All language subtitles for Microbe.et.Gasoil.2015.720p.BRRip.x264.AC3.HORiZON-ArtSubs

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Everyone should know that the
square is a regular polygon.

Its four sides
are the same length,

and so are its four angles.

When you draw such a figure,

it may not be a square,

but it can still be
a regular polygon.

Can anyone name an example
of a regular polygon?

Anyone?

- Yes?
- An equilateral triangle?

Correct. An equilateral
triangle is

an example
of a regular polygon.

Look at this. This is where
the action really begins.

What's he doing?

- Microbe, look at this.
- No.

Come here.

- No, stop it.
- You wimp.

Your pants are sagging.

- Can I see that drawing?
- It's not good enough.

You always say that.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. Shit.

- Do you mind? I'm trying to do something.
- What?

Use a different wall.

I couldn't hear you over
the noise of the ball.

Fine, then make me the goalie.

Saved!

Now the goal's smaller.

Is this how you treat your home?
Do you want to destroy it?

I didn't do anything mom.

Daniel made me do it.

This is not acceptable,
breaking everything;

The windows, the walls,
my nerves

Now she's mad at you.

You're his brother,
you should know better.

Did you think I'd not notice
the hole?

The hole?

It was Daniel and Romain,
not me.

You said that the last time.

What's going on in your minds
that's driving you two to do this?

Did you have another nightmare?

I'm having trouble
sleeping.

Then sing.

I think I'm going to die.

What are you talking about, Daniel?
You're not going to die.

But I will, like everybody else.

But it doesn't end at death.

it's like...
a release.

The body is like a shell
that peels off.

- How would you know?
- It's obvious. Just look around.

The beauty of the world...

it's complexity...

How could all this be possible
without a divine force?

Why do I think about stuff like this
all the time while others don't?

You're different, Daniel.
That's all.

I want to be like everyone else.

Well, maybe I don't want to be...
Eh, I don't know.

It annoys me.

Listen...

Do me a favour and read this book.

I'm sure it'll help.

Irene Domingues.
“The Soul and the Universe"

- Not very scientific.
- But she is a scientist.

She studied physics, biology,
chemistry

Come along with me
to one of her conferences.

At least one of them.
Just to see.

and the property
of infinite sets

is unlike
the property of

finite sets.

A restricted part may have
as many elements as the whole.

Come in.

Come in!

Hello. Excuse me.

I'm new, and was transferred
here by mistake.

They put me in English,
but I do Russian.

- What's your name?
- Theo Leloir.

Leloir is not on my list.

Really? But I just came from
the principal's office.

- He told me to come...
- Right. Then we'll check later.

In the meantime, go sit next
to that young lady.

So, Hilbert's hotel.

Suppose a hotel

has an infinite number of rooms

all occupied.

Nevertheless, the hotel can
always accommodate new customers.

So this room is like the hotel
and I am the new customer.

I don't like the boys in this
school

None of them care.

And they're all so immature.

But Steve's cute.

Yeah. And he's not too silly.

- But the new one...
- He likes to show off.

Someone should tell him
that he's an idiot.

- For shits and giggles.
- He's kinda gross.

- And he already has a nickname.
- Which is?

His name is Theo,
and the asshole is Steve.

Daniel, come back.

And what's his nickname?

Fill the bag, Gasoil.

It's a dynamo of 25 watts.

- It is. How'd you know?
- My dad told me.

Does your dad work
with electronics?

No, he's an antiquarian.

Antiques Leloir,
St. Saladin.

- Have a go.
- Thanks.

That's it.

I see you're showing him
your set of wheels.

I think I heard the voice
of a pleb.

Genetically inferior.

What's he talking about?

You and your little friends.

They were asexually reproduced.
Clones.

You reek of gasoline, Gasoil.

Son of incest.

Your fly is open,
idiot.

So it is.

I was certain it was up this
morning.

What a bunch of idiots.

I would punch them in the face.
Those assholes.

Oh well. One day, they'll
have what's coming to them.

They may laugh now
but today's bullies are tomorrow's vitcims.

Do you wanna talk?

I never know what to say.

There's nothing to say.

What's the matter?
Why the face?

You and Agathe are always
judging people

on their appearance.

We are after all superficial

- idiots.
- That...

Couldn't be the case.

- But you do seem strange.
- Maybe because we're girls.

To the goal post! Go!

I wasn't ready.

You know him?

- Hey.
- Hey.

He's my classmate.

Quick, to the crossbar.

Ibrahimovic passes,
to Ibrahimovic...

Ibrahimovic...

A nice save
from Ibrahimovic's kick.

And again, Ibrahimovic passes
the ball to Ibrahimovic.

Great dribbling!

He carefully approaches the goal.

Prepares to kick and....

Goal!

We'll now play it back
in slow motion.

No, come back, Theo!

He didn't do it on purpose!

The concept of love has been
discussed for generations.

All other issues are
comparatively meaningless.

The entire world only focuses
on this one crucial idea.

Love. How do you love?

How do you approach love?

If a man has an honest
relationship with love,

so too, will he have a good
relationship with God himself.

May I ask you something
personal?

Of course. What are friends for?

- Have you ever...
- Wait.

As a classmate or a friend?

- Friend.
- Alright, go on.

- Have you done it yet?
- Did what? Sex with a girl?

No.

I've given up.
It's kinda sad.

Many sentimental complications
at the time of transaction.

It's discouraging.

No, I mean... alone.

Masturbation?

Everybody masturbates.

Even those who have wives.

- Even those who have a wife.
- Yeah.

And...
How long does it take for it
to come out?

The sperm?

Depends.

I've timed it once.

17 seconds. You?

I don't know.

Nothing comes out.

“Every individual is the product
of their genetic baggage

and environment.

Describe this idea

using a family member as an example

to explain what makes this
individual unique.”

