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1
00:00:05,287 --> 00:00:06,855
Dear Walter,
2
00:00:06,935 --> 00:00:10,655
I am so pleased to hear that
Valentine is settling in well.
3
00:00:11,644 --> 00:00:14,404
From what you say, it will not be long
4
00:00:14,440 --> 00:00:17,600
before he has a job, a house and a wife.
5
00:00:17,935 --> 00:00:22,055
Until then, please ensure that
he rubs in extra Vaseline.
6
00:00:22,691 --> 00:00:25,055
I don't want his elbows to go dry.
7
00:00:25,293 --> 00:00:28,855
Also, as the pound is strong...
8
00:00:32,135 --> 00:00:33,455
Agnes!
9
00:00:36,863 --> 00:00:40,255
- Why is this pot empty?
- Who turned the immersion heater on?
10
00:00:40,335 --> 00:00:42,715
I filled it three days ago.
It should last a week.
11
00:00:42,751 --> 00:00:45,171
We never turn the immersion heater on!
12
00:00:47,592 --> 00:00:48,654
- Hmm.
- Hmm.
13
00:00:50,215 --> 00:00:51,388
Hey!
14
00:00:51,424 --> 00:00:54,224
I love the light. The electric
in Freetown is much better!
15
00:00:56,892 --> 00:00:59,892
Sync & corrections by emeline-whovian
www.addic7ed.com
16
00:01:04,079 --> 00:01:06,627
Masters of the Universe...
17
00:01:06,855 --> 00:01:09,547
- You know this story is from an African legend?
- Really?!
18
00:01:09,583 --> 00:01:12,183
Of course, really. In Africa
they invented everything.
19
00:01:12,455 --> 00:01:14,575
I mean, look at the size of that cat!
20
00:01:15,735 --> 00:01:17,662
Valentine! Come here.
21
00:01:17,698 --> 00:01:19,898
Someone's in trouble!
22
00:01:22,081 --> 00:01:24,721
By the power of Grayskull!
23
00:01:24,757 --> 00:01:25,997
Hey!
24
00:01:26,033 --> 00:01:27,313
Make room.
25
00:01:27,349 --> 00:01:28,415
Cool.
26
00:01:29,575 --> 00:01:30,975
OK, Vallie, listen.
27
00:01:31,256 --> 00:01:34,252
- You have been here for about two weeks.
- Three and a half!
28
00:01:34,333 --> 00:01:38,173
You have been here
for three and a half weeks. OK?
29
00:01:40,255 --> 00:01:43,535
- I mean...
- Bo, what is your plan?
30
00:01:43,615 --> 00:01:46,504
To finish watching the programme with
the big cat, then go to the pub.
31
00:01:46,540 --> 00:01:49,076
No. What is your plan for work, Plan A.
32
00:01:49,112 --> 00:01:50,636
I've got work, as a DJ!
33
00:01:50,672 --> 00:01:53,883
Hm. Working one night a week
as a DJ is not a job.
34
00:01:53,919 --> 00:01:56,999
- Uh... What is your Plan B?
- To be a footballer!
35
00:01:57,035 --> 00:01:59,006
You need to get proper work
36
00:01:59,042 --> 00:02:02,442
so you can fill this pot with cash
money instead of emptying it!
37
00:02:02,478 --> 00:02:04,628
- It's just that I'm already working!
- Huh?
38
00:02:04,664 --> 00:02:06,646
Yesterday, I helped a man move a fridge.
39
00:02:06,682 --> 00:02:09,842
Tomorrow, I'm doing electrics and
painting for a woman I met in the pub.
40
00:02:09,878 --> 00:02:12,638
- Really?
- I mean proper full-time work!
41
00:02:12,714 --> 00:02:15,474
- Ooh, I'm not sure I'm the ten to three kind of man!
- Help me!
42
00:02:15,510 --> 00:02:18,110
Listen, people work nine to five
here in this country.
43
00:02:18,146 --> 00:02:21,226
- Hey, bo, that's a very long time.
- It is a long time, yes.
44
00:02:21,262 --> 00:02:24,835
- What about Plan F for factory?
- F for factory. Which factory?
45
00:02:24,871 --> 00:02:27,001
You are the shop steward.
You can get him an interview.
46
00:02:27,037 --> 00:02:27,850
Agnes...
47
00:02:27,895 --> 00:02:30,615
You can do that? He's best friends
with the manager!
48
00:02:30,695 --> 00:02:32,495
- I wonder why.
- I wonder why.
49
00:02:32,575 --> 00:02:34,723
Get me an interview and I
will go and be Mr Charm-Charm!
50
00:02:34,759 --> 00:02:35,530
Hey!
51
00:02:35,575 --> 00:02:37,575
Listen, you won't be bloody
Mr Charm-Charm,
52
00:02:37,655 --> 00:02:39,375
you'll be Mr Sense-Sense!
