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1
00:00:02,128 --> 00:00:05,298
| get to go to the French Riviera
on the ISIS dime to do what?
2
00:00:05,464 --> 00:00:07,800
Locate a stolen shipment
of Redeye missiles...
3
00:00:07,967 --> 00:00:12,054
...and kill the arms dealer trying
to sell them, Spirodon Skorpio.
4
00:00:12,221 --> 00:00:13,931
ARCHER:
Whoa, what, is diabetes busy?
5
00:00:14,098 --> 00:00:18,186
Don't underestimate Skorpio. There's
a reason the bounty on him is so high.
6
00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:21,606
Like, high enough to redo my kitchen?
Ugh. What did | tell you?
7
00:00:21,772 --> 00:00:25,026
That Saltillo tile is terrible
for a kitchen because it's so porous.
8
00:00:25,193 --> 00:00:28,404
And Mexican whore-house-y.
So I'm sure your cook feels at home.
9
00:00:28,571 --> 00:00:31,282
Hey, Pita isn't a whore.
Not until you got a hold of her.
10
00:00:31,449 --> 00:00:33,910
S R -1E.
Oh, shut up. The bounty on Skorpio...
11
00:00:34,076 --> 00:00:37,121
...Is more than enough for a new kitchen--
.N a e\ . Ria .N ale o
12
00:00:37,288 --> 00:00:41,209
And the rest you can set aside
for Pita's inevitable medical expenses.
13
00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:43,628
Ugh. Like, one time that happened.
14
00:00:43,794 --> 00:00:45,963
It's pretty late. Why don't you take a cab?
15
00:00:46,130 --> 00:00:49,050
IN HEAVY MEXICAN ACCENT
Mr. Sterling? | have problem.
16
00:00:49,217 --> 00:00:50,259
I'll pay for it.
17
00:00:50,509 --> 00:00:51,552
VOMITING
18
00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:53,721
Again? Seriously, Pita....
19
00:00:54,722 --> 00:00:58,726
You're killing me here. Again?
This was supposed to be coconut shrimp.
20
00:00:58,893 --> 00:01:02,480
One, three times. But it's the Pope's
fault she won't let me wear a condom.
21
00:01:02,647 --> 00:01:06,275
Why don't you wear a vasectomy?
This again? Don't you want a grandkid?
22
00:01:06,442 --> 00:01:10,321
Well, if | did, I'd just scrape all
your previous mishaps into a big pile...
23
00:01:10,488 --> 00:01:13,491
...and knit a onesie for it.
Jesus Christ.
24
00:01:13,658 --> 00:01:16,202
Sorry, I've been fasting and I'm edgy.
Still though--
25
00:01:16,369 --> 00:01:18,996
Sterling.
Okay. If there's money left...
26
00:01:19,163 --> 00:01:21,123
...after the kitchen,
then vasectomy maybe.
27
00:01:21,290 --> 00:01:22,625
You do want the assignment?
28
00:01:22,959 --> 00:01:25,628
Yeah, | want it.
You really, really, really want it?
29
00:01:25,795 --> 00:01:27,004
Yes. | really want it.
30
00:01:27,171 --> 00:01:28,839
Well, too bad. Because guess what.
31
00:01:29,006 --> 00:01:30,174
Womp-womp.
32
00:01:30,341 --> 00:01:32,843
Why does she get the mission?
Because | said so.
33
00:01:33,010 --> 00:01:34,929
Either way, we have a plane to catch.
34
00:01:35,096 --> 00:01:36,305
We? Why are you going?
35
00:01:36,472 --> 00:01:39,517
I'm going to, um, a conference?
36
00:01:39,684 --> 00:01:42,270
Oh, well, isn't that convenient?
37
00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:45,690
If you think that's convenient,
wait till you see my new kitchen.
38
00:01:45,856 --> 00:01:50,111
Ha! Seriously though, you should look
through some of her design catalogs.
39
00:02:21,726 --> 00:02:24,061
S0, zoom, you're just
jetting off to France?
40
00:02:24,228 --> 00:02:26,605
Isn't that kind of sudden?
No, baby.
41
00:02:26,772 --> 00:02:29,567
Sudden is wanting to move in
with somebody after four months.
42
00:02:29,734 --> 00:02:31,902
Talking. Just talking about it.
43
00:02:32,069 --> 00:02:34,947
You know, | mean, jeez,
| moved in with my last girlfriend...
44
00:02:35,114 --> 00:02:37,366
...after four weeks.
What are you, a lesbian?
45
00:02:37,533 --> 00:02:40,202
Why, would you be into that?
Just curious.
46
00:02:40,369 --> 00:02:44,832
Which was an odd word choice
right there, and am | talking out loud?
47
00:02:44,999 --> 00:02:48,169
Now remember, | want the entire data
system on those new servers...
48
00:02:48,336 --> 00:02:50,880
...or | will just make it rain pink slips.
