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1
00:01:01,580 --> 00:01:07,121
I'd just like to say thank you all
for being here for our first year,
2
00:01:07,122 --> 00:01:10,912
all of our lovely residents,
all looking so smart,
3
00:01:10,913 --> 00:01:16,726
and for choosing us here at Lark Hall,
and for having a bit of faith in us.
4
00:01:17,288 --> 00:01:19,912
And Merry Christmas!
5
00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:23,142
Merry Christmas!
6
00:01:25,955 --> 00:01:28,726
Merry Christmas.
7
00:01:33,038 --> 00:01:34,579
Cheers.
8
00:01:34,580 --> 00:01:37,476
And a Happy New Year.
9
00:01:44,497 --> 00:01:47,329
When a man grows old
10
00:01:47,330 --> 00:01:49,537
and his balls grow cold,
11
00:01:49,538 --> 00:01:53,476
and the tip of his prick turns blue...
12
00:01:55,247 --> 00:02:00,412
when it bends in the middle
like a one-stringed fiddle,
13
00:02:00,413 --> 00:02:03,809
he can tell us a tale or two.
14
00:02:06,205 --> 00:02:08,996
What did Father Christmas bring?
15
00:02:08,997 --> 00:02:11,601
I don't believe in him.
16
00:02:12,455 --> 00:02:15,142
I shan't see another Christmas.
17
00:02:16,038 --> 00:02:21,412
Mind you, if I was like her,
I'd shove my head in the gas oven.
18
00:02:40,413 --> 00:02:43,142
Uhhh...
19
00:02:45,622 --> 00:02:47,809
Mummy!
20
00:02:48,372 --> 00:02:49,912
Mum!
21
00:02:49,913 --> 00:02:52,642
What? I'm busy!
22
00:02:55,163 --> 00:02:57,287
Eugh!
23
00:02:57,288 --> 00:03:00,309
Arnold's dead.
24
00:03:09,872 --> 00:03:12,642
Try and be careful!
25
00:03:13,038 --> 00:03:15,829
Can I have my room back
now Arnold's dead?
26
00:03:15,830 --> 00:03:20,162
No. But you can get in this sleeping bag
when he's finished with it.
27
00:03:20,163 --> 00:03:23,142
Can we have a bit of respect, please?
28
00:03:23,622 --> 00:03:26,142
Don't go in that room, Eddie!
29
00:03:45,413 --> 00:03:48,496
No, you bloody lift him,
you idle monkey!
30
00:03:48,497 --> 00:03:53,579
- I'm not Daley shitting Thompson!
- All right, Father, keep your hair on!
31
00:03:53,580 --> 00:03:55,518
Set?
32
00:04:03,872 --> 00:04:06,787
I read it in The Daily Express.
33
00:04:06,788 --> 00:04:12,204
90% of small businesses go down
the tubes, apparently, in the first year.
34
00:04:12,205 --> 00:04:14,787
I should stop you reading that paper.
35
00:04:14,788 --> 00:04:19,162
Bloke in Scarborough hung himself
in his sporting goods shop.
36
00:04:19,163 --> 00:04:22,371
Yeah, but people don't need
sporting goods.
37
00:04:22,372 --> 00:04:25,704
They're always going to get old,
aren't they?
38
00:04:25,705 --> 00:04:28,809
It's just teething troubles, Steve.
39
00:04:29,122 --> 00:04:31,518
Kiss-kiss.
40
00:05:13,122 --> 00:05:15,621
What do you think you're playing at?
41
00:05:15,622 --> 00:05:18,079
I could have killed you!
42
00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:21,018
Oi! Come here!
43
00:05:24,247 --> 00:05:29,079
And on Boxing Day, we went to the top
of Skidby Windmill and I got badge.
44
00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:31,726
No, you got "a" badge.
45
00:05:32,122 --> 00:05:34,642
Edward?
46
00:05:41,122 --> 00:05:45,954
On Christmas Day, Arnold Doughty, 90,
went blue and died.
47
00:05:45,955 --> 00:05:49,976
So far, there has been
no communication from him.
48
00:06:02,455 --> 00:06:05,121
I think I've made a mistake, all right?
49
00:06:05,122 --> 00:06:08,912
- Just give it a day. Please.
- No, I'm fine, thank you.
50
00:06:08,913 --> 00:06:11,412
But we've just moved all that in.
51
00:06:11,413 --> 00:06:16,162
I'm moving it back out again.
All right? It's my things, isn't it?
52
00:06:16,163 --> 00:06:18,287
Who is he?
53
00:06:18,288 --> 00:06:23,142
Some gaga old fart Social Services
have sent. Lost his wife.
54
00:06:23,413 --> 00:06:26,287
Lives in a camper van. Like Popeye.
55
00:06:26,288 --> 00:06:31,621
Clarence! We can get your stuff just how
you like. Take as long as you want.
56
00:06:31,622 --> 00:06:35,037
- That's not a word.
- Yes, it is.
57
00:06:35,038 --> 00:06:37,912
- "Taxi".
- You're not playing properly.
58
00:06:37,913 --> 00:06:41,621
Remember your first day at school?
It's a bit like that.
59
00:06:41,622 --> 00:06:45,329
- It is a bit like that.
- The first night's the worst.
60
00:06:45,330 --> 00:06:48,579
- Oh!
- I went as mad as her, first few nights.
61
00:06:48,580 --> 00:06:52,746
Be quiet!
Otherwise the war will start again.
62
00:06:52,747 --> 00:06:57,621
A lot of jabbering simpletons
rushing about, wetting themselves.
63
00:06:57,622 --> 00:07:00,954
People you don't know
telling you what to do.
64
00:07:00,955 --> 00:07:04,142
- I'm off.
- Hey!
65
00:07:06,288 --> 00:07:08,809
Just give it a go.
66
00:07:12,622 --> 00:07:15,142
This is temporary.
67
00:07:20,580 --> 00:07:23,892
This is only temporary.
68
00:07:24,372 --> 00:07:25,829
OK.
69
00:07:25,830 --> 00:07:28,829
Why doesn't she let him go
if he wants to go?
70
00:07:28,830 --> 00:07:32,704
She should do.
Then I can move back into my old room.
71
00:07:32,705 --> 00:07:36,559
You can move back if you can pay us
50 quid a week.
72
00:07:38,205 --> 00:07:41,912
Tonight, haunted houses, ghost-hunting
73
00:07:41,913 --> 00:07:44,704
and the search for life after death.
74
00:07:44,705 --> 00:07:49,079
The most famous ghost-hunters
and their most famous cases.
75
00:07:55,872 --> 00:07:57,412
Lilian!
76
00:07:57,413 --> 00:08:02,079
- Your daughter is on the phone.
- Mavis? Really?
77
00:08:02,080 --> 00:08:04,371
Mavis, oh!
78
00:08:04,372 --> 00:08:08,621
Did a ghost leave these chilling
messages asking for prayers.
79
00:08:08,622 --> 00:08:12,537
What do you think of their chances?
Who's going to win?
80
00:08:12,538 --> 00:08:15,684
I wouldn't like to predict that, Phil.
81
00:08:16,288 --> 00:08:22,101
What do you want ringing wastefully from
Canada? A stamp costs hardly nothing!
82
00:08:22,497 --> 00:08:26,912
Mum! I want to watch "Arthur C. Clarke"!
Mum!
83
00:08:26,913 --> 00:08:29,412
What do you want doing with those?
84
00:08:29,413 --> 00:08:33,329
Clarence wants to watch
"One Man And His Dog". He's paying.
85
00:08:33,330 --> 00:08:36,371
- You're a naughty girl.
- It's about ghosts!
86
00:08:36,372 --> 00:08:38,621
We're all naughty girls.
87
00:08:38,622 --> 00:08:41,079
Oh, ball-bearings!
88
00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:45,704
Wouldn't mind being alone with that one
in a long, dark railway tunnel.
89
00:08:45,705 --> 00:08:49,079
- Can I get my wages, Kath?
- Sorry, yeah.
90
00:08:49,080 --> 00:08:52,579
It's very important.
It's about recording ghosts!
91
00:08:52,580 --> 00:08:56,579
He's saying what he does
when he wants to hunt them.
92
00:08:56,580 --> 00:08:59,496
Steve, come here!
93
00:08:59,497 --> 00:09:04,037
You want to say, "Would you mind
coming here if you're not too busy?"
94
00:09:04,038 --> 00:09:06,954
That's what I said.
Watch the TV upstairs.
95
00:09:06,955 --> 00:09:11,121
- You ordered me to come in there.
- The TV upstairs is haunted!
96
00:09:11,122 --> 00:09:15,496
Why don't you do it then?
Please, darling!
97
00:09:15,497 --> 00:09:18,704
Because I came in there last time,
dearest.
98
00:09:18,705 --> 00:09:21,621
- You didn't come over here last time.
- I did.
99
00:09:21,622 --> 00:09:24,371
Why don't you listen?
100
00:09:24,372 --> 00:09:27,996
Sorry, love.
Will you sort out the TV for him?
101
00:09:27,997 --> 00:09:31,412
Ena, you've pinched
the knives and forks again!
102
00:09:31,413 --> 00:09:33,434
Yes, sir.
103
00:09:34,455 --> 00:09:38,162
Arnold's ghost must have got into it
when he died.
104
00:09:38,163 --> 00:09:42,787
Arnold's ghost has better things to do
than hanging around in a telly.
105
00:09:42,788 --> 00:09:45,412
There, ghosts! Are you happy?
106
00:09:45,413 --> 00:09:49,829
Thermometers to detect
sudden fluctuations in temperature.
107
00:09:49,830 --> 00:09:52,121
And strange as it might seem,
108
00:09:52,122 --> 00:09:55,121
one might consider bringing
a dog or a cat
109
00:09:55,122 --> 00:09:59,746
as animals seem to react
to supernatural activity.
110
00:09:59,747 --> 00:10:03,246
Animals also provide
much-needed company.