53
00:02:39,455 --> 00:02:42,233
I'm trying to get you a job, not
convince somebody to sleep with you!
54
00:02:49,255 --> 00:02:52,055
Ah, did Mummy dress you
in the dark again?
55
00:02:52,671 --> 00:02:54,535
Oh, my God, she's bleeding!
56
00:02:54,615 --> 00:02:57,235
She's tried to draw a heart
on her tummy like a Care Bear!
57
00:02:57,271 --> 00:02:58,180
Hah!
58
00:02:58,216 --> 00:02:59,936
Looks more like she's in care!
59
00:03:00,135 --> 00:03:02,095
What do you fancy doing tomorrow, eh?
60
00:03:02,617 --> 00:03:04,102
What do you mean?
61
00:03:04,138 --> 00:03:05,967
I thought we could spend
the day together.
62
00:03:06,740 --> 00:03:09,735
- Anniversary!
- Oh!
63
00:03:09,815 --> 00:03:11,575
Ye... Yeah.
64
00:03:11,655 --> 00:03:14,775
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
That'll be nice. Yeah.
65
00:03:14,855 --> 00:03:16,425
- Book a Berni Inn?
- Mm!
66
00:03:16,461 --> 00:03:18,815
- Yeah? Prawn cocktail?
- Prawn cocktail.
67
00:03:18,851 --> 00:03:20,083
- Steak.
- Steak!
68
00:03:20,390 --> 00:03:22,907
- Half a bottle of Yugoslavian wine.
- A whole bottle!
69
00:03:23,906 --> 00:03:26,292
- Get Mum to look after the kids.
- Mm.
70
00:03:26,775 --> 00:03:28,896
- Place to ourselves.
- Mm.
71
00:03:29,075 --> 00:03:31,755
What's up, pigeon? You want Mummy
to wash your belly for you?
72
00:03:31,791 --> 00:03:32,868
- Oi!
- Hah.
73
00:03:32,904 --> 00:03:34,616
Don't change the subject.
74
00:03:34,652 --> 00:03:36,410
- All right.
- Remember?
75
00:03:36,455 --> 00:03:39,335
- Just me and you. Mm?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
76
00:03:40,167 --> 00:03:41,255
Good!
77
00:03:53,415 --> 00:03:55,055
OK, Bobby?
78
00:03:57,716 --> 00:04:00,156
Jerry, bring me a biscuit.
79
00:04:02,222 --> 00:04:04,575
Rajesh, you have two minutes?
80
00:04:04,655 --> 00:04:06,137
I have one minute.
81
00:04:07,855 --> 00:04:12,015
You know, my brother has just
moved here from Sierra Leone...
82
00:04:12,095 --> 00:04:13,485
He wants a job.
83
00:04:13,521 --> 00:04:15,128
- Uh, yes.
- No chance.
84
00:04:15,164 --> 00:04:17,539
There's barely enough work
for people we've already got.
85
00:04:17,860 --> 00:04:21,287
He's just moved to this country.
He has no job, no money.
86
00:04:21,323 --> 00:04:22,993
Neither did I when I first came here,
87
00:04:23,153 --> 00:04:25,582
but I worked my way up
from the shop floor.
88
00:04:26,101 --> 00:04:28,081
We can't all have friends on the inside.
89
00:04:28,117 --> 00:04:29,753
Didn't your uncle get you a job here?
90
00:04:29,788 --> 00:04:31,386
- Second cousin.
- Hm.
91
00:04:31,422 --> 00:04:32,464
Carry on.
92
00:04:32,805 --> 00:04:36,215
He's driving my wife crazy!
You know, really crazy.
93
00:04:36,295 --> 00:04:39,295
He's always at home playing music
and drinking my beer. So...
94
00:04:39,375 --> 00:04:42,286
And she's got me by the...
Oh, you know? She's got me...
95
00:04:42,322 --> 00:04:44,322
- Andakosh.
- Andakosh?
96
00:04:44,358 --> 00:04:46,518
Andakosh. You know, "bollocks".
97
00:04:46,731 --> 00:04:48,171
You call them andakosh?
98
00:04:48,697 --> 00:04:50,139
What do you people call them?
99
00:04:50,175 --> 00:04:51,615
- Bollocks.
- Oh!
100
00:04:51,935 --> 00:04:54,655
Will your brother be happy sweeping
up and making tea?
101
00:04:54,735 --> 00:04:56,295
Two of his favourite things!
102
00:04:56,331 --> 00:04:58,931
OK. Tell him to come and see me
tomorrow at four.
103
00:05:00,475 --> 00:05:02,670
- You're a good guy, you know that?
- I know.
104
00:05:02,706 --> 00:05:04,346
OK. You know what I like about you?
