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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,287 --> 00:00:06,855 Dear Walter, 2 00:00:06,935 --> 00:00:10,655 I am so pleased to hear that Valentine is settling in well. 3 00:00:11,644 --> 00:00:14,404 From what you say, it will not be long 4 00:00:14,440 --> 00:00:17,600 before he has a job, a house and a wife. 5 00:00:17,935 --> 00:00:22,055 Until then, please ensure that he rubs in extra Vaseline. 6 00:00:22,691 --> 00:00:25,055 I don't want his elbows to go dry. 7 00:00:25,293 --> 00:00:28,855 Also, as the pound is strong... 8 00:00:32,135 --> 00:00:33,455 Agnes! 9 00:00:36,863 --> 00:00:40,255 - Why is this pot empty? - Who turned the immersion heater on? 10 00:00:40,335 --> 00:00:42,715 I filled it three days ago. It should last a week. 11 00:00:42,751 --> 00:00:45,171 We never turn the immersion heater on! 12 00:00:47,592 --> 00:00:48,654 - Hmm. - Hmm. 13 00:00:50,215 --> 00:00:51,388 Hey! 14 00:00:51,424 --> 00:00:54,224 I love the light. The electric in Freetown is much better! 15 00:00:56,892 --> 00:00:59,892 Sync & corrections by emeline-whovian www.addic7ed.com 16 00:01:04,079 --> 00:01:06,627 Masters of the Universe... 17 00:01:06,855 --> 00:01:09,547 - You know this story is from an African legend? - Really?! 18 00:01:09,583 --> 00:01:12,183 Of course, really. In Africa they invented everything. 19 00:01:12,455 --> 00:01:14,575 I mean, look at the size of that cat! 20 00:01:15,735 --> 00:01:17,662 Valentine! Come here. 21 00:01:17,698 --> 00:01:19,898 Someone's in trouble! 22 00:01:22,081 --> 00:01:24,721 By the power of Grayskull! 23 00:01:24,757 --> 00:01:25,997 Hey! 24 00:01:26,033 --> 00:01:27,313 Make room. 25 00:01:27,349 --> 00:01:28,415 Cool. 26 00:01:29,575 --> 00:01:30,975 OK, Vallie, listen. 27 00:01:31,256 --> 00:01:34,252 - You have been here for about two weeks. - Three and a half! 28 00:01:34,333 --> 00:01:38,173 You have been here for three and a half weeks. OK? 29 00:01:40,255 --> 00:01:43,535 - I mean... - Bo, what is your plan? 30 00:01:43,615 --> 00:01:46,504 To finish watching the programme with the big cat, then go to the pub. 31 00:01:46,540 --> 00:01:49,076 No. What is your plan for work, Plan A. 32 00:01:49,112 --> 00:01:50,636 I've got work, as a DJ! 33 00:01:50,672 --> 00:01:53,883 Hm. Working one night a week as a DJ is not a job. 34 00:01:53,919 --> 00:01:56,999 - Uh... What is your Plan B? - To be a footballer! 35 00:01:57,035 --> 00:01:59,006 You need to get proper work 36 00:01:59,042 --> 00:02:02,442 so you can fill this pot with cash money instead of emptying it! 37 00:02:02,478 --> 00:02:04,628 - It's just that I'm already working! - Huh? 38 00:02:04,664 --> 00:02:06,646 Yesterday, I helped a man move a fridge. 39 00:02:06,682 --> 00:02:09,842 Tomorrow, I'm doing electrics and painting for a woman I met in the pub. 40 00:02:09,878 --> 00:02:12,638 - Really? - I mean proper full-time work! 41 00:02:12,714 --> 00:02:15,474 - Ooh, I'm not sure I'm the ten to three kind of man! - Help me! 42 00:02:15,510 --> 00:02:18,110 Listen, people work nine to five here in this country. 43 00:02:18,146 --> 00:02:21,226 - Hey, bo, that's a very long time. - It is a long time, yes. 44 00:02:21,262 --> 00:02:24,835 - What about Plan F for factory? - F for factory. Which factory? 45 00:02:24,871 --> 00:02:27,001 You are the shop steward. You can get him an interview. 46 00:02:27,037 --> 00:02:27,850 Agnes... 47 00:02:27,895 --> 00:02:30,615 You can do that? He's best friends with the manager! 48 00:02:30,695 --> 00:02:32,495 - I wonder why. - I wonder why. 49 00:02:32,575 --> 00:02:34,723 Get me an interview and I will go and be Mr Charm-Charm! 