111
00:10:03,247 --> 00:10:06,787
Price's methods were thorough
and no nonsense.
112
00:10:06,788 --> 00:10:12,204
Like many scientists of his generation,
he believed it was a matter of time.
113
00:10:12,205 --> 00:10:15,809
What do you think happens
when you die, Dad?
114
00:10:18,122 --> 00:10:21,412
Can't imagine it's all that different.
115
00:10:21,413 --> 00:10:24,579
A dog or cat allowed to roam freely.
116
00:10:24,580 --> 00:10:30,496
But most of all, it's imperative that the
entire building be cleared of inhabitants
117
00:10:30,497 --> 00:10:32,787
to allow the ghost-hunter to work
118
00:10:32,788 --> 00:10:36,412
in controlled conditions
without interruptions.
119
00:11:29,372 --> 00:11:31,351
Bastards.
120
00:11:43,372 --> 00:11:45,684
Hello, pigeon.
121
00:12:03,288 --> 00:12:05,809
Are you a magician?
122
00:12:06,580 --> 00:12:08,079
No.
123
00:12:08,080 --> 00:12:10,892
I'm a retired flasher.
124
00:12:12,913 --> 00:12:15,912
This used to be my room until Arnold came.
125
00:12:15,913 --> 00:12:18,287
Who's he when he's at home?
126
00:12:18,288 --> 00:12:22,601
He's not anybody now. He's dead.
He died in that bed.
127
00:12:24,455 --> 00:12:29,746
If you see anything supernatural,
do you think you can inform me?
128
00:12:29,747 --> 00:12:33,101
Do you think you can bugger off?
129
00:12:40,455 --> 00:12:46,309
Quack-quack!
130
00:12:58,163 --> 00:13:00,142
Ah, ah!
131
00:13:02,622 --> 00:13:04,912
Wuh. Wuh-wuh-wuh...
132
00:13:04,913 --> 00:13:07,412
- What?
- One out!
133
00:13:07,413 --> 00:13:10,642
Give me my ball back!
134
00:13:19,830 --> 00:13:21,892
Wuh-wuh-wuh...
135
00:13:26,580 --> 00:13:29,018
Come here!
136
00:13:30,830 --> 00:13:33,287
Come here while I kick you!
137
00:13:33,288 --> 00:13:36,037
You think they sent me here to be abused?
138
00:13:36,038 --> 00:13:38,892
Get stuffed!
139
00:13:44,955 --> 00:13:47,476
This is my house!
140
00:14:18,247 --> 00:14:23,309
Big hand's at six,
little hand's at eight, Eddie!
141
00:14:38,288 --> 00:14:40,809
Get out! Clear off!
142
00:14:47,913 --> 00:14:50,204
Come here, you lot!
143
00:14:50,205 --> 00:14:54,934
Come here, come on!
Never mind making a bid for freedom!
144
00:15:13,497 --> 00:15:16,829
It's all clear. False alarm.
145
00:15:16,830 --> 00:15:22,079
They are real people, not toys! They were
little boys and girls as well once!
146
00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:27,767
I don't want to live here! I want things
to be like they were. I want my room back!
147
00:15:28,997 --> 00:15:34,579
Mark my words! By the time he's 13,
he'll be sniffing glue out of a plastic bag!
148
00:15:34,580 --> 00:15:37,079
Thanks, Lilian.
149
00:15:37,080 --> 00:15:41,684
What did you want to say, Edward?
What do you want to say?
150
00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:04,601
Oh, where are you off to with a grump on?
Go on, get yourself off to school.
151
00:16:04,872 --> 00:16:08,392
Tell Mr Kelly
you had to go to the dentist.
152
00:16:10,163 --> 00:16:12,121
Idiots!
153
00:16:12,122 --> 00:16:14,142
Cow!
154
00:16:18,038 --> 00:16:20,162
Wankerer!
155
00:16:43,955 --> 00:16:46,037
Mummy!
156
00:16:46,038 --> 00:16:48,351
Dad!
157
00:16:55,997 --> 00:16:59,642
Easy way out. Coward's way out.
158
00:16:59,913 --> 00:17:04,809
Just, you know, a cry for help.
That's all. Classic.
159
00:17:05,622 --> 00:17:08,246
- A what?
- Never mind, big ears.
160
00:17:08,247 --> 00:17:13,371
Don't say, "That's all," Steve. How could
we let him get to that? Poor fella.
161
00:17:13,372 --> 00:17:17,809
We're going to have
to cheer this place up a bit.
162
00:17:41,830 --> 00:17:44,768
I'm very sorry for smacking you.
163
00:17:48,122 --> 00:17:50,642
Are you all right?
164
00:17:57,663 --> 00:18:00,184
Come here.
165
00:18:10,622 --> 00:18:13,642
You're very fortunate, you know.
166
00:18:13,913 --> 00:18:16,642
I never met my grandparents.
167
00:18:17,622 --> 00:18:22,726
And my mummy and daddy,
too far away for us to see them much.
168
00:18:23,580 --> 00:18:29,309
You've got all these old people around
with all these amazing stories.
169
00:18:30,288 --> 00:18:32,809
It's a privilege.
170
00:18:33,622 --> 00:18:35,954
At least I think it is.
171
00:18:35,955 --> 00:18:38,684
Do you...?
172
00:18:39,080 --> 00:18:41,976
Don't be scared of death, love.
173
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:45,142
It's all right to be sad.
174
00:18:45,622 --> 00:18:47,912
There's no point being scared.
175
00:18:47,913 --> 00:18:52,392
I'm not scared.
I just want to know what happens.
176
00:19:10,497 --> 00:19:14,434
- Nurse!
- I thought you might want your stuff.
177
00:19:15,788 --> 00:19:18,601
Draw that curtain round.
178
00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:22,309
And give me my left shoe.
179
00:19:27,038 --> 00:19:30,037
- Did you want one?
- No...
180
00:19:30,038 --> 00:19:32,101
Ta.
181
00:19:41,122 --> 00:19:43,996
Sorry for setting the fire bell off.
182
00:19:43,997 --> 00:19:47,579
Sorry I put a lot of talcum
on your floor and that.
183
00:19:47,580 --> 00:19:50,996
Sorry for not saying sorry
when you ran me over.
184
00:19:50,997 --> 00:19:54,351
And that time I chucked dirt on your head.
185
00:19:54,622 --> 00:19:59,434
That's an awful lot of things
to be sorry for at such a young age.
186
00:19:59,913 --> 00:20:02,434
Sorry.
187
00:20:05,038 --> 00:20:07,559
Are you a magician?
188
00:20:08,288 --> 00:20:11,642
- I gave it up.
- Why don't you start again?
189
00:20:12,622 --> 00:20:15,142
Do me a favour.
190
00:20:19,288 --> 00:20:21,601
When you...
191
00:20:22,163 --> 00:20:24,142
Did...
192
00:20:27,913 --> 00:20:30,954
Did you see any kind
of bright white light?
193
00:20:30,955 --> 00:20:34,476
Or a tunnel with Jesus at the end?
194
00:20:34,830 --> 00:20:37,537
As a matter of fact, I did.
195
00:20:37,538 --> 00:20:42,518
This cross-eyed little herbert turned up
and yanked me back out.
196
00:20:42,997 --> 00:20:46,642
That's what
you should be saying sorry for.
197
00:20:47,788 --> 00:20:51,704
That certain night
198
00:20:51,705 --> 00:20:55,079
The night we met
199
00:20:55,080 --> 00:21:00,746
There was magic abroad
200
00:21:00,747 --> 00:21:04,037
In the air
201
00:21:04,038 --> 00:21:06,442
There were angels
202
00:21:06,490 --> 00:21:11,707
dining at the Ritz
203
00:21:12,038 --> 00:21:16,097
And a nightingale sang
204
00:21:16,112 --> 00:21:21,327
in Berkeley Square.
205
00:21:38,288 --> 00:21:42,912
Can someone inform me
what the hell you think you're playing at?
206
00:21:42,913 --> 00:21:47,934
I'm stuck up here on my own
with nothing to keep my trousers up with!
207
00:21:57,038 --> 00:21:59,559
Welcome home.
208
00:22:14,622 --> 00:22:18,351
You know, if I want to top myself...
209
00:22:18,872 --> 00:22:21,601
I can jump out the window!
210
00:22:48,663 --> 00:22:51,412
There must be some way we can.
211
00:22:52,997 --> 00:22:57,579
- They say love will find a way. Always.
- I don't deserve love from you.
212
00:22:58,747 --> 00:23:03,537
What I deserve is these crippled legs.
And reflect on what I've done.
213
00:24:16,663 --> 00:24:19,184
Forget it.
214
00:24:34,163 --> 00:24:36,287
How much did that cost?
215
00:24:36,288 --> 00:24:39,746
You can't put a price on looking good,
chucklebum.
216
00:24:39,747 --> 00:24:42,642
How much is looking stupid?
217
00:24:43,372 --> 00:24:45,892
Nice hairdo, Stevie.
218
00:25:01,622 --> 00:25:04,642
You want to watch where you're going.
219
00:25:11,663 --> 00:25:13,787
Is this your grand passion?
220
00:25:13,788 --> 00:25:17,226
Yeah. But I'm not supposed to.
221
00:25:17,622 --> 00:25:20,079
They're all pictures of ghosts.
222
00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:23,746
When they took that,
there was no one there.
223
00:25:23,747 --> 00:25:26,392
Apart from that bloke.
224
00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:34,601
- Please, please!
- What?
225
00:25:35,830 --> 00:25:38,162
- What's his problem?
- Who?
226
00:25:38,163 --> 00:25:40,726
Flash Gordon.
227
00:25:43,038 --> 00:25:45,559
He was in a war.
228
00:25:48,580 --> 00:25:50,621
What about the others?
229
00:25:50,622 --> 00:25:54,371
Lilian's miserable. She trumps a lot.
Reg gets drunk.
230
00:25:54,372 --> 00:25:57,996
Elsie was a dancing teacher,
but now has a plastic leg.
