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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:12,001 --> 00:01:29,000 - Last time on Dream On. 2 00:01:29,001 --> 00:01:33,000 ♪ Silent night ♪. 3 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:37,000 - Please come to Pennsylvania with me. 4 00:01:37,001 --> 00:01:39,000 - I don't know, I have a date tonight. 5 00:01:39,001 --> 00:01:41,000 - Some Amish village is supposed to present Richard 6 00:01:41,001 --> 00:01:44,000 with this giant quilt they made for the baby. 7 00:01:44,001 --> 00:01:47,000 - It's Mary. 8 00:01:47,001 --> 00:01:48,000 - Mary who? 9 00:01:48,001 --> 00:01:50,000 - The Virgin Mary. 10 00:01:50,001 --> 00:01:51,000 - The cracks. 11 00:01:51,001 --> 00:01:53,000 - It's Adele Mad. 12 00:01:53,001 --> 00:01:55,000 - We don't have to if you don't want to. 13 00:01:55,001 --> 00:01:56,000 - No, I do. 14 00:01:56,001 --> 00:01:58,000 I really do. 15 00:01:58,001 --> 00:02:01,000 - Looks like we're going to have a white Christmas after all. 16 00:02:01,001 --> 00:02:06,000 - Are you actually blaming an unborn child because you couldn't read a map? 17 00:02:06,001 --> 00:02:08,000 - No, no, no, no. 18 00:02:08,001 --> 00:02:09,000 I'm blaming him because we're stuck 19 00:02:09,001 --> 00:02:12,000 in this Pennsylvania Dutch nightmare in the first place. 20 00:02:12,001 --> 00:02:14,000 - Dan, hey, where are you? 21 00:02:14,001 --> 00:02:16,000 - Uh-huh. 22 00:02:16,001 --> 00:02:19,000 Oh, no, no, no, I understand. 23 00:02:19,001 --> 00:02:22,000 - I turned and I looked and there she was. 24 00:02:22,001 --> 00:02:24,000 - The posted thingies are five bucks. 25 00:02:24,001 --> 00:02:25,000 - I can see. 26 00:02:25,001 --> 00:02:27,000 - Your mother and I are stuck in Pennsylvania, okay? 27 00:02:27,001 --> 00:02:28,000 All the highways are closing. 28 00:02:28,001 --> 00:02:30,000 We're gonna have to spend the night. 29 00:02:30,001 --> 00:02:31,000 - Mm-hmm. 30 00:02:31,001 --> 00:02:33,000 - I'm expecting a friend of mine around eight o'clock now. 31 00:02:33,001 --> 00:02:37,000 Her name is Mary Beth and I have a pregnant woman here. 32 00:02:37,001 --> 00:02:38,000 - There's nothing I can do. 33 00:02:38,001 --> 00:02:40,000 There's just no room at the end. 34 00:02:40,001 --> 00:02:42,000 - This isn't Beth Lamb. 35 00:02:42,001 --> 00:02:46,000 - Oh, God. 36 00:02:46,001 --> 00:02:47,000 - Okay, here we go. 37 00:02:47,001 --> 00:02:49,000 - I think I already went. 38 00:02:49,001 --> 00:02:52,000 - He's calling me back to the flock. 39 00:02:52,001 --> 00:02:54,000 I know now what I must do. 40 00:02:54,001 --> 00:02:55,000 - Martin. 41 00:02:55,001 --> 00:02:56,000 - What? 42 00:02:56,001 --> 00:02:58,000 - I think my water just broke. 43 00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:02,000 (thunder rumbling) 44 00:03:02,001 --> 00:03:05,000 - She's gonna have a baby. 45 00:03:05,001 --> 00:03:11,000 ♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪ 46 00:03:11,001 --> 00:03:17,000 - Why? 47 00:03:17,001 --> 00:03:19,000 Why do we have to get out of the car? 48 00:03:19,001 --> 00:03:20,000 I like it here. 49 00:03:20,001 --> 00:03:21,000 It's warm and there's maps. 50 00:03:21,001 --> 00:06:42,100 - Judith. 51 00:03:21,001 --> 00:03:24,000 Jude. 52 00:03:24,001 --> 00:03:29,000 I'm sorry, but you cannot have the baby in the car. 53 00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:32,000 (groaning) 54 00:03:32,001 --> 00:03:34,000 It's okay, I'm fine. 55 00:03:34,001 --> 00:03:37,000 - Okay, okay, that doesn't, you see that light? 56 00:03:37,001 --> 00:03:39,000 See there, way off there. 57 00:03:39,001 --> 00:03:41,000 Now we're gonna go get help while you can still walk. 58 00:03:41,001 --> 00:03:44,000 - No, but maybe they're mean farm people who don't like strangers. 59 00:03:44,001 --> 00:03:47,000 (dramatic music) 60 00:03:47,001 --> 00:03:51,000 - That's crazy. 61 00:03:51,001 --> 00:03:54,000 I'm sure they're very nice farm people. 62 00:03:54,001 --> 00:03:58,000 I'm sure there's a very nice farmer and his very nice wife. 63 00:03:58,001 --> 00:03:59,470 And while we wait for the ambulance, you 64 00:03:59,482 --> 00:04:01,000 can sit in a chair by the fire, you know, 65 00:04:01,001 --> 00:04:03,000 and she'll hold your hand and give you herb tea. 66 00:04:03,001 --> 00:04:06,000 So we won't have to have the baby in this fucking car. 67 00:04:06,001 --> 00:04:09,000 - You wash his mouth out with soap? 68 00:04:09,001 --> 00:04:12,000 (upbeat music) 69 00:04:12,001 --> 00:04:14,000 ♪ You'll be UN-subtletive ♪ 70 00:04:14,001 --> 00:04:16,000 (knocking) 71 00:04:16,001 --> 00:04:21,000 ♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪ 72 00:04:21,001 --> 00:04:23,000 ♪ You should've dropped some rats ♪ 73 00:04:23,001 --> 00:04:25,000 ♪ Now you're talking sorry ♪ 74 00:04:25,001 --> 00:04:27,000 (knocking) 75 00:04:27,001 --> 00:04:31,000 - Martin? 