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John Collier, who wrote this storey, is surely
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one of the wittiest, most subtle writers of
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our time.
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He has produced a multitude of short storeys,
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three novels and many fine film scripts.
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When Collier writes fiction, he is totally outrageous.
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Consider, for example, a novel called His Monkey
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Wife, which is all about a female chimpanzee
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who falls in love with and eventually marries
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an undistinguished colonial schoolmaster.
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If that isn't outrageous, I don't know what
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is.
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Here, then, is another equally outrageous Collier storey.
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You were always pretty, but you're in grave
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danger of becoming a beauty.
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I'm looking forward to starting at the hospital.
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God help the hearts of our students when
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you're doing this.
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Darling, would you circulate, please?
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Oh, yes, of course.
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Ladies and gentlemen, I know James is going
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to hate me making a speech.
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All the same, I'm jolly well going to.
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Now, then, who but Hermione would provide us
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all with such a splendid feast?
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A few hours before she goes off to
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America.
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Well, I'm quite sure of one thing, she'll
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be the only one who doesn't suffer from
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jet lag.
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Well, you know, I sometimes feel nowadays that
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Britain's losing faith in herself.
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So it's a real shot in the arm
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to know that our hospital, and in particular
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James's unit, leads the world in one field.
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So much so, in fact, that the Americans
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want to steal James from us for nine
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months.
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Oh, well, that's the usual period of gestation.
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So let's hope that the mating of James
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and the Americans will bear fruit.
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Well, we're all going to miss him.
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And we shall miss Hermione, too.
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And, alas, she won't be here to organise
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our arts festival this summer.
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However, I understand it's all in the capable
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hands of...
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Sebastian.
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Who?
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Sebastian.
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Oh, Sebastian.
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Yes.
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Ah, yes.
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Yes, well, I won't be here to bully
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you all into buying tickets, but we do
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have some most exciting events, particularly that series
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of concerts of Renaissance music.
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And I do hope that you'll all give
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Sebastian your support.
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Oh, yes.
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Well, I hope you both have a splendid
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trip.
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Oh, and one thing.
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We all know what James is going to
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spend the proceeds on.
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Well, what more harmless hobby could there be
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than growing orchids?
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I must say, they do look very nice.
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I don't know much about them.
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Mmm, they also smell very nice.
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Just like Hermione.
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What I smell of is packing, luggage and
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mothballs.
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Now, now, Gavin.
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Now, I'd just like to say that the
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research which has given us the honour of
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this invitation is the result, like most modern
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research, of teamwork.
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And most of you here were in that
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team, and we're both very grateful for all
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your years of hard work and loyalty.
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Thank you.
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Thank you, Gavin.
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Excellent.
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And now, go on, everyone.
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Darling.
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The unit will go on while we're away,
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of course, as usual.
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But orchids need water.
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And I'd be most grateful if all my
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friends could take care of one of our
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little beauties till we get back.
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So if you'd just follow me.
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They've all got a label with full instructions
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on the back.
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Now, look here.
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This is a Pantheocordelium hirsutissimum.
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Hirsutissimum.
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I call it the hairy one.
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Do you think he's going to like it?
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Will it like me?
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Oh, of course it will.
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One thing worries me, Hermione.
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James is going to get a lot of
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offers over there.
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A double, treble the salaries we get.
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Now, you won't let him be tempted, will
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you?
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We need him.
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Tom, I promise you, I won't let the
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dollars seduce James or America seduce me.
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Tom, I don't think you're going to escape
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without one.
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Oh, thank you.
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I've got one with a Latin name that
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sounds extremely rude.
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Oh, you are lucky to have a husband
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whose mania doesn't involve you and getting soaking
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wet and freezing every weekend.
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Oh, Tom's sailing.
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Tom's sailing.
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I'm Tom's crew.
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I sometimes wish the boat would sink.
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Not with Tom on it.
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Well, preferably not.
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Do you think orchids can't be annoying too?
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How?
