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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:12,972 --> 00:00:15,558 Geez, I don't even know where to begin. 2 00:00:16,643 --> 00:00:18,061 I just can't figure out men. 3 00:00:18,645 --> 00:00:20,897 Remember how in first grade, little boys would chase 4 00:00:20,897 --> 00:00:22,774 little girls around the playground? 5 00:00:22,982 --> 00:00:25,360 But whenever they'd catch one, they'd get all confused and 6 00:00:25,360 --> 00:00:27,320 embarrassed and wouldn't know what to do with them? 7 00:00:27,779 --> 00:00:30,573 That's... basically my love life. 8 00:00:33,284 --> 00:00:37,205 Um... well, my dating track record has always been a little, uh... 9 00:00:37,664 --> 00:00:39,707 less than satisfactory, I guess. 10 00:00:40,041 --> 00:00:42,418 Asking girls out has always scared the hell out of me 11 00:00:42,418 --> 00:00:45,713 because I'd always... you know, say the wrong things 12 00:00:45,713 --> 00:00:47,340 and get embarrassed and stuff. 13 00:00:47,965 --> 00:00:51,010 I guess I've always had sort of a self-esteem problem? 14 00:00:52,970 --> 00:00:57,141 I don't think I'm very attractive anyway, compared to most of my friends. 15 00:00:58,309 --> 00:01:00,311 I'm usually introduced as someone with... 16 00:01:01,229 --> 00:01:03,564 you know, a great personality or something. 17 00:01:04,816 --> 00:01:06,818 They said she had a great personality, 18 00:01:06,818 --> 00:01:08,611 so I was pretty excited about meeting her. 19 00:01:11,406 --> 00:01:13,533 It was my first blind date 20 00:01:13,533 --> 00:01:16,035 and I was pretty nervous that he... 21 00:01:16,035 --> 00:01:18,871 you know, wouldn't like me or I'd screw up somehow. 22 00:01:19,330 --> 00:01:21,416 I just wanted to make a good first impression. 23 00:01:23,876 --> 00:01:25,795 I'd never gone on a blind date before, 24 00:01:25,795 --> 00:01:27,797 and I really didn't think it was a good idea. 25 00:01:28,131 --> 00:01:32,301 But I figured I'd give the whole relationship thing one more shot. 26 00:01:33,302 --> 00:01:35,680 I really had nothing left to lose, you know? 27 00:01:47,650 --> 00:01:50,820 Noisy restaurant 28 00:01:58,327 --> 00:01:58,995 Um... 29 00:01:59,245 --> 00:02:01,038 A friend of mine recommended this restaurant. 30 00:02:01,873 --> 00:02:03,583 He said it was really romantic. 31 00:02:04,459 --> 00:02:06,127 Yeah, it... it's nice. 32 00:02:06,335 --> 00:02:10,506 Baby crying 33 00:02:11,215 --> 00:02:12,759 What does your friend do? 34 00:02:13,217 --> 00:02:14,719 He's an economic analyst. 35 00:02:15,094 --> 00:02:15,845 Oh. 36 00:02:18,055 --> 00:02:20,141 I once knew someone who had a dog. 37 00:02:23,728 --> 00:02:26,147 I don't think she ever ate at this restaurant though. 38 00:02:28,024 --> 00:02:30,276 Have you ever eaten here before? 39 00:02:30,985 --> 00:02:33,529 Nope! No, first time. 40 00:02:34,030 --> 00:02:35,573 Yeah. Heh. Me too. 41 00:02:36,991 --> 00:02:38,242 I heard the lobster's pretty good. 42 00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:39,535 Mmm, great! 43 00:02:39,744 --> 00:02:40,495 Yeah. 44 00:02:42,163 --> 00:02:44,081 Did... did you see that show last night? 45 00:02:44,624 --> 00:02:45,416 What show? 46 00:02:45,792 --> 00:02:47,710 You know, with that guy, that funny guy. 47 00:02:48,252 --> 00:02:49,086 Ummmm 48 00:02:50,171 --> 00:02:52,840 What's that show called, you know, it's on channel four... 49 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:53,674 You know, that guy... 50 00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:55,384 that guy with the things? 51 00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:57,053 You know, those things on his head? 52 00:02:57,053 --> 00:02:57,386 Nnn.. 53 00:02:57,386 --> 00:02:58,262 That show. 54 00:02:58,262 --> 00:03:00,765 No, w-why, what... what happened on it last night? 55 00:03:00,765 --> 00:03:03,476 Oh... it was really funny. 