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♪ I'm going down
to South Park ♪
2
00:00:13,585 --> 00:00:15,504
♪ Gonna have myself
a time ♪
3
00:00:15,629 --> 00:00:17,005
♪ Friendly faces
everywhere ♪
4
00:00:17,130 --> 00:00:19,007
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
5
00:00:19,132 --> 00:00:20,193
♪ I'm going down
to South Park ♪
6
00:00:20,217 --> 00:00:22,135
♪ Gonna leave
my woes behind ♪
7
00:00:22,260 --> 00:00:23,970
♪ Ample parking
day or night ♪
8
00:00:24,096 --> 00:00:25,536
♪ People spouting
"howdy, neighbor" ♪
9
00:00:25,597 --> 00:00:26,932
♪ Headin' on up
to South Park ♪
10
00:00:27,057 --> 00:00:28,892
♪ Gonna see
if I can't unwind ♪
11
00:00:29,017 --> 00:00:32,020
♪ [muffled] ♪
12
00:00:32,145 --> 00:00:33,414
♪ So come on down
to South Park ♪
13
00:00:33,438 --> 00:00:35,065
♪ And meet
some friends of mine ♪
14
00:00:38,357 --> 00:00:39,942
Well, you boys
must be pretty excited--
15
00:00:40,067 --> 00:00:41,860
Your first night
of scouts.
16
00:00:41,986 --> 00:00:43,046
It's gonna suck;
there's gonna be
17
00:00:43,070 --> 00:00:44,172
all these new kids there
we don't know.
18
00:00:44,196 --> 00:00:45,698
Yeah.
19
00:00:45,823 --> 00:00:47,324
Well, now,
that's part of the fun.
20
00:00:47,449 --> 00:00:49,135
Yeah, both Kenny's dad and I
were in scouts for years.
21
00:00:49,159 --> 00:00:50,345
Was your dad
in scouts, Cartman?
22
00:00:50,369 --> 00:00:51,161
Oh, yeah,
you don't have a dad.
23
00:00:51,286 --> 00:00:52,997
[laughter]
24
00:00:53,122 --> 00:00:55,332
That's not funny!
Jesus Christ!
25
00:00:55,457 --> 00:00:57,352
Are you excited for your
first night of scouts, Timmy?
26
00:00:57,376 --> 00:00:59,378
Yeah, Timmy!
27
00:00:59,503 --> 00:01:00,503
Yeah,
he's excited.
28
00:01:05,926 --> 00:01:07,886
Hey, fellas.
Hey, Butters.
29
00:01:08,012 --> 00:01:09,304
Boy, am I glad
to see you guys.
30
00:01:09,430 --> 00:01:11,074
There's lots of kids here
from other schools.
31
00:01:11,098 --> 00:01:12,641
I don't know anybody.
32
00:01:12,766 --> 00:01:14,202
All right, boys,
we're gonna head to the bar.
33
00:01:14,226 --> 00:01:15,853
We'll be back
to pick you up at 9:00.
34
00:01:15,978 --> 00:01:17,747
You boys just make sure
to obey the scout leader, now.
35
00:01:17,771 --> 00:01:18,772
He's the man in charge.
36
00:01:18,897 --> 00:01:21,233
Hello, scouts!
37
00:01:21,358 --> 00:01:22,860
Hey, it's Big Gay Al.
38
00:01:22,985 --> 00:01:23,985
Hello, Stanley.
39
00:01:24,028 --> 00:01:25,213
I was happy to see you
and your
40
00:01:25,237 --> 00:01:26,697
little friends' names
on the list.
41
00:01:26,822 --> 00:01:27,822
Timmy!
42
00:01:27,865 --> 00:01:29,658
You're the new scout leader?
43
00:01:29,783 --> 00:01:31,201
I just got transferred in.
44
00:01:31,326 --> 00:01:33,179
I think everyone's here now,
so we can get started.
45
00:01:33,203 --> 00:01:35,122
Come on, scouts.
We've got work to do.
46
00:01:35,247 --> 00:01:36,832
All: Hooray!
- See you, Dad.
47
00:01:38,876 --> 00:01:41,045
Hey, are you parents
gonna stand there all night?
48
00:01:41,170 --> 00:01:43,881
This meeting is for scouts only,
you silly gooses.
49
00:01:46,967 --> 00:01:48,844
Now, before
we get started, scouts,
50
00:01:48,969 --> 00:01:49,970
I want to introduce you
51
00:01:50,095 --> 00:01:52,097
to someone very special here
tonight.
52
00:01:52,222 --> 00:01:54,224
He's a brave little boy
with disabilities
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00:01:54,349 --> 00:01:57,102
who proves just by being here
that scouts are for everyone!
54
00:01:57,227 --> 00:01:58,437
Timmy!
55
00:01:58,562 --> 00:02:00,206
So let's all all give
a big round of applause
56
00:02:00,230 --> 00:02:01,774
to little Jimmy.
57
00:02:01,899 --> 00:02:04,109
Well, hello,
everyone.
58
00:02:04,234 --> 00:02:05,611
[applause]
59
00:02:05,736 --> 00:02:07,988
J-Jimmy?
60
00:02:10,866 --> 00:02:13,410
Look, I'm not saying the new
scout leader's a bad person.
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00:02:13,535 --> 00:02:15,412
I just don't think
he should be a scout leader.
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00:02:15,537 --> 00:02:17,390
Well, he got to where he is
by being a good scout.
63
00:02:17,414 --> 00:02:18,854
Maybe we should just
leave him alone.
64
00:02:18,916 --> 00:02:20,417
Well, how gay is he?
65
00:02:20,542 --> 00:02:22,252
He's really,
really gay.
66
00:02:22,377 --> 00:02:23,980
Well, then I don't want
my boy there, either.
67
00:02:24,004 --> 00:02:26,131
So he's a homosexual.
So what?
68
00:02:26,256 --> 00:02:28,258
I have nothing against
homosexuals either, Randy,
69
00:02:28,383 --> 00:02:30,094
but the big camping trip
is next week.
70
00:02:30,219 --> 00:02:32,405
Are you saying you're fine
with this guy camping overnight
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00:02:32,429 --> 00:02:34,014
alone with our boys?
