All language subtitles for the.neighborhood.s07e05.1080p.web.h264-successfulcrab_track3_[eng]

♪ ♪

Aw, look at that.

Such a good pop-pop.

You want to give her
back to me now?

Mm, I can't.

Oh, I know, she's so sweet.

No, no, I...

I can't move my arms or my legs.

Every part of me is asleep.

I've been sitting here for--

Well, I'd tell you,

but I can't turn my head
to look at my watch.

You want me
to crack your neck?

No, no, don't touch me
that much--I'm just gonna get back here...

[neck cracks]
Don't, don't-- oh!

Oh! Oh!

Whew! Oh!

Oh, that was okay right there.

Where'd you learn to do that?

TikTok.

I wasn't actually sure
if it would work.

Ooh, wait a min-- Okay.

Yeah, I'm starting to feel
a little life in my foot

right there,
that's good.

All right.

Well,

Malcolm is outside in the car,

bidding a fond adieu
to Museum Girl.

I mean fond, I'm talking...

[moaning]

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

[deep voice]:
Museum Girl.

[moaning]

Ooh, ooh, Malcolm!
[giggling]

Ooh!

Ooh.

Uh, would you like some time

to be alone with yourself?

I'd like to be dead.
[chuckles]

Okay, so, uh...

who's Museum Girl?

Oh, it's this new woman
Malcolm's been seeing,

but he's being
super secretive about it.

He won't even tell us her name.

Yeah. But we do know
he met her at a museum.

Hence the sobriquet.

Uh, say what now?

Moniker.

Nickname.

Oh, okay.

[chuckles]

Well, if we know Malcolm,

her nickname should
be "gone soon."

[chuckling]

What does that mean?

Well, you see, Courtney,

whenever Malcolm starts
to date someone seriously,

he always comes up with a reason
to break up with her.

You know, "Dad, she's great,

but... she blinks too much."

There is always a "but."

Oh, one time,
the "but" was a flat butt.

Which actually
made sense...

That did make sense,
it made a lot of sense.

[overlapping chatter]

Oh!

Hi, Malcolm.

Nice try, Courtney.

I saw you spying on us.

I'm sorry.

If it makes it any better,
I didn't see her face.

'Cause your mouth was
all over it.

[laughter]

Why are you keeping her
a secret, Malcolm?

Is she ugly?

Is she missing a side tooth?

She is beautiful, damn it, okay?

Her name is Angela,
and we get along great.

She is smart, she is funny...

BOTH:
But...

There is no "but."

Okay, okay, okay,
is there a "though"?

Or a "however," or...

"having said that"?

That was the old me.

But I have never dated
anyone like Angela.

She is amazing.

Look, check this out:
We just went

to the Goya exhibit
at the Norton Simon,

and she knew more
than the tour guide.

Well, that's good, man.

You know what?
I'm happy for you.

Thank you, Pop.

Yeah, your mom is going
to be thrilled.

- Oh, no, no.
- No, no.
No, no, no, no.

[overlapping chatter]

As soon as she finds out,

she'll want to meet her,
she'll make a big fuss.

She will scare her off.

Yeah, she does
tend to go overboard.

Overboard?

She starts
underwater.

[overlapping chatter]

Yeah, she can get
a little crazy, right?

Hey, keep my mother's name
- out of your mouth!
- You know what?

I don't know
who you think you are.

I don't know who
you think you are,

but that's a no up in here.

- My bad.
- You don't talk about Tina.

♪ Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪

♪ Welcome to the hood. ♪

I got to say, Marty,

you did a nice job getting
Daphne dressed this morning.

She's even got
the right kind of diaper on.

You may also notice
it is not on backwards.

Or sideways.

I still don't know
how he managed to do that.

Those diapers had
a very counterintuitive design!

Hey.

MARTY:
Ooh!

Divine, simply divine.

- Oh, that's beautiful, babe.
- Yeah, that's the one, Mama.

I don't know,
it's for Daphne's christening.

You know,
I want something that says,

"I'm the grandmother,
but I can still

read without my glasses."

But you can't though.

I know, Calvin, that's why
I want the dress to say it.

- Hey, hey, everybody.
- MARTY: Oh, hey, Malcolm.

Amazon for Mama.

Please tell me
that's not more dresses.

No, it's not dresses.

It's the baby stuff that
I subscribe to on Amazon.

