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1
00:00:08,956 --> 00:00:11,424
God, I'm not reading
that book any more.
2
00:00:11,516 --> 00:00:13,471
It's very scary altogether, Ted.
3
00:00:13,555 --> 00:00:16,149
- Ted?
- Yes, what?
4
00:00:16,235 --> 00:00:18,191
Did you ever see a ghost?
5
00:00:19,715 --> 00:00:22,592
Well, I'll tell you something
that happened to me once.
6
00:00:22,674 --> 00:00:27,190
It was years ago. I was staying with
my great aunt in Connemara.
7
00:00:27,274 --> 00:00:29,707
It was a big house,
miles from anywhere.
8
00:00:29,793 --> 00:00:31,306
During the Great Famine,
9
00:00:31,393 --> 00:00:34,863
a cruel landlord and his
beautiful daughter lived there.
10
00:00:34,953 --> 00:00:39,309
The story is he forbade the daughter
from marrying a young soldier.
11
00:00:39,392 --> 00:00:44,147
It broke her heart. In her despair,
she hung herself in her bedroom.
12
00:00:44,232 --> 00:00:47,667
The room that I was staying in
was that very bedroom.
13
00:00:47,751 --> 00:00:50,424
I remember it was icy cold...
14
00:00:50,511 --> 00:00:52,820
lit by a single candle.
15
00:00:52,911 --> 00:00:55,708
I was drifting off to sleep
when suddenly,
16
00:00:55,790 --> 00:00:58,145
I heard a strange creaking noise.
17
00:00:58,230 --> 00:01:00,619
- Was it a ghost?
- No.
18
00:01:01,709 --> 00:01:03,700
So, no, I've never seen a ghost.
19
00:01:08,229 --> 00:01:11,538
- I saw one.
- Really?
20
00:01:11,628 --> 00:01:15,337
Yes. It was a man
all dressed in black.
21
00:01:15,428 --> 00:01:17,658
I came down one night
for a glass of milk
22
00:01:17,748 --> 00:01:21,706
and he was just sitting there in
front of the TV just there.
23
00:01:21,787 --> 00:01:26,940
He had this strange grey hair,
even though he wasn't very old...
24
00:01:27,026 --> 00:01:30,735
Dougal, Dougal.
Could this have been me at all?
25
00:01:32,426 --> 00:01:34,700
Ahh, right!
26
00:01:56,943 --> 00:01:58,853
(Helicopter)
27
00:02:03,182 --> 00:02:04,217
(Crash)
28
00:02:10,981 --> 00:02:12,937
Right, that should do it.
29
00:02:16,580 --> 00:02:18,536
For pity's sake.
30
00:02:23,179 --> 00:02:25,170
(Toilet flushes)
31
00:02:29,299 --> 00:02:31,254
That's working now, Ted.
32
00:02:33,858 --> 00:02:35,416
It's broken again!
33
00:02:37,498 --> 00:02:40,136
Maybe it only works
when my head is in it!
34
00:02:40,217 --> 00:02:42,651
Ted, we should call the plumber.
35
00:02:42,737 --> 00:02:44,568
No, don't get them involved.
36
00:02:44,657 --> 00:02:47,693
I'd be too embarrassed
to tell them how I broke it -
37
00:02:47,776 --> 00:02:50,131
trying to give it
an extra hard flush.
38
00:02:52,376 --> 00:02:55,208
Well, now, Ted, I have to say
it was fine for me -
39
00:02:55,295 --> 00:02:57,092
it was a good powerful flush.
40
00:02:57,175 --> 00:03:00,850
I was thinking more about Jack.
You know when he's involved.
41
00:03:00,935 --> 00:03:04,813
You want to get that stuff away
as fast and as hard as possible.
42
00:03:04,894 --> 00:03:09,524
Best thing would be to have it pop up
somewhere in Sierra Leone!
43
00:03:09,614 --> 00:03:11,206
Oh, you're right there, Ted.
44
00:03:11,294 --> 00:03:13,887
A-ha. A-ha!
45
00:03:15,853 --> 00:03:19,129
I thought Jack
had stashed something in here!
46
00:03:20,252 --> 00:03:22,208
Ok, let's try it now.
47
00:03:22,652 --> 00:03:24,643
(Powerful flush)
48
00:03:38,930 --> 00:03:40,249
Girls!
