All language subtitles for Ferrell.Takes.the.Field.2015.WEBRip.x264-RARBG

All right, let's talk
about the big news around
the world of baseball,

- and that is Will Ferrell.
- We want to turn now to
comedian Will Ferrell.

- Will Ferrell.
- Will Ferrell is actually
gonna suit up

and play
for 10 different teams.

- For how many
different teams?
- Is it 10 teams?

Ferrell plans
to play 10 positions
while making appearances

at five Arizona
spring training games.

And he's doing it all
to raise awareness

for a terrific charity
called Cancer for College.

And he was also
honoring Campy,

a man named Bert Campaneris
who 50 years ago

played all nine positions
in one game.

Everything I'm setting out
to do is to establish a legacy

over the course
of one day.

We are going to be playing
in five different games,

five different stadiums,

10 different teams.

Is it gonna be easy?
Yes.

It's about playing
the game you love,

playing it with
intensity and honor

and crushing ass.

And by crushing ass
it means

getting with the ladies.

Here's what's crazy
about this thing I'm about
to embark on.

- Right.
- Is that we're able
to tie in

our love for the charity
with baseball

which has been a part
of your life from--

- As far as I can remember.
- Yeah, exactly.

- My dream was to be
out on that field.
- Right.

And that, you know,
cancer changed that for me

and changed the idea
of wanting to give back
to a cancer community.

- And now we're kind of
doing that through baseball.
- Yes.

It's pretty cool.

We've awarded a little over
$2 million in scholarships

to a little over 1,000 kids
over the past 22 years.

Without Will's participation
in Cancer for College,

we would probably have
only given out

maybe a few
hundred scholarships
versus several thousand.

I was diagnosed
with leukemia

when I was six years old.

Jose Guevara:
My diagnosis was ALL--

acute lymphoblastic
leukemia.

I was 28 years old
when I was diagnosed
with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma.

Cancer for College
has not only provided me

with a chance to go
to school financially,

but it creates
that support system
that's so valuable.

It's not giving you something
because you had cancer,

it's giving you something
because you have a future

in whatever
you want to do.

Pechera:
When I was selected
to receive a scholarship,

I felt like I had
a future again.

What I'm about to do,
obviously this was something

you would have loved
to have done, right?

Absolutely, I would
have loved to have been
playing on a field.

So you're gonna be living
vicariously through me.

Absolutely, yeah.

What do you--
you think I can do it?

I'm a little worried.

No, actually,
I'm a lot worried.

Ferrell:
This is such a special thing
that we're taking on here.

We're bringing attention to
the charity Cancer for College.

We're raising awareness
about the disease

as well as raising money
for college scholarships
for these kids.

But there's another kind
of cancer out there.

And it's the cancer
of doubt.

The doubt in my abilities
as a baseball player.

I don't know if
Will Ferrell has any kind
of athletic background.

He's listed as 115 pounds.
He hasn't been 115 pounds
since, what, third grade?

Mike Russell:
He's a below average runner.

Below average fielder.
Below average hitter.

Sportscaster:
Do you think he's a prospect?
He's 47. He's a little old.

Sportscaster #2:
No, he's not a prospect.

We expect him to play
major league caliber defense.

Man:
Some guys are out here
trying to win jobs,

trying to get ready
for opening day and win
the World Series.

John Madden:
That's a lack of respect

and a respect
for what players

have to do to get
where they are.

We're talking about
top-notch athletes.
He's an actor.

The ball's in his court
right now.

He's gotta show us
what he can do.

- Oh, hey.
- Hey.

- Good morning.
- Yeah, good morning.

- Let's walk in.
- Yeah, come on in.

So...

big day today.

Here we are.
We're about to embark

on this journey that's been
months and years in the making.

No one thought
we could do it.

Follow me here.

You know, baseball,
it's really one of the great
family games,

and to have everyone
together to experience
this day is pretty great.

I don't know
who's more excited,
myself or my family.

Hey, guys.

You excited?

Excited for Dad?

He's about to
break a 50-year-old
marketing record

that's already been
broken three times.

- What?
What did you say?
- Yeah.

I'm about
to break a 50-year-old
marketing record

that's been broken
three times by three
other players.

Yeah.

Ferrell:
A lot of energy
in this room.

Yeah. Thanks, guys.
Thanks for the support.

I'm gonna need it
all day long, okay?

