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1
00:00:10,553 --> 00:00:12,972
ARCHER:
Because this is what was there, Lana!
2
00:00:13,139 --> 00:00:15,391
There, where?
Outside a clown college?
3
00:00:15,558 --> 00:00:18,936
They have those here?
| don't know! Archer, look out!
4
00:00:19,103 --> 00:00:20,146
A. RRS
5
00:00:20,313 --> 00:00:23,107
We'll never catch him!
You should have thought about that...
6
00:00:23,274 --> 00:00:24,942
...before you blew the damn drop!
7
00:00:25,109 --> 00:00:27,445
| blew jack shit!
Name dropper.
8
00:00:27,612 --> 00:00:30,573
LANA: And if you weren't so busy
trying to bang that waitress...
9
00:00:30,740 --> 00:00:33,075
...you'd have noticed
that ODIN had agents in play!
10
00:00:33,242 --> 00:00:35,953
She was the hostess!
If you weren't blinded by jealousy--
11
00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:38,289
Yes, I'm jealous.
First step's admitting it.
12
00:00:38,456 --> 00:00:40,625
Jealous that ODIN's
gonna beat us again...
13
00:00:40,791 --> 00:00:43,419
...thanks to your epic poon-houndery!
First of all--
14
00:00:43,586 --> 00:00:45,588
SPEAKS IN FRENCH
15
00:00:45,963 --> 00:00:47,298
OFFICER YELLS
16
00:00:47,465 --> 00:00:50,051
Oh! Oh, my God.
Great, good job.
17
00:00:50,218 --> 00:00:52,970
Shut up! ODIN doesn't beat
Sterling Archer.
18
00:00:53,137 --> 00:00:55,431
Only Sterling Archer beats--
19
00:00:55,598 --> 00:00:57,475
RSSO .. 0 0
20
00:00:58,935 --> 00:01:01,812
LANA: Did you wanna finish that?
ARCHER: Did you wanna finish...
21
00:01:01,979 --> 00:01:04,190
...shutting your big fat,
negative-wordsy mouth?
22
00:01:04,357 --> 00:01:07,318
Whose fat mouth told the stupid
waitress he was an ISIS agent?
23
00:01:07,485 --> 00:01:08,819
Hostess. And | had a plan.
24
00:01:08,986 --> 00:01:13,282
What, to get laid in the walk-in?
Also. Because I'm not an ant, Lana.
25
00:01:14,075 --> 00:01:17,286
| happen to see the big picture.
Oh, really? Well, then where's...
26
00:01:17,453 --> 00:01:19,205
RSSO .. 0 0
27
00:01:19,664 --> 00:01:21,958
...Kasparov? Okay, that was a fluke.
Ha, ha.
28
00:01:22,124 --> 00:01:24,585
Yeah, a fluke of nature.
Because | happen to have...
29
00:01:24,752 --> 00:01:27,129
...perfect situational awareness, Lana.
AN Yool
30
00:01:27,296 --> 00:01:29,340
Which cannot be taught, by the way.
LANA: Archer.
31
00:01:29,507 --> 00:01:31,842
Like a poet's mind for--
AN Yool
32
00:01:32,009 --> 00:01:33,844
Archer!
To make the perfect word.
33
00:01:34,011 --> 00:01:35,846
AN elgl.g
Goddamn it, I'm relishing the--
34
00:01:36,013 --> 00:01:37,807
GLASS SHATTERING
35
00:01:40,518 --> 00:01:44,230
Ow. Way to go, Lana. Nice warning.
Nice relishing. Ow.
36
00:01:44,397 --> 00:01:47,942
Oh. Think that was ODIN?
No, it's only you that beats you, buddy.
37
00:01:48,109 --> 00:01:49,151
LAUGHS MOCKINGLY
38
00:01:49,318 --> 00:01:50,820
BARRY: Hey, gang.
LANA & ARCHER: Barry.
39
00:01:50,987 --> 00:01:53,030
Gee, thanks for
helping us catch Kasparov.
40
00:01:53,197 --> 00:01:55,449
ODIN appreciates the assist.
LANA: Yeah.
41
00:01:55,616 --> 00:01:58,035
And if you ever get tired
of playing JV ball...
42
00:01:58,202 --> 00:02:00,538
...you know where to find us.
Oh, yeah, uh, where's that?
43
00:02:00,705 --> 00:02:03,499
Um, dick town? Ha, ha.
44
00:02:03,708 --> 00:02:05,626
Jesus, even their cards
are nice.
45
00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:08,379
Lana, look at this.
It's embossed.
46
00:02:08,838 --> 00:02:12,216
Oh, okay.
Then, | guess, just pout.
47
00:02:44,373 --> 00:02:47,043
IMALORY SPEAKING IN FRENCH
48
00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:52,590
That was the mayor of Paris--
Name dropper.
49
00:02:52,757 --> 00:02:55,760
--who was just as eager as | am
to know why SIS agents...
50
00:02:55,926 --> 00:02:57,428
...were terrorizing Paris!
51
00:02:57,595 --> 00:03:00,723
So | crashed a few cop cars,
ran over a few mimes!