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00:02:34,139 --> 00:02:35,974
You know, boys emulate
authority figures.
73
00:02:36,100 --> 00:02:37,684
Even if it doesn't
turn them gay,
74
00:02:37,810 --> 00:02:39,436
they can end up
all talking all femme
75
00:02:39,561 --> 00:02:41,313
and prancing around
like girls.
76
00:02:41,438 --> 00:02:42,439
Ah, that's ridiculous.
77
00:02:42,564 --> 00:02:45,150
People, people! Please!
78
00:02:45,275 --> 00:02:48,153
You're forgetting
that homosexuality is a choice.
79
00:02:48,278 --> 00:02:52,866
As many of you know, I myself
went through a homosexual phase.
80
00:02:52,991 --> 00:02:54,993
But the light of Christ
showed me how to change.
81
00:02:55,119 --> 00:02:56,346
Just give me two hours
with this man,
82
00:02:56,370 --> 00:02:58,038
and I can
convert him back.
83
00:02:58,163 --> 00:02:59,915
That's what you said
about Peterson,
84
00:03:00,040 --> 00:03:01,559
and then you ended up
having sex with him.
85
00:03:01,583 --> 00:03:03,335
- That's right.
- You did.
86
00:03:03,460 --> 00:03:06,672
And so that's how to make
banana nut muffins.
87
00:03:06,797 --> 00:03:08,674
And now,
as a very special treat,
88
00:03:08,799 --> 00:03:10,300
our very special
friend Jimmy
89
00:03:10,425 --> 00:03:11,802
is going to do
what he loves most:
90
00:03:11,927 --> 00:03:13,887
motivational
stand-up comedy.
91
00:03:14,012 --> 00:03:15,180
Let's give him
a big hand.
92
00:03:15,305 --> 00:03:16,682
[applause]
93
00:03:16,807 --> 00:03:18,183
Wow, what a great audience.
94
00:03:18,308 --> 00:03:19,788
Well, just in case
you were wondering,
95
00:03:19,852 --> 00:03:21,186
I do have
a disability:
96
00:03:21,311 --> 00:03:23,431
I am totally happy with the way
I was born, very much.
97
00:03:23,522 --> 00:03:25,282
I travel to different states
and talk to kids
98
00:03:25,315 --> 00:03:26,942
about being proud
of what they are.
99
00:03:27,067 --> 00:03:29,361
My mom says God
has a p-plan for everyone.
100
00:03:29,486 --> 00:03:31,321
I guess I was plan "B."
101
00:03:31,446 --> 00:03:33,323
[laughter]
102
00:03:33,448 --> 00:03:35,033
You guys like impersonations?
103
00:03:35,159 --> 00:03:36,034
[applause]
104
00:03:36,160 --> 00:03:37,202
Timmy.
105
00:03:37,327 --> 00:03:39,037
How about Jimmy Stewart?
106
00:03:39,163 --> 00:03:40,363
"Merry Christmas,
movie house."
107
00:03:40,414 --> 00:03:41,832
And John Travolta --
108
00:03:41,957 --> 00:03:43,041
"Oh, my God,
Mr. Kotter.
109
00:03:43,167 --> 00:03:44,710
Mr. Kotter, oh, my God.
Mr. Kotter."
110
00:03:44,835 --> 00:03:45,711
[laughter]
111
00:03:45,836 --> 00:03:46,836
Jimmy's funny, dude.
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00:03:46,879 --> 00:03:48,255
Yeah, well,
113
00:03:48,380 --> 00:03:50,420
he's the coolest kid
with disabilities in the world.
114
00:03:50,465 --> 00:03:51,842
Hmph!
115
00:03:51,967 --> 00:03:53,343
Uh, Kenny, it's 9:00.
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00:03:53,468 --> 00:03:55,053
Come on, Stanley.
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00:03:55,179 --> 00:03:56,489
Oops, guess we're
out of time, kids.
118
00:03:56,513 --> 00:03:58,390
Now, remember,
tomorrow you all have bake sales
119
00:03:58,515 --> 00:04:00,395
in your respective neighborhoods
to raise money.
120
00:04:00,517 --> 00:04:01,797
We'll meet back here
next Tuesday
121
00:04:01,852 --> 00:04:03,061
and see who raised the most.
122
00:04:03,187 --> 00:04:04,813
Good luck!
- Hey, I've got a great idea.
123
00:04:04,938 --> 00:04:05,814
Why don't we see
if Jimmy wants
124
00:04:05,939 --> 00:04:07,041
to come be
in our scout club?
125
00:04:07,065 --> 00:04:08,901
Hey, yeah.
- Timmy, Timmy.
126
00:04:09,026 --> 00:04:10,461
Hey, Jimmy, you want to come
join our bake sale
127
00:04:10,485 --> 00:04:12,154
in South Park tomorrow?
128
00:04:12,279 --> 00:04:13,756
Jeez, sure, that'd be great.
Thanks, fellas.
129
00:04:13,780 --> 00:04:14,865
Come on, Stan.
130
00:04:14,990 --> 00:04:16,430
Bye, Big Gay Al.
We had a great time.
131
00:04:16,533 --> 00:04:18,202
Yeah, thanks.
- Both: Bye, Jimmy!
132
00:04:18,327 --> 00:04:19,995
See you tomorrow
at the bake sale, fellas.
133
00:04:20,120 --> 00:04:20,996
You were right, Dad.
134
00:04:21,121 --> 00:04:22,122
Scouts is awesome.
- Yeah!
135
00:04:22,247 --> 00:04:23,665
We told ghost stories
and learned
136
00:04:23,790 --> 00:04:25,310
how to make a tornado
in a glass bottle.
137
00:04:25,334 --> 00:04:26,936
Yeah, we learned
how to make cakes and muffins
138
00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:28,212
for our bake sale.
139
00:04:28,337 --> 00:04:30,097
And best of all,
we met this kid named Jimmy.
140
00:04:30,172 --> 00:04:31,941
He's disabled but he doesn't
let it ruin his life.
141
00:04:31,965 --> 00:04:32,841
He's awesome!
- Aah!
142
00:04:32,966 --> 00:04:34,092
Yeah, we're gonna use him
143
00:04:34,218 --> 00:04:35,761
to help raise money
at our bake sale.