If that's any indication
what today's gonna be like,

we're up for
an amazing day.

All right, it's that time.

I'm just gonna load up here.

Grab all my gear.

Look, I have no illusion about
the fact that I am a rookie

in the strongest
sense of the word.

Can't believe this
is finally happening,
you know?

I'm a 47-year-old baby.

All right.

Yeah, it's gonna be fun
to finally get my locker,

put my stuff away,
get to know the guys
a little bit.

Get to some of that
traditional clubhouse
grab-ass.

This is what I was put
on planet Earth to do--

to play major league
baseball.

Quick question.
Are we 100% on for today?

Uh, no,
we're definitely on.

- Oh.
- 100%.

Okay.

I was just
double-checking.

I just...

had a little moment
of self-doubt there

where it dawned on me
what truly is about to happen.

So...

but no turning
back, right?

- Morning.
- I'm in beast mode right now.
I can't talk.

Hey, how's it going?

Is there a good place
I could change?

Do you know?

You guys ready
for today, huh?

Ferrell:
When I walk
into a clubhouse,

I walk into that clubhouse
with two big satchels

filled with honey
and vinegar.

Some players may get
down on themselves too much

and I'll give them
some honey.

I'll take
Sean's locker, right?
He's not gonna care.

- You got it.
- Yeah.

Okay.

Ferrell:
Other players may be,
you know,

a little too cocky
and they need vinegar.

You work out a lot?

A coming-together moment--
I will make a very delicious

honey vinaigrette.

Not too heavy,
just light enough.

It's called salad dressing.
You want to dress the salad.

You don't want to--
it's not called
salad drenching.

What's your body fat
percentage?

- 9%. What's yours?
- Nine?

Yeah.

- I'm right around nine.
- Right around nine?

- Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah, I think you are.

- What's your bench?
- Bench?

- Yeah.
- Uh...

- you mean recently?
- Yeah.

Did about one,
one and a quarter.

- One and a quarter?
- Yeah.

Yeah, we'll see
where you're at.

Anyway, I'm just
gonna get my uniform

- just like you guys do.
- Yeah, you should.

- It's so not a big deal.
- Yeah, not a big deal at all.

When we think of baseball,
there's all this hoopla
about the home run.

- Should I get in there?
- You should get in there
right now.

Okay.

But the most exciting play
in baseball

is the sacrifice bunt.

Just taking that
36-ounce piece of lumber

and delicately
holding it

between your thumb
and forefinger

and just absorbing
the impact of the ball

with that piece of wood
and just plink,

and letting it drop
straight down at your feet.

Runner in scoring position.

And then next batter
strikes out, end of inning.

But that in itself

is a symbol
of America's greatness.

The passive bunt.

Reporter:
Good job.
How'd you feel?

How do you think I feel?

I feel like
a million bucks.

Ferrell:
Bert, let me ask you this.

There's a lot
of doubters out there

whether I can do this or not.
Do you think I can do this?

Why not?

Could you give me
some tips in Spanish?

Mm-hmm.

And it's tough to get
reservations there
on a weekend, yeah.

Yeah.

Announcer:
Good afternoon, everybody,
from Mesa, Arizona.

We're at Hohokam Stadium.

And today a little bit
different.

Will Ferrell's
on the scene.

Ferrell:
People who know me,
I'm pretty mild-mannered

in my day-to-day life.

But that all changes
when I step onto the field.

We're in the show.

I'm technically
in the show right now.

Semien:
Any guy in the middle
of the diamond

is key out there
on defense.

Shortstop, you get
a lot of action.

You get a chance
to move around a lot.

It's like the anchor
of the defense.

Announcer:
Austin Jackson climbing
inside the batter's box.

Hey, guys, where do you guys
put your wallets?

Oh.

Announcer:
Kazmir, a big leg kick
and the first pitch

of the ball game today
comes home and it runs
in there for a strike.

Oh! I like that a lot.

I like to talk in my glove
like this a lot, too.

Okay? Yeah?

Ferrell:
So I'm playing
your position today.

Shortstop.
I don't know if
you got the word.

- I did hear that.
- Okay.

You know, it goes
without saying I'm not
a professional ballplayer.

Scott.

- Semien: Yeah.
- Ferrell: But I could
catch fire today.

And you could be on
a bus back to Toledo.

- Toledo?
- Modesto?