50 00:02:34,759 --> 00:02:35,530 Hey! 51 00:02:35,575 --> 00:02:37,575 Listen, you won't be bloody Mr Charm-Charm, 52 00:02:37,655 --> 00:02:39,375 you'll be Mr Sense-Sense! 53 00:02:39,455 --> 00:02:42,233 I'm trying to get you a job, not convince somebody to sleep with you! 54 00:02:49,255 --> 00:02:52,055 Ah, did Mummy dress you in the dark again? 55 00:02:52,671 --> 00:02:54,535 Oh, my God, she's bleeding! 56 00:02:54,615 --> 00:02:57,235 She's tried to draw a heart on her tummy like a Care Bear! 57 00:02:57,271 --> 00:02:58,180 Hah! 58 00:02:58,216 --> 00:02:59,936 Looks more like she's in care! 59 00:03:00,135 --> 00:03:02,095 What do you fancy doing tomorrow, eh? 60 00:03:02,617 --> 00:03:04,102 What do you mean? 61 00:03:04,138 --> 00:03:05,967 I thought we could spend the day together. 62 00:03:06,740 --> 00:03:09,735 - Anniversary! - Oh! 63 00:03:09,815 --> 00:03:11,575 Ye... Yeah. 64 00:03:11,655 --> 00:03:14,775 Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That'll be nice. Yeah. 65 00:03:14,855 --> 00:03:16,425 - Book a Berni Inn? - Mm! 66 00:03:16,461 --> 00:03:18,815 - Yeah? Prawn cocktail? - Prawn cocktail. 67 00:03:18,851 --> 00:03:20,083 - Steak. - Steak! 68 00:03:20,390 --> 00:03:22,907 - Half a bottle of Yugoslavian wine. - A whole bottle! 69 00:03:23,906 --> 00:03:26,292 - Get Mum to look after the kids. - Mm. 70 00:03:26,775 --> 00:03:28,896 - Place to ourselves. - Mm. 71 00:03:29,075 --> 00:03:31,755 What's up, pigeon? You want Mummy to wash your belly for you? 72 00:03:31,791 --> 00:03:32,868 - Oi! - Hah. 73 00:03:32,904 --> 00:03:34,616 Don't change the subject. 74 00:03:34,652 --> 00:03:36,410 - All right. - Remember? 75 00:03:36,455 --> 00:03:39,335 - Just me and you. Mm? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. 76 00:03:40,167 --> 00:03:41,255 Good! 77 00:03:53,415 --> 00:03:55,055 OK, Bobby? 78 00:03:57,716 --> 00:04:00,156 Jerry, bring me a biscuit. 79 00:04:02,222 --> 00:04:04,575 Rajesh, you have two minutes? 80 00:04:04,655 --> 00:04:06,137 I have one minute. 81 00:04:07,855 --> 00:04:12,015 You know, my brother has just moved here from Sierra Leone... 82 00:04:12,095 --> 00:04:13,485 He wants a job. 83 00:04:13,521 --> 00:04:15,128 - Uh, yes. - No chance. 84 00:04:15,164 --> 00:04:17,539 There's barely enough work for people we've already got. 85 00:04:17,860 --> 00:04:21,287 He's just moved to this country. He has no job, no money. 86 00:04:21,323 --> 00:04:22,993 Neither did I when I first came here, 87 00:04:23,153 --> 00:04:25,582 but I worked my way up from the shop floor. 88 00:04:26,101 --> 00:04:28,081 We can't all have friends on the inside. 89 00:04:28,117 --> 00:04:29,753 Didn't your uncle get you a job here? 90 00:04:29,788 --> 00:04:31,386 - Second cousin. - Hm. 91 00:04:31,422 --> 00:04:32,464 Carry on. 92 00:04:32,805 --> 00:04:36,215 He's driving my wife crazy! You know, really crazy. 93 00:04:36,295 --> 00:04:39,295 He's always at home playing music and drinking my beer. So... 94 00:04:39,375 --> 00:04:42,286 And she's got me by the... Oh, you know? She's got me... 95 00:04:42,322 --> 00:04:44,322 - Andakosh. - Andakosh? 96 00:04:44,358 --> 00:04:46,518 Andakosh. You know, "bollocks". 97 00:04:46,731 --> 00:04:48,171 You call them andakosh? 98 00:04:48,697 --> 00:04:50,139 What do you people call them? 99 00:04:50,175 --> 00:04:51,615 - Bollocks. - Oh! 100 00:04:51,935 --> 00:04:54,655 Will your brother be happy sweeping up and making tea? 101 00:04:54,735 --> 00:04:56,295 Two of his favourite things! 102 00:04:56,331 --> 00:04:58,931 OK. Tell him to come and see me tomorrow at four. 103 00:05:00,475 --> 00:05:02,670 - You're a good guy, you know that? - I know. 104 00:05:02,706 --> 00:05:04,346 OK. You know what I like about you? 105 00:05:04,382 --> 00:05:06,104 You don't talk no andakosh! 