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1
00:00:02,336 --> 00:00:02,876
Oh, come on!
2
00:00:03,045 --> 00:00:04,253
Run the fricken ball!
3
00:00:04,422 --> 00:00:05,629
What are you doin' coach?
4
00:00:05,798 --> 00:00:07,214
This whole team
is run by morons!
5
00:00:07,383 --> 00:00:08,048
Yo, hoagies!
6
00:00:08,759 --> 00:00:10,217
Maybe if you yell a little
louder, they can hear you
7
00:00:10,219 --> 00:00:11,635
Over there in minneapolis!
8
00:00:11,846 --> 00:00:12,469
Oh, great.
9
00:00:12,638 --> 00:00:13,762
Fricken steve delvecchio.
10
00:00:14,098 --> 00:00:14,346
Oh, cool.
11
00:00:14,557 --> 00:00:14,888
No, hank.
12
00:00:15,433 --> 00:00:16,390
The guy's a freakin' douchebag.
13
00:00:16,976 --> 00:00:19,351
Hate to break it to you, steve,
but you're at a sports bar.
14
00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:19,893
Oh, great.
15
00:00:20,062 --> 00:00:20,894
Here he comes.
16
00:00:21,063 --> 00:00:21,854
Let me ask you something.
17
00:00:22,398 --> 00:00:24,189
Why in the hell would they
run the ball when they're
18
00:00:24,191 --> 00:00:25,941
Down by 14 with no timeouts?
19
00:00:26,068 --> 00:00:28,027
It's called smash
mouth football, okay?
20
00:00:28,029 --> 00:00:28,819
You ever heard of it?
21
00:00:28,988 --> 00:00:29,653
Pound the rock.
22
00:00:30,406 --> 00:00:31,655
You're literally just
yelling stuff, you know that?
23
00:00:31,782 --> 00:00:33,157
You got no clue what you're
talking about, hoagies.
24
00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:33,824
Oh yeah?
25
00:00:34,201 --> 00:00:35,284
What makes you an authority?
26
00:00:35,661 --> 00:00:36,785
How about this.
27
00:00:36,912 --> 00:00:37,077
[bling]
28
00:00:37,788 --> 00:00:39,329
Whoa, is that a super bowl ring?
29
00:00:39,331 --> 00:00:41,290
Pfft, where'd you get
that? The Halloween store?
30
00:00:41,292 --> 00:00:43,042
No, I earned it, okay?
31
00:00:43,044 --> 00:00:45,502
I played a pivotal role
in the eagles championship
32
00:00:45,504 --> 00:00:46,170
Run, thank you.
33
00:00:46,338 --> 00:00:47,546
Oh, get out of here, steve.
34
00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:48,630
You work in ticket sales.
35
00:00:48,799 --> 00:00:50,382
That's a bs ring right there.
36
00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:51,216
No such thing.
37
00:00:51,218 --> 00:00:53,552
Whoa, is that a super bowl ring?
38
00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:54,595
You bet your ass it is.
39
00:00:54,764 --> 00:00:56,722
Wow! Beer's on the house.
40
00:00:56,932 --> 00:00:57,639
Thanks, man.
41
00:00:57,808 --> 00:00:59,058
Later, hoagies.
42
00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:00,017
Unbelievable.
43
00:01:00,811 --> 00:01:02,811
Yeah, I can't believe
steve delvecchio is a
44
00:01:02,813 --> 00:01:03,812
Super bowl champion.
45
00:01:03,814 --> 00:01:04,938
He's a fraud, hank.
46
00:01:05,232 --> 00:01:09,777
I cannot and will not sit
idly by while steve frickin'
47
00:01:09,779 --> 00:01:12,696
Delvecchio runs around
acting like football royalty,
48
00:01:12,865 --> 00:01:16,158
Reaping the benefits of a
ring he does not deserve.
49
00:01:16,368 --> 00:01:18,452
Well, uh, what are you
gonna do about it, mark?
50
00:01:18,746 --> 00:01:21,955
I'm also gonna reap
the benefits, baby.
51
00:01:21,957 --> 00:01:22,456
Boom.
52
00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:23,791
Suck it, delvecchio.
53
00:01:24,293 --> 00:01:25,292
[♪♪♪]
54
00:01:25,586 --> 00:01:28,212
♪ well, I used to
work at a hot dog factory ♪
55
00:01:28,214 --> 00:01:30,380
♪ until them
robots came along ♪
56
00:01:30,382 --> 00:01:32,091
♪ and now
there is no job for me ♪
57
00:01:32,093 --> 00:01:34,551
♪ but I get
3,000 bucks a month ♪
58
00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:38,680
♪ thanks to uvi ♪
59
00:01:38,891 --> 00:01:42,726
♪ now we're
universal basic guys ♪
60
00:01:42,937 --> 00:01:44,269
♪ it may not
sound like much ♪
61
00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:47,439
♪ but we're
still gonna try ♪
62
00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:52,528
♪ we're just
universal basic guys ♪
63
00:01:56,367 --> 00:01:57,157
[bling]
64
00:01:57,368 --> 00:01:59,284
Ha, whoa there, johnny depp.
65
00:01:59,453 --> 00:02:00,911
Since when do you wear jewelry?
66
00:02:00,913 --> 00:02:02,746
Oh, this is way more
than jewelry, tam.
67
00:02:02,948 --> 00:02:06,041
This is an official
eagles super bowl ring.
68
00:02:06,210 --> 00:02:08,043
How'd you get your hands
on a super bowl ring?
69
00:02:08,212 --> 00:02:09,753
Doesn't matter how
you get a ring.
70
00:02:09,922 --> 00:02:11,505
What matters is
that you got one.
71
00:02:11,507 --> 00:02:12,214
With this thing?
72
00:02:12,633 --> 00:02:14,299
People respect your
football opinions.
73
00:02:14,301 --> 00:02:17,177
No longer will I be
treated like a dumb fan.
74
00:02:17,179 --> 00:02:17,845
Oh, yeah?
75
00:02:18,430 --> 00:02:20,139
The minute you open your
mouth, you're gonna be
76
00:02:20,307 --> 00:02:21,932
Exposed as a total fraud.
77
00:02:22,101 --> 00:02:23,684
Bet you can't even
name one play.
78
00:02:23,686 --> 00:02:25,561
Pfft, yeah, okay, hon.
That's ridiculous.
79
00:02:25,729 --> 00:02:28,063
Can't even name -- I know a
ton of plays, actually, okay?
80
00:02:28,190 --> 00:02:30,023
Like, uh, what's the
one where they, uh, run
81
00:02:30,192 --> 00:02:30,899
The ball up the middle?
82
00:02:30,901 --> 00:02:31,900
Oh, hey, guys!
83
00:02:32,153 --> 00:02:34,319
Either you wanna go to
the eagles game today?
