Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,803 --> 00:00:04,203
OH, DUDE. HEY.
2
00:00:04,205 --> 00:00:05,504
OH, UH, I NEED
TO TELL YOU SOMETHING,
3
00:00:05,506 --> 00:00:07,673
AND I REALLY -- I DON'T WANT YOU
TO FREAK OUT, OKAY?
4
00:00:07,675 --> 00:00:08,941
WHAT IS IT?
5
00:00:08,943 --> 00:00:10,776
I'M NOT SURE
HOW TO SAY THIS, BUT, UH...
6
00:00:10,778 --> 00:00:13,345
YOU'RE WEARING
A TURTLENECK.
7
00:00:14,448 --> 00:00:17,116
OH, WAIT. HOLD ON. IS SOMEONE
FORCING YOU TO WEAR IT?
8
00:00:17,118 --> 00:00:20,119
OOH, BLINK
IF THEY'RE LISTENING.
9
00:00:20,121 --> 00:00:23,622
NICKI JUST SENT THIS
AS A LITTLE GIFT.
10
00:00:23,624 --> 00:00:26,625
NICKI, UH, WAS MY GIRLFRIEND
TILL SHE MOVED AWAY.
11
00:00:26,627 --> 00:00:29,328
AND THEN DUMPED HIM.
12
00:00:29,330 --> 00:00:30,729
POINT IS,
WE FaceTime EVERY NIGHT,
13
00:00:30,731 --> 00:00:32,965
AND I WANTED TO SHOW HER
THAT I WAS WEARING IT.
14
00:00:32,967 --> 00:00:34,133
OH, THAT'S SO SWEET.
15
00:00:34,135 --> 00:00:35,467
SEE? CANDACE GETS IT.
16
00:00:35,469 --> 00:00:37,636
IT'LL BE SO MUCH EASIER
FOR HER TO MOVE ON
17
00:00:37,638 --> 00:00:40,372
IF SHE THINKS
YOU DON'T HAVE A CHIN ANYMORE.
18
00:00:46,981 --> 00:00:48,680
ME? NO, YEAH,
I WORK OUT.
19
00:00:48,682 --> 00:00:51,717
THREE NIGHTS A WEEK --
CARDIO HIP-HOP.
20
00:00:56,490 --> 00:00:57,556
OH, WHAT'S WRONG?
21
00:00:57,558 --> 00:01:00,259
HE'S DANCING LIKE
A "PEANUTS" CHARACTER.
22
00:01:01,996 --> 00:01:03,996
NO, HE'S --
HE'S TRYING TO FLIRT
23
00:01:03,998 --> 00:01:05,164
WITH MY FRIEND ERICA,
24
00:01:05,166 --> 00:01:06,665
BUT IT'S NOT GOING
VERY WELL.
25
00:01:07,368 --> 00:01:09,835
WERE YOU DONE
WITH THAT BEER?
26
00:01:09,837 --> 00:01:12,171
NO.
BUT I DON'T MIND.
27
00:01:12,173 --> 00:01:15,174
SHE'S LIKE THE SWEET
LITTLE SISTER I NEVER HAD.
28
00:01:15,176 --> 00:01:16,842
SHELLY, YOU'VE GOT
A LITTLE SISTER.
29
00:01:16,844 --> 00:01:19,311
YEAH,
BUT SHE'S A BITCH.
30
00:01:20,514 --> 00:01:22,514
TEXT ME IF YOU WANT TO HANG OUT
AFTER WORK.
31
00:01:22,516 --> 00:01:23,582
ALL RIGHT.
32
00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:25,017
[ CHUCKLES ]
33
00:01:25,019 --> 00:01:26,418
BYE, DANNY.
34
00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:28,020
ALL RIGHT, MAN, LOOK,
I'M GONNA TELL YOU SOMETHING
35
00:01:28,022 --> 00:01:29,121
THAT YOU'VE ONLY HEARD
ONCE BEFORE,
36
00:01:29,123 --> 00:01:30,589
AND IT WAS THAT TIME
37
00:01:30,591 --> 00:01:33,258
YOU FELL INTO THE DOLPHIN TANK
AT THE AQUARIUM --
38
00:01:33,260 --> 00:01:34,460
BRACE YOURSELF.
39
00:01:34,462 --> 00:01:36,261
SHE WANTS TO HAVE SEX
WITH YOU.
40
00:01:36,263 --> 00:01:38,797
NO, SHE DOESN'T.
41
00:01:38,799 --> 00:01:41,433
SHE JUST WANTS TO HANG OUT
AFTER WORK.
THE BAR CLOSES AT 2:00.
42
00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:43,268
WHERE DO YOU THINK
SHE WANTS TO HANG OUT?
43
00:01:43,270 --> 00:01:46,805
HOPEFULLY
IN THEM TIGHT-ASS JEANS.
44
00:01:46,807 --> 00:01:49,541
LOOK, I'M NOT LOOKING
FOR A RELATIONSHIP, OKAY?
45
00:01:49,543 --> 00:01:52,277
NICKI AND I,
WE'RE STILL KIND OF, YOU KNOW --
46
00:01:52,279 --> 00:01:54,279
LOOK, NICKI IS SEEING
OTHER PEOPLE --
47
00:01:54,281 --> 00:01:56,548
PROBABLY NAKED.
48
00:01:56,550 --> 00:01:58,550
AND I'M SURE THEY ALL LOOK
BETTER THAN YOU.
49
00:01:58,552 --> 00:02:01,220
BESIDES, ERICA JUST GOT OUT
OF A RELATIONSHIP HERSELF,
50
00:02:01,222 --> 00:02:03,422
SO SHE'S PROBABLY DOWN
FOR A ONE-NIGHT THING.
51
00:02:03,424 --> 00:02:04,556
WOMEN AREN'T INTO THAT.
52
00:02:04,558 --> 00:02:05,891
Leslie:
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
53
00:02:05,893 --> 00:02:07,726
SOMETIMES WE ARE.