231
00:25:57,997 --> 00:26:00,287
Prudence tears up toilet paper.
232
00:26:00,288 --> 00:26:05,204
Ena thinks she's still the King's
housemaid and can't stop stealing stuff.
233
00:26:05,205 --> 00:26:08,787
Clive's had a stroke,
so all he can say is, "One out".
234
00:26:08,788 --> 00:26:10,809
"Rage...
235
00:26:11,288 --> 00:26:14,642
"Rage against the dying of the light".
236
00:26:16,830 --> 00:26:20,329
The wheels on the bus go
round and round
237
00:26:20,330 --> 00:26:23,412
Round and round, round and round
238
00:26:23,413 --> 00:26:26,996
The wheels on the bus go
round and round
239
00:26:26,997 --> 00:26:29,412
All day long.
240
00:26:29,413 --> 00:26:33,746
They do go round and round,
don't they? Sometimes.
241
00:26:33,747 --> 00:26:37,329
The dogs on the bus go
woof, woof, woof
242
00:26:37,330 --> 00:26:40,079
Woof, woof, woof
Woof, woof, woof
243
00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:42,912
The dogs on the bus go
woof, woof, woof.
244
00:26:42,913 --> 00:26:45,037
Jesus Christ Almighty!
245
00:26:45,038 --> 00:26:48,579
All day long
All day long
246
00:26:48,580 --> 00:26:52,121
The babies on the bus go waa-waa-waa
247
00:26:52,122 --> 00:26:56,079
Waa-waa-waa
Waa-waa-waa.
248
00:26:56,080 --> 00:26:59,559
I can't put the two things together.
249
00:27:00,580 --> 00:27:03,412
Lived on my own.
250
00:27:03,413 --> 00:27:05,579
Well, myself and the missus.
251
00:27:05,580 --> 00:27:10,329
You live on your own all your life,
then they think it's a great idea
252
00:27:10,330 --> 00:27:13,746
to shove you together
with a load of strangers.
253
00:27:13,747 --> 00:27:17,079
And what do the mummies on the bus say?
Anyone?
254
00:27:17,080 --> 00:27:20,496
"Screw this," if they've got any sense.
255
00:27:20,497 --> 00:27:23,787
- Everybody all right?
- Yes, thank you.
256
00:27:23,788 --> 00:27:26,037
Nice to see you, Clarence.
257
00:27:26,038 --> 00:27:30,329
The mummies on the bus say
hush-hush-hush, hush-hush-hush.
258
00:27:30,330 --> 00:27:32,371
Oh, God.
259
00:27:32,372 --> 00:27:35,892
I know something that would cheer you up.
260
00:27:36,288 --> 00:27:38,621
You've got to be bleeding kidding!
261
00:27:38,622 --> 00:27:42,329
Have one of your beers.
I want to show you something.
262
00:27:42,330 --> 00:27:46,371
- Are you interested in ghosts?
- No, not in the slightest.
263
00:27:46,372 --> 00:27:48,496
- I am.
- So I gathered.
264
00:27:48,497 --> 00:27:50,829
I'm trying to catch them on tape.
265
00:27:50,830 --> 00:27:55,246
Where are you going?
There's nothing in it. It's all bollocks.
266
00:27:55,247 --> 00:27:57,934
- No, it's not.
- It is.
267
00:27:58,247 --> 00:28:02,537
"Samuel Peet - not dead, only sleeping".
268
00:28:02,538 --> 00:28:05,976
He's gonna be pissed off
when he wakes up.
269
00:28:08,205 --> 00:28:10,996
This is going to bring my piles down.
270
00:28:10,997 --> 00:28:13,518
I need a coin.
271
00:28:23,247 --> 00:28:26,579
Now you have to dance around it
a hundred times.
272
00:28:26,580 --> 00:28:31,392
Their hand comes out
and you can ask it questions. Come on.
273
00:28:33,413 --> 00:28:35,392
One.
274
00:28:36,622 --> 00:28:38,684
Two.
275
00:28:41,622 --> 00:28:43,976
98...
276
00:28:45,205 --> 00:28:48,287
- What's happening?
- Nothing much.
277
00:28:48,288 --> 00:28:50,601
99...
278
00:28:53,038 --> 00:28:55,517
100.
279
00:29:03,913 --> 00:29:09,246
There's lots of different ways to
contact them. S�ances and Ouija boards.
280
00:29:09,247 --> 00:29:11,621
You can stand in front of a mirror
281
00:29:11,622 --> 00:29:16,371
and say someone's name again
and again and again, then they'll appear.
282
00:29:16,372 --> 00:29:20,559
- Does this apply to anyone?
- No, you have to be dead.
283
00:29:32,997 --> 00:29:35,517
Is that your wife?
284
00:29:36,497 --> 00:29:39,017
She looks like Dame Edna.
285
00:29:40,580 --> 00:29:43,101
Shut up.
286
00:29:43,663 --> 00:29:45,787
Now it's good night from me.
287
00:29:45,788 --> 00:29:49,434
And it's good night from him.
Good night.
288
00:29:51,247 --> 00:29:54,121
Good. night!
289
00:29:54,122 --> 00:29:56,642
Good night, sweet ladies.
290
00:29:57,497 --> 00:30:02,601
Thanks for the mystery tour.
I'm not that bothered in the future.
291
00:30:03,080 --> 00:30:05,517
My name's Edward.
292
00:30:07,497 --> 00:30:10,017
Mine's Clarence.
293
00:30:13,288 --> 00:30:17,496
Simply because you're near me
294
00:30:17,497 --> 00:30:22,246
Honey, but when you're near me
295
00:30:22,247 --> 00:30:26,746
I'm in the mood for love
296
00:30:26,747 --> 00:30:31,037
Heaven is in your eyes
297
00:30:31,038 --> 00:30:35,412
Bright as the stars we're under
298
00:30:35,413 --> 00:30:39,746
Oh, is it any wonder
299
00:30:39,747 --> 00:30:44,287
I'm in the mood for love?
300
00:30:44,288 --> 00:30:48,746
Why stop to think of whether
301
00:30:48,747 --> 00:30:53,246
This little dream might fade?
302
00:30:53,247 --> 00:30:57,496
We've put our hearts together
303
00:30:57,497 --> 00:30:59,996
Now we are one
304
00:30:59,997 --> 00:31:02,496
I'm not afraid
305
00:31:02,497 --> 00:31:06,496
If there's a cloud above
306
00:31:06,497 --> 00:31:11,976
If it should rain, we'll let it
But for...
307
00:31:27,788 --> 00:31:30,309
Annie...
308
00:31:31,288 --> 00:31:33,642
Annie...
309
00:31:36,288 --> 00:31:39,017
Annie?
310
00:31:40,413 --> 00:31:42,809
Annie...
311
00:31:44,455 --> 00:31:47,142
Annie!
312
00:31:49,455 --> 00:31:51,976
Annie...
313
00:31:53,622 --> 00:31:56,017
Annie...
314
00:32:00,038 --> 00:32:02,017
Annie?
315
00:32:11,788 --> 00:32:14,142
Annie...
316
00:32:19,997 --> 00:32:23,329
- Right, I'm knocking off.
- That's a good idea.
317
00:32:23,330 --> 00:32:25,412
I'm off down The Ship.
318
00:32:25,413 --> 00:32:29,142
- Do you mind if I get changed in here?
- In...?
319
00:32:43,622 --> 00:32:46,537
Did you see "Top of the Pops" last night?
320
00:32:46,538 --> 00:32:49,246
No, I don't watch it.
321
00:32:49,247 --> 00:32:51,767
Who was on?
322
00:32:52,663 --> 00:32:56,309
- No, I... I don't watch it neither.
- No.
323
00:32:57,872 --> 00:33:00,162
Are you still with Mike or...?
324
00:33:00,163 --> 00:33:02,976
No, I packed him in.
325
00:33:03,455 --> 00:33:07,496
- We're both going away soon, so...
- University?
326
00:33:07,497 --> 00:33:10,912
- That's it.
- I wish I'd gone sometimes.
327
00:33:10,913 --> 00:33:16,579
I failed my Geography "A" level. There was
another question on the back of the page.
328
00:33:16,580 --> 00:33:22,567
I finished half an hour before everybody
else. I'm thinking, "They're bloody slow!"
329
00:33:25,205 --> 00:33:27,684
Do you want a lift?
330
00:33:28,288 --> 00:33:30,412
Yeah, if you like.
331
00:33:30,413 --> 00:33:33,642
Great. I'll just get me jacket on.
332
00:34:04,455 --> 00:34:08,746
You smell like a tart's window box,
Steve! What have you got on?
333
00:34:08,747 --> 00:34:13,184
Just something I were bought
for Christmas, you know.
334
00:34:21,788 --> 00:34:25,496
This is what I've got to look forward to,
is it?
335
00:34:25,497 --> 00:34:30,121
Can't you find something more
constructive to do? Learn a skill?
336
00:34:30,122 --> 00:34:33,017
I only want to know what happens.
337
00:34:33,413 --> 00:34:39,329
What happens is... is you think the
last thought you're ever gonna think
338
00:34:39,330 --> 00:34:44,309
and then whatever it was
that used to be you... just goes.
339
00:34:44,622 --> 00:34:49,684
Christ, it'd be lovely!
I've got lots of things I'd like to say.
340
00:34:50,455 --> 00:34:53,746
But the curtain's come down,
unfortunately.
341
00:34:53,747 --> 00:34:55,787
That's horrible!
342
00:34:55,788 --> 00:35:01,142
It can't just be black! Don't take
the piss! It can't just be black!
343
00:35:23,580 --> 00:35:26,204
Are you waiting for someone?
344
00:35:26,205 --> 00:35:28,537
Yes, a little lad.
345
00:35:31,413 --> 00:35:34,287
Your grandson, is he?
346
00:35:34,288 --> 00:35:36,037
No.
347
00:35:36,038 --> 00:35:38,412
Just a little lad.
