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1
00:00:01,770 --> 00:00:03,373
Man, sure is nice up here.
2
00:00:03,373 --> 00:00:04,910
Let me tell you my man, any day
3
00:00:04,943 --> 00:00:06,580
at thirty thousand
feet is a good one.
4
00:00:07,816 --> 00:00:09,786
Looks like we're
getting some light chop.
5
00:00:10,120 --> 00:00:12,559
Descending to twenty-eight
to get out of it.
6
00:00:13,661 --> 00:00:14,495
You know what Hank?
7
00:00:14,763 --> 00:00:16,567
Why don't we just take this
puppy in for a landing?
8
00:00:16,567 --> 00:00:18,003
Aye aye, Captain.
9
00:00:18,003 --> 00:00:18,871
But first,
10
00:00:19,238 --> 00:00:20,708
we're doing a barrel roll.
11
00:00:20,708 --> 00:00:21,877
You sure, Mark?
12
00:00:21,877 --> 00:00:23,246
You're damn right I'm sure.
13
00:00:23,246 --> 00:00:24,382
It's my signature move, okay?
14
00:00:24,382 --> 00:00:27,021
Every great pilot
has a signature move.
15
00:00:27,021 --> 00:00:28,257
Sully Sullenberger,
16
00:00:28,257 --> 00:00:29,392
he's a river lander.
17
00:00:29,392 --> 00:00:31,563
Maverick, he buzzes towers.
18
00:00:31,563 --> 00:00:32,866
And Mark Hoagies,
19
00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:34,402
he does a barrel roll.
20
00:00:34,570 --> 00:00:35,872
Here we go baby!
21
00:00:35,872 --> 00:00:37,107
Doing a barrel roll,
22
00:00:37,107 --> 00:00:38,744
let's gooooo!
23
00:00:38,744 --> 00:00:39,847
Beautiful Mark.
24
00:00:39,847 --> 00:00:40,749
Hell Yeah!
25
00:00:40,749 --> 00:00:42,585
Great balls of fire baby!
26
00:00:42,719 --> 00:00:43,419
Damnit, Mark --
27
00:00:43,587 --> 00:00:44,957
I've been looking
all over for you!
28
00:00:44,957 --> 00:00:46,159
Tam, not now. Not now!
29
00:00:46,159 --> 00:00:47,261
Oh crap. Oh crap,
30
00:00:47,261 --> 00:00:49,198
no no no no no no no no no.
31
00:00:49,867 --> 00:00:51,002
[crash]
32
00:00:51,169 --> 00:00:52,505
[curtain opens]
33
00:00:52,872 --> 00:00:54,308
You almost had it that time.
34
00:00:54,543 --> 00:00:56,547
Dammit, Tam -- ugh
I was in the zone.
35
00:00:56,547 --> 00:00:58,183
What the hell are
you doing, Mark?
36
00:00:58,183 --> 00:01:00,187
We gotta be out the
door in thirty minutes
37
00:01:00,187 --> 00:01:02,291
and you're playing fricken'
video games! Come on.
38
00:01:02,291 --> 00:01:04,295
This is not a video game, Tam,
39
00:01:04,295 --> 00:01:06,266
this is a flight simulator.
40
00:01:06,299 --> 00:01:08,136
Okay, this is a
serious training tool.
41
00:01:08,136 --> 00:01:10,140
Okay well it looks
to me like a guy
42
00:01:10,140 --> 00:01:11,677
messing around
instead of packing.
43
00:01:11,677 --> 00:01:13,446
I don't even understand
why we gotta go to this
44
00:01:13,446 --> 00:01:15,150
stupid funeral in the
first place, okay?
45
00:01:15,150 --> 00:01:15,952
You barely know the guy.
46
00:01:16,052 --> 00:01:18,457
Yeah Mark, that's
because he's your uncle.
47
00:01:18,457 --> 00:01:20,594
Can't miss your
uncle's funeral, Mark.
48
00:01:20,594 --> 00:01:22,799
You know he's your
uncle too, Hank.
49
00:01:22,799 --> 00:01:23,768
Oh no,
50
00:01:23,902 --> 00:01:25,103
I better go pack.
51
00:01:25,671 --> 00:01:26,573
[♪♪♪♪♪]
52
00:01:26,807 --> 00:01:29,445
Well, I used to work
at a hot dog factory.
53
00:01:29,478 --> 00:01:31,449
Until them
robots came along.
54
00:01:31,550 --> 00:01:33,220
And now
there is no job for me
55
00:01:33,353 --> 00:01:35,758
But I get 3,000
bucks a month
56
00:01:35,792 --> 00:01:39,967
Thanks to UBI
57
00:01:40,067 --> 00:01:43,908
Now we're
Universal Basic Guys.
58
00:01:43,941 --> 00:01:45,745
It may not
sound like much.
59
00:01:45,811 --> 00:01:48,918
But we're
still gonna try
60
00:01:48,951 --> 00:01:53,794
We're just
Universal Basic Guys
61
00:01:58,838 --> 00:01:59,305
[beep]
62
00:01:59,706 --> 00:02:01,208
Miss, you have to
take your shoes off.
63
00:02:01,208 --> 00:02:03,180
Oh come on. They're flip-flops.
64
00:02:03,213 --> 00:02:04,481
You can see my feet.
65
00:02:04,481 --> 00:02:07,087
Geez, lady just take
your fricken shoes off.
66
00:02:07,087 --> 00:02:09,392
Okay, Passenger
57, will you relax?
67
00:02:09,492 --> 00:02:10,528
Okay, we're not even
on the plane yet
68
00:02:10,528 --> 00:02:11,630
and you're about
to make a scene.
69
00:02:11,630 --> 00:02:13,366
I just don't
understand why people
70
00:02:13,366 --> 00:02:14,936
gotta be so rude at the airport.
71
00:02:14,936 --> 00:02:16,472
Well with all due respect Tam,
72
00:02:16,472 --> 00:02:18,343
you're the one who was
on the No Fly List.
73
00:02:18,343 --> 00:02:21,315
Yeah because I actually
stand up to these jerks.
74
00:02:21,315 --> 00:02:23,821
Sorry I have a strong
sense of airport justice.
75
00:02:23,821 --> 00:02:25,324
You broke someone's arm, Tam.
76
00:02:25,324 --> 00:02:27,361
I didn't break his
arm. I broke his pinky.
77
00:02:27,361 --> 00:02:28,865
And the middle seat
gets the armrest.
78
00:02:28,865 --> 00:02:30,000
Everybody knows that!
79
00:02:30,367 --> 00:02:31,670
Sigh...Alright alright.
80
00:02:31,804 --> 00:02:34,308
I promise you I'm not
gonna make a scene today.
81
00:02:34,843 --> 00:02:36,012
Oh crap! We gotta go.
82
00:02:36,012 --> 00:02:37,013
The flight's boarding.
83
00:02:37,013 --> 00:02:37,882
Where's Hank?
84
00:02:37,882 --> 00:02:38,550
[beep]
85
00:02:38,550 --> 00:02:40,621
Heyo Hank, what's the hold up?
86
00:02:40,621 --> 00:02:41,255
I don't know.