54
00:02:07,728 --> 00:02:09,495
OKAY, ONE-NIGHT STANDS
ARE LIKE FAST FOOD.
55
00:02:09,497 --> 00:02:10,896
SURE, YOU FEEL GUILTY
THE NEXT DAY,
56
00:02:10,898 --> 00:02:12,931
BUT SOMETIMES
YOU JUST NEED SOMETHING CHEAP
57
00:02:12,933 --> 00:02:14,399
YOU CAN ENJOY
IN YOUR CAR.
58
00:02:16,437 --> 00:02:18,637
I'M NO STRANGER
TO THE ONE-NIGHT STANDS,
59
00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:19,671
ALL RIGHT?
60
00:02:19,673 --> 00:02:20,739
I KNOW HOW IT WORKS.
61
00:02:20,741 --> 00:02:23,675
GO TO A PARTY,
YOU MEET A PRETTY GIRL,
62
00:02:23,677 --> 00:02:24,943
YOU'RE LIKE, "SUP?
63
00:02:24,945 --> 00:02:26,745
WANT TO TRY SOME SEX?"
64
00:02:28,749 --> 00:02:32,117
SO YOU'VE NEVER HAD
A ONE-NIGHT STAND.
65
00:02:32,119 --> 00:02:35,587
I ONLY HAVE
ONE-NIGHT STANDS.
66
00:02:35,589 --> 00:02:37,589
I MEAN, SURE,
I'D LOVE A TWO-NIGHT STAND,
67
00:02:37,591 --> 00:02:39,825
BUT THEY USUALLY CALL IT
AFTER THE FIRST.
68
00:02:39,827 --> 00:02:42,394
OCCASIONALLY DURING IT.
69
00:02:43,931 --> 00:02:46,265
YOU NEED TO GET BACK OUT THERE.
COME ON. IT'S TIME.
70
00:02:46,267 --> 00:02:47,499
OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
WHAT THE HELL.
71
00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:49,601
I'M GONNA DO IT.
I'M GONNA TEXT HER.
72
00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:51,336
[ SIGHS ]
73
00:02:51,338 --> 00:02:54,006
"MY DEAREST ERICA..."
74
00:02:54,008 --> 00:02:55,941
NO, NO, NO.
75
00:02:55,943 --> 00:02:57,276
NUH-UH.
76
00:02:57,278 --> 00:02:59,978
YOU GET SIX WORDS,
THREE OF WHICH MUST BE
77
00:02:59,980 --> 00:03:02,514
"SLAP THAT ASS."
78
00:03:06,220 --> 00:03:08,954
"ERICA? JUSTIN.
79
00:03:08,956 --> 00:03:10,889
TONIGHT...
80
00:03:10,891 --> 00:03:12,724
SLAP THAT ASS."
81
00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:20,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
82
00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:28,707
PERFECTION, HUH?
83
00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:30,909
THAT'S MY BUTT.
84
00:03:30,911 --> 00:03:34,713
LOVE THE CONFIDENCE,
BUT WE USE PROFESSIONAL MODELS.
85
00:03:34,715 --> 00:03:35,914
[ CHUCKLES ]
86
00:03:35,916 --> 00:03:38,317
WELL, THEN,
I JUST GOT DRAFTED TO THE PROS,
87
00:03:38,319 --> 00:03:40,485
BECAUSE THAT'S MY ASS.
88
00:03:41,488 --> 00:03:43,255
HUH. IT COULD BE.
89
00:03:43,257 --> 00:03:45,524
I MEAN, SOME DAY.
90
00:03:45,526 --> 00:03:47,726
IF YOU WORK
A LOT HARDER.
91
00:03:50,064 --> 00:03:52,731
THAT'S MY ASS, DAMN IT.
LOOK.
92
00:03:54,201 --> 00:03:57,336
DISROBE AND STRIKE
THE POSE, PLEASE.
93
00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:02,441
YEAH, THE DIMPLES
DO LINE UP.
94
00:04:04,545 --> 00:04:07,279
WHEN I TOLD THE GYM MANAGER
IT WAS MY BUTT,
95
00:04:07,281 --> 00:04:08,680
HE CALLED ME A LIAR.
96
00:04:08,682 --> 00:04:09,881
IT'S NOT FAIR
97
00:04:09,883 --> 00:04:12,351
BECAUSE I'VE BEEN WORKING
REALLY HARD ON MY BODY.
98
00:04:12,353 --> 00:04:13,885
I'VE BEEN DRINKING LESS.
99
00:04:13,887 --> 00:04:15,020
WHAT?
100
00:04:15,022 --> 00:04:17,322
You said to bring
the whole bottle.
101
00:04:19,293 --> 00:04:21,226
[ Singsong voice ]
I WAS JOKING.
102
00:04:21,228 --> 00:04:23,095
[ Laughing ] OH.
BUT SINCE IT'S HERE...
103
00:04:24,131 --> 00:04:27,032
YOU KNOW, I DON'T THINK
I CAN GO BACK IN THERE.
104
00:04:27,034 --> 00:04:29,768
SEEING THAT POSTER
WILL JUST MAKE ME TOO SAD.
105
00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:31,470
OKAY, THAT GYM
DOESN'T DESERVE TO HAVE
106
00:04:31,472 --> 00:04:32,871
ANY PART OF YOUR BODY
ON ITS WALLS,
107
00:04:32,873 --> 00:04:35,440
ESPECIALLY
YOUR SWEET, LITTLE BOTTOM.
108
00:04:36,377 --> 00:04:38,710
WE'RE GONNA GET
YOUR ASS BACK.
109
00:04:38,712 --> 00:04:41,046
BUT WHEN WE DO,
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO RETURN IT
110
00:04:41,048 --> 00:04:43,615
TO WHATEVER BLACK GIRL
YOU STOLE IT FROM.
111
00:04:46,220 --> 00:04:47,319
ERICA TEXTED BACK!