56 00:03:03,851 --> 00:03:04,685 Oh!... 57 00:03:05,311 --> 00:03:07,146 My cable got shut off last night 58 00:03:07,146 --> 00:03:10,233 so I...I didn't really... I didn't see much... um... 59 00:03:10,983 --> 00:03:13,861 Well... but I have a neighbor that does, uh... 60 00:03:14,153 --> 00:03:14,946 it's kinda... 61 00:03:15,154 --> 00:03:16,572 He does sock puppet theater. 62 00:03:17,198 --> 00:03:19,492 It's cool cuz he used to play soccer 63 00:03:19,492 --> 00:03:21,786 so he's got lots of these really different colored kinda socks. 64 00:03:27,542 --> 00:03:29,126 Have you ever done this before? 65 00:03:29,919 --> 00:03:31,128 Hm? Done... done what? 66 00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:33,256 This whole blind date thing. 67 00:03:34,507 --> 00:03:37,677 No, uh, this is actually my first one. 68 00:03:38,052 --> 00:03:39,470 Yeah, me too. 69 00:03:42,598 --> 00:03:43,474 Loud slurping 70 00:03:43,850 --> 00:03:44,600 loud slurping 71 00:03:44,976 --> 00:03:45,560 Hmmm 72 00:03:45,935 --> 00:03:46,602 Hmmm! 73 00:03:47,144 --> 00:03:48,187 Awkward laugh 74 00:03:51,107 --> 00:03:52,024 Hmmm! 75 00:03:52,358 --> 00:03:53,609 Hmmm! awkward laugh 76 00:03:56,404 --> 00:03:58,906 So, uh, where do you work? I heard you were in computers. 77 00:03:59,323 --> 00:04:02,201 Yeah! Yeah, I work for Raytech Systems. 78 00:04:02,201 --> 00:04:02,827 Mmm. 79 00:04:03,119 --> 00:04:07,415 Right now I'm developing new packet drivers for a binary protocol system 80 00:04:07,415 --> 00:04:08,499 my friend is programming. 81 00:04:08,499 --> 00:04:09,208 Huh. 82 00:04:09,417 --> 00:04:13,337 You see, we've been experiencing a lot of difficulty resolving the lPs 83 00:04:13,337 --> 00:04:16,883 It turns out that our ISDN wires were crossed. 84 00:04:17,383 --> 00:04:19,510 So, our network tech thought 85 00:04:19,510 --> 00:04:22,930 that a T1 or T2 would've been too quick for our C7 chip processor 86 00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:24,974 so we're going back to basics. 87 00:04:24,974 --> 00:04:25,725 Right. 88 00:04:26,017 --> 00:04:27,685 Wow, heh heh, how about that. 89 00:04:27,685 --> 00:04:29,186 Y-yeah. 90 00:04:34,025 --> 00:04:37,778 I read somewhere that most middle-aged Americans 91 00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:40,865 have ten pounds of undigested red meat in their colons. 92 00:04:41,949 --> 00:04:44,660 Hmm! Mhm... Hmmm. 93 00:04:49,248 --> 00:04:51,250 You know, that's really interesting 94 00:04:51,250 --> 00:04:53,252 cuz my father has a lot of blood in his stool. 95 00:04:54,378 --> 00:04:56,339 Hmmm! Heh heh... 96 00:04:58,049 --> 00:04:59,717 Are your parents from around here? 97 00:05:00,176 --> 00:05:01,052 No... 98 00:05:02,219 --> 00:05:05,348 Um, my parents were incinerated when I was three. 99 00:05:06,766 --> 00:05:07,600 Oh. 100 00:05:07,934 --> 00:05:08,726 Yeah... 101 00:05:08,726 --> 00:05:09,602 awkward laugh 102 00:05:10,311 --> 00:05:12,271 Seen any good movies lately? 103 00:05:12,271 --> 00:05:15,858 Yeah! Yeah I caught the new one downtown 104 00:05:15,858 --> 00:05:16,984 uh, that new, uh... 105 00:05:16,984 --> 00:05:17,818 Holocaust film. 106 00:05:18,152 --> 00:05:18,778 Oh. 107 00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:20,780 Yeaaahh... 108 00:05:20,780 --> 00:05:21,906 Yeah it was... 109 00:05:22,073 --> 00:05:23,658 pretty neat. 110 00:05:28,537 --> 00:05:30,623 I'm not much of a conversationalist, 111 00:05:30,623 --> 00:05:32,708 but I think things were going pretty well, otherwise. 112 00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:35,503 God, I hate small talk. 113 00:05:39,298 --> 00:05:40,299 Clears throat 114 00:05:40,716 --> 00:05:41,801 Hm. 115 00:05:42,885 --> 00:05:43,928 Loud slurping 116 00:05:46,430 --> 00:05:47,306 awkward laughs 117 00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:48,307 Hmm, heh. 118 00:05:50,977 --> 00:05:51,978 So... heh... 119 00:05:52,311 --> 00:05:53,437 Yeah... heh... 120 00:05:54,230 --> 00:05:55,731 Yeah.... soooo... 