49
00:02:51,047 --> 00:02:53,132
I'm not doing that.
That's a poor motivator.
50
00:02:53,299 --> 00:02:56,093
Lana, | want you to call or text me
at the top of every hour.
51
00:02:56,260 --> 00:02:59,055
I'll call or text at the--
I'm gonna be kind of busy, hon.
52
00:02:59,221 --> 00:03:00,723
Well, it's all on this schedule.
53
00:03:00,890 --> 00:03:03,601
Oh, no, honey. The doors
are closing and | didn't get the--
54
00:03:03,768 --> 00:03:05,227
Oh, so close.
55
00:03:05,394 --> 00:03:07,938
So your conference
wouldn't be for control freaks. ..
56
00:03:08,105 --> 00:03:12,610
...who micro-manage everything, would it?
What? No, that's not why I'm--
57
00:03:12,777 --> 00:03:16,238
But look, you be careful with Skorpio.
He won't hesitate to Kill you.
58
00:03:16,405 --> 00:03:17,448
CELL PHONE CHIRPS
59
00:03:17,615 --> 00:03:20,242
Unless | get smothered to death.
Oh. That's just pathetic.
60
00:03:20,409 --> 00:03:24,955
But even though Cyril may be clingy--
Oh. Saran Wrap could take a lesson.
61
00:03:25,122 --> 00:03:28,501
--you used to complain constantly
that Sterling was emotionally distant.
62
00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:30,336
Yeah, | was just being nice,
though.
63
00:03:30,503 --> 00:03:34,256
| wonder if he's like that because
| used to spank him with a wooden spoon.
64
00:03:34,423 --> 00:03:38,469
Uh-- Yeah, | don't know about that, but it
might explain the ping-pong paddle.
65
00:03:38,636 --> 00:03:39,970
SPEAKS IN FRENCH
66
00:03:40,137 --> 00:03:42,473
MALORY:
My point is, dear, you can trust Cyril.
67
00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:44,975
Now you go have
3 fun assassination.
68
00:03:45,142 --> 00:03:48,437
Okay, and you go have fun at your thing.
69
00:03:48,604 --> 00:03:52,525
Oh, | will. Bye, dear.
Did you rent a boat?
70
00:03:52,691 --> 00:03:57,113
IN RUSSIAN ACCENT
Da, is very-- Ahem. Pretty nice boat.
71
00:03:57,279 --> 00:03:59,657
It better be, Mr. Sex-Tape.
72
00:03:59,824 --> 00:04:03,494
And you, scuff that luggage,
and I'll cut your hamstrings for you.
73
00:04:03,661 --> 00:04:07,373
| think we're making some progress.
Where, in opposite-world?
74
00:04:07,540 --> 00:04:11,669
We're never gonna finish all this.
We can, if certain people would help.
75
00:04:11,836 --> 00:04:15,798
I'm sorry, are you addressing me? Because
your authority is not recognized in...
76
00:04:15,965 --> 00:04:19,635
...Fort Kickass.
Ugh! Mr. Archer, you could help.
77
00:04:19,802 --> 00:04:22,221
Hey, I'm helping Cyril. Text her again.
78
00:04:22,388 --> 00:04:25,182
| am, if you'd shut up.
And really pour out your feelings.
79
00:04:25,349 --> 00:04:28,144
Don't listen to him, he's just trying to--
ARCHER: Shut up!
80
00:04:28,310 --> 00:04:30,479
Cyril, bare your soul.
81
00:04:30,646 --> 00:04:34,900
JAKOV:
So, heh-heh, did | say is nice boat, or what?
82
00:04:35,067 --> 00:04:37,069
Yes, Nikolai, you certainly did...
83
00:04:37,236 --> 00:04:40,030
...which hopefully explains
my shock at finding myself...
84
00:04:40,197 --> 00:04:41,657
_aboard the Chum Guzzler.
85
00:04:41,824 --> 00:04:43,200
LAUGHS
86
00:04:43,367 --> 00:04:45,453
| am just getting that.
87
00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:48,038
MALORY:
Well, | know what you're not getting.
88
00:04:48,205 --> 00:04:51,375
Give it. I'm serious. Give me my phone.
No, get off. Cut it out.
89
00:04:51,542 --> 00:04:53,711
Cyril, goddamn it,
you're smothering Lana.
90
00:04:53,878 --> 00:04:56,714
Pam, I will hit you in the face.
Aha-ha-ow!
91
00:04:56,881 --> 00:05:00,468
Don't listen to her, Cyril.
If there's one thing women totally love...
92
00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:02,386
...It's to be smothered by men.
93
00:05:02,553 --> 00:05:05,139
Heh. Like you'd know.
Or choked, in your case.
94
00:05:05,306 --> 00:05:07,433
Cyril, trust me.
Give her some space.