52
00:03:00,890 --> 00:03:03,976
So | don't play by the rules,
Mother, but | get results!
53
00:03:04,143 --> 00:03:06,270
Well, as long as you got Kasparov.
54
00:03:06,437 --> 00:03:08,898
Oh, uh, yeah, about that....
55
00:03:09,065 --> 00:03:10,107
GLASS SHATTERS
56
00:03:10,274 --> 00:03:11,984
That's why she can't
have nice things.
57
00:03:12,151 --> 00:03:14,362
Either that or | steal them. What?
Hm? What's that?
58
00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:17,073
Hm? What do you want?
I'm a little busy for chitchat.
59
00:03:17,365 --> 00:03:19,617
Busy trying to turn that thing on?
| ook at this!
60
00:03:19,784 --> 00:03:22,870
O-N. Nothing.
Well, just keep at it.
61
00:03:23,037 --> 00:03:25,456
You're not my supervisor!
CYRIL: I'm sorry, what?
62
00:03:25,623 --> 00:03:27,833
He sort of offered me a job at ODIN.
63
00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:29,043
Barry Dillon?
64
00:03:29,210 --> 00:03:31,545
Barry "We have this whole
huge history together" Dillon?
65
00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:33,798
We don't have this
whole huge history.
66
00:03:33,964 --> 00:03:37,218
Oh. Oh, my God. Barry.
Oh, yeah, right. Pretty sweet, huh?
67
00:03:37,385 --> 00:03:40,388
Using a mirror to reflect
the laser beam back into the laser?
68
00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:42,890
O oM 1 \VACTelel
Yeah, sorry, it took so long.
69
00:03:43,057 --> 00:03:46,310
And that I'm accidentally inside you.
Not a problem.
70
00:03:48,062 --> 00:03:49,814
But--
| just wanna keep my options open!
71
00:03:49,980 --> 00:03:52,274
So you can't breathe
a word of this to Malory.
72
00:03:52,441 --> 00:03:54,151
You know how she gets.
73
00:03:54,318 --> 00:03:56,612
MALORY: ODIN?
Well, since I'm not appreciated here--
74
00:03:56,779 --> 00:03:58,239
What's to appreciate?
75
00:03:58,406 --> 00:04:01,158
Exactly! That's indicative
of your whole attitude, Mother!
76
00:04:01,325 --> 00:04:03,869
Sterling Malory Archer, you are...
77
00:04:04,036 --> 00:04:05,162
SIGHS
78
00:04:05,329 --> 00:04:08,749
...of course free to pursue your options.
My-- Wait, hang on.
79
00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:12,253
And if ODIN made you a better offer,
what kind of mother would | be. ..
80
00:04:12,420 --> 00:04:14,171
...If | stood in the way
of your happiness?
81
00:04:14,338 --> 00:04:17,007
Uh.... Wait, what just
happened here?
82
00:04:17,174 --> 00:04:19,677
Fine! She thinks | won't go?
Well, guess what!
83
00:04:19,844 --> 00:04:22,471
| don't need her!
I, however, do need your keycard.
84
00:04:22,638 --> 00:04:25,599
Yeah, hi, Barry Dillon please?
Yes, I'll hold!
85
00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:28,436
Oh, and just wait
till | get to ODIN.
86
00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:30,104
| will. Keycard?
87
00:04:30,271 --> 00:04:31,647
Oh. Here! God!
88
00:04:31,814 --> 00:04:34,024
They are the
stuff-throwingest family.
89
00:04:34,191 --> 00:04:36,861
Okay, so after | call your vase guy--
90
00:04:37,027 --> 00:04:40,364
Freeze every one of his accounts!
And then get me Woodhouse.
91
00:04:40,531 --> 00:04:43,033
And we'll just see how tough
SIC Il R
92
00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:46,495
...when he can't suckle at my teat!
93
00:04:46,662 --> 00:04:48,664
Woodhouse,
she froze my accounts...
94
00:04:48,831 --> 00:04:52,418
...and | need to get in my safe,
so open the goddamn door already!
95
00:04:52,585 --> 00:04:54,003
I'm afraid | can't...
96
00:04:54,170 --> 00:04:56,672
...since ISIS actually pays
the rent on the--
97
00:04:56,839 --> 00:04:57,882
GUNSHOTS
98
00:04:58,048 --> 00:05:01,385
Aah! Damn it! When did
we get a bulletproof door?
99
00:05:01,552 --> 00:05:03,387
After the Popeye incident, sir.
100
00:05:03,554 --> 00:05:06,015
Oh, right. Wait, so you kick me
out of my own house?
101
00:05:06,182 --> 00:05:08,976
MRN8
Although it pains me dearly.
102
00:05:09,143 --> 00:05:10,895
I'm gonna pain you dearly,
\Woodhouse!
103
00:05:11,061 --> 00:05:15,149
When | peel all your skin off with a flensing
knife, sew it into Woodhouse pajamas...
104
00:05:15,316 --> 00:05:18,110
...and then set those pajamas on fire!
