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- So today makes the big two
- O.

Indeed, my friend.

Could you have
imagined that you

would work at Carter's
for over 20 years?

Well you find something that

works and you just
stick with it.

You and Christine
have any plans on

celebrating the momentous
occasion tonight?

Eh, nothing special.

Probably just order pizza, play

some board games with the kids.

Just another day.

I got a
date tonight myself.

Really?

Yeah, you know that new

hygienist from the
dentist's office?

Yeah?

She totally digs me.

I'm just trying to
decide if I want

to splash on Stetson
or Old Spice.

Vaughn!

Mr. Carter wants to see you
in the office before you go.

Okay, I'll be
there in a second.

Nice!

Mr. Carter!

The boss man!

He's probably gonna
give you a bonus.

We're gonna have
to let you go.

Effective immediately.

Brian's got your
separation papers.

I'm really sorry, Vaughn.

I understand.

If you wanna come in
tomorrow, there's nobody

here, and get your
tools, that'd be okay.

Surprise!

Thanks a lot everybody
for coming out.

Helping me celebrate my
20th year at Carter's.

Turns out though my
20th year was my last.

They let me go.

I'm sorry, you guys.

Thanks for coming out.

Sorry.

Sorry, man.

So you're just
gonna take this?

I know you got my back, Larry.

You're just being a friend,
but you still got your job.

You need to focus on that.

Well well, looks like I
got me a brand new ball.

Thanks for tracking our
ball down for us, Gibby.

Oh no you didn't!

Dad!

What?

He's trying to
take my new ball.

Is there a problem
here, poindexter?

No, there's no problem.

Gibby, you can keep the ball.

That's what I thought.

Now listen, I know that you've

been mowing this
section of my yard.

What you need to know
is we're getting a pool.

I need this section
of my yard back.

Okay, Roland.

Okay.

Of course it's okay.

You're dismissed.

Run along.

What a pansy.

Always has been, always will be.

So I'm unemployed.

I've never not had a job.

Honey, listen.

Do not let this get you down.

We aren't in any danger here.

We've been married 14 years.

We've never taken a vacation.

I just lost my job.

I'm not Chuck
Norris, I can't just

roundhouse kick the classifieds

and have the job
drop out of them.

Vaughn, relax.

Relax, how can I relax?

What if I were to stroke out?

You don't even have a
family history of strokes.

Well those things come
from somewhere don't they?

They strike without a notice.

And now we don't have
health insurance.

This could be just the thing

you need to change everything.

Change?

There's just so
much more out there.

I love you, you know that.

The thing is, you sell yourself
short over and over again.

You don't...

I don't...

I don't what?

Time was, and I didn't
give you any good

reason for it, but
I knew at least you

believed in me, but I
guess that's changed huh?

I can't deal with this.

I gotta go clear my head.

Vaughn, wait!

You know that's
not what I meant.

I'll talk to him.

Then she says oh now
we can go on vacation.

I can't go on a vacation.

I've gotta figure out where
to apply for the food stamps,

map out all the
soup kitchens, and

find some of those
free health clinics.

I gotta prepare for life
on the outside of society.

I'm sorry, dude.

Relax.

You've had a lot
laid on you today.

Yeah.

Didn't you say you had a date

or something like that tonight?

Oh yeah.

Well I figured on account of
the events of the day that...

Well the truth is she's gonna

have to take a number, you know?

Yeah.

Larry can't be
spreading himself so thin.

'Cause...

I got skydiving tomorrow
and I'm going to

the gym and I'm taking
a new MMA class.

MMA?

I had no idea they offered that
kind of stuff down at the Y.

Oh yeah.

I mean it's the real deal.

Can't wait to get in that ring

and tap out some
of those clowns.

Like armbar and chokehold
and whatever it takes.

I don't know, dude.

Sounds like a perfect
recipe for a herniated

disk or some sciatic nerve
damage if you ask me.

Well it's not for everyone.

The ladies love it though.

Being fierce and all.

Can I interest you fellas
in a couple of figurines?

Why?

What's so special about them?

You purchase one
of these, It'll lead

to all your wildest
dreams come true.

I could use a little of that.

How much for two
of those carvings?

That'll take care of it.

Nice doing business with you.

What would you want, Vaughn?

What do you mean?

I mean all your wildest
dreams coming true.

What would that
look like to you?

I guess pretty much how
things were until today.

Wife, kids, a job
which I no longer have.

How about you?

Me?

Well I'm living
the dream, broseph,

I mean my Rolodex is
full of numbers of

awesome babes, I'm an
extreme sports athlete.

I still got my good
looks and charm.

I got an apartment,
I'm driving a

Pinto which is a
total chick magnet.

Really?

Oh yeah.

Well man, you've always had
it figured out for yourself.

I'm happy for you.

Mind if I come
in and grab another

slice of that cake
before I hit the road?

Sure.

What's on?

Some western.

I was made for times like that.

The open air, horses.

You purchase one of these,

it'll lead to all your
wildest dreams come true.

I could
use a little of that.

You purchase one of these,

it'll lead to all your
wildest dreams come true.

I
could use a little of that.

You purchase one of these,

it'll lead to all your
wildest dreams come true.

I
could use a little of that.

Shiny.

Get off me.

Air conditioning.

Get off me, dude.

Larry!

I'm still tired!

We're outside!

We're in the desert!

You're dressed like
Charles Ingalls!

This is a dream!

No.

We're just dreaming!

No!

No, check it.

Just punch me in the face.

I never get hurt in my dreams.

No!

Just punch me, Vaughn!

You punched me in the forehead!

Well this isn't a dream.

No.

No, we've been drugged.

We've been kidnapped and we've
been dumped in this desert.

I think someone
slipped us some roofies.

I've seen this on Dateline.

Really?

Somebody kidnaps two grown men,

flies them across the country,

dresses them like
Butch Cassidy and the

Sundance Kid, and leaves
them in the desert to die?

You have not seen
this on Dateline.

How.

- Ah!
- Oh my gosh!

Who is that guy?

You don't recognize me?

I've never seen you before.

You sure about that?

