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1
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HELICOPTER
2
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CRASH
3
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LOUD SNORING
4
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Dougal, you can't watch TV all night.
It's a big waste.
5
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Chewing gum for the eyes.
6
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Er, no thanks, Ted.
7
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Anyway, I've got these crisps here.
8
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Look. A cheese and onion
and a salt and vinegar...
9
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..and I eat them in the same go.
10
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RUSH OF WATER
11
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That leak is getting worse.
12
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We'll have to move himself
and put that bucket under it.
13
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Right, fair enough.
14
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I'm a happy camper !
15
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God ! It'll cost a fortune to fix.
16
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Where can we get the money ?
Think, Dougal.
17
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Yes, I know. Aha !
18
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Aha !
19
00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:39,440
Are you thinking the same ?
20
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I think so.
21
00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:42,000
Yes !
22
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But wait. I'm not sure.
23
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What ?
24
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I mean, it's a big step...
and where will we get the guns ?
25
00:01:52,080 --> 00:01:53,600
What are you talking about ?
26
00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:57,480
Well, I might be thinking
about something different.
27
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That we were going to rob a bank ?
28
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,520
Yeah.
29
00:02:01,880 --> 00:02:04,120
This isn't a Bruce Willis film.
30
00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:08,200
I meant a raffle.
But what about the prize?
31
00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:10,200
You've got me there.
32
00:02:10,280 --> 00:02:14,560
I think the diocese allows us
a raffle prize every few years.
33
00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:17,600
It's stopped, Ted !
34
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We have to move him.
Where's the thing to wake him up ?
35
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There it is.
36
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Father ! It's only us.
37
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GET YOUR FECK...
38
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Come on, we've got to move you.
39
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DRRRINK !
40
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Don't drink that ! NO ! It's...
41
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FECKIN' WATER !
42
00:02:48,160 --> 00:02:54,440
..and the records show
the island hasn't had a raffle prize
since two bags of coal in 1964.
43
00:02:54,520 --> 00:02:59,920
I think we're entitled t...
under the rules of the diocese...
44
00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:03,160
Oh, great ! Wonderful !
45
00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:05,640
Thank you, Your Grace. Yes. Thanks.
46
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All right. Bye, Bishop Brennan.
47
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No luck, then ?
48
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Lots of luck. We've got a car.
49
00:03:18,080 --> 00:03:20,200
That's a brilliant prize.
50
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Not unusual. Father Finnegan got one.
51
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You know him. The dancing priest.
52
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Dances for peace.
53
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Is he still going ?
54
00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:33,720
He danced across America last year.
New York to Los Angeles.
55
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He was mugged once every 15 miles.
56
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Great ! We'll have the roof fixed in
no time. Did you hear that, Father ?
57
00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:51,040
Cup of tea, Fathers ? >
58
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No, thanks, Mrs Doyle.
59
00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:54,120
What d'you think of her ?
60
00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:56,400
Yeah, right. Sure you won't ?
61
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It's the prize in our big raffle.
62
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Just the drop ?
63
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You go on inside.
64
00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:03,120
Right. I'll put the kettle on again.
65
00:04:06,640 --> 00:04:09,480
Oh, God, Ted. Look.
There's a dent in the car.
66
00:04:09,560 --> 00:04:10,960
What ?
67
00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:13,920
Where ?
68
00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:15,520
There.
69
00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:17,440
How did that happen ?
70
00:04:17,520 --> 00:04:19,480
When you hit that biker ?
71
00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:23,640
Don't mention that.
He was OK. I saw him get up.
72
00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:29,680
Not too bad. Sure, we can fix it with
a hammer. Have a look in that box.
73
00:04:35,080 --> 00:04:39,880
Whoops ! Didn't mean to do that.
I'll just tap it the other way.
74
00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:45,880
You'll never get it exactly right.
75
00:04:59,640 --> 00:05:02,640
I thought I had it there, you know.
76
00:05:03,280 --> 00:05:05,840
Like an eejit, I had to keep going.
