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1
00:00:05,460 --> 00:00:07,460
[theme music playing]
2
00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:07,900
[thunder rolling]
3
00:01:26,250 --> 00:01:28,210
Hang on there, Clyde.
4
00:01:28,290 --> 00:01:30,090
Sorry, miss, we're closed.
5
00:01:30,170 --> 00:01:32,840
Just look at what I'm selling.
You'll plotz.
6
00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:33,920
[music box playing]
7
00:01:41,140 --> 00:01:42,220
[coughing]
8
00:01:44,310 --> 00:01:45,310
[laughing]
9
00:01:47,150 --> 00:01:49,770
[Joker] Good work, Harley girl.
10
00:01:49,860 --> 00:01:54,820
Now, what would be a suitable trade
for our joke-in-the-box?
11
00:02:03,540 --> 00:02:04,410
Ooh!
12
00:02:07,330 --> 00:02:11,130
For some reason, this just speaks to me.
What do you think, Harl?
13
00:02:11,210 --> 00:02:13,460
It's you, pudding.
14
00:02:14,710 --> 00:02:15,720
[grunting]
15
00:02:22,680 --> 00:02:23,680
[grunting]
16
00:02:24,850 --> 00:02:28,390
Awfully nice doing business
with you. Ta.
17
00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:31,360
- [Harley grunting]
- What a pleasant fellow.
18
00:02:37,320 --> 00:02:42,490
It's weird. All this junk and The Joker
only takes one lousy statue.
19
00:02:42,660 --> 00:02:46,250
Especially since word on the street says
he's desperate for cash these days.
20
00:02:46,620 --> 00:02:49,710
Things are never what they seem
with The Joker.
21
00:02:51,630 --> 00:02:54,090
I guess the night brings out
all the wackos.
22
00:03:01,720 --> 00:03:04,720
It was made of jade,
worth maybe a hundred grand.
23
00:03:07,230 --> 00:03:08,980
I'd like a closer look.
24
00:03:12,610 --> 00:03:15,730
Hey. He can't leave a crime scene
with evidence.
25
00:03:15,820 --> 00:03:18,700
You want to stop him, be my guest.
26
00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:41,680
[Alfred] According to this,
the Laughing Dragon
27
00:03:41,760 --> 00:03:44,140
has earned
quite a foreboding reputation.
28
00:03:46,010 --> 00:03:49,020
Ever since it was carved in China
nearly 30 years ago,
29
00:03:49,180 --> 00:03:53,190
it has passed through several owners,
all of whom died prematurely.
30
00:03:53,270 --> 00:03:55,320
And I can tell you why.
31
00:03:55,440 --> 00:03:59,280
This so-called jade
is emitting low-level radiation.
32
00:04:00,610 --> 00:04:04,870
Alfred, isn't Bruce Wayne about due
for a trip to Metropolis?
33
00:04:04,950 --> 00:04:08,120
Yes, but do you think
this is an appropriate time?
34
00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:12,250
I'd say the timing couldn't be better.
35
00:04:17,250 --> 00:04:18,250
[chattering]
36
00:04:22,880 --> 00:04:23,890
[thudding]
37
00:04:29,270 --> 00:04:31,390
Ladies and gentlemen of the press,
38
00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:35,190
if you stay calm, you may actually live
to write about this.
39
00:04:35,270 --> 00:04:36,810
Is the president secured?
40
00:04:36,900 --> 00:04:39,570
Copy. We've already informed him
41
00:04:39,650 --> 00:04:42,070
of our change in flight plans.
42
00:04:46,950 --> 00:04:47,950
[grunting]
43
00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:52,790
- [man 1] What's going on?
- [man 2] What's he doing to her?
44
00:04:52,870 --> 00:04:55,830
Let's make an example of this hero.
45
00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:02,840
A very tragic example,
I'm afraid, Miss...
46
00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:06,180
- Lane.
