:02,787 --> 00:11:03,872
Phones have gotten big enough.
235
00:11:04,122 --> 00:11:08,459
If my relationships are so messed up,
then why did I have sex at age 13?
236
00:11:09,377 --> 00:11:10,211
Boom.
237
00:11:11,754 --> 00:11:14,591
Whoa. Buddy, there's a lot
to unpack there.
238
00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:16,964
Guys, let's stop with
all the name-calling
239
00:11:16,971 --> 00:11:19,101
and the unsettling sexual revelations
240
00:11:19,178 --> 00:11:22,765
and just get back to why we're here.
And, please, let's keep it civil.
241
00:11:22,849 --> 00:11:25,184
Ding-dong, we're home.
242
00:11:25,435 --> 00:11:26,352
Fuck me.
243
00:11:27,896 --> 00:11:31,399
- You two.
- Chris? Christa?
244
00:11:31,482 --> 00:11:32,984
Christian is your son?
245
00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:35,570
Oh, I see what you've done there. Wow.
246
00:11:35,904 --> 00:11:37,155
What are you doing in our house?
247
00:11:37,238 --> 00:11:40,158
Our daughter felt great remorse
for hitting your son with a tray
248
00:11:40,241 --> 00:11:41,576
and came to apologize.
249
00:11:41,784 --> 00:11:44,662
- She hit our son with a tray?
- Only in the face.
250
00:11:44,746 --> 00:11:46,039
I'm Abby.
251
00:11:46,122 --> 00:11:48,499
If you guys want to sell your home,
these two are the best.
252
00:11:48,583 --> 00:11:52,921
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Are you okay? Did she hurt you?
253
00:11:53,004 --> 00:11:55,131
- Mom, I'm fine.
- You didn't know?
254
00:11:55,214 --> 00:11:58,092
Mom, Dr. Fineman says
you shouldn't squeeze my face anymore
255
00:11:58,176 --> 00:11:59,302
without my permission.
256
00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:01,721
- Dad!
- He did say that, sweetie.
257
00:12:01,804 --> 00:12:04,223
Well, sounds like we've triggered
a healthy discussion,
258
00:12:04,307 --> 00:12:05,350
so we're gonna scoot.
259
00:12:05,433 --> 00:12:09,187
- Why didn't the school call us?
- Because there wasn't any proof.
260
00:12:09,270 --> 00:12:11,064
But as proactive parents,
we felt compelled
261
00:12:11,147 --> 00:12:12,440
to have our daughter come and apologize,
262
00:12:12,523 --> 00:12:14,025
which I think we can all agree
has been done.
263
00:12:14,108 --> 00:12:16,235
Well, now there is proof, isn't there?
264
00:12:16,611 --> 00:12:18,947
I'm not following, and we have to scoot.
265
00:12:19,155 --> 00:12:22,116
You just admitted it.
Your daughter assaulted our son.
266
00:12:22,241 --> 00:12:25,453
And we're going to notify Principal
Novak and have her expelled.
267
00:12:25,536 --> 00:12:27,163
Oh, this is delicious.
268
00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:31,459
You two came over here and told us
something we never would have known.
269
00:12:31,542 --> 00:12:34,295
And now we're going to strap it on
and fuck you with it.
270
00:12:34,462 --> 00:12:35,421
Go, Mom!
271
00:12:35,505 --> 00:12:38,299
Your daughter
is not going to graduate high school,
272
00:12:38,383 --> 00:12:40,426
which is ironic
because you two are the idiots.
273
00:12:40,510 --> 00:12:44,555
How would you like it if I put my foot
so far up your perfect little ass,
274
00:12:44,639 --> 00:12:47,392
you won't find it again until
you shit it out on Christmas morning?
275
00:12:48,267 --> 00:12:49,477
Go, Mom!
276
00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:52,021
Honey, remember why we're here...
trying to keep Abby on the right path.
277
00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:54,983
Let's not touch anyone in a way
Dr. Fineman wouldn't approve of.
278
00:12:55,358 --> 00:12:56,776
Sheila, what is your safe word?
279
00:12:56,859 --> 00:12:59,487
Because I want to know what to ignore
when I'm making you my bitch.
280
00:12:59,570 --> 00:13:02,615
You're just lucky that I'm here
to set an example for my daughter
281
00:13:02,699 --> 00:13:05,368
because otherwise,
I would literally turn you inside out.
282
00:13:05,660 --> 00:13:09,455
Look, let's take a breath.
We're all "realators" here.
