Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:30,000
Later on, Tunesmith Neil Sadaka will
be dropping by to share his recipe for
2
00:01:30,001 --> 00:01:34,000
delicious potato latkes, a
traditional Hanukkah tree.
3
00:01:34,001 --> 00:01:37,000
Cuz you know, it's not just Christmas.
4
00:01:37,001 --> 00:01:39,000
>> No, it's not, is it?
5
00:01:39,001 --> 00:01:42,000
Oh, and there's more
holiday hijinks to come.
6
00:01:42,001 --> 00:01:45,000
>> You know, Christy, the holidays
seem to bring out the best in everyone.
7
00:01:45,001 --> 00:01:46,000
>> Excuse me.
8
00:01:46,001 --> 00:01:48,000
Do you think you could move in, sir?
9
00:01:48,001 --> 00:01:51,000
Because I certainly can't,
this is a solid mess here.
10
00:01:51,001 --> 00:01:52,000
Thank you.
11
00:01:52,001 --> 00:01:54,000
>> There she blows.
12
00:01:54,001 --> 00:01:58,000
>> Hey, Jude, Merry Christmas.
13
00:01:58,001 --> 00:02:00,000
>> Don't even try to pull
that cherry shit with me.
14
00:02:00,001 --> 00:02:03,000
I've got an eight pound
baby dancing on my bladder.
15
00:02:03,001 --> 00:02:06,000
[SOUND]
16
00:02:06,001 --> 00:02:07,000
>> Well, you look great.
17
00:02:07,001 --> 00:02:09,000
You're actually glowing.
18
00:02:09,001 --> 00:02:10,000
>> You know why?
19
00:02:10,001 --> 00:02:11,000
Because I'm hot.
20
00:02:11,001 --> 00:02:13,000
It's two degrees out and I'm hot.
21
00:02:13,001 --> 00:02:15,000
I am like a fucking toaster oven.
22
00:02:15,001 --> 00:02:18,000
And the baby isn't even
due for three more weeks.
23
00:02:18,001 --> 00:02:22,000
Three weeks until the arrival of
the amazing Richard Stone baby.
24
00:02:22,001 --> 00:02:24,000
See, that's what they're
all calling it, you know that?
25
00:02:24,001 --> 00:02:26,000
The Richard Stone baby.
26
00:02:26,001 --> 00:02:28,000
What am I, a police?
27
00:02:28,001 --> 00:02:29,000
>> Are you allowed to drink yet?
28
00:02:29,001 --> 00:02:34,000
>> I'm sorry, I'm just huge and hormonal.
29
00:02:34,001 --> 00:02:36,014
So I don't suppose
you'd like to take a
30
00:02:36,026 --> 00:02:38,000
drive to the country
with me tomorrow.
31
00:02:38,001 --> 00:02:41,000
[SOUND]
32
00:02:41,001 --> 00:02:42,000
>> I think not.
33
00:02:42,001 --> 00:02:44,000
>> I'll be good, I promise.
34
00:02:44,001 --> 00:02:45,000
Come on.
35
00:02:45,001 --> 00:02:48,000
It'll be great to spend some time
together before the baby comes.
36
00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:50,000
You know, just the two of us.
37
00:02:50,001 --> 00:02:56,000
[MUSIC]
38
00:02:56,001 --> 00:02:57,000
>> That does sound kind of nice.
39
00:02:57,001 --> 00:02:59,000
What's in the country?
40
00:02:59,001 --> 00:03:03,000
>> Oh, some Amish village is supposed
to present Richard with this giant qu
41
00:03:03,001 --> 00:03:04,000
ilt they made for the baby.
42
00:03:04,001 --> 00:03:08,000
[MUSIC]
43
00:03:08,001 --> 00:03:09,000
>> And where's Richard?
44
00:03:09,001 --> 00:03:11,000
>> He's stuck in Rome.
45
00:03:11,001 --> 00:03:12,470
Apparently his buddy,
the Pope, wants him
46
00:03:12,482 --> 00:03:14,000
to do a Christmas
Mass with him this year.
47
00:03:14,001 --> 00:03:16,000
You know, sort of like a, a ghost.
48
00:03:16,001 --> 00:03:18,000
>> And so you thought of me.
49
00:03:18,001 --> 00:03:19,000
Well, I'm afraid I can't.
50
00:03:19,001 --> 00:03:21,000
I have a lot of work to
do before the holiday.
51
00:03:21,001 --> 00:03:22,000
>> Okay.
52
00:03:22,001 --> 00:03:23,000
No problem.
53
00:03:23,001 --> 00:03:24,000
I'll just go alone.
54
00:03:24,001 --> 00:03:25,000
>> Fine.
55
00:03:25,001 --> 00:03:26,000
>> Excuse me.
56
00:03:26,001 --> 00:03:28,000
Could we have some bread, please?
57
00:03:28,001 --> 00:03:30,000
Some of us are here to eat.
58
00:03:30,001 --> 00:03:31,000
Thank you.
59
00:03:31,001 --> 00:03:35,000
>> What do you think the woman of
today needs most in dealing with the
60
00:03:35,001 --> 00:03:37,000
problems of motherhood?