It's the figurine guy!

He pushed us all the
way out here in his cart?

And this is supposed to be
our wildest dreams come true?

What a ripoff!

No no no no, this
is no dream come true.

This guy has drugged us!

Okay, Indian cart pushing,
trinket selling guy!

Oh it's on!

It's on like Donkey Kong, yeah!

I was made for a time like this!

Let's get this
thing going, Tonto!

Relax, Larry, before
you hurt yourself.

Yeah, I know your name.

I know your name too, Vaughn.

Larry Maizel, born
to Marshall and Ester

on June 20th, 1973,
in Fairdale, Kentucky.

You like long walks on the
beach, romantic comedies,

puppies, nice clothes,
candlelight dinner.

Okay, that'll do!

He cracked into
my dating profile.

Is nothing sacred?

Don't you think you
owe us an explanation?

You two have been
watched, measured,

and found wanting,
but you've been

born to such a
time just as this.

I'm sorry, you've got us, or

at least me mixed up here.

Mr...

Keezheekoni.

Okay, Mr. Keyzucchini.

Keezheekoni.

Cheyenne for burning fire.

Okay, Mr. Keezheekoni, we are

not the right person for your...

Special chosen task.

Yes, yes, your
special chosen task.

Listen, I'm a loser.

I just got fired from my job.

Please, just put me back on the

couch where you found
me, that'd be great.

You're just the right person

and you're gonna
help him, Larry.

What have I done to
you, Mr. Keyzucchini?

You answer me that right now!

You two will mount and
ride these horses due

west 'till you come to
the town of Pumpkinville.

No no no no no no, we
just want to go home!

People of
Pumpkinville need you,

you need them, and you
need to heal the town.

You have two weeks
to complete the task.

If you don't, you'll
never return home.

Heal the town?

What does that even mean?

"Heal the town."

You'll figure it out, fellas.

Two weeks.

Well where are we?

You're in the
Arizona territory.

You mean to tell me
that you have dragged

us out here across
state lines to Arizona?

No, Arizona's still decades
away from being a state.

It's 1875, the clothes you're
wearing, modern attire.

You better get riding.

Stay on this road right here.

Eventually you'll
reach Pumpkinville.

Wait, wait, wait
wait wait, don't you

think this is all
just a little ridi...

Dear Lord.

That man practices
the dark arts.

This has gotta be
some kind of a joke.

We're just supposed to get
on those and ride due west?

Which way is west?

Not like these babies
are outfitted with any kind of a GPS.

Did you see that man appear
and disappear out of thin air?

I saw it.

Cool.

You know, he said it was 1875.

How's that even possible?

Just gonna have to get
on these things and ride.

How do you get up there?

I guess you just
try to put a foot

in here and throw a
leg over or something.

Hey Vaughn, I'm up here.

Yeah.

Hey, is this how you steer it?

I don't think so, buddy.

I think you might be
up there the wrong way.

Hey, you think that's
our town up there?

It's either that or
it's another ghost town.

How do you figure
we're gonna settle

in there when we
get to Pumpkinville?

Figure out what needs to happen
to get ourselves back home.

I don't know, I
think we're just

gonna have to take
it as it comes.

We can get up there and
see if they have a church.

Why's that?

Ever heard of a little
hamlet called Walnut Grove?

Why does that sound familiar?

Little House on the Prairie?

Oh, okay.

I mean I've seen
every episode of that

show at least twice,
and if this is the

1870s, my knowledge
is gonna be gold!

How do you figure that?

Well I've studied them.

I know their customs, I know how

to communicate
with these people.

Well hopefully
you know how to talk

to these people a
little bit better

than you know how
to take a punch.

Come on.

The church.

Let's get down there
and see if they've

got a reverend, see
if he can help us out.

All right.

Come on.

What's the name of
this town, youngin'?

This here's Pumpkinville.

We made it.

Hey, do you know a place
we might be able to stay?

The hotel's been shut
down for about a year,

but you can go see
Emilia at the mercantile.

Much obliged.

Where'd you get that coin?

Found it in my pocket.

Whoa.

Hello.

We were looking for Emilia,
is this the right place?

Sure is, Emilia's my mother.

She'll be back any minute.

How can I help you?

We was wondering, half pint,

if you might have
a place where we

can hang our hat for
a night's rest or two?

Can I help you two
gentlemen with something?

They were inquiring about a

place to stay for a few nights.

You aren't in the
willows are you?

Running from the law.

No!

Mother.

I have every
right to know what

these two strangers
claim to be up to.

Ma'am, we're from back east

and we're only passing through.

Listen, we've had
a week's long ride

and we're just looking
to rest for a spell.

All right, well Laura
will get you settled then.

Gentlemen.

Please excuse mama,
she's been raising

my brother and I
for years since pa

passed on and she can
be quite suspicious.

That's fine.

We understand.

Take these two up to the cabin

and see that they
get settled in.

Well here it is.

If you need anything
you can go see

Mrs. Henderson or Laura
at the mercantile.

Hey, do you know where we
can find a church around here?

Yeah, there's Doxology Work
on the east side of town.

Great, is there
a minister there?

Yup, Reverend Callaghan.

Whoa.

Would you look at this place.

Amazing, isn't it?

Yeah, amazing breeding ground
for brown recluse spiders.

This is just like
Mr. Tucker's place.

Little House?

Stayed in a cabin
just like this.

Listen, I'm
really happy you're

getting a chance
to relive some of

your childhood TV
viewing memories,

but the clock is ticking.

We gotta figure
out what we gotta

do to get up out of this place.

I hear you.

But when in Rome, you
gotta blend in with

the Romans, we gotta take
stock of the locality!

This bed isn't half bad.

About the "when
in Rome" business.

You think there's any
chance that you might

be able to go a little
bit easy on the isms?

You can't be calling
people half pint.

Relax!

Life's a journey, my brother.

We're gonna find
our way outta here.

We just need to enjoy
the ride a little.

Yeah, I'm gonna "enjoy
the ride" outta here.

This place is Walnut
Grove made over.

You know what, we oughta see
if we can find a Doc Baker.

