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00:00:01,435 --> 00:00:04,638
Các con, chuyện tình nào cũng có hai ngày quan trọng
2
00:00:04,705 --> 00:00:06,840
ngày các con gặp người trong mộng
3
00:00:06,907 --> 00:00:08,576
và ngày các con lấy người ấy.
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00:00:08,642 --> 00:00:11,712
** [Rock Ballad] **
5
00:00:31,232 --> 00:00:33,734
* Let it roll
across the floor *
6
00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:39,373
* Through the hall
and out the door *
7
00:00:41,809 --> 00:00:44,378
Hay đấy! Cậu lấy ở đâu vậy?
8
00:00:44,445 --> 00:00:46,914
Giấu trong thùng đá sau bục giảng kinh.
9
00:00:46,980 --> 00:00:49,417
Beer be with you.
And also with you.
10
00:00:50,651 --> 00:00:52,553
Mmm.
11
00:00:52,620 --> 00:00:55,389
This is what church
has been missing.
Dude, you fixed church.
12
00:00:55,456 --> 00:00:57,725
Yeah.
You're welcome, God.
[Chuckles]
13
00:00:59,093 --> 00:01:00,861
Nervous?
What? No.
14
00:01:00,928 --> 00:01:02,863
I'm just hopin'
it doesn't rain.
15
00:01:02,930 --> 00:01:04,765
Why,
do I look nervous?
16
00:01:04,832 --> 00:01:06,267
Look at your beer, dude.
17
00:01:06,334 --> 00:01:08,302
You always do that
when you're nervous.
18
00:01:08,369 --> 00:01:11,672
** [Background: Rock]
19
00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:15,008
[Sighs] It's a sad day
in New York, Ted.
20
00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:16,610
A sad day indeed.
21
00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:19,247
Do you know what I saw
on my way in here?
22
00:01:19,313 --> 00:01:22,916
A girl... in a sweater.
23
00:01:22,983 --> 00:01:24,885
And you know
what that means.
24
00:01:24,952 --> 00:01:27,988
The season of exposed skin
is over.
25
00:01:28,055 --> 00:01:29,823
Exactly!
26
00:01:29,890 --> 00:01:31,359
Gone are the tank tops,
Ted.
27
00:01:31,425 --> 00:01:33,227
Gone are the cute
little skirts.
28
00:01:33,294 --> 00:01:37,097
Gone are the sundresses?
The sundresses, Ted!
29
00:01:37,165 --> 00:01:40,268
I don't think I can make it
another eight months
with no sundresses.
30
00:01:40,334 --> 00:01:42,236
Barney, I really...
I have to grade these papers.
31
00:01:42,303 --> 00:01:44,638
I'm sorry.
I'll let you work.
32
00:01:44,705 --> 00:01:46,340
But first a riddle.
33
00:01:46,407 --> 00:01:50,644
What piece of women's attire
most stokes a man's desire?
34
00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:53,181
A sundress.
Correct.
35
00:01:54,148 --> 00:01:56,750
What lightweight outfit,
pink or white,
36
00:01:56,817 --> 00:02:00,388
makes the front of my slacks
abnormally tight?
37
00:02:00,454 --> 00:02:02,890
I really have
to get this done.
Of course. Of course.
38
00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:04,425
Thank you.
39
00:02:04,492 --> 00:02:06,960
Sundress, by the way.
Mm-hmm.
40
00:02:07,027 --> 00:02:09,297
Hey, hey.
41
00:02:09,363 --> 00:02:11,832
What are you nervous about?
Tell me. Tell me. Tell me.
42
00:02:11,899 --> 00:02:14,635
What flowing
cotton frock...
Okay! I'll tell you.
43
00:02:14,702 --> 00:02:16,370
Just... There's a...
44
00:02:18,038 --> 00:02:20,608
There's a girl
sitting at the bar.
45
00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:22,310
Oh!
Don't look.
46
00:02:22,376 --> 00:02:24,578
Wah. I wanna see
a pretty girl.
47
00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:26,380
Okay, you can look.
But just... just...
48
00:02:26,447 --> 00:02:29,917
Just be cool, for once.
Oh. I'll be cool.
49
00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:40,194
Aw, Ted.
You got your beer label
in a bunch over nothin'.
50
00:02:40,261 --> 00:02:42,396
Listen to
your Uncle Barney.
51
00:02:42,463 --> 00:02:45,132
You have no reason
to be nervous.
52
00:02:45,199 --> 00:02:46,734
None whatsoever.
53
00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:50,170
And I'm gonna tell you why
in one word.
54
00:02:50,238 --> 00:02:52,105
And what's that word?
