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1
00:00:05,720 --> 00:00:11,399
Oh. Here, lads, if yous could bang
any Disney princess,
2
00:00:11,400 --> 00:00:13,679
who would it be?
3
00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:15,039
Mulan for me.
4
00:00:15,040 --> 00:00:16,719
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
5
00:00:16,720 --> 00:00:17,770
Nice one.
6
00:00:19,440 --> 00:00:21,679
I'd go for...
7
00:00:21,680 --> 00:00:23,239
..Cinderella, I think.
8
00:00:23,240 --> 00:00:26,639
Yeah. Her feet are banging.
9
00:00:26,640 --> 00:00:27,920
Course, yeah. Mm.
10
00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:31,319
What about you, Stewart? Er...
11
00:00:31,320 --> 00:00:34,520
Ee. Maybe I'd go for...
12
00:00:35,640 --> 00:00:37,199
..Sleeping Beauty?
13
00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:39,399
Ugh. Fucking hell, mate.
That's a bit perverted, like.
14
00:00:39,400 --> 00:00:40,479
What do you mean?
15
00:00:40,480 --> 00:00:43,000
That's, like, necrophilia
or summat.
16
00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:45,250
Oh.
17
00:00:45,251 --> 00:00:48,399
What are you lads
doing tonight, then?
18
00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:51,399
I'm off to Darlo. Oh, aye?
Why are you going Darlo?
19
00:00:51,400 --> 00:00:53,919
I'm going to see my brother
in a show. He's a drag queen.
20
00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:55,199
Mint. Yeah.
21
00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:56,599
He's doing Pride next week and all.
22
00:00:56,600 --> 00:00:58,439
What's his drag name? Pam Hock.
23
00:00:58,440 --> 00:01:00,039
Ha! It's class, that, like.
24
00:01:00,040 --> 00:01:01,319
Yeah.
25
00:01:01,320 --> 00:01:03,039
I've done a bit of drag.
26
00:01:03,040 --> 00:01:04,840
Oh, aye, mate? Sound.
27
00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:07,200
In fact, I'm...
28
00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:11,680
In fact, I'm actually gay.
29
00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:14,319
Oh, right.
30
00:01:14,320 --> 00:01:15,759
Nice one.
31
00:01:15,760 --> 00:01:17,440
Why didn't you just tell us, mate?
32
00:01:18,440 --> 00:01:19,920
I don't really know.
33
00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:26,159
So I guess
the real question is,
34
00:01:26,160 --> 00:01:27,639
what Disney PRINCE would you bang?
35
00:01:27,640 --> 00:01:29,199
King Triton.
36
00:01:29,200 --> 00:01:31,399
Er, technically, he's not a prince.
37
00:01:31,400 --> 00:01:33,559
And he's also a fish.
38
00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:36,119
But we'll let you have it.
STEWART CHUCKLES QUIETLY
39
00:01:36,120 --> 00:01:37,170
Right.
40
00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:44,680
# When I grow up
I'ma be a supermodel. #
41
00:01:48,840 --> 00:01:50,639
DICKIE: Employees of T.R.I.S.H,
42
00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:53,479
I know yous are all buzzing
for Middlesbrough Pride next week,
43
00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:56,999
so keep that energy going
for Dickie!
44
00:01:57,000 --> 00:02:01,600
CLUB TRANCE MUSIC POUNDS
45
00:02:21,760 --> 00:02:23,679
MUSIC STOPS
46
00:02:23,680 --> 00:02:30,079
Welcome, everyone, to the first-ever
LGBTQ+ network meeting.
47
00:02:30,080 --> 00:02:32,199
Thank you for being here today.
48
00:02:32,200 --> 00:02:33,279
Didn't really have a choice.
49
00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:34,559
Quiet, please, Trev.
50
00:02:34,560 --> 00:02:39,640
Now, for years us gays have had
all sorts of insults thrown at us.
51
00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:45,040
Sissy, fairy, penis gobbler.
52
00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:47,760
The list is endless.
53
00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:51,600
Go on, Gary, throw a gay slur at me.
54
00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:55,359
I really don't want to.
55
00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:58,279
All right, Gary.
This is a safe space.
56
00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:02,599
Honestly, I mean,
I don't think I even know any.
57
00:03:02,600 --> 00:03:03,759
Come on, everyone.
58
00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:07,039
Let's encourage Gary to
throw a homophobic slur at me.
59
00:03:07,040 --> 00:03:09,879
CHANTING: Gay slur, gay slur...
60
00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:13,519
OTHERS, RELUCTANTLY: ..gay slur,
gay slur, gay slur...