348
00:35:52,288 --> 00:35:54,642
Gaylord!
349
00:35:59,788 --> 00:36:02,912
You don't have to come and get me.
350
00:36:02,913 --> 00:36:06,246
Don't you want a game?
Nice weather for one.
351
00:36:06,247 --> 00:36:08,726
I don't like football.
352
00:36:09,205 --> 00:36:11,200
I was wondering...
353
00:36:11,252 --> 00:36:15,798
if you might accompany
me on an expedition?
354
00:36:24,205 --> 00:36:27,309
Two fat ladies, 88.
355
00:36:29,372 --> 00:36:31,496
The bulb's broken.
356
00:36:31,497 --> 00:36:34,892
Doesn't matter. The darker, the better.
357
00:36:43,038 --> 00:36:46,142
Now, for those of you...
358
00:36:46,622 --> 00:36:49,829
who have never before sat at a s�ance,
359
00:36:49,830 --> 00:36:54,412
there is absolutely nothing
to be fearful of.
360
00:36:54,413 --> 00:36:57,121
Ghosts are very friendly sorts.
361
00:36:57,122 --> 00:36:59,704
They like a nice little chinwag.
362
00:36:59,705 --> 00:37:03,787
But they're very scared of loud noises
363
00:37:03,788 --> 00:37:06,204
and sudden movements
364
00:37:06,205 --> 00:37:10,329
which is the reason
why they're very rarely to be sighted
365
00:37:10,330 --> 00:37:13,621
in discos and wrestling matches,
for example.
366
00:37:13,622 --> 00:37:17,412
You shouldn't joke.
It'll make 'em vengeful.
367
00:37:17,413 --> 00:37:22,142
Spirits, please accept
my mortal apologies.
368
00:37:25,955 --> 00:37:31,559
Now, who are we hoping
to contact tonight?
369
00:37:32,038 --> 00:37:36,184
- Anyone.
- OK, we'll try for anyone.
370
00:37:37,522 --> 00:37:39,872
Is there anybody there?
371
00:37:41,240 --> 00:37:44,656
Is there anybody there?
372
00:37:47,705 --> 00:37:51,121
Is someone in here?
373
00:37:54,580 --> 00:37:56,787
- Who is it?
- Arnold?
374
00:37:59,788 --> 00:38:01,746
Someone else?
375
00:38:04,455 --> 00:38:06,037
Who?
376
00:38:06,038 --> 00:38:09,684
It's "yes or no" questions only, I think.
377
00:38:10,080 --> 00:38:12,412
Is there life after death?
378
00:38:14,413 --> 00:38:17,184
- What's it like?
- Is it nice?
379
00:38:17,622 --> 00:38:20,912
Are there any ghosts in this house?
380
00:38:20,913 --> 00:38:22,829
Oh!
381
00:38:22,830 --> 00:38:27,912
Are there any nice ghosts in this house
that don't want to scare anyone
382
00:38:27,913 --> 00:38:30,642
or cause any bother or nothing?
383
00:38:35,622 --> 00:38:37,351
Yeah.
384
00:38:51,122 --> 00:38:55,204
Happy birthday to you
385
00:38:55,205 --> 00:39:00,579
Happy birthday, dear Edward
386
00:39:00,580 --> 00:39:05,537
Happy birthday to you!
387
00:39:05,538 --> 00:39:08,954
- Eddie, good morning!
- Good morning.
388
00:39:10,913 --> 00:39:13,351
- Do you like it?
- Yeah.
389
00:39:22,288 --> 00:39:24,226
Thanks.
390
00:39:25,288 --> 00:39:28,142
I'm going to have a shave.
391
00:39:30,830 --> 00:39:34,351
Can I have a kiss, please...?
Thank you.
392
00:39:37,663 --> 00:39:42,018
It's a special and glorious day today.
393
00:39:42,288 --> 00:39:45,829
- Yeah.
- Canada is a country.
394
00:39:45,830 --> 00:39:49,595
And my big
God-bothering girl Mavis
395
00:39:49,656 --> 00:39:52,747
is coming from there
to see me today!
396
00:39:52,997 --> 00:39:56,329
With her husband
who's got a plate in his head.
397
00:39:56,330 --> 00:40:00,912
Of course, she's not a girl now,
little man. She's 66 years old.
398
00:40:00,913 --> 00:40:02,996
I'm 11!
399
00:40:02,997 --> 00:40:07,079
Well, she's six times better than you are,
isn't she?
400
00:40:18,580 --> 00:40:20,579
Steve!
401
00:40:20,580 --> 00:40:23,392
- What?
- Come here!
402
00:40:30,122 --> 00:40:32,371
Oh, fantastic
403
00:40:42,413 --> 00:40:46,309
Someone answer the door!
404
00:40:48,788 --> 00:40:52,412
Who do you think you are?
Lord and Lady Aggleshite?
405
00:40:52,413 --> 00:40:54,537
Tradesman's entrance!
406
00:40:54,538 --> 00:40:56,912
Well, shake a leg!
407
00:40:56,913 --> 00:40:58,746
- Oh!
- Got her.
408
00:40:58,747 --> 00:41:01,412
- Mum!
- Happy birthday, mate.
409
00:41:01,413 --> 00:41:04,496
- Back to your room! Quick sharp!
- Is she dead?
410
00:41:04,497 --> 00:41:06,912
No, she's fine, she's fine.
411
00:41:11,788 --> 00:41:14,412
What's all the fuss about?
412
00:41:14,413 --> 00:41:16,954
She's had it. She's only just died!
413
00:41:16,955 --> 00:41:20,142
Now stop that. Stop what you're doing!
414
00:41:35,705 --> 00:41:39,184
She's just in her room with her things.
415
00:41:43,413 --> 00:41:45,934
It's hard to know what to say.
416
00:41:59,580 --> 00:42:03,621
Eddie, I'm worried
this is how the Yorkshire Ripper started.
417
00:42:03,622 --> 00:42:06,746
He won't end up
like the Yorkshire Ripper!
418
00:42:06,747 --> 00:42:09,121
Why are you so bloody morbid?
419
00:42:09,122 --> 00:42:12,704
- Cos I live here!
- We are doing our best!
420
00:42:12,705 --> 00:42:15,579
We used to go away for the day
on my birthday.
421
00:42:15,580 --> 00:42:19,184
It doesn't entitle you
to do what you like!
422
00:42:27,038 --> 00:42:29,101
Oh!
423
00:42:33,622 --> 00:42:36,392
I heard Lilian's ghost.
424
00:42:36,705 --> 00:42:41,371
It went "uuuuhhhh".
And I was too thick to turn the tape on.
425
00:42:41,372 --> 00:42:47,079
That's the sound of the air passing over
the vocal cords as it comes out the lungs.
426
00:42:47,080 --> 00:42:49,809
No, it's not.
427
00:42:50,205 --> 00:42:52,329
Can we do another s�ance?
428
00:42:52,330 --> 00:42:56,704
The proper reaction is to mourn
and celebrate their achievements
429
00:42:56,705 --> 00:42:59,329
as human beings, then try to move on,
430
00:42:59,330 --> 00:43:02,246
not stick a microphone up their nose!
431
00:43:02,247 --> 00:43:06,329
I used to have a room
with Paddington Bear wallpaper.
432
00:43:06,330 --> 00:43:10,787
Yeah, well, I used to have
a beautiful wife and all my own teeth.
433
00:43:10,788 --> 00:43:15,496
Your life changes, buster.
And not always for the better.
434
00:43:15,497 --> 00:43:20,768
You accumulate regrets
and they stick to you like old bruises.
435
00:43:23,622 --> 00:43:26,226
Sorry.
436
00:43:36,080 --> 00:43:38,726
Many happy returns of the day.
437
00:43:41,580 --> 00:43:44,101
I'll teach you a few tricks.
438
00:43:44,997 --> 00:43:47,579
I'll do you a magic show.
439
00:43:47,580 --> 00:43:50,579
And you can rub out all of today.
440
00:43:50,580 --> 00:43:53,184
And you can ask your pals.
441
00:43:53,622 --> 00:43:56,246
I don't want a party.
442
00:43:56,247 --> 00:44:00,934
Join hands and make contact
with the living, son!
443
00:44:01,997 --> 00:44:04,954
You've got to keep it hidden, see?
444
00:44:04,955 --> 00:44:07,934
Keep it in the knuckles. Go on.
445
00:44:09,663 --> 00:44:12,704
You're lucky. You're still flexible.
446
00:44:12,705 --> 00:44:15,018
Go on.
447
00:44:15,455 --> 00:44:18,018
Now make it disappear.
448
00:44:19,288 --> 00:44:21,601
Go on!
449
00:44:23,580 --> 00:44:26,246
Pick it up.
450
00:44:26,247 --> 00:44:28,726
Start again.
451
00:44:29,122 --> 00:44:32,642
It doesn't start until September, does it?
452
00:44:33,413 --> 00:44:35,351
Tanya!
453
00:44:36,080 --> 00:44:39,892
God Almighty! Poor bunch of pricks!
454
00:44:40,830 --> 00:44:43,287
Go on, ask him.
455
00:44:43,288 --> 00:44:45,809
Ask him about your party.
456
00:44:46,288 --> 00:44:48,412
Good afternoon, Bob.
457
00:44:48,413 --> 00:44:52,704
I don't understand.
It doesn't take five months to pack!
458
00:44:52,705 --> 00:44:55,809
Tragic, isn't it?
459
00:44:57,122 --> 00:45:02,142
What were her achievements, then?
What was she like?
460
00:45:03,122 --> 00:45:07,392
She was a manipulative,
passive aggressive...
461
00:45:07,788 --> 00:45:10,309
unkind old asshole.
462
00:45:22,743 --> 00:45:28,537
Wish me luck
as you wave me goodbye
463
00:45:29,268 --> 00:45:31,579
Cheerio, here I go
464
00:45:31,580 --> 00:45:34,204
On my way.
465
00:45:34,205 --> 00:45:38,121
Tanya's resigned!
