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1
00:00:25,880 --> 00:00:28,120
So you're sure
you'll be all right?
2
00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:30,080
- What, Basil?
- You'll be all right?
3
00:00:30,080 --> 00:00:32,680
Will you get me
my bed jacket?
4
00:00:32,680 --> 00:00:33,840
Bed jacket.
5
00:00:33,840 --> 00:00:35,280
In the drawer,
the blue one,
6
00:00:35,280 --> 00:00:36,679
in the drawer!
7
00:00:38,640 --> 00:00:41,040
Now, you won't forget
the fire drill tomorrow?
8
00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:43,040
I won't, dear.
I can cope, you know.
9
00:00:43,040 --> 00:00:44,360
This one?
10
00:00:44,360 --> 00:00:45,640
That's not blue.
11
00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:47,120
It's got
blue things on it.
12
00:00:47,120 --> 00:00:48,880
They're flowers,
and I didn't ask
13
00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:50,160
for the one
with flowers, did I?
14
00:00:50,160 --> 00:00:51,480
No, you didn't.
15
00:00:51,480 --> 00:00:53,840
I only picked that
one up to annoy you.
16
00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:55,640
What have you got
all this stuff for?
17
00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:56,760
What?
18
00:00:56,760 --> 00:00:57,920
You're only here
three days,
19
00:00:57,920 --> 00:00:59,440
you gonna play charades
every night?
20
00:00:59,440 --> 00:01:00,480
This one?
21
00:01:00,480 --> 00:01:02,630
- Is it blue?
- Bluish, I suppose.
22
00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:05,800
Now you will remember
to collect the stuff
23
00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:06,960
from Thomas', won't you?
24
00:01:06,960 --> 00:01:08,720
Yes, I will.
25
00:01:08,720 --> 00:01:10,120
And I forgot
to scrape the mold
26
00:01:10,120 --> 00:01:12,240
off the cheddar this morning,
so remind the chef.
27
00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:13,229
Right.
28
00:01:14,680 --> 00:01:17,000
And try to find time
to get the moosey's head up.
29
00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:18,000
Oh.
30
00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:20,520
It's been sitting there
for two weeks, Basil.
31
00:01:20,520 --> 00:01:21,840
Yes, yes, yes.
32
00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:23,760
I don't know
why you bought it.
33
00:01:23,760 --> 00:01:26,720
It will lend the lobby
a certain ambience, Sybil.
34
00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:28,240
It has a touch
of style about it.
35
00:01:28,240 --> 00:01:30,440
It's got a touch
of mange about it.
36
00:01:30,440 --> 00:01:31,600
That is not so.
37
00:01:31,600 --> 00:01:33,320
It's got things
living in it, Basil.
38
00:01:33,320 --> 00:01:34,320
It's nasty.
39
00:01:34,320 --> 00:01:36,080
It is not nasty,
it is superb.
40
00:01:36,080 --> 00:01:38,360
I'm not going to argue
with you, Basil,
41
00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:39,960
just get it up
out of the way.
42
00:01:39,960 --> 00:01:42,200
I don't want to snag
any more cardies on it.
43
00:01:42,200 --> 00:01:43,880
And will you get me
my phone book, please?
44
00:01:43,880 --> 00:01:45,680
Like I don't have
enough to do.
45
00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:46,760
I mean,
I'm on my own,
46
00:01:46,760 --> 00:01:47,880
the Germans are
arriving tomorrow...
47
00:01:47,880 --> 00:01:49,920
not till lunchtime.
You could do it in the morning.
48
00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:51,240
I've got the fire drill
in the morning.
49
00:01:51,240 --> 00:01:52,920
That only takes 10 minutes...
in the bag!
50
00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:55,559
I thought slavery'd
been abolished.
51
00:01:56,560 --> 00:01:57,840
Don't you
ever think
52
00:01:57,840 --> 00:01:59,640
about anybody
but yourself?
53
00:01:59,640 --> 00:02:01,400
In the bag!
54
00:02:01,400 --> 00:02:02,920
Oh, in the bag.
Let me do it.
55
00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:04,800
You just lie there
with your feet up
56
00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:05,960
and I'll
carry you up
57
00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:08,000
another hundredweight
of lime creams.
58
00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:11,480
I am actually about to undergo
an operation, Basil.
59
00:02:11,480 --> 00:02:14,160
Oh, yes, how is
the old toenail?
60
00:02:14,160 --> 00:02:15,440
Still growing in,
61
00:02:15,440 --> 00:02:17,560
still burrowing its way down
to the bone,
62
00:02:17,560 --> 00:02:19,520
still macheteing its way
through the nerve?
63
00:02:19,520 --> 00:02:20,999
Nasty old nail.
64
00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:24,800
It's still hurting,
if that's what you mean, Basil.
65
00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:26,600
It'll be out in the morning,
poor little devil.
66
00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:28,240
I wonder if
they'd mount it for me,
67
00:02:28,240 --> 00:02:30,000
just for
old time's sake.
68
00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:31,720
I'm sure
it's worth asking.
69
00:02:31,720 --> 00:02:33,080
You could hang it on the wall,
next to the moose.
70
00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:35,000
- They'd go well together.
- Ha, ha, ha.
71
00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:37,230
There you are.
Come along, out you go.
72
00:02:39,320 --> 00:02:40,680
Oh, were you
talking to me?
73
00:02:40,680 --> 00:02:42,160
I'm sorry, I thought there
was a dog in here.
74
00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:43,840
No, no dogs in here.
75
00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:45,240
I wouldn't bet on it.
76
00:02:45,240 --> 00:02:47,320
Now come along,
you're in the way.
77
00:02:47,320 --> 00:02:49,320
Fawlty's the name.
Mr. Fawlty.
78
00:02:49,320 --> 00:02:52,840
- Let's sit you up a bit.
- Thank you, sister.
79
00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:54,796
Now pop that
under your tongue.
80
00:02:55,720 --> 00:02:56,920
You still here?
81
00:02:56,920 --> 00:02:58,720
Apparently.
82
00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:00,360
The doctor's coming.
83
00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:03,240
My God! A doctor,
here in the hospital?
84
00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:04,680
Whatever can we do?
85
00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:06,600
You can leave.
86
00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:08,840
Why do they
call you "Sister"?
87
00:03:08,840 --> 00:03:10,080
Is it a term
of endearment?
88
00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:12,840
Now look, Mr. Fawlty,
I won't ask you again!
89
00:03:12,840 --> 00:03:14,320
Presumably
you wouldn't mind
90
00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:15,560
if I said goodbye
to my wife?
91
00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:16,840
She is under
the knife tomorrow.
92
00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:19,120
It's an ingrowing toenail.
93
00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:20,880
You know, do you?
That'll help.
94
00:03:20,880 --> 00:03:23,280
Just take care,
95
00:03:23,280 --> 00:03:25,080
and if you think of any
more things for me to do,
96
00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:26,960
don't hesitate to call.
97
00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:28,680
- Finished?
- Just.
98
00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:29,760
Thank you so much.
99
00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:31,200
Not at all.
100
00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:32,640
Ingrowing toenail.
Right foot.