144
00:04:35,886 --> 00:04:37,846
Cartman, don't say "use him",
you big silly goose.
145
00:04:37,888 --> 00:04:39,056
Ah!
146
00:04:39,181 --> 00:04:40,057
What did you say?
147
00:04:40,182 --> 00:04:41,725
I just called Cartman a name.
148
00:04:41,850 --> 00:04:42,935
He's a silly goose.
149
00:04:43,060 --> 00:04:44,228
Uh-huh.
150
00:04:44,353 --> 00:04:46,897
You do not say
"big silly goose"!
151
00:04:47,022 --> 00:04:48,732
You call him an asshole
like a normal kid.
152
00:04:48,857 --> 00:04:49,399
But, dad,
I was just trying to--
153
00:04:49,524 --> 00:04:50,776
Stanley, you call your friend
154
00:04:50,901 --> 00:04:52,861
an asshole this instant!
155
00:04:52,986 --> 00:04:53,986
Asshole?
156
00:04:54,071 --> 00:04:55,280
That's better.
157
00:04:55,405 --> 00:04:57,045
Don't call me asshole,
you son of a bitch.
158
00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:01,286
Uh, hello?
159
00:05:01,411 --> 00:05:02,931
We're having a bake sale
to raise money
160
00:05:03,038 --> 00:05:04,623
for scout troop number six-nine.
161
00:05:04,748 --> 00:05:06,750
Uh, please stop by
and give us a hand.
162
00:05:06,875 --> 00:05:08,186
And now,
for your entertainment --
163
00:05:08,210 --> 00:05:10,837
our new best friend,
stand-up comic Jimmy!
164
00:05:12,214 --> 00:05:13,924
Wow, what a great audience.
165
00:05:14,049 --> 00:05:16,260
I just flew into South Park.
Boy, are my crutches tired.
166
00:05:16,385 --> 00:05:18,637
[laughter]
167
00:05:18,762 --> 00:05:20,138
What a terrific audience.
168
00:05:20,264 --> 00:05:21,765
You know,
people sometimes ask me,
169
00:05:21,890 --> 00:05:24,226
"Are you angry at God
for making disabled people?"
170
00:05:24,351 --> 00:05:27,187
I say, "no, I think the world
is better with President Bush."
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00:05:27,312 --> 00:05:30,649
[laughter]
172
00:05:30,774 --> 00:05:32,276
What a brave little boy.
173
00:05:32,401 --> 00:05:34,778
He's able to use comedy
to overcome his handicap.
174
00:05:34,903 --> 00:05:35,904
I love him!
175
00:05:36,446 --> 00:05:37,072
Timmy.
176
00:05:37,114 --> 00:05:38,407
Well, I sure have met
177
00:05:38,532 --> 00:05:40,218
a lot of interesting people
here in South Park.
178
00:05:40,242 --> 00:05:42,077
How about that
Eric Cartman kid, huh?
179
00:05:42,202 --> 00:05:45,080
"God damn it.
No, kitty, that's my pot pie!
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00:05:45,205 --> 00:05:46,415
God damn it!
God damn it!"
181
00:05:46,540 --> 00:05:48,333
[laughter]
182
00:05:48,458 --> 00:05:50,002
Heh, heh.
- I don't sound like that.
183
00:05:50,127 --> 00:05:52,838
And how about
that school counselor?
184
00:05:52,963 --> 00:05:55,841
"Drugs are bad.
Drugs are bad, okay?
185
00:05:55,966 --> 00:05:58,176
Drugs are bad, okay?
Okay?"
186
00:05:58,302 --> 00:05:59,720
Wow, what a great
audience.
187
00:05:59,845 --> 00:06:01,221
"Mr. Hat, be quiet,
Mr. Hat.
188
00:06:01,346 --> 00:06:03,181
"Mr.--hello, there, children,
Mr. Hat.
189
00:06:03,307 --> 00:06:04,641
"Hello, Mr. Hat.
190
00:06:04,766 --> 00:06:06,310
"I'm making salisbury steak
for lunch--
191
00:06:06,435 --> 00:06:08,687
salisbury steak for lunch."
192
00:06:08,812 --> 00:06:10,689
"God damn it!
God damn it!"
193
00:06:10,814 --> 00:06:12,024
[laughter and applause]
194
00:06:12,149 --> 00:06:13,984
And of course,
my very favorite...
195
00:06:14,109 --> 00:06:15,736
"Timmy! Timmy!
196
00:06:15,861 --> 00:06:17,904
I'm living a lie.
I'm living a lie, Timmy!"
197
00:06:18,030 --> 00:06:19,031
[laughter]
198
00:06:19,156 --> 00:06:20,240
[groans]
199
00:06:20,365 --> 00:06:22,117
"Timmy,
I'm living a lie.
200
00:06:22,242 --> 00:06:23,910
Ah, Timmy!"
201
00:06:24,036 --> 00:06:26,055
Sometimes it's like, "please,
Timmy, learn a new word."
202
00:06:26,079 --> 00:06:27,372
"Timmy! Timmy!"
203
00:06:27,497 --> 00:06:28,999
[yells]
204
00:06:31,501 --> 00:06:33,181
Wow, it looks like
when it comes to comedy,
205
00:06:33,211 --> 00:06:34,838
I really take the c-c...
206
00:06:34,963 --> 00:06:36,089
I really take the ca...
207
00:06:36,214 --> 00:06:37,716
I really take the ca-cake.
208
00:06:37,841 --> 00:06:38,717
[laughter and applause]
209
00:06:38,842 --> 00:06:41,219
All: Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy!
210
00:06:42,346 --> 00:06:44,056
Timmy!
211
00:06:46,516 --> 00:06:48,143
Well, this is it.
212
00:06:48,268 --> 00:06:49,895
We've simply gotten
too many complaints
213
00:06:50,020 --> 00:06:51,855
from concerned parents
about him.
214
00:06:51,980 --> 00:06:53,249
I'm afraid
we don't have a choice.
215
00:06:53,273 --> 00:06:54,273
Hiya, fellas!
216
00:06:54,358 --> 00:06:55,901
How are you today, scout?
