All language subtitles for No Apologies - The Truth About Life, Love, Sex

being a team these days isn't easy

so many questions to be answered

and so many voices telling them

what's cool what to think how to act friends

family school

music cheating drugs

sex religion

it's an awful lot to process where can they turn for help

when wrestling with these real issues

and where can you turn for resources that address

these topics from a biblical perspective life on the edge

is a ministry from

focus on the family

specifically designed to give biblical practical

support to today's youth out of this ministry

comes a captivating series of honest videos that deliver eye

opening insights

in a language

teens understand

and in a manner

they remember life on the edge videos are about real kids

talking about real issues

and the results that go along with the choices

they make they're great

for sparking deeper discussions between parents

youth leaders and teams and best of all these videos show teens

how their faith in Christ

helps them evaluate their choices

and find the courage

and conviction to stand behind the right ones

it's pretty scary to think that one bad decision

could change our lives forever

i wished i had told one adult about the pressure i was under

when i got pregnant for the second time

i didn't tell anybody for five months

because i didn't feel like there's anybody in my life

that i could talk to about that one of the things

that i actually share

in concert with people is that hey

if they have made the mistake of having sex before marriage

they can become a recycled virgin and be forgiven

and just stand for god from now

on just because my friends are doing it

doesn't mean i have to do it

i'm a leader and i'm a follower

i go along with what i think is true like it might not be true

but i'm too lazy to really think about that what's at stake

in this determination of truth

is not simply our well being in this life

but throughout eternity

is it okay to make your decisions based upon whether

or not someone's getting hurt

people should make their own decisions based on truth

not based on what they believe what you believe

just doesn't matter when somebody says

i will decide what is true

what are they really saying

i am my own god

i think it comes down to integrity

like what you do when no one else is around here

what i believe is what i believe

i think anything we think we hear or see

will affect us in one way or another

i think the media has like a way strong effect

i just watched what is fun for me

and there's no limits today's media

it's all in your face

it's everywhere but you see

there's a problem

not everything that we see or hear is necessarily good

or even bad for

us i mean and why should we really care

does god

really care about what

we watch or listen to

well maybe you're in a youth group

active in a church

and you don't even understand

why people make such a big deal about certain

movies or music well

i'm lakita and these are just some of the questions

we're going to deal with here in mind over media

look for the entire line of life

on the edge videos at your local

Christian bookstore

or order direct by calling 1800a family

or visiting our website at www.family org life on the edge

real issues real life

Jen why are you stressing

what is the big deal

we'll just get married

and then

i'll go to work during the day and finish up school at night

you can stay home with the baby

it'll work and condoms always work

what am i supposed to say to my parents

mom dad i'm not gonna be going to college

because i'm pregnant

but it's okay

because Jason and i are getting married

i don't think so

but there's welfare and stuff

it's not like perfect welfare

that is a great way to raise a kid

you're just full of Brilliant ideas today

Jason you know what you want me to say here i think

you've said plenty

i am sorry i wish there was something i could say

sorry's not gonna get it this time Jason

it's too late to apologize

apologize apologize

it's too late to apologize

it's too late to apologize

hey

i'd like to talk to you about sex popular subject

we've all heard so called safe sex message

but one of the other options

sometimes

making a smart decision about sex can be really confusing

i mean with the risk of pregnancies and all the stds out there

that making that decision can be pretty intense hi

i'm Austin o'brien

and today we're going to

be talking to some teenagers to find out the truth about life

love and sex

teams today are just looking for the next best thing

the next tie that the better girl people are having sex

right and left i have an intercourse

and i'm not mad who a lot of people out there

just hooking up all the time oh

i probably slept with maybe 30 women

even though people having sex

left and right you know

i'll make my own decisions

i just think the basic assumption

is that most people aren't gonna

wait until they get married to have sex

kind of don't get credit much credit

i mean teenagers as a whole for self control i mean

who says god said that you know sex was only for married people

it's hard for me to say no to anything

i have had sex more than once

i started having sex when i was 16

and it was completely not safe i realized about 14 years old

when

i started having sex and the handout condoms just like okay

thanks i'll be sure to go use this it's hard to say now

i'll just say

i don't feel that it ties up stains i was 13 years old

when i had a sexual relationship

i never hear anyone say no

we thought we were being cool you know

everybody else was having sex over me you know everything's

everything's fine

i think it's perfect hard to say no

not everybody is doing it you know what

i'm saying most teenagers are

i don't think everyone is doing it

and i don't feel that way at all