87
00:02:41,456 --> 00:02:43,192
Okay. Well we'll
see you at the gate.
88
00:02:43,761 --> 00:02:45,130
Uh... hey boss?
89
00:02:45,397 --> 00:02:47,300
You might want to
take a look at this.
90
00:02:49,706 --> 00:02:50,775
Oh look at this.
91
00:02:50,909 --> 00:02:53,413
It is so great to get out of
Westchester for the weekend
92
00:02:53,413 --> 00:02:55,985
and show the kids a
normal town with, like,
93
00:02:55,985 --> 00:02:58,156
chain restaurants and stuff.
94
00:02:58,524 --> 00:03:01,029
This area actually has
a ton of great spots.
95
00:03:01,029 --> 00:03:02,532
You know I specifically
chose this place
96
00:03:02,632 --> 00:03:05,270
for their table-side
guacamole presentation.
97
00:03:05,538 --> 00:03:07,041
Thought the kids would
get a kick out of it.
98
00:03:07,041 --> 00:03:08,276
Hey Aiden and Ava, look --
99
00:03:08,276 --> 00:03:10,080
he's making our guacamole
100
00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:14,421
according to the ancient Mexican
customs of the Nahuatl people.
101
00:03:14,421 --> 00:03:15,256
Isn't that right?
102
00:03:15,290 --> 00:03:16,159
I don't know.
103
00:03:16,159 --> 00:03:16,927
Sure.
104
00:03:19,398 --> 00:03:22,772
Ugh, your sister's raising some
real screenagers over there.
105
00:03:22,772 --> 00:03:23,440
What's that David?
106
00:03:23,440 --> 00:03:25,545
Oh I was just saying that...
107
00:03:25,812 --> 00:03:29,318
maybe Aiden and Ava could put
their phones down for a bit.
108
00:03:29,318 --> 00:03:31,156
You know? Experience
Glantontown?
109
00:03:31,156 --> 00:03:31,991
Oh really?
110
00:03:32,291 --> 00:03:34,763
You know, I can't wait for
you to have kids some day.
111
00:03:34,763 --> 00:03:35,765
You and me both...
112
00:03:35,765 --> 00:03:36,766
Okay, David.
113
00:03:36,766 --> 00:03:37,535
Here's an idea:
114
00:03:37,935 --> 00:03:39,706
how about you take your niece
and nephew out for a day
115
00:03:39,706 --> 00:03:41,676
with no screens and
we'll see how you do.
116
00:03:41,676 --> 00:03:43,446
Then we can talk
about having kids.
117
00:03:43,446 --> 00:03:45,049
I love that idea.
118
00:03:45,049 --> 00:03:46,318
Okay. Yeah. That sounds great.
119
00:03:46,318 --> 00:03:47,788
And if they have a good time,
120
00:03:47,788 --> 00:03:48,924
which they will,
121
00:03:48,924 --> 00:03:50,094
maybe you'll consider...
122
00:03:50,227 --> 00:03:51,630
“pulling the goalie? ”
123
00:03:51,663 --> 00:03:52,331
The what?
124
00:03:52,331 --> 00:03:53,534
The, uh...
125
00:03:53,534 --> 00:03:54,603
IUD?
126
00:03:54,636 --> 00:03:55,403
Yeah sure.
127
00:03:55,538 --> 00:03:57,809
As long as you stop
calling that stuff
128
00:03:57,809 --> 00:03:58,944
“Gwah-Kah-Moh-Lay. ”
129
00:03:59,044 --> 00:04:00,614
Hey what do you think, guys?
130
00:04:00,614 --> 00:04:03,053
Excited for your big
day with Uncle David?
131
00:04:03,053 --> 00:04:03,954
No.
132
00:04:04,689 --> 00:04:05,490
Come on.
133
00:04:05,825 --> 00:04:07,696
[captain] Sorry for the delay,
ladies and gentleman.
134
00:04:07,729 --> 00:04:09,833
We can't taxi until
everyone is seated
135
00:04:09,867 --> 00:04:11,169
with their seatbelts
fastened-Ma'am,
136
00:04:11,169 --> 00:04:12,505
can I check that for you?
137
00:04:12,505 --> 00:04:14,610
How about you check
your attitude?
138
00:04:14,610 --> 00:04:16,379
Mark, you see this woman?
139
00:04:16,379 --> 00:04:18,917
First with the
flip-flops and now this.
140
00:04:18,917 --> 00:04:19,619
Unbelievable.
141
00:04:19,786 --> 00:04:21,957
Tam, remember what
Dr. Lorefice said:
142
00:04:21,957 --> 00:04:23,392
when you feel the rage,
143
00:04:23,392 --> 00:04:26,465
you take a deep breath and
you distract yourself, okay?
144
00:04:26,834 --> 00:04:27,902
Ooooh look there,
145
00:04:27,902 --> 00:04:30,240
they got the new Magic
Mike, your favorite.
146
00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:32,845
Oh I do love my Channing Taters.
147
00:04:34,115 --> 00:04:35,217
[sigh]
148
00:04:35,217 --> 00:04:36,653
[crunching]
149
00:04:36,820 --> 00:04:37,989
Are you kiddin' me?
150
00:04:38,222 --> 00:04:38,657
What?
151
00:04:38,791 --> 00:04:39,994
You can't bring peanuts
152
00:04:39,994 --> 00:04:40,862
on a flight no more!
153
00:04:41,229 --> 00:04:43,501
Oh come on. They had peanuts
on flights for like 200 years
154
00:04:43,501 --> 00:04:44,603
and nobody got sick
155
00:04:44,603 --> 00:04:47,241
and now all of a sudden
every kid's allergic to them?
156
00:04:47,241 --> 00:04:48,243
Ridiculous.
157
00:04:48,243 --> 00:04:50,714
They are “the ” snack of the sky!
158
00:04:51,617 --> 00:04:52,552
Sigh!
159
00:04:53,019 --> 00:04:55,758
[movie] You want me to teach
animals how to strip?
160
00:04:56,258 --> 00:04:57,762
They're already naked, Mike.
161
00:04:57,795 --> 00:05:00,501
You just have to teach
them how to dance.
162
00:05:01,302 --> 00:05:02,371
[door buzzer]
163
00:05:02,505 --> 00:05:04,642
Sir, I have to ask you
a couple of questions.
164
00:05:04,642 --> 00:05:06,680
Did you pack this bag yourself?
165
00:05:06,813 --> 00:05:07,481
Yeah.
166
00:05:07,849 --> 00:05:10,721
Did you at any time leave
your bag unattended?
167
00:05:11,022 --> 00:05:11,823
Uh...no.
168
00:05:12,124 --> 00:05:15,364
And did you accept anything
from another passenger?
169
00:05:15,598 --> 00:05:16,734
Uh...
170
00:05:16,734 --> 00:05:17,401
no.
171
00:05:17,401 --> 00:05:19,038
Alright, buddy,
then tell me
172
00:05:19,038 --> 00:05:20,406
what's goin' on here.
173
00:05:20,406 --> 00:05:23,379
What are you doing with
100 pounds of hotdogs?
174
00:05:23,580 --> 00:05:25,150
You smuggling this meat?
175
00:05:25,250 --> 00:05:27,020
No, I just like hot dogs.