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They can't talk.
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Oh, James talks to them endlessly.
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Well, rather more than he talks to me,
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actually.
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Sometimes he's in there half the night potting
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and clinking away.
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And whenever I want to watch television or
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listen to a concert, that's the moment when
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he decides he wants to put up some
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shelving.
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I want him to have a nice, new,
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modern, aluminium greenhouse out of sight behind the
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tennis court.
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See, without his clutter it would make a
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most marvellous garden.
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Oh, and you're so clever at doing things
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up.
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No, I'm not clever.
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Well, I'm clever enough to know what to
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copy.
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Put it out in the light until the
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first frost.
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We'll take the greatest care of it.
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Intensive care of it.
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Mine's just a stick.
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Don't worry, it'll burst into butter in December.
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Give it a light spray over with this
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from time to time.
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Ah, Samantha.
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Now, this one's for you.
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It's called an odontoglossum superba.
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It's the most precious of them.
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Why?
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Is it a rare one?
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It's the most precious, Samantha, because it will
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give me an opportunity to call upon you
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to collect it.
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When exactly do we see you both again?
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Oh, all being well, we should be back
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for Christmas.
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Put that over there, shall I?
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Thank you.
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There we are.
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Now, drive carefully, eh?
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See you at Christmas.
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Bye.
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Something the matter?
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Oh, for God's sake, grow up!
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I'm a big boy now, Mummy.
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You can't set eyes on a young girl
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without having to show me that you can
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get her.
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Well, all right, then.
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Take one.
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One of your adoring young nurses, maybe, and
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I hope you're more used to her than
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you are to me.
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You've become a joke soon, you know.
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People laugh at you behind your back.
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The ageing Casanova.
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Well, that's a role that I much prefer
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to my present one, that of the henpecked
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husband.
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Henpecked husbands usually help.
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It's your glory, Hermione, that you never need
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help from anyone.
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You're always so perfectly organised.
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Aren't you?
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Hermione!
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Hermione!
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What is it?
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I just found something absolutely extraordinary.
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Come up and see.
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Milk turned off, gas, water, electricity...
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Hermione!
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Yes?
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Something really peculiar.
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What is it?
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Aren't you dressed yet?
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What are you doing?
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Unless my eyesight's deceiving me, there's a gold
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chain down that drain.
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Can't be.
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I haven't got a gold chain.
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Oh, unless you've had someone here, of course.
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Some tardy little nurse who needed a bath.
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Really seriously, Hermione!
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Come and look!
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Oh!
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Look there.
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There.
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Ah!
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For sake, you can't be lost.
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We were there an hour ago.
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Well, it must be left, then right, then
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left again.
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All right.
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Around the world, then.
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One bloody earring.
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You've been
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losing earrings ever since I knew you.
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Why don't you get your ears pierced?
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I can't bear the thought.
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Oh, you, a hospital nurse.
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I told you they'd be gone.
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Their flight's not until six.
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They might be calling on someone on the
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way.
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Come on.
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There it goes with my Chinese dress.
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I want you to wear it till the
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phrase is done.
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Stop!
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What is it now?
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I just want to drop a note in.
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They're sure to have a daily woman or
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someone who keeps an eye on the place.
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If earring found, please ring.
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Why is it I can never remember our
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telephone number?
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2881.
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Ladies and gentlemen, in a few minutes, we
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should be landing at Los Angeles Airport.
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Would you kindly observe the no smoking sign
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and ensure that your seat is in the
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upright position.
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For your own safety and comfort, we ask
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you to remain seated with your seatbelts fastened
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until the captain has parked the aircraft at
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the gate and indicated that it is safe
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for you to stand by turning off the
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seatbelt sign.
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We're both having a marvellous time here in
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L.A. and enjoying the legendary American hospitality.
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Back for Christmas.
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Much love.
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Bye.
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Hello?
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Hello, James.
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Eleanor, darling.
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You got my message?
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Oh, how are you?