112
00:04:47,321 --> 00:04:48,553
ERICA TEXTED BACK!
113
00:04:48,555 --> 00:04:49,888
IT'S ON. IT'S ON.
114
00:04:49,890 --> 00:04:52,224
WHAT HAPPENS NOW?
DO I GET A HAIRCUT?
115
00:04:52,226 --> 00:04:53,825
DO I NEED
HER FATHER'S PERMISSION?
116
00:05:00,734 --> 00:05:04,236
[ CHUCKLES ]
117
00:05:04,238 --> 00:05:08,240
LAST NIGHT WAS AMAZING.
118
00:05:08,242 --> 00:05:11,009
I WISH YOU WERE THERE.
119
00:05:15,082 --> 00:05:17,082
YOU KNOW,
THE WALLS ARE SO THIN,
120
00:05:17,084 --> 00:05:18,750
I KIND OF FEEL LIKE I WAS.
121
00:05:20,454 --> 00:05:22,321
BY THE WAY,
DID I HEAR SPANKING?
122
00:05:22,323 --> 00:05:25,757
BRIEFLY,
BUT I ASKED HER TO STOP.
123
00:05:25,759 --> 00:05:27,592
THE KEY
TO A ONE-NIGHT STAND
124
00:05:27,594 --> 00:05:29,261
IS THAT WHEN SHE LEAVES,
YOU JUST LET HER GO.
125
00:05:29,263 --> 00:05:31,763
NOW, YOU DON'T WANT TO DATE HER.
SHE DOESN'T WANT TO DATE YOU.
126
00:05:31,765 --> 00:05:33,999
SO DON'T SAY OR DO ANYTHING
TO LEAD HER ON.
127
00:05:36,337 --> 00:05:39,604
HEY.
I'M GONNA TAKE OFF.
128
00:05:39,606 --> 00:05:40,639
COOL.
129
00:05:40,641 --> 00:05:43,008
YOU DID A GREAT JOB
LAST NIGHT, BAE.
130
00:05:49,483 --> 00:05:52,284
[ DOOR CLOSES ]
131
00:05:52,286 --> 00:05:53,385
[ DOOR OPENS ]
132
00:05:53,387 --> 00:05:55,120
FORGOT MY KEYS.
133
00:05:55,122 --> 00:05:57,022
SORRY.
134
00:05:57,024 --> 00:05:58,390
I FEEL SO STUPID.
135
00:05:58,392 --> 00:06:00,359
I SHOULD SAY SOMETHING
TO MAKE HER FEEL BETTER.
136
00:06:00,361 --> 00:06:01,893
NO. THINK "BRAVEHEART."
137
00:06:01,895 --> 00:06:03,695
[ Scottish accent ] HOLD.
138
00:06:04,998 --> 00:06:07,699
HOLD.
139
00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:09,701
HOLD.
140
00:06:11,238 --> 00:06:12,404
[ CHUCKLES ]
141
00:06:12,406 --> 00:06:14,406
[ BOTH CHUCKLE ]
SO, I'M GONNA GO.
142
00:06:14,408 --> 00:06:16,908
I'LL SEE YOU AROUND --
OR NOT AROUND, YOU KNOW?
143
00:06:16,910 --> 00:06:18,977
IT KIND OF FELT LIKE
THIS WAS A ONE-NIGHT THING.
144
00:06:18,979 --> 00:06:20,379
NOT THAT YOU'RE
THAT TYPE OF GIRL.
145
00:06:20,381 --> 00:06:21,646
I MEAN,
YOU DESERVE MANY NIGHTS.
146
00:06:21,648 --> 00:06:23,849
I WAS LUCKY TO GET ONE.
[ CHUCKLES ]
147
00:06:23,851 --> 00:06:27,853
I-I GUESS, UH, UM -- UM --
WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY IS...
148
00:06:27,855 --> 00:06:29,588
HOLD.
149
00:06:29,590 --> 00:06:32,824
...WE SHOULD --
WE SHOULD GO OUT AGAIN.
150
00:06:37,831 --> 00:06:40,832
I DIDN'T THINK THAT'S WHAT
THIS WAS, BUT WHAT THE HELL?
151
00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:43,001
[ Normal voice ] BYE, ERICA.
IT WAS GREAT SEEING YOU.
152
00:06:43,003 --> 00:06:44,069
BYE.
153
00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:50,442
HEY, MAN.
154
00:06:50,444 --> 00:06:52,744
YOU WANT TO DO THIS
NOW OR LATER?
NOW.
155
00:06:58,185 --> 00:06:59,551
Brett: OKAY.
156
00:06:59,553 --> 00:07:04,122
OPERATION BOOTY RECALL
IS IN FULL EFFECT.
157
00:07:04,124 --> 00:07:07,359
THIS HEIST WILL BE EXACTLY
LIKE "OCEAN'S ELEVEN,"
158
00:07:07,361 --> 00:07:09,861
ONLY INSTEAD OF MISTERS PITT
AND CLOONEY
159
00:07:09,863 --> 00:07:12,798
PORTRAYING MOUTHWATERING
CAT BURGLARS...
160
00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:19,438
SORRY, GOT LOST THERE
FOR A SECOND.
161
00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:23,108
AND, YES, CANDACE,
BEFORE YOU ASK, I AM GAY.
162
00:07:23,110 --> 00:07:24,609
I HAD NO IDEA,
163
00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:27,312
BECAUSE ALL OF MY GAY FRIENDS
ARE IN GREAT SHAPE.
164
00:07:27,314 --> 00:07:29,681
[ LAUGHS ]
165
00:07:31,218 --> 00:07:33,885
I'M SO SORRY.
166
00:07:33,887 --> 00:07:34,953
OFF YOU POP.
167
00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:35,887
OKAY.
168
00:07:35,889 --> 00:07:37,789
SHELLY,
YOU ARE GONNA KEEP
169
00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:39,624
THE DOUCHEY GYM MANAGER
OCCUPIED.
