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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,434 --> 00:00:05,734 ( theme music playing ) 2 00:00:39,567 --> 00:00:43,467 ( bitterly ) SONYA BARKER-FINCH. 3 00:00:47,033 --> 00:00:50,100 HOW MUCH LONGER ARE YOU GOING TO SLEEP, DEAR? 4 00:00:51,567 --> 00:00:54,968 PROBABLY NOT A LOT, I SUSPECT. 5 00:00:54,968 --> 00:00:58,267 - I HAVEN'T SLEPT A WINK. - I HEARD YOU SNORING. 6 00:00:58,267 --> 00:01:01,100 I'VE HAD A NIGHT OF MENTAL ANGUISH. 7 00:01:01,100 --> 00:01:04,734 DIDN'T SOUND LIKE MENTALLY ANGUISHED SNORING. 8 00:01:04,734 --> 00:01:06,834 YOU KNOW ME, RICHARD. 9 00:01:06,834 --> 00:01:10,200 I HAVEN'T A SNOBBISH BONE IN MY BODY. 10 00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:12,234 BUT I DO FIND IT IRRITATING 11 00:01:12,234 --> 00:01:14,567 THAT THOSE BARKER-FINCHES AT NUMBER 23 12 00:01:14,567 --> 00:01:18,534 TO THEIR BARBECUE. 13 00:01:18,534 --> 00:01:20,767 THE DOUGLAS WHAT? 14 00:01:20,767 --> 00:01:23,834 CHATER! THEY HAD HIM AT THEIR BARBECUE. 15 00:01:23,834 --> 00:01:27,033 WHAT DID HE TASTE LIKE? 16 00:01:27,033 --> 00:01:29,601 NOW DON'T BE SILLY, DEAR. 17 00:01:29,601 --> 00:01:32,033 THEY HAD HIM AT THEIR BARBECUE, AND OF COURSE, 18 00:01:32,033 --> 00:01:34,100 SHE CAN'T STOP TELLING EVERYBODY. 19 00:01:34,100 --> 00:01:37,400 I CANNOT ABIDE PEOPLE WHO RUN AROUND 20 00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:40,400 MAKING A MEAL OUT OF THEIR LITTLE SOCIAL TRIUMPHS. 21 00:01:54,033 --> 00:01:57,834 WHERE WERE YOU LAST NIGHT, ONSLOW? ANSWER ME. 22 00:01:57,834 --> 00:02:00,000 I'M SORRY, DAISE, I CAN'T TALK 23 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:03,667 OWING TO THE FACT THAT SOME FOOL KEEPS PRODDING ME. 24 00:02:03,667 --> 00:02:05,767 I'MPRODDING YOU. 25 00:02:05,767 --> 00:02:09,701 I WANT TO KNOW, WHY HAVE YOU STARTED STAYING OUT SO LATE? 26 00:02:09,701 --> 00:02:11,868 LOOK AT ME, ONSLOW. 27 00:02:15,234 --> 00:02:17,767 STRAIGHT IN THE EYES. 28 00:02:18,767 --> 00:02:20,767 WHERE WERE YOU LAST NIGHT? 29 00:02:20,767 --> 00:02:23,067 I WAS HERE-- IN BED. 30 00:02:23,067 --> 00:02:25,267 NOT WHEN I WENT TO SLEEP, YOU WEREN'T. 31 00:02:25,267 --> 00:02:28,133 OH, NICE. YOU WERE SO WORRIED, YOU WENT TO SLEEP. 32 00:02:31,067 --> 00:02:34,767 IT WAS EXHAUSTION CAUSED BY ANXIETY-- 33 00:02:34,767 --> 00:02:36,601 MENTAL EXHAUSTION. 34 00:02:36,601 --> 00:02:39,534 I WAS GOING MAD WONDERING WHERE YOU WERE. 35 00:02:39,534 --> 00:02:42,200 HOW'S YOUR FATHER THIS MORNING? 36 00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:44,567 - DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT! - ( Onslow yells ) 37 00:02:45,567 --> 00:02:47,167 ( muttering ) 38 00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:49,400 ...IDEAS ABOVE THEIR STATION. 39 00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:52,801 SONYA BARKER-FINCH. 40 00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:56,601 HER CONVERSATION COULD HARDLY HAVE BEEN STIMULATING. 41 00:02:58,367 --> 00:03:02,100 MUST HAVE ENDED UP WITH A BARBECUED BRAIN. 42 00:03:02,100 --> 00:03:05,601 THEDOUGLAS CHATER? 43 00:03:05,601 --> 00:03:07,601 GOOD HEAVENS, RICHARD! 44 00:03:07,601 --> 00:03:10,067 THEDOUGLAS CHATER? 45 00:03:10,067 --> 00:03:13,501 ALL MORNING, FROM YOU. 46 00:03:13,501 --> 00:03:16,634 HE ONLY HAPPENS TO BE "CHATER'S BUILDING SUPPLIES." 47 00:03:16,634 --> 00:03:20,467 OH, HE SELLS CEMENT. 48 00:03:20,467 --> 00:03:22,868 ONE OF OUR LEADING BUILDERS' MERCHANTS. 49 00:03:22,868 --> 00:03:25,634 WHAT'S THIS IN MY DISH? 50 00:03:25,634 --> 00:03:27,200 HMM? 51 00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:30,868 THAT'S AN EXCLUSIVE EUROPEAN HIGH-FIBER BREAKFAST CEREAL. 52 00:03:30,868 --> 00:03:35,000 "THEDOUGLAS CHATER." 53 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:39,434 IF EVER I SAW ONE. 54 00:03:39,434 --> 00:03:41,367 NOW-- 55 00:03:41,367 --> 00:03:45,200 RICHARD, STOP PLAYING WITH IT, DEAR, AND EAT IT. 56 00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:49,300 ( huffs ) WHY CAN'T I HAVE MY USUAL CORN FLAKES? 