101
00:03:32,640 --> 00:03:34,840
You'll find it
on the end of the leg.
102
00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:36,159
Bye, darling.
103
00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:39,800
Mr. Fawlty?
104
00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:41,000
Yes?
105
00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:41,989
Dr. Fin.
106
00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:44,840
How do you do,
doctor?
107
00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:46,080
You've just
seen your wife?
108
00:03:46,080 --> 00:03:48,440
Just said goodbye...
Well, au revoir.
109
00:03:48,440 --> 00:03:52,080
Yes, it is a very
simple operation,
110
00:03:52,080 --> 00:03:53,880
but it will be quite
painful afterwards.
111
00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:55,880
Will it?
Oh, dear.
112
00:03:55,880 --> 00:03:58,440
Just for a time,
but don't worry.
113
00:03:58,440 --> 00:04:01,280
I'll try not to.
114
00:04:01,280 --> 00:04:03,080
Quite painful?
115
00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:04,229
Yes.
116
00:04:11,800 --> 00:04:12,840
Evening, Major.
117
00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:15,160
Evening, Fawlty.
Hampshire won.
118
00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:16,840
Did it?
Oh, isn't that good?
119
00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:17,840
How splendid.
120
00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:20,840
Oh, Fawlty,
How's... um...
121
00:04:20,840 --> 00:04:21,840
My wife?
122
00:04:21,840 --> 00:04:22,840
That's it.
123
00:04:22,840 --> 00:04:24,480
Fine.
Absolutely fine.
124
00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:25,840
They're taking it out
tomorrow morning.
125
00:04:25,840 --> 00:04:27,080
Is she? Good.
126
00:04:27,080 --> 00:04:28,080
Not her, the nail.
127
00:04:28,080 --> 00:04:29,800
They won't have operated
till tomorrow.
128
00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:30,840
- What?
- The nail.
129
00:04:30,840 --> 00:04:31,920
They're taking it out
tomorrow.
130
00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:34,600
How did she get
a nail in her?
131
00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:37,840
I told you, she's
having her toenail out.
132
00:04:37,840 --> 00:04:39,880
What, just one of them?
133
00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:41,160
It's an ingrowing one.
134
00:04:41,160 --> 00:04:43,840
If it's causing you pain,
you have it out.
135
00:04:43,840 --> 00:04:46,520
Exactly.
So I'm on my own now,
136
00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:47,800
start running
this place properly.
137
00:04:47,800 --> 00:04:49,480
So you're
on your own?
138
00:04:49,480 --> 00:04:50,800
Apparently, yes.
139
00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:52,560
She won't be away
for long, will she?
140
00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:54,760
Not unless
there's a serious mistake.
141
00:04:54,760 --> 00:04:56,600
You've always got
Elsie to help you.
142
00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:58,600
- Who?
- Elsie.
143
00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:01,520
She left a couple
of years ago, major.
144
00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:03,800
Funny, I thought
I saw her yesterday.
145
00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:05,840
I don't think so.
She's in Canada.
146
00:05:05,840 --> 00:05:08,160
Strange creatures,
women.
147
00:05:08,160 --> 00:05:09,560
Well, can't stand around
all day...
148
00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:10,840
I knew one once.
149
00:05:10,840 --> 00:05:13,240
Striking looking girl,
tall, you know.
150
00:05:13,240 --> 00:05:14,800
Father was a banker.
151
00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:15,840
Really?
152
00:05:15,840 --> 00:05:17,440
Don't remember
the name of the bank.
153
00:05:17,440 --> 00:05:18,560
Never mind.
154
00:05:18,560 --> 00:05:20,800
I must have been
keen on her
155
00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:22,440
because I took her
156
00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:24,360
to see India!
157
00:05:24,360 --> 00:05:25,880
India?
158
00:05:25,880 --> 00:05:28,280
At the Oval!
159
00:05:28,280 --> 00:05:30,840
Fine match.
A marvelous finish.
160
00:05:30,840 --> 00:05:33,840
Now, Surrey had to get
33 in half an hour,
161
00:05:33,840 --> 00:05:35,760
and she went off
to powder her...
162
00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:36,840
Her hands
or something.
163
00:05:36,840 --> 00:05:39,960
Women...
never came back.
164
00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:41,240
What a shame.
165
00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:44,560
The strange thing was that
throughout the morning,
166
00:05:44,560 --> 00:05:46,680
she kept referring to the Indians
as "Niggers."
167
00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:49,240
No, no, I said.
168
00:05:49,240 --> 00:05:51,440
Niggers are
the West Indians,
169
00:05:51,440 --> 00:05:53,032
these people are Wogs!
170
00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:55,840
No, no, she said,
171
00:05:55,840 --> 00:05:57,960
all cricketers
are Niggers.
172
00:05:57,960 --> 00:06:00,080
They do get
awfully confused.
173
00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:02,200
They're not thinkers.
I see it with Sybil every day.
174
00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:04,680
I wish I could
remember her name,
175
00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:06,760
she's still got
my wallet.
176
00:06:06,760 --> 00:06:07,840
As I was saying,
177
00:06:07,840 --> 00:06:09,280
no capacity
for logical thought.
178
00:06:09,280 --> 00:06:10,520
Who?
179
00:06:10,520 --> 00:06:12,000
Women.
180
00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:14,920
Oh, yes.
I thought you meant Indians.
181
00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:17,360
No, wasn't it
Oscar Wilde who said,
182
00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:19,040
"They have minds
like Swiss cheese"?
183
00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:20,160
What do you mean?
Hard?
184
00:06:20,160 --> 00:06:22,480
No, full of holes.
185
00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:24,840
Really?
186
00:06:24,840 --> 00:06:25,840
Indians?
187
00:06:25,840 --> 00:06:27,000
No, women!
188
00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:28,520
Oh.
189
00:06:28,520 --> 00:06:29,840
Can we help you?
190
00:06:29,840 --> 00:06:30,960
Hello.
191
00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:32,600
You see?
Three years at college,
192
00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:33,600
she doesn't know
the time of day.
193
00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:35,840
About two minutes
to 6:00.
194
00:06:35,840 --> 00:06:37,040
What are you
looking for?
195
00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:38,280
My German book.
196
00:06:38,280 --> 00:06:40,120
We've got some Germans
arriving tomorrow,
197
00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:41,400
so Polly's brushing up
198
00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:43,160
another one
of her languages.
199
00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:44,840
Germans?
Coming here?
200
00:06:44,840 --> 00:06:46,840
Just for a couple
of days, major.
201
00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:49,320
I don't care much
for Germans.
202
00:06:49,320 --> 00:06:50,600
I know what
you mean, but...
203
00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:52,800
bunch of Krauts,
that's what they are,
204
00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:54,440
all of 'em.
Bad eggs!
205
00:06:54,440 --> 00:06:57,120
Forgive and forget,
Major...
206
00:06:57,120 --> 00:06:59,840
God knows how,
the bastards, still...
207
00:06:59,840 --> 00:07:01,520
I'd better put
the moose up.
208
00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:02,960
Well, you've got
to love 'em,
209
00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:04,320
I suppose,
haven't you?
210
00:07:04,320 --> 00:07:05,560
Germans?