77
00:05:05,920 --> 00:05:08,320
You're a perfectionist, Ted.
It's not too bad.
78
00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:10,800
Let's have another look.
79
00:05:15,480 --> 00:05:18,480
No. We can't give that as a prize.
80
00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:22,520
Sleep on it.
See how you feel in the morning.
81
00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:25,000
Maybe you're right.
82
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? (SCREAMS) JESUS ! WE'RE DEAD !
83
00:05:29,280 --> 00:05:33,720
OH, GOD ALMIGHTY !
(PANTS HYSTERICALLY)
84
00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:35,520
Calm down, now ! Come on !
85
00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:42,760
It'll look better in the morning.
86
00:05:42,840 --> 00:05:48,640
You don't understand ! We're dead !
The Bishop will kill us. We're dead !
87
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Thanks. I probably needed that.
88
00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:55,600
But don't ever do it again.
89
00:05:56,200 --> 00:05:57,560
So, what are we gonna do ?
90
00:05:57,640 --> 00:05:58,840
We could run away.
91
00:05:58,920 --> 00:06:01,200
No. They always find us.
92
00:06:01,280 --> 00:06:03,280
Oh, right.
93
00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:08,280
What about that fella with a car -
the dancing priest ?
94
00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:11,440
Finnegan ! It's the same type of car.
95
00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:15,080
Could we get him to give it to us ?
96
00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:18,800
Maybe...
we could just get a lend of it.
97
00:06:19,560 --> 00:06:23,960
But when somebody wins it,
they won't want to give it back.
98
00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:28,360
Now, Dougal, this will sound
very, very immoral, but...
99
00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:30,800
..stay with me.
100
00:06:30,920 --> 00:06:35,920
What if... what if... we organised
the raffle so that we won it ?
101
00:06:36,760 --> 00:06:38,400
Then we could bring the car back.
102
00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:40,960
Oooh.
103
00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:45,400
Oooh. That'd be terribly wrong.
We shouldn't do that.
104
00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:50,760
It's not really cheating.
We just structure it in such a way...
105
00:06:50,840 --> 00:06:55,480
..that the benefactors gain,
rather than the beneficiaries.
106
00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:59,920
Listen. If the Bishop finds out
we wrecked the car,...
107
00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:04,640
..he will kill us.
And murder is a terrible sin, Dougal.
108
00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:07,880
So, by committing a little sin,...
109
00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:10,640
..we'll be saving a bishop's soul !
110
00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:18,000
Fair enough, then.
111
00:07:19,600 --> 00:07:21,200
< ATCHOO !
112
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We're off to see the dancing priest.
113
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CROWS CAW
114
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FECKING FEATHERED EEJITS !
115
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Right. Off we go.
116
00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:55,120
Look, it's the same colour !
You mind Jack. I won't be long.
117
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Ted,...
118
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SIXTIES BEAT MUSIC
119
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Liam.
120
00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:11,000
Ted ! Come in. Will you join me ?
121
00:08:11,280 --> 00:08:14,000
Me, dance ? I'm not much of a dancer.
122
00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:19,040
Prayer isn't the only way
to praise God. Keeps you fit, too.
123
00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:21,120
All right, then.
124
00:08:21,520 --> 00:08:24,120
You were wanting a loan of the car ?
125
00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:26,120
It'd be a great favour.
126
00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:28,800
Not at all. Just take care of it.
127
00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:33,600
Don't give it away in a raffle
or something.
128
00:08:39,360 --> 00:08:44,040
Somebody said they saw you
in a TV documentary. In Belfast ?
129
00:08:44,640 --> 00:08:50,080
Not me. A younger fella ripped off
the idea. I don't talk about him.
130
00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:52,920
I'd better be going. Thanks again.
131
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:55,400
No problem. Bye, Ted.
132
00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:08,120
Bingo !
133
00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:10,600
No luck, then ?
134
00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:19,640
You'll leave a mark on the window.
135
00:09:20,600 --> 00:09:22,160
Are we there yet ?