Dibs.
55
00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:52,906
[Mutters]
56
00:02:52,973 --> 00:02:55,476
** [Upbeat Pop]
57
00:02:57,044 --> 00:02:58,812
** [Man Vocalizing]
58
00:03:04,117 --> 00:03:05,819
** [Ends]
59
00:03:05,886 --> 00:03:08,522
You can't call dibs on a girl
I've been sitting here
thinking about,
60
00:03:08,589 --> 00:03:10,591
maybe talking to eventually
at some point.
61
00:03:10,658 --> 00:03:13,994
You never called dibs.
Dibs were implied.
62
00:03:14,061 --> 00:03:16,330
Implied dibs?
Yeah.
63
00:03:16,397 --> 00:03:18,466
Ted, you are spitting
on the grave...
64
00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:21,669
of Sir Walter Dibs,
inventor of the dib.
65
00:03:21,735 --> 00:03:23,304
It was 1652.
66
00:03:23,371 --> 00:03:25,005
The S.S. Dibs
was lost at sea...
67
00:03:25,072 --> 00:03:28,576
Look, I don't have time
for a fake history lesson,
so I'll keep this simple.
68
00:03:28,642 --> 00:03:31,679
You go over there
and talk to that girl,
I will see you in court.
69
00:03:31,745 --> 00:03:33,914
And who's gonna represent you?
Dibs on Marshall as my lawyer!
70
00:03:33,981 --> 00:03:36,284
Damn it!
Ha, ha! Where is
Marshall anyway?
71
00:03:36,350 --> 00:03:38,719
[Ted Narrating]
Uncle Marshall and Aunt Lily
had recently decided...
72
00:03:38,786 --> 00:03:40,588
to take a swing
at starting a family.
73
00:03:40,654 --> 00:03:42,956
Tonight was
their first at bat.
74
00:03:43,023 --> 00:03:45,426
I'm almost ready to leave.
Let's just go through
the checklist.
75
00:03:45,493 --> 00:03:47,461
- Candles?
- Check.
76
00:03:47,528 --> 00:03:49,530
Music to set the mood?
77
00:03:49,597 --> 00:03:51,432
** [Soft Jazz]
Check.
78
00:03:51,499 --> 00:03:53,801
Music for when we're
actually doing it.
79
00:03:53,867 --> 00:03:56,804
** [Banjo: Country]
Check.
80
00:03:58,306 --> 00:04:00,341
You know what?
To hell with your dibs.
81
00:04:00,408 --> 00:04:02,343
I'm goin' over there right now
and talking to her.
82
00:04:02,410 --> 00:04:04,144
Oh, yeah? Yeah?
Be my guest.
83
00:04:04,211 --> 00:04:05,746
Fall in love with her.
Get married.
84
00:04:05,813 --> 00:04:07,648
Just know this.
When I step up...
85
00:04:07,715 --> 00:04:10,183
to make my toast
as your best man...
86
00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:13,321
- Actually, Marshall will
probably be my best man.
- As your best man!
87
00:04:13,387 --> 00:04:15,222
Ladies and gentlemen,
88
00:04:15,289 --> 00:04:18,626
I... had dibs.
89
00:04:18,692 --> 00:04:20,961
- [Man] No!
- [People Gasping]
90
00:04:21,028 --> 00:04:24,732
Tell me this isn't true.
I... I had implied dibs.
91
00:04:24,798 --> 00:04:25,966
Oh!
92
00:04:26,033 --> 00:04:28,802
The way
you've humiliated me!
93
00:04:28,869 --> 00:04:31,505
I had no idea.
You have to know that.
94
00:04:31,572 --> 00:04:34,207
Shh. Shh.
You're the victim here.
95
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:36,109
We both are.
96
00:04:36,176 --> 00:04:38,111
Let's get outta here.
[Whimpers]
97
00:04:38,178 --> 00:04:39,847
Or we could just
do it right here.
98
00:04:39,913 --> 00:04:42,249
We could just
do it right here.
Let's do it, baby.
99
00:04:42,316 --> 00:04:44,184
[Both Moaning]
100
00:04:44,251 --> 00:04:48,021
Fine. Have at it.
Exercise your dibs.
101
00:04:48,088 --> 00:04:50,924
She's got her shields up anyway.
She's readin' a book.
102
00:04:50,991 --> 00:04:52,660
Yeah, at a bar.
103
00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:54,462
That book might as well
be called...
104
00:04:54,528 --> 00:04:56,464
Are You There, Barney?
It's Me, Horny.
105
00:04:56,530 --> 00:04:59,800
That is not what
"shields up" looks like.