176
00:05:27,020 --> 00:05:28,222
Yeah, you and me both buddy,
177
00:05:28,222 --> 00:05:31,462
but I never thought to pack
800 of them in a suitcase.
178
00:05:31,563 --> 00:05:33,333
I don't know what the
hell you're up to,
179
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:34,301
but whatever it is,
180
00:05:34,335 --> 00:05:35,436
it ain't kosher.
181
00:05:35,436 --> 00:05:37,107
No, they actually are kosher.
182
00:05:37,141 --> 00:05:39,746
Oh we got a comedian over here!
183
00:05:40,013 --> 00:05:42,552
[tense music]
184
00:05:42,986 --> 00:05:45,791
Well it's not illegal to
bring meat on a plane.
185
00:05:45,858 --> 00:05:47,562
I mean maybe he's
just a nut job.
186
00:05:47,662 --> 00:05:49,198
You know who else was crazy?
187
00:05:49,398 --> 00:05:50,433
Ted Kaczynski.
188
00:05:50,568 --> 00:05:51,670
So this guy's what,
189
00:05:51,737 --> 00:05:52,872
the “Hot Dog Bomber? ”
190
00:05:52,872 --> 00:05:54,843
Hot dogs are packed
with nitrates.
191
00:05:54,843 --> 00:05:56,580
You know what else was
packed with nitrates?
192
00:05:56,881 --> 00:06:00,086
The Port of Beirut right
before it exploded.
193
00:06:00,821 --> 00:06:02,390
Get me Quantico.
194
00:06:03,794 --> 00:06:05,096
[water flushes]
195
00:06:06,065 --> 00:06:08,002
Top shelf flight
so far, Captain.
196
00:06:08,002 --> 00:06:08,804
Well thank you.
197
00:06:08,804 --> 00:06:09,471
Appreciate that.
198
00:06:09,471 --> 00:06:11,475
Yeah, real smooth take off.
199
00:06:11,475 --> 00:06:13,914
Nice rotation. Excellent job.
200
00:06:13,914 --> 00:06:14,616
Well thanks.
201
00:06:14,616 --> 00:06:15,785
You a pilot yourself?
202
00:06:15,785 --> 00:06:16,653
I dabble.
203
00:06:16,653 --> 00:06:17,153
Oh yeah?
204
00:06:17,153 --> 00:06:18,022
What do you fly?
205
00:06:18,022 --> 00:06:19,358
Oh man, pfft.
206
00:06:19,358 --> 00:06:20,928
I mean I've flown commercial,
207
00:06:20,928 --> 00:06:23,332
C-130s, F-14s,
208
00:06:23,366 --> 00:06:26,239
DHC-4 Caribous... I
mean if it's in the sky,
209
00:06:26,239 --> 00:06:27,374
I've flown it. You
know what I mean?
210
00:06:27,374 --> 00:06:28,476
Well, I'll be damned!
211
00:06:28,476 --> 00:06:30,380
That is some serious equipment.
212
00:06:30,380 --> 00:06:31,984
You wanna pop into the cockpit,
213
00:06:31,984 --> 00:06:32,719
talk a little shop?
214
00:06:32,819 --> 00:06:34,689
Oh hell yeah, I--
that'd be great.
215
00:06:35,625 --> 00:06:38,129
Yeah, we're not
supposed to do this but,
216
00:06:38,129 --> 00:06:39,231
ah what the heck.
217
00:06:39,231 --> 00:06:41,836
9/11 was a long
time ago, you know?
218
00:06:43,339 --> 00:06:45,444
[Tammy sniffs]
219
00:06:45,645 --> 00:06:47,848
Oh, now you take them off.
220
00:06:49,986 --> 00:06:50,989
Um... Ma'am?
221
00:06:50,989 --> 00:06:51,990
Would you mind just, like,
222
00:06:51,990 --> 00:06:54,428
using headphones or
turning the sound off?
223
00:06:54,963 --> 00:06:56,232
It's a free country.
224
00:06:56,533 --> 00:06:58,504
“Candy Smash ”.
225
00:06:58,504 --> 00:06:59,640
[sigh] Dear God...
226
00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:01,544
please give me the
strength not to beat
227
00:07:01,544 --> 00:07:03,614
the living daylights
out of this woman.
228
00:07:03,647 --> 00:07:05,651
Yeah just last week I
was flying a modified.
229
00:07:05,651 --> 00:07:07,788
XF-85 Goblin over the Sahara.
230
00:07:07,788 --> 00:07:09,659
Got that puppy to sonic boom.
231
00:07:09,659 --> 00:07:11,129
Let me tell you, the
Camels, they were friggin
232
00:07:11,162 --> 00:07:12,498
crappin' themselves.
233
00:07:12,498 --> 00:07:14,536
This guy knows what
I'm talking about!
234
00:07:14,536 --> 00:07:15,470
Oh my god.
235
00:07:15,470 --> 00:07:16,940
And you think that's something,
236
00:07:16,940 --> 00:07:19,946
I once took a Warthog over
the Ho Chi Minh Trail.
237
00:07:19,946 --> 00:07:22,150
I was like...
deh-deh-deh-deh-deh-deh.
238
00:07:23,019 --> 00:07:23,721
Oh yeah?
239
00:07:24,255 --> 00:07:26,559
I flew A-10s in Desert Storm.
240
00:07:26,559 --> 00:07:28,531
I didn't realize
they were used in.
241
00:07:28,531 --> 00:07:30,133
Aren't you a little
young for Vietnam?
242
00:07:30,133 --> 00:07:31,804
Oh yeah, but I love history.
243
00:07:31,804 --> 00:07:33,707
Let me tell you,
I was doing a World War Two
244
00:07:33,707 --> 00:07:35,443
bombing mission and I was
supposed to take out
245
00:07:35,443 --> 00:07:36,279
some oil refinery,
246
00:07:36,279 --> 00:07:37,716
but get this okay--
247
00:07:37,716 --> 00:07:39,952
I took the B-2 over Berlin
248
00:07:39,952 --> 00:07:42,458
and dropped the full payload
on the f ĂĽrherbunker man.
249
00:07:42,458 --> 00:07:44,027
Wiped Germany off
the friggin map.
250
00:07:44,027 --> 00:07:44,696
Oh yeah?
251
00:07:44,963 --> 00:07:47,133
You flew a stealth
bomber in World War Two?
252
00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:50,508
Yeah looks like you got a
nasty cumulonimbus over there.
253
00:07:50,508 --> 00:07:52,511
You might wanna yaw
to the left a bit.
254
00:07:53,179 --> 00:07:54,882
Captain, you gonna yaw, or...
255
00:07:55,851 --> 00:07:58,189
Oh crap, yo this guy's
havin' a heart attack.
256
00:07:58,323 --> 00:08:00,059
Wait, are you eating peanuts?
257
00:08:00,059 --> 00:08:00,861
Oh you know it!
258
00:08:00,861 --> 00:08:02,565
Snack of the skies, baby! Right?
259
00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:03,734
He's allergic to peanuts!
260
00:08:03,734 --> 00:08:05,738
Get the EpiPen outta
the first aid kit!
261
00:08:07,074 --> 00:08:07,775
Got it!