57 00:03:49,300 --> 00:03:51,701 THIS IS NOT A CORN FLAKE ESTABLISHMENT. 58 00:03:51,701 --> 00:03:55,334 HUMPH-- IT ALWAYS HAS BEEN. 59 00:03:55,334 --> 00:03:59,100 PERHAPS, IN THE DAYS BEFORE THIS EXCLUSIVE EUROPEAN 60 00:03:59,100 --> 00:04:02,067 HIGH-FIBER BREAKFAST CEREAL WAS MADE AVAILABLE. 61 00:04:02,067 --> 00:04:05,467 NOW IT'S VERY NUTRITIOUS AND HIGHLY RECOMMENDED. 62 00:04:05,467 --> 00:04:08,767 - BY WHOM? - THE DUTCH ROYAL FAMILY. 63 00:04:10,634 --> 00:04:13,767 ( laughing ) THE DUTCH ROYAL FAMILY? 64 00:04:13,767 --> 00:04:15,734 THERE'S A CREST ON THE PACKET. 65 00:04:15,734 --> 00:04:17,934 OH, HYACINTH! 66 00:04:17,934 --> 00:04:20,701 I WISH YOU'D STOP BUYING THINGS 67 00:04:20,701 --> 00:04:22,834 BECAUSE THERE'S A CREST ON THE PACK-- 68 00:04:22,834 --> 00:04:26,234 SO IN FUTURE, WHEN PEOPLE ASK WHAT YOU HAVE FOR BREAKFAST 69 00:04:26,234 --> 00:04:27,767 DON'T SAY CORN FLAKES. 70 00:04:27,767 --> 00:04:29,701 TELL THEM, QUITE TRUTHFULLY, 71 00:04:29,701 --> 00:04:32,067 THAT YOU EAT AN EXCLUSIVE EUROPEAN 72 00:04:32,067 --> 00:04:34,300 HIGH-FIBER BREAKFAST CEREAL. 73 00:04:34,300 --> 00:04:37,801 "WITH A CREST ON THE PACKET." 74 00:04:44,334 --> 00:04:46,300 I WAS WITH A COUPLE OF THE LADS. 75 00:04:46,300 --> 00:04:49,834 - TILL WHAT TIME? - I DON'T KNOW, WE GOT TALKING. 76 00:04:49,834 --> 00:04:51,501 YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE WHEN YOU GET WITH THE LADS. 77 00:04:51,501 --> 00:04:54,167 WITH THE LADS. 78 00:04:54,167 --> 00:04:56,868 YOU BECOME A MENACE TO THE FEMALE SEX. 79 00:05:01,467 --> 00:05:04,267 DAISY, THAT WAS 20 YEARS AGO. 80 00:05:06,067 --> 00:05:09,601 I ADMIT I USED TO BE A BIT OF A MENACE WITH THE FEMALE SEX, 81 00:05:09,601 --> 00:05:11,100 I WAS DYNAMITE. 82 00:05:11,100 --> 00:05:14,868 WAS AN OWNER'S MANUAL. 83 00:05:16,734 --> 00:05:18,868 BUT I'M RETIRED THESE DAYS. 84 00:05:18,868 --> 00:05:23,434 I WISH I COULD BE SURE. YOU'RE SO ATTRACTIVE TO WOMEN. 85 00:05:27,434 --> 00:05:31,133 I'M WORK-SHY, BONE IDLE, AND OUT OF CONDITION. 86 00:05:31,133 --> 00:05:33,367 WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'M ATTRACTIVE TO WOMEN? 87 00:05:33,367 --> 00:05:35,968 I MARRIED YOU, DIDN'T I? 88 00:05:35,968 --> 00:05:37,667 WHEN I WAS YOUNGER. 89 00:05:37,667 --> 00:05:41,100 YOU WERE STILL BONE IDLE, WORK-SHY AND OUT OF CONDITION. 90 00:05:41,100 --> 00:05:44,567 OH, YEAH. BUT I WAS BETTER DRESSED. 91 00:05:51,601 --> 00:05:55,167 ELIZABETH? 92 00:05:55,167 --> 00:05:58,133 IT'S NOT THAT I'M THE SLIGHTEST BIT INTERESTED, OF COURSE, 93 00:05:58,133 --> 00:06:01,367 BUT, DID YOU BY ANY CHANCE GET TO THAT BARBECUE? 94 00:06:01,367 --> 00:06:03,634 - BARBECUE? - MMM. 95 00:06:03,634 --> 00:06:05,767 DO YOU KNOW IT'S THE STRANGEST THING, 96 00:06:05,767 --> 00:06:08,033 I NEVER SPILL ANYTHING AT A BARBECUE. 97 00:06:08,033 --> 00:06:11,400 - REALLY? - WHICH BARBECUE? 98 00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:14,467 THOSE BARKER-FINCHES AT NUMBER 23. 99 00:06:14,467 --> 00:06:16,367 NO, NO, NO, I DIDN'T GO. 100 00:06:16,367 --> 00:06:19,901 CLEARLY, THE BEST PEOPLE WEREN'T INVITED. 101 00:06:19,901 --> 00:06:23,801 THEDOUGLAS CHATER. 102 00:06:26,501 --> 00:06:28,567 ( drawer slams ) 103 00:06:29,801 --> 00:06:31,868 I'M SURPRISED HE WASN'T FAR TOO BUSY 104 00:06:31,868 --> 00:06:35,400 SUPPLYING MATERIALS TO BUILD EXECUTIVE HOMES. 105 00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:40,701 ANYWAY, I THINK BARBECUES ARE RATHER PASSE� THESE DAYS. 106 00:06:40,701 --> 00:06:43,000 - OH-HH! 107 00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:45,767 OH, HYACINTH, I'M SO SORRY! 108 00:06:49,601 --> 00:06:52,601 - HAVE YOU RUINED YOUR DRESS? - NO, NO, NO. 109 00:06:52,601 --> 00:06:54,868 OH, I SEE, JUST MY TABLE. 110 00:06:54,868 --> 00:06:59,601 - I'VE GOT TO ANSWER THE PHONE. 