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1
00:00:40,458 --> 00:00:41,876
Well, here we are, dude, the
first day of fourth grade.
2
00:00:42,001 --> 00:00:44,754
Yeah, no more getting pushed
around by fourth graders.
3
00:00:44,879 --> 00:00:46,505
Get out my way,
you little dorks!
4
00:00:46,630 --> 00:00:48,007
Hey, we're fourth
graders now, too.
5
00:00:48,132 --> 00:00:49,592
Yeah, but now
we're fifth graders,
6
00:00:49,717 --> 00:00:51,677
you stupid fourth grader,
so move it!
7
00:00:51,802 --> 00:00:53,345
Oh, gay, dude!
8
00:00:53,471 --> 00:00:54,722
Dude, we gotta find some
third graders to beat up.
9
00:00:54,847 --> 00:00:56,307
Hey, come here.
- What?
10
00:00:56,432 --> 00:00:57,767
What grade are you going into?
- Third.
11
00:00:58,893 --> 00:00:59,935
Stupid third grader!
12
00:00:59,977 --> 00:01:00,352
Yeah, get out of here!
13
00:01:00,478 --> 00:01:02,229
Ow.
- Yeah, that's better.
14
00:01:02,354 --> 00:01:04,106
Y'know, I heard our fourth-grade teacher is
some new lady from Denver.
15
00:01:04,148 --> 00:01:05,316
Denver?
16
00:01:05,441 --> 00:01:06,484
Dude, we could
walk all over her.
17
00:01:06,609 --> 00:01:08,736
He's right, we have to take
a hard stance right now
18
00:01:08,861 --> 00:01:10,613
and establish that
we're the dominant ones in this relationship.
19
00:01:10,988 --> 00:01:12,656
Alright, hey,
listen up everybody.
20
00:01:12,782 --> 00:01:15,034
We need to stand up to
this new teacher and
insert ourselves.
21
00:01:15,159 --> 00:01:17,912
Let's all do something radical.
- Like what?
22
00:01:18,037 --> 00:01:21,040
Like, how about right at 8:35
we all jump on our desk,
23
00:01:21,165 --> 00:01:23,959
pull down our pants and shout
"kiss my ass" all together.
24
00:01:24,001 --> 00:01:25,419
- Yeah!
- That's perfect.
25
00:01:25,544 --> 00:01:27,505
But when we pull our pants down
should we stand frontways
or back?
26
00:01:27,630 --> 00:01:30,132
I mean, do we show our behinds
or our wieners?
27
00:01:30,257 --> 00:01:34,053
I think showing our asses will
be quite sufficient, Butters.
28
00:01:34,178 --> 00:01:35,971
Maybe we could
stand like this,
29
00:01:36,097 --> 00:01:37,973
with our wieners poking through
the back of our legs, y'know,
30
00:01:38,099 --> 00:01:39,725
give her a nice
fruit bowl.
31
00:01:39,850 --> 00:01:41,977
Yeah, or we could
just show our asses.
32
00:01:42,103 --> 00:01:45,189
Okay, so it's decided,
when the clock hits 8:35
33
00:01:45,314 --> 00:01:47,483
we all stand on our desks,
pull down our pants and yell
"kiss my ass".
34
00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:48,818
Together we are strong.
35
00:01:48,943 --> 00:01:50,444
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
36
00:01:50,569 --> 00:01:52,238
Hey, Timmy might need some help
pulling his pants down.
37
00:01:52,363 --> 00:01:53,280
We got you
covered, Timmy.
38
00:01:53,405 --> 00:01:55,199
Timmy!
39
00:01:55,324 --> 00:01:57,284
Whoa, dude, this is
our new classroom!
40
00:01:57,409 --> 00:01:58,869
Look at
all this stuff.
41
00:01:58,994 --> 00:02:00,454
Hey, what the hell's with
these little half desks?
42
00:02:00,579 --> 00:02:02,248
Dude, look at the walls.
43
00:02:02,373 --> 00:02:04,041
Everything is written in some
strange foreign language.
44
00:02:04,166 --> 00:02:05,584
Alright, children,
quiet down.
45
00:02:05,709 --> 00:02:07,294
Welcome to
the fourth grade.
46
00:02:07,419 --> 00:02:09,130
Holy God, dude.
47
00:02:09,255 --> 00:02:10,422
Her titties are
f--kin' huge!
48
00:02:10,548 --> 00:02:14,051
My name is
Ms. Choks-on-dik.
49
00:02:14,176 --> 00:02:16,762
More like,
"Ms. Makes-me-sick".
50
00:02:18,556 --> 00:02:21,559
Playtime is over, children,
do you understand me?
51
00:02:21,684 --> 00:02:23,060
I don't know how
your last teacher behaved,
52
00:02:23,185 --> 00:02:24,520
but this is
the fourth grade!
53
00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:26,230
And it is time
to go to work!
54
00:02:26,355 --> 00:02:29,358
Heh heh heh--
Kiss my ass!
55
00:02:31,902 --> 00:02:34,113
Oh, weak, you guys,
seriously weak.
56
00:02:34,238 --> 00:02:37,491
Well, young man, I hope you have
a good explanation for this.
57
00:02:37,616 --> 00:02:39,493
Oh, I'm sure I do.
58
00:02:39,618 --> 00:02:40,244
This is the fourth grade,
you need to grow up!
59
00:02:40,369 --> 00:02:43,080
I'm trying.