Can you believe that?
466
00:45:38,122 --> 00:45:42,121
- She's what?
- Can I have a party? I was a prick.
467
00:45:42,122 --> 00:45:46,579
- Where did you pick up that?
- Did she give any details?
468
00:45:46,580 --> 00:45:48,996
- I want a magic show.
- You were naughty.
469
00:45:48,997 --> 00:45:51,287
- Go on.
- Details?
470
00:45:51,288 --> 00:45:53,621
- Mum!
- Eddie, get off our backs!
471
00:45:53,622 --> 00:45:56,204
We've got this bloomin' wake.
472
00:45:56,205 --> 00:46:00,912
'Til we meet once again,
you and I
473
00:46:00,913 --> 00:46:05,954
Wish me luck
as you wave me goodbye!
474
00:46:05,955 --> 00:46:09,309
Maybe we should have a wee dance?
475
00:46:09,788 --> 00:46:13,537
The dancers have all gone under the hill,
my dear.
476
00:46:13,538 --> 00:46:19,246
With a cheer, not a tear
Make it gay.
477
00:46:19,247 --> 00:46:24,746
Ohhh, go on, then. It'll do you good
to have some other kids around.
478
00:46:24,747 --> 00:46:30,204
- She must have said why.
- I don't know why you're so upset.
479
00:46:30,205 --> 00:46:33,121
It's me who'll cop for the extra work.
480
00:46:33,122 --> 00:46:35,996
Cos I do sod all around here, don't I?
481
00:46:35,997 --> 00:46:40,976
You know, sometimes I wish
we did go bloody bankrupt!
482
00:46:42,122 --> 00:46:46,101
'Til we meet once again, you and I
483
00:46:47,913 --> 00:46:53,142
Wish me luck
as you wave me goodbye!
484
00:46:59,455 --> 00:47:04,142
Find the Lady. 5 will get you 10,
10 will get you 20. Money in.
485
00:47:04,997 --> 00:47:07,351
Where is it?
486
00:47:07,830 --> 00:47:10,829
No. There she is.
487
00:47:10,830 --> 00:47:13,621
- Not so bad here, is it?
- No.
488
00:47:13,622 --> 00:47:16,412
And the vicar says,
489
00:47:16,413 --> 00:47:20,703
"Madam, this is a ladies bike.
490
00:47:20,764 --> 00:47:23,681
It doesn't have a crossbar".
491
00:47:27,122 --> 00:47:29,642
You see...
492
00:47:30,122 --> 00:47:36,018
she thought she was sitting on
the crossbar all the way from Keighley.
493
00:47:37,497 --> 00:47:41,018
- But it was his stiffy.
- Yep.
494
00:47:43,455 --> 00:47:46,309
- Everyone all right?
- Yeah.
495
00:47:50,080 --> 00:47:52,601
Fucking Christians.
496
00:47:54,413 --> 00:47:59,079
You use two panes of very polished glass
for Pepper's Ghost.
497
00:47:59,080 --> 00:48:01,412
At an angle like that.
498
00:48:01,413 --> 00:48:04,162
Annie lies there. Well, your assistant.
499
00:48:04,163 --> 00:48:07,037
- You've had this.
- What?
500
00:48:07,038 --> 00:48:12,537
- You've already had this week's money.
- I do not believe I have had this week's.
501
00:48:12,538 --> 00:48:15,768
- Don't you?
- No, sunshine, I don't.
502
00:48:16,247 --> 00:48:21,351
- Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
- Bugger off!
503
00:48:25,622 --> 00:48:29,746
It can just be very small-scale.
It could just be me and you.
504
00:48:29,747 --> 00:48:32,912
- What could?
- My birthday party.
505
00:48:32,913 --> 00:48:37,996
I have been trying to draw you out of
yourself, in case you hadn't twigged.
506
00:48:37,997 --> 00:48:40,912
God, what's the worst that could happen?
507
00:48:40,913 --> 00:48:43,037
Kids eat some cake
508
00:48:43,038 --> 00:48:47,094
and we lift the grim bloody
pallor of mortality,
509
00:48:47,176 --> 00:48:49,914
for a few glorious moments.
510
00:48:50,122 --> 00:48:52,642
OK, this one.
511
00:48:53,663 --> 00:48:56,787
Got. Got. Need.
512
00:48:56,788 --> 00:48:59,976
- Oi.
- What?
513
00:49:00,872 --> 00:49:04,809
- Have we got PE?
- Of course. Spastic.
514
00:49:08,788 --> 00:49:11,142
Hey.
515
00:49:13,913 --> 00:49:16,476
Shit!
516
00:49:20,788 --> 00:49:22,246
Wow!
517
00:49:22,247 --> 00:49:25,537
- Do it again.
- The light is on!
518
00:49:25,538 --> 00:49:28,579
The light is on!
519
00:49:28,580 --> 00:49:33,537
You've got to flex it
between your knuckles. Don't drop it.
520
00:49:33,538 --> 00:49:37,829
Flex it in your what-nots.
Bleedin' hell.
521
00:49:37,830 --> 00:49:40,976
You've got to practise, you know.
522
00:49:41,455 --> 00:49:47,309
Have you been prac...
Give us your whatsit's doo-dah there.
523
00:49:48,122 --> 00:49:51,184
You're not going to leave, are you?
524
00:49:52,122 --> 00:49:55,476
Why do you write so much on your arms?
525
00:49:56,497 --> 00:50:01,371
Shall we go and get some magical items
for your party?
526
00:50:01,372 --> 00:50:06,829
Don't jump off the roof, Dad
You'll make a big hole in the yard
527
00:50:06,830 --> 00:50:10,579
Mother's just planted petunias
528
00:50:10,580 --> 00:50:14,162
The weeding and seeding was hard
529
00:50:14,163 --> 00:50:17,579
If you must end it all, Dad
530
00:50:17,580 --> 00:50:20,746
Why don't you give us a break?
531
00:50:20,747 --> 00:50:24,746
Take a walk in the park, Dad
532
00:50:24,747 --> 00:50:28,579
And there you can jump in the lake!
533
00:50:31,080 --> 00:50:34,101
Oops-a-daisy!
534
00:50:36,122 --> 00:50:38,579
This is where we are, then.
535
00:50:38,580 --> 00:50:43,768
Find some items
to make your party go with a swing.
536
00:50:51,122 --> 00:50:53,246
It's funny.
537
00:50:53,247 --> 00:50:55,912
You spend your life accumulating stuff
538
00:50:55,913 --> 00:51:00,101
and then you can't find anywhere
to put it.
539
00:51:02,497 --> 00:51:05,018
Imagine that.
540
00:51:05,497 --> 00:51:08,642
Imagine all the money I've spent.
541
00:51:09,122 --> 00:51:12,184
All the bloody work I've done.
542
00:51:25,872 --> 00:51:27,912
There.
543
00:51:27,913 --> 00:51:30,579
I had a fine woman, you know.
544
00:51:30,580 --> 00:51:33,434
She was very artistic.
545
00:51:33,913 --> 00:51:36,309
Very gentle.
546
00:51:37,663 --> 00:51:39,996
We were very happy.
547
00:51:39,997 --> 00:51:42,579
- What does this do?
- Tells the time.
548
00:51:42,580 --> 00:51:47,621
- Is it magic?
- No. It's a grandfather clock.
549
00:51:47,622 --> 00:51:52,412
You've got to give them the patter,
otherwise they'll latch on to you.
550
00:51:52,413 --> 00:51:56,537
- What's patter?
- She was very good at that as well.
551
00:51:56,538 --> 00:51:59,768
She helped me write my funny lines.
552
00:52:01,122 --> 00:52:04,142
I met her at Euston Station.
553
00:52:04,622 --> 00:52:07,079
Well, I saw her.
554
00:52:07,080 --> 00:52:10,018
She passed me by.
555
00:52:10,497 --> 00:52:12,579
I went after her.
556
00:52:12,580 --> 00:52:17,579
I had a ten-bob note in my pocket.
You don't see them any more.
557
00:52:17,580 --> 00:52:19,621
They were red.
558
00:52:19,622 --> 00:52:23,746
So I took it out and I said,
"Excuse my intrusion, Miss,
559
00:52:23,747 --> 00:52:26,537
"but I think you might have dropped this".
560
00:52:26,538 --> 00:52:31,392
And she said,
"Oh, gosh! I did. Thank you".
561
00:52:31,872 --> 00:52:33,809
Yeah.
562
00:52:34,288 --> 00:52:37,392
So I took her to Lyons Corner House.
563
00:52:38,122 --> 00:52:41,934
We had a long bun, as it were.
564
00:52:43,455 --> 00:52:47,142
And that, as they say, was that.
565
00:52:52,955 --> 00:52:55,351
Oh, God.
566
00:52:59,663 --> 00:53:03,912
I haven't the faintest idea
why they scrapped 'em.
567
00:53:03,913 --> 00:53:07,976
Tanners and florins and shillings.
568
00:53:08,580 --> 00:53:13,329
You don't know what change
you're getting nowadays. And...
569
00:53:13,330 --> 00:53:15,642
And...
570
00:53:17,080 --> 00:53:20,184
Where is this?
571
00:53:26,247 --> 00:53:29,142
Clarence?
572
00:53:30,122 --> 00:53:32,204
- Patter.
- What?!
573
00:53:32,205 --> 00:53:36,809
- Misdirection.
- Clarence, you're...! Clarence!
574
00:53:50,372 --> 00:53:52,496
Sorry, I...
575
00:53:52,497 --> 00:53:57,371
Don't jump off the roof, Dad
576
00:53:57,372 --> 00:54:01,684
You'll make a hole in the yard.
577
00:54:06,497 --> 00:54:09,392
You OK?
578
00:54:26,122 --> 00:54:28,579
When I was a nipper,
579
00:54:28,580 --> 00:54:30,746
I used to...