136
00:09:22,240 --> 00:09:24,840
We won't be there for a while.
137
00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:29,280
Everything's fine.
Father Ted saves the day again.
138
00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:31,320
How are we doing, Father ?
139
00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:32,000
ATCHOO !
140
00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:34,080
TYRES SCREECH
141
00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:40,320
What were you drinking ? It's like
acid. Try this. This'll clear you up.
142
00:09:43,760 --> 00:09:45,560
Aren't cars great, Ted ?
143
00:09:45,640 --> 00:09:50,240
Maybe you should have a rest.
It's a long drive. You have a sleep.
144
00:09:50,320 --> 00:09:52,320
All right, Ted.
145
00:09:54,080 --> 00:10:00,080
(RADIO) "This is Laszlo St Pierre's
night shift, with you till three."
146
00:10:00,240 --> 00:10:04,840
"Cock-a-doodle-doo ! This is
the John Morgan Morning Show."
147
00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:09,600
"It's a beautiful day, so let's
start with some Motown magic."
148
00:10:09,680 --> 00:10:12,120
MOTOWN MUSIC ON RADIO
149
00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:25,680
God ! Almost drifted off there.
150
00:10:26,440 --> 00:10:28,640
We're nearly home.
151
00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:42,120
Right. Let's go through it again.
152
00:10:42,560 --> 00:10:47,080
I fill the hat with tickets, all
with the same number. Say, eleven.
153
00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:49,520
Eleven - two ones. That's easy.
154
00:10:50,040 --> 00:10:53,840
Then, when I do the draw,
we'll make sure you have that number.
155
00:10:53,840 --> 00:10:56,560
So we won't have to cheat at all !
156
00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:03,240
That's actually how we're cheating.
157
00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:08,040
OK. So, let me get this straight.
You'll be wearing the hat.
158
00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:13,560
No, I won't wear any hat.
The tickets will be in the hat.
159
00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:17,040
Gotcha. But you'll put on the hat
to give me the signal.
160
00:11:17,040 --> 00:11:19,480
I won't give you any signals.
161
00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:23,480
I'll just draw a ticket
and you'll collect the prize.
162
00:11:23,560 --> 00:11:25,600
A prize ? What is it ?
163
00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:26,720
THE CAR !
164
00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:28,200
Right.
165
00:11:28,360 --> 00:11:31,000
Here's the sandwiches for tonight.
166
00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:33,920
Oh, no. I forgot to do my test.
167
00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:35,720
What test is that ?
168
00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:38,120
I select a sandwich at random,...
169
00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:43,320
..and if it's not up to standard,
I put the lot of them in the bin.
170
00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:06,400
They're fine.
171
00:12:11,720 --> 00:12:13,080
So, are we all sorted ?
172
00:12:13,080 --> 00:12:16,360
Raring to go. Who's doing the disco?
173
00:12:16,720 --> 00:12:18,520
Father Billy O'Dwyer.
174
00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:20,920
"The Spinmaster". Great.
175
00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:25,760
I can't wait.
I bet I sell a load of tickets.
176
00:12:25,760 --> 00:12:28,160
I bet I sell more than you do.
177
00:12:28,760 --> 00:12:30,960
This is a bit like "The Sting".
178
00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:34,960
I'm Robert Redford
and you're Paul Newman.
179
00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:47,920
? (AMPLIFIED VOICE)
Testing, one two, one two.
180
00:12:47,920 --> 00:12:49,520
Ground control to "The Spinmaster".
181
00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:51,720
Ted, how are you ?
182
00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:55,040
God, it's like NASA.
How do you keep track ?
183
00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:57,120
Sure, it's simple.
184
00:12:57,120 --> 00:13:01,720
Here are two turntables, controlled
from the mixing desk, here.
185
00:13:01,720 --> 00:13:05,800
This switch means
you can flip between records.
186
00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:09,920
I can't wait.
What records have you got ?
187
00:13:10,120 --> 00:13:11,040
Records ?
188
00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:13,680
The Bee Gees ? Get them all jumpin' !
