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Torvald Utne.
ARCHER: The Olympic shot-putter?
2
00:00:04,338 --> 00:00:06,924
The chairman of the UN
Intelligence Committee.
3
00:00:07,091 --> 00:00:09,844
Do you not even skim
the briefings in your inbox?
4
00:00:10,011 --> 00:00:13,389
| have an inbox?
Utne decides which spy agency...
5
00:00:13,556 --> 00:00:16,434
...gets the insanely lucrative
UN contract.
6
00:00:16,601 --> 00:00:18,936
And as you may or--
7
00:00:19,896 --> 00:00:22,273
--probably don't know,
for six years running...
8
00:00:22,440 --> 00:00:24,942
...the contract has
gone to ODIN.
9
00:00:25,109 --> 00:00:27,778
Ugh. The Organization
of Douche Bags In-- In--
10
00:00:27,945 --> 00:00:30,615
Wait, | had something.
Douche-baggery notwithstanding...
11
00:00:30,781 --> 00:00:33,451
Nowheresville.
...their ground floor isn't a laundromat.
12
00:00:33,618 --> 00:00:36,746
Wash-and-fold, technically.
ISIS needs that UN contract.
13
00:00:36,913 --> 00:00:40,208
So | am going to woo
Mr. Torvald Utne...
14
00:00:40,374 --> 00:00:41,459
STl 1
15
00:00:41,626 --> 00:00:43,794
...with a dinner party.
Tonight.
16
00:00:43,961 --> 00:00:46,255
And you're uninviting me in advance.
Normally, yes.
17
00:00:46,505 --> 00:00:50,009
But this party is different.
And very important...
18
00:00:50,176 --> 00:00:52,637
...S0 absolutely nothing can go wrong.
19
00:00:52,803 --> 00:00:55,306
Then we better keep
Dr. Bellows away from Jeannie--
20
00:00:55,473 --> 00:00:57,058
No, no dates.
| Dream of Jeannije.
21
00:00:57,225 --> 00:00:59,769
No one is bringing a date,
so don't you bring a date.
22
00:00:59,936 --> 00:01:02,647
| don't wanna get there
and be the only one without a date.
23
00:01:02,813 --> 00:01:06,567
And | don't want another one of your sullen
whores using my medicine cabinet...
24
00:01:06,734 --> 00:01:09,570
...llke a Pez dispenser.
25
00:01:09,737 --> 00:01:12,448
Peggy, you will probably
KR =R {e IR sl
26
00:01:12,615 --> 00:01:15,451
...but, senator,
we now have a subway museum--
27
00:01:15,618 --> 00:01:17,328
WOMAN GRUNTS
THEN GUESTS GASP
28
00:01:17,495 --> 00:01:20,623
If-- Are you still big into trains?
29
00:01:20,790 --> 00:01:24,335
That wasn't her fault.
Who puts OxyContin in a Xanax bottle?
30
00:01:24,502 --> 00:01:27,046
People with servants, idiot.
If they steal pills...
31
00:01:27,213 --> 00:01:31,467
...how does it help to switch the labels?
Because they can't read English.
32
00:01:31,634 --> 00:01:35,137
Ha, ha. I'm gonna leave you to think
about that whole line of reasoning--
33
00:01:35,304 --> 00:01:37,431
You think.
And what scheme you're hatching...
34
00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:40,476
...for this dinner party.
There's no scheme-hatchery.
35
00:01:40,643 --> 00:01:41,852
MAN ON PHONE:
Hello?
36
00:01:42,019 --> 00:01:43,771
SPEAKS IN GERMAN
37
00:01:43,938 --> 00:01:47,692
Do you mind? It's the caterer.
ARCHER: Right. Okay, sure.
38
00:01:47,858 --> 00:01:49,944
MALORY: Your instructions are clear?
Ja. No problem.
39
00:01:50,111 --> 00:01:51,320
CELL PHONE RINGS
40
00:01:51,487 --> 00:01:53,698
Oh, | have other call. Yeah, okay.
41
00:01:53,864 --> 00:01:55,366
Hello? Onh.
MAN: Hello?
42
00:01:55,533 --> 00:01:58,494
Da, da.
So your instructions are clear?
43
00:01:58,661 --> 00:02:01,205
Da.
= e
44
00:02:01,372 --> 00:02:05,334
Uta, get dressed, we work tonight.
UTA: But, Mani, what about The Fantasticks?
45
00:02:05,501 --> 00:02:07,586
Tomorrow, liebchen,
| promise, but to--
46
00:02:07,753 --> 00:02:08,838
GROANS
47
00:02:09,005 --> 00:02:12,216
You brought this ridiculous thing.
Is it so ridiculous...
48
00:02:12,383 --> 00:02:17,221
...to ready my body for the baby?
Uta. Please do not start this.
49
00:02:17,388 --> 00:02:19,557
Just ready your body for work, hmm?
50
00:02:19,724 --> 00:02:21,559
Fine. What is the job?
51
00:02:21,726 --> 00:02:25,104
Two jobs. The first,
we make a big phony attempt...