- Lane? Lois Lane?
47
00:05:06,260 --> 00:05:08,430
The one Superman always saves?
48
00:05:08,510 --> 00:05:10,390
Afraid so.
49
00:05:11,220 --> 00:05:12,230
[yelling]
50
00:05:25,150 --> 00:05:28,570
Thanks for strapping me in. Aw...
51
00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:38,330
[screaming]
52
00:05:47,550 --> 00:05:50,140
Happy I could help out, Mr. President.
53
00:05:56,890 --> 00:05:59,400
I hope I didn't shake you
and the others up badly.
54
00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:02,730
I hate to say, I've gotten used to it.
55
00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:09,910
Um, Superman?
56
00:06:10,490 --> 00:06:11,740
Yes?
57
00:06:13,330 --> 00:06:15,120
How can I put this?
58
00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:18,880
I was just thinking,
it might be nice to see each other
59
00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:22,380
when I wasn't, I don't know,
falling out a window or something.
60
00:06:22,750 --> 00:06:25,970
Not that I'm not grateful for the times
you've helped me, you understand...
61
00:06:26,090 --> 00:06:28,590
- I understand.
- You do?
62
00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:31,640
[alarm ringing]
63
00:06:36,310 --> 00:06:40,690
- It's the First National Bank.
- You better go. People might...
64
00:06:41,310 --> 00:06:42,860
get hurt.
65
00:06:48,150 --> 00:06:50,780
"I understand, Lois."
"Really, you do?"
66
00:06:50,870 --> 00:06:54,040
"Yep. You're a complete moron."
"Why, thank you, Superman.
67
00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:56,870
I think I'm a total loser, too." Jeez.
68
00:06:57,460 --> 00:07:00,120
[Lex] "A grateful president
bestows heartfelt thanks
69
00:07:00,290 --> 00:07:04,380
on Metropolis' favorite son, Superman."
70
00:07:04,550 --> 00:07:06,670
Favorite son, my...
71
00:07:08,840 --> 00:07:11,930
Mercy. Start the car. I'm coming down.
72
00:07:13,550 --> 00:07:15,560
Right away, Lex.
73
00:07:37,330 --> 00:07:39,370
The office. Now.
74
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:42,460
Swell, Mr. L.
75
00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:46,670
"Mr. L."? Mercy?
76
00:07:48,130 --> 00:07:50,550
Oh, yeah, she had a little accident.
77
00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:05,150
All right, missy.
I don't know what your game is
78
00:08:05,230 --> 00:08:07,360
but I promise you
you'll pay dearly for this!
79
00:08:08,190 --> 00:08:10,190
You're dead. Do you hear me?
80
00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:13,030
Blah, blah, blah.
81
00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:17,450
Whoa, mama!
Check out the cute hitchhiker.
82
00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:20,580
Yoo-hoo!
83
00:08:28,460 --> 00:08:31,340
- Joker.
- Lexy, old kid.
84
00:08:31,470 --> 00:08:34,800
Do I have a deal for you.
85
00:08:41,810 --> 00:08:42,810
[horns honking]
86
00:08:49,030 --> 00:08:50,030
[yells]
87
00:08:50,860 --> 00:08:54,860
Ooh, rich Corinthian leather.
88
00:08:54,950 --> 00:08:56,280
What do you want?
89
00:08:57,330 --> 00:09:00,540
I sense we are kindred spirits,
you and I.
90
00:09:00,620 --> 00:09:05,040
Oh, there are differences to be sure.
Like hair. [laughs]
91
00:09:05,290 --> 00:09:09,170
But underneath it all,
we're both entrepreneurs, men of vision.
92
00:09:09,250 --> 00:09:12,590
We see an opportunity, we grab it.
Am I right?
93
00:09:15,840 --> 00:09:17,140
Right.
94
00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:20,930
But in the past few weeks,
I've had a run of bad luck,
95
00:09:21,100 --> 00:09:23,140
bad luck that wears a cape.