211
00:07:05,560 --> 00:07:06,840
No, women!
212
00:07:06,840 --> 00:07:08,840
I hate Germans...
213
00:07:08,840 --> 00:07:10,320
Love women.
214
00:07:10,320 --> 00:07:12,360
What about
German women?
215
00:07:12,360 --> 00:07:13,960
Good card players,
216
00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:17,840
but I wouldn't give
them the time of day.
217
00:07:17,840 --> 00:07:19,240
Found it.
218
00:07:19,240 --> 00:07:21,400
I don't know what you're
bothering with that for.
219
00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:23,360
They said some of them
didn't speak English.
220
00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:25,000
Well, that's
their problem, isn't it?
221
00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:27,639
I don't know why she's got
to complicate everything.
222
00:07:28,640 --> 00:07:30,358
Got her cardy,
did you?
223
00:07:37,760 --> 00:07:39,720
By Jove!
224
00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:41,560
Nearly 6:00,
Fawlty.
225
00:07:41,560 --> 00:07:42,560
Is it?
226
00:07:42,560 --> 00:07:43,960
Yes, well,
227
00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:45,280
when you're ready,
228
00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:46,960
I might have a fruit juice
or something.
229
00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:49,320
I'll open up the moment
I've done this, Major.
230
00:07:49,320 --> 00:07:51,800
No immediate hurry.
231
00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:55,120
Drunken old sod.
232
00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:56,109
Polly!
233
00:07:58,120 --> 00:07:59,997
Polly!
234
00:08:01,760 --> 00:08:03,040
Manuel!
235
00:08:03,040 --> 00:08:04,871
Oh...
236
00:08:10,280 --> 00:08:12,840
Yes, Fawlty Towers,
Hello?
237
00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:15,840
I was just doing it,
you stupid woman,
238
00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:17,160
I just put it down
to come here
239
00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:19,440
to be reminded by you
to do what I'm already...
240
00:08:19,440 --> 00:08:20,840
What's the point
of reminding me
241
00:08:20,840 --> 00:08:23,520
to do what I'm already doing?
What is the bloody point?
242
00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:25,272
I'm doing it,
aren't I?
243
00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:28,760
Yes, I picked it up.
244
00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:30,840
No, I haven't had
a chance yet.
245
00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:32,880
I've been at it solidly
ever since I got back.
246
00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:34,840
Yes, I will.
247
00:08:34,840 --> 00:08:36,520
No, I haven't yet,
but I will,
248
00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:39,840
yes, I know it, I'll try
and get it cleared up.
249
00:08:39,840 --> 00:08:41,040
Anything else? I mean,
250
00:08:41,040 --> 00:08:44,240
would you like the hotel
moved a bit to the left, or...
251
00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:47,160
Enjoy the operation, dear,
let's hope nothing goes wrong.
252
00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:49,230
I wish it was
an ingrowing tongue.
253
00:08:50,760 --> 00:08:51,909
Yes?
254
00:08:53,160 --> 00:08:55,440
It's the Admirable Crichton.
Well?
255
00:08:55,440 --> 00:08:57,080
You called, sir?
256
00:08:57,080 --> 00:08:59,080
Last week.
But not to worry.
257
00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:00,120
�Qu�?
258
00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:01,280
Oh, Buddah.
259
00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:03,720
Look, go and
get me a hammer.
260
00:09:03,720 --> 00:09:04,840
�C�mo?
261
00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:06,160
Hammer.
262
00:09:06,160 --> 00:09:08,560
"Hammer"...Oh,
hammer sandwich!
263
00:09:08,560 --> 00:09:10,840
Do I have to go
through this every time?
264
00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:12,280
Look, a hammer!
265
00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:13,840
My hamster?
266
00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:15,200
No,
not your hamster.
267
00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:17,080
How can I knock a nail
in with your hamster?
268
00:09:17,080 --> 00:09:18,880
Well, I could try,
no, it doesn't matter,
269
00:09:18,880 --> 00:09:20,480
all right, I'll get it,
you come here,
270
00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:22,040
and tidy.
You know, tidy?
271
00:09:22,040 --> 00:09:23,680
Oh, tidy, s�.
272
00:09:23,680 --> 00:09:26,200
I get hhhammer and hhhit you
on the hhhead with it hhhard.
273
00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:27,920
Hammer. Hammer.
274
00:09:27,920 --> 00:09:29,720
How are you, sir?
275
00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:31,960
You see, I speak
English well.
276
00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:34,000
I learn it
from a book.
277
00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:37,840
Hello.
I am English.
278
00:09:37,840 --> 00:09:39,831
Hello.
279
00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:44,436
How are you, sir?
280
00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:48,636
I can speak English.
281
00:09:52,360 --> 00:09:54,032
Oh, hello, Major.
How are you today?
282
00:09:57,240 --> 00:09:59,280
I'm... I'm... I'm...
283
00:09:59,280 --> 00:10:00,320
fine, thank you.
284
00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:02,834
Is a beautiful
day today.
285
00:10:03,840 --> 00:10:06,560
Is it?
Yes, yes, I suppose it is.
286
00:10:06,560 --> 00:10:08,835
Yes,
I can speak English.
287
00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:12,840
I learn it
from a book.
288
00:10:12,840 --> 00:10:15,440
Did you?
Did you really?
289
00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:16,440
There you are,
Fawlty.
290
00:10:16,440 --> 00:10:18,080
Yes, I'm just going
to open up, Major.
291
00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:19,720
Oh, fine.
292
00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:21,840
I say, that's
a remarkable animal
293
00:10:21,840 --> 00:10:23,200
you have there,
Fawlty.
294
00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:24,640
Where did you get it?
295
00:10:24,640 --> 00:10:26,120
Samson's,
in the town.
296
00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:29,720
Really?
Was it expensive?
297
00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:30,720
�12, I think.
298
00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:32,160
Good Lord.
299
00:10:32,160 --> 00:10:33,718
Japanese, was it?
300
00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:37,200
Canadian,
I think, major.
301
00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:39,160
I didn't know
the Canadians
302
00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:41,276
were as clever
as that. My God.
303
00:10:42,680 --> 00:10:43,829
He started early.
304
00:10:47,040 --> 00:10:48,680
Polly,
what's that smell?
305
00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:50,840
Flowers. I just got
them from the garden.
306
00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:53,040
What are you stinking
the place out for?
307
00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:55,400
What's happened
to the plastic ones?
308
00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:56,833
Being ironed.
309
00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:01,160
Will you answer
that please?
310
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:02,280
I'm trying to
put this up.
311
00:11:02,280 --> 00:11:04,840
Fawlty Towers?
312
00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:05,960
Oh, hello,
Mrs. Fawlty.
313
00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:07,640
I'm doing it!
I'm doing it now!
314
00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:09,480
Tell her I'm
doing it now!
315
00:11:09,480 --> 00:11:10,840
He says he's
doing it now.
316
00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:11,840
How's the nail?
317
00:11:11,840 --> 00:11:12,989
I wish it was
this one.
318
00:11:15,640 --> 00:11:17,200
There.
Tell the Tyrant Queen
319
00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:18,880
her cardies
are safe forever.