61
00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:16,399
Haway, Gary!
..gay slur, gay slur...
62
00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:18,519
I really don't want to.
LOUDER: ..gay slur, gay slur...
63
00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:20,079
What are you scared of, Gary?
64
00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:23,039
Gay slur! Gay slur!
I'd really rather not.
65
00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:24,919
Gay slur! Gay slur! Gay slur!
66
00:03:24,920 --> 00:03:27,959
Gay slur! Gay slur! Gay slur!
Verbally abuse me, Gary!
67
00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:29,759
Gay slur! Gay slur! Gay slur!
68
00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:31,600
Big fruity fudgepacker!
69
00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:39,759
You see, everyone?
70
00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:43,679
Gary's homophobic views
are one of the many reasons
71
00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:45,360
I've set up this network.
72
00:03:46,440 --> 00:03:48,160
Shame on you, Gary.
73
00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:54,240
UPBEAT ELECTRO MUSIC
74
00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:02,639
Hello, North-East's Got Talent
contestants,
75
00:04:02,640 --> 00:04:05,999
and congratulations
on being the lucky few
76
00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:08,559
to make it through
to the judges' houses.
77
00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:10,680
I think we're ready to start.
78
00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:20,279
Right. Let's see who the biggest
shower of shite is today.
79
00:04:20,280 --> 00:04:22,479
Mel and Sal.
80
00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:24,359
Oh, yes, I remember these two.
81
00:04:24,360 --> 00:04:26,000
Slug and fucking sluggier.
82
00:04:27,280 --> 00:04:31,039
Hello, ladies. And what will you
be doing for us today?
83
00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:33,319
It's the song I did
from the first audition.
84
00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:35,679
Oh, yes, I remember that.
How could I possibly forget?
85
00:04:35,680 --> 00:04:36,920
Well, off you go.
86
00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:47,399
# Behind picket fences... #
87
00:04:47,400 --> 00:04:49,679
I've got to get the washing
out of the machine.
88
00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:51,759
# On cul-de-sac roads... #
89
00:04:51,760 --> 00:04:53,599
Keep going, keep going.
I can multitask.
90
00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:56,319
# That dampened your spirit
91
00:04:56,320 --> 00:05:00,959
# For why, you just didn't know
92
00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:04,919
# And you wore your wife's clothing
93
00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:06,639
# While she was at church... #
94
00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:10,159
Oh, fucking hell. My fucking
favourite shirt has shrunk.
95
00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:12,079
SAL CONTINUES SINGING
Oh. Why me?
96
00:05:12,080 --> 00:05:14,199
I was going to wear this
to go out tonight.
97
00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:16,879
You shouldn't have washed your
clothes on such a high heat, Victor.
98
00:05:16,880 --> 00:05:18,199
# A-a-a-ah... #
99
00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:19,359
Right, that's it.
100
00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:20,439
# You're not... #
101
00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:21,759
Get out!
102
00:05:21,760 --> 00:05:23,159
Actually, you can all get out.
103
00:05:23,160 --> 00:05:25,679
Go on, you two as well.
Get out. Out!
104
00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:27,399
Come on. It's over. Come on.
105
00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:29,279
You lot! Come on, out you get!
106
00:05:29,280 --> 00:05:31,440
Come here, you.
Out, out, out, out!
107
00:05:32,480 --> 00:05:35,479
D'you know, thanks for helping me
organise Pride, chicks.
108
00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:37,199
I didn't realise I'd have
so much to do.
109
00:05:37,200 --> 00:05:40,239
Aww, you're welcome, Mam.
110
00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:42,999
What is it exactly that you're doing
to help out, Dickie?
111
00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:46,599
I'm, uh, I'm writing
the guest list for the VIP area.
112
00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:48,359
Oh. Let's have a look, then.
113
00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:50,080
THEY CHUCKLE
114
00:05:52,080 --> 00:05:54,479
There's only your name on there
so far, Dickie.
115
00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:57,479
No. My name with a plus one.
116
00:05:57,480 --> 00:05:59,519
Oh, who's your plus one?
Are you seeing someone?
117
00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:03,080
Not yet, but I've got a good feeling
I will be by next week.
118
00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:05,919
Oh, how was work, Stewart?
119
00:06:05,920 --> 00:06:08,239
Really good, actually.
120
00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:10,239
I came out to my workmates.
121
00:06:10,240 --> 00:06:13,079
Oh, that's amazing, hon.
Congratulations, chick.
122
00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:14,759
How did they take it, Stewart?
123
00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:15,959
Surprisingly well.