262
00:08:08,176 --> 00:08:09,512
Here you go dude.
263
00:08:10,446 --> 00:08:12,183
Not me, you idiot!
264
00:08:12,183 --> 00:08:13,621
Oh. Uh... Well,
265
00:08:13,621 --> 00:08:14,421
you switched seats, okay.
266
00:08:14,589 --> 00:08:15,958
You can't be doing that
when you're wearing
267
00:08:15,958 --> 00:08:16,960
the same uniform.
268
00:08:20,366 --> 00:08:22,538
Okay, now that's a heart attack.
269
00:08:24,810 --> 00:08:25,444
“Okay. ”
270
00:08:25,545 --> 00:08:27,214
“All this person has to do is
271
00:08:27,214 --> 00:08:28,718
live in a tree for one year!
272
00:08:28,718 --> 00:08:30,220
What they don't know is...
273
00:08:30,220 --> 00:08:32,157
I'm gonna set the tree on fire ”
274
00:08:32,157 --> 00:08:34,462
Okay guys, I think it's
time to put our phones away.
275
00:08:34,462 --> 00:08:37,569
Perhaps today we
experience some things IRL?
276
00:08:37,602 --> 00:08:39,338
You're going to regret
this Uncle David.
277
00:08:39,338 --> 00:08:40,139
No,
278
00:08:40,373 --> 00:08:42,612
you're gonna regret
wasting your entire youth
279
00:08:42,612 --> 00:08:45,050
staring at a little screen
instead of being present.
280
00:08:45,050 --> 00:08:47,989
I know you're just doing this so
Aunt Andrea takes out her IUD.
281
00:08:47,989 --> 00:08:49,125
Wait. What?
282
00:08:49,125 --> 00:08:49,793
No!
283
00:08:50,093 --> 00:08:51,663
I just want to show
you guys a good time.
284
00:08:51,663 --> 00:08:53,165
Well, you're not off
to a great start.
285
00:08:53,165 --> 00:08:55,971
What are you talking about?
You're getting a sweet treat.
286
00:08:55,971 --> 00:08:57,341
I want ice cream.
287
00:08:57,341 --> 00:08:59,378
Well water ice is
a local favorite
288
00:08:59,478 --> 00:09:01,215
and also happens to
be less fattening.
289
00:09:01,215 --> 00:09:02,484
Are you calling me fat?
290
00:09:02,484 --> 00:09:03,520
You're body shaming me.
291
00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:04,756
Oh my god no--
292
00:09:04,756 --> 00:09:06,092
you have a great body--
293
00:09:06,192 --> 00:09:07,394
wait... no. I mean--
294
00:09:07,394 --> 00:09:09,098
you're a beautiful
girl. You're beau--
295
00:09:09,098 --> 00:09:10,601
Ew. So sus.
296
00:09:10,634 --> 00:09:12,271
Why is it called water ice?
297
00:09:12,271 --> 00:09:13,072
That's a dumb name.
298
00:09:13,072 --> 00:09:15,143
Yes, I agree okay
it makes no sense,
299
00:09:15,143 --> 00:09:15,778
but I mean c'mon,
300
00:09:16,112 --> 00:09:17,649
look at all these fun
flavors right there.
301
00:09:17,649 --> 00:09:19,653
My favorite flavor is
birthday cake ice cream.
302
00:09:19,653 --> 00:09:20,621
I don't see that option,
303
00:09:20,655 --> 00:09:22,257
so I'm going to try root beer.
304
00:09:22,257 --> 00:09:23,359
It better be good.
305
00:09:23,627 --> 00:09:24,796
Hey there David!
306
00:09:24,829 --> 00:09:26,398
Medium cherry bordeaux?
307
00:09:26,398 --> 00:09:27,701
Haha, you know it.
308
00:09:27,701 --> 00:09:29,137
And how about this little fella?
309
00:09:30,006 --> 00:09:30,641
What is that?
310
00:09:30,641 --> 00:09:31,510
My order.
311
00:09:31,510 --> 00:09:32,678
Why are you writing it down?
312
00:09:32,678 --> 00:09:33,814
In case he's deaf.
313
00:09:33,814 --> 00:09:35,016
What're you, ableist?
314
00:09:35,016 --> 00:09:35,685
He's not deaf.
315
00:09:35,818 --> 00:09:37,354
You just watched
him take my order.
316
00:09:37,354 --> 00:09:38,757
Oh, give me that.
317
00:09:39,793 --> 00:09:40,994
Aaand we are leaving--
318
00:09:41,930 --> 00:09:44,569
[radio] Flight 179er can we
get a status check?
319
00:09:44,569 --> 00:09:46,138
Noticed you lost some altitude.
320
00:09:46,138 --> 00:09:47,107
This is 179er.
321
00:09:47,107 --> 00:09:49,144
Yeah we actually lost a
couple of pilots, too.
322
00:09:49,144 --> 00:09:49,946
But all good,
323
00:09:50,013 --> 00:09:51,816
Captain Mark Hoagies
is in the saddle.
324
00:09:52,116 --> 00:09:54,121
[radio]
179er. Say again over --
325
00:09:54,121 --> 00:09:56,192
did you say you lost
a couple pilots?
326
00:09:56,192 --> 00:09:57,561
Uh... where'd they go?
327
00:09:57,561 --> 00:09:59,231
Uh tower, they're
actually in heaven.
328
00:09:59,365 --> 00:10:02,170
Although the one copilot was
kinda mean he might be in hell,
329
00:10:02,170 --> 00:10:03,272
but they are both dead.
330
00:10:03,272 --> 00:10:04,876
[radio] Uh say-- What...
331
00:10:05,310 --> 00:10:06,646
Wait they're dead?
332
00:10:06,713 --> 00:10:07,515
Uh looking at them,
333
00:10:07,615 --> 00:10:10,086
I wanna say affirmative.
Yes, affirmative.
334
00:10:10,086 --> 00:10:12,423
Very sad. Very sad.
Gone but not forgotten.
335
00:10:12,423 --> 00:10:13,092
[radio] 179er.
336
00:10:13,392 --> 00:10:15,063
Can you confirm you
have flying experience?
337
00:10:15,097 --> 00:10:17,200
Oh yeah big time--I
mean affirmative.
338
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:18,971
I'm actually a very
legitimate pilot.
339
00:10:18,971 --> 00:10:20,808
Passengers are
actually very lucky
340
00:10:20,808 --> 00:10:22,745
that I am on this
plane--aircraft.
341
00:10:22,745 --> 00:10:24,816
[radio]
So you've flown a 737 before?
342
00:10:24,816 --> 00:10:26,820
Affirmative. Requesting
permission to tell you
343
00:10:26,820 --> 00:10:28,624
about all the cool
planes I've flown.
344
00:10:28,624 --> 00:10:29,826
[radio]
Uh yeah I don't need--
345
00:10:29,859 --> 00:10:30,961
Let's not worry about that.
346
00:10:31,128 --> 00:10:33,600
Right now we're gonna talk you
through an emergency landing.
347
00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:35,036
Permission denied. I'm good.
348
00:10:35,036 --> 00:10:36,305
[radio]
The hell is this guy--
349
00:10:37,374 --> 00:10:40,581
179er. I need you to confirm
that autopilot is engaged?