283
00:13:09,539 --> 00:13:15,086
Actually, we're "realtors."
We don't know what a "real-ator" is.
284
00:13:15,169 --> 00:13:17,005
You know what, Chris? Fuck you.
285
00:13:17,255 --> 00:13:18,089
How about this?
286
00:13:18,172 --> 00:13:21,843
We won't tell Principal Novak
what Abby did and get her expelled
287
00:13:21,926 --> 00:13:24,762
if you give us the listing
you stole from us with that dog stunt.
288
00:13:24,846 --> 00:13:27,181
You are never gonna get that listing.
289
00:13:27,265 --> 00:13:29,058
And we didn't steal it. We won it.
290
00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:32,228
In high school,
your dad drove drunk and flipped a car.
291
00:13:32,770 --> 00:13:34,856
You have until 5:00 tonight to decide.
292
00:13:34,939 --> 00:13:36,774
That is our best and final offer.
293
00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:39,814
Oh, that's an expression "realtors" use,
294
00:13:39,821 --> 00:13:42,036
so you may not be familiar with it.
295
00:13:42,613 --> 00:13:45,533
Christian, did you know that your mom
sold me a Quaalude once?
296
00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:48,273
Well, I think this has shown us why
297
00:13:48,280 --> 00:13:50,377
everyone here has such fucked-up kids.
298
00:13:50,872 --> 00:13:51,914
Shall we scoot?
299
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:56,044
I hate these people. They're so mean.
300
00:13:56,127 --> 00:13:58,588
And this house.
A mudroom in Santa Clarita?
301
00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:01,799
- It rains twice a year. Fools.
- We cannot let them win this.
302
00:14:01,883 --> 00:14:03,718
Grace Tinsler got expelled,
and now she's homeschooled
303
00:14:03,801 --> 00:14:05,428
and has 200,000 YouTube followers.
304
00:14:05,511 --> 00:14:07,805
And all she does is whisper ingredients
from cereal boxes.
305
00:14:07,889 --> 00:14:11,726
You're not getting expelled. And
you're not... what'd you say she does?
306
00:14:11,809 --> 00:14:14,103
She whispers ingredients into a camera.
307
00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:17,857
It's a non-sexual fetish thing.
It pays her parents' mortgage.
308
00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:20,401
If it pays her parents' mortgage,
it's a sex thing.
309
00:14:20,485 --> 00:14:21,778
Maybe we should give them the listing.
310
00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:23,696
No. We can't lose that commission.
311
00:14:23,780 --> 00:14:25,573
And even if we give them what they want,
312
00:14:25,656 --> 00:14:27,867
what's to keep them
from blackmailing us again?
313
00:14:27,950 --> 00:14:29,118
They may want our next listing.
314
00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:31,412
And then the one after that.
And then they'll own us.
315
00:14:31,496 --> 00:14:35,249
That's true. Like Dan. Maybe even worse.
He wanted us to kill for him.
316
00:14:35,333 --> 00:14:38,961
But to his credit, he never spoke
so explicitly about our bodies.
317
00:14:39,045 --> 00:14:41,005
Yeah, these people really belong
in a bigger city.
318
00:14:41,089 --> 00:14:42,812
Okay, we need to get ahead of this.
319
00:14:42,819 --> 00:14:45,182
We need to get to Novak before they do.
320
00:14:45,259 --> 00:14:47,678
And then Abby can apologize
and show some remorse.
321
00:14:47,762 --> 00:14:48,679
I'm not sorry.
322
00:14:48,763 --> 00:14:50,223
Show some remorse, all right?
323
00:14:50,306 --> 00:14:52,683
You might get a slap on the wrist
and not expelled.
324
00:14:52,767 --> 00:14:55,603
It's what people do when they plead
guilty to get a lesser sentence.
325
00:14:55,686 --> 00:14:58,773
Murderers do it all the time.
I've been looking into it.
326
00:14:58,856 --> 00:15:01,442
I don't think it's a great idea
to just show up at his house.
327
00:15:01,526 --> 00:15:02,652
The last time we dropped by,
328
00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:04,487
we trashed it and assaulted
his grandmother.
329
00:15:04,570 --> 00:15:05,488
He might remember that.
330
00:15:05,822 --> 00:15:07,782
- You have a better idea?
- Yeah.
331
00:15:08,324 --> 00:15:10,451
Oh, better? No.
332
00:15:33,975 --> 00:15:35,893
Hey! What the hell are you doing?
