All language subtitles for Tales.Of.The.Unexpected.S04E13.Theres.One.Born.Every.Minute.720p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-HypStu_track3_[eng]

Bask in the sun, surf in the Pacific

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folk dances of Bali.

50,000 pounds is neither here nor there,

is it?

Don't you think so?

Think what?

What's the point in my talking to you

if you never listen to anything I say?

I'm sorry I was just dropping off.

Well you'll catch fire if you drop off

like that.

Might not be a bad thing if you

did.

What were you trying to tell me?

I was trying to tell you this Oh

forget it, it can wait till the morning.

I'm tired of the whole thing.

What whole thing?

This property deal.

Oh.

We haven't stopped quarrelling since you brought it

up.

In fact we haven't stopped quarrelling since my

aunt left us the money.

I'm beginning to be sorry I ever set

eyes on our friend Mr Cox.

What he said made sense.

Oh it made sense all right but I

still think we ought to leave that money

in the bank on deposit.

It's safe.

It's losing value.

So what do you want us to do

with it?

Throw it away?

Have you worked out what he's asking for?

Every penny we got that's what he's asking

for.

It's not as though he's trying to sell

us something in the Bahamas.

It's hardly two hours drive.

We could see for ourselves.

So who's got the time to see it

especially this time of the year?

Actually you get a better idea of the

whole property from this aerial photograph.

It's a bird's-eye view.

It's an attractive bit of countryside.

A bit in the wilds but very attractive.

Why is he selling so cheaply?

Because it's not going to be in the

wilds for very much longer.

If they build the airport, which everyone's pretty

sure they will, all this will be built

up.

There's planning permission for the buildings.

No no my dear don't go putting words

into my mouth.

I haven't got planning permission yet and if

they do all this will be worth ten

times as much but everyone's pretty sure they

will.

That's why it's a good buy.

And if they don't?

You've got to be true.

Well as your husband must have told you,

four investors have already put up sixty thousand

each.

We're just waiting for a fifth to close

the deal.

Oh I did say fifty.

But it would have to be cash.

Cash?

Used banknotes.

If you paid by check it would have

to go through his account.

He'd have to pay a fortune in capital

gains tax whereas this way he can make

it seem as if he's selling for much

less.

Sounds like a swindle.

It is a swindle.

It's the tax authorities who are being swindled.

So I shouldn't lose too much sleep over

there.

Or think of the millions they waste.

What's ten thousand to them?

I've never done anything like this before.

Well my dear there's always a first time.

Now shall we take a look at the

forest?

The timber is an important part of the

deal.

Shall we walk across the field?

Won't I get stuck in the mud?

I'll carry you if you do.

You shouldn't have come here.

It's the chance of a lifetime.

We put that money by for our old

age.

Yes I know but by the time we're

ready to use it it won't be worth

anything and I want to see something for

my money right now.

What would have happened if Aunt Ida hadn't

left us the money in the first place?

It'd be broke which is what we'll be

now if we're going for this harebrained scheme.

She was my aunt you know.

What's that got to do with it?

That doesn't give you the right to use

the money as you want it.

That's what you mean.

That money was left to us jointly.

You can't draw a penny without my signature.

Not a penny.

I don't know how your mind works.

It was you who brought up the idea

in the first place.

You who talked me into it.

Although I wasn't all that keen at first.

Now that I'm all for it you're all

against it.

What made you change your mind?

He did.

Edward?

On first name terms already doesn't lose time

does he?

What do you mean by that?

Shh.

What are you so nervous of?

I'm not nervous Margaret but these do happen

to be my working hours and unlike some

firms I could mention well I sometimes work

in working hours.

Well you'd think they'd pay you for it

at least Arthur.

Why don't you ask for a raise or

else?

Or else what?

Else you walk out.

Walk out of the office?

Jobs are not all that easy to come

by these days you know.

No that's true.

I suppose it just might be a marvellous

investment.

I never have to work again.

Mr. Pearson may I have you for a

minute?

What's a minute in 32 years you doddering

old sod.

But not for much longer I can tell

you.

Not if this thing came off.

I can just see his face when I

tell him.

Leaving Grimshaw and over Mr. Pearson?

You can't be serious.

Think of your long contributory pension.

You know what you can do with your

non-contributory pension Mr. Grimshaw?

Stick it right up your pending file.

We realised our fifty thousand pounds could be

worth seven hundred and fifty seven thousand three

hundred and nine pounds and 36p in three

years time.

You just said you wanted to drop it.

I do.

Right.

But in some ways I don't.

You know we are going round and round

in circles.