95
00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:10,519
But why hasn't she called?
| mean, what if she's in danger?
96
00:05:10,686 --> 00:05:12,021
Or-- Or--
ARCHER: Cyril, come on.
97
00:05:12,521 --> 00:05:14,732
Worst-case scenario,
her cover got blown...
98
00:05:14,899 --> 00:05:16,901
...and Skorpio's raping her senseless...
Oh!
99
00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:19,570
...before he chops her battered
corpse into fish food.
100
00:05:19,737 --> 00:05:21,864
What is wrong with you?
How can you say that?
101
00:05:22,031 --> 00:05:23,574
What? | said "worst-case."
102
00:05:23,741 --> 00:05:24,783
JAKOV SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN
103
00:05:24,950 --> 00:05:27,286
Leave that to your field agent.
104
00:05:27,453 --> 00:05:29,788
Why must you always micro-manage?
105
00:05:29,955 --> 00:05:32,333
| don't. And if you will recall...
106
00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:34,793
...l used to be an excellent field agent.
107
00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:37,838
Da, is why | fall in love with you.
108
00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:40,633
My God, Kolya, we were so young.
109
00:05:40,799 --> 00:05:44,053
Young and in love, and in Berlin.
110
00:05:44,220 --> 00:05:48,349
On that magical moonlit night,
beneath the Bridge of Spies.
111
00:05:48,516 --> 00:05:52,269
The night before you break my heart,
and disappear for nine months.
112
00:05:52,436 --> 00:05:57,149
I\ g IET.X R el pgS1ialIn
I've been meaning to tell you.
113
00:05:57,733 --> 00:05:59,193
What is in this drink?
114
00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:02,112
Sorry, is ice from cooler.
115
00:06:02,279 --> 00:06:05,658
Somehow it got butter all over it.
WOMAN: Aah!
116
00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:07,952
Hey, don't be queen of drama.
117
00:06:08,118 --> 00:06:10,746
That wasn't me, you idiot.
118
00:06:10,913 --> 00:06:12,039
SCREAMING
119
00:06:12,206 --> 00:06:13,541
Oh, dear God.
120
00:06:15,084 --> 00:06:16,126
CELL PHONE RINGING
121
00:06:16,293 --> 00:06:17,336
Cyril, give it to me.
| bet that's Lana.
122
00:06:17,503 --> 00:06:20,297
It's my phone. Pam put yours in the blender.
Come on.
123
00:06:20,464 --> 00:06:23,884
PAM: It's called tough love, Cyril.
The secret ingredient is phone.
124
00:06:24,051 --> 00:06:27,680
Hello. Mother. What? Really?
125
00:06:27,846 --> 00:06:30,015
And you're sure it was Lana?
What was Lana?
126
00:06:30,182 --> 00:06:33,769
Okay, I'm on it. What? Yes. God.
Come on.
127
00:06:33,936 --> 00:06:37,106
What did she say?
Well, she's still really pro-vasectomy.
128
00:06:37,273 --> 00:06:39,775
About Lana.
Oh, right. Yeah, so...
129
00:06:40,693 --> 00:06:43,320
...remember that worst-case
scenario we talked about?
130
00:06:43,487 --> 00:06:45,781
Oh, my God.
Yes, yes, | remember.
131
00:06:45,948 --> 00:06:48,993
Archer, if anything--
Cyril, relax. | will rescue her.
132
00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:52,288
So, Krieger? How's about a roadie?
133
00:06:54,957 --> 00:06:58,502
ARCHER: It would be nice to know
what kind of danger I'm facing.
134
00:06:58,669 --> 00:07:00,754
MALORY OVER RADIOJ:
What danger? They do it outpatient.
135
00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:03,507
ARCHER:
What--? Not the vasectomy, the rescue.
136
00:07:03,674 --> 00:07:05,217
How would | know? I'm at a conference.
137
00:07:05,384 --> 00:07:06,427
SEAGULLS CRYING
138
00:07:06,594 --> 00:07:08,887
Wait a minute.
You don't have a minute.
139
00:07:09,054 --> 00:07:10,764
Now, will you just put a lid on it?
140
00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:14,518
ARCHER: All right, I'm going.
Shitty flying rats.
141
00:07:14,685 --> 00:07:16,103
Just put the damn lid on it.
142
00:07:16,562 --> 00:07:20,441
Commence Operation:
"Something about | rescue Lana...
143
00:07:20,608 --> 00:07:24,028
...and she begs me to take her back,
so then Cyril commits suicide."
144
00:07:24,194 --> 00:07:26,530
| swear to God | had something for this.
145
00:07:27,823 --> 00:07:30,951
Seriously, are you just bailing
on this whole assignment, or what?
146
00:07:31,118 --> 00:07:35,289
Who gives a gosh-damn about that?
Lana's captured, maybe even--
147
00:07:35,456 --> 00:07:37,541
Rescued, Kenny Crybaby.