105
00:05:19,778 --> 00:05:22,740
Hello?
It's just you and me now, Reggie.
106
00:05:22,907 --> 00:05:25,576
So be a lad,
put on some Mingus.
107
00:05:26,243 --> 00:05:27,661
ARCHER:
Hi, Barry Dillon, please?
108
00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:31,499
Yes, it's Sterling Archer--
Oh. Yes, I'll hold!
109
00:05:32,541 --> 00:05:34,251
TREXLER:
Oh, come on!
110
00:05:34,418 --> 00:05:36,587
We've got MI6
in the semis on Sunday...
111
00:05:36,754 --> 00:05:39,590
...and | am slicing it like a butcher.
Just keep at it.
112
00:05:39,757 --> 00:05:41,592
| think it's this new grip.
So listen.
113
00:05:41,759 --> 00:05:45,429
Remember how you wanted me
to float that job offer to Lana Kane?
114
00:05:45,596 --> 00:05:48,432
Love her, yeah. When does she start?
NG
115
00:05:48,599 --> 00:05:51,268
That's the thing. See,
| think Sterling Archer thought...
116
00:05:51,435 --> 00:05:53,771
... was talking to him.
Archer? You're kidding!
117
00:05:53,938 --> 00:05:56,440
| wish. | mean, obviously
the guy's great in the field.
118
00:05:56,607 --> 00:05:59,235
Ha-ha-ha. Well, you would know.
Now, see. Why do you do that?
119
00:05:59,401 --> 00:06:01,737
Why do you softball them in like that?
120
00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:03,072
SIGHS
121
00:06:03,239 --> 00:06:05,658
I'm sorry, how's the leg?
Hurts when it rains.
122
00:06:05,824 --> 00:06:09,286
And when | think about Archer,
and so | blew him off.
123
00:06:09,453 --> 00:06:12,414
No, no, no, Barry, you blow him on!
124
00:06:12,581 --> 00:06:15,626
"On" as in hire him? As in here?
Yes!
125
00:06:15,793 --> 00:06:17,962
It'll drive his mother crazy.
126
00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:20,047
GLASS SHATTERS
127
00:06:20,214 --> 00:06:21,632
SIGHS
128
00:06:21,799 --> 00:06:23,592
Gotta be the grip.
129
00:06:26,136 --> 00:06:28,597
MALORY:
And you froze all of Sterling's accounts?
130
00:06:28,764 --> 00:06:32,142
Domestic and foreign?
Even the one on the Isle of Man.
131
00:06:32,309 --> 00:06:33,394
Oh, my God, is that, like...
132
00:06:33,561 --> 00:06:34,812
...Whore Island for women?
133
00:06:34,979 --> 00:06:36,814
Then you just watch,
in no time...
134
00:06:36,981 --> 00:06:39,984
...ne'll be begging me to take him back.
135
00:06:40,401 --> 00:06:43,946
He hasn't called, has he?
No. How you holding up, Mama Bird?
136
00:06:44,113 --> 00:06:48,158
Well, except for your grossly
over-familiar tone, | couldn't be happier.
137
00:06:48,325 --> 00:06:54,123
Even if Mr. Archer gets a job at ODIN?
Oh, please. ODIN won't hire him.
138
00:06:54,290 --> 00:06:56,750
After the stunt he pulled in Berlin?
139
00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:59,295
ARCHER: Well, whose fault is that, Barry?
BARRY: Yours.
140
00:06:59,461 --> 00:07:01,672
You bust in, shoot two
good double agents--
141
00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:04,508
And you think an appropriate
response is to ruin my suit?
142
00:07:04,675 --> 00:07:06,927
Oh, and my shirt.
I'm sorry.
143
00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:10,180
So will you please
just help me up?
144
00:07:12,016 --> 00:07:14,685
For which | am pretty genuinely sorry.
145
00:07:14,852 --> 00:07:16,186
Nothing two steel rods...
146
00:07:16,353 --> 00:07:20,190
...and 16 titanium screws couldn't fix.
Come on, don't be shitty.
147
00:07:20,357 --> 00:07:22,526
Yeah, Barry.
It's water under the bridge.
148
00:07:22,693 --> 00:07:25,696
Yeah, Barry.
Because he's part of the family now.
149
00:07:25,863 --> 00:07:28,282
So go put his stuff in his office.
Yeah, Barry.
150
00:07:28,449 --> 00:07:30,576
Barry, hi.
151
00:07:30,743 --> 00:07:34,705
So | was wondering if your
tempting offer was still open.
152
00:07:34,872 --> 00:07:36,498
LAUGHING
153
00:07:36,665 --> 00:07:40,711
No, you silly man. About the job.
154
00:07:40,878 --> 00:07:43,839
No, just keeping my options open.
155
00:07:44,006 --> 00:07:47,635
Definitely come in. | mean,
we did kind of fill the position...
156
00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:51,555
...but | don't know
if it's gonna be a good fit.
157
00:07:51,722 --> 00:07:53,891
| just don't see why you need this.
158
00:07:54,058 --> 00:07:56,518
Because this is a huge
opportunity for me...