170
00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:41,660
I NEED TO KNOW MORE
ABOUT MY CHARACTER.
171
00:07:41,662 --> 00:07:43,829
CAN I BE
A JAPANESE BUSINESSMAN?
172
00:07:45,499 --> 00:07:46,765
SURE, WHY NOT?
173
00:07:46,767 --> 00:07:48,133
THEN I'LL CREATE
A DISTRACTION
174
00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:50,335
BY LIFTING
A TREMENDOUS AMOUNT OF WEIGHT --
175
00:07:50,337 --> 00:07:51,770
GETTING BANGED
BY EVERYONE'S EYES
176
00:07:51,772 --> 00:07:55,807
CHECKING OUT MY BIS, TRIS,
AND THIGHS.
177
00:07:57,344 --> 00:07:59,811
THAT'S ABSOLUTELY
HORRIFYING.
178
00:08:01,281 --> 00:08:03,949
SO WHEN THE DOUCHEY GYM MANAGER
GOES UP TO BURSKI,
179
00:08:03,951 --> 00:08:06,518
I'LL SWITCH LESLIE'S POSTER OUT
FOR A NEW ONE,
180
00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:10,522
AND JUST LIKE THAT,
[WHOOSHES] WE'RE GONE.
181
00:08:10,524 --> 00:08:12,624
WHOSE BUTT ARE YOU GONNA USE
FOR THE FAKE POSTER?
182
00:08:12,626 --> 00:08:15,360
CANDACE,
WE NEED A FAVOR.
183
00:08:15,362 --> 00:08:17,762
OH, PLEASE.
SHE'S SO TINY.
184
00:08:17,764 --> 00:08:21,099
SHE COULD GO CAMPING
IN MY PANTIES.
185
00:08:21,101 --> 00:08:22,467
QUICK QUESTION --
186
00:08:22,469 --> 00:08:24,936
WHERE WOULD SOMEONE SIGN UP
FOR THE PANTY CAMPING?
187
00:08:28,141 --> 00:08:29,374
NO, NO, I GOT IT.
188
00:08:29,376 --> 00:08:30,642
YOU CAN TELL THEM.
189
00:08:30,644 --> 00:08:32,944
JUSTIN BLEW
THE ONE-NIGHT STAND.
190
00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:34,646
HE COULDN'T LET
ERICA LEAVE,
191
00:08:34,648 --> 00:08:36,648
AND NOW HE'S DATING A GIRL
HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE.
192
00:08:36,650 --> 00:08:38,717
SHE CAME BACK IN FOR HER KEYS
AND I PANICKED.
193
00:08:38,719 --> 00:08:39,951
OH, YOU NEVER GO
BACK IN.
194
00:08:39,953 --> 00:08:43,221
I'VE LEFT BEHIND
KEYS, PURSES, A DOG.
195
00:08:45,192 --> 00:08:47,659
I'M LIKE THE OPPOSITE
OF A NAVY SEAL.
196
00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:49,127
I LEAVE EVERYTHING BEHIND.
197
00:08:49,129 --> 00:08:51,997
THIS IS LIKE AMANDA
ALL OVER AGAIN.
198
00:08:51,999 --> 00:08:53,999
THAT WAS JUSTIN'S
COLLEGE GIRLFRIEND.
199
00:08:54,001 --> 00:08:56,201
JUSTIN WANTED OUT
BUT HE COULDN'T END IT,
200
00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:58,570
SO THEY STAYED TOGETHER
UNTIL SHE GRADUATED
201
00:08:58,572 --> 00:09:01,206
WITH A DEGREE IN ZOOLOGY
AND MOVED TO THE CONGO
202
00:09:01,208 --> 00:09:04,576
TO FOLLOW HER DREAM
OF LIVING WITH THE BABOONS.
203
00:09:06,079 --> 00:09:08,246
HOW DID YOU FINALLY
LET HER KNOW IT WAS OVER?
204
00:09:08,248 --> 00:09:10,982
UNFORTUNATELY, WE WEREN'T
ABLE TO HAVE THAT CONVERSATION
205
00:09:10,984 --> 00:09:13,485
BEFORE SHE WAS TORN APART
AND EATEN BY THE BABOONS.
206
00:09:13,487 --> 00:09:15,420
WHY DON'T YOU
JUST TELL HER
207
00:09:15,422 --> 00:09:18,323
YOU'RE NOT REMOTELY INTERESTED
IN ANY TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP?
208
00:09:18,325 --> 00:09:19,591
JUST DAGGER HER, MAN.
NO!
209
00:09:19,593 --> 00:09:20,692
I'M NOT THAT HEARTLESS.
210
00:09:20,694 --> 00:09:22,060
DID SHE TEXT ME TODAY
211
00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:24,229
AND ASK IF I WANT TO GO
TO BRUNCH TOMORROW? YEAH.
212
00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:26,231
AM I ACTUALLY GONNA GO?
213
00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:27,832
YES. I LOVE BRUNCH.
214
00:09:27,834 --> 00:09:30,902
LOOK, WE'LL GO
ON A COUPLE DATES,
215
00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:32,771
THEN I'M GONNA TAKE
A "BUSINESS TRIP."
216
00:09:32,773 --> 00:09:34,873
SPOILER ALERT --
I'M NOT ON A BUSINESS TRIP.
217
00:09:34,875 --> 00:09:36,775
I'M JUST HOME
CATCHING UP ON "SCANDAL."
218
00:09:36,777 --> 00:09:38,510
THEN SHE'LL MEET
SOMEONE ELSE.
219
00:09:38,512 --> 00:09:41,046
SHE'LL LET ME DOWN EASY.
NO ONE GETS HURT.
220
00:09:41,048 --> 00:09:44,249
JUST NOBODY TELL NICKI
THAT I'M FAKE-DATING SOMEONE.
221
00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:47,586
SHOULD WE NOT TELL HER
WHILE SHE'S REAL-DATING SOMEONE?