148
00:07:37,708 --> 00:07:42,046
Come on. | bet Mr. Archer already went
all double-oh-ninja on Skorpio's ass.
149
00:07:42,212 --> 00:07:43,380
Waa-paah!
150
00:07:43,547 --> 00:07:45,341
ETEICE ogo R
You really think so?
151
00:07:45,507 --> 00:07:47,885
Cyril, right this second...
152
00:07:48,052 --> 00:07:50,220
...I bet he's untying Lana...
153
00:07:50,387 --> 00:07:52,306
...taking off her ball gag--
Her what?
154
00:07:52,473 --> 00:07:55,392
--and she's looking up
into his steely-blue eyes...
155
00:07:55,559 --> 00:07:57,728
...and parting her moist lips--
156
00:07:57,895 --> 00:07:59,938
Wait a minute.
Yeah, hang on, crazy pants.
157
00:08:00,105 --> 00:08:03,317
Let her talk, woman.
As he takes her in his rippling...
158
00:08:03,484 --> 00:08:06,945
...Rambo-y arms, throws her down...
Oh, my God--
159
00:08:07,112 --> 00:08:10,407
...and then unh, unh, yeah!
Oh, yeah!
160
00:08:10,574 --> 00:08:13,577
That's right! Give it to me! Uhn!
161
00:08:13,744 --> 00:08:17,122
Damn it, look what you-- Shouldn't you
be off cooking a rabbit somewhere?
162
00:08:17,289 --> 00:08:20,209
I've got some in the lab.
| mean, maybe it's not that...
163
00:08:20,376 --> 00:08:23,837
...but there's only one way to find out.
NVl R 18
164
00:08:24,546 --> 00:08:25,756
ARCHER:
Oh, Jesus, God.
165
00:08:26,548 --> 00:08:28,717
| thought | gave you a fake number.
CYRIL: What?
166
00:08:28,884 --> 00:08:31,887
Archer, it's me.
Cyril? Hey, | can't really talk right now.
167
00:08:32,054 --> 00:08:35,641
Well, that's too bad, Mr. Man.
Now, you just put Lana on the phone.
168
00:08:35,808 --> 00:08:40,104
Well, Cyril | can't really do that either.
He says he can't put her on.
169
00:08:40,396 --> 00:08:44,400
GRUNTING AND MOANING
170
00:08:44,733 --> 00:08:47,569
Archer, put her on the phone.
Cyril, buddy, look...
171
00:08:47,736 --> 00:08:50,489
...when | see her,
| will tell her to call you...
172
00:08:50,656 --> 00:08:53,117
...but | can't freaking talk right now!
173
00:08:53,283 --> 00:08:56,036
Archer? Hello? He hung up.
174
00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:57,329
Probably cause he's all:
175
00:08:57,496 --> 00:08:58,664
GRUNTING
176
00:08:58,831 --> 00:09:01,417
Oh, my God, | can't breathe.
177
00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:04,420
GURGLING
178
00:09:08,590 --> 00:09:09,675
SOBBING
179
00:09:09,842 --> 00:09:13,095
And that's the reason | don't
have sex with my co-workers.
180
00:09:13,262 --> 00:09:16,640
That and no one ever lets me.
I've had good results with ether.
181
00:09:16,807 --> 00:09:19,643
Oh, no!
182
00:09:19,852 --> 00:09:21,645
IMUFFLED SCREAMING
183
00:09:27,276 --> 00:09:29,111
MALORY:
Oh, my God, Nikolai, something's wrong.
184
00:09:29,278 --> 00:09:32,656
Is just fat dripping from kebabs.
185
00:09:32,823 --> 00:09:35,325
Not that. Kolya, my people need help.
186
00:09:35,492 --> 00:09:38,912
Do you have any KGB agents nearby?
Meh. ..
187
00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:42,791
"Meh" what?
| just don't feel so comfortable...
188
00:09:42,958 --> 00:09:47,171
...discussing KGB operations with you.
What? | tell you everything.
189
00:09:47,337 --> 00:09:51,467
Da, but is a little unprofessional.
190
00:09:51,633 --> 00:09:54,636
ARCHER: Swear to God,
LLana better be dead on a slab...
191
00:09:54,803 --> 00:09:57,347
...0r begging for mercy over a vat of acid...
192
00:09:57,514 --> 00:09:59,600
or a shark tank or--
193
00:09:59,767 --> 00:10:03,312
Drinking champagne in a bikini?
Oh, screw me.
194
00:10:03,854 --> 00:10:07,274
SKORPIO IN FOREIGN ACCENT:
Two minutes, my love. | am just now again...
195
00:10:07,441 --> 00:10:10,110
...re-shaving my balls again.
196
00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:13,197
First of all, you have no right
to interfere with my operation.