Doc Baker.

Yeah, he was the town's...

He was the town's doctor.

Doctors heal right?

They diagnose a
problem, they come up

with a remedy, and they
deliver the medicine.

I know what we need to do!

Yeah, we need
to find a creek or

a bath and change
into some new threads.

That's my suggestion.

No no no, he said the
town needs to be healed.

So the town would
need to be sick

or broken or something
like that right?

Okay.

Yeah, well that's it.

We figure out what
the town's problem

is and we do whatever
it takes to solve it.

Exactly!

And you can't do that
without understanding them.

See, that's why I've
been using the whole

lingo thing so we can
connect with these folk.

I see where
you're coming from.

Well then, let's find
this Doxology Works and

Reverend Callaghan and let's
get this show on the road.

Would you look at this place?

It's a small town.

Small church.

Could fit 10, maybe
20 people in here.

35 if you stack
them in correctly.

Reverend?

Callaghan.

And who do I have the
pleasure of meeting?

My name is Larry and
this is my partner Vaughn.

Nice to meet you fellas,
just passing through?

No, we plan to be
here for a week or two.

That so?

What's the occasion?

Well we're...

Here...

To do a little research.

We're writing a story
about the town for...

For a...

A benefactor, a
benefactor back east,

where we're from, and
we thought we would...

We're gonna just be
here for a week or two,

we're gonna file our story, and

we're just right
back outta here.

No
need to rush, fellas.

You make lodging arrangements?

Yeah, we have.

Yesterday we met Laura and
Emilia down at the mercantile.

They've let us rent their cabin.

You're in good
hands in Emilia.

You should meet some of
the people here in town.

Get the lay of the land.

I can show you around
and introduce you to folk if you like.

Sounds great.

This is Elijah
Woods, our blacksmith.

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

Vaughn and Larry
are here to do

a story for a paper
back in Louisville.

Careful, that might be hot!

Gosh!

Darn it!

You wanna draw a little bit
more attention to yourself?

Well there should've been a

railing or a warning sign there.

Sorry, long day of travel.

Boys.

Thanks, Elijah.

Nice to meet you boys.

Take care.

This here's Sebastian,
our town Deputy.

Sebastian, meet
Vaughn and Larry.

They're staying at the
Henderson cabin for a few weeks.

I got five beans
in a wheel here

and I won't hesitate
to let them loose.

I think you made your point.

Well nice to meet
you, Sebastian.

Hope to see you
around real soon.

What is his problem?

Never mind him, he just
needs to feel important.

That's just his way.

Fact is, we don't
even have a sheriff.

He's actually deputy to no one.

We just allow him to
amble into that role.

Figures.

You're acquainted
with the mercantile.

Well thanks for showing
us around, Reverend.

You're in good hands
here with Emilia.

Sunday service is at 8.

Can I expect to see both
of you in attendance?

We'll be there, Reverend.

Sure.

You break anything,
you've bought it.

Yes ma'am, I'm sorry.

Larry, why don't you just go
wait outside, I've got this.

Howdy, ma'am.

Hola.

My name is Rosa.

What's your name, senor?

My name's Larry.

Laurence, my name's Laurence.

Laurence, si?

Yes, Desert Rose.

My name is Laurence.

And Laurence is very
pleased to meet you.

Where are you from, Laurence?

I saw you talking with
my father this morning.

Who's your father?

My father's Reverend
Callaghan, I...

You're Reverend
Callaghan's daughter?

He told me so much about you.

Yes?

Yeah.

What have you heard?

Well that your name's Rose.

And that...

He's a minister.

And...

Hey!

Back away!

Just back away right now!

This scoundrel
bothering you, Rosie?

Just tell me.

Tell me now and my swift hand

of justice will fall like rain.

Sebastian, go back
to your jailhouse.

I don't like you
shouting at my friend.

We'll see about this, Larry.

His name is Laurence.

Perfect.

Spreading an alias
already I see,

well I had a feeling deep in my

craw you's a no good varmint.

That's enough, go back
and mind your jailhouse.

That's the second time
with that guy today.

What's his problem?

Don't worry about him,
he doesn't mean any harm.

Hey Larry!

Got some groceries,
you ready to go man?

Come here, I want
you to meet Rose!

Rose, this is my partner Vaughn.

Rose here's the
reverend's daughter.

Oh, well nice
to meet you, Rose.

Your father's been very helpful.

Yes, that is my father's
way, very helpful.

Hope we'll be seeing
you around again.

Yes, I look forward to it.

All right.

We'll see you, Desert Rose.

You think that deputy's
got a screw loose?

Oh he does.

I mean he came up
to me all crazy

like when you were in the store.

When I was working
my magic on Rosa.

Listen, I'm
completely not trying

to tell you what
to do man, but you

know she's not our
main goal here right?

I got you, I just,
there's nothing

wrong with getting
to know people while

we're trying to sort
all this stuff out.

I agree.

I know you're an
enjoying the journey

type of a guy, right,
and that's fine.

It's just...

I keep thinking about Christine.

I wonder what she's thinking.

Have the kids.

Well you know what
man, just as easy

as we were whisked
out here, that

Keezheekoni guy, he
can get us back home.

The reverend was
saying that they used to

have a restaurant, the
town used to have a hotel.

Makes me wonder, it
doesn't seem like

this town is quite
what it used to be.

Yeah, but towns
like this popped

up all the time back in the day

and then they just disappeared.

I mean you saw all those ghost
towns when we were riding in.

Yeah.

I wonder what happened to them.

I don't know, I
think they were just

old mining towns, or
maybe the well ran dry,

or I dunno, maybe people
just went to other towns.

Bon appetite.

Well that was...

Delicious!

I mean we just had our
first meal on the frontier.

Loved it.

Well I'm glad you liked it.

Dude, I am wiped out.

I'm gonna get some shuteye.

I'm right with you.

We got church tomorrow
and I gotta get

my beauty rest so I
can look good for Rosa.

Whatever.

I gotta figure this out.

This morning we
look at Moses who

was the greatest man
in the Old Testament.

Moses got the 10
commandments from God.