105
00:05:04,382 --> 00:05:06,104
You don't talk no andakosh!
106
00:05:08,237 --> 00:05:11,837
What do you think?
I might wear it tomorrow.
107
00:05:11,997 --> 00:05:14,637
Hey, it's very short!
108
00:05:15,895 --> 00:05:17,935
- If I get to go.
- Hm.
109
00:05:17,971 --> 00:05:19,571
Bagpipes doesn't like going out out.
110
00:05:19,749 --> 00:05:22,321
Have you been using the
Afro comb I gave you?
111
00:05:22,383 --> 00:05:24,695
Well, if I'm honest,
112
00:05:24,731 --> 00:05:28,481
I'm down to brushing her hair
probably once a fortnight.
113
00:05:28,517 --> 00:05:31,877
- Once a fortnight?!
- Nobody can stand the screaming!
114
00:05:31,913 --> 00:05:34,786
We'll go to Shepherd's Bush market
and get some more products, huh?
115
00:05:34,822 --> 00:05:35,805
Yeah.
116
00:05:36,235 --> 00:05:37,615
Kirsty!
117
00:05:37,934 --> 00:05:42,151
Your anniversary should be
a celebration of your romance. Hm?
118
00:05:42,187 --> 00:05:43,332
Agnes,
119
00:05:43,368 --> 00:05:47,888
you know Bagpipes. His idea of
romance is buying me half of Argos.
120
00:05:49,273 --> 00:05:52,993
Do you remember last year?
The set of steak knives?
121
00:05:53,215 --> 00:05:57,135
- That mini hi-fi!
- Yes! And the exercise bike!
122
00:05:57,215 --> 00:06:00,535
The exercise bike!
It's like I'm on Bullseye!
123
00:06:09,135 --> 00:06:11,892
Here you are. Take a look at this.
It's Japanese.
124
00:06:12,157 --> 00:06:14,077
It's called a microwave oven.
125
00:06:14,329 --> 00:06:15,929
Don't you already have an oven?
126
00:06:16,087 --> 00:06:19,058
Yeah, but not one that can cook
a baked potato in ten minutes.
127
00:06:19,094 --> 00:06:20,441
Bagpipe, I beg.
128
00:06:20,477 --> 00:06:24,070
Buy your wife something romantic, eh?
129
00:06:24,106 --> 00:06:25,262
It is romantic!
130
00:06:25,298 --> 00:06:27,247
It's got a special cavity magnetron
131
00:06:27,283 --> 00:06:30,236
that converts high voltage
electricity into radiation.
132
00:06:30,377 --> 00:06:31,942
Compared to a conventional oven,
133
00:06:31,978 --> 00:06:34,372
the kilowatt-to-hour
efficiency is staggering.
134
00:06:35,735 --> 00:06:37,615
Are you good with electrical work?
135
00:06:37,695 --> 00:06:40,258
Yeah. I know everything there is
to know about electrics.
136
00:06:40,458 --> 00:06:43,338
I can strip wire with my hands tied
behind my back, blindfolded.
137
00:06:43,374 --> 00:06:45,445
Why would you do this blindfolded?
138
00:06:45,633 --> 00:06:47,798
Oh, I see. Um...
139
00:06:48,550 --> 00:06:50,495
Well, it's for training, isn't it?
140
00:06:50,575 --> 00:06:53,415
For power cuts. You've got
a lot to learn, my friend.
141
00:06:53,495 --> 00:06:56,821
Well, tomorrow, I have a job
changing the lights in a flat.
142
00:06:56,857 --> 00:06:59,415
Oh, yeah? Sounds like you
might need a bit of help.
143
00:06:59,495 --> 00:07:01,495
How about 50 quid for the day?
144
00:07:01,531 --> 00:07:03,496
Oh, no, no, no. No, thank you.
145
00:07:03,576 --> 00:07:05,054
- All right. 40.
- 20.
146
00:07:05,090 --> 00:07:06,477
- I won't go lower than 30.
- 25.
147
00:07:06,513 --> 00:07:07,701
Deal! Hey!
148
00:07:09,335 --> 00:07:11,135
Yeah. So, uh,
149
00:07:11,215 --> 00:07:14,864
do you, um, do you have
electricity in Africa?
150
00:07:15,017 --> 00:07:17,935
Of course! Back home we
have our fastest animals.
151
00:07:18,015 --> 00:07:19,695
Leopards, lions, cheetahs.
152
00:07:19,775 --> 00:07:22,975
They run on spinning wheels,
making electricity.
153
00:07:23,011 --> 00:07:24,393
Yeah? Really?
154
00:07:24,429 --> 00:07:25,829
Ah, Bagpipe!
155
00:07:25,939 --> 00:07:28,735
Without fools, there would be no wisdom.