106 00:05:08,237 --> 00:05:11,837 What do you think? I might wear it tomorrow. 107 00:05:11,997 --> 00:05:14,637 Hey, it's very short! 108 00:05:15,895 --> 00:05:17,935 - If I get to go. - Hm. 109 00:05:17,971 --> 00:05:19,571 Bagpipes doesn't like going out out. 110 00:05:19,749 --> 00:05:22,321 Have you been using the Afro comb I gave you? 111 00:05:22,383 --> 00:05:24,695 Well, if I'm honest, 112 00:05:24,731 --> 00:05:28,481 I'm down to brushing her hair probably once a fortnight. 113 00:05:28,517 --> 00:05:31,877 - Once a fortnight?! - Nobody can stand the screaming! 114 00:05:31,913 --> 00:05:34,786 We'll go to Shepherd's Bush market and get some more products, huh? 115 00:05:34,822 --> 00:05:35,805 Yeah. 116 00:05:36,235 --> 00:05:37,615 Kirsty! 117 00:05:37,934 --> 00:05:42,151 Your anniversary should be a celebration of your romance. Hm? 118 00:05:42,187 --> 00:05:43,332 Agnes, 119 00:05:43,368 --> 00:05:47,888 you know Bagpipes. His idea of romance is buying me half of Argos. 120 00:05:49,273 --> 00:05:52,993 Do you remember last year? The set of steak knives? 121 00:05:53,215 --> 00:05:57,135 - That mini hi-fi! - Yes! And the exercise bike! 122 00:05:57,215 --> 00:06:00,535 The exercise bike! It's like I'm on Bullseye! 123 00:06:09,135 --> 00:06:11,892 Here you are. Take a look at this. It's Japanese. 124 00:06:12,157 --> 00:06:14,077 It's called a microwave oven. 125 00:06:14,329 --> 00:06:15,929 Don't you already have an oven? 126 00:06:16,087 --> 00:06:19,058 Yeah, but not one that can cook a baked potato in ten minutes. 127 00:06:19,094 --> 00:06:20,441 Bagpipe, I beg. 128 00:06:20,477 --> 00:06:24,070 Buy your wife something romantic, eh? 129 00:06:24,106 --> 00:06:25,262 It is romantic! 130 00:06:25,298 --> 00:06:27,247 It's got a special cavity magnetron 131 00:06:27,283 --> 00:06:30,236 that converts high voltage electricity into radiation. 132 00:06:30,377 --> 00:06:31,942 Compared to a conventional oven, 133 00:06:31,978 --> 00:06:34,372 the kilowatt-to-hour efficiency is staggering. 134 00:06:35,735 --> 00:06:37,615 Are you good with electrical work? 135 00:06:37,695 --> 00:06:40,258 Yeah. I know everything there is to know about electrics. 136 00:06:40,458 --> 00:06:43,338 I can strip wire with my hands tied behind my back, blindfolded. 137 00:06:43,374 --> 00:06:45,445 Why would you do this blindfolded? 138 00:06:45,633 --> 00:06:47,798 Oh, I see. Um... 139 00:06:48,550 --> 00:06:50,495 Well, it's for training, isn't it? 140 00:06:50,575 --> 00:06:53,415 For power cuts. You've got a lot to learn, my friend. 141 00:06:53,495 --> 00:06:56,821 Well, tomorrow, I have a job changing the lights in a flat. 142 00:06:56,857 --> 00:06:59,415 Oh, yeah? Sounds like you might need a bit of help. 143 00:06:59,495 --> 00:07:01,495 How about 50 quid for the day? 144 00:07:01,531 --> 00:07:03,496 Oh, no, no, no. No, thank you. 145 00:07:03,576 --> 00:07:05,054 - All right. 40. - 20. 146 00:07:05,090 --> 00:07:06,477 - I won't go lower than 30. - 25. 147 00:07:06,513 --> 00:07:07,701 Deal! Hey! 148 00:07:09,335 --> 00:07:11,135 Yeah. So, uh, 149 00:07:11,215 --> 00:07:14,864 do you, um, do you have electricity in Africa? 150 00:07:15,017 --> 00:07:17,935 Of course! Back home we have our fastest animals. 151 00:07:18,015 --> 00:07:19,695 Leopards, lions, cheetahs. 152 00:07:19,775 --> 00:07:22,975 They run on spinning wheels, making electricity. 153 00:07:23,011 --> 00:07:24,393 Yeah? Really? 154 00:07:24,429 --> 00:07:25,829 Ah, Bagpipe! 155 00:07:25,939 --> 00:07:28,735 Without fools, there would be no wisdom. 