All language subtitles for Fawlty Towers - 1x04 - The Hotel Inspectors.DVD.en

I know.

It all started with that
electrician, didn't it?

Real live wire, he was.

Only one watt, but plenty
of volts, as they say.

Anything in trousers, yes.
Or out of them, preferably.

Yes. Hmmm?

No, just lighting up.
Go on.

I know, I heard that...

with her mother
In the same room.

No, no...

No, no, of course
I won't. Go on.

Basil?

Yes, dear.

Oh, no.
Who saw them?

- Basil?
- Yes, dear?

Could you come and attend
to a gentlemen out here?

19?

What do you mean,
out where you are, dear?

Well the last one
was only 22.

He was!

I'm quite busy in here.
Are you very busy out there?

I'm on the telephone, Basil.
My husband will be with you in a moment.

So I'll stop working
and come out there, shall I?

No, no.
The Maltese one.

Well, I'm glad
that's settled, then.

No, no, dear.
He was an Arab.

Darling, when you're finished,
why don't you have a lie down?

I'm sorry to have kept
you waiting.

I had no idea my wife
was so busy.

Fear not, kind sir,
it matters not one whit.

I beg your pardon?

It matters not one whit.
Time is not pressing on me, fortunately.

Now some information, please.

This afternoon I have to visit
the town for sundry purposes

which would be of no interest to you
I am quite sure, but nevertheless

shall require your aid in getting for me
some sort of transport, some hired vehicle

that is, to get me
to my first port of call.

Are you all right?

Yes, I find the air here
most invigorating.

I see. Did I gather from your first
announcement that you want a taxi?

In a nutshell.

Case, more like.

At 2:00, please.

Here's the number
of the local firm.

Please, could you
get it for me?

I never use the telephone
if I can avoid it.

Why not?

The risk of infection.
When I've finished.

Now, I have a rendezvous
at 5:00 at this address

which I must reach from the post office
in Queen's Square.

Now, as the map
is sadly inadequate,

I would be very grateful if you could
draw me a diagram of the optimum route.

May I ask what's wrong
with the map?

It's got curry on it.

Look, it's
perfectly simple.

Go to the end of Queen's Parade
and bear left... just listen.

- I just want a diagram.
- It's very simple.

I'd rather have a diagram
if it won't put you out.

Well, it does put me out.

I'd like it all the same.

Basil!

Right.

Here you are then.

- We do have pens.
- Here you are.

We have actually got pens in the hotel.
Thank you so much.

Somewhere... I mean
where are the pens?

Would you believe it?

I mean, there are no pens here.
This is supposed to be a hotel.

What are they
doing in there?

- I put them there.
- Why?

Just sign there,
Mr. Walt.

Because you're always
losing them, Basil.

I am not always losing them.
People take them.

Well, they don't take them from me.

They wouldn't dare.

I'm sorry, I didn't guess that you'd suddenly
done that after 12 years, dear.

I'm afraid my psychic powers
must be a little below par this morning.

There we are.

Don't be silly, Basil. It's written there
quite clearly on the top of the box.

"Pens"? It looks more
like "Bens" to me.

Well when Ben comes,
you can give it to him.

Mr. Walt's in room 7.

What do you think?
Doesn't that look like "Bens" to you?

Not really.

It does to me.
Look, there's a "P."

I don't understand this.
Where is the Post Office?

Where it says "Post Office."
I'm sorry if it's confusing.

Oh, yeah. "P. Off."
You've used the abbreviation.

Ah, the penny's dropped.

I though it said "Boff."

Of course.

I thought that "Boff" was a locale,
the name of a district, you see?

That "P" looks like a "B."

- No, it doesn't.
- Yes, it does.

There's a little loop
on the bottom...

Excuse me, would you say
that was a "P" or a "B"?

There. Does it say "Boff,"
or does it say "Poff"?

It's a "P," isn't it?

I suppose so.

"P. Off."

I beg your pardon?

"P. Off.", not "B. Off."
Who ever heard of a "Bost Office"?

- Nine?
- What?

- Room 9?
- Room 7.

Manuel, would you take
these cases to room 7, please?

Qu�?

He thinks "Boff"
is a locale.

He thinks what?

You know, some zone,
some province

in Equatorial Torquay.

Manuel will show you
to your room, if you're lucky.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

In how many minutes
does luncheon commence?

Twelve.
Here, I'll write it down for you.

Don't forget the taxi,
will you? 2:00.