Moses wrote the first
five books of the bible.

He led the people from Israel,

out of captivity and
slavery, in Egypt.

Why was God so effective
in His use of Moses?

Because Moses made some
choices in his life.

So we see Moses ask who am I.

What are my choices?

What's important to my
life, what are my goals?

And in closing, my
final exhortation

to you is accept responsibility.

Like Moses, you
make some choices.

No matter what happened
to you in the past,

you have the freedom to choose
how you're going to respond.

Never take your
eyes off the goal,

get a clear vision,
find God's purpose

for your life, and
focus in on it.

Take chances.

Never, ever give up.

Wonderful sermon, Reverend.

Thank you,.

Good to see you, Wilbur.

I'll be over next week to
check on that fence of yours.

Okay.

Very nice message, papa.

Thank you, sweetheart.

Nice to see you boys.

Good to have you as guests.

It's nice to be a
guest, Reverend and Rosa.

It's such a gift to behold such

a beautiful face
on a gorgeous day.

Of course, nice to
meet you again, Rosa.

Could you boys
do us the honor of

having a picnic lunch
with Rosa and I?

Absolutely!

We'd love to.

So tell us about your
lives back in Louisville.

Well we work together on...

Carriages.

On the side we do
that, but my main pursuit

is to be a hot air balloon
owner and operator.

Really?

How interesting.

That and I'm an inventor.

Yeah, you sure are.

So how does that fit in with

the story you're
doing about our town?

Well we've been
working together

for the last 20
years on carriages.

That all ended right
before we came out here.

I see.

From there we got
the opportunity to come

out here, the offer
that you can't refuse.

Some of my background
is in writing.

Mainly poems and sonnets.

I did most of my writing
during my stint at Harvard.

Do you both have
families back home?

Yeah, I do.

A wife and three kids.

You must miss them so
much being away for so long.

I'm a single man myself.

I've just been so dedicated
to my studies and work and...

And all of your
hot air ballooning

and all of your inventions.

Of course.

I just haven't made the time to

take on the duties
of being a husband.

Not that I don't want to.

I'm just looking
for the right woman.

One to love and care for,
to honor and cherish.

From this day forward
'till death do us part.

We're pleased to
have you with us.

Rosa, would you mind getting
some more water please?

Oh sure, papa.

May I assist you please?

It would be my pleasure.

Why thank you, Laurence.

So are you a famous
man in your town?

Being an inventor of things
and having hot air balloon?

Nah, well yeah, but
I'm still the same

Laurence as I was before
the fame and fortune.

How about you?

What's it like being the
most beautiful woman in town?

Laurence, I don't
think such things.

Okay.

Have you lived here long?

Yes, since I was 15 years old,

I moved here with my
father and my mother.

My mother, she
got sick and died.

I lived here ever since just
taking care of my father.

I'm sorry to hear
about your mother.

Yes.

Gracias.

Her and papa adopted me from an

orphanage when I was
just a little girl.

Well I'm glad they did.

Me too.

Enjoyed your sermon
this morning, Reverend.

Thank you.

That Moses, quite
a character huh?

Indeed, quite a
person of faith.

He had some problems
in his life.

Really?

Sure, he didn't
exactly volunteer

for the job of saving
all those people.

Had to have been scared.

But he decided he
wasn't going to run.

Just too much at stake.

It wasn't easy, but he did it.

I guess sometimes the
stakes are just too high.

And failure isn't an option.

I suppose you're right.

What can you tell
me about Pumpkinville?

Well it was founded
about 20 years ago.

There was an abundance
of wild pumpkins

down by the river,
hence Pumpkinville.

That makes sense.

Town's fallen on tough
times the last few years.

Really?

Six or seven years ago, the

town was bursting with promise.

What do you know
about that deputy fella?

You mean Sebastian?

Yeah, he seems...

He seems different.

We went to school together,
I think he tries to be nice.

Seems very interested in you.

Papa says he wants to marry
me, but papa says no way.

Well I knew Reverend
Callaghan was a smart man.

You're very funny.

Hey, I think I found
what I'm looking for.

Well I know I have.

And it comes in a 120 pound
package of Mexican goodness.

What?

The Desert Rose, Vaughn.

The DR, baby.

Oh come on.

Listen, this whole
heal the town thing.

There's this ghost
town slumlord Malachi.

Reverend says the town has been

on decline for years and he lays

most of the blame
for that on Malachi.

How's that?

Well apparently he
goes around buying

up all the land, he
runs the people out.

You remember those ghost
towns we saw on the way in?

Mmmhm.

His handiwork.

So this is what I figure.

I know where he's
at, you and me are

gonna ride out there
and talk to Malachi.

We're gonna convince him to take

his boot off the
town's throat just

a little and we'll
be back outta here.

So you're just gonna walk up

to this Malachi dude and you're

just gonna ask
him to stand down?

Now how's that gonna work?

I don't know.

What would Moses do?

WWMD?

Yes, WWMD, what
would Moses do?

Reverend Callaghan's
talk this morning?

You weren't paying attention.

No I wasn't.

But did you ever see Charlton
Heston in The 10 Commandments?

Check it.

Snake turns into a staff.

Cue the wind.

Lots of people.

Hair flowing, beard,
majestic on a mountain.

Let my people go!

That was awesome.

Okay, well anyway.

So Moses got the call of his
game, you know what he did?

He came out swinging.

That's just what I'm gonna do.

Coming out swinging.

Right right left!

Left right left!

- Bam, bam!
- Yeah!

Yeah!

Get in there, beat
him down and make him

tap out and you come
out swinging, bro!

That's exactly
what I'm gonna do!

Yeah, and you just get
in there and take a punch!

Oh I don't know about that.

No, you just fight!

Listen, do you have any idea

how sensitive the
human temple is?

One wrong punch
and you're a goner.

I just thought you said you

weren't gonna take
this lying down.

Well I'm not.

I know where he's
at and we're gonna

ride out there and
we're gonna see him.

That's what I'm
talking about, bro!

And that's exactly
what we're gonna do.

We're gonna talk to him.