156 00:07:29,148 --> 00:07:30,708 So... 157 00:07:30,744 --> 00:07:32,824 - So you do have electricity? - No! 158 00:07:33,798 --> 00:07:37,375 Only a fool would test the depth of a river with both feet. 159 00:07:37,455 --> 00:07:40,231 Stop talking in bloody proverbs! Have you got it or not? 160 00:07:40,267 --> 00:07:44,309 OK! Of course we do! 20 or 30 watts, 50Hz, single phase. 161 00:07:44,345 --> 00:07:46,865 So tomorrow, you might want to bring some tools. 162 00:07:46,901 --> 00:07:49,221 That's fine. I've got the lot. What are you missing? 163 00:07:49,271 --> 00:07:50,671 Tools. 164 00:08:05,745 --> 00:08:07,448 So you've got your basics, right. 165 00:08:07,484 --> 00:08:09,805 Your blues, your neutral, your browns, your live. 166 00:08:09,841 --> 00:08:11,361 Your stripes is your... 167 00:08:13,059 --> 00:08:16,139 - Whoa, whoa, whoa! What are you doing? - This is where we are working. 168 00:08:16,203 --> 00:08:19,123 I'm not going in there! That's Number 72! 169 00:08:19,159 --> 00:08:21,399 - What do you mean? - It's a knocking shop! 170 00:08:21,435 --> 00:08:22,772 Then I won't knock, eh? 171 00:08:35,503 --> 00:08:39,855 Now, I want all these bare bulbs replacing with flame effect wall lamps, 172 00:08:39,935 --> 00:08:42,527 - cos they're more romantic. - OK. No problem. 173 00:08:42,563 --> 00:08:46,243 And you can give the place a lick of paint, as well, if you have time. 174 00:08:46,575 --> 00:08:47,675 OK! 175 00:08:49,335 --> 00:08:50,839 I know you. 176 00:08:50,957 --> 00:08:55,079 - Have you been here before? - Oh, no, madam, I've not. 177 00:08:55,115 --> 00:08:58,444 Not madam, as in, I haven't frequented this establishment. Got it! 178 00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:00,615 Got it! Teeny Acorns. 179 00:09:00,651 --> 00:09:02,853 - Beg your pardon? - Teeny Acorns nursery. 180 00:09:02,889 --> 00:09:04,778 - Oh! - Your little girl goes there. 181 00:09:04,814 --> 00:09:07,574 - I'm Mags. I'm Gary's mum. - Hello to you. 182 00:09:08,637 --> 00:09:11,377 We all say it's so lovely how you look after her, 183 00:09:11,413 --> 00:09:13,615 even though she's, you know, not yours. 184 00:09:13,695 --> 00:09:16,135 Uh, sorry, who's "we"? 185 00:09:16,171 --> 00:09:19,051 Oh just, you know, people at nursery. 186 00:09:19,087 --> 00:09:22,327 The other mums and dads, a few of the staff, 187 00:09:22,440 --> 00:09:25,807 dinner ladies, cleaner, lollipop lady. 188 00:09:26,142 --> 00:09:28,055 Some of the kids, actually. 189 00:09:29,154 --> 00:09:32,914 - Are you all right? - Oh, yeah. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. 190 00:09:32,950 --> 00:09:36,259 Oh, thank God. I thought I'd put my foot in it, then! 191 00:09:36,794 --> 00:09:38,735 I'll make you boys a cuppa. 192 00:09:41,695 --> 00:09:43,575 Oh! Are you next? 193 00:09:43,611 --> 00:09:46,015 Oh. No. Uh, no, thank you, madam. 194 00:09:46,095 --> 00:09:47,855 I won't, on... All right, mate? 195 00:09:47,935 --> 00:09:49,315 ..on this occasion. 196 00:09:49,351 --> 00:09:53,431 - On this occasion, I will demur. - All right, love. 197 00:09:59,935 --> 00:10:01,335 Sorry. 198 00:10:01,415 --> 00:10:04,332 Just like I said, disappears this morning. 199 00:10:04,368 --> 00:10:06,130 I haven't seen him since. 200 00:10:06,175 --> 00:10:08,255 Happy Anniversary to me 201 00:10:08,335 --> 00:10:09,695 Kirsty. 202 00:10:09,775 --> 00:10:12,775 What attracted you to Bagpipes in the first place? 203 00:10:14,354 --> 00:10:15,594 Um... 204 00:10:16,552 --> 00:10:17,872 Kirsty! 205 00:10:18,465 --> 00:10:19,815 I dunno! 206 00:10:19,895 --> 00:10:21,615 Just trying to remember! 207 00:10:22,615 --> 00:10:25,855 Three... two... one! 208 00:10:26,399 --> 00:10:28,575 Hooray! 209 00:10:32,975 --> 00:10:35,855 - Here you are, Valentine. - Oi, what the... 210 00:10:35,935 --> 00:10:38,815 - Uh-uh! - Bagpipe. In Africa, we have a saying. 