Because Marty doesn't know
what he's doing.

Like when he bought
the sideways diapers.

Hey, guys.

MARTY:
Oh, hey, Gemma.

He's mad about the evite.

I'm not mad.

I'm just disappointed.

Uh, I didn't get
an evite.

Uh, yes, you did get an evite,
you did.

You see, the funny thing
about an evite is

it tells you
when someone opens it.

And you all opened it.

- Oh, oh, that-that evite.
- Yeah, right.

- That one.
- Yes.

He's very excited for his party,

because it has kombucha
and bocce ball.

Or as we like
to call them,

"Booch and Botch."

All right, you know what, Dave?

We'll come, uh, we'll all come.

Okay.
All right?

[clears throat]
Ooh!

I say yes to that dress.

Oh, I love it.

It's perfect.

Oh, yeah, perf. Totes perf.

No, I-I don't know,
don't you think

it's a little flashy
for a christening?

Excuse me?

Uh, Gemma, a little help here?

Mm-mm. Don't put me in this.

Why do you hate it?

Or is it
that you hate your mother?

Do you not want me
to come?

Is this how you disinvite me?!

Malcolm has
a serious girlfriend!

What?!

CALVIN:
Oh, wow.

Marty, that's cold.

We are no longer brothers.

Malcolm, is that true?

Mama, Mama, look,
just calm down, okay?

It's only been a month.

Ooh, let's set up a dinner!

What does she like to eat?

Does she have any allergies?

You know what,
I can just call her.

DAVE:
Tina, I got it.

The Booch and Botch party
tomorrow night.

You know what, Malcolm,

I'm gonna put you down
for a plus-one.

Oh, perfect!

Thank you, Dave.

This is so exciting.
Okay.

Two more dresses.

[laughing]

- Hey, Marty?
- Yeah?

- Run.
- Okay. [shouts]

DAVE:
Ooh, great shot.

You know, Dave,
I don't get this kombucha.

There's no alcohol in it?

It-it just tastes bad?

Dave, mine is great.

Well, I'm glad
some people appreciate it.

I poured mine out.
This is pinot.

- Hook a brother up.
- Okay.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!

They just pulled up,
and guess what?

Angela is really great
at parallel parking.

Hey, everybody.

This is--

Angela!

Ooh, oh, my goodness,
I love your outfit.

And your hair
and that jewelry.

I just love you.

Aw, that's so nice.

Well, that's me.
I'm nice.

You're gonna love me.

Uh, Pop?

Yeah, I got this.
Uh, hey, uh...

Um, nice to meet you.
I'm Malcolm's dad.

Tina, Tina, Tina,
come on, babe, we--

we need you
to take it down a notch.

Calvin, Marty's about to see
his baby be christened, okay?

And I have yet to see either
of my babies married.

Let me speak this
into existence.

You're about to speak her
back into the car.

I cannot tell you how excited

I am to finally meet you.

Ooh! I know what we can to do.

My other son Marty has
the cutest little baby.

Marty!

Wave to Angela.

[chuckles] Yeah, I don't know
if Malcolm told you,

but she's gonna be
christened Sunday.

We would love
for you to come.

I would love that.

I've never been
to a christening.

Oh, it's so fun.

Oh, and you're gonna
love my outfit.

It's a little bit
of Gayle King,

with a splash
of Olivia Pope,

and a hint
of "Housewife Reunion."

Atlanta not Potomac.

[chuckles]

All right,
I'm not familiar.

Oh, you know.

The most stylish
Black women on TV.

Oh, yeah.
Yeah.

I don't have a TV.

What?

It's such a time suck.

Empty calories for
the mind, you know?

Oh, well...

I don't watch
that much TV anyway.

[laughing]

I'm really more
of a book girl.
Ooh.

My grandma always called
TV the "idiot box."

I love your top.

Thank you.

I go thrifting, too.

- That's your little one?
- Mm-hmm.

So precious!

Yeah, that's my baby girl.

And in her little
princess onesie.

Smart, better
she know now

she'll be living in a
patriarchy her whole life.

Wow, a principal at
a private school?

My seventh year.

I hope you don't listen
when people say

you're just perpetuating
a two-tiered educational system.

I'm not saying kombucha
doesn't improve gut health.

I'm just asking,
who wants us to believe that?

The people who've made it
their life's work

to study
stomach microbiomes?

I'm just saying...

follow the money.

Hey, I hate to
interrupt you two,

but I come bearing
kombucha.

Thanks.

Your friend Dave has been
telling me all about it.

Oh, well, I have
come to save you.

Save her?

You sure I can't
help you clean up?

Oh, no, we got this. Thanks.

All right, well, it was
so nice to meet you all.

- Bye-bye.
- Bye, y'all.

Ain't she great?

I love the way she just says
whatever's on her mind.

[chuckles]

Her fearlessness
is just so inspiring.

Yeah, I see all your teeth,
- man. That's a good sign.
- She's... pretty.

CALVIN:
Okay.

You know what? Good for Malcolm.

You know,
not long ago,

he would have been searching for
something wrong with that lady.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, Angela's great.

Yeah. So great.

Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- Really, really great.
- Yeah.

But is she great?

CALVIN:
Ooh.

DAVE:
Uh, guys,

uh...

she sucks.

Dave!
Ugh.

Dave.

You shouldn't say that.
You can think that--

I was thinking it--
but you shouldn't say it.

Well, it had to be said.
She's a booch hater.

And she hates princesses.

She called my school "elitist."

- She said that?
- She didn't say it,

she said "people" say it,
but I know she's "people."

Yeah.

I knew there was something
wrong with that girl.

Who doesn't like TV?

You know what? I'm taking
her off the evite list.

CALVIN:
Yeah.
That's it.

Oh, boy.

What did you do?

I invited her to
Daphne's christening.

Oh, God, no!

I know. What was I thinking?

GEMMA:Well,

maybe Angela's not that bad.

Maybe she was just nervous.

There's a lot of us
and one of her.

Yeah-- and, look,
and Malcolm's smart.

You know? I'm sure he sees
something that we don't see.

You know, great qualities
underneath all the...

terrible qualities
that we've seen.

Yeah. Everybody
has good and bad.

With every relationship,
you have to put up

with little annoyances
about your partner.

God knows we have them.

Yeah.

"We..."

meaning "us"?

No.

♪ ♪

Okay-- what exactly
about me annoys you?

I shouldn't have
said "annoying."

Uh, but you did.

So, please,

tell me what I do
that annoys you.

And be specif.

That.

What?

Shortening words for no reason.

Just say "specific."

Yeah, but it saves time
and it's cool.

You know what?
You're being totes ridic.

Oh.

I'm the one who sounds
totally ridiculous?

Oh. Oh, did you see that?

That right there--
that just took forever.

♪

What is up, Calvin and Tina?

It is lovely to see you.

- Oh, come on, Dave.
- Oh.

I am surprised that
you do not like this.

[moans]

Uh, Dave, why are you
talking like that?

Oh, well, it was
brought to my attention

that I am known
for truncating words

in a way that Gemma Johnson

finds unattractive.

Like when you said Daphne

was "adorbs"?
Mm.

That is correct.

So now I am only
using full words

with Gemma Johnson

in the hopes
of increasing my odds

of sexual intercourse.

Those odds are
plummeting, David.

Hey, hey, everybody.

Oh, this is so nice.

TINA:
Hi, Malcolm. Um...

that's a new look.

Why the hell does my
son have on a purse?

I got him a man-bag.

His look needed some updating.

Boy, are your toes
out in church?

Uh, yes, Pop.

Angela got me thinking
when she asked,

"Why are we hiding our feet
from God? He made them."

Well, isn't Angela just
full of good questions?

[both chuckle]

Yeah, Angela's full of...

Uh, Tina-- church.

Would you listen to them?

Makes me glad
we're not a couple.

Don't worry,
we would never be a couple.

[chuckles]

Boy, you hit that "never"
pretty hard.

[both chuckle]

Why have we not started?

It is three of the clock.

[moans]

[organ music playing]

Oh. We should take our seats.

[nasally]:
We should take our seats.

[regular]: I mean, how is she
gonna tell us when to sit

at our own grandbaby's
christening?

Right? I mean, she got
some nerve, right?

We gonna sit down
when we want to sit.

Ain't nobody gonna tell us... When we want to sit
is when we sit.

- ...when we sit. Not a word.
- Nobody tell us when to sit.

We should probably
- go sit, though.
- Yeah, we should sit.

Welcome, everyone,
to this most blessed occasion.

Will the parents of Daphne Luna
Pridgeon-Butler come up,

- along with the godparents?
- CALVIN: All right.