61
00:03:37,001 --> 00:03:39,000
>> A bottle of whiskey and a psychiatrist.
62
00:03:39,001 --> 00:03:48,000
[MUSIC]
63
00:03:48,001 --> 00:03:53,000
[MUSIC]
64
00:03:53,001 --> 00:03:54,000
>> Hang on.
65
00:03:54,001 --> 00:03:55,000
We're going to hit.
66
00:03:55,001 --> 00:03:56,000
>> Bullseye!
67
00:03:56,001 --> 00:03:59,000
[LAUGHTER]
68
00:03:59,001 --> 00:04:00,000
>> What the hell?
69
00:04:00,001 --> 00:04:02,000
>> Isn't it great?
70
00:04:02,001 --> 00:04:05,000
I got it as a stocking
stuffer for my nephew Petey.
71
00:04:05,001 --> 00:04:08,000
It was either this or a little tank
that shoots plastic pellets that could
72
00:04:08,001 --> 00:04:09,000
take your eye out.
73
00:04:09,001 --> 00:04:12,000
But Petey's only got one eye,
so I thought, woof, but or not.
74
00:04:12,001 --> 00:04:14,000
>> What a lovely Christmas story.
75
00:04:14,001 --> 00:04:17,000
>> Speaking of which, I got this
great idea for a Christmas book for kids.
76
00:04:17,001 --> 00:04:21,000
It's the story of the birth of
Christ, only it's all told with cows.
77
00:04:21,001 --> 00:04:22,000
>> Cows?
78
00:04:22,001 --> 00:04:24,000
>> It's utterly mad.
79
00:04:24,001 --> 00:04:25,000
>> Sure.
80
00:04:25,001 --> 00:04:26,000
Kids love cows.
81
00:04:26,001 --> 00:04:27,000
It's the same story.
82
00:04:27,001 --> 00:04:29,000
Jesus married Joseph the whole schmear.
83
00:04:29,001 --> 00:04:31,000
>> Only in a cow kind of way.
84
00:04:31,001 --> 00:04:34,000
>> Believe me, after 12 years of
Catholic school, anything you could do to
85
00:04:34,001 --> 00:04:36,000
spice up the material couldn't hurt.
86
00:04:36,001 --> 00:04:38,000
>> Oh, that sounds... >> Moo.
87
00:04:38,001 --> 00:04:39,000
>> Fascinating.
88
00:04:39,001 --> 00:04:42,000
I just have a couple of questions
about the whole cow concept.
89
00:04:42,001 --> 00:04:43,000
>> Such as?
90
00:04:43,001 --> 00:04:46,000
>> Well, when they say, no, no room
for them at the end, won't it seem like
91
00:04:46,001 --> 00:04:48,000
maybe it's because of their cows?
92
00:04:48,001 --> 00:04:50,000
And when they have to sleep in a
manger, doesn't that sort of make sense?
93
00:04:50,001 --> 00:04:51,394
Considering that
they're cows and the
94
00:04:51,406 --> 00:04:53,000
wise men, how wise
can a bunch of cows ...
95
00:04:53,001 --> 00:04:54,000
>> Okay, okay.
96
00:04:54,001 --> 00:04:55,000
I hear you.
97
00:04:55,001 --> 00:05:01,000
>> You know, I get so few ideas.
98
00:05:01,001 --> 00:05:04,000
You can at least pretend to be interested.
99
00:05:04,001 --> 00:05:08,000
>> Great!
100
00:05:08,001 --> 00:05:10,000
That is just great.
101
00:05:10,001 --> 00:05:12,000
I hope you're happy.
102
00:05:12,001 --> 00:05:13,000
>> Shh.
103
00:05:13,001 --> 00:05:14,000
>> Come on.
104
00:05:14,001 --> 00:05:19,000
>> What, what, what is it?
105
00:05:19,001 --> 00:05:20,000
>> It's Mary.
106
00:05:20,001 --> 00:05:21,000
>> Mary who?
107
00:05:21,001 --> 00:05:23,000
>> The virgin Mary.
108
00:05:23,001 --> 00:05:24,000
In the cracks.
109
00:05:24,001 --> 00:05:27,000
>> Have you seen it? Have you seen it?
110
00:05:27,001 --> 00:05:28,000
>> Seen what?
111
00:05:28,001 --> 00:05:29,000
>> It's marvelous.
112
00:05:29,001 --> 00:05:30,000
It's marvelous.
113
00:05:30,001 --> 00:05:31,000
I can't believe it.
114
00:05:31,001 --> 00:05:32,000
>> I sort of see a rabbit.
115
00:05:32,001 --> 00:05:38,000
[choir singing]
116
00:05:38,001 --> 00:05:46,000
>> You know what I heard?
117
00:05:46,001 --> 00:05:50,000
After Lyle Schwartz's party, Ashley
Clinger and Brian Sericino did it.
118
00:05:50,001 --> 00:05:51,000
>> No way.
119
00:05:51,001 --> 00:05:54,000
They've only been going
out for like three weeks.
120
00:05:54,001 --> 00:05:56,000
That's totally pathetic.
121
00:05:56,001 --> 00:05:59,000
>> Yeah, yeah, that's what I thought.