106
00:04:59,867 --> 00:05:01,869
That is what "shields up"
looks like.
107
00:05:03,003 --> 00:05:06,006
Move! God!
108
00:05:08,509 --> 00:05:10,911
Hey, what's up, dudes?
109
00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:12,846
Fries?
110
00:05:12,913 --> 00:05:15,148
Oh, good God, woman.
You're a disgrace.
111
00:05:15,215 --> 00:05:17,184
No fries for this guy.
[Snorts]
112
00:05:17,250 --> 00:05:19,086
Robin, seriously,
I love you,
113
00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:22,122
but it's like you have
squiggly cartoon odor lines...
114
00:05:22,189 --> 00:05:23,757
coming off of you right now.
115
00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:24,758
What?
116
00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:26,694
Know what, Barney?
Just cut her some slack.
117
00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:28,796
She just went
through a breakup.
Thank you, Ted.
118
00:05:28,862 --> 00:05:30,564
With hygiene?
119
00:05:30,631 --> 00:05:32,332
[Ted Narrating]
No, with Don.
120
00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:33,934
You see, a few months earlier...
121
00:05:34,802 --> 00:05:36,737
Here. Have some tea.
Thanks.
122
00:05:36,804 --> 00:05:39,473
Robin, I am here for you.
Whatever you need.
123
00:05:39,540 --> 00:05:42,743
Okay. Um, about that, Ted.
124
00:05:42,810 --> 00:05:44,512
Listen.
125
00:05:44,578 --> 00:05:46,480
I know myself pretty well,
126
00:05:46,547 --> 00:05:49,149
and, um, sometime
over the next few months,
127
00:05:49,216 --> 00:05:50,918
I'm gonna want
to sleep with you.
128
00:05:50,984 --> 00:05:54,087
And when that happens,
you have to try to say no.
129
00:05:54,154 --> 00:05:56,757
Try?
I will absolutely say no.
130
00:05:56,824 --> 00:06:00,227
Our friendship
is too important.
[Chuckles] Oh.
131
00:06:00,293 --> 00:06:02,129
Okay. Maybe
I wasn't clear enough.
132
00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:06,166
Um, I will come at you
with everything I've got.
133
00:06:06,233 --> 00:06:10,103
I will stalk you
like the lioness
stalks the gazelle...
134
00:06:10,170 --> 00:06:13,206
careful, patient, deadly.
135
00:06:13,273 --> 00:06:16,944
And if you let your guard down
for so much as a second,
136
00:06:17,010 --> 00:06:21,615
as sure as you were born,
I will hump your brains out.
137
00:06:23,951 --> 00:06:25,819
[Robin Crying]
138
00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:29,389
Okay, I'm ready
to have sex now.
139
00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:35,729
It was a tough summer,
but I think our girl's
been a real trouper.
140
00:06:35,796 --> 00:06:37,465
She's...
141
00:06:38,966 --> 00:06:42,169
Is this a Cheeto?
No, we ran out of Cheetos
last week.
142
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:45,205
Oh, yeah.
It's a Cheeto. Dibs.
143
00:06:45,272 --> 00:06:47,307
Oh, you're exquisite.
144
00:06:47,374 --> 00:06:49,409
You must let me paint you.
145
00:06:49,477 --> 00:06:50,978
Hey, Robin.
What do you think?
146
00:06:51,044 --> 00:06:52,880
The girl sitting
at the bar... shields up?
147
00:06:52,946 --> 00:06:55,716
Mmm. Totes, toots.
She's here on a date.
148
00:06:55,783 --> 00:06:58,118
She brought the book
because she got here early,
149
00:06:58,185 --> 00:07:00,888
and she also wants to impress
the guy she's meeting.
150
00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:03,891
Girls like to come across
all classy and smart, you know?
151
00:07:06,026 --> 00:07:08,028
This, what you're
doin' right now...
152
00:07:08,095 --> 00:07:09,930
I'm getting a de-rection.
153
00:07:11,231 --> 00:07:13,033
Hey! How'd it go?
154
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:15,135
You pregnant yet?
Nope.
155
00:07:15,202 --> 00:07:16,637
Okay. So here's
what happened.
156
00:07:16,704 --> 00:07:18,872
I was at home
waiting for Marshall.
157
00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:21,875
Hey, how was your day?
Don't answer. No time.
Look...
158
00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:23,877
Um, bedroom.
No, no. No time.
159
00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:26,146
Look...
Floor. No. No time.
Against this wall!
160
00:07:26,213 --> 00:07:29,650
Marshall, whoa! Wait!
A big package just arrived.
161
00:07:29,717 --> 00:07:31,785
Yeah, it did.