159
00:07:56,685 --> 00:07:58,854
and | need to feel confident.
160
00:07:59,021 --> 00:08:00,814
In the interview?
161
00:08:01,607 --> 00:08:03,651
Uh-huh.
Oh, that looks great.
162
00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:05,027
Yeah, it feels pretty good.
163
00:08:05,194 --> 00:08:08,030
So come on already, take a cut.
What, like, out the window?
164
00:08:08,197 --> 00:08:11,241
Don't worry about it. | get
a deal on those, 90 cents a ball.
165
00:08:11,408 --> 00:08:13,410
Um, okay.
166
00:08:13,577 --> 00:08:16,413
God, you're a natural.
167
00:08:16,580 --> 00:08:20,417
Bet it's all that lacrosse at boarding school.
Yeah, 13 years' worth.
168
00:08:20,584 --> 00:08:25,047
Thirteen years? What,
she ship you off in kindergarten?
169
00:08:25,214 --> 00:08:29,176
Ahem. Gosh, that must've been tough.
No, I-- I loved it. Um....
170
00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:31,261
Made a lot of good friends.
171
00:08:33,722 --> 00:08:35,766
Family, almost,
is what they were.
172
00:08:35,933 --> 00:08:38,936
Speaking of, how's your mother
eIl .1 R a1 ¥4
173
00:08:39,103 --> 00:08:41,605
Oh, please, | bet she
doesn't even miss me.
174
00:08:41,772 --> 00:08:44,775
Because he'll be back,
crying for his mommy.
175
00:08:44,942 --> 00:08:47,277
Just like that Christmas
break when | moved...
176
00:08:47,444 --> 00:08:50,781
...and forgot to give my new address
to his stupid boarding school.
177
00:08:50,948 --> 00:08:53,492
| mean, he rode the train
into the city all by himself.
178
00:08:53,659 --> 00:08:57,371
He couldn't pick up a phone book?
Nine years old, and bawling...
179
00:08:57,538 --> 00:08:59,998
...In that police station
like a little girl.
180
00:09:00,165 --> 00:09:03,293
Ha! What's that tell you?
Kind of a lot, actually.
181
00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:05,796
Oh, shut up. | bet you're barren.
182
00:09:05,963 --> 00:09:09,007
My God. On Christmas?
Well, Christmas Eve, technically.
183
00:09:09,341 --> 00:09:11,802
Well, the lovely
Framboise from HR. ..
184
00:09:11,969 --> 00:09:14,221
IN FRENCH ACCENT
...has some paperwork for you to sign.
185
00:09:14,388 --> 00:09:15,889
FRAMBOISE & ARCHER
SPEAK IN FRENCH
186
00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:17,808
IN NORMAL VOICE
So why don't you follow her on down...
187
00:09:17,975 --> 00:09:19,810
...to your big new corner office.
Okay.
188
00:09:19,977 --> 00:09:22,980
Where the sofa is soaked
in Scotchgard.
189
00:09:23,147 --> 00:09:24,815
It, uh--
If you know what | mean.
190
00:09:24,982 --> 00:09:27,901
Yeah, | think | do.
It's resistant to stains.
191
00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:29,820
Right, right, | got it.
Super.
192
00:09:29,987 --> 00:09:32,656
Because we're one big family.
193
00:09:34,241 --> 00:09:36,326
Why do you make that sound?
Gee, let's see.
194
00:09:36,493 --> 00:09:37,911
You're off to interview
with ODIN...
195
00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:41,457
...nome of Barry "Oh, | forgot to mention
the naked laser thing" Dillon.
196
00:09:41,623 --> 00:09:45,836
ODIN isn't some co-ed freshman dorm
where everyone runs around screwing.
197
00:09:46,003 --> 00:09:47,921
ARCHER:
I'm sorry, Framboise, it's not you.
198
00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:51,675
| mean, it's not me, either,
obviously. But in the office....
199
00:09:51,842 --> 00:09:54,803
You don't sex on the women at ISIS?
Constantly, but...
200
00:09:54,970 --> 00:09:57,598
...you know, it's not allowed.
It's probably illegal.
201
00:09:57,765 --> 00:10:00,476
But here--
Here we are one big famille.
202
00:10:00,642 --> 00:10:06,148
Yeah, and the, uh, famille thing
actually makes this borderline creepy.
203
00:10:06,315 --> 00:10:09,818
Perhaps if you tried it from behind?
Yeah, let's try that.
204
00:10:09,985 --> 00:10:11,028
IMALORY VOMITING
205
00:10:11,195 --> 00:10:12,654
Don't get any on that snappy suit.
206
00:10:12,821 --> 00:10:13,864
IMALORY SIGHS
207
00:10:14,031 --> 00:10:16,533
Don't you have better things to do
than mince around and gawk?
208
00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:19,369
About a million. But Cheryl
was scared to come in here...
209
00:10:19,536 --> 00:10:22,498
...s0 | took time out
of my busy mincing schedule...
210
00:10:22,664 --> 00:10:24,541
...to tell you that you have
a phone call.