i think you feel like you need it sometime right

i hope i don't remain a virgin while married

and hope i get some kind of experience first child

i fathered she kept the child

if you're not doing it

you're not cool you're not in you're not hip whatever

the second relationship

i was in we decided to put it up for adoption

we've sold them alive

we have said that free love

free sex brings

freedom yeah

it doesn't third case fluent was an abortion

let's say i were to abstain you know

some people might think i'm weird i myself have not done it

my friends

the majority of my friends have not done it

it's almost turned to be okay to be pregnant as a teenager now

because it's so common

it's good to have sex anytime any

place anywhere

once i get into the situation with a guy

i would ever write when you're in the midst of it

it's a little harder to say now

especially

when it's right in your face and you're about to do it

i don't think i'm gonna wait because

foreplay feels good and i'm guessing if foreplay feels good

sex probably feels good too

i believe that sexuality is the number one topic

that kids are really struggling with across the board

sex is a lot that has to do with life

and it's a huge major the worst possible scenario has happened

she's pregnant

i married at eighteen

i think i think teens become sexually active

because they're curious my first time was out of curiosity

we said we loved each other a lot

but we didn't really know what love was

it was just temptation i gave in to it

and i couldn't say no

a lot of girls think that if they have sex with a guy

they think that they're going to give that love in return

cause that's what they really want

passing out of condoms in health classes

or whatever at school definitely it promotes sex

i mean they're saying oh

yeah it's okay this is your protection

seems like no matter who you are where you live

there's a lot of pressure to have sex before marriage

and when you consider the safe sex message

it's pretty clear that we've been misled and

it's not like because routine integers

were animals or something

we're certainly capable of making wise

decisions and controlling ourselves

but we're only human

and we do make mistakes

but making just one mistake about sex

can have lifelong consequences

like to introduce you to Adrian

Leslie

and Sarah i became sexually active when i was 16 years old

the night of my 16th birthday

actually

is the night that i lost my virginity we met him at Taco Bell

because we both worked at Taco Bell

and i guess we just the clicked somehow

26 years ago i was 16 years old junior in high school

impregnant convinced that we were gonna get married someday

that we were just so much in love looking back

i believe i was very naive

and actually really dumb for thinking

that i wasn't gonna get pregnant

that we never talked about

how far we wanted to go

how far we were comfortable with what we were gonna do

before i knew what i had done

i'd already given myself away to another person

without realizing

i was supposed to wait for a special day to do

that i think self control is something

i definitely chose

not to exercise i wanted to have sex

so i did you know when i wanted to go out and party and drink

so i did coming from a home that was fairly dysfunctional

never being told that i was loved

never being hugged as a child never

receiving a hug for my parents

until i was in my 20s

i i

i i i i i i i i i i i

i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i

i i i i i

and they don't believe in sex before marriage

but i did it anyways after my abortion that baby's father

and i broke up

i immediately

you know within six weeks

after my abortion was involved in another sexual relationship

with a different guy

when i got the phone

call to find out that i was pregnant reality set in i guess

when i got pregnant for the second time

i didn't tell anybody for five months

because i didn't feel like there's anybody in my life

that i could talk to about that

it's pretty scary to think that one bad decision

could change our lives forever

i mean one minute

we're in school hanging out with our friends

who whatever activities we're into

and the next we're looking at trying to be a parent

we're dealing with a sexually transmitted disease std

i can't even imagine what it would be like to

have to give up all my future plans

and i want to go to college continue my career

hopefully get married

someday maybe have some kids

but those could all turn into impossible dreams

if i let my hormones

think for me sex is

a multidimensional experience

and it has multidimensional consequences

teen should realize that

all the choices that they make come with consequences

the stds the pregnancies little consequences

but i think the benefits of sex far outweigh

the consequences and those consequences are not just physical

but they are emotional

they are social spiritual

any perhaps financial when we found out

she was pregnant

i said well you know

i gotta change a couple diapers or something every now

and then wake up in the middle of the night

but it goes so much deeper i gotta buy the diapers

gotta buy the formula i gotta buy the clothes

and it's just it's more than i ever

thought it'd be making love with somebody obviously

there's a lot of emotion involved

and that's another thing that you have to bring into it kilt can

having sex the emotional side of sex

i don't think a lot of teams know about i didn't know about it

until after i lost my virginity

and it was it was devastating there's a lot of emotional and

you know inner consequences i'm suffering through the first time

i had sex

i've never felt worse i've never felt more scared in my life

and life's 50 50 gamble

so i could do is roll the dice and hope for the best you know

because if you want to be happy