111 00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:07,567 "BOUQUET" RESIDENCE, THE LADY OF THE HOUSE SPEAKING. 112 00:07:07,567 --> 00:07:11,200 OH, IT'S YOU, DAISY. HOW ARE YOU, DEAR? 113 00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:13,934 IT'S MY SISTER DAISY. 114 00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:16,267 SHE'S NOT THE ONE WITH THE SWIMMING POOL OR THE MERCEDES. 115 00:07:16,267 --> 00:07:18,601 AND THERE'S CERTAINLY NO ROOM FOR A PONY. 116 00:07:20,133 --> 00:07:23,000 YOU'RE NOT RINGING ME TO BREAK BAD NEWS ABOUT DADDY? 117 00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:27,200 I'D DIE IF ANYTHING HAPPENED TO THAT NOBLE OLD MAN. MMM. 118 00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:30,834 HE'S FINE? ARE YOU SURE? YOU'RE NOT SHIELDING ME? 119 00:07:30,834 --> 00:07:34,601 WELL, MAKE SURE, WILL YOU? YOU KNOW HOW I WORRY. 120 00:07:34,601 --> 00:07:38,300 I'D HAVE HIM HERE IF HE DIDN'T MAKE THOSE FUNNY NOISES. 121 00:07:39,968 --> 00:07:43,868 NOW? 122 00:07:43,868 --> 00:07:46,267 AND GIVE HIM MY LOVE. 123 00:07:49,133 --> 00:07:51,367 DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT TABLE, ELIZABETH. 124 00:07:51,367 --> 00:07:54,834 I'M SURE IT'S NOT BEYOND THE BOUNDS OF WESTERN TECHNOLOGY TO RESURFACE IT. 125 00:07:57,901 --> 00:08:00,834 WHY DON'T YOU TRY A LITTLE YOGA, ELIZABETH? 126 00:08:00,834 --> 00:08:02,968 CALM YOUR NERVES. 127 00:08:02,968 --> 00:08:05,801 EVERYWHERE ELSE, HYACINTH, MY NERVES ARE FINE. 128 00:08:05,801 --> 00:08:08,100 IT'S JUST IN THIS HOUSE I GO TO PIECES. 129 00:08:08,100 --> 00:08:12,100 DADDY DOES YOGA, AND LOOK HOW FIT HE IS FOR HIS AGE. 130 00:08:12,100 --> 00:08:14,667 PRONOUNCED "TOO HOT TO HANDLE" BY THE OVER-60s. 131 00:08:17,267 --> 00:08:19,200 I'LL BE WITH YOU IN A MINUTE, ELIZABETH. 132 00:08:24,701 --> 00:08:27,534 OH! OH-HH! 133 00:08:29,534 --> 00:08:31,567 TROUBLE, LIZ? 134 00:08:31,567 --> 00:08:34,200 OH, RICHARD, I'M SO SORRY. 135 00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:36,567 FOR SOME REASON I GO TO PIECES IN THIS HOUSE. 136 00:08:36,567 --> 00:08:39,300 YOU TOO? 137 00:08:39,300 --> 00:08:41,901 IS THAT YOU, RICHARD? 138 00:08:41,901 --> 00:08:44,133 HOW QUICK YOU'VE BEEN, DEAR. 139 00:08:44,133 --> 00:08:46,133 CLEARLY FEELING THE BENEFITS 140 00:08:46,133 --> 00:08:48,400 OF SHARING A BREAKFAST HABIT WITH THE DUTCH ROYAL FAMILY. 141 00:08:50,801 --> 00:08:53,200 TELL ELIZABETH HOW MUCH YOU'RE ENJOYING 142 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:57,634 YOUR EXCLUSIVE EUROPEAN HIGH-FIBER BREAKFAST CEREAL. 143 00:08:58,834 --> 00:09:00,868 YES, DAISY, I'M HERE. 144 00:09:00,868 --> 00:09:02,934 DADDY IS WHERE? 145 00:09:02,934 --> 00:09:04,968 ON THE ROOF? 146 00:09:04,968 --> 00:09:07,334 WELL GET HIM DOWN, DEAR. 147 00:09:07,334 --> 00:09:10,467 YES, I KN-- IT'S ABSOLUTELY SPLENDID OF HIM 148 00:09:10,467 --> 00:09:12,934 TO BE SO AGILE AS TO GET ON THE ROOF. 149 00:09:12,934 --> 00:09:15,067 BUT WHY IS HE ON THE ROOF? 150 00:09:15,067 --> 00:09:17,767 FIRE WATCHING? 151 00:09:17,767 --> 00:09:20,801 HE THINKS THERE'S A RAID ON? 152 00:09:20,801 --> 00:09:23,801 WHAT A WONDERFUL SENSE OF DUTY DADDY HAS. 153 00:09:23,801 --> 00:09:26,901 IT'S THAT SPIRIT THAT MADE THIS ISLAND GREAT. 154 00:09:26,901 --> 00:09:28,901 MMM-HMM. BUT GET HIM DOWN, DAISY. 155 00:09:28,901 --> 00:09:32,601 YES. SOUND THE "ALL-CLEAR" OR SOMETHING, WILL YOU? 156 00:09:34,033 --> 00:09:36,701 YOU WANT MY ADVICE ABOUT WHAT? 157 00:09:36,701 --> 00:09:40,200 ONSLOW? ( laughing ) 158 00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:43,601 WELL, YOU'VE NEVER TAKEN IT BEFORE. 159 00:09:43,601 --> 00:09:47,367 WOULD I BE SURPRISED IF ONSLOW HAD ANOTHER WOMAN? 160 00:09:47,367 --> 00:09:50,801 MY DEAR GIRL, I WAS SURPRISED HE GOT ONE IN THE FIRST PLACE. 161 00:09:52,234 --> 00:09:54,200 ( sports announcer speaks on TV ) 162 00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:58,267 HE'S ALWAYS HAD THIS MASSIVE APPEAL FOR WOMEN. 