320
00:11:18,880 --> 00:11:20,760
Mr. Moose is up.
321
00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:22,840
It's done, done, done!
322
00:11:22,840 --> 00:11:24,637
It's up.
323
00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:27,553
It's down again.
324
00:11:28,920 --> 00:11:30,280
Did you use
a wall plug?
325
00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:31,280
Give it to me!
Give it to me...
326
00:11:31,280 --> 00:11:32,269
Aaah!
327
00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:34,840
No, he just fell
over Manuel,
328
00:11:34,840 --> 00:11:36,640
and he seems to have
got himself jammed
329
00:11:36,640 --> 00:11:37,960
under the swivel chair.
330
00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:40,240
And the flowers have
just fallen on him.
331
00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:42,834
No, everything else
is fine.
332
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:50,600
Up. Up. Easy.
333
00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:52,040
Very good.
334
00:11:52,040 --> 00:11:53,473
- Right.
- Good.
335
00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:00,953
Is good.
Is good.
336
00:12:03,560 --> 00:12:04,549
Oh, what is...
337
00:12:07,840 --> 00:12:09,558
Right, well, go on,
get back to your work.
338
00:12:10,560 --> 00:12:11,754
�12.
339
00:12:14,840 --> 00:12:16,520
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
340
00:12:16,520 --> 00:12:18,800
You know there's a fire drill
in a few minutes, do you?
341
00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:20,160
No, no, we didn't.
342
00:12:20,160 --> 00:12:21,280
You hadn't read
the notice?
343
00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:22,280
No.
344
00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:23,680
Right, well, when
you hear the bell
345
00:12:23,680 --> 00:12:25,240
if you'd be so kind as to
get out for a few moments,
346
00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:26,798
we have to clear the building.
Thank you so much.
347
00:12:27,760 --> 00:12:29,160
Mr. Fawlty, you know
it's nearly 12:00?
348
00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:30,840
- Yes?
- Well, the fire drill?
349
00:12:30,840 --> 00:12:32,080
Yes, I hadn't forgotten.
350
00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:33,840
I just told somebody.
I can cope.
351
00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:35,840
I mean, you know what
you're doing, do you?
352
00:12:35,840 --> 00:12:37,800
Help get people out
of the bedrooms upstairs,
353
00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:40,080
while learning
two Oriental languages.
354
00:12:40,080 --> 00:12:41,840
- Mr. Fawlty?
- Yes?
355
00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:43,040
Who else is doing
the upstairs?
356
00:12:43,040 --> 00:12:44,360
Only you, it doesn't
take a moment.
357
00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:46,080
Yes, but I'm only here
at mealtimes.
358
00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:47,360
So?
359
00:12:47,360 --> 00:12:49,440
What happens if there's
a fire when I'm not here?
360
00:12:49,440 --> 00:12:51,720
Who does the upstairs then?
361
00:12:51,720 --> 00:12:53,160
Well, we'll worry about that
when we come to it.
362
00:12:53,160 --> 00:12:54,520
What's the panic?
363
00:12:54,520 --> 00:12:55,839
Always an argument
about everything.
364
00:12:58,120 --> 00:13:00,760
Hello, Fawlty Towers?
365
00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:03,880
Oh, what is it now?
Can't you leave me in peace?
366
00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:06,400
Yes, we're just gonna have it,
I haven't forgotten!
367
00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:08,960
Yes, I know
I need the key...
368
00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:10,880
It's on the top of the...
369
00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:12,840
Well, where is it?
370
00:13:12,840 --> 00:13:14,440
Well, what'd you
put it in there for?
371
00:13:14,440 --> 00:13:16,840
Nobody's going to steal it,
are they?
372
00:13:16,840 --> 00:13:19,320
Yes, yes, I know that you
know, but I don't...
373
00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:21,040
Yes, I do now,
thank you so much.
374
00:13:21,040 --> 00:13:22,840
Why's she got
to complicate it?
375
00:13:22,840 --> 00:13:24,480
I put something down,
I know where it is,
376
00:13:24,480 --> 00:13:27,631
so she has to come along and
move the damn thing so I can't find it.
377
00:13:29,560 --> 00:13:31,040
Well, what'd she
put that on...
378
00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:32,440
Oh, I might've guessed.
379
00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:34,800
Sorry, Major, only
the burglar alarm. Sorry.
380
00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:35,840
What?
381
00:13:35,840 --> 00:13:37,640
Sorry, Miss Tibbs.
382
00:13:37,640 --> 00:13:38,800
That was
the burglar alarm.
383
00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:40,160
Fire drill's not for
a couple minutes. Sorry.
384
00:13:40,160 --> 00:13:41,840
- Excuse me?
- Burglars, Fawlty?
385
00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:43,840
No, no, my wife left...
excuse me?
386
00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:44,880
Yes?
387
00:13:44,880 --> 00:13:46,280
Sorry, that wasn't
the fire bell...
388
00:13:46,280 --> 00:13:47,280
sorry, that was
just the...
389
00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:48,440
I thought there
was a drill.
390
00:13:48,440 --> 00:13:50,320
Yes, there is.
At 12:00, but not yet.
391
00:13:50,320 --> 00:13:51,320
But it is 12:00.
392
00:13:51,320 --> 00:13:52,840
Not quite, thank you.
Excuse me?
393
00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:54,400
Well,
I make it 12:00.
394
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:55,440
I'm afraid
that wasn't the...
395
00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:56,840
What time do you
make it, Major?
396
00:13:56,840 --> 00:13:58,520
- Look...
- Burglars about, I think.
397
00:13:58,520 --> 00:14:00,080
It doesn't matter
what time he makes it,
398
00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:01,080
it hasn't started yet.
399
00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:03,080
- What?
- It hasn't started yet!
400
00:14:03,080 --> 00:14:04,600
But that was the bell,
wasn't it?
401
00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:05,840
No!
402
00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:07,640
He means the drill
hasn't started yet.
403
00:14:07,640 --> 00:14:09,280
What drill?
We didn't hear a drill.
404
00:14:09,280 --> 00:14:10,440
No, no, look, look...
405
00:14:10,440 --> 00:14:12,000
That was
the burglar alarm.
406
00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:13,000
See!
407
00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:14,840
- The burglar alarm?
- Yes!
408
00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:16,320
- Are there burglars?
- Evidently.
409
00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:17,720
No, what's the matter
with you all?
410
00:14:17,720 --> 00:14:18,840
It's perfectly simple.
411
00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:21,320
We have the fire drill
when I ring the fire bell.
412
00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:23,160
That wasn't
the fire bell, right?
413
00:14:23,160 --> 00:14:24,400
Well, how were we
supposed to know
414
00:14:24,400 --> 00:14:25,560
that wasn't
the fire bell?
415
00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:27,360
Because it doesn't sound
like the fire bell!
416
00:14:27,360 --> 00:14:28,560
- It did!
- It didn't!
417
00:14:28,560 --> 00:14:30,160
- It did!
- No, it didn't!
418
00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:31,360
The fire bell's
a different...
419
00:14:31,360 --> 00:14:33,080
it's a semi-tone higher!
420
00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:34,080
A semi-tone?
421
00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:35,640
At least!