52
00:02:25,271 --> 00:02:29,191
...to kill Torvald Utne.
Okay. And the second?
53
00:02:30,234 --> 00:02:31,861
We kill Torvald Utnhe.
54
00:03:03,893 --> 00:03:05,978
MALORY:
So your instructions are clear?
55
00:03:06,145 --> 00:03:09,899
Drinks and fish balls.
You ring first bell for dinner.
56
00:03:10,066 --> 00:03:14,278
And on second bell,
| come out, all John Wooey...
57
00:03:14,445 --> 00:03:17,114
...screaming crazy
and shooting blanks.
58
00:03:17,281 --> 00:03:20,826
Then | throw myself in front of Utne,
shielding him with my supple body...
59
00:03:20,993 --> 00:03:23,788
...as you're gunned down by ISIS agents.
60
00:03:23,954 --> 00:03:26,290
Who are also shooting blanks.
61
00:03:26,832 --> 00:03:28,542
Mm-hm.
And loud ones.
62
00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:32,713
Because for Utne to buy it,
everyone must act surprised.
63
00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:35,633
Oh, I'm sure they will.
Yeah, me too.
64
00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:38,302
Mani, | have a bad feeling for this.
65
00:03:38,469 --> 00:03:41,222
Why? Only | will have real bullets.
66
00:03:41,389 --> 00:03:43,724
This is taking chocolate from a baby.
67
00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:46,143
Oh, no, we won't give
our baby chocolate.
68
00:03:46,310 --> 00:03:48,896
He can have carob.
69
00:03:49,063 --> 00:03:51,941
CHERYL: Thanks for inviting us to your
swanky dinner party, Ms. Archer.
70
00:03:52,108 --> 00:03:54,402
Yeah, | could get used to this.
71
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:58,489
Don't. You're only here because | may
need you to take one for the team.
72
00:03:58,656 --> 00:04:02,451
Torvald is an incorrigible poon hound.
TORVALD: Ha, ha.
73
00:04:02,618 --> 00:04:05,621
Those are enormous In size.
LANA: Oh, well--
74
00:04:05,788 --> 00:04:10,000
Uh, thank you. Kind of.
May | please cup one in my hand?
75
00:04:10,167 --> 00:04:12,753
Ooh. See, here's the thing--
We're actually together.
76
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:15,131
Cyril, go get some gravlax.
77
00:04:15,297 --> 00:04:18,008
Torvald, feel free to cup
anything in the room.
78
00:04:18,175 --> 00:04:21,262
LANA: Uh-- Oh, you were
talking about my guns.
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00:04:21,429 --> 00:04:23,180
Strange that you
wear them to a party.
80
00:04:23,347 --> 00:04:26,142
Normally | wouldn't, but Malory--
But that's ISIS for you.
81
00:04:26,308 --> 00:04:28,018
Always primed and ready
for action.
82
00:04:28,185 --> 00:04:30,104
PANTING
83
00:04:30,271 --> 00:04:33,190
TORVALD: This is good to know.
Yeah, how about that?
84
00:04:33,357 --> 00:04:37,528
Which is why you should
consider ISIS for the UN contract.
85
00:04:37,695 --> 00:04:40,781
Our agents are highly trained
in many disciplines.
86
00:04:40,948 --> 00:04:42,658
LANA GRUNTS
THEN TORVALD GROANS
87
00:04:42,825 --> 00:04:45,119
Like Krav Maga, for instance.
My arm, my arm.
88
00:04:45,286 --> 00:04:47,037
You're breaking my arm.
Lana.
89
00:04:47,204 --> 00:04:51,041
Oh, I'm sorry. Did that hurt?
Yes, it hurt. What is wrong with you?
90
00:04:51,208 --> 00:04:55,045
Nothing but too much enthusiasm
for the opportunity to serve the UN.
91
00:04:55,212 --> 00:04:57,173
Oh, and hands like the Truckasaurus.
C\A
92
00:04:57,339 --> 00:05:01,051
Gravlax, anyone?
No. No gravlax. | need painkillers.
93
00:05:01,218 --> 00:05:03,429
Cyril, in my medicine cabinet-- Wait, no.
Aah.
94
00:05:03,596 --> 00:05:05,055
DOORBELL RINGS
95
00:05:05,222 --> 00:05:08,058
| have to get it myself,
just right after | get that.
96
00:05:10,728 --> 00:05:12,438
You're late.
What is that smell?
97
00:05:12,605 --> 00:05:13,814
Gravlax and failure.
98
00:05:14,231 --> 00:05:16,567
| think Lana just broke
Torvald's hand.
99
00:05:16,734 --> 00:05:19,820
Truckasaurus. Ha, ha!
And we won't win that contract if--
100
00:05:19,987 --> 00:05:22,573
Who on God's green earth
dressed you?
101
00:05:22,740 --> 00:05:26,118
Nobody, that's why I'm late.
Woodhouse just disappeared.
102
00:05:26,285 --> 00:05:27,578
WOODHOUSE:
Only temporarily, sir.