197
00:10:13,363 --> 00:10:16,867
And not that it's any of your beeswax,
but | did not have sex with Skorpio.
198
00:10:17,034 --> 00:10:18,494
Oh, really?
No. God.
199
00:10:18,660 --> 00:10:21,121
| just kept putting him off,
making him re-shave his balls.
200
00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:23,707
Oh. So you can hang out on a boat?
201
00:10:23,874 --> 00:10:26,251
It's a mega-yacht. And | just--
202
00:10:26,418 --> 00:10:27,878
| needed a break from Cyril.
203
00:10:28,045 --> 00:10:30,756
Who thinks
you got captured, or killed.
204
00:10:30,923 --> 00:10:32,549
What was that all about?
205
00:10:32,716 --> 00:10:34,176
SCREAMING
206
00:10:34,343 --> 00:10:38,722
LAUGHING
207
00:10:38,889 --> 00:10:42,518
Uh-- | actually forget what that was.
I've been hitting the sauce pretty hard.
208
00:10:42,684 --> 00:10:46,730
Jesus. You are so irresponsible.
Oh, really? Go ask Pita who's irresponsible.
209
00:10:46,897 --> 00:10:48,816
Hey, she knew
the job was risky going in.
210
00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:51,652
And since you didn't do your job--
| will, all right?
211
00:10:51,819 --> 00:10:53,487
Just give me like a week.
212
00:10:53,654 --> 00:10:55,823
Too late! You had your
chance and you blew it.
213
00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:59,034
Now, how's my disguise?
Depends. Who are you supposed to be?
214
00:10:59,201 --> 00:11:01,620
Topper Bottoms,
stern yet sensual skipper...
215
00:11:01,787 --> 00:11:03,539
...of the USS Rough Service?
216
00:11:03,705 --> 00:11:04,748
IMUFFLED CHUCKLING
217
00:11:04,915 --> 00:11:07,209
What, they're your clothes, idiot.
Uhn!
218
00:11:07,376 --> 00:11:10,212
Oh, damn it, that was the guy
in charge of the chocolate fountain.
219
00:11:10,379 --> 00:11:13,090
There's a chocolate fountain?
Oh. There's everything.
220
00:11:13,257 --> 00:11:15,759
Great champagne, ridiculous food...
221
00:11:15,926 --> 00:11:18,595
...a whole, like, squad
of hot little Filipina masseuses.
222
00:11:18,762 --> 00:11:20,180
Skeet?
Probably. | just...
223
00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:24,101
...really need some me time before
| have to go back to Cyril and his whole--
224
00:11:24,268 --> 00:11:26,436
Curiously oppressive
brand of love?
225
00:11:26,603 --> 00:11:30,357
| mean, come on, haven't | earned that?
NIV N S .V Lo R
226
00:11:30,524 --> 00:11:32,109
What? No. No, you're not.
Yes.
227
00:11:32,276 --> 00:11:36,280
Yes, | am. Or would you prefer
RO IR IR STl RS el g o o ¥4
228
00:11:36,989 --> 00:11:39,408
Even you wouldn't stoop that low.
Lana, come on...
229
00:11:39,575 --> 00:11:41,493
...this is me, remember?
230
00:11:41,660 --> 00:11:42,744
GROANS
231
00:11:42,911 --> 00:11:44,496
Unprofessional?
232
00:11:44,663 --> 00:11:47,457
From the man who used
an entire KGB surveillance team. ..
233
00:11:47,624 --> 00:11:49,710
...just to make a sex tape of me?
234
00:11:49,877 --> 00:11:53,297
Ha. And entire KGB art department...
235
00:11:53,463 --> 00:11:56,008
...to airbrush wrinkles off your old ass.
236
00:11:56,300 --> 00:11:58,886
| want to leave, please.
Right now.
237
00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:02,514
So who's stopping you?
238
00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:09,396
Smiles everyone, smiles.
239
00:12:09,563 --> 00:12:13,233
For this party, everything
must be as perfect...
240
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,569
...as my beautiful companion.
Ha-ha.
241
00:12:15,736 --> 00:12:19,823
Because in one hour, the world's
most dangerous terrorists...
242
00:12:19,990 --> 00:12:25,954
...will gather here, on the Argo,
to bid on my humble wares.
243
00:12:26,371 --> 00:12:29,833
Wait, wait, you.
Chocolate-fountain guy.
244
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:32,169
You look, uh...
245
00:12:32,794 --> 00:12:34,838
...different.
Oh!
246
00:12:35,172 --> 00:12:39,343
Um, | guess I've been working out?
Yes, | can see that.
247
00:12:39,676 --> 00:12:42,137
Quick. Bring me some duct tape.
D B
248
00:12:42,304 --> 00:12:44,598
Because this malaka is ripped.
249
00:12:44,765 --> 00:12:46,850
LAUGHING
250
00:12:47,017 --> 00:12:50,604
Come, my dear.