No, no.
162
00:07:31,852 --> 00:07:33,987
It's a real package
from your dad.
163
00:07:34,054 --> 00:07:38,191
Well, that's a little weird,
but, yeah, it is.
Marshall, look!
164
00:07:40,427 --> 00:07:45,132
A bassinet? Oh, my...
He must've made it
in his woodshop.
165
00:07:45,198 --> 00:07:47,568
Wasn't that sweet of him?
166
00:07:47,635 --> 00:07:51,171
Lil? Isn't that sweet?
167
00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:53,841
Lily?
168
00:07:53,907 --> 00:07:56,977
You told your dad we're
trying to have a baby?
169
00:07:57,044 --> 00:08:00,548
Of course I did.
I tell my dad everything.
My dad is my best friend.
170
00:08:00,614 --> 00:08:02,015
[Ted, Barney]
Oh!
171
00:08:02,082 --> 00:08:05,485
Lily, we have been
looking forward...
172
00:08:05,553 --> 00:08:08,756
to this magical, special night
for two weeks now.
173
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:11,659
And, sweetie,
during that time,
I have been, um...
174
00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:14,828
How do I put this
delicately?
175
00:08:15,796 --> 00:08:18,966
Savin' all my love
for you.
176
00:08:20,534 --> 00:08:23,871
I have read 11 books
on conception.
177
00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:27,274
I have cut out alcohol,
caffeine and sugar.
178
00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:29,276
I take my temperature
every hour.
179
00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:32,245
But good for you
for not playing
with yourself.
180
00:08:32,312 --> 00:08:34,514
[Sighs]
181
00:08:34,582 --> 00:08:36,917
- I feel ya, buddy.
- Ah! No, don't even
touch me, dude.
182
00:08:36,984 --> 00:08:38,986
It's been like...
It's been two weeks.
183
00:08:39,052 --> 00:08:42,389
I'm, like, a light breeze away
from havin' a big problem.
184
00:08:42,455 --> 00:08:43,957
I'm seriously...
185
00:08:45,693 --> 00:08:47,995
Okay. I'm better now.
186
00:08:49,763 --> 00:08:52,099
Okay, Barney.
What's this gonna cost me?
187
00:08:52,165 --> 00:08:54,301
- Excuse me?
- Your dibs.
I wanna buy your dibs.
188
00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:58,572
$250,000.
189
00:08:58,639 --> 00:09:00,140
Twenty bucks.
190
00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:03,711
But... Can I go
smell her first?
191
00:09:03,777 --> 00:09:05,512
- No.
- Fine.
192
00:09:05,579 --> 00:09:08,849
All right.
Wish me luck.
193
00:09:11,218 --> 00:09:14,354
[Ted Narrating]
Now, kids, remember how I told
you about a girl named Cindy...
194
00:09:14,421 --> 00:09:18,025
how I went on one date with her
and it ended badly?
Get out.
195
00:09:18,091 --> 00:09:20,293
- Well...
- [Woman]
How are you?
196
00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:21,629
Good.
197
00:09:24,632 --> 00:09:26,533
What the hell are you doing?
198
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:30,003
That girl she's talking to...
I dated her.
199
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:32,539
Ooh. That sucks.
200
00:09:32,606 --> 00:09:34,141
And dibs.
201
00:09:38,812 --> 00:09:41,481
So you went on one date
with one of her friends.
202
00:09:41,548 --> 00:09:43,684
It's not necessarily
a big deal.
203
00:09:43,751 --> 00:09:46,119
I mean, did it end
on bad terms?
204
00:09:46,186 --> 00:09:47,621
Um...
205
00:09:47,688 --> 00:09:49,757
Oh, hi, Cindy.
206
00:09:49,823 --> 00:09:51,224
[Mimicking]
Oh, hi, Cindy!
[Raspberry]
207
00:09:54,061 --> 00:09:55,562
Yikes.
208
00:09:55,629 --> 00:09:57,464
Well, I guess
you just gotta move on.
209
00:09:57,530 --> 00:10:00,768
It's not like you have a shot
with Reading McGee over there,
right?
210
00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:03,136
Ted?
211
00:10:03,203 --> 00:10:04,872
[Ted Narrating]
Then I remembered.
212
00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:07,607
Cindy had a roommate...
213
00:10:07,675 --> 00:10:09,710
a roommate I only
caught a glimpse of.
214
00:10:11,511 --> 00:10:15,783
But a roommate who,
by every indication,
was something very special.
215
00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:18,786
Was it possible?
216
00:10:18,852 --> 00:10:21,321
Could this be the girl
attached to that ankle?