350
00:10:40,581 --> 00:10:42,016
Oh, good point, yeah.
351
00:10:42,016 --> 00:10:44,322
Confirmed, autopilot is engaged.
352
00:10:44,322 --> 00:10:45,023
Turning it off now.
353
00:10:45,190 --> 00:10:47,093
[radio]
No sir, do not disengage au--
354
00:10:47,093 --> 00:10:47,895
Yeah, sorry tower,
355
00:10:47,996 --> 00:10:49,899
robots ain't taking
this job from me.
356
00:10:49,999 --> 00:10:51,736
[radio]
179er I need you to enga--
357
00:10:51,736 --> 00:10:52,905
Hey, goin' dark for a minute --
358
00:10:52,905 --> 00:10:54,208
gotta check the score
of the Birds game.
359
00:10:54,208 --> 00:10:55,777
[changes frequency]
360
00:10:55,777 --> 00:10:59,451
And he dives forward for
another Eagles first down!
361
00:10:59,451 --> 00:11:00,988
Hell yeah.
362
00:11:01,222 --> 00:11:03,359
[tense music]
363
00:11:03,660 --> 00:11:04,862
Ooh thanks.
364
00:11:05,230 --> 00:11:06,064
Mm.
365
00:11:06,064 --> 00:11:06,766
So Hank,
366
00:11:07,133 --> 00:11:08,837
we're just trying to
understand what's going on.
367
00:11:08,870 --> 00:11:10,073
Where were you headed today?
368
00:11:10,373 --> 00:11:11,208
A funeral.
369
00:11:11,208 --> 00:11:12,378
Yeah sounds about right.
370
00:11:12,378 --> 00:11:13,513
Where's the funeral?
371
00:11:13,513 --> 00:11:14,314
It's in Florida.
372
00:11:14,582 --> 00:11:16,886
You know they got hot
dogs down there too, pal.
373
00:11:16,886 --> 00:11:18,523
You can buy hot dogs in Florida.
374
00:11:18,523 --> 00:11:21,228
Yeah, I know, I was gonna
refill for the trip back.
375
00:11:21,361 --> 00:11:22,497
Here's what I don't get.
376
00:11:22,632 --> 00:11:23,634
Where's the buns?
377
00:11:23,634 --> 00:11:24,635
The mustard?
378
00:11:24,635 --> 00:11:26,138
Oh right here.
379
00:11:26,138 --> 00:11:27,073
Oh my god! Bomb!
380
00:11:27,073 --> 00:11:29,344
Hit the deck! Go go go go go!
381
00:11:29,779 --> 00:11:31,716
[panic and door slams]
382
00:11:32,785 --> 00:11:34,722
[metallic arm]
383
00:11:38,262 --> 00:11:38,931
He's clean.
384
00:11:38,931 --> 00:11:40,567
Just condiments and buns.
385
00:11:40,567 --> 00:11:41,402
Alright,
386
00:11:41,402 --> 00:11:42,806
no criminal record.
387
00:11:42,806 --> 00:11:44,341
No terrorist affiliations.
388
00:11:44,341 --> 00:11:47,247
According to Facebook
he's only in one group:
389
00:11:47,515 --> 00:11:49,418
Hot Dog Lovers of Glantontown.
390
00:11:49,552 --> 00:11:50,754
Ugh, there's just no link.
391
00:11:50,754 --> 00:11:51,790
- The Hell are you talking about
392
00:11:51,790 --> 00:11:53,560
There's 800 damn links!
393
00:11:53,560 --> 00:11:55,665
Ugh, this one's
above my pay grade.
394
00:11:55,932 --> 00:11:57,835
Put me through to the Pentagon.
395
00:11:58,136 --> 00:11:59,304
[duck quacks]
396
00:11:59,304 --> 00:12:00,406
This is boring.
397
00:12:00,439 --> 00:12:00,941
No, no.
398
00:12:01,108 --> 00:12:02,410
You're just overstimulated.
399
00:12:02,410 --> 00:12:03,479
If you actually pay attention
400
00:12:03,479 --> 00:12:06,419
you'll find that nature
is the opposite of boring.
401
00:12:06,419 --> 00:12:07,689
Can I just have my phone.
402
00:12:07,689 --> 00:12:10,327
No. But you can have this.
403
00:12:10,327 --> 00:12:11,563
Is that a piece of bread?
404
00:12:11,563 --> 00:12:12,096
Yes.
405
00:12:12,430 --> 00:12:14,569
Because we are gonna
feed the ducks.
406
00:12:15,070 --> 00:12:16,706
You shouldn't feed ducks bread.
407
00:12:16,706 --> 00:12:17,542
It's bad for them.
408
00:12:17,542 --> 00:12:18,843
You should feed them corn.
409
00:12:18,843 --> 00:12:20,280
Oh yeah, you're a duck expert?
410
00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:20,915
Yes.
411
00:12:21,115 --> 00:12:22,417
Ducks have been
my favorite animal
412
00:12:22,417 --> 00:12:23,286
since I've been a kid
413
00:12:23,286 --> 00:12:24,421
and frankly I'm a little
414
00:12:24,421 --> 00:12:25,591
disappointed that you,
415
00:12:25,591 --> 00:12:27,427
as my uncle, did not know that.
416
00:12:27,427 --> 00:12:28,296
Uh...pfft...
417
00:12:28,296 --> 00:12:29,832
Of course I knew that.
418
00:12:29,932 --> 00:12:30,634
That's why we're here.
419
00:12:30,767 --> 00:12:32,838
Uncle David I
really want cousins,
420
00:12:32,939 --> 00:12:34,909
but you're making
this difficult...
421
00:12:35,476 --> 00:12:36,814
Oh! It's Andrea.
422
00:12:36,814 --> 00:12:39,051
Okay, pretend you're
having fun. Smile!
423
00:12:39,051 --> 00:12:40,052
Hahaha,
424
00:12:40,052 --> 00:12:40,721
hi babe.
425
00:12:41,021 --> 00:12:42,691
Just checking in to see
how Uncle David Day
426
00:12:42,691 --> 00:12:43,727
is coming along.
427
00:12:43,727 --> 00:12:45,029
Oh it's going great!
428
00:12:45,129 --> 00:12:46,465
We're at the park right now,
429
00:12:46,465 --> 00:12:47,868
we're just feeding the ducks,
430
00:12:47,868 --> 00:12:49,137
you know, Ava's favorite animal.
431
00:12:49,137 --> 00:12:50,875
I literally just told him that.
432
00:12:50,875 --> 00:12:52,344
He's actually trying
to malnourish them.
433
00:12:52,344 --> 00:12:54,582
No, we're just goofin'
around, you know.
434
00:12:54,582 --> 00:12:56,451
Look at Aiden oh he's so cute,
435
00:12:56,451 --> 00:12:58,256
we were laughing so hard before.
436
00:12:58,256 --> 00:13:00,861
And he's really connecting with
these ducks right over there.
437
00:13:00,861 --> 00:13:02,196
Here ducky ducky.
438
00:13:03,332 --> 00:13:04,168
Yeet!
439
00:13:04,468 --> 00:13:05,470
Oh my god!