49
00:03:42,970 --> 00:03:45,881
- Bloody hell!
- Good news, Ted?
50
00:03:45,969 --> 00:03:49,678
No. Very, very bad news.
51
00:03:49,769 --> 00:03:51,918
It's the Holy Stone of Clonrichert.
52
00:03:52,008 --> 00:03:54,363
They're upgrading it
to a Class II relic.
53
00:03:54,448 --> 00:03:57,087
- Great!
- No, it's not great.
54
00:03:57,168 --> 00:04:01,046
They'll send over a few bishops
and we'll have to behave!
55
00:04:01,127 --> 00:04:04,961
I thought there was something up.
Wasn't someone cured there?
56
00:04:05,047 --> 00:04:08,595
No, someone was LURED there.
57
00:04:08,686 --> 00:04:12,395
Paddy Short. And then those fellas
beat him with sticks.
58
00:04:12,486 --> 00:04:15,842
- That was it, yeah.
- The Holy Stone.
59
00:04:17,165 --> 00:04:19,520
(Ted) It must be holier
than we thought.
60
00:04:19,605 --> 00:04:23,883
Perhaps it's that fella from England.
He touched it and he grew a beard.
61
00:04:23,965 --> 00:04:26,876
Weird. That'd be enough to
upgrade it to a Class I.
62
00:04:26,964 --> 00:04:28,920
Oh, Class I would be very rare.
63
00:04:29,004 --> 00:04:31,677
That'd be bringing people
back to life...
64
00:04:31,764 --> 00:04:35,199
time travel, cloning dinosaurs...
65
00:04:35,283 --> 00:04:36,602
Very rare.
66
00:04:36,683 --> 00:04:40,232
There's millions of relics.
How do they know which ones to do?
67
00:04:40,323 --> 00:04:43,519
Well, they have to think about
the history of the relic,
68
00:04:43,602 --> 00:04:46,241
how many miracles
can be attributed to it.
69
00:04:46,322 --> 00:04:48,676
All sorts of considerations
go into it.
70
00:04:51,601 --> 00:04:54,434
What about
the Holy Stone of Clonrichert?
71
00:04:54,521 --> 00:04:55,749
Whatever.
72
00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:02,359
Ah, come on, cheer up.
It may never happen.
73
00:05:02,440 --> 00:05:06,876
- It IS happening! They're coming.
- Oh, right. Well, who cares, anyway?
74
00:05:06,959 --> 00:05:10,747
They strip the wallpaper,
fumigate the place and they're gone.
75
00:05:10,839 --> 00:05:12,795
What's so bad about that?
76
00:05:15,078 --> 00:05:16,955
Dougal, they're bishops!
77
00:05:18,238 --> 00:05:19,990
Oh, right, yes.
78
00:05:21,317 --> 00:05:24,514
What is this confusion
you have about bishops?
79
00:05:24,597 --> 00:05:27,475
Do you understand
what they actually do?
80
00:05:27,557 --> 00:05:30,514
Nothing to do with
fumigating houses at all.
81
00:05:30,596 --> 00:05:31,995
Have you got that?
82
00:05:32,076 --> 00:05:36,513
Got it. Anyway, let's play a game,
get your mind off it.
83
00:05:36,596 --> 00:05:39,632
- Chess or Buckaroo?
- Er...
84
00:05:39,715 --> 00:05:42,104
Actually, I wouldn't mind
chess today.
85
00:05:42,195 --> 00:05:45,789
- Really?
- Only joking. Buckaroo, of course.
86
00:05:48,794 --> 00:05:51,672
But only if you're ready
for a good trashing.
87
00:05:51,754 --> 00:05:54,586
Dougal, you've never
actually beaten me, ever.
88
00:05:54,673 --> 00:05:56,823
Oh, right, yeah.
89
00:05:57,913 --> 00:06:01,508
Still, eh?
Buckaroo, the sport of kings(!)
90
00:06:03,032 --> 00:06:06,183
It won't be so bad.
The bishops will have a look around,
91
00:06:06,272 --> 00:06:09,503
see we're a normal,
everyday parish and go away.
92
00:06:09,592 --> 00:06:11,582
Nothing to worry about at all.
93
00:06:32,309 --> 00:06:36,859
So the ceremony's on Thursday
and they're arriving tomorrow.
94
00:06:36,948 --> 00:06:40,020
- This is crucial. Listen to me.
- All right, Ted.
95
00:06:40,108 --> 00:06:44,066
These bishops are very important.
I'll stay around you just in case.
96
00:06:44,147 --> 00:06:46,422
So you don't say anything
you shouldn't.
97
00:06:46,507 --> 00:06:48,623
Like what?
98
00:06:48,707 --> 00:06:50,981
Like what you said
to Bishop Lindsay
99
00:06:51,066 --> 00:06:54,183
when he asked me where
I was when kennedy was shot.
100
00:06:54,266 --> 00:06:55,665
Oh, yeah.
101
00:06:55,746 --> 00:06:57,702
You overreacted slightly.
102
00:06:57,786 --> 00:07:00,140
He wasn't accusing me of anything.
103
00:07:03,025 --> 00:07:05,061
All right, so.
104
00:07:05,145 --> 00:07:09,376
Ted, do you know any of the bishops
who are coming? What are they like?
105
00:07:09,464 --> 00:07:12,695
Bishop Facks is a good old pal
of Father Larry Duff's.
106
00:07:12,784 --> 00:07:16,981
I'll ring Larry on his mobile.
It's got an extra-loud bleep.
107
00:07:18,063 --> 00:07:19,291
Shh!
108
00:07:19,383 --> 00:07:21,533
(Drum roll)
109
00:07:26,622 --> 00:07:28,453
(Mobile rings)
110
00:07:28,542 --> 00:07:30,214
(Audience ) Ooh!
111
00:07:30,302 --> 00:07:32,053
(Ringing continues)
112
00:07:35,141 --> 00:07:39,019
God Almighty. Why does he have
a mobile if he never picks it up?
113
00:07:40,180 --> 00:07:42,296
And we have the problem with Jack.
114
00:07:42,380 --> 00:07:45,258
Couldn't we just hide him
for a couple of days?
115
00:07:45,340 --> 00:07:48,137
No, they'd hear him
shouting "Girls!"
116
00:07:50,779 --> 00:07:55,057
We could train Jack to say something
apart from "drink", "feck" or "girls"
117
00:07:55,138 --> 00:07:57,413
like the dog on That's Life.
118
00:07:59,738 --> 00:08:04,174
Dougal, Father Jack may be bad,
but he's not a dog.
119
00:08:05,297 --> 00:08:07,094
(Scratching at door)
120
00:08:07,177 --> 00:08:10,089
There he is now.
He probably wants to go out.
121
00:08:14,736 --> 00:08:16,886
Wait.
122
00:08:16,976 --> 00:08:20,126
Maybe we could teach him
to say one or two things.
123
00:08:20,215 --> 00:08:23,730
Nothing too specific,
a few all-purpose sentences.
124
00:08:23,815 --> 00:08:26,648
Like "That would be
an ecumenical matter."
125
00:08:28,934 --> 00:08:32,051
Yes, any religious question
can be answered by that.
126
00:08:32,134 --> 00:08:34,409
That's what I always say.
127
00:08:34,494 --> 00:08:37,246
That's the great thing
about Catholicism.
128
00:08:37,333 --> 00:08:40,370
It's so vague,
nobody knows what it's all about.
129
00:08:44,332 --> 00:08:46,846
I think it might work, Dougal.
130
00:08:46,932 --> 00:08:49,605
I know it'll work. It WILL work!
131
00:08:49,692 --> 00:08:52,251
It won't work, will it, Ted?
132
00:08:52,331 --> 00:08:56,119
It won't, no. But we have to try.
133
00:08:57,331 --> 00:09:00,083
We'll have
a little elocution lesson...
134
00:09:00,170 --> 00:09:01,603
Drink!
135
00:09:03,010 --> 00:09:05,808
You can't say that
when the bishops come here.
136
00:09:05,890 --> 00:09:07,846
- Feck!
- Or that!
137
00:09:07,930 --> 00:09:13,003
- Girls!
- Go back to "drink" for the moment.
138
00:09:13,089 --> 00:09:15,557
- Drink!
- Have a look at this.
139
00:09:15,649 --> 00:09:19,402
Have a go
at the first one. "That".
140
00:09:19,488 --> 00:09:20,762
Drink!
141
00:09:20,848 --> 00:09:22,247
No, "That".
142
00:09:22,328 --> 00:09:23,522
Drink!
143
00:09:23,608 --> 00:09:25,723
Come on, concentrate. "That".
144
00:09:25,807 --> 00:09:27,445
- Drink!
- "That"!
145
00:09:27,527 --> 00:09:28,642
- Drink!
- "That"!
146
00:09:28,727 --> 00:09:30,638
- Drink!
- "That"!
147
00:09:30,727 --> 00:09:32,080
- Drink!
- "That"!
148
00:09:32,167 --> 00:09:35,238
- Drink!
- Now, come on, I know you can do it!
149
00:09:35,326 --> 00:09:37,078
There's a drink in it for you.
150
00:09:37,166 --> 00:09:40,203
- Drink?
- Yes, I promise. Try again.
151
00:09:40,286 --> 00:09:43,197
- "That..."
- Th-th-th-th...
152
00:09:43,285 --> 00:09:44,400
..th-th-drink!
153
00:09:44,485 --> 00:09:46,680
Come on, you almost had it! "That"!
154
00:09:46,765 --> 00:09:49,403
Th-th-th-th-th-th...
155
00:09:49,484 --> 00:09:51,156
..th-th-that!
156
00:09:51,244 --> 00:09:52,836
- Great!
- THAT!
157
00:09:52,924 --> 00:09:56,360
Brilliant! And the next one -
"That would..."
158
00:09:56,444 --> 00:09:58,274
That wou...ou...
159
00:09:58,363 --> 00:09:59,591
- Would...
- Wou...
160
00:09:59,683 --> 00:10:01,435
Wou-ou-ou...drink!
161
00:10:07,802 --> 00:10:10,111
Mrs Doyle, you left the cooker on.
162
00:10:10,202 --> 00:10:13,113
All right, Father,
I'll be there in a second.
163
00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:24,990
Right, Father, everything's ready.
164
00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:27,469
There's a big vat of tea
steaming away
165
00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:33,395
and I've arranged the Ferrero Rocher
in a big triangular pile.
166
00:10:33,479 --> 00:10:37,869
Oh, I'm so excited -
taking on three bishops all at once!
167
00:10:37,958 --> 00:10:39,755
I can't wait!
168
00:10:39,838 --> 00:10:41,157
Right...
169
00:10:41,238 --> 00:10:44,913
I think this will be
the greatest moment of my career.
170
00:10:44,998 --> 00:10:48,069
It's as if my whole life
was leading up to...
171
00:10:48,157 --> 00:10:51,194
Mrs Doyle! I'm over here!
172
00:10:52,517 --> 00:10:54,427
- Oh, so you are.
- Mrs Doyle...
173
00:10:54,516 --> 00:10:56,427
Ahhhh!
174
00:10:56,516 --> 00:10:59,667
Mrs Doyle, have you got
your contacts in?
175
00:10:59,756 --> 00:11:02,986
No. A dog ran off with them!
176
00:11:04,275 --> 00:11:07,108
I suppose now I'll have
to wear the glasses.
177
00:11:07,195 --> 00:11:09,311
I don't like wearing them, Father.
178
00:11:09,395 --> 00:11:12,466
I feel they make me look
like a frustrated old bag!
179
00:11:12,554 --> 00:11:16,342
Oh, I can't imagine that.
I imagine they look absolutely...
180
00:11:16,474 --> 00:11:17,906
Rahhhhh!
181
00:11:19,313 --> 00:11:21,588
God, Father, are they that bad?
182
00:11:21,673 --> 00:11:26,871
No...no... It's just a scary film
I was thinking of.
183
00:11:26,952 --> 00:11:28,943
They're fine, really.
184
00:11:29,032 --> 00:11:31,705
Great, well, that's much better.
185
00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:35,022
Um...I'll just go and
check on the tea, so...
186
00:11:38,551 --> 00:11:41,190
- (Mrs Doyle ) Father?
- Hmm?
187
00:11:41,271 --> 00:11:44,979
Father, I have absolutely
no idea where the door is.
188
00:11:52,069 --> 00:11:54,708
No sign of 'em yet, Ted.
189
00:11:54,789 --> 00:11:56,745
(Ted) Dougal, er, Dougal...
190
00:11:56,829 --> 00:11:58,784
They're here.
191
00:12:02,828 --> 00:12:05,900
Sorry about that, Bishop O'Neill.
You were saying?
192
00:12:05,988 --> 00:12:09,616
Yes. A simple ceremony.
We'll just need a little incense.
193
00:12:09,707 --> 00:12:14,780
Incense? I don't know if we...
Dougal, do we have any incense?
194
00:12:18,306 --> 00:12:21,218
There was a spider
in the bath last night.
195
00:12:27,825 --> 00:12:31,863
No, Dougal, incense. In-cense.
196
00:12:31,944 --> 00:12:35,493
Oh, right, yes.
No, I don't think so.
197
00:12:36,784 --> 00:12:40,298
Remember when we ran out of incense
and used Windolene...
198
00:12:40,383 --> 00:12:42,180
Ahem!
199
00:12:43,663 --> 00:12:45,699
Well, I'm sure we can find some.
200
00:12:45,783 --> 00:12:49,821
So, are you doing much upgrading
around the country?
201
00:12:49,902 --> 00:12:55,056
Last month, we elevated a
mushroom field in Cavan to Class III!
202
00:12:55,141 --> 00:12:56,574
Great!
203
00:12:56,661 --> 00:12:58,970
Our work takes us
all over the country.
204
00:12:59,061 --> 00:13:03,258
It gives us a chance to get in touch
with the ordinary clergy -
205
00:13:03,340 --> 00:13:06,616
or the ground troops, as I call them.
206
00:13:06,700 --> 00:13:10,898
Yes. We're trying to organise a
large meeting at the end of the year
207
00:13:10,980 --> 00:13:14,892
where all ranks of the clergy
can discuss their views
208
00:13:14,979 --> 00:13:18,369
with representatives
of the lay community.
209
00:13:18,459 --> 00:13:21,131
What do you think, Father Crilly?
210
00:13:23,378 --> 00:13:24,731
Sorry, what?
211
00:13:24,818 --> 00:13:30,289
Do you think a close relationship
with the lay community is desirable,
212
00:13:30,377 --> 00:13:33,813
or should a certain
distance be maintained?
213
00:13:35,257 --> 00:13:38,851
Yes, er...good question.
214
00:13:38,936 --> 00:13:45,044
Well, you know, I think we should...
involve the lay community...
215
00:13:45,135 --> 00:13:48,093
but...keep them at a distance.
216
00:13:48,175 --> 00:13:49,574
How much of a distance?
217
00:13:49,655 --> 00:13:52,043
Couple of miles?
218
00:13:52,134 --> 00:13:56,173
Here we are now, tea for everyone.
219
00:14:01,813 --> 00:14:03,212
OOOHH!
220
00:14:03,293 --> 00:14:06,091
- Are you all right, Your Grace?
- Yes, I...
221
00:14:06,173 --> 00:14:09,050
I had a minor heart attack last year.
222
00:14:09,132 --> 00:14:12,363
I have to take it easy.
I got a bit of a fright there.
223
00:14:12,452 --> 00:14:14,090
(Ted) Right.
224
00:14:14,172 --> 00:14:15,651
It's not a problem.
225
00:14:15,732 --> 00:14:19,485
Just give us a warning when you're
going to do anything sudden.
226
00:14:19,571 --> 00:14:23,086
- Arghhh!
- Dougal, what are you doing?!
227
00:14:23,171 --> 00:14:27,960
Sorry, Ted. I just remembered
Aliens is on after the news.
228
00:14:29,050 --> 00:14:30,642
Dougal, for God's sake!
229
00:14:30,730 --> 00:14:32,640
I'm sorry, Bishop Jordan.
230
00:14:32,729 --> 00:14:37,166
- Did you not hear what he said?
- I know but it's the director's cut!
231
00:14:37,249 --> 00:14:38,921
Let's have a lads' night in...
232
00:14:39,009 --> 00:14:42,523
- Ooooh...
- Dougal! Dougal, shut up!
233
00:14:42,608 --> 00:14:46,157
A heart attack?
That's rare enough these days.
234
00:14:46,248 --> 00:14:49,478
- There were prayers said...
- Why can't we look at Aliens?
235
00:14:49,567 --> 00:14:52,127
- Bishop O'Neill is speaking!
- They'd love it!
236
00:14:52,207 --> 00:14:54,675
- They wouldn't!
- Bishops love sci-fi.
237
00:14:54,767 --> 00:14:58,076
DOUGAL, WE ARE NOT WATCHING ALIENS!
238
00:15:02,246 --> 00:15:03,918
Anyway, back to religion.
239
00:15:08,005 --> 00:15:10,439
Do you see what I'm getting at?
240
00:15:10,525 --> 00:15:16,201
We must fight back against
the anti-clerical bias of the media!
241
00:15:16,284 --> 00:15:17,637
Yes...
242
00:15:22,283 --> 00:15:23,762
Ferrero Rocher?
243
00:15:23,843 --> 00:15:28,155
Father Ted, with these Rocher
you are really spoiling us.
244
00:15:32,762 --> 00:15:34,241
Mrs Doyle.
245
00:15:34,322 --> 00:15:35,641
Oh, right.
246
00:15:37,281 --> 00:15:38,919
Bishop, you were saying?
247
00:15:39,001 --> 00:15:43,392
I was saying we have to fight back
against the media,
248
00:15:43,481 --> 00:15:45,869
we must make our voice heard!
249
00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:47,871
Where is Father Hackett?
250
00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:51,270
Mrs Doyle, could you get
Father Hackett for us now?
251
00:15:51,360 --> 00:15:53,396
Certainly, Father.
252
00:15:53,479 --> 00:15:56,152
I must say,
they keep you on your feet.
253
00:15:56,239 --> 00:15:58,878
My housekeeper isn't the best,
I'm afraid.
254
00:15:58,959 --> 00:16:03,395
Sometimes I think it's ME
should be making the tea for HER!
255
00:16:10,037 --> 00:16:12,028
Mrs Doyle...
256
00:16:14,877 --> 00:16:16,196
(Ted) Mrs Doyle...
257
00:16:16,277 --> 00:16:18,232
"Making the tea for HER!"
258
00:16:24,916 --> 00:16:27,429
(Hysterical laughter continues)
259
00:16:27,515 --> 00:16:32,464
Sorry about that.
Ah, here's Father Hackett now.
260
00:16:34,394 --> 00:16:38,307
He's been looking forward to your
visit. Haven't you, Father?
261
00:16:38,394 --> 00:16:39,588
Yes!
262
00:16:39,674 --> 00:16:42,585
This is Bishop O'Neill.
Don't get up!
263
00:16:43,833 --> 00:16:45,152
Yes!
264
00:16:45,233 --> 00:16:47,508
- This is Bishop Facks...
- Yes!
265
00:16:47,593 --> 00:16:50,470
- This is Bishop Jordan...
- Yes!
266
00:16:50,552 --> 00:16:53,828
They're looking after you,
then, Father?
267
00:16:53,912 --> 00:16:55,345
That would be an ecum...
268
00:16:55,432 --> 00:16:57,388
- Ahem!
- Yes!
269
00:16:59,391 --> 00:17:04,419
I was saying, I'm looking forward to
discussing the social effects
270
00:17:04,511 --> 00:17:08,298
of some of the Church's thinking
on issues of personal morality.
271
00:17:08,390 --> 00:17:10,620
(Whispers) Ecumenical...
272
00:17:10,710 --> 00:17:13,429
That would be an ecumenical matter!
273
00:17:13,510 --> 00:17:17,821
Yes, I... I suppose it would.
274
00:17:17,909 --> 00:17:20,662
- Good point, Father.
- Yes!
275
00:17:20,749 --> 00:17:24,980
That's what we need - a more positive
attitude, like Father Hackett's!
276
00:17:25,068 --> 00:17:26,626
What?
277
00:17:26,708 --> 00:17:30,587
I agree. I can see Father Hackett
making a valuable contribution
278
00:17:30,668 --> 00:17:32,100
over the next few days.
279
00:17:32,187 --> 00:17:35,543
- Oh, God!
- Yes!
280
00:17:38,547 --> 00:17:41,014
Heavenly Father, hear our prayer.
281
00:17:41,106 --> 00:17:45,622
We pray that this rock be
upgraded to a Class II relic,
282
00:17:45,706 --> 00:17:48,777
and by the grace of God,
bring healing
283
00:17:48,865 --> 00:17:52,778
to all those who pass within
two and a half to three feet of it,
284
00:17:52,865 --> 00:17:54,776
at your discretion.
285
00:17:54,865 --> 00:17:58,220
And may all who are healed
in such a way
286
00:17:58,304 --> 00:18:00,374
give glory to you, our Lord,
287
00:18:00,464 --> 00:18:04,456
through your earthly form
of this Class II relic.
288
00:18:04,543 --> 00:18:06,135
- Amen.
- Amen.
289
00:18:06,223 --> 00:18:08,612
Eamonn.
290
00:18:08,703 --> 00:18:13,093
I'm sorry for detaining you, Father.
We'll catch up with the others.
291
00:18:13,182 --> 00:18:14,615
Yes!
292
00:18:14,702 --> 00:18:17,614
I so admire
your positive attitude, Father.
293
00:18:17,702 --> 00:18:21,057
So many people are cynical
about such things.
294
00:18:21,141 --> 00:18:23,530
You can hardly open a newspaper
these days
295
00:18:23,621 --> 00:18:26,419
without reading some
anti-clerical article
296
00:18:26,501 --> 00:18:28,968
- written by some bearded leftie!
- Yes!
297
00:18:29,060 --> 00:18:31,654
A spell in the army
would do them good!
298
00:18:31,740 --> 00:18:34,095
That would be an ecumenical matter.
299
00:18:34,180 --> 00:18:39,173
Oh, of course, Father!
It's the media that's the real enemy,
300
00:18:39,259 --> 00:18:42,251
involving earthly,
unspiritual pleasures!
301
00:18:42,339 --> 00:18:43,737
Temptation!
302
00:18:43,818 --> 00:18:46,616
Ecumenical! Yes!
303
00:18:47,698 --> 00:18:50,895
How right you are, Father!
How right you are!
304
00:18:53,977 --> 00:18:59,847
So, Father, do you ever have
any doubts about the religious life?
305
00:19:01,336 --> 00:19:03,292
Is your faith ever tested?
306
00:19:05,976 --> 00:19:09,285
Anything you've been worried about?
307
00:19:09,375 --> 00:19:14,290
Any doubts you've been having
about any aspects of belief?
308
00:19:14,375 --> 00:19:16,205
Anything like that?
309
00:19:16,294 --> 00:19:20,207
Well, you know
the way God made us all, right,
310
00:19:20,294 --> 00:19:24,207
and He's looking down at us
from Heaven and everything?
311
00:19:24,293 --> 00:19:27,603
And His son came down
and saved everyone and all that?
312
00:19:27,693 --> 00:19:31,606
- Yes.
- And when we die, we go to Heaven.
313
00:19:31,693 --> 00:19:33,683
Yes, what about it?
314
00:19:33,772 --> 00:19:36,525
That's the bit I have trouble with.
315
00:19:38,932 --> 00:19:42,128
That is the key
to the matter, Father.
316
00:19:42,211 --> 00:19:44,930
When you come
face to face with death,
317
00:19:45,011 --> 00:19:48,048
it makes you think about things.
318
00:19:48,131 --> 00:19:51,520
I saw that film recently, Apollo 13,
319
00:19:51,610 --> 00:19:55,364
and it reminded me
of my own brush with death.
320
00:19:55,450 --> 00:19:57,963
Do you know what I mean?
321
00:19:58,049 --> 00:20:02,804
You mean...you were in space
when you had your heart attack?
322
00:20:02,889 --> 00:20:07,245
- No. How could I be in space?
- Sorry. No, I suppose not.
323
00:20:07,328 --> 00:20:10,320
I meant I know what it's like
to be close to death.
324
00:20:10,408 --> 00:20:13,319
Yeah, great.
I'm dying to use the old WC, so...
325
00:20:13,407 --> 00:20:17,286
Yes, you do that.
I'll stay here and take the air.
326
00:20:17,367 --> 00:20:22,281
So, if God has existed forever,
what did he do in his spare time
327
00:20:22,366 --> 00:20:25,676
before he made the earth
and everything, you know?
328
00:20:25,766 --> 00:20:28,917
Well, we all have doubts.
329
00:20:29,006 --> 00:20:31,644
And what about
not eating meat on Fridays?
330
00:20:31,725 --> 00:20:34,683
How come that's Ok now
but it wasn't back then?
331
00:20:34,765 --> 00:20:38,803
Did people who ate meat on Fridays
back then all go to hell or what?
332
00:20:38,884 --> 00:20:40,715
I mean, it's mad.
333
00:20:41,364 --> 00:20:45,914
- Not bothering you, is he?
- No, no, it's...fascinating.
334
00:21:00,682 --> 00:21:02,797
(Toilet flushes)
335
00:21:06,481 --> 00:21:08,153
Oh!
336
00:21:08,241 --> 00:21:10,196
(Screaming)
337
00:21:13,080 --> 00:21:17,278
Oh, there you are.
I hope you had a nice chat.
338
00:21:17,360 --> 00:21:18,997
It was great.
339
00:21:19,079 --> 00:21:21,877
I reached some very
interesting conclusions.
340
00:21:21,959 --> 00:21:24,712
- Oh? About what exactly?
- Well...
341
00:21:24,799 --> 00:21:26,754
It's nonsense, isn't it?
342
00:21:27,918 --> 00:21:29,874
- What is?
- Religion.
343
00:21:31,438 --> 00:21:32,951
- Er...
- Think about it.
344
00:21:33,038 --> 00:21:36,916
Very little evidence. Blind faith,
that's all we have to go on.
345
00:21:36,997 --> 00:21:39,511
There's not a shred of proof!
Nothing!
346
00:21:39,597 --> 00:21:44,112
Aliens? Now, there's something
that might just be possible.
347
00:21:44,196 --> 00:21:45,993
But everlasting life?
348
00:21:46,076 --> 00:21:50,865
Big demons sticking red-hot pokers
up your arse for all eternity?
349
00:21:50,955 --> 00:21:52,707
I don't think so.
350
00:21:52,795 --> 00:21:56,026
The whole religion thing,
I just don't buy it.
351
00:21:56,115 --> 00:22:00,744
I've been struggling for some time,
but Father McGuire was the first man
352
00:22:00,834 --> 00:22:03,394
to spell it out for me
in black and white.
353
00:22:03,474 --> 00:22:05,749
Dougal, what have you been up to?
354
00:22:05,834 --> 00:22:09,542
This man. This man!
355
00:22:09,633 --> 00:22:13,387
Treasure him, Father Crilly!
He has wisdom far beyond his years.
356
00:22:14,632 --> 00:22:16,384
Thanks very much.
357
00:22:16,472 --> 00:22:18,190
(Bloodcurdling scream )
358
00:22:18,272 --> 00:22:22,311
Quick! It's Bishop Jordan!
I think he's dead!
359
00:22:26,831 --> 00:22:29,629
There! Oh, Lord!
360
00:22:30,591 --> 00:22:33,150
Yeah. That's a dustbin, Mrs Doyle.
361
00:22:35,110 --> 00:22:37,829
There! Oh, Lord!
362
00:22:40,029 --> 00:22:42,782
This is terrible!
Where's Bishop Facks?
363
00:22:42,869 --> 00:22:46,145
We have to straighten out the media!
364
00:22:46,229 --> 00:22:48,788
That's the important thing, Father!
365
00:22:48,868 --> 00:22:51,018
And we have to do it...
366
00:22:52,508 --> 00:22:53,702
..now!
367
00:22:53,788 --> 00:22:55,584
ARGHHHHH!
368
00:23:01,987 --> 00:23:04,546
Dougal...thank you!
369
00:23:04,626 --> 00:23:06,025
You're welcome, Bishop.
370
00:23:06,106 --> 00:23:08,301
No, no - Eddie.
371
00:23:08,386 --> 00:23:11,775
Are you sure you won't
reconsider your decision?
372
00:23:11,865 --> 00:23:15,141
No. It's too late.
I'm off to India with a few friends.
373
00:23:15,225 --> 00:23:17,420
Ah, there they are.
374
00:23:19,664 --> 00:23:21,382
See you again, then.
375
00:23:30,383 --> 00:23:34,422
Er, Your Grace. The Holy Stone...
376
00:23:34,503 --> 00:23:38,734
Will it, er, still be a Class II
when they, er...remove it?
377
00:23:42,102 --> 00:23:44,057
(Dougal) Bye.
378
00:23:50,181 --> 00:23:52,136
God bless.
379
00:24:03,979 --> 00:24:06,334
Went pretty well, I thought.
28804
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