163 00:09:58,267 --> 00:10:03,234 HE EXUDES A RAW, SENSUAL MAGNETISM. 164 00:10:04,567 --> 00:10:08,434 WHERE'S MY BOTTLE OPENER? 165 00:10:08,434 --> 00:10:10,667 THAT COULD HAVE BEEN HIM WITH VIVIAN LEIGH 166 00:10:10,667 --> 00:10:12,667 IN "STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE." 167 00:10:12,667 --> 00:10:16,501 AND NOW HE'S STARTED STOPPING OUT LATE AT NIGHTS. 168 00:10:16,501 --> 00:10:18,601 AND LOOKING AT HIM FROM HERE, 169 00:10:18,601 --> 00:10:20,634 HE LOOKS TO ME LIKE SOMEBODY 170 00:10:20,634 --> 00:10:22,868 WHO'S UP TO HIS DESIGNER STUBBLE 171 00:10:22,868 --> 00:10:25,601 IN STOLEN MOMENTS OF ILLICIT LOVE. 172 00:10:25,601 --> 00:10:29,267 ( yells ) I SAID, HAVE YOU SEEN MY BOTTLE OPENER? 173 00:10:29,267 --> 00:10:32,667 I DON'T KNOW HOW TO HANDLE IT, OUR HYACINTH. 174 00:10:32,667 --> 00:10:36,434 MAYBE IF YOU SPOKE TO HIM? HE'D LISTEN TO YOU. 175 00:10:36,434 --> 00:10:38,434 WELL, MAYBE HE WOULDN'T LISTEN TO YOU, 176 00:10:38,434 --> 00:10:41,167 BUT IF YOU BACKED HIM INTO A CORNER, I'M SURE HE WOULD. 177 00:10:41,167 --> 00:10:43,434 I COULD BRING HIM OVER. 178 00:10:43,434 --> 00:10:46,801 DON'T SHOUT, HYACINTH! 179 00:10:48,567 --> 00:10:51,534 ALL RIGHT, I WON'T BRING HIM OVER! 180 00:10:53,300 --> 00:10:55,434 WE'LL ARRANGE SOMETHING ELSE. 181 00:10:55,434 --> 00:10:58,567 YOU'LL RING ME? PROMISE? 182 00:10:59,901 --> 00:11:02,467 FATHER'S STILL ON THE ROOF. 183 00:11:02,467 --> 00:11:05,167 DON'T TELL ME, I'VE GOT MY OWN TROUBLES. 184 00:11:05,167 --> 00:11:08,200 ONSLOW, FATHER'S ON THE ROOF AGAIN. 185 00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:10,868 ASK HIM IF HE'S GOT MY BOTTLE OPENER. 186 00:11:10,868 --> 00:11:14,267 WHY DON'T YOU WEAR IT 'ROUND YOUR NECK? 187 00:11:14,267 --> 00:11:18,000 AND LOOK LIKE SOME BIG "SILLY DORIS" WITH A DANGLER? 188 00:11:19,567 --> 00:11:21,834 I THINK HE'S GOT ANOTHER WOMAN. 189 00:11:21,834 --> 00:11:25,267 HIS BOTTLE OPENER. 190 00:11:26,901 --> 00:11:29,234 DON'T WORRY, LIZ, IT LOOKS FINE. 191 00:11:29,234 --> 00:11:33,234 I THINK IT LOOKS ALL RIGHT, BUT YOU JUST DON'T KNOW. 192 00:11:33,234 --> 00:11:35,667 I DON'T KNOW WHY I GET SO NERVOUS IN HERE. 193 00:11:35,667 --> 00:11:39,000 IT HAPPENS TO LOTS OF PEOPLE, BELIEVE ME. 194 00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:41,567 WELL, LOOK, I REALLY OUGHT TO BE GOING BACK HOME. 195 00:11:41,567 --> 00:11:45,400 DO YOU THINK IT WOULD BE PERMISSIBLE FOR ME TO SNEAK AWAY? 196 00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:48,434 WHY NOT? I OFTEN DO. 197 00:11:49,934 --> 00:11:52,834 I'LL JUST GO OUT THE BACK WAY. 198 00:11:54,734 --> 00:11:57,200 WILL YOU MAKE MY EXCUSES TO HYACINTH? 199 00:11:57,200 --> 00:11:59,834 OH, EASILY. SHE NEVER LISTENS ANYWAY. 200 00:12:05,300 --> 00:12:08,133 - ELIZABETH GONE? - YES. 201 00:12:08,133 --> 00:12:11,000 I HOPE SHE WASN'T WORRIED ABOUT MY TABLE. 202 00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:13,667 SHE KNOWS I NEVER MAKE A FUSS ABOUT MY THINGS. 203 00:12:17,734 --> 00:12:19,701 THAT WAS DAISY ON THE PHONE, DEAR. 204 00:12:19,701 --> 00:12:22,901 SHE THINKS THAT ONSLOW'S GOT ANOTHER WOMAN. 205 00:12:22,901 --> 00:12:25,901 ONSLOW? I DON'T BELIEVE IT. 206 00:12:25,901 --> 00:12:28,801 HE COULDN'T AFFORD ONE. 207 00:12:28,801 --> 00:12:31,701 - NOW IF IT WAS OLD C. P.-- - HMM? 208 00:12:31,701 --> 00:12:35,834 C.P. BENEDICT. I MET HIM PASSING THE LIBRARY. 209 00:12:35,834 --> 00:12:38,234 THEC.P. BENEDICT? 210 00:12:38,234 --> 00:12:41,200 HE'S JUST C. P. BENEDICT. 211 00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:43,534 THE GARDEN CENTER KING? 212 00:12:43,534 --> 00:12:45,267 HE RUNS A GARDEN CENTER, YES. 213 00:12:45,267 --> 00:12:48,133 BUT HASN'T HE BEEN ON TELEVISION, DEAR, IN THAT GARDENING PROGRAM? 214 00:12:48,133 --> 00:12:49,734 I THINK HE HAS BEEN. 215 00:12:49,734 --> 00:12:53,334 ( giddy laugh ) RICHARD! 216 00:12:53,334 --> 00:12:56,200 FANCY YOU KNOWING C.P. BENEDICT. 