Anyway, the fire drill
422
00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:37,720
doesn't start
till 12:00!
423
00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:38,800
It is 12:00!
424
00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:40,000
Well, it is now,
425
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:43,320
because we've been standing
about arguing about it!
426
00:14:43,320 --> 00:14:45,200
How on earth
can you expect us
427
00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:47,240
to tell which bell
is which?
428
00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:49,200
We haven't heard
them yet, have we?
429
00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:50,840
You want to hear them?
Suits me.
430
00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:52,600
Here's the burglar alarm.
431
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:54,080
Ought we to
catch them first?
432
00:14:54,080 --> 00:14:55,480
There aren't any!
433
00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:57,360
Then why does the alarm
keep going?
434
00:14:57,360 --> 00:14:59,080
All right? Got that?
Right?
435
00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:00,840
What's happening now?
436
00:15:00,840 --> 00:15:03,080
Now here's
the fire bell, right?
437
00:15:03,080 --> 00:15:05,355
It's a completely
different sound, listen.
438
00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:10,560
Well, where are you going?
439
00:15:10,560 --> 00:15:12,240
Well, there is a drill,
isn't there?
440
00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:14,680
No, no, no, no, no,
don't be... this is so that
441
00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:17,000
you can hear the bell
so you know in a moment
442
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:18,560
When I ring the bell!
443
00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:20,480
What are you doing?
Will you come back?
444
00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:21,960
We're going outside.
445
00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:24,040
No, just listen to it,
you old fool!
446
00:15:24,040 --> 00:15:26,120
- What?
- Listen to it!
447
00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:29,320
Fire, fire,
everybody out please, fire!
448
00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:30,400
Out, out.
449
00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:32,840
Will you shut up?
Will you shut up?
450
00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:33,880
- Is fire.
- Is not fire.
451
00:15:33,880 --> 00:15:35,400
Is only bell.
452
00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:36,840
Where are
you going?
453
00:15:36,840 --> 00:15:37,840
Upstairs...
454
00:15:37,840 --> 00:15:39,640
There isn't a drill yet,
I'm just showing them
455
00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:40,800
what the bell
sounds like.
456
00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:42,000
Now will you
go in there?
457
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:43,640
- Go help chef.
- Chef not here.
458
00:15:43,640 --> 00:15:44,920
Well, go and
start the chips.
459
00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:45,920
- Chips?
- Yes.
460
00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:47,520
When bell
go again, stay.
461
00:15:47,520 --> 00:15:49,840
No fire, only practice.
Tell him, Polly.
462
00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:51,720
Thank you, thank you,
Ladies and Gentlemen,
463
00:15:51,720 --> 00:15:52,840
thank you so much.
464
00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:53,960
Perhaps
they're upstairs.
465
00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:55,598
What's happening now?
466
00:15:57,840 --> 00:15:59,831
We're having it!
467
00:16:00,840 --> 00:16:02,680
Now, are we all agreed
468
00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:04,560
on what the fire bell
sounds like?
469
00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:05,560
Yes.
470
00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:06,760
Splendid.
471
00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:08,440
Well, now that's settled,
we'll have the fire drill,
472
00:16:08,440 --> 00:16:11,520
which will commence in exactly
30 seconds from now.
473
00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:12,839
Thank you so much.
474
00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:19,628
What are you doing?
475
00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:23,480
I mean, are you just
going to stand there?
476
00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:24,760
Well, what do
you suggest?
477
00:16:24,760 --> 00:16:26,400
Well, couldn't one or two
of you go in the bar
478
00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:28,600
and a few in the dining room?
Use your imagination!
479
00:16:28,600 --> 00:16:29,800
Why?
480
00:16:29,800 --> 00:16:31,640
Well, this is supposed
to be a fire drill.
481
00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:33,073
There's only
a few seconds.
482
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:35,760
Right, right.
Well, stay where you are
483
00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:37,320
because obviously
if there was a fire,
484
00:16:37,320 --> 00:16:39,040
you'd all be standing
down here like this
485
00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:40,520
in the lobby,
wouldn't you?
486
00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:42,715
Don't know why we bother.
We should let you all burn!
487
00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:47,280
No, no, no.
488
00:16:47,280 --> 00:16:48,838
Please.
No, no, no, no.
489
00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:07,000
Fuego! Fuego! Fuego!
490
00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:08,160
Fuego! Aah!
491
00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:09,840
No, no,
there aren't any, Major,
492
00:17:09,840 --> 00:17:11,240
it went off
by accident.
493
00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:12,840
Oh, come on, Angina.
494
00:17:12,840 --> 00:17:14,720
Oh, thank you,
thank you so much.
495
00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:17,360
Fire! Fire! Fire!
496
00:17:17,360 --> 00:17:19,440
- No!
- Yes! S�!
497
00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:21,510
Look, will you
get back in there?
498
00:17:23,760 --> 00:17:25,960
Shut up! I mean, just
get on with your work!
499
00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:27,840
Please, Mr. Fawlty,
is fire!
500
00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:28,840
Did you hear
what I said?
501
00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:29,840
No, but is fire.
502
00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:31,840
Is no fire.
Is only bell.
503
00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:34,229
Is fire, is fire, is fire!
504
00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:39,800
He thinks
there's a fire.
505
00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:41,480
Everybody's out upstairs.
506
00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:43,080
No, Manuel,
listen, de nada,
507
00:17:43,080 --> 00:17:44,840
de nada,
there is no fire!
508
00:17:44,840 --> 00:17:45,829
Is fire! Is fire!
509
00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:50,760
Well, that'll keep
the fire department happy
510
00:17:50,760 --> 00:17:52,398
for another six months,
why we bother...
511
00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:55,029
- Fire!
- Will you shut up?
512
00:17:56,840 --> 00:17:58,796
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen,
you can come back in now.
513
00:18:02,360 --> 00:18:03,640
Yes, we've just had it.
514
00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:05,640
Shut up!
515
00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:07,840
Yes, I will.
516
00:18:07,840 --> 00:18:10,040
Have you told chef
about the cheddar?
517
00:18:10,040 --> 00:18:11,800
Mr. Fawlty!
Mr. Fawlty!
518
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:13,240
Yes?
There's an awful row.
519
00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:15,680
Yes, I know... right,
right, I'll deal with it.
520
00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:18,752
Thank you so much for
poking your nose in where...
521
00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:22,840
if you don't
stop this...
522
00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:24,068
You save me!
523
00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:29,880
Right. Ladies and gentlemen,
524
00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:32,360
could I have everyone
down here in the lobby?
525
00:18:32,360 --> 00:18:36,440
Yes, sorry, sorry to
disturb you like this,
526
00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:37,520
but there is something
527
00:18:37,520 --> 00:18:38,880
that I think
I ought to mention.
528
00:18:38,880 --> 00:18:41,960
I'm not quite sure
how this happened,
529
00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:45,160
in fact, it's never happened
at this hotel before,
530
00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:47,640
and I'm not quite sure
how it's started now.
531
00:18:47,640 --> 00:18:48,840
What is it?
532
00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:51,149
Well, the point is,
can I put it this way?
533
00:18:53,680 --> 00:18:55,680
- F...