103
00:05:27,745 --> 00:05:30,998
Why are you here?
Actually sir, I'm with Carina.
104
00:05:31,165 --> 00:05:32,583
Carina.
Who?
105
00:05:32,750 --> 00:05:34,376
| changed it again.
Ugh.
106
00:05:34,543 --> 00:05:37,421
| feel that Carina better captures
my sensual womanhood.
107
00:05:37,588 --> 00:05:39,632
Yeah, she so
totally does.
108
00:05:39,798 --> 00:05:41,800
You said no dates.
| said no such thing.
109
00:05:41,967 --> 00:05:44,887
Well, your mouth did.
Well, your mouth better get over there...
110
00:05:45,054 --> 00:05:46,764
...and make Torvald happy.
Um, phrasing?
111
00:05:46,931 --> 00:05:50,518
Regale him with exciting
tales of ISIS exploits.
112
00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:54,271
Take his mind off Lana's huge,
Johnny Benchian fingers.
113
00:05:54,438 --> 00:05:56,941
Can we get off my fingers?
Yeah, they are pretty big.
114
00:05:57,107 --> 00:05:59,109
First time I've heard you complain.
Hi-ho! Ha, ha.
115
00:05:59,276 --> 00:06:02,112
Seriously, who wants gravlax?
Sterling, go. Regale him.
116
00:06:02,279 --> 00:06:04,657
| think he's already being regaled.
PAM: Meatballs!
117
00:06:04,823 --> 00:06:06,367
Oh, for-- Torvald.
118
00:06:06,534 --> 00:06:08,369
Bet you get that a lot, huh, Torvie?
119
00:06:08,536 --> 00:06:10,663
IN SWEDISH ACCENT
Swedish meatballs.
120
00:06:10,829 --> 00:06:12,915
Get away from me,
you disgusting woman.
121
00:06:13,082 --> 00:06:15,918
Wow. So even Pam got a date.
A man, even.
122
00:06:16,085 --> 00:06:19,213
But suave master-spy,
Sterling Archer, stands alone.
123
00:06:19,380 --> 00:06:20,965
Just like the cheese.
124
00:06:21,131 --> 00:06:24,218
| have a--
And a very handsome cheese, at that.
125
00:06:24,385 --> 00:06:26,136
| don't even know
how you got out, Woodhouse.
126
00:06:26,303 --> 00:06:27,972
WHISPERS Alone.
And | do have a date.
127
00:06:28,138 --> 00:06:30,724
You do? Where is she?
She is parking.
128
00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:32,810
Oh, yeah? What's she driving?
A Snuffleupagus?
129
00:06:32,977 --> 00:06:34,270
ARCHER LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY
130
00:06:34,436 --> 00:06:35,980
Uh, oh, wait.
Sl MRl Il R is -1
131
00:06:36,146 --> 00:06:38,649
...sexy European lingerie modeling...
Mm-hm?
132
00:06:38,816 --> 00:06:42,319
...to pay for her European
med school that she's going to...
133
00:06:42,486 --> 00:06:44,738
...Sshe probably never had time
to learn to drive.
134
00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:47,074
She sounds fabulous.
135
00:06:47,241 --> 00:06:50,744
Gravlax?
Thanks, no. I'm allergic to cat piss.
136
00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:52,329
Go away.
137
00:06:52,580 --> 00:06:55,165
JAKQOV: So your instructions are clear?
Oh.
138
00:06:55,332 --> 00:06:59,003
Why must you micromanage
everything? Yeah, yeah, okay.
139
00:06:59,169 --> 00:07:01,213
BOTH SPEAK IN GERMAN
140
00:07:01,380 --> 00:07:03,716
You know what second-hand
smoke does to a fetus.
141
00:07:03,882 --> 00:07:06,260
Uta, after we Kill Utne...
142
00:07:06,427 --> 00:07:10,264
...we need to have
a very long and serious talk.
143
00:07:10,431 --> 00:07:12,683
TORVALD:
No. | need a painkiller, not a--
144
00:07:12,850 --> 00:07:15,269
Torvald.
What is that? A calcium supplement?
145
00:07:15,436 --> 00:07:19,023
Trust me, dear, these work wonders.
o 2
146
00:07:19,189 --> 00:07:20,608
But what | have seen...
147
00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:24,111
...ISIS is a distant second
to ODIN. Very distant.
148
00:07:24,278 --> 00:07:25,946
What about the
groundbreaking work...
149
00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:29,199
...Dr. Krieger is doing for ISIS
in our Applied Research Division?
150
00:07:29,366 --> 00:07:31,994
Yeah, tell him about the sex-robot.
The what?
151
00:07:32,161 --> 00:07:34,872
Yes-- The what?
| call him Fister Roboto.
152
00:07:35,039 --> 00:07:37,374
But it doesn't just fist. Tell him.
Pam!
153
00:07:37,541 --> 00:07:41,170
He's a fully integrated
multi-fetish artificial being.
154
00:07:41,337 --> 00:07:45,966
That is the most disgusting--
Shut up. Shut, shut. And the best part...