217 00:12:57,934 --> 00:13:00,334 MIND THE EGGS! 218 00:13:02,167 --> 00:13:06,133 OTHERWOMAN. 219 00:13:06,133 --> 00:13:08,567 SHORT-SIGHTED. 220 00:13:11,367 --> 00:13:13,901 I BET SHE'S CHEAP AND COMMON. 221 00:13:13,901 --> 00:13:16,501 HAVE YOU NOTICED HOW THEY ALL GO FOR CHEAP AND COMMON? 222 00:13:16,501 --> 00:13:18,367 DON'T KNOCK IT. 223 00:13:18,367 --> 00:13:21,601 I'VE HAD SOME OF MY BEST MOMENTS BEING CHEAP AND COMMON. 224 00:13:23,033 --> 00:13:25,234 YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO LOOK GUILTY, ONSLOW. 225 00:13:25,234 --> 00:13:29,367 I KEEP TELLING YOU THERE IS NO OTHER WOMAN. 226 00:13:29,367 --> 00:13:32,501 I'VE ALWAYS BEEN FAITHFUL TO YOU... 227 00:13:32,501 --> 00:13:35,434 AND ABOUT THREE LEADING JOCKEYS. 228 00:13:35,434 --> 00:13:38,601 FAITHFUL? MEN CAN'T BE FAITHFUL. 229 00:13:38,601 --> 00:13:41,601 THEY HAVEN'T GOT THE NECESSARY GENES. 230 00:13:41,601 --> 00:13:45,334 CAN YOU SEE ME GETTING DRESSED UP FOR OTHER WOMEN? 231 00:13:45,334 --> 00:13:48,634 I'D HAVE TO SHAVE, FOR A START. 232 00:13:48,634 --> 00:13:50,300 DON'T LISTEN TO HIM, DAISE. 233 00:13:50,300 --> 00:13:52,634 THEY DON'T ALWAYS SHAVE FOR OTHER WOMEN. 234 00:13:52,634 --> 00:13:56,701 I'VE HAD "BARBER'S RASH" MORE THAN ONCE, I CAN TELL YOU. 235 00:13:56,701 --> 00:13:58,868 WELL THAT'S IT, THEN. 236 00:14:00,734 --> 00:14:03,000 IF HE'S GOING TO HAVE ANOTHER WOMAN, 237 00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:05,667 I'M GOING TO HAVE ANOTHER MAN. 238 00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:10,467 CAN YOU GET SOMEBODY THAT CAN DO A FEW JOBS ROUND HERE? 239 00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:14,701 I'M SICK OF LIVING IN SQUALOR. 240 00:14:14,701 --> 00:14:17,501 I HATE HIM. 241 00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:21,634 WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT YOU KNEW 242 00:14:21,634 --> 00:14:24,200 THEC.P. BENEDICT? 243 00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:28,000 HE'S JUST A MAN WITH A GARDEN CENTER WHO'S BEEN ON TELEVISION. 244 00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:31,300 - HE'S NOT THE AGA KHAN. - HE'S A CELEBRITY, DEAR. 245 00:14:31,300 --> 00:14:33,534 AND I'M SURE HE'S A MUCH BETTER SOCIAL CATCH 246 00:14:33,534 --> 00:14:36,501 THAN BORING OLD DOUGLAS CHATER, 247 00:14:36,501 --> 00:14:39,100 WHO'S MERELY IN BUILDING SUPPLIES. 248 00:14:39,100 --> 00:14:41,267 WATCH OUT FOR THE LORRY, DEAR. 249 00:14:41,267 --> 00:14:44,033 IT'S STATIONARY, IT'S NOT MOVING. 250 00:14:44,033 --> 00:14:47,667 I ALWAYS THINK THEY'RE MORE WORRYING WHEN THEY'RE NOT MOVING. 251 00:15:05,567 --> 00:15:08,734 HE'S ONLY A CASUAL ACQUAINTANCE, REALLY. 252 00:15:08,734 --> 00:15:12,400 BUT THAT'S QUITE SUFFICIENT TO ISSUE THE MAN A FRIENDLY INVITATION. 253 00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:16,000 HE'S JUST SOMEBODY I SOMETIMES MEET WALKING HIS DOG. 254 00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:19,767 OH, YOU'VE MET THE DOG AS WELL! OH, RICHARD! 255 00:15:19,767 --> 00:15:21,567 HYACINTH-- 256 00:15:21,567 --> 00:15:23,734 I DON'T SEE HOW WE CAN JUST WALTZ UP TO THE MAN 257 00:15:23,734 --> 00:15:25,734 AND INVITE HIM TO A BARBECUE. 258 00:15:25,734 --> 00:15:29,200 NO, DEAR, YOU MAY REST ASSURED THAT YOUR FRIEND-- 259 00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:30,834 HE'S NOT MY FRIEND! 260 00:15:30,834 --> 00:15:33,467 ...WILL BE INVITED TO SOMETHING FAR MORE ELEGANT 261 00:15:33,467 --> 00:15:35,501 THAN A COMMON OLD GARDEN BARBECUE. 262 00:15:37,601 --> 00:15:39,901 FOR MY SUMMER ENTERTAINING, 263 00:15:39,901 --> 00:15:44,334 I INTEND TO BRING THE OUTDOORS... INDOORS. 264 00:15:50,300 --> 00:15:53,100 WHAT A PITY HE WASN'T IN. 265 00:15:56,701 --> 00:15:58,667 YOU MUST FIND HIM, DEAR. 266 00:15:58,667 --> 00:16:01,434 I DARE SAY YOU'LL CATCH HIM AT ONE OF HIS REGULAR HAUNTS. 267 00:16:01,434 --> 00:16:03,567 SUCH ASWHERE? 