156
00:07:29,148 --> 00:07:30,708
So...
157
00:07:30,744 --> 00:07:32,824
- So you do have electricity?
- No!
158
00:07:33,798 --> 00:07:37,375
Only a fool would test the depth
of a river with both feet.
159
00:07:37,455 --> 00:07:40,231
Stop talking in bloody proverbs!
Have you got it or not?
160
00:07:40,267 --> 00:07:44,309
OK! Of course we do! 20 or 30 watts,
50Hz, single phase.
161
00:07:44,345 --> 00:07:46,865
So tomorrow, you might
want to bring some tools.
162
00:07:46,901 --> 00:07:49,221
That's fine. I've got the lot.
What are you missing?
163
00:07:49,271 --> 00:07:50,671
Tools.
164
00:08:05,745 --> 00:08:07,448
So you've got your basics, right.
165
00:08:07,484 --> 00:08:09,805
Your blues, your neutral,
your browns, your live.
166
00:08:09,841 --> 00:08:11,361
Your stripes is your...
167
00:08:13,059 --> 00:08:16,139
- Whoa, whoa, whoa! What are you doing?
- This is where we are working.
168
00:08:16,203 --> 00:08:19,123
I'm not going in there!
That's Number 72!
169
00:08:19,159 --> 00:08:21,399
- What do you mean?
- It's a knocking shop!
170
00:08:21,435 --> 00:08:22,772
Then I won't knock, eh?
171
00:08:35,503 --> 00:08:39,855
Now, I want all these bare bulbs
replacing with flame effect wall lamps,
172
00:08:39,935 --> 00:08:42,527
- cos they're more romantic.
- OK. No problem.
173
00:08:42,563 --> 00:08:46,243
And you can give the place a lick
of paint, as well, if you have time.
174
00:08:46,575 --> 00:08:47,675
OK!
175
00:08:49,335 --> 00:08:50,839
I know you.
176
00:08:50,957 --> 00:08:55,079
- Have you been here before?
- Oh, no, madam, I've not.
177
00:08:55,115 --> 00:08:58,444
Not madam, as in, I haven't frequented
this establishment. Got it!
178
00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:00,615
Got it! Teeny Acorns.
179
00:09:00,651 --> 00:09:02,853
- Beg your pardon?
- Teeny Acorns nursery.
180
00:09:02,889 --> 00:09:04,778
- Oh!
- Your little girl goes there.
181
00:09:04,814 --> 00:09:07,574
- I'm Mags. I'm Gary's mum.
- Hello to you.
182
00:09:08,637 --> 00:09:11,377
We all say it's so lovely
how you look after her,
183
00:09:11,413 --> 00:09:13,615
even though she's, you know, not yours.
184
00:09:13,695 --> 00:09:16,135
Uh, sorry, who's "we"?
185
00:09:16,171 --> 00:09:19,051
Oh just, you know, people at nursery.
186
00:09:19,087 --> 00:09:22,327
The other mums and dads,
a few of the staff,
187
00:09:22,440 --> 00:09:25,807
dinner ladies, cleaner, lollipop lady.
188
00:09:26,142 --> 00:09:28,055
Some of the kids, actually.
189
00:09:29,154 --> 00:09:32,914
- Are you all right?
- Oh, yeah. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. Yeah.
190
00:09:32,950 --> 00:09:36,259
Oh, thank God. I thought I'd
put my foot in it, then!
191
00:09:36,794 --> 00:09:38,735
I'll make you boys a cuppa.
192
00:09:41,695 --> 00:09:43,575
Oh! Are you next?
193
00:09:43,611 --> 00:09:46,015
Oh. No. Uh, no, thank you, madam.
194
00:09:46,095 --> 00:09:47,855
I won't, on... All right, mate?
195
00:09:47,935 --> 00:09:49,315
..on this occasion.
196
00:09:49,351 --> 00:09:53,431
- On this occasion, I will demur.
- All right, love.
197
00:09:59,935 --> 00:10:01,335
Sorry.
198
00:10:01,415 --> 00:10:04,332
Just like I said,
disappears this morning.
199
00:10:04,368 --> 00:10:06,130
I haven't seen him since.
200
00:10:06,175 --> 00:10:08,255
Happy Anniversary to me
201
00:10:08,335 --> 00:10:09,695
Kirsty.
202
00:10:09,775 --> 00:10:12,775
What attracted you to Bagpipes
in the first place?
203
00:10:14,354 --> 00:10:15,594
Um...
204
00:10:16,552 --> 00:10:17,872
Kirsty!
205
00:10:18,465 --> 00:10:19,815
I dunno!
206
00:10:19,895 --> 00:10:21,615
Just trying to remember!
207
00:10:22,615 --> 00:10:25,855
Three... two... one!
