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1
00:00:00,703 --> 00:00:02,870
Amy Taylor's son got into Harvard.
2
00:00:04,058 --> 00:00:05,991
And Suzanna's son got into Penn.
3
00:00:06,031 --> 00:00:08,546
Why haven't we heard back
from Junior's schools?
4
00:00:08,617 --> 00:00:11,151
- I don't know.
- That's because I opted for paper mail
5
00:00:11,253 --> 00:00:13,658
instead of e-mail
for all of my notifications.
6
00:00:13,717 --> 00:00:14,949
Ooh, okay.
7
00:00:15,010 --> 00:00:17,543
What kind of weirdo chooses snail mail?
8
00:00:17,612 --> 00:00:19,746
Sorry that I'm a romantic,
9
00:00:19,814 --> 00:00:22,682
but I wanted to do it the same
way that my ancestors did.
10
00:00:22,784 --> 00:00:24,817
Okay, well, your ancestors
didn't go to college.
11
00:00:24,886 --> 00:00:26,886
They were sold by a college.
12
00:00:26,955 --> 00:00:28,454
- Oh, God, Dre.
- Okay? Remember that.
13
00:00:28,556 --> 00:00:29,722
Oh.
14
00:00:31,026 --> 00:00:32,759
Howard University has responded.
15
00:00:32,861 --> 00:00:34,460
My alma mater.
16
00:00:36,865 --> 00:00:38,297
Don't you mess this up.
17
00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:41,567
Um... how can you ruin
opening an envelope?
18
00:00:41,670 --> 00:00:42,935
You've seen the boy open presents.
19
00:00:45,573 --> 00:00:48,107
Oh, my God.
20
00:00:48,209 --> 00:00:51,077
It's a baseball glove.
21
00:00:52,647 --> 00:00:53,746
And this is a bat.
22
00:00:54,783 --> 00:00:56,549
Let me see, boy.
23
00:00:56,651 --> 00:00:59,485
Let's see what Howard has to say.
24
00:00:59,587 --> 00:01:02,288
Okay, "Dear Andre J...
25
00:01:02,357 --> 00:01:04,090
You've been accepted
to Howard University
26
00:01:04,159 --> 00:01:06,359
on a full academic scholarship"!
27
00:01:06,428 --> 00:01:08,428
Yes! And they gave us a bumper sticker!
28
00:01:08,530 --> 00:01:10,697
Congratulations. Open this one.
29
00:01:17,605 --> 00:01:19,706
- What, what, what?
- Whoa.
30
00:01:19,808 --> 00:01:21,474
I got into Stanford.
31
00:01:21,576 --> 00:01:23,176
- Wait, really?
- What?
32
00:01:23,278 --> 00:01:25,978
- Really.
- I-I mean, of course you did, sweetie!
33
00:01:26,047 --> 00:01:29,482
Well, sadly, the financial aid
isn't nearly as good.
34
00:01:29,584 --> 00:01:30,850
- Oh.
- Ah. Well, then,
35
00:01:30,919 --> 00:01:33,853
I guess there's obviously
only one choice.
36
00:01:33,955 --> 00:01:36,656
Yeah, I guess you're right.
37
00:01:36,758 --> 00:01:38,024
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
38
00:01:39,027 --> 00:01:41,294
- We're going to Stanford!
- We're going to Stanford!
39
00:01:41,362 --> 00:01:43,663
- Whoo!
- Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
40
00:01:43,765 --> 00:01:46,065
Sweetheart! Oh, oh! Come on.
41
00:01:47,168 --> 00:01:48,301
What about Howard?
42
00:01:48,403 --> 00:01:49,469
Oh! Ah!
43
00:01:49,571 --> 00:01:51,604
Get that out of here.
44
00:01:51,706 --> 00:01:54,741
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
45
00:01:56,711 --> 00:01:59,011
Okay, parentals, gotta run
and see what it takes
46
00:01:59,114 --> 00:02:00,680
to get into the gluten-free dorm.
47
00:02:00,782 --> 00:02:02,381
- All right? All right.
- Yes!
48
00:02:02,484 --> 00:02:04,951
Okay. Whoo! This is so exciting!
49
00:02:05,053 --> 00:02:05,985
Yeah, it is, baby.
50
00:02:06,087 --> 00:02:07,587
Can't we at least talk about this?
51
00:02:07,689 --> 00:02:09,589
Sweetie, he's been gluten-free
for like a month now.
52
00:02:09,691 --> 00:02:11,290
And... And he thinks
it gives him more energy.
53
00:02:11,392 --> 00:02:13,326
- Which is probably true.
- I'm talking about us
54
00:02:13,428 --> 00:02:15,661
basically dismissing
a full ride from Howard
55
00:02:15,764 --> 00:02:16,763
like it's nothing.
56
00:02:16,865 --> 00:02:21,801
Yes, but he did get into Stanford.
57
00:02:21,903 --> 00:02:23,369
Stanford.
58
00:02:23,471 --> 00:02:27,306
Mm-hmm, yes, but he also got
into Howard, all right?
59
00:02:27,408 --> 00:02:29,809
He could be a legacy kid at my Zamunda.
60
00:02:29,911 --> 00:02:33,179
You mean the fake country
that Eddie Murphy left
61
00:02:33,281 --> 00:02:35,214
when he wanted to go work at McDowell's?