84
00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:36,822
Our son would rather watch
people play video games.
85
00:02:36,824 --> 00:02:37,865
Oh, thanks.
86
00:02:38,033 --> 00:02:40,325
But I actually
have brunch plans.
87
00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:42,744
David, they're playing new york.
88
00:02:42,913 --> 00:02:43,620
Um...
89
00:02:44,081 --> 00:02:44,913
- Yeah, no chance.
90
00:02:45,457 --> 00:02:47,624
He gets uncomfortable around
macho stuff like that.
91
00:02:47,793 --> 00:02:48,542
- Wait, what?
92
00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:49,501
What do you mean by that?
93
00:02:49,795 --> 00:02:50,878
Yeah, come on, it'll be fun.
94
00:02:51,088 --> 00:02:52,754
You ever been to a
birds game before?
95
00:02:52,965 --> 00:02:54,131
I have not, actually.
96
00:02:54,258 --> 00:02:55,132
- David, stop.
97
00:02:55,593 --> 00:02:57,759
You and I both know you'll
have a horrible time.
98
00:02:57,761 --> 00:02:59,928
You know, there's a lot you
don't know about me, andrea.
99
00:03:00,097 --> 00:03:01,597
You literally never
watch football.
100
00:03:01,599 --> 00:03:04,099
Yeah, but that doesn't
mean I can't enjoy a game,
101
00:03:04,101 --> 00:03:05,934
Like a regular dude guy.
102
00:03:06,061 --> 00:03:07,227
So is that a yes?
103
00:03:07,396 --> 00:03:07,895
Uh, yes.
104
00:03:08,189 --> 00:03:09,605
Yes, I would love to go.
105
00:03:09,940 --> 00:03:11,190
Let me just, uh,
I'll be right back.
106
00:03:11,192 --> 00:03:12,774
I'm gonna go grab
my football hat.
107
00:03:13,068 --> 00:03:14,318
Well, good luck.
108
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:15,319
Oh, come on.
109
00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:16,153
He's gonna love it.
110
00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:17,863
[♪♪♪]
111
00:03:18,032 --> 00:03:19,406
[crowd member] giants suck!
112
00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:21,533
Yeah, I don't know if
wearing that giants hat was
113
00:03:21,535 --> 00:03:22,659
Such a smart idea, okay?
114
00:03:22,661 --> 00:03:23,911
Eagles fans are maniacs.
115
00:03:23,913 --> 00:03:24,828
Don't worry, david.
116
00:03:24,955 --> 00:03:25,787
Just have fun.
117
00:03:25,789 --> 00:03:27,247
Eagles fans get a bad rep.
118
00:03:27,249 --> 00:03:28,540
Eh, I don't know, tam.
119
00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:30,918
There's a reason they got
a jail under the stadium.
120
00:03:30,920 --> 00:03:31,668
Oh, come on.
121
00:03:31,670 --> 00:03:32,836
Eagles jail's a myth.
122
00:03:33,297 --> 00:03:36,882
Like the jersey devil, or those,
uh, ben franklin bridge trolls.
123
00:03:37,343 --> 00:03:39,218
Wait, troll --
do you mean tolls?
124
00:03:39,220 --> 00:03:39,718
No, david.
125
00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:40,552
Trolls, okay?
126
00:03:40,930 --> 00:03:42,095
There's these little
trolls that live under
127
00:03:42,097 --> 00:03:43,055
The ben franklin bridge.
128
00:03:43,182 --> 00:03:44,097
Everybody knows that.
129
00:03:44,099 --> 00:03:45,515
You say that like it's a fact.
130
00:03:45,517 --> 00:03:47,267
I actually have a super
bowl ring, so everything
131
00:03:47,478 --> 00:03:47,935
I say is a fact.
132
00:03:48,479 --> 00:03:50,062
Okay, mark.
I could buy a tiara.
133
00:03:50,189 --> 00:03:52,064
Does that make me
freakin' princess diana?
134
00:03:52,066 --> 00:03:52,439
You know what?
135
00:03:52,608 --> 00:03:53,482
Let's go, hank.
136
00:03:53,943 --> 00:03:56,318
We spent enough time
amongst the, uh, hoi polloi.
137
00:03:56,487 --> 00:03:58,779
Time to go flex this
ring and mingle with
138
00:03:58,781 --> 00:03:59,738
The first class fans.
139
00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:01,114
Fine.
Have fun, mark.
140
00:04:01,242 --> 00:04:04,159
David and I will be enjoying
the game with the real fans.
141
00:04:04,536 --> 00:04:05,494
Ain't that right, david?
142
00:04:05,496 --> 00:04:06,495
Oh, absolutely.
143
00:04:06,664 --> 00:04:08,997
I want the authentic
cultural experience.
144
00:04:09,917 --> 00:04:10,624
[drum beat]
145
00:04:10,793 --> 00:04:11,333
Hi.
146
00:04:11,794 --> 00:04:12,626
I like your tat.
147
00:04:12,628 --> 00:04:14,169
Are you making fun of me?
148
00:04:14,338 --> 00:04:14,711
What?
149
00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:15,337
No, no, no, no.
150
00:04:15,965 --> 00:04:17,798
I think, uh, I think
it's really cool.
151
00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:18,465
2005?
152
00:04:18,676 --> 00:04:19,132
Wow.
153
00:04:19,385 --> 00:04:20,467
Great super bowl, right?
154
00:04:20,636 --> 00:04:21,551
No, it wasn't.
155
00:04:21,929 --> 00:04:22,970
Eagles lost.
156
00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:24,763
Oh...So then why --
157
00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:27,808
- I got it in 2004.
I was feeling pretty confident.
158
00:04:28,143 --> 00:04:28,684
Got it.
159
00:04:29,311 --> 00:04:31,019
Maybe you could, uh,
use the ring to get
160
00:04:31,188 --> 00:04:32,521
Like, uh, free hot dogs.
161
00:04:32,523 --> 00:04:32,813
No, no, no.
162
00:04:33,399 --> 00:04:34,356
You got to think bigger, hank.
163
00:04:34,566 --> 00:04:35,482
Oh, yeah, you're right.
164
00:04:35,818 --> 00:04:36,358
We could meet swoop.
165
00:04:36,527 --> 00:04:37,359
Oh, come on, hank.
166
00:04:38,028 --> 00:04:40,195
Okay, any five year old can
meet the mascot, but not just
167
00:04:40,364 --> 00:04:42,197
Anyone can go up there, baby.
168
00:04:42,408 --> 00:04:45,117
[angelic music]
169
00:04:45,536 --> 00:04:45,867
Ticket?
170
00:04:46,161 --> 00:04:47,327
Here's my ticket.
171
00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:50,163
Yeah, that's not
really, uh, whatever.