208
00:10:26,399 --> 00:10:28,575
Hooray!
209
00:10:32,975 --> 00:10:35,855
- Here you are, Valentine.
- Oi, what the...
210
00:10:35,935 --> 00:10:38,815
- Uh-uh!
- Bagpipe. In Africa, we have a saying.
211
00:10:38,895 --> 00:10:41,175
By the time the fool
has learned the game,
212
00:10:41,255 --> 00:10:43,135
the players have already gone.
213
00:10:43,407 --> 00:10:45,728
You have a lot to learn, my friend.
214
00:10:47,335 --> 00:10:49,575
I've always liked older men.
215
00:10:49,896 --> 00:10:52,695
And Bagpipes, he's kind,
216
00:10:52,775 --> 00:10:54,775
stable, reliable, you know?
217
00:10:55,097 --> 00:10:56,695
Like they say,
218
00:10:56,775 --> 00:10:58,935
girls marry men like their dads!
219
00:10:59,015 --> 00:11:01,059
Except my dad can be quite a laugh!
220
00:11:02,655 --> 00:11:04,135
Kirsty. Where are you going?
221
00:11:04,215 --> 00:11:06,455
I'm all right. It's my anniversary.
222
00:11:06,535 --> 00:11:10,735
You want to talk to your man. That's
him coming out of Number 72, right?
223
00:11:11,053 --> 00:11:13,655
Bagpipe! Delta Boy!
224
00:11:13,735 --> 00:11:14,935
Shit!
225
00:11:22,235 --> 00:11:24,615
How could you do this, huh?
226
00:11:24,695 --> 00:11:27,255
You have brought shame on this family!
227
00:11:27,335 --> 00:11:29,215
What will people think?
228
00:11:29,295 --> 00:11:31,687
What will Kobna think?
He looks up to you!
229
00:11:31,723 --> 00:11:33,276
They are good people!
They offer me work.
230
00:11:33,312 --> 00:11:34,812
I was working to put money in the...
231
00:11:34,848 --> 00:11:37,653
- Working in a place of shame?
- No, no, that's...
232
00:11:38,695 --> 00:11:40,415
..Walter's favourite United mug!
233
00:11:40,495 --> 00:11:42,975
Come up before me. Look at me.
234
00:11:43,055 --> 00:11:45,335
Don't worry. I did nothing more than...
235
00:11:45,415 --> 00:11:47,291
- I don't want to hear it.
- I am telling the truth.
236
00:11:47,327 --> 00:11:48,758
If you leave now, you'll still make
237
00:11:48,793 --> 00:11:51,089
the interview your brother went
to great lengths to get you.
238
00:11:51,125 --> 00:11:52,990
- Don't worry! He's friends with the man...
- Clear out!
239
00:11:53,646 --> 00:11:55,326
Clear out, you bum!
240
00:11:55,362 --> 00:11:56,882
Look where you fit!
241
00:11:57,295 --> 00:11:59,415
♪ Roxanne ♪
242
00:11:59,971 --> 00:12:03,451
♪ You don't have to put
on that dress tonight ♪
243
00:12:03,788 --> 00:12:06,815
♪ Walk the streets for the money ♪
244
00:12:06,895 --> 00:12:10,399
♪ You don't care if it is wrong
or if it's right ♪
245
00:12:10,435 --> 00:12:12,355
I just need you to explain to me,
Bagpipes.
246
00:12:12,391 --> 00:12:13,531
Look, I wasn't...
247
00:12:13,567 --> 00:12:15,906
I thought it was sex generally
that you weren't into.
248
00:12:15,942 --> 00:12:16,848
No, no, no.
249
00:12:16,884 --> 00:12:18,502
Or is it just sex with
me that you don't like?
250
00:12:18,538 --> 00:12:20,578
- Oh, for God's sake!
- Why won't you talk to me?
251
00:12:20,614 --> 00:12:22,431
I can't get a bloody word in edgeways!
252
00:12:23,302 --> 00:12:24,942
Well, go on, then.
253
00:12:25,295 --> 00:12:26,639
Talk.
254
00:12:27,095 --> 00:12:29,815
Cos we've needed to for a long time.
255
00:12:30,454 --> 00:12:31,855
About us.
256
00:12:31,942 --> 00:12:33,422
About Melissa.
257
00:12:34,015 --> 00:12:35,735
About my affair.
258
00:12:35,815 --> 00:12:37,455
Where are you going?
259
00:12:37,535 --> 00:12:40,075
- Night fishing.
- It's four o'clock in the afternoon!
260
00:12:40,111 --> 00:12:41,711
All right. Fishing, then!
261
00:12:43,412 --> 00:12:47,520
Jerry McKay. Please report to the
office immediately. Bring my tea.