440
00:13:05,470 --> 00:13:07,340
Oh, David, did he just ki--
441
00:13:08,009 --> 00:13:10,013
“It's not my fault she
got kicked by a Zebra.
442
00:13:10,013 --> 00:13:11,348
I said “no touching. ”
443
00:13:11,516 --> 00:13:12,951
[smack]
444
00:13:14,221 --> 00:13:15,022
Excuse me?
445
00:13:15,022 --> 00:13:16,760
Would you mind moving your hair?
446
00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:18,395
It's blocking my movie.
447
00:13:19,532 --> 00:13:21,536
Oh alright,
448
00:13:21,536 --> 00:13:22,838
that's how you wanna play it?
449
00:13:22,838 --> 00:13:24,074
Watch this.
450
00:13:24,207 --> 00:13:25,243
[chuckles]
451
00:13:25,376 --> 00:13:26,478
[snip, snip]
452
00:13:27,247 --> 00:13:28,382
[chuckles]
453
00:13:29,050 --> 00:13:31,155
[radio] 179er, we need to
discuss some procedures.
454
00:13:31,188 --> 00:13:33,627
First off let's avoid
using radio comms
455
00:13:33,727 --> 00:13:35,130
for sports scores--
456
00:13:35,163 --> 00:13:36,365
we're trying to get you
safely on the ground, okay?
457
00:13:36,465 --> 00:13:40,239
Ah, This is 179er requesting you
ease up on the micromanagement,
458
00:13:40,239 --> 00:13:40,907
thanks.
459
00:13:41,141 --> 00:13:42,076
[radio]
This is standard procedure, sir.
460
00:13:42,276 --> 00:13:44,782
Okay well, this situation
is totally under control,
461
00:13:44,816 --> 00:13:46,552
okay. These planes are
basically un-crashable.
462
00:13:46,552 --> 00:13:47,555
Let's be real.
463
00:13:47,555 --> 00:13:48,724
[radio]
Sir, that is not true.
464
00:13:48,791 --> 00:13:49,759
-I need you to please listen--
-Oh come on everybody knows
465
00:13:49,993 --> 00:13:52,564
half these buttons don't even
do anything. Okay, watch.
466
00:13:52,564 --> 00:13:53,901
Bupabubaduboo.
467
00:13:53,901 --> 00:13:55,537
[radio]
Sir do not do that-
468
00:14:00,413 --> 00:14:01,281
[beep]
469
00:14:03,553 --> 00:14:04,656
See? All good.
470
00:14:04,656 --> 00:14:05,323
I know you're stressed
471
00:14:05,591 --> 00:14:07,427
but maybe that's why
you're on the ground
472
00:14:07,427 --> 00:14:08,429
and I'm up here.
473
00:14:08,429 --> 00:14:09,097
Let me tell you something.
474
00:14:09,097 --> 00:14:10,433
In thirty years, I have never
475
00:14:10,433 --> 00:14:11,335
lost an aircraft.
476
00:14:11,335 --> 00:14:13,974
This moron better
not end my streak.
477
00:14:13,974 --> 00:14:15,109
He's a pilot, sir.
478
00:14:15,109 --> 00:14:16,646
And he's the best
chance we've got
479
00:14:16,680 --> 00:14:18,116
to get this bird down safely.
480
00:14:18,182 --> 00:14:20,554
Then find me someone who
can get through to him.
481
00:14:21,254 --> 00:14:22,825
[tense music]
482
00:14:22,825 --> 00:14:24,895
Do you know who I am?
483
00:14:25,564 --> 00:14:26,231
No.
484
00:14:26,431 --> 00:14:28,903
I'm the guy you
don't want to meet.
485
00:14:29,271 --> 00:14:29,939
Hi.
486
00:14:30,206 --> 00:14:33,079
You ever hear of Abu
Bakr al-Baghdadi?
487
00:14:33,079 --> 00:14:37,253
Self-proclaimed caliph of ISIS
and all-around human scumbag?
488
00:14:37,253 --> 00:14:39,257
Well I'm the guy who
dug the tunnel under the
489
00:14:39,257 --> 00:14:41,696
Al-Hajarah desert to
smoke that bastard out.
490
00:14:42,264 --> 00:14:44,134
And then I called
in the airstrike.
491
00:14:44,502 --> 00:14:48,342
You know the last I heard they
found one of his teeth in Kut.
492
00:14:48,576 --> 00:14:49,578
[door opens]
493
00:14:51,315 --> 00:14:52,350
[whispering]
494
00:14:52,450 --> 00:14:53,452
Well Hank,
495
00:14:53,587 --> 00:14:55,591
looks like it's your lucky day.
496
00:14:55,591 --> 00:14:57,594
Mr. Hoagies, follow me.
497
00:14:58,328 --> 00:14:59,464
[alarms beeping]
498
00:14:59,866 --> 00:15:00,767
Low Fuel,
499
00:15:01,034 --> 00:15:02,037
Low Fuel.
500
00:15:02,237 --> 00:15:04,008
[radio]
Am I hearing a low fuel warning?
501
00:15:04,008 --> 00:15:05,243
Say again... sorry,
502
00:15:05,343 --> 00:15:07,614
havin' trouble hearing
you over all these alarms.
503
00:15:07,614 --> 00:15:08,951
I think your plane is glitchy.
504
00:15:08,951 --> 00:15:10,119
[radio]
State your fuel!
505
00:15:10,119 --> 00:15:12,658
Uhhh, looks like just
under five hundo.
506
00:15:12,658 --> 00:15:15,764
[radio] Say again please:
did you say Five-Zero-Zero?
507
00:15:15,764 --> 00:15:16,866
Affirmative. We're good.
508
00:15:16,866 --> 00:15:19,471
Got five hundred
liter...quarts...
509
00:15:19,471 --> 00:15:20,473
got five hundred.
510
00:15:20,641 --> 00:15:21,977
We got five hundred fuels.
511
00:15:21,977 --> 00:15:22,878
Dear God,
512
00:15:22,878 --> 00:15:24,616
this moron is five minutes away
513
00:15:24,616 --> 00:15:26,051
from being a hang glider.
514
00:15:26,051 --> 00:15:27,621
Okay listen, pal.
515
00:15:27,621 --> 00:15:29,892
You need to land this thing now!
516
00:15:29,892 --> 00:15:32,430
Confirm auto-land is engaged.
517
00:15:32,430 --> 00:15:34,635
- Negative tower.
We're doing it live.
518
00:15:34,635 --> 00:15:35,737
No you idiot!
519
00:15:35,737 --> 00:15:37,541
Knock it off with
this cowboy crap.
520
00:15:37,541 --> 00:15:40,280
- Tower this is 179er
requesting permission to speak
521
00:15:40,280 --> 00:15:41,883
to someone a little
more professional.
522
00:15:41,883 --> 00:15:42,283
Gah!
523
00:15:42,283 --> 00:15:43,452
I gotta tell ya.
524
00:15:43,452 --> 00:15:44,154
I've dealt with a lot of
525
00:15:44,154 --> 00:15:45,790
jackass pilots before,
526
00:15:45,790 --> 00:15:46,593
but this guy...