580
00:54:30,747 --> 00:54:35,287
I remember looking up,
lying on my back,
581
00:54:35,288 --> 00:54:39,142
and looking up at the stars
582
00:54:39,622 --> 00:54:43,621
and thinking
what a great, big university it is.
583
00:54:43,622 --> 00:54:45,579
Universe.
584
00:54:45,580 --> 00:54:51,568
And all them stars, well, you know,
now they're very, very small.
585
00:54:53,455 --> 00:54:57,079
It's all... shut up shop
586
00:54:57,080 --> 00:55:00,787
and the stars, you know,
they don't...
587
00:55:00,788 --> 00:55:03,184
what-not.
588
00:55:05,663 --> 00:55:09,184
And the whole... bloody thing
589
00:55:11,122 --> 00:55:13,412
has ended up...
590
00:55:13,413 --> 00:55:15,976
on little...
591
00:55:18,122 --> 00:55:20,642
me.
592
00:55:23,580 --> 00:55:26,518
You can take it to a garage.
593
00:55:26,872 --> 00:55:29,934
What? Oh!
594
00:55:38,788 --> 00:55:41,704
You see, when you die...
595
00:55:41,705 --> 00:55:45,017
then you come back to life.
596
00:55:45,497 --> 00:55:49,579
You know, actually,
you're born again.
597
00:55:49,580 --> 00:55:52,121
Then you die again
598
00:55:52,122 --> 00:55:55,642
and, afterwards, you come back to life.
599
00:55:59,122 --> 00:56:01,809
Sounds exhausting.
600
00:56:04,247 --> 00:56:08,309
I want to come back as an animal.
601
00:56:08,788 --> 00:56:12,537
A rabbit or a badger.
Or something.
602
00:56:12,538 --> 00:56:16,621
- I like badgers.
- What's so good about badgers?
603
00:56:16,622 --> 00:56:21,579
I like badgers because they're
bad-tempered and they look good.
604
00:56:21,580 --> 00:56:26,101
And...
you can make sporrans out of badgers.
605
00:56:27,122 --> 00:56:31,746
But if you came back as a person,
you get a chance to put it right again.
606
00:56:31,747 --> 00:56:34,079
Let me tell you a secret.
607
00:56:34,080 --> 00:56:37,246
Being a person is a pain in the arse.
608
00:56:37,247 --> 00:56:41,142
- No, it's not!
- Yes, it is!
609
00:56:46,288 --> 00:56:49,184
- Clarence?
- What?
610
00:56:49,663 --> 00:56:53,787
If you die,
will you come back and see me?
611
00:56:53,788 --> 00:56:57,162
Jesus wept! Chuck that thing away!
612
00:56:57,163 --> 00:57:01,892
Chuck it away!
Chuck my bloody tricks away!
613
00:57:17,497 --> 00:57:20,162
What did you do that for?!
614
00:57:20,163 --> 00:57:24,912
I'm pissing against the wind.
I'm drenching my mackintosh.
615
00:57:24,913 --> 00:57:28,101
You don't come back, son!
616
00:57:28,580 --> 00:57:32,017
Once they've gone, you can't talk to them!
617
00:57:33,122 --> 00:57:38,246
If I could just say to her, "I'm sorry".
If I could tell her I was bloody sorry,
618
00:57:38,247 --> 00:57:41,309
what a difference that would make.
619
00:57:41,788 --> 00:57:46,912
- She's dead, son! She divorced me.
- Who?
620
00:57:46,913 --> 00:57:49,621
Annie. I wouldn't settle down.
621
00:57:49,622 --> 00:57:55,559
I couldn't keep it in my trousers.
I was a good-looking fella.
622
00:57:57,663 --> 00:58:02,017
Then one day I came back home
and she'd...
623
00:58:06,497 --> 00:58:11,642
Many years later,
I got a letter saying that she'd...
624
00:58:14,872 --> 00:58:18,392
I was too late for her bloody funeral!
625
00:58:20,413 --> 00:58:23,976
I've never even seen her grave!
626
00:58:25,122 --> 00:58:27,329
It's hard...
627
00:58:27,330 --> 00:58:32,579
to get this far and realise
there's absolutely bloody nothing!
628
00:58:32,580 --> 00:58:36,537
- You said you were happy.
- Who's happy?
629
00:58:36,538 --> 00:58:41,579
- We could do another s�ance.
- Don't be retarded. I made it up.
630
00:58:41,580 --> 00:58:45,037
- What?
- Sod off! I want to be by myself.
631
00:58:45,038 --> 00:58:49,037
- Clear your own stuff up!
- I will!
632
00:58:49,038 --> 00:58:51,976
Badgers are stupid!
633
00:59:05,497 --> 00:59:08,579
- Sorry, love!
- Coo-ee!
634
00:59:08,580 --> 00:59:14,142
- You getting your rabbit in your hat?
- No, I'm shoving it up your bum!
635
00:59:33,872 --> 00:59:36,621
Makes you think, doesn't it?
636
00:59:36,622 --> 00:59:38,246
No.
637
00:59:38,247 --> 00:59:42,579
I wasn't really thinking
about anything very much.
638
00:59:42,580 --> 00:59:45,684
I was thinking about having my dinner.
639
00:59:48,288 --> 00:59:54,142
No, I mean about life being too short.
All that balls.
640
00:59:56,288 --> 00:59:59,309
What's the matter, Stevie?
641
01:00:02,663 --> 01:00:06,579
Kath and I used to have
an awful lot of fun.
642
01:00:06,580 --> 01:00:09,121
It just seems to escape you.
643
01:00:09,122 --> 01:00:11,371
Oh, Christ, Tanya.
644
01:00:11,372 --> 01:00:15,329
Don't go to university.
Stay here. We could date.
645
01:00:15,330 --> 01:00:17,996
- What?!
- Do you think I'm attractive?
646
01:00:17,997 --> 01:00:21,412
- Hold your horses! I'm 18.
- It's fantastic.
647
01:00:21,413 --> 01:00:25,246
- What are you? Like 45?
- No, I'm 39!
648
01:00:25,247 --> 01:00:28,309
Going on bloody geriatric!
649
01:00:30,788 --> 01:00:35,912
Kidder? I'm thinking
of doing the Card-Finding Duck.
650
01:00:35,913 --> 01:00:37,912
Go away!
651
01:00:37,913 --> 01:00:41,829
- It takes two people.
- Tough titty!
652
01:00:41,830 --> 01:00:44,976
I don't want any bloody magic!
653
01:00:52,788 --> 01:00:58,537
Ranjit, who in the previous book
was called John, has got six marbles.
654
01:00:58,538 --> 01:01:02,204
Zulema, who used to be Samantha,
has got 12.
655
01:01:02,205 --> 01:01:05,162
And Keith, thank goodness,
656
01:01:05,163 --> 01:01:07,287
has got four.
657
01:01:07,288 --> 01:01:12,309
What percentage of the bag
does each one have?
658
01:01:13,080 --> 01:01:15,809
Five minutes.
659
01:01:16,538 --> 01:01:20,787
- I don't want to go!
- Pack it in, the both of you! Manners!
660
01:01:20,788 --> 01:01:23,537
But it's an old folks' homo!
661
01:01:23,538 --> 01:01:26,537
Oh, God, what's that smell?
662
01:01:26,538 --> 01:01:31,601
- Eew! It's wee!
- No wonder he's a complete weirdo.
663
01:01:32,872 --> 01:01:36,145
Happy birthday to you
664
01:01:36,404 --> 01:01:40,315
Happy birthday to you
665
01:01:40,350 --> 01:01:44,912
Happy birthday, dear Edward
666
01:01:44,913 --> 01:01:50,142
Happy birthday to you!
667
01:01:52,622 --> 01:01:57,976
- Go on, make a wish.
- Quick, before that senile old bat!
668
01:02:06,622 --> 01:02:09,476
Did you make that smell?
669
01:02:10,663 --> 01:02:14,579
Carry on! Carry on!
670
01:02:14,580 --> 01:02:18,579
- Let me do it.
- No. I am perfectly capable.
671
01:02:18,580 --> 01:02:24,162
- Him, he's out! He moved!
- I've been moving since 1917!
672
01:02:24,163 --> 01:02:26,892
I can't do anything else.
673
01:02:39,372 --> 01:02:43,517
Get up, you. Reg the Hair.
674
01:02:44,163 --> 01:02:47,037
Get up. Get up!
675
01:02:47,038 --> 01:02:48,579
Oh!
676
01:02:48,580 --> 01:02:50,976
Now move.
677
01:03:39,038 --> 01:03:42,204
Can you do your magic show?
678
01:03:42,205 --> 01:03:44,517
What?
679
01:03:47,663 --> 01:03:50,684
You sure?
680
01:04:10,288 --> 01:04:13,601
Have you got any kids?
681
01:04:18,372 --> 01:04:23,079
Now then,
ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,
682
01:04:23,080 --> 01:04:28,559
please put your hands together
for The Amazing Clarence!
683
01:04:29,788 --> 01:04:33,559
Thank you.
684
01:04:35,622 --> 01:04:41,121
I'm not the sort of magician who drags you
through endless mysteries.
685
01:04:41,122 --> 01:04:44,101
I'm pretty straightforward.
686
01:04:47,497 --> 01:04:52,351
- And I don't do card tricks.
- Awww!
687
01:04:56,622 --> 01:04:59,142
Well, maybe one or two.
688
01:05:00,622 --> 01:05:04,912
Would you take a card for me, please?
Any card, any card.
689
01:05:04,913 --> 01:05:08,912
Thank you. Look at it.
Don't tell me what it is. No, no.
690
01:05:08,913 --> 01:05:11,037
Don't tell me.
691
01:05:11,038 --> 01:05:14,787
Put it back.
I have a friend who will do that for me.
692
01:05:14,788 --> 01:05:17,162
Ronald, the Card-Finding Duck.
693
01:05:17,163 --> 01:05:20,309
He is going to find your card for you.
694
01:05:21,122 --> 01:05:23,829
Oh! Oh!
695
01:05:23,830 --> 01:05:26,996
Quack, quack!