We're gonna reason, just get him

to let up on this
town a little bit and

we can be back to
Louisville in a flash.

It's on, bro.

How can I help you fellas?

Hey, we're about ready to go

on a long trip, I
was wondering if

you could take a look
at these guys and

make sure they're ready
for the long haul.

Where you off to?

We are off to Pine Hollow.

For your story?

We're gonna go see a guy.

William Malachi.

Malachi, huh?

Watch yourself.

Oh yeah?

Why?

Got a reputation for
mayhem and quick on the draw.

Y'all might wanna
get some sidearms.

Guns?

Yeah.

Are those really necessary?

Necessary if you
wanna protect yourselves.

Boys be careful.

Sweet.

I got a killer pair of
chaps to go with these.

Thank you.

Shoes are in good
shape, have a good ride.

Thank you.

Gunslingers.

I knew it.

Well...

This is it.

It sure is.

Howdy, partner.

We're looking for
a William Malachi.

Got business with him?

We hope to.

Well he's right there, but if

I was you boys, I'd be careful.

He just said we
need to be careful,

let's just leave now and
come back a little later.

Come back with what?

I don't know, maybe
some backup or something.

Backup?

We don't have backup.

Well, you know, a
bigger gun like a howitzer

or a Gatling gun or
something, I don't know.

We ain't having
no shoot out here.

I never said we were, I just

thought maybe he would
respect a bigger gun.

Just follow my lead on
this one, I got an idea.

- Let's just go not this time.
- No no, just...

Will!

William Malachi!

Who here's William Malachi?

Who's asking?

It's okay.

I'm Malachi.

Pleased to meet you.

Oh no, don't shoot!

Easy, easy.

That's no way to
treat our guests.

Sorry, I didn't mean
to startle anybody.

Please sit down.

Thanks so much.

Can I interest
you two in a drink?

Oh no no no, we
wouldn't want to impose.

I'll not hear it.

Much obliged, much obliged.

Glasses are small.

Just drink it.

Thank you.

Don't drink the tea.

It's rotten.

It's not tea.

It's tea.

This is rotten.

So.

To what do I owe the honor
of making your acquaintance?

Well Mr. Malachi,
we're doing a

story for a publication back out

east, which is where we're from,

and well we decided to settle

in Pumpkinville for a few days.

Interesting choice.

Well it's basically the
only town in the area.

That so?

So tell me, what would be
the purpose of your story?

Well Mr. Malachi, what...

Now let me stop
you right there.

Call me William.

Please, I insist.

And you two are...

My name's Vaughn and
this is my partner Larry.

Let me back up,
gentlemen, and say pleased

to meet you and welcome
to our little oasis.

Now about this story.

Are you familiar
with the plans for the

Southern Pacific Railroad
to come through this area?

I am.

Well there's
some people in the

town that have indicated that...

You've made interest in making

sure that the railroad
bypasses Pumpkinville.

I have no interest
in the affairs of

Pumpkinville or any
proposed line there.

It was mentioned
that you had some role

in buying up some land
around Pumpkinville?

I respect the
people of that town.

I can understand why
they wouldn't wanna

circulate an idea that
I would be interested

in taking ownership and
refurbishing their town.

Why?

Well such a rumor,
if it were true,

and I assure you
that it is not, would

increase the value of their
businesses and holdings.

But the fact remains, gentlemen.

I have no interest in
doing business there.

What about hindering business?

Absolutely none whatsoever.

Well thank you
so much for your

time William, it was a
pleasure meeting you.

Well gentlemen, are there
anymore questions I can answer?

I don't have any.

Thank you so much, sir.

See you guys!

Well that went well.

Yeah, and you wanted to
bring out the big guns.

Whatever.

I'm never gonna get that
tea taste outta my mouth.

Tom looked him in the
eye and said, like only Tom

could, that's why this town
needs a printing press.

That's so funny.

Tom.

Good man.

Indeed.

Yeah, I miss him.

I do too.

We all do.

The whole town does.

Place is not the
same without him.

How long since
you lost Harriet?

Eight years.

Seems like forever.

Rosa, come see the new
fabric mother just got in.

Yes, I would love to.

Hello.

Back from your trip already?

How did you know we were gone?

You were at the
blacksmith this morning.

Small town.

Yeah, guess so.

Pine Hollow was it?

Yes sir, we went...

What business do the two
of you have in Pine Hollow?

You see Malachi?

- Yes.
- Yes.

We did.

Exactly who is it that the
two of you think you are?

Mother.

Emilia.

I just thought we
could go and talk

to him and reason
with him a little.

Oh, and how did
that work out for you?

Well at first it was a little

dicey, the tea was awful, but...

Yeah, what did you talk about?

Word in town is that you two

have been dealing with Malachi.

Yeah, we just felt we
would ride out there,

reason with him a
little bit, talk to him

about allowing the
train station here.

He says he has no problem with

Pumpkinville doing
that kind of business.

And he lies.

He's a bad man.

Maybe, but why would he lie?

Maybe things have changed.

Maybe he's got his
sights set elsewhere.

Could that be possible?

Maybe it is.

Maybe we could get
Roger back out here.

Roger's my old
friend that works

for the Southern
Pacific Railroad.

It's worth a shot.

We could get him back here?

With Malachi out of the way,
we at least have a chance.

That could be wonderful.

Thank you.

Well we did what anyone in
our situation would've done.

Absurd!

Asinine!

Idiotic people!

Laurence, it goes here.

Right here?

No, right here silly.

Oh.

What would you do, Rosa?

If you could do anything,
what would it be?

I'd want to teach school.

I could totally
see you doing that!

You'd be a great teacher!

You should do that!

What else would you do?

I'd want to meet my
husband, have a family,

raise the children, things
like that I suppose.

Have you considered
anybody that you might marry?

No, not yet.

Emilia says that Mr.
Right will come along

sometime and I'll know
it's him when I see him.

What about you,
Mr. Question Man?

You've probably done
everything with your

big inventions, your
balloons, and your studies.

Yeah, I've done a lot.

But I'm thinking that
there's more out there.

Like what?

What would you do next?