I don't know whom to choose.

My aunt is a teacher.

How well do you know her?

Choose someone who knows you well
and sees you everyday. It's easier.

I chose my dad.

“...what makes this individual
unique.”

This essay is crap.

Finally. It's done.

And I haven't even chosen.

Is that your brother?

He's kinda weird.

- I feel like painting.
- Then paint.

I'll write your essay.
It'll be easy.

Pretend to like the music.

Hey, what are you doing?

Get out!

That crap is unbearable.

It's just noise, not music.

Nothing but a bunch of bass.

Who's this?

A picture of his girlfriend.

He puts a picture of his girlfriend
in his rear view mirror?

- Your brother is a complete idiot.
- He's a punk.

That's my leather jacket.

I lent it to him for him to be
more punk.

Or so he seems more punk.

Don't eat with your knife.

Or you'll never cook again?

I cooked so if you want to eat,
not with a knife.

Or I won't cook for you again.

- Slut.
- Do not talk to your mother
like that.

So just because Daniel brought a friend,
we have to act like a normal family?

His friend has a name.

Ah... yes. Gasoline.

I notice only neanderthal-like
primates call him that.

Very funny.
Now return the jacket.

Now it stinks of gasoline.

- Give it back.
- No!

I want it back now!

- I don't like being made fun of!
- Please return the jacket!

- Stop it, asshole!
- Return it now!

Stop it Romain!

- Go home Theo.
- The "world's best group"!

Never let this fleabag come back.

Fleas?!

I do not have fleas.

Your mouth is full of trash!

You and your fucking group!

You only came so you had
a place to rehearse.

- And?
- Enough Daniel!

Go to your room!
You too, Roman!

Last month you had dreadlocks,
now you're a punk!

Stupid pest!

Why do you always
befriend weirdos?

I don't know.
Nobody does.

But he does smell like gasoline.

Because he helps his dad
in the morning.

Hey, wait...
That's not your handwriting.

- Theo wrote my essay.
- You're cheating?

So what?
Are you going to tell?

No, but I'm disappointed.
I didn't expect this from you.

Here comes Mr. Morality
with his white horse.

What's morally worse?
Cheating or snitching?

I'm not going to snitch.
I'm just shocked.

I think I could've wrote this
essay better by myself.

- Then do it.
- Meh. Too lazy.

Wait a minute...

Are they fucking?

I think Mom is crying.

The problem is that I can
never tell the difference.

- Dad never makes noise.
- That's normal.

Men fuck in silence.

I think mom's crying.

She's been crying a lot.

I prefer her crying to
fucking.

Just the thought makes me sick.

Could you stop saying "fuck"
all the time?

Fuck, fuck, fuck...

Fuck!
And fucked.

"Spiky hair,
leather jacket,

my brother is a punk.
Self decreed,

he blows everything up,
yet never collects the pieces.

our specimen "Romain",
is quite a feat.

Making our walls tremble,
with his 4 chord bass.

He has few ambitions
and smokes a lot.

His group of friends
are an angry bunch of

so-called visual
"provocateurs"

who want to cause
a revolution.

Thanks for writing my essay but...

I think I could've wrote it
better myself.

Oh well. That makes sense.

I wrote in a non-panegyric style
to dis your brother.

- What?
- Panegyric. Laudatory speech.

Good. Now's your time to shine.

- Go on.
- No.

No. If we're together,
they'll treat us like children.

But if you go alone,
they will take you seriously.

I promise I'll be here.

I see violence and rebellion.

Are you a rebel?

No, but my brother
and his friends are.

What are they angry about?

The teachers who tell them
what to do.

Ah, understandable.

"Gouache-rock exposure."

Gasoil and Gouache-rock.

“Daniel Gueret is a young artist
from Versailles

who has a talent to paint
with intimacy

using vibrant and vivid colors.

His personal portraits
are the result of his choice

of artistic themes.”

“The youth of Versailles:

a youth
with spiky hair

and motorcycles is not exactly
what you'd see at Versailles."

“It is the youth of my
brother's friends.

A revolt against society.”

How do you say it in French?

"The elegance is reminiscent of
the revolution of Max Beerbohm

and full of spirit.

- Not only Beerbohm...”
- Alright, Theo.

Now translate this article
in Russian to us.

“Danielovitch Gueretovitch.

He is a young artist
from Versalhevitch.

Using his talent, he painted
his generation...”

That's enough. Now get out,
Leloir!

Go to the director and see if
he likes your Russian accent.

And then apologize for
mocking the artist.

Sir, I think I should see
the board too.

Sit down Daniel, please.

Did you not invite your parents?

They're working.

And the people you painted,

they're not coming either?

They're all my brother's friends.
I don't talk to them.

And his classmates?

- Hello, young man.
- Hi.

What a success!

Excuse me.

Pardon me Marquis of Bretisem,
how are you?

Have you seen great success?

Captain Franklin Vermigen...

Excuse me.

Sorry, I don't recognize you.

Oh yes, that is talent.
Don't you agree?

Sorry it's packed.

Come back in 30 minutes.

Excuse me.

The lady mistook my foot for
a mat.

No problem.

Excuse me.

One minute Mr. Mayor, I'll check
the works and speak to you soon.

I have to buy this
no matter what the price.

100 million euros? A million?

It's worth it.

Daniel, you know those nude
drawings of yours....

What do you mean?

- The ones under your bed.
- You looked under my bed?

Did you get your inspiration from
photographs or your imagination?

I don't want to talk about this.

It's perfectly normal to
masturbate at your age.

Stop!

I think they're amazing.

This is what they should put
in the exhibit.

I don't have the experience.
Only Theo has.

And I don't want to go to
anymore seminars.

Daniel, I'm sorry!

I promise I won't talk about
your sexuality.

Leave me alone!