62
00:02:35,316 --> 00:02:38,651
- You watched it?
- No, I-I read about it on Wikipedia.
63
00:02:38,753 --> 00:02:40,987
You know I can't watch Eriq La Salle.
64
00:02:41,089 --> 00:02:42,421
- Babe.
- What?
65
00:02:42,524 --> 00:02:44,390
Howard could be Junior's Zamunda.
66
00:02:44,492 --> 00:02:47,026
I know, Dre, but he really
wants to go to Stanford.
67
00:02:47,128 --> 00:02:49,662
He loved it so much when
we went on the college tour.
68
00:02:49,764 --> 00:02:51,964
Okay, and how many historically
black universities
69
00:02:52,066 --> 00:02:53,933
did he visit on that tour?
70
00:02:54,035 --> 00:02:55,735
Uh, none. We didn't...
We didn't go to any.
71
00:02:55,837 --> 00:02:59,472
Yeah, this is what
I'm talking about, Bow.
72
00:02:59,574 --> 00:03:01,674
We are about to toss Howard to the side
73
00:03:01,776 --> 00:03:04,143
because white people say
Stanford is a better school.
74
00:03:04,245 --> 00:03:05,812
White people used to say that
75
00:03:05,914 --> 00:03:07,680
direct sunlight was good for you.
76
00:03:07,782 --> 00:03:10,216
Now they walking around here
with parts of their nose gone.
77
00:03:10,318 --> 00:03:11,517
- Okay.
- White people
78
00:03:11,619 --> 00:03:12,819
don't always get it right, Bow.
79
00:03:12,921 --> 00:03:17,590
Dre... this is not
a black and white issue.
80
00:03:17,692 --> 00:03:20,560
The boy spent his whole life
with white kids, Bow.
81
00:03:20,662 --> 00:03:24,664
This is his one shot
at a real blackening.
82
00:03:24,766 --> 00:03:27,233
Dre, I understand the importance
of Howard. I do.
83
00:03:27,335 --> 00:03:29,702
But the plan has always been
to get our kids
84
00:03:29,804 --> 00:03:31,537
into the best schools possible
85
00:03:31,639 --> 00:03:34,373
so that they could have more
possibilities than we had.
86
00:03:35,376 --> 00:03:36,876
Maybe you're right.
87
00:03:38,313 --> 00:03:40,112
Of course I'm right.
88
00:03:40,215 --> 00:03:42,715
I wish you were the one
going away to college.
89
00:03:42,817 --> 00:03:45,918
I did have a really good time
during my college years.
90
00:03:46,020 --> 00:03:47,653
I went to school with Diddy.
91
00:03:47,755 --> 00:03:49,255
I think his name is Love now.
92
00:03:49,357 --> 00:03:51,924
His name is Puff Daddy Diddy Love.
93
00:03:52,026 --> 00:03:54,193
Was it Sean when you guys
were in college?
94
00:03:54,295 --> 00:03:55,535
- No!
- Did you know him?
95
00:03:55,597 --> 00:03:56,529
I did.
96
00:03:56,631 --> 00:04:00,733
So, not sure if everyone
heard the big news,
97
00:04:00,835 --> 00:04:03,369
but I got into Stanford.
98
00:04:03,471 --> 00:04:06,873
- Oh, my gosh! Congratulations.
- Oh, congratulations, baby!
99
00:04:06,975 --> 00:04:08,975
You know I always knew
100
00:04:09,077 --> 00:04:11,944
not being popular
was gonna pay off for you.
101
00:04:12,046 --> 00:04:13,312
Thanks, Grandma.
102
00:04:13,414 --> 00:04:15,181
That feeling when your older brother's
103
00:04:15,283 --> 00:04:17,383
finally leaving home for good?
104
00:04:21,289 --> 00:04:23,389
That's funny. That's a good one, Jack.
105
00:04:23,491 --> 00:04:25,024
Well played, buddy.
106
00:04:25,093 --> 00:04:28,527
You are really starting
to discover your comedic voice.
107
00:04:28,630 --> 00:04:29,896
Is he?
108
00:04:29,964 --> 00:04:33,132
I mean, everyone knows that
I'm the funny one. Like...
109
00:04:33,234 --> 00:04:35,768
Jealous sister got me like...
110
00:04:38,973 --> 00:04:41,073
Got me like...
111
00:04:41,142 --> 00:04:43,542
Now that's funny.
112
00:04:43,611 --> 00:04:45,211
Are you guys serious?
113
00:04:45,280 --> 00:04:48,281
He's just doing stupid memes
that he saw online.
114
00:04:48,349 --> 00:04:49,849
Don't you see it?
115
00:04:49,951 --> 00:04:52,652
Diane, baby, don't be so bitter.
116
00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:55,721
The laughs were undeniable.
117
00:04:55,823 --> 00:04:58,190
Uh, #Mood.
118
00:04:58,293 --> 00:04:59,859
Hey, look at this!
119
00:05:01,930 --> 00:05:03,629
Okay, gang.
120
00:05:03,731 --> 00:05:05,665
I need pitches on a new account
121
00:05:05,733 --> 00:05:09,101
for this energy drink called Savagery.
122
00:05:09,203 --> 00:05:13,005
One small note... side effects
include liver palpitations.