211
00:10:24,708 --> 00:10:25,751
IMALORY GASPS
212
00:10:25,918 --> 00:10:28,212
s it Sterling?
| am sure | don't know.
213
00:10:28,378 --> 00:10:31,882
Do you know you're a little bitch?
Will you remember this conversation?
214
00:10:32,049 --> 00:10:34,551
Probably not, no.
Well, then **** off.
215
00:10:34,718 --> 00:10:37,846
Whoa, whoa with the language.
You kiss your mother with that mouth?
216
00:10:38,013 --> 00:10:39,389
You leave Bub out of this.
217
00:10:39,556 --> 00:10:42,059
And how dare you steal my son
away from me?
218
00:10:42,226 --> 00:10:44,978
Steal him? You cut him loose.
You cut him loosel!
219
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:48,065
What?
| want you to fire him, this instant.
220
00:10:48,232 --> 00:10:51,735
No, no, | can't do that.
He's happy here, he's making new friends.
221
00:10:51,902 --> 00:10:54,404
Goddamn it, Archer!
What, Barry?
222
00:10:54,571 --> 00:10:57,407
| said don't come in here.
Framboise, what'd | say?
223
00:10:57,574 --> 00:11:00,494
He said do not come In.
Yeah, Barry.
224
00:11:00,661 --> 00:11:02,746
| don't care if he's happy.
That's obvious.
225
00:11:02,913 --> 00:11:05,916
Meaning what, exactly?
Meaning, who leaves a 9-year-old kid...
226
00:11:06,083 --> 00:11:08,669
...In a police station on Christmas?
.AV/.¥
227
00:11:08,836 --> 00:11:12,214
And he told you about that?
Oh, we've had such great talks.
228
00:11:12,381 --> 00:11:15,092
Fire him!
Join him. Come work for me.
229
00:11:15,259 --> 00:11:17,928
Have you lost your mind?
Every time | see you.
230
00:11:18,095 --> 00:11:19,555
Fire him.
Can't do it.
231
00:11:19,721 --> 00:11:22,099
Can't or won't?
232
00:11:22,266 --> 00:11:25,602
Either?
Fine. Then go check your Telex.
233
00:11:27,563 --> 00:11:29,857
Oh, my God. A burn notice?
Look at that.
234
00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:33,652
"ISIS disavows Agent Sterling Archer,
a. k.a. Duchess."
235
00:11:33,819 --> 00:11:36,613
Man, she loved that dog--
"Who is to be considered...
236
00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:39,741
...an unreliable asset
and security risk."
237
00:11:39,908 --> 00:11:42,035
Oh, it must have killed her
oNeloRiaIE
238
00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:44,621
Ha, ha. And I'm smirking.
No, you don't smirk...
239
00:11:44,788 --> 00:11:47,040
...at a mother's suffering, Barry,
you asshole!
240
00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:51,461
Ow! It's just, with the shattered femur,
and the gunshot wound...
241
00:11:51,628 --> 00:11:54,631
...and | don't know if you knew this,
but Framboise and | were. ..
242
00:11:54,798 --> 00:11:57,467
...Kind of engaged.
| did not know that.
243
00:11:57,634 --> 00:12:00,304
Yeah.
And | served her up like a pudding.
244
00:12:00,470 --> 00:12:03,098
Barry.
Well, engaged to be engaged. Ow!
245
00:12:03,265 --> 00:12:06,977
Ass. If you love it, put a ring on it.
Okay, so you go fix this.
246
00:12:07,144 --> 00:12:09,062
You know, I'm not even sure
| want to now.
247
00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:11,481
She was obviously into him. Mother--
ASS.
248
00:12:11,648 --> 00:12:14,192
Not Framboise. Archer.
The burn notice?
249
00:12:14,484 --> 00:12:16,153
His mother just sent that to--
250
00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:19,114
To every agency on the planet.
Look: CIA, MI6, Interpol.
251
00:12:19,281 --> 00:12:22,618
We can't keep him now, Barry.
Oh. So--
252
00:12:22,784 --> 00:12:25,621
So you take him to the basement,
you put one in his ear.
253
00:12:25,787 --> 00:12:29,499
Can you do that?
Oh, my God.
254
00:12:29,666 --> 00:12:32,961
That Framboise is a freak, huh?
Yeah.
255
00:12:33,128 --> 00:12:35,505
Yeah, | can do that.
256
00:12:38,884 --> 00:12:40,177
LANA:
No, as a matter of fact...
257
00:12:40,344 --> 00:12:43,680
...| don't have Barry on speed dial.
CYRIL: Well, that's rather surprising.
258
00:12:43,847 --> 00:12:46,308
Know what's surprising?
Kissing you at the airport...
259
00:12:46,475 --> 00:12:50,604
...dozing off in first class, then seeing you
on my flight when | get up to pee!
260
00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:54,650
That, to me, is rather surprising.
And really expensive, turns out.
261
00:12:54,816 --> 00:12:55,859
Just--
Ha, ha.
262
00:12:56,026 --> 00:12:57,486
GRUNTS
263
00:12:57,653 --> 00:13:00,030
Seriously. | mean, | don't
wanna sound like a jerk...