333
00:15:37,353 --> 00:15:38,813
This isn't the bathroom.
334
00:15:46,028 --> 00:15:49,031
Novak better get home soon. We have
that investor meeting in an hour.
335
00:15:49,115 --> 00:15:51,033
Investor meeting. Sounds important.
336
00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:53,119
Plus, it's 140 degrees in here,
337
00:15:53,202 --> 00:15:55,788
so let's bail and get food.
338
00:15:55,872 --> 00:15:56,998
Maybe a corn dog.
339
00:15:57,582 --> 00:15:59,917
That moment's passed. Now I want sweets.
340
00:16:00,001 --> 00:16:02,295
No, we are staying here
until he gets home
341
00:16:02,378 --> 00:16:04,464
and you can say you're sorry
for what you did.
342
00:16:04,547 --> 00:16:06,132
- I'm not sorry.
- We don't care.
343
00:16:06,215 --> 00:16:07,467
You need to tell him that you are.
344
00:16:07,550 --> 00:16:09,343
Yeah, 'cause you don't want
Chris and Christa to win.
345
00:16:09,594 --> 00:16:10,803
Because we are overwhelmed
346
00:16:10,887 --> 00:16:13,681
and we don't know
if our family is going to make it!
347
00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:19,729
I'm sorry, but you always say
you want to be included in our world.
348
00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:21,105
That's our world.
349
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:23,733
It's been really hard lately, sweetie.
350
00:16:23,941 --> 00:16:26,444
Every day something new is thrown at us.
351
00:16:26,527 --> 00:16:28,279
Yesterday, I bit my finger off.
352
00:16:28,529 --> 00:16:29,363
What?
353
00:16:29,447 --> 00:16:31,824
It's okay, it's getting better.
I'm like a snowman.
354
00:16:32,617 --> 00:16:33,534
What?
355
00:16:33,618 --> 00:16:35,266
A year ago, losing a
finger would've been
356
00:16:35,273 --> 00:16:36,919
the headline of the
Christmas newsletter.
357
00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:39,123
Now it wouldn't even be
in the "This 'n' That" section.
358
00:16:39,207 --> 00:16:41,918
And you hit someone in the face
with a tray and might get expelled,
359
00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:44,504
so we feel like we're failing you
as parents.
360
00:16:47,757 --> 00:16:49,759
What do you mean we might not make it?
361
00:16:52,637 --> 00:16:56,098
Your mother and I will always
do everything to keep this family going.
362
00:16:56,182 --> 00:16:58,726
But right now,
we could really use your help.
363
00:17:07,443 --> 00:17:09,153
He's home.
364
00:17:12,448 --> 00:17:13,658
Principal Novak!
365
00:17:15,701 --> 00:17:17,119
Oh, God. It's all three of them.
366
00:17:17,203 --> 00:17:18,538
Ah!
367
00:17:24,794 --> 00:17:26,254
We just want to talk to you.
368
00:17:26,796 --> 00:17:28,506
Come on.
369
00:17:28,589 --> 00:17:31,050
Come on, come on, come on.
370
00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:32,969
What? What do you want from me?
371
00:17:33,261 --> 00:17:35,555
First of all, I hope you're okay.
372
00:17:35,638 --> 00:17:37,765
Second, thanks for not pressing charges
373
00:17:37,848 --> 00:17:40,142
after I broke some things
in your lovely home.
374
00:17:40,518 --> 00:17:43,521
I wanted to,
but my grandmother wouldn't allow it.
375
00:17:43,604 --> 00:17:46,190
It's her house,
so she always gets her way,
376
00:17:46,274 --> 00:17:48,943
right down to the flavor of sherbet
that I'm allowed to enjoy.
377
00:17:49,026 --> 00:17:50,486
Well, we're grateful either way.
378
00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:53,906
But the reason we're here is because
Abby has something to tell you.
379
00:17:53,990 --> 00:17:54,907
Right, Abby?
380
00:17:57,827 --> 00:18:00,830
- I did hit Christian with a tray.
- I knew it!
381
00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:04,792
I'm sorry for the trouble
I caused everyone.
382
00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:08,379
I didn't handle the situation
in the best way. It's just...
383
00:18:09,463 --> 00:18:11,070
when I saw Christian posting texts from
384
00:18:11,077 --> 00:18:12,889
Janie and how humiliated she felt,
385
00:18:12,967 --> 00:18:14,594
I snapped.
386
00:18:15,177 --> 00:18:16,387
I had to do something.