172
00:04:50,457 --> 00:04:55,085
Oh, yeah, now this is the filet
mignon of the fan experience.
173
00:04:55,254 --> 00:04:57,587
This is where the real heavy
hitters watch the game.
174
00:04:57,965 --> 00:04:59,506
No fricken way.
175
00:05:00,175 --> 00:05:02,092
Woo!
Let's go, birds!
176
00:05:02,094 --> 00:05:03,593
Get a stop!
Come on!
177
00:05:03,762 --> 00:05:05,345
Let's go, the giants!
178
00:05:05,514 --> 00:05:06,513
Get a stop!
179
00:05:06,515 --> 00:05:07,014
Hey, moron!
180
00:05:07,224 --> 00:05:08,265
You're on offense!
181
00:05:08,809 --> 00:05:09,766
Oh, just ignore him.
182
00:05:09,935 --> 00:05:10,809
Oh, it's all good.
183
00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:11,852
It's part of the fun.
184
00:05:11,854 --> 00:05:12,894
Hey, I can take it.
185
00:05:12,896 --> 00:05:13,520
Heh heh.
186
00:05:13,689 --> 00:05:16,023
Let's go, new york!
187
00:05:16,025 --> 00:05:17,566
Giants suck, you freaking nerd.
188
00:05:17,693 --> 00:05:18,525
Hey, whoa there.
Hey,
189
00:05:18,777 --> 00:05:21,194
Counter point: Eagles
suck, you nerd.
190
00:05:21,363 --> 00:05:22,988
Say one more thing to my
kid and I'll shove that
191
00:05:23,198 --> 00:05:24,656
Hat right down your throat!
192
00:05:24,783 --> 00:05:27,117
Understood.
I am so sorry, ma'am.
193
00:05:28,162 --> 00:05:29,619
Oh man, which one
should we go in?
194
00:05:29,788 --> 00:05:31,788
Hank, we can go in
any one we want.
195
00:05:31,790 --> 00:05:32,664
We got the ring.
196
00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:33,957
We're vips.
197
00:05:35,461 --> 00:05:37,919
Oh yeah. Got the
unlimited egg rolls.
198
00:05:38,088 --> 00:05:39,588
Got the air conditioning.
199
00:05:39,798 --> 00:05:41,590
Dude's in a business casual.
200
00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:42,799
Jackpot, baby.
201
00:05:43,635 --> 00:05:46,261
Oh yeah, now this is
how you watch a game.
202
00:05:46,472 --> 00:05:48,263
Oh hell yeah, yeah, let
me get one of those.
203
00:05:48,432 --> 00:05:49,681
[crunching]
204
00:05:50,476 --> 00:05:51,308
Uh, no thanks.
205
00:05:51,518 --> 00:05:53,685
I, uh, I feel bad
eating the babies.
206
00:05:54,813 --> 00:05:57,522
So, uh, you from new york city?
207
00:05:57,691 --> 00:06:00,859
Yeah, well, westchester, but
it's like right next to
208
00:06:01,028 --> 00:06:01,735
The bronx, so...
209
00:06:01,904 --> 00:06:03,737
- You into theater?
210
00:06:03,906 --> 00:06:05,197
Pfft! Theater?
211
00:06:05,366 --> 00:06:07,616
No, I mean, I've seen a
show or two, but I'm not
212
00:06:07,785 --> 00:06:09,451
Like some fancy theater boy.
213
00:06:10,454 --> 00:06:13,121
Ah, damn, I was thinking
of taking my girl to
214
00:06:13,123 --> 00:06:15,582
A broadway show, but
wasn't sure what to see.
215
00:06:15,959 --> 00:06:16,416
Oh, really?
216
00:06:16,668 --> 00:06:18,335
Um, what about hamilton?
217
00:06:18,545 --> 00:06:19,336
It's terrific.
218
00:06:19,963 --> 00:06:24,007
Oh, yeah, because I heard it
was a bunch of woke, b.S.
219
00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:25,217
Oh!
220
00:06:25,386 --> 00:06:26,259
Uh, yeah, totally.
221
00:06:26,470 --> 00:06:27,427
Totally overrated.
222
00:06:27,596 --> 00:06:28,887
I mean, you don't
want to see that crap.
223
00:06:29,348 --> 00:06:33,058
But, uh, maybe, you know,
stomp is more up your alley?
224
00:06:33,394 --> 00:06:34,226
Stomp!
225
00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:38,605
Stomp, okay, uh, is that the
one where they're all cats?
226
00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:41,108
No, that's -- that's cats.
227
00:06:41,944 --> 00:06:43,610
Ahh.
You want?
228
00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:46,863
Um, uh, yeah, yeah, let's do it.
229
00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:48,532
David, I wouldn't.
230
00:06:48,659 --> 00:06:49,658
Oh, it's fine, tammy.
231
00:06:49,827 --> 00:06:50,742
I'm hanging out.
232
00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:52,077
I'm being a dude.
233
00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:53,620
I'm going with the flow.
234
00:06:53,789 --> 00:06:55,664
- Yeah, dude, yeah.
235
00:06:55,666 --> 00:06:56,623
[cough]
236
00:06:56,792 --> 00:06:58,792
My god, what is that?
237
00:06:58,794 --> 00:07:03,046
Oh, uh, mostly rubbing
alcohol into race gas, yeah.
238
00:07:03,507 --> 00:07:04,756
Keeps me responsible.
239
00:07:05,050 --> 00:07:07,676
Can't drive home if you
drank all your fuel.
240
00:07:08,303 --> 00:07:10,679
You see, this whole team
is soft because the coach
241
00:07:10,848 --> 00:07:12,139
Is a fricken goofball bozo.
242
00:07:12,349 --> 00:07:14,850
I mean, whatever happened
to old school punch - em
243
00:07:14,852 --> 00:07:15,809
In - the - mouth football?
244
00:07:15,811 --> 00:07:17,769
Run the ball and play defense.
245
00:07:17,896 --> 00:07:19,229
Hey, but what do I know?
246
00:07:19,231 --> 00:07:21,189
Just my expert opinion.
247
00:07:21,358 --> 00:07:23,191
Wow, this guy really knows ball.
248
00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:25,026
You were on our super bowl team?
249
00:07:25,195 --> 00:07:28,572
Oh yeah, oh yeah, I was a, uh,
a coaching consultant, yeah.
250
00:07:28,907 --> 00:07:30,198
That was -- that's what I was.
251
00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:31,908
I thought I knew
everyone on
252
00:07:31,910 --> 00:07:34,995
That team, but, uh, forgive
me, I don't recognize you.
253
00:07:34,997 --> 00:07:37,122
That's because he's a fraud.
254
00:07:37,416 --> 00:07:38,290
Delvecchio.
255
00:07:38,459 --> 00:07:40,584
The hell are you doing here,
hoagies?
