All language subtitles for Tales.Of.The.Unexpected.S05E17.Whos.Got.The.Lady.720p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-HypStu_track3_[eng]

Now what do you think?

Very impressive.

We've entirely redecorated, as you can see.

I'd expect it, no doubt.

The publicity is going rather well.

Nice piece of art you have.

You don't think the admission charges are too

high, do you?

Oh, I'm sure you know what's adequate.

Let me introduce you to Chief Inspector Nelson,

in charge of security.

Monsieur Arnault from Paris.

Monsieur.

Monsieur.

Yes, good.

And of course, sir, we have our own

security arriving tomorrow with the painting.

I'm sure you'll get along perfectly, sir, won't

you?

Now, the painting will hang here, and the

Chief Inspector will explain the security precautions that

we take.

Well, we've tried to keep it as simple

and unobtrusive as possible, monsieur.

After all, it is a painting and not

the Crown Jewels.

It is after, monsieur.

And to a Frenchman, it is worth more

than the Crown Jewels.

Yes, to a Frenchman, it would be, yes.

Yes, well, carry on, Chief Inspector.

From tomorrow, two of my plainclothes officers will

be on permanent guard either side here during

exhibition hours.

Armed?

Of course.

And in addition to the private security guards,

I shall have two other officers niggling my

crowd, keeping eyes open for anything that might

be suspicious.

And during all times that the exhibition is

closed to the public, this gate will drop

down from the ceiling like this.

It will lock into the floor, thereby securely

shutting the painting off from the rest of

the room.

What's all the fuss about?

Do you know, dear?

Do you know?

It's the patrician lady, madame.

The patrician lady?

Come here.

Did you hear that?

Remontez-moi ça, s'il vous plaît.

Well, what's behind there?

Well, behind there, it's a storeroom full of

inferior paintings.

It is locked.

Oh, of course.

Now, I shall make a check last thing

tonight, and then from tomorrow, the inspector and

his team will be in charge of all

aspects of security.

Humming Now, if you'll excuse me, André.

I have an appointment at half-past three.

What's been taking you so long?

Well, David, you know I must check everything

for myself.

Call it my little weakness, if you wish.

On the contrary, it's your strength.

I'll just have a last look round.

And a bottle of white spirit and a

palette knife, please.

There you are.

People usually spend ages choosing a palette knife.

They can always tell at a glance.

How much does all that come to?

Forty-nine pounds, sixty-two, please.

Check, okay?

Yes, fine.

Two Zarchetti's art supplies.

Limited.

Limited.

Thank you.

Thank you.

There you are.

You look as if you mean business.

I'm going to paint a masterpiece.

Well, good luck.

Well, gentlemen, you've each said it to study

for five days.

Now I want your verdict.

Well, naturally, for the first opinion, I defer

to the established Corio authority, Mr. Jameson.

You mean what he says would influence you?

That's not what I'm paying you for, Kendall.

Not at all.

My mind is utterly made up, utterly.

Then let's hear it.

Yes, do let's.

What does Mr. Parnell think?

He'll get his turn.

Very well.

I regret to have to say this, Mr.

Palfur, but there's absolutely no doubt in my

mind that you've been sold a pup.

A what?

Your Coro is a forgery.

Well, if it happens, it's obvious.

Come on, Jameson.

May I ask, without prejudice, where you purchased

this painting?

At the Collingwood auction.

What's that got to do with it?

Well, I didn't know that.

You didn't tell me.

So now I can tell you that in

25 years of the Collingwood annual auctions, there's

never once been a question mark raised against

one of his sales.

Collingwood's a man of the utmost integrity.

That's my first point.

My second, speaking as my friend here so

kindly put it, as the foremost expert on

Coro in this country, is that we are

in the presence of an original Coro.

Rubbish.

Any halfwit can see that that canvas is

a pathetic attempt to imitate the Coro's style.

What do you know about Coro's style, Kendall?

I've written a book about it.

The hell with the style!

Is it authentic, Parnell?

Well, I can't claim the impressive credentials of

my two colleagues, but I know that I

like what I see.

That's an authentic Coro, and I congratulate you

on your good luck.

Luck?

That cost me 30,000 pounds.

And good judgement.

Well, gentlemen, I asked for your vote.

I could only wish it had been unanimous.

Thank you for your valuable time.

I hope you found it was worth it.

Creeps.

Don't try and tell me that that guy

Jamison isn't on Collingwood's payroll.

As for that crazy Clark Kendall, he couldn't

tell a can of lettuce from a can

of beans.

Then why did you call us in, Mr.

Parnell?

I'll tell you what.

I'm sitting in my dentist's, aren't I?

I pick up a magazine, and there's this

article about art forgeries.