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I was scared to death I'd miss you.
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You're in Los Angeles?
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Yes, we've done New York, Chicago, Philadelphia.
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Now I'm here, at last.
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Oh, I didn't know exactly when.
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Listen, Eleanor, I've got some great news.
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She's left me.
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She's gone.
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Left you?
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When?
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Quite suddenly.
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00:23:14,310 --> 00:23:15,390
What do you mean, James?
282
00:23:15,390 --> 00:23:16,270
Oh, hold on a minute.
283
00:23:17,870 --> 00:23:18,530
Come in.
284
00:23:22,050 --> 00:23:23,590
Oh, put it in better, will you?
285
00:23:24,410 --> 00:23:25,350
So what time are you arriving?
286
00:23:25,730 --> 00:23:27,750
Not till 9.30. Oh, that means a
287
00:23:27,750 --> 00:23:28,510
late dinner, I suppose.
288
00:23:28,510 --> 00:23:29,590
Oh, it doesn't matter.
289
00:23:30,030 --> 00:23:31,590
Well, I suppose I'll survive.
290
00:23:31,830 --> 00:23:32,510
Oh, thanks very much.
291
00:23:32,670 --> 00:23:33,610
I'll survive till then.
292
00:23:34,110 --> 00:23:35,110
You should do.
293
00:23:35,230 --> 00:23:35,610
Yes.
294
00:23:35,730 --> 00:23:36,610
What are you going to do?
295
00:23:36,710 --> 00:23:37,630
What do you mean, what am I going
296
00:23:37,630 --> 00:23:38,090
to do?
297
00:23:38,530 --> 00:23:39,850
I'm going to build a glass house, a
298
00:23:39,850 --> 00:23:41,510
range of glass houses.
299
00:23:41,870 --> 00:23:42,430
Settle down.
300
00:23:42,770 --> 00:23:43,830
You don't need it.
301
00:23:44,030 --> 00:23:45,390
Yes, I'm going to give up being a
302
00:23:45,390 --> 00:23:45,590
doctor.
303
00:23:46,810 --> 00:23:50,570
I'm fed up with transplanting bits of people
304
00:23:50,570 --> 00:23:52,650
who are dead to people who ought to
305
00:23:52,650 --> 00:23:52,810
be.
306
00:23:53,190 --> 00:23:54,850
I just don't believe you, James.
307
00:23:54,850 --> 00:23:55,730
What about the hospital?
308
00:23:56,770 --> 00:23:57,950
Hold on a minute, sir.
309
00:23:58,550 --> 00:23:59,410
Just a minute, darling.
310
00:23:59,410 --> 00:23:59,870
James, what is it?
311
00:24:00,550 --> 00:24:00,990
James?
312
00:24:05,660 --> 00:24:06,100
James?
313
00:24:10,030 --> 00:24:10,470
James?
314
00:24:15,200 --> 00:24:17,500
Dear Madam, thank you for your letter of
315
00:24:17,500 --> 00:24:19,300
Friday the 4th of March accepting our estimate
316
00:24:19,300 --> 00:24:23,480
and for the house keys you enclosed, which
317
00:24:23,480 --> 00:24:26,000
we're starting work on site immediately in order
318
00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:28,340
to complete by Christmas as promised.
319
00:24:29,540 --> 00:24:31,020
We confirm that the work involved is as
320
00:24:31,020 --> 00:24:31,440
detailed as possible.
321
00:24:32,180 --> 00:24:35,640
Supplying and erecting aluminium greenhouse as shown on
322
00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:36,760
enclosed drawings.
323
00:24:37,060 --> 00:24:39,900
Clearing existing conservatories.
324
00:24:41,340 --> 00:24:42,180
Removing shelving.
325
00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:45,300
Lifting old flooring.
326
00:24:47,300 --> 00:24:49,000
Digging up foundations.
327
00:24:51,060 --> 00:24:53,060
And laying new floor.
328
00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:20,740
Thank you.
21714
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