155
00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:50,554
...Is that he's learning.
ISIS clearly is not the agency for us.
156
00:07:50,721 --> 00:07:52,890
Rotten gravlax, sex-bots,
and, uh...
157
00:07:53,057 --> 00:07:55,517
...except for the Negress,
the women are--
158
00:07:55,684 --> 00:07:58,646
Willing to do whatever it takes.
159
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:01,398
Still gross.
And such rudeness.
160
00:08:01,565 --> 00:08:05,235
Fister Roboto wouldn't take that.
He's just too damn sensitive.
161
00:08:05,402 --> 00:08:08,739
As also am |. So if you will excuse--
162
00:08:08,906 --> 00:08:13,661
There, there. Let that calcium
citrate seep into your bones.
163
00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:15,537
What about Trinette?
She said that?
164
00:08:15,704 --> 00:08:18,707
How about Jade?
Oh, no, never mind.
165
00:08:18,874 --> 00:08:22,378
Destiny? No, she's not passable.
With that Adam's apple...
166
00:08:22,544 --> 00:08:24,672
...she looks like she swallowed
R o & X011 o7
167
00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:26,090
WOMAN: Excuse me, sir.
168
00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:32,596
You are looking for a date?
Are you working?
169
00:08:32,763 --> 00:08:35,265
Mm. You could
say that, yes.
170
00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:39,436
ARCHER: Then we need to lock down
your cover story. And, uh...
171
00:08:39,603 --> 00:08:41,897
| need to hit an ATM.
172
00:08:44,775 --> 00:08:46,694
Torvald, please,
don't go yet.
173
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:49,405
You haven't even tried the fish balls.
No need.
174
00:08:49,571 --> 00:08:53,283
There is plenty of fishiness going
on at ISIS without your balls.
175
00:08:53,450 --> 00:08:55,119
Maybe | should go
say something.
176
00:08:55,285 --> 00:08:58,288
Where's the damn fish balls, already?
| could kill for some food.
177
00:08:58,455 --> 00:09:00,457
Sure it wouldn't be the first time.
Lana.
178
00:09:00,624 --> 00:09:03,085
No, | just meant like
she literally killed somebody.
179
00:09:03,252 --> 00:09:05,212
Then ate their corpse.
| saw where you were going.
180
00:09:05,379 --> 00:09:06,422
You know.. ..
181
00:09:06,588 --> 00:09:08,966
When | served in
the King's African Rifles...
182
00:09:09,133 --> 00:09:12,720
...the local Zambezi tribesmen
called human flesh. ..
183
00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:15,806
... long pig."
184
00:09:16,473 --> 00:09:18,434
Never much cared for it.
185
00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:20,310
Torvald, at least stay for dinner.
186
00:09:20,477 --> 00:09:23,814
| think you'll be very surprised by--
| detest surprises.
187
00:09:23,981 --> 00:09:26,900
Which is why the contract
will remain with ODIN.
188
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:28,444
Mani, do something.
189
00:09:28,610 --> 00:09:30,237
Utne is leaving.
190
00:09:30,404 --> 00:09:32,823
Okay, okay, we go
ahead of schedule.
191
00:09:32,990 --> 00:09:34,950
Find some Tupperware,
we take food to go.
192
00:09:35,117 --> 00:09:37,161
But you promised me
Ruby Foo's.
193
00:09:37,327 --> 00:09:40,330
Yeah, | also promised you a baby.
How's that working out for you?
194
00:09:40,497 --> 00:09:44,626
Hey, does that cook seem weird?
Normal-weird or German-weird?
195
00:09:44,793 --> 00:09:46,795
Now, good night, and good--
196
00:09:46,962 --> 00:09:48,839
Evening, you...
197
00:09:49,006 --> 00:09:51,175
...beautiful girl.
198
00:09:51,341 --> 00:09:53,677
Hello.
You're not, um, leaving, are you?
199
00:09:53,844 --> 00:09:57,431
No, not if you are staying, Miss...?
200
00:09:57,598 --> 00:10:00,184
Oh, um.... Yup.
Hiibsch.
201
00:10:00,350 --> 00:10:03,061
Elke HUbsch.
A pleasure, my dear.
202
00:10:03,228 --> 00:10:06,315
| am Torvald--
Utne, | know.
203
00:10:06,482 --> 00:10:10,194
| am a great admirer.
You know he's not the shot-putter, right?
204
00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:13,197
Of course he is not
the shot-putter.
205
00:10:13,363 --> 00:10:15,449
But | am sure
he is very strong.
206
00:10:15,616 --> 00:10:18,702
Ha, ha. Unlike these drinks.
Come, my dear...
207
00:10:18,869 --> 00:10:21,455
...let us find something potable.
208
00:10:21,622 --> 00:10:25,542
Whoa. Wait a minute. Hey, Utne. Utne!
Would you shut up?
209
00:10:25,709 --> 00:10:27,586
We just need to keep
Torvald happy until dinner.
210
00:10:27,753 --> 00:10:30,964
And what about my happiness,
Mother?
