All language subtitles for The.Villains.of.Valley.View.S02E11

So, I said,
"Hey, lady, there's a line."

And she looked at me,
and she said,
"I don't do lines."

Then she blew right past me
and walked straight up
to the front.

Ugh. People can be so rude.

Oh, no, this wasn't people.

It was my mom.

Guys, you are not gonna believe
what just happened.

Oh, let me guess, another one
of your nose hairs popped out

while you were waiting tables
at the Round-Up.

I'm pretty sure
it's a health hazard.

Last time he served me,
I found one floating

in my tortilla soup.

Some countries think
it's good luck...

I've heard.

I'm not talking
about my nose hairs.

Well, that's the problem.
I really think we should be.

On my way home,
I saw a car crash into a pole.

The driver passed out,
and there were
all these people around,

but nobody could help him.

-So, what did you do?
-Nothing.

I couldn't use my super-strength
because people would see.

The driver had to wait
for the Jaws of Life

when I was standing right there

with these jaws of life!

Yes, you were the real victim
in that accident.

Everyone applauded
the rescue team,

but all I could think about was
how much faster

I could've done it.

Well, there are other things

you can do to help people.

Yesterday, I dropped off a bag

of gently-used clothes

to the local shelter.

What a rush!

Wait, is that why I'm missing

three of my favorite shirts?

Thanks for your donation.

Anybody can throw
Amy's hideous shirts

in a garbage bag.

But with my powers,
I can do so much more.

Which got me thinking,

there aren't any superheroes
around here,

and this town deserves someone
to look out for them.

So, I've decided to become...

Valley View's
first-ever secret hero.

Any chance you could also become

my secret brother?

Unit 13, lane drive on Central.

Come on! Something bad
happen to someone!

Yeah, that's probably
not a thing heroes say.

Attention, dispatch. I have
an urgent ten-one hundred.

Ooh! What's a ten-one hundred?

Bathroom break?

They can handle that
on their own.

What are you doing?

I've been up all night listening

to the police scanner.
It lets me know

who's in distress
so I can rush in

before anyone else
and save the day.

Wow, you're really doing this.

Ew! You're really doing this?

Yeah. Last night, I moved
a boulder out of the road,

stopped a construction crane
from tipping over.

I even used
my super-strength stomp
to scare off some burglars.

Wait, you sacrificed sleep
for that?

Look, Jake,
you can't just run around town

using your villain powers.
You're gonna get us all caught.

I say the same thing to you

all the time,
and you never listen to me.

Well, yeah,
but we've been over this.

I'm always right
and you're always wrong.

He does have a point.

You do use your powers
in public a lot.

Yesterday at school,
you used your sonic blast

to reheat a breakfast burrito.

Hey! If I'm hungry
in the morning,

a lot of people are in danger.

And it didn't seem to bother you
when I heated up
your onion rings.

I said you use
your powers a lot.

Not that they don't come
in handy.

Look, I'm not gonna
get us caught.

I'm a secret hero, remember?

No one's gonna know it's me.

Huh? Huh? What do you think?

I don't wanna look too good,
I'm supposed to be blending in.

I like where this is going.

You sure you don't wanna cover
your whole face,

like, all the time?

It seems fine to me if you're
saving people anonymously.

You know, a true hero
doesn't do it
for the recognition.

That's right, Hartley.

When it comes to enriching
the soul,

there's no need to keep score.

But just for the record,
I'm four-and-oh.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
this hero

needs to get back
to his scanner.

We've got an APB out

on a gigantic nerd
in the kitchen.

Oh, I think I've got a lead
on this one.

Hey, guys,

look what I just learned
how to do.

Ah, juggling. That's great.

Son of a genius
with the skills of a seal.

There you are.

I've been tearing
through your house
looking for you.

You snooped through our house
when we weren't there?

I sleep in your house
when you're not there.

Anyway, I heard you're running

the Round-Up's annual
Iron Tongue Hot Pepper
Eating Contest

at the fair this weekend.

That's right.
Now I'm supervisor,

I'm in charge of all sorts
of stuff.

It took a while,

but I finally worked my way up--

You could've just said yes.

Anyway...

I'm the reigning champ,

but no one has signed up
to challenge me this year,

so I'll just take the $300
in prize money now.

Did someone say "prize money"?
How do I win?

I bet you've been
asking yourself that
your whole life.

Each contestant has to eat
an extremely hot pepper

called "The Poltergeist."

"The Poltergeist"? Th-That's

the hottest pepper known to man.

I saw a guy eat one online,

you'd think "cough up a lung"
is just an expression,

but nope!

Not an issue when your insides
are half titanium.