123
00:05:13,107 --> 00:05:14,699
- Go!
- Uh, okay.
124
00:05:14,769 --> 00:05:19,198
"Savagery. For when you need
your liver to...
125
00:05:19,254 --> 00:05:20,167
palpitate."
126
00:05:20,214 --> 00:05:22,381
Great pitch, pumpkin.
127
00:05:22,450 --> 00:05:23,950
Going straight at the problem.
128
00:05:24,052 --> 00:05:26,519
Now, remember,
we're trying to get this product
129
00:05:26,621 --> 00:05:27,853
into elementary schools.
130
00:05:27,956 --> 00:05:29,221
Charlie, what do you got?
131
00:05:29,290 --> 00:05:30,823
Uh, "Savagery...
132
00:05:30,925 --> 00:05:32,925
don't worry, you got two livers."
133
00:05:32,994 --> 00:05:35,895
Outstanding.
Kids are hilariously trusting.
134
00:05:35,997 --> 00:05:37,263
Dre.
135
00:05:37,365 --> 00:05:39,231
My family is stupid.
136
00:05:39,300 --> 00:05:41,567
No one wants Junior to go to Howard,
137
00:05:41,636 --> 00:05:43,569
even though he got a full scholarship.
138
00:05:43,671 --> 00:05:46,772
FYI... it's pronounced Harvard.
139
00:05:46,841 --> 00:05:48,708
Why wouldn't they want Junior
to go to Harvard?
140
00:05:48,810 --> 00:05:50,343
T-That's where I went, by the way.
141
00:05:50,445 --> 00:05:51,744
Not sure if I told you guys.
142
00:05:51,813 --> 00:05:55,081
Actually, gentlemen, I believe
Dre is saying "Howard"...
143
00:05:55,149 --> 00:05:56,482
- Yes.
- ...like the duck.
144
00:05:56,584 --> 00:06:00,453
No, the historically black
college where I went to school.
145
00:06:00,555 --> 00:06:03,889
I could swear that you told me
that you went to Harvard
146
00:06:03,992 --> 00:06:05,291
- when I interviewed you.
- No.
147
00:06:05,393 --> 00:06:06,892
I mean, not that
I wouldn't have hired you
148
00:06:06,961 --> 00:06:10,162
if I had known that you went
to some school for blacks
149
00:06:10,264 --> 00:06:13,132
that obviously white people
abandon. I mean...
150
00:06:13,201 --> 00:06:16,268
I don't understand. If you guys
can go to our normal colleges,
151
00:06:16,371 --> 00:06:17,603
then why do you need your own?
152
00:06:17,705 --> 00:06:18,804
Yeah.
153
00:06:18,906 --> 00:06:20,873
Because we weren't always allowed
154
00:06:20,942 --> 00:06:23,463
into your "normal" colleges.
155
00:06:23,534 --> 00:06:24,775
Do you have any idea
156
00:06:24,806 --> 00:06:27,885
how many successful black
Americans went to HBCUs?
157
00:06:27,909 --> 00:06:28,915
No.
158
00:06:28,916 --> 00:06:31,951
MLK, Spike Lee, Diddy,
159
00:06:32,053 --> 00:06:34,720
Ta-Nehisi Coates, Kamala Harris, Oprah.
160
00:06:34,822 --> 00:06:38,591
My cousin Raymar, Delvon,
and Lil Big Man, too.
161
00:06:38,659 --> 00:06:40,793
They all did a semester
at Grambling State
162
00:06:40,862 --> 00:06:42,762
before hitting it big
in the copper industry.
163
00:06:42,864 --> 00:06:44,563
I didn't know your cousins
were copper miners.
164
00:06:44,665 --> 00:06:46,532
Copper sellers, actually.
165
00:06:46,634 --> 00:06:47,900
You know, when people move,
166
00:06:48,002 --> 00:06:49,802
they leave copper pipes
laying around in their walls,
167
00:06:49,904 --> 00:06:52,171
like they just got money
like that, you know?
168
00:06:52,240 --> 00:06:54,373
Oprah and I would not be
where we are today
169
00:06:54,442 --> 00:06:55,841
- had it not been for black colleges.
- Facts.
170
00:06:55,943 --> 00:06:58,010
And we're all sitting around
the same table
171
00:06:58,112 --> 00:07:00,646
doing the same work
and getting equal pay.
172
00:07:00,715 --> 00:07:02,181
Except you're not exactly
getting equal...
173
00:07:02,283 --> 00:07:03,315
- Uh-uh-uh.
- What?
174
00:07:03,418 --> 00:07:05,217
- Bumpkin, no, no.
- What?
175
00:07:06,220 --> 00:07:07,586
Oh, my God! It's lunchtime.
176
00:07:07,688 --> 00:07:09,355
- What?!
- I just... I...
177
00:07:09,457 --> 00:07:11,924
- Gotta go. Gotta go!
- Sushi truck!
178
00:07:13,461 --> 00:07:15,027
Didn't we just get to work?
179
00:07:15,129 --> 00:07:16,562
Yeah, they doing something to us.
180
00:07:16,664 --> 00:07:18,164
When they all go eat together,
181
00:07:18,266 --> 00:07:20,066
that's when we should get nervous.
182
00:07:21,936 --> 00:07:23,002
Action!