96
00:09:23,270 --> 00:09:26,850
Thanks to that miserable,
pointy-eared rodent, Batman,
97
00:09:26,940 --> 00:09:30,520
all my operations in Gotham City
have been shut down.
98
00:09:32,440 --> 00:09:36,070
But you too have an overgrown bully
in long underwear,
99
00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:39,200
which brings me
to my little proposition.
100
00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:42,200
- I'm listening.
- Pay me $1 billion,
101
00:09:42,290 --> 00:09:44,410
and I'll kill Superman.
102
00:09:44,500 --> 00:09:45,500
[Lex laughs]
103
00:09:46,290 --> 00:09:49,090
What makes you think
you can kill Superman,
104
00:09:49,170 --> 00:09:53,130
when you can't even handle
a mere mortal in a Halloween costume?
105
00:09:54,590 --> 00:09:57,800
There's nothing mere about that mortal.
106
00:09:57,890 --> 00:10:00,890
Besides, I've read up on your flyboy.
107
00:10:00,970 --> 00:10:03,770
I know his weakness.
108
00:10:06,850 --> 00:10:10,150
See? Solid Kryptonite.
109
00:10:10,230 --> 00:10:13,070
You know I can't be connected to this
in any way.
110
00:10:13,150 --> 00:10:17,490
Oh, you'll be Mr. Clean,
I promise. Deal?
111
00:10:18,990 --> 00:10:20,570
Deal.
112
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:30,210
I hear Wayne's deal with LexCorp
could run into the billions.
113
00:10:30,290 --> 00:10:31,290
He's a high roller.
114
00:10:31,380 --> 00:10:34,260
I hear he's nothing but Gotham trash.
115
00:10:34,380 --> 00:10:36,470
Rich, spoiled
116
00:10:36,550 --> 00:10:39,930
and absolutely gorgeous.
117
00:10:44,680 --> 00:10:47,440
- Mr. Wayne. Mr. Wayne.
- What brings you to Metropolis?
118
00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:49,690
[man] How long will you stay?
119
00:10:51,730 --> 00:10:54,030
Quick, is my hair straight?
120
00:10:56,740 --> 00:11:00,200
Excuse me,
aren't you the famous Lois Lane?
121
00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:01,160
[gasps]
122
00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:10,670
Me? Famous? Well, hardly.
I mean, uh... This is Clark Kent.
123
00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:12,630
Mr. Wayne.
124
00:11:13,670 --> 00:11:16,340
I read all about your adventure
on Air Force One.
125
00:11:16,460 --> 00:11:20,380
- You're quite the newsmaker.
- No more than you.
126
00:11:20,470 --> 00:11:23,470
Which brings up the question
of why you're in town.
127
00:11:23,550 --> 00:11:25,890
Mr. Wayne, your car.
128
00:11:26,970 --> 00:11:30,270
Maybe we can discuss it over dinner,
if you're available.
129
00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:34,860
Totally. I mean, I think so.
I'll have to check my-- Yes.
130
00:11:34,980 --> 00:11:37,650
Great. I'll pick you up at 8:00.
131
00:11:59,300 --> 00:12:03,140
Who'd have figured a guy named Weasel
could cook this good?
132
00:12:03,220 --> 00:12:05,850
Caesar Carlini, my old pal.
133
00:12:05,930 --> 00:12:08,720
Why, I haven't seen you since... Wait.
134
00:12:08,810 --> 00:12:11,810
I've never seen you, have I?
You need to get out more.
135
00:12:11,890 --> 00:12:14,810
- Who is this clown?
- Not "Clown."
136
00:12:14,900 --> 00:12:16,570
Joker.
137
00:12:19,150 --> 00:12:23,160
I'm in town on business
and I need a place to hang my hat.
138
00:12:23,240 --> 00:12:24,910
Try the Motel Nine.