387
00:18:18,264 --> 00:18:19,807
I had to help her.
388
00:18:23,019 --> 00:18:24,437
Okay, that's nonsense
389
00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:26,981
because there were 200 other people
in that cafeteria,
390
00:18:27,064 --> 00:18:28,899
and none of them did what you did.
391
00:18:29,650 --> 00:18:33,029
No, they didn't. And I accept
full responsibility for my actions.
392
00:18:35,823 --> 00:18:36,741
Thank you.
393
00:18:37,575 --> 00:18:39,869
Coming forward was the right
and correct thing to do.
394
00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:43,289
- Now you are expelled.
- What?
395
00:18:43,372 --> 00:18:46,042
- Hold on.
- I think you missed the point.
396
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:48,919
- Our daughter...
- Is a hooligan, as you all are.
397
00:18:49,003 --> 00:18:51,088
And now she is expelled!
398
00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:53,466
And if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna go inside
399
00:18:53,549 --> 00:18:55,217
and I'm gonna have two scoops of sherbet
400
00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:58,095
because my grandmother is away,
hopefully failing her driver's test.
401
00:18:58,763 --> 00:18:59,805
Well, wait.
402
00:19:01,098 --> 00:19:02,516
- Wait!
- Leave me be!
403
00:19:06,395 --> 00:19:09,774
Sorry, team. I failed.
404
00:19:10,358 --> 00:19:13,653
- You didn't fail, honey.
- No. You did great.
405
00:19:13,736 --> 00:19:15,988
What are you talking about?
I got expelled.
406
00:19:16,572 --> 00:19:18,532
There were 200 kids in that cafeteria,
407
00:19:18,616 --> 00:19:22,787
and you were the only one that did
anything to help that poor girl.
408
00:19:22,870 --> 00:19:25,373
- Maybe it wasn't the best thing.
- Yeah, don't do that again.
409
00:19:25,456 --> 00:19:27,792
- But you did something.
- That's right.
410
00:19:29,210 --> 00:19:31,671
Maybe we're not raising a monster.
411
00:19:31,754 --> 00:19:33,756
Maybe we're raising a superhero.
412
00:19:34,799 --> 00:19:37,009
Wait, you thought I was a monster?
413
00:19:37,093 --> 00:19:38,511
Shh.
414
00:19:39,595 --> 00:19:40,429
Shit!
415
00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:41,347
Wow!
416
00:19:42,056 --> 00:19:43,808
Your finger's gone. Where'd it go?
417
00:19:44,058 --> 00:19:47,395
- I don't know. I had it in the car.
- Think it fell off in the yard?
418
00:19:51,565 --> 00:19:54,360
Now I'm guessing
Novak slammed it in the door.
419
00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:58,155
- Maybe we should go.
- I want my finger.
420
00:19:58,239 --> 00:20:01,909
I know, but it's gonna be so awkward.
We already said goodbye.
421
00:20:02,118 --> 00:20:03,619
Yeah. I want my finger.
422
00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:05,371
I know, I know. Damn it!
423
00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:07,039
Hold on.
424
00:20:09,333 --> 00:20:10,459
I have an idea.
425
00:20:16,882 --> 00:20:18,008
My finger!
426
00:20:19,260 --> 00:20:20,845
You cut off my wife's finger!
427
00:20:20,928 --> 00:20:23,139
This is an emergency!
There's no time to think!
428
00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:26,684
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!
- Oh, my God. I'm in so much pain!
429
00:20:26,767 --> 00:20:29,311
- Quickly, to the hospital.
- I'm so sorry! Please don't sue me!
430
00:20:31,939 --> 00:20:34,233
We won't if you don't expel Abby.
431
00:20:34,316 --> 00:20:35,825
Yes. Otherwise, you'll be hearing from
432
00:20:35,832 --> 00:20:37,617
the law offices of Martin L. Taylor.
433
00:20:37,695 --> 00:20:40,656
All right. All right.
Let's say three days of suspension.
434
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:42,324
We can live with that.
435
00:20:42,408 --> 00:20:44,994
- I'll get some ice for your finger.
- That's okay. This will work.
436
00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:47,455
My sherbet. My spoon.
437
00:20:51,375 --> 00:20:55,129
Suck it, Chris and Christa!
Our daughter's getting suspended.
438
00:20:55,212 --> 00:20:57,590
The Hammonds, taking a step forward!
439
00:20:57,673 --> 00:21:00,176
Abby, getting her iPad back!
440
00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:02,845
Eric, programming his picture
into my phone.