- I think it would
be Nashville.
- Nashville.

So, I mean, how--
how do you feel--

do you resent me
right now in a way?

Announcer:
Montero, big rip
and a miss.

And the first out
of the ball game.

Ferrell:
That's a sweet one
right there.

What if I turn an unassisted
triple play today?

Break that down.
How would that work?

Announcer:
One out and one on.
The 0-1 pitch.

Swing and a high chopper
to third.

Lawrie gloves it.
Fair ball throw down
to second base.

It's picked there
by Parrino,

who wants
to throw to first base,
holds on to it.

Will Ferrell is praising
the heavens right now

that he wasn't involved.

That's a hell of a play.

That's a hell
of a play.

- That's not me.
- Lawrie: No, I got that.

That was not--
but over here, too.

- Yeah, you look
great, though.
- Yeah.

You stay--
hey, keep doing that.

Announcer:
A pause, the wind,
and the pitch.

Bloomquist swings
and misses.

He's down
on three pitches.

And that'll do it
for the Mariners.

- Nice work.
- Will Ferrell survives.

Did not have a ball
hit his way

and he's getting plenty
of high fives as he races
back to the dugout.

Great support
all the way around, guys.

Ferrell:
One thing a lot of people
don't know about me

is I love to high-five.

Any excuse I have
to put that arm up

and start that momentum...

I mean, I just love
everything from the thought,

from the inception
of the thought.

"Hey, we're about
to high-five."

Or "I'm gonna force
this person to high-five me."

The satisfying contact
of two palms

saying hello
to each other.

I missed you.
Again.

Again. No, look.
Look at me.

Look. Look at each
other's elbow.

There you go.
You didn't know
about that, right?

Hey, let's carry this
all the way to October.

Nice job, nice job.

What? Oh.

Yeah, sure.
I'm happy to
talk to him.

Yeah.

- Hey, Will.
- Hey.

- Hey, Billy Beane.
Yeah, thank you.
- Nice to see you.

- You look great out there.
- This has gotta be good news.

I don't think
there is a person
on planet Earth

that I hate more
than Billy Beane.

Before you say a word,

I just want to say
we've become a family.

And these guys have
accepted me with open arms

and it feels really good
to be here,

so I appreciate
your support.

Yeah.

He is a bloodsucking liar

who hides in his ivory tower
in Oakland Memorial Coliseum

telling everyone
who comes into his office,

"Hey, do you want
to watch 'Moneyball'?

This is a story about me."

Here's the bad news.

We just traded you
to the Mariners.

Hey, it's part of the game.

Ferrell:
You know, I'll always
take the high road.

And that's just the way
I live my life.

And I've always
lived my life that way.

But he is a first-class
asshole

and I'm not the only one
who feels that way.

Hey, let's
be professional
about this, Will.

I was being
professional, okay?
The whole time.

Blood, sweat, and tears
I gave you guys

for over four hours,
all right?

And now this is--
I mean, I know it's
a business,

but at least--

okay, where do I go?

Bye, guys.

- Enjoyed it.
- Sorry, it's a business.
This happens.

- Good luck.
- All the best to you.

- All the best
to you in your career.
- Good luck to you, man.

You guys will
always be family
to me, all right?

Hey, I'll never forget
where I came from, okay?

- That's right. Go get 'em.
- Good luck to you.

Thanks, Ricky.
Thanks, Rick.

You know, Billy Beane,
he's all about numbers
and crap.

He doesn't know
about heart.

- You know?
- Great job.

- Sorry, guys.
- Great job.

I feel like
I let you down.

Ferrell:
There's no number to quantify
the size of your heart

and your will
to succeed.

And that's what he needs
to understand.

I hope he has
a horrible Christmas.

Just for that reason,
you know?

'Cause he's my Grinch.

He'll always
be my Grinch.

I'm gonna miss you guys.
I'm gonna miss you guys.

Man:
Finally on a real team.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

- Appreciate it. All right.
- Welcome to the Mariners.

Man #2:
Come to the dark side, Will.

I'm playing
for Seattle now, okay?

And we love it!

Announcer:
So after playing an inning
at shortstop for the A's,

he gets traded
to the Mariners

and he takes
Robbie Canó's position.

Announcer #2:
He's got to tuck that
shirttail in a little bit.

Announcer #3:
Yeah, the shirttail's
dragging pretty good.