60
00:02:43,205 --> 00:02:44,999
Now get back to your desk
and write a thousand-word essay
61
00:02:45,124 --> 00:02:47,626
on why you feel you need to
disrupt my class.
62
00:02:47,751 --> 00:02:49,044
Fantastic, guys.
63
00:02:49,170 --> 00:02:51,547
Now, let us begin
our first day exam.
64
00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:52,590
Uh!
Uh!
65
00:02:52,715 --> 00:02:54,216
Silence!
66
00:02:54,341 --> 00:02:55,718
What a bitch!
67
00:02:55,843 --> 00:02:57,636
And did you see
her lazy eye?
68
00:02:57,761 --> 00:02:59,221
You can't even tell
who she's looking at.
69
00:02:59,346 --> 00:03:00,806
You guys are
all such pussies!
70
00:03:00,931 --> 00:03:02,266
I can't take it, man!
71
00:03:02,391 --> 00:03:04,977
Writing in cursive, fractions--
I can't do it!
72
00:03:05,102 --> 00:03:07,229
This is it,
the end of innocence.
73
00:03:07,354 --> 00:03:08,856
This is the loss of that
playful youth all our parents
warned us about.
74
00:03:08,981 --> 00:03:11,525
I just didn't think
it would come so soon.
75
00:03:11,650 --> 00:03:13,235
Yeah, only now
do we realize
76
00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:15,571
how much we all took
the third grade for granted.
- Huh?
77
00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,406
Everything was great
in third grade,
78
00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:21,118
And now that it's all over
we're starting to see
just how special it was.
79
00:04:11,210 --> 00:04:13,587
Wow, I had already
forgotten how great
third grade was.
80
00:04:13,712 --> 00:04:15,256
Oh, sure was.
81
00:04:15,381 --> 00:04:16,882
Wish I was
still there.
82
00:04:17,007 --> 00:04:19,218
Hey, that's it-we gotta
go back to third grade.
83
00:04:19,343 --> 00:04:19,969
How?
84
00:04:20,094 --> 00:04:22,429
We travel
back in time.
85
00:04:22,554 --> 00:04:24,431
Oh, yeah,
time travel!
86
00:04:24,556 --> 00:04:26,392
How we gonna do that?
Does it hurt?
87
00:04:26,517 --> 00:04:28,143
I don't wanna do it
if it hurts.
88
00:04:28,269 --> 00:04:30,104
Or if it makes you
get all sticky.
89
00:04:30,229 --> 00:04:32,064
It can't be that bad,
people do it on TV all the time.
90
00:04:32,189 --> 00:04:34,191
Yeah, we just have to
find somebody who knows how to do it.
91
00:04:34,316 --> 00:04:35,859
What about those two college
guys next door to me?
92
00:04:35,985 --> 00:04:37,736
They're always doing science experiments
in their basement.
93
00:04:37,861 --> 00:04:40,322
Yeah, if there's a way
to travel back in time,
those two dorks will know how.
94
00:04:40,531 --> 00:04:41,615
When it comes to
time travel theory
95
00:04:41,699 --> 00:04:44,243
there are basically
two schools of thought.
96
00:04:44,285 --> 00:04:47,079
The "Spock Theory" is that
a slingshot around the sun
97
00:04:47,204 --> 00:04:49,581
could create a wormhole
in which time could not escape.
98
00:04:49,707 --> 00:04:51,875
The "LT. Commander
Data Theory", however,
99
00:04:52,001 --> 00:04:56,171
is that a magnetic vibration
could create a rip in the
time-space continuum--
100
00:04:56,297 --> 00:04:58,590
Look, whatever it takes,
we just have to get back
to third grade.
101
00:04:58,716 --> 00:05:00,134
Time travel
is no laughing matter.
102
00:05:00,259 --> 00:05:02,511
Four times the "enterprise"
traveled back in time
103
00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:04,805
and four times they almost
didn't make it back.
104
00:05:04,930 --> 00:05:06,390
We don't want to make it back,
we want to stay there.
105
00:05:06,515 --> 00:05:08,684
Ohh.
- So, can you do it?
106
00:05:08,809 --> 00:05:10,602
It's all theoretical, but from
a scientific standpoint
107
00:05:10,728 --> 00:05:12,980
the creation of a rip
in space-time is possible.
108
00:05:13,105 --> 00:05:15,399
We just need to find
an inertia device.
109
00:05:15,524 --> 00:05:18,819
Hey, this kid's electric
wheelchair might be
just what we need.
110
00:05:18,944 --> 00:05:21,196
Ti-Timmy.
111
00:05:21,322 --> 00:05:24,116
This new fourth-grade teacher
is driving me nuts.
112
00:05:24,241 --> 00:05:25,951
What's the problem?
113
00:05:26,076 --> 00:05:29,079
You see, Chef, Ms. Choksondik
has very large, uh, honkers
114
00:05:29,204 --> 00:05:32,166
and she doesn't seem to like
wearing a bra.
115
00:05:32,291 --> 00:05:33,625
You call that
a problem?
116
00:05:33,751 --> 00:05:34,960
That sounds like
heaven to me.
117
00:05:35,085 --> 00:05:37,880
No, it's really not as nice
as you might imagine, Chef.
118
00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:39,631
Principal Victoria,
I would like a word.
119
00:05:39,757 --> 00:05:42,968
Ooh, call the doctor!