211 00:10:38,895 --> 00:10:41,175 By the time the fool has learned the game, 212 00:10:41,255 --> 00:10:43,135 the players have already gone. 213 00:10:43,407 --> 00:10:45,728 You have a lot to learn, my friend. 214 00:10:47,335 --> 00:10:49,575 I've always liked older men. 215 00:10:49,896 --> 00:10:52,695 And Bagpipes, he's kind, 216 00:10:52,775 --> 00:10:54,775 stable, reliable, you know? 217 00:10:55,097 --> 00:10:56,695 Like they say, 218 00:10:56,775 --> 00:10:58,935 girls marry men like their dads! 219 00:10:59,015 --> 00:11:01,059 Except my dad can be quite a laugh! 220 00:11:02,655 --> 00:11:04,135 Kirsty. Where are you going? 221 00:11:04,215 --> 00:11:06,455 I'm all right. It's my anniversary. 222 00:11:06,535 --> 00:11:10,735 You want to talk to your man. That's him coming out of Number 72, right? 223 00:11:11,053 --> 00:11:13,655 Bagpipe! Delta Boy! 224 00:11:13,735 --> 00:11:14,935 Shit! 225 00:11:22,235 --> 00:11:24,615 How could you do this, huh? 226 00:11:24,695 --> 00:11:27,255 You have brought shame on this family! 227 00:11:27,335 --> 00:11:29,215 What will people think? 228 00:11:29,295 --> 00:11:31,687 What will Kobna think? He looks up to you! 229 00:11:31,723 --> 00:11:33,276 They are good people! They offer me work. 230 00:11:33,312 --> 00:11:34,812 I was working to put money in the... 231 00:11:34,848 --> 00:11:37,653 - Working in a place of shame? - No, no, that's... 232 00:11:38,695 --> 00:11:40,415 ..Walter's favourite United mug! 233 00:11:40,495 --> 00:11:42,975 Come up before me. Look at me. 234 00:11:43,055 --> 00:11:45,335 Don't worry. I did nothing more than... 235 00:11:45,415 --> 00:11:47,291 - I don't want to hear it. - I am telling the truth. 236 00:11:47,327 --> 00:11:48,758 If you leave now, you'll still make 237 00:11:48,793 --> 00:11:51,089 the interview your brother went to great lengths to get you. 238 00:11:51,125 --> 00:11:52,990 - Don't worry! He's friends with the man... - Clear out! 239 00:11:53,646 --> 00:11:55,326 Clear out, you bum! 240 00:11:55,362 --> 00:11:56,882 Look where you fit! 241 00:11:57,295 --> 00:11:59,415 ♪ Roxanne ♪ 242 00:11:59,971 --> 00:12:03,451 ♪ You don't have to put on that dress tonight ♪ 243 00:12:03,788 --> 00:12:06,815 ♪ Walk the streets for the money ♪ 244 00:12:06,895 --> 00:12:10,399 ♪ You don't care if it is wrong or if it's right ♪ 245 00:12:10,435 --> 00:12:12,355 I just need you to explain to me, Bagpipes. 246 00:12:12,391 --> 00:12:13,531 Look, I wasn't... 247 00:12:13,567 --> 00:12:15,906 I thought it was sex generally that you weren't into. 248 00:12:15,942 --> 00:12:16,848 No, no, no. 249 00:12:16,884 --> 00:12:18,502 Or is it just sex with me that you don't like? 250 00:12:18,538 --> 00:12:20,578 - Oh, for God's sake! - Why won't you talk to me? 251 00:12:20,614 --> 00:12:22,431 I can't get a bloody word in edgeways! 252 00:12:23,302 --> 00:12:24,942 Well, go on, then. 253 00:12:25,295 --> 00:12:26,639 Talk. 254 00:12:27,095 --> 00:12:29,815 Cos we've needed to for a long time. 255 00:12:30,454 --> 00:12:31,855 About us. 256 00:12:31,942 --> 00:12:33,422 About Melissa. 257 00:12:34,015 --> 00:12:35,735 About my affair. 258 00:12:35,815 --> 00:12:37,455 Where are you going? 259 00:12:37,535 --> 00:12:40,075 - Night fishing. - It's four o'clock in the afternoon! 260 00:12:40,111 --> 00:12:41,711 All right. Fishing, then! 261 00:12:43,412 --> 00:12:47,520 Jerry McKay. Please report to the office immediately. Bring my tea. 262 00:12:47,720 --> 00:12:49,929 So you'll mainly be sweeping up, 263 00:12:49,965 --> 00:12:52,847 making tea, keeping the stock room tidy. 264 00:12:53,002 --> 00:12:54,635 General dogsbody, really. 