You know what?
I don't even remember what it
was like to play for the A's.

¿Por que, man?
¿Por que?

Por que no.

- Por que sí.
- Por que sí.

You know, I have
a very interesting
and complicated relationship

with Latin players.

I was almost born
in the Dominican Republic.

Player:
Buen trabajo.

Trabajo.

Mucho trabajo.

Ferrell: My mother
was in labor during
a transcontinental flight.

We almost had
to touch down in the DR.

Instead, she said,
"I think I can hold it."

And we went all the way
to California.

Announcer:
Swing and a grounder
left side.

Backhand play by Marte.
Long throw.

Takes a skip.
Takes Montero off the bag,
but how about this?

Jesús Montero, he picks it
and applies the tag.

And that'll do it
for the bottom of the second.

What a play.
What a play, guys.

- Way to go.
- I got bad news for you.

- What?
- I thought you
played great.

- Yeah.
- Jack said you just
got released.

- Are you kidding me?
- Good luck, man.

Okay?
Sorry about that.

Thanks, guys.

Ferrell:
It's a little bit
of a whirlwind.

I knew getting traded
or getting cut would be
a possibility,

but back-to-back teams
right out of the gate?

Never.
Never in a million years.

I just started
to settle in.

The guys on Oakland
are a great group of guys.

We were already planning
to take team trips together.

We were gonna go
to the Grand Canyon

during the next off week.

Possibly go do
some spa stuff in Sedona.

Then I get to Seattle
and we start talking
about coffeehouses

and Pearl Jam
and stuff like that.
You know, really mixing in.

And then they're like,
"Sorry, you're gone," too.

It's brutal.

Even though
they gave me some gum.

Ferrell:
The ups and downs,
the stress of the game,

you got to have
a thick skin
to do this.

And I don't know
if I do.

Once I get out, though,
back on the open road,

I take a look
at the scenery,

the beautiful vistas,
the rock formations,

I just see people
enjoying desert living,

and that's my center.

The desert cactus rose
blooming.

The hummingbird lightly
dancing on its petals.

The smell of sage

and wild chaparral.

Did a lot a sketches
of flora and fauna

that I'd love to show you

if we ever get a moment,
you know?

And also at some point today
I'd like to turn you guys on

to some very exciting
and interesting real estate
opportunities.

Ferrell:
The LA Angels of Anaheim.

They are my childhood team.
I grew up in Orange County.

When I walk into that
locker room and see my name
above an Angels' locker

and put that uniform on,
I'm pretty sure I'm gonna
feel emotional,

a great feeling of pride.

I think it's gonna feel
like coming home.

Those were the first baseball
games I went to as a kid

with my dad
and my brother.

Getting there four hours
before the first pitch,

hanging out
in the parking lot,

negotiating with
the scalpers to get tickets

'cause Dad refused
to pay retail.

Other great memories.
The sights and the sounds.

Having to bring
our own snacks
into the game.

We weren't going to pay
those dirty concessioners
a dime of our own money.

That first exposure
to a urinal trough.

Realizing, oh,
this is the urinal.

We're all gonna pee
at this together.

Looking at a large adult
male penis to your left
and to your right

and just thinking,
"I'm in the big time."

But today I'm not
in the big leagues as
a nine-year-old boy

with a tiny,
prepubescent penis.

I'm out there with
a big hairy dick and balls

swinging wildly.

Come on.
Let's do it.

Let's do it.
Come on, let's go.

Let's go.
Come on.

Quit dicking around.
Let's go, all right?

- You loose?
- I need to stretch out
a little bit more.

All right, listen,
you replace him.

Ferrell:
Mike Scioscia has told me

that I'm gonna be replacing
Mike Trout in center field,

which no one's more surprised
about that move than me.

I mean, Mike Trout, last year's
American League MVP.

Wow, I'm gonna be
replacing him on the roster.

Announcer:
The pitch.

Come on!

Announcer:
It's a two-out RBI double
for Trout.

What did he do last year?

I think he hit
.286, .287.

36 home runs.

- 117...
- hits

- or, you know...
- stolen bases.

So they're taking you out.

Yeah.

They're taking you out.

Can I borrow your
glove and your hat?
I forgot to...

Announcer:
We have a new Angels
center fielder.

Will Ferrell
is going to take over,

at least temporarily
for Mike Trout.