120
00:05:43,093 --> 00:05:45,095
My new students are the most
misbehaved, illiterate,
121
00:05:45,220 --> 00:05:47,639
brain-dead group of children
I've ever come across.
122
00:05:47,765 --> 00:05:50,851
Well, Ms. Choksondik,
those children did fairly well
in the third grade.
123
00:05:50,976 --> 00:05:52,353
One of them is mentally
handicapped for Christ's sake!
124
00:05:52,478 --> 00:05:53,771
Oh, which one?
125
00:05:53,896 --> 00:05:57,274
The one
in the wheelchair!
126
00:05:57,399 --> 00:05:59,443
Look, I would like to
have a talk with their
last year's teacher.
127
00:05:59,568 --> 00:06:02,696
Who was it,
Mister, uh, Garrison?
128
00:06:02,821 --> 00:06:04,656
I'm afraid
that's impossible.
129
00:06:04,782 --> 00:06:07,326
Nobody's seen Mr. Garrison since
the last school year ended.
130
00:06:07,451 --> 00:06:08,285
Why, where did he go?
131
00:06:08,410 --> 00:06:11,789
We... don't like
to talk about it.
132
00:06:11,914 --> 00:06:13,957
But I need help
reaching these kids!
133
00:06:14,083 --> 00:06:16,126
I have nothing but the highest
expectations for them.
134
00:06:16,251 --> 00:06:17,211
And with God
as my witness...
135
00:06:17,336 --> 00:06:18,837
Ohh!
- Ahh!
136
00:06:18,962 --> 00:06:20,339
I'm going to teach these kids
the wonders of the world
137
00:06:20,464 --> 00:06:21,673
so that they can
reach the top!
138
00:06:21,799 --> 00:06:23,175
Arhh!
139
00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:24,009
I hope that sometime very soon
you will let me in
140
00:06:24,134 --> 00:06:26,970
on what happened
to this Mr. Garrison.
141
00:06:27,096 --> 00:06:27,971
And with that I will
bid you good day.
142
00:06:28,097 --> 00:06:31,725
Well, sure thing, fine,
bye-bye then.
143
00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:40,067
Alright, when we power up
the handicapped kid's chair
144
00:06:40,192 --> 00:06:42,861
we'll accelerate at
a high rate of speed
about 10 feet that way,
145
00:06:42,986 --> 00:06:45,531
then make the required
magnetic vibrations.
146
00:06:45,656 --> 00:06:47,449
If the fields are right,
it should then create
a wormhole
147
00:06:47,574 --> 00:06:49,493
up near the front
of the classroom.
148
00:06:49,618 --> 00:06:51,453
You guys don't actually think
this is going to work, do you?
149
00:06:51,578 --> 00:06:53,414
Now, when you all see
the wormhole,
150
00:06:53,539 --> 00:06:56,792
you guys are gonna have about
4.2 seconds to run through it.
151
00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:59,962
And on the other side,
you will find yourself
in the exact same spot,
152
00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:01,922
only, one year ago.
153
00:07:02,047 --> 00:07:03,257
Back in the
third grade.
154
00:07:03,382 --> 00:07:04,967
Cool.
Cool.
155
00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:06,593
I can't wait until the
teacher yells at us this time
156
00:07:06,718 --> 00:07:08,095
and we all tell her
to suck our balls.
157
00:07:08,220 --> 00:07:10,431
Yeah!
- Oh, here she comes.
158
00:07:10,556 --> 00:07:11,640
Alright, children,
I hope you all did your
homework last night.
159
00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:13,058
Please pass your papers
up to the front.
160
00:07:13,183 --> 00:07:16,186
Suck my balls!
161
00:07:16,311 --> 00:07:18,772
Oh, God dammit, you guys,
I'm so seriously.
162
00:07:18,897 --> 00:07:22,401
I said, pass your papers
to the front.
163
00:07:22,526 --> 00:07:24,736
We didn't do our homework,
Ms. Makes-me-sick,
164
00:07:24,862 --> 00:07:26,572
we didn't feel like it.
165
00:07:26,697 --> 00:07:28,574
It's Choksondik, and you are
all going to have detention!
166
00:07:28,699 --> 00:07:31,160
Ha, ha, sure right
you are, teacher.
167
00:07:31,285 --> 00:07:32,953
I'm afraid we have
different plans.
168
00:07:33,078 --> 00:07:34,288
Gentlemen.
169
00:07:34,413 --> 00:07:35,747
Primary fusion
initiated.
170
00:07:35,873 --> 00:07:37,082
Molecular grenadine
active.
171
00:07:37,207 --> 00:07:38,208
What are you doing?
172
00:07:38,333 --> 00:07:40,461
We're going back in time
to the third grade.
173
00:07:40,586 --> 00:07:42,754
Good-bye, teacher, perhaps we
shall see you in another year.
174
00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:44,214
Ha ha!
175
00:07:44,339 --> 00:07:46,633
Timmy!!
176
00:07:46,758 --> 00:07:48,510
Timmy!
177
00:07:53,599 --> 00:07:56,143
I didn't think
it would work.
- Me neither.
178
00:07:56,268 --> 00:08:00,063
Well, well, well,
I'd say somebody has
some explaining to do.
179
00:08:00,189 --> 00:08:01,482
You're damn right
they do!
180
00:08:01,607 --> 00:08:03,066
Dude, Timmy's chair's packed
with all that stuff.
181
00:08:03,192 --> 00:08:03,942
We gotta help him!