217
00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:26,760
I gotta see her ankles.
218
00:10:26,827 --> 00:10:28,628
You're one of those?
219
00:10:28,696 --> 00:10:31,899
God, I swear!
One in five guys.
220
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:34,935
Lily, we kinda had a plan
tonight, remember?
221
00:10:35,002 --> 00:10:37,570
Candles, banjo...
Who else did you tell?
222
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:40,173
Did you tell anyone
at the office?
223
00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:41,441
Um...
224
00:10:41,508 --> 00:10:43,110
[Exhales]
225
00:10:45,445 --> 00:10:48,581
Shannon, start the music.
226
00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:52,319
** [High-energy Rock]
[Cheering]
227
00:10:52,385 --> 00:10:55,255
Can you dig it!
228
00:10:57,557 --> 00:10:59,126
Take it to the hole,
Eriksen!
229
00:10:59,192 --> 00:11:01,428
[Man]
Sink that putt,
big buzz!
230
00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:03,463
Put a pillow under
her lower back.
[Elevator Bell Dings]
231
00:11:03,530 --> 00:11:06,199
It helps facilitate
conception, bro.
232
00:11:06,266 --> 00:11:08,135
[Cheering Continues]
233
00:11:09,770 --> 00:11:11,839
Yeah!
[Cheering Louder]
234
00:11:11,905 --> 00:11:16,643
I may have mentioned it
in passing to a couple
of colleagues at work.
235
00:11:16,710 --> 00:11:18,746
I'm sorry about that.
But you know what?
236
00:11:18,812 --> 00:11:20,647
I gotta be able
to tell my dad.
237
00:11:20,714 --> 00:11:22,950
Your dad is the last person
you should tell.
238
00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:25,652
The man is too involved
in our lives.
239
00:11:25,719 --> 00:11:28,488
It's like every time
the phone rings...
240
00:11:28,555 --> 00:11:30,223
[Rings]
Hello.
241
00:11:30,290 --> 00:11:31,792
Lily! Marvin Eriksen.
242
00:11:31,859 --> 00:11:34,627
- I noticed you hadn't changed
your last name yet.
- Oh, no. I'm gonna...
243
00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:37,931
So, don't worry.
I called the D.M.V.
I called your AmEx.
244
00:11:37,998 --> 00:11:40,567
- I got that process
started for ya.
- But...
245
00:11:40,633 --> 00:11:42,836
[Rings]
Hello.
246
00:11:42,903 --> 00:11:44,471
Lily. Marvin Eriksen.
247
00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:46,974
I understand
you and Marshall
have been fighting.
248
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:49,542
Let me tell you
what works for me
and the missus...
249
00:11:49,609 --> 00:11:52,212
frilly French undies
and a box of wine.
250
00:11:52,846 --> 00:11:54,882
[Rings]
Hello?
251
00:11:54,948 --> 00:11:56,917
You might wanna try pickles
on that sandwich.
252
00:11:58,919 --> 00:12:01,288
Pickles would have
helped that sandwich!
253
00:12:01,354 --> 00:12:03,423
The man has no boundaries.
254
00:12:03,490 --> 00:12:06,593
I-I just can't procreate
under these conditions.
255
00:12:06,659 --> 00:12:10,297
Yeah, well, you know what?
I've already told him,
so the damage is done.
256
00:12:10,363 --> 00:12:12,766
So call him and tell him
we decided not to have a baby.
257
00:12:12,833 --> 00:12:14,501
[Wheezing Laugh]
Okay.
258
00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:17,170
So you just... you want me
to give my dad a stroke?
259
00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:20,107
[Mimicking Laugh]
Only if you wanna
give this a stroke.
260
00:12:20,173 --> 00:12:23,844
That's ridiculous.
Lily, there's no way
that I would ever...
261
00:12:26,679 --> 00:12:29,850
Okay, everyone
needs to shut up
so that I can think!
262
00:12:31,018 --> 00:12:32,986
Uh-oh. They're talkin'
to a guy now.
263
00:12:33,053 --> 00:12:34,988
What kinda guy?
A cheesy guy
or a cool guy?
264
00:12:35,055 --> 00:12:37,590
Oh, a cheesy guy.
Don't worry.
265
00:12:37,657 --> 00:12:39,960
Aw, man.
That guy is cool.
266
00:12:40,027 --> 00:12:41,962
His hair's all cool.
He's got a cool belt.
267
00:12:42,029 --> 00:12:44,097
What... That guy is cheesy.
268
00:12:44,164 --> 00:12:47,500
And if you think
he's not cheesy,
then you're cheesy too.
269
00:12:47,567 --> 00:12:51,104
And now I want
something cheesy.