189
00:13:13,680 --> 00:13:15,000
Oh, God.
190
00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:16,400
What ?
191
00:13:16,720 --> 00:13:18,160
I forgot the records.
192
00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:20,760
What ? Have you not got any ?
193
00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:25,760
Wait a second. I might have one.
(I think I have one in the car.)
194
00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:28,280
Cup of tea, Father ?
195
00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:31,320
Would you buy my first raffle ticket?
196
00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:36,200
I'd love to. I haven't
done this in donkey's years...
197
00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:38,520
..and I think I've a big chance.
198
00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:39,320
(SNIGGERS)
199
00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:41,520
Shut up, Dougal. How many ?
200
00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:43,000
Just the one.
201
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:44,080
All right.
202
00:13:44,080 --> 00:13:46,920
My lucky number never lets me down.
203
00:13:47,120 --> 00:13:48,440
Which one is that ?
204
00:13:48,440 --> 00:13:49,200
Eleven.
205
00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:49,760
What ?
206
00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:52,120
It's always been lucky for me.
207
00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:54,680
We're out of elevens.
208
00:13:54,680 --> 00:13:55,960
I thought I was your first customer.
209
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:59,440
Yes, but this came without elevens.
210
00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:04,600
Look, I'll give you a ten and a one.
Have them both for 50p.
211
00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:07,400
No, Father. I'll have my money back.
212
00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:09,960
But it's for charity. For the roof.
213
00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:11,960
Sorry, Father.
214
00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:16,240
Incredible. Now where's Jack ?
215
00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:17,360
With Father Purcell.
216
00:14:17,360 --> 00:14:19,320
I'll rescue him. He'll go mad.
217
00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:21,000
They're just having a chat.
218
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:23,640
But Purcell's so boring !
219
00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:29,360
In Nigeria, the people got so fed up
with him, they escaped in a boat.
220
00:14:29,520 --> 00:14:32,000
It sank and alligators ate them.
221
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:34,000
I'd better go.
222
00:14:44,520 --> 00:14:49,920
Then, a few weeks later, I'll never
forget it, we got a new boiler,...
223
00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:51,920
Are you all right ?
224
00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:53,600
HELP ME !
225
00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:59,480
I was just telling Father Jack
about the thing there. How did you..
226
00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:00,120
I don't....
227
00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:04,920
..because they have no morals
and no respect for human life.
228
00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:11,920
But what they do have - no one
can deny this now - is the finest
collection of boilers in the world,
229
00:15:12,160 --> 00:15:14,600
..and I include Canada in that...
230
00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:17,080
I just need Jack for a while...
231
00:15:17,240 --> 00:15:19,120
THANK CHRIST !
232
00:15:19,120 --> 00:15:20,760
Father !
233
00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:24,760
I remember when I first saw
that boiler. Beautiful !
234
00:15:24,760 --> 00:15:26,720
Would you like a ticket ?
235
00:15:26,720 --> 00:15:30,680
Did you get them specially ?
Because they're in the shop -
236
00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:36,320
..any number you like, now.
Er... one, seven,...
237
00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:40,120
..twenty,...
a hundred and twelve...
238
00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:41,160
A hundred and twelve !
239
00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:44,400
All the way up to... 409, I think.
240
00:15:44,480 --> 00:15:49,080
And if you want more, they send
them back, in an envelope...
241
00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:53,360
..normal kind of thing,
rectangular, four corners...
242
00:15:53,360 --> 00:16:00,480
And that's how I like them.
No round envelopes for me !
No way, hose !
243
00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:07,240
< Sid Vicious, what a name now...
He had trouble with the drugs...
244
00:16:07,240 --> 00:16:09,600
(CHUCKLES) Yessss !
245
00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:16,400
Tickets for the raffle, anybody ?
Come over here.
246
00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:17,800
Thank you.
247
00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:22,120
Sorry, folks.
Trouble with the disco.
248
00:16:22,120 --> 00:16:25,920
Luckily, I've got a few old pals
to do some numbers.