268 00:16:03,567 --> 00:16:05,834 HE'S YOUR FRIEND, RICHARD, YOU SHOULD KNOW WHERE HE GOES. 269 00:16:05,834 --> 00:16:08,601 I TOLD YOU, HE'S JUST AN ACQUAINTANCE. 270 00:16:08,601 --> 00:16:11,033 MIND THE TREE, DEAR. 271 00:16:11,033 --> 00:16:14,701 INSIDE? 272 00:16:17,167 --> 00:16:20,400 RICHARD, DO STOP SOUNDING PETULANT. 273 00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:22,701 I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE SOUNDING SO PETULANT, 274 00:16:22,701 --> 00:16:25,167 THIS IS A GREAT DAY FOR ME. 275 00:16:25,167 --> 00:16:30,200 I HAVE INVENTED THE OUTDOORS-INDOORS LUXURY BARBECUE. 276 00:16:31,434 --> 00:16:33,133 I JUST WISH THAT THERE WASN'T SO MUCH 277 00:16:33,133 --> 00:16:36,767 HERE. 278 00:16:36,767 --> 00:16:41,067 LOOK, DEAR, WHEN I INVITE THE GARDEN CENTER KING 279 00:16:41,067 --> 00:16:43,667 TO MY OUTDOORS-INDOORS LUXURY BARBECUE, 280 00:16:43,667 --> 00:16:46,200 I WANT HIM TO FEEL AT HOME. 281 00:16:46,200 --> 00:16:49,234 HE IS A PLANT LOVER. 282 00:16:51,100 --> 00:16:54,000 MIND THE HOLE IN THE ROAD, DEAR. 283 00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:55,501 WHAT ROAD? 284 00:16:55,501 --> 00:16:58,667 WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT I CAN SEE THE ROAD? 285 00:17:02,033 --> 00:17:04,400 LIZ, A MOBILE GARDEN 286 00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:07,167 HAS JUST PARKED IN HYACINTH'S DRIVE. 287 00:17:07,167 --> 00:17:10,634 - A MOBILE GARDEN? - A GOOD IMITATION, ANYWAY. 288 00:17:10,634 --> 00:17:12,901 GOOD HEAVENS! 289 00:17:12,901 --> 00:17:14,968 YOU HEAR ABOUT "THE GREENHOUSE EFFECT," 290 00:17:14,968 --> 00:17:17,701 NEXT THING YOU KNOW, IT'S PARKED OUTSIDE. 291 00:17:17,701 --> 00:17:20,334 I THINK RICHARD'S UNDER THAT LOT SOMEWHERE. 292 00:17:20,334 --> 00:17:22,100 WITH HYACINTH? 293 00:17:22,100 --> 00:17:24,467 NO, NO, SHE ESCAPED, SHE WENT INDOORS. 294 00:17:24,467 --> 00:17:26,267 ( both laughing ) 295 00:17:26,267 --> 00:17:29,033 INSTEAD OF GIGGLING YOU MIGHT GO AND GIVE RICHARD A HAND. 296 00:17:29,033 --> 00:17:32,901 I WOULDN'T WALK INTO A JUNGLE LIKE THAT WITHOUT A MAP AND A COMPASS. 297 00:17:32,901 --> 00:17:34,267 ( laughing ) 298 00:17:34,267 --> 00:17:39,968 * WE PLOUGH THE FIELDS AND... * 299 00:17:39,968 --> 00:17:43,234 DO MIND MY WALLPAPER, RICHARD. 300 00:17:43,234 --> 00:17:44,300 ( Richard grunts ) 301 00:17:46,634 --> 00:17:48,701 HELLO, IS THAT THE VICAR? 302 00:17:48,701 --> 00:17:52,133 HOW ARE YOU, VICAR? THIS IS HYACINTH "BOUQUET." 303 00:17:53,133 --> 00:17:55,801 ARE YOU THERE? 304 00:17:55,801 --> 00:17:59,868 WELL, I THOUGHT I HEARD A LITTLE CRY OF PAIN. 305 00:17:59,868 --> 00:18:02,634 I DO BELIEVE THE VICAR'S IN PAIN, DEAR. 306 00:18:02,634 --> 00:18:06,300 AT LEAST HE'S NOT COVERED IN GREENFLY. 307 00:18:06,300 --> 00:18:10,367 NOW IF YOU'RE IN DISTRESS, I'LL COME 'ROUND IMMEDIATELY. 308 00:18:10,367 --> 00:18:13,100 HELLO? HELLO? 309 00:18:13,100 --> 00:18:17,100 ARE YOU TH-- ( raps ) 310 00:18:17,100 --> 00:18:20,801 LOOK, I WAS SPEAKING TO THE VICAR. WHO IS THIS? 311 00:18:20,801 --> 00:18:23,334 OH, THE VICAR'S WIFE. ( laughing ) 312 00:18:23,334 --> 00:18:27,234 HOW ARE YOU DEAR? IT'S HYACINTH "BOUQUET," YES. 313 00:18:27,234 --> 00:18:30,200 I WAS SPEAKING WITH YOUR HUSBAND. 314 00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:33,000 I SEE, HE HAD TO LEAVE IN RATHER A HURRY. 315 00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:36,167 OH, RICHARD! 316 00:18:36,167 --> 00:18:38,501 WELL, YES, OF COURSE, I'M SURE YOU DO, DEAR. 317 00:18:38,501 --> 00:18:41,567 IT'S NOT THEOLOGICAL. 318 00:18:41,567 --> 00:18:45,000 WELL, I'M JUST CALLING TO INVITE YOURSELF 319 00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:47,000 AND YOUR HUSBAND THE VICAR 320 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:50,467 TO MY OUTDOORS-INDOORS LUXURY BARBECUE 321 00:18:50,467 --> 00:18:53,300 WITH FINGER BUFFET. 322 00:18:53,300 --> 00:18:56,367 OH, YES, YOU MUST COME, DEAR. 323 00:18:56,367 --> 00:18:58,934 WE'RE HAVING C.P. BENEDICT. 