Anyway,
whoever goes the longest,

without drinking milk,
to stop the extreme burning

in their mouth,
wins the contest.

Sounds easy! I'm in.

I accept your challenge,

but you're gonna wish I hadn't.

I'm the queen of pepper eatin'.

I have the esophagus
of a dragon.

Ah! If you only had
the wings of one,

so you can fly far, far away.

Heh, I'm sorry, you think

you can win
a hot pepper contest?

The same guy
who says vanilla ice cream

has too much bite?

Oh, I know I can win,

and I won't have to eat
anything spicy.

I'll just genetically modify
two peppers--

one, not spicy for me,

and one insanely spicy
for Celia,

and then you can swap them
for the peppers

we're supposed to eat
in the contest.

Uh-uh-uh. No way.
I'm in charge of this contest.

If my boss finds out
I had a hand in fixing it,
I'll be fired.

Oh, come on! Celia beats me
at everything:

the bull riding,
the scare contest,
the race to the moon.

Okay, that last one
may have been a dream I had.

But I can't keep letting Celia
make a fool out of me.

Besides, don't you wanna
see me win that prize money?

Ohh, not as much as I wanna see

you scream your face off
as the extremely hot pepper

burns a hole in your stomach.

What's everybody
so excited about?

Did that weird teacher
who tap dances

finally win the big Twinkle
Toes Tournament?

Mr. Clawson? Hmm, no.

He retired
from dancing last year.

Ah, so he tapped out.

You get it? He "tapped" out?

I really need to be
on stage somewhere.

Apparently, there's some
super cool secret hero

who's been saving people
all over town,

and everyone's talking about it.

It's me! I'm the hero!

Jake, this is exactly
what I was worried about.

Once people start
talking about a secret hero...

Oh, no, no, no.
"Super cool secret hero."

Their words, not mine.

Yeah, whatever.
It's only a matter of time

until people
start digging around,
and they find out it's you.

Yeah. And then
they'll discover our secret,

and we're all goin' down!

"Our" secret?

At this point,

you broke me, you bought me!

Relax. No one has any proof
of what I did.

Besides, it's nice to hear
that my heroic deeds
are making an impact.

Reminds me of when I was Chaos.

I was on the tip
of everyone's tongues.

Except most of those tongues
were saying that they hated me.

Oh, I know mine was.

Give it up
with the hateful comments.

Oh, hey, Mike...

Careful up there, Bodhi.

Can I give you a hand?

Nope, I got it.

Nope, don't got it!

Bodhi!

Gotcha!

What just happened?

Hartley saved me. She's a hero!

What? No, I'm the hero!

You didn't save me.

Nope, that's true.

He hasn't helped anyone,

and he can't tell you
any different.

Thanks again for saving me,
Hartley.

Can I get a selfie with my hero?

Oh, uh...

Well, I wouldn't call myself
a hero.

But you
and ten other people did,

so get this girl a cape!

Wow, Hartley,
you're like the new celebrity

of the school.

Which isn't saying much,

since the last celebrity
was the kid

who stacked ten cookies
on his forehead.

Oh, please.
She's no Cookie-Head Larry.

What's wrong, Jake?
You seem upset.

Me? No, I'm not upset.

It's just... you saved one kid
from falling off a ladder.

Does that really
make you a hero?

Teachers,
now they're the real heroes.

They catch you
from falling off...

life's ladder.

He's mad,

because you're the new hero

who stole his thunder.

I wasn't trying
to steal anything.

And what happened
to you not needing credit?

Oh, grow up, Hartley.
Everyone who does
good things says

they don't want credit,
but we all know

they're really in it
for the credit!

Hmm, you know, this is exactly

how Cookie-Head Larry
fell from grace.

Look, I'm sorry.
I saved a ton of
people this week,

and you caught one
very light, clumsy kid.

What, was I just supposed
to let him fall?

That would have been
the polite thing to do.

And you didn't
save a ton of people.

It was, like, eight at best.

Hey, don't forget the baby.

It could grow up
to cure disease,

and then all of
those people count, too.

Jake, it's not a contest.

Oh, I know it's not a contest.

I'm just gonna spend all night

saving even more people,
so that by tomorrow,

I'm the one
everyone's talking about again,

not you!

That's the literal definition
of a contest.

Bet I could come up
with a better definition
than you.

You have a problem!

Ah, the county fair.
Dangerous rides,

teenagers operating 'em.

What could possibly go wrong?

I don't know,
but are Ferris wheels

supposed to wobble like that?

Son, these are the memories
you'll treasure.

Fixing a pepper-eating contest

so your daddy
can rub his victory

in a senior citizen's face.