76 00:04:31,001 --> 00:04:33,000 - No, I'm Jeremy. 77 00:04:33,001 --> 00:04:37,000 - I mean, he sounded young on the phone, but not that young. 78 00:04:37,001 --> 00:04:38,000 I'm her bath, who are you? 79 00:04:38,001 --> 00:04:40,000 - I'm his son. 80 00:04:40,001 --> 00:04:42,000 - Oh my God, he must be old. 81 00:04:42,001 --> 00:04:43,000 - Yeah, yeah, it really is. 82 00:04:43,001 --> 00:04:44,430 Look, he said to tell you he's sorry, 83 00:04:44,442 --> 00:04:46,000 but he won't be able to see you tonight. 84 00:04:46,001 --> 00:04:48,000 He's stuck somewhere in Pennsylvania. 85 00:04:48,001 --> 00:04:49,000 - Well, shit. 86 00:04:49,001 --> 00:04:52,000 Shitty shit shit. 87 00:04:52,001 --> 00:04:54,000 What's he doing in Pennsylvania? 88 00:04:54,001 --> 00:04:56,000 Get out of the car! 89 00:04:56,001 --> 00:04:58,000 Get out, get out of the car, get out of it! 90 00:04:58,001 --> 00:05:01,000 - I don't know, sightseeing or something? 91 00:05:01,001 --> 00:05:03,000 - Well, this is just tremendous. 92 00:05:03,001 --> 00:05:04,000 My very first night in New York City 93 00:05:04,001 --> 00:05:07,000 and I don't know what the hell I'm gonna do with myself. 94 00:05:07,001 --> 00:05:09,000 You got a paper? 95 00:05:09,001 --> 00:10:18,100 - I guess so. 96 00:05:09,001 --> 00:05:15,000 - So, Jeremy, what's a good looking kid like yourself 97 00:05:15,001 --> 00:05:18,000 doing home on Christmas Eve, waiting for Santa? 98 00:05:18,001 --> 00:05:19,000 - Yeah, yeah, that's it. 99 00:05:19,001 --> 00:05:24,000 - Everything catch? 100 00:05:24,001 --> 00:05:27,000 - Yeah, kinda sucked, a lot. 101 00:05:27,001 --> 00:05:31,000 - Well, already I can tell, you're just a wellspring of enthusiasm. 102 00:05:31,001 --> 00:05:32,000 You got anything to drink? 103 00:05:32,001 --> 00:05:35,000 - My dad's got some scotch or something. 104 00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:36,000 - You got any Yoo-hoo? 105 00:05:36,001 --> 00:05:39,000 (upbeat music) 106 00:05:39,001 --> 00:05:47,000 - Okay, Martin. 107 00:05:47,001 --> 00:05:48,000 Where's the nice farmer? 108 00:05:48,001 --> 00:05:51,000 Where is the nice farmer's wife? 109 00:05:51,001 --> 00:05:52,000 (car horn honking) 110 00:05:52,001 --> 00:05:54,000 Where is my herbal tea? 111 00:05:54,001 --> 00:05:57,000 - I'm sorry, I thought it was a house. 112 00:05:57,001 --> 00:05:59,000 - And yet, I see sheep. 113 00:05:59,001 --> 00:06:01,000 It didn't-- (cow mooing) 114 00:06:01,001 --> 00:06:02,000 - Dude, dude! 115 00:06:02,001 --> 00:06:05,000 - I am not having my baby here, I'm not. 116 00:06:05,001 --> 00:06:09,000 No, no, no, no, not with that cow staring at me. 117 00:06:09,001 --> 00:06:12,000 - Okay, okay, fine, let's go. 118 00:06:12,001 --> 00:06:14,000 - Go, you crazy, go there! 119 00:06:14,001 --> 00:06:16,000 - What, you wanna stay here? 120 00:06:16,001 --> 00:06:20,000 - Hello, I believe we have already discussed that opportunity. 121 00:06:20,001 --> 00:06:22,000 - All right, okay. 122 00:06:22,001 --> 00:06:26,000 Look, you stay here and I'll go for help, okay? 123 00:06:26,001 --> 00:06:28,000 - Don't leave me! 124 00:06:28,001 --> 00:06:31,000 Please, please, don't leave me. 125 00:06:31,001 --> 00:06:32,000 - Stop it! 126 00:06:32,001 --> 00:06:37,000 - I don't wanna have my baby in a fire. 127 00:06:37,001 --> 00:06:40,000 (crying) 128 00:06:40,001 --> 00:06:46,000 - Another scotch? 129 00:06:46,001 --> 00:06:49,000 I'm gonna make this one a double. 130 00:06:49,001 --> 00:06:51,000 Save you the trip later. 131 00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:54,000 - You sure you wouldn't like some dinner, Mr. Charles? 132 00:06:54,001 --> 00:06:56,000 - All right, all right. 133 00:06:56,001 --> 00:06:58,000 Bring me that bowl of maraschino cherries. 134 00:06:58,001 --> 00:07:03,000 - Bon appetit. 135 00:07:03,001 --> 00:07:06,000 - Hey. 136 00:07:06,001 --> 00:07:09,000 Cheer up. 137 00:07:09,001 --> 00:07:11,000 'Tis the season to be jolly. 138 00:07:11,001 --> 00:07:14,000 - Oh man, just leave me alone. 139 00:07:14,001 --> 00:07:17,000 - Come on, come on, where's the mirth? 140 00:07:17,001 --> 00:07:19,000 Just Christmas, you know? 141 00:07:19,001 --> 00:07:21,000 - Christmas sucks. 142 00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:23,000 - What'd you say? 143 00:07:23,001 --> 00:07:26,000 - I said Christmas sucks. 144 00:07:26,001 --> 00:07:30,000 - Nobody. 