124
00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:18,879
It's like a massive weight's
been lifted off my shoulders.
125
00:06:18,880 --> 00:06:21,039
Oh, brilliant. You know something?
126
00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:23,159
I think I might come out
to my grandma and all.
127
00:06:23,160 --> 00:06:24,839
Oh, I'm made up for you, hon.
128
00:06:24,840 --> 00:06:26,680
DOORBELL RINGS
Oh.
129
00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:31,879
Is Neil coming to pride, Lucinda?
130
00:06:31,880 --> 00:06:34,079
He is, hon, and he's bringing
a couple of friends.
131
00:06:34,080 --> 00:06:35,719
How's it going with you two?
132
00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:38,839
Not bad, you know. At first, I
thought it was a bit of a red flag,
133
00:06:38,840 --> 00:06:42,919
how he's so weirdly passive and
completely socially unaware, but...
134
00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:44,440
..now I'm starting to warm to it.
135
00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:47,200
Hey, what do yous think?
136
00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:51,079
Sal!
137
00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:52,279
How was your audition?
138
00:06:52,280 --> 00:06:55,519
Well, not great,
to tell you the truth, Stew.
139
00:06:55,520 --> 00:06:57,799
I think it's safe to say
I haven't won.
140
00:06:57,800 --> 00:06:59,719
Oh, chick.
141
00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:01,999
These things are sent to try us.
142
00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:03,400
Thanks, Mam.
143
00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:07,560
What about this one?
144
00:07:07,561 --> 00:07:12,079
Er... Have you got a lot planned
for Pride this year, Mam?
145
00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:13,279
I have, you know.
146
00:07:13,280 --> 00:07:14,959
Plus, this year...
147
00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:16,639
..I'm compering the main stage!
148
00:07:16,640 --> 00:07:17,799
Ooh! Mmm!
149
00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:20,679
And you're never going
to believe this -
150
00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:23,759
I've managed to pull
a few strings and get...
151
00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:25,839
..No Girls Aloud to headline!
152
00:07:25,840 --> 00:07:26,879
ALL: What?!
153
00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:27,959
Girls Aloud?!
154
00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:29,199
You're joking, aren't you?!
155
00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:30,319
THEY TALK EXCITEDLY
156
00:07:30,320 --> 00:07:32,199
No! No, no, no.
157
00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:33,559
Not Girls Aloud, no.
158
00:07:33,560 --> 00:07:36,359
No Girls Aloud,
the Girls Aloud drag group.
159
00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:39,039
Oh. Ah. I'm very disappointed.
160
00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:40,359
They better do The Promise.
161
00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:41,679
Oh, they will. I've made sure.
162
00:07:41,680 --> 00:07:43,919
I can't believe Pride
is only next week.
163
00:07:43,920 --> 00:07:45,199
I'm proper buzzin'!
164
00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:48,119
Oh, it's going to be
the best friggin' day ever!
165
00:07:48,120 --> 00:07:50,279
THEY CHEER
166
00:07:50,280 --> 00:07:51,399
BANG!
STEWART SHRIEKS
167
00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:53,159
Oh, fucking hell, Sal!
168
00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:54,480
Silly arsehole.
169
00:07:56,840 --> 00:08:00,640
# I feel it way down in my soul... #
170
00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:07,599
Now, Lucinda,
you're on ice-cream duty.
171
00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:08,879
The van's fully stocked.
172
00:08:08,880 --> 00:08:11,559
All you have to do is sell
the freezing-cold little bastards.
173
00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:12,759
No problem, Mam.
174
00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:15,759
Sal, I need you on
face-painting duty.
175
00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:18,199
That's your tent.
There's a price list pinned up.
176
00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:19,559
If anyone asks for a butterfly,
177
00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:21,919
charge a couple of quid more
or try and put 'em off.
178
00:08:21,920 --> 00:08:24,559
Fucking hate butterflies.
Aye-aye, captain.
179
00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:28,399
Oh, and Stewart, I want you to make
sure my mouth has a constant flow
180
00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:30,799
of lubrication throughout the day,
please, chick.
181
00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:32,919
No probs, Mam.
What's your poison today?
182
00:08:32,920 --> 00:08:35,959
White wine spritzer,
so as I don't get dehydrated.
183
00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:37,159
Coming right up.
184
00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:40,160
Don't worry, Mam,
I've got the VIP area covered.
185
00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:48,050
Thank you.
186
00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:52,399
Oh, hiya, Neil. You all right?
Aye, I'm not bad, cheers.
187
00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:53,959
# It's Neil, it's Neil!
He's got no sex appeal!