139
00:12:24,990 --> 00:12:29,410
But it would be so much cozier
at your place, like a sleepover.
140
00:12:29,500 --> 00:12:31,540
Are you nuts?
141
00:12:31,620 --> 00:12:33,000
Kill him.
142
00:12:37,250 --> 00:12:39,670
[Harley] Oh, can I play, too?
143
00:12:43,180 --> 00:12:47,100
Boing. Boing. Boing.
144
00:12:51,060 --> 00:12:55,230
Carlini, all that spicy food.
You look a little gassy.
145
00:12:56,730 --> 00:12:58,980
No. Stop.
146
00:13:04,740 --> 00:13:06,530
[speaking in Spanish]
147
00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:15,290
Holy guacamole.
Looks like you need a new leader.
148
00:13:15,420 --> 00:13:17,840
I nominate me.
149
00:13:18,710 --> 00:13:20,840
I second the nomination.
150
00:13:22,170 --> 00:13:24,260
All opposed?
151
00:13:25,340 --> 00:13:27,430
[man] They found him like this
at the city dump.
152
00:13:28,970 --> 00:13:31,140
The lights are on but nobody's home.
153
00:13:31,220 --> 00:13:32,600
But we know who did it.
154
00:13:32,680 --> 00:13:34,520
He's telling us right now.
155
00:14:12,140 --> 00:14:16,890
[Lex] As you can see, the WayneLex T7
can traverse the most difficult terrain,
156
00:14:16,980 --> 00:14:19,270
never losing sight
of its ultimate target.
157
00:14:35,790 --> 00:14:38,120
14.8 seconds.
158
00:14:38,460 --> 00:14:39,960
Congratulations.
159
00:14:40,130 --> 00:14:42,590
This is your project too, you know.
160
00:14:42,670 --> 00:14:45,510
Well, I'm proud of the work
both our teams have done.
161
00:14:46,010 --> 00:14:49,510
These robots are gonna revolutionize
unmanned space travel.
162
00:14:51,180 --> 00:14:54,600
Actually, there may be a use for them
closer to home.
163
00:14:58,100 --> 00:15:00,650
The Joint Chiefs have shown
tremendous interest.
164
00:15:00,730 --> 00:15:02,270
It doesn't take much imagination
165
00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:04,480
to envision these robots
on the battlefield.
166
00:15:06,190 --> 00:15:08,610
Except I won't allow it.
167
00:15:08,700 --> 00:15:11,990
- What?
- I don't like guns.
168
00:15:12,280 --> 00:15:15,450
Well, Bruce, I think I have something
to say about this.
169
00:15:15,620 --> 00:15:17,790
Not according to our deal.
170
00:15:17,910 --> 00:15:21,000
All technological applications
need my approval first.
171
00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:23,210
Blame it on me, Lex.
172
00:15:23,670 --> 00:15:25,800
Tell your pals at the Pentagon
173
00:15:25,880 --> 00:15:28,260
I just don't have the imagination.
174
00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:34,350
[Bruce] So he just appears
when there's trouble? No special signal?
175
00:15:34,510 --> 00:15:37,390
[Lois] He's not like your Batman,
thank goodness.
176
00:15:37,470 --> 00:15:39,140
Then how do you contact him?
177
00:15:40,230 --> 00:15:42,230
Committing a felony helps.
178
00:15:42,770 --> 00:15:45,270
Listen, you seem awfully interested
in Superman.
179
00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:48,400
- Do you want me to fix you two up?
- Sorry.
180
00:15:48,490 --> 00:15:50,740
No, I'm sorry.
It's just that I was hoping
181
00:15:50,820 --> 00:15:54,160
to get away from the subject
of the Man of Steel for one night.
182
00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:56,830
I've been a little too consumed
with him lately.
183
00:16:02,880 --> 00:16:05,540
Maybe we could change subjects.