If anybody wants me,
I'll be in the lounge.

If anybody wants you?

I'll be in the lounge.

Anyone in particular?
Henry Kissinger?

Or just anyone
with a big net?

I don't know what it is
about this place.

Some of the people
we get in here...

What are you
on about?

I wish you'd help a bit.
You're always refurbishing yourself.

- What?
- Oh, never mind.

Don't shout at me.
I've had a difficult morning.

Oh dear, what happened?

Did you get entangled
in the eiderdown again?

Not enough cream
in your �clair?

Or did you talk to your friends for so long,
you didn't have time to perm your ears?

Actually, Basil,
I've been working.

You know what I mean
by working, don't you?

I mean getting things done
as opposed to squabbling with the guests.

I would find it a little easier to cope
with some of the cretins we get in here,

my little nest of vipers,

if I got a smidgen
of cooperation from you.

"Cooperation"?
That's a laugh.

The day you'll cooperate you'll be a wooden box.
I've never heard such rudeness.

If you think I'm going to fawn
to some of the yobbos we get in here...

This is a hotel, Basil,
not a borstal,

and it might help business if you could have
a little more courtesy. Just a little.

Talking to Audrey
for half an hour helps business?

It was about business,
for your information.

Audrey has some news
that may interest you.

This will be good. Let me guess.
The mayor wears a toupee?

Somebody's got nail varnish on his cats?
Am I getting warm?

There are some hotel
inspectors in town.

What?

- What does she know?
- That's all she knows.

How does she know?

A friend of Bill Morton's
overheard three men

in a pub last night comparing notes
on places they'd just been in Exeter.

Three men.
I'll call Bill.

You don't have
to call Bill, Basil.

Just try to exercise
a little courtesy.

Humph. "Courtesy."

Papers arrived,
Fawlty?

Not yet... no, Major.
Sorry, sorry.

Could you do that
in a moment, please?

I'm on the telephone.

You haven't finished dialing yet,
have you? Now, listen...

There is a documentary on BBC 2
this evening about Squawking Bird,

the leader of the Blackfoot
Indians in the late 1860s.

This starts at 8:45 and goes on
for approximately three quarters of an hour.

- I'm sorry, are you talking to me?
- Indeed, I am.

Is it possible for me
to reserve the BBC 2 channel

for the duration
of this televisual feast?

Why don't you
talk properly?

I beg your pardon?

- No. It isn't.
- What?

It is not possible
to reserve the BBC 2 channel

from the commencement
of this "televisual feast"

until the moment of the termination
of its ending, thank you so much.

Might I suggest you introduce
such a scheme?

No!

I would just like to tell you
that I have a wide experience

of hotels, and some of those
of my acquaintance

have had the foresight
to introduce this facility

for the benefit
of their guests.

I see, you have a "wide
experience of hotels?"

In my professional
activities

I'm in constant
contact with them.

Are you really?

Is it possible for me
to hire a television set

to view the program
in the privacy of my own room?

I beg your pardon?

Have you the facility
to hire a television set

to one of your guests?

A good point.
I'm glad you asked me that.

- Not as such.
- Oh.

However, we do have plans
to introduce such a scheme

in the near future.

That's not much use to me
tonight, is it?

No, but I'll tell you what, why don't I
introduce another scheme straightaway,

along the lines that you've
already suggested,

by which I reserve the BBC 2 Channel
for you tonight?

Now, that's more like it.

Not at all.
That's what we're here for, isn't it?

Yes.

Is there anything else
before I call your taxi?

Well, yes, there is.
Somebody in there

mentioned that you had
a table tennis table.

Indeed we do, yes.

It is not in absolutely
mint condition,

but it could certainly
be used in an emergency.

It is to be found
in the south wing,

overlooking the courtyard,
where there is, of course, ample parking.

Ah, Polly.

Mr. Hutchinson,
may I introduce Polly Sherman,

who is with us
at the moment?

- How do you do?
- How do you do?

Wait a minute.
We've met before, I think.

Yes, I served you
at breakfast.

Oh, yes, and you spilled the grapefruit juice,
didn't you, you naughty girl?

You moved the glass,
didn't you?

Thank you, thank you,
Polly, yes.

Awfully nice girl.
Very bright.

She's a fully qualified
painter, you know.

- Oh, really?
- Yes.

Good morning, ladies.

We do like to have
girls of that caliber

to help us out.
It does add a certain...