182
00:08:04,067 --> 00:08:05,444
Yeah, come on.
183
00:08:05,569 --> 00:08:07,279
Children, children,
come back here!
184
00:08:08,572 --> 00:08:10,741
Ahhh!
185
00:08:10,866 --> 00:08:11,909
Timmy,
you have to stop.
186
00:08:12,034 --> 00:08:13,285
No!
- No?
187
00:08:13,410 --> 00:08:14,661
Look, the system
malfunctioned.
188
00:08:14,786 --> 00:08:16,788
If he stops, the nuclear core
could break his magnetic field
189
00:08:16,914 --> 00:08:18,624
and the whole chair
will blow sky-high.
190
00:08:18,749 --> 00:08:19,875
What?
191
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:20,959
Timmy, you gotta
get off that chair!
192
00:08:21,084 --> 00:08:22,711
No!
- No?
193
00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:23,879
We rigged the chair to be
sensitive to his weight,
194
00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:26,048
if he gets off
the whole thing blows.
195
00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:28,091
So if Timmy drops his speed
below five miles an hour
the chair blows
196
00:08:28,217 --> 00:08:29,510
and if he gets off
the chair blows?
197
00:08:29,635 --> 00:08:31,386
Yep.
- My God.
198
00:08:31,512 --> 00:08:35,140
It's been over three hours
since the police first
showed up on the scene
199
00:08:35,265 --> 00:08:38,143
of a handicap boy's wheelchair
set with explosives.
200
00:08:38,268 --> 00:08:40,229
Over here, over here!
201
00:08:40,354 --> 00:08:42,689
The child can't stop
or get off the chair
without risking explosion,
202
00:08:42,814 --> 00:08:44,858
and so the SWAT team will now
attempt to disarm the device.
203
00:08:44,983 --> 00:08:47,444
Timmy!
204
00:08:49,821 --> 00:08:51,323
Closer!
205
00:08:51,448 --> 00:08:54,910
Don't worry, son, just
watch your speed and stay still.
206
00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:56,245
Look out, Hanson!
207
00:08:56,370 --> 00:08:56,870
Oh!
208
00:08:56,995 --> 00:08:58,539
Timmy!
209
00:08:58,664 --> 00:09:00,999
Dear Jesus,
hang on lady!
210
00:09:01,124 --> 00:09:02,459
Oh my God,
what's going on?
211
00:09:02,584 --> 00:09:03,919
Ma'am,
be very careful,
212
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:05,754
that wheelchair
is set to explode.
213
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:07,089
What?! Ahh!!
214
00:09:07,214 --> 00:09:08,757
Oh my God,
oh my God!
215
00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:11,468
It's okay, just stay calm
and keep the speed above five.
216
00:09:11,593 --> 00:09:12,970
Okay, okay.
217
00:09:13,095 --> 00:09:14,638
Oh my God.
- Ti-Timmy.
218
00:09:14,763 --> 00:09:16,223
Okay, I've got
the speed at five.
219
00:09:16,348 --> 00:09:17,307
Good.
220
00:09:17,432 --> 00:09:20,435
What's the wheelchair's
battery power at?
221
00:09:20,561 --> 00:09:21,937
Oh my God, less than
20 minutes!!
222
00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:26,316
Less than 20 minutes?
- Oh, no, what have we done?
223
00:09:27,776 --> 00:09:29,695
What do you think,
too forward?
224
00:09:29,820 --> 00:09:31,989
I have had it!
- Ahh!
225
00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:33,740
These children
are out of control.
226
00:09:33,865 --> 00:09:37,911
I must speak with their last
year's teacher, Mr. Garrison.
227
00:09:38,036 --> 00:09:39,621
As we said before,
that's impossible.
228
00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:42,457
What in God's name
happened to him?
229
00:09:42,583 --> 00:09:44,501
Uh, Ms. Choksondik,
230
00:09:44,626 --> 00:09:47,921
Mr. Garrison had several,
uh, emotional issues.
231
00:09:48,046 --> 00:09:50,382
He was a closet homosexual
who hated gay people.
232
00:09:50,507 --> 00:09:53,343
When ever someone asked him
if he was gay, he'd go nuts.
233
00:09:53,468 --> 00:09:56,972
Then he was accused of trying to
solicit sex from a young boy.
234
00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:58,974
After being dismissed
from teaching
235
00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:01,810
he went off to write
romance novels.
236
00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:04,229
His first novel sold very well
and everything was fine
237
00:10:04,354 --> 00:10:07,858
until he found out that his
novel won the Gay Pulitzer Prize
238
00:10:07,983 --> 00:10:11,778
and was considered the best
homoerotic novel since
"Huckleberry Finn".
239
00:10:11,903 --> 00:10:13,989
He finally snapped and
had a nervous breakdown
240
00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:16,617
and went up into
the mountains to
live in solitude.
241
00:10:16,742 --> 00:10:17,534
Some say that
on cold nights
242
00:10:17,659 --> 00:10:20,537
you can still hear
him moaning,
243
00:10:20,662 --> 00:10:23,790
"I'm not gay,
I'm not gay."
244
00:10:23,915 --> 00:10:28,003
I'm not gay!
245
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:29,755
And nobody
has found him?
246
00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:31,923
Well, we haven't
really looked.
247
00:10:32,049 --> 00:10:33,634
I see.