Before the party, | must relax...
251
00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:52,856
...on top of you.
Ugh.
252
00:12:53,357 --> 00:12:56,360
No excuses, huh? My balls are smooth.
253
00:12:56,902 --> 00:13:00,948
And you know | love that.
Not as much as | love chocolate.
254
00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:06,119
Oh-hoh-hoh.
So, you, malaka, bring plenty of it, yes.
255
00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:07,788
| would prefer not to.
256
00:13:07,955 --> 00:13:08,997
GUNS COCKING
257
00:13:09,164 --> 00:13:11,708
Bartleby, the Scrivener? Anybody?
258
00:13:11,875 --> 00:13:14,211
Not a big Melville crowd, here, huh?
259
00:13:14,378 --> 00:13:16,171
Yeah, he's not an easy read.
260
00:13:16,505 --> 00:13:18,215
And | drove her right into his arms.
261
00:13:18,382 --> 00:13:19,424
SOBBING
262
00:13:19,591 --> 00:13:21,885
His big, tan, muscle-bulgy arms.
263
00:13:22,052 --> 00:13:24,805
Cyril, come on. Don't listen to--
264
00:13:24,972 --> 00:13:27,224
What the hell is your name now, anyway?
265
00:13:27,391 --> 00:13:30,060
| don't even remember.
PAM: Exactly. So--
266
00:13:30,227 --> 00:13:31,228
SNORTING
267
00:13:31,395 --> 00:13:34,898
What are you snorting off me?
It's mostly MSG.
268
00:13:35,065 --> 00:13:38,485
The flavor enhancer.
Which you so need.
269
00:13:38,652 --> 00:13:40,153
Pipe down, pipe cleaner.
270
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,990
And, Cyril, it's a rescue mission, okay?
271
00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:46,076
Probably fraught with danger.
You really think so?
272
00:13:46,243 --> 00:13:49,162
| bet they're fighting for their lives.
273
00:13:51,790 --> 00:13:53,333
Yeah, that....
274
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:55,085
LAUGHS
275
00:13:55,252 --> 00:13:56,712
That got a little dark.
276
00:13:59,256 --> 00:14:02,050
So now we have champagne, huh?
277
00:14:02,259 --> 00:14:06,763
Um, got anything a little stronger?
Or way stronger. Like poison?
278
00:14:06,930 --> 00:14:10,100
Mm. | think | have just the thing.
279
00:14:11,059 --> 00:14:13,854
Oh, my God.
Ready the shark tank for my guests...
280
00:14:14,021 --> 00:14:17,607
...Agents Archer and Kane, of ISIS.
What?
281
00:14:17,774 --> 00:14:18,942
You knew the whole time?
282
00:14:19,109 --> 00:14:21,236
How you say...? Womp-womp.
283
00:14:21,653 --> 00:14:26,116
All right, you heard Mr. Skorpio.
No, just Skorpio.
284
00:14:26,283 --> 00:14:28,869
Remember? How we're
doing that from now on?
285
00:14:29,036 --> 00:14:33,206
Sorry, sir,
Hang on just one second.
286
00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:35,584
Where was this enthusiasm before?
287
00:14:35,751 --> 00:14:37,753
| know, right?
Now he wants to contribute.
288
00:14:38,170 --> 00:14:42,132
M-- Ha-ha.
Oh, funny. Actually, I'm getting this.
289
00:14:42,299 --> 00:14:43,550
CHATTERING
290
00:14:43,717 --> 00:14:47,304
Damn, | had something
for this too. Damn it.
291
00:14:47,471 --> 00:14:48,930
Eat grenade, stupids.
292
00:14:49,723 --> 00:14:50,766
GRENADE EXPLODES
293
00:14:50,932 --> 00:14:53,268
Oh, well, now what?
294
00:14:53,435 --> 00:14:55,270
Are you still here?
295
00:14:55,437 --> 00:14:57,939
Where'd you get a grenade?
Hanging from the lampshade.
296
00:14:58,106 --> 00:14:59,149
Wait, what?
297
00:14:59,316 --> 00:15:00,484
GUNSHOTS
298
00:15:00,650 --> 00:15:02,652
SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE
299
00:15:02,819 --> 00:15:07,324
What? Did he just call me a whore?
Now, why on earth would he do that?
300
00:15:07,491 --> 00:15:11,036
Because he
turns women into whores.
301
00:15:11,203 --> 00:15:12,996
Just ask
his slutty Mexican cook.
302
00:15:13,163 --> 00:15:14,623
Oh, my God, yes.
303
00:15:14,790 --> 00:15:17,209
We should call her,
because | would literally...
304
00:15:17,375 --> 00:15:19,795
...murder somebody
for some migas right now.
305
00:15:19,961 --> 00:15:23,673
Every single noun and verb
in that sentence totally arouses me.
306
00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:25,884
And I'm so open to that.