217
00:06:56,026 --> 00:06:58,070
I'm super.
Thanks for asking.
218
00:06:58,195 --> 00:06:59,821
The troops are off
having bake sales,
219
00:06:59,946 --> 00:07:01,799
and I'm pleased to report
that we have already raised
220
00:07:01,823 --> 00:07:03,325
over $600 for the event.
221
00:07:03,450 --> 00:07:04,242
Yippee!
222
00:07:04,368 --> 00:07:06,244
Uh, Big Gay Al,
223
00:07:06,370 --> 00:07:09,915
It has recently come to our
attention that you are... gay.
224
00:07:10,040 --> 00:07:11,333
Well, stop the presses.
225
00:07:11,458 --> 00:07:13,311
You figure that out
all by yourself, silly buns?
226
00:07:13,335 --> 00:07:15,087
Yes, well,
unfortunately for you,
227
00:07:15,212 --> 00:07:18,090
the scouts have a policy
that openly gay men
228
00:07:18,215 --> 00:07:19,716
cannot belong.
229
00:07:19,841 --> 00:07:21,760
We are left
with no options, Mr. Al.
230
00:07:21,885 --> 00:07:24,930
I'm afraid you are hereby...
out of scouts.
231
00:07:25,055 --> 00:07:27,766
Out of scouts?
232
00:07:27,891 --> 00:07:29,601
We're sorry,
Mr. Gay Al.
233
00:07:29,726 --> 00:07:31,770
But I've been in scouts
since I was nine.
234
00:07:31,895 --> 00:07:33,772
It's a huge part
of my life.
235
00:07:33,897 --> 00:07:36,650
You must understand
that scouts is a private club,
236
00:07:36,775 --> 00:07:38,235
a club that follows
certain beliefs,
237
00:07:38,360 --> 00:07:41,113
and one of those beliefs is
that homosexuality is immoral.
238
00:07:41,238 --> 00:07:43,740
I see.
239
00:07:43,865 --> 00:07:45,784
It's nothing
against you personally.
240
00:07:45,909 --> 00:07:47,261
What if I promise
not to be gay anymore?
241
00:07:47,285 --> 00:07:48,870
Pinkie swear!
242
00:07:48,995 --> 00:07:50,789
We think it's best
you just move on.
243
00:07:50,914 --> 00:07:52,332
Right.
Move on.
244
00:07:57,171 --> 00:07:58,881
Oh, hey, Timmy.
245
00:07:59,006 --> 00:08:00,549
I'm glad you called,
very much.
246
00:08:00,674 --> 00:08:02,735
I've been detecting some
animosity towards me lately,
247
00:08:02,759 --> 00:08:04,112
and I was hoping
we could bury the hatchet.
248
00:08:04,136 --> 00:08:05,136
[friendly]
Timmy.
249
00:08:05,179 --> 00:08:06,638
What's that?
250
00:08:06,763 --> 00:08:08,348
A-libba-la,
Timmy.
251
00:08:08,473 --> 00:08:09,725
A present?
You got me a present?
252
00:08:09,850 --> 00:08:11,059
Timmy!
253
00:08:11,185 --> 00:08:12,728
Gee, you didn't have
to do that.
254
00:08:12,853 --> 00:08:14,956
I mean, I understand why
you'd be jealous of my talents.
255
00:08:14,980 --> 00:08:16,440
If you work at it,
maybe you could be
256
00:08:16,565 --> 00:08:17,983
as handi-capable
as I am, huh?
257
00:08:18,108 --> 00:08:19,776
Wow, a parka.
258
00:08:19,902 --> 00:08:21,361
You didn't
have to do that, Tim-Tim.
259
00:08:21,486 --> 00:08:22,571
Tim, Timmy.
260
00:08:22,696 --> 00:08:23,947
Oh, sure.
I'll see if it fits.
261
00:08:25,741 --> 00:08:28,327
This is very warm.
Thanks a lot, Tim-Tim.
262
00:08:28,452 --> 00:08:29,077
Well, I'll see you around.
263
00:08:29,203 --> 00:08:30,746
Timmy!
264
00:08:33,999 --> 00:08:35,500
[horn honks]
265
00:08:35,626 --> 00:08:36,668
[bird screeches]
266
00:08:36,793 --> 00:08:38,021
There he is.
Kill him! Kill him!
267
00:08:38,045 --> 00:08:39,588
Oh, wait.
That's not him.
268
00:08:39,713 --> 00:08:40,714
[cows mooing]
269
00:08:40,839 --> 00:08:42,925
[loud crash]
270
00:08:43,050 --> 00:08:45,385
Thanks again,
Tim-Tim!
271
00:08:45,510 --> 00:08:46,595
[angrily]
Tim, Timmy!
272
00:08:46,720 --> 00:08:49,598
[soft piano music]
273
00:08:49,723 --> 00:08:57,439
♪
274
00:09:10,035 --> 00:09:11,035
[sighs]
275
00:09:18,502 --> 00:09:21,338
[sighs]
Bye, scouts.
276
00:09:21,463 --> 00:09:23,674
Okay, okay, Mark.
Stop playing now.
277
00:09:23,799 --> 00:09:25,008
Hey, don't yell at me.
278
00:09:25,133 --> 00:09:26,885
You asked me to come over
and play sad songs
279
00:09:27,010 --> 00:09:28,613
for you to pack to,
and then you yell at me.
280
00:09:28,637 --> 00:09:30,639
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
281
00:09:30,764 --> 00:09:32,724
But now I've packed
everything away, so just--
282
00:09:32,849 --> 00:09:34,685
well, play something
uplifting like--
283
00:09:34,810 --> 00:09:36,079
"I'm gonna put
all this behind me
284
00:09:36,103 --> 00:09:38,522
and make it okay" music.
285
00:09:38,647 --> 00:09:40,440
♪ Oh, I don't want her,
you can have her ♪
286
00:09:40,565 --> 00:09:41,858
♪ She's too fat for me ♪
287
00:09:41,984 --> 00:09:43,860
Oh, Jesus, Mark.
288
00:09:47,739 --> 00:09:50,492
Parents, this is the new
scout leader, Mr. Grazier.