248
00:10:33,759 --> 00:10:35,802
Then the only way I'll find the
secret to teaching these kids
249
00:10:35,927 --> 00:10:37,971
is to go up into those mountains
and find Mr. Garrison myself.
250
00:10:38,096 --> 00:10:41,266
But he could be anywhere
up high in those mountains.
251
00:10:41,391 --> 00:10:42,309
Oh, I'll find him.
252
00:10:42,434 --> 00:10:45,395
Even if I have to climb
up and up and up--
253
00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:46,063
No!
254
00:10:46,188 --> 00:10:48,231
What?
255
00:10:48,357 --> 00:10:49,941
Oh my God,
oh my God!
256
00:10:50,067 --> 00:10:52,319
Tom, I'm standing about
two miles outside of Denver
257
00:10:52,444 --> 00:10:54,655
where the darling handicap boy
fights for his life
258
00:10:54,780 --> 00:10:55,781
on a wheelchair of death.
259
00:10:55,906 --> 00:10:58,700
Guys, can you tell us
what kind of explosives
260
00:10:58,825 --> 00:11:00,661
we're actually
dealing with here?
261
00:11:00,786 --> 00:11:02,746
Uh, well, it's a simple
hydrogen fusion core
262
00:11:02,871 --> 00:11:03,955
with a veltic reactor.
263
00:11:04,081 --> 00:11:06,083
It just turned into
a time bomb.
264
00:11:06,208 --> 00:11:08,585
This has never happened
in all the 72 original
"Star Trek" episodes.
265
00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:11,546
Yeah-wait, you mean
73 episodes.
266
00:11:11,672 --> 00:11:12,464
No, there were 72.
267
00:11:12,589 --> 00:11:13,674
No there weren't!
268
00:11:13,799 --> 00:11:16,301
Oh, you're
such a nerd!
269
00:11:18,387 --> 00:11:20,555
Tom, I understand that now
the rescuers are gonna
270
00:11:20,681 --> 00:11:23,892
try and send in one of the
handicap boy's little friends
271
00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:27,813
in an attempt to keep him calm
and hopefully disarm the device.
272
00:11:27,938 --> 00:11:30,691
It's alright,
everything's gonna be fine.
- Oh my God!
273
00:11:30,816 --> 00:11:32,901
Alright, young man, when you
get underneath that wheelchair
274
00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:33,985
I want you to relay back to me
with this walkie-talkie
275
00:11:34,111 --> 00:11:35,529
and then I'll tell you
which wires to cross.
276
00:11:35,654 --> 00:11:37,614
Ready?
- Let's go!
277
00:11:37,739 --> 00:11:39,616
Go blue!
278
00:11:42,411 --> 00:11:44,121
Hey guys.
279
00:11:45,914 --> 00:11:47,249
Okay-ahh!
280
00:11:50,919 --> 00:11:54,214
Well, who didn't
see that coming?
281
00:11:54,339 --> 00:11:55,924
Oh my God,
oh my God!
282
00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:56,967
Stay calm,
you have to stay calm!
283
00:11:57,092 --> 00:11:58,760
But if we get off the chair
it blows up!
284
00:11:58,885 --> 00:12:01,471
No, no, that's only
if the boy gets off.
285
00:12:01,596 --> 00:12:03,432
Oh... See ya!
- Timmy!
286
00:12:03,557 --> 00:12:05,392
10 seconds, Hanson!
287
00:12:05,517 --> 00:12:07,018
9, 8...
288
00:12:07,144 --> 00:12:07,352
Please help me.
289
00:12:07,477 --> 00:12:09,604
6, 5...
290
00:12:09,730 --> 00:12:11,857
Got it, I think.
Up, up!
291
00:12:12,315 --> 00:12:14,735
Timmy!
292
00:12:23,535 --> 00:12:26,496
Hey, it did work.
293
00:12:44,389 --> 00:12:46,475
Hellooo?
294
00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:48,894
Oh, what am I doing,
I'm gonna get myself killed.
295
00:12:49,019 --> 00:12:52,731
Is anyone here?
296
00:12:54,441 --> 00:12:56,651
Mr... Mr. Garrison?
297
00:12:56,777 --> 00:12:59,321
Who are you?
What do you want?
298
00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:00,280
I'm the new
fourth-grade teacher,
299
00:13:00,405 --> 00:13:04,075
I've come to
seek your help.
300
00:13:04,201 --> 00:13:07,370
Please, I don't know how to
handle the new fourth graders,
301
00:13:07,496 --> 00:13:08,747
I've tried everything.
302
00:13:08,872 --> 00:13:10,791
I need to know how
you taught them.
303
00:13:10,916 --> 00:13:15,629
No, no, I haven't taught
in over eight months.
304
00:13:15,754 --> 00:13:17,839
Mr. Garrison, you knew
how to reach these kids,
305
00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:19,466
you're my only hope.
306
00:13:19,591 --> 00:13:21,885
Do you know what it is
to be a teacher, Ms...
307
00:13:22,010 --> 00:13:23,053
Choksondik.
308
00:13:23,178 --> 00:13:24,596
No I don't, it's a lie!
309
00:13:24,721 --> 00:13:26,556
You see, that's what you get
for being a teacher.
310
00:13:26,681 --> 00:13:27,557
You work and you work
for the children
311
00:13:27,682 --> 00:13:30,018
and then people start rumors
that you're gay
312
00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:31,603
even though you
love poontang!
313
00:13:31,728 --> 00:13:33,605
Mr. Garrison, these
children are depending on me
to give them a future.