183
00:07:23,104 --> 00:07:24,737
Steppin' into the weekend like...
184
00:07:26,140 --> 00:07:27,306
All right. No, no, no, no, no.
185
00:07:27,408 --> 00:07:28,707
Cut! Cut!
186
00:07:28,810 --> 00:07:32,011
This time, I want you
to really make me believe
187
00:07:32,113 --> 00:07:34,046
that you're goin' into the weekend!
188
00:07:34,148 --> 00:07:35,581
Like you say you are.
189
00:07:35,683 --> 00:07:36,916
Okay.
190
00:07:36,984 --> 00:07:39,852
Steppin' into the weekend like...
191
00:07:39,954 --> 00:07:42,188
Yeah, that's it, baby! Ha-ha!
192
00:07:42,290 --> 00:07:43,422
That's Grandma's baby.
193
00:07:43,524 --> 00:07:45,124
Seriously, guys?
194
00:07:46,327 --> 00:07:49,128
Jack is not funny. Are we still on this?
195
00:07:49,230 --> 00:07:51,330
Well, not only are we still on this,
196
00:07:51,399 --> 00:07:54,333
but Grandma's decided
to come out of retirement
197
00:07:54,435 --> 00:07:56,435
and help manage Jack's career.
198
00:07:56,504 --> 00:07:59,772
You know, I used to work
with Sinbad. Hey!
199
00:07:59,874 --> 00:08:01,073
Actually, Grandma,
200
00:08:01,175 --> 00:08:02,374
I've been thinking about dabbling
201
00:08:02,477 --> 00:08:04,376
in the entertainment industry myself.
202
00:08:04,479 --> 00:08:07,179
Maybe you can take me on
as a client, too, like...
203
00:08:07,281 --> 00:08:10,749
Oh, Diane. Sweetie, I don't think so.
204
00:08:10,852 --> 00:08:14,019
You know, family and show business
205
00:08:14,122 --> 00:08:15,855
- just don't mix.
- Mm.
206
00:08:15,957 --> 00:08:18,457
But you literally just said
you're managing Jack.
207
00:08:18,559 --> 00:08:21,060
Well, yeah, I guess I did say that.
208
00:08:21,162 --> 00:08:22,561
All right, sweetie, fine.
209
00:08:22,663 --> 00:08:25,297
But before we sign any paperwork,
210
00:08:25,399 --> 00:08:28,667
you should know I, uh...
211
00:08:28,769 --> 00:08:30,870
I never worked with Sinbad.
212
00:08:34,408 --> 00:08:36,575
Mm. Pack your bags.
213
00:08:36,677 --> 00:08:38,978
Because we are going to
take a trip to Zamunda
214
00:08:39,080 --> 00:08:41,180
whether your mother likes it or not.
215
00:08:44,619 --> 00:08:46,318
Actually, I think that's a great idea.
216
00:08:47,622 --> 00:08:48,854
Hey, guys.
217
00:08:48,879 --> 00:08:49,932
- Hey.
- Hey, sweetie.
218
00:08:49,957 --> 00:08:51,924
Can you take a look at my luggage
219
00:08:52,026 --> 00:08:54,727
to make sure I packed appropriately?
220
00:08:54,829 --> 00:08:57,696
Considering Howard is so far from home,
221
00:08:57,798 --> 00:08:59,999
with so many unknown variables...
222
00:09:00,101 --> 00:09:02,368
- What the hell is this, huh? AC/DC?
- What?
223
00:09:02,470 --> 00:09:04,270
- It's f...
- Boy, where are your Timbs?
224
00:09:04,372 --> 00:09:07,106
- Sweetie...
- Uh, uh, where's your Pelle Pelle?
225
00:09:07,208 --> 00:09:09,408
Boy, you don't even have
a do-rag in here.
226
00:09:09,510 --> 00:09:12,211
- I...
- They are gonna eat you alive.
227
00:09:12,313 --> 00:09:13,479
You know what?
228
00:09:13,581 --> 00:09:14,680
Dre!
229
00:09:14,782 --> 00:09:16,415
I'm gonna pack for you.
230
00:09:19,453 --> 00:09:22,321
Mom, please get him to drop Howard.
231
00:09:22,423 --> 00:09:24,957
Junior, you know that the more
you fight it,
232
00:09:25,059 --> 00:09:26,091
the harder he's gonna push.
233
00:09:26,194 --> 00:09:27,960
Just get it over with.
234
00:09:28,062 --> 00:09:29,562
Then you can go to Stanford.
235
00:09:29,664 --> 00:09:32,898
Son, you know what?
Your clothes are all wrong.
236
00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:36,935
Here. You can wear
my butterscotch Pelle Pelle.
237
00:09:37,708 --> 00:09:39,701
This is a 9 XL.
238
00:09:39,763 --> 00:09:41,693
That's how we wear it at HU.
239
00:09:42,584 --> 00:09:44,384
You're not ready for this.
240
00:09:44,658 --> 00:09:46,591
I swear I thought I threw that away.
241
00:09:46,685 --> 00:09:48,763
I don't know why he still has that.
242
00:09:53,267 --> 00:09:55,726
Me. Also me.
243
00:09:56,385 --> 00:09:57,517
Mmm.
244
00:09:57,971 --> 00:09:59,638
Jack the Entertainer,
245
00:09:59,740 --> 00:10:01,756
the Original King of Comedy.