441
00:21:03,179 --> 00:21:04,805
Nobody wants that.
442
00:21:04,889 --> 00:21:05,723
Hey, buddy.
443
00:21:05,806 --> 00:21:06,932
I messed up, Joel.
444
00:21:07,016 --> 00:21:09,185
I went to Japopo's
to try to find the clam distributor
445
00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:11,729
and I snuck into the owner's office
and he saw me and got pissed.
446
00:21:11,812 --> 00:21:13,355
Now I'm locked in here
and I can't get out.
447
00:21:13,439 --> 00:21:15,399
- Why did you go there?
- Because you were busy.
448
00:21:15,483 --> 00:21:17,276
I wanted to help you.
I love being helpful.
449
00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:19,403
All right, I'll be right over.
450
00:21:19,487 --> 00:21:21,614
Please tell me that I don't have
to pretend we're partners
451
00:21:21,697 --> 00:21:23,532
in a father-son seafood business.
452
00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:26,869
Oh, Jesus.
453
00:21:28,037 --> 00:21:28,913
I have to go help Eric.
454
00:21:28,996 --> 00:21:30,998
It's almost 4:00.
We have that investor meeting.
455
00:21:31,081 --> 00:21:33,334
Plus, Mom's finger came off.
That seems important.
456
00:21:33,417 --> 00:21:36,378
Right. Okay.
We have a lot of knives in the air.
457
00:21:36,462 --> 00:21:40,424
As wise jugglers, "We must each focus on
but a single blade."
458
00:21:40,508 --> 00:21:42,927
I think Dad spent too much time
in a hot car.
459
00:21:43,010 --> 00:21:43,886
No, he's fine.
460
00:21:43,969 --> 00:21:46,514
He just saw something on television,
and now he's living his life by it.
461
00:21:46,847 --> 00:21:49,975
Abby, help your mother
reattach her finger. It's not that hard.
462
00:21:50,476 --> 00:21:53,187
- Gross. Got it.
- I'll deal with the Eric situation.
463
00:21:53,270 --> 00:21:54,772
And Carl's not gonna be
at that meeting, right?
464
00:21:54,855 --> 00:21:57,775
Nope. So I won't be stressed
and start snacking on myself.
465
00:21:58,651 --> 00:22:00,820
- I'll just go on my own.
- Great!
466
00:22:00,903 --> 00:22:03,405
The Hammonds, getting shit done!
467
00:22:03,489 --> 00:22:06,200
The Hammonds, making it look easy.
468
00:22:06,283 --> 00:22:10,162
The Hammonds, standing for too long
with a severed finger in the street.
469
00:22:10,246 --> 00:22:11,997
Yeah, we should go.
470
00:22:17,127 --> 00:22:18,379
Hey, Mark.
471
00:22:18,462 --> 00:22:21,131
Joel!
Hey, thanks for that Yelp review, buddy.
472
00:22:21,215 --> 00:22:22,383
Brought in a bunch of new customers.
473
00:22:22,842 --> 00:22:24,468
How's that tipping documentary
coming, huh?
474
00:22:24,844 --> 00:22:26,804
My wife, she bought a beautiful
new dress for the interview.
475
00:22:26,887 --> 00:22:28,305
Oh.
476
00:22:28,389 --> 00:22:30,599
I lost the financing.
477
00:22:30,683 --> 00:22:34,895
So, unless you know anyone
who's got $2 million...
478
00:22:34,979 --> 00:22:36,855
Actually, I do know a guy.
479
00:22:36,939 --> 00:22:38,857
Oh. Um...
480
00:22:39,358 --> 00:22:42,945
Anyway, I'm also part of a father-son
seafood distribution company
481
00:22:43,028 --> 00:22:45,322
- and, apparently, my boy...
- Whoa.
482
00:22:45,406 --> 00:22:47,741
Is that your son in my office?
That's him?
483
00:22:48,284 --> 00:22:49,868
What the hell's going on here, hmm?
484
00:22:49,952 --> 00:22:51,870
There's no way you and that kid
are seafood distributors.
485
00:22:53,247 --> 00:22:55,165
No, we're not.
486
00:22:56,041 --> 00:22:58,002
Well, at least tell me you're
really making a tipping documentary
487
00:22:58,085 --> 00:22:58,919
my wife's gonna be in.
488
00:23:02,172 --> 00:23:03,257
God damn it.
489
00:23:03,340 --> 00:23:05,426
Sorry, Mark, it's complicated.