211
00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:33,717
ALl
Oh, was that not rhetorical?
212
00:10:33,884 --> 00:10:35,886
ELKE LAUGHING
213
00:10:36,053 --> 00:10:38,388
SPEAKS IN GERMAN
214
00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:40,474
The Needle?
Why is she here?
215
00:10:40,641 --> 00:10:44,269
Oh, that Russian prick.
He sent two teams again.
216
00:10:44,436 --> 00:10:48,065
And if the Needle kills Utne,
we won't even get our per diem.
217
00:10:48,232 --> 00:10:50,234
But what if you kill them both?
218
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,736
Oh. Yeah, | could do this.
219
00:10:52,903 --> 00:10:54,988
ARCHER: Hey, help.
Ah! Help with what, sir?
220
00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:58,826
No, | was addressing you as "help.
What's the story on those fish balls?
221
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:02,162
Coming right out.
Hurry it up. All I've had today is, like...
222
00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:04,581
...SiXx gummy bears and some Scotch.
223
00:11:04,748 --> 00:11:05,916
SPEAKS IN GERMAN
224
00:11:06,083 --> 00:11:09,503
This is why | don't get you nice things.
Not that. Him. Uta, that was Duchess.
225
00:11:09,670 --> 00:11:13,549
That was Duchess?
Yeah, the deadliest agent there is.
226
00:11:14,049 --> 00:11:15,968
Oh, my God.
227
00:11:16,134 --> 00:11:17,845
| can't believe they fell for that.
228
00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:20,430
IV M N TN el aRia IRl -1g
of Frau Archer--
229
00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:24,935
What if her plan is a big fat set-up?
What if they mean to kill us?
230
00:11:25,102 --> 00:11:27,688
Oh! Mani, the baby.
231
00:11:27,855 --> 00:11:30,691
Okay. So now we go
to Plan Manfred.
232
00:11:30,858 --> 00:11:33,902
And then Ruby Foo's.
Y YR =T
233
00:11:34,069 --> 00:11:37,698
Really? A European lingerie model.
234
00:11:37,865 --> 00:11:41,034
Only to pay for European
med school. Ha, ha.
235
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:44,705
Like to get a physical from her.
Or with her. Ha, ha.
236
00:11:44,872 --> 00:11:47,124
Ow, ow, ow!
| wonder if Dr. Panty Model knows...
237
00:11:47,291 --> 00:11:49,710
...how many pounds it takes
to snap a collarbone?
238
00:11:49,877 --> 00:11:53,630
She probably uses the metric system.
Yeah, what do they use? Kilowatts?
239
00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:58,010
No, in this case it would be pascals.
Ugh. Hey, Europe, be gayer.
240
00:11:58,176 --> 00:12:00,888
Lana. Release him.
As you wish.
241
00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:05,142
| find your lack of faith disturbing.
| find your mannish hands disturbing.
242
00:12:05,309 --> 00:12:06,810
| think they're kind of sexy.
243
00:12:06,977 --> 00:12:09,980
VLR -Y4
They're fingers, Pam, not kielbasas.
244
00:12:10,147 --> 00:12:13,817
But keep them limbered up.
| have a big surprise planned for dinner...
245
00:12:13,984 --> 00:12:16,862
...and | need you ready,
locked and loaded.
246
00:12:17,029 --> 00:12:21,825
Yeah, so do you maybe want to let us
in on your little scheme-hatchery?
247
00:12:23,493 --> 00:12:26,079
Onh, if | were 20 years younger.
248
00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:28,540
| can make you feel like you are.
Mm.
249
00:12:28,707 --> 00:12:31,627
| would like, | think,
that very much.
250
00:12:31,793 --> 00:12:34,087
Well then go find an ATM,
I'm sorry?
251
00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:36,924
Oh, me too. | must leave for a moment.
252
00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:40,177
Excuse me.
Yeah, sorry, don't mind me.
253
00:12:40,344 --> 00:12:43,805
Hey, are you having a good time?
Oh, | am. Ha, ha.
254
00:12:43,972 --> 00:12:47,851
Good to hear. Please excuse us.
Mm-hm.
255
00:12:48,018 --> 00:12:49,937
Keep her out of
the medicine cabinet.
256
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:52,814
One more dead body in here,
and that bitch Trudy Beekman...
257
00:12:52,981 --> 00:12:55,525
...will have me right back
in front of the co-op board.
258
00:12:55,692 --> 00:12:57,945
You don't get along
with your neighbors anywhere.
259
00:12:58,111 --> 00:13:00,948
Who could with a woman who
wallpapered her guest bathroom...
260
00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:02,866
...with vintage
New Yorker covers?
261
00:13:03,325 --> 00:13:05,619
Yes, major.
| am in position...
262
00:13:05,786 --> 00:13:08,205
...and ready to eliminate
the target.
263
00:13:08,372 --> 00:13:10,958
Excellent.
ODIN will find it much harder. ..
264
00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:13,710
...to bribe a dead man
for the UN contract.