262
00:12:47,720 --> 00:12:49,929
So you'll mainly be sweeping up,
263
00:12:49,965 --> 00:12:52,847
making tea, keeping the stock room tidy.
264
00:12:53,002 --> 00:12:54,635
General dogsbody, really.
265
00:12:54,671 --> 00:12:55,708
A dogsbody?
266
00:12:55,744 --> 00:12:57,739
Yes. It means you'll
do a bit of everything.
267
00:12:57,775 --> 00:13:00,325
I thought this was an interview
to work in the factory.
268
00:13:00,361 --> 00:13:02,434
Yeah. You will be
working in the factory.
269
00:13:02,470 --> 00:13:04,196
Sweeping the floor of the factory!
270
00:13:05,306 --> 00:13:07,626
Gina, where are those
timesheets, please?
271
00:13:08,310 --> 00:13:10,950
How does that sound? £2.80 an hour.
272
00:13:11,455 --> 00:13:15,015
I thought I would be doing more than
push a broom and be a houseboy.
273
00:13:15,095 --> 00:13:17,335
Yeah. Like I say, you'll
also be making the tea.
274
00:13:18,615 --> 00:13:20,928
What did you want to do when
you came to this country?
275
00:13:20,964 --> 00:13:23,073
- Sorry?
- What was your dream?
276
00:13:23,109 --> 00:13:25,163
Hang on, who's doing this interview?
277
00:13:25,199 --> 00:13:28,263
Did you dream about sitting behind
a desk offering men £2.80 an hour
278
00:13:28,299 --> 00:13:31,466
- to sweep the floor, make tea?
- No.
279
00:13:33,137 --> 00:13:36,387
- I wanted to be a chef.
- Hey! Were you a good chef?
280
00:13:36,423 --> 00:13:40,215
I was the best! People would come
for miles for my dhoklas!
281
00:13:40,295 --> 00:13:43,135
- Woo!
- I wanted to open a little shop in Brick Lane
282
00:13:43,215 --> 00:13:46,335
- and serve the best dhoklas in London!
- Yeah!
283
00:13:47,008 --> 00:13:48,575
I'd very much like to taste them.
284
00:13:48,611 --> 00:13:50,840
You're making me hungry!
I want to go chop!
285
00:13:54,975 --> 00:13:58,655
Look, I don't know what I want
to do, but...
286
00:14:00,109 --> 00:14:01,703
..I know it is not this.
287
00:14:04,173 --> 00:14:05,933
Thank you for your time, Rajesh.
288
00:14:13,215 --> 00:14:14,755
I've wasted my life!
289
00:14:51,060 --> 00:14:52,620
Fuckity-fuck!
290
00:14:52,935 --> 00:14:56,443
Jesus Christ, man, why are you
sneaking around on people like that?
291
00:14:56,479 --> 00:14:59,612
I thought you were a burglar!
I was about to beat you with this stick.
292
00:14:59,648 --> 00:15:01,625
It's not a stick. It's a fence post.
293
00:15:01,661 --> 00:15:03,813
- Actually, you've got a good one.
- Man, would you shut up?
294
00:15:05,391 --> 00:15:07,135
Kirsty kicked you out again?
295
00:15:07,215 --> 00:15:08,218
No.
296
00:15:08,509 --> 00:15:10,469
No, I walked out, on my own terms.
297
00:15:10,505 --> 00:15:14,225
I see. So your own terms is to sleep
in the garage next to a lawnmower
298
00:15:14,261 --> 00:15:16,255
instead of sleeping in your bed
next to your wife.
299
00:15:16,932 --> 00:15:19,109
Let's have a drink, Bagsy. Come on.
300
00:15:28,443 --> 00:15:30,735
Hey, house boy.
301
00:15:31,104 --> 00:15:33,588
Sorry about the... The shouting.
302
00:15:33,624 --> 00:15:35,424
- Did Mum hit you?
- No!
303
00:15:35,460 --> 00:15:37,180
She tried, but I was like...
304
00:15:39,459 --> 00:15:40,779
Hey, shh!
305
00:15:42,586 --> 00:15:44,598
Uncle, what's a prostitute?
306
00:15:45,643 --> 00:15:47,455
Hey...
307
00:15:47,535 --> 00:15:50,295
A, uh, prostitute...
308
00:15:51,540 --> 00:15:53,680
..is a lady that...
309
00:15:54,855 --> 00:15:58,855
..cheers you up when you are
feeling down or lonely.
310
00:15:59,135 --> 00:16:02,440
You know, this is something you
should talk to your father about.
311
00:16:02,702 --> 00:16:05,222
- Does Dad know about prostitutes?
- Yes... No!
312
00:16:05,388 --> 00:16:08,948
A-hem. Please stop saying
prostitute, hey?
313
00:16:09,994 --> 00:16:12,055
Have you done something wrong?