246
00:10:01,835 --> 00:10:04,269
It's gonna be a big moneymaker.
247
00:10:04,356 --> 00:10:05,388
Look at this.
248
00:10:05,457 --> 00:10:08,158
You already got 5,000 followers.
249
00:10:08,215 --> 00:10:09,554
Thank you, Grandma.
250
00:10:09,623 --> 00:10:11,523
I couldn't have done it without
you threatening to whup me
251
00:10:11,592 --> 00:10:12,824
when my jokes don't land.
252
00:10:12,926 --> 00:10:16,561
Me and Joe Jackson... we get results.
253
00:10:16,630 --> 00:10:19,097
Go on. Show 'em that
million-dollar smile.
254
00:10:19,199 --> 00:10:20,432
Okay, G...
255
00:10:20,501 --> 00:10:23,368
Um, Diane, can you... can you just move?
256
00:10:23,470 --> 00:10:24,669
Your head is in my light.
257
00:10:24,738 --> 00:10:25,771
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah, your head.
258
00:10:25,873 --> 00:10:26,905
Oh, yeah.
259
00:10:27,007 --> 00:10:28,340
- Oh, okay.
- Okay.
260
00:10:28,442 --> 00:10:31,109
Okay, Google. Take a selfie.
261
00:10:31,178 --> 00:10:34,012
Yeah, put something on it, baby. Yeah.
262
00:10:34,114 --> 00:10:36,381
Well, what about my page?
263
00:10:36,450 --> 00:10:38,850
Well, let me see.
264
00:10:38,919 --> 00:10:42,087
Ooh! Firefighters. Really?
265
00:10:42,156 --> 00:10:43,722
Sure they went into burning buildings,
266
00:10:43,824 --> 00:10:45,657
but where are they after the fire
267
00:10:45,759 --> 00:10:48,160
when people need help putting
their lives back together?
268
00:10:48,262 --> 00:10:50,829
Well, you're already up to...
269
00:10:50,931 --> 00:10:52,597
39 followers.
270
00:10:52,699 --> 00:10:55,033
Oh, that's almost 40.
271
00:10:55,135 --> 00:10:59,938
But I will say, Diane,
your page is decently formatted.
272
00:11:00,040 --> 00:11:01,640
How is my smart comedy
273
00:11:01,742 --> 00:11:03,975
not getting as much traffic as Jack's
274
00:11:04,077 --> 00:11:06,678
flaming dumpster of
social media rip-offs?
275
00:11:06,780 --> 00:11:09,648
Since when do people love
mediocre content?
276
00:11:10,918 --> 00:11:14,386
All right, this is exactly
what I'm talking about.
277
00:11:14,488 --> 00:11:17,589
The cold weather is part of how
all the brothers and sisters
278
00:11:17,691 --> 00:11:21,092
of Zamunda come together
to overcome adversity
279
00:11:21,195 --> 00:11:23,995
and form lifelong bonds
that you can only get
280
00:11:24,097 --> 00:11:26,665
right here at HBCU.
281
00:11:26,767 --> 00:11:29,000
I've never met one person
you went to college with.
282
00:11:29,102 --> 00:11:30,468
Boy, shut up.
283
00:11:30,571 --> 00:11:34,439
Now, brace yourself for black utopia.
284
00:11:40,547 --> 00:11:43,281
Look at 'em! Protesting the man!
285
00:11:46,286 --> 00:11:48,787
Actually, kinda looks
like they're protesting
286
00:11:48,856 --> 00:11:50,722
against each other.
287
00:11:50,824 --> 00:11:52,824
No. No, they...
288
00:11:52,926 --> 00:11:54,793
they just arguing over
who hates the man more.
289
00:11:54,895 --> 00:11:56,962
Step on the other side of this line, homie!
290
00:11:57,064 --> 00:11:58,296
Let's get outta here
before the police come.
291
00:11:58,398 --> 00:11:59,331
Come on.
292
00:12:01,902 --> 00:12:03,501
HU!
293
00:12:04,938 --> 00:12:07,505
Huh, apparently they didn't hear me
294
00:12:07,608 --> 00:12:11,042
because they were supposed
to respond with "You know."
295
00:12:11,111 --> 00:12:13,078
All right, we're gonna try this again.
296
00:12:13,180 --> 00:12:15,780
The acoustics are much better
in this part of the library.
297
00:12:15,883 --> 00:12:17,782
I used to scream in here all the time.
298
00:12:17,851 --> 00:12:19,451
Now, here we go. Watch this.
299
00:12:19,553 --> 00:12:20,919
HU!
300
00:12:20,988 --> 00:12:23,221
Hey, we're studying.
301
00:12:23,323 --> 00:12:24,422
Mm-hmm.
302
00:12:24,491 --> 00:12:27,259
See, that's how black people
tell other black people
303
00:12:27,327 --> 00:12:28,827
that you're bothering 'em.
304
00:12:28,929 --> 00:12:30,662
My bad. Let's roll.
305
00:12:31,465 --> 00:12:33,999
Oh, son, look at campus life!
306
00:12:34,101 --> 00:12:37,402
This is the epicenter of black-tivities.
307
00:12:37,504 --> 00:12:39,371
You know, this is where I learned about
308
00:12:39,473 --> 00:12:40,772
my first slam poetry reading.