188
00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:57,199
# It's fucking Neil!
It's fucking Neil! #
189
00:08:57,200 --> 00:08:58,359
Wahey!
190
00:08:58,360 --> 00:09:02,239
Hey, come on! Lucinda, these
are me mates, Trev and Wayne.
191
00:09:02,240 --> 00:09:03,599
Hello, love.
192
00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:05,440
I thought you said she was fit.
193
00:09:07,360 --> 00:09:08,799
LAUGHTER
194
00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:10,759
Oh, I'm only messin' on.
195
00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:12,999
Wouldn't hurt you to have
a laugh, sweetheart.
196
00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:14,999
Do you know what?
197
00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:16,919
Go fuck yourselves.
198
00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:19,719
BOTH: Ooh!
199
00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:21,760
Haway. Come on, you. Let's explore.
200
00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:25,759
There's loads of desperate lasses
at these gay events.
201
00:09:25,760 --> 00:09:29,519
CHATTER CONTINUES
202
00:09:29,520 --> 00:09:30,800
Get in there!
203
00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:34,879
Look, Harrison.
204
00:09:34,880 --> 00:09:36,799
It's your desperate
ex-boyfriend again.
205
00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:38,799
For fuck's sake.
Are you stalking us or something?
206
00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:41,479
Sorry, this is VIP only.
207
00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:42,559
HARRISON SCOFFS
208
00:09:42,560 --> 00:09:45,359
What of it? Well, yous are not VIP,
I'm afraid.
209
00:09:45,360 --> 00:09:47,319
Your names aren't on my list.
210
00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:50,039
I'm a fucking star, sweetheart.
211
00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:51,999
I'm always on the list.
212
00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:53,679
THEY SCOFF
213
00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:55,279
Oh, my God!
214
00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:57,999
He's got his own name
at the top with a plus one!
215
00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:00,159
Who's the imaginary plus one,
Dickie?
216
00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:03,599
Well, I haven't met him yet,
but I've got high hopes for today.
217
00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:04,839
Whatever you say.
218
00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:07,239
Haway, babe, let's go
get another drink.
219
00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:09,160
The VIP looks wank anyway.
220
00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:13,479
Oh, enjoy your sad little party
for one.
221
00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:17,400
Yeah? Well, you enjoy your...
sad little p-party for one!
222
00:10:20,680 --> 00:10:22,240
UPBEAT MUSIC
223
00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:34,479
OK, I think you're about done.
224
00:10:34,480 --> 00:10:35,800
What do you think?
225
00:10:37,680 --> 00:10:39,839
What the hell is that?
226
00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:41,719
It's what you asked for - Wi-Fi.
227
00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:42,959
I said tie-dye!
228
00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:45,640
Yeah. I did think it was weird
that you'd asked for it.
229
00:10:49,760 --> 00:10:52,239
I don't suppose
you could do me a tiger.
230
00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:53,479
Hiya, Mel, babe.
231
00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:56,190
I thought you could use
some refreshment. Oh, nice one.
232
00:10:57,120 --> 00:11:00,839
Cheers. Excuse me,
what's your Wi-Fi password?
233
00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:01,890
Ugh.
234
00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:09,999
Sorry, Stewart.
235
00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:12,999
I just need to check you
off the guest list.
236
00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:14,119
Name?
237
00:11:14,120 --> 00:11:15,999
Stewart.
238
00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:17,519
Oh...
239
00:11:17,520 --> 00:11:20,119
That's weird. What's wrong?
240
00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:22,079
Name doesn't seem
to be anywhere on here.
241
00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:24,279
But...you wrote it.
242
00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:27,039
Don't really know what to say,
Stewart. It's...
243
00:11:27,040 --> 00:11:29,759
..not anywhere on the list, so...
244
00:11:29,760 --> 00:11:31,639
Can't you just add it on?
245
00:11:31,640 --> 00:11:36,079
It's already been finalised
and signed off, unfortunately.
246
00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:37,719
Signed off by who?
247
00:11:37,720 --> 00:11:40,239
Head office.
248
00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:41,559
Right.
249
00:11:41,560 --> 00:11:43,320
OK. OK.
250
00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:47,799
Hang on.
251
00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:49,959
I think I've got a way
to get you in.
252
00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:52,519
Nice one. If you can help me
with the guest list,
253
00:11:52,520 --> 00:11:56,439
then you might be able to bypass
the strict entry requirements.
254
00:11:56,440 --> 00:11:59,520
I can do that. Stunnin'.
Take over now if you like.