289
00:09:50,617 --> 00:09:52,703
He will be taking over
for the homosexual.
290
00:09:52,828 --> 00:09:53,453
Nice to meet you.
291
00:09:53,704 --> 00:09:55,914
Marsh, right? We actually
kind of know each other.
292
00:09:56,039 --> 00:09:57,183
Your wife and mine
are friends.
293
00:09:57,207 --> 00:09:59,042
Your wife, huh?
294
00:09:59,167 --> 00:10:00,252
Carol is is the head
295
00:10:00,294 --> 00:10:01,654
of a girls' Mountain Scouts troop.
296
00:10:01,712 --> 00:10:03,922
Well, I guess we're
off to the bar until 9:00, then.
297
00:10:04,047 --> 00:10:05,716
Gonna go pound some brews, huh?
298
00:10:05,841 --> 00:10:08,010
And so I says to him,
"hey, I may be handicapped,
299
00:10:08,135 --> 00:10:09,886
but I'm not deaf."
300
00:10:10,012 --> 00:10:11,096
[laughter]
301
00:10:11,221 --> 00:10:12,723
Wow, what a terrific audience.
302
00:10:12,848 --> 00:10:14,659
Well, for my next joke,
I'm gonna need a volunteer
303
00:10:14,683 --> 00:10:16,143
from the audience,
very much.
304
00:10:16,268 --> 00:10:17,728
How about you, Timmy?
- Timmy.
305
00:10:17,853 --> 00:10:18,997
Sure, come on up here,
Tim-Tim.
306
00:10:19,021 --> 00:10:20,480
[laughter]
307
00:10:20,605 --> 00:10:21,857
Timmy,
Ladies and Gentlemen.
308
00:10:21,982 --> 00:10:23,608
Let's all give him a hand,
very much.
309
00:10:23,734 --> 00:10:25,461
Come to think of it,
give him a pair of legs, too.
310
00:10:25,485 --> 00:10:26,528
[laughter]
311
00:10:26,653 --> 00:10:29,823
Here, Timmy.
Put on this silly hat.
312
00:10:29,948 --> 00:10:31,742
Just for a second, Timmy.
313
00:10:31,867 --> 00:10:33,910
Don't be a jerk, Timmy.
314
00:10:34,036 --> 00:10:34,786
Hey, don't push me!
315
00:10:34,911 --> 00:10:35,996
Timmy!
316
00:10:36,121 --> 00:10:37,497
Cripple fight!
317
00:10:37,622 --> 00:10:38,915
That is enough, scouts!
318
00:10:39,041 --> 00:10:40,083
Take your seats!
319
00:10:40,208 --> 00:10:41,501
Aww!
320
00:10:41,626 --> 00:10:42,794
All right, scouts.
321
00:10:42,919 --> 00:10:45,797
I am your new scout master,
Mr. Grazier.
322
00:10:45,922 --> 00:10:47,942
Together, we are going to become
the best, the sleekest,
323
00:10:47,966 --> 00:10:50,552
the most well-polished
scout troop in all of Colorado.
324
00:10:50,677 --> 00:10:52,387
Isn't that right?
325
00:10:52,512 --> 00:10:53,552
When I ask you a question,
326
00:10:53,597 --> 00:10:55,037
you will answer,
"yes, scout master."
327
00:10:55,140 --> 00:10:55,932
Do I make myself clear?
328
00:10:56,058 --> 00:10:57,476
All: Yes, scout master.
329
00:10:57,601 --> 00:10:58,852
Good.
330
00:10:58,977 --> 00:11:01,688
Now, the first activity
for this evening will be...
331
00:11:01,813 --> 00:11:03,607
Naked pictures.
332
00:11:03,732 --> 00:11:05,984
I'm going to take some pictures
of each of you naked
333
00:11:06,109 --> 00:11:07,861
in case we need them for later.
334
00:11:07,986 --> 00:11:09,029
All: Aww.
335
00:11:09,154 --> 00:11:10,822
Oh, what is this?
336
00:11:10,947 --> 00:11:12,675
If there's one thing I hate,
it's a whiny platoon.
337
00:11:12,699 --> 00:11:14,034
"We don't want
to do push-ups!
338
00:11:14,159 --> 00:11:15,827
"We don't want
to get up early!
339
00:11:15,952 --> 00:11:18,038
We don't want to have you
take naked pictures of us!"
340
00:11:18,163 --> 00:11:19,539
Man, this guy sucks.
341
00:11:19,664 --> 00:11:21,833
Now, fall in
and strip down, scouts!
342
00:11:24,044 --> 00:11:25,379
All right, scouts.
343
00:11:25,504 --> 00:11:26,046
We're gonna end this meeting
344
00:11:26,171 --> 00:11:27,923
With a little puppet show.
345
00:11:28,048 --> 00:11:29,674
Here's a little scout.
346
00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:32,886
He's always prepared.
He's always ready.
347
00:11:33,011 --> 00:11:35,514
Now, here's the little scout
telling his parents
348
00:11:35,639 --> 00:11:37,933
that Mr. Grazier
took naked pictures of him.
349
00:11:38,058 --> 00:11:39,058
Look what happens.
350
00:11:39,142 --> 00:11:42,062
Oh, no!
Oh, oh!
351
00:11:42,187 --> 00:11:43,397
Ohh!
352
00:11:43,522 --> 00:11:45,524
Do I make myself clear, scouts?
353
00:11:45,649 --> 00:11:46,900
All: Yes, scout master!
354
00:11:47,025 --> 00:11:48,735
Oh, hello, parents.
355
00:11:48,860 --> 00:11:50,797
All right, that's all the time
we have for tonight, scouts.
356
00:11:50,821 --> 00:11:52,173
We sure had a great time,
didn't we?
357
00:11:52,197 --> 00:11:54,408
All: Yes, sir, scout master!
358
00:11:54,533 --> 00:11:56,535
Wow, you sure
whipped those kids into shape.
359
00:11:56,660 --> 00:11:58,578
Yeah, now they're
acting like men.
360
00:11:58,703 --> 00:12:00,414
Well, you know
what I say about kids:
361
00:12:00,539 --> 00:12:01,998
they're all pink on the inside.
362
00:12:02,124 --> 00:12:03,458
You bet.