Wait. I thought Mom told you

she didn't want you
fixing the contest?

-I'm not fixing the contest.
You are.
-What?

Your mother's expecting me
to rig the contest,

but with your invisibility,
you can get the job done.

She won't have a clue.

Hold up. So, if Mom gets fired,

it's my fault?

Yes. But on the bright side,

we'll remember you fondly.

These are the genetically
modified peppers.

-But the bag says "banana."
-Yeah, it's code.

My pepper isn't spicy,
so it'll be like
eating a banana.

But Celia's pepper
is ten times spicier

than a Poltergeist pepper,

so it'll be like eating

a "banana on the sun."

Okay, well,
do they taste like bananas?

-No.
-Then what's the point
of bringing up bananas--

It's a frame of reference!

The point is, Celia will lose,

and I'll win the money.

Now, go make it happen.

I mean...

thanks for your help,
my oddly gifted son.

Fried butter, huh?

That seems like a good idea

before you hop on
a roller coaster.

Oh, hey, Colbs.

Hey, Mom.

What's in the bag?

Uh... Well, you see,

t-the thing is, it's, uh...

Oh, okay, let me guess:
Your father wants

to rig the contest,
even though I told him not to?

Wanna see me juggle again?

- What's up with you?
- You look exhausted.

I spent all night saving lives

just so people would start
talking about me again.

But the only person they want
to talk about is Hartley!

Oh, come on.
I mean, she saved one kid.

People can't be talking
that much.

Well, we do live in Valley View.

These people do a countdown
to butterfly season.

I'm sorry you had to see that.

So, Hartley made the news.

You should be happy for her.

I mean, isn't the whole thing

with you disgustingly
nice people

that you support each other?

Yeah, you're right.
I shouldn't let it get to me.

Hartley did a good thing.
It doesn't take away

from all I've done,
just 'cause she's
getting a little attention.

Guys!

I've been so busy

making the hero rounds,
I didn't even get to show you

the video my grandma sent me!

B-B-Bodhi! Bodhi!

Ahhhhhhhhh!

Gotcha! G-G-Gotcha!

Hartley saved me.

She's a hero-hero-hero.

Hartley saved me.

She's a hero-hero-hero.

It went viral?

Must've, if my grandma saw it.

The only videos she watches

are backyard brawls
and deep fryer disasters.

Well, I better go get ready
for the fair! Heh.

-The fair?
-Yeah.

The fair committee is
presenting me

with the Valley View
Hero Award. Heh.

Didn't you read about it
in the newspaper?

Nope.

Must've missed it.

It's right behind you,
do you want me to get it, or...?

You're not gonna accept
the award, are you?

-Why wouldn't I?
-Because you said

a true hero doesn't do it
for the recognition.

Well, I didn't do it
for the recognition.

But if they want
to give it to me,

then I might as well
pack my bags

and check into my suite
at the hero hotel! Heh!

-Unbelievable!
-Oh, the part where

Hartley's accepting the award,
or the part of you

that thought any of this
was a good idea?

You know what?
I just figured out

why Hartley's getting
the attention that I'm not.

It's because I've been
saving people as a secret hero.

Well, not anymore!

It's time to show everyone
that Jake Madden

is the real hero of Valley View.

But first, I gotta take a nap.

This hero is sleepy.

Jake. Look, I know
you're an egomaniac

who's willing to scrape
the bottom of the barrel

just to get
an ounce of validation,

but I won't let you use
your powers to do it!

I'm not using my powers.

Oh. Well, then forget
all the other stuff I just said,

but I'm standing by
the egomaniac part.

-What are you up to?
-Oh, I used my super-strength

to loosen a dead branch
off of this baby.

While the crowd's watching
Hartley give her speech,

I'm gonna discreetly super-stomp
the ground to shake the tree.

The branch will come down,
and I'll rush over and catch it.

You just said you weren't
using your powers.

Yeah, I was lying
so you'd go away.

No way. I'm not letting you
use your powers in public.

-You're gonna get us caught.
-Relax.

No one's gonna even
notice me stomp my foot.

I'll just look like a grown man
throwing a tantrum.

Oh, that's so cute.

You think you look
like a grown man.

And no one
will be near the branch

when it falls,
so no one will get hurt.

It's a simple story:
Branch falls, Jake is a hero,

Jake goes viral,
the whole world loves Jake.

Yeah. The whole world
shouldn't know Jake.

That would be bad
for our entire family.

Plus, there's no way
I'm letting you ruin
Hartley's award ceremony

just so you can get
an ego boost.

Yeah? Well, good luck
trying to stop me.

Hm. I don't need luck.