- What?
534
00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:58,360
F-fire. F-f-fire.
535
00:18:58,360 --> 00:19:00,080
- Fire?
- Fire!
536
00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:01,320
- Where?
- There!
537
00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:02,840
Fire.
538
00:19:02,840 --> 00:19:04,520
Fire!
539
00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:05,600
Fire!
540
00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:06,840
Fire!
541
00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:08,280
Fire!
542
00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:09,480
Fire! I don't know
what to do!
543
00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:10,800
I'll call Sybil!
544
00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:11,840
- Ring the alarm.
- What?
545
00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:13,910
- Ring the alarm.
- Oh, right.
546
00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:17,160
Where's the key?
547
00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:18,800
Where is the... I mean
would you believe it?
548
00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:19,960
I mean,
would you believe it?
549
00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:23,000
The first time we've ever had
a fire here in this hotel
550
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:24,880
and somebody's
lost the key!
551
00:19:24,880 --> 00:19:27,040
I mean isn't that typical
of this place?
552
00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:30,560
Oh, thank you, God!
Thank you so bloody much!
553
00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:32,160
Smash the glass!
554
00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:33,160
What?
555
00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:34,388
Smash the glass.
556
00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:44,840
Hello?
557
00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:46,240
Thank you.
558
00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:48,549
Right, right,
out the door.
559
00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:59,080
Quick, Manuel!
560
00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:00,840
Pull, pull,
man, pull!
561
00:20:00,840 --> 00:20:02,273
Right, open the door.
562
00:20:37,840 --> 00:20:39,990
Well, thank you
for coming to see me.
563
00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:45,400
Not at all,
I was just...
564
00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:46,440
How are you feeling?
565
00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:47,840
The fire!
566
00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:49,400
- It's all...
- The fire!
567
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:51,400
It's out.
There's not much damage.
568
00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:52,600
Where is it,
where are they?
569
00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:53,840
What are you doing?
570
00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:54,840
Got to get back.
571
00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:55,960
Basil, will you
get back into bed?
572
00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:57,840
Yes, what is it now?!
573
00:20:57,840 --> 00:20:58,840
I'm going
to call someone
574
00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:00,040
if you don't
get back into bed.
575
00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:01,360
Listen, Sybil, please,
576
00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:02,720
I'll handle this
if you don't mind.
577
00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:04,760
Now, what sort of
a room do you want?
578
00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:05,840
Basil!
579
00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:06,840
Oh, there you are,
580
00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:08,800
I can't stand around
chattering all day,
581
00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:09,800
I've got to get back.
582
00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:10,800
Basil, you are not well.
583
00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:11,880
The doctor says
you've got concussion.
584
00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:12,920
You must rest.
585
00:21:12,920 --> 00:21:14,600
I'll rest when
I get to the hotel.
586
00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:15,840
I've just spoken
to Polly,
587
00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:17,400
they are managing
perfectly well.
588
00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:19,400
Do you know what that
fire extinguisher did?
589
00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:21,000
It exploded in my face.
590
00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:23,440
I mean, what is the point
of a fire extinguisher?
591
00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:25,040
It sits there for months,
592
00:21:25,040 --> 00:21:26,720
and when you actually
have a fire,
593
00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:28,360
when you actually need
the bloody thing,
594
00:21:28,360 --> 00:21:29,400
it blows your head off!
595
00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:30,840
I mean, what is happening
to this country?
596
00:21:30,840 --> 00:21:32,273
It's bloody Wilson!
597
00:21:33,480 --> 00:21:34,880
What a lot of noise.
598
00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:36,840
Now what are you doing
out of your bed?
599
00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:38,560
I'm going home,
thank you so much.
600
00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:39,840
Yes, well,
we'll let the doctor
601
00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:41,160
decide that now,
shall we?
602
00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:42,960
- No, let's not.
- Now, come along.
603
00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:44,360
Don't touch me.
I don't know where you've been.
604
00:21:44,360 --> 00:21:48,160
Yes, yes, we must have our
little jokes, mustn't we?
605
00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:49,280
Yes, we must,
mustn't we?
606
00:21:49,280 --> 00:21:51,840
My God,
you're ugly, aren't you?
607
00:21:53,120 --> 00:21:54,320
Mind boggling.
608
00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:55,360
Basil?
609
00:21:55,360 --> 00:21:57,360
- Hmm?
- I'll get the doctor.
610
00:21:57,360 --> 00:21:59,715
You need a plastic surgeon,
dear, not a doctor.
611
00:22:01,520 --> 00:22:03,200
How dare you talk
to sister like that.
612
00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:04,800
Get back into bed.
613
00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:05,800
You do not seem
to realize
614
00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:06,840
that I am needed
at the hotel.
615
00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:07,840
No, you're not.
616
00:22:07,840 --> 00:22:09,200
It's running beautifully
without you.
617
00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:10,840
Polly cannot cope!
618
00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:12,520
Well, she can't
fall over waiters,
619
00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:14,080
or get herself
jammed under desks,
620
00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:15,240
or start burglar alarms,
621
00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:16,840
or lock people
in burning rooms,
622
00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:19,080
or fire fire extinguishers
straight in her own face,
623
00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:20,480
but I'd think
the hotel can do
624
00:22:20,480 --> 00:22:22,200
without that sort of coping
for a couple of days.
625
00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:23,840
What do you think,
Basil, hmm?
626
00:22:23,840 --> 00:22:25,840
What?
Oh, hello, doctor.
627
00:22:25,840 --> 00:22:27,240
Out of bed,
Mr. Fawlty?
628
00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:28,520
Sort of, oh,
there they are.
629
00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:29,840
Well, better get back
into bed.
630
00:22:29,840 --> 00:22:31,840
Oh, feel
a little bit woozy.
631
00:22:31,840 --> 00:22:33,840
You will for a time,
Mr. Fawlty, you will.
632
00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:36,320
Yes, quite, quite.
633
00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:38,120
You should get
as much rest as you can...
634
00:22:38,120 --> 00:22:40,840
As much rest
as you can...
635
00:22:40,840 --> 00:22:42,876
As much rest
as you can.
636
00:23:05,640 --> 00:23:07,840
Gnaediges fraeulein,
koennen sie mir sagen,
637
00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:09,840
Wann das mittagessen
serviert wird, bitte?
638
00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:12,200
Um ein uhr.
Fuenf minuten.
639
00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:13,599
- Vielen dank.
- Bitte schoen.
640
00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:21,840
- Manuel?
- Oh, Mr. Fawlty.
641
00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:22,840
Ah, good evening.
642
00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:23,840
Are you all
right now?
643
00:23:23,840 --> 00:23:24,880
Perfectly, thank you.
644
00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:25,880
Take this to the room,
please, dear.
645
00:23:25,880 --> 00:23:27,840
Are you sure
you're all right?
646
00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:29,717
Perfectly, thank you.
Right as rain.
647
00:23:36,520 --> 00:23:37,840
You okay?
648
00:23:37,840 --> 00:23:38,840
Fine, thank you, dear.
649
00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:39,840
You go and have
a lie down.
650
00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:40,840
�Qu�?
651
00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:42,040
Ah, there you are.