Well, would you care
to partake of lunch now?

Surely it's not yet...

Goodness me, we don't worry
about things like that here.

No fear.
This is a hotel, not a borstal.

Basil?

Have you?
It's not half past yet.

I was just saying
to Mr. Hutchinson, dear,

this is a hotel,
not a borstal.

Chef won't be ready, Basil.

- Leave it to me, dear, leave it to me.
- Did you ring Bill?

No, dear, not necessary.

- What?
- Explain later.

But I must look after
Mr. Hutchinson now.

A Spanish omelette.

And on the plate, please,
none on the tablecloth.

Excuse me, you're not
by any chance

the Duke of Kent,
are you?

No, no, no, you've got
the wrong person there.

Ah, Mr. Hutchinson,
you've ordered, have you?

Yes, I'm going to have
your Spanish omelette.

Splendid.

I assume that all
the vegetables

within the omelette
are fresh?

- Oh, yes, yes.
- Including the peas?

Oh, yes, they're fresh,
all right.

They're not frozen,
are they?

Well, they're frozen, yes.

Well, if they're frozen,
they're not fresh, are they?

Well, I assure you they were
absolutely fresh when they were frozen.

Oh, dear. There's a lot of this
nowadays in hotels.

- A lot of what?
- I'll just have a cheese salad, please.

What?

I only eat fresh vegetables, you see.
I'll just have a cheese salad.

We could do the omelette
without the peas.

No, no, no, I always
feel that the peas

are an integral part
of the overall flavor.

Might I suggest
that in future

you avail yourself of sufficient quantities
of the fresh article?

Look, we've been serving...
yes, yes, good idea.

Now, something
to drink?

Yes, I'll have
a ginger beer, please.

A ginger beer?

And a glass
of fresh water.

- Fresh?
- Water, yes.

Mr. Hutchinson?

A telephone call
for you at reception.

Telephone?
Oh, dear, oh, dear.

Clever, clever.

Good afternoon.

No.

Is no sun,
is no good for me.

I beg your pardon?

I homesick, yes.

Is there anywhere
you'd like me to sit?

- Qu�?
- I'm in room 7.

Oh, yes,
please, here.

You go up, up,
on right. Room 7.

- No, no.
- Yes, please, I show you.

No, look,
I want a table.

- A table.
- For one.

Table one, oh,
please, yes, yes.

Table one,
so sorry.

Here, here,
a table one.

Thank you.

So sorry, but I think
you say for room,

and I do it, for I am
not one to know it easily.

- I'm sorry.
- No, is my fault.

Well, I'll try the pate
and the lamb casserole.

You room 10.

No, room 7.

- Seven, s�.
- Yes.

No, no,
no, this table one.

Is Wednesday.
Room 7 is table five.

No, please, here.

Please, so sorry.

Seven is what
I think you say...

Como se dice en ingles...

The pate
and the lamb.

S�. Pate, lamba,
pate, lamba, pate, lamba.

Escriba-le,
escriba-le.

S�, s�, pate, lamba,
pate, lamba.

One ginger beer,
and one glass of fresh water.

- What are you doing there?
- Well, I...

You can't sit there,
it's taken. Come on.

Look, I've been
moved once already.

You're in room 7,
aren't you?

But the waiter said
table five.

Well, this isn't table five.
Would you come over here, please?

This is table five here,
come on.

Look, I did ask
the waiter.

Well, he's hopeless, isn't he?
You might as well ask the cat.

- Now, come on, settle down.
- I beg your pardon?

Would you sit down, please?

Thank you.

I hate to trespass further
on your valuable time,

but might I look
at the wine list?

Now?

Yes, please.

Excuse me.

Here we are.
Happy now?

Could I have
an ashtray, please?

Thank you, I'll have a bottle
of the Aloxe-Corton '65.

- The what?
- The Aloxe-Corton '65.

The Corton.
Of course, my pleasure.

Ah, there you are, Mr. Hutchinson,
nice to have you back again.

Not so close,
please, not so close.

Oh, sorry, I hope everything
was to your satisfaction?

Your earpiece was very greasy,
I've wiped it out for you.

Oh, thank you,
thank you so much.

Dreadfully greasy it was,
I don't know who's been using it.

Covered in Brylcream...

Oh, dear, oh, that's tepid!

Oh, have you got
an ice bucket, please?

An ice bucket?

This ginger beer
is distinctly warm.

Polly, an ice bucket
for Mr. Hutchinson, please.

Thank you.

There we are,
the Corton '65.

Ah, the bit's still in there.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Thank you so much.

May I congratulate you
on your choice?

Yes, excuse me?

- Yes?
- I'm afraid this is corked.

I just uncorked it.
Didn't you see me?

What?

- Look.
- No, no.

You see, I took it out
of the bottle,

that's how I managed to get the wine
out of the bottle into your glass.

I don't mean that.
I mean the wine is corked.

The wine has reacted
with the cork.

I'm sorry?

The wine has reacted
with the cork and gone bad.

Gone bad?
May I?

You don't want it?

- I'd like a bottle that isn't corked.
- That's cost me, hasn't it?

Never mind, I'll get you another bottle.
I do hope you're all enjoying your meals.

I said, I hope you're all
enjoying your meals.

Thank you, thank you,
excuse me.

Excuse me, table five?

Are you having the lamb
or the mackerel?

The lamb.

I'll have another one
standing by just in case.

Let's give this one
a go then, shall we?

Um, Polly?

Would you get Mr. Hutchinson
his main course, please?

So sorry to keep you waiting,
Mr. Hutchinson.

It will be with you
in just one moment.

Thank you.

Basil?

Yes, dear?

How are you getting on
with your hotel inspector?

Oh, fine. Fine.

He sells spoons.

Sorry?

I listened in
on his phone call.

He works for a cutlery firm,
but he specializes in spoons.

- You listened in?
- Yes.

You listened in on a private call
of one of our guests?

That's right, Basil.

Little rat.
I'll get him for that.

- Now, Basil...
- Trying it on with me.

Trying what on?

Pretending he's
a hotel inspector,

"Do we hire television sets?"
Fresh peas, ice buckets...

- Basil, it was your mistake.
- Now you let me handle this...

Basil!

This whole inspector business
was in your own imagination,

it's nothing to do with him.
There is no excuse for rudeness.

Do you understand?
Do you understand?

- Yes!
- Good.

- Papers arrive yet, Fawlty?
- Not yet, Major.

Spoons, eh?

I'm sorry?

Sp-p-oons.

I beg your pardon?

I understand you're
in the spoon trade.

Oh, yes.

Fascinating,
how absorbing for you.

So much more interesting
than being a hotel inspector!

What?

Thank you... no dear,
Miss? Miss?

- Yes?
- I didn't order that.

Is there something we can get you,
Mr. Hutchinson?

A tea cozy for your
pepper pot, perhaps?

I changed the order,
you see.

What seems to be
the trouble?

I thought Mr. Hutchinson
ordered an omelette...

No, he went off it, so we changed the order.
It's perfectly simple.

Well, I'm sorry,
but I wasn't told.

I told chef, so he
should have told you.

- Well, he didn't.
- Is that my fault?

No, is it mine?

- No, it's his.
- What?

- It's the chef's fault.
- I beg your pardon?

Clearly in a case like this,
where the order's been changed,

the chef's been informed,
it's his responsibility...

- You want to run the place?
- What?

You want to come
and run the hotel?

Mr. Hutchinson's taking over, Polly,
so I'll have the omelette.

With his "natural charm and wide experience"
he'll have no problems.

Can't sit around all day,
there's lots to be done.

No, no!

What is going on, Basil?

- Hello, dear.
- Well?

Is that better,
Mr. Hutchinson?

- What?
- Is that better?

Good, good, well,
that's all sorted out then.

Is there something wrong?

Yes, I have been given
an erroneous dish.

Thank you, Basil, I'll deal with this.
Thank you, Polly.

Now, Mr. Hutchinson...

I did order the omelette in the first place,
but then I changed my mind.

I see. I'll just go in the kitchen
and find out what's happened.

Thank you.

- Manuel?
- S�.

The bottle.

- Yes.
- Where is it?

- Qu�?
- Donde es...

Oh, I take it.
I take it. I take it.

Come here.
You're a waste of space.

Oh-hh!

- There we are.
- No, no, just a moment.

I did not order that.

- You didn't?
- I did not.

I'm sorry, there's an order
for pat� for this table.

Dear me.
Things do seem to be going wrong today.

Sybil, taking care of things,
are you?

Yes, thank you, Basil.

Everything's all right, then?

- It appears that I'm...
- We're sorting it out.

- You didn't order Pat� Maison, did you?
- No, I did not. I ordered...

I'll leave you
to deal with it.