Oh, no.

Where does she think she going?

No... Where does she think she...

Angela.

Hello.[laughs]

What is Museum Girl
- doing up here?
- I am not responsible for her.

- She's here with your brother.
- She's just gonna accuse me

- of being part of the patriarchy!
- You better make her leave.

If we may begin?

We may.

Dearly beloved,

we gather today to welcome

a child of God into the fold.

This child has been born
in baptism,

and she is now called
a child of God.

And so, indeed she is.

The confirmation...

My dear brothers and sisters,

let us ask our Lord
to look lovingly on this child

who is to baptized,
from her parents and godparents

and on all the baptized.

We look upon this baby
in wonder and love,

but now I ask you to
look at one another.

Because you all are examples
to this innocent soul.

Yes, we are.

This is the best day of my life.[chuckles]

MARVIN:
And let her remind us
of the joy

we can feel when we look
past our petty differences

and rejoice in Your glory.

[mutters]
What?

Gemma, I'm so sorry
I was a jerk.

Life is too short
and it's too precious.

Ugh, it's totes presh.

I'm sorry about
the "never" thing.

Of all the people I could have
had an illegitimate baby with,

I'm glad I did it with you.

So am I.

Will all of you assembled
here promise to guide Daphne

to the path of righteousness,
purpose and prosperity?

- Oh, yes.
- Yes, sir.
Yes, we will.

Hundo P.

♪ ♪

Okay, people, if we can
all gather over here?

Oh.

You got her, baby?

No. No.

Angela cannot be
in this photo.

The photo that's gonna be
over our fireplace forever?

All right, let me
think, let me think.

Okay, everybody!

Tall people in the back.

Angela, you stand
to the right over here.

Okay, here we go.

PHOTOGRAPHER:
Okay, everyone, look right here.

One, two, three.

Looks great.

Okay, we're gonna do another.
Okay, uh, g--

well, hold on, hold on, hold on.

Uh, Angela?

- Yeah?
- Why don't we scooch you

- right back here?
- Okay.

Okay. One, two, three.

You have got to be kidding me.

- C-Can you give us a minute?
- Give us, give us a minute.

[laughs]:
Just give us a minute.

You know what? It is time
to rip the Band-Aid off.

- TINA: Yeah.
- Malcolm?

Can I talk to you for
a minute over here?

- Oh, yeah. Mm-hmm.
- Yeah, come on.

[both laugh]

Hey, sure thing. What's up, Pop?

Hey, look, uh, Malcolm,
you know what?

Your mother and I, we are
very, very, very proud of you.

You have put in a lot
of good work on yourself,

and it's just great to see you

in a committed
relationship, you know?

Oh. Thank you, Pop.

But what the hell
are you doing?

Excuse me?

Look, I-I don't know
how to put this--

there's no other
way to say it.

I can't sugarcoat it,
I can't salt-pinch it--

it's just that we
don't like Angela.

Really?

You... Mm-mm.

Why?

I mean, it's just...

everything that she says

and-and she does and...

just pretty much her
whole personality.

Wow.

Look, I'm sorry, because I
know this is what you wanted,

that you really,
really like her...

No, I don't.

I mean,
I thought I did at first,

but once I got to know her...

Ooh, she is awful.

You know, I just thought it was
me finding excuses again, Pop.

I've been trying
so hard to mature

and hang in there
with Angela,

even though things
aren't perfect.

You know, I just want
what you and Mama have.

And you'll have it, son.

With somebody else, though.

Anybody else.

Look-- ugh, Malcolm, I'm sorry,

I guess I'm partly responsible
why Angela is here.

Partly?

It's okay, Mama.
[chuckles]

- I guess I know what I got to do.
- All right?

Do it, and then get rid
of that damn scarf

so we can take this
family picture.

I'm on it.

Hey, Angela? Hey.

Can we talk outside
for a minute?

[chuckles]
Please.

Smells like mold in here.

Hold this.
[clears throat]

You know what?

I think I'm gonna
go out there, too.

I just need to talk to Angela.

Just some things
that I need to say

that I can't say
in this damn church.

No, Tina. No, no, Tina, no.

No, no, no.
Tina, don't you try. Hey.

I need a press.
I need a full press right here.

[overlapping chatter]

Moth...
[screams]

Ugh, get her.

- Get her!
- Put me down!

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