314
00:16:12,965 --> 00:16:15,655
I'm trying to do the right
thing in my own way,
315
00:16:15,735 --> 00:16:18,535
but I made things worse.
316
00:16:19,747 --> 00:16:21,427
Maybe a prostitute could help.
317
00:16:22,937 --> 00:16:24,297
Night!
318
00:16:25,126 --> 00:16:26,474
Night!
319
00:16:33,255 --> 00:16:35,283
Can I ask you a personal question?
320
00:16:36,632 --> 00:16:40,335
You've known me for ten years. You've
never asked me a personal question.
321
00:16:40,586 --> 00:16:41,876
All right. Forget it.
322
00:16:42,770 --> 00:16:44,695
Just ask the bloody question.
323
00:16:47,606 --> 00:16:50,508
How would you feel if your wife
slept with a black man?
324
00:16:50,895 --> 00:16:52,062
She does.
325
00:16:52,098 --> 00:16:54,815
Every night. Sometimes twice.
326
00:16:56,055 --> 00:16:57,975
You know what I mean.
327
00:16:58,514 --> 00:17:02,794
What if... What if Agnes
slept with another man?
328
00:17:03,015 --> 00:17:04,880
If Kobna wasn't yours.
329
00:17:05,179 --> 00:17:07,699
And not only that, everyone
knew she'd done it.
330
00:17:08,135 --> 00:17:10,295
- That would never happen.
- But what if it did?
331
00:17:10,375 --> 00:17:13,375
- It would never happen.
- Yeah, but if it did, what would you do?
332
00:17:13,455 --> 00:17:17,591
That would never happen, and if it
did happen, I would be angry.
333
00:17:17,797 --> 00:17:20,037
- Yeah. Sure.
- And I would ask her
334
00:17:20,073 --> 00:17:23,113
- why she did that filthy nasty...
- Absolutely.
335
00:17:23,291 --> 00:17:24,818
And then I would find the guy
336
00:17:24,854 --> 00:17:26,394
- that she slept with...
- Yep.
337
00:17:26,430 --> 00:17:29,419
- I would chop off his bollocks.
- That's exactly what I did.
338
00:17:29,455 --> 00:17:31,375
You chopped off the guy's bollocks?
339
00:17:32,335 --> 00:17:35,975
- No. No, that never happened.
- Oh.
340
00:17:37,257 --> 00:17:38,937
I went night fishing.
341
00:17:39,580 --> 00:17:43,095
Came back after a few days.
Pretended everything was fine.
342
00:17:44,455 --> 00:17:46,441
Like I pretend I'm Melissa's dad.
343
00:17:46,477 --> 00:17:47,917
Which I'm not.
344
00:17:48,215 --> 00:17:50,771
And things are not fine.
345
00:17:52,609 --> 00:17:56,129
Three years ago today, she told me
Melissa wasn't mine.
346
00:17:56,743 --> 00:17:59,080
On our bloody anniversary!
347
00:18:00,815 --> 00:18:02,332
You know what I think, man?
348
00:18:02,993 --> 00:18:05,575
I think you need to speak to your wife.
349
00:18:06,187 --> 00:18:07,790
Yeah, could do, I suppose.
350
00:18:08,015 --> 00:18:10,615
Maybe go away for the weekend,
or something.
351
00:18:10,695 --> 00:18:12,415
And you know what else I think?
352
00:18:12,451 --> 00:18:15,008
No, but I've got a feeling
you're gonna tell me anyway!
353
00:18:15,044 --> 00:18:18,044
Well, I think you are Melissa's daddy.
354
00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:19,070
Don't take the piss!
355
00:18:19,106 --> 00:18:21,715
I'm not taking the piss.
I'm not talking biologically,
356
00:18:21,751 --> 00:18:23,231
I'm talking about what's in here.
357
00:18:23,624 --> 00:18:24,955
Huh?
358
00:18:24,991 --> 00:18:26,951
Were you there the day she was born?
359
00:18:26,987 --> 00:18:28,467
- You know I was!
- OK.
360
00:18:28,503 --> 00:18:31,283
Are you there to sing her songs
when she wants to go to bed?
361
00:18:31,343 --> 00:18:33,843
Eh? To look after her when she's sick?
362
00:18:33,879 --> 00:18:35,995
To wipe her bottom when
she's done her poo-poo?
363
00:18:36,054 --> 00:18:37,796
Does she tell you that she loves you?
364
00:18:37,832 --> 00:18:39,979
Just... Don't you dare.
365
00:18:40,015 --> 00:18:42,295
Bagpipes, there's an
old Jamaican saying.
366
00:18:42,375 --> 00:18:44,655
You wore the jacket, man.
367
00:18:45,663 --> 00:18:46,575
Huh?