I wanna be a dancer.

A dancer?

Really?

Laugh if you will, but
Laurence here can dance.

He can really dance.

Yes, well please, let's
see your dance moves.

Well I wish I
could, but there's no

place to dance in here, and man

I wish we had a
dance hall, but...

No, you're wrong.

On Thursday we're
having our one year

big dance here at the saloon.

Everyone's coming from all over.

It's really fun.

Really?

Yes, really.

Can you take me to the dance?

You can show your dance moves.

Yes.

Yes I will.

I'd love to.

Hey, there you are.

I got some news for you.

Hi, Rosa.

Hello, Vaughn.

I'm so excited about the dance.

Hey, can I talk to you?

Larry?

Larry.

Larry!

Dance?

What dance?

Well they're
having some big thing

here at the end of week and she

wanted to know if
I'd go with her.

Oh.

Well hey, I got a plan.

You and me are gonna ride to the

Southern Pacific
offices in Yuma.

We're gonna talk them into
building a station here.

I don't know.

What do you mean
you don't know?

It's our ticket outta here.

We talked Malachi into
changing his mind,

we're gonna do the
same thing with

the Southern Pacific
Rail Station.

Well maybe.

Well maybe nothing.

We will!

We decide what we want, we act,

we focus, and we do this thing.

Wow!

Where did Vaughn go?

Who are you?

Who am I?

I'm the guy that's gonna get a

ticket out of this place and get

back home to my
family where I belong.

Back home.

Yeah, back home.

Saddle the horses, buddy.

We are outta here.

Here you go.

Thank you, ma'am.

You have a good day.

We are here to see Roger.

Send them back please.

Hi, I'm Vaughn McDaniel.

Vaughn.

And this is my partner Larry.

Larry.

So what business do you have
with Southern Pacific today?

Well we wanted to talk to you

about a proposed rail station in

and around the area
of Pumpkinville.

Okay, go ahead.

Have plans been
made for exactly

where such a station
will be located?

Well not as of yet.

There seems to be
some dispute as to

whether the railroad could
obtain workable terms.

Right, I understand,
and I can assure you

that those issues had
long since been resolved

and the town does indeed want to

negotiate with Southern
Pacific Railroad.

What do you suggest?

We suggest you
bring more kids to

Pumpkinville so
Rosa can teach them.

Excuse me?

Our want and
desire is that you

consider renewing a
review as Pumpkinville

as a viable place to
put the rail station.

Now the people are
behind it and they're

ready to negotiate
terms that are

favorable for both the
town and the railroad.

I can be there on Friday,
how does that sound?

That sounds great,
now I assure you sir,

it is gonna be well
worth your time.

I'm sure.

Gentlemen, don't forget.

Tell the captain the
old war horse is coming.

You have our word.

Good day to you.

- Take care now.
- Thank you, sir.

We are in business, man.

So I was thinking.

I could escort you
to the dance tonight.

You wear your best dress,
I'll wear this rugged uniform.

What do you think?

I don't think so.

Not this year, Sebastian.

Are you playing hard to get?

I see, you pretend
to not wanna go

with me to the dance and I work

harder trying to convince you.

It's not...

This pillar of law and
justice does not play games.

It's not like that, silly.

It's just I've already been
invited to go with someone else.

That someone else
wouldn't happen

to be that Larry guy, would it?

I'm not sure it's any of your
business, I mean calm down.

I will not stand
for this aggression.

Sebastian gets what he wants
ans Sebastian wants you, Rosie.

What is going on here?

Nothing, papa, no worries.

This has been a long
time in the making.

And now I'm ready.

Sir, I love your daughter.

She is my soulmate.

I was made to love her and
she was made to love me.

Reverend, today I ask for your

daughter's hand
in holy matrimony.

Sebastian!

Sir?

I see your daughter
and I walking down

the streets protecting this town

from anybody who
would dare harm it.

There will be children.

Lord willing, they'll grow
up to be just like me.

I don't know what to say.

I know this is
a lot to process,

but the time has
come and we're ready.

I can't give my permission.

She doesn't want to marry you.

I'm sorry.

Okay.

No.

No, not okay.

I for all this.

Coming in town,
ruining my plans,

stirring up so much confusion!

Is it always
something with that guy?

Hey, I got something
to tell you guys.

Emilia, come here!

Guess who's coming to town.

Roger!

Roger McCardy!

How about that.

How'd you arrange it?

Well we went to his office and

we talked to him and he agreed.

And he's
gonna be here tomorrow.

Tomorrow?

This is terrific.

We've gotta
get this place together.

Laura, go get all
the banners and

have Elijah put
them around town.

Rosa, make sure all the
boardwalks are swept.

This is what we've
been working for.

Finally things
are going our way.

Will I see you at
the dance tonight?

I wouldn't miss it.

Hey, where's Larry?

He'll be here in a
minute, I think he's

got a little something
special planned.

Wow!

Some costume you
got there, amigo.

Why don't you get
your dance shoes

out here and show
us what you got.

Hit it, Charles.

You look wonderful.

You look very handsome.

You look handsome too.

I mean beautiful too.

I mean I'm handsome
and you're beautiful.

Why thank you, Laurence.

Got you this flower.

Very pretty.

Do you want to dance with me?

Yes I do.

Shall we?

May I have this dance?

Very nice, gringo.

Why don't you show me your
special dancing skills again.

Show him what you got, cowboy.

Only this time don't hold back.

Just give me the
best you got, buddy.

That was amazing.

Well I told you I could dance.

No no, that was incredible.

I thought nobody could
dance better than Sebastian.

Until you met me.

Maybe I would've looked better

if I wore a little
leather vest and a

little pretend
badge and a gun with

five beans in a barrel
just waiting to discharge.

Stop it.

You are very funny.

Thank you.

You're welcome, Laurence.

I've enjoyed these last few
weeks that we've had together.

Me too.

I think you are so
smart and funny.

I like being around you.

I like being around you too.

I like the way you look, I
like hearing about your dreams.

I think you're the most
incredible woman I've ever met.

Thank you for saying that.

That is so sweet.