We need to give him
a fly ball,

see what he's got in him.

Announcer #2:
Wow, Will Ferrell's
not messing around, Terry.

He's looking around,
he's saluting the fans,

and he's looking to see
what the pitcher's doing.

Announcer:
Here's the 2-2.

A shot into center field.
It's gonna drop in,

so Will Ferrell's gonna
have to field it out there.

Does a good job.
Fires the ball towards second

and holds Castillo
to a single.

And he's getting
a standing ovation here

for making
a play out there.

The great thing
about maybe playing
for the Angels full time,

I mean, one of the perks
that I know for a fact

the ball players take
advantage of constantly

is it's a 10-minute walk

right across the freeway
to Disneyland.

And I can ride
the teacups,

Matterhorn,
Space Mountain,

the Electrical Parade,
fireworks show,

Main Street.

Have you been
down Main Street?

You know
what Walt Disney did?

He built it
in such a way

that it's an optical
illusion.

So it looks like
it's the longest street

as you walk into the park,
like it takes forever.

But on your departure,
he built the buildings

so it looks shorter,
so you're not as tired
when you leave the park.

But let's not--
we're getting off-topic here.

Well, the life
of a journeyman,

you always keep a bag
packed by the front door

'cause you don't know
if you're gonna get traded
to Cleveland.

It's a fickle mistress,
you know?

Announcer:
Will Ferrell is coaching
third at the moment.

Flashing signs down there.

Announcer #2:
Flashing signs with
his hands and arms,

but also he's got
some signs next to him.

Ferrell:
The Chicago Cubs.

Let's put the hankies away.

Let's take our diapers off
and let's play ball.

Stop being cubs.
Let's be bears.

Not the Chicago
football Bears,

but the Chicago
baseball Bears.

♪ He had a nasty reputation
as a cruel dude ♪

♪ They said
he was ruthless... ♪

Announcer:
Have a couple of changes
for the Cubs.

They have a new
first baseman.

I don't really know
how to play first either.
Yeah, it's gonna be tough.

I don't think he knows
what he's gonna do.

I think he just
kind of ad-libs most
of his life as he goes.

Spikes up, cap backwards,
cock and balls flying.

Ferrell:
Another team made a mistake.

It's the fourth time
in a row.

♪ Are you with me
so far? ♪

I'm not a big
conspiracy theory guy,

but something's going on,
you know?

To get cut by four teams,
it's a little weird.

♪ The drop of a name ♪

♪ They knew all
the right people... ♪

Ferrell:
As a journeyman,
it can be a lonely existence.

But that's the sacrifice
you make.

It's just you,
your duffel bag,

and your camera crew,

sound department,
your lighting team.

How far are we behind?

Your hair and makeup team,
nutritionist, trainer.

Security team,
security detail,

advance team that's at
the other stadium waiting
for you to come,

your family.

So you're looking
at 40, 50, 60 people.

It's still an island.

♪ Everything
all the time ♪

♪ Life in the fast lane... ♪

Announcer:
And now Will Ferrell

will take over
in left field for
the Diamondbacks.

The advice I have
for Will Ferrell is
to be ready to play.

- It's no joke here.
- This place has got
kettle corn.

I have never seen a player
play on a team

that had no ability and was
a great clubhouse presence.

'Cause we're looking
for guys with ability.

Knowledge of desert wildlife
is not important.

Maybe I should play him
a little this way, huh?

You think, really?

Announcer:
Runner at first,
nobody out,

and there's a liner
into left center.

And it's gonna drop in
and it's gonna roll
to the track.

And it's 11-1 Cincinnati.

Were those mine?
Am I supposed to get those?

Ferrell:
When you've let the team down,
there's no worse feeling.

It's like you woke them up
in the middle of the night

and said, "Excuse me,
I'm about to take a dump
on your head."

Announcer:
2-1. Swung on.

Popped up into shallow left.
Ferrell a late break.

Still coming and it drops in
for a base hit.

It kind of checks up
and rolls to his right.

And now the fans
are letting him have it.

♪ They went rushing
down that freeway ♪

♪ Messed around
and got lost ♪

♪ They didn't care,
they were just dying
to get off... ♪

You guys don't want
to be in that dugout.

It's not good over there.
It's not good.

Announcer:
Will Ferrell is now
with the Cincinnati Reds.

He's replacing third baseman
Taylor Sparks.