122
00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:05,000
>> So do you think you could
ever see us... >> Doing it?
123
00:06:05,001 --> 00:06:06,000
>> No.
124
00:06:06,001 --> 00:06:07,000
No, it's not what I was thinking.
125
00:06:07,001 --> 00:06:10,000
But it is an interesting question, though.
126
00:06:10,001 --> 00:06:15,000
>> Well, actually, it was
supposed to be a surprise,
127
00:06:15,001 --> 00:06:19,000
but that was going to
be her Christmas present.
128
00:06:19,001 --> 00:06:20,000
>> Wow.
129
00:06:20,001 --> 00:06:21,000
>> Yeah.
130
00:06:21,001 --> 00:06:23,000
>> I only got you a sweater.
131
00:06:23,001 --> 00:06:28,000
>> I've kind of wanted to for
a long time, but then I thought,
132
00:06:28,001 --> 00:06:31,000
you know, Christmas would be more special.
133
00:06:31,001 --> 00:06:32,000
>> Sure, sure.
134
00:06:32,001 --> 00:06:34,000
We're talking this Christmas, right?
135
00:06:34,001 --> 00:06:35,000
>> Yeah.
136
00:06:35,001 --> 00:06:39,000
I was thinking maybe Christmas
Eve, like tomorrow night.
137
00:06:39,001 --> 00:06:40,000
>> I'm afraid.
138
00:06:40,001 --> 00:06:50,000
>> What?
139
00:06:50,001 --> 00:06:51,000
>> You're cool.
140
00:06:51,001 --> 00:06:52,000
Oh, yummy, yummy.
141
00:06:52,001 --> 00:06:54,000
These potato lackeys are so delicious.
142
00:06:54,001 --> 00:06:57,000
They almost make you
wish that you were Jewish.
143
00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:01,000
>> Join us tomorrow for
more holiday fun and surprises.
144
00:07:01,001 --> 00:07:02,000
Bye-bye, everybody.
145
00:07:02,001 --> 00:07:03,000
>> Bye-bye.
146
00:07:03,001 --> 00:07:04,000
We'll see you tomorrow.
147
00:07:04,001 --> 00:07:05,000
>> Have a good plan.
148
00:07:05,001 --> 00:07:11,000
>> If anybody cares, I have got
lackey grease all over my fingers.
149
00:07:11,001 --> 00:07:13,000
>> Come and get Kristy a doll.
150
00:07:13,001 --> 00:07:21,000
>> Hello.
151
00:07:21,001 --> 00:07:22,000
>> Hey, bud.
152
00:07:22,001 --> 00:07:23,883
How would you
like to go out with an
153
00:07:23,895 --> 00:07:26,000
incredibly attractive
dental technician?
154
00:07:26,001 --> 00:07:28,000
Who you're not going out with because?
155
00:07:28,001 --> 00:07:32,000
>> I subsequently made a date with
an even more attractive lingerie model.
156
00:07:32,001 --> 00:07:34,000
>> Trading up again, huh, Eddie?
157
00:07:34,001 --> 00:07:36,000
How do you sleep at night?
158
00:07:36,001 --> 00:07:37,000
>> Not alone.
159
00:07:37,001 --> 00:07:38,000
I'll tell you that.
160
00:07:38,001 --> 00:07:39,000
>> Come on, man.
161
00:07:39,001 --> 00:07:40,000
Help me out here.
162
00:07:40,001 --> 00:07:41,000
Hey, it's tomorrow.
163
00:07:41,001 --> 00:07:42,000
>> Well, see, there you go.
164
00:07:42,001 --> 00:07:44,000
I already have a date tomorrow night.
165
00:07:44,001 --> 00:07:45,000
>> With?
166
00:07:45,001 --> 00:07:47,000
>> You remember I told you about
that wrong number from Texas.
167
00:07:47,001 --> 00:07:49,000
>> Who, the phone sex lady?
168
00:07:49,001 --> 00:07:53,000
>> Well, I like to think it's
gone a bit beyond that, but yes,
169
00:07:53,001 --> 00:07:55,000
yes, Mary Beth is coming
to New York tomorrow night.
170
00:07:55,001 --> 00:07:58,000
>> Okay, so you haven't actually
seen this woman then, right?
171
00:07:58,001 --> 00:08:01,000
And so for all you know,
she could have a hump.
172
00:08:01,001 --> 00:08:02,000
And I know mine doesn't.
173
00:08:02,001 --> 00:08:03,000
[ Laughs ]
174
00:08:03,001 --> 00:08:05,000
>> Goodbye, Eddie.
175
00:08:05,001 --> 00:08:06,000
>> Oh, come on, man.
176
00:08:06,001 --> 00:08:07,000
A hump in her lazy eye.
177
00:08:07,001 --> 00:08:09,000
A hump in her leg.
178
00:08:09,001 --> 00:08:10,000
She drags behind.
179
00:08:10,001 --> 00:08:20,000
>> Morning.
180
00:08:20,001 --> 00:08:21,000
>> Morning.
181
00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:23,000
>> Listen, do you know when
you're going out tonight and
182
00:08:23,001 --> 00:08:25,000
where you're going and
what time you'll be back?