265
00:13:14,169 --> 00:13:16,380
And | will find it
much more enjoyable...
266
00:13:16,546 --> 00:13:19,132
...to work with the woman
who runs ISIS.
267
00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:23,637
What do you mean "with"?
Against. Obviously. Duh.
268
00:13:23,804 --> 00:13:26,515
Obviously. And so | still think...
269
00:13:26,682 --> 00:13:28,350
...you should let me Kill
everybody here.
270
00:13:28,517 --> 00:13:33,772
Nyet. Under no circumstances
are you to harm the hostess. Who, um--
271
00:13:33,939 --> 00:13:37,067
Whose name | have no way of knowing.
ARCHER: Hey. What the hell are you doing?
272
00:13:37,234 --> 00:13:39,069
Uh, Botox.
273
00:13:39,236 --> 00:13:41,071
Not from the
medicine cabinet. No.
274
00:13:41,238 --> 00:13:43,907
Don't use this. She switches
all the labels on her medicine.
275
00:13:44,074 --> 00:13:48,036
Why?
| think there's, like, a racial component.
276
00:13:48,203 --> 00:13:50,539
But for all we know,
this could be insulin.
277
00:13:50,706 --> 00:13:53,417
Oh, your mother is a diabetic?
How should | know?
278
00:13:53,583 --> 00:13:56,086
UTA: Why don't you just
pour it on everybody's?
279
00:13:56,253 --> 00:14:00,340
Because our employer was very clear:
We are not to harm the hostess.
280
00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:02,259
But her | want to poison
most of all.
281
00:14:02,426 --> 00:14:05,762
Are you lazy Huns ready, or what?
Oh. Ha, ha. Hello, yep.
282
00:14:05,929 --> 00:14:09,808
Good. So on the second bell--
| come out shooting blanks. See?
283
00:14:09,975 --> 00:14:12,352
Uta is just, uh,
polishing the gun.
284
00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:16,773
Give me that. Some idiot dropped
a fish ball on my Azerbaijani rug.
285
00:14:16,940 --> 00:14:18,608
DOOR CLOSES
THEN UTA LAUGHS
286
00:14:18,775 --> 00:14:20,694
| am that idiot.
Ach.
287
00:14:20,861 --> 00:14:23,780
Why are you so immature?
288
00:14:25,615 --> 00:14:27,617
Elke? Is everything all right?
289
00:14:27,784 --> 00:14:29,453
Wunderbar, Torvald.
290
00:14:29,619 --> 00:14:32,247
How are you?
| am fantastic, my dear.
291
00:14:32,414 --> 00:14:35,751
Those calcium supplements
are amazing.
292
00:14:35,917 --> 00:14:38,211
You're gonna need some calcium,
after ...
293
00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:40,672
...do something bad to your bones.
294
00:14:40,839 --> 00:14:42,174
JAKOV OVER RADIO: Hello?
Hello?
295
00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:44,301
Can you hear me? Come in.
What?
296
00:14:44,468 --> 00:14:46,636
Wait. What the hell?
What is the frequency?
297
00:14:46,803 --> 00:14:49,639
Kenneth?
Turn off. Turn off. Turn off.
298
00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:52,893
ARCHER:
What? | can't hear you, tiny man.
299
00:14:53,060 --> 00:14:56,772
Oh, great. Thanks, Mother,
for replacing the baby aspirin with LSD.
300
00:14:57,147 --> 00:14:58,774
God, that is just...
301
00:14:58,940 --> 00:15:00,650
...hmm, classic her.
302
00:15:03,111 --> 00:15:04,696
MALORY:
Places, everyone.
303
00:15:04,863 --> 00:15:06,907
ERCVICTaVelg=Nelel 001\
ARCHER: Relatively.
304
00:15:07,074 --> 00:15:08,283
Sterling and Lana?
305
00:15:08,450 --> 00:15:11,328
You both have a clear line
of sight to the kitchen?
306
00:15:11,495 --> 00:15:12,996
N1V
Sure, | think so.
307
00:15:13,163 --> 00:15:15,290
Well, then let's eat. First bell.
308
00:15:15,457 --> 00:15:17,793
Wow. Forgot how much
| hated that.
309
00:15:17,959 --> 00:15:19,836
Oh, that's right.
310
00:15:20,003 --> 00:15:23,590
| kept it on the nightstand to wake Nanny
whenever Sterling wet the bed.
311
00:15:23,757 --> 00:15:25,133
ALL: Ha-ha-ha!
I-- Mother!
312
00:15:26,802 --> 00:15:28,261
Sissy bed-wetter.
313
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:32,057
Wait, whose bed?
It was always "don't ask, don't tell."
314
00:15:32,224 --> 00:15:35,018
ARCHER: Woodhouse. What are you doing?
Uh, sitting down, sir.
315
00:15:35,185 --> 00:15:37,270
What, at the table? Like people?
MALORY: Sterling.
316
00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:39,940
Sterling!
What? Look, he thinks he's people.
317
00:15:40,107 --> 00:15:43,193
This Archer is a gigantic
douche bag.