There's a saying that
winning is not everything.

But let's face it, it is.
It's everything.

The air
is a little fresher.

The grass smells
a little greener.

- Anybody want
any sunflower seeds?
- I'll take some.

Nothing like going
on a win streak.
Nothing like it.

Run it out!
Run it out!

Announcer:
1-1 pitch.

Swung on and a deep drive
into left center.

Going back on it is Waldrop
and he makes the catch

just shy of the track
and the inning is over.

I was ready, though.
I was ready to cover.

- Whew. Whew.
- Man: Good job, Will!

Hi, buddy.
Hi.

- Can I walk with you?
- Come on, let's walk.

Let's walk.
Hi, guys.

Man #2: So what do you
guys think? You guys have
been following all day.

You think he's gonna
break this record?

All:
No.

Ferrell: There's so many
doubters out there as to
whether I can do this.

And I'm deadly serious
about the fact that I'm gonna
prove all the doubters wrong.

I want to find them
individually

and I want
to destroy them.

But you know what?
I'm used to a lot of doubters
within the family.

It's given me character
to persevere.

Announcer:
Everybody's anticipating
with the excitement

of Will Ferrell on the way.

- Announcer #2: Yeah.
- Waiting for him to get here.

Announcer #2:
Almost like everybody's
just kind of sitting back,

not making a lot of noise.

Announcer:
Well, they're kind of
panicking right now

'cause they're already seeing
it's the fifth inning,

he's not here, Har.

Ferrell:
If we fall behind
on the day,

I'm gonna have to have
some mode of transportation

to get us from point A
to point B.

It's not gonna work
by car.

We're in a landlocked
state.

There's no kind
of water taxi.

I got to figure out a way.

Whatever kind of a safe,
efficient, practical journey

that most ball players use.

You know what we got to do?
We got to do this.

You're gonna make
everyone happy

if you sing "Take Me Out
to the Ball Game" with me
up here.

When was the last time
you got the opportunity
to sing in a helicopter?

I don't think
I ever have.
Yeah.

- First time for everything?
- First time.

- All right.
- Yeah.

♪ Take me out
to the ball game ♪

♪ Take me out
to the crowd ♪

♪ Buy me some peanuts
and Cracker Jacks... ♪

Announcer:
One ball and no strikes.

So we don't know yet
when Will Ferrell
will be arriving.

♪ ...root, root
for the home team ♪

♪ If they don't win,
it's a shame ♪

♪ For it's one, two,
three strikes you're out ♪

♪ At the old ball game. ♪

- Nice.
- Good job. Good job.

That was definitely
a first.

Man on P.A.:
Now batting,

in his first major league
baseball at bat,

number 19,
Will Ferrell.

I think when Will goes
up there, he better get on.

I mean, we're trying
to get on base.

If he has to get hit
by a pitch,

then he should at least
take one in the back

just to help the team out.

All hitters need a plan
when they go up there.

I mean, the plate is only
17 inches wide,

but you got to figure out
what side you really want
to dominate off the get-go.

Announcer:
Outside, ball one.
1-0.

Ferrell:
When I'm faced with
a clutch situation,

I live for those moments.

The most pressure-filled
situation,

I feel the most relaxed.

I guess what I'm trying to say
is I'm on some level

a low-level sociopath.

But that's what makes me
a champion.

Announcer:
The Giants' outfield

is about as shallow
as you'll see it.

They call it
the Little League outfield.

There we go,
and Machi's pitch.

Oh, it's outside.
Ball two. 2-0 now.

Back from the set,
Ferrell takes--

that's a strike.

It's 2-1.
Swing and a miss.

A little late
on that one, folks.
2-2.

2-2?

Announcer #2:
And it's a high drive
to center.

Announcer #3:
High fly ball
into right field.

She is gone!

Announcer:
Count 2-2.

See if Machi puts him
away here.

No, a little tapper
up along first. Foul.

And Ferrell, he's hurt.

He's not used to--
that one got him pretty good.

A little sting
on the hand right there.

Steverson:
Coming to the end
of any player's career,

your swing ain't as fast
as it used to be.

You know, age gets to you
a little bit in this game.

Announcer:
Machi set. 7-4 Giants.
Bottom nine.

Ferrell swings and misses
at a high fastball.

And Jean Machi said,
"All right."

Man on P.A.:
Can we have your attention,
please?