255
00:12:03,120 --> 00:12:04,719
You got this, hon!
256
00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:05,999
HE CHUCKLES
257
00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:07,050
Yeah!
258
00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:13,399
There you go. Thank you.
259
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,040
Thanks. Who's next?
260
00:12:15,041 --> 00:12:17,799
Lucinda... Ah, nah, sorry, mate.
261
00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:19,320
We're just closed for the day.
262
00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:23,239
Listen, I'm sorry about my friends.
263
00:12:23,240 --> 00:12:25,239
They'd had a drink already.
264
00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:26,290
SHE MOUTHS
265
00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:29,039
They'd had a drink already.
266
00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:30,919
I swear, they're not normally
like that.
267
00:12:30,920 --> 00:12:33,479
You know, Neil,
the lovely thing about you
268
00:12:33,480 --> 00:12:35,279
is that you see the good
in everyone.
269
00:12:35,280 --> 00:12:39,359
The problem comes when you just seem
to completely ignore any of the bad.
270
00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:44,319
I realise I'm weirdly passive
and completely socially unaware,
271
00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:46,919
but I'm trying to work on it.
272
00:12:46,920 --> 00:12:49,919
You literally just stood there
with your pants down
273
00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:51,599
while they talked shit about me.
274
00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:53,759
I'll talk to them. I promise.
275
00:12:53,760 --> 00:12:55,239
Why do I find that hard to believe?
276
00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:58,039
I will. I swear.
277
00:12:58,040 --> 00:12:59,359
I'm going to sit them down
278
00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:01,799
and tell them that they can't
talk to people like that.
279
00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:04,839
I'm going to be the complete
opposite of passive.
280
00:13:04,840 --> 00:13:07,199
I'm going to be a dom top.
281
00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:09,400
You don't need to go that far, hon.
282
00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:14,679
Hello, Middlesbrough Pride!
283
00:13:14,680 --> 00:13:16,439
CHEERING
284
00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:17,999
Are yous all feeling proud?
285
00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:19,719
CHEERING
286
00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:21,319
Oh, you beautiful lot.
287
00:13:21,320 --> 00:13:26,439
My name is Mam, and boy have we got
a spectacular show for you today.
288
00:13:26,440 --> 00:13:28,479
CHEERING
And to headline,
289
00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:32,400
the tribute act
to trump all tribute acts...
290
00:13:33,720 --> 00:13:34,999
..No Girls Aloud!
291
00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:36,319
CHEERING
292
00:13:36,320 --> 00:13:37,370
DANCE MUSIC STARTS
293
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:44,479
Now then, Stewart.
294
00:13:44,480 --> 00:13:47,119
Ah, hiya, mate.
295
00:13:47,120 --> 00:13:49,279
How's it going? Not bad, aye.
296
00:13:49,280 --> 00:13:51,870
This is the gay lad from work
I was telling you about.
297
00:13:52,880 --> 00:13:54,239
Nice to meet you.
298
00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:55,290
Hi.
299
00:13:56,320 --> 00:13:57,919
So...
300
00:13:57,920 --> 00:13:59,639
..do yous two fancy each other,
then, or what?
301
00:13:59,640 --> 00:14:00,690
STEWART CHUCKLES
302
00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:05,839
Oh...
303
00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:07,839
So, er, you going
to let us in, then?
304
00:14:07,840 --> 00:14:09,440
Er, yes, of course.
305
00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:23,719
Oh, my God, that's so funny.
306
00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:24,770
CHUCKLING
307
00:14:27,680 --> 00:14:29,320
TOILET FLUSHES
308
00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:37,440
Fuck's sake!
309
00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:40,199
Stewart!
310
00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:42,799
Why the hell have you let
Steph McGovern into the VIP area?
311
00:14:42,800 --> 00:14:43,959
She's not on the list!
312
00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:46,119
I couldn't say no to Steph McGovern!
313
00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:48,239
Why don't you want her here?
314
00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:49,639
Me and her go way back.
315
00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:51,719
Used to work on the Morrisons
deli counter together.
316
00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:53,999
She'd always slice the ham too thin
and it would break in half
317
00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:55,759
when you tried to bag it up.
318
00:14:55,760 --> 00:14:58,439
Anyway, she's a proper
TV wanker now.
319
00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:02,279
Look at her, flouncing around,
thinking she owns the place.
320
00:15:02,280 --> 00:15:06,799
It sounds to me like you might be a
bit jealous of her success, Dickie.
321
00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:08,440
Go fuck yourself, Stewart!
322
00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:18,039
I mean, you know me, babe.