264
00:13:00,197 --> 00:13:04,284
...but that Framboise chick must have been
a prostitute before she got this gig.
265
00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:05,911
In, like, Bangkok.
266
00:13:06,078 --> 00:13:07,663
| was almost embarrassed
for her.
267
00:13:07,829 --> 00:13:09,665
Where we going?
We are heading down...
268
00:13:09,831 --> 00:13:12,000
...to sub-basement three.
Is there a shower?
269
00:13:12,167 --> 00:13:13,752
Because | bet | just, like,
.1 ol > d
270
00:13:13,919 --> 00:13:14,962
PHONE RINGING
271
00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:17,422
One second. Dillon.
Oh, Barry, you getting that?
272
00:13:17,589 --> 00:13:20,676
Really?
I'm brushing it your way, Barry.
273
00:13:20,842 --> 00:13:23,512
No, I'm actually at the lobby
right now. Two seconds.
274
00:13:23,679 --> 00:13:26,974
So wait, where are we on that shower?
Head on back up to your office.
275
00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:29,476
There's actually
a private bathroom in there.
276
00:13:29,643 --> 00:13:32,854
Oh, good. Because,
like | said, | bet | just reek.
277
00:13:33,021 --> 00:13:34,982
Yeah, you've mentioned that.
278
00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:37,275
No. Baby, | am putting you
in the corner...
279
00:13:37,442 --> 00:13:39,528
...where you will sit quietly.
Hey, you.
280
00:13:39,695 --> 00:13:42,114
Hey, you.
And who are you?
281
00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:44,408
Cyril Figgis,
ISIS comptroller and--
282
00:13:44,574 --> 00:13:47,327
And very eager to sit here
quietly in the corner...
283
00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:48,912
_ because he is so tired.
284
00:13:49,079 --> 00:13:52,416
Um, so I'll just be here, then?
285
00:13:52,582 --> 00:13:53,834
Yeah?
286
00:13:54,001 --> 00:13:56,378
No, no, no!
287
00:13:56,545 --> 00:13:58,922
Who put out a burn notice
on Sterling?
288
00:13:59,089 --> 00:14:00,757
That would be you.
What?
289
00:14:00,924 --> 00:14:06,430
Ha-ha-ha. Holy shit, the look on your face.
But | would never. Not in a million--
290
00:14:06,596 --> 00:14:10,100
CHERYL: Get a mirror.
Oh, dear God, did | drink absinthe?
291
00:14:10,267 --> 00:14:13,812
That bottle and most of this one.
Until we wrestled it away from you.
292
00:14:13,979 --> 00:14:16,606
Because you don't know
how to share, beyotch.
293
00:14:16,773 --> 00:14:19,401
Easy, tough guy.
| don't remember any of that.
294
00:14:19,568 --> 00:14:21,445
Absinthe makes me black out.
295
00:14:23,113 --> 00:14:27,159
All right, you yellow
sons of bitches.
296
00:14:27,325 --> 00:14:28,869
| et's dance.
297
00:14:29,036 --> 00:14:30,078
ALL CHEER
298
00:14:30,328 --> 00:14:33,582
It also makes you incredibly mean.
And ugly.
299
00:14:33,749 --> 00:14:35,917
Seriously. Danger zone.
Beyotch.
300
00:14:36,084 --> 00:14:38,670
Well, don't just sit there. Undo this.
Ooh.
301
00:14:38,837 --> 00:14:43,091
"Ooh" what?
We can't, Ms. Archer. It's too late.
302
00:14:43,759 --> 00:14:46,219
I'm sorry, so, what are you saying?
, uh....
303
00:14:46,762 --> 00:14:50,640
Can you not give me a minute?
No. You fire me, | take my things.
304
00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:53,185
Take all the things! Here, take this!
305
00:14:53,351 --> 00:14:55,312
Go staple my heart back together!
306
00:14:55,479 --> 00:14:57,606
SPEAKS IN FRENCH
307
00:14:57,814 --> 00:14:59,858
How am | the bad guy in this?
308
00:15:00,025 --> 00:15:03,153
So, Barry.
Huh? That was Framboise, our head of HR.
309
00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:05,864
With whom | guess | won't be meeting?
No, she's gone.
310
00:15:06,031 --> 00:15:09,242
And so, remember how | said
we'd just hired someone?
311
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:13,163
Yes.
And so remember Sterling Archer?
312
00:15:13,330 --> 00:15:14,998
Wait, wait, wait, Lana.
313
00:15:15,165 --> 00:15:18,335
Barry, if you touch me, | swear to God
| will put you in the ground.
314
00:15:18,502 --> 00:15:21,088
That was before his mother
put out a burn notice on him.
315
00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:23,131
What? Malory burned Archer?
316
00:15:23,298 --> 00:15:25,008
Worldwide.
Holy shit.
317
00:15:25,175 --> 00:15:28,970
Yeah, so he's gone.
Already? Like, literally gone?