652
00:23:42,040 --> 00:23:44,920
Would you take my case...
how did you get that?
653
00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:46,120
What?
654
00:23:46,120 --> 00:23:48,440
Oh, never mind.
Take it, take it upstairs.
655
00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:50,720
- �Qu�?
- Take it, take it.
656
00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:51,920
I go get Polly.
657
00:23:51,920 --> 00:23:52,920
I've already had one.
658
00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:54,400
Take it.
Take it now.
659
00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:56,595
God, the people I have
to deal with.
660
00:23:57,600 --> 00:23:58,960
Sprechen Sie Deutsch?
661
00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:00,439
I beg your pardon?
662
00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:05,840
I'm sorry, could you
say that again?
663
00:24:05,840 --> 00:24:07,760
Do you
speak German?
664
00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:10,040
Oh, German!
I'm sorry.
665
00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:11,560
I thought there was
something wrong with you.
666
00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:13,840
Of course.
667
00:24:13,840 --> 00:24:14,840
The Germans.
668
00:24:14,840 --> 00:24:16,160
You speak German.
669
00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:17,840
Well, a little, I get by.
670
00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:18,829
Ein bisschen.
671
00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:22,840
- Well, why not?
- Bitte.
672
00:24:22,840 --> 00:24:23,920
Little bit tricky,
673
00:24:23,920 --> 00:24:24,920
would you mind
saying it again?
674
00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:25,920
"Please."
675
00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:26,920
Could you repeat,
676
00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:28,840
amplify... you know,
reiterate... yes?
677
00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:30,040
Wir...
678
00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:31,640
Wir... Yes, we'll
come back to that.
679
00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:32,840
Wollen...
680
00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:33,840
"Wollen..."
"Voluntary"?
681
00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:35,080
Ein auto mieten.
682
00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:36,840
"Out to..." "Out to..."
683
00:24:36,840 --> 00:24:39,840
Oh, I see, you're volunteering
to go out to get some meat.
684
00:24:39,840 --> 00:24:42,991
Not necessary.
We have meat here.
685
00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:47,439
Vee haff meet hier
in ze building.
686
00:24:53,840 --> 00:24:55,760
Ah, Polly, just explaining
about the meat.
687
00:24:55,760 --> 00:24:57,360
We weren't
expecting you.
688
00:24:57,360 --> 00:24:58,360
Oh, weren't you?
689
00:24:58,360 --> 00:24:59,640
They're Germans,
don't mention the war.
690
00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:01,640
I see...
691
00:25:01,640 --> 00:25:03,000
Well, Mrs. Fawlty
said you were going
692
00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:04,440
to have a rest for
a couple of days,
693
00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:05,680
you know,
in the hospital.
694
00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:07,480
Idle hands
get in the way
695
00:25:07,480 --> 00:25:09,840
of the devil's work,
Fawlty. Now...
696
00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:11,840
Right. Why don't you
go have a lie down?
697
00:25:11,840 --> 00:25:12,840
And I can deal
with this.
698
00:25:12,840 --> 00:25:14,760
Yes, yes, good idea.
Good idea, Elsie.
699
00:25:14,760 --> 00:25:16,160
Yes, bit of
a headache actually.
700
00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:18,320
We don't think
you're well, Mr. Fawlty.
701
00:25:18,320 --> 00:25:19,320
Well, perhaps not,
702
00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:20,435
but I'll live
longer than you.
703
00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:24,040
You must have
hurt yourself.
704
00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:25,920
My dear woman,
a blow on the head,
705
00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:28,120
like that...
706
00:25:28,120 --> 00:25:29,600
is worth two
in the bush.
707
00:25:29,600 --> 00:25:32,960
Oh, we know, but it
was a nasty knock.
708
00:25:32,960 --> 00:25:35,554
Would you like one?
Next please.
709
00:25:36,760 --> 00:25:38,120
Polly, are these
Germans, too?
710
00:25:38,120 --> 00:25:39,320
Oh, yes, but I can
deal with it.
711
00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:40,680
Right, right.
Here's the plan:
712
00:25:40,680 --> 00:25:42,840
I'll stand there
and ask them
713
00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:45,040
if they want something to drink
before the war.
714
00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:47,080
Before their lunch!
715
00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:49,833
Before their lunch.
Don't mention the war.
716
00:25:52,840 --> 00:25:54,478
Ja, ja.
717
00:26:02,400 --> 00:26:07,840
- Can we help you?
- Oh, you speak English?
718
00:26:07,840 --> 00:26:09,120
Of course.
719
00:26:09,120 --> 00:26:11,920
Ah, wonderful!
Wunderbar! Ah.
720
00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:13,760
Please allow me to
introduce myself.
721
00:26:13,760 --> 00:26:16,200
I am the owner
of Fawlty Towers,
722
00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:18,640
and may I welcome
your war... you war...
723
00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:20,840
you all, you all,
724
00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:22,280
and hope
that your stay
725
00:26:22,280 --> 00:26:23,560
will be a happy one.
726
00:26:23,560 --> 00:26:25,760
Now, would you like
to eat first
727
00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:26,800
or would you like
a drink
728
00:26:26,800 --> 00:26:27,920
before the war?
729
00:26:27,920 --> 00:26:30,720
...ning... that
trespassers will be
730
00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:32,720
tied up
with piano wire.
731
00:26:32,720 --> 00:26:35,440
Sorry, sorry, trouble
with the old leg.
732
00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:37,480
Got a touch of shrapnel
in the war.
733
00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:40,440
Korean! Korean war!
Sorry, Korean.
734
00:26:40,440 --> 00:26:42,360
Thank you.
We will eat now.
735
00:26:42,360 --> 00:26:44,240
Oh, good, please,
do allow me.
736
00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:45,480
May I say
how pleased we are
737
00:26:45,480 --> 00:26:46,760
to have some
Europeans here
738
00:26:46,760 --> 00:26:48,800
now that we are
on the continent?
739
00:26:48,800 --> 00:26:50,840
Can I speak to
Dr. Fin, please?
740
00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:52,320
Didn't vote for it myself
quite honestly,
741
00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:53,320
but now that we're in,
742
00:26:53,320 --> 00:26:54,520
I'm determined
to make it work,
743
00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:55,920
so I'd like to welcome
you all to Britain.
744
00:26:55,920 --> 00:26:57,760
The plaice is grilled,
but that doesn't matter,
745
00:26:57,760 --> 00:26:58,960
there's life in
the old thing yet...
746
00:26:58,960 --> 00:27:00,800
wait a moment,
got a bit confused there,
747
00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:02,240
oh, yes,
the plaice is grilled...
748
00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:03,840
the whole room's
warm, isn't it?
749
00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:05,320
I'll open a window,
have a look...
750
00:27:05,320 --> 00:27:07,600
and the veal chop
is done with rosemary...
751
00:27:07,600 --> 00:27:09,920
that's funny, I thought
she'd gone to Canada...
752
00:27:09,920 --> 00:27:12,840
and is delicious
and nutritious,
753
00:27:12,840 --> 00:27:14,840
in fact,
it's veally good.
754
00:27:14,840 --> 00:27:16,960
Veally good, ha ha!