323
00:15:18,040 --> 00:15:20,159
I just tell it like it is, don't I?
324
00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:21,399
I'll be honest with you,
325
00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:23,119
whereas other people
are going to bullshit you.
326
00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:25,359
I mean, I'm class like that, me.
327
00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:27,319
Yeah, I know, babe.
328
00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:29,799
I mean, that's why you should
listen to me when I'm saying
329
00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:31,800
you should give up
all this music crap.
330
00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:37,879
So what it is, yeah,
331
00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:39,479
you just don't look like a star.
332
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:41,239
Do you know what I mean?
333
00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:42,999
Yeah, babe.
334
00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:45,799
You just need to start
making some proper money.
335
00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:47,920
I mean, I'd do it, babe,
but, like...
336
00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:51,800
..well, I've still got
this massive rash on me leg.
337
00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:04,519
Steph.
338
00:16:04,520 --> 00:16:06,519
Dickie! Long time, no see.
339
00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:09,399
Didn't think I'd see you
round these parts again.
340
00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:12,879
Thought you'd be hanging around with
your new showbiz friends like...
341
00:16:12,880 --> 00:16:14,919
..Krishnan Guru-Murthy.
342
00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:16,919
Do you know, it's funny
you mention Krish, actually,
343
00:16:16,920 --> 00:16:19,999
cos after this, I'm heading
to his annual foam party.
344
00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:22,760
Hmm. Course you are.
345
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:33,159
Steph? Hi. Hiya. Sorry.
346
00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:35,599
Er, would you mind if
we got a selfie together?
347
00:16:35,600 --> 00:16:36,880
Course, love. Come on.
348
00:16:47,520 --> 00:16:48,919
Harrison!
349
00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:50,319
How did you get into VIP?
350
00:16:50,320 --> 00:16:52,679
Listen, can we have a talk?
351
00:16:52,680 --> 00:16:54,239
Are you OK?
352
00:16:54,240 --> 00:16:55,439
Where's Bobby?
353
00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:58,559
I don't know. He's here somewhere.
354
00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:03,240
He's necking on with someone because
we're in an "open relationship."
355
00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:07,879
Well, what do you want to talk about?
356
00:17:07,880 --> 00:17:10,840
I just wanted to say
that I think that you and I...
357
00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:13,599
..we could, erm...
358
00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:15,639
Oh. No, babes.
359
00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:17,240
Here you are. Sit here.
360
00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:19,840
Just chill here for a bit, yeah?
361
00:17:25,731 --> 00:17:31,279
Your boyfriend's fucked.
I think you should look after him.
362
00:17:31,280 --> 00:17:33,839
Oh, piss off, will you?
He'll be all right. He's a big lad.
363
00:17:33,840 --> 00:17:36,359
He can't frigging stand up.
BOBBY SIGHS
364
00:17:36,360 --> 00:17:39,359
Well, there's plenty of chairs
around, isn't there?
365
00:17:39,360 --> 00:17:40,559
Do you know something, Bobby?
366
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:43,319
Harrison deserves
so much better than you,
367
00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:45,960
you egotistical little prick.
368
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:50,080
Oh, and one more thing.
369
00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:54,039
I might be having a party for one,
370
00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:58,479
but you're having a party
for stupid knobheads.
371
00:17:58,480 --> 00:18:00,159
# R-E-S-P-E-C-T
372
00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:01,959
# Find out what it means to me
373
00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:03,959
# R-E-S-P-E-C-T
374
00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:05,919
# Take care, TCB
375
00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:07,799
# Sock it to me, sock it to me
Sock it to me, sock it to me
376
00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:08,879
# A little respect
377
00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:10,719
# Sock it to me, sock it to me
Sock it to me, sock it to me
378
00:18:10,720 --> 00:18:12,199
# Whoa, babe
Just a little bit
379
00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:14,399
# A little respect
Just a little bit
380
00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:16,119
# I get tired
Just a little bit
381
00:18:16,120 --> 00:18:17,319
# Keep on tryin'... #
382
00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:19,879
Looking out and seeing
all of your faces...
383
00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:21,399
Hello?
384
00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:22,959
Oh, hiya, chick.
385
00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:25,599
..in Middlesborough, really,
isn't it?
386
00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:27,279
Tell me you're pulling me leg.
I'm only joking.
387
00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:28,439
Well, I'm not.
388
00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:29,679
What am I going to do?
389
00:18:29,680 --> 00:18:32,079
My whole reputation's
at stake here.
390
00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:33,879
DISCONNECT TONE
391
00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:35,999
Why are you wearing black
at a Pride?