256
00:07:40,752 --> 00:07:44,421
Oh, you know, just mingling with
my fellow football connoisseurs.
257
00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:47,048
Oh, are you now!
That's interesting.
258
00:07:47,217 --> 00:07:48,800
Have you shared with
them how you think the
259
00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:50,177
Team is run by morons?
260
00:07:50,179 --> 00:07:51,178
Oh yeah, well the fricken owner,
261
00:07:51,388 --> 00:07:53,013
That guy's a
stone cold moron.
262
00:07:53,182 --> 00:07:55,223
He doesn't have the balls to
take this team over the top.
263
00:07:55,392 --> 00:07:55,765
Pfft!
264
00:07:56,727 --> 00:07:58,226
Well, mark, thank you for
your candid assessment.
265
00:07:58,228 --> 00:08:01,688
I'm sure our esteemed owner
here appreciates it very much.
266
00:08:01,690 --> 00:08:06,359
[stony silence]
267
00:08:06,695 --> 00:08:10,155
Hey, listen. Old school hard -
nosed leatherheads like me?
268
00:08:10,449 --> 00:08:12,782
Yeah, we're not gonna b.S.
You and stroke your ego.
269
00:08:12,784 --> 00:08:14,576
We care about one
thing, -- winning,
270
00:08:14,953 --> 00:08:16,453
And sometimes,
that ain't pretty.
271
00:08:16,622 --> 00:08:19,039
You wanna go ahead and surround
yourself with sycophants?
272
00:08:19,333 --> 00:08:19,998
Be my guest.
273
00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:21,208
You know who else did that?
274
00:08:21,502 --> 00:08:22,042
Saddam hussein.
275
00:08:22,211 --> 00:08:23,043
And where is he now?
276
00:08:23,712 --> 00:08:25,712
Certainly not winning any
super bowls, that's for sure.
277
00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:29,007
You know, I've owned this
team for 30 years, and
278
00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:32,844
Not once has anyone ever
spoken to me like that.
279
00:08:32,971 --> 00:08:34,513
Sorry if that hurts
your feelings.
280
00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:35,347
Let's go, hank.
281
00:08:35,557 --> 00:08:36,640
Don't apologize.
282
00:08:36,934 --> 00:08:37,516
You're right.
283
00:08:37,518 --> 00:08:37,974
Wait, what?
284
00:08:38,393 --> 00:08:39,851
This franchise lacks toughness.
285
00:08:40,562 --> 00:08:42,687
I was going to wait until
the season ended to evaluate
286
00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:46,066
The coach, but after hearing
your brutally honest expert
287
00:08:46,235 --> 00:08:49,319
Opinion, it's clear we
need to make a change now.
288
00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:49,986
Sir, please.
289
00:08:50,531 --> 00:08:51,780
I -- I don't think you should
be li--
290
00:08:51,782 --> 00:08:53,198
Let me tell you something,
sales guy.
291
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:55,575
I didn't get rich
by playing it safe.
292
00:08:55,953 --> 00:08:58,328
I got rich by having
a rich grandfather.
293
00:08:58,330 --> 00:09:00,830
Who knew when to trust his gut.
294
00:09:01,166 --> 00:09:02,582
How'd you like to be
the next coach of the
295
00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:04,042
Philadelphia eagles?
296
00:09:04,169 --> 00:09:06,628
Oh, hell yeah.
When do I start?
297
00:09:06,964 --> 00:09:07,420
Right now.
298
00:09:07,965 --> 00:09:09,089
Gotta be bold, right?
299
00:09:09,258 --> 00:09:11,174
What the hell is going on?
300
00:09:13,804 --> 00:09:14,636
[♪♪♪]
301
00:09:14,805 --> 00:09:16,012
[crowd]
302
00:09:16,214 --> 00:09:17,180
Yo, how cool is this, hank?
303
00:09:17,391 --> 00:09:19,182
Okay, this ring, best
purchase ever, okay?
304
00:09:19,351 --> 00:09:21,184
I'm about to be the
coach of the eagles.
305
00:09:21,395 --> 00:09:22,519
You sure you know how
to be a head coach?
306
00:09:22,688 --> 00:09:23,520
Oh, absolutely.
307
00:09:23,855 --> 00:09:24,938
They got a million
assistant coaches that
308
00:09:24,940 --> 00:09:25,772
Do all the real work.
309
00:09:26,275 --> 00:09:27,857
All the head coach does is
just run up and down the
310
00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:29,192
Sidelines yelling crap.
311
00:09:29,361 --> 00:09:30,819
Oh man, you'd be great at that.
312
00:09:31,321 --> 00:09:34,322
So, uh, you think like, uh,
maybe I could have a role?
313
00:09:34,324 --> 00:09:36,992
I'm thinking like, uh, I don't
know, mascot or something?
314
00:09:36,994 --> 00:09:37,951
I don't know, hank.
315
00:09:37,953 --> 00:09:39,536
I run a meritocracy here, okay?
316
00:09:39,705 --> 00:09:40,328
Yeah, okay.
317
00:09:41,290 --> 00:09:43,957
Tell you what, you can be the
backup mascot, but if you want
318
00:09:43,959 --> 00:09:45,417
To start, you gotta earn it.
319
00:09:45,794 --> 00:09:46,668
Oh, gee, thanks, mark.
320
00:09:46,670 --> 00:09:47,669
I won't let you down.
321
00:09:48,005 --> 00:09:50,755
Better not, because there's
no losers on my staff.
322
00:09:51,049 --> 00:09:53,258
Now let's go kick
some giants ass!
323
00:09:53,802 --> 00:09:54,759
[♪♪♪]
324
00:09:55,053 --> 00:09:55,969
[tap - tap - tap]
325
00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:57,012
[slap - slap - slap]
326
00:09:57,556 --> 00:09:59,014
Okay, guys. Culture
change, okay?
327
00:09:59,224 --> 00:10:01,641
We're bringing back an
old-school mentality.
328
00:10:01,643 --> 00:10:05,145
It's all about physical and
mental toughness. You got that?
329
00:10:05,355 --> 00:10:06,896
- Uh, who the hell are you?
330
00:10:06,898 --> 00:10:09,691
I'm mark hoagies.
Your new head coach.
331
00:10:10,402 --> 00:10:12,944
Uh... Okay.
Well, I just need a play.
332
00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:13,945
Okay, yeah, just ah...
333
00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:15,905
Due to one where you, uh, I
don't know, run a ball up the
334
00:10:16,074 --> 00:10:16,948
Middle, whatever it's called.
335
00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:18,658
Uh, it's fourth and fifteen.
336
00:10:18,869 --> 00:10:21,828
I don't give a damn if it's
fourth and fifty million miles!
337
00:10:21,997 --> 00:10:23,371
You pound that
fricken' rock, pal!