265 00:12:54,671 --> 00:12:55,708 A dogsbody? 266 00:12:55,744 --> 00:12:57,739 Yes. It means you'll do a bit of everything. 267 00:12:57,775 --> 00:13:00,325 I thought this was an interview to work in the factory. 268 00:13:00,361 --> 00:13:02,434 Yeah. You will be working in the factory. 269 00:13:02,470 --> 00:13:04,196 Sweeping the floor of the factory! 270 00:13:05,306 --> 00:13:07,626 Gina, where are those timesheets, please? 271 00:13:08,310 --> 00:13:10,950 How does that sound? £2.80 an hour. 272 00:13:11,455 --> 00:13:15,015 I thought I would be doing more than push a broom and be a houseboy. 273 00:13:15,095 --> 00:13:17,335 Yeah. Like I say, you'll also be making the tea. 274 00:13:18,615 --> 00:13:20,928 What did you want to do when you came to this country? 275 00:13:20,964 --> 00:13:23,073 - Sorry? - What was your dream? 276 00:13:23,109 --> 00:13:25,163 Hang on, who's doing this interview? 277 00:13:25,199 --> 00:13:28,263 Did you dream about sitting behind a desk offering men £2.80 an hour 278 00:13:28,299 --> 00:13:31,466 - to sweep the floor, make tea? - No. 279 00:13:33,137 --> 00:13:36,387 - I wanted to be a chef. - Hey! Were you a good chef? 280 00:13:36,423 --> 00:13:40,215 I was the best! People would come for miles for my dhoklas! 281 00:13:40,295 --> 00:13:43,135 - Woo! - I wanted to open a little shop in Brick Lane 282 00:13:43,215 --> 00:13:46,335 - and serve the best dhoklas in London! - Yeah! 283 00:13:47,008 --> 00:13:48,575 I'd very much like to taste them. 284 00:13:48,611 --> 00:13:50,840 You're making me hungry! I want to go chop! 285 00:13:54,975 --> 00:13:58,655 Look, I don't know what I want to do, but... 286 00:14:00,109 --> 00:14:01,703 ..I know it is not this. 287 00:14:04,173 --> 00:14:05,933 Thank you for your time, Rajesh. 288 00:14:13,215 --> 00:14:14,755 I've wasted my life! 289 00:14:51,060 --> 00:14:52,620 Fuckity-fuck! 290 00:14:52,935 --> 00:14:56,443 Jesus Christ, man, why are you sneaking around on people like that? 291 00:14:56,479 --> 00:14:59,612 I thought you were a burglar! I was about to beat you with this stick. 292 00:14:59,648 --> 00:15:01,625 It's not a stick. It's a fence post. 293 00:15:01,661 --> 00:15:03,813 - Actually, you've got a good one. - Man, would you shut up? 294 00:15:05,391 --> 00:15:07,135 Kirsty kicked you out again? 295 00:15:07,215 --> 00:15:08,218 No. 296 00:15:08,509 --> 00:15:10,469 No, I walked out, on my own terms. 297 00:15:10,505 --> 00:15:14,225 I see. So your own terms is to sleep in the garage next to a lawnmower 298 00:15:14,261 --> 00:15:16,255 instead of sleeping in your bed next to your wife. 299 00:15:16,932 --> 00:15:19,109 Let's have a drink, Bagsy. Come on. 300 00:15:28,443 --> 00:15:30,735 Hey, house boy. 301 00:15:31,104 --> 00:15:33,588 Sorry about the... The shouting. 302 00:15:33,624 --> 00:15:35,424 - Did Mum hit you? - No! 303 00:15:35,460 --> 00:15:37,180 She tried, but I was like... 304 00:15:39,459 --> 00:15:40,779 Hey, shh! 305 00:15:42,586 --> 00:15:44,598 Uncle, what's a prostitute? 306 00:15:45,643 --> 00:15:47,455 Hey... 307 00:15:47,535 --> 00:15:50,295 A, uh, prostitute... 308 00:15:51,540 --> 00:15:53,680 ..is a lady that... 309 00:15:54,855 --> 00:15:58,855 ..cheers you up when you are feeling down or lonely. 310 00:15:59,135 --> 00:16:02,440 You know, this is something you should talk to your father about. 311 00:16:02,702 --> 00:16:05,222 - Does Dad know about prostitutes? - Yes... No! 312 00:16:05,388 --> 00:16:08,948 A-hem. Please stop saying prostitute, hey? 313 00:16:09,994 --> 00:16:12,055 Have you done something wrong? 314 00:16:12,965 --> 00:16:15,655 I'm trying to do the right thing in my own way, 315 00:16:15,735 --> 00:16:18,535 but I made things worse. 