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It is
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very seldom that a short storey writer is
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able to make anything worthwhile out of an
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incident that actually happened, but this storey is
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one of the rare exceptions.
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I myself met the Umbrella Man on a
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street in New York City, and I followed
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him, just as in this storey, and I
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was delighted and amazed by what I found.
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I must confess to you that I tried
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the same experiment myself a few days later
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to see if it really worked, and it
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did.
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I only hope that on the next rainy
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day that comes along we won't have thousands
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of you going out and doing the same
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thing.
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It would cause chaos in the land.
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Sir, I want a room.
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One night.
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Right.
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Oh, I'll sign the book, sir, would you,
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uh, please?
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Say, yes?
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Do you have such a thing as a
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list of the public houses in this town?
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A what?
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Public houses.
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Inns.
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Holsteries.
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Bars.
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Public houses.
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Pubs.
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A list.
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Of those in the centre of your charming
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little town.
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Yes, a list.
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It's only this.
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That'll do nicely.
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Roommate.
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First floor.
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Thank you.
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Was there something else, sir?
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Yes.
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A porter.
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A porter?
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Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
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No porter.
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I say, you don't happen to know the
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weather forecast, do you?
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The what?
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The weather.
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The weather.
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Tomorrow's weather.
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No idea.
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I don't care about the weather.
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I'm stuck in here all day.
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I hear you've had some heavy rains the
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past few days.
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I don't notice the weather.
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Yes.
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Heavy.
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Very heavy.
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In the east of the country, dry days
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are special, providing a welcome change after the
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recent heavy rain.
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It may become cloudy towards evening, but for
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the most part, the day will be dry
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and sunny.
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And that's the weather.
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Damn.
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Do you want a paper?
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No.
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Here is a special announcement.
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We regret the A25 from Cambridge is running
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approximately 15 minutes late.
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Going to be 15 minutes late.
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Again.
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Hello, Arthur, Wendy.
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Andrew.
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You won't need that today, will you?
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What?
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Umbrella.
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Better safe than sorry.
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The forecast was dry and sunny.
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It's the weather we've been having.
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Can't be too careful.
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Ridiculous.
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Bake a bun?
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No.
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Would you like some coffee, dear?
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No, thanks.
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I'll just pass you to the buffet.
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I don't want a cup, either, thanks.
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Darling.
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I love you.
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I love you.
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Oh, God.
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Oh, Andrew.
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When are we going to meet?
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I mean, properly.
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What about lunchtime today?
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I've got the hairdressers at 11, but I
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can be through by 1.
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Damnation, I can't.
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I've got a business lunch.
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Oh, darling.
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Do you think...
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Does Arthur suspect?
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Of course not.
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He looks at me so strangely.
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Does Jennifer suspect?
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No.
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She's more interested in her cats than she
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is in me.
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Oh, darling.
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If only...
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Ahem.
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Ha!
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Damn, sir.
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What?
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Bring an umbrella in weather like this.
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You're wet.
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That's your job, Andrew.
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You're wet, old son.
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Ha!
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Morning.
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Thank you.
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Is that it?
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Yeah.
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Where's the nearest church?
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The what?
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Church.
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00:09:07,790 --> 00:09:08,870
Place of worship.
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House of God.
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Temple.
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Chapel.
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Church.
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What denomination?
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Any denomination.
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Straight down the road.
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Turn right.
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I can't get four across.
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I'll do what.
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I'll see if your wife can help.
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I'm no good at crosswords.
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Have a look.
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You'll know.
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Tricky.
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Want me to tell you?
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No, I'll go on struggling.
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The answer is mistrust.
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Ah, it's coming in.
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What train are you coming back on?
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I don't know.
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The 520.
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I thought you said the 520.
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I'll try to be on it.
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The 520.
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So sorry.
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Nearly forgot.
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I do
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hope you'll excuse me.
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Yes?
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I wonder if I could ask a small
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favour.