324 00:18:59,968 --> 00:19:02,300 WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "HOT OR COLD?" 325 00:19:03,701 --> 00:19:06,067 THEC.P. BENEDICT-- 326 00:19:06,067 --> 00:19:10,234 THE GARDEN CENTER KING WHO'S BEEN ON TELEVISION. 327 00:19:10,234 --> 00:19:12,567 WE'VE NOT EVEN ASKED HIM YET. 328 00:19:12,567 --> 00:19:15,667 I WILL, AS SOON AS YOU FIND OUT WHERE HE MIGHT BE. 329 00:19:20,501 --> 00:19:22,534 YOU'VE GOT TO MAKE HIM REALIZE 330 00:19:22,534 --> 00:19:24,534 THAT YOU'RE STILL ATTRACTIVE TO MEN. 331 00:19:24,534 --> 00:19:26,501 IF I GET DONE UP, 332 00:19:26,501 --> 00:19:28,734 DO YOU THINK I WILL STILL BE ATTRACTIVE TO MEN? 333 00:19:28,734 --> 00:19:30,734 OH, YOU CAN'T GO WRONG. 334 00:19:30,734 --> 00:19:33,968 IT'S BEEN MY EXPERIENCE THEY'LL GO FOR ANYTHING. 335 00:19:33,968 --> 00:19:35,601 THANKS. 336 00:19:35,601 --> 00:19:38,734 JUST PUT YOURSELF IN MY HANDS, OUR DAISE, 337 00:19:38,734 --> 00:19:41,801 AND I'LL TRANSFORM YOU. 338 00:19:41,801 --> 00:19:45,267 WHAT YOU NEED IS A LITTLE BIT OF INNER CONFIDENCE 339 00:19:45,267 --> 00:19:47,234 AND A LOT OF FLASH GEAR. 340 00:19:47,234 --> 00:19:49,000 AND THEN WHAT? 341 00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:51,367 I DON'T THINK I KNOW ANY MEN. 342 00:19:52,801 --> 00:19:54,901 WHAT ABOUT MR. PATTERSON? 343 00:19:54,901 --> 00:19:56,601 HE WAS DEAD KEEN ON YOU. 344 00:19:56,601 --> 00:19:58,634 HE WAS A DIRTY OLD MAN. 345 00:20:00,601 --> 00:20:04,934 JUST THINK OF HIM AS "YESTERDAY'S TOY BOY." 346 00:20:04,934 --> 00:20:07,501 YESTERDAY. 347 00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:11,968 ARE YOU SURE YOUR CONTACT GOT IT RIGHT? 348 00:20:11,968 --> 00:20:15,133 HE SAID THAT C.P. ALWAYS COMES IN SHORTLY BEFORE THEY CLOSE. 349 00:20:15,133 --> 00:20:17,801 SO WHY DON'T WE WAIT OUTSIDE UNTIL HE ARRIVES? 350 00:20:17,801 --> 00:20:21,734 NO, NO, NO. IT HAS TO LOOK LIKE A CASUAL ENCOUNTER. 351 00:20:21,734 --> 00:20:24,100 I DON'T WANT HIM TO THINK WE'RE THE KIND OF PEOPLE 352 00:20:24,100 --> 00:20:26,400 WHO LIE IN WAIT FOR PEOPLE. 353 00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:30,400 NO, IT HAS TO LOOK AS THOUGH WE'RE HERE DOING BANKING BUSINESS. 354 00:20:33,968 --> 00:20:36,567 WE MEET ACCIDENTALLY, YOU INTRODUCE ME 355 00:20:36,567 --> 00:20:39,100 AND THEN I INVITE HIM TO MY OUTDOORS-INDOORS 356 00:20:39,100 --> 00:20:42,133 LUXURY BARBECUE WITH FINGER BUFFET. 357 00:20:42,133 --> 00:20:44,801 BUT WHAT BANKING BUSINESS ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BE HERE ON? 358 00:20:44,801 --> 00:20:47,367 WHEN I GET TO THE WINDOW I'M GOING TO BE ASKED WHAT I WANT. 359 00:20:47,367 --> 00:20:49,334 CASH A CHECK, OR SOMETHING. 360 00:20:50,767 --> 00:20:54,534 GOOD AFTERNOON, I-- I WON'T BE A MOMENT. 361 00:20:57,067 --> 00:20:59,367 I-- I WON'T KEEP YOU A MOMENT. 362 00:20:59,367 --> 00:21:02,133 UNEXPECTED OUTLAY. 363 00:21:10,033 --> 00:21:13,701 �5? HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT? 364 00:21:15,601 --> 00:21:18,934 I SHOULD HAVE CASHED A BIGGER CHECK, BUT I FELT SUCH A FOOL. 365 00:21:18,934 --> 00:21:21,834 - ARE YOU SURE HE WASN'T IN THERE? - HE WASN'T IN THERE. 366 00:21:21,834 --> 00:21:25,100 I MEAN, WHAT DOES C.P. BENEDICT LOOK LIKE? 367 00:21:25,100 --> 00:21:29,000 I SEE HIM AS TALL AND TANNED AND DISTINGUISHED. 368 00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:30,834 HE'S QUITE ORDINARY-LOOKING, REALLY. 369 00:21:30,834 --> 00:21:33,501 ORDINARY? RICHARD, I WILL NOT HAVE YOU DESCRIBE 370 00:21:33,501 --> 00:21:36,968 MY GUEST OF HONOR IN THAT MANNER. 371 00:21:36,968 --> 00:21:40,701 WE CANNOT SEE THE OTHER ENTRANCE. WE COULD MISS HIM. 372 00:21:40,701 --> 00:21:44,100 - WE'LL HAVE TO GO BACK IN. - AGAIN? 373 00:21:44,100 --> 00:21:47,534 RICHARD, I'VE TOLD EVERYONE C. P. BENEDICT IS COMING, 374 00:21:47,534 --> 00:21:51,167 AND C.P. BENEDICT IS COMING. COME ALONG. 