318
00:15:29,137 --> 00:15:30,847
SOBBING
319
00:15:31,014 --> 00:15:33,308
Oh, my God.
| liked her better mean.
320
00:15:33,475 --> 00:15:36,728
He's gone. | killed my baby boy...
321
00:15:36,895 --> 00:15:39,606
...and now my baby is gone!
322
00:15:39,773 --> 00:15:43,735
Oh, now, you can always--
Always what?
323
00:15:43,902 --> 00:15:47,280
Well, | was gonna say
you can have another baby...
324
00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:50,033
...but you're all dried up
in there.
325
00:15:50,659 --> 00:15:53,620
No, no, no, like, figuratively gone.
Unlike Framboise...
326
00:15:53,787 --> 00:15:57,207
...whose car should be
blowing up any minute.
327
00:15:57,874 --> 00:15:58,875
®s
328
00:15:59,042 --> 00:16:00,168
Ooh-la-la!
CYRIL: Uh....
329
00:16:00,335 --> 00:16:02,045
BOTH SPEAK IN FRENCH
330
00:16:02,212 --> 00:16:05,715
May | help you
avec your box?
331
00:16:05,882 --> 00:16:09,052
So Archer's still here?
Yeah, he's in that corner office.
332
00:16:09,219 --> 00:16:11,805
And once Facilities cleans
his brains out of it...
333
00:16:11,972 --> 00:16:13,557
...It can be your office.
Really?
334
00:16:13,723 --> 00:16:16,017
| don't think
the cleaning staff does brains.
335
00:16:16,184 --> 00:16:18,311
| mean, you shoot him
and | get an office...
336
00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:21,731
...overlooking the Champs-Elysées?
And the bank where you'll drive...
337
00:16:21,898 --> 00:16:24,609
...your new company car
to deposit your insane paychecks...
338
00:16:24,776 --> 00:16:28,071
...and maybe, if you stand on
those tiptoes, your huge apartment.
339
00:16:28,238 --> 00:16:31,575
Huge as in...?
As in you won't see your live-in servants...
340
00:16:31,741 --> 00:16:34,744
...unless you really want to.
Let me go shoot this prick.
341
00:16:34,911 --> 00:16:36,955
Wait. Let me do it.
Really?
342
00:16:37,122 --> 00:16:40,250
Because | would kind of love to.
Not as much as | would.
343
00:16:40,417 --> 00:16:43,545
You guys kind of have a history, huh?
Yeah, you could say that.
344
00:16:43,712 --> 00:16:46,590
Knock yourself out.
These servants, if | did see them...
345
00:16:46,756 --> 00:16:51,219
...would they curtsy meekly?
Heh. Well, otherwise, what's the point?
346
00:16:51,386 --> 00:16:53,054
SIGHS
347
00:16:55,015 --> 00:16:56,641
ARCHER: Come on.
.T R AR R
348
00:16:56,808 --> 00:16:57,851
GUN COCKS
349
00:16:58,018 --> 00:16:59,102
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Lana, no!
350
00:16:59,269 --> 00:17:00,770
GUNSHOT THEN THUD
351
00:17:00,937 --> 00:17:03,356
Barry, does this make up
for Framboise?
352
00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:06,359
It does, Other Barry, it sure does.
353
00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:09,696
LANA: Barry? | guess, go ahead
and call Facilities or whatever.
354
00:17:09,863 --> 00:17:11,114
GLASS SHATTERS
355
00:17:11,573 --> 00:17:13,867
Because there is lamp
everywhere.
356
00:17:14,034 --> 00:17:17,120
God, Lana! Get on with your life already!
LANA: Oh!
357
00:17:17,287 --> 00:17:20,540
Telex. You got one in here?
Why, so you can smash that too?
358
00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:22,542
I'm pretty sure I'm financially...
359
00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:26,129
...responsible for the furnishings.
So | can send a telex from ODIN. ..
360
00:17:26,296 --> 00:17:29,799
...to make the burn notice from your
mother look like an ODIN black flag.
361
00:17:29,966 --> 00:17:31,718
Mother burned me?
Apparently.
362
00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:33,637
Oh, my God, that's classic her.
363
00:17:33,803 --> 00:17:36,097
You're both classic her.
Shut up, get dressed...
364
00:17:36,264 --> 00:17:37,974
...and grab the keys
to that car.
365
00:17:38,141 --> 00:17:42,062
We've got about two minutes before some
ODIN dick sees this and seals the exits.
366
00:17:42,229 --> 00:17:44,231
Any way we can bump that to five?
367
00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:45,815
Archer!
| need a shower.
368
00:17:45,982 --> 00:17:49,277
Okay, God. Climb down off that rag.
369
00:17:49,444 --> 00:17:52,322
Oh, my God,
looks like Jonestown in here.
370
00:17:52,489 --> 00:17:56,910
Yes, Pam. Get me some poison.
Because | am already dead inside.
371
00:17:57,077 --> 00:17:59,079
Too dead inside to read good news?
372
00:17:59,246 --> 00:18:01,831
Is it my obituary?
Well, it's not that good.
373
00:18:01,998 --> 00:18:03,792
Give me that, you oaf!