368
00:18:47,171 --> 00:18:49,175
- I wore the jacket.
- You are Melissa's daddy.
369
00:18:49,255 --> 00:18:51,554
No matter what anybody says.
You understand?
370
00:18:54,095 --> 00:18:55,255
Yeah.
371
00:18:55,735 --> 00:18:57,415
Yeah, I wore the jacket.
372
00:18:58,215 --> 00:19:00,195
To the jacket-wearers!
373
00:19:04,955 --> 00:19:07,035
Bloody smoke out here.
374
00:19:12,215 --> 00:19:14,735
Bagpipes! You back for more business?
375
00:19:14,815 --> 00:19:16,540
Stay out of your bollocks, Frank!
376
00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:30,640
Kirsty, I want you to know that
I have never seen a prostitute.
377
00:19:31,796 --> 00:19:32,975
And?
378
00:19:33,619 --> 00:19:38,699
And I want you to know that I do
enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
379
00:19:38,735 --> 00:19:43,215
And I think that we should go away
for the weekend, just me and you.
380
00:19:43,295 --> 00:19:45,635
And, yeah, talk.
381
00:19:46,217 --> 00:19:47,475
Anywhere I want?
382
00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:48,960
Within reason.
383
00:19:49,342 --> 00:19:50,775
Paris!
384
00:19:50,855 --> 00:19:55,735
Powys? Yeah, I hear the Llanfair
Welshpool light railway is spectacular.
385
00:19:58,095 --> 00:19:59,695
Happy anniversary, Kirst.
386
00:19:59,775 --> 00:20:01,215
Thank you.
387
00:20:01,295 --> 00:20:04,495
- Bloody hell!
- Mind yourself. It's a bit heavy. Got it?
388
00:20:10,502 --> 00:20:12,264
- Agnes?
- Mm?
389
00:20:12,300 --> 00:20:14,846
- I have something for you.
- This?
390
00:20:15,457 --> 00:20:17,135
What is this?
391
00:20:17,215 --> 00:20:20,535
For the pot! I changed the money
I was paid for working in the...
392
00:20:20,615 --> 00:20:23,415
- Don't say it!
- I did a good job!
393
00:20:23,495 --> 00:20:25,735
I'd rather be a skilled worker
in a place like that
394
00:20:25,815 --> 00:20:27,375
than a dogsbody in a factory!
395
00:20:27,455 --> 00:20:28,521
- But...
- Stop!
396
00:20:30,006 --> 00:20:32,246
I will fill the pot every week,
I promise.
397
00:20:32,615 --> 00:20:33,935
But...
398
00:20:35,095 --> 00:20:36,921
..by earning money in my own way.
399
00:20:41,115 --> 00:20:42,275
OK.
400
00:20:43,435 --> 00:20:46,395
But only one bath a week.
I am not running a hotel!
401
00:20:46,431 --> 00:20:49,179
Vallie, what did you say to Rajesh?
402
00:20:49,215 --> 00:20:52,015
The guy came in with dhoklas
for everybody!
403
00:20:52,095 --> 00:20:53,895
I had to talk him out of resigning!
404
00:20:53,931 --> 00:20:56,291
Uh, I was just being Mr Charm-Charm.
405
00:20:56,327 --> 00:20:57,512
Hey.
406
00:20:58,323 --> 00:20:59,803
Bloody hell.
407
00:21:02,415 --> 00:21:03,975
It's amazing!
408
00:21:04,055 --> 00:21:05,495
I told you.
409
00:21:05,575 --> 00:21:08,987
You're gonna have to let go of your
conventional cooking times now, Kirst.
410
00:21:09,844 --> 00:21:11,695
You can't go wrong with Japanese.
411
00:21:14,095 --> 00:21:16,095
Look, Bagpipes, I just wanna say that...
412
00:21:16,175 --> 00:21:18,415
Ting! Tea's ready!
413
00:21:20,455 --> 00:21:22,028
Dear Mama,
414
00:21:22,064 --> 00:21:26,144
Please don't worry about Valentine.
He is looking after himself.
415
00:21:26,727 --> 00:21:30,215
He has not found the right job yet,
but he will.
416
00:21:30,335 --> 00:21:34,246
I am enclosing the usual £6.50
for Uncle Foodie.
417
00:21:34,282 --> 00:21:35,362
- Dad...
- Mm?
418
00:21:35,398 --> 00:21:37,238
Can I talk to you about something?
419
00:21:37,615 --> 00:21:40,175
Come and sit down. What is it?
420
00:21:40,514 --> 00:21:42,135
What's a prostitute?
421
00:21:42,215 --> 00:21:43,735
OK. Bed time!
422
00:21:45,845 --> 00:21:49,845
Sync & corrections by emeline-whovian
www.addic7ed.com
32126
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