338
00:10:23,749 --> 00:10:25,865
[announcer] - man, it looks
like the eagles are lining up
339
00:10:25,867 --> 00:10:26,875
In a power formation.
340
00:10:27,169 --> 00:10:28,460
Are they going for this?
341
00:10:28,629 --> 00:10:30,962
Maybe trying to get the
giants to jump offside?
342
00:10:31,340 --> 00:10:33,882
Oh my god, they're
actually doing it.
343
00:10:34,051 --> 00:10:38,219
And it's a first down
eagles, what a play call.
344
00:10:38,221 --> 00:10:41,348
I don't know who this new
coach is, but he has got balls
345
00:10:41,350 --> 00:10:42,891
The size of the liberty bell.
346
00:10:43,060 --> 00:10:44,851
- Nice job boys,
let's run it again.
347
00:10:45,062 --> 00:10:47,187
Uh... Okay.
348
00:10:47,648 --> 00:10:48,313
[announcer] - another run.
349
00:10:48,649 --> 00:10:49,189
[crash]
350
00:10:50,025 --> 00:10:52,317
And this time they're
stopped for a one yard gain.
351
00:10:52,319 --> 00:10:53,443
- Run it again, let's go.
352
00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:54,611
- Uh, coach.
353
00:10:54,863 --> 00:10:56,780
Maybe we want to
try something else?
354
00:10:56,782 --> 00:10:57,781
Uh uh uh, no.
355
00:10:58,325 --> 00:11:01,618
This is old-school, jam it down
her throat's football, okay?
356
00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:02,452
Run it again.
357
00:11:03,622 --> 00:11:04,954
[announcer] - and another run up
the middle.
358
00:11:04,956 --> 00:11:06,289
[announcer] - this time for
no gain.
359
00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:07,123
Wooo!
360
00:11:07,376 --> 00:11:08,750
Ah, what the hell
is this coach doing?
361
00:11:09,044 --> 00:11:11,336
Maybe mark is right,
this guy is a moron.
362
00:11:11,546 --> 00:11:12,462
[crowd booing]
363
00:11:12,798 --> 00:11:14,047
What flavor they got today?
364
00:11:14,383 --> 00:11:15,215
Oh, uh, blue.
365
00:11:15,425 --> 00:11:16,633
Oh yeah, that's my favorite.
366
00:11:16,802 --> 00:11:17,842
Wait, me too.
367
00:11:18,220 --> 00:11:20,887
So do you work around
here or just hanging out?
368
00:11:21,056 --> 00:11:22,972
Uh, yeah, I'm
actually the punter.
369
00:11:23,225 --> 00:11:24,891
Oh, wow, I'm a big
fan of punting.
370
00:11:24,893 --> 00:11:25,475
Wait, really?
371
00:11:25,477 --> 00:11:26,309
That's awesome.
372
00:11:26,978 --> 00:11:28,395
Yeah, a lot of people don't
like, uh, appreciate all the
373
00:11:28,397 --> 00:11:29,562
Nuance that goes into it.
374
00:11:29,648 --> 00:11:31,898
Totally, yeah, I always
love when a ball goes
375
00:11:31,900 --> 00:11:32,732
Real high in the air.
376
00:11:32,943 --> 00:11:34,693
Yes, that's my favorite part.
377
00:11:35,070 --> 00:11:36,319
So, what do you do?
378
00:11:36,321 --> 00:11:38,405
Oh, oh, I'm the,
uh, backup mascot.
379
00:11:38,615 --> 00:11:39,239
Oh, wow.
380
00:11:39,616 --> 00:11:41,157
We don't even have
a backup punter.
381
00:11:41,326 --> 00:11:43,493
Yeah, you can't take a
chance with a mascot.
382
00:11:44,287 --> 00:11:44,911
- Boo!
383
00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:46,663
- You suck!
384
00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:47,664
Get out!
385
00:11:47,833 --> 00:11:48,665
Will you shut up?
386
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:50,959
David, maybe you should
dial it back a little bit.
387
00:11:51,336 --> 00:11:53,586
Come on!
I'm having fun!
388
00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:56,756
I love sports!
389
00:11:56,925 --> 00:11:58,633
Ugh, I can't with
this fricken guy.
390
00:11:58,927 --> 00:12:00,635
Go back to new york, dork!
391
00:12:00,762 --> 00:12:01,553
Oh, yeah?
392
00:12:01,555 --> 00:12:02,721
What are you gonna do?
393
00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:03,972
[pbbbbt]
394
00:12:04,558 --> 00:12:04,764
[splat]
395
00:12:04,933 --> 00:12:05,432
Ah!
396
00:12:06,426 --> 00:12:09,185
[dramatic music]
397
00:12:09,646 --> 00:12:11,563
David, what would andrea say?
398
00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:13,481
Hmm, good point.
399
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:15,608
Who are you calling dork?
400
00:12:15,777 --> 00:12:16,526
Dork?
401
00:12:17,529 --> 00:12:18,570
[smack]
argh...
402
00:12:18,947 --> 00:12:19,529
Oh my god.
403
00:12:19,531 --> 00:12:20,780
Oh snap!
404
00:12:20,949 --> 00:12:21,573
That guy!
405
00:12:21,950 --> 00:12:22,907
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
406
00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:23,908
It was a complete mistake.
407
00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:25,034
I don't even like sports.
408
00:12:25,203 --> 00:12:26,453
Where are you taking me?
409
00:12:26,663 --> 00:12:27,537
Oh no.
410
00:12:28,165 --> 00:12:29,456
Hey, you wanna see
something cool?
411
00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:31,124
I can lick my shin.
412
00:12:31,918 --> 00:12:33,460
Whoa, that's awesome.
413
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,795
Oh no, what happened to swoop?
414
00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:37,338
Well hank, looks like you're up.
415
00:12:37,466 --> 00:12:37,839
Wait, what?
416
00:12:38,341 --> 00:12:39,466
Aren't you the backup mascot?
417
00:12:39,718 --> 00:12:43,511
Oh yeah, I just, I feel like
I haven't earned it yet.
418
00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:46,014
Hank, you earn it by taking it.
419
00:12:46,558 --> 00:12:50,977
When you get your chance, you
show them why you deserve it.
420
00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:54,731
Um, excuse me, I-- I'm
actually the backup mascot.
421
00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:56,441
Oh perfect, come with me.
422
00:12:56,777 --> 00:12:57,567
You got this hank.
423
00:12:57,944 --> 00:12:59,152
Yeah, I got this.
424
00:12:59,321 --> 00:13:01,321
Hey, uh, call me if
you ever need anything
425
00:13:01,490 --> 00:13:02,489
Punted or whatever.
426
00:13:02,866 --> 00:13:04,908
[announcer] - and another
touchdown for the giants.
427
00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:07,744
This is a beatdown for the ages.