184
00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:08,670
[Lois] No more men in tights?
185
00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:10,220
[Bruce] Deal.
186
00:16:31,490 --> 00:16:33,070
[Clark] So just keep your ears open.
187
00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:35,780
Let me know if you hear any buzz
about The Joker.
188
00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:41,250
Sure thing, Mr. Kent.
189
00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:43,960
Uh, but, uh, which one?
190
00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:46,590
There's lots of jokers around here.
191
00:17:00,270 --> 00:17:02,270
[dance music playing]
192
00:17:14,950 --> 00:17:17,700
Hey, sweetheart.
What are you, deaf? Another round!
193
00:17:18,030 --> 00:17:18,950
[glass breaks]
194
00:17:22,410 --> 00:17:24,920
- [man 1] What's going on?
- [man 2] What's happening?
195
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:26,710
[woman] Who is he?
196
00:17:30,170 --> 00:17:33,010
It's been a long time, Binko.
197
00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:38,850
I heard your boss Carlini's
been replaced.
198
00:17:38,930 --> 00:17:40,600
We need to talk.
199
00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:46,440
[screaming]
200
00:17:49,570 --> 00:17:50,860
[man 3] Let's get out of here.
201
00:17:59,410 --> 00:18:01,030
Get him!
202
00:18:02,910 --> 00:18:04,580
Huh? Hey!
203
00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:17,720
[shouts]
204
00:18:21,220 --> 00:18:22,770
Where's The Joker?
205
00:18:22,850 --> 00:18:25,270
Who knows?
Making "ha-ha" with Harley Quinn.
206
00:18:25,810 --> 00:18:26,730
[groans]
207
00:18:27,350 --> 00:18:31,060
I don't know. Honest.
I never went back after he muscled in.
208
00:18:31,150 --> 00:18:33,320
I don't want nothing
to do with that clown.
209
00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:36,450
That's enough.
I think you got your answer.
210
00:18:54,250 --> 00:18:57,970
I heard you were crazy.
I didn't think you were stupid.
211
00:19:02,010 --> 00:19:05,270
- Bruce Wayne?
- You peeked.
212
00:19:05,350 --> 00:19:08,140
I won't have vigilantism in my town.
213
00:19:08,230 --> 00:19:12,020
You'll be rid of me.
As soon as I find The Joker.
214
00:19:12,190 --> 00:19:14,690
That may not be soon enough.
215
00:19:17,950 --> 00:19:18,820
[groans]
216
00:19:19,030 --> 00:19:20,950
It doesn't take much, does it?
217
00:19:21,530 --> 00:19:24,700
The Joker has 20 pounds more
where this came from.
218
00:19:24,790 --> 00:19:27,000
Thought you might like to know.
219
00:19:49,690 --> 00:19:51,140
[phone rings]
220
00:19:56,900 --> 00:19:58,530
- Hello.
- [Lois] Hi.
221
00:19:58,690 --> 00:20:01,490
I just wanted to let you know,
I'll be in late tomorrow.
222
00:20:01,610 --> 00:20:03,530
I'm having breakfast with Bruce.
223
00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:09,330
- Isn't that special?
- Do I detect a note of disapproval?
224
00:20:09,450 --> 00:20:11,500
You were the one
who compared him to garbage.
225
00:20:11,580 --> 00:20:13,420
Well, I was wrong.
226
00:20:14,710 --> 00:20:17,590
He's very thoughtful and much deeper
227
00:20:17,670 --> 00:20:19,720
than the gossipmongers
would lead you to believe.
228
00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:23,090
- You'd be surprised.
- Would I now?
229
00:20:26,430 --> 00:20:28,470
I'll let you go so you can count sheep,
230
00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:32,520
or whatever you Kansas boys
dream about. Bye.
231
00:20:54,330 --> 00:20:56,210
Touché.
232
00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:09,680
[theme music playing]
17222
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