LELOIR ANTIQUITÉS

Potato à la royale.

Potatoes again? Do you not have
any imagination my poor child?

I do have lots of imagination, mom,
but I need more money

to vary the menu.

You should be smart like your
brother, you know.

At your age, your brother was
already earning his way.

Daniel is exhibiting paintings
in the city.

Daniel?

- Sitting in front of you.
- Me, Mrs.

I know that since there are only
two other people in the room.

Two.

This is Daniel.
He's a classmate.

And he paints.

He can even paint punks.

I pity you and his family.

Artists only inflict harm
and confusion.

Just look at your father.

So much crap everywhere.
I can't even breathe.

No one'll buy this...

Nor this...

Certainly not this. What trash.

Take it to the junkyard
and have it melted down.

Bring back whatever cash it'll
fetch.

And don't buy other shit.

And don't fuck around.

Should we pay Daniel
to help me push?

- I can help...
- No.

I don't want to pay anyone else.

He said he had a brother.
Did he die?

- He's in the army.
- Oh, is he a family hero?

Not exactly.
He never contributed a penny.

Mom says he's an embarrassment.

He was a drug addict and an alcoholic
so he got enlisted.

We've arrived.

- This is it?
- Yeah.

JUNKYARD

Leave the trolley over there

and come back in an hour.

Could we look around?

Welcome to the mechanical paradise.

You seem familiar with this place.

Just look at this technological
marvel.

Not a sound.
Is its motor broken?

I bet I could fix it.

What, are you going to use it
on your bike?

Really? You could do much more
with such a powerful motor.

Besides, this one isn't
suitable for a bike.

You seem to know a lot
about mechanics.

My brother taught me
a few things.

Once, he showed me how to
fix a carburetor

while he was drunk.

Where's the money? You spent it.

- Put it in my room.
- Bring that hunk of junk here now.

- They paid with an engine.
- Bullshit.

I warned you not to buy anything.

It's not bullshit.
I'll pay you next week.

Give us more scrap metal I'll
sell it at the junkyard again.

You only bring me bad news.

Now beat it!

Blow some air into that valve.

I think it's blocked.

It's unblocked now.

- Now blow fresh air into that tube.
- Okay.

That's alright.
That's how you learn.

There.

Let's test it.

Yes! I told you I'd fix it,
Gouache-rock!

- Nice one Gasoil.
- Gasoline? Have you seen your face?

Good point. I take it back.

Wow!

It's like a beating heart,
8,000 strokes per minute.

Sorry about that, mom.
I had to fix it.

- Can Daniel sleep here tonight?
- As if I care,

but keep it down I'm trying to sleep.

And quit being an idiot.

Now go and prepare some dinner
for us.

What the hell are you doing?

Shit. I thought you'd
be asleep by now.

It helps me sleep.

Kinda embarrassing.

Don't worry.

Behind the scenes,
everyone is a little bit weird.

My cousin likes to hit himself
with a pillow to sleep.

Well carry on.
I'm not bothered by it.

Sometimes when I can't sleep,
I think of things.

- Shit.
- What?

I thought of something great,
but I forgot.

That happens to me all the time too.
It's annoying.

But I have a technique to remember.

You have to go back to the last
thought you remembered.

This will lead to the next thought
and then the next,

until you get to whatever
it is that you forgot.

- Well?
- Nope, doesn't work.

Continue swaying.
Maybe I'll remember.

No, I'm done.

I'm too tired
to be embarrassed.

Oh, I remember now! The engine.

If we put wheels on it,
what does it become?

A motor with wheels?

A car without a body?

Exactly, Gouache-rock.

A car without a body.

The... "inner-car"?

You know what?

Let's build a car.

Leave our past behind,
and have an adventure.

- An adventure.
- Yeah.

Have you ever dreamed
of total independence?

Being able to go anywhere.

Not needing permission to do anything?

Why not just get a scooter?

Firstly, that costs a fortune.

Secondly, that's incredibly tacky.

- I guess you're right.
- But a car...

Our car...

built just for us...

Yeah, you're right.

I've always dreamed
of driving a car.

It's my favorite dream.

Second to flying.

It'll give us a huge
amount of freedom.

But we're not old enough
to drive.

Wrong.
We can make the motor 49.9 cc.

Like a scooter,
that we can drive.

We just need to buy the body,
the steering wheel and the wheels.

- All of which we can find at the junkyard.
- But how do we pay for it?

We'll collect all the metal we
can find from around town.

People throw shit away all the time.

It'll be fun.

But you said you'd pay your
dad back...

- for the motor.
- He's probably forgotten.

Aren't you afraid of being
scolded?

He gets angry at me
no matter what.

So I might as well just do
what I want to do.

And what about your mom?

She's way too fat.

She's had two heart attacks.

Oh, sorry to hear that.

I love mine.

I kinda feel sorry for her.

Theo, this summer,
we will have an adventure!

Once we get going,
we may not be able to come back.

Freedom, here we come!

France is quite a big place.

Indre, Loire-Atlantique,
Ille-et-Vilaine, Yonne, Manche.

- So where to first?
- The Massif Central.

I went to a summer camp there
when I was 8 years old.

- Where was it?
- It was... here.

In Aubrac.

I used to go to a school there.

I remember it was on a grass
covered hill.

And it had a slope,

that took 4 minutes
to slide down.

The cooks were very kind.

They had tits like balls.

Balls?

No, like huge balloons.
Now come and help me with this

insteads of listening
to me talk shit.

As long as it's not Côte d'Azur,
I don't mind where we go.

Absolutely. Côte d’Azur is
for the fags in showbiz.

Anyway, we need to go by trail.

Obviously. We can't drive this
on the highway.

Whether we travel on trails,

through hidden places or
uphill or downhill,

people will stare.

Sure. But at least
we don't have to walk.

DEPARTMENT OF MOTOR VEHICLES

We're fucked.