375 00:21:51,167 --> 00:21:52,534 ( groans ) 376 00:22:01,167 --> 00:22:03,634 - IS THAT HIM? - Richard: NO. 377 00:22:03,634 --> 00:22:07,968 WHAT A PITY. HE'D GO VERY NICELY WITH MY PLACE SETTINGS. 378 00:22:09,033 --> 00:22:11,534 IT'S NOT HIM. 379 00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:17,601 �6? 380 00:22:17,601 --> 00:22:20,801 IN ONES, PLEASE. 381 00:22:20,801 --> 00:22:24,400 YOU WOULDN'T PREFER 60 SHINY NEW 10p? 382 00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:26,501 WHATEVER SUITS YOU. 383 00:22:26,501 --> 00:22:29,367 ARE YOU SURE THIS ISN'T HIM? 384 00:22:29,367 --> 00:22:31,634 HE LOOKS VERY SUITABLE FOR MY OUTDOORS-INDOORS 385 00:22:31,634 --> 00:22:33,701 LUXURY BARBECUE WITH FINGER BUFFET. 386 00:22:33,701 --> 00:22:35,934 IT'S NOT HIM. 387 00:22:35,934 --> 00:22:39,100 WELL, I WONDER IF I SHOULD INVITE HIM IN ANY CASE. 388 00:22:40,567 --> 00:22:43,501 OH, NO, I THINK NOT. WE HAVEN'T BEEN INTRODUCED. 389 00:22:47,300 --> 00:22:49,767 HYACINTH! 390 00:22:51,434 --> 00:22:55,100 YOU SEE? IT WAS WORTH THE WAIT! 391 00:22:55,100 --> 00:22:57,434 I LIKED HIM. 392 00:22:57,434 --> 00:22:59,300 I THOUGHT HE WAS QUITE CHARMING. 393 00:22:59,300 --> 00:23:02,234 I'M NOT SURE IT WAS CHARM SO MUCH AS SHOCK. 394 00:23:02,234 --> 00:23:03,934 OFF YOU GO THEN, DEAR. 395 00:23:03,934 --> 00:23:06,367 MORE PLANTS. 396 00:23:06,367 --> 00:23:08,801 MOREPLANTS? 397 00:23:08,801 --> 00:23:11,834 I WANT TO MAKE HIM FEEL AT HOME. 398 00:23:13,901 --> 00:23:16,634 THE WHOLE POINT ABOUT MY OUTDOORS-INDOORS BARBECUE 399 00:23:16,634 --> 00:23:18,868 IS TO MAKE THE INDOORS LOOK LIKE OUTDOORS. 400 00:23:20,434 --> 00:23:23,634 WELL, WE WON'T BE SHORT OF CHANGE FOR A WHILE, ANYWAY. 401 00:23:28,100 --> 00:23:30,300 ELIZABETH, IT'S HYACINTH, DEAR. 402 00:23:30,300 --> 00:23:33,567 ( laughing ) YOU GUESSED! 403 00:23:33,567 --> 00:23:36,467 NOW LOOK, I WANT TO INVITE YOU AND EMMET 404 00:23:36,467 --> 00:23:40,334 TO MY OUTDOORS-INDOORS LUXURY BARBECUE WITH FINGER BUFFET. 405 00:23:40,334 --> 00:23:42,567 THIS EVENING, YES. 406 00:23:42,567 --> 00:23:47,133 OH, YOU MUST COME, DEAR. C.P. BENEDICT WILL BE HERE. 407 00:23:48,734 --> 00:23:51,200 THEC.P BENEDICT. 408 00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:53,501 YES, THE GARDEN CENTER KING. 409 00:23:53,501 --> 00:23:57,300 OH, YOU KNOW, THE TELEVISION CELEBRITY. 410 00:23:57,300 --> 00:24:00,667 SEE YOU AT 7:00 THEN, DEAR. GOODBYE. 411 00:24:00,667 --> 00:24:04,167 WHAT THE HELL IS AN OUTDOORS-INDOORS BARBECUE? 412 00:24:04,167 --> 00:24:08,133 I DON'T KNOW. BUT IT SEEMS THAT WE ARE GOING TO ONE. 413 00:24:08,133 --> 00:24:12,467 - DIDN'T YOU TELL HER I'VE GOT ANOTHER ENGAGEMENT? - WHAT ENGAGEMENT? 414 00:24:12,467 --> 00:24:14,634 I-- I'LL THINK OF SOMETHING. 415 00:24:14,634 --> 00:24:18,334 APPARENTLY, C.P. BENEDICT IS GOING TO BE THERE. 416 00:24:18,334 --> 00:24:20,033 WHO? 417 00:24:20,033 --> 00:24:23,434 BENEDICT. THE GARDEN CENTER KING. 418 00:24:23,434 --> 00:24:27,267 OH, HOW JOLLY. WE'LL BE SPELLBOUND 419 00:24:27,267 --> 00:24:30,601 LISTENING TO HIS WEED KILLER RECIPES ALL EVENING. 420 00:24:30,601 --> 00:24:33,667 I WOULDN'T MIND SOME ADVICE ABOUT MY RUBBER PLANT. 421 00:24:33,667 --> 00:24:36,267 WELL, IF THAT'S GOING TO BE THE HIGH SPOT OF THE EVENING, 422 00:24:36,267 --> 00:24:39,167 I THINK I MIGHT HAVE A DRINK OR TWO. 423 00:24:39,167 --> 00:24:43,000 YOU USUALLY DO ON HYACINTH'S OCCASIONS. 424 00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:45,734 AND SOMETIMES, EVEN BEFORE WE GET THERE. 425 00:24:47,701 --> 00:24:49,701 TAKE RICHARD AND EMMET A DRINK. 426 00:24:49,701 --> 00:24:53,067 I MUST BE READY WHEN C.P. ARRIVES. 427 00:24:53,067 --> 00:24:54,934 WHAT WILL THEY BE DRINKING? 428 00:24:54,934 --> 00:24:57,601 WELL, I KNOW WHAT EMMET WILL HAVE-- ANYTHING. 429 00:24:57,601 --> 00:24:59,934 ( doorbell rings ) 430 00:24:59,934 --> 00:25:03,467 OOH! HOW DO I LOOK? 431 00:25:03,467 --> 00:25:04,834 I MUST REMAIN CALM. I MUST NOT APPEAR UNCALM. 0 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net 32666