316 00:16:19,747 --> 00:16:21,427 Maybe a prostitute could help. 317 00:16:22,937 --> 00:16:24,297 Night! 318 00:16:25,126 --> 00:16:26,474 Night! 319 00:16:33,255 --> 00:16:35,283 Can I ask you a personal question? 320 00:16:36,632 --> 00:16:40,335 You've known me for ten years. You've never asked me a personal question. 321 00:16:40,586 --> 00:16:41,876 All right. Forget it. 322 00:16:42,770 --> 00:16:44,695 Just ask the bloody question. 323 00:16:47,606 --> 00:16:50,508 How would you feel if your wife slept with a black man? 324 00:16:50,895 --> 00:16:52,062 She does. 325 00:16:52,098 --> 00:16:54,815 Every night. Sometimes twice. 326 00:16:56,055 --> 00:16:57,975 You know what I mean. 327 00:16:58,514 --> 00:17:02,794 What if... What if Agnes slept with another man? 328 00:17:03,015 --> 00:17:04,880 If Kobna wasn't yours. 329 00:17:05,179 --> 00:17:07,699 And not only that, everyone knew she'd done it. 330 00:17:08,135 --> 00:17:10,295 - That would never happen. - But what if it did? 331 00:17:10,375 --> 00:17:13,375 - It would never happen. - Yeah, but if it did, what would you do? 332 00:17:13,455 --> 00:17:17,591 That would never happen, and if it did happen, I would be angry. 333 00:17:17,797 --> 00:17:20,037 - Yeah. Sure. - And I would ask her 334 00:17:20,073 --> 00:17:23,113 - why she did that filthy nasty... - Absolutely. 335 00:17:23,291 --> 00:17:24,818 And then I would find the guy 336 00:17:24,854 --> 00:17:26,394 - that she slept with... - Yep. 337 00:17:26,430 --> 00:17:29,419 - I would chop off his bollocks. - That's exactly what I did. 338 00:17:29,455 --> 00:17:31,375 You chopped off the guy's bollocks? 339 00:17:32,335 --> 00:17:35,975 - No. No, that never happened. - Oh. 340 00:17:37,257 --> 00:17:38,937 I went night fishing. 341 00:17:39,580 --> 00:17:43,095 Came back after a few days. Pretended everything was fine. 342 00:17:44,455 --> 00:17:46,441 Like I pretend I'm Melissa's dad. 343 00:17:46,477 --> 00:17:47,917 Which I'm not. 344 00:17:48,215 --> 00:17:50,771 And things are not fine. 345 00:17:52,609 --> 00:17:56,129 Three years ago today, she told me Melissa wasn't mine. 346 00:17:56,743 --> 00:17:59,080 On our bloody anniversary! 347 00:18:00,815 --> 00:18:02,332 You know what I think, man? 348 00:18:02,993 --> 00:18:05,575 I think you need to speak to your wife. 349 00:18:06,187 --> 00:18:07,790 Yeah, could do, I suppose. 350 00:18:08,015 --> 00:18:10,615 Maybe go away for the weekend, or something. 351 00:18:10,695 --> 00:18:12,415 And you know what else I think? 352 00:18:12,451 --> 00:18:15,008 No, but I've got a feeling you're gonna tell me anyway! 353 00:18:15,044 --> 00:18:18,044 Well, I think you are Melissa's daddy. 354 00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:19,070 Don't take the piss! 355 00:18:19,106 --> 00:18:21,715 I'm not taking the piss. I'm not talking biologically, 356 00:18:21,751 --> 00:18:23,231 I'm talking about what's in here. 357 00:18:23,624 --> 00:18:24,955 Huh? 358 00:18:24,991 --> 00:18:26,951 Were you there the day she was born? 359 00:18:26,987 --> 00:18:28,467 - You know I was! - OK. 360 00:18:28,503 --> 00:18:31,283 Are you there to sing her songs when she wants to go to bed? 361 00:18:31,343 --> 00:18:33,843 Eh? To look after her when she's sick? 362 00:18:33,879 --> 00:18:35,995 To wipe her bottom when she's done her poo-poo? 363 00:18:36,054 --> 00:18:37,796 Does she tell you that she loves you? 364 00:18:37,832 --> 00:18:39,979 Just... Don't you dare. 365 00:18:40,015 --> 00:18:42,295 Bagpipes, there's an old Jamaican saying. 366 00:18:42,375 --> 00:18:44,655 You wore the jacket, man. 367 00:18:45,663 --> 00:18:46,575 Huh? 368 00:18:47,171 --> 00:18:49,175 - I wore the jacket. - You are Melissa's daddy. 