490
00:23:05,968 --> 00:23:08,929
But, please,
I promise I'll never lie to you again
491
00:23:09,013 --> 00:23:11,432
if you'll just let my only son
out of your office.
492
00:23:11,682 --> 00:23:14,602
Let him out? He can go whenever he
wants. He locked himself in there.
493
00:23:14,810 --> 00:23:15,728
- What?
- Yeah.
494
00:23:20,816 --> 00:23:22,985
Eric. Open the door.
495
00:23:27,156 --> 00:23:29,992
- What are you doing?
- I'm sorry. He yelled, I panicked.
496
00:23:30,075 --> 00:23:32,995
The longer I was in here,
the angrier he got.
497
00:23:33,078 --> 00:23:36,582
I'm a coward, Joel. Behold.
The me behind the mask.
498
00:23:37,124 --> 00:23:40,002
You pissed off the owner.
Now he's never gonna help me.
499
00:23:40,085 --> 00:23:41,920
Sorry, humankind, can't save you.
500
00:23:42,004 --> 00:23:44,673
Eric went rogue,
so everyone has to eat each other.
501
00:23:44,923 --> 00:23:49,678
Actually, maybe they won't.
I found this in the file cabinet.
502
00:23:50,512 --> 00:23:51,914
Japopo's has a regular seafood
503
00:23:51,921 --> 00:23:54,397
distributor, but the
day Sheila got sick,
504
00:23:54,475 --> 00:23:58,395
for some reason,
they bought their clams from this place.
505
00:23:58,937 --> 00:24:00,564
"Ruby's Clams."
506
00:24:00,648 --> 00:24:01,940
Oh, my God, this is it.
507
00:24:02,024 --> 00:24:04,443
This is where the clams
that turned Sheila came from.
508
00:24:04,526 --> 00:24:05,944
You found it, Eric.
509
00:24:10,199 --> 00:24:13,952
- Did you want me to hug you?
- No, we don't have to hug.
510
00:24:14,536 --> 00:24:17,289
That's right. We're men of the sea.
511
00:24:17,623 --> 00:24:20,209
Sometimes we just walk quietly
side by side.
512
00:24:20,292 --> 00:24:21,543
That's all right, too.
513
00:24:21,919 --> 00:24:22,878
- Hmm?
- Hmm?
514
00:24:26,799 --> 00:24:27,633
Okay.
515
00:24:29,885 --> 00:24:33,097
Carl! I thought you weren't coming.
516
00:24:33,597 --> 00:24:36,684
I changed my mind. I wanted to make sure
you didn't fuck it up.
517
00:24:37,768 --> 00:24:42,272
Okay, well, I'll be in in a minute.
I just need to put some lipstick on.
518
00:24:42,606 --> 00:24:43,440
You look fine.
519
00:24:45,317 --> 00:24:46,151
Yeah, okay.
520
00:24:50,864 --> 00:24:51,699
Oh.
521
00:24:52,282 --> 00:24:55,411
Carl, you parked a little close.
Would you mind?
522
00:24:55,494 --> 00:24:58,622
Hurry up! And don't talk too much.
You sound like a know-it-all.
523
00:25:02,084 --> 00:25:03,502
No.
524
00:25:04,294 --> 00:25:05,629
Where's that stress ball?
525
00:25:08,716 --> 00:25:10,259
Okay.
526
00:25:11,719 --> 00:25:13,178
I can do this.
527
00:25:14,596 --> 00:25:15,973
I can do this.
528
00:25:17,683 --> 00:25:18,767
I can do this.
529
00:25:23,856 --> 00:25:24,732
Honey!
530
00:25:25,941 --> 00:25:28,777
- What's going on?
- I'm going to that investor meeting.
531
00:25:28,861 --> 00:25:31,155
It's 4:00 a.m. That was 12 hours ago!
532
00:25:31,238 --> 00:25:33,991
I've been looking everywhere for you!
Where have you been?
533
00:25:34,074 --> 00:25:36,952
I don't know.
The last thing I remember is...
534
00:25:37,035 --> 00:25:38,996
I was parking and then Carl pulled up,
535
00:25:39,079 --> 00:25:41,749
and then I had to grab my stress ball
and started squeezing it...
536
00:25:44,752 --> 00:25:45,919
Oh, shit!
537
00:25:47,796 --> 00:25:49,089
Carl?
538
00:25:52,153 --> 00:25:58,832
- Synced & Corrected by Dragoniod -
www.addic7ed.com
42890
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