307
00:15:26,051 --> 00:15:27,761
And, Cyril, ignore her.
308
00:15:27,928 --> 00:15:30,680
Nothing's going on
between Archer and Lana.
309
00:15:30,847 --> 00:15:33,809
Although....
Although what?
310
00:15:33,975 --> 00:15:36,853
Well, every ISIS agent
has a company-issued...
311
00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:39,523
...life-insurance policy, and--
312
00:15:39,689 --> 00:15:40,690
And what?
313
00:15:41,691 --> 00:15:45,195
You're my beneficiary!
Your what?
314
00:15:45,362 --> 00:15:47,697
On my company life insurance.
315
00:15:47,864 --> 00:15:49,032
Oh, my God.
316
00:15:49,199 --> 00:15:50,784
| mean, if this goes tits-up.
317
00:15:53,703 --> 00:15:55,539
Now? Really?
318
00:15:55,705 --> 00:15:58,917
Onh, right. Because you walked
into Strippers' Discount Warehouse...
319
00:15:59,084 --> 00:16:01,711
...and said, "Help me
showcase my intellect."
320
00:16:01,878 --> 00:16:04,214
Discount? Hello, this is Fiacci.
321
00:16:04,381 --> 00:16:06,967
Uh, | think it's pronounced,
"Knock-off."
322
00:16:07,509 --> 00:16:08,552
GRUNTS
323
00:16:08,718 --> 00:16:13,473
Right after | get back,
I'm changing that stupid policy. Ugh!
324
00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:16,351
Yes, you're my beneficiary.
325
00:16:16,518 --> 00:16:21,565
How'd you get life insurance, Lana?
Don't they know you're in the danger zone?
326
00:16:21,731 --> 00:16:23,650
But that doesn't
mean anything. | mean...
327
00:16:23,817 --> 00:16:26,695
...they could've forgotten
to fill out new beneficiary forms--
328
00:16:26,862 --> 00:16:30,198
Cyril, they have to update those
bennie forms every quarter.
329
00:16:30,365 --> 00:16:31,408
CHUCKLES
330
00:16:31,575 --> 00:16:35,203
Ouch.
But that means-- Oh, my God.
331
00:16:35,370 --> 00:16:37,747
Damn ass-hammered shit!
332
00:16:37,914 --> 00:16:41,751
What?
Benefits! | forgot to spend the balance...
333
00:16:41,918 --> 00:16:44,087
...In my goddamn flex account!
334
00:16:44,254 --> 00:16:47,424
Are you date-of-employment, or--?
Calendar-year!
335
00:16:47,591 --> 00:16:49,718
Ouch.
That's just leaving money on the table.
336
00:16:49,885 --> 00:16:50,927
How did you forget that?
337
00:16:51,094 --> 00:16:54,764
| guess | was busy fantasizing about
Archer and Lana having intercourse!
338
00:16:54,931 --> 00:16:56,057
SOBBING
339
00:16:56,224 --> 00:17:01,104
Ouch.
Cyril, come on, hon, we all were.
340
00:17:01,271 --> 00:17:03,315
And you expect me to believe that?
341
00:17:03,481 --> 00:17:07,277
| don't care. Just like
| don't ever think about you.
342
00:17:07,444 --> 00:17:09,404
Reloading.
Firing.
343
00:17:09,571 --> 00:17:13,617
So when you filled out your insurance, you
weren't thinking about my muscular arms...
344
00:17:13,783 --> 00:17:20,123
...or my ass, in the combat-firing stance?
No, | wasn't. | don't. | mean, I'm--
345
00:17:20,290 --> 00:17:22,959
So full of shit, your eyes are brown.
346
00:17:25,962 --> 00:17:29,382
No, they're--
Oh, my God, they're green.
347
00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:30,634
EXPLOSION
348
00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:33,303
Like emeralds.
How did | never see that?
349
00:17:33,470 --> 00:17:35,430
Lana, your eyes are amazing.
Archer.
350
00:17:35,597 --> 00:17:38,433
| mean, not compared to your tits, but--
Ow! Ow!
351
00:17:38,975 --> 00:17:40,435
What is your problem?
352
00:17:40,602 --> 00:17:42,812
You. And plus, | have a boyfriend.
353
00:17:42,979 --> 00:17:45,440
Oh, right, how could | forget Mr. Cling?
354
00:17:45,607 --> 00:17:46,816
SOBBING
355
00:17:46,983 --> 00:17:49,444
Cyril? Cyril, come on. Let go.
356
00:17:49,611 --> 00:17:53,198
Oh, God, he's stronger
than he looks.
357
00:17:53,365 --> 00:17:55,825
Get him out of here!
358
00:17:55,992 --> 00:17:57,911
Because these corporate bag-munchers...
359
00:17:58,078 --> 00:18:00,372
—owe me 630 dollars. ..