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Only a very small favour.
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What do you want?
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Well, as a matter of fact I've got
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myself into a bit of a scrape and
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I need some help.
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Not much, I assure you.
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It's almost nothing in fact but I do
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need it.
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I haven't got any money.
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You see madam, old people like me often
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become terribly forgetful.
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I'm sorry but I don't give for beggars.
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Madam, I assure you I'm not a beggar.
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Do I look like a beggar?
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I beg you to believe madam that I
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am not in the habit of stopping young
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ladies in the street and telling them my
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troubles.
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I suppose not.
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You see, I've never forgotten it before.
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You've never forgotten what before?
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My wallet.
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Please go away.
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I shall call the police.
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Allow me to explain.
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Do me the courtesy.
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You see, I left my wallet in my
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other jacket.
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Now isn't that the silliest thing to do?
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I have told you I am not going
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to give you any money so there is
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no use asking me for money.
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00:13:29,580 --> 00:13:31,460
No, I'm not asking for money.
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Good gracious, heaven forbid I should ever do
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such a thing.
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Then why are you asking?
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Allow me to explain.
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Now, when I first saw you taking cover
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I said to myself what an attractive woman.
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Fresh from the hairdresser no doubt.
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Smart, elegant with a kindly not to say
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considerate face.
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And yet...
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And yet what?
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Well you'll forgive me saying this I know
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but I couldn't help feeling that you are
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possessed of a certain sadness.
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Sadness?
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I mean I'm probably quite wrong.
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No, no.
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No, no, go on.
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Well, I saw in your eyes a lost
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fatherly look that hinted at pain.
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Forgive an old man's impertinence but you seemed
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to me so terribly terribly touchy.
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Did I?
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Yes.
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And so I thought that you were the
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one person to approach because my dilemma might
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in turn be of some help however small
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to you.
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How do you mean?
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I wish to offer this umbrella of mine
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to protect you.
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Go on Fred.
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Madam I don't wish to encroach or pry
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on your private affairs but if as I
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suspect at this moment you are suffering from
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some unrequited love a longing, an ache then
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I can think of nothing worse than to
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endure such suffering of the heart in the
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pouring rain.
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It is depressing.
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All I ask in return is five pounds
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00:15:18,100 --> 00:15:19,220
for my taxi fare home.
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You are asking me for money.
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00:15:23,100 --> 00:15:25,420
Madam I am not without means.
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I think I told you I left my
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wallet in the other jacket.
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Now if I'm to get this weary old
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body home I need the taxi fare.
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And all I can offer in return is
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my umbrella.
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00:15:39,080 --> 00:15:41,340
And I believe I may be of some
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service to you as an avid walker.
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00:15:44,020 --> 00:15:45,480
If you had no money in the first
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place then how did you get here?
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I walked.
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00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:50,540
Every day I go for a lovely long
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walk and then I summon a taxi to
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00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:53,500
take me home.
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I do it every day of the year
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come rain or shine.
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Then why don't you walk home now?
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I wish I could.
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I really wish I could but I don't
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think I would make it on these silly
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old legs of mine.
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I've gone far too far already.
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It's um It's a lovely umbrella.
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00:16:13,020 --> 00:16:13,380
Yes.
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It's um It's silk.
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I can see it is.
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Then why don't you take it?
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I mean it cost me over twenty pounds
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and that was several years ago but that's
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of no importance as long as I can
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get home.
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00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:30,020
I don't think it's right that I should
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pay you five pounds for a silk umbrella
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that cost you over twenty.
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Just take the taxi fare and be done
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with it.
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I wouldn't dream of taking money from you.
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Take the umbrella dear lady.
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Keep the rain off your beautiful hair and
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let your spirit be chilled just a little.
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How does it show so clearly?
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00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:54,920
Just a look in your eye.
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Just one more thing.
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00:17:01,170 --> 00:17:02,670
Remember this.
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No man is worth the tears of a
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beautiful woman.
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Good day ma'am.
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Music Music
292
00:19:48,280 --> 00:19:51,220
Well well well well.
293
00:19:51,220 --> 00:19:51,460
What?
294
00:19:51,460 --> 00:19:51,680
what?
295
00:19:52,820 --> 00:19:54,340
I thought to myself as I was trying
296
00:19:54,340 --> 00:19:55,860
to find a taxi and getting soaked in
297
00:19:55,860 --> 00:19:57,700
the skin I thought to myself Andrew will
298
00:19:57,700 --> 00:19:58,080
be all right.
299
00:19:58,700 --> 00:19:59,840
Andrew brought his umbrella.
300
00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:01,060
it was stolen.
301
00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:02,100
stolen?
302
00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:02,560
yeah.
303
00:20:03,140 --> 00:20:04,560
well I was lunching in a pub.
304
00:20:05,040 --> 00:20:06,180
I got back to the office several of
305
00:20:06,180 --> 00:20:08,060
my colleagues have had theirs stolen too.
306
00:20:08,900 --> 00:20:10,140
I went round to the police station to
307
00:20:10,140 --> 00:20:10,900
report it.
308
00:20:11,180 --> 00:20:12,280
they had several complaints.
309
00:20:12,540 --> 00:20:13,100
damned odd.
310
00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:13,860
damned annoying.
311
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:16,980
well Wendy you'll be furious.
312
00:20:17,220 --> 00:20:17,440
why?
313
00:20:17,440 --> 00:20:19,260
you had a hair down today.
314
00:20:19,840 --> 00:20:21,500
probably looks like a drowned rat by now.
315
00:20:23,100 --> 00:20:24,640
drowned rat indeed.
316
00:20:33,110 --> 00:20:35,310
don't worry Arthur I didn't buy a new
317
00:20:35,310 --> 00:20:35,590
one.
318
00:20:36,370 --> 00:20:38,990
no a most extraordinary thing happened.
319
00:20:39,710 --> 00:20:43,330
a man dear kind old man asked me
320
00:20:43,330 --> 00:20:45,150
if I would buy his umbrella.
321
00:20:49,980 --> 00:20:50,380
swine.
322
00:20:52,020 --> 00:20:53,000
I beg your pardon.
323
00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:56,960
your umbrella was stolen.
324
00:20:57,260 --> 00:20:57,760
you're a liar.
325
00:20:58,660 --> 00:20:59,060
swine.
326
00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:00,400
what on earth are you talking about?
327
00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:01,440
I'm talking about you and Wendy.
328
00:21:02,320 --> 00:21:03,640
you met at lunchtime didn't you?
329
00:21:04,180 --> 00:21:05,320
you gave me your umbrella.
330
00:21:05,940 --> 00:21:07,240
you met at lunchtime and then you invented
331
00:21:07,240 --> 00:21:09,080
some cock and bull storey about theft in
332
00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:09,480
the police.
333
00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:10,180
come on.
334
00:21:10,180 --> 00:21:10,920
what a fool I've been.
335
00:21:10,920 --> 00:21:11,720
you think I'm blind?
336
00:21:11,720 --> 00:21:13,460
Arthur stop this at once.
337
00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:16,400
secret looks and whisperings to size.
338
00:21:16,740 --> 00:21:18,260
you met at lunchtime for God knows what
339
00:21:18,260 --> 00:21:19,680
reason and he gave you his umbrella.
340
00:21:19,860 --> 00:21:21,960
this is rubbish nonsense absolute madness.
341
00:21:22,140 --> 00:21:23,620
in the first place there isn't my umbrella.
342
00:21:23,900 --> 00:21:24,960
don't lie to me.
343
00:21:25,100 --> 00:21:26,020
you can lie in court.
344
00:21:27,220 --> 00:21:27,620
court?
345
00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:28,760
what do you mean court?
346
00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:30,140
I'll name you as correspondent.
347
00:21:33,980 --> 00:21:35,260
Arthur for God's sake.
348
00:21:35,260 --> 00:21:36,400
you're behaving like a maniac.
349
00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:38,300
this umbrella was sold to me.
350
00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:40,020
I don't want to hear any more lies.
351
00:21:43,780 --> 00:21:45,160
you just listen to her.
352
00:21:45,160 --> 00:21:45,700
shut up!
353
00:21:47,660 --> 00:21:48,800
I know you're in love with her.
354
00:21:49,060 --> 00:21:50,460
I am not in love with her.
355
00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:51,760
I'm a happily married man.
356
00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:52,820
happily married man?
357
00:21:52,820 --> 00:21:53,560
I am.
358
00:21:54,520 --> 00:21:56,040
I don't give a fig for you.
359
00:21:56,040 --> 00:21:57,080
you may not give a fig but you
360
00:21:57,080 --> 00:21:57,780
gave her your umbrella.
361
00:21:58,140 --> 00:21:59,200
I can prove I didn't.
362
00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:00,220
this is absolute madness.
363
00:22:00,420 --> 00:22:01,600
come with me now to the police station.
364
00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:03,440
I demand you come with me to the
365
00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:03,620
police station.
366
00:22:03,620 --> 00:22:04,620
you accuse me of treachery.
367
00:22:04,720 --> 00:22:06,800
you threaten me with divorce proceedings.
368
00:22:16,460 --> 00:22:17,020
umbrellas.
369
00:22:19,620 --> 00:22:20,460
could be.
370
00:22:22,060 --> 00:22:23,640
we have pulled in a man.
371
00:22:24,380 --> 00:22:26,380
a well-known con merchant known as the
372
00:22:26,380 --> 00:22:30,540
major, the commander, the rural Dean and even
373
00:22:30,540 --> 00:22:31,240
chief inspector.
374
00:22:32,740 --> 00:22:34,480
I hadn't connected him with the umbrellas.
375
00:22:35,560 --> 00:22:36,580
an umbrella man.
376
00:22:38,360 --> 00:22:39,740
he's come down in the world.
377
00:22:40,900 --> 00:22:42,760
we'd need you to identify him madam.
378
00:22:46,700 --> 00:22:48,060
well of course you'd identify him.
379
00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:49,400
it's a great deal at stake.
380
00:22:49,940 --> 00:22:51,680
people's happiness depends on this inspector.
381
00:22:55,100 --> 00:22:56,340
we'll chummy in will you?
382
00:22:59,760 --> 00:23:00,740
better be the man.
383
00:23:01,380 --> 00:23:03,160
otherwise happiness won't be a word much use
384
00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:03,760
around these parts.
385
00:23:15,460 --> 00:23:18,880
well madam is this the man who sold
386
00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:19,420
you the umbrella?
387
00:23:31,100 --> 00:23:33,320
no I've never seen him before.
388
00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:37,180
so I wanted to hear.
389
00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:39,580
both be hearing for my solicitor in the
390
00:23:39,580 --> 00:23:39,780
morning.
391
00:23:50,740 --> 00:23:51,920
how could you Wendy?
392
00:23:52,360 --> 00:23:54,140
this is the man isn't it?
393
00:23:55,060 --> 00:23:55,720
how could you?
394
00:23:57,160 --> 00:23:58,220
how could you?
395
00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:09,160
no man is worth the tears of a
396
00:24:09,160 --> 00:24:10,180
beautiful woman.
397
00:24:28,830 --> 00:24:30,490
on your way then are you sir?
398
00:24:30,950 --> 00:24:34,350
yes off to Manchester I think.
399
00:24:34,930 --> 00:24:35,330
Manchester?
400
00:24:36,470 --> 00:24:38,010
always rains in Manchester.
401
00:24:38,850 --> 00:24:42,590
yes yes I know.
25148
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