145 00:07:30,001 --> 00:07:36,000 Nobody talks that way about Christmas to Santa Claus. 146 00:07:36,001 --> 00:07:38,000 Come on, step outside. 147 00:07:38,001 --> 00:07:39,000 - Hey, hey, hey, all right, all right, man. 148 00:07:39,001 --> 00:07:40,000 Just chill out. 149 00:07:40,001 --> 00:07:42,000 You just had too many little kids sitting on your lap. 150 00:07:42,001 --> 00:07:43,000 Just sit down. 151 00:07:43,001 --> 00:07:50,000 - Oh, you think that I'm one of those phony department store Santas. 152 00:07:50,001 --> 00:07:55,000 Well, I'll have you know that you were looking at the genuine article. 153 00:07:55,001 --> 00:08:02,000 - Well, I hate to break this to you, Virginia, but there is no Santa Claus. 154 00:08:02,001 --> 00:08:04,000 (laughing) 155 00:08:04,001 --> 00:08:10,000 - Well, then I guess that you won't feel it when I do this. 156 00:08:10,001 --> 00:08:11,000 (thudding) 157 00:08:11,001 --> 00:08:13,000 (yelling) 158 00:08:13,001 --> 00:08:17,000 - Get out of here! 159 00:08:17,001 --> 00:08:19,000 - Come on, get out of here! 160 00:08:19,001 --> 00:08:23,000 - Yeah, and that's when I heard this voice in my head. 161 00:08:23,001 --> 00:08:26,000 - This voice? 162 00:08:26,001 --> 00:08:31,000 - Yeah, yeah, it was a very calm, sincere voice, 163 00:08:31,001 --> 00:08:34,000 kind of like Harry Smith on the CBS morning news. 164 00:08:34,001 --> 00:08:37,000 - And what did this voice tell you? 165 00:08:37,001 --> 00:08:42,000 - The voice said, "Toby, it's time to have a new life. 166 00:08:42,001 --> 00:08:46,000 "Take a new road, become a nun.". 167 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:51,000 - You know, Santa Claus, how the hell do you know? 168 00:08:51,001 --> 00:08:52,000 First of all, you're black. 169 00:08:52,001 --> 00:08:56,000 What fucked up racist ghost is the Christmas that you grew up with? 170 00:08:56,001 --> 00:08:58,000 Aha, Santa would have never said fucked. 171 00:08:58,001 --> 00:09:03,000 - Yo, Mr. Charles, Mr. Kringle, you guys knock it off from calling the cops. 172 00:09:03,001 --> 00:09:04,000 I don't care if it is Christmas. 173 00:09:04,001 --> 00:09:08,000 - I don't know if you know any of the sisters 174 00:09:08,001 --> 00:09:10,291 over at St. Margaret's, but I wanna 175 00:09:10,303 --> 00:09:13,000 tell you, this was a tough bunch of nuns. 176 00:09:13,001 --> 00:09:17,000 I mean, these were definitely not your Dominique, nique kind of nuns. 177 00:09:17,001 --> 00:09:18,000 - What if that's the way you feel? 178 00:09:18,001 --> 00:09:20,000 Why do you want to become one yourself? 179 00:09:20,001 --> 00:09:21,000 - Oh, don't get me wrong. 180 00:09:21,001 --> 00:09:27,000 I love some nuns like Maria and how to solve a problem like Maria 181 00:09:27,001 --> 00:09:30,000 or Sister Betru, I loved her. 182 00:09:30,001 --> 00:09:33,000 - Miss Petalby, the decision to devote oneself 183 00:09:33,001 --> 00:09:35,000 to Christ's work is a terrible serious one. 184 00:09:35,001 --> 00:09:37,000 Ideally, it should be based on something more 185 00:09:37,001 --> 00:09:40,000 than the hope of someday being able to fly. 186 00:09:40,001 --> 00:09:43,000 I'm sorry, I'm afraid we have no place for you here. 187 00:09:43,001 --> 00:09:46,000 - Oh no, please, you gotta let me. 188 00:09:46,001 --> 00:09:49,000 Look, I know I'm not your regular nun type kind of person, 189 00:09:49,001 --> 00:09:53,000 but believe me, Sister, this is what God wants for me. 190 00:09:53,001 --> 00:09:55,000 Sister, you don't wanna start up with God. 191 00:09:55,001 --> 00:10:00,000 - Did I mention that I happen to be intermittently psychic? 192 00:10:00,001 --> 00:10:04,000 For instance, I know why you're all twisted up inside yourself tonight. 193 00:10:04,001 --> 00:10:05,000 - You do? - Mm-hmm. 194 00:10:05,001 --> 00:10:07,000 It's about S-E-X, right? 195 00:10:07,001 --> 00:10:10,000 - Maybe. 196 00:10:10,001 --> 00:10:12,000 - You think you might be gay, right? 197 00:10:12,001 --> 00:10:15,000 - No, no, anything is the opposite. 198 00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:19,000 - Uh-huh, I'm sure in time we'll understand exactly what that might mean. 199 00:10:19,001 --> 00:10:20,000 - No, no, no, no, look, forget it, all right, 200 00:10:20,001 --> 00:10:23,000 why don't you go see cats, they sing memories, you'll like it. 201 00:10:23,001 --> 00:10:26,401 - Shimmy Hawk, the little town that I'm 202 00:10:26,413 --> 00:10:30,000 from, has a population approximately less 203 00:10:30,001 --> 00:10:31,000 than this apartment building. 204 00:10:31,001 --> 00:10:34,000 Sometimes it gets so crazy, I just pick up the phone, 205 00:10:34,001 --> 00:10:37,000 dial me a number and start talking. 206 00:10:37,001 --> 00:10:39,000 It's time it's your daddy, in fact. 207 00:10:39,001 --> 00:10:45,000 I found in my vast life experience, it's easier to talk to a stranger 208 00:10:45,001 --> 00:10:47,000 than Frank Whitley Moore-Rewarden. 209 00:10:47,001 --> 00:10:57,000 Richard was supposed to deliver the baby in warm water 210 00:10:57,001 --> 00:11:00,000 with music playing, then he composed himself. 211 00:11:00,001 --> 00:11:04,000 Now I have to have my baby on a thing. 212 00:11:04,001 --> 00:11:09,000 - We're gonna be okay, I mean, I'm here, 213 00:11:09,001 --> 00:11:11,769 you know, and all your little barnyard 214 00:11:11,781 --> 00:11:15,000 friends, I mean really, we're gonna be fine. 215 00:11:15,001 --> 00:11:17,000 Help! 216 00:11:17,001 --> 00:11:18,000 - Oh! 217 00:11:18,001 --> 00:11:19,000 - Help! 218 00:11:19,001 --> 00:11:21,000 - God! 219 00:11:21,001 --> 00:11:25,000 - Okay, okay, I lied, we're not gonna be fine. 220 00:11:25,001 --> 00:11:29,000 I'm not a doctor, I can't handle this, I can't, I can't. 221 00:11:29,001 --> 00:11:31,000 - Try, try, just try. 222 00:11:31,001 --> 00:11:35,000 - Are we kidding, we can't have a baby in a barn? 223 00:11:35,001 --> 00:11:36,000 Help! 224 00:11:36,001 --> 00:11:42,000 - I'm sorry I slapped you. 225 00:11:42,001 --> 00:11:44,000 - Totally justified, not to worry. 226 00:11:44,001 --> 00:11:51,000 - Look, we just have to remember everything we learned in birthing class. 227 00:11:51,001 --> 00:11:53,000 - First off, we get you in shape. 228 00:11:53,001 --> 00:11:56,000 You skip rope till you think you're becoming a school girl. 229 00:11:56,001 --> 00:11:59,000 Then you start bouncing a rubber ball till you bounce like one yourself. 230 00:11:59,001 --> 00:12:01,000 - There you go, it's gonna be a snap. 231 00:12:01,001 --> 00:12:09,000 - Just leave me alone. 232 00:12:09,001 --> 00:12:11,000 - Oh, come on, take it. 233 00:12:11,001 --> 00:12:15,000 - Look, I'm sorry that I got so pissed. 234 00:12:15,001 --> 00:12:18,000 This is a really stressful time of year for me. 235 00:12:18,001 --> 00:12:24,000 You know, with all of the presents to deliver. 236 00:12:24,001 --> 00:12:32,000 - So now, for the rest of my life, whenever I think back in my first time, 237 00:12:32,001 --> 00:12:36,000 all I'm gonna see is that expression on Shannon's face, like, huh? 238 00:12:36,001 --> 00:12:39,000 Oh, and forget Christmas, you know, Christmas is fucked forever. 239 00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:42,000 (dramatic music) 240 00:12:42,001 --> 00:12:46,000 First time I ever left Jimmy Hawkeye is 15 years old. 241 00:12:46,001 --> 00:12:50,000 My Aunt Jolene took me down to Dallas, see that fancy on I-Show? 242 00:12:50,001 --> 00:12:53,000 I used to look just like cartoon characters more than real people. 243 00:12:53,001 --> 00:12:58,000 Anyway, after the show, I snuck backstage and I met Jimmy Buckets. 244 00:12:58,001 --> 00:13:00,000 Starred as Woofy the dog in the show. 245 00:13:00,001 --> 00:13:05,000 Got drunk on Orange Ne-Hyde Southern Comfort. 246 00:13:05,001 --> 00:13:08,000 And I ended up having sex for the very first time 247 00:13:08,001 --> 00:13:12,000 pressed up against one of those Zamboni machines. 248 00:13:12,001 --> 00:13:15,533 The whole time, all I kept thinking was, 249 00:13:15,545 --> 00:13:19,000 I wish you'd take off that stupid head. 250 00:13:19,001 --> 00:13:21,000 - What? 251 00:13:21,001 --> 00:13:26,000 - Believe me, I know how important your first time is. 252 00:13:26,001 --> 00:13:32,000 - Remember when Jeremy was born? 253 00:13:32,001 --> 00:13:34,000 - God, it was such a nutcase. 254 00:13:34,001 --> 00:13:36,000 (screaming) 255 00:13:36,001 --> 00:13:37,000 - Oh no! 256 00:13:37,001 --> 00:13:40,000 No, no, no, you weren't so bad. 257 00:13:40,001 --> 00:13:42,000 - Martin, you had to get stitches. 258 00:13:42,001 --> 00:13:45,000 - Well, it wasn't your finest hour. 259 00:13:45,001 --> 00:13:48,000 - You know, it's funny when I think back on that, 260 00:13:48,001 --> 00:13:52,000 I actually don't even remember the pain. 261 00:13:52,001 --> 00:13:54,000 - It is funny, I do. 262 00:13:54,001 --> 00:13:58,000 - Thank you for being here. 263 00:13:58,001 --> 00:14:00,000 No, I mean, you were right before. 264 00:14:00,001 --> 00:14:03,000 I am always dragging you back into my life and it's not fair. 265 00:14:03,001 --> 00:14:05,000 (sighing) 266 00:14:05,001 --> 00:14:10,000 - I am really glad you're here. 267 00:14:10,001 --> 00:14:14,000 - Me too. 268 00:14:14,001 --> 00:14:20,000 (screaming) 269 00:14:20,001 --> 00:28:40,100 - Oh God! 270 00:14:20,001 --> 00:14:21,000 - God! 271 00:14:21,001 --> 00:14:22,000 - God! 272 00:14:22,001 --> 00:14:23,000 - God! 273 00:14:23,001 --> 00:14:25,000 (screaming) 274 00:14:25,001 --> 00:14:35,000 - Jeremy, honey, you've had one life alternate experience this evening. 