318
00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:44,945
Oh, Torvald.
319
00:15:45,862 --> 00:15:48,365
Who cares about him?
0a
320
00:15:48,532 --> 00:15:50,450
Woodhouse, dear,
please have a seat.
321
00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:52,452
Very kind of you, ma'am.
MALORY: Shut up.
322
00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:55,372
Torvald, a toast?
Sure, go crazy.
323
00:15:55,539 --> 00:15:57,457
MALORY: Then, um....
Oh....
324
00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:00,377
Hooray. Dig in.
ARCHER: Wow.
325
00:16:00,544 --> 00:16:03,713
And what is this we're eating?
It smells vaguely poisonous.
326
00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:06,383
It does smell vaguely poisonous.
327
00:16:06,550 --> 00:16:09,719
Are you sure she has the right plate?
Pretty sure.
328
00:16:09,886 --> 00:16:12,097
Oh, Uta.
What? | am pretty sure.
329
00:16:12,264 --> 00:16:13,431
IMANFRED SIGHS
330
00:16:13,598 --> 00:16:16,601
Don't worry,
this is a normal smell.
331
00:16:16,768 --> 00:16:19,813
IS a= Yo =
This is called Janssons frestelse.
332
00:16:19,980 --> 00:16:24,067
Yes, frestelse.
It means "temptation.
333
00:16:24,234 --> 00:16:27,904
Oh, Torvald.
| am very tempted.
334
00:16:28,071 --> 00:16:32,909
Yes, and | am tempted to give
ISIS the UN contract, Malory.
335
00:16:33,076 --> 00:16:35,412
Hmm? | mean, you are?
336
00:16:35,579 --> 00:16:38,915
Well, it depends on your frestelse.
Mmm.
337
00:16:39,082 --> 00:16:40,667
Tell me, my dearr,
is it tempting?
338
00:16:40,834 --> 00:16:42,419
ELKE GRUNTS
339
00:16:42,586 --> 00:16:44,504
Elke, what is the matter?
Are you--?
340
00:16:44,671 --> 00:16:46,339
ALL GASP
341
00:16:46,506 --> 00:16:48,091
What?
um....
342
00:16:48,258 --> 00:16:50,510
That's the wrong plate, Uta.
343
00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:51,803
IN WHINY VOICE
Uta.
344
00:16:51,970 --> 00:16:53,555
IN NORMAL VOICE
That's how you talk.
345
00:16:53,722 --> 00:16:56,099
Perfidy.
No, Torvald, there's no perfidy.
346
00:16:56,266 --> 00:16:59,936
You poison my food over a contract?
Torvald, | swear | didn't--
347
00:17:00,103 --> 00:17:03,523
When | am finished with SIS,
you won't be able to get a contract...
348
00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:05,984
...for a pre-paid mobile phone.
\e ¥ gTe
349
00:17:06,151 --> 00:17:10,113
| will tear you down
brick by perfidious brick.
350
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:12,073
ALL SCREAM
351
00:17:12,949 --> 00:17:15,285
1< Nol€\'2
Aah!
352
00:17:15,452 --> 00:17:17,412
It's okay, they're just blanks.
353
00:17:17,579 --> 00:17:19,414
Onh.
Well, see, you say that.
354
00:17:19,581 --> 00:17:23,293
But they were blanks. Weren't they?
Uh, only if the back of his skull picked...
355
00:17:23,460 --> 00:17:25,795
...that exact moment to explode outwards.
What?
356
00:17:25,962 --> 00:17:27,088
CHERYL: Ugh!
Oh, my God.
357
00:17:27,255 --> 00:17:29,799
Damn it. Where are those Germans?
PAM: What?
358
00:17:30,884 --> 00:17:32,636
AP
| should not do this in my condition.
359
00:17:32,802 --> 00:17:36,640
What condition? Your only condition
is that you are a stupid crazy girl.
360
00:17:36,806 --> 00:17:40,310
Do not speak to me like a child, Manfred.
| hate when you do that.
361
00:17:40,477 --> 00:17:41,728
| think you like it. Ja.
362
00:17:41,895 --> 00:17:45,649
Because | think you have some serious
and unresolved issues with your father.
363
00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:48,318
Yeah? And maybe
that is why | date...
364
00:17:48,485 --> 00:17:50,403
...a wrinkled old man
like you.
365
00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:51,821
GASPS
366
00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:54,491
Wow.
| didn't mean that.
367
00:17:54,658 --> 00:17:57,452
No, no, it's okay. | think we both knew it.
Oh, Mani.
368
00:17:57,619 --> 00:18:00,455
Just strange to hear it out loud.
369
00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:05,835
Oh, for shit's sake.
And they didn't do one dish.
370
00:18:06,002 --> 00:18:08,505
This is funny to you?
| ate a bunch of that LSD. ..
371
00:18:08,672 --> 00:18:11,216
...you had labeled as baby Aspirin.
That was baby Aspirin.
372
00:18:11,383 --> 00:18:12,842
Onh.
LANA: Hey, guys?