428
00:13:07,746 --> 00:13:09,704
- Yeah, this team sucks.
Here can you take this?
429
00:13:09,706 --> 00:13:10,330
I'm done.
430
00:13:10,499 --> 00:13:10,955
Uh.
431
00:13:10,957 --> 00:13:11,664
Yo, hank!
432
00:13:11,833 --> 00:13:12,290
Hank!
433
00:13:12,667 --> 00:13:13,500
There he is.
434
00:13:13,835 --> 00:13:14,834
Oh, hey there, owner guy.
435
00:13:15,253 --> 00:13:18,087
So, appreciate the opportunity,
but, uh, I'm officially
436
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:19,422
Announcing my retirement.
437
00:13:19,424 --> 00:13:20,548
You're a liar!
438
00:13:20,675 --> 00:13:23,593
There was no mark hoagies
on the 2017 staff.
439
00:13:23,595 --> 00:13:26,554
I knew I should have at least
spent five minutes researching
440
00:13:26,556 --> 00:13:29,057
Before impulsively hiring you
as head coach of the multi
441
00:13:29,226 --> 00:13:31,309
Billion dollar nfl franchise.
442
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:33,520
Whoa, you're disrespecting
a super bowl champion!
443
00:13:33,522 --> 00:13:35,271
Is that ring even real?
444
00:13:35,273 --> 00:13:36,147
Uh, it better be.
445
00:13:36,566 --> 00:13:37,941
You know how much I paid
for this fricken thing?
446
00:13:37,943 --> 00:13:39,734
I mean, uh, I, how
much I earned this?
447
00:13:39,903 --> 00:13:40,568
- It's fake.
448
00:13:40,779 --> 00:13:42,529
Pfft, okay, that's ridiculous.
449
00:13:42,697 --> 00:13:43,154
- Oh, yeah?
450
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:44,322
Where's your name?
451
00:13:44,658 --> 00:13:45,865
Where's my na--? Wait, what
are you talking about?
452
00:13:46,076 --> 00:13:48,076
- Those rings have names have
names engraved on them.
453
00:13:48,245 --> 00:13:49,244
Show me your name.
454
00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:51,871
Okay, well, uh, there
it is, right there, see?
455
00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:54,165
- Really?
Your name is made in china?
456
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:56,751
It's pronounced
madden chee nah, okay?
457
00:13:56,753 --> 00:13:57,293
It's gaelic.
458
00:13:57,629 --> 00:13:59,087
You're full of crap, hoagies.
459
00:13:59,297 --> 00:14:01,881
Take this clown to eagle's jail.
460
00:14:02,050 --> 00:14:02,590
Ha!
461
00:14:03,093 --> 00:14:04,759
Friggin' knew eagle's
jail was real.
462
00:14:04,928 --> 00:14:07,262
Well, looks like your,
uh, skinny buddy is
463
00:14:07,264 --> 00:14:08,471
Going to eagle's jail.
464
00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:10,306
Eagle's jail?
That's a real thing?
465
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:13,184
Oh yeah, some bad
dudes down there.
466
00:14:13,311 --> 00:14:15,770
Oh god, david, it won't
last five minutes.
467
00:14:16,147 --> 00:14:17,230
I gotta go get him
out of there.
468
00:14:17,232 --> 00:14:19,482
Okay, but you're
not gonna find it.
469
00:14:19,693 --> 00:14:22,277
It's in a secret spot
way below the stadium.
470
00:14:22,445 --> 00:14:24,737
Uh, how do you know so
much about eagle's jail?
471
00:14:24,865 --> 00:14:28,783
You could say I've, uh, done
a few stints, if you will.
472
00:14:28,952 --> 00:14:29,784
- Well, can you take me there?
473
00:14:29,953 --> 00:14:32,370
- Oh, I can, but I gotta
warn you.
474
00:14:33,164 --> 00:14:34,539
I'm really drunk.
475
00:14:35,041 --> 00:14:35,832
[dramatic music]
476
00:14:36,126 --> 00:14:37,333
Good thing you're here today.
477
00:14:37,335 --> 00:14:39,785
Sadly under such
unfortunate circumstances.
478
00:14:39,921 --> 00:14:41,504
Just doing my job, you know.
479
00:14:41,798 --> 00:14:42,505
Hey, this place is awesome.
480
00:14:42,799 --> 00:14:43,631
- Indeed.
481
00:14:44,009 --> 00:14:47,594
This is our mascot and
fan engagement lab.
482
00:14:47,762 --> 00:14:48,595
Oh, cool.
483
00:14:48,930 --> 00:14:50,054
What's, uh, what's that?
484
00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:52,557
That's our prototype
for an infinite hot dog.
485
00:14:52,934 --> 00:14:54,100
Please, help yourself.
486
00:14:54,102 --> 00:14:54,434
Whoa.
487
00:14:54,811 --> 00:14:55,977
Let's get you suited up.
488
00:14:56,396 --> 00:15:00,148
Unfortunately, our primary swoop
suit was damaged in the fall.
489
00:15:00,483 --> 00:15:03,610
This is our prototype for
a next generation mascot.
490
00:15:03,612 --> 00:15:06,279
Now, the tech is still in
beta, so be careful out there.
491
00:15:06,489 --> 00:15:09,824
Fortunately, you're a trained
mascot operator, so we have
492
00:15:09,826 --> 00:15:11,242
100 percent confidence in you.
493
00:15:11,828 --> 00:15:12,568
[shove]
494
00:15:12,570 --> 00:15:13,870
[cell door slams]
495
00:15:14,039 --> 00:15:15,413
[growling]
496
00:15:16,041 --> 00:15:17,540
How yous all doin'?
Heh...
497
00:15:18,793 --> 00:15:20,460
Hey, go birds.
Heh, heh.
498
00:15:20,462 --> 00:15:21,085
[sniff]
499
00:15:21,338 --> 00:15:23,755
- You smell like a giants fan.
500
00:15:23,924 --> 00:15:26,633
- Your kind don't last
long around here.
501
00:15:26,635 --> 00:15:27,592
- Oh, god.
502
00:15:27,928 --> 00:15:31,012
Ah--ah, listen, I'm not
really a giants fan.
503
00:15:31,306 --> 00:15:33,431
I'm just, I'm just
from new york.
504
00:15:33,767 --> 00:15:34,599
[crowd]
505
00:15:34,768 --> 00:15:35,725
[sigh]
506
00:15:35,936 --> 00:15:37,518
Okay, hank, you can do this.
507
00:15:38,063 --> 00:15:40,063
[♪♪♪]
508
00:15:40,190 --> 00:15:42,398
[clapping and cheering]
509
00:15:43,318 --> 00:15:44,609
Alright, here goes nothing.
510
00:15:44,945 --> 00:15:45,777
[beep]
511
00:15:45,946 --> 00:15:48,029
[fireworks]
512
00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:50,156
Whoa.