183
00:08:25,001 --> 00:08:29,000
>> Seven-ish probably after
dinner, and I really have no idea why.
184
00:08:29,001 --> 00:08:30,000
>> No reason.
185
00:08:30,001 --> 00:08:32,000
Just curious about you and your life.
186
00:08:32,001 --> 00:08:33,000
>> Boom.
187
00:08:33,001 --> 00:08:34,000
>> Boom.
188
00:08:34,001 --> 00:08:35,000
>> You okay?
189
00:08:35,001 --> 00:08:36,000
>> Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.
190
00:08:36,001 --> 00:08:37,000
It's just Christmas Eve day.
191
00:08:37,001 --> 00:08:38,000
It's a special time of year.
192
00:08:38,001 --> 00:08:40,000
>> You sure you're okay?
193
00:08:40,001 --> 00:08:41,000
>> Yeah.
194
00:08:41,001 --> 00:08:43,000
>> You just poured
orange juice in your cereal.
195
00:08:43,001 --> 00:08:45,000
>> Oh.
196
00:08:45,001 --> 00:08:47,000
Oh, yeah, I know.
197
00:08:47,001 --> 00:08:48,000
It's the '90s, Dad.
198
00:08:48,001 --> 00:08:50,000
All the kids eat it this way.
199
00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:53,000
[ Music ]
200
00:08:53,001 --> 00:09:00,000
>> It's gratifying for a man to see
his own brains coming out in his sun.
201
00:09:00,001 --> 00:09:15,000
[ Music ]
202
00:09:15,001 --> 00:09:17,000
>> Line up and get your presents.
203
00:09:17,001 --> 00:09:20,000
>> Plenty of presents for everyone.
204
00:09:20,001 --> 00:09:25,000
>> So I was talking to my boss,
Martin Tupper, about this great Christmas
205
00:09:25,001 --> 00:09:27,000
story idea I had about cops.
206
00:09:27,001 --> 00:09:29,000
>> That's fascinating, Miss Petalby.
207
00:09:29,001 --> 00:09:30,000
And then what happened?
208
00:09:30,001 --> 00:09:33,000
>> I turned and I looked,
and there she was.
209
00:09:33,001 --> 00:09:34,835
Her hair was a
little shorter than I
210
00:09:34,847 --> 00:09:37,000
remember from
Catechism, but it was merry.
211
00:09:37,001 --> 00:09:38,000
No doubt about it.
212
00:09:38,001 --> 00:09:39,000
>> There you have it.
213
00:09:39,001 --> 00:09:43,000
Not since Jesus was spotted in a
Campbell's suit billboard in Pittsburgh.
214
00:09:43,001 --> 00:09:46,000
Have we seen such religious fervor?
215
00:09:46,001 --> 00:09:50,000
>> This is Susan Saladul, live at
the site of the Petalby Madonna.
216
00:09:50,001 --> 00:09:52,000
>> The posted thingies are five bucks.
217
00:09:52,001 --> 00:09:53,000
The pencils are 10 bucks.
218
00:09:53,001 --> 00:09:54,000
Take a pencil.
219
00:09:54,001 --> 00:09:56,000
It's like owning a piece of the true cost.
220
00:09:56,001 --> 00:09:58,000
And you can write with it.
221
00:09:58,001 --> 00:10:00,000
>> Martin Tupper's office.
222
00:10:00,001 --> 00:10:04,000
>> Please come to Pennsylvania with me.
223
00:10:04,001 --> 00:10:05,000
>> Who is this?
224
00:10:05,001 --> 00:10:06,000
>> It's me.
225
00:10:06,001 --> 00:10:09,000
You remember, Pennsylvania Dutch country?
226
00:10:09,001 --> 00:10:11,000
Oh, please, please.
227
00:10:11,001 --> 00:10:13,000
I'm just -- I'm feeling so happy today.
228
00:10:13,001 --> 00:10:16,000
>> I don't know.
229
00:10:16,001 --> 00:10:17,000
I have a date tonight.
230
00:10:17,001 --> 00:10:18,000
>> Come on.
231
00:10:18,001 --> 00:10:22,000
You'll be home by 6,
5 -- 4.30 at the latest.
232
00:10:22,001 --> 00:10:23,000
>> I don't think so.
233
00:10:23,001 --> 00:10:25,000
>> I can see.
234
00:10:25,001 --> 00:10:28,000
Not clearly, but I can see.
235
00:10:28,001 --> 00:10:33,000
>> Get me out of here
now to where I see anything.
236
00:10:33,001 --> 00:10:36,000
>> Hey!
237
00:10:36,001 --> 00:10:43,000
I didn't recognize the car.
238
00:10:43,001 --> 00:10:44,000
>> Oh, it's a loner.
239
00:10:44,001 --> 00:10:47,000
I had a little bender bender.
240
00:10:47,001 --> 00:10:49,000
Thank you so much for coming with me.
241
00:10:49,001 --> 00:10:52,000
I mean, it really -- it really means a lot.
242
00:10:52,001 --> 00:10:55,000
>> I'm happy to do it.
243
00:10:55,001 --> 00:10:58,000
>> I'm happy to do it.
244
00:10:58,001 --> 00:11:00,000
>> I'm happy to do it.