222
00:09:56,930 --> 00:10:01,266
AND A BEER
FOR MY NEW FAVORITE TEDDY BEAR
223
00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:02,934
WHOSE NAME IS...
224
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:06,071
WHEN I WAS A KID, I ACCIDENTALLY
ATE MY TEDDY BEAR'S EYES.
225
00:10:06,073 --> 00:10:07,739
WE COULDN'T AFFORD
A NEW ONE
226
00:10:07,741 --> 00:10:09,541
BECAUSE OF MY DAD'S
GAMBLING PROBLEM,
227
00:10:09,543 --> 00:10:11,943
SO I MADE EYES
OUT OF PASTA SHELLS -- SHELLY!
228
00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:17,048
THAT WAS
AN INCREDIBLY SAD RIDE,
229
00:10:17,050 --> 00:10:19,484
BUT I'M GLAD
YOU GOT THERE.
230
00:10:20,754 --> 00:10:24,055
SHE'S A BREATH OF FRESH AIR
BUT A DREADFUL WAITRESS.
231
00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:25,590
I DID NOT ORDER
A HOT DOG.
232
00:10:25,592 --> 00:10:29,794
NOR DO THEY SERVE
HOT DOGS HERE.
233
00:10:30,564 --> 00:10:32,597
ERICA. HEY.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
234
00:10:32,599 --> 00:10:34,432
[ SIGHS ]
I WAS JUST LEAVING.
235
00:10:34,434 --> 00:10:37,302
HEY, MAYBE IN THE FUTURE,
TRY HARDER TO BE A REAL MAN.
236
00:10:37,304 --> 00:10:38,503
WILL DO.
237
00:10:43,076 --> 00:10:44,442
WHY WOULD SHE
SAY THAT?
238
00:10:44,444 --> 00:10:46,344
UH, I THINK
SHE WAS JUST OFFERING
239
00:10:46,346 --> 00:10:48,246
SOME FRIENDLY ADVICE,
YOU KNOW?
240
00:10:48,248 --> 00:10:50,115
UH, ALSO, I BROKE UP
WITH HER FOR YOU.
241
00:10:50,117 --> 00:10:53,318
WHAT KIND OF PERSON BREAKS UP
WITH A GIRL FOR ANOTHER MAN?
242
00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:56,087
A BEST FRIEND,
A HERO, A MENTOR.
243
00:10:56,089 --> 00:10:57,188
I COULD GO ON.
244
00:10:57,190 --> 00:10:59,124
I DIDN'T
WANT TO DO THIS --
245
00:10:59,126 --> 00:11:01,459
A WARRIOR.
246
00:11:01,461 --> 00:11:03,595
I DIDN'T WANT TO DO THIS
YOUR WAY, ALL RIGHT?
247
00:11:03,597 --> 00:11:05,263
I DIDN'T WANT TO BE
A BAD GUY.
248
00:11:05,265 --> 00:11:07,465
WHOA, WAIT.
HOLD ON ONE SECOND.
249
00:11:07,467 --> 00:11:08,867
YOU THINK I'M A BAD GUY.
250
00:11:08,869 --> 00:11:10,869
YEAH, I JUST SAID THAT.
251
00:11:10,871 --> 00:11:13,271
THAT'S NOT TRUE.
I'M ALWAYS TRYING TO HELP YOU.
252
00:11:13,273 --> 00:11:14,472
YOU GUYS HEARD
WHAT HE DID,
253
00:11:14,474 --> 00:11:16,341
SO LET'S TAKE
A LITTLE VOTE.
254
00:11:16,343 --> 00:11:19,511
IF YOU THINK DANNY'S A BAD GUY,
RAISE YOUR HAND.
255
00:11:27,487 --> 00:11:30,388
WHAT ABOUT YOU, CANDACE?
256
00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:32,057
NO, THANK YOU.
I REALLY NEED THIS JOB.
257
00:11:32,059 --> 00:11:34,859
SO I'M JUST TRYING
TO LEARN NAMES AND MAKE FRIENDS.
258
00:11:36,163 --> 00:11:38,563
DON'T WORRY, SWEETHEART.
YOU HAVE PLENTY OF FRIENDS HERE.
259
00:11:38,565 --> 00:11:39,831
THANK YOU, AND, UH...
260
00:11:39,833 --> 00:11:41,566
WAIT, YOUR NAME
IS EASY TO REMEMBER
261
00:11:41,568 --> 00:11:44,135
BECAUSE WHEN WE FIRST MET,
BASED OFF OF YOUR CLOTHING
262
00:11:44,137 --> 00:11:45,637
AND THE WAY YOU RUBBED
MY SHOULDERS,
263
00:11:45,639 --> 00:11:47,405
I THOUGHT FOR SURE
YOU WERE A LESBI--
264
00:11:47,407 --> 00:11:50,308
LESLIE!
265
00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:03,655
OH. KONNICHIWA.
266
00:12:03,657 --> 00:12:06,925
I'M A JAPANESE BUSINESSMAN.
267
00:12:06,927 --> 00:12:09,661
YOU MEAN YOU'RE A BUSINESSMAN
FROM JAPAN.
268
00:12:09,663 --> 00:12:11,596
OH, NO.
I'M OF JAPANESE DESCENT.
269
00:12:11,598 --> 00:12:13,598
I THINK
I WAS VERY CLEAR ON THAT.
270
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:17,168
ALL RIGHT,
I GOT 275 COMING UP.
271
00:12:17,170 --> 00:12:18,436
[ GRUNTS ]
272
00:12:18,438 --> 00:12:19,938
OH, MY GOD!
273
00:12:19,940 --> 00:12:20,839
BIG MISTAKE!
274
00:12:20,841 --> 00:12:23,074
HELP ME!
HELP ME! HELP ME!
275
00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:25,343
[ GROANS ]
276
00:12:36,456 --> 00:12:39,124
THAT'S YOUR BRITISH BUTT,
ISN'T IT?
277
00:12:39,126 --> 00:12:42,127
WELL, A LITTLE FREE ADVERTISING
NEVER HURT ANYONE, MATE.
278
00:12:46,066 --> 00:12:48,299
TA-DA!
279
00:12:48,301 --> 00:12:50,201
OH, YOU GOT
MY ASS BACK!
280
00:12:50,203 --> 00:12:51,770
AW, I LOVE YOU GUYS.
281
00:12:51,772 --> 00:12:52,871
YEP.
282
00:12:52,873 --> 00:12:54,606
NOW WE JUST HAVE TO GET
SHELLY BACK.
283
00:12:54,608 --> 00:12:57,876
I FEAR HE MAY NEVER
BREAK CHARACTER.
284
00:12:57,878 --> 00:13:00,478
HE JOINED A JAPANESE
DATING SITE.
285
00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:04,516
[ Guttural voice ]
J-DATE.
286
00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:07,385
SO, BECAUSE OF JUSTIN,
287
00:13:07,387 --> 00:13:08,987
YOU ALL NOW THINK
THAT I'M A BAD GUY,
288
00:13:08,989 --> 00:13:11,256
BUT I CONTEND
THAT WHEN IT COMES TO WOMEN,
289
00:13:11,258 --> 00:13:12,590
I AM NOT THE BAD GUY.
290
00:13:12,592 --> 00:13:14,225
DO YOU KNOW WHO IS? NO.
291
00:13:14,227 --> 00:13:15,727
NO.
292
00:13:15,729 --> 00:13:17,695
YES, BUT THIS
ISN'T ABOUT YOU.
293
00:13:18,498 --> 00:13:19,764
JUSTIN.
294
00:13:19,766 --> 00:13:21,733
WHEN IT COMES
TO LETTING DOWN WOMEN,
295
00:13:21,735 --> 00:13:23,468
YOU'RE MUCH WORSE
THAN I AM.
296
00:13:23,470 --> 00:13:25,770
THAT'S INSANE.
297
00:13:25,772 --> 00:13:27,806
WELL, I SAY LET'S LET
THE PEOPLE DECIDE.
298
00:13:29,409 --> 00:13:30,909
THIS COURT
IS NOW IN SESSION.
299
00:13:30,911 --> 00:13:33,411
JUSTIN KEARNEY
vs. DANNY BURTON.
300
00:13:33,413 --> 00:13:35,246
NOBODY WANTS TO DO
YOUR FAKE TRIAL.
301
00:13:35,248 --> 00:13:38,616
[ Normal voice ] OH, I'D LOVE
A NEW CHARACTER TO GET LOST IN.
302
00:13:38,618 --> 00:13:41,486
I'LL BE THE TOUGH JUDGE
THAT SAYS THINGS LIKE
303
00:13:41,488 --> 00:13:42,754
"I'LL ALLOW IT,
304
00:13:42,756 --> 00:13:45,590
BUT YOU'RE ON THIN ICE,
COUNSELOR."
305
00:13:46,593 --> 00:13:48,259
NOW LET'S GET
THIS TRIAL UNDERWAY.
306
00:13:48,261 --> 00:13:50,094
FINE.
YOU WANT TO PLAY?
307
00:13:50,096 --> 00:13:51,496
SURPRISE, DANNY.
308
00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:54,265
I WAS CAPTAIN OF MY DEBATE TEAM
IN COLLEGE.
309
00:13:54,267 --> 00:13:57,435
THAT'S NOT A SURPRISE,
NERD.
310
00:14:00,106 --> 00:14:04,509
AS FOR MY FIRST WITNESS,
I CALL LESLIE BURTON.
311
00:14:04,511 --> 00:14:06,010
[ GASPS ]
312
00:14:06,012 --> 00:14:09,747
[ MURMURING INDISTINCTLY ]
313
00:14:11,117 --> 00:14:13,117
NOW, AS DANNY'S SISTER,
314
00:14:13,119 --> 00:14:15,520
I CAN IMAGINE
THAT HE HAS HOOKED UP
315
00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:17,155
WITH SOME OF YOUR FRIENDS.
316
00:14:17,157 --> 00:14:19,324
ALL OF MY FRIENDS.
317
00:14:19,326 --> 00:14:21,459
AND HOW DID
THOSE RELATIONSHIPS END?
318
00:14:21,461 --> 00:14:22,861
HORRIBLY.
319
00:14:22,863 --> 00:14:25,563
"HORRIBLY."
320
00:14:26,566 --> 00:14:28,299
THEY WERE ALL CRUSHED.
321
00:14:28,301 --> 00:14:30,869
I WEEP FOR THEM.
322
00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:34,472
YOUR WITNESS.
323
00:14:43,650 --> 00:14:45,750
JUST ONE QUESTION.
324
00:14:48,855 --> 00:14:50,822
NOW, AFTER I DAGGERED
YOUR FRIENDS,
325
00:14:50,824 --> 00:14:52,991
WERE THEY --
WERE THEY STILL HUNG UP ON ME?
326
00:14:52,993 --> 00:14:55,493
NO. THEY NEVER THOUGHT
ABOUT YOU AGAIN.
327
00:14:55,495 --> 00:14:56,761
THEY MOVED ON QUICKLY.
328
00:14:56,763 --> 00:14:58,763
INTERESTING.
INTERESTING.
329
00:14:58,765 --> 00:15:00,565
I WOULD LIKE
TO NOW CALL
330
00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:02,667
THE NEW WAITRESS
TO THE STAND.
331
00:15:02,669 --> 00:15:04,836
OBJECTION, YOUR HONOR!
RELEVANCE.
332
00:15:04,838 --> 00:15:07,839
I'M TRYING TO ESTABLISH
A PATTERN OF BEHAVIOR.
333
00:15:07,841 --> 00:15:11,042
THE ACCUSED IS SO DESPERATE
TO BE LIKED
334
00:15:11,044 --> 00:15:15,914
THAT HE STRINGS PEOPLE ALONG
IN ALL ASPECTS OF HIS LIFE.