How smart they're getting at ageing canvases and

paints, so I get jumpy.

Now, that...

that means a lot to me.

It means a lot more than most people

do.

But it's got to be the real McCoy.

Can you understand what I mean?

Tell me honestly, Parnell.

Do you experts really know what you're doing

when you look over a painting?

Oh, yes.

Sure?

Gotcha.

Okay.

Okay.

I, uh...

I read the patrician lady's being brought over

for exhibition at your gallery.

That's quite a coup.

And quite a responsibility.

Does it make you nervous?

Well, I have experts who look after the

security side of things.

Why should I be nervous?

Impossible to steal, huh?

Let's say it would take an exceptionally clever

thief.

What wouldn't I give for just 24 hours

alone with that lady?

Yes.

Well, I can offer you an invitation to

our opening tomorrow night, if that's any consolation.

Yes.

Just stay right where you are, Mr Parnell.

What the hell are you doing here?

Your night porter was fast asleep.

I just walked right in.

Silly old man.

I'll fire him.

Just as well with the noise you were

making.

How's it going?

Yeah, the last one's in place.

Did you get the stamp?

Yeah.

Ah, good girl.

Yeah.

Hold this for me, will you?

What happened to our lunch date?

Oh, Arnold turned up a day early.

I had to introduce him to the policeman.

Sorry about that.

Oh, I saw you, actually, when the policeman

was trying out the gate.

I also had a peek into the store

room.

Are you sure this is going to work

out all right?

Yes, quite sure.

I'm nervous.

It all seems much too simple.

Or too risky, and I'm not sure which.

That's the fun of it.

Three little buttons and eight big bangs, and

it's all over.

But why at the opening with so many

people here?

Because we want as much publicity as we

can get, can't you understand?

Do your homework, and I'll see you in

an hour.

All right.

It's good.

It's good.

Oh, it was nothing, really.

I found another customer today.

Amos Pulver.

Yes, rich, worthless, and lonely.

Needs a lady to share his life with.

What did you decide about his coro?

His coro?

It's genuine.

Toss a coin, did you?

Oh, I can't do any more tonight.

I've been living with her for weeks, and

she's getting to be a bore.

A bore?

The eternal, mysterious woman with the enigmatic smile.

Enigmatic my foot.

She had bad teeth.

They all did in those days.

Unlike your modern beauties.

Ah, you're a genius.

And a delight.

And you make me very contented.

Geniuses don't go for contentment.

They go for...

Well, that too.

Just think, if I'd have painted that in

those days and been a man, I'd be

immortal.

Well, I prefer you mortal.

And it was for...

Ah, yes.

Is it...

Is it me, Andre, or...

Or is it just a tiny bit crooked?

Yes, yes, I think perhaps you're right, yes.

Would you mind if I...

No, no, please, go ahead.

Good idea, yes.

Thank you.

I think just a tiny bit on the

corner here might...

There.

All right.

Yes?

Very good.

Ladies and gentlemen, the exhibition opens officially tomorrow

morning, so if you'll be kind enough to

leave the gallery now.

Thank you.

Andre, would you care for a spot of

lunch?

What did you have in mind?

Oh, I thought schlangen's, just round the corner

of Stratton Street.

You were absolutely right.

I was much too hasty.

Can we try again?

Oh, heavens yes, of course, no problem.

Excuse me.

Ah.

Ah, Parnell.

You know Mr Collingwood, don't you?

I'm delightful to see you.

Glad you could come.

Oh, I wouldn't have missed this for the

world, Mr Parnell.

I say, must we have that sheet of

brass over here?

It'll pick up reflexions.

I can't see it.

It's the French security, I'm afraid.

There's nothing I can do about it.

I find customers rarely complain in the presence

of great works, so long as they believe

that they are getting their money's worth.

It's a matter of the Emperor's clothes.

What?

Oh, by the way, thank you for that

little service you did me the other day.

I would have hated to have been forced

to return all this money.

Yes, well, it was a close-run thing,

I'm afraid.

Two against one.

Fortunately, my vote carried the day.

What?

Waiter.

What was your actual opinion?

Oddly enough, the one I gave.

Oh, good.

I thought so, too.

I would have staked my reputation on it.

How fortunate that you didn't have to take

that risk.

Excuse me, won't you?

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Excuse me.

Thank you.

Andre.

Andre.

Minister, would you step this way, please?

Thank you so much.

That's right.

Minister, if you'd stand there.

That's good.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Minister.

It is with a considerable sense of humility

that I stand before you today in the

presence of this great lady who has honoured

my gallery with her first appearance on these

shows.

I'm sure you all want to step a

little closer and gaze at her unchallenged beauty.

But before you do, I should like to

introduce my friend and colleague from Paris, Monsieur

Andre Arnault, the curator of Mr Rosenberg's wonderful

collection, but for whose triumph in persuading the

owner to share his greatest treasure with other

nations, we should not be gathered here tonight.

Monsieur Andre Arnault.

Thank you.

Mesdames et messieurs, I mean, ladies and gentlemen,

I shall speak briefly before handing you over

to the Minister for the Arts to open

this exhibition.

Please excuse my bad English.

It is a great honour for me to

be here tonight.

My country, as you know, has many, many

art treasures, perhaps the finest in the world.

This point might be disputed, but I think

no one tonight will dispute that behind my

back now hangs one of the true wonders

of the world.

I refer, of course, to la patricienne, the

patrician lady.

The eternal mysterious female with the enigmatic smile.

It is with great pride that I share

her with the British public.

And as I am sure you are very

impatient to make your acquaintance, I now invite

the Minister for the Arts to declare this

exhibition open.

Minister.

Oh, my God!

What's happened?

What's happened?

Oh, my God!

La patricienne!

Je ne vois pas.

Je ne vois rien.

It's still there, thank God.

Unharmed, I think, too.

Let me see.

Let me see.

Quick.

I think I've worked it out, Mr Parnell.

Yeah, the thief somehow got into that storeroom

and he planned to slip through this hole.

And then, in the confusion, take the painting

and make his getaway through this window, which,

as you can see, is still wide open.

And what do you suppose went wrong?

Well, it's obvious he either lost his nerve

or he was driven back by this smoke,

which he hadn't expected to be so powerful,

and went off down the alley, luckily for

us.

Your security men must have been asleep on

the job.

She is intact.

I think she is intact.

Yes.

Yes.

Thank God.

What?

What have you seen?

What's that?

Tournez, tournez le tableau.

There.

Zarchetti's art supply is limited.

I don't understand.

Are you sure you shipped the original to

this country, monsieur?

Of course we did, you fool!

Just a minute.

Suppose they switched the painting?

Switched?

In the confusion.

I've heard these art forgers are real masters

nowadays.

Even art experts can't tell the difference.

Yes.

Suppose they made the switch, but like all

crooks, they slipped up on one detail.

They missed seeing Zarchetti's stamp when they put

that together.

They bought the canvas at Zarchetti's, and they

painted that on it.

Ridiculous!

This is the original!

I'd stake my reputation on it.

So André, he's been living with the picture

for years.

He'd tell if it was a fake, wouldn't

you, André?

I don't remember this dent on the frame.

Hmm.

Well, uh...

Ah, that could have been the explosion, couldn't

it?

Lead me to a telephone, David.

Yes, sir.

In my office.

The x-rays.

My assistant is looking for them, and he

will send them directly to London.

Good.

A clever forger may possibly nowadays delude us,

but he cannot fool the x-rays.

He cannot duplicate every nuance of paint, its

thickness and thinness and strategic spots.

And he cannot possibly duplicate the microscopic individuality

of every thread of the original canvas.

Ah.

You mean we'll x-ray the canvas we

got here and compare the results with those

in your files?

That's right, sir.

No problem.

My assistant has misled the x-rays.

But have no fear.

I have given orders.

They will be found.

When did you steal the x-rays?

A couple of months ago, when I was

in Paris negotiating the deal.

I saw them in a draw in Arnaud's

office.

Actually, that's what gave me the idea.

Oh, bother!

Am I in trouble?

It's indelible.

I'll soon come off with a dollop of

sunshine.

When are we leaving?

Not for a few weeks yet.

Time for the experts to pass judgement on

the lady and for our man to go

into action.

So it really was stolen.

I know nothing about the theft, monsieur.

The painting merely fell into my hands.

Just think, millions will file past the copy

and all the time Amos P.

Pulver has the original.

You realise, of course, monsieur, that you can

never show the painting to anyone.

If the authorities ever discover that you have

the original, they would surely take it away

from you.

They might even put you in prison.

You must insist that you bought it as

a copy.

And I shall deny ever having met you.

Don't worry, nobody will ever see it except

me.

Not even your wife, monsieur?

Not even your wives, monsieur?

Quarantine.

I, Helmut Schneemacher, have the original.

Oh, I'm indeed fortunate!

Indeed, monsieur.

Indeed you are.

That's it!

No more!

I'm finished!

I'm all painted out!

I know, it's been terrible.

I'm sorry, but it's over now.

Finished, finished, it's finished.

Wouldn't it have been simpler to steal it?

And have the police of five people on

all continents looking for us?

No, no.

It's much safer this way.

To create the illusion of theft and cash

in on the cupidity of unscrupulous men.

And your very considerable talents.

Bernice, how

do you feel about Gover?

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