that's what it's all about you know

having sexual contact in some ways ruins a relationship

i think you

i lose respect for myself and my partner i was gambling

every every time we had sex whether

i had a rubber on or not or shoes on the pill

a nor plant whatever

it was is nothing

but taking a chance in gambling

as if it's not already tough enough to say no to sex

when you add alcohol

and drugs to the mix things can get really out of control

when we lose our inhibitions

we can become vulnerable and make decisions

we wouldn't ordinarily make

我给你们开支

hi Stevie

are you ready for some fun

what's up with you

you're supposed to be here an hour ago no

i know what

are you doing with Kevin anyway

they got a hold of a bottle of Vodka and so we came to find you

so what do you want to do now

whatever you want to do you know my parents

aren't home and there's still

some vodka left ever you want

and there's still you know my parents

and there's still you know my parents

hey Sarah

let's just go to the game

whatever

what he doesn't know well

we'll go back to your house

anyway

i am extremely vulnerable

when alcohol is involved biggest problems

we have are sex with multiple partners at early ages

and it goes hand in hand with smoking

drinking and drugs

i've been raped several times at parties

when i was drunk or high or alcohols

has definitely caused me to make some bad decisions

some real bad decision i think alcohol could be a problem

too because i could get drunk and go to a party and have sex

unprotected the first few times

i had sex i was drunk when the opposite sex is present

and alcohol is involved it's now that's

that's the most frightening thing because i really

i really lack self control drinking

really cost me to

make a lot of bad decisions

concerning sex

a compromising situation is for me being at a party

where i know there are drugs and alcohol

or i know there's someone

that's gonna pressure me into having sex

if i was drunk and i had sex with a girl

and i woke up

i would honestly probably be in some decent regret

because especially was a girl from school

because you're gonna see her again and again

yeah

say no can be pretty tough sometimes

but actually it makes sense

not saying no there can be some pretty severe consequences

and there is a physical

emotional and spiritual impact that can stay with us

and for the rest of our lives

it started off as a truth of dare game

and just went on from there

i think sexual activity before marriage

really is a gamble losing my virginity was definitely something

i learned from if i were to have sex with someone

even with a condom

there's still a chance of getting pregnant

contraception will let you down

if that's where you put your faith

we always had protected sex i always were a condom

and she had a nore plant in her arm i was 19 years old

when i found out

i was pregnant the reality is that condoms do feel they feel

because kids don't use them they feel because they slip off

they burst one million teens get pregnant in this country

every year between the ages of 15 and 19

i do think someone could still get pregnant

even though they have a condom do

one in a million whatever

i i hit that mark thing jackpot i i got this girl pregnant

we're seeing an increase in teens

getting pregnant under the age of 15 of course

i didn't think that i was only get pregnant

because there's a lot of girls

who sleep around with multiple partners often

and they never get pregnant

there's no way to guarantee

that you're not going to get to go pregnant

and here i am

i do it once

and it happened we used to talk about people that were pregnant

you know

i can't believe they were so stupid and now

that's where we're at teens in Ireland

i'm afraid are the same as teens the world over

they hear the message that sex is something that's fun

and that sex can be made safe sadly

that is a myth they could like break and the spring come out

and like they could get brightly

you can put a condom on and not worry

that's that's a tragic mismessage to adolescence

there has never been a study

that has shown that condoms are one hundred percent

protective against pregnancies

and sexually transmitted diseases sex is not a game

it's much more than what it appears to be looking back

i i definitely wish i would remain the version

it's just a huge risk it's not worth taking

two wedding dates were cancelled

because he decided that he wasn't ready

i had no idea that the decisions

i was making would have lifelong consequences

like they had he tried to kill himself several times

on January 28th of this year

he broke into my house

and raped me and chat himself in front of my baby

so we had a little wedding ceremony in my mom's living room

they would not let me wear white they made me wear blue

and i didn't even really understand why

i didn't understand the simpleism of the white for virginity

whether you believe it

or not there's bonds that you get with the people

that you have sex with and their emotional bonds

and if you believe in god

or not there are spiritual bonds

i think have been emotionally affected in a lot of ways

i think there's been a lot of guilt

associated with that decision

you just attach to that person for the rest of your life

whether you want

to be or not within two weeks after

the ideas incredible abuse began to happen

i still struggle a lot with loneliness

i don't really have any friends

i've lived with the disappointment of

knowing that i had a really cool destiny

and that i let it go

and that to get any part of that destiny back

i would have to work so very hard

i've been forced to make adult decisions

to make responsible decisions

to quit making selfish decisions it's been very very hard

i have to see a counselor now

and that's something i never thought i'd do

or be caught dead doing there's a lot of days