I've got this.

I can't move!

Oh, so I can't use my powers,
but you can use yours?

Mm, hey, if I didn't have
double standards,

I wouldn't have
any standards at all.

Hello, Celia.

Quiet. Can't you see
I'm pepper preppin'?

What is that?

You said we were eating peppers.

That's not peppers,
that's salsa!

No one said
we were eating salsa!

Relax, twitchy.
This is just my pre-game.

Time to heat things up!

Oh, I'm barely gonna taste that.

Mama needs a waterfall!

Yeah, yeah, you made your point.
Are you done?

Nope.

Now I'm done.

Ahh...

Okay, Celia, you drink
all the salsa you want.

You're no match
for my iron tongue.

Hey, did you swap the bananas?

Yep. Good to go.

Is she...

Is she drinking salsa?

Yeah, that's nothing.
You should see

what she can do
with a jar of mayo.

All right, everyone.

The contest is about to begin.

Remember, whoever
goes the longest

without drinking
their milk wins.

Oh, and since my husband
is competing,

please be aware
that the first two rows

may get cried on.

Good luck, Celia.
May the best pepper eater win.

I will destroy you,

and no one will
remember your name.

Well, that's darker
than I thought we were going.

Okay. Lady and gentleman,

heh, start your taste buds!

Just eat.

It's too hot!

I can't take it!

Oh! Look who can't handle
the heat!

This is how
a real champ does it!

I was kidding. I'm fine.

Mmm, this pepper went down

easier than ever!

I'd say it was like
eating a banana,

but that's confusing.

Wait...

So, if you're fine,
that means that I just ate...

The wrong one?

Hot! Hot! Hot!

Mm-hmm. You're about to find out
what "burning the candle

at both ends" feels like.

Ho-- How-- How did she know?

She always knows.

Oops.

Well, I'd say,
that's a win for all of us.

That's my grandbaby up there!

You better clap.

Get your stupid Sonic Band
off me!

Oh, are you gonna nix
your stupid plan?

Yes.

Are ya lying again?

Yes.

Just let me have this!
I wanna be a hero!

Aw, begging. So heroic.

I touched my eyes! It burns!

-Jake!
-It burns!

Mr. Madden!

Are you okay?

I don't know who's talking,

but I'm gonna go put my head

in the dunk tank.

Should I tell him
there's no dunk tank?

Nah.

That was really bad.
Dad could've gotten
seriously hurt.

I know. I don't think
I could feel any worse.

My granddaughter's
a hero again! Ha ha!

-I was wrong. I feel worse.
-Mmm.

I should never have tried
to fake being a hero.

You faked being a hero?

Uh-oh...

Jake, did you set up
that tree branch to fall?

What? Heh. No.

Nature's just finally
fighting back!

Okay, look...

I'm sorry.

Being a hero is a lot of work,

especially when
you don't get any credit.

I know I shouldn't be
in it for that, but...

when I saw the attention
you were getting,

I wanted some, too.

No, I... I get it.

Why do you think I got
so caught up in all of this?

Doing good things
is a thankless job.

I've cleaned up the school
hundreds of times,

and do you think
anyone thanks me?

No! They just make
more of a mess.

Hm. People are horrible.

By "they," I meant you.

Mm. You know, I thought so,
but I wasn't a hundred percent.

Thanks for clarifying.

Hartley, I should've never tried
to steal your spotlight.

I've only been a hero
for a couple days,

but you've been a good person
your whole life.

You deserve this award
more than anyone.

-Thanks.
-And from now on,

I think I'll leave
the do-gooding to you.

My secret hero days are over.

Hm. Did they ever really begin?

Jake, you don't need

to do big things to be a hero.

You can help people
in small ways.

The world also needs
everyday heroes.

Yeah. I guess you're right.

There's no need to force it.

I don't need an award
for doing good deeds.

Me, neither. Heh.

But I got one,
so I'm gonna go show it off!

I knew putting a low setting
on this freeze ray

would come in handy.

Well, did you learn your lesson?

Yeah. Next time, I'll choose

a more loyal accomplice.

Yeah, and next time, I'll choose

someone who knows
more about bananas.

Oh, at least my first contest
was a success.

People are already
buying tickets for next year.

Mm. Also, it's no longer
a contest,

just people paying to watch you
eat peppers and cry.

Let me guess, you're here

to rub your victory in my face.

Nah, you being the joke
of the town is enough for me.

I thought these ice pops

might soothe
your burning tongue.

Oh, that's actually sweet
of you, Celia.

Mmm. That's an unusual flavor.

What is it?

Habanero pepper. Heh.

So, how much do I owe you
for the ice pops?