309
00:12:40,874 --> 00:12:43,441
I like to call this one
310
00:12:43,543 --> 00:12:46,144
"My High Top Fade."
311
00:12:46,246 --> 00:12:49,581
My high top fade is so sharp,
312
00:12:49,683 --> 00:12:52,584
it will cut you to your heart.
313
00:12:52,686 --> 00:12:55,153
- I'm from Compton...
- Man, you suck!
314
00:12:55,255 --> 00:12:57,122
...but I know Jimmy from Lynwood.
315
00:12:57,224 --> 00:12:59,491
I wonder why I never stuck with that.
316
00:13:00,594 --> 00:13:02,394
Maybe we should see if
there's some slam poetry
317
00:13:02,496 --> 00:13:04,462
- going on tonight.
- There isn't.
318
00:13:04,531 --> 00:13:06,631
Can we just go back to the hotel?
319
00:13:06,733 --> 00:13:08,500
Are you sure?
320
00:13:08,602 --> 00:13:10,769
Sinbad's opening for Coolio
in the library.
321
00:13:13,006 --> 00:13:16,141
Never mind. I-It's a Coolio cover band.
322
00:13:17,477 --> 00:13:20,011
Puppies. For real?
323
00:13:20,113 --> 00:13:21,947
You kidnapped a dog's baby.
324
00:13:22,049 --> 00:13:23,982
Congratulations.
325
00:13:24,084 --> 00:13:26,151
Sweet Black Jesus.
326
00:13:26,253 --> 00:13:29,587
You're like a tiny,
little brown Ann Coulter.
327
00:13:29,690 --> 00:13:33,091
Right? I don't understand
why I can't get a following.
328
00:13:33,193 --> 00:13:34,659
Do you think I'm ahead of my time?
329
00:13:34,761 --> 00:13:37,062
Your time where, baby?
330
00:13:37,164 --> 00:13:38,530
In hell?
331
00:13:38,632 --> 00:13:42,233
You're taking shots
at everything we all love.
332
00:13:42,302 --> 00:13:44,235
But isn't that whole point of comedy?
333
00:13:44,338 --> 00:13:45,570
Okay.
334
00:13:45,672 --> 00:13:47,872
This part of the job's never easy.
335
00:13:49,042 --> 00:13:50,742
Diane...
336
00:13:50,811 --> 00:13:54,980
I am no longer able
to represent you as a client.
337
00:13:55,082 --> 00:13:56,715
Wait, what?
338
00:13:56,817 --> 00:13:58,249
How come?
339
00:13:58,352 --> 00:14:01,252
You don't want to do this. Look at you.
340
00:14:01,355 --> 00:14:04,055
You even came to the meeting
in your pajamas.
341
00:14:04,157 --> 00:14:05,657
But it's almost bedtime.
342
00:14:05,759 --> 00:14:07,792
When Michael Jackson was your age,
343
00:14:07,861 --> 00:14:11,262
he slept in show clothes just in case.
344
00:14:11,365 --> 00:14:13,498
You know who wore pajamas?
345
00:14:13,600 --> 00:14:15,000
LaToya.
346
00:14:16,069 --> 00:14:16,968
Who's LaToya?
347
00:14:17,070 --> 00:14:18,169
Uh-huh.
348
00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:22,507
Hey. Hey.
349
00:14:22,609 --> 00:14:24,009
Hey, guys.
350
00:14:24,111 --> 00:14:25,877
How'd it go?
351
00:14:25,979 --> 00:14:27,779
Fine.
352
00:14:27,881 --> 00:14:29,247
I'm pretty tired, though.
353
00:14:29,349 --> 00:14:30,782
So I think I'm gonna call it a night.
354
00:14:30,851 --> 00:14:33,084
Okay, good night.
355
00:14:33,186 --> 00:14:35,253
Well...
356
00:14:35,355 --> 00:14:36,821
did you have fun?
357
00:14:36,923 --> 00:14:38,623
- Of course not.
- Oh, really?
358
00:14:38,746 --> 00:14:39,893
I tried to show him everything
359
00:14:39,918 --> 00:14:41,326
- I loved about Howard.
- Mm.
360
00:14:41,428 --> 00:14:44,262
And between the black-on-black protest
361
00:14:44,364 --> 00:14:46,664
and the weirdo nerd culture...
362
00:14:46,767 --> 00:14:49,634
...the entire thing ended up
being an absolute disaster.
363
00:14:49,736 --> 00:14:52,203
I'm sorry it didn't go as planned.
364
00:14:52,272 --> 00:14:54,005
But for what it's worth, Dre,
365
00:14:54,107 --> 00:14:57,342
you do keep remembering all
the good stuff about Howard
366
00:14:57,444 --> 00:15:00,678
and conveniently forgetting
all the challenges.
367
00:15:01,681 --> 00:15:02,714
What challenges?
368
00:15:02,816 --> 00:15:04,682
Like how tough it was for you
369
00:15:04,785 --> 00:15:06,818
to reintegrate back into society.
370
00:15:06,920 --> 00:15:08,620
Howard University, huh?
371
00:15:09,689 --> 00:15:11,589
What do they teach there, black math?
372
00:15:16,196 --> 00:15:18,897
I guess there was one or two white men
373
00:15:18,999 --> 00:15:21,866
who made some ridiculous
assumptions about Howard.