i wonder am i giving Tyler you know everything

he needs is he gonna resent me someday when he finds out

that i had him when i was only 17

everyone wants to live an ideal life like a fairy tale

but once i put myself in the position that i put myself in

it's more of a nightmare than a fantasy sex

before marriage for me

meant that i would never know if a guy really loved me

i would never know what it meant to be chosen

and not lusted after

and the difference between those two has haunted me

for my entire life

when i think about that experience

with my abortion about

the fact that there was a child growing inside of me

and i chose because i was selfish and young and scared

and stupid and worried about me

and my own best interests that that child died

because of a decision that i made

that that little girl never got a chance

you know to smile or to laugh you know to hold my hand

she's gone

so

what's with you and Lisa

what's with me and Lisa

man it's no big deal she's just

really friendly if you know what

i mean yeah well

i guess you and me have a different definition of friendly man

oh come on

friendly friendly right

i mean Lisa Houghton's been nearly half the kais in this school

please you believe that relief hey Kim

hey can you believe it

she's the third person in our class

this year

who's the third person to what

well

i just heard that Lisa howton tested positive i wonder who

she got it from

yeah i wonder who she gave it to you got any ideas nate

there are many kinds of stds

you can't tell if someone has

or not pelvic inflammatory disease from Klamidi and gonorrhea

human papyloma virus

i have HPV and i found out when i was 19 long term

consequences especially in the female

i know that it's the cause of 90 percent of all cervical cancer

most of all i regret giving hpv to a bunch of women

this is not something that you can just take penicillin for

and it's gonna go away

look at young women who develop

cervical cancer displays you

as a result of it years down the road

there's a good chance that these women are gonna

have cancer in the future

just the thought that i might have cervical cancer

one day is very scary

i wish i could take back the damage

that's been done to my wife and a lot of other women out there

i regret wrecking their lives

the consequences of having herpes was that

i was concerned about whether

i would pass that off to my child

two or three infections of gonorrhea or either chlamydia

they may never be able to have a child again

although new drugs may help hiv aids

usually results in debt

i get the feeling that

i'm not susceptible to such a harmful deadly disease

and it and it

it really

it's scary that wasn't one of those girls that slept around

i can always as i said

count on one hand the people that i slept with i mean

if i was gonna be sexual with somebody

i would want to know their past

i would want to know where they've been and what they've done

i was involved with the person who turned to be a drug dealer

um we were engaged he told me he had been tested um

which turned out later on

that it was a lie that he had not been tested

and then it did turn out that he was to be positive

i always say i lied to two girls uh to get what

i wanted between sixty and eighty

percent of the time

a guy will lie to a girl

in order to achieve sexual favors

lying about

having a sexually transmitted disease if i was gonna

get him in bed

i had to tell him what they wanted to hear

i really don't think you can tell um

if the person you're with has an std

i think that um

it's just one thing that you have to like

take a gamble with we broke the engagement off

and then five months after that

i found out um

i was hiv positive

i don't think anything is worth having aids an orgasm

chocolate

milk not even a million bucks a million bucks

this is definitely something

i am going to have for the rest of my life

and i will be taking medications for because right now

there is no cure for it it's a matter of life

and nowadays it's also a matter of death this may be my last day

because you just never know with this virus

there are a lot more STDS out there

besides aids

Xiaosu can pick up

maybe genital warts call pelvic inflammatory disease

there are a number of stds for which condoms

offer

little or no protection

just with the four guys that i slept with in my life

i know that they probably slept with over a hundred girls

between the four of them

and so there's no telling to where i got it from

there's no telling who all i've given it to

there is no safe sex in today's std

epidemic era by putting a condom on you know

it only takes one time to get an std

and that's the problem if you're the one

you have a disease that we can't cure having sex period puts

you at risk hmb doesn't have a certain

look contrary to what some people believe

it's not a gay person's disease

not a white man's disease

not an African American person's disease

it's everybody's

it does not discriminate the safe sex

campaign doesn't give us much credit

for being able to make a mature decision about sex

it seems clear that the only sure way to avoid pregnancy stds

and a bunch of spiritual conflict is to choose abstinence

i mean more sure

it's not just okay

but actually pretty cool to wait

until marriage

to make the commitment that comes with having sex

after all god created sex to be great

but only within the context of marriage

Rebecca st James is a Christian

recording artist who feels the same way

heavens and the rain look at the sky

i think it's really cool to wait

because it's going against the flow you know

it's doing something that the trend isn't doing

i've made my commitment to wait

not only to to god foremost

but also to my future husband to my family

is it god to my god

can you see can you hear

can you touch can you