Really?
You said the inspection

was just a formality.

Yeah, but I was wrong.

Why?

They say we can't drive it because

it lacks many things we
forgot about.

It leans to one side,
the breaks don't work properly,

the body has problems,

We're too young,
end of story.

That's it? End of story?
How so?

What else do you want me to say?

Ugh, I can't believe it.

Stop complaining.
It's hard for me too.

Shush!
What are you doing?

Shut up!
Mind your own business.

I can't stand drunk people.

Alcohol is death to dignity.

Look, now she's throwing up.

I'll never throw a party
at my house.

And smoking is just disappointing.

You should try to get
her attention,

get noticed.

- I should?
- Sure.

- And?
- Have fun with her.

But I don't know what to say.

So? She wouldn't be able to hear you.

Just get close to her and dance.

Then after a while, give her a kiss.

Nothing to it. But try not to
speak, you might

get tongue tied.

- Very funny.
- It's a joke.

Now stop being such a wimp.
Go, Gouache-rock!

A wimp?

A wimp, huh?

- Tell me how I look when I dance.
- Okay.

- Well?
- You look like an old man trying to lift.

Shit.

So what happened?

- She doesn't want to dance with me.
- Why?

- I'm too short.
- Short?

Let's get out of here.

I'm tired of people
calling me "Microbe".

I'm not that short.
Not as short as Kevin.

Even if I was 1km tall,
they would still call me Microbe.

We are entirely underestimated.

In the wrong circumstances,
we can't become better.

And lately, things haven't
been very good.

Daniel, in times like these,

we have to keep our head
held high.

Remember that time when France
was under attack.

- De Gaulle in 1940. The situation...
- De Gaulle?

Yes, him.

Historically, it was one of
our country's darkest moments.

In the middle of a war,
everything seemed lost.

But we refused to surrender.

A war?

Exactly. Our car is like France
in 1940. Understand?

- What do you mean?
- I mean....

Let's finish the car!

We're not going to give up.

Can you imagine looking back in
30 years,

and remembering how we gave up.
What shall we say?

“Remember that summer in 2014?”

“We were going to build a car
and travel the country.

But in the end we gave up.”

In life, we can't always have
what we want.

No, we can't.

You're right.
Let's finish the car.

Hold on! I've got it!

What do you see?

A house?

And now?

A house with wheels.

“Exactomentally”!

Fuck vehicle registration!

“Le-explanatione”?

The body will be...

a garden hut.

A small house.

And?

This solves two of our problems.

Firstly, let's just say we
spot police nearby.

We can stop on the roadside
and they'll pass us right by.

They'll have no reason to stop.

- And secondly?
- We can sleep in the house.

- Sleep in the doghouse?
- You don't like?

I don't know if this idea is
ingenious or completely stupid.

I'm not sure.

You're a genius!

Yes!

You really impress me.

Let's ride off into the sunset.

High five!

I don't do high fives, it's tacky.

What the hell are you two doing?!
Go to sleep!

I really should beat you
for waking me!

You're leaving?
Without saying goodbye?

I didn't see you, and I couldn't
be bothered

embarrassing myself again.

- Couldn't be bothered?
- Because I'm short.

Oh, stop it.

But it's true. I look too
young for my age.

And at my age, boys are
still more immature

than girls.
It's physiological.

But you're different.

You too.

But what's it to you to
be different?

Eh... okay. And you?

Good...?

Take this. It's for you.

It's a letter.

Well, see ya.

Have a nice break, Gouache-rock.

Why weren't you in class today?

I don't care to say goodbye

to the idiots who despise me.

Voilà. Ready to take
on the road around France.

Aren't the geraniums
a bit too much?

No. It has to look like an
actual house.

So what do you think the police
will think?

Nothing. It's a normal house
in the summer with geraniums.

But they may ask for
a building permit.

And what's this?

A letter from Laura.

I see that it kinda excites you?

- I'm excited about the car.
- Sure.

I don't know if I want to read it.

Maybe she changed her mind.

- You're right. 1, 2, 3...
- Woah, what are you doing?

Relax. Calm your emotions.

Alright. Now we're calm.

Well?

“Hi Daniel, sorry for what I
said at the party. I didn't mean it.

I like you. I can't wait
to see you back at school.

This is my address....

Blah, blah, blah....

Please send me the drawing.
You promised.”

Okay, wow.

- What is this drawing of?
- A picture of her.

Are you serious?

You're that in love with her?

Maybe she feels sorry for you.

You're right. But really,

we're just good friends
and....

Friendship is the death of love.

I'll draw a lousy picture of
a cat just to upset her.

Great.
That's the spirit.

Fuck that bitch Laura.

With our invention,
we'll find many more Lauras.

Good...

So we meet at midnight?

And you won't be late, right?

No, no.

Let's synchronize our watches.

Great. I'll do the shopping.

Try to bring some cash.

I'll try to join you if I can.

Kids, your mother is really sad.

She wants you to go to her room.

Children are not responsible
for the happiness of their parents.

True, it's the opposite.

Take it..

I know that I'm not invited
to come along,

only you and him.

And since I have no idea where
you're going, take this GPS.

The password is NEVER, then...

I know how it works.
Everyone at school has one.

And don't forget to charge it
every night.

Why are you helping me?

Thanks.

We'll start the motor a bit later.

I don't want to wake my mother.

- Do you mind pushing it a bit?
- No.

- What did you tell your parents?
- I was traveling with your family.

Oh, shit! Me too.

So they might find out.

There's a 1 in a billion chance
that'd happen.

So where do I go to activate
the GPS?

I don't know. Try another page.

Damn, I don't understand any of this.

This must've been designed to
humiliate people like us.

Oh, stop talking like that.
It can't be that complicated.

Give it here.

- Watch out!
- Oh, shit!