392
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:37,359
It's Pride.
393
00:18:37,360 --> 00:18:39,680
It should be nice.
It shouldn't be dressed...
394
00:18:41,440 --> 00:18:43,039
And yours. Thank you.
395
00:18:43,040 --> 00:18:44,359
Next.
396
00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:45,839
I've written something.
397
00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:49,999
Something assertive
to say to my friends.
398
00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:52,359
NEIL CLEARS THROAT
Lads,
399
00:18:52,360 --> 00:18:55,359
you can't speak to people
the way you do.
400
00:18:55,360 --> 00:18:58,759
The toxic masculinity
has got to stop.
401
00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:01,079
You are nasty dog shits
402
00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:04,839
and I think you need to reassess
your whole personalities.
403
00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:07,200
Fuck you, you slags.
404
00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:13,730
Well, it might need a bit of work,
but you're on the right lines.
405
00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:18,679
I have actually written
something else.
406
00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:21,519
Right.
NEIL CLEARS THROAT
407
00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:23,519
Lucinda,
408
00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:25,999
you've got a bit
about you that I like
409
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:30,239
and you're proper mint, man.
410
00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:32,319
And, erm...
411
00:19:32,320 --> 00:19:37,039
Well, I'm not really seeing
anyone else,
412
00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:41,000
and I wanted to ask
if you were.
413
00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:44,679
Are you asking me
to be exclusive, Neil?
414
00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:46,280
I think so.
415
00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:50,479
Well, aye, go on then.
416
00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:51,880
I'm not doing much else.
417
00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:11,879
You're really slow at this.
418
00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:13,320
I've been here forever.
419
00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:18,520
I know, babes.
420
00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:24,720
Stewart, we've got to go.
421
00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:29,200
Come on, you Smoggies!
422
00:20:34,280 --> 00:20:35,960
Where the fuck are you going?
423
00:20:51,951 --> 00:20:56,119
What's wrong, Mam?
What's the emergency?
424
00:20:56,120 --> 00:20:57,479
Oh, thank God you're all here.
425
00:20:57,480 --> 00:20:59,199
Something horrendous has happened.
426
00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:00,250
What is it?
427
00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:07,599
No Girls Aloud can't make it.
428
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:08,679
Oh, you're joking.
429
00:21:08,680 --> 00:21:11,760
I haven't got a headliner.
THEY GASP
430
00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:15,759
You know what to do.
431
00:21:15,760 --> 00:21:17,439
DICKIE, LUCINDA, SAL: Yes, Mam.
432
00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:18,880
I don't know what to do.
433
00:21:18,881 --> 00:21:21,759
Give us that one, Mam.
I want the purple.
434
00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:23,199
Pass me that. What do I do?
435
00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:24,639
Middlesbrough Pride!
436
00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:27,399
CHEERING
437
00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:29,839
No Girls Aloud
have had to pull out.
438
00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:33,039
BOOING
But don't fear.
439
00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:35,559
I've got a replacement act for you.
440
00:21:35,560 --> 00:21:37,679
Would you please
put your hands together
441
00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:42,799
and make a lot of noise
for Girls Loud And Proud!
442
00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:45,560
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
443
00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:58,559
# One, two, three, four
444
00:21:58,560 --> 00:22:03,919
ALL: # Everything he does better
than anything ordinary
445
00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:06,159
# Everything he wants, he gets
446
00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:08,999
# Cos everything he does
is kind of necessary
447
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:11,839
# You're gonna make me,
make me love you
448
00:22:11,840 --> 00:22:14,479
# Nothing at all,
nothing that I do
449
00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:16,799
# The promise I made, promise I made
450
00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:19,160
# Is starting to fade,
starting to fade
451
00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:26,279
# Here I am, walking Primrose
452
00:22:26,280 --> 00:22:30,600
# Wondering when I'm gonna
see you agaaain! #
453
00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:36,799
# Here I am, walking Primrose
454
00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:40,679
# Wondering when I'm gonna
see you again
455
00:22:40,680 --> 00:22:43,399
# I got my hands all ready
to touch your soul
456
00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:46,639
# I'm gonna get the energy
to wire me close to you
457
00:22:46,640 --> 00:22:49,039
# Got my eyes on the prize I see
458
00:22:49,040 --> 00:22:51,719
# Are you watching me, baby?
459
00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:53,999
# Cos my heart
is turning to solid gold
460
00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:57,359
# And my head is saying,
"Honey, too good to be true"
461
00:22:57,360 --> 00:22:59,759
# Just one look in
your glittered eyes
462
00:22:59,760 --> 00:23:01,999
# Power failing me every time
463
00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:04,799
ALL: You're gonna make me,
make me love you
464
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:07,399
# Nothing at all,
nothing that I do
465
00:23:07,400 --> 00:23:10,039
# The promise I made,
the promise I made
466
00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:12,879
# Is starting to fade,
starting to fade, yeah! #
467
00:23:12,880 --> 00:23:15,880
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
468
00:23:17,640 --> 00:23:19,080
Where did you go, Stewart?