527
00:15:46,593 --> 00:15:47,929
this guy is impossible.
528
00:15:47,995 --> 00:15:49,131
He won't listen to me.
529
00:15:49,131 --> 00:15:51,368
But he might listen to him.
530
00:15:51,503 --> 00:15:53,338
[dramatic music]
531
00:15:58,048 --> 00:15:59,217
[radio] Hey Mark.
532
00:15:59,250 --> 00:15:59,919
Hank?
533
00:15:59,919 --> 00:16:00,486
Is that you?
534
00:16:00,621 --> 00:16:02,257
I thought you were on the plane.
535
00:16:02,257 --> 00:16:02,791
Nah.
536
00:16:02,791 --> 00:16:03,927
Long story.
537
00:16:03,927 --> 00:16:05,665
- Yo guess what I'm
doing right now?!
538
00:16:05,665 --> 00:16:06,800
Uh...flying a plane?
539
00:16:06,900 --> 00:16:08,102
- Oh yeah baby.
540
00:16:08,102 --> 00:16:09,539
- Flying a plane.
541
00:16:09,539 --> 00:16:10,874
- No big deal. Ahhh.
542
00:16:10,908 --> 00:16:11,776
Who is this guy?
543
00:16:11,776 --> 00:16:12,443
His brother.
544
00:16:12,611 --> 00:16:13,947
Says he's got
over a hundred hours
545
00:16:13,947 --> 00:16:15,283
in the cockpit with the guy.
546
00:16:15,283 --> 00:16:17,320
Alright tell him he's
approaching fuel exhaustion
547
00:16:17,320 --> 00:16:19,658
and he must land the plane ASAP.
548
00:16:19,658 --> 00:16:21,094
Okay uh,
549
00:16:21,094 --> 00:16:23,332
Mark, they're saying
your fuel's real tired
550
00:16:23,432 --> 00:16:25,971
and you gotta land
the plane AARP.
551
00:16:25,971 --> 00:16:27,073
Oh my god.
552
00:16:27,073 --> 00:16:28,543
Just maybe... just
do it your way.
553
00:16:28,543 --> 00:16:29,378
Okay,
554
00:16:29,411 --> 00:16:30,379
okay yeah.
555
00:16:30,547 --> 00:16:31,716
Okay Mark,
556
00:16:31,716 --> 00:16:32,384
you got this.
557
00:16:32,384 --> 00:16:34,053
Just like we're in the garage.
558
00:16:34,053 --> 00:16:36,058
Hold on. What do you
mean by “garage ”?
559
00:16:36,091 --> 00:16:37,728
Oh it's the room where
you park your car.
560
00:16:37,728 --> 00:16:39,531
No I know what a damn garage is.
561
00:16:39,531 --> 00:16:42,103
What do you mean you want
him to land the plane
562
00:16:42,103 --> 00:16:44,576
“just like we're in the garage ”"
563
00:16:44,576 --> 00:16:45,243
What does that mean?
564
00:16:45,511 --> 00:16:47,815
Oh that's where he
sets up his simulator.
565
00:16:47,815 --> 00:16:48,817
Simulator?!
566
00:16:49,251 --> 00:16:52,323
Does he have any experience
flying a real plane?
567
00:16:52,658 --> 00:16:53,560
I mean...
568
00:16:53,693 --> 00:16:55,029
he does now.
569
00:16:56,666 --> 00:16:59,538
Are you fricken' kidding me?!?!
570
00:16:59,538 --> 00:17:01,142
Did you do this?!
571
00:17:01,208 --> 00:17:02,376
Yeah. Do you like it?
572
00:17:02,376 --> 00:17:04,715
I think it compliments
your ugly attitude.
573
00:17:04,849 --> 00:17:07,555
Oh I'll beat your ass, bitch.
574
00:17:07,555 --> 00:17:10,760
Yeah yeah. Can you at least wait
until after this dance scene?
575
00:17:12,999 --> 00:17:13,800
[cracking knuckles]
576
00:17:13,967 --> 00:17:16,606
I need all emergency
vehicles standing by.
577
00:17:16,973 --> 00:17:19,277
He's lined up and his
altitude looks good.
578
00:17:19,545 --> 00:17:22,083
You know he might
actually pull this off.
579
00:17:22,083 --> 00:17:23,285
You got this Mark.
580
00:17:23,418 --> 00:17:25,758
So uh, you gonna do
your signature move?
581
00:17:25,758 --> 00:17:26,626
What does that mean?
582
00:17:26,626 --> 00:17:27,293
Yeah I don't know Hank,
583
00:17:27,460 --> 00:17:28,630
I'm trying to
give the passengers
584
00:17:28,630 --> 00:17:29,732
a smooth landing here.
585
00:17:29,732 --> 00:17:31,001
Hold on, what does that mean,
586
00:17:31,001 --> 00:17:31,937
signature move?
587
00:17:32,104 --> 00:17:34,508
Oh, uh, right before landing
he does a barrel roll.
588
00:17:34,508 --> 00:17:35,409
Oh man--
589
00:17:35,544 --> 00:17:38,717
That might be the dumbest
thing I've ever heard.
590
00:17:38,717 --> 00:17:39,418
Uh no.
591
00:17:39,652 --> 00:17:41,422
Actually it's very
cool. You wanna see it?
592
00:17:41,422 --> 00:17:42,558
[radio]
Don't even think about it.
593
00:17:42,558 --> 00:17:44,494
Too late. Already
thinking about it.
594
00:17:44,494 --> 00:17:44,929
Buddy,
595
00:17:45,396 --> 00:17:50,774
you absolutely “cannot
do a barrel roll
596
00:17:50,774 --> 00:17:53,011
on a commercial airline ”.
597
00:17:53,011 --> 00:17:54,348
Maybe you can't,
598
00:17:54,481 --> 00:17:55,283
but I can.
599
00:17:55,383 --> 00:17:56,786
I've actually done
it a bunch of times.
600
00:17:56,786 --> 00:17:58,122
I even once did it on a blimp.
601
00:17:58,122 --> 00:18:00,026
Oh my god, oh my god.
602
00:18:00,026 --> 00:18:01,028
Uh... I wouldn't push him...
603
00:18:01,028 --> 00:18:02,130
Listen pal!
604
00:18:02,330 --> 00:18:05,336
I don't care what
you do in your garage
605
00:18:05,336 --> 00:18:06,772
but this is real life.
606
00:18:07,006 --> 00:18:10,212
There are actual
lives at stake. Okay?
607
00:18:10,312 --> 00:18:12,050
This isn't your
stupid video game.
608
00:18:12,050 --> 00:18:13,653
Okay pal well listen up.
609
00:18:13,653 --> 00:18:14,922
It ain't a video game.
610
00:18:14,922 --> 00:18:16,391
It's a simulation.
611
00:18:16,424 --> 00:18:16,893
Hank,
612
00:18:17,193 --> 00:18:18,630
we're doing a barrel roll.
613
00:18:18,630 --> 00:18:19,966
Oh my god
614
00:18:19,966 --> 00:18:21,535
they're all gonna die.
615
00:18:22,938 --> 00:18:25,076
[shuffling footsteps]
616
00:18:25,544 --> 00:18:26,412
[radio]
Ladies and gentleman,
617
00:18:26,513 --> 00:18:28,617
this is your captain
Mark Hoagies speaking.