We've just been informed
that Will Ferrell

has been traded
to the San Francisco Giants.

What?

Go get your gear on.
We need you now.

- All right.
All right.
- Let's go.

Announcer:
Now Will Ferrell meets

his new manager
Bruce Bochy.

Man: Yeah, way to go, Will!

Okay.

Announcer:
Here comes Will Ferrell,
now catching.

Make sure you talk
to your pitchers.

- I don't need--
- About the signs.

We have one is a fastball.

- Two? Breaking ball.
- Breaking ball.

Announcer:
Discussion with
Jean Machi right now.

It's good to have
the pitcher and catcher
on the same page.

And Jean Machi,
there's not 100% guarantee
he's making this club.

Ferrell:
Every player knows

your fourth or fifth game

with your eighth team
in the same day, it's tough.

And the aches and pains
and you're, you know, like...

I'm too old
for this shit.

Announcer:
And now they're calling
for an intentional walk.

Machi's thinking
I don't normally issue

intentional walks
with the team up by three
and nobody on.

And looks like Bruce Bochy
now is gonna take out
Will Ferrell.

See what Bochy says here.

Ferrell:
Okay, so we're racing
to the final game,

Dodgers-Padres,
where I need to pitch.

I need to play
right field.

The one question I do have
for all you guys

is where the hell's
the chopper?

Why'd we release
the chopper?

Why am I back in the van?

Still...

I've become accustomed
with my status in life

of travelling with
a certain level of luxury.

Just 'cause we don't want
to go $400 in the hole,

which I easily and happily
would have paid myself
out of pocket.

I throw all the normal
basic pitches--

fastball, curveball,
change, slurge.

The action of the pitch
urges you to swing at it.

Thus the slurge.

- Ready?
- So what are we gonna...?

- We got one fastball.
- Yeah.

- Two curveball.
- Right.

- Have you heard
of a slurge?
- A slurge?

I throw a slurge.

Ferrell:
I throw a traditional
knuckleball.

I throw a European
knuckleball.

I throw a Catfish,
the Black Healer.

A pitch called
the Asteroid.

Some of my pitches are named
with whole sentences.

Like the Miraculous
Ascension of Sister Guadalupe.

One of my pitches
is named Barry.

I don't even consider
him a pitch.

He's like a close friend.

He's like a guy

that you could literally
not see for a year

and call him up
out of the blue

and meet him at
the local watering hole

and it's like you guys
picked up right where
you left off.

Barry is, like I said,
not a pitch.

He's a dear friend.

And...

the time I've spent
with Barry,

he's helped me through
some very difficult times.

And... yeah.

I mean, he helped me recover
from my motorcycle accident.

And...

I don't know what to say
more about Barry.

Announcer:
Rico Noel is the batter.

Announcer #2:
And he just moved up
in the box.

Announcer:
Bunting back to Ferrell
and there's one away.

Announcer:
Shades of Doug Jones

and the late Rod Beck.

And it looks like
that's gonna be all

for Will Ferrell tonight.

He won't even look
Donnie in the eye.

Look at this.
He doesn't want to
give up the rock.

I still made
the team, right?

Absolutely.

- All right.
- Good job.

Announcer:
And that's gonna be it

for the Dodger career
of Will Ferrell.

I think I just
got released.

Announcers:
He's snapping.

I get guys out, okay?

Majority of players
at the end of their career,

it can be a really tough
adjustment.

You never want
to think you're at the end
of your career

until I think
it creeps up on you

and you have to accept it.

You get into this pattern
of what you do,

a routine day in,
day out, and all of
a sudden it's gone.

Different guys
have different ways
that they handle it.

I just pray there's
one more team out there

that'll take me.

Anybody find my glove?

Announcer:
Will Ferrell's
ready to go out

and play right field
for San Diego

in what's
an important frame.

We're scoreless headed
to the ninth.

This is the last one.
Here we go.

Announcer:
Will Ferrell has worn
number 19 most of the day

and that's because
Campy Campaneris wore
number 19 as an Oakland A.

So tipping his cap
to Campy

whose all-nine feat
he's replicating tonight.

But number 19 will never
be worn in San Diego again.

Announcer #2:
Retired number of the late
great Tony Gwynn,

the Hall of Famer.

This is gonna be my ball club,
the San Diego Padres.

I can live in San Diego.
I love La Jolla.