360
00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:04,167
...for my goddamn flex account!
361
00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:07,504
| cannot believe you shot me.
362
00:18:07,671 --> 00:18:09,339
God, you know how much | hate that.
363
00:18:09,506 --> 00:18:12,342
You better get used to it.
Kill them, you fools. Kill them.
364
00:18:12,509 --> 00:18:14,678
Oh, my God. | am gonna die...
365
00:18:14,844 --> 00:18:17,180
...and you're the last man
| was in bed with.
366
00:18:17,347 --> 00:18:21,476
Well, one of them. Don't worry,
| won't tell Cyril. Probably.
367
00:18:21,643 --> 00:18:22,686
CLICKING
368
00:18:22,852 --> 00:18:25,855
Shit. I'm out of ammo. Archer!
Lana. Lana.
369
00:18:26,022 --> 00:18:28,858
Do you trust me?
What? No, | don't trust you.
370
00:18:29,025 --> 00:18:32,195
Well, that's too bad.
Because guess what.
371
00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:39,744
Oh, my God. Nikolai. Our son.
372
00:18:39,911 --> 00:18:42,706
Our what?
Oh, so...
373
00:18:42,872 --> 00:18:45,875
...remember that little something
| wanted to tell you?
374
00:18:46,042 --> 00:18:51,631
A little something?
Oh, that is just classic you.
375
00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:54,467
So I'm a little late.
A leid 1 2Y
376
00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:58,305
No one could have survived that.
377
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:01,558
Oh, man! Whoo!
378
00:19:01,725 --> 00:19:03,810
| am awesome!
379
00:19:03,977 --> 00:19:07,355
Ugh. And it just keeps on getting better.
380
00:19:07,522 --> 00:19:08,982
Lana?
Asshole?
381
00:19:09,149 --> 00:19:12,819
Oh, my God.
Was that not epic?
382
00:19:12,986 --> 00:19:15,697
First of all....
Nikolai, look, they're alive.
383
00:19:15,864 --> 00:19:19,159
Oh, thank God.
Thank God?
384
00:19:19,326 --> 00:19:23,747
For what? The lying woman
| risk my career for?
385
00:19:23,913 --> 00:19:26,458
The son she don't told me of?
386
00:19:26,624 --> 00:19:30,503
Or maybe my damn security deposit?
387
00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:34,424
MALORY: Security deposit.
What was it, a pair of flip-flops?
388
00:19:34,591 --> 00:19:37,093
Half the bounty. Come on, | deserve it.
Ha!l
389
00:19:37,260 --> 00:19:39,971
Too bad. So you can just paddle
that hole in your foot...
390
00:19:40,138 --> 00:19:42,432
...right on back to your cheesy,
Mexican kitchen--
391
00:19:42,599 --> 00:19:44,768
Oh, I'll get a new kitchen.
392
00:19:44,934 --> 00:19:48,021
Let's see you get a new boyfriend
after | have a talk with Cyril.
393
00:19:48,188 --> 00:19:50,357
Ha! About what, exactly?
394
00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:52,692
How you cried during
3 two-man threesome?
395
00:19:52,859 --> 00:19:55,779
Wooden spoons are a huge
emotional trigger for me, Lana.
396
00:19:55,945 --> 00:19:58,323
Yeah, and now | know.
And when | tell Pam...
397
00:19:58,490 --> 00:20:00,367
...S0 will everybody in the office.
398
00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:02,869
Onh, is that how you wanna play it?
Yeah.
399
00:20:03,036 --> 00:20:07,791
Fine! Keep your stupid bounty, then!
And keep your pathetic, clingy boyfriend.
400
00:20:07,957 --> 00:20:12,545
| will. Oh, and Cyril may be clingy,
but at least | know | can trust him.
401
00:20:13,129 --> 00:20:16,424
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
CHERYL: Cyril, come on.
402
00:20:16,591 --> 00:20:19,803
Snap out of it, seriously. It's not
like we burned down the mainframe.
403
00:20:19,969 --> 00:20:21,137
You really need to relax.
404
00:20:21,304 --> 00:20:24,140
How? My life is ruined. Again.
405
00:20:24,307 --> 00:20:26,893
Look, what happens on
this scratchy green office rug...
406
00:20:27,060 --> 00:20:29,521
...stays on this scratchy
green office rug, okay?
407
00:20:29,687 --> 00:20:30,980
You mean...
408
00:20:31,147 --> 00:20:34,818
...this, what we just did,
you'll keep this our secret?
409
00:20:34,984 --> 00:20:37,612
Yeah. God, Cyril.
410
00:20:37,779 --> 00:20:40,949
You can trust me.
You know, probably.
411
00:20:41,116 --> 00:20:42,158
Probably?
412
00:20:42,826 --> 00:20:44,119
Womp-womp.
413
00:21:18,862 --> 00:21:19,863
English - US - PSDH
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