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A very
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long time ago, when I was 20, I
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was working for a large company out in
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East Africa in Dar es Salaam, and one
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morning, while I was shaving in the bathroom,
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I happened to glance out of the window
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at the gardener who was raking the gravel
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on the driveway down below.
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Behind him, right at that moment, I saw
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a black mamba, six feet long, moving over
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the gravel toward him.
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Look out, Ndisho, I yelled.
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Behind you, a snake.
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He swung round.
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Too late.
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The mamba bit him on the ankle.
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I got him to hospital in ten minutes,
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but he died that day.
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The krait, K-R-A-I-T, is
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another of the killer snakes, and this one
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is almost more frightening than the mamba because
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he is so tiny, he looks like a
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twig on the ground.
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This storey is about a krait.
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Better than the whole world is our India.
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Harry Pope was on the waggon, and doing
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very well.
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He hadn't touched a drop for three weeks.
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He'd just been asked by cable from his
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boss in Melbourne a very serious question.
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In accordance with the revised policy, which jobs
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in his English teaching department could now be
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Indianised, that is handed over to trained Bengali
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teachers.
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Harry had cable back immediately with just one
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word, mine.
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He hated India.
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Cutting out the drink was all part of
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the plan for a new, rejuvenated Harry Pope,
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vital, dynamic, and posted home at last.
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It's matching gales, and our garden is India.
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Hard on the way!
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Come on, Timber.
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Come on.
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Yeah!
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All right, Sandra?
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Why not?
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Tell Bobby Timberwoods is taking me home.
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Tell me, why'd they call you Timber?
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Because my name is Woods.
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I'm so glad you won.
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How's Harry?
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Don't worry, he'll be fast asleep.
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I thought you were taking me home, darling.
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I am, by way of the bungalow, darling.
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You bachelors, so wild.
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Not a care in the world.
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So Harry's going home to England, then?
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Mm-hmm.
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Changed man.
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Hasn't touched a drink for three weeks.
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Resisting temptation.
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Unlike some, I'm glad to say.
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He's still up.
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You said he'd be asleep.
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Shh.
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He needs to do all the housework.
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It's awkward.
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Don't worry.
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Timber.
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What about a nice drink?
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Lovely.
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Good.
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Timber.
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Timber.
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Shh.
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Did you hear something?
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No, no.
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Listen.
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Timber.
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Sounds ill.
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Don't say he's gone back to the bottle.
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Oh, darling, take no notice.
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Wait a minute.
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Timber, come here.
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Quiet.
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Timber, for God's sake.
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Sounds bad.
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Shh.
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You haven't been drinking, have you?
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Shh.
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What's up?
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You look terrible.
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Don't move.
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Take your shoes off.
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Oh, I get it.
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Take your shoes off.
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You must move.
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Timber?
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Move slowly.
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How long are you going to be?
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Who's that?
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Sandra.
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Oh, great.
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Tell him who I am.
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Please.
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I suppose he's drunk again.
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Not so loud.
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Just look at him.
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I am.
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Awful.
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Like Bobby after squash.
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Right, Harry.
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Now, what is the problem?
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It's a krait.
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A krait?
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A what?
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A krait.
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Snake.
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I know that.
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Where, Harry?
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Where did it bite you?
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How long ago?
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Come on, Harry.
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We've got to be quick.
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Don't move.
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It's on my stomach.
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I haven't been bitten.
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Not yet.
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It's on your stomach.
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They like the warmth.
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I've been waiting for you.
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How long?
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Hours.
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Bloody hours.
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I can't keep still much longer.
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I'm wanting to cough.
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All right, Harry.
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Just hold on.
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We'll go now.
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Take your shoes off.
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Get some ice out of there.
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A real boy scout.
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What is the matter with you?
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Can't you guess?
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For heaven's sake.
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Bloody stupid thing.
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You can do something for a krait bite.
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Two little cats suck out the poison.
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You may believe they're fatal.
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Well, what do you suggest?
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You need a doctor, of course.
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Sandra, you're brilliant.
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I'll ring Dr. Kunzru.
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No.
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Why not?
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Because he knows me.
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He'll see me and he'll tell my husband.
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Well, you'd better go then, hadn't you?
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Before he comes.
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How?
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I can't walk.
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Oh, hell.
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Take that through and put it on his
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forehead.
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We've got the doctor coming, Harry.
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Dr. Kunzru.
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Lord!
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For God's sake, can't you even?
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I'm doing my best.
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Dr. Kunzru?
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Timberwoods.