369 00:18:49,255 --> 00:18:51,554 No matter what anybody says. You understand? 370 00:18:54,095 --> 00:18:55,255 Yeah. 371 00:18:55,735 --> 00:18:57,415 Yeah, I wore the jacket. 372 00:18:58,215 --> 00:19:00,195 To the jacket-wearers! 373 00:19:04,955 --> 00:19:07,035 Bloody smoke out here. 374 00:19:12,215 --> 00:19:14,735 Bagpipes! You back for more business? 375 00:19:14,815 --> 00:19:16,540 Stay out of your bollocks, Frank! 376 00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:30,640 Kirsty, I want you to know that I have never seen a prostitute. 377 00:19:31,796 --> 00:19:32,975 And? 378 00:19:33,619 --> 00:19:38,699 And I want you to know that I do enjoy sexual intercourse with you. 379 00:19:38,735 --> 00:19:43,215 And I think that we should go away for the weekend, just me and you. 380 00:19:43,295 --> 00:19:45,635 And, yeah, talk. 381 00:19:46,217 --> 00:19:47,475 Anywhere I want? 382 00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:48,960 Within reason. 383 00:19:49,342 --> 00:19:50,775 Paris! 384 00:19:50,855 --> 00:19:55,735 Powys? Yeah, I hear the Llanfair Welshpool light railway is spectacular. 385 00:19:58,095 --> 00:19:59,695 Happy anniversary, Kirst. 386 00:19:59,775 --> 00:20:01,215 Thank you. 387 00:20:01,295 --> 00:20:04,495 - Bloody hell! - Mind yourself. It's a bit heavy. Got it? 388 00:20:10,502 --> 00:20:12,264 - Agnes? - Mm? 389 00:20:12,300 --> 00:20:14,846 - I have something for you. - This? 390 00:20:15,457 --> 00:20:17,135 What is this? 391 00:20:17,215 --> 00:20:20,535 For the pot! I changed the money I was paid for working in the... 392 00:20:20,615 --> 00:20:23,415 - Don't say it! - I did a good job! 393 00:20:23,495 --> 00:20:25,735 I'd rather be a skilled worker in a place like that 394 00:20:25,815 --> 00:20:27,375 than a dogsbody in a factory! 395 00:20:27,455 --> 00:20:28,521 - But... - Stop! 396 00:20:30,006 --> 00:20:32,246 I will fill the pot every week, I promise. 397 00:20:32,615 --> 00:20:33,935 But... 398 00:20:35,095 --> 00:20:36,921 ..by earning money in my own way. 399 00:20:41,115 --> 00:20:42,275 OK. 400 00:20:43,435 --> 00:20:46,395 But only one bath a week. I am not running a hotel! 401 00:20:46,431 --> 00:20:49,179 Vallie, what did you say to Rajesh? 402 00:20:49,215 --> 00:20:52,015 The guy came in with dhoklas for everybody! 403 00:20:52,095 --> 00:20:53,895 I had to talk him out of resigning! 404 00:20:53,931 --> 00:20:56,291 Uh, I was just being Mr Charm-Charm. 405 00:20:56,327 --> 00:20:57,512 Hey. 406 00:20:58,323 --> 00:20:59,803 Bloody hell. 407 00:21:02,415 --> 00:21:03,975 It's amazing! 408 00:21:04,055 --> 00:21:05,495 I told you. 409 00:21:05,575 --> 00:21:08,987 You're gonna have to let go of your conventional cooking times now, Kirst. 410 00:21:09,844 --> 00:21:11,695 You can't go wrong with Japanese. 411 00:21:14,095 --> 00:21:16,095 Look, Bagpipes, I just wanna say that... 412 00:21:16,175 --> 00:21:18,415 Ting! Tea's ready! 413 00:21:20,455 --> 00:21:22,028 Dear Mama, 414 00:21:22,064 --> 00:21:26,144 Please don't worry about Valentine. He is looking after himself. 415 00:21:26,727 --> 00:21:30,215 He has not found the right job yet, but he will. 416 00:21:30,335 --> 00:21:34,246 I am enclosing the usual £6.50 for Uncle Foodie. 417 00:21:34,282 --> 00:21:35,362 - Dad... - Mm? 418 00:21:35,398 --> 00:21:37,238 Can I talk to you about something? 419 00:21:37,615 --> 00:21:40,175 Come and sit down. What is it? 420 00:21:40,514 --> 00:21:42,135 What's a prostitute? 421 00:21:42,215 --> 00:21:43,735 OK. Bed time! 422 00:21:45,845 --> 00:21:49,845 Sync & corrections by emeline-whovian www.addic7ed.com 32126

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