I wish you didn't
have to go, I'm going

to miss you so much
when you leave.

But I know you have
all your inventions

and your balloons back home.

I don't care about that.

If I could, I'd
stay here with you.

If you'd have me.

I could never ask you to do

that, to just leave everything?

I would if I could.

I love it out here.

I love the way the moon
shines in your eyes.

The way it makes your skin glow.

And I love your outfit that

you put on tonight
for the dance.

It was very cute.

Did you like my hat?

Yes.

It was very big and Mexican.

It was a very nice touch.

If there was any
way in the world I

could swing it, I'd
stay here with you.

I don't know exactly what it is

that we have between
us, but I feel

like we owe it to
ourselves to find out.

Do what you think
is right, Laurence.

If you can stay,
and it feels right,

then I would like
that very much.

It makes me very sad to think

of never hearing
your voice again.

He's coming!

He's coming!

I just saw him back there!

There you are.

Ain't you a sight for sore eyes.

How you been?

It's been a long time.

It has.

Yes.

Vaughn, Larry, good
to see you both again.

This place is looking great.

Let me walk you around and
show you what's been going on.

Excellent.

Is that Malachi?

What is he doing here?

I don't know.

Probably just dropping
by to say hello.

Well well well.

What do I find here?

Y'all didn't have to
gather here in my honor.

Looks like we've
got some business

being conducted here, fellas.

Did I order any business
to be conducted?

Funny, I don't
recall that I did.

I thought I made
it clear that this

sort of meeting would
require my attendance.

Since I normally
wouldn't attend such a

pointless meeting,
such a meeting is entirely unauthorized.

So here's how we're gonna
solve this little problem.

You, Roger, are gonna get back
on that horse you rode in on.

The rest of you?

I order to return back to your

meaningless and pointless lives.

Why don't you back it down
about 10 notches, partner.

You ain't got no
say in what we're

doing here, so why
don't you skedaddle?

I see.

Well looks like we have
no say-so here, boys.

I must've been mistaken.

I guess we should just get
on our horses and skedaddle.

Or on second thought.

Sebastian!

Sebastian.

Rosie.

Is that you?

Whoops!

Did I do that out loud?

I'm sorry, that was an accident.

I know there's been
"accidents" here before.

I would hate to see any
other tragedy befall

this pathetic excuse
for a town, so why don't

you all just go back to
wherever it is you usually are.

It'd be your safest option.

Any objections?

Wonderful.

You're free to return
to nothingness.

And you'll do it.

If you know what's good for you.

What just happened?

Malachi just happened.

He wasn't a thing like that
the last time we met him.

I thought you had
this taken care of.

Yeah, they had it worked out.

Now he's gonna be back
and burn down the town.

That's right.

This was a great place to live
'till you two came to town.

Thanks a lot!

Oh come on!

Seriously.

Rosa, wait, wait!

Haven't you caused
enough trouble already?

Just a minute.

These boys aren't to blame
for this, Malachi is.

We can work something out.

Captain, I'm sorry.

There are still too many
unresolved issues at

play here for the railroad
to get further involved.

It's just company policy.

Sir, if I may
please, I don't know

what Malachi was
doing here, but if

you'd just allow
us another chance.

I'm afraid that's entirely
out of the question.

I'm sorry, I really am.

I'm sorry I wasted
your time coming here.

At least allow me to let
you stay at my home tonight.

I accept, thank you very much.

Hey.

How's your head?

Awful.

Thanks to you.

I'm sorry he hit you.

I know it must've really hurt.

In fact, I bet you have
a stage three concussion.

Look, how many fingers
am I holding up?

Get your hand
away from my face!

Why don't you calm
down, you psychopath?

Don't you insult me.

I have half a mind...

Do what?

You feeling froggy?

Why don't you jump?

Calm down.

You want some.

Really?

Calm down.

You asked for it.

- Whoa!
- Whoa, whoa!

By the power
vested in me in the

territory of Arizona,
and the town of

Pumpkinville, I hereby
place you under arrest!

On what grounds?

Treason!

Now get them belts
off and turn around,

you yellow-bellied, don't
you say another word!

Easy, easy.

Gather all around,
people, dead men walking!

Dead men walking!

I said dead men walking!

Today we's a havin'
us a hanging!

Stop this!

Stop this right now!

Get back woman, this
don't concern you!

Go find papa right now.

Get up there, go.

Don't we get any last words?

I'll allow it.

Make them brief.

Dearly beloved,
we're gathered here

today, in the
presence of this town.

I don't wanna die!

The only thing that
we have to fear...

Is fear itself.

Four score and 20 years ago.

I have a dream!

A dream that's deeply rooted
in the American dream.

Today!

Day, day, day.

I consider myself!

'self, 'self, 'self.

The luckiest man!

Man, man, man.

One small step for
mankind and one giant...

Oh enough of your babbling!

No one understands
what you're saying or

wants to watch you
cry, you yellow sissy!

Where's the lever on this
thing, on the count of three.

Here we go, one...

Oh mercy, I haven't
had a chance to live!

Two!

What do you think
you're doing here?

Stop it this instant,
Sebastian Walker, before I

take you over my knee
and give you a what for.

Back away from there now.

The charge is
treason and the penalty

is death, am I
right or am I right?

I say am I right or
am I right, come on!

Sebastian, it's over.

You know, with you here, we'll

never get to use these things.

What a debacle.

You think?

Yeah.

All that had to happen was Roger

take a little look around town,

see that he liked what we had,

and we would've been
up and out of here,

but instead, in one
second, the whole

town hates us and the next thing

we know we're being strung up.

Yeah, well nice work
out there, pumpkin cakes!

Pumpkin cakes?

What's your problem
all of a sudden?

Oh let's see, what
seems to be my problem?

Let's start with you personally

arranging for us to
be hung out there!

I think you got
me confused with the

little third point of the lover

triangle that you got
yourself involved in.

It was Sebastian that
had the gun, not me.

Yeah, whatever.

You know, come to think of it,

you weren't really much
help up there, were you?

With all your little sobbing.

Okay, and you and
your bizarre mash-up of

speeches really got the
job done there, didn't it?