And if this goes on much longer I'll

be going round the bend.

And now that I'm having second thoughts you're

all for it again.

Oh I'm all for it again but.

What?

Well can't we just sleep on it?

No I've had sleepless nights sleeping on it.

I want to get this matter settled once

and for all.

But he wants cash.

He can get cash.

All right we'll go to the bank tomorrow

lunchtime and we'll draw the money out.

And no going back?

No going back.

Now I'm getting cold feet.

I've never seen so much money in all

my life not in one go.

It feels as if we've robbed the bank.

God bless you Aunt Ida.

I was always rather fond of the old

bird.

Not when she was staying with us you

weren't.

What would you expect?

She brought her cats with her.

All eleven of them.

You couldn't move without the standing on some

vicious tom.

As it was she left more to her

cats than she did to us a silly

old cow.

She might have left it all to the

cats if I hadn't nursed her during the

last illness.

And if I hadn't fed the cats.

Congratulations you've just become landowners.

I feel as if we've just become bankrupt.

That I can guarantee you won't be.

In fact if you use your gains wisely

there's no reason why you shouldn't become millionaires.

Actually there's still one small detail to be

settled.

Oh I almost forgot.

Well that seems to be about that.

Well aren't you going to count it?

No I've been in this business long enough

to know my clients.

I hope we're doing the right thing.

Doing?

Done.

It's all sealed and settled and I think

it calls for a celebration.

Come on.

Don't you have to be back?

Back where?

The office.

Oh I can be late for once.

What about your sandwiches?

I'm gonna feed them to the pigeons.

I don't think pigeons eat here.

Why not?

Do you think they're Jewish?

Oh there you are.

You want to see me Mr. Clemson?

I did.

I suppose you know where reorganising the office.

Come over here.

Now to my mind the best place to

start...

Something that matters.

Have you been drinking?

Yes yes I have as a matter of

fact.

That's not like you.

I was saying to Mr. Hibbert only the

other day there's one thing you can say

about Pearson I said.

He doesn't drink.

You'll never find him spending hours over lunch.

Well I I just happen to take my

wife out to lunch that's all.

Just like that?

With wine?

Oh yes.

That must have put you back a bit.

Almost what I earn in a week.

As much as that?

As little as that.

Do you know what I take home after

you've taken off a little bit for this

and a little bit for that?

Taxes Pearson.

Everybody pays taxes.

We pay the going wage and a little

more.

Not to mention the Christmas bonus and the

non-contributory pension.

I don't have to tell you Arthur.

Do you mind if I call you Arthur?

Well you've been calling me Pearson for as

long as I can remember.

I think you better stay with Pearson.

Are you all right?

Oh I've never felt better.

I am a plain man.

Very plain.

And I like others to speak their mind

but that is no call for rudeness.

I am your employer.

Cut!

You'll still be the office boy of your

father Anton the bloody firm.

32 years I've been in this boring job.

32 years.

Counting knickers, stacking pants, separating the Y fronts

from the X fronts, freezing in summer, roasting

in winter with rarely a word of thank

you and hardly ever even a raise not

in real money.

Well you can keep your frilly knickers and

your woolly vests and your naughty nighties and

your pantyhose and you can hang yourself in

them.

Am I to understand you're not happy here

Mr Pearson?

I should never have joined Grimshaw's in the

first place.

I was doing all right in the army.

I know that I was only a last

corporal but I could have been a sergeant.

No I tell you I feel a new

man already.

I don't know if I didn't prefer the

old one.

You see my good point is people.

People.

People.

I've always been good at working with people

but I've never had the chance to show

it not since I left the army.

You laughing?

I'm not laughing.

Oh well you just wait till the new

Arthur gets going.

You're all beamed for a big surprise.

Let's drink to him.

Oh listen I want to see those papers.

What did I do with them?

Don't worry.

I put them in my bag.

Hello.

What's the matter?

I can't find the gold pen Aunt Ida

left me.

Well you had it in Cox's office.

You signed the papers with him.

Well you'd think his secretary'd be back by

now.

You can't imagine the limited secretary's state these

days.

It's after four.

He must be having a long lunch.

Looks like it.

May I help you?

Oh yes we're looking for Mr Cox.

Mr Cox?

Oh I don't think he'll be back.

He only rented the office for a month

you know and even then he's hardly been

here.

I don't think I've seen him more than

three or four times in the few weeks

he's been here.

Do you know him well?

Why do you ask?

Well I was just thinking and I thought

well no it can't be.

Couldn't be what?

Well I was visiting my sister in Bury

St Edmunds last year.

She doesn't get out much now you know.