Touch screens are for queers.

We don't need that anyway.

We're still in the Age of Paper.

Speaking of paper,
I need some to...

I hope you brought some.

Well then.

I've never pooped outside before.

Good luck.

Thanks.

Shit!

Haha, very funny.

The police!

The police!

Damn.

I guess this "house" disguise
worked well.

Thanks to the geraniums.

- Shall we push on to Nemours?
- Push to Nemours?

- Then it's your turn to push.
- No, not that kinda push dummy.

I mean that we should head
towards Nemours.

I know, I know.

You kidding me?
You brought that letter from Laura?

Why are you so attached to her?
Do you want to suffer for no reason?

I don't care anymore.

I mean sure...

I can't give up hope.

Nothing good will come of it.

Besides, there are many like her.

No one's special. You'll find
many others like her.

I don't get it. If no one's
special, why do people bother?

Out of pity.

That's disheartening.

I know. There's no use
thinking anymore of it.

You're right.

You're always right.
It's annoying.

I spend a lot of time alone.

I think a lot about life,

and I try not to care about what
other people think.

And how do I do that?

I can't help but care about
what other people think.

- I think I'm easily impressionable.
- You're not.

Yes, I am.

If someone says a film is bad,
I can't help but to find it bad too.

That's dumb. You should watch
it for yourself in the cinema.

It doesn't matter. It may be
a book or a person

I've never personally met.

They act as if they have more
personality than they actually have.

It's like a display.

- A false representation.
- Exactly.

That's exactly right.

I'm impressed.

- Really?
- And also...

To be my friend,
you need an independent spirit.

Given my popularity.

You're right.

I should stop being so
easily influenced.

But you see?

You say that
I'm not impressionable,

and I was just influenced
by you.

Conclusion: I am impressionable.

I give up.

But seriously Theo...

Do I have a future with Laura?

- I worry when I think about it.
- I know.

You no longer need to sway
to fall asleep?

Not here. I might fall and
be very embarrassed.

- Please do it.
- No.

Please?
It'll help me sleep too.

No.

- I sometimes sing too.
- Songs?

- Usually just notes on a scale.
- Do it. I want to listen.

Sorry, it's been a while.

- That's great. Are you Bach?
- Yeah, no I'm not.

Have you heard the story of
the girl with the golden arm?

A long, long time ago...

- A man who was very...
- Wait.

Is this a joke?

No way.
This is a very serious story.

I'm always afraid
of not understanding jokes.

So... a long, long time ago

there lived a very poor man
who married the love of his life.

She was a very beautiful
girl too.

But very, very fragile.

This story has many "very" s.

But it was like that.

One day, the girl developed
cancer on her arm.

So she had to amputate it.

The man spends everything he
has to buy her a golden arm.

But his wife's condition
doesn't improve

so she dies.

He buries her in the forest.

The poor man has nothing to eat.

One night, he decides to dig
her up,

to recover the golden arm
to sell it.

That night, it rained a lot.

and lightning filled the sky.

Drenched in rain and scared,

he takes the girl's arm
and runs home,

hides the arm under his bed
and lies down.

Suddenly, he hears the sound of
footsteps approaching in the hallway.

The door opens...

And a skeleton appears
in front of him with one arm.

Its jaw crackles:

“Who stole my golden arm?”

“If it wasn't you... CUM.”

Shit...

What are you two doing here?

Why did they build a hut
in my garden?

- It's a car.
- Well it can't stay here.

We'll leave. We didn't know
this was private property.

No, no. you're coming with me.

We can leave now, we'll go.

No way.
You're coming with me.

So you say this house can walk?

- It has wheels and an engine?
- Yeah.

Where did you find it?

We built it ourselves.

Really? Wow.
That's impressive, really.

Do your parents know
where you are?

- We call them. Every night.
- Ah, that's nice.

Does your friend not speak?

Well sometimes.
She's a little shy.

What's your name?

- Daniel.
- Daniele.

- But that's a boy's name, isn't it?
- There's an "E" at the end.

Oh, I see. So she is a girl

- And what's your name?
- Theo Leloir.

In any case, it's a pleasure
to have visitors.

We have two children. A boy
and a girl like you.

- But older.
- They abandoned us,

like old socks.

They never call us.

But we put them in a boarding
school.

And you could tell they were
happy to go.

By the way, show us your teeth?

- Huh? Our teeth?
- I bet you haven't brushed.

Show me your cavities.

Wow, what a catastrophe.

Well, we'll see to it tomorrow.
Right?

These were the rooms
of our children..

Theo, you can sleep
in Silvain's room,

and Daniele in Sylvie's.

Good night.

Theo, wake up.
I can't sleep here.

There's a Shakira poster
over the bed.

Shakira?
Let's go.

This place creeps me out more
than your story.

And thanks for the "E" in Daniel
and the "she's shy" bit.

- I almost died of shame.
- Yeah, sorry I shoudn't have said that.

But I was too busy gorging up
the saukerkraut.

And I had to keep the
conversation consistent.

Stop making so much noise
with your shoes.

Wow this guy is obsessed
with cleaning.

Maybe he doesn't even
have children.

Or they died in a terrible
car "accident".

And they want to take us.

- It's locked.
- Very funny.

- Shit...
- They must've heard

the clattering.

Shit!

- What the hell is this?
- A torture room.

Or maybe organ trafficking.

Quick, out the window.

- Theo? Daniele?
- Hurry.

What are you doing here?

Get back to your rooms!

Come back!

Start it up!

Wait, stop!

You guys can stay
as long as you want.

My wife will be furious

when she wakes up
and sees you gone.

Being abandoned by children
is a terrible thing to wake up from.

You desperately need to sleep.

I'm a dentist!

Theo, I can clean your teeth!

You may have a supraocclusion!

Close the door!

I bet it was her idea!

She's a very naughty @$♪$%!

- Do you think I killed him?
- Not with that shovel.

Holy shit that guy was crazy.
That was a close call.

Yeah, wow.

I think I have my head up my ass.

What? No.

In my eyes, yes.
I didn't dare say anything.

The shame has paralyzed my speech.

I feel sick that everyone thinks
I'm a girl.

Then you should get your hair cut.

No. I refuse to be pressured
into looking like everyone else.

It's the one thing about me
that adds to my personality.

Your personality has nothing
to do with your hair.

It's related to the choices
that you make.

Your actions.

Don't you think we should give up
going to Massif Central?

We'll never make it up this slope!

I have a better idea.

We can go to the Morvan.

It's slopes aren't so steep!

And there are lakes
and electric dams!

Dams? What happened to
the original plan!

I want to visit that summer camp!

I think you'll have to forget that

along with the balloon-like tits.

I can't push this for much longer.

Alright, fine!

Let's forget the Massif Central.

But next year, we're buying
a 125cc engine

and you will see it.

I'll remember that.

- I'll try to find a hairdresser.
- Now?

Yeah, you're right.
I have to cut my hair.

I will not stand for people
thinking I'm a girl any longer.

Why don't you wait till tomorrow?

No, now.
Don't try to influence me.

I might change my mind again
if I wait 'till tomorrow.

I'll convince you again.

Since this is an independent idea,

I'll enforce it.
Even against you.

You're right.

But really,

you don't have to respond
to provocations.

HAIR STYLIST
FEMALE - MALE

HAIR SALON
MALE - FEMALE

MASSAGE
HAIR STYLIST

We don't worry about
the circular zone.

Only the northern area.

We have a lot of regulations.

So there shouldn't be any problems.

If you have any problems,
take it up with the boss.

Would you like cut or massage?

10 euros for cut,
105 euros for massage.

- Massage?
- No, a cut. But very short.

Sit here.

Massage after cutting?

30 euros, just for you.

I finish, lose virginty later.

No thanks. Just the cut.

The police are never here

but there's crack
behind the stairs.

So you mark your territory
like a cat when you urinate?

Do you think we're animals?

No comment.

Your hair is so beautiful.
You sure you want cut?

Yes, very short.

- A tribal society...
- Tribal?

This first massage?
Ah, your pants hard...

No, thank you.

The activities that happen here

exploits women, right?

Exploits?
Now they are twisting my words

for this interview.

Give me the recording
and get the hell out!

I'll break your face,
you bastard!

And you already filmed me!

It's because of guys like you
that we have problems.

Don't you ever come back here again!

Get out!

Douchebag.

Hey, little boy!
Pay 10 euros now!

Come back!

Where's your money!
Empty his pockets!

It's in his coat.

10 euros. Now stop hurting him.
You got your 10 euros.

Let him go.

All right. We'll stop.

And don't come back.

Left, right.

Right, left.

Right, left.

Right, right, right, left.

I've never had to punch
in my life.

I'm sick of being a weakling.
And now I have retarded hair.

So it was actually a brothel.

Hmm? Well, continue.

But what a brilliant cut.

Don't regret it.

Now beat it faster and stronger.

No. Don't kick it.

In street fighting, kicking
is risky for a beginner.

I'll teach you an infallible method.

When you see the face
of the person you want to hit,

pretend you want to talk to him,

as if to whisper a secret.

So you grab him,

punch him, and then run.

But you have to run fast.

He won't have time to react
as he'll be in shock.

- Have you tried this?
- With my brother.

- You fought with your brother?
- Nope. He taught me this technique.

Well, I think I remember
everything you said.

But I hope it works.

I swear, this technique does work.

- I'm tired. It's your turn!
- Nope, it's still yours, old man!

The hills at The Morvan are
equal to that of Massif Central!

Both of them are from
the same geological period!

And they're both massive!

I'll never see that summer camp!

You tricked me!

We can come back next year!

I will not push this up
every hill!

Well, that hairdresser
can go fuck herself.

In fact, I hope she gets
fucked right in the ass.

- Shut up!
- Why?

Now this is the real Daniel.
So sex obsessed.

And that's why I talk about
the cooks of Aubrac.

Come on. Destination: big tits.

It's too late.
We're already at the lake.

And now you're obsessed with
girls, dams and lakes.

- Be quiet, someone's here.
- Who is?

You know them?

- Laura?
- It is! She's come with her family.

You brought me here
using the address

- that she gave you!
- No.

So you complained about the hills
so that you could see her?

I can't believe it...

I should've known from the start.

Damn.

No, I was just thinking about
pushing the house up. I swear.

And besides, you agreed.

- So technically, it's your fault.
- Unbelievable.

I should've known.

So... what should we do?

I guess she does have
a beautiful body.

And her breasts are growing nicely.

Well go on, talk to her.

- What are you waiting for? Go!
- I can't, not with this hair.

What?

We drove 500km to get here and you
don't even want to talk to her?

Not when my hair looks like this.

- Just pretend it wasn't like that.
- No.

Then I'll talk to her.

You coward!
Go and talk to her!

Not when my hair is like this!

The cut is great.
It reminds me of a samurai.

But that's no reason to give up.

- Just do it.
- When the hair grows back

- I'll talk to her, I promise.
- But how long, 15 days?

Don't you want to kiss Laura,
or have sex with a girl?

Those are two different things.

Laura's here,
and having sex is here.

You're a complicated man.

With many contradictions.

Not wanting to give up Laura.

And I don't want to stop
being in love.

I think it's a noble kind
of suffering - beautiful.

There's no such thing as
beautiful suffering.

Wow, what happened?

It's a camp for Gypsies.
Or, what's left of it.

How awful.

They aren't welcome anywhere,
and nobody cares.

What a shitty society we live in.

What?

No!

They must've thought the car
was part of the camp.

Oh no.

- Well Daniel, it's your fault.
- My fault?

We agreed to park here
last night.

Agreed? We came here for a girl

so don't give me that.

You see this coat?

It's melted like plastic.

There's nothing left.

Destination: Morvan? Hrmpth!

So you're complaining about
your coat,

and your things,
but right in front of you,

a gypsy community has just
been erased from the map.

Their parents lived
in concentration camps

and they are treated
like criminals.

And it is you,
giving me this lecture?

What you've just said

- shows how ignorant you are.
- No way.

So what I said
was revisionist, hmm?

Uh, please leave the area.

Revisioninst...?

The revisionist is you.

It was you who revised
our holiday plan.

I'm out.

Fine then leave, Michael plastic.

I hope I'm not in your class
next year... Gasoil.

I know for a fact that you
don't care about me.

I do.

You only care about yourself.

For your personality, your
hair, your Laura,

your anxiety.

I bet you can't name one
thing about me.

Well?

Nothing to say?

You really are self-centered.

Egocentric, huh? You're right.

And your jacket is still
burnt like plastic.

I talk about my problems a lot

but I'm also interested in you.

- You sperm!
- Theo!

- You midget!
- Come back, Theo!

Damn it, Theo! Come back!

Theo!

I remember asking him questions
about his mother and brother.

Theo!

Theophile!

That'll be 28 euros, please.

Thanks.

Two euros change.

Thanks, young man.

C'mon, c'mon!

- C'mon! C'mon!
- Let's go guys!

Nice move!

The ball, kid!

Where's the money?
Empty your pockets!

Give it back you little shit!

We'll cut you to pieces!

Guache-rock!

Don't stop! Accelerate!

Move it, Theo!

Step on it!

Quick! Faster!

They were the ones
who beat me the other day.

I stole the ball from them.
They're really mad!

Good job, Guache-rock.

How did get the car to start?

I went back after the cops left.

The fire only burnt the wood off
as well as our stuff.

But the engine was still in tact

so I readjusted the carburetor.

Do you see how fast it can go now?

I see you've shaved your head.

Now you're really like a samurai.

I think we've lost them.
You can slow down now.

I can't!

- The dam!
- It's time to abandon ship!

Here we go... 1... 2... 3!

Well, that's the end of that.

No, it's just the beginning.

Just return the ball
so we can go.

You can go, but I'm staying.

You have two options faggot:

We can break your face
and then take back the ball.

Or we can take back the ball
and then break your face.

Break my face then.

Or third option: ball suicide.

- Wait! Don't be so stupid.
- Think of the ball.

Yes, it's dangling on the edge
of the cliff, how depressing.

- Do you want to negotiate?
- We don't negotiate, Theo.

- I wanna fight!
- No chance, Gouache-rock.

- What's the deal?
- We let the ball live,

and you forget the whole thing.

You get the ball,
we leave with our teeth.

- Give it to me, trust me.
- Yeah, alright.

Okay, fine. Return the ball
and you two can leave.

No. Where's the guarantee?

Once they get their ball back,
they'll finish us.

No, we'll step back 30 meters.

You'll do the same. That's 70 meters.

- Actually, that's 60 meters.
- I mean, er, 60 meters.

You'll put the ball on the ground,
so that when we pick it up,

you'll be far away.

Come on.

I wanted to fight them.

- And I thought I was the coward.
- But you've never been, Daniel.

We had no chance.

At least we escaped with our teeth.

And that's better, isn't it?

- So I guess that makes us even?
- Yeah.

I was thinking...

You tricked me to come here,

but you did it out of love
for that girl.

And I respect that.

Yeah, sorry about the car.
It was an accident.

Let's forget it.

But I admire you for going
to that Korean brothel

and cutting your hair like a samurai.

I have a gift for you.

Wow! Clean underwear!

I've been wearing the same
one for a week.

I will regain my dignity,
and the comfort of my balls.

I'll be back.

No! Stop!

The Morvan is much higher
than what they say.

That tree...

Didn't it use to be red?

- No, I thought it was blue.
- That's what I thought.

We're becoming delirious.

Drugged by hunger
and lack of sleep.

And dehydrated.

If we continue on like this,
we will slowly die.

Or become beggars.

Or worse: punks with dogs.

- Or Jimi Hendrixes.
- Or even worse: Shakiras.

Is there anything we do like?

Enough.
We should call your parents now.

My iPhone is dead and buried,
in my shit.

I knew it. He must've forgotten
to charge it.

He should've asked me to come,
instead of traveling alone.

What difference would that make?
If he asked, would you have said yes?

Mr. Leloir,
it's Marie-Thérèse again.

No, they're not answering.

Yes, I understand.

Daniel lied to us too.

Children at this age,
you know how it is.

Yes. Yes.

Sure. I'll call you as soon
as I find anything.

Shit!

No one knows where they are.

Damn it.

Leave Theo be.

Why are you worrying everybody?

Are you going to
call a priest too?

- A city. We're saved!
- Hallelujah! Yeah!

2 euros?

Thanks.

I think I'm spoiling you.
The underwear, and now 2 euros...

Warning me
for the gifts you gave.

That's not very nice.

Look! A miniature plane.

I remember trying to
build a glider with my dad,

but he never had the time.

Taxi! Follow that plane!

Ladies and gentlemen,
our design competition

will begin in 2 minutes.

The prize for the contest will
be this remote control airplane.

It may not be as large
as a commercial aircraft,

But it's the perfect size
for our competitors,

as this contest is for children
12 and under.

Go on, Daniel. You'll certainly win.

- But it's for kids.
- Say that you're 12.

But I'm 14 and a half.
It's not going to work!

Yes it will.

You look much yonger
with that hair.

- This should help.
- Thanks.

1 minute left.

And begin. You all have 30 minutes
to make a masterpiece.