469
00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:21,919
Middlesbrough Pride,
470
00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:25,200
you've been absolutely
bloody marvellous.
471
00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:28,959
The bar's open for another hour
472
00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:31,239
and then there's an after-party
down at Sapphires,
473
00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:33,319
so get yourself down there.
474
00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:36,279
And remember, stay gay.
475
00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:37,330
Goodnight!
476
00:23:37,331 --> 00:23:39,399
Whoo!
477
00:23:39,400 --> 00:23:42,160
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
478
00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:46,959
Mam, I think I'm ready.
479
00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:49,599
What for, chick?
To tell my grandma I'm gay.
480
00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:51,959
I'm just going to go and do it now
before I chicken out.
481
00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:53,320
That's bloody brilliant.
482
00:23:56,960 --> 00:24:00,520
Like I always say, we're here
for you if you should need us.
483
00:24:04,560 --> 00:24:06,439
That was amazing, Sal.
484
00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:07,479
Cheers, babe.
485
00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:10,279
Oh, you so should have won
that talent show.
486
00:24:10,280 --> 00:24:11,719
You were bloody robbed.
487
00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:12,770
I don't know.
488
00:24:15,920 --> 00:24:17,359
Boro Pride,
489
00:24:17,360 --> 00:24:20,719
before you all go,
I've got a surprise for you.
490
00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:23,879
Will you please put your hands
together and show some love
491
00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:28,199
for the insanely talented
Sal and Mel?
492
00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:29,999
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
493
00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:31,320
Go on.
494
00:24:37,480 --> 00:24:39,719
WHISPERS: You've got this.
495
00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:42,880
CHEERING CONTINUES
496
00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:03,439
# Behind picket fences
497
00:25:03,440 --> 00:25:06,479
# On cul-de-sac roads
498
00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:09,199
# That dampened your spirit
499
00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:12,879
# For why, you just didn't know
500
00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:16,519
# You wore your wife's clothing
501
00:25:16,520 --> 00:25:19,639
# While she was at church
502
00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:22,839
# And it made you feel normal
503
00:25:22,840 --> 00:25:30,159
# When normal life hurt
504
00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:32,919
# Then you came through
our door... #
505
00:25:32,920 --> 00:25:34,320
So embarrassing.
506
00:25:36,920 --> 00:25:41,599
# You're not strange any more
507
00:25:41,600 --> 00:25:46,839
# Cos some of us
belong to the night
508
00:25:46,840 --> 00:25:56,039
# Disco lights
are here to guide you
509
00:25:56,040 --> 00:26:00,919
# Some of us belong to the night
510
00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:08,560
# Leave those cares far behind you
511
00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:17,959
# Some of us belong to the night
512
00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:20,919
# Your Rolodex flickers
513
00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:24,399
# On the 31st floor
514
00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:26,839
# And the sound of it echoes
515
00:26:26,840 --> 00:26:31,199
# Off the white Formica walls
516
00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:34,759
# And you dream of the weekend
517
00:26:34,760 --> 00:26:38,079
# Tight white denim jeans
518
00:26:38,080 --> 00:26:40,719
# From Rita The Eater
519
00:26:40,720 --> 00:26:48,479
# The disco dancing queen
520
00:26:48,480 --> 00:26:52,960
# Then you came in through our door
521
00:26:54,880 --> 00:26:59,479
# You ain't strange any more
522
00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:05,039
# Cos some of us
belong to the night
523
00:27:05,040 --> 00:27:13,559
# Disco lights are here to guide you
524
00:27:13,560 --> 00:27:18,199
# Some of us belong to the night
525
00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:25,920
# Leave those cares
far behind you... #
526
00:27:34,400 --> 00:27:37,350
You're like a turd that won't flush,
aren't you, Stewart?
527
00:27:40,400 --> 00:27:45,239
# Some of us belong to the night
528
00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:53,279
# Leave those cares far behind you
529
00:27:53,280 --> 00:27:58,880
# Some of us belong to
530
00:28:00,960 --> 00:28:03,480
# The night. #
531
00:28:03,530 --> 00:28:08,080
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