374
00:15:21,935 --> 00:15:24,102
Do you remember all of the catching up
375
00:15:24,204 --> 00:15:26,237
on white culture that you had to do?
376
00:15:26,306 --> 00:15:31,609
What?! Hey, can you believe Dre
doesn't know Elvis Costello?
377
00:15:31,711 --> 00:15:34,345
Of course he knows Elvis Costello!
378
00:15:34,448 --> 00:15:35,914
Everyone knows Elvis Costello.
379
00:15:36,016 --> 00:15:38,016
Play "Alison." Dre, you'll know this.
380
00:15:38,118 --> 00:15:39,851
- Listen. Wait a minute. Listen for it.
- Come on.
381
00:15:39,953 --> 00:15:41,853
You know this, right?
382
00:15:41,955 --> 00:15:43,421
No, I-I don't think so.
383
00:15:43,523 --> 00:15:45,223
Okay, go to the chorus.
Everyone knows the chorus.
384
00:15:45,325 --> 00:15:48,393
- ♪ Alison ♪
- Just listen. Ready?
385
00:15:48,495 --> 00:15:50,428
- ♪ I know this world is killing you ♪
- No, I don't know the chorus, either.
386
00:15:50,530 --> 00:15:52,527
That's because you keep talking. Shh.
387
00:15:52,598 --> 00:15:54,999
Look, guys, I've never heard
this song before in my life.
388
00:15:55,102 --> 00:15:56,801
- ♪ Alison ♪
- Yes, you have.
389
00:15:56,903 --> 00:15:58,103
Come here. Come here.
390
00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:02,607
Oh, yeah!
391
00:16:02,709 --> 00:16:05,276
- I love this song!
- I knew it.
392
00:16:05,378 --> 00:16:07,345
I can't believe they made me
feel some type of way
393
00:16:07,447 --> 00:16:09,647
about not knowing
some white mediocre artist
394
00:16:09,749 --> 00:16:12,484
when they don't know any of our
black mediocre artists.
395
00:16:12,586 --> 00:16:15,887
Dre, it wasn't just the music
that made you feel out of place.
396
00:16:15,989 --> 00:16:17,789
- Not knowing their movies...
- Mm-hmm.
397
00:16:17,891 --> 00:16:19,224
...books, TV shows.
398
00:16:19,326 --> 00:16:22,260
I-I can never get back all those hours
399
00:16:22,362 --> 00:16:24,696
I spent watching
"Everybody Loves Raymond."
400
00:16:24,798 --> 00:16:25,897
Mm-hmm.
401
00:16:25,999 --> 00:16:27,799
You loved "Everybody Loves Raymond."
402
00:16:27,901 --> 00:16:30,335
Hey, hey. This is not about me.
403
00:16:30,437 --> 00:16:33,104
We are talking about
how unhappy it made you
404
00:16:33,206 --> 00:16:34,806
that you couldn't relate
to any of your co-workers.
405
00:16:34,908 --> 00:16:36,975
Is that really what you want for Junior?
406
00:16:37,077 --> 00:16:38,710
Kinda.
407
00:16:40,180 --> 00:16:41,412
Damn it!
408
00:16:43,483 --> 00:16:46,050
I think the boy's gonna
have to go to Stanford.
409
00:16:46,153 --> 00:16:47,685
Yesss!
410
00:16:49,289 --> 00:16:50,755
Mm!
411
00:16:53,748 --> 00:16:56,302
Look at you, baby. I'm so proud of you.
412
00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:57,696
Oh, these shoulders!
413
00:16:57,750 --> 00:16:59,316
Um, w-what's so funny?
414
00:17:00,586 --> 00:17:02,786
- Oh, my God.
- What is this?
415
00:17:02,889 --> 00:17:06,170
What? I'm just sayin'.
416
00:17:06,459 --> 00:17:08,159
Uh, what's that?
417
00:17:08,261 --> 00:17:09,627
I-I don't get it.
418
00:17:09,729 --> 00:17:10,928
Well, what's not to get?
419
00:17:10,997 --> 00:17:13,864
Diane found her catchphrase.
420
00:17:13,966 --> 00:17:16,467
It's a gold mine, boy.
Don't be petty about it.
421
00:17:16,569 --> 00:17:17,601
Let's be honest, Jack.
422
00:17:17,670 --> 00:17:19,770
It's not the first time
you don't get something.
423
00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:22,973
What? I'm just sayin'!
424
00:17:24,143 --> 00:17:25,676
Oh, you're such a hypocrite.
425
00:17:25,745 --> 00:17:28,312
We're gonna sell so many t-shirts!
426
00:17:28,414 --> 00:17:30,748
You hear that?
We're gonna be selling t-shirts
427
00:17:30,850 --> 00:17:33,417
'cause I'm the funny one.
428
00:17:33,519 --> 00:17:35,352
And mugs, too!
429
00:17:35,454 --> 00:17:38,289
- And mugs.
- Come on, baby!
430
00:17:40,601 --> 00:17:43,903
Son. Uh...
431
00:17:44,096 --> 00:17:45,663
I've been thinking.
432
00:17:45,731 --> 00:17:49,500
And your mother and I think
you should go to Stanford.