275 00:14:35,001 --> 00:14:37,000 Maybe that's enough for one night. 276 00:14:37,001 --> 00:14:38,000 - I appreciate your concern. 277 00:14:38,001 --> 00:14:45,000 You're not just doing this on a pity or something. 278 00:14:45,001 --> 00:14:47,000 I mean, that would be okay. 279 00:14:47,001 --> 00:14:48,000 I was just wondering. 280 00:14:48,001 --> 00:14:51,000 - I don't think you're cute as hell. 281 00:14:51,001 --> 00:14:56,000 Besides, I just hate the thought of Christmas being roomed for you forever. 282 00:14:56,001 --> 00:14:59,000 - Breathe. 283 00:14:59,001 --> 00:15:00,000 Breathe. 284 00:15:00,001 --> 00:15:01,000 Breathe. 285 00:15:01,001 --> 00:15:02,000 Breathe. 286 00:15:02,001 --> 00:15:03,000 I am breathing. 287 00:15:03,001 --> 00:15:07,000 Listen very closely. 288 00:15:07,001 --> 00:15:09,000 This is the sound of me breathing. 289 00:15:09,001 --> 00:30:18,100 - Uh-huh. 290 00:15:09,001 --> 00:15:10,000 - Oh God! 291 00:15:10,001 --> 00:15:11,000 - Oh! 292 00:15:11,001 --> 00:15:12,000 - Uh-oh! 293 00:15:12,001 --> 00:15:13,000 - Oh! 294 00:15:13,001 --> 00:15:17,000 (singing in foreign language) 295 00:15:17,001 --> 00:15:24,000 - Now we're gonna take this real spot. 296 00:15:24,001 --> 00:15:28,000 I'm never the sex again. 297 00:15:28,001 --> 00:15:29,000 I'm never the sex again. 298 00:15:29,001 --> 00:15:30,000 - No, no, fight the pain. 299 00:15:30,001 --> 00:15:31,000 You'd conquer the pain. 300 00:15:31,001 --> 00:15:33,000 What does that mean, conquer the pain? 301 00:15:33,001 --> 00:15:35,000 You fucking conquer the pain! 302 00:15:35,001 --> 00:15:38,000 (screaming) 303 00:15:38,001 --> 00:15:43,000 ♪ My friends will ride in armor ♪ 304 00:15:43,001 --> 00:15:46,000 ♪ Just to keep my hand ♪ 305 00:15:46,001 --> 00:15:48,489 - When you were having Jeremy, it wasn't 306 00:15:48,501 --> 00:15:51,000 about now they started giving you drugs. 307 00:15:51,001 --> 00:15:53,000 (gasping) 308 00:15:53,001 --> 00:15:57,000 - I have to do it. 309 00:15:57,001 --> 00:15:58,000 Do it. 310 00:15:58,001 --> 00:16:00,000 (gasping) 311 00:16:00,001 --> 00:16:07,000 - That was much better than last time. 312 00:16:07,001 --> 00:16:08,000 - Oh boy. 313 00:16:08,001 --> 00:16:12,000 Jeremy honey, I'd tell you. 314 00:16:12,001 --> 00:16:16,000 Well there's a certain improvisational nature to your technique. 315 00:16:16,001 --> 00:16:21,000 You've got some natural talent that is most impressive. 316 00:16:21,001 --> 00:16:26,000 What you thinking? 317 00:16:26,001 --> 00:16:28,000 - We do it again. 318 00:16:28,001 --> 00:16:30,000 (singing in foreign language) 319 00:16:30,001 --> 00:16:31,000 (screaming) 320 00:16:31,001 --> 00:16:34,000 - How could he have forgotten what this was like? 321 00:16:34,001 --> 00:16:35,000 - I don't know. 322 00:16:35,001 --> 00:16:36,000 (screaming) 323 00:16:36,001 --> 00:16:40,000 (singing in foreign language) 324 00:16:40,001 --> 00:16:44,989 So, how come you're not at home setting 325 00:16:45,001 --> 00:16:50,000 out to Stockins with the wife and kids? 326 00:16:50,001 --> 00:16:51,000 - Divorced. 327 00:16:51,001 --> 00:16:55,000 - Oh, I'm sorry. 328 00:16:55,001 --> 00:16:57,000 - No, no, no, no, no, man, don't be. 329 00:16:57,001 --> 00:16:59,000 I'm just not the married guy type. 330 00:16:59,001 --> 00:17:02,000 You know, I do much better with the single thing. 331 00:17:02,001 --> 00:17:08,000 - Getting drunk on Christmas Eve, eating cherries for dinner. 332 00:17:08,001 --> 00:17:11,000 What a life. 333 00:17:11,001 --> 00:17:16,000 - Hey, hey, why the hell aren't you at home with Mrs. Claus? 334 00:17:16,001 --> 00:17:17,000 (laughing) 335 00:17:17,001 --> 00:17:20,000 - There is no Mrs. Claus. 336 00:17:20,001 --> 00:17:22,000 Some PR guy made her up. 337 00:17:22,001 --> 00:17:24,000 (laughing) 338 00:17:24,001 --> 00:17:28,000 You know how people get when you work with kids. 339 00:17:28,001 --> 00:17:29,000 - Mm, yep. 340 00:17:29,001 --> 00:17:34,000 - It gets real lonely up at the pole. 341 00:17:34,001 --> 00:17:38,000 Of course, there are the elves, but we ain't close. 342 00:17:38,001 --> 00:17:39,000 - Uh-huh. 343 00:17:39,001 --> 00:17:41,000 (laughing) 344 00:17:41,001 --> 00:17:43,000 (somber music) 345 00:17:43,001 --> 00:17:48,000 - I'm getting too old man to be alone. 346 00:17:48,001 --> 00:17:53,000 There comes a time in a man's life when he just wants to be sure 347 00:17:53,001 --> 00:17:56,000 that somebody is gonna be there. 348 00:17:56,001 --> 00:17:59,000 - Somebody to curl up under the covers. 349 00:17:59,001 --> 00:18:02,000 Somebody to laugh at your jokes. 350 00:18:02,001 --> 00:18:03,000 (laughing) 351 00:18:03,001 --> 00:18:08,000 And not take any of your crap. 352 00:18:08,001 --> 00:18:11,000 - Yeah, I guess. 353 00:18:11,001 --> 00:18:12,000 - Don't guess. 354 00:18:12,001 --> 00:18:15,000 You don't wanna end up like me. 355 00:18:15,001 --> 00:18:18,000 - So what do I do? 356 00:18:18,001 --> 00:18:20,000 - I don't know, man. 357 00:18:20,001 --> 00:18:22,000 I just make the toys. 358 00:18:22,001 --> 00:18:25,000 (somber music) 359 00:18:25,001 --> 00:18:35,000 - I fell off my stool. 360 00:18:35,001 --> 00:18:38,000 (laughing) 361 00:18:38,001 --> 00:18:40,000 There I must be shit-faced. 362 00:18:40,001 --> 00:18:41,000 (laughing) 363 00:18:41,001 --> 00:18:44,000 - And you understand in becoming the bride of Christ, 364 00:18:44,001 --> 00:18:46,000 you would have to take a vow of celibacy. 365 00:18:46,001 --> 00:18:49,000 Not a big change in my lifestyle, if you know what I mean. 366 00:18:49,001 --> 00:18:53,000 And you'll be called on to relinquish all worldly possessions as well. 367 00:18:53,001 --> 00:18:54,000 - Not a problem. 368 00:18:54,001 --> 00:18:58,000 Although there is this armchair that Mr. Snuffles likes to sleep in. 369 00:18:58,001 --> 00:19:00,000 - And Mr. Snuffles would be? 370 00:19:00,001 --> 00:19:01,000 - My cat. 371 00:19:01,001 --> 00:19:05,000 Don't worry, he only yells when entertainment tonight is on. 372 00:19:05,001 --> 00:19:08,000 - Oh, we don't allow animals in the convent. 373 00:19:08,001 --> 00:19:09,000 - Wait a minute. 374 00:19:09,001 --> 00:19:10,000 You don't? 375 00:19:10,001 --> 00:19:11,000 Oh, he doesn't. 376 00:19:11,001 --> 00:19:14,000 - It's our policy. 377 00:19:14,001 --> 00:19:17,000 - It's crazy. 378 00:19:17,001 --> 00:19:21,000 I can't confort my babies. 379 00:19:21,001 --> 00:19:22,000 I can't. 380 00:19:22,001 --> 00:19:25,000 I just can't. 381 00:19:25,001 --> 00:19:27,000 Forget it. 382 00:19:27,001 --> 00:19:32,000 I don't wanna be part of any religion that doesn't allow pets. 383 00:19:32,001 --> 00:39:04,100 (growling) 384 00:19:32,001 --> 00:19:33,000 - Forget it. 385 00:19:33,001 --> 00:19:34,000 I'm not gonna do it. 386 00:19:34,001 --> 00:19:38,000 Forget it, I'm not gonna cut the umbilical cord with my teeth. 387 00:19:38,001 --> 00:19:41,000 - Martin, we were awfully close here. 388 00:19:41,001 --> 00:19:42,000 What do you propose we use? 389 00:19:42,001 --> 00:19:45,000 (dramatic music) 390 00:19:45,001 --> 00:19:46,000 - Well, I don't know. 391 00:19:46,001 --> 00:19:48,086 I don't know, you can raise that baby still 392 00:19:48,098 --> 00:19:50,000 connected to your vagina for all I can. 393 00:19:50,001 --> 00:19:51,000 I'm not gonna do it. 394 00:19:51,001 --> 00:19:53,000 - What the hell are you doing in my barn? 395 00:19:53,001 --> 00:19:54,000 - Thank God. 396 00:19:54,001 --> 00:19:56,000 We need a doctor right away. 397 00:19:56,001 --> 00:19:58,000 - You're Richard Stone's wife, aren't you? 398 00:19:58,001 --> 00:20:01,000 - Yes, I am. 399 00:20:01,001 --> 00:20:02,000 Everybody's looking for you. 400 00:20:02,001 --> 00:20:04,000 It's all over the news and here you are in my barn. 401 00:20:04,001 --> 00:20:06,000 I know this is so exciting. 402 00:20:06,001 --> 00:20:09,000 - Now would you please get us a doctor before I hit you with that bucket? 403 00:20:09,001 --> 00:20:12,000 (car horn honking) 404 00:20:12,001 --> 00:20:14,000 - Well, that was uncalled for. 405 00:20:14,001 --> 00:20:19,000 (dramatic music) 406 00:20:19,001 --> 00:20:22,000 (dramatic music) 407 00:20:22,001 --> 00:20:23,000 - Night, Beth. 408 00:20:23,001 --> 00:20:27,000 Night, Beth. 409 00:20:27,001 --> 00:20:28,000 - Mm, mm. 410 00:20:28,001 --> 00:20:30,000 - One more time? 411 00:20:30,001 --> 00:20:31,000 - Mm. 412 00:20:31,001 --> 00:20:32,356 - Come on, come on, I'll probably be 413 00:20:32,368 --> 00:20:34,000 years before I get a chance to do it again. 414 00:20:34,001 --> 00:20:38,000 (laughing) 415 00:20:38,001 --> 00:20:40,000 - Oh, Martin, it's coming. 416 00:20:40,001 --> 00:20:42,000 Oh, shh. 417 00:20:42,001 --> 00:20:44,000 (piano music) 418 00:20:44,001 --> 00:20:46,000 - No, no, no, no, no, no, wait. 419 00:20:46,001 --> 00:20:48,000 (dramatic music) 420 00:20:48,001 --> 00:41:36,100 - Wait. 421 00:20:48,001 --> 00:20:51,000 I'll be back with the doctor any second, you know. 422 00:20:51,001 --> 00:20:52,000 Just hold it in. 423 00:20:52,001 --> 00:20:55,000 - Oh, I don't think I can do this. 424 00:20:55,001 --> 00:20:56,000 This is birth. 425 00:20:56,001 --> 00:20:57,000 - I don't care. 426 00:20:57,001 --> 00:20:58,000 I don't care. 427 00:20:58,001 --> 00:20:59,000 Just stop that baby. 428 00:20:59,001 --> 00:21:07,000 - Lord, I don't know what I'm supposed to do. 429 00:21:07,001 --> 00:21:11,000 I want to serve you and bask in your holy light, 430 00:21:11,001 --> 00:21:14,000 but not if it means giving up Mr. Snuffles. 431 00:21:14,001 --> 00:21:16,000 Please, speak to me. 432 00:21:16,001 --> 00:21:18,000 I don't know what to do. 433 00:21:18,001 --> 00:21:20,000 Just give me a sign. 434 00:21:20,001 --> 00:21:23,000 (dramatic music) 435 00:21:23,001 --> 00:21:40,000 - Well, it looks like a rabbit. 436 00:21:40,001 --> 00:21:44,000 - That's it. 437 00:21:44,001 --> 00:21:46,000 I'm supposed to buy a rabbit. 438 00:21:46,001 --> 00:21:48,000 (yelling) 439 00:21:48,001 --> 00:21:51,000 - Come on, Judith, hang in there. 440 00:21:51,001 --> 00:21:53,000 Hang in there, you can do it. 441 00:21:53,001 --> 00:21:55,000 - Martin, this is not the end I need you at. 442 00:21:55,001 --> 00:21:57,000 - I'm the plumber. 443 00:21:57,001 --> 00:21:59,000 I'm just hanging around in case something goes wrong with our pipes. 444 00:21:59,001 --> 00:22:01,000 - Right, right. 445 00:22:01,001 --> 00:22:03,000 (yelling) 446 00:22:03,001 --> 00:22:06,000 Go. 447 00:22:06,001 --> 00:22:08,000 Go, I see something. 448 00:22:08,001 --> 00:22:09,000 I think I really see something. 449 00:22:09,001 --> 00:22:11,000 - What, what do you see? 450 00:22:11,001 --> 00:22:15,000 - Oh my God. 451 00:22:15,001 --> 00:22:16,000 - What, what is it? 452 00:22:16,001 --> 00:22:17,000 - What is it? 453 00:22:17,001 --> 00:22:20,000 - Oh, no, no, it's okay. 454 00:22:20,001 --> 00:22:21,000 It's just a foot. 455 00:22:21,001 --> 00:22:25,000 I thought it was a horrible little hand, you know, but it's just a foot. 456 00:22:25,001 --> 00:22:26,000 - A foot? 457 00:22:26,001 --> 00:22:28,000 It's not supposed to be a foot. 458 00:22:28,001 --> 00:22:29,000 It's breached. 459 00:22:29,001 --> 00:22:31,000 Oh God, Martin, it's breached. 460 00:22:31,001 --> 00:22:33,000 - Mayday, mayday. 461 00:22:33,001 --> 00:22:34,000 It's breached, it's breached. 462 00:22:34,001 --> 00:22:35,000 What do we do? 463 00:22:35,001 --> 00:22:36,000 - I don't know, I don't know. 464 00:22:36,001 --> 00:22:37,000 - What the shush? 465 00:22:37,001 --> 00:22:38,000 Should I pull it? 466 00:22:38,001 --> 00:22:39,000 - No, don't pull it. 467 00:22:39,001 --> 00:22:40,000 - Should I push it back in? 468 00:22:40,001 --> 00:22:42,000 - No, just, God. 469 00:22:42,001 --> 00:22:43,000 - What do you want me to do? 470 00:22:43,001 --> 00:22:45,000 - I don't know. 471 00:22:45,001 --> 00:22:46,000 - Let's do something! 472 00:22:46,001 --> 00:22:48,000 (crying) 473 00:22:48,001 --> 00:22:50,000 - I'm an amateur magician, how about a magic show? 474 00:22:50,001 --> 00:22:51,000 - Oh my God! 475 00:22:51,001 --> 00:22:53,000 (crying) 476 00:22:53,001 --> 00:22:58,000 (dramatic music) 477 00:22:58,001 --> 00:23:00,000 - Oh, Richard! 478 00:23:00,001 --> 00:23:03,000 (dramatic music) 479 00:23:03,001 --> 00:23:12,000 - Hold this for me, will you, Martin? 480 00:23:12,001 --> 00:23:13,000 - I knew you'd come. 481 00:23:13,001 --> 00:23:16,000 (dramatic music) 482 00:23:16,001 --> 00:23:24,000 - You're ready to push. 483 00:23:24,001 --> 00:23:25,000 - Good. 484 00:23:25,001 --> 00:23:26,000 - Now push. 485 00:23:26,001 --> 00:23:32,000 (screaming) 486 00:23:32,001 --> 00:23:39,000 - We have a son. 487 00:23:39,001 --> 00:23:41,000 (crying) 488 00:23:41,001 --> 00:23:44,000 (dramatic music) 489 00:23:44,001 --> 00:23:48,000 - It's a miracle. 490 00:23:48,001 --> 00:23:50,000 (dramatic music) 491 00:23:50,001 --> 00:23:59,000 - He's beautiful. 492 00:23:59,001 --> 00:24:00,000 - He is. 493 00:24:00,001 --> 00:24:03,000 He looks just like you. 494 00:24:03,001 --> 00:24:06,000 (dramatic music). 495 00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:12,393 - This is a private conversation, but 496 00:24:12,405 --> 00:24:14,000 no extras in the scene, run along with it. 497 00:24:14,001 --> 00:24:17,000 (dramatic music) 498 00:24:17,001 --> 00:24:31,000 - Peace on Earth, good will to men. 499 00:24:31,001 --> 00:24:34,000 (crashing). 500 00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:43,000 - Uh, Mary Beth, I'm never gonna forget this night. 501 00:24:43,001 --> 00:24:45,000 - Well, I should hope not. 502 00:24:45,001 --> 00:24:48,000 - I'll send you a card every Christmas. 503 00:24:48,001 --> 00:24:49,000 - I'd like that. 504 00:24:49,001 --> 00:24:51,000 (sighing) 505 00:24:51,001 --> 00:24:57,000 - Mary Beth, is seven times really that much? 506 00:24:57,001 --> 00:25:02,000 - Let's just say men have died from last. 507 00:25:02,001 --> 00:25:04,000 Take care, honey. 