314
00:13:33,730 --> 00:13:37,025
I can't do it without your
guidance, please help me.
315
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:40,570
For them, for the future
of our children.
316
00:13:40,695 --> 00:13:41,696
200 bucks.
317
00:13:41,822 --> 00:13:43,323
Done.
318
00:13:43,448 --> 00:13:44,699
Dude, you gotta build us
another time machine.
319
00:13:44,825 --> 00:13:45,408
Huh? Oh, can't.
320
00:13:45,534 --> 00:13:46,576
What do you mean "can't"?
321
00:13:46,701 --> 00:13:48,745
You made it work,
just build another one.
322
00:13:48,870 --> 00:13:50,539
I can't because
pizza-face isn't here.
323
00:13:50,664 --> 00:13:52,415
We're not on
speaking terms.
324
00:13:52,541 --> 00:13:53,375
We got in a big fight and he
moved all his stuff out.
325
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:55,710
What did you get in
a fight about?
326
00:13:55,836 --> 00:13:57,587
There's 73 original
"Star Treks",
327
00:13:57,712 --> 00:13:59,339
he keeps saying
there's 72!
328
00:13:59,464 --> 00:14:00,382
Oh, Jesus Christ,
you've gotta be kidding me.
329
00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:03,510
No, he actually thinks
there's 72.
330
00:14:03,635 --> 00:14:05,679
Look, can't you just build us
another machine without him?
331
00:14:05,804 --> 00:14:07,264
No, pizza-face took
all his equipment home
to his mom's.
332
00:14:07,389 --> 00:14:10,684
Now, if you can go over there
and get him to admit
that he's wrong...
333
00:14:10,809 --> 00:14:13,937
Alright,
come on guys.
334
00:14:14,062 --> 00:14:16,731
Man, I can't believe
we have to do this while
Timmy's already back in time.
335
00:14:16,857 --> 00:14:18,191
Yeah, Timmy's probably back
in third grade right now
living it up!
336
00:14:23,905 --> 00:14:26,366
Timmy!
337
00:14:26,491 --> 00:14:28,326
Timmy, ahh!
338
00:14:34,916 --> 00:14:35,959
Alright,
let's try it again.
339
00:14:36,084 --> 00:14:39,421
Children, we are now going to
do math problems.
340
00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:42,340
But teacher, I don't want
to do my math problems.
341
00:14:42,465 --> 00:14:45,343
You will do them or else you'll
be in very big trouble.
342
00:14:45,468 --> 00:14:47,178
Well, I'm not goin' to
do it, teacher,
343
00:14:47,304 --> 00:14:49,139
You can just
suck my balls.
344
00:14:49,264 --> 00:14:50,974
Don't use that kind of
language, young man.
345
00:14:51,099 --> 00:14:53,435
No!
- No?
346
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:55,896
Look, you can't counter
a profane command with
an idle threat.
347
00:14:56,021 --> 00:14:58,148
You must extinguish it
with a vulgar suggestion.
348
00:14:58,273 --> 00:15:00,734
When a child says
"suck my balls", you say,
349
00:15:00,859 --> 00:15:02,694
"present them".
350
00:15:02,819 --> 00:15:03,361
Oh.
351
00:15:03,486 --> 00:15:06,197
Now, let's try it again.
352
00:15:08,199 --> 00:15:10,702
Suck my balls!
353
00:15:10,827 --> 00:15:12,120
Present them.
354
00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:14,581
Good... Very good.
355
00:15:14,706 --> 00:15:17,751
You're ready to move on
to the next level.
356
00:15:17,876 --> 00:15:19,669
But I warn you,
357
00:15:19,794 --> 00:15:22,339
we will now be diving deep
into your own psyche.
358
00:15:22,464 --> 00:15:24,299
These children know
what scares you
359
00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:26,468
and so, we too
must face those demons.
360
00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:27,719
I'm ready,
I'm not afraid.
361
00:15:27,844 --> 00:15:31,681
You will be, you will be.
362
00:15:31,806 --> 00:15:34,184
You will be.
363
00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:38,897
God dammit,
this is ridiculous.
364
00:15:40,023 --> 00:15:40,315
What?
365
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,817
Dude, can you please just stop
fighting with your friend
366
00:15:42,943 --> 00:15:44,653
and build another machine
so we can travel back in time
to the third grade?
367
00:15:44,778 --> 00:15:47,739
Look, there aren't 73 episodes
of Star Trek, there are 72!
368
00:15:47,864 --> 00:15:50,575
"The Menagerie" was a two-parter
that counts as one episode.
369
00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:52,160
Pizza-face is wrong.
370
00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:54,537
Who the hell cares?
- I know!
371
00:15:54,663 --> 00:15:56,665
Why does he have to be
such a dick about it it?
372
00:15:56,790 --> 00:15:58,249
Won't it be better to just
agree with him and just
forget the whole thing?
373
00:15:58,375 --> 00:16:00,085
No, because he's wrong!
374
00:16:00,210 --> 00:16:01,336
Look, you guys built a machine
together that can bend time.
375
00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:04,339
If you'll just
agree with him
376
00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:06,883
you can build another one
and usher in a whole new
era of science.
377
00:16:07,008 --> 00:16:09,427
And live in a world of
72 original Star Treks?
I don't think so.
378
00:16:09,552 --> 00:16:13,848
I don't want to live
in that world.
379
00:16:13,974 --> 00:16:15,058
God, these guys are such
geek dumb-asses!
380
00:16:15,183 --> 00:16:17,769
I know.
381
00:16:17,894 --> 00:16:19,479
Yeah, they don't even realize
that "the menagerie"
382
00:16:19,604 --> 00:16:22,190
originally was the pilot
and later got split up
into two episodes.
383
00:16:23,858 --> 00:16:26,987
Those dumb-asses.
384
00:16:27,112 --> 00:16:28,571
Wait a minute,
I've got it.
385
00:16:28,697 --> 00:16:30,073
What?
386
00:16:30,198 --> 00:16:32,075
Dude, if you guys build
another time machine
387
00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:35,286
you can travel
back in time and ask
the creator of Star Trek
388
00:16:35,412 --> 00:16:37,414
how many episodes
there were!
389
00:16:37,539 --> 00:16:40,333
Dear Jesus,
you're right.
390
00:16:40,458 --> 00:16:45,255
This is it,
the tree of insight.
391
00:16:45,380 --> 00:16:48,383
You must go in and
face what lives inside.
392
00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:49,759
What lives inside?
393
00:16:49,884 --> 00:16:52,387
Hell if I know,
I wouldn't go in there.
394
00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:54,014
Alrighty.
395
00:16:56,766 --> 00:16:58,768
Well?
396
00:16:58,893 --> 00:17:02,439
What the-well, there's
nothing in here but an exit
to the other side.
397
00:17:02,564 --> 00:17:05,358
There's nothing
in here at all.
398
00:17:05,483 --> 00:17:08,403
Oh, and I actually thought my
mental demons would be in here.
399
00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:12,615
Wait a minute, maybe there's not
supposed to be anything in here.
400
00:17:12,741 --> 00:17:17,495
Maybe I'm supposed to see that
I alone do have the strength
to reach the kids.
401
00:17:17,620 --> 00:17:21,166
I think I get it now.
402
00:17:23,877 --> 00:17:26,921
Hey, hurry up
in there!
403
00:17:27,047 --> 00:17:29,174
Jesus, you're taking too long
in the damn tree of insight!
404
00:17:29,299 --> 00:17:34,095
You in there?
405
00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:36,973
Hey, where the hell
did she go?
406
00:17:37,098 --> 00:17:40,143
What the?
407
00:17:40,268 --> 00:17:41,352
Ahh!
408
00:17:41,478 --> 00:17:42,562
Who-who are you?
409
00:17:42,687 --> 00:17:45,815
I am you,
I am your gay side.
410
00:17:45,940 --> 00:17:48,234
My gay side...
I don't have a gay side!
411
00:17:48,359 --> 00:17:52,072
You must face me
at last.
412
00:17:56,993 --> 00:17:58,620
You aren't real,
you can't be.
413
00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:02,415
It is me, your darkest fear,
your gay self incarnate.
414
00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:03,917
What do you want?
415
00:18:04,042 --> 00:18:05,001
I want you to not
fight me anymore,
416
00:18:05,126 --> 00:18:08,088
to accept me
once and for all.
417
00:18:08,213 --> 00:18:09,756
Why?
- Don't you see?
418
00:18:09,881 --> 00:18:12,300
All these years,
your pain, your confusion--
419
00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:15,470
it comes from one place,
your denial of who you are,
420
00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:17,305
of who we are.
421
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:19,891
But I'm not gay,
everyone just thinks I am.
422
00:18:20,016 --> 00:18:21,059
Oh, stop it!
423
00:18:21,184 --> 00:18:22,727
What about the time
you looked at
424
00:18:22,852 --> 00:18:23,937
Counselor Mackie's penis
in the men's locker room?
425
00:18:24,062 --> 00:18:26,606
I was just
comparing size!
426
00:18:26,731 --> 00:18:28,233
For seven minutes?
- Ah!
427
00:18:28,358 --> 00:18:30,193
And what about the
time you masturbated
428
00:18:30,318 --> 00:18:32,821
to the men's 100-meter
swimming relay
at the Olympics?
429
00:18:32,946 --> 00:18:34,572
I was beating off
to the chicks.
430
00:18:34,697 --> 00:18:35,824
There were no chicks!
431
00:18:35,949 --> 00:18:38,159
Oh, damn you, spirit,
haunt me no longer!
432
00:18:38,284 --> 00:18:39,953
Admit it!
- No!
433
00:18:40,078 --> 00:18:41,162
You have to stop lying
to yourself and get--
434
00:18:41,287 --> 00:18:43,540
Alright, Alright,
I admit it.
435
00:18:43,665 --> 00:18:45,875
I'm gay!
436
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:47,585
I'm... Gay.
437
00:18:47,710 --> 00:18:50,463
I'm gay.
438
00:18:50,588 --> 00:18:51,589
I am gay!
439
00:18:51,714 --> 00:18:56,594
You hear that, everyone?
I'm gay, I'm gay!
440
00:18:56,719 --> 00:18:59,681
I'm gay and it--
and it feels good.
441
00:19:02,392 --> 00:19:04,435
Alright, children,
I hope you all did your--
442
00:19:04,561 --> 00:19:07,355
What is going on now?
443
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:10,316
Ha ha, teacher, we're traveling
back in time to third grade.
444
00:19:10,441 --> 00:19:11,776
Godammit, you guys,
you seriously said this time
445
00:19:11,901 --> 00:19:12,527
you'd stand up
and do it with me.
446
00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:14,487
Oh, good gravy,
not this again.
447
00:19:14,612 --> 00:19:16,656
Yes, we had
a new time machine built,
448
00:19:16,781 --> 00:19:19,742
this one out of a simple
microwave oven and a duck.
449
00:19:19,868 --> 00:19:22,537
Au revoir, Teacher,
perhaps we shall see you
in the past, ha ha.
450
00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:23,663
Gentlemen...
451
00:19:23,788 --> 00:19:25,373
Children, I will
have order!
452
00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:27,292
I can't wait for Gene
Roddenberry to tell you
how wrong you are.
453
00:19:27,417 --> 00:19:30,170
Just like when you said
there were no two-parters
of "Battlestar Galactica".
454
00:19:30,295 --> 00:19:32,005
There weren't!
455
00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:34,007
The episode called
"Guys on Ice Planet Zero"
was a two-parter!
456
00:19:34,132 --> 00:19:35,341
No, it wasn't!!
457
00:19:35,466 --> 00:19:36,467
Oh, son of
a bitch.
458
00:19:36,593 --> 00:19:37,927
I'll kill you!
459
00:19:41,181 --> 00:19:43,224
There it is,
come on everybody.
460
00:19:43,349 --> 00:19:45,476
Children, get back
into your seats.
461
00:19:45,602 --> 00:19:46,519
No way, lady.
462
00:19:46,644 --> 00:19:47,770
Eric, I mean it.
463
00:19:47,896 --> 00:19:49,689
You can suck my balls.
464
00:19:50,982 --> 00:19:53,610
Present them.
465
00:19:56,070 --> 00:19:57,280
What?
466
00:19:57,405 --> 00:19:58,698
You said,
"suck my balls".
467
00:19:58,823 --> 00:20:01,451
Well, go ahead, whip 'em out
and I'll suck 'em.
468
00:20:01,576 --> 00:20:04,829
Tha-that's what
Mr. Garrison would've said.
469
00:20:04,954 --> 00:20:07,081
Touché, Teacher, touché.
470
00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:09,667
Now, children,
listen to me.
471
00:20:09,792 --> 00:20:10,919
Why do you want to
go back in time?
472
00:20:11,044 --> 00:20:14,380
Life isn't about going back,
it's about going forward.
473
00:20:14,505 --> 00:20:17,508
Yes, there are times in our life
that we wish we could relive,
474
00:20:17,634 --> 00:20:19,886
but if we already lived them
perfectly, why live them again?
475
00:20:20,011 --> 00:20:23,181
The adventure of life is that
there's always something new--
476
00:20:23,306 --> 00:20:25,642
new challenges,
new experiences.
477
00:20:25,767 --> 00:20:28,645
A fun game is a game that
gets harder as it goes.
478
00:20:28,770 --> 00:20:30,939
So it is with life.
Do you understand?
479
00:20:31,064 --> 00:20:34,859
Dude... She's right.
480
00:20:34,984 --> 00:20:37,111
Yeah, and you know,
481
00:20:37,237 --> 00:20:38,988
now that I think about it,
third grade wasn't all that
great either.
482
00:20:39,113 --> 00:20:41,157
Yeah, third grade
sucked!
483
00:20:41,282 --> 00:20:43,159
Cartman, why the hell did you
try to make us think
third grade was so great?
484
00:20:43,284 --> 00:20:43,701
Yeah, you suck,
Cartman.
485
00:20:43,826 --> 00:20:46,329
What?
486
00:20:46,454 --> 00:20:47,705
Alright, students,
that will be quite enough.
487
00:20:47,830 --> 00:20:48,998
If you're ready,
488
00:20:49,123 --> 00:20:52,919
let's continue on
with the fourth grade.
489
00:20:53,044 --> 00:20:55,088
Dun-dun-duh!
490
00:20:55,213 --> 00:20:57,090
Hey, Timmy's back.
491
00:20:57,215 --> 00:20:59,008
Dude, it looks like
he's been all over time.
492
00:20:59,133 --> 00:21:01,803
He must have such
cool stuff to tell us.
493
00:21:01,928 --> 00:21:03,721
Ih-Timmy.
494
00:21:03,846 --> 00:21:05,974
You know I'm always here
to help, Principal Victoria.
495
00:21:06,099 --> 00:21:08,893
Hey, guess what, everybody,
I'm gay!
496
00:21:09,018 --> 00:21:11,020
Mr. Garrison?
- What?
497
00:21:11,145 --> 00:21:13,982
I'm as gay as a gymnast
on shore leave!
498
00:21:14,107 --> 00:21:16,359
You admit it?
You admit it!
499
00:21:16,484 --> 00:21:18,486
Oh, that's great,
Mr. Garrison,
500
00:21:18,611 --> 00:21:20,989
you've finally come to
terms with yourself.
501
00:21:21,114 --> 00:21:22,782
Yeah, it feels
really good.
502
00:21:22,907 --> 00:21:24,450
Well,
congratulations.
503
00:21:24,575 --> 00:21:25,451
Yeah,
congratulations.
504
00:21:25,576 --> 00:21:29,247
You know, I feel like
I can start anew.
505
00:21:29,372 --> 00:21:31,291
If it's alright with you,
I will like to go back
506
00:21:31,416 --> 00:21:33,918
to teaching
the third grade!
507
00:21:34,043 --> 00:21:37,046
Oh, I'm sorry, we don't
hire gay people.
38620
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