245
00:11:00,001 --> 00:11:03,000
>> I'm happy to do it.
246
00:11:03,001 --> 00:11:20,000
[ Music ]
247
00:11:20,001 --> 00:11:22,000
>> Just don't tell Rudolph.
248
00:11:22,001 --> 00:11:26,000
>> Oh, and there's a lot
more holiday hijinks to come.
249
00:11:26,001 --> 00:11:29,000
So don't go away.
250
00:11:29,001 --> 00:11:35,000
>> And we're clear.
251
00:11:35,001 --> 00:11:38,000
>> Cheryl, hey, it's Eddie.
252
00:11:38,001 --> 00:11:41,000
Listen, are we definitely on for tonight?
253
00:11:41,001 --> 00:11:42,000
Excellent.
254
00:11:42,001 --> 00:11:44,000
Why don't you come
by the studio, round six?
255
00:11:44,001 --> 00:11:45,000
All right.
256
00:11:45,001 --> 00:11:51,000
See you then.
257
00:11:51,001 --> 00:11:55,000
Cynthia, hi, it's Eddie.
258
00:11:55,001 --> 00:11:58,000
Listen, I don't think
tonight's going to be good.
259
00:11:58,001 --> 00:11:59,000
Food poisoning?
260
00:11:59,001 --> 00:12:01,000
Yeah.
261
00:12:01,001 --> 00:12:03,000
Muscles, marinara.
262
00:12:03,001 --> 00:12:06,000
You know, I just feel so bad about tonight.
263
00:12:06,001 --> 00:12:08,000
Uh-oh, going to be sick again.
264
00:12:08,001 --> 00:12:09,000
Got to go.
265
00:12:09,001 --> 00:12:11,000
Bye.
266
00:12:11,001 --> 00:12:12,000
>> Back, guys.
267
00:12:12,001 --> 00:12:13,000
>> Disgusting.
268
00:12:13,001 --> 00:12:14,000
>> Like I care.
269
00:12:14,001 --> 00:12:15,000
>> Fuck you.
270
00:12:15,001 --> 00:12:17,000
Welcome back, everyone.
271
00:12:17,001 --> 00:12:21,000
Well, Mr. Weatherman tells us it
looks like we're going to have a white
272
00:12:21,001 --> 00:12:23,000
Christmas after all.
273
00:12:23,001 --> 00:12:29,000
Jingle bells, jingle
bells, jingle all the way.
274
00:12:29,001 --> 00:12:32,000
I said let's just take the
Pennsylvania turn cart.
275
00:12:32,001 --> 00:12:34,000
No, no, you had to save money on tolls.
276
00:12:34,001 --> 00:12:35,000
Excuse me.
277
00:12:35,001 --> 00:12:37,000
I'm just a little bit busy right now, okay?
278
00:12:37,001 --> 00:12:39,000
I said I'd pay the tolls, but no.
279
00:12:39,001 --> 00:12:42,000
Okay, look, why don't you
stop talking and watch the road.
280
00:12:42,001 --> 00:12:56,000
[MUSIC]
281
00:12:56,001 --> 00:12:57,000
Hey, hey, wait a minute,
wait a minute, wait a minute.
282
00:12:57,001 --> 00:12:58,000
Oh, look here.
283
00:12:58,001 --> 00:12:59,000
Damn.
284
00:12:59,001 --> 00:13:01,000
Damn, there's a sign.
285
00:13:01,001 --> 00:13:02,000
What did it say?
286
00:13:02,001 --> 00:13:03,000
I couldn't see it.
287
00:13:03,001 --> 00:13:05,000
I was too busy watching the road.
288
00:13:05,001 --> 00:13:07,000
Well, just keep your hands
on the wheel, will you?
289
00:13:07,001 --> 00:13:08,000
Don't you tell me how to drive.
290
00:13:08,001 --> 00:13:09,000
Excuse me.
291
00:13:09,001 --> 00:13:21,000
[MUSIC]
292
00:13:21,001 --> 00:13:22,000
Stop humming.
293
00:13:22,001 --> 00:13:37,000
[MUSIC]
294
00:13:37,001 --> 00:13:40,000
You have to pee again.
295
00:13:40,001 --> 00:13:42,000
I warned you about getting that big gulp.
296
00:13:42,001 --> 00:13:43,000
Well, I was thirsty.
297
00:13:43,001 --> 00:13:46,000
Well, if you have to, you can
always use the souvenir cup.
298
00:13:46,001 --> 00:13:48,000
Oh, you'd really like that, wouldn't you?
299
00:13:48,001 --> 00:13:49,000
To watch you pee in a cup?
300
00:13:49,001 --> 00:13:51,000
Oh, more than anything.
301
00:13:51,001 --> 00:13:54,000
I mean, who cares if I miss my
date, as long as I get to see that.
302
00:13:54,001 --> 00:14:11,000
[MUSIC]
303
00:14:11,001 --> 00:14:13,000
Eddie Charles.
304
00:14:13,001 --> 00:14:14,000
Damn.
305
00:14:14,001 --> 00:14:17,000
Hey, when did you get back?
306
00:14:17,001 --> 00:14:18,000
Fantastic.