508 00:25:04,001 --> 00:25:07,000 (kissing) 509 00:25:07,001 --> 00:25:10,000 (dramatic music) 510 00:25:10,001 --> 00:25:17,000 - Merry Christmas. 511 00:25:17,001 --> 00:25:18,000 - Thank you. 512 00:25:18,001 --> 00:25:23,000 (laughing) 513 00:25:23,001 --> 00:25:32,000 - Jeremy? 514 00:25:32,001 --> 00:25:33,000 - Dad. 515 00:25:33,001 --> 00:25:36,000 - Come here. 516 00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:39,000 (footsteps) 517 00:25:39,001 --> 00:25:40,000 - Merry Christmas. 518 00:25:40,001 --> 00:25:42,000 - Are you okay? 519 00:25:42,001 --> 00:51:24,100 - Yeah. 520 00:25:42,001 --> 00:25:44,000 - I'm happy too. 521 00:25:44,001 --> 00:25:46,000 This was the most amazing night. 522 00:25:46,001 --> 00:25:48,000 You have a brother. 523 00:25:48,001 --> 00:25:49,000 - Cool, all right. 524 00:25:49,001 --> 00:25:53,000 - Hey. 525 00:25:53,001 --> 00:25:56,000 Come here. 526 00:25:56,001 --> 00:26:02,000 What are you doing up so early? 527 00:26:02,001 --> 00:26:03,001 - Uh. 528 00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:07,000 - Oh. 529 00:26:07,001 --> 00:26:08,000 Oh. 530 00:26:08,001 --> 00:26:09,339 Just couldn't wait to get under that 531 00:26:09,351 --> 00:26:11,000 Christmas tree and open those presents, huh? 532 00:26:11,001 --> 00:26:15,000 - Yeah, yeah, that's it, the presents. 533 00:26:15,001 --> 00:26:18,000 (upbeat music) 534 00:26:18,001 --> 00:26:21,000 - Oh. 535 00:26:21,001 --> 00:26:23,000 - All right, all right, so he's cute. 536 00:26:23,001 --> 00:26:25,000 He's not cute, he's perfect. 537 00:26:25,001 --> 00:26:28,000 - He looks just like Richard, only younger. 538 00:26:28,001 --> 00:26:29,000 I love babies. 539 00:26:29,001 --> 00:26:31,000 - Wow, look at this. 540 00:26:31,001 --> 00:26:33,000 This kid's making out like a bandit, huh? 541 00:26:33,001 --> 00:26:34,000 - Oh well, you know the Wisemans. 542 00:26:34,001 --> 00:26:36,000 I mean, they never know when to stop. 543 00:26:36,001 --> 00:26:39,000 - Just a coincidence. 544 00:26:39,001 --> 00:26:40,000 - Judith, he's gorgeous. 545 00:26:40,001 --> 00:26:43,000 - Could you ever see yourself having one? 546 00:26:43,001 --> 00:26:44,000 - Maybe. 547 00:26:44,001 --> 00:26:47,000 What? 548 00:26:47,001 --> 00:26:49,000 What, it could happen. 549 00:26:49,001 --> 00:53:38,100 You never know. 550 00:26:49,001 --> 00:26:53,000 - So, how were all your Christmases? 551 00:26:53,001 --> 00:26:55,000 Well? 552 00:26:55,001 --> 00:53:50,100 - Yeah. 553 00:26:55,001 --> 00:27:00,000 - Uh, this is... - Mary. 554 00:27:00,001 --> 00:27:02,000 - Jeremy, you look taller somehow. 555 00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:04,000 - I got him new sneakers. 556 00:27:04,001 --> 00:27:07,000 - Oh, are you precious? 557 00:27:07,001 --> 00:27:10,621 Excuse me, but shouldn't we take a moment 558 00:27:10,633 --> 00:27:14,000 to remember another person born today? 559 00:27:14,001 --> 00:27:18,000 - Barbara Mandrell. 560 00:27:18,001 --> 00:27:21,000 - Maybe we should let the new mother get some sleep. 561 00:27:21,001 --> 00:27:28,000 - Martin, I just wanted to thank you for... (laughs) 562 00:27:28,001 --> 00:27:30,000 Well, for everything. 563 00:27:30,001 --> 00:27:32,000 I couldn't have gotten through it without you. 564 00:27:32,001 --> 00:27:34,000 - No, no, no, really, it was Richard. 565 00:27:34,001 --> 00:27:37,000 - No, no, you were terrific. 566 00:27:37,001 --> 00:27:39,917 And, well, we would really like you to do 567 00:27:39,929 --> 00:27:43,000 us the honor of being the baby's godfather. 568 00:27:43,001 --> 00:27:45,000 - Really? 569 00:27:45,001 --> 00:27:47,000 - Yeah. 570 00:27:47,001 --> 00:27:49,000 - You can count on me. 571 00:27:49,001 --> 00:27:50,000 - I'd be honored. 572 00:27:50,001 --> 00:27:52,000 I mean, to do the honor. 573 00:27:52,001 --> 00:27:53,000 (sighs) 574 00:27:53,001 --> 00:27:55,000 - So is it a grace? 575 00:27:55,001 --> 00:27:57,000 (laughs). 576 00:27:58,000 --> 00:28:00,000 (somber music) 577 00:28:00,001 --> 00:28:07,000 - Excuse me for interrupting, but have you ever noticed 578 00:28:07,001 --> 00:28:11,000 that the water stain in your bathtub looks an awful lot like Moses? 579 00:28:11,001 --> 00:28:14,000 ♪ Christmas time is always here ♪ 580 00:28:14,001 --> 00:28:16,000 ♪ Now it's here, now it's here ♪ 581 00:28:16,001 --> 00:28:18,000 ♪ Bringing out the joy of cheer ♪ 582 00:28:18,001 --> 00:28:22,000 ♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪ 37675

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