121 00:05:56,357 --> 00:05:56,983 clears throat 122 00:05:57,316 --> 00:05:58,401 Do you have any gum? 123 00:05:59,694 --> 00:06:02,029 After dinner, we left the restaurant 124 00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:04,573 and couldn't really think of anything good to do. 125 00:06:06,450 --> 00:06:08,911 Crickets 126 00:06:12,456 --> 00:06:14,208 So what do you feel like doing now? 127 00:06:14,500 --> 00:06:16,544 Uhhh... geez. 128 00:06:17,670 --> 00:06:19,714 I don't know, um... 129 00:06:20,297 --> 00:06:21,799 W-what do you wanna do? 130 00:06:24,218 --> 00:06:26,971 Um... well, we... we could umm... 131 00:06:26,971 --> 00:06:28,139 Hmm. 132 00:06:28,848 --> 00:06:30,057 I don't know, I... 133 00:06:31,100 --> 00:06:32,351 Yeah... 134 00:06:32,935 --> 00:06:33,936 You know... 135 00:06:35,021 --> 00:06:37,356 I'm really up for just about anything. 136 00:06:38,232 --> 00:06:40,401 Uh... yeah! Yeah, me too, uh... 137 00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:42,903 Do you drink coffee? 138 00:06:43,821 --> 00:06:44,989 Ummm. 139 00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:47,491 No. Not really. 140 00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:49,118 Oh... 141 00:06:49,994 --> 00:06:52,663 Because I thought maybe we could go back to my apartment 142 00:06:52,663 --> 00:06:54,206 for some coffee or something. 143 00:06:54,498 --> 00:06:55,958 I would love some coffee. 144 00:06:57,752 --> 00:06:59,712 She had a pretty nice apartment. 145 00:06:59,879 --> 00:07:02,173 After we got there we sat and talked and... 146 00:07:03,007 --> 00:07:04,592 drank coffee. Heh. 147 00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:06,635 I really don't like coffee 148 00:07:07,011 --> 00:07:09,346 and actually I'm extremely allergic to the caffeine. 149 00:07:09,555 --> 00:07:10,556 But, you know... 150 00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:12,850 I didn't want to ruin the evening or anything. 151 00:07:19,774 --> 00:07:20,775 Nnh. 152 00:07:22,693 --> 00:07:23,986 How's your coffee? 153 00:07:25,154 --> 00:07:26,155 Heh... strong. 154 00:07:26,405 --> 00:07:27,031 Is it? 155 00:07:27,281 --> 00:07:29,200 Yeah I-it's good though... 156 00:07:29,408 --> 00:07:31,452 I mean, you... you make a pretty mean cup of coffee, heh. 157 00:07:31,660 --> 00:07:32,578 Awkward laugh 158 00:07:32,912 --> 00:07:36,415 Thanks. Yeah I guess I... I kind of like it strong. 159 00:07:37,541 --> 00:07:38,250 Yeah. 160 00:07:38,417 --> 00:07:38,918 Heh. 161 00:07:42,046 --> 00:07:42,922 Um. 162 00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:45,758 You been drinking coffee long...? Uh.. 163 00:07:46,008 --> 00:07:46,509 Awkward laugh 164 00:07:51,764 --> 00:07:53,849 You know, I was, um... 165 00:07:54,683 --> 00:07:56,268 watching TV last night? 166 00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:57,061 Uh huh. 167 00:07:57,353 --> 00:07:58,979 And... have you seen that show... 168 00:08:00,481 --> 00:08:03,776 You know, that show with... with the lady? 169 00:08:04,193 --> 00:08:06,278 And she has like this crazy red curly hair? 170 00:08:06,695 --> 00:08:08,322 And she always runs around, like, 171 00:08:08,322 --> 00:08:10,699 and opens doors and slams them into people's faces 172 00:08:10,699 --> 00:08:11,492 do you know what I'm talking about? 173 00:08:11,784 --> 00:08:13,619 Like, the "I Love Lucy" show? 174 00:08:13,619 --> 00:08:15,371 No,no,no,no,no, it's like a newer show. 175 00:08:15,663 --> 00:08:16,205 Oh! 176 00:08:16,455 --> 00:08:17,957 Actually I really liked Lucy. 177 00:08:18,374 --> 00:08:18,999 Really. 178 00:08:19,291 --> 00:08:19,917 Yes. 179 00:08:20,543 --> 00:08:22,545 My mom used to kind of look like Lucy. 180 00:08:22,753 --> 00:08:23,379 She did? 181 00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:28,008 Well, not like Lucy when she was like, crushing-the-grapes Lucy? 182 00:08:28,217 --> 00:08:28,843 Yeah? 183 00:08:28,843 --> 00:08:29,718 But, like... 184 00:08:29,718 --> 00:08:33,013 you know the one with the candy and she was putting it in her blouse? 185 00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:33,889 Yeah,yeah,yeah! 186 00:08:34,056 --> 00:08:35,307 Yeah my mom ate a lot. 187 00:08:42,731 --> 00:08:44,358 You have very beautiful eyes. 188 00:08:45,776 --> 00:08:46,652 Thanks. 189 00:08:57,913 --> 00:08:58,873 Wanna watch TV? 190 00:09:03,627 --> 00:09:04,461 Sure. 191 00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:10,426 Loud, ridiculous sex noises 192 00:09:12,761 --> 00:09:16,473 Blah blah-blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah-blah blah blah 193 00:09:17,808 --> 00:09:20,561 Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! 194 00:09:20,561 --> 00:09:21,979 Explosions 195 00:09:21,979 --> 00:09:26,609 Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! 196 00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:33,073 There wasn't really anything good on TV. 197 00:09:35,492 --> 00:09:39,163 I turned off the TV and that's when I noticed that he looked really sick. 198 00:09:40,497 --> 00:09:44,084 I had a really bad allergic reaction to all the caffeine I drank, and um... 199 00:09:44,877 --> 00:09:47,922 my face kinda got swollen and bloated. 200 00:09:49,006 --> 00:09:52,176 I was feeling kind of nauseous and was having trouble breathing. 201 00:09:58,849 --> 00:09:59,767 Are you okay? 202 00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:02,645 Yeah! Yeah I'm fine, uh... 203 00:10:02,645 --> 00:10:03,812 how are you doin'? 204 00:10:04,313 --> 00:10:07,441 It... it's just that your face is all... puffy. 205 00:10:07,942 --> 00:10:08,734 Really? 206 00:10:08,734 --> 00:10:09,276 Yeah! 207 00:10:10,152 --> 00:10:11,987 Huh. I... I feel okay. 208 00:10:12,321 --> 00:10:12,988 You sure? 209 00:10:14,615 --> 00:10:17,409 Yeah I'm... I'm doin' great. 210 00:10:18,452 --> 00:10:20,371 Would you like some more coffee? 211 00:10:23,707 --> 00:10:26,210 I would love some more coffee. 212 00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:32,841 And I... I don't remember too much after that. 213 00:10:33,968 --> 00:10:35,803 He passed out on my couch. 214 00:10:45,688 --> 00:10:47,815 We exchanged phone numbers in the hospital 215 00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:49,483 and, well... 216 00:10:50,234 --> 00:10:51,277 that was that. 217 00:10:52,861 --> 00:10:55,281 I wanted to call her and ask her out again, but I... 218 00:10:55,698 --> 00:10:58,742 Darn it, I...I just don't think I made a very good first impression. 219 00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:02,871 He was really cute and I'd like to see him again, but-- 220 00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:05,416 I don't think he liked me very much. 221 00:11:06,667 --> 00:11:09,420 I mean, if she was interested she would've called me by now, right? 222 00:11:10,212 --> 00:11:12,631 Whatever, I mean, it's not like we were meant for each other 223 00:11:12,631 --> 00:11:15,092 on some... some cosmic level or anything. 224 00:11:15,968 --> 00:11:18,178 Women just don't understand me. 225 00:11:18,804 --> 00:11:22,808 Come to think of it, this is a problem that a lot of women seem to have. 226 00:11:24,018 --> 00:11:25,811 He probably would've eventually dumped me 227 00:11:25,811 --> 00:11:27,521 and I'd just realize what another pathetic, 228 00:11:27,521 --> 00:11:30,774 emotional delusion this whole dating thing was in the first place. 229 00:11:31,525 --> 00:11:33,068 What a jerk! 230 00:11:36,947 --> 00:11:39,283 You know, relationships are a lot like 231 00:11:39,283 --> 00:11:42,411 those little packets of condiments you get at fast food restaurants. 232 00:11:43,162 --> 00:11:46,874 They're these little magical things that can last forever on a shelf 233 00:11:46,874 --> 00:11:49,543 but once you open them up they go bad really fast. 234 00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:52,171 Sigh 235 00:11:52,338 --> 00:11:55,132 I just don't understand condiments. 236 00:12:00,137 --> 00:12:04,058 Piano music 16518

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