- I heard that.
363
00:12:03,583 --> 00:12:05,168
See you, Mr. Grazier.
364
00:12:12,050 --> 00:12:13,385
[doorbell rings]
365
00:12:13,510 --> 00:12:14,970
Go away. I'm dead.
366
00:12:17,222 --> 00:12:18,598
Oh, well,
here he is.
367
00:12:18,723 --> 00:12:19,599
Big Gay Al,
what are you doing?
368
00:12:19,724 --> 00:12:21,393
Yeah, get your
big gay ass off the couch
369
00:12:21,518 --> 00:12:22,787
and come be
our scout master again!
370
00:12:22,811 --> 00:12:24,062
I can't, kids.
371
00:12:24,187 --> 00:12:25,772
I've been kicked out of scouts.
372
00:12:25,897 --> 00:12:27,524
Kicked out? Oh, no.
373
00:12:27,649 --> 00:12:29,794
But you have to come back.
We hate our new scout leader.
374
00:12:29,818 --> 00:12:31,069
Really?
Why?
375
00:12:31,194 --> 00:12:33,113
We can't tell you.
376
00:12:33,238 --> 00:12:34,906
Why not?
377
00:12:35,031 --> 00:12:38,326
Oh, no, no!
Oh, no, no! Oh, no, no!
378
00:12:40,036 --> 00:12:41,371
Please, Big Gay Al,
We don't want
379
00:12:41,496 --> 00:12:42,723
to go on a camp trip
with this guy next week.
380
00:12:42,747 --> 00:12:44,833
Boys, there's nothing
I can do.
381
00:12:44,958 --> 00:12:46,835
The scouts
don't allow homosexuals.
382
00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:48,378
Well, then that settles it.
383
00:12:48,503 --> 00:12:49,863
Fellas, what we're
gonna have to do
384
00:12:49,921 --> 00:12:53,425
is try to ch-change
the scouts' rules, very much.
385
00:12:53,550 --> 00:12:55,469
What do we want?
- All: Gays in scouts!
386
00:12:55,594 --> 00:12:57,345
When do we want it?
- Timmy!
387
00:12:57,471 --> 00:12:58,991
What do we want?
- All: Gays in scouts!
388
00:12:59,097 --> 00:13:00,432
When do we want it?
- Timmy!
389
00:13:00,557 --> 00:13:02,684
Oh, no.
390
00:13:05,853 --> 00:13:07,438
What do we want?
- All: Gays in scouts!
391
00:13:07,563 --> 00:13:08,940
When do we want it?
- Timmy!
392
00:13:09,065 --> 00:13:10,250
Alright, this looks like
the perfect place
393
00:13:10,274 --> 00:13:11,442
to get some signatures.
394
00:13:11,567 --> 00:13:13,027
Puppies.
Puppies for sale.
395
00:13:13,152 --> 00:13:14,570
Beat it, toots.
396
00:13:14,695 --> 00:13:15,571
We got discrimination work
to do.
397
00:13:15,696 --> 00:13:16,864
Alright,
let's set up.
398
00:13:16,989 --> 00:13:18,741
Hi, we're here
to collect signatures
399
00:13:18,866 --> 00:13:21,035
in support to force the scouts
to accept gays.
400
00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:22,995
Uh, hello?
Gays in scouts?
401
00:13:23,120 --> 00:13:24,120
God damn it.
402
00:13:24,205 --> 00:13:25,223
Hey! Why don't we have Jimmy
403
00:13:25,247 --> 00:13:26,540
do some stand-up comedy?
404
00:13:26,666 --> 00:13:28,000
Like at our bake sale,
very much?
405
00:13:28,125 --> 00:13:29,168
That's a great idea.
406
00:13:29,293 --> 00:13:30,795
Attention, Ladies and Gentlemen--
407
00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:32,922
now for your entertainment,
stand-up comic Jimmy!
408
00:13:33,047 --> 00:13:35,091
Wow, what a great audience.
409
00:13:35,216 --> 00:13:37,593
For my first joke,
I'm gonna need a volunteer.
410
00:13:37,718 --> 00:13:38,886
Come on up here, Tim-Tim.
411
00:13:41,597 --> 00:13:43,724
Timmy, when I tell you
to do something, you do it.
412
00:13:43,849 --> 00:13:45,017
Timmy!
413
00:13:45,142 --> 00:13:46,502
Timmy, don't make me
kick your ass.
414
00:13:46,602 --> 00:13:48,145
Timmy!
- Put on your hat!
415
00:13:48,270 --> 00:13:50,523
Timmy!
- P-put it on!
416
00:13:50,648 --> 00:13:52,233
Dude, this looks
like it could get ugly.
417
00:13:54,819 --> 00:13:56,988
Timmy.
Timmy.
418
00:13:57,113 --> 00:14:00,074
Not this year.
419
00:14:01,951 --> 00:14:03,744
Timmy, Timmy.
420
00:14:05,121 --> 00:14:07,081
Cripple fight!
421
00:14:08,666 --> 00:14:11,293
Come on.
Come on!
422
00:14:14,088 --> 00:14:15,089
Timmy.
423
00:14:15,214 --> 00:14:18,092
[organ playing]
424
00:14:18,217 --> 00:14:24,473
♪
425
00:14:24,598 --> 00:14:27,685
Cripple fight!
426
00:14:27,810 --> 00:14:28,810
[all talking excitedly]
427
00:14:28,853 --> 00:14:30,730
Attention, shoppers--
428
00:14:30,855 --> 00:14:33,149
Outside today,
we have cripple fight.
429
00:14:33,274 --> 00:14:34,108
Cripple fight outside.
430
00:14:34,233 --> 00:14:35,818
[all cheering]
431
00:14:35,943 --> 00:14:38,612
[both grunting]
432
00:14:48,164 --> 00:14:50,082
Jesus Christ, dude.
433
00:14:50,207 --> 00:14:51,834
Oh my God!
434
00:14:51,959 --> 00:14:53,145
Just let 'em
have it out, Susan.
435
00:14:53,169 --> 00:14:54,329
They'll run
out of steam soon.
436
00:14:57,673 --> 00:14:59,050
Hel-lo, Timmy.
437
00:14:59,175 --> 00:15:00,634
Hel-lo, Timmy!
438
00:15:00,760 --> 00:15:01,844
Timmy!
- No!
439
00:15:01,969 --> 00:15:03,971
[grunts]
[groans]
440
00:15:04,096 --> 00:15:06,932
[both grunting]
441
00:15:17,735 --> 00:15:19,695
Timmy?
442
00:15:19,820 --> 00:15:21,572
Timmy...
443
00:15:21,697 --> 00:15:24,784
I told you,
put on the hat!
444
00:15:32,041 --> 00:15:34,168
You dirty motherfucker.
445
00:15:38,756 --> 00:15:40,591
What's going on?
446
00:15:40,716 --> 00:15:42,176
Some kind
of gay pride rally.
447
00:15:42,301 --> 00:15:45,179
[both grunting]
448
00:16:00,569 --> 00:16:01,695
[crunch]
449
00:16:01,821 --> 00:16:03,405
[screaming]
450
00:16:18,754 --> 00:16:21,465
[both yelling]
451
00:16:24,635 --> 00:16:27,972
[groaning]
452
00:16:28,097 --> 00:16:29,097
Timmy!
453
00:16:37,565 --> 00:16:39,859
Tom, I'm standing out front
of Henry's Supermarket,
454
00:16:39,984 --> 00:16:42,153
where five brave little boys
are holding a rally
455
00:16:42,278 --> 00:16:44,530
to support gays in scouting.
456
00:16:44,655 --> 00:16:46,657
The rally is drawing
so much attention
457
00:16:46,782 --> 00:16:48,135
that people
from all over the country
458
00:16:48,159 --> 00:16:49,660
are taking media notice.
459
00:16:49,785 --> 00:16:51,662
Those boys
have shown me the light.
460
00:16:51,787 --> 00:16:53,831
I never knew the Mountain Scouts
was a hate group.
461
00:16:53,956 --> 00:16:56,041
This is a wake-up call
to America.
462
00:16:56,167 --> 00:16:58,627
We cannot turn our backs
on gays anymore.
463
00:16:58,752 --> 00:17:00,713
Oh, God, they're actually
pulling it off.
464
00:17:00,838 --> 00:17:02,756
The rally has also
caught the attention
465
00:17:02,882 --> 00:17:05,509
of old scouts members
like Steven Spielberg,
466
00:17:05,634 --> 00:17:08,470
director of such films
as Always and 1941.
467
00:17:08,596 --> 00:17:10,848
I salute those boys
and their courage.
468
00:17:10,973 --> 00:17:13,976
I am hereby cutting
all my funding to the scouts.
469
00:17:14,101 --> 00:17:15,644
The rally
has also caught the attention
470
00:17:15,769 --> 00:17:17,980
of high-power lawyer
Gloria Allred.
471
00:17:18,105 --> 00:17:20,149
It is a disgrace
that these homophobes
472
00:17:20,274 --> 00:17:22,067
are allowed
to discriminate!
473
00:17:22,193 --> 00:17:24,612
I am taking this case on
personally!
474
00:17:24,737 --> 00:17:26,030
With this kind
of support, Tom,
475
00:17:26,155 --> 00:17:28,115
these boys are sure
to have a victory for gays.
476
00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:29,116
Back to you.
477
00:17:29,241 --> 00:17:30,784
Thanks, Chris.
478
00:17:30,910 --> 00:17:32,870
In other news,
the FBI has finally caught
479
00:17:32,995 --> 00:17:35,664
the child molester
known as Mr. Slippy Fist.
480
00:17:35,789 --> 00:17:37,541
The sick child molester
was found
481
00:17:37,666 --> 00:17:40,419
with disturbing, graphic photos
of young boys naked,
482
00:17:40,544 --> 00:17:41,712
which we will show you now.
483
00:17:41,837 --> 00:17:44,089
[TV]
"Here's one.
And here's another.
484
00:17:44,215 --> 00:17:45,841
Eddie?
- Oh, my God.
485
00:17:45,966 --> 00:17:48,135
[TV]
"Here, look at this one.
Sick son of a bitch.
486
00:17:48,260 --> 00:17:49,260
There's one right here."
487
00:17:49,303 --> 00:17:51,555
[both yelling]
488
00:17:51,680 --> 00:17:52,723
Oh, yeah!
489
00:17:52,848 --> 00:17:55,017
[groans]
490
00:17:55,142 --> 00:17:57,770
[both grunting]
491
00:18:00,022 --> 00:18:01,899
[choking]
492
00:18:02,024 --> 00:18:03,024
Timmy!
493
00:18:15,704 --> 00:18:17,331
All right, boys.
Break it up.
494
00:18:22,253 --> 00:18:24,463
All rise.
495
00:18:24,588 --> 00:18:28,134
In the case of Big Gay Al
vs. Mountain Scouts of America,
496
00:18:28,259 --> 00:18:30,803
due to the overwhelming
show of support,
497
00:18:30,928 --> 00:18:34,098
it is the ruling of this court
that the scouts must allow
498
00:18:34,223 --> 00:18:36,892
Big Gay Al and all gays
into their club.
499
00:18:37,018 --> 00:18:39,061
Alright!
[people cheering]
500
00:18:39,186 --> 00:18:41,856
Well, we've all learned
an important lesson,
501
00:18:41,981 --> 00:18:43,357
That just because
somebody's gay
502
00:18:43,482 --> 00:18:45,192
doesn't mean they're gonna
molest children.
503
00:18:45,317 --> 00:18:46,437
Straight people
do that, too.
504
00:18:46,485 --> 00:18:48,112
[people cheering]
505
00:18:48,237 --> 00:18:50,865
And furthermore,
the scout elders
506
00:18:50,990 --> 00:18:52,992
will be put into stocks
for three days
507
00:18:53,117 --> 00:18:55,036
so they can see how it feels
to be outcasts.
508
00:18:55,161 --> 00:18:56,495
[people cheering]
509
00:18:56,620 --> 00:18:58,122
We did it!
We did it!
510
00:18:58,247 --> 00:19:01,167
I did it! I did it!
Ha-ha!