513
00:15:50,533 --> 00:15:51,366
[beep]
514
00:15:51,368 --> 00:15:52,992
[cannon fire]
515
00:15:53,161 --> 00:15:55,370
[clapping and cheering]
516
00:15:56,039 --> 00:15:58,081
Ooh, doughnut press.
517
00:15:58,249 --> 00:15:59,123
[beep]
518
00:15:59,542 --> 00:16:00,333
[boom]
519
00:16:00,669 --> 00:16:01,334
[rocket engines]
520
00:16:01,795 --> 00:16:04,003
[gibberish]
521
00:16:04,214 --> 00:16:06,714
Ohhhh...
My god!
522
00:16:07,092 --> 00:16:08,633
[engines stopping]
523
00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:10,760
Oh geez!
524
00:16:10,762 --> 00:16:12,345
Ahhh.....
525
00:16:14,933 --> 00:16:16,224
Oh...
526
00:16:16,518 --> 00:16:20,144
Okay...Ah..Ah...
527
00:16:21,064 --> 00:16:22,355
[beep, beep, beep]
528
00:16:22,524 --> 00:16:23,481
Okay, come on.
529
00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:24,607
You got this, hank.
530
00:16:24,818 --> 00:16:26,401
[wings opening]
531
00:16:26,528 --> 00:16:28,027
[beep, beep, beep]
532
00:16:28,697 --> 00:16:29,487
[whoosh]
533
00:16:29,698 --> 00:16:31,197
Oh, oh,oh...
534
00:16:31,366 --> 00:16:32,240
[splat]
535
00:16:32,826 --> 00:16:35,118
[grunting]
536
00:16:35,537 --> 00:16:36,536
Oh, no.
537
00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:39,247
Ben franklin bridge trolls!
538
00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:42,166
Uh, okay, here we go.
539
00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:44,961
Now this trash can, this
looks familiar, I know this.
540
00:16:45,130 --> 00:16:45,962
It's on wheels.
541
00:16:46,548 --> 00:16:48,214
Oh yeah, I know, that's what
I, uh, that's the thing I
542
00:16:48,216 --> 00:16:49,757
Remember about it, yeah, so.
543
00:16:49,926 --> 00:16:51,718
Hmm, which way?
544
00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:53,803
Ah, I thought you said
you've been to eagle's
545
00:16:53,805 --> 00:16:54,804
Jail a bunch of times.
546
00:16:55,265 --> 00:16:58,182
Sorry, I never remember the part
where I get sent there,
547
00:16:58,184 --> 00:17:00,601
Only the, uh, the part where
I leave.
548
00:17:00,812 --> 00:17:02,770
Wait, I know what to do.
549
00:17:02,939 --> 00:17:04,605
I just walk backwards.
550
00:17:04,816 --> 00:17:08,234
[footsteps]
551
00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:11,904
[dramatic music]
552
00:17:12,032 --> 00:17:14,115
Wait, so you were
made in a mascot lab?
553
00:17:14,117 --> 00:17:14,657
Yes.
554
00:17:15,410 --> 00:17:17,910
We were failed attempts
at creating a fun little
555
00:17:17,912 --> 00:17:19,162
Sidekick for swoop.
556
00:17:19,330 --> 00:17:22,040
They combined the dna
of benjamin franklin
557
00:17:22,042 --> 00:17:23,416
With feral pigskin.
558
00:17:23,752 --> 00:17:26,544
What they didn't know was that
some of benjamin franklin's
559
00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:30,381
Gout got into the mix and
it made us very cranky!
560
00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:31,466
Yeah!
561
00:17:31,634 --> 00:17:32,717
Prepare to meet your death!
562
00:17:33,094 --> 00:17:34,927
Ben franklin style!
563
00:17:35,096 --> 00:17:36,971
Raise the key!
564
00:17:37,432 --> 00:17:41,768
[chanting]
565
00:17:41,936 --> 00:17:43,895
Uh oh.
566
00:17:44,064 --> 00:17:47,482
If we can't be the
mascot then no one can!
567
00:17:47,692 --> 00:17:49,484
[dramatic music]
568
00:17:49,819 --> 00:17:51,778
[kicks]
569
00:17:51,905 --> 00:17:53,780
[screaming]
570
00:17:53,907 --> 00:17:55,948
[splashes]
571
00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:58,618
Damn, I thought these
things were just a myth!
572
00:17:58,620 --> 00:17:59,160
Yeah.
573
00:18:00,038 --> 00:18:02,038
Hey, well, uh, thanks for
rescuing me, uh, sorry to
574
00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:02,997
Bug you during the game.
575
00:18:03,208 --> 00:18:04,332
Ah, it was a blowout.
576
00:18:04,709 --> 00:18:05,500
I'm glad you called me.
577
00:18:06,002 --> 00:18:09,337
So, uh, whaddya say we
grab a cold blue one on me?
578
00:18:09,798 --> 00:18:10,671
That sounds great.
579
00:18:11,216 --> 00:18:12,965
Wow, that's crazy.
580
00:18:13,134 --> 00:18:15,009
I never thought
about it that way.
581
00:18:15,303 --> 00:18:18,554
If I were born in new york,
I'd be a giants fan?
582
00:18:18,556 --> 00:18:19,555
Exactly.
583
00:18:19,933 --> 00:18:22,809
Wait a minute, I-- I thought
people was fans of other
584
00:18:22,811 --> 00:18:24,519
Teams cause they're jerks.
585
00:18:24,521 --> 00:18:25,770
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
586
00:18:25,772 --> 00:18:27,605
What about cowboys fans?
587
00:18:27,941 --> 00:18:29,941
Are they just
regular people too?
588
00:18:30,068 --> 00:18:32,235
Yeah, even cowboys fans.
589
00:18:32,237 --> 00:18:32,944
Whoa.
590
00:18:33,238 --> 00:18:33,694
Hey!
591
00:18:33,988 --> 00:18:35,279
Unbelievable disrespect.
592
00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:36,280
- Mark?
593
00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:38,658
David, what the hell
are you doing here?
594
00:18:38,785 --> 00:18:39,742
Oh, he killed swoop.
595
00:18:39,911 --> 00:18:41,786
I did not kill swoop, okay?
596
00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:43,162
I bopped him with a beer.
597
00:18:43,331 --> 00:18:44,747
You guys know each other?
598
00:18:44,916 --> 00:18:47,208
Yeah, this is actually
mark, my neighbor.
599
00:18:47,210 --> 00:18:47,375
Hello.
600
00:18:47,544 --> 00:18:47,917
Hi.
601
00:18:48,002 --> 00:18:48,543
Hi, mark.