433
00:17:50,636 --> 00:17:52,403
Actually, Dad,
434
00:17:52,471 --> 00:17:54,371
I don't wanna go to Stanford anymore.
435
00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:55,573
- You don't?
- You don't?
436
00:17:55,675 --> 00:17:57,041
It's a great school,
437
00:17:57,109 --> 00:18:00,211
- and I'm really happy I was accepted...
- Mm-hmm.
438
00:18:00,279 --> 00:18:04,915
...but when we went to Howard,
I felt something... special.
439
00:18:05,017 --> 00:18:07,318
From the moment we got there,
440
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:11,922
everything about it made me feel
proud and excited to be black.
441
00:18:12,024 --> 00:18:14,091
Again, except Dad.
442
00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:16,894
Of course I've seen black kids
protest before,
443
00:18:16,996 --> 00:18:20,164
but Howard is the only place
I've ever seen black kids
444
00:18:20,266 --> 00:18:23,434
on opposite sides of the same protest.
445
00:18:23,536 --> 00:18:25,736
I-I've never seen so many
446
00:18:25,838 --> 00:18:28,639
different kinds of black people
in one place...
447
00:18:28,708 --> 00:18:31,375
rich kids, poor kids, middle class,
448
00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:33,777
Southern, Republican, Democrat.
449
00:18:33,846 --> 00:18:37,281
It was like the only thing that
defined being black at Howard
450
00:18:37,383 --> 00:18:39,950
was being proud that you are.
451
00:18:40,052 --> 00:18:42,620
And remember that one girl
in the down bomber jacket
452
00:18:42,722 --> 00:18:44,221
who said I needed to stop staring at her
453
00:18:44,323 --> 00:18:46,290
or she'd punch me in the face?
454
00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:48,552
I think she might be my future wife.
455
00:18:48,928 --> 00:18:51,895
I'm sorry I was so close-minded.
456
00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:54,765
But I'm really happy
that you took me to Howard.
457
00:18:54,834 --> 00:18:58,269
Son, I'm... really proud of you
458
00:18:58,371 --> 00:19:00,604
for making this decision and...
459
00:19:00,706 --> 00:19:03,540
and for also having the blind courage
460
00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:05,175
to think that you could
get with that girl
461
00:19:05,278 --> 00:19:07,211
who wanted to punch you in the face.
462
00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:09,280
That's how I knew she was the one.
463
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:13,751
I had a really hard time
464
00:19:13,853 --> 00:19:16,887
returning to the white world
after school.
465
00:19:18,291 --> 00:19:21,725
And I'm worried that you
won't hear "Alison" at Howard
466
00:19:21,827 --> 00:19:24,499
and people are gonna give you
a hard time for that.
467
00:19:24,515 --> 00:19:26,257
The Elvis Costello song?
468
00:19:26,296 --> 00:19:28,096
- You know that?
- Of course.
469
00:19:28,198 --> 00:19:30,298
It's a beautiful song, actually.
470
00:19:30,367 --> 00:19:32,233
Maybe I could be the black kid
471
00:19:32,335 --> 00:19:36,604
who introduces other black kids
at Howard to Elvis Costello.
472
00:19:36,706 --> 00:19:39,874
That way, they don't have to go
through what you went through, Dad.
473
00:19:39,976 --> 00:19:42,477
But... I bet you
474
00:19:42,579 --> 00:19:47,248
that there are plenty
of girls at Stanford
475
00:19:47,350 --> 00:19:50,518
who would happily punch you in the face.
476
00:19:50,620 --> 00:19:51,920
They would love to do that.
477
00:19:52,022 --> 00:19:53,288
- You sound desperate.
- That's... N...
478
00:19:53,390 --> 00:19:54,756
You know what, son?
479
00:19:54,858 --> 00:19:57,025
The next time we fly to Howard,
480
00:19:57,127 --> 00:19:59,060
I'll make sure we have two seats
481
00:19:59,162 --> 00:20:00,762
next to each other on the plane.
482
00:20:03,166 --> 00:20:04,632
HU!
483
00:20:04,734 --> 00:20:06,234
You know!
484
00:20:06,336 --> 00:20:09,437
You are a legacy kid, son!
485
00:20:09,539 --> 00:20:11,696
Bow! He's a legacy kid.
486
00:20:11,774 --> 00:20:13,375
- Yep.
- Mm-hmm.
487
00:20:14,118 --> 00:20:15,050
You know what I hate?
488
00:20:15,152 --> 00:20:17,586
When you're finally early to class
489
00:20:17,626 --> 00:20:19,759
but that's the one day
your teacher's running late.
490
00:20:19,861 --> 00:20:22,228
Chomp-chomp-chicken!
491
00:20:22,330 --> 00:20:24,731
The other day, I sat down
and watched the game,
492
00:20:24,833 --> 00:20:29,174
but I realized I recorded
the Spanish version.
493
00:20:29,237 --> 00:20:31,303
Chomp-chomp-chicken!
494
00:20:31,406 --> 00:20:34,340
Oh, God, I hate myself.
495
00:20:34,442 --> 00:20:36,375
Eh. You get used to it.
496
00:20:37,478 --> 00:20:41,288
What? She's just sayin'. Hey!
497
00:20:41,366 --> 00:20:43,569
Just sayin'.
498
00:20:43,593 --> 00:20:48,593
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
36485
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