Who's feeling nachos?
270
00:12:51,171 --> 00:12:53,606
Oh, look at you, Robin.
You're jealous.
271
00:12:53,673 --> 00:12:55,876
Jealous?
Yeah, jealous.
272
00:12:55,943 --> 00:12:58,778
'Cause she's got it,
and you've lost it.
273
00:12:58,846 --> 00:13:00,914
[Scoffs]
I have not lost it.
274
00:13:00,981 --> 00:13:02,916
Ya lost it.
I still have it.
275
00:13:02,983 --> 00:13:05,819
I mean, I know
exactly where it is,
276
00:13:05,886 --> 00:13:08,788
and I can go get it
whenever I want.
277
00:13:08,856 --> 00:13:11,524
Robin, girls are like
cartons of milk.
278
00:13:11,591 --> 00:13:15,595
Each one has
a hotness expiration date,
and you've hit yours.
279
00:13:15,662 --> 00:13:18,231
I'm not sayin'
the occasional guy won't
still open the fridge,
280
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:20,834
pick you up, give a sniff,
shrug and take a sip anyway,
281
00:13:20,901 --> 00:13:22,836
but it's all downhill
from here.
282
00:13:22,903 --> 00:13:24,872
I don't have to take this.
283
00:13:26,673 --> 00:13:28,541
But I do have to take this.
284
00:13:29,843 --> 00:13:32,479
Okay. So you just want me
to call my dad...
285
00:13:32,545 --> 00:13:34,581
and tell him that we're
not havin' a baby?
286
00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:36,783
That's about the size of it.
287
00:13:36,850 --> 00:13:40,553
Okay. Out of curiosity,
when do we tell him
about the baby?
288
00:13:40,620 --> 00:13:43,623
We'll tell him about the baby
when there's a baby
to tell him about.
289
00:13:43,690 --> 00:13:45,592
So he just gets no notice?
290
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:48,595
He just walks into
his boss's office
and says,
291
00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:51,098
"I just had a grandson.
I'm gonna be out
for three months."
292
00:13:51,164 --> 00:13:54,267
Out for three months?
Yeah.
293
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:57,971
He and my mom
are coming to live with us
when the baby's born.
294
00:13:58,038 --> 00:14:00,573
We talked about this.
No, we didn't.
295
00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,675
I meant me and my dad.
296
00:14:02,742 --> 00:14:06,013
You know what, Marshall?
Why don't you have a baby
with your dad?
297
00:14:06,079 --> 00:14:07,981
Oh, okay, Lily.
298
00:14:08,048 --> 00:14:10,250
Why don't you have a baby
with your butt?
299
00:14:10,317 --> 00:14:12,119
- What?
- [Angry Grunt]
300
00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:14,254
I can't think straight!
301
00:14:14,321 --> 00:14:16,623
Why do you have
to wear that shirt?
302
00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:20,227
This is not how I thought
this night was going to go!
303
00:14:21,461 --> 00:14:23,130
[Shouts]
304
00:14:26,433 --> 00:14:28,035
Ted?
305
00:14:33,140 --> 00:14:35,976
Oh, God. This sucks.
Do you think she saw me?
306
00:14:36,043 --> 00:14:39,146
- Hi, Ted.
- Yeah, she definitely saw you.
307
00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:41,648
Can I see you for a minute,
in private?
308
00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:43,750
Yeah. Yeah. Sure.
309
00:14:43,816 --> 00:14:46,653
I mean, how could that
not be fun?
310
00:14:49,022 --> 00:14:51,591
If I don't come back,
tell my mom I love her.
311
00:14:51,658 --> 00:14:53,927
Okay. Will do.
And dibs.
312
00:14:56,429 --> 00:14:58,331
Barney, am I crazy?
313
00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:00,667
Marshall talks to his dad
way too much, right?
314
00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:04,037
Oh. You don't want
my opinion on that.
Why not?
315
00:15:04,104 --> 00:15:06,539
If I had my dad's number,
316
00:15:06,606 --> 00:15:09,109
I would never not be
on the phone with him.
317
00:15:09,176 --> 00:15:11,011
Wow, that was really...
318
00:15:11,078 --> 00:15:13,013
Whoa!
A hottie with a body.
319
00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:15,015
[Blubbering]
Boing!
320
00:15:15,082 --> 00:15:17,484
- Brief.
- No, Lily, look.
321
00:15:20,453 --> 00:15:22,956
[Barney]
You saucy little minx.
322
00:15:23,023 --> 00:15:25,125
You sundressed up.
323
00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:31,164
Hi.
[Chuckles]
Fourteen seconds.