602
00:18:49,337 --> 00:18:51,796
Hey, david, they know
you're a, uh, g I a n t s
603
00:18:51,965 --> 00:18:52,421
Fan, or --
604
00:18:52,590 --> 00:18:54,132
Hey, we can spell!
605
00:18:54,134 --> 00:18:55,508
- Yeah, we know he's
a glanst fan.
606
00:18:55,718 --> 00:18:56,175
Come on.
607
00:18:56,845 --> 00:18:58,219
- Let me, uh, introduce
you to the guys.
608
00:18:58,221 --> 00:18:59,303
So this is bruce.
609
00:18:59,305 --> 00:19:01,139
He threw a battery
at eli manning.
610
00:19:01,307 --> 00:19:03,224
Oh, I remember that.
That was awesome, man.
611
00:19:03,393 --> 00:19:04,058
This is kyle.
612
00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:06,394
He purposely threw up on
a seven year old girl.
613
00:19:06,563 --> 00:19:07,019
Guilty.
614
00:19:07,814 --> 00:19:09,689
And you know that whole,
uh, hitting santa with
615
00:19:09,691 --> 00:19:11,566
Snowballs incident from 1968?
616
00:19:11,693 --> 00:19:12,400
Of course.
617
00:19:12,735 --> 00:19:14,485
Yeah, that was
actually, uh, terry.
618
00:19:14,612 --> 00:19:15,486
No way!
619
00:19:16,030 --> 00:19:18,156
You've been in here for
over 50 years just for that?
620
00:19:18,324 --> 00:19:21,534
Yeah, well, they let me out
in 81, and I did it again.
621
00:19:21,703 --> 00:19:26,664
And then I did it again in
97, and, well, three strikes,
622
00:19:26,666 --> 00:19:27,498
You're out, I suppose.
623
00:19:28,209 --> 00:19:30,376
Damn, dude, you must
really hate santa claus.
624
00:19:30,545 --> 00:19:31,460
Oh, I do.
625
00:19:31,629 --> 00:19:33,254
I really do.
626
00:19:33,423 --> 00:19:34,589
[dramatic music]
627
00:19:34,966 --> 00:19:37,091
So, what'd you do to
end up in eagle's jail?
628
00:19:37,093 --> 00:19:40,261
He coached the eagles to their
worst blowout in history.
629
00:19:40,388 --> 00:19:40,928
Oh, great.
630
00:19:41,097 --> 00:19:42,054
Get lost, steve.
631
00:19:42,182 --> 00:19:43,556
Will you relax, hoagies.
632
00:19:43,766 --> 00:19:45,141
I just came to get
you out of here, baby.
633
00:19:45,310 --> 00:19:45,641
Oh, yeah?
634
00:19:45,643 --> 00:19:46,100
Yeah.
635
00:19:47,136 --> 00:19:49,562
All you gotta do is kiss my
ring and apologize to all
636
00:19:49,731 --> 00:19:53,191
Of us legitimate super bowl
champions for making a mockery
637
00:19:53,193 --> 00:19:54,692
Of our prestigious fraternity.
638
00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:56,360
No fricken chance, steve.
639
00:19:56,362 --> 00:19:56,986
Suit yourself.
640
00:19:57,947 --> 00:20:00,656
Have fun rotting in here with
all these low class dirt balls.
641
00:20:00,783 --> 00:20:01,866
You fit right in, hoagies.
642
00:20:02,035 --> 00:20:03,743
Hey, screw you, jerk.
643
00:20:03,912 --> 00:20:05,161
Boo!
644
00:20:05,330 --> 00:20:06,537
Wait, wait, wait.
I'll kiss it.
645
00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:07,371
I'll kiss the ring.
646
00:20:07,582 --> 00:20:07,914
[door slams]
647
00:20:07,916 --> 00:20:08,414
[sigh]
648
00:20:08,583 --> 00:20:09,248
Hey, you know what?
649
00:20:10,168 --> 00:20:12,793
I'd rather be down here with you
guys than up in those luxury box
650
00:20:12,962 --> 00:20:13,961
Suites with those rich jerks.
651
00:20:14,214 --> 00:20:16,505
I mean that's sort of a
false dichotomy, and we
652
00:20:16,507 --> 00:20:17,548
Could also just be home.
653
00:20:18,092 --> 00:20:19,133
Well, here we are.
654
00:20:19,427 --> 00:20:21,594
Eric, what are you
doing back here?
655
00:20:21,763 --> 00:20:22,386
Oh, hey, bruce.
656
00:20:22,639 --> 00:20:24,263
Just helping out my friend here.
657
00:20:24,265 --> 00:20:24,639
Tammy?
658
00:20:24,807 --> 00:20:25,264
David?
659
00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:27,058
Oh, thank god you're okay.
660
00:20:27,060 --> 00:20:28,309
Tam?
What the hell?
661
00:20:28,311 --> 00:20:29,018
Mark?
662
00:20:29,187 --> 00:20:30,478
The hell are you doing in here?
663
00:20:30,772 --> 00:20:33,022
I guess that ring really got you
some first class access, huh?
664
00:20:33,191 --> 00:20:33,898
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
665
00:20:34,067 --> 00:20:35,358
These are my people, okay?
666
00:20:35,360 --> 00:20:37,860
The real old school
hard nosed fans.
667
00:20:38,029 --> 00:20:38,819
Oh, yeah.
668
00:20:39,197 --> 00:20:40,571
Like david, right?
669
00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:41,989
Yeah, like david.
670
00:20:42,367 --> 00:20:44,742
Oh, actually, can you take
a picture of me hanging out
671
00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:45,868
With my new meathead friends?
672
00:20:46,079 --> 00:20:47,036
I wanna show andrea.
673
00:20:47,205 --> 00:20:48,371
Okay, guys,
everybody, come here.
674
00:20:48,572 --> 00:20:51,040
Okay, one, two, three.
675
00:20:51,501 --> 00:20:52,750
Eagles suck!
676
00:20:52,961 --> 00:20:54,293
[punch]
677
00:20:58,258 --> 00:20:58,923
[thud]
678
00:20:59,092 --> 00:21:01,175
Man, this place has changed.
679
00:21:01,302 --> 00:21:03,761
Oh my god, look how
expensive that beer is.
680
00:21:03,930 --> 00:21:05,388
I mean, how do you
even get drunk?
681
00:21:05,390 --> 00:21:07,431
Why don't we go grab a
drink somewhere else?
682
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:11,686
Uh... Actually, I-- I'll catch
up with you guys, alright?
683
00:21:11,688 --> 00:21:12,728
Okay, see ya, terry.
684
00:21:12,897 --> 00:21:13,604
Bye, terry.
685
00:21:13,898 --> 00:21:16,691
[dramatic music]
686
00:21:25,326 --> 00:21:26,158
[splat]
687
00:21:26,369 --> 00:21:29,120
I guess some things
never change.
46513
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