755
00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:18,040
The veal is good?
756
00:27:18,040 --> 00:27:19,440
Yes, doesn't matter,
never mind.
757
00:27:19,440 --> 00:27:21,960
May we have two
eggs mayonnaises, please?
758
00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:23,840
Certainly. Why not?
Why not, indeed?
759
00:27:23,840 --> 00:27:25,200
We are all
friends now, eh?
760
00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:26,200
A prawn cocktail.
761
00:27:26,200 --> 00:27:27,960
All in the market
together,
762
00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:29,440
all differences forgotten,
763
00:27:29,440 --> 00:27:30,920
and no need at all
to mention the war.
764
00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:33,360
Sorry, sorry, sorry,
what was it again?
765
00:27:33,360 --> 00:27:34,720
A prawn cocktail.
766
00:27:34,720 --> 00:27:36,360
Prawn, that was it.
When you said prawn,
767
00:27:36,360 --> 00:27:38,240
I thought you said war.
768
00:27:38,240 --> 00:27:41,640
Oh, the war, oh, yes,
completely slipped my mind,
769
00:27:41,640 --> 00:27:42,640
yes, I'd forgotten
all about it.
770
00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:43,840
Hitler, Himmler
and all that lot,
771
00:27:43,840 --> 00:27:45,831
yes, completely forgotten it,
just like that.
772
00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:48,840
Sorry, what was
it again?
773
00:27:48,840 --> 00:27:50,440
A prawn cocktail!
774
00:27:50,440 --> 00:27:53,120
Oh, yes, Eva Prawn, yes,
and Goebbels too,
775
00:27:53,120 --> 00:27:54,840
another one I can
hardly remember.
776
00:27:54,840 --> 00:27:56,520
And a pickled herring.
777
00:27:56,520 --> 00:27:57,880
Hermann Goering,
yes, yes.
778
00:27:57,880 --> 00:27:59,880
And Von Ribbentrop,
that was another one.
779
00:27:59,880 --> 00:28:02,320
And four cold meat
salads, please.
780
00:28:02,320 --> 00:28:04,360
Certainly, I'll just
get your hors d'oeuvres,
781
00:28:04,360 --> 00:28:06,840
hors d'oeuvres
which must be obeyed
782
00:28:06,840 --> 00:28:08,560
at all times
without question.
783
00:28:08,560 --> 00:28:09,840
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
784
00:28:09,840 --> 00:28:12,360
Mr. Fawlty, would you please
call your wife immediately?
785
00:28:12,360 --> 00:28:13,600
Sybil! Sybil...
786
00:28:13,600 --> 00:28:15,840
She's in the hospital,
you silly girl.
787
00:28:15,840 --> 00:28:16,920
Yes,
call her there.
788
00:28:16,920 --> 00:28:18,480
I can't, I've got
too much to do.
789
00:28:18,480 --> 00:28:19,760
Listen, don't
mention the war.
790
00:28:19,760 --> 00:28:20,920
I mentioned it once,
791
00:28:20,920 --> 00:28:22,840
but I think I got away
with it all right.
792
00:28:22,840 --> 00:28:24,960
So, it's all
forgotten now
793
00:28:24,960 --> 00:28:26,600
and let's hear
no more about it.
794
00:28:26,600 --> 00:28:28,840
So, two eggs mayonnaise,
a prawn goebbels,
795
00:28:28,840 --> 00:28:31,760
a herman goering,
and four colditz salads.
796
00:28:31,760 --> 00:28:33,840
Wait a moment, I got
a bit confused here.
797
00:28:33,840 --> 00:28:35,080
I got a bit confused
798
00:28:35,080 --> 00:28:36,840
'cause everyone's
mentioning the war.
799
00:28:36,840 --> 00:28:38,400
So, could you...
what's the matter?
800
00:28:38,400 --> 00:28:39,520
It's all right.
801
00:28:39,520 --> 00:28:40,840
Is there
something wrong?
802
00:28:40,840 --> 00:28:42,880
Will you stop
talking about the war?
803
00:28:42,880 --> 00:28:44,040
Me? You started it!
804
00:28:44,040 --> 00:28:45,840
We did not start it.
805
00:28:45,840 --> 00:28:47,637
Yes, you did,
you invaded Poland.
806
00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:51,480
Here, blow, here,
this'll cheer you up.
807
00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:52,640
You'll like this one:
808
00:28:52,640 --> 00:28:53,840
There's this woman,
she's completely stupid,
809
00:28:53,840 --> 00:28:55,280
she'd never
remember anything,
810
00:28:55,280 --> 00:28:57,999
and her husband's
in a bomber over Berlin,
811
00:29:00,480 --> 00:29:02,040
she'll love this one,
she'll laugh...
812
00:29:02,040 --> 00:29:03,840
- Leave her alone.
- No, this is a scream.
813
00:29:03,840 --> 00:29:05,840
I have never seen anyone
not laugh at this.
814
00:29:05,840 --> 00:29:06,840
Go away!
815
00:29:06,840 --> 00:29:08,239
Look, she'll love it,
she's German.
816
00:29:09,600 --> 00:29:10,680
No, Mr. Fawlty!
817
00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:12,560
- What?
- Do Jimmy Cagney instead.
818
00:29:12,560 --> 00:29:13,960
- What?
- Jimmy Cagney.
819
00:29:13,960 --> 00:29:14,960
Jimmy Cagney?
820
00:29:14,960 --> 00:29:16,680
You know,
"You dirty rat."
821
00:29:16,680 --> 00:29:18,240
I can't do Jimmy Cagney.
822
00:29:18,240 --> 00:29:19,920
Please try,
"I'm going to get you."
823
00:29:19,920 --> 00:29:20,920
Shut up.
824
00:29:20,920 --> 00:29:22,080
Here, watch.
825
00:29:22,080 --> 00:29:23,718
Who's this then?
826
00:29:27,400 --> 00:29:28,628
I'll do the funny walk.
827
00:29:36,880 --> 00:29:38,240
- Stop it!
- What?
828
00:29:38,240 --> 00:29:39,440
Stop it!
829
00:29:39,440 --> 00:29:42,320
I'm trying to cheer her up,
you stupid Kraut!
830
00:29:42,320 --> 00:29:43,880
It's not funny
for her!
831
00:29:43,880 --> 00:29:46,840
Not funny? Not funny?
832
00:29:46,840 --> 00:29:48,080
You're joking!
833
00:29:48,080 --> 00:29:51,640
Not for her, not for us,
not for any German people.
834
00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:54,840
You have absolutely
no sense of humour, do you?
835
00:29:54,840 --> 00:29:56,440
This is not funny!
836
00:29:56,440 --> 00:29:59,720
Who won the bloody war
anyway?
837
00:29:59,720 --> 00:30:02,040
Mr. Fawlty, you'll be
all right, come with me.
838
00:30:02,040 --> 00:30:03,029
Fine.
839
00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:26,400
Oh, he hit me
on the head!
840
00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:28,840
No, you hit him
on the head.
841
00:30:28,840 --> 00:30:30,592
You naughty moose!
842
00:30:32,120 --> 00:30:33,917
However did they win?
0
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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