696
01:05:26,997 --> 01:05:31,496
Can I have another brave volunteer,
please?
697
01:05:31,497 --> 01:05:34,412
You? Another volunteer?
698
01:05:34,413 --> 01:05:37,912
Come on, come on. Who? Who?
699
01:05:37,913 --> 01:05:42,621
- You, sir?
- No, no, absolutely not! No, no, no.
700
01:05:42,622 --> 01:05:47,162
- They'd sit knitting and eating frogs.
- Eugh!
701
01:05:47,163 --> 01:05:52,309
And watching people
having their heads cut off.
702
01:06:02,413 --> 01:06:05,392
A carrot!
703
01:06:06,705 --> 01:06:10,621
Unfortunately,
they found that the guillotine
704
01:06:10,622 --> 01:06:15,809
was susceptible
to the power of raspberries.
705
01:06:16,913 --> 01:06:20,621
They found
that if you got enough people...
706
01:06:20,622 --> 01:06:24,746
to blow raspberries,
the blade would be diverted
707
01:06:24,747 --> 01:06:27,642
from its fatal course.
708
01:06:28,122 --> 01:06:32,579
Which is why I need your help.
OK?
709
01:06:32,580 --> 01:06:35,976
Let's have a dry run.
710
01:06:53,913 --> 01:06:55,829
OK.
711
01:06:55,830 --> 01:06:58,162
I think we're ready.
712
01:06:58,163 --> 01:07:00,226
Blow!
713
01:07:03,247 --> 01:07:05,226
Aiiiee!
714
01:07:05,705 --> 01:07:08,517
Aaaargh!
715
01:07:23,872 --> 01:07:27,204
- I've wrapped it in a bag of peas.
- Thank you.
716
01:07:27,205 --> 01:07:29,412
- No, no, son!
- Let me go!
717
01:07:29,413 --> 01:07:34,309
- Any other medication?
- Yes. I'm on pills for my...
718
01:07:36,622 --> 01:07:39,351
Well, I'll be buggered.
719
01:07:48,247 --> 01:07:51,517
Don't put your finger in it!
720
01:07:57,872 --> 01:08:00,934
One out.
721
01:08:23,038 --> 01:08:25,162
Did you have any?
722
01:08:25,163 --> 01:08:27,329
It's gone crusty.
723
01:08:27,330 --> 01:08:30,392
Go on. Why don't you have some, eh?
724
01:08:31,080 --> 01:08:34,996
- Let's get the candle lit.
- I don't want any!
725
01:08:34,997 --> 01:08:37,434
Have some cake.
726
01:08:44,622 --> 01:08:48,746
- What's the matter?
- I live in an old people's home!
727
01:08:48,747 --> 01:08:51,412
So do I! It's not easy for anybody!
728
01:08:51,413 --> 01:08:56,162
This'll be the place you send your elderly
loved ones to have bits chopped off!
729
01:08:56,163 --> 01:09:00,746
- It was an accident!
- He's not your grandad, Eddie!
730
01:09:00,747 --> 01:09:03,767
I wish he was my dad!
731
01:09:04,247 --> 01:09:08,912
Well, he's going senile.
Haven't you noticed?
732
01:09:08,913 --> 01:09:13,912
So you'll just have to settle
for Mr Knobhead here.
733
01:09:13,913 --> 01:09:16,996
- Why did you say that?!
- He'll find out.
734
01:09:16,997 --> 01:09:18,756
Eddie...
735
01:09:19,048 --> 01:09:23,231
some people don't die just
like that, you know, not like Lilian.
736
01:09:23,266 --> 01:09:26,746
Some people, they take a bit longer.
They fade.
737
01:09:26,747 --> 01:09:30,079
- I know what senile is!
- There's Daddy and me.
738
01:09:30,080 --> 01:09:34,579
- We are NOT going to fade away.
- Yes, you are! You are!
739
01:09:34,580 --> 01:09:37,579
You shouldn't get so involved.
740
01:09:37,580 --> 01:09:40,392
What about you? Getting involved!
741
01:09:44,497 --> 01:09:49,996
Oh, Christ, Tanya.
Don't go to university. We could date.
742
01:09:49,997 --> 01:09:54,704
- Do you think I'm attractive?
- Hold your horses! I'm 18.
743
01:09:54,705 --> 01:09:57,787
- It's fantastic!
- What are you? 45?
744
01:09:57,788 --> 01:10:01,996
No, I'm 39!
Going on bloody geriatric!
745
01:10:01,997 --> 01:10:07,121
- Don't have an affair with me, Stevie.
- I can't support my family.
746
01:10:07,122 --> 01:10:11,496
I'm a rotten bloody father, a terrible
husband and nobody but you
747
01:10:11,497 --> 01:10:14,496
has a single bloody second for me.
748
01:10:14,497 --> 01:10:17,892
You're like a breath of fresh air, Tanya.
749
01:10:19,497 --> 01:10:22,184
I think I love you.
750
01:10:22,872 --> 01:10:25,392
I do.
751
01:10:42,413 --> 01:10:47,079
Maybe if you paid me
a bit of attention every now and again!
752
01:10:47,080 --> 01:10:51,204
What's the bloody problem
with getting your head down?
753
01:10:51,205 --> 01:10:54,496
Can you not see beyond a pair of tits?
754
01:10:54,497 --> 01:10:57,912
I have never been unfaithful to you.
Not in 15 years!
755
01:10:57,913 --> 01:11:00,579
You just undermine me, Steve.
756
01:11:00,580 --> 01:11:05,162
All the time, you never do anything
other than complain!
757
01:11:05,163 --> 01:11:07,746
It's exhausting!
758
01:11:07,747 --> 01:11:11,079
- Why don't you just go?
- Oh, come on!
759
01:11:11,080 --> 01:11:14,142
I'm sick of it! Go!
760
01:11:45,663 --> 01:11:48,412
- There.
- Oh...
761
01:11:48,413 --> 01:11:53,579
- You look nice in that tie, Reggie.
- Thank you.
762
01:11:53,580 --> 01:11:57,496
But you never have it quite straight,
do you?
763
01:11:57,497 --> 01:11:58,746
No?
764
01:11:58,747 --> 01:12:02,704
We've got to straighten you out a bit
in general.
765
01:12:02,705 --> 01:12:05,287
Oh, yes. I suppose so, yes.
766
01:12:05,288 --> 01:12:07,934
Come along.
767
01:12:13,663 --> 01:12:16,184
It's half eight, love.
768
01:12:17,663 --> 01:12:19,996
Come on, get up.
769
01:12:19,997 --> 01:12:22,518
I want a talk.
770
01:12:38,497 --> 01:12:40,809
Edward?
771
01:12:42,997 --> 01:12:45,309
Eddie?
772
01:12:51,955 --> 01:12:56,079
On Sunday,
we went to Edward's birthday party.
773
01:12:56,080 --> 01:13:02,018
There was a wizard who cut an old man's
finger off. It were extremely wicked.
774
01:13:09,372 --> 01:13:12,579
An old person and a young person, please.
775
01:13:12,580 --> 01:13:15,142
One eighty.
776
01:13:16,080 --> 01:13:19,746
- That's a lot of ready cash.
- He's my grandad.
777
01:13:19,747 --> 01:13:25,101
- Are you?
- Possibly. There have been many women.
778
01:13:28,663 --> 01:13:33,142
When are we going home, then?
Come on.
779
01:13:34,122 --> 01:13:37,476
I wanna be where my stuff is.
780
01:13:42,288 --> 01:13:45,787
Come 'ere! Oi!
781
01:13:45,788 --> 01:13:50,559
Come 'ere!
782
01:13:51,705 --> 01:13:55,329
That was a cheap bloody trick!
Pull the red thing.
783
01:13:55,330 --> 01:13:59,037
- Too late. We're going.
- Pull the whatchamacallit!
784
01:13:59,038 --> 01:14:02,142
I will if you tell me what it's called.
785
01:14:03,080 --> 01:14:05,726
Well, I know it's red.
786
01:14:07,997 --> 01:14:10,746
What's a divorce like?
787
01:14:10,747 --> 01:14:13,037
- What?
- A divorce.
788
01:14:13,038 --> 01:14:15,954
A bit tricky, I should think.
789
01:14:15,955 --> 01:14:18,079
Come on!
790
01:14:18,080 --> 01:14:21,204
- Is it still there?
- What?
791
01:14:21,205 --> 01:14:24,912
- Is it?
- What's the matter?
792
01:14:24,913 --> 01:14:28,621
Is the...
Is the ground still there?
793
01:14:28,622 --> 01:14:32,101
Look - ground! Sky! Ground!
794
01:14:32,413 --> 01:14:34,037
Ow!
795
01:14:34,038 --> 01:14:37,309
- Oi!
- Concentrate!
796
01:14:40,080 --> 01:14:44,601
Any danger of a cup of tea
and a pork pie?
797
01:14:45,872 --> 01:14:48,809
Did I already ask that?
798
01:14:50,497 --> 01:14:54,018
- Thank you.
- Stay here.
799
01:14:56,288 --> 01:15:00,601
My name...
is Clarence Parkinson.
800
01:15:01,497 --> 01:15:04,726
And England is my nation.
801
01:15:05,872 --> 01:15:09,518
My teacher's name is...
Mr Scott.
802
01:15:10,080 --> 01:15:13,621
And Christ is my...
803
01:15:13,622 --> 01:15:15,537
salvation.
804
01:15:15,538 --> 01:15:19,184
Clarence! Come here!
805
01:15:28,872 --> 01:15:33,518
- That's the same name as my missus.
- I know.
806
01:15:40,497 --> 01:15:41,787
Oh.
807
01:15:41,788 --> 01:15:43,726
No...
808
01:15:46,080 --> 01:15:48,309
Oh. God.
809
01:15:53,988 --> 01:15:55,414
Sod off.
810
01:15:56,880 --> 01:15:59,096
Sod off!
811
01:16:00,241 --> 01:16:02,160
Sod off!