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It's an emergency.
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Yes, Harry.
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Harry Pope.
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A krait.
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No, he hasn't been bitten yet.
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Timber says I'm to put this on your
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forehead.
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No.
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Nothing.
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Please.
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Yes, yes.
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It's on his stomach.
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Yes, good.
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Fine.
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Right.
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He's on his way.
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He says he doesn't want the ice.
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Come on, Harry, it'll do you good.
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No.
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It'll cool you down.
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Don't move.
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Don't.
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I need a drink.
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I'm not a bloody night nurse.
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Never was and never will be.
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Sorry about that.
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She's not much help.
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I could carefully lift the net.
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Pull back the sheet.
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I wouldn't disturb it.
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I promise you.
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Don't be a damn fool.
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The light would frighten it.
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It's dark under there now.
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Timber?
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I'll get rid of it.
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Just hold on.
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The doctor's coming soon.
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Darling, you need a drink.
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I don't.
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And nor do you.
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That's what you think.
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I need something.
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Oh, look what I've done.
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Oh, God, I'm such a mess.
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Thank God the doctor's here.
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Don't forget, he mustn't see me.
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For God's sake, Sandra.
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I am not here.
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Bloody well, stay here.
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Doctor.
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Has he been bitten yet?
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No.
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Good, then there's hope.
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Don't worry, Mr. Pope.
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There is plenty that can be done.
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It is quite a simple matter.
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But don't reply to me or look at
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visions.
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We win.
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Yes.
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We master fate.
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An excellent
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fellow.
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With the serum, Mr. Pope, you're all right.
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Even if you are bitten.
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But don't move.
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Give it time to work.
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No movement yet.
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I'll be back in just two ticks.
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We don't care yet.
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No, no.
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The kitchen.
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But the serum must give some protection, surely?
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Yes, it might.
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It might not.
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You mean your serum is no bloody good?
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Mr. Woods, the krait is possibly the most
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poisonous snake in the world.
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And there it lies on his stomach.
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If it bites him there, it goes straight
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to his bloodstream.
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We must try and think of something else.
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Why, we pull the sheet back fast and...
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No, no, no, no.
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It is not a matter to be gone
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into a hurry.
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Well, we must do something.
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I mean, he's been lying there for hours.
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Paper.
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A piece of paper.
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Yes.
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To make a funnel, you know.
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Fine.
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We introduce an anaesthetic to the creature where
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it lies.
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Splendid.
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An excellent idea.
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No, but it's not such a splendid idea
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because, as you know, a snake is a
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cold-blooded animal and it won't work quickly
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enough.
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Chloroform, Will.
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Chloroform.
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And you have chloroform?
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Yes, in my bag.
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So you get the paper, OK?
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And the paperclips.
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Good.
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Fine.
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Paper.
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Paper.
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00:17:24,310 --> 00:17:24,930
Oh, look.
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Bob, you'll be going crazy.
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It's possible.
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Soon, soon.
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Please, write me a letter.
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You don't give a damn.
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Of course I do.
292
00:17:33,090 --> 00:17:34,290
Oh, please, Tim, please.
293
00:17:34,290 --> 00:17:35,890
Later, for God's sake.
294
00:17:39,190 --> 00:17:46,200
Mr. Woods is making a funnel.
295
00:17:47,340 --> 00:17:54,020
And then, very carefully, we will pour chloroform.
296
00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:55,400
Chloroform.
297
00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:00,980
Now, it will feel very cold, of course,
298
00:18:00,980 --> 00:18:03,600
at first, because I'm intending to soak the
299
00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:03,900
sheet.
300
00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:07,040
More speed, less haste, Mr. Pope.
301
00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:08,760
Right.
302
00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:12,760
Mr. Woods, you will have to pour because
303
00:18:12,760 --> 00:18:13,260
I need both hands.
304
00:18:14,060 --> 00:18:16,860
In the bag, the bottle with the red
305
00:18:16,860 --> 00:18:17,120
label.
306
00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:19,260
Yes.
307
00:18:20,220 --> 00:18:21,440
Pour slowly at first.
308
00:18:24,760 --> 00:18:25,320
Yes.
309
00:18:27,120 --> 00:18:30,480
Now, breathe very lightly, Mr. Pope.
310
00:18:30,900 --> 00:18:33,120
We wish to asphyxiate the snake, not yourself.
311
00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:33,800
More.
312
00:18:35,860 --> 00:18:37,040
It feels very cold, yes?
313
00:18:38,140 --> 00:18:38,680
Good.
314
00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:40,100
Good.
315
00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:44,460
Soon, we send this creature absolutely to sleep.
316
00:18:44,840 --> 00:18:47,240
Well done, well done.
317
00:18:48,420 --> 00:18:51,920
Now, we just...
318
00:19:16,610 --> 00:19:22,340
Three minutes, so far.
319
00:19:57,780 --> 00:19:58,940
OK.
320
00:20:00,780 --> 00:20:02,700
Don't move, Mr. Pope.
321
00:20:10,980 --> 00:20:11,640
Where?
322
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:14,140
We must be careful.
323
00:20:14,300 --> 00:20:14,980
It could be anywhere.
324
00:20:15,460 --> 00:20:16,660
It could have gone inside his pyjamas.
325
00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:19,060
Stay still.
326
00:20:23,250 --> 00:20:24,230
It's not there.
327
00:20:28,590 --> 00:20:29,710
At last.
328
00:20:32,910 --> 00:20:33,810
It's gone.
329
00:20:34,530 --> 00:20:36,010
It's bloody gone.
330
00:20:36,450 --> 00:20:38,270
Are you certain you saw it, Mr. Pope?
331
00:20:38,790 --> 00:20:39,710
Yes, under the sheet.
332
00:20:40,190 --> 00:20:40,790
I felt it.
333
00:20:41,670 --> 00:20:42,370
It's gone.
334
00:20:44,190 --> 00:20:44,850
It's a miracle.
335
00:20:45,990 --> 00:20:48,450
You didn't dream it, Mr. Pope?
336
00:20:51,430 --> 00:20:52,610
You're calling me a liar.
337
00:20:54,230 --> 00:20:55,570
Harry, for God's sake.
338
00:20:55,810 --> 00:20:57,930
You dirty little sewer curvature.
339
00:20:58,270 --> 00:20:59,090
Take it easy, Harry.
340
00:20:59,650 --> 00:21:02,350
You bloody failed MD Calcutta.
341
00:21:02,490 --> 00:21:03,450
That's quite enough.
342
00:21:06,850 --> 00:21:09,430
Tell me in your native bloody wisdom that
343
00:21:09,430 --> 00:21:13,610
I imagined it, or drank it, or drank
344
00:21:13,610 --> 00:21:14,410
too much.
345
00:21:29,620 --> 00:21:34,810
I'm afraid there's been a bit of a
346
00:21:34,810 --> 00:21:35,390
mix-up.
347
00:21:36,130 --> 00:21:38,170
Well, good night to you both.
348
00:21:38,470 --> 00:21:38,910
Excuse me.
349
00:21:40,330 --> 00:21:42,310
Doctor, there's something I must explain.
350
00:21:42,310 --> 00:21:43,270
Please don't.
351
00:21:43,850 --> 00:21:45,390
Mr. Pope has made himself quite clear.
352
00:21:46,950 --> 00:21:49,390
I thought I'd left my keys here.
353
00:21:52,310 --> 00:21:53,430
Perhaps in the car.
354
00:21:53,970 --> 00:21:55,230
Yes, I came so quickly.
355
00:21:59,410 --> 00:22:00,250
My car!
356
00:22:00,350 --> 00:22:00,750
It's gone!
357
00:22:00,950 --> 00:22:02,650
Exactly, that's what I was going to say.
358
00:22:02,650 --> 00:22:03,550
I can't pull out my car.
359
00:22:03,910 --> 00:22:05,630
It's my lifeblood.
360
00:22:07,650 --> 00:22:08,630
Don't worry.
361
00:22:09,970 --> 00:22:10,830
I know where it is.
362
00:22:11,450 --> 00:22:12,430
I'll drive you.
363
00:22:32,900 --> 00:22:36,940
Doctor, I must apologise for Harry.
364
00:22:38,940 --> 00:22:40,660
You did an excellent job.
365
00:22:41,480 --> 00:22:41,920
Thank you.
366
00:22:42,840 --> 00:22:43,820
Thank you.
367
00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:47,160
And I'm not a failed MD.
368
00:22:54,890 --> 00:22:58,010
Just one.
369
00:23:00,530 --> 00:23:01,270
You deserve it.
370
00:23:04,050 --> 00:23:04,990
Just the one.
371
00:23:06,590 --> 00:23:07,590
For the shock.
372
00:23:10,650 --> 00:23:11,750
Just one.
373
00:23:11,930 --> 00:23:13,270
Ah!
374
00:23:20,820 --> 00:23:21,000
Ah!
22502
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