324
00:15:31,231 --> 00:15:33,166
Fourteen seconds,
and already...
325
00:15:33,233 --> 00:15:36,636
some ding-dong is steppin' up,
thinkin' he can get some
of this broke off.
326
00:15:36,703 --> 00:15:38,105
Ho!
327
00:15:38,171 --> 00:15:41,108
I... still...
got... it!
328
00:15:43,343 --> 00:15:46,179
All right, buddy.
You proved my point.
Now scram.
329
00:15:46,246 --> 00:15:49,082
Nice belt, by the way.
330
00:15:51,518 --> 00:15:54,921
Hi.
Wow. Robin, you do
look super hot.
331
00:15:54,988 --> 00:15:57,290
Oh, do I?
Yeah, you do.
332
00:15:58,058 --> 00:15:59,592
Thanks.
333
00:16:02,262 --> 00:16:04,197
[Ted Narrating]
I braced myself
for what was next...
334
00:16:04,264 --> 00:16:06,733
rage, fury, a savage beating.
335
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:10,670
Oh. Thank you, Ted.
336
00:16:10,737 --> 00:16:14,207
After things didn't
work out with us,
I got really sad for a while,
337
00:16:14,274 --> 00:16:17,044
but then I realized
you're not what I wanted, Ted,
338
00:16:17,110 --> 00:16:18,811
and I'm not what you wanted.
339
00:16:18,878 --> 00:16:22,482
I'm sorry I was such a jerk.
I feel like I should
make it up to you somehow.
340
00:16:22,549 --> 00:16:25,152
You know, buy you a beer
or Yankees tickets.
341
00:16:25,218 --> 00:16:27,154
Or set me up with one
of your friends.
[Laughs]
342
00:16:27,220 --> 00:16:29,056
I'm kidding.
That would be weird.
343
00:16:29,122 --> 00:16:30,890
No, it wouldn't.
It wouldn't, would it?
344
00:16:30,957 --> 00:16:34,494
Any one of those three.
Whichever's easiest
and right nearby.
345
00:16:35,462 --> 00:16:37,597
And not the beer.
I should get back.
346
00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:40,367
Totally.
Come say good-bye
before you leave.
347
00:16:40,433 --> 00:16:43,336
[Chuckles]
"Say good-bye
before you leave"?
348
00:16:43,403 --> 00:16:45,004
Her words exactly.
Hmm.
349
00:16:45,072 --> 00:16:48,441
Dude, you are so in.
That is so awesome.
350
00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:51,378
A high five
doesn't even cut it.
High six!
351
00:16:51,444 --> 00:16:53,213
[Murmurs]
352
00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:55,014
- She didn't see us
high-six, did she?
- No.
353
00:16:55,082 --> 00:16:58,017
Good. That was pretty lame.
Yeah. Let's never
do that again.
354
00:16:59,186 --> 00:17:01,988
Marshall.
What? Lily, what?
355
00:17:02,055 --> 00:17:05,058
Are there more members
of my family that you
wanna crap all over?
356
00:17:05,125 --> 00:17:06,426
Here's the thing.
[Cell Phone Rings]
357
00:17:06,493 --> 00:17:09,362
I'm sorry. Hold on.
Just...
[Ringing]
358
00:17:09,429 --> 00:17:11,231
It's my dad.
359
00:17:11,298 --> 00:17:13,733
Lily, it's my dad, okay?
360
00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:17,170
I love him!
And if he calls me,
I'm gonna answer the phone.
361
00:17:17,237 --> 00:17:20,773
[Rings]
Hey, Dad.
362
00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:23,343
Hey, hey!
I-I know it's late,
but I just had to call.
363
00:17:23,410 --> 00:17:25,011
- How'd it go?
- Dad, this isn't...
364
00:17:25,078 --> 00:17:27,980
Did you do everything
the book said? Did you put
the pillow under her back?
365
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:30,983
- Dad, I'm in the middle
of somethin' right now.
- Did it feel like a boy?
366
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:32,852
- Huh? You can tell.
- [Cell Phone Beeps]
367
00:17:32,919 --> 00:17:34,854
He's insane.
368
00:17:34,921 --> 00:17:37,490
My dad is insane.
369
00:17:38,825 --> 00:17:41,128
I'm so sorry, Lily.
370
00:17:41,194 --> 00:17:43,096
He's just...
371
00:17:44,364 --> 00:17:49,402
He's so, um,
enthusiastic.
372
00:17:49,469 --> 00:17:51,304
It's ridiculous,
you know.
373
00:17:51,371 --> 00:17:53,240
Like, who's like that?
374
00:17:54,874 --> 00:17:56,176
You.