249
00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:31,240
Please welcome Father Tiernan,
Father Rafter, Father Cafferty
and Father Leonard !
250
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:32,960
APPLAUSE
251
00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:35,760
SYNTHESISED EURO-POP MUSIC
252
00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:42,480
Billy, where have you been ?
253
00:16:42,480 --> 00:16:45,480
Oh, Ted... Found the record !
254
00:16:46,480 --> 00:16:50,360
All right. Buy a ticket ?
50p each or four for a pound.
255
00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:54,280
Gambling, Ted. Ruined
my father and my grandfather.
256
00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:57,280
Died without a penny to their name.
257
00:16:57,520 --> 00:16:59,040
Won't happen to me, though.
258
00:16:59,040 --> 00:17:01,840
It's for charity - not real gambling.
259
00:17:02,040 --> 00:17:03,640
All right.
260
00:17:03,640 --> 00:17:05,360
Great. How many will you take ?
261
00:17:05,360 --> 00:17:07,000
2,000.
262
00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:07,720
2,000 ?
263
00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:09,520
I'll do you a cheque.
264
00:17:09,960 --> 00:17:11,720
No, that's too much.
265
00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:16,240
I can handle it ! I've friends
who lend me cash now and then.
266
00:17:16,640 --> 00:17:19,760
No ! Don't throw away
that much money...
267
00:17:19,760 --> 00:17:22,160
Ted ! I need another ticket book.
268
00:17:22,840 --> 00:17:25,320
How can you have sold out already ?
269
00:17:25,320 --> 00:17:29,320
Don't ask me.
I can hardly keep a straight face.
270
00:17:29,680 --> 00:17:33,480
What was it, Billy ? Two thousand ?
271
00:17:45,200 --> 00:17:48,000
Need more drink !
272
00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:55,840
Car !
273
00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:01,040
# THE SPECIALS: "Ghost Town"
274
00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:06,600
MUSIC STOPS
275
00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:17,000
OK, let's go. You know what to do ?
276
00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:18,640
Thunderbirds are go, Ted.
277
00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:20,640
OK, come on.
278
00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:28,560
Thank you, Father Billy.
Now the important stuff. The raffle.
279
00:18:29,160 --> 00:18:34,960
I went to an interesting raffle once.
The people running it actually won !
280
00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:39,600
So it's not unusual for that
to happen, now and again. Right ?
281
00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:42,720
< OK. The winning number is...
282
00:18:44,560 --> 00:18:46,960
..number eleven !
283
00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:53,000
Number eleven.
284
00:18:56,960 --> 00:19:01,720
Number eleven. Will anyone who has
that number come up on stage ?
285
00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:04,840
Father McGuire ? You have the number?
286
00:19:05,360 --> 00:19:06,280
What ?
287
00:19:06,280 --> 00:19:11,280
Well done. A round of applause for
our very own Father Dougal McGuire !
288
00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:16,680
(God Almighty ! What are you doing ?)
289
00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:20,520
Sorry, Ted.
I was looking at it upside down.
290
00:19:20,520 --> 00:19:23,120
Congratulations to Father Dougal.
291
00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:29,920
What a fantastic evening.
We raised enough to fix the roof
and had a great time.
292
00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:36,040
So let me thank you for coming along.
Please stand for our national anthem.
293
00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:39,240
# "GHOST TOWN" PLAYS AGAIN
294
00:19:51,360 --> 00:19:58,880
For God's sake,
I'll have the money next week.
Please, just one more chance.
295
00:20:00,120 --> 00:20:02,720
Thanks very much, Mrs Doyle.
296
00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:05,960
Have some pity ! I'm a priest !
297
00:20:06,360 --> 00:20:08,440
They have you every way...
298
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:13,720
I... I was in the AA, you know,
for a while and... and...
299
00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:16,320
..the insurance was very expensive.
300
00:20:16,320 --> 00:20:17,080
Oh, right.
301
00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:21,000
I... I had to crash the car
to get the money back,...
302
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:26,040
..and then witnesses said they
saw me steer it towards the wall.