307
00:14:18,001 --> 00:14:21,000
Listen, I saw your movie.
308
00:14:21,001 --> 00:14:23,000
You were unbelievable.
309
00:14:23,001 --> 00:14:24,000
Yeah.
310
00:14:24,001 --> 00:14:27,000
So, when can I see you?
311
00:14:27,001 --> 00:14:29,000
Tonight?
312
00:14:29,001 --> 00:14:31,000
No, no, tonight is great.
313
00:14:31,001 --> 00:14:34,000
I'll see you around seven below right.
314
00:14:34,001 --> 00:14:36,000
See you there.
315
00:14:36,001 --> 00:14:39,000
Yes.
316
00:14:39,001 --> 00:14:40,000
Hi.
317
00:14:40,001 --> 00:14:43,000
Hey, Cheryl.
318
00:14:43,001 --> 00:14:44,000
I'm sorry I'm late.
319
00:14:44,001 --> 00:14:45,000
The shoot ran long.
320
00:14:45,001 --> 00:14:47,000
So, what do you want to do?
321
00:14:47,001 --> 00:14:55,000
What I want to do is take you out
to dinner, but I just found out that my
322
00:14:55,001 --> 00:14:59,000
mother is really sick, and
I really should go see her.
323
00:14:59,001 --> 00:15:01,000
I'm sorry.
324
00:15:01,001 --> 00:15:02,000
Oh, God, no.
325
00:15:02,001 --> 00:15:03,000
I hope she feels better.
326
00:15:03,001 --> 00:15:05,000
Thanks.
327
00:15:05,001 --> 00:15:07,000
Come here.
328
00:15:07,001 --> 00:15:10,000
Oh, you are so good.
329
00:15:10,001 --> 00:15:13,000
By the way, are we still on for New Year's?
330
00:15:13,001 --> 00:15:17,000
Um, why don't we wait to
see how my mom's doing?
331
00:15:17,001 --> 00:15:19,000
Oh, okay, sure.
332
00:15:19,001 --> 00:15:24,000
Are you actually blaming an unborn
child because you couldn't read a map?
333
00:15:24,001 --> 00:15:26,000
No, no, no, no.
334
00:15:26,001 --> 00:15:29,000
I'm blaming him because we're stuck
in this Pennsylvania Dutch nightmare in
335
00:15:29,001 --> 00:15:30,000
the first place.
336
00:15:30,001 --> 00:15:31,000
It is not his fault.
337
00:15:31,001 --> 00:15:33,000
If people want to give him a quilt.
338
00:15:33,001 --> 00:15:36,000
[MUSIC]
339
00:15:36,001 --> 00:15:37,000
Oh, please.
340
00:15:37,001 --> 00:15:39,000
I mean, what is the big
deal about this kid anyway?
341
00:15:39,001 --> 00:15:40,000
I'm sorry.
342
00:15:40,001 --> 00:15:41,000
I know he's yours.
343
00:15:41,001 --> 00:15:42,000
Jesus Christ.
344
00:15:42,001 --> 00:15:43,000
He's just a baby.
345
00:15:43,001 --> 00:15:45,000
Look, a sign.
346
00:15:45,001 --> 00:15:50,000
[MUSIC]
347
00:15:50,001 --> 00:15:51,000
Just a coincidence.
348
00:15:51,001 --> 00:16:01,000
[MUSIC]
349
00:16:01,001 --> 00:16:02,000
Hey.
350
00:16:02,001 --> 00:16:03,000
Hey.
351
00:16:03,001 --> 00:16:06,000
How's it going?
352
00:16:06,001 --> 00:16:07,000
Great.
353
00:16:07,001 --> 00:16:11,000
You, uh, want a drink?
354
00:16:11,001 --> 00:16:12,000
I'd love one.
355
00:16:12,001 --> 00:16:14,000
I have you, who?
356
00:16:14,001 --> 00:16:17,000
Orange juice, pineapple juice, and seltzer.
357
00:16:17,001 --> 00:16:19,000
Seltzer would be good.
358
00:16:19,001 --> 00:16:21,000
Here, this is for you.
359
00:16:21,001 --> 00:16:27,000
Thanks.
360
00:16:27,001 --> 00:16:29,000
It's really pretty.
361
00:16:29,001 --> 00:16:36,000
Is that the, uh, thank you for your
present or the beginning of mine?
362
00:16:36,001 --> 00:16:40,000
[PHONE RINGING]
363
00:16:40,001 --> 00:16:41,000
Hello?
364
00:16:41,001 --> 00:16:42,000
Jeremy?
365
00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:43,000
This is Dad.
366
00:16:43,001 --> 00:16:46,000
Look, your mother and I are
stuck in Pennsylvania, okay?
367
00:16:46,001 --> 00:16:47,000
All the highways are closed.
368
00:16:47,001 --> 00:16:48,000
We're gonna have to spend the night.
369
00:16:48,001 --> 00:16:50,000
Now, are you, are you gonna be okay?
370
00:16:50,001 --> 00:16:51,000
Yeah, yeah, I'll be fine.
371
00:16:51,001 --> 00:16:52,000
No big deal.