What did I tell you?
Your baby face worked.

Take a look around.
I need to concentrate.

Good news. They're all bad.

None of them will stand a chance.

What did I tell ya?

I told you there would
be other Lauras.

- So what're you drawing?
- An Airbus 310.

- Why that?
- Because first prize is the A-310.

You're supposed to draw something
creative within a setting.

Shit!

I thought it was just to draw
that A-310 to win the prize.

Son of a bitch.

Only a baby
would make that mistake.

- I'll start again.
- No, no, no, there's no time.

- I give up.
- Don't worry

I have an idea.

A plane flying low,

surrounded by houses and buildings,

that should impress them.

Good idea.

Work on the shading, I think
that's your strong point.

Shh, take another look around.
I need to concentrate.

If I keep quiet, can I stay?

I might be able to help.

Time is almost up...

I'll get blue and gray
for the clouds.

Time's very nearly up.

In a few sceonds,
the contest will be over.

Ready? 3... 2... 1...

Time!

Thank you.

Young man... Thank you.

These two look good.

This one's the best.

The submissions were all very creative,

and everyone made
excellent masterpieces.

So.. Let's see...

Daniel Gueret...
Made the most elaborate one.

The realism is impressive.

- The clouds, the landscape...
- The landscape, what did I tell ya?

However, the theme
is too conventional,

so we decided to give it
2nd prize.

- What?
- The work of Sidonie Jacquin...

representing children giving
out potatoes on Earth

might be less detailed,
but is much more imaginative

and therefore deserves 1st place.

1st place goes to Sidonie Jacquin!

Please come up to receive your prize.

A miniature Airbus A310...

complete with remote control.

You idiot.

You could've drawn anything.

Won by another “Laura”.

Let's see what 2nd place gets.

Daniel Gueret? Congratulations.

Don't look so disappointed. You've
won one Dijon-Paris-Dijon pass.

Wow, that sucks.

No, it's our ticket back.

We can't go on wandering forever.

But it's only one.

Do you go to Paris
and I go to Dijon?

Hold on.

We both live in Versailles.

Could you exchange this
for two Dijon-Paris passes?

Another flight attendant will
see you two in Paris.

And congratulations on your drawing.

I'm not coming. I will stay here
with the flight attendant.

Stay here?

The plane is falling apart.

I'm also kinda scared, but there's
a first for everything.

I guess that's true but still...

I have an idea.

We can hold hands,
but it's only between us.

Sorry.

I've never flown in my life.

Take off will seem scary,
but it's safe.

Paris-Orly, arrival time
expected at 17:40...

I have a better idea.

Let's not go by plane.

Stop being such a wimp.

It'll be fun.

Do you know how much an
aeroplane weighs?

10 tonnes?

- 100 tons.
- 100 tons?

100 tons of metal just
waiting to fall.

Shit.

I hope I don't die a virgin.

If the plane begins to fail,
I'll hire a prostitute for you.

We're alive! We made it!

Well, I'm never doing that again.

Ah - the comfort of civilization.

Carpets, velvet, baths and my
half-clean shirt.

But we landed in reverse.

What do you mean?
Have you gone mad?

The important thing is
that we didn't explode.

And is that not crazy?

We didn't land in reverse.

You must've been dreaming.

2 minutes ago we were on a plane.
And now, we're on a train.

There was no transition.

When we landed, we took a bus

to get to the train station.

And since we had no money,
we snuck in.

Are you sure? I can't remember.

Look. We're still going
in reverse!

Better?

I think we're living in the past.

By the way,
we're no longer on the train.

I know. We're in front
of the station.

- I still don't know what's happened.
- That's alright.

We should accept that we aren't
very normal.

You're a romantic,
and I'm an oil box.

See ya, Guache-rock.

Theo!

Do you think our parents know
we lied?

If so I'm fucked.

And my mom would've died
of shock.

I'm pretty sure

I'll have to explain for hours.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Daniel!

Where have you been?
I was so worried.

Why did you lie to me?

So that you wouldn't worry.

That's okay. I understand.

You've cut your hair.

Now we can see your eyes,
how nice.

You've grown up, Daniel.

No, I'm just tired.

Gentlemen....

It's a little late to worry
about your mother.

Worrying as she suffocated.
And lying to us.

Now she's gone,
with this image of you.

How could you do this?

What were you thinking?

I hope your parents
scolded you too.

I won't let you
see Theo anymore.

What?

You're going to Grenoble
to live with your brother.

- What about school?
- Maybe you'll go to a new one.

So that you'll learn.

I don't want to see you anymore.

- That's ridiculous.
- It is ridiculous.

Thanks for your condolences,
but beat it kid.

You two've been together too long.

You'll get used to it.

Grenoble isn't such a bad place.

It'll be alright.

Maya Godin, Steve Lamoureux...

9th grade, section 4...

I think I heard my name.

Though, we're only changing
classes, right?

Eh, sure...

But next week we have to start
making friends with half the class.

Leave it to me.

Forget the past, we'll start
anew - it makes no difference.

Sure thing.

- We'll hit it off on the right day.
- Huh?

I mean, I don't know.
We'll see what happens.

Yeah, fair enough.

Jean-Jacques Rousseau once said:

“Let each person expose
his failings...”

And Gasoil?
He changed schools?

He's living in Grenoble now.

I think he's working
for his brother now.

Ah, I see. I guess
that makes sense.

He didn't look too happy
here anyway.

In my opinion I think
it's for the best.

Oh well...

I actually think it's better
for you now that he's left,

if I should say so myself.

Hey, wanna know a secret about him?

Sure.

Hmm?

What happened?

We'll take a look inside.

Daniel, turn around...

On the count of 3.
1... 2... 3.

I meant 7.

4... 5... 6... 7...

Damn...

MICROBE & GASOLINE

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