335
00:15:17,117 --> 00:15:18,182
I'LL ALLOW IT,
336
00:15:18,184 --> 00:15:20,685
BUT YOU'RE ON THIN ICE,
COUNSELOR.
337
00:15:20,687 --> 00:15:22,687
[ LAUGHS ]
338
00:15:24,057 --> 00:15:27,225
NOW, CANDACE...
339
00:15:27,227 --> 00:15:28,826
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
340
00:15:32,198 --> 00:15:33,531
YOU DO, UH, REALIZE
341
00:15:33,533 --> 00:15:36,200
THAT YOU'RE
A HORRIBLE WAITRESS, RIGHT?
342
00:15:37,938 --> 00:15:40,672
I DO.
343
00:15:44,311 --> 00:15:47,211
HAS JUSTIN BEEN SAYING THINGS
TO YOU LATELY
344
00:15:47,213 --> 00:15:48,546
LIKE "MONEY'S TIGHT"
345
00:15:48,548 --> 00:15:51,082
OR "DON'T WORRY
IF YOU GET A BETTER JOB"?
346
00:15:51,084 --> 00:15:52,150
HE HAS.
347
00:15:52,152 --> 00:15:54,218
AND WOULD YOU BE SHOCKED
IF I TOLD YOU
348
00:15:54,220 --> 00:15:56,821
THAT HIS PLAN WAS TO EVENTUALLY
REDUCE YOUR SHIFTS
349
00:15:56,823 --> 00:15:59,624
SO YOU WOULD JUST LEAVE
SO HE DIDN'T HAVE TO FIRE YOU?
350
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:01,559
YOU WERE GONNA DO THAT?
351
00:16:01,561 --> 00:16:04,495
[ SCOFFS ]
352
00:16:04,497 --> 00:16:06,731
NOT ANYMORE.
353
00:16:11,004 --> 00:16:14,072
"NOT ANYMORE."
354
00:16:16,176 --> 00:16:20,345
UH, BAILIFF, WOULD YOU PLEASE
LET IN MY SURPRISE WITNESS?
355
00:16:22,515 --> 00:16:24,582
[ ALL GASP ]
356
00:16:24,584 --> 00:16:27,752
[ MURMURING INDISTINCTLY ]
...ERICA.
357
00:16:30,423 --> 00:16:35,093
NOW, HOW DID IT FEEL
358
00:16:35,095 --> 00:16:38,196
WHEN YOU FOUND OUT THAT JUSTIN
DIDN'T WANT TO DATE YOU?
359
00:16:38,198 --> 00:16:39,964
I WISH HE HAD
JUST BEEN STRAIGHT WITH ME.
360
00:16:39,966 --> 00:16:42,100
I MEAN, HE MADE IT SEEM LIKE
IT COULD BE SOMETHING.
361
00:16:42,102 --> 00:16:45,770
THANK YOU
FOR BEING BRAVE.
362
00:16:49,376 --> 00:16:52,210
BRETT, COULD YOU READ THAT
BACK TO US, PLEASE?
363
00:16:52,212 --> 00:16:56,014
NO. THIS IS JUST
A CASH REGISTER, MATE.
364
00:16:58,451 --> 00:17:01,152
ERICA, I'M...
365
00:17:01,154 --> 00:17:03,888
I'M SO SORRY.
366
00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:05,923
THANKS.
367
00:17:07,961 --> 00:17:10,828
WOW.
368
00:17:10,830 --> 00:17:14,232
ALL THOSE
WHO FIND JUSTIN GUILTY,
369
00:17:14,234 --> 00:17:15,833
PLEASE SAY "AYE."
370
00:17:15,835 --> 00:17:17,168
AYE. AYE.
AYE. AYE.
371
00:17:17,170 --> 00:17:18,536
I REST MY CASE.
372
00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:21,639
AND THEN TO CELEBRATE,
I'D LIKE TO DO THE RUNNING MAN.
373
00:17:24,177 --> 00:17:25,309
I'LL ALLOW IT.
374
00:17:30,884 --> 00:17:32,984
YOU CAN GLOAT LATER.
375
00:17:32,986 --> 00:17:34,519
I'M SUPPOSED TO FaceTime
WITH NICKI RIGHT NOW.
376
00:17:34,521 --> 00:17:36,387
YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND
THAT STRINGING SOMEONE ALONG
377
00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:38,189
IN A RELATIONSHIP THAT'S
GOING NOWHERE IS NOT COOL.
378
00:17:38,191 --> 00:17:40,158
WHY DO YOU CARE SO MUCH
ABOUT THIS?
379
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:41,492
NICKI: Justin?
380
00:17:41,494 --> 00:17:42,927
Babe, are you there?
381
00:17:42,929 --> 00:17:45,530
BECAUSE THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT NICKI'S DOING TO YOU.
382
00:17:45,532 --> 00:17:46,864
SHE'S STRINGING YOU ALONG
383
00:17:46,866 --> 00:17:48,499
IN A RELATIONSHIP
THAT'S GOING NOWHERE.
384
00:17:48,501 --> 00:17:51,402
YOU'RE WRONG.
385
00:17:52,672 --> 00:17:55,039
DUDE,
YOU AND NICKI ARE OVER,
386
00:17:55,041 --> 00:17:58,009
AND IT'S OBVIOUS
TO EVERYONE BUT YOU.
387
00:17:58,011 --> 00:18:00,378
DO YOU ALL
FEEL THAT WAY?
388
00:18:00,380 --> 00:18:02,213
YEAH.
YEAH.
389
00:18:02,215 --> 00:18:03,614
SORRY.
390
00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:04,949
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?
391
00:18:04,951 --> 00:18:07,051
YOU GUYS DON'T KNOW
WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN.
392
00:18:07,053 --> 00:18:08,853
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?