511
00:19:01,292 --> 00:19:03,044
[reporters speaking
simultaneously]
512
00:19:03,169 --> 00:19:05,838
Today is a great day
for democracy.
513
00:19:05,963 --> 00:19:07,506
The scouts have been exposed
514
00:19:07,631 --> 00:19:09,967
for the vile gay bashers
they are!
515
00:19:10,092 --> 00:19:12,053
And we owe it all to me,
516
00:19:12,178 --> 00:19:14,430
and these six
brave little boys.
517
00:19:14,555 --> 00:19:15,556
[bird screeches]
518
00:19:15,681 --> 00:19:18,267
Five brave little boys.
519
00:19:18,392 --> 00:19:20,978
And now, here to take
his official oath
520
00:19:21,103 --> 00:19:24,106
back into scouts,
is Big Gay Al.
521
00:19:24,231 --> 00:19:26,859
Thank you all very much.
522
00:19:26,984 --> 00:19:28,569
But I don't want this.
523
00:19:28,694 --> 00:19:30,404
What'd he say?
- Huh?
524
00:19:30,529 --> 00:19:33,074
Look, I appreciate
what you kids did.
525
00:19:33,199 --> 00:19:34,200
I really do.
526
00:19:34,325 --> 00:19:35,385
But this isn't what I wanted.
527
00:19:35,409 --> 00:19:37,244
I'm proud to be gay.
528
00:19:37,369 --> 00:19:38,609
And I'm proud
to be in a country
529
00:19:38,704 --> 00:19:40,414
where I'm free
to express myself.
530
00:19:40,539 --> 00:19:42,458
But freedom
is a two-way street.
531
00:19:42,583 --> 00:19:44,835
If I'm free
to express myself,
532
00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:48,380
then the scouts have to be free
to express themselves, too.
533
00:19:48,506 --> 00:19:50,132
I know these men.
534
00:19:50,257 --> 00:19:52,885
They are good men.
They are kind men.
535
00:19:53,010 --> 00:19:55,179
They do what they think
is best for kids.
536
00:19:55,304 --> 00:19:57,431
No matter how wrong
we think they might be,
537
00:19:57,556 --> 00:20:00,559
it isn't right for us
to force them to think our way.
538
00:20:00,684 --> 00:20:03,562
It's up to us to persuade
and help them see the light,
539
00:20:03,687 --> 00:20:05,439
not extort them to.
540
00:20:05,564 --> 00:20:07,900
Please, don't cut
the scouts' funding.
541
00:20:08,025 --> 00:20:10,003
The scouts help and have always
helped a lot of kids.
542
00:20:10,027 --> 00:20:11,320
That's why I love them.
543
00:20:11,445 --> 00:20:14,156
I will continue to persuade them
to change their minds,
544
00:20:14,281 --> 00:20:16,242
but this is the wrong way
to do it.
545
00:20:16,367 --> 00:20:19,954
So I am hereby
dropping my case
546
00:20:20,079 --> 00:20:21,539
and allowing the scouts
their right
547
00:20:21,664 --> 00:20:24,166
to not allow gays
into their private club.
548
00:20:24,291 --> 00:20:25,417
Uh...
549
00:20:25,543 --> 00:20:26,961
Hooray!
- Hooray!
550
00:20:27,086 --> 00:20:29,130
So wait.
Did we do good?
551
00:20:29,255 --> 00:20:30,631
Yeah, I think so.
552
00:20:30,756 --> 00:20:32,174
Yeah, we kick ass.
553
00:20:32,299 --> 00:20:34,301
Come on, kids.
Let's go get some ice cream.
554
00:20:34,426 --> 00:20:37,263
You can't do this!
You homophobe!
555
00:20:37,388 --> 00:20:38,889
Well, Timmy,
I guess we learned
556
00:20:39,014 --> 00:20:40,374
an important lesson too,
very much.
557
00:20:40,432 --> 00:20:41,851
There is room
for more than one
558
00:20:41,976 --> 00:20:43,227
handi-capable person
in scouts.
559
00:20:43,352 --> 00:20:44,854
Timmy.
560
00:20:44,979 --> 00:20:45,855
I'm glad we're best friends now.
561
00:20:45,980 --> 00:20:48,691
See you at scouts.
- Timmy.
562
00:20:52,361 --> 00:20:54,947
[to the tune of Old Macdonald]
♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy ♪
563
00:20:55,072 --> 00:20:56,949
♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy ♪
564
00:20:57,074 --> 00:20:59,493
♪ Timmy, Timmy,
Timmy, Timmy ♪
565
00:20:59,618 --> 00:21:01,058
♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy,
Timmy, Timmy ♪
566
00:21:01,120 --> 00:21:01,996
Ahh!
567
00:21:02,121 --> 00:21:03,164
Dude, Timmy, come on.
568
00:21:03,289 --> 00:21:04,489
We're gonna be late
for scouts.
569
00:21:06,625 --> 00:21:09,378
Alright, boys.
I am your new scout leader.
570
00:21:09,503 --> 00:21:11,505
Everything is going to be
just fine.
571
00:21:11,630 --> 00:21:13,340
No naked pictures.
572
00:21:13,465 --> 00:21:14,341
Uh, Timmy?
573
00:21:14,466 --> 00:21:16,468
Yes, Timmy?
574
00:21:16,594 --> 00:21:17,845
Oh, dear.
575
00:21:17,970 --> 00:21:19,180
Jimmy?
- Yes?
576
00:21:19,305 --> 00:21:20,514
You know our policy.
577
00:21:20,639 --> 00:21:22,892
I'm afraid
you're out of scouts.
578
00:21:23,017 --> 00:21:24,017
Out of scouts?
579
00:21:26,312 --> 00:21:27,354
Timmy.
580
00:21:27,479 --> 00:21:28,939
What?
581
00:21:29,064 --> 00:21:30,083
Hey, wait a minute.
This is crazy.
582
00:21:30,107 --> 00:21:31,192
You can't do this.
583
00:21:31,317 --> 00:21:32,860
Wow, I never knew
Jimmy was gay.
584
00:21:32,985 --> 00:21:33,861
Me, neither.
585
00:21:33,986 --> 00:21:35,446
No! No!
586
00:21:35,571 --> 00:21:36,571
Timmy!
40678
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