How did you do that?

What?

- Where did you get it?
- Where did I get it?

That's right.
How did you get it?

The waiter
opened it for me.

The waiter
opened it for you?

- Yes.
- I've told you about him, haven't I?

Ow!

Oh, no, no,
for goodness sake!

What is it?
What is it!

I did not order
a lamb casserole.

No, he didn't.

He did not order one, Polly.
So why has he got one?

Mrs. Fawlty told me
to give him one.

I know how she feels.

I've got an order
for one here.

Who took the order?

- I don't know.
- Manuel!

I mean, look.
How can it be...

How can it be so difficult
to get a cheese salad?

- You want to run the place?
- No, no, I...

- Shut up, then.
- I beg your pardon?

I'll get you a cheese salad,
Mr. Hutchinson.

Don't listen to anyone.
Just get a cheese salad.

S�? Ow!

Excuse me!
I've changed my mind.

I do not want the cheese salad.
I wish to cancel it.

I am not used to being
spoken to like that,

and I have no wish
to continue my luncheon.

I apologize if what I said
seemed a trifle brusque.

Brusque?
It was rude. I said, rude!

I'm deeply sorry
if it came over like that.

Nothing could have been
further from my mind.

You told me to shut up.

No, no.
He told me to shut up.

What?
He said it to me.

I was looking at you,
but I was talking to Polly.

Oh, yes.

Did you notice that I was looking
at you but talking to her?

You see, he was looking at you,
but talking to me, wasn't he?

- Wasn't I?
- What?

You weren't being rude,
were you, Mr. Fawlty?

Absolutely not.
You see?

- Me?
- Yes.

If you say "Shut up"
to somebody,

- that's the one you want to shut up, isn't it?
- Not necessarily.

- I'm sorry, were you talking to me?
- Yes.

I beg your pardon?

You see how easily these
misunderstandings occur?

Yes, I do.

So, one cheese salad
please, Polly.

Certainly,
Mr. Hutchinson.

If there's anything else,
don't hesitate to ask.

Thank you.

What are you doing?

I'm so sorry.
He's from Barcelona.

I trust your pat�
was satisfactory?

- Yes, thank you.
- Oh, good.

The chef buys it
himself, you know.

Buys it?

He insists on it.

I imagine the Corton
complemented it delightfully.

- Yes, it's very good.
- Excellent.

- More like a '66, really.
- Is it?

Well, lots of body.

Yes, quite right.

It's always a pleasure
to meet someone

who appreciates
the boudoir of the grape.

I'm afraid most people we get here
don't know a bordeaux from a claret.

A bordeaux is a claret.

A bordeaux is a claret, yes.
But they wouldn't know that.

You obviously drink a lot.

Wine, I mean.

I don't mean a lot... a fair amount...
the right amount for a connoisseur.

That doesn't mean you're...
does it?

Some people drink it by the crate,
but that's not being a connoisseur.

That's just plain sloshed.

A bordeaux's one
of the clarets, all right.

One.

You are down here
on business, are you?

What?

You're not in the wine trade,
by any chance?

- No, we're not.
- "We're"?

I am down here on business
with a couple of colleagues

and we are not
in the wine trade.

It's just that you're
obviously so expert.

- No, I am not expert.
- Oh, but you are.

- No, I'm not.
- Oh, yes you are.

I am not
an expert.

- Three of you?
- What?!

Three of you?

Yes, there are three of us.
But the other two aren't here.

- They're staying at another hotel...
- Quite!

It's all right, is it?

I mean, things in general?
The wine is really good?

- Yes.
- And the pat� was all right?

- Yes, I said so.
- And the casserole?

- I haven't tasted it yet.
- Mmm.

I have not been given
the chance.

Oh, come on now.
This is quite absurd.

I'm sorry,
I do not want the omelette.

- It's nice.
- I don't want the bloody thing.

- I've sent it back once.
- Give it to me.

I fail to see how this
sort of thing could happen.

There. I've torn it up.
You'll never see it again.

All I wanted
was a cheese salad.

Thank you, Polly.
One cheese salad.

There we are, sir. I'm so glad
everything is to your satisfaction.

No, it is not.
This is absolutely ridiculous.

You are supposed
to be running a hotel.

My, that does look good.

I've had the omelette,
a prawn cocktail with a silly name...

Look at that cheddar.
Delicious.

...a plate of stew,
then the omelette again.