372
00:16:52,001 --> 00:16:54,000
We're at the Bethlehem bedtime inn, okay?
373
00:16:54,001 --> 00:16:56,000
We don't have any room numbers yet.
374
00:16:56,001 --> 00:16:57,000
Great. Have a nice night.
375
00:16:57,001 --> 00:16:59,000
Wait, wait, wait, wait, Jeremy.
376
00:16:59,001 --> 00:17:02,000
I'm expecting a friend of
mine around eight o'clock now.
377
00:17:02,001 --> 00:17:08,000
Her name is Mary Beth, and, and,
and just, just tell her what happened and
378
00:17:08,001 --> 00:17:09,000
apologize for me, will you?
379
00:17:09,001 --> 00:17:10,000
Mm-hmm.
380
00:17:10,001 --> 00:17:12,000
Jeremy?
381
00:17:12,001 --> 00:17:15,000
I'm sorry. There is nothing I can do.
382
00:17:15,001 --> 00:17:17,000
That's ridiculous. You must have something.
383
00:17:17,001 --> 00:17:21,000
I'm telling you, ma'am, we're all
booked up. Everyone's here for the putts.
384
00:17:21,001 --> 00:17:22,000
What?
385
00:17:22,001 --> 00:17:24,000
The Christmas putts.
386
00:17:24,001 --> 00:17:26,000
Who's the Christmas putts?
387
00:17:26,001 --> 00:17:28,000
Hello, anybody home?
388
00:17:28,001 --> 00:17:33,000
The putts is nahoo. It's our live pageant.
The Moravian Christmas putts.
389
00:17:33,001 --> 00:17:38,000
You see, the city of Bethlehem was
founded by Moravian missionaries in 1741.
390
00:17:38,001 --> 00:17:42,000
Thank you for that fascinating bit of
local history, Mr. Quinn, but I have a
391
00:17:42,001 --> 00:17:43,000
pregnant woman here.
392
00:17:43,001 --> 00:17:45,781
Well, I'm sorry. There
is nothing I can do.
393
00:17:45,793 --> 00:17:48,000
There is just no
room at the end .
394
00:17:48,001 --> 00:17:50,000
Just a coincidence.
395
00:17:50,001 --> 00:17:53,000
Don't be ridiculous.
You don't know who I am, do you?
396
00:17:53,001 --> 00:17:55,000
Come on, Judith.
He's not gonna give us any money.
397
00:17:55,001 --> 00:17:58,000
You happen to be talking to Mrs.
Richard Stone.
398
00:17:58,001 --> 00:18:03,000
Oh, yeah, yeah, I thought I recognized you.
A Life magazine.
399
00:18:03,001 --> 00:18:04,000
Oh, my God.
400
00:18:04,001 --> 00:18:08,000
Helene, isn't the woman that's
carrying the Richard Stone baby?
401
00:18:08,001 --> 00:18:10,000
Smile!
402
00:18:10,001 --> 00:18:12,000
It is. Oh, Mrs. Richard Stone.
403
00:18:12,001 --> 00:18:14,000
No, may we have a room?
404
00:18:14,001 --> 00:18:15,000
No.
405
00:18:15,001 --> 00:18:18,000
Merry Christmas, Mr. Quinn.
406
00:18:18,001 --> 00:18:25,000
It's really festive.
407
00:18:25,001 --> 00:18:27,000
Yeah, I thought so.
408
00:18:27,001 --> 00:18:31,000
We don't have to do
this if you don't want to.
409
00:18:31,001 --> 00:18:33,000
No, I do.
410
00:18:33,001 --> 00:18:35,000
I really do.
411
00:18:35,001 --> 00:18:37,000
I don't know. Let's.
412
00:18:37,001 --> 00:19:01,000
No vacancies. Six motels and no vacancies.
413
00:19:01,001 --> 00:19:03,000
Maybe we should try
one of these side roads.
414
00:19:03,001 --> 00:19:05,000
I hate this much. I hate it.
415
00:19:05,001 --> 00:19:08,000
Is it on?
416
00:19:08,001 --> 00:19:09,000
Yeah, it's on.
417
00:19:09,001 --> 00:19:10,000
Are you sure it's on?
418
00:19:10,001 --> 00:19:11,000
I'm positive.
419
00:19:11,001 --> 00:19:15,000
Okay, I'm just gonna... Okay.
420
00:19:15,001 --> 00:19:17,000
Ow!
421
00:19:17,001 --> 00:19:18,000
You're on my hair.
422
00:19:18,001 --> 00:19:19,000
Sorry.
423
00:19:19,001 --> 00:19:20,000
Okay.
424
00:19:20,001 --> 00:19:26,000
Oh, my God.
425
00:19:26,001 --> 00:19:29,000
Um, Jeremy?
426
00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:30,000
What?
427
00:19:30,001 --> 00:19:31,000
You're not.
428
00:19:31,001 --> 00:19:33,000
What?
429
00:19:33,001 --> 00:19:34,000
Yeah, I'm not.
430
00:19:34,001 --> 00:19:35,000
Yeah, I am.
431
00:19:35,001 --> 00:19:37,000
No, you're really not.
432
00:19:37,001 --> 00:19:45,000
Okay, that's it.