618
00:18:28,617 --> 00:18:30,921
We're gonna be doin' an
emergency landing today.
619
00:18:30,921 --> 00:18:31,756
No big deal.
620
00:18:31,990 --> 00:18:34,060
The weather in Philadelphia
is probably the same
621
00:18:34,060 --> 00:18:35,597
as when we left
twenty minutes ago.
622
00:18:35,597 --> 00:18:38,302
But don't worry -- I got a
special treat for youse all.
623
00:18:38,335 --> 00:18:40,205
Might want to have
your phones ready
624
00:18:40,205 --> 00:18:42,578
because this landing
is gonna be memorable.
625
00:18:42,578 --> 00:18:43,546
Oh my god...
626
00:18:44,848 --> 00:18:46,452
What -- are you afraid of me?
627
00:18:46,452 --> 00:18:46,953
No,
628
00:18:47,120 --> 00:18:48,690
but I'm afraid of my husband
629
00:18:48,690 --> 00:18:49,925
flying this plane.
630
00:18:50,794 --> 00:18:54,167
[dramatic music]
631
00:18:59,778 --> 00:19:01,314
Ugh this sucks.
632
00:19:01,348 --> 00:19:03,318
How much longer do
we have to walk?
633
00:19:03,318 --> 00:19:04,989
We're not walking. We're hiking.
634
00:19:04,989 --> 00:19:05,990
Hiking is stupid.
635
00:19:05,990 --> 00:19:07,227
Well too bad.
636
00:19:07,227 --> 00:19:09,130
You know, I tried
taking you for treats
637
00:19:09,130 --> 00:19:10,499
and you almost ruined my life.
638
00:19:10,499 --> 00:19:13,238
Then I brought you to the
park and you kicked a duck.
639
00:19:13,238 --> 00:19:15,209
I didn't kick it. I yeeted it.
640
00:19:15,209 --> 00:19:16,779
How about you just
give us our phones back
641
00:19:16,813 --> 00:19:18,883
and we'll just lie and
say we had a good time?
642
00:19:18,883 --> 00:19:19,885
Everybody wins.
643
00:19:19,885 --> 00:19:20,987
No way Jose.
644
00:19:20,987 --> 00:19:22,423
We're doing this above board.
645
00:19:22,423 --> 00:19:24,995
Well, enjoy wearing condoms
for the rest of your life.
646
00:19:24,995 --> 00:19:27,099
What!? I don't...always
have to...
647
00:19:27,300 --> 00:19:28,670
I'm not having this
conversation with you.
648
00:19:28,670 --> 00:19:30,640
Maybe if you stopped
treating us like babies
649
00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:32,410
we could actually connect
in a meaningful way.
650
00:19:32,511 --> 00:19:33,780
Okay. You know what? Great.
651
00:19:33,780 --> 00:19:35,817
You want to have a
mature conversation?
652
00:19:35,817 --> 00:19:36,418
Let's do it.
653
00:19:36,418 --> 00:19:37,286
Why doesn't Aunt Andrea
654
00:19:37,286 --> 00:19:38,255
want to have kids with you?
655
00:19:38,289 --> 00:19:39,859
Ah... Wow. Um...
656
00:19:40,259 --> 00:19:44,502
she is just on a
different timetable.
657
00:19:44,502 --> 00:19:46,371
Sounds a lot like
you never had sex.
658
00:19:46,405 --> 00:19:47,808
Isn't she like 45?
659
00:19:47,808 --> 00:19:49,712
She's probably already
having menopause.
660
00:19:49,712 --> 00:19:51,815
Why are you so obsessed
with having kids anyway?
661
00:19:51,815 --> 00:19:54,254
Do you think it's going to
fix your marriage problems?
662
00:19:54,254 --> 00:19:56,157
Okay, you know what?!
I can't with you two.
663
00:19:56,157 --> 00:19:57,695
Here, take your stupid phones.
664
00:19:57,695 --> 00:20:00,299
Now I get why your mom lets
you have them all the time.
665
00:20:00,299 --> 00:20:02,470
Try to do something right...
666
00:20:03,639 --> 00:20:05,744
Woaaaaahhhhh!
667
00:20:05,744 --> 00:20:06,445
Did you see that?
668
00:20:06,713 --> 00:20:08,448
No, I was on my phone--
wait what'd I miss?
669
00:20:08,448 --> 00:20:10,152
The coolest thing
I've ever seen!
670
00:20:10,152 --> 00:20:11,021
Did you get it on video?
671
00:20:11,021 --> 00:20:11,656
Let me see.
672
00:20:11,656 --> 00:20:12,323
Nah.
673
00:20:12,490 --> 00:20:14,294
We just kinda
experienced it IRL.
674
00:20:14,294 --> 00:20:16,198
And you know, it
was pretty sweet.
675
00:20:16,198 --> 00:20:17,033
Yeah,
676
00:20:17,033 --> 00:20:18,401
thanks Uncle David.
677
00:20:22,644 --> 00:20:25,650
[dramatic music]
678
00:20:30,794 --> 00:20:31,963
Aw yeah.
679
00:20:31,963 --> 00:20:32,831
Nailed it.
680
00:20:34,334 --> 00:20:35,503
Nailed it.
681
00:20:44,054 --> 00:20:45,055
I mean let's be real okay,
682
00:20:45,055 --> 00:20:46,491
if you're allergic to peanuts
683
00:20:46,491 --> 00:20:47,928
you gotta announce
that to the cabin.
684
00:20:47,928 --> 00:20:49,164
I mean, that's just pilot error.
685
00:20:49,164 --> 00:20:49,832
Okay Mark.
686
00:20:50,099 --> 00:20:52,336
But luckily, my
little “video game ”
687
00:20:52,336 --> 00:20:54,509
saved the lives of two
hundred people, so.
688
00:20:54,509 --> 00:20:56,613
Yeah and put you on
the “no fly list. ”
689
00:20:56,613 --> 00:20:59,083
Small price to pay
for being a hero.
690
00:20:59,083 --> 00:20:59,952
I hear that.
691
00:20:59,952 --> 00:21:01,254
I hope Uncle Kenny isn't mad
692
00:21:01,254 --> 00:21:02,657
we missed his funeral.
693
00:21:04,093 --> 00:21:04,828
[beep, beep, beep]
694
00:21:04,828 --> 00:21:05,898
Oh come on $15?!
695
00:21:05,898 --> 00:21:07,366
How are they gonna
charge for parking!?
696
00:21:07,366 --> 00:21:08,636
We didn't even get to Florida!
697
00:21:09,070 --> 00:21:10,807
[music]
698
00:21:13,212 --> 00:21:14,815
Uh, what are you doing?
699
00:21:16,117 --> 00:21:17,787
Hank, you thinking
what I'm thinking?
700
00:21:17,787 --> 00:21:21,094
That condiments should be
packed in a clear plastic bag?
701
00:21:21,194 --> 00:21:22,062
No, Hank--
702
00:21:22,998 --> 00:21:24,000
BARREL ROLL!
703
00:21:24,234 --> 00:21:26,872
[action music]
47663
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