As a matter of fact she doesn't get

out at all poor thing.

Arthritis you see.

But she's very keen on the theatre my

sister you know.

Or at least she was then.

And so am I.

Did you know when I was a much

younger man I had ambitions of treading the

boards myself.

You were telling us about Mr Cox.

What's that?

You were telling us about Mr Cox.

Ah yes well now I wouldn't swear to

it.

Not on the Bible.

I'm a Methodist you see.

Strange enough my sister isn't.

She's a Presbyterian.

But what about Cox?

Oh I've no idea what he is.

But when I was at the theatre I

saw your Mr Cox playing uh oh uh

what do you call it now uh well

one of the smaller parts in Lady Windermere's

Fan.

What?

Oh yes I mean if it wasn't him

he was the exact double.

Same face, same build, same walk, same way

he holds his head.

But he wasn't called Cox then.

Of that I'm certain.

You mean he's an actor?

Oh you saw him also didn't you?

No I didn't see him.

I'm asking of he was an actor.

Well he was then and if he wasn't

he's the exact double of the chap who

was.

I'm not surprised he was an actor.

All common are actors and very good ones

at that.

There's no such firm as Cox and Havering.

We've checked on that and there's no property

company of the name you mentioned.

But he showed it to me.

I've been there.

I've looked around the whole estate.

Could have shown you around High Park.

Wouldn't mean he's got any title to it.

We've got the title deeds.

Worthless.

So you mean all our money's gone?

Every penny.

If you'd have signed a check there would

still have been time to stop it.

Didn't you smell a rat when he asked

for cash?

Well I did.

We both did.

Then why'd you go through with it?

Well because he said it will be cheaper

if we paid cash.

You seem so convincing.

Common always are.

Give me a description of the man.

He was about six foot.

He couldn't have been six foot and of

medium height.

He was about my height.

Oh he was nearly a head taller.

I would say he was a good six

foot with piercing blue eyes.

Piercing blue eyes they look washed out to

me.

You sure you're talking about the same man?

Look Liggs you let him better let me

do this.

Look he was about my height beginning to

go a bit thin on top.

You say the commissioner here identified him as

a well-known actor?

I don't know how well known he was

but the commissioner thought he'd seen him on

the stage.

Well there's not much to go on is

it?

I mean even if we should find the

man there's no certainty we find the money.

Fifty thousand pounds up that spout!

It's too boring every minute.

Who brought up the idea in the first

place?

All right I did but I saw through

him as soon as I met him which

is more than you did.

Oh he's nice.

That's all you can say.

He's nice.

He knew how to work his charms on

you all right but not on me.

He didn't.

Well you still went through with it.

Because you wore me down.

You went on a day and night.

Oh we'll be rich.

We can't lose.

We've always got the land to fall back

on.

Well we've fallen back all right.

That man could have sold you London Bridge.

All right we've both been bloody fools.

With this difference you were a bloody fool

to listen to women.

I was a bloody fool to listen to

you.

I feel sick.

Joy it weren't like a dream.

Listen your brother may be a good actor

but I'm better.

Why?

By the time I finished she was pushing

me to get on with the deal.

She was?

You won't paint?

Good.

No no no we've got a few hours

in hand.

We don't have to check in till about

11 30.

What about the cat?

I thought you were gonna leave it with

your mother.

No not to Spain.

Joy it's a cat or me.

I'm looking forward to Spain.

I wish we decided on Greece.

Spain's the sort of place everybody goes to

these days.

Yeah but that's why Spain's such a good

place to start a hotel.

We've been through all this.

Spain is overrun with Englishmen summer and winter

and they'd do anything for a taste of

the home comforts and with you behind the

bar and me as mine host.

Whoa we could have we could have minting

it.

We'd make a fortune.

I thought we might have a week or

two in Miami.

Now Miami isn't Spain.

No it isn't.

I'm not that dumb.

I just fancied it that's all.

50,000 won't get as far as we

start thinking about trips here there and everywhere

and it isn't even as if we've got

50,000.

Your brother charges five a greedy pig and

where is he?

We've got to be off in a couple

of hours.

He said he had to clear up one

or two things in town.

Clear up?

I hope he hasn't cleared off.

Oh yeah I wouldn't put it past him.

You what?

No he's probably just a bit late.

I'll give mum a ring.

Timing was never his strong point.

That's why I was never much use as

an actor.

If you go down in the woods today.

Hello mum?

What?

When?

What's the matter?

Oh did he leave a message?

What?

Look.

Oh the swine.

What's happened?

He's vanished.

Vanished?

What do you mean vanished?