433
00:19:45,001 --> 00:19:46,000
That feels right.
434
00:19:46,001 --> 00:19:49,000
Feels right. That definitely feels right.
435
00:19:49,001 --> 00:19:51,000
Okay, here we go.
436
00:19:51,001 --> 00:19:58,000
I, uh... I think I already went.
437
00:19:58,001 --> 00:20:01,000
[♪♪♪]
438
00:20:01,001 --> 00:20:09,000
[♪♪♪]
439
00:20:09,001 --> 00:20:11,000
Why would the Almighty show this to me?
440
00:20:11,001 --> 00:20:13,000
I haven't been to church in years.
441
00:20:13,001 --> 00:20:15,000
It's a mind-boggler.
442
00:20:15,001 --> 00:20:18,000
Unless that's why I was chosen.
443
00:20:18,001 --> 00:20:22,000
Maybe... He's calling
me back to the flock.
444
00:20:22,001 --> 00:20:25,000
Maybe he wants to use
me for some larger purpose.
445
00:20:25,001 --> 00:20:26,000
Like what?
446
00:20:26,001 --> 00:20:28,000
Like typing his letters?
447
00:20:28,001 --> 00:20:30,000
Like answering his phones?
448
00:20:30,001 --> 00:20:32,000
You know what your problem is?
449
00:20:32,001 --> 00:20:35,000
You would think that the
world revolves around you.
450
00:20:35,001 --> 00:20:39,000
Just because you're cracked some
flat to the shape of the Blessed Virgin,
451
00:20:39,001 --> 00:20:41,000
you think that you can't stop.
452
00:20:41,001 --> 00:20:42,000
Let me tell you something.
453
00:20:42,001 --> 00:20:45,000
I am still nine months old within you.
454
00:20:45,001 --> 00:20:47,000
I know now what I must do.
455
00:20:47,001 --> 00:20:52,000
[♪♪♪]
456
00:20:52,001 --> 00:20:55,000
[♪♪♪].
457
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:58,000
For you, Mr. Charles.
458
00:20:58,001 --> 00:21:00,000
Thank you.
459
00:21:00,001 --> 00:21:02,000
Eddie Charles, hello.
460
00:21:02,001 --> 00:21:04,000
Dan, hey, where are you?
461
00:21:04,001 --> 00:21:06,000
Uh-huh.
462
00:21:06,001 --> 00:21:09,000
No, no, no, I understand.
463
00:21:09,001 --> 00:21:11,000
Uh, maybe next week then.
464
00:21:11,001 --> 00:21:17,000
Oh, well... Merry Christmas.
465
00:21:17,001 --> 00:21:23,000
Her mother's sick.
466
00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:26,000
Food poisoning.
467
00:21:26,001 --> 00:21:37,000
So, uh... Have fun in Barbados.
468
00:21:37,001 --> 00:21:39,000
Thanks.
469
00:21:39,001 --> 00:21:42,000
Anyway, I should go.
470
00:21:42,001 --> 00:21:48,000
Um, Shannon?
471
00:21:48,001 --> 00:21:50,000
Yeah?
472
00:21:50,001 --> 00:21:52,000
Enjoy this water.
473
00:21:52,001 --> 00:21:55,000
[♪♪♪]
474
00:21:55,001 --> 00:22:06,000
Great, great, great, great, great, great!
475
00:22:06,001 --> 00:22:08,000
Maybe they'll find our
bodies in the spring.
476
00:22:08,001 --> 00:22:09,000
What am I doing here?
477
00:22:09,001 --> 00:22:10,000
I shouldn't be here.
478
00:22:10,001 --> 00:22:12,000
I should be home with Mary Beth.
479
00:22:12,001 --> 00:22:16,000
Richard should be stuck in
the fucking snow with you.
480
00:22:16,001 --> 00:22:19,000
Yeah, if Richard were here,
we probably wouldn't be stuck.
481
00:22:19,001 --> 00:22:20,000
But Richard's never here.
482
00:22:20,001 --> 00:22:21,562
And I'm sick of being
the one you call when
483
00:22:21,574 --> 00:22:23,000
he's too busy saving
the fucking world.
484
00:22:23,001 --> 00:22:25,000
I'm sick of being the
fucking surrogate husband.
485
00:22:25,001 --> 00:22:27,000
Oh, all right.
486
00:22:27,001 --> 00:22:28,000
All right.
487
00:22:28,001 --> 00:22:30,000
That's just fine with me.
488
00:22:30,001 --> 00:22:31,000
And I promise you something.
489
00:22:31,001 --> 00:22:34,000
If I ever get out of
this fucking car alive,
490
00:22:34,001 --> 00:22:38,000
I promise I will never, ever ask
you to do anything for me ever again.
491
00:22:38,001 --> 00:22:41,000
Thank you, thank you very, very much.
492
00:22:41,001 --> 00:22:44,000
Come on.
493
00:22:44,001 --> 00:22:47,000
Martin.
494
00:22:47,001 --> 00:22:48,000
What?
495
00:22:48,001 --> 00:22:50,000
I think my water just broke.
496
00:22:50,001 --> 00:22:58,000
She's going to have a baby.
31518
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof