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1
00:00:34,447 --> 00:00:36,722
- (Door slams )
- (Ted) Don't even talk to me!
2
00:00:36,767 --> 00:00:38,758
(Dougal) I'm so sorry, Ted.
3
00:00:38,807 --> 00:00:42,561
(Ted) You're judging a baby
competition, don't get them agitated!
4
00:00:42,607 --> 00:00:45,167
This happens every time
and I'm sick of it!
5
00:00:45,207 --> 00:00:47,846
I was just playing with them, Ted.
6
00:00:53,807 --> 00:00:57,356
Playing? You were jumping
up and down, running around
7
00:00:57,407 --> 00:01:00,205
and getting completely overexcited.
8
00:01:01,247 --> 00:01:04,557
That's why you got sick on me!
9
00:01:04,607 --> 00:01:06,962
I thought the standard was rubbish.
10
00:01:07,007 --> 00:01:11,842
A lot of sloppy babies who looked
as though they couldn't be bothered.
11
00:01:11,887 --> 00:01:14,879
And the hairiness
of some of those babies.
12
00:01:14,927 --> 00:01:17,566
It was a very hairy baby parade.
13
00:01:17,607 --> 00:01:22,044
If people can't even shave their
babies before they come out...
14
00:01:22,087 --> 00:01:25,079
Normally you wouldn't
have to shave a baby...!
15
00:01:32,527 --> 00:01:34,597
What the hell?
16
00:01:34,647 --> 00:01:39,198
Mrs Doyle, did you put a brick
in the middle of the floor?
17
00:01:39,247 --> 00:01:42,762
- I did.
- Well...why?
18
00:01:42,807 --> 00:01:45,958
I thought it would
be handy for your paperclips.
19
00:01:46,007 --> 00:01:48,885
You can put them
in that hollow there.
20
00:01:48,927 --> 00:01:51,361
Yes, but why on the floor?
21
00:01:51,407 --> 00:01:54,558
I got the idea from a magazine.
22
00:01:58,407 --> 00:02:02,036
That may be fine
for Will Self or one of those fellas
23
00:02:02,087 --> 00:02:04,840
but I prefer
the more traditional aspect
24
00:02:04,887 --> 00:02:07,117
of not putting bricks in the...
25
00:02:07,167 --> 00:02:08,680
(Screams )
26
00:02:14,327 --> 00:02:17,046
Mrs Doyle looks very different today.
27
00:02:17,087 --> 00:02:19,123
Was it definitely Mrs Doyle?
28
00:02:40,847 --> 00:02:42,838
(knock at door)
29
00:02:49,207 --> 00:02:52,643
I'm sorry,
I was looking for Mrs Doyle.
30
00:02:52,687 --> 00:02:56,043
It is Mrs Doyle!
31
00:02:56,087 --> 00:02:59,363
What? I thought
you were Marilyn Monroe.
32
00:02:59,407 --> 00:03:02,319
(Screeching laugh)
33
00:03:02,367 --> 00:03:04,005
Now...
34
00:03:04,047 --> 00:03:06,925
a couple of nice pints for you.
35
00:03:06,967 --> 00:03:09,606
Oh, great. We're a bit low, actually.
36
00:03:09,647 --> 00:03:11,205
(Milkman chuckles )
37
00:03:15,447 --> 00:03:18,200
There's plenty more
where that came from.
38
00:03:18,247 --> 00:03:20,363
(Screeching laugh)
39
00:03:20,407 --> 00:03:25,083
I shouldn't be here at all,
the police are after me.
40
00:03:25,127 --> 00:03:26,560
They're not!
41
00:03:26,607 --> 00:03:29,485
I'm so gorgeous
they want to arrest me!
42
00:03:29,527 --> 00:03:31,483
(Screeching laugh)
43
00:03:33,767 --> 00:03:37,521
Actually, I'm a bit sad
at the moment, Mrs Doyle.
44
00:03:37,567 --> 00:03:41,845
- I have to go to a funeral.
- Oh, no, really?
45
00:03:41,887 --> 00:03:43,923
Yes. My last girlfriend.
46
00:03:43,967 --> 00:03:46,401
She died from exhaustion.
47
00:03:48,247 --> 00:03:50,203
(Very screeching laugh)
48
00:03:53,047 --> 00:03:55,845
- Hello.
- Oh...
49
00:03:55,887 --> 00:03:57,764
Hello, Father.
50
00:03:57,807 --> 00:04:01,117
This is Pat Mustard, the new milkman.
51
00:04:02,207 --> 00:04:05,438
- Oh?
- Yeah, just here on the south side,
52
00:04:05,487 --> 00:04:07,603
spreading meself around a bit.
53
00:04:07,647 --> 00:04:11,242
Mrs Doyle, you need to dust
Father Jack's room.
54
00:04:11,287 --> 00:04:14,279
And a cobweb in the shed
needs removing.
55
00:04:14,327 --> 00:04:16,238
Righto so, Father.
56
00:04:20,167 --> 00:04:22,601
I'll be on my way, padre.
57
00:04:23,967 --> 00:04:25,958
Off on my rounds.
58
00:04:32,167 --> 00:04:35,762
Right, Ted. Looks like
an ordinary blackboard, doesn't it?
59
00:04:36,647 --> 00:04:38,046
Yes.
60
00:04:38,087 --> 00:04:40,726
That's what I thought -
but watch this!
61
00:04:43,287 --> 00:04:46,279
You see? You can rub off the letters.
62
00:04:48,047 --> 00:04:51,323
Well...you can do that
with every blackboard.
63
00:04:52,127 --> 00:04:53,924
What?
64
00:04:58,967 --> 00:05:01,606
This is very milky tea, Mrs Doyle.
65
00:05:03,647 --> 00:05:06,241
This is almost all-milk tea.
66
00:05:07,327 --> 00:05:09,921
Is there any tea in here at all?
67
00:05:09,967 --> 00:05:11,366
Well...
68
00:05:11,407 --> 00:05:12,806
No.
69
00:05:14,247 --> 00:05:18,763
Anyone would think you were trying
to use up all the milk so that...
70
00:05:18,807 --> 00:05:22,163
so that Pat Mustard
can come here more often.
71
00:05:22,207 --> 00:05:23,925
Ha ha ha ha.
72
00:05:23,967 --> 00:05:26,117
Pat's very interesting, Father.
73
00:05:27,447 --> 00:05:30,325
At the weekends
he's a swimming instructor.
74
00:05:30,367 --> 00:05:34,485
And he fought in Vietnam
and he's a former Mr Universe
75
00:05:34,527 --> 00:05:37,803
and he taught Elvis Presley
how to play karate.
76
00:05:37,847 --> 00:05:41,283
It sounds like
he's telling you a few tall tales.
77
00:05:41,327 --> 00:05:43,318
What do you think, Dougal?
78
00:05:43,367 --> 00:05:46,359
Well, Ted,
I'm very cynical, as you know.
79
00:05:51,327 --> 00:05:53,283
Well, Father...
80
00:05:53,327 --> 00:05:55,557
it's not my place, I know,
81
00:05:55,607 --> 00:05:59,361
but it sounds to me
like you're a little bit jealous.
82
00:06:00,927 --> 00:06:05,284
Jealous? Of Mr Milkyman?
I very much think not!
83
00:06:10,567 --> 00:06:12,558
What are you doing, Dougal?
84
00:06:12,607 --> 00:06:15,804
I'm looking at
some of the hairy babies.
85
00:06:15,847 --> 00:06:18,805
- There's something about them.
- Let's see.
86
00:06:23,407 --> 00:06:25,841
- Oh, my God.
- What?
87
00:06:25,887 --> 00:06:28,481
This is a terrible thing to say
88
00:06:28,527 --> 00:06:30,518
but if you took this moustache,
89
00:06:30,567 --> 00:06:33,604
this baby's head hair
and this baby's sideboards...
90
00:06:33,647 --> 00:06:37,003
I think you'd get...Pat Mustard!
91
00:06:39,767 --> 00:06:43,601
Do you think the babies
are copying his style?
92
00:06:45,647 --> 00:06:48,639
No, I think it's more likely
that...mm-hmm.
93
00:06:48,687 --> 00:06:50,757
That Pat Mustard has been...
94
00:06:52,527 --> 00:06:56,406
You know, I mean delivering
more than dairy products.
95
00:06:56,447 --> 00:06:57,766
No!
96
00:06:59,127 --> 00:07:00,845
You mean he's been...
97
00:07:00,887 --> 00:07:03,401
Ho...I...can't... Ho! Ho-ho!
98
00:07:04,447 --> 00:07:06,244
He...no...wha...
99
00:07:08,727 --> 00:07:10,718
He's been what?
100
00:07:12,927 --> 00:07:15,236
We should do some detective work,
101
00:07:15,287 --> 00:07:18,962
find out what this
Pat Mustard fella's up to.
102
00:07:19,007 --> 00:07:20,486
(Mrs Doyle laughing)
103
00:07:20,527 --> 00:07:22,199
(Pat Mustard laughing)
104
00:07:22,247 --> 00:07:24,841
(Both laughing)
105
00:07:27,167 --> 00:07:28,566
(Coughs )
106
00:07:29,647 --> 00:07:31,319
Hello, Father.
107
00:07:31,367 --> 00:07:37,044
Oh, Pat wondered if he could put
his massive tool in my box.
108
00:07:37,087 --> 00:07:41,319
- What?! How dare you!
- It's too big for the milk float.
109
00:07:42,887 --> 00:07:45,845
I'll pick it up tomorrow.
110
00:07:45,887 --> 00:07:48,242
Mrs Doyle, could you leave us?
111
00:07:48,287 --> 00:07:50,243
Righto, Father.
112
00:07:55,047 --> 00:07:58,676
Pat Mustard, there are
some very hairy babies around
113
00:07:58,727 --> 00:08:01,924
and I think you
are the hairy baby maker!
114
00:08:01,967 --> 00:08:04,197
Well, I think you'd need proof
115
00:08:04,247 --> 00:08:07,478
if you're gonna make
that sort of accusation
116
00:08:07,527 --> 00:08:11,998
and I'm a very careful man, Father,
a very careful man.
117
00:08:12,047 --> 00:08:14,686
Except when taking
precautions in the bedroom!
118
00:08:14,727 --> 00:08:16,797
You wouldn't be advising
119
00:08:16,847 --> 00:08:20,635
the use of artificial contraception,
Father, would you?
120
00:08:20,687 --> 00:08:22,678
Yes, I...!
121
00:08:23,687 --> 00:08:25,723
No, I...
122
00:08:25,767 --> 00:08:28,964
If you're going to be...
I...of course...
123
00:08:29,007 --> 00:08:30,998
Just feck off!
124
00:08:34,007 --> 00:08:37,556
You'd want to get up
very early to catch me, Father.
125
00:08:37,607 --> 00:08:40,280
Very early in the morning.
126
00:08:50,327 --> 00:08:52,795
(Camera clicking)
127
00:09:00,247 --> 00:09:03,683
And now to ride Mrs O'Reilly.
128
00:09:03,727 --> 00:09:05,763
Dougal, did you get that?
129
00:09:09,567 --> 00:09:14,436
Ted, I turned the volume up
to hear what's going on in the house.
130
00:09:14,487 --> 00:09:16,955
- At this level you could hear...
- (Horn honks )
131
00:09:20,927 --> 00:09:24,044
Right, now we wait.
No, he's finished!
132
00:09:25,887 --> 00:09:27,161
God!
133
00:09:27,207 --> 00:09:30,199
Theresa,
I forgot me fecking trousers!
134
00:09:30,247 --> 00:09:34,081
- Ha-ha! Mm-hm!
- (Camera clicking)
135
00:09:34,127 --> 00:09:37,881
Shameful! Dear God, disgraceful.
136
00:09:39,087 --> 00:09:43,524
- Have you ever seen the like?
- No, I have not.
137
00:09:43,567 --> 00:09:45,683
How should we do this?
138
00:09:45,727 --> 00:09:49,845
How about ๏ฟฝ2 each for these
and a tenner for the rest?
139
00:09:51,287 --> 00:09:54,518
I wasn't selling them,
I was just showing you
140
00:09:54,567 --> 00:09:57,445
what one of
your employees was up to.
141
00:09:57,487 --> 00:10:00,718
Oh! Oh, my God, yes!
142
00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:02,883
What did you think?
143
00:10:02,927 --> 00:10:07,398
I completely misread the situation!
This is disgraceful behaviour.
144
00:10:07,447 --> 00:10:11,201
This employee shall be removed
from his job straight away.
145
00:10:11,247 --> 00:10:13,158
Thank you for informing us.
146
00:10:13,207 --> 00:10:16,040
Hey, you, who's gonna
deliver the milk now?
147
00:10:16,087 --> 00:10:18,726
Actually, next week is a big week.
148
00:10:18,767 --> 00:10:22,521
We agreed to ease the milk surplus
of Eastern Europe
149
00:10:22,567 --> 00:10:27,402
by buying 17,000 tonnes
of milk from them.
150
00:10:27,447 --> 00:10:30,757
Pat's sacking couldn't have come
at a worse time.
151
00:10:30,807 --> 00:10:35,164
Think of all that lovely milk
with no one to drop it off.
152
00:10:35,207 --> 00:10:37,402
I wish I could do it.
153
00:10:37,447 --> 00:10:40,837
We could certainly trust
a man of God.
154
00:10:40,887 --> 00:10:42,878
A what?
155
00:10:44,447 --> 00:10:47,917
- A priest.
- Thanks for reminding me(!)
156
00:10:47,967 --> 00:10:51,562
But I'd love to be a milkman,
that'd be fantastic.
157
00:10:51,607 --> 00:10:53,916
God knows I do flip-all around here!
158
00:10:53,967 --> 00:10:57,084
You could certainly
fill in for a while.
159
00:10:57,127 --> 00:11:01,166
I'm not sure. Father McGuire
has other duties in the parish.
160
00:11:01,207 --> 00:11:03,402
Like what?
161
00:11:11,047 --> 00:11:14,881
- And be sure to keep warm.
- Ted! Not in front of Mr Fox.
162
00:11:14,927 --> 00:11:18,522
- And stay on the left of the road.
- Duh! I know!
163
00:11:20,007 --> 00:11:21,998
Stop it!
164
00:11:23,407 --> 00:11:26,717
That turns it on,
that makes it go, that steers it.
165
00:11:26,767 --> 00:11:29,725
- Ok. Right.
- Ok! You're ready to be a milkman.
166
00:11:31,407 --> 00:11:34,763
Better get going -
milk gets sour, you know.
167
00:11:34,807 --> 00:11:39,005
Unless it's UHT milk but there's no
demand for that because it's shite.
168
00:11:43,567 --> 00:11:45,558
(Beeps horn )
169
00:11:52,967 --> 00:11:55,322
He'll be fine.
170
00:12:01,207 --> 00:12:03,767
- (Clunk)
- Ahh!
171
00:12:11,087 --> 00:12:12,725
What's going on?
172
00:12:12,767 --> 00:12:17,522
Father Hackett's got very fond
of that brick. It's a great pet.
173
00:12:17,567 --> 00:12:22,516
He doesn't have to feed it
or clean it. Suits him perfectly.
174
00:12:22,567 --> 00:12:25,445
I love my brick!
175
00:12:27,727 --> 00:12:29,718
Ahhh, that's nice.
176
00:12:29,767 --> 00:12:33,885
Maybe we're seeing another side
to Father Jack, a more caring...
177
00:12:36,207 --> 00:12:38,323
Ahh, feck it!
178
00:12:39,807 --> 00:12:42,401
Fed up with "brick"!
179
00:12:42,447 --> 00:12:44,802
(Telephone rings )
180
00:12:49,767 --> 00:12:53,965
Craggy Island parochial house...
Father Ted Crilly speaking...
181
00:12:54,007 --> 00:12:58,046
It's me, Father,
y'ignorant bastard.
182
00:12:58,087 --> 00:12:59,884
Is that you, Mustard?
183
00:12:59,927 --> 00:13:03,920
You got me sacked
and now I have to yank meself off
184
00:13:03,967 --> 00:13:06,435
because I haven't got
any proper sex.
185
00:13:06,487 --> 00:13:09,957
Well, if you're going to use
that language...
186
00:13:10,007 --> 00:13:12,316
No, I've something to tell you.
187
00:13:12,367 --> 00:13:14,403
I've left a little surprise
188
00:13:14,447 --> 00:13:18,759
on the milk float
your little friend took off me.
189
00:13:18,807 --> 00:13:20,798
Something to remember me by.
190
00:13:20,847 --> 00:13:23,600
- A bomb!
- What?!
191
00:13:23,647 --> 00:13:26,559
A very special bomb.
192
00:13:26,607 --> 00:13:32,284
When your little friend
gets to over 4mph the bomb is armed
193
00:13:32,327 --> 00:13:36,525
but when he comes back
under 4mph then...
194
00:13:36,567 --> 00:13:38,523
(Imitates explosion )
195
00:13:39,727 --> 00:13:43,197
Sorry, I lost you there.
What happens?
196
00:13:43,247 --> 00:13:47,081
- It'll go off.
- Oh, my God, Dougal!
197
00:13:47,127 --> 00:13:49,687
(Pat laughing evilly)
198
00:13:53,087 --> 00:13:54,725
Mrs Millet...two pints.
199
00:13:54,767 --> 00:13:56,883
Two pints.
200
00:13:56,927 --> 00:13:59,077
Two pints of milk.
201
00:14:01,247 --> 00:14:02,726
(Doorbell)
202
00:14:08,367 --> 00:14:10,005
Pat...
203
00:14:10,047 --> 00:14:11,765
Father! Oh, my God!
204
00:14:11,807 --> 00:14:16,085
Two pints. Eh, two pints...
two pints. There you go.
205
00:14:16,127 --> 00:14:18,766
Bye, then.
206
00:14:33,127 --> 00:14:34,640
(Doorbell)
207
00:14:34,687 --> 00:14:36,598
Morning, Mrs Gleason!
208
00:14:36,647 --> 00:14:38,205
(Screams )
209
00:14:39,367 --> 00:14:42,006
Ok, right. I'll just leave it here.
210
00:14:47,047 --> 00:14:49,003
(Car horn honking)
211
00:14:50,647 --> 00:14:54,356
Dougal! Dougal!
Are you going over 4mph?!
212
00:14:54,407 --> 00:14:56,637
I'm fine, leave me alone.
213
00:14:56,687 --> 00:15:00,077
- Are you doing over four?!
- Not yet.
214
00:15:01,527 --> 00:15:02,801
(Click)
215
00:15:02,847 --> 00:15:05,441
Now I am.
216
00:15:10,247 --> 00:15:13,125
Dougal, there's a bomb
on the milk float!
217
00:15:13,167 --> 00:15:15,522
A bomb? Who's that for?
218
00:15:15,567 --> 00:15:18,639
It's not for delivery -
it's going to kill you!
219
00:15:18,687 --> 00:15:21,042
Pat Mustard put it there!
220
00:15:21,087 --> 00:15:24,921
When you go under 4mph it'll explode!
Have you got that?!
221
00:15:24,967 --> 00:15:28,437
Oh, God! I don't wanna
be a milkman any more!
222
00:15:28,487 --> 00:15:30,876
Just don't slow down!
223
00:15:30,927 --> 00:15:35,079
Ted, look! It's a big bunch
of boxes in the road!
224
00:15:35,127 --> 00:15:37,721
Just stay over four!
225
00:16:01,487 --> 00:16:03,478
(Beeps horn )
226
00:16:08,687 --> 00:16:10,643
(Beeps horn )
227
00:16:34,167 --> 00:16:36,158
Go, Dougal! Go, go, go!
228
00:16:43,607 --> 00:16:46,246
Get to the roundabout and circle it.
229
00:16:46,287 --> 00:16:48,437
I have to have a think!
230
00:16:48,487 --> 00:16:51,763
Ted!
231
00:16:51,807 --> 00:16:53,798
(Phone rings )
232
00:16:55,487 --> 00:16:58,285
Barren Island parochial house.
Father Beeching.
233
00:16:58,327 --> 00:17:01,205
Derek, Dougal's on a milk float
234
00:17:01,247 --> 00:17:05,923
with a bomb that will blow up
if it goes under 4mph.
235
00:17:05,967 --> 00:17:08,003
Yes, that is a problem.
236
00:17:08,047 --> 00:17:12,404
But don't panic, Ted,
we'll find a way through it.
237
00:17:12,447 --> 00:17:15,757
We've got to do something practical!
238
00:17:15,807 --> 00:17:18,241
Wait...I have it.
239
00:17:18,287 --> 00:17:20,278
(Engine chugging)
240
00:17:25,447 --> 00:17:27,438
The Lord be with you...
241
00:17:27,487 --> 00:17:29,842
Oh, no! Mass!
242
00:17:29,887 --> 00:17:33,004
Mass today being offered
for Father Dougal McGuire
243
00:17:33,047 --> 00:17:36,483
who finds himself in a trying
and unfortunate situation.
244
00:17:36,527 --> 00:17:41,078
We pray God will protect him
from harm at this...time
245
00:17:41,127 --> 00:17:44,199
- and deliver him to safety.
- Amen.
246
00:17:44,247 --> 00:17:46,397
(Pat laughing evilly)
247
00:17:46,447 --> 00:17:52,124
Oh, yes, they'll be peeling him
off the wall for weeks to come.
248
00:17:52,167 --> 00:17:55,955
Go in peace to love
and serve the Lord
249
00:17:56,007 --> 00:17:57,565
(All) Amen.
250
00:17:57,607 --> 00:18:00,804
Dougal, there's a roundabout!
Just keep driving round!
251
00:18:00,847 --> 00:18:03,281
- Everything's gonna be Ok!
- But I get dizzy!
252
00:18:03,327 --> 00:18:07,639
Don't get dizzy! You've got to come
up with a plan. Back to my house!
253
00:18:10,007 --> 00:18:11,998
( # Tense music)
254
00:18:34,527 --> 00:18:37,803
- That's the idea?
- It's the best we've had.
255
00:18:37,847 --> 00:18:40,077
Another Mass - that's our best idea?
256
00:18:41,847 --> 00:18:45,203
I thought the other one
went very well.
257
00:18:45,247 --> 00:18:47,238
Dougal needs help, not a Mass!
258
00:18:47,287 --> 00:18:51,360
This isn't a time for Mass,
this is a time for action!
259
00:18:57,047 --> 00:18:59,083
Is there anything to be said
260
00:18:59,127 --> 00:19:01,118
for saying another Mass?
261
00:19:02,007 --> 00:19:03,998
Just a small one?
262
00:19:04,047 --> 00:19:06,356
Oh, God, I love saying Mass.
263
00:19:06,407 --> 00:19:09,763
Him and his Masses!
One time, er, a few years ago,
264
00:19:09,807 --> 00:19:13,322
at the Moscow Olympics
with, er, Sean Drea, the rower.
265
00:19:13,367 --> 00:19:15,358
This is a great story.
266
00:19:15,407 --> 00:19:18,399
- We don't have time!
- It won't take a second.
267
00:19:18,447 --> 00:19:22,235
Shut up and help me think of
a practical solution.
268
00:19:22,287 --> 00:19:24,926
Tea for everyone!
269
00:19:24,967 --> 00:19:27,720
Father Beeching, biscuit or cake?
270
00:19:27,767 --> 00:19:30,281
Biscuit or cake? Ooh...
271
00:19:30,327 --> 00:19:33,717
Biscuit or cake, let's see...
272
00:19:33,767 --> 00:19:36,361
- For God's sake, hurry up!
- Biscuit.
273
00:19:36,407 --> 00:19:39,046
No, cake!
274
00:19:39,967 --> 00:19:44,085
Have you seen the damage
a bomb can do? Blow your face off!
275
00:19:47,927 --> 00:19:52,045
Well, it worked for them
and they saved hundreds of lives.
276
00:19:52,087 --> 00:19:54,282
We only have to save one.
277
00:19:54,327 --> 00:19:56,124
That was different,
278
00:19:56,167 --> 00:20:00,080
The Towering Inferno
was a building that caught fire!
279
00:20:00,127 --> 00:20:04,245
It's not the same as rescuing a
priest from an explosive milk float.
280
00:20:04,287 --> 00:20:07,438
And besides, they had
Paul Newman and Steve McQueen.
281
00:20:07,487 --> 00:20:12,277
God Almighty,
I forgot Steve McQueen was in it.
282
00:20:12,327 --> 00:20:15,364
Wait! I've got it!
The Poseidon Adventure!
283
00:20:15,407 --> 00:20:19,320
- What?
- Gene Hackman plays a priest in it.
284
00:20:23,367 --> 00:20:26,359
(Poseidon Adventure title music
plays on TV)
285
00:20:39,087 --> 00:20:41,317
Well, that was no help.
286
00:20:41,367 --> 00:20:43,676
He didn't even say Mass.
287
00:20:43,727 --> 00:20:47,640
Let's go to the roundabout
and think of something there.
288
00:20:47,687 --> 00:20:48,881
Oh!
289
00:20:48,927 --> 00:20:50,963
Fecking brick!
290
00:20:53,207 --> 00:20:55,801
Wait a minute, I've got an idea.
291
00:20:57,487 --> 00:20:58,966
Yes, gentlemen...
292
00:20:59,007 --> 00:21:01,237
Father Dougal
is propelling the milk float
293
00:21:01,287 --> 00:21:05,280
by exerting a small amount
of pressure on the accelerator.
294
00:21:05,327 --> 00:21:08,319
If we replace his foot
with an object
295
00:21:08,367 --> 00:21:11,837
then we can safely
remove him from the vehicle.
296
00:21:11,887 --> 00:21:13,718
You mean...
297
00:21:13,767 --> 00:21:16,645
Yes. We put the brick
on the accelerator.
298
00:21:22,367 --> 00:21:24,039
- Dougal!
- Ahh!
299
00:21:24,087 --> 00:21:28,205
- I've got a plan.
- Ted, I want to be a priest again.
300
00:21:28,247 --> 00:21:30,807
This isn't really your thing, is it?
301
00:21:30,847 --> 00:21:32,997
No, I don't like this job at all!
302
00:21:33,047 --> 00:21:37,438
All right, when I say step off,
you step off, all right?
303
00:21:37,487 --> 00:21:40,320
k eep saying, "I want to be a priest."
304
00:21:40,367 --> 00:21:42,927
I want to be a priest,
I want to be a priest,
305
00:21:42,967 --> 00:21:46,243
I want to be a priest,
I want to be a priest!
306
00:21:46,287 --> 00:21:49,404
Step off the milk float, Dougal!
307
00:21:49,447 --> 00:21:52,598
Ted, you forgot your brick!
308
00:21:52,647 --> 00:21:56,606
Put it back! Put it back!
Run, Dougal!
309
00:22:05,727 --> 00:22:07,524
I'm a priest!
310
00:22:10,767 --> 00:22:12,359
(Laughing evilly)
311
00:22:13,847 --> 00:22:18,125
Oh, yes, you messed with
the wrong milkman, Father.
312
00:22:18,167 --> 00:22:22,922
Well, I'm off. Better get out
the earplugs, Father,
313
00:22:22,967 --> 00:22:25,197
because when
that milk float goes up,
314
00:22:25,247 --> 00:22:29,035
they'll hear it
all the way to the North P...
315
00:22:29,087 --> 00:22:31,078
(Distant rumbling)
316
00:22:33,767 --> 00:22:35,723
(Dialling tone )
317
00:22:43,207 --> 00:22:45,323
- There y'are.
- Thanks, Ted.
318
00:22:45,367 --> 00:22:47,483
Sure you don't want any milk?
319
00:22:47,527 --> 00:22:51,679
No, no, I'll stay off milk
for a good long while.
320
00:22:51,727 --> 00:22:56,847
You stick to what you're good at
and I'm good at being a priest.
321
00:22:58,727 --> 00:23:00,240
Uh, yes.
322
00:23:00,287 --> 00:23:04,519
Ted, it's scary out there
in the real non-priest world.
323
00:23:04,567 --> 00:23:07,923
Not every job's as dangerous
as being a milkman.
324
00:23:07,967 --> 00:23:11,562
- Anyway, good night.
- Good night, Ted.
325
00:23:28,527 --> 00:23:31,166
Those women were in the nip!
24038
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