Vanished.

He phoned her from the airport half an

hour ago.

The airport?

Oh no.

What was he doing in the airport?

Oh what do most people do at airports?

Catching a plane I suppose.

Has he gone with the money?

What do you think?

Another 50,000?

Yes.

It's a joke.

He is a bit of a joke your

brother and he's got you in on it

too.

He's very funny and I'm laughing but where

is he?

I've told you he's left.

Gone.

Flown.

Vamoosed.

Perhaps he'll come back.

Oh he might.

He probably will but not with the money.

That's 50,000 pounds.

I mean you don't know what I had

to take from aunt Heidi to to get

that money.

My wife and I were slaves to it.

Wash for her.

Clean for her.

Run errands.

Anything.

Anything she wanted.

I I'd spend whole mornings chopping steak for

her bloody cats.

There were 11 of them.

There were four Persians, four Siamese, two Tunisians

and a great big ginger tom the size

of a sheep.

Ronald.

Ronald darling.

Oh darling Ronald.

You lay another finger on that cat and

I'll call the police.

50,000 quid.

I don't turn that in 10 years.

What are you going to do about your

wife?

Oh well no.

No that's that's over.

My wife and I.

There's no going back there or the or

the office.

We're still leaving.

Leaving?

What on?

Well I've still got the plane tickets right

here and the hotel bookings and when we're

in Spain I can look around.

I'll get a job and work my way

up.

I've always been very good with people and

and it shouldn't take me too long to

start earning and I'm very good at languages.

You see I've never made full use of

my potential.

Your what?

My potential and this will be the chance.

Of course it would have been easier with

the money but we'll manage without and it

will be a challenge for both of us.

Now you used to be a dancer in

cabaret didn't you?

Yes.

Yes well perhaps you could get back into

it.

These flamingo dances that are bore.

Flamingo?

Yes you know they're like the um.

Oh flamenco.

Now if you could do the dance of

the seven veils or something like that you'd

get have them standing on the chairs.

Shouldn't take you long to brush up your

routines and of course we'd have to go

easy for a bit until I had worked

my way up but that shouldn't take too

long and besides you've got a bit put

by haven't you?

I've got a bit put by?

Do you think I would use my hard

earned savings to keep a broken down old

creep like you?

Or that I'd go back into cabaret?

I'd rather go on the streets.

What do you think I am and who

do you think you are?

Start again.

Work your way up.

Good with people.

Using your potential.

You will take a good look at yourself

love.

You're ready for the breaker's yard.

I deserved it.

That's the long and the short of it.

Pride comes before the fall.

I had a good kind loving faithful wife

and a good cook.

I didn't appreciate her.

I was unfaithful to her and I was

planning to rob her.

What's Joy got that she hasn't got?

I mean she's not all that young.

All she can think about is money and

she can't ball an egg.

I must have missed it.

What's that?

I suppose I've missed it.

Missed it?

At 10 12.

10 12?

Yeah the train.

Oh must have missed it.

That's what happens when they start running on

time.

Wouldn't be so bad if they were always

on time.

When they start running late you expect them

to go on running later.

You don't know where you are once they're

on time.

And she keeps cats.

One cat now.

She'll probably have 11 before she's finished.

Another Aunt Ida only without the money.

That's what started it all.

Ida's legacy.

We were all right before the money.

I didn't look at another woman.

Well maybe I looked but that was all.

There's nothing more.

No Joy.

What do you want to bet that the

10 37 will be late?

That's the way it works.

The trains you miss are on time.

The trains you're waiting for are late.

Now before the war you could time your

watch by the train.

She was a no witch Aunt Ida.

She's put a curse on the money.

Nothing's been the same since.

I mean I was surprised when she left

us the money because even if she was

fond of Margaret she hated me.

She put a curse on the money and

now it's gone.

The curse is gone.

I feel lighter, freer, a new Arthur.

We can start again.

I'll get a new job.

Men with my experience don't grow on trees

and I've always been good with people.

We'll start again as if the money was

never there.

He was a blessing in disguise Edward.

Dented my helmet, buckled my front wheel, nearly

swallowed my whistle.

But they got the line cleared by the

morning in time for the milk track.

My wife always used to say so long

as the milk gets through then they'll be

all right.

Margaret.

Margaret.

Arthur's back.

Margaret?

You in bed?

Margaret?

Goodbye Arthur.

I hope joy is as good a cook

as I was.

Love, Margaret.

Shall we drink to Arthur?

Why Arthur?

Well he more or less talked you into

this.

And me.

You've got to hand it to him.

He has got a way with people.