Yeah, which is a
lot more than what

you did with all
your little crying.

Knock it off, you whiner.

Why don't you relax?

You know, now you're gonna have

all the time in
the world to pursue

your little relationship
with Rosa, right?

Because now Christine is a widow

and the kids, they
don't have a father.

But no no no no, you
just worry about your

little relationship with
your girlfriend, mkay?

Okay, and whose
fault is all of this?

I mean you do realize that this

was your fault in
the first place

that we're even here, don't you?

Okay, okay, well why don't you

tell me a little
bit more about that

because this will be
really interesting

coming from the, can I
even remember it all,

let's see, the balloon
owning inventor

with the Ivy League education.

You ever stop to
think that maybe

Rosa likes you a
little bit more for who

you pretend to be
rather than who you are?

Do you wanna go there?

Sure!

You really wanna go there?

Yeah, let's do it.

Okay, let's see,
we met Jacuzzi down

at the river, why
were we at the river?

We were at the river because you

were whining and
moaning and complaining

about getting fired
from your stupid job.

And rather than standing up for

yourself, you did
what you always do!

You took it lying down!

"Oh boo hoo, I got fired, time
to eat government cheese."

Yeah, well I...

This is a debacle?

You're the debacle.

You don't have anyone
to blame but yourself.

You know, I tried
standing up to

him this time, and
what did it get me?

It got me stuck in
this little time warp,

wearing this stupid
clothes, with somebody with

the emotional intelligence
of a 12 year old boy!

You take that back right now.

Okay.

I'm sorry.

These clothes
aren't that stupid.

Larry!

Larry, come back!

I didn't mean it.

So I think I'm
gonna stick around

a little while longer after all.

Oh that would be terrific!

But I thought you had to
get back home with Vaughn.

Vaughn and I are
parting company.

He's going his way and,
well, I'm going mine.

It was a pleasure
to see Roger again.

I wish it were under
different circumstances.

He said we had a
nice little town here.

But it came down to
the unwillingness

of the railroad to work with any

kind of problem that
Malachi might pose.

I wish it would've worked out.

He's coming, he's coming!

Malachi is coming!

He's coming from the south!

He's come back to
finish us off for sure!

Every
many for himself!

Run for the hills, hide the
women, hide the children!

Where are the fine citizens
of Pumpkinville this morning?

Hello?

Anybody here?

That's a shame.

'Cause I'm here to
thwart your town!

Anybody wanna try to stop me?

What's this?

A challenger?

Run along now, boy, before
you get yourself shot.

Does a newspaper
man really wanna get

hurt over something as
pathetic as this town?

Well I guess the
answer to that is yes.

Let us begin.

Ah, two for the price
of one, terrific.

Which one of you would
like to be shot first?

Well I guess that would be you.

That was cool.

Yeah!

Woohoo!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Larry?

Yeah Vaughn?

You just
used all your bullets.

I don't think Malachi knows.

Pretty sure he
knows how to count.

This isn't your fight, Reverend.

This is my fight.

What about all that turn
the other cheek stuff?

As Moses commanded the
pharaoh, let my people go.

Hey now.

There's no need for bloodshed.

I respect you fine folks,
I have no quarrel with you.

My quarrel is with him.

I'm not leaving you, Vaughn.

I got this one, Larry.

It's just you and me.

Don't shoot.

I didn't mean any harm.

Here's what you're
gonna do, Malachi.

You're gonna get
up off that ground

and you're gonna go back to your

pathetic, meaningless,
worthless life.

Or else...

Or else what, Sebastian?

First of all, you're gonna hit

him in the head really hard.

Then you're gonna
embarrass him in front

of everybody and
make him look like

he's a pretend lawman
and hurt his feelings.

Get up!

Get outta here!

Go on, get up, get outta here!

He's gone!

He is gone!

I smell bacon.

I love bacon.

Daddy, daddy, rocket!

Where's the cheering
crowd to Pumpkinville?

Is this real?

We're back?

Yes!

I am so sorry I was gone.

But now I'm back and things are

gonna be different, I promise.

You're back from
sleeping on the couch.

Yeah, yeah, from the
night on the couch.

You want some
breakfast too, Larry?

Okay.

Can you get one of the chairs
from the party last night?

They're alongside the house.

Okay.

What in the
world has happened?

I have no idea.

A time warp, a dream?

Like a mirage?

I mean it can't be!

We did it.

I tell you, that Keezheekoni,
he's a man of his word.

He said heal the town
and boom, we're back.

There he is.

Yikes.

Nice bed head, sport.

Listen, I'm gonna need you to

get that fence
outta here by noon.

We're getting the pool today.

Why don't you
back off, Roland?

I got this, Larry.

I'm not gonna pull up my fence

so you can put in your pool.

You wanna put a pool up?

Put it on your ground.

Oh my goodness.

I guess you really do
wanna get body slammed.

This isn't the third
grade anymore, Roland.

I want you to get
out of my yard.

I'm serious, leave now.

Cut him down.

Are you sure you wanna rumble?

Let my people go.

Come back again, there'll be
more where that came from.

Can I get you a
water while you wait?

Water would be great.

Thank you.

What up, cuz?

A little of this,
a little of that.

So how was your vacation?

It was perfect.

So where'd you guys go again?

Seven night western
Caribbean cruise.

You?

On a cruise?

That's awesome!

Dude, we're dying down
at the shop without you.

Mr. Carter says he
wants you back big time.

Yeah, he's left me
a couple voicemail.

You coming back?

Well...

No.

I'm not.

Vaughn's Collision Center.

And I'm in need
of a new service

manager, so if you know anybody.

What's going on with you?

Call it the
Pumpkinville experience.

Man, I have done over
100 searches online

and can't find anything
about that place.

Some things
can't be explained,

I just say thank
God it happened.

Talk about an eye
opening experience.

I mean for one thing, I am
done living some pretend life.

It's time for me to open
up and try something new.

Here you go.

Thank you.

What can I get
for you to drink?

I think I'll
just take a water.

I'll be back with your water.

Pumpkinville.