375
00:17:56,243 --> 00:17:58,845
You're like that.
376
00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:03,082
You and your dad
both care so much.
377
00:18:03,150 --> 00:18:07,654
It's... It's why women fall
in love with the Eriksen men
to begin with.
378
00:18:08,721 --> 00:18:12,825
But right now,
it's a lot of pressure.
379
00:18:12,892 --> 00:18:16,463
Baby, I'm not tryin'
to pressure you one bit.
What if I can't have a baby?
380
00:18:18,198 --> 00:18:20,032
That could happen.
381
00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:22,702
I could totally
let you down.
382
00:18:24,171 --> 00:18:26,406
Has that thought
not occurred to you?
383
00:18:26,473 --> 00:18:29,676
** [Acoustic Guitar: Alt Rock]
Not even for one second.
384
00:18:32,512 --> 00:18:34,581
[Exhales]
385
00:18:34,647 --> 00:18:36,716
Not having a baby
would suck,
386
00:18:38,585 --> 00:18:41,854
but the idea
of you letting me down...
387
00:18:41,921 --> 00:18:43,856
that's impossible.
388
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:47,860
That would be
like aliens landing.
389
00:18:49,396 --> 00:18:52,532
That's a bad example,
because that could happen.
390
00:18:52,599 --> 00:18:55,768
It probably already has.
I saw this, uh, episode...
391
00:18:58,271 --> 00:19:00,173
[Man]
* It had been filled in *
392
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:03,210
All right.
I'm doin' this.
* With rusty nails and then *
393
00:19:03,276 --> 00:19:05,445
I am goin' over there.
394
00:19:05,512 --> 00:19:08,481
* You finally knew
that you were lost *
395
00:19:11,584 --> 00:19:13,753
* But no one thought
you were a fool *
396
00:19:13,820 --> 00:19:15,455
Wish me luck.
397
00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:19,659
* Even though everyone knew *
398
00:19:19,726 --> 00:19:21,494
[Ted Narrating]
Nothing in this life
quite compares...
399
00:19:21,561 --> 00:19:25,565
to the sweet,
terrifying exhilaration
of making your move...
400
00:19:25,632 --> 00:19:28,868
when you just
put it all on the line
and go for it.
401
00:19:28,935 --> 00:19:31,704
And that night, by golly,
402
00:19:31,771 --> 00:19:33,640
Cindy went for it.
403
00:19:46,286 --> 00:19:47,887
[Shutter Clicks]
404
00:19:50,323 --> 00:19:52,825
So, no, that girl
wasn't your mother.
405
00:19:52,892 --> 00:19:55,027
She ended up being
someone else's mother.
406
00:19:55,094 --> 00:19:57,196
In fact, they both did.
407
00:19:57,264 --> 00:19:59,366
[No Audible Dialogue]
408
00:20:00,767 --> 00:20:04,271
* Never stopped to notice all *
409
00:20:07,374 --> 00:20:09,876
Like I said,
she's here on a date.
410
00:20:09,942 --> 00:20:12,044
[Ted Narrating]
That was not the day
I met your mother.
411
00:20:12,111 --> 00:20:15,782
The day I met your mother
was the day of a wedding.
412
00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:18,485
Okay, maybe
I'm a little nervous.
413
00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:20,653
Dude, it's just
a wedding toast.
I know.
414
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:23,556
I want it to be great,
you know? I want this
whole day to be great.
415
00:20:23,623 --> 00:20:27,226
- It will be.
- Best man?
You're being summoned.
416
00:20:27,294 --> 00:20:32,399
Oh, geez. What now?
Ted, seriously, relax.
Everything's f...
417
00:20:32,465 --> 00:20:34,667
Okay. And it's raining.
Yeah. You were saying?
418
00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:37,036
You didn't happen to bring
an umbrella, did you?
419
00:20:37,103 --> 00:20:39,506
No, I didn't bring
an umbrella.
420
00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:41,974
* Let it roll *
421
00:20:42,041 --> 00:20:43,910
* Let it roll **
422
00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:49,649
I mean, everyone told us
that it might take a while,
423
00:20:49,716 --> 00:20:53,286
but we thought we might be
the exception of the rule.
424
00:20:53,353 --> 00:20:55,322
Anyways, we're getting back
on that horse.
425
00:20:55,388 --> 00:20:58,291
I mean, feelin' good
about the future.
426
00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:02,362
Obviously,
this goes without saying,
427
00:21:02,429 --> 00:21:04,497
but you won't tell Lily
about any of this, right?
428
00:21:04,564 --> 00:21:07,734
No!
No!
Of course not.
32547
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