IF YOU WON'T LISTEN TO ME,
393
00:18:08,855 --> 00:18:10,855
THEN MAYBE YOU'LL LISTEN
TO THE VOICE OF OUR GENERATION.
394
00:18:10,857 --> 00:18:13,791
DON'T YOU DARE
USE TAYLOR SWIFT AGAINST ME.
395
00:18:15,528 --> 00:18:18,696
YOU AND NICKI
ARE NEVER, EVER, EVER
396
00:18:18,698 --> 00:18:21,099
GETTING BACK TOGETHER.
397
00:18:22,535 --> 00:18:24,769
LIKE, EVER.
398
00:18:36,216 --> 00:18:38,382
HEY, UM...
399
00:18:38,384 --> 00:18:42,720
ARE YOU JUST SITTING
IN THE DARK ALONE, DEPRESSED?
400
00:18:42,722 --> 00:18:44,755
NO.
401
00:18:44,757 --> 00:18:47,391
EVERY LIGHT IS BURNT OUT.
402
00:18:47,393 --> 00:18:50,795
IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME,
TRY THE SWITCH.
403
00:18:55,335 --> 00:18:59,237
WELL, I WAS OBVIOUSLY HOPING
FOR SOME KIND OF MIRACLE THERE.
404
00:18:59,239 --> 00:19:01,439
I DIDN'T MEAN
TO HURT YOU, OKAY?
405
00:19:01,441 --> 00:19:05,443
I JUST -- I DON'T WANT
ANYBODY MESSING WITH MY BOY.
406
00:19:05,445 --> 00:19:07,478
I-I FEEL STUPID.
YOU GUYS CAN GO.
407
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,914
NO, IT'S OKAY, MAN.
WE'RE HERE FOR YOU.
408
00:19:09,916 --> 00:19:11,782
YEAH. THERE'S NO PLACE
WE'D RATHER BE.
409
00:19:11,784 --> 00:19:12,783
WE LOVE YOU, MAN.
410
00:19:12,785 --> 00:19:15,920
WHOSE HOUSE IS THIS?
411
00:19:17,157 --> 00:19:19,423
CAN I TALK TO YOU ALONE
FOR A SEC?
412
00:19:19,425 --> 00:19:20,291
YEAH, SURE.
413
00:19:20,293 --> 00:19:22,793
GUYS, STAND OUT
ON THE PORCH.
414
00:19:22,795 --> 00:19:24,095
WHAT?
415
00:19:26,099 --> 00:19:29,100
THERE ARE OTHER ROOMS
WE COULD WAIT IN.
416
00:19:29,102 --> 00:19:30,668
NO. GO OUT ON THE PORCH.
417
00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:32,336
THIS IS THE WORST ROOM.
418
00:19:36,442 --> 00:19:37,808
I, UM, CALLED NICKI
419
00:19:37,810 --> 00:19:40,344
AND ASKED HER
TO BE HONEST WITH ME.
420
00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:44,282
SHE APOLOGIZED
FOR STRINGING ME ALONG.
421
00:19:45,385 --> 00:19:48,519
THEN SHE DAGGERED ME, DANNY,
RIGHT IN THE HEART.
422
00:19:49,622 --> 00:19:52,957
[ SIGHS ]
423
00:19:52,959 --> 00:19:54,792
SORRY, BUDDY.
THAT SUCKS.
424
00:19:54,794 --> 00:20:00,264
THEY SAY IT TAKES LIKE A DAY
FOR IT TO STOP HURTING, RIGHT?
425
00:20:03,069 --> 00:20:06,837
M-MAYBE FOR YOU,
IT'D TAKE LIKE SIX OR EIGHT.
426
00:20:06,839 --> 00:20:08,139
DAYS?
427
00:20:08,141 --> 00:20:12,677
DAYS, YEARS, WHATEVER.
LOOK, I --
428
00:20:12,679 --> 00:20:15,680
THE TRUTH IS, JUSTIN,
YOU'RE A GREAT GUY, YOU KNOW?
429
00:20:15,682 --> 00:20:19,083
AND -- AND ONCE YOU MOVE ON
AND GET RID OF THOSE KHAKIS,
430
00:20:19,085 --> 00:20:21,419
THE WORLD'S GONNA OPEN UP
FOR YOU.
431
00:20:21,421 --> 00:20:24,088
THANKS.
432
00:20:24,090 --> 00:20:25,523
SEAL IT WITH A HUG.
433
00:20:25,525 --> 00:20:29,560
ALL RIGHT. ONLY 'CAUSE
NO ONE'S WATCHING, OKAY?
434
00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:31,996
OH, SHUT UP.
435
00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:35,833
Shelly: AWW.
436
00:20:35,835 --> 00:20:37,468
HI, BOYS.
437
00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:41,706
[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]
438
00:20:41,708 --> 00:20:43,107
WHAT'S UP?
439
00:20:43,109 --> 00:20:44,542
WELL, STRANGEST THING --
440
00:20:44,544 --> 00:20:47,712
NO ONE CAN SEEM TO FIND
THE POSTER OF MY BUTT.
441
00:20:47,714 --> 00:20:50,581
THAT IS STRANGE.
442
00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:53,718
IT'S HANGING ABOVE YOUR COUCH,
ISN'T IT?
443
00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:55,319
YES.
444
00:20:57,023 --> 00:20:59,590
REALLY, BURSK?
[ SCOFFS ]
445
00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:01,726
YOU JUST BOUGHT YOURSELF
446
00:21:01,728 --> 00:21:04,595
MY SIGNATURE
DISAPPROVING HEAD SHAKE.
447
00:21:07,867 --> 00:21:10,601
FOR SHAME.
448
00:21:23,883 --> 00:21:25,349
OH.
448
00:21:26,305 --> 00:21:32,201
Please rate this subtitle at www.osdb.link/3ks9x
Help other users to choose the best subtitles
37048
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Basque
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Irish
Italian
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Ukrainian
Urdu
Vietnamese
Xhosa