373
00:18:13,009 --> 00:18:14,261
Wait, what?
What, uh...?
374
00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:16,972
What's the plan here?
| shall fetch a rug.
375
00:18:17,138 --> 00:18:21,101
No you will not. That rug was
a gift from the Azeri Khan himself.
376
00:18:22,143 --> 00:18:25,272
And besides, we're not going far.
377
00:18:26,648 --> 00:18:29,776
Is that hard to do? With those
big old ballpark frankenfingers?
378
00:18:29,943 --> 00:18:32,362
Shut up.
379
00:18:32,529 --> 00:18:34,531
Hurry, the Beekmans
will be back any time.
380
00:18:34,698 --> 00:18:36,199
And nobody touch anything.
381
00:18:36,366 --> 00:18:38,285
ARCHER:
God, Cyril, would you go?
382
00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:42,455
Unh. | should be carrying her.
Cyril, | paid her, | get to carry her corpse.
383
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:45,792
MALORY: See? Just look at this bathroom.
PAM: | kind of like it.
384
00:18:45,959 --> 00:18:47,961
MALORY:
Exactly. All right, drop them there...
385
00:18:48,128 --> 00:18:50,672
...next to that awful Louis Quinze repro.
386
00:18:50,839 --> 00:18:52,215
BODIES THUD
387
00:18:52,382 --> 00:18:55,927
MALORY: Now then. We want this to look
like a classic hooker-murder-suicide. ..
388
00:18:56,094 --> 00:18:58,555
...80, Cyril, take Sterling's gun...
389
00:18:58,722 --> 00:19:01,224
...and pump a round into his prostitute.
CYRIL: Wait, what?
390
00:19:01,391 --> 00:19:04,394
MALORY: Everyone shoots the chippy.
That way, we're all in it together.
391
00:19:04,561 --> 00:19:07,230
Think of it as a team-building exercise.
392
00:19:07,397 --> 00:19:11,276
CYRIL: ODIN gets to go on Outward Bound.
MALORY: ODIN can suck it. Now shoot.
393
00:19:11,443 --> 00:19:12,527
CYRIL:
Oh, Jesus.
394
00:19:12,694 --> 00:19:13,987
SILENCED GUNSHOTS
395
00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:15,989
MALORY: You're next.
ARCHER: Cyril, that was pathetic.
396
00:19:16,156 --> 00:19:19,492
MALORY: Come on. Everybody shoots.
CHERYL: Hey, | wanna go. Bam!
397
00:19:20,243 --> 00:19:22,704
MALORY: Now, Sterling, drop your gun
between the bodies, and--
398
00:19:22,871 --> 00:19:26,166
ARCHER: No. Have you never seen CS/?
This is already, like, Clue Town.
399
00:19:26,333 --> 00:19:29,252
MALORY: Not for long. Dr. Krieger, dear?
ARCHER: What? Oh.
400
00:19:29,419 --> 00:19:32,714
MALORY: Cyril, call 911 from their phone
and leave it off the hook. ..
401
00:19:32,881 --> 00:19:35,633
...and, Sterling.
ARCHER: But this gun, it was a gift.
402
00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:38,428
MALORY:
Oh, please. Nobody gives you gifts.
403
00:19:38,595 --> 00:19:40,055
ARCHER:
You don't know.
404
00:19:40,221 --> 00:19:43,099
MALORY:
Whatever you say, dear. Dr. Krieger?
405
00:19:43,266 --> 00:19:44,434
FLAME IGNITES
406
00:19:44,601 --> 00:19:45,852
ALL GASP
407
00:19:46,019 --> 00:19:48,104
MALORY: Now, then--
ARCHER: Still didn't get the contract.
408
00:19:48,271 --> 00:19:52,067
MALORY: Oh, but | will.
And I'll get to see Trudy Beekman...
409
00:19:52,233 --> 00:19:55,570
...try to explain this little barbecue
to the co-op board.
410
00:19:55,737 --> 00:19:57,572
WOODHOUSE:
That smell takes me back.
411
00:19:57,739 --> 00:20:01,326
Just like a Zambezi feast.
PAM: Yeah, I'm kind of hungry.
412
00:20:01,493 --> 00:20:05,121
Is that weird?
MALORY: It would be weirder if you weren't.
413
00:20:05,288 --> 00:20:06,915
CYRIL:
Well this torte's a winner, Malory.
414
00:20:07,082 --> 00:20:09,751
What was the name again?
Kladdkaka.
415
00:20:09,918 --> 00:20:11,836
LAUGHING
416
00:20:12,003 --> 00:20:14,798
ALL LAUGHING
417
00:20:17,967 --> 00:20:19,552
Nt
418
00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:22,097
I'm sorry. That-- That's a funny word.
419
00:20:22,263 --> 00:20:26,059
Oh, | thought we were laughing
at the dead people we set on fire.
420
00:20:26,226 --> 00:20:27,894
LAUGHS
421
00:20:29,020 --> 00:20:30,980
Um, sorry.
422
00:21:15,942 --> 00:21:16,943
English - US - PSDH
34427
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