- Can we keep it down a little?
- All I wanted was a cheese salad.

It wasn't as though I'd ordered
an elephant's ear on a bun!

Thank you, sir.

The whole thing
is ridiculous!

For a man who's supposed
to be running a hotel,

your behaviour...
is totally...

Is there anything else
that I can get for you?

Look at that cheese.
Isn't that lovely?

- I can't breathe!
- It's all right, he's only choking.

Don't worry, a bit of cheese
went the wrong way.

Never mind.
He's fainted.

Manuel!

Poor chap.
A bit of cheese.

Yes, please.

What's happened?

- He's fainted.
- Fainted?

Got a bit of cheese stuck.

You do not faint from getting
a bit of cheese stuck.

I was giving him a bit
of a pat on the back

and he sort of moved
just as I was, uh...

What have you done, Basil?

He moved just as I...

Oh, my God.
Call the doctor.

- Look, I can handle it.
- Call the doctor!

- I can handle it!
- Call the doctor!

Obviously, I can't handle it!
"I'm just a great sabertoothed tart,

so we'll let my husband do it."

So sorry to have left you.
I trust you enjoyed your meal?

Yes, thank you.
I was wondering...

The casserole was
really good, was it?

Well, it was adequate.

Quite, yes, exactly.

I'm afraid our chef at lunch
today is not our regular,

I'm sorry about that poor chap
choking himself like that.

I was wondering if you
had a telephone I might use?

Yes, please.

Don't know how
he managed to do it...

Ah, there he is. Good.
Mr. Hutchinson, there you are.

What a frightful shame
about that bit of cheese

getting stuck in the old
windpipe like that.

Would you like to go in there
and discuss it?

No, I'd prefer to come in here
and discuss it.

It's a little bit
of a mess...

That lie down seems
to have done you some good.

Sorry about this.

Ow!

You all right?

I'm not a violent man,
Mr. Fawlty.

- Yes, you are!
- No, I'm not!

When I'm insulted
and then attacked,

I prefer to rely on my own mettle
than call the police.

- Do you?
- Yes, I do.

Now stand up like a man.
Come on!

Bit of trouble
with the old leg.

Come on!
Yeah.

Look what I've found.

I hope I've made
my point.

Oh, absolutely.
I've been looking for that.

I would just like to say...

this hotel is extremely
inefficient and badly run,

and you are a very rude
and discourteous man.

Did I say something funny,
Mr. Fawlty?

Sort of pithy,
I suppose.

Well, here's
the punch line.

Now, I'm going to fetch
my belongings

and I do not expect
to receive a bill.

You've handled that,
have you, Basil?

Yes, dear, thank you.
Leave it to me.

Incidentally,
I don't know if you realize,

but he's a regular
customer of ours...

He loves it here.
It's his second home.

We always have to have
this little...

I don't know why,
but he seems to like it.

Really?

The only danger is that
somebody is going to think

that he isn't satisfied about something,
or the fighting is real and tell somebody.

You won't mention it,
will you?

We'd love to offer you dinner here tonight
as our guest, to show our gratitude.

What?

Dinner tonight?
Would you?

No, I can't tonight.
Thank you.

Tomorrow night?

I shall be leaving tomorrow.
I'm sorry.

All right.
�50, then.

- Beg your pardon?
- �50 not to mention it.

�50 pounds?

Well, �60 not to write
about it...

Articles, books, letters.

I'm afraid
I really don't...

Please! It's taken us 12 years
to build this place up.

Don't put this
in the book.

We're finished if you...
please don't.

- Book? What book?
- The hotel guide.

Sorry, I shouldn't
have mentioned it.

What have I done?

You've got me confused
with someone else.

I've nothing to do
with any hotel guide.

I'm down here
for the exhibition.

I sell outboard motors.

What?

Outboard motors?

You're not an inspector?
Not on the side?

- No.
- Swear to God?

I tell you,
I have nothing to do with it.

Oh, thank you.
Thank you so much.

I don't know how
I could ever th...

Thanks!
Thanks!

26 bedrooms,
12 with private bathrooms.

Why don't you have
dinner here,

and Chris and I
can try the Claremont?

Okay, the owner's
one Basil Fawlty.

Please, Se�or, Mr. Fawlty
wants to say adios!

No, no!

Papers arrived yet,
Fawlty?

Not yet, Major.
Sorry.

Good afternoon,
gentlemen.

MmmmAnd what can I do
for you three gentlemen?