303
00:20:26,480 --> 00:20:32,400
There was talk of me going to jail,
you know... Ah, it's yourself.
304
00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:37,720
What can I do for you, Mrs Doyle ?
305
00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:42,240
Terrible news. Father Finnegan
has had a heart attack.
306
00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:43,680
No !
307
00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:46,400
The doctors told him to cut down...
308
00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:49,400
..but he just couldn't stop dancing.
309
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:51,600
That's terrible news.
310
00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:54,440
Father Finnegan's had a heart attack.
311
00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:57,240
No ! Are there any more Chipsticks ?
312
00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:02,480
So can we keep the car ?
313
00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:07,200
Dougal ! That's an awful thing to...
Wait ! You're right. We can !
314
00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:11,560
Father...
315
00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:13,560
FECK OFF !
316
00:21:13,560 --> 00:21:16,040
Where's the air freshener from ?
317
00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:17,080
CAR !
318
00:21:17,080 --> 00:21:18,200
Oh, God.
319
00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:20,200
Oh, God. DRIVING THE CAR !
320
00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:24,920
Not... the new car. Tell the truth.
Have you been drinking ?
321
00:21:25,480 --> 00:21:26,880
YES !
322
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:30,400
From the start. Where did you drive ?
323
00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:37,080
SHOPS ! DRINK ! CORNER... STOPPED...
GOT OUT... TRUCK...
324
00:21:37,760 --> 00:21:39,640
A truck ?
325
00:21:39,640 --> 00:21:41,640
TWO TRUCKS !
326
00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:46,920
Take a look. Maybe
there's something we can salvage.
327
00:21:52,360 --> 00:21:54,000
It's not that bad, Ted.
328
00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:57,000
Yes. I thought it'd be much worse.
329
00:22:01,080 --> 00:22:03,480
Oh, bollocks !
330
00:22:06,720 --> 00:22:09,720
Dougal, how is this "not that bad" ?
331
00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:14,680
At least there's the raffle money
for the roof.
332
00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:17,720
Just give me 24 hours. Please !
333
00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:20,080
DIALLING TONE
334
00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:28,400
THUNDER
335
00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:35,880
(TV): "So, we'll be seeing a lot
more rain, at least until July,...
336
00:22:36,080 --> 00:22:38,440
..or possibly until August."
337
00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:47,440
God Almighty ! How dishonest -
stealing raffle money from a priest !
338
00:22:47,560 --> 00:22:49,960
The raffle was rigged, Ted.
339
00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:55,720
It'll be all right, if a tree
doesn't fall through the roof...
340
00:22:55,720 --> 00:22:58,120
THUNDER & CREAKING
341
00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:04,880
For a moment there, I thought...
342
00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:07,200
CRASH & BREAKING GLASS
343
00:23:10,240 --> 00:23:13,440
Here's some advice my father gave me
344
00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:18,360
It not only refers to lagging,
but all forms of insulation.
345
00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:22,640
He said "Don't ever..."
346
00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:26,600
No, it was "Always..." - no...
347
00:23:27,120 --> 00:23:32,760
"Never..." - I forgot. Oh, well.
What's your favourite humming noise?
348
00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:40,240
Would it be... (HUMS THREE NOTES)
or maybe...
(HUMS ANOTHER THREE NOTES) ?
349
00:23:41,120 --> 00:23:44,680
The first one
is the sound
of a fridge.
350
00:23:44,680 --> 00:23:48,520
The second one
is a man humming.
351
00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:52,480
A woman doesn't
hum. I knew
a woman once,...
352
00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:56,440
..but she died
soon afterwards.
353
00:23:56,440 --> 00:24:01,120
Now, my favourite
colour is grey...
354
00:24:01,520 --> 00:24:04,840
..no, blue...
..no, soft blue
with grey...
355
00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:08,240
..no, orange...
..that's it.
356
00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:11,200
I have an extension
on the house.
357
00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:16,600
It's on the
extension... so the house is
in a circle now...
26398
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