i know teenagers are capable of

making the right decision and turning the tide around

and saying hey

i'm not gonna back down

i'm gonna stand one of the things that

i actually share in concert with people is that hey

if they have made the mistake of having sex before marriage

they can become a recycled virgin and be forgiven

and just stand for god from now on

and i just totally believe that this total hope and forgiveness

in that

cause we all mess up one of the great reminders

that i have to remind me of my commitment to wait

and to not have sex before marriage

is my purity ring

i believe that virginity is such a special gift

because it's like the one thing that i can piece of myself

that i can just totally give to my future

husband and to no one else god has the total best way of living

and that's mapped out in the bible and so

why i'm committed to waiting

is because and god said it

i want to live it to the sky

i can't explain any other way cause the sky

i wish i'd waited to my wedding night

to give myself to my husband as a gift

i will never ever forget what i've been through

because of the mistake that i made one of the things that

i would change

is i would never have cut myself off from my friends

they wanted to tell me

what was going on

it was like they could see it

but i couldn't see it i wish every day of my life

that my virginity was something that i still had

i wished i had told one adult about the pressure i was under

i talked to teens

today because there's a lot of things

i wish i would have heard in high school

that nobody ever took the time to say to me the first thing

i want to do today is introduce you to my friend

al

this bear is named Abby Elizabeth

and she's named after my daughter

who died in an abortion clinic

i wish somebody would have told me no

it's okay not to have sex i would get myself

so prepared to say no in a final way

and i would risk this guy walking away from me

it was so easy to see afterwards he didn't want me

he didn't want me

he wanted his own sexual gratification

and anybody would have done i would tell my baby

that i thought that i was immune

and this that he is proof living

proof that i'm not immune i think teenagers are capable

of making good decisions on their own behalf

they're worth a lot more than they think they are

and that their plans and dreams can come true

if they don't make

the same mistake that i did

i think there's great hope

because i think young people want to know the truth

i learn from my mistakes

you know

i'm not ignorant anymore i've learned when i look in the mirror

i definitely see a guy

who's sorry for those things that i've done

sex is something that should be really special

and a a choice

it isn't a prerequisite to having been grown up

someone that i look up to

or someone i respect to say no

it helps me to say no to just because my friends are doing it

doesn't mean i have to do it i'm a leader

i'm a follower

i respect my own choice

and i stand firm in my decision

my friends don't make fun of me i'm a virgin

they they more or less look up to me i like being a virgin

because i'm different than others sex is a part of growing up

but you can wait to have it and that shows real love to wait

while

there is pressure to have sex there also might be like wow

this person's really strong for you know being able to abstain

there's no such thing of save sex save sex is abstinence

i think i should wait

i think god loves sex that's really surprises kids

when we talk to them about that you see the god of the universe

he created it

and he created it to be enjoyed in

the confines of a marriage relationship

it's good to be on a virgin when you keep married

because you have been feel like proud

and he feel like it's my unlike

my girl like nobody told you before do i'm

the first one for her

you know what

i'm saying i still wish that that i would have been able to say

when i got married

i waited for you

i want to give that gift of purity

to my husband to show that i'm faithful

and that i really stick to what i believe in i feel

it's easy to say no if you have a strong relationship with god

the gift of virginity is something that can only be unwrapped

once if i had it to do all over again

i would have gotten married a virgin for sure

if i marry and i may sex already

i'm not gonna feel that proud of me but if i marry with my white

dress and everything like that and and i know that i'm virgin

i'm gonna be so very proud of me i chose to remain abstance

because i value my life

and i have a future that i wanna go through

with i have goals that i wanna attain and one night

i'm not gonna risk it i think i have a lot more freedom

being absolute teens

may have to be the leaders

who lead us out of a sexually transmitted disease epidemic era

they have been stuck in it

they may be the ones who have to lead us out of it personally

i think

that's the ultimate is to share your virginity with the one

that you want to spend the rest of your life

with i guess the point of all

this is that as teenagers

we have to make our decision about sex and advance

and avoid compromising situations

that doesn't mean if you've been sexually active in the past

that's too late to change

that's what secondary virginity is all about

and whether you're a virgin

or not you can side right now to say no that way

when we do get in those situations

where we're tempted to have sex

we can stop ourselves

by remembering our commitment to abstinence

i'm making that commitment right now

commitment to god to myself

to my future wife to my parents

and to kids i hope to have something this way

i have a chance to honor my relationship

with Jesus to accomplish all the things

i want to and to live life

without making too many apologies

thanks for watching

between us whispers not things

for love

by love