374
00:18:03,959 --> 00:18:05,418
"All agencies...
375
00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:08,713
...disregard ISIS burn notice
on Agent Archer...
376
00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:10,590
a.k.a. Duchess."
377
00:18:10,757 --> 00:18:11,800
GASPS
378
00:18:11,967 --> 00:18:14,511
An ODIN black flag operation!
379
00:18:14,678 --> 00:18:17,931
Pam, he's alive. My Sterling is alive.
380
00:18:18,098 --> 00:18:20,433
Oh. And look at happy
little Mama Bird.
381
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:23,603
Well, the blowback on ODIN
for this will be huge.
382
00:18:23,770 --> 00:18:26,356
And | saw it coming. | knew it.
§la™a10 e}
383
00:18:26,523 --> 00:18:29,693
Just like | knew Sterling would
come crying back to mommy...
384
00:18:29,859 --> 00:18:32,070
...wiping his snotty nose
on his sleeve. ..
385
00:18:32,237 --> 00:18:35,240
...like a scared little boy on Christmas.
§la™a10 e}
386
00:18:35,407 --> 00:18:37,867
Eve. It was only Christmas Eve.
387
00:18:38,034 --> 00:18:40,412
| know. Good to have you back.
MALORY: And...?
388
00:18:40,578 --> 00:18:43,290
And...?
And do you just plan to loom over me...
389
00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:47,711
...all day, like some sort of henge?
o 2
390
00:18:47,877 --> 00:18:50,297
Well, you see? This is why.
391
00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:52,966
This is why we can't
have nice things.
392
00:18:53,133 --> 00:18:55,969
Barry, you asshole!
393
00:18:56,136 --> 00:18:59,889
How am | the bad guy in this?
Because | wanted this, Archer.
394
00:19:00,056 --> 00:19:02,225
I'm sick of you getting
the best assignments...
395
00:19:02,392 --> 00:19:05,812
...Just because your mother is the boss.
Do you know what that's like?
396
00:19:06,021 --> 00:19:08,231
Besides awesome?
Oh!
397
00:19:08,398 --> 00:19:12,485
Hang on, | think my car's on P-2.
Well, | have to get Cyril, who's on--
398
00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:15,322
Framboise, hello.
Hello.
399
00:19:15,488 --> 00:19:18,450
Oh, man. That's bad.
400
00:19:18,825 --> 00:19:20,327
TIRES SCREECHING
401
00:19:21,244 --> 00:19:24,205
ARCHER: Yes, now. Let's talk this out.
LANA: Talk what out?
402
00:19:24,372 --> 00:19:26,333
How you ruined my chance
to work for ODIN?
403
00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:29,336
Or, ooh, maybe how I just
caught my boyfriend...
404
00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:32,172
...balls-deep in some French chick.
Ex-boyfriend, | bet.
405
00:19:32,339 --> 00:19:34,966
You think?
Yeah, he's not coming back.
406
00:19:35,133 --> 00:19:37,344
That chick was like the Pele of anal.
407
00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:39,512
Archer?
Sorry, | know this is tough.
408
00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:43,767
| mean, Cyril, whatever, but your feelings
for me are obviously conflicted--
409
00:19:43,933 --> 00:19:46,102
You're right, Archer, | am conflicted.
410
00:19:46,269 --> 00:19:49,272
Because if | had shot you
in the face, I'd be living here.
411
00:19:49,439 --> 00:19:52,859
Getting curtsied at by servants.
Yeah, but you couldn't do it.
412
00:19:53,026 --> 00:19:54,069
SIGHS
413
00:19:54,235 --> 00:19:56,780
Maybe we both belong at ISIS,
IVl e Lo\ "4
414
00:19:56,946 --> 00:19:59,491
Maybe that's our real home.
That's what Mother said. ..
415
00:19:59,657 --> 00:20:02,243
...about boarding school.
And really, sorry about Cyril.
416
00:20:02,410 --> 00:20:04,454
Me too.
Even if you brought it on yourself.
417
00:20:04,621 --> 00:20:07,165
Excuse me?
Oh, come on, | don't recall ever seeing...
418
00:20:07,332 --> 00:20:09,459
...a welcome mat at your back door.
Archer.
419
00:20:09,626 --> 00:20:12,962
But wait, would that cheer you up?
Me and you, a little revenge-anal?
420
00:20:13,129 --> 00:20:14,297
Yes?
Archer?
421
00:20:14,464 --> 00:20:16,674
You wearing a seatbelt?
Uh, no, why--?
422
00:20:16,841 --> 00:20:17,967
ARCHER SCREAMS
423
00:20:18,134 --> 00:20:20,887
CAR CRASHES
424
00:20:21,054 --> 00:20:22,847
COUGHS
425
00:20:23,014 --> 00:20:26,518
So, uh, is that a yes,
or a maybe, or...?
426
00:20:26,810 --> 00:20:28,186
\What?
427
00:20:28,770 --> 00:20:32,065
Oh, okay. Then, | guess, just pout.
428
00:21:12,188 --> 00:21:13,189
English - US - PSDH
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