My God.

Can't believe I'm gonna end
my career with the Padres.

Announcer: Oh, my.
Will Ferrell can't do
anything about that one.

1-0 Los Angeles.

He got all of that.
He got all of that.

Announcer:
So here's Scott Van Slyke.

A little infield pop
for Diego Goris.

Will Ferrell's busy
Cactus League day is over.

You know, there's so many
components to baseball.

There's hitting,
fielding, pitching.

But every
ball player knows

the thing that gets you
to the show

and the thing that keeps
you in the show

is the ability to deliver
a great speech.

Today I consider myself

the luckiest man
on the face of the Earth.

Baseball really was
a great game

and baseball is really
a great game.

For all of your support
over the years,

I want to thank you,
the fans of Baltimore,

from the bottom
of my heart.

Announcer:
Well, Will Ferrell is getting
ready to address the crowd,

a crowd of over 10,000
on this Cactus League night.

If I can just have
everyone's attention, please.

I'd like to say
a few words.

I'd like to thank you all
for today.

You know, when I embarked
on this journey

way back at breakfast,

I thought to myself,
could I do it?

My career has not gone
according to plan.

When I first showed up
on the A's doorstep,

I thought I'd be an A
for life.

But then I was a Mariner,
an Angel,

a Cub, a Diamondback,
a Red, a White Sox,

a Giant, a Dodger.

I think I'm missing one.

Was I the best player
on the field today?

Maybe. Maybe?

Maybe? Can you--
can you chant that
with me now?

Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.

Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.

There's no doubt
I turned some heads today.

I brought passion
to the field,

dedication, ability,

and a lot of ignorance.

There is life
in this 47-year-old arm.

They say nothing's more American
than grabbing a hot dog,

heading to the ball park
and watching nine guys

from the Dominican Republic
make magic on the field.

But you know what?

Today I learned
they are wrong.

Make that eight Dominicans

and one guy
from Irvine, California.

Ruth,

Musial, Mantle,

Will Ferrell.

On a serious or real note,
thank you all.

What a day.
Thank you to Major League
Baseball,

to my family, and especially
to Craig Pollard.

Craig is here tonight.

Craig:
Here, here.

Craig's right there.
There's Craig, everyone.

Big hand for Craig Pollard.

We were fired up
you got a piece
of that one.

- You had good swings.
- I thought, is there
a chance?

Is there a chance
I actually get a hit?

- But, no, he kept it
outside.
- Yeah.

When I'm at that
induction ceremony
at Cooperstown,

when Bubba Watson
puts that green jacket
on my shoulders,

I'm gonna be thankful.

I'm not gonna be
a dick about it.

But I'm gonna be like,
"Don't lose sight of the fact,

everyone,
that I earned this."

And at the end,
the very end,

I'm talking about
I'm at the pearly gates

and I'm at that
dream dinner of me,

Abraham Lincoln,
Joan of Arc, Don Shula,

you know,
and they're looking at me
and they're like,

"Can I just ask one question?
Were you the guy

who played
all nine positions
and DH'd?"

I'm like, "Yeah.

Yeah, I'm that guy.

Pass the mashed potatoes."

♪ Any way you want it,
that's the way you need it ♪

♪ Any way you want it ♪

♪ She loves to laugh,
she loves to sing ♪

♪ She does everything... ♪

I played in five games.
Played for 10 teams.

- All in one day?
- All in one day.

All one day and...

As a little charity
fundraiser.

As a charity fundraiser,
which is a cool thing to do.

And you looked
pretty good out there.

♪ So hold tight,
hold tight ♪

♪ Ooh, baby,
hold tight... ♪

- Now, you looked great
in those uniforms.
- Thank you.

And I'm beginning
to think that any uniform
you look great in.

But you really looked
like a big leaguer.

Well, I'm still hoping
for a call, Dave.

♪ Any way you want it ♪

♪ I was alone,
I never knew... ♪

There were moments
that were terrifying.

I'm not gonna lie to you.
Yeah.

Trying to hit
a 90-mile-an-hour fastball,

it's next to impossible.

♪ About the loving things ♪

♪ All night,
all night ♪

♪ Oh, every night... ♪

Brad Pitt:
It's hard not to be
romantic about baseball.

Jonah Hill:
Billy, we just won
20 games in a row.

And what's the point?

Listen, man.

I've been in this game
a long time.