812
01:16:05,528 --> 01:16:07,548
Sod off!
813
01:16:13,080 --> 01:16:17,746
- Sod off...
- Put them down, then. Put them down.
814
01:16:17,747 --> 01:16:19,912
Get it off your...
Don't!
815
01:16:19,913 --> 01:16:22,351
Don't. You...
816
01:16:22,788 --> 01:16:25,121
You've spoilt them.
817
01:16:25,122 --> 01:16:27,121
Yeah.
818
01:16:27,122 --> 01:16:31,537
I've spoilt...
all these nice flowers, ain't I?
819
01:16:31,538 --> 01:16:34,184
It's all right.
820
01:16:43,622 --> 01:16:47,912
Know what they're gonna say
on my gravestone?
821
01:16:47,913 --> 01:16:52,184
"Here lies Clarence B Parkinson.
822
01:16:52,663 --> 01:16:55,621
"He was born, he effed it up
823
01:16:55,622 --> 01:16:58,809
"and then he died. "
824
01:16:59,663 --> 01:17:02,204
What's your name?
825
01:17:02,205 --> 01:17:04,912
- Eh?
- Edward.
826
01:17:04,913 --> 01:17:07,309
Edward...
827
01:17:07,788 --> 01:17:10,787
Things aren't exactly
828
01:17:10,788 --> 01:17:13,684
as they ought to be.
829
01:17:15,663 --> 01:17:18,809
Have you any idea what it is?
830
01:17:20,705 --> 01:17:23,642
There's something the matter.
831
01:17:31,497 --> 01:17:37,351
The name on that gravestone
is the same name as my wife.
832
01:17:45,455 --> 01:17:50,309
Leave it.
I'm gonna go call my mum.
833
01:17:56,913 --> 01:18:01,496
Today's the first time we've spent
more than half an hour with each other
834
01:18:01,497 --> 01:18:06,912
without a bloody fogey or shitty arse
or liquidised bloody carrots in the way
835
01:18:06,913 --> 01:18:12,246
for a year. Because our kid's run off
because he hates us so much
836
01:18:12,247 --> 01:18:14,746
because of what we do.
837
01:18:14,747 --> 01:18:18,434
That isn't why. What we do is good.
838
01:18:19,080 --> 01:18:22,162
We didn't go to university, Steve.
839
01:18:22,163 --> 01:18:26,287
You asked me to marry you.
We had a baby.
840
01:18:26,288 --> 01:18:29,809
Do you remember how much...
841
01:18:31,080 --> 01:18:34,996
Do you remember
how hard we tried for him?
842
01:18:34,997 --> 01:18:37,226
Yeah.
843
01:18:38,872 --> 01:18:41,787
That was the journey we decided to make.
844
01:18:41,788 --> 01:18:44,746
And there might be a few less "dates"
845
01:18:44,747 --> 01:18:48,829
and I might end up looking
like my mother, but...
846
01:18:48,830 --> 01:18:51,226
Sorry.
847
01:18:57,038 --> 01:18:59,579
It's not that way, love. Just over here.
848
01:18:59,580 --> 01:19:03,976
- I thought it was outside.
- You come with me. That's it.
849
01:19:06,872 --> 01:19:10,621
You argue with your mates sometimes,
right?
850
01:19:10,622 --> 01:19:15,142
And obviously your mum and me...
sometimes...
851
01:19:17,288 --> 01:19:20,018
I can be a grumpy bum.
852
01:19:22,080 --> 01:19:25,184
It's no fault of yours, love. It's just...
853
01:19:30,080 --> 01:19:33,601
Are you not going to live at home?
854
01:19:34,080 --> 01:19:36,976
I don't know.
855
01:19:38,705 --> 01:19:41,996
Hey, but you must never think, ever,
856
01:19:41,997 --> 01:19:46,746
that you're not absolutely the most
important thing in the world
857
01:19:46,747 --> 01:19:49,226
to your mum and me.
858
01:19:51,663 --> 01:19:54,684
Do you understand?
859
01:20:01,372 --> 01:20:04,768
When's he going to die?
860
01:20:07,872 --> 01:20:13,184
We'll look after him.
Just like we look after everybody.
861
01:20:15,163 --> 01:20:20,287
I'm a little bit bored with you men
and your problems at the moment, Edward.
862
01:20:20,288 --> 01:20:24,746
Sometimes you just have to learn
to let things go.
863
01:20:24,747 --> 01:20:27,142
I know.
864
01:20:31,372 --> 01:20:33,142
Eh?
865
01:20:35,497 --> 01:20:40,579
- There you are. Where have you been?
- Go back to sleep.
866
01:20:40,580 --> 01:20:44,246
- I've been looking for you!
- Oh, God help us.
867
01:20:44,247 --> 01:20:47,162
Another woolly one who can't cope.
868
01:20:47,163 --> 01:20:49,496
Annie...
869
01:20:49,497 --> 01:20:52,351
I'm sorry, pigeon.
870
01:20:54,622 --> 01:20:58,746
That's all I wanted to say.
Just to tell you... that I'm sorry.
871
01:20:58,747 --> 01:21:03,329
I got distracted, love.
If I had my time over again...
872
01:21:04,931 --> 01:21:06,627
If I had it again...
873
01:21:07,859 --> 01:21:10,041
- Annie...
- I forgive you.
874
01:21:54,872 --> 01:21:57,621
Marty, I'll be very
sad to see you go.
875
01:21:57,622 --> 01:22:01,412
You've really made a difference
in my life.
876
01:22:01,413 --> 01:22:05,537
Just knowing I'm going to be around
to see 1985,
877
01:22:05,538 --> 01:22:09,601
that I'm going to succeed in this
and travel through time!
878
01:22:15,080 --> 01:22:19,996
It's going to be really hard to wait
30 years to talk to you about this.
879
01:22:19,997 --> 01:22:23,434
I'm really going to miss you, Marty.
880
01:22:23,788 --> 01:22:26,976
I'm really gonna miss you.
881
01:22:29,622 --> 01:22:32,537
Ace one, wasn't it? That one was magic.
882
01:22:32,538 --> 01:22:36,579
- Like the bit with the skateboard?
- I was there, too.
883
01:22:36,580 --> 01:22:40,746
- Oh, no. You sure?
- Yeah. You coming in?
884
01:22:40,747 --> 01:22:43,496
A couple of minutes can't hurt.
885
01:22:43,497 --> 01:22:48,037
- But you did like it, though?
- It was good, Dad!
886
01:22:48,038 --> 01:22:52,642
- Can I have a word?
- Most assuredly.
887
01:22:56,288 --> 01:22:59,226
With him.
888
01:24:13,080 --> 01:24:15,787
Getting to be spring again.
889
01:24:15,788 --> 01:24:18,579
It's October.
890
01:24:18,580 --> 01:24:22,621
The leaves are looking
very nice on the, er...
891
01:24:22,622 --> 01:24:25,246
large plants you get in the garden.
892
01:24:25,247 --> 01:24:29,204
- Trees.
- You're not doing that trick right.
893
01:24:29,205 --> 01:24:33,621
You've got to give it some patter. Words.
Why don't you...
894
01:24:33,622 --> 01:24:37,579
What do you call a man with a paper bag
on his head? Russell.
895
01:24:37,580 --> 01:24:40,037
Or a licence plate on his head? Reg.
896
01:24:40,038 --> 01:24:43,142
- A man with a car on his head?
- Seatbelt?
897
01:24:45,497 --> 01:24:47,537
Good lad!
898
01:24:47,538 --> 01:24:50,996
- Can I have my fiver now?
- Your what?
899
01:24:50,997 --> 01:24:55,371
- You said you'd give me a fiver.
- What a load of bollocks.
900
01:24:55,372 --> 01:24:58,518
Come in.
901
01:25:00,663 --> 01:25:02,996
- Ready for the off?
- Where to?
902
01:25:02,997 --> 01:25:05,142
Pictures?
903
01:25:06,080 --> 01:25:09,351
Ta-ta for now.
904
01:25:44,497 --> 01:25:49,579
I was wondering whether you wanted
to move back into your old room.
905
01:25:49,580 --> 01:25:52,309
I'm OK where I am.
906
01:25:54,080 --> 01:25:57,184
He was some magician, wasn't he?
907
01:25:58,497 --> 01:26:01,392
Oh, come here.
908
01:26:34,413 --> 01:26:38,101
Oh, yeah? He shoots, he scores!
909
01:26:40,372 --> 01:26:43,518
Come on, then! Pass it!
910
01:26:52,455 --> 01:26:54,809
One out!
911
01:27:08,080 --> 01:27:11,309
Go on, then.
912
01:27:11,830 --> 01:27:14,726
Nice one, old man
913
01:27:33,705 --> 01:27:36,287
Come on!
914
01:27:36,288 --> 01:27:38,684
One out!
915
01:27:52,122 --> 01:27:54,642
Oh, look!
916
01:27:55,247 --> 01:27:57,642
Abracadabra!
917
01:27:59,080 --> 01:28:01,392
Oh...
918
01:28:07,622 --> 01:28:10,768
Where are you going?
919
01:28:16,288 --> 01:28:17,996
Out.
920
01:28:17,997 --> 01:28:21,912
- That's all.
- You never go out.
921
01:28:21,913 --> 01:28:26,037
Well, things are different now,
aren't they?
922
01:28:26,038 --> 01:28:29,351
Why do you have to put make-up on?
923
01:28:29,830 --> 01:28:32,142
Because...
924
01:28:32,622 --> 01:28:37,559
Oh, I don't know.
Makes you feel a bit more human.
925
01:28:39,455 --> 01:28:41,621
You look like a vampire.
926
01:28:46,080 --> 01:28:48,809
Cheers, big ears
927
01:28:58,080 --> 01:29:00,601
You look nice!
928
01:29:12,163 --> 01:29:13,829